Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Dangerous Neighbor w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a family episode, its a hot one! They talk trashy neighbors, classy gifts, the 4th of July and a bunch more. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage https://www.LadderLife.com/Garbage https://www.BetterHelp.com/Garbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, real quick, before we get this episode started, Summer is going into full swing and so is the RU Garbage Keep It Moving 2021 tour. Oh, yeah. We're going to be coming to a town near you for a little bit of stand-up and we're going to be answering your garbage questions. Kippy, tell them what they need to know. July 14th, Columbus Funny Bone. July 15th, Cleveland Hilarities.

August 11th, Rhode Island Comedy Connection. August 12th, Laugh Boston. Those tickets are cooking. That's going to sell out. Get those tickets. Hot one. Then August 25th, we're at New Brunswick Stress Factory. And then August 26th, we're at Magooby's Joke House in Timonium, Maryland,

right outside of Baltimore. I like it, gang. Get some tics. Come out and see. It's going to be a fantastic fun time. A mix of stand-up comedy in the AYG game. Come out and hang with Uncle Hank and your Aunt Kippy. Dewey.

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Sure is.

It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're going to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Sure thing. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Anthony's basement. I saw her upstairs while I was up there getting a cup of coffee. Oh, yeah?

What's she up to? She was wolfing down a Subway sandwich. And if you've seen that woman eat, I don't know where she puts it, but my God, she wanted me to ask you about gas cards. You don't think about this? Gas cards? Gas cards. Like a corporate account gas card or like a prepaid gas card?

Yeah, prepaid gas card. She wanted to know if you can get your hands on a couple because she thinks she could make a couple. She wants to contribute to the business and she thinks she can sell some gas cards and she figured you would know because you got all this stuff going on. I don't know nothing about no gas cards. All right.

I'll tell her she's not going to be happy. Well, if she wants gas cards, she can call me directly. I don't know why she hasn't been talking to me and I don't know why. She's not going to call in. This isn't a thing you call on the phone. Oh, OK. You meet outside and talk on a bench looking the other way. OK.

Gang, my co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is a family episode. It's just the gang, just the squad, just the way we like it. We love you. He's the CEO of RU Garbage. He's kind of the head bozo around here. So show the guy a little respect. Will you?

All right. Knock it off with the toilet paper at his house in the trees. He's a good kid. When you're reaching for a best pal, do yourself a fucking favor and make it a kippy because it comes with a couple of zeros behind. Kevin, James, Ryan, everybody. Batman's sitting pretty this week. A little hemmed up.

Yesterday wasn't a banking day if you catch my drift. You'll be getting presents from my whole family. Yeah, I fucking better. This thing better start paying dividends on my end. I got all the follies left and all the way to the bank. I'm over here with Lint. Turkey, my mom's making you for Thanksgiving. It's going to knock your socks off.

What's up, gang? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. But as you know, those numbers are true to roof. True the motherfucking roof, baby. Oh, yeah. We're closing it on like 22 or 23,000.

22. Closing it on 22,000. Next goal is 25, baby. Get that to 25K. If you listen, just go subscribe to the YouTube, help the boys out, juice those numbers a bit. And then obviously patreon.com, which I mean, that thing's got a fucking motor on it.

That thing might be a hemi on that thing. I don't know who the programming director is over there, but it's fucking must see TV. I'll tell you that. There's so much fucking content on the Patreon. It's fucking nuts. I mean, we're posting, you know, 10 minute clips of the live shows that we're doing

are on there, only available on there. I mean, you get hard feelings. You get bonus episodes at AYG. We have your first limo ride. We have the Cribs tour of my childhood house, your childhood house, the whole fucking nine yards. I mean, we played AYG with our fucking parents, with our moms. We did the fucking milk with dinner taste test.

We did the SATs, which I forgot about, which I think Toby's the dumbest one in the room, which don't make me too confident. Yeah, guys, thanks for all this fucking support. We love you. And how about that producer extraordinaire? He's a Queens native. He just took his like 22 hours just to took a city test

last night. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's gonna be it's gonna be a bus driver. Good Benny's. Good Benny's. Look at you. You're gonna start hanging out the local Irish bar,

knock up some bartender. You'll be out there in Queens like Archie Bunker. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin. It's Toby McMullin, everybody. Hey, Benny. What's up, dudes? What's up, buddy? Nothing, man.

Just got my neighbors outside the back shirtless sweating, dude. Dude, it's Queens. Queens is a little bit hotter than the rest of the city. Queens in August is a tough look. Oh, man. Hope you like graffiti and fireworks. Gang, it's a family episode.

We're here. Kippy had a little extravaganza this weekend. He was at. I was at our friend Paul Versey's house. Yes, you were. Uchus. Uchus, who, as we know, was a classy guy. And he holds these four.

An ambassador of class. He's been on the show twice. He holds this annual Fourth of July party, which was just, you know, the other night. Not a bad piece of property he's got up there, neither. That guy's on top of the hill, I tell you. He is. Top of the hill.

He's got the high deck. I felt like I was in Switzerland. Do we were like doing that switch back to get up? He lives up there, baby. Nice house, beautiful piece of property. I got to tell you, they throw the fuck down. But this is a thing. He's like a.

So this is my first like adult party I'm going to with a little bit of cash, right? With a little bit of. Where your family's not involved. Where my family's not involved, right? And like, you know, got your mom to go to the fucking, you know, break me off a hundred for the bar. And this is a party.

I feel that you bring something. You can't show up empty handed. At a Versey party. You can't do it. I wouldn't show. I wouldn't walk up to his car without a bottle of something. You kidding me? This guy's classy.

Cause you know, if he showed up at your joint, he's going to have a little something with him. Of course. Yeah. Of course. He's going to put an addition on your house. Kevin, ground pool, you choose. You want a diving board or a sliding board?

You choose. So I didn't know what the. So I'm this, I'm like, this brought up so much shit in me from being a fucking piece of shit for the past, you know, whatever 15 years. I've never given anybody a good gift. Anytime I'm giving a gift, I'm self conscious because I'm like, oh, they're going to be like.

Your wife won't put her purse down. People don't know how to act. So I know, I never know what. Are all these foods free? What's going on? I never know what to do. So I'm like, this one's on the line. I got to come fucking heavy bike.

I got to come correct. And I got KCB or last gas next to me. What are you bringing? What do you get? You know, what do you do? It's going to be a bag of Tostitos. Yeah. So I go, you can't go.

So I even, I even, I fucking hit up Yanni. I go, I need some fucking Intel. I go, Yanni, what's Mr. Verzi like to, what kind of wines he like? If he's got the scoops and some mediums also. I brought the queso. That's a bar. That's a party stopper.

The queso's a showstopper. Yo, toss this in the microwave real quick. By all, to put a pin in the, in the storage. I remember the first time I had that salsa con queso. Oh, come on. Shout out to the Stutsky's house and like fucking 98. Blew my hair back. Those boys in the Tostitos lab weren't screwing around.

I'll tell you that. Those guys were working overtime, wracking their brains. Come heavy or don't come at all. That is the fucking salsa con queso motto. Somebody stormed into a board meeting like, stop. I got it. Right? Holy, they're, they're, they're spinach dipping.

Nothing to shake a stick out of here. I don't know about all that, but I'm fucking, it's nice. I stay, I stay south of the border. That sounds like Canadian bullshit to me. I go south. Okay. Yeah. You and the Canucks can have the fucking spinach.

I'm down here in a sombrero party and. I remember, my boy, my boy Pat, we were drunk and we got back to his crib at night, like in like, I don't know high school or whatever. Did he heat it up? I, that wasn't a thing. Oh, jar right in the microwave. That's what he did.

He gave it a little stir. And I go, what's that? What's that all about? What are you? What's that thing you got over there, dude? Hey, where's the taco truck, huh? Dude, I put one fucking, one little fucking corner of a toast just to fucking wet my whistle a bit and get my bearings.

Yeah. It's like two weeks vacation. That's a fucking, dude. That's a game changer. We got to get a jar for the fucking studio. Hello. A jar for the house. Yeah.

So, and then my mom started, but I don't know, this goes back to a thing. I don't know if it was just never on my radar. It was just always in the fridge and I never fucked with it. But once I knew it, it's like then you. There was a couple of things that when they hit and your mom discovered it, it was now a staple and everybody loved it. For us, it was those Snyder's broken, honey mustard and onion

pretzels. Yeah. When we found those things, it was like we discovered fucking El Dorado. Those things are like radioactive to me. They got a weird scent, a weird color. They're probably give you broken pretzels. Buddy, I'm paying full price for the bag.

How about a little fucking, how about a full pretzel? Those are when we found out about Honey Roasted Peanuts. That was a game changer too. Brought like the planners. We had no idea. Folies were never the same. Took out a second mortgage. Fucking planner's truck backing up.

Put an exit of wood pellets. How do you think the peanut bought that monocle? It's all fully money. You put fucking Mr. Peanut's kids to college. Skippy University, okay. So I got to be honest. I'm sweating this gift a little bit. So I hit up Yanni.

I go, yo, what's fucking Verzi? What kind of wines Verzi like? He was like a nice cab, whatever. Then I went back and listened to his episode. Cause I know he mentioned a couple of fucking wines. You two started throwing stags, revenge or something. Stags leap. Stags leap.

The place in my neighborhood didn't have it. There is a place in my neighborhood that's top shelf. Like I don't belong in there. Sure. That's most places for me. So, check your W2s on the way in. I have an incomplete W9. Sorry, we cannot let you in.

From 40 years ago. She's still trying to get my head back on. So I don't know what to do. I'm panicking. I want to come correct. He's also helped me out a lot personally and stand up. He used to take me on the road with him. Sure.

It's more of a gesture. I want to come correct is what I want to do. Solid gold telephone. Get him a shark watch. I just bought two shark watches this weekend. Man, this guy's going to be underwater all summer. Those in the dark underwater. So, I can't.

You have an above ground pool and an underwater watch. This guy's topsy-turvy over here. Got a space pen he can write upside down. This guy's ready for anything. We have to keep him guessing. Part the cars behind the garage. Man, that's funny. So, I ended up, I get nervous in the wine place.

I don't even, I don't have confidence. I'm like Google in the wine thing to make sure it was the right thing. Man, that's crazy. In the wine store. Wine's not my forte. It ain't niche. You should have called me. You said you bought a bottle of stag sleep.

I listened in our episode. A battle? A battle. A bottle. I was going to say a bag. A bottle. So, I end up, so I go, you know what? This is fucking, you can only,

I think it's easier to go wrong with a bottle of wine, right? I mean, not really. Well, he also said he goes, you can get everything. You remove no doubt. You remove all doubt. You did that anyway. That's why I wanted no doubt. I wanted, I'm coming fucking correct.

Well, you did that. Kippy's at the party. You did that. I got a bottle of, a log of woolen. I don't even know how to pronounce it. A log of something. 16. What?

The high numbers. 16. 16% alcohol? They had a 12. I said kick rocks with the 12. A three? Don't even look at me. No.

Log of woolen. 16. That's his. He goes, if I'm blowing it out, like if I'm like really going, like he's got it on the road a couple of times. That's top shelf. 100 bucks a bottle. 100 bucks.

It wasn't a little bit more. 108 with facts. All right. It got me in Manhattan. They get you. Yeah. So. Something like that of Johnny Walker blue.

But he said, he said, he's like, that's mine. If I'm blowing it out, I'll get a bottle of that. There you go. And we'll go, we'll go at it. I feel like Johnny Walker though, no matter which one you get, is like a, is like a someone who doesn't know about liquor, but wants to buy an expensive liquor. Sure. I wanted to come in like subtle.

Like I've heard you talk about, hey, you go bully. Pretty classy. So. Now to Jew, you didn't, you didn't do the rookie mistake of just putting it on a table. You handed that to him. I would hope. Well, listen, this is the story. So.

That's a hander. I'm not fucking letting that get mixed in with the fucking bottles of smear. No. Get the fuck out of here. All of a sudden. I made them come out to the car to get it. All of a sudden they're making mixed drinks with it. Fucking $32 shot.

You're taking. No. So. Come out to the car to the trunk. So. I'm feeling. So then I was, I, I've never felt confident giving a gift. Now that's like a new feeling for me.

So I'm like, am I. So confident giving that. I did. So I go up. So he's actually out front when we're pulling up, like he's somebody is kind of, he's out front. So like we're walking down a beautiful piece of property. He's got.

He's walking down a driveway and he goes, yo kid, what's up? It comes out and meets us like in the front yard, you know, dap them up. I go, yo, this is for you. In the box. It comes in a box. Not just a bottle. You get a box with this thing. I've never bought.

I mean, I bought wine in a box, but that was the actual. This is the bottle came in a box. Um, you ever give some one of those wood boxes though? Come on. I mean, what are we doing? That's right from John James and that thing. Barrel whiskey went overboard. Private stock kept it up in his room under his bed.

You can talk about a head stack. So I go, here you go. And like I hand it to me hugs me, hugs my wife. I go, oh, shit. Well, he goes, oh, damn, fuck. Thank you so much. And then I knew it hit him because we take a couple of steps. There's nine other bottles.

Yeah, put it over there with the rest. He's using it to start the grill. But I hit him with it and he goes, oh, thank you. Like you go, oh, shit. Thanks. You know, and then we took a couple of steps like walking towards the house. And I think it hit him and he goes, hey, good. He turns down to my wife.

I mean, is this guy fucking class or is this guy fucking class? I was like, well, I'm coming. I got to come correct here, baby. If I'm coming correct anywhere, I'm coming correct here. Fuck my parents. I got to impress Mr. Versey. Then you pull out the buffalo dip. Keep it real.

Got the con queso on me. Bam. Where's the microwave at? I always thought it was a tough look. People showed up with like, you know, potluck stuff and they have the tin foil over top. Get it top today. Come on.

I mean, if you're going to like, I think that's fine. If I like, you know, it might just might be because I'm a cousin. If I'm going to like my fucking Aunt Patty's house or something, that's fine because it's so, you're not, you're not putting on presentations to your like immediate super family. If you show up and there's probably something banging in there too. Yeah. If you show up to that.

My feces taco dip. Shout out to the taco dip. Never met a corn chip. It didn't like. It comes in, dude. It's like, it's like a big fucking circle tray. Dude, that was Christmas Eve. Ho, ho, ho.

Is that a mistletoe? You got taco dip? Hold on, hold on, hold on. The taco dip. Wait a minute. So let's say, let's say, let's say, this is a fucking doozy. Let's say in some instance.

Sure. All right. You did bring something. All right. Like, we brought some dessert or whatever. Yeah. Which I was kicking around. No, he doesn't want.

He's got his, what? Some regular bozo. But that's also the thing. You can't show up to versions like that. You're fucking up what she, you know, she has a vision. I know. I don't want you bringing it.

I was like, yo, what time tomorrow? Three. He's like, yeah, I'm like, can I bring anything? He's like, nah. I was like, yeah. Well, you got to. You show up with a fucking 11 crispy creams. I got munchkins.

Whose birthday is it? I think I just killed you, dude. I've never seen you react like, dude, bring your munchkins. I've been picking at him on the ride up. Bringing munchkins, man, is such a trash. Unless it's early in the morning. They're the only time munchkins should be making an appearance.

What are our munchkins? Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. You want to be my producer and you know what a fucking munchkin is? They're donut holes. Yeah. They're donut holes. Oh, Duncan.

Made to perfection by one of the true artists of all time, Joe Duncan. Joey D. Joey D. kills. You get a fresh one of those things. Good night. Woo. Yeah, I just want to say that that was the first time I felt good

giving a gift and it felt nice to give it to him. Nice. Who's so classy. Yeah. Who's a very, you know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It felt really good.

And I got to say, by the way, fucking soup 10 knots. That party was. I saw it. They must have set up about 35K worth of fucking fireworks. Proper. Like music cues, fucking. Really? Banner, right?

Did he have anybody working with him? Because that's what I was wondering. Yeah. Couple of guys. Really? Yeah, yeah. Couple of guys that weren't at the party. No, we didn't have a crew coming.

They're all missing fingers. Why are his guys here? He's dressed like Danny McBride. No. No. That's awesome. It's a good thing now. It's like the crew's there.

Gotcha. You know, there's a couple of neighbors. Gotcha. Couple of regulars, stuff like that. Gotcha. Home run, fucking food. Everything was great. Can I imagine?

Great. I felt real. I felt like in a, I felt like in a, I drove my 2021 Lease Kia up there. Yeah. I felt, I was like, I'm doing like, I'm not meeting my parents. No, nothing. Kippy's back, baby. Trying to keep a good man down.

Ah, that's good shit. My question was, if you go to somebody's house and you have like a baking dish or whatever, do you wait and take it with you or do you just let that slide? Meet personally? What would you do? Keep, I don't want it. Fuck, I want my dirty dishes back. No.

Yeah. That stuff to me is like, I'll buy a new one. Really? Yeah. I don't care. The piece was just leaving fucking cookie sheets. No. She probably was.

That happened all the time. Like I would go to my, you know, I'd go to my amp house. I'll bring this back. Give this to your mother. It's from Easter. Whatever. I was like a fucking Tupperware salesman. Hey, honey, when I work for a Canary Company.

Fucking, the cage talks. Let's go. Came here for the game. Make way with the green. Oh, that's fantastic. I love it. Mm-hmm. It was great.

How was your, I don't think yours was as star studded. There was no Laga Voolan. I can tell you that. It's a shock on the couple of fucking paps, but. I woke up. I had fucking eight racks of ribs that I was responsible for. Went out to the fucking tree. You had to eat all eight of them?

My, I told you about, hey, rules are rules. Tradition. It's the only tradition before the July. The fattest guy is the eight racks of ribs. Um, no, I had to, I had, I had responsible for eight racks of ribs and fucking I go out in the morning. Trigger's not working. Starter wasn't going.

Couldn't get the fire going. What'd you do? Called an audible. I fucking put him in the microwave. Now we did him in the oven for four hours, slow cooked. And then I finished him on the grill. The only thing that saved me was the sauce. Took a little bit of fucking barbecue sauce, some German mustard and the drippings from

the pan inside where I did the ribs. Put it in an IV. Made some smoothies while we waited. Couple appetizers for the boys. Something to take the edge off. Yeah. Good shit. Nice.

Helix sleep. Yeah. Kippy. The best in the biz. Bad boys every night. Yes. A lot of people have trouble sleeping these days, even more so than in, uh, you know, in the past.

Yeah. Got the pandemic. Pandemic. People are stressed out. They got a, you know, they got a lumpy mattress. They have a soft mattress. Their partner sleeps weird. This, that, the other thing.

Helix takes all that out of the equation because you take a quiz before you buy the mattress. Yeah. They got them for everybody. They even got big boy ones for guys like Uncle Hank. Yeah. And a lot of our listeners who were the big boys. Fair enough. They got a nice night's sleep with Helix.

Yes, sir. Uh, me and my wife took the quiz, the sleep quiz. It takes like two minutes. You hop online. Answer a couple of questions. Bing, bang, boom. They, uh, they match you with the best mattress for you. And their whole thing is like, why would you get a mattress for somebody?

Why would you get a mattress designed for somebody else? Exactly. And also who the hell wants to be going mattress shopping in the middle of a pandemic sleeping on a bed with someone? We don't do that no more. Come on. I don't know if you know, we don't do that no more. No studying.

Take the quiz. We got the twilight mattress. Uh, we, that's what was recommended for us. And it's fantastic. It gets shipped to your house. You open it up. Easy peasy. It pops up, you know, comes all folded up in a little box.

Crazy how they ship. That's insane. Crazy. I must get a strong guide to shipping department just crunching them things in. You pop it open in like two hours. You can sleep on it. It's fantastic. Yeah.

It's good stuff. Best sleep in my life. I'm thinking of even upgrading to a king side. Really? I'm thinking about it. We're thinking about pulling the trigger on a king too. I'm thinking of being a Helix if we do it. Yeah.

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Get on it. That's helixsleep.com slash garbage. One more time, guys. Helixsleep.com slash garbage for up to $200 off and two free pillows. Oh, baby. Do it. Gang, let's talk about ladder over here at Antutti's. You know, the older I get, the more I start thinking about certain things about your family,

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Thank you. BetterHelp.com slash garbage now. Back to the show. All right, gang. It is a family episode. As we said, we were going to read off some of your Patreon questions here. Short thing. Yes, sir.

Kippies at the helm. Tobies on the ones and twos. What do you got, T-Bo? Before we dive in, we just announced our next Patreon goal. Once we had 2100, we're going to do the inaugural AYG invitation. Sure. Throw the irons around. Yeah, on the golf course.

On the golf course. Now, this brings up a couple of questions. How are we going to get on a golf course? Can't do public. Yeah, you can. What are we, bozos? Come on. Private's not going to let us on, by the way.

You can't golf on a private course in mesh shorts, Foley. Okay. Can't be wearing flip flops in a T-Box. I can assimilate with these people. Give the starter a fucking bottle of scotch. All right. So I'm going to put this out. We're in the relative tri-state area.

Our drive or so, let's call it. And you work at a course or can get us on a course. Okay, there we go. Where we can. Grass roots. I like this. We'll probably have to be like a Tuesday night or something. We can go out and do it.

Weekends are fucking. You also don't want someone up our ass. No, it's me. We're going to play a little bit of graphics. It's me. We're going to bring some family on. Some of the company on. Yeah.

Maybe a guy, find out who else plays golf. You know who fucking messaged me, which I never did. I'll either one of you that goes, I want in. Mr. J. Larson goes, I want in on this. Wow. I said, buddy, open invite. Love that. Yeah.

He's a proper. He works for the golf channel. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty sweet. So we got to find out a place to do it. I did Google worst courses in New Jersey and something came up. So maybe we'll do it there.

As long as the software machine's on. I can do that fucking cart, that beverage cart's making around. That's all I care about. Yeah. And so we announced this and then we got a homerun comment. I want to shout out on the pod. Yeah. This thing is excellent.

This is from McCutcheon Phil, a garbage golf bag includes. And this to me is a definitive list. This guy put it in the fucking parking lot. A decent driver, some 40 year old three wood you found in your uncle's basement after his house got foreclosed on. Of course, no one uses a three wood continue. An assortment of irons, at least two different brands and bonus points for any duplicates, like two different seven irons.

I don't know what ever that means, but it sounds funny. This all checks out on my bag, by the way. Some illegal wedge. Wait, you have a golf bag? Yeah, man. Oh God, who are you? Did you just buy it? No.

Have a TV in it? It's got a cooler. It's got a radio antenna comes out. Some illegal wedge you got from Kmart that you've hit exactly one good shot with in three years, but you still bust out every time you're 80 and in. A Wilson putter. And this is the, and this is just the homerun.

A couple extra big side pockets for some screaming cold highlights. Yeah, that's what you do. I don't know about all this, this heist. So I'm coming for the working man. I'm fucking borrowing clubs. I'm bringing three and I'm going to fucking shut it down. Pay that right now.

Well, this is, this raises the question. I want to do it. I didn't know you had a golf bag. Yeah, I'm not fucking sure. I was going to play the whole course, like the seven iron, like in 10 cup. You're fucking doing the pool cube hitting it in. Yeah.

I think I can make it. Lou lanes. Rich kid. You got a golf bag. I worked in a golf course. Nice. Yeah. Are we golfed in high school?

We golfed a lot. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Golfed in high school. I worked in a golf course. You know, I guess I'll give you that. Yeah.

I don't know. It's just like fucking something. A lot of kids golf, you know. Okay. I like golf. Looking forward to busy. Yeah. Well, like my thing is like, are we getting the cart?

Well, this raises, we would probably only do nine holes. I don't think we can, you know, a full 18. I'll do it. I'll do it with the cart. I ain't walking all around this place. Got my nice shirt on. But can you drive a golf ball? Yeah.

Drive a golf ball. Don't answer me like I'm a fucking jerk. I can drive a golf cart. So yeah, we'll have to figure out the logistics of it. But yeah. Sure. Yeah. We'll have to be some training sessions.

We'll have to go over to fucking Chelsea Piers. I'm gonna hit a couple. No, because we're putting money on who wins. So what do you not want to see each other? What are you? Minnesota Fats. What's going on? What are you?

Bluebell Fats. Let's go. Shooter McGavin over here. Yeah. But we'll figure out. Sabotage me on the course. We'll figure out all the, all of the details. Yeah.

It's going to be awesome. That being said, it is a fan map. We're getting to some fucking games. It is a fan map. We're getting to some fucking home run questions we got cooking here. Home run fucking question. This one's speaking of liquor company parties. This one's from Tommy H.

Everdisguise booze. I like to buy a 750 milliliter bottle of Bailey's pricey. And a handle of cheap Irish cream. And at parties I fill it up and no one's none the wiser. So he, he's bought one bottle of Bailey's. Yes. Uses it. Yeah.

It's empty. He then refills it with cheap shit when people come over and passes it off as Bailey's. See, moving that much Bailey's? That's a big Bailey's crowd. What the fuck? Putting it in his cereal. There's one aunt that drinks Bailey's. That's it.

Yeah. That's, I mean. The thought. Although Bailey's is great. Bailey's is fantastic. Yeah. We do nutty Irishmen. Of course you do.

I also have to drink. Nutty Irishman is like I'm a reto fucking something else and Bailey's I think. I never understood and I'm not, I'm not shitting on this guy because I have a couple of friends that are really, some people are like, I think weird about liquor. About like shit, good stuff into this. Who gives a fuck? Dude, I'll drink whatever. Whenever.

Where you're filling bottles. Like come on. I mean. That's garbage. Yeah. I don't understand the theme in their coffee. Mm-hmm. You know.

It is what it is. Like we'll take whatever you got. And I don't, I wouldn't, I don't understand the reason of standing on airs to be like, oh yeah, it's Bailey's. Who gives a stuff? It's the other shit. Yeah. I mean, you're mixing it with something.

Yeah. Maybe you're drinking it straight. Put it in coffee. Come on. Let's go. Dude, there's no way the Ryans are fucking doing all this for a nutty Irishman. What is it? Two cups.

No, you don't do that. You're not a fucking Irish bar and fucking St. Patrick's Day. It's fucking coffee and booze. They're calling it nutty Irishman. No, there's no coffee in it. So they sound, so they don't sound like psychos. There's no coffee. Whatever's in it.

First ingredient, coffee. What's going over with it? No, I don't think we do coffee in a nutty Irishman. Yeah, because you're boozers. I know. We mix. They're not putting the creme de mint and whipped cream on top. They're throwing a chicken finger in there and slugging it down.

They're getting into a fight over money. It's Frangelico. All right. Yeah. Frangelico. I can't be feeling himself. I love it. It's Frangelico golf.

Fucking loggable. It gets fucking. $9 shirt. It's Frangelica. That's so funny. Like, no coffee in it. First ingredient. Strong coffee.

I know. And then Irish cream, Frangelico. No, hazelnut, liquor, and Irish cream. That's what it is. It's Frangelico and fucking Baileys. And you pour it over a spoon or whatever. Well, you're not doing that. With a little bit of ice.

The recipe I'm looking at does have four and a half stars and four ratings. So it might be a little wonky. Well, listen, I don't know. I'm telling you what it is. There ain't no coffee. Blue ice gatorade. Shot of Baileys. But anyway.

Yeah, that's insane. Were you ever a Long Island iced tea guy? No. I always thought there was iced tea in it. To be honest with you. I was trying to watch my sugar intake. So did I. Fucking want a nice tea?

Give me a beer like a fucking gentleman. Yeah. No, we're not Long Island iced tea families. The adults who drink Long Island iced teas are the trashiest. Man. Yeah. If you're anywhere and you're like, hey, you got to get a Long Island iced tea. They don't have full custody.

Because if that doesn't send up a red flag, I don't know what does. Anybody, anybody who orders all of the Long Island iced tea. That's instantly. I remember one of those little stars over there. I remember one time. Keep an eye on this dude. Down the shore. There was this one.

I forget she was like a family friend. It was a woman. She's like, yeah, we were out. I had three mindy razors. You can't be doing mind erasers with kids. That's fucking bad news. Three mind erasers and it's shotgun falls. Fuck.

Yeah. Well, I do talk about doing a hard system reboot. That's the three mind erasers are shut your shit down. Take something the lawyer tells you. You had a mind eraser. Yeah. Holy cow. Yeah.

Mind eraser. Yeah. Buzzy naval sex on the beach. Lemon drop. Lemon drop. Lemon drop. Hold on. Jerk off.

Fuck the fuck. Fucking Elliott Ness over here. Take it easy prohibition, Paul. Huh? Trying to fucking wet our whistle here. This is American, goddammit. This fucking scumbag comes out of nowhere. Shit.

No, no. Lemon drop. Who'd a lemon drop ever hurt? Yeah. Shit. Sounds like something personal. What the fuck? What they ever do to you?

Yeah. This guy. Fucking gentleman over here. Fucking women against suffrage or whatever that fucking was. Yeah. Trying to get the party going. A couple of lemon drops. Little sugar rim.

Woo. Man. Like get some of them on the way out of here. Throw in some PYT. We got a night going. Who the fuck hates a lemon? I mean, I don't love them, but I got nothing wrong with them. Shit.

That's fantastic. Next thing you know, they're coming for the IPAs. Yeah. They took our lemon drops. We said nothing. And now they want our IPAs over my cold dead body. Oh, god. Fantastic.

Home run. This one's from Tony P. As a minor, were you allowed to pose nudity on your walls? Because if you were, your parents stunk. Holy shit. Those walls had holes in them. Shit. For sure.

The kid with a couple of holes punched in his room. Yeah. That went on redry walled. I knew. I mean, I knew if I punched a hole in our wall, it was going to be a thing. Sure. It wasn't just ending it like, you got to fix the wall. It had to be a major blowout.

It would have to be a big Sunday night, fully fucking WrestleMania throwdown. Had to be something big. Real big. Yeah. Me and my brother going at it like a building all weekend. Then it explodes. Now I'm in my room, punch the hole in the door. That comes in.

What am I doing? Yeah. No, we never. That would be, my fucking head would be through a wall. No fucking way. No way. Never. I knew enough to not, yeah.

Those linoleum doors wouldn't do it. I was a kid, man. Linoleum? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Linoleum doors wouldn't do it. I was a kid, man.

Linoleum. Linoleum. Yeah. It's what it is. Luan. I'm sorry. Luan. Yeah.

Linoleum. What's that? Like marbles. That's how trashy you are. You think linoleum. Linoleum is like plastic. Made to look normal. It's vinyl.

Yeah. Ah. Which I was like, maybe he did have linoleum doors. Who knows what the fuck's going on in that house? I mean, like, yeah, like kitchen. They had kitchens in the 80s and 90s. Sure. Sure.

Sure. Luan. I'm thinking of Luan. Those cheap Luan wood doors. Yeah. Like they're hollow. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Everything, anything like that had to be hidden. It was hidden away. What? The nudity. Putting fucking like a tin. I mean, I knew some kids that were able to get like the,

whatever our version of the Britney Spears poster was. We did that. I was allowed to do that. Tony Cattain, whoever it was back when I was like Pamela Anderson. Yeah. The bikini maybe. Yeah. Yeah.

Like the sports illustrated had the poster or whatever. Yeah. I was allowed those, but like 18 and it was kind of like. Those sports illustrated swimsuit issues when I was a kid before, you know, I, oh my God, Kathy Ireland, the works man. I don't know what it was. It was more of a Nancy Scottish kind of guy. I don't know what beach they were at.

I don't think you could go to. It wasn't Wildwood. I don't know where Jersey they were. Man. Must have been Ventner. Got him coming right out of the water. Oh, that was almost better. There was a little imagination.

Yeah. But then eventually you get old enough. Sure. That just won't do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no nudies.

No. On the walls. I remember, I think I've, I'm sure I've said this at some point. My, my stepdad's had like a car shop and like we're like other guys. Sure. Yeah. Oh, the calendars. Come on.

Yeah. Yeah. They had some cutouts on like one of those snap on fucking. Three laps around the sand grinder. Yeah. I was like, yeah, what's over here? What's back over this way? What's going on over there?

Where's the bathroom? Try to memorize it. Like fucking John Nash. Get it burned in your head. I can be, I still pay. And the one there was a, they had a, in the one like pickup truck or whatever, there was a, an air freshener with a lady in a yellow string bikini. Really?

Yeah. She lived nowadays, but she lived in my mind for quite some time. Talking about rent free. Yeah. Usually what, what, what would be the situation is because it was never just that. It was never just a friend that was able to have nudie posters on his wall. There was a whole other, you know, there was so much that came with it. There was never just that one thing.

There was holes in the walls. The mom didn't clean. You were allowed to skateboard in the backyard. Like that's the kid that. Sure. Had a half pipe back there. It's so funny. You bring that up.

I wrote that down for an AYG. It's never just one thing. The kid that could have a half pipe was bad news. Oh my God. Yeah. In the backyard? Yeah. With stolen construction wood?

Was that, was that I stole? Yeah. That was so bad news. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. 100%. I remember I asked him, like, can we have a hat? Cause some kid of my kid, like a couple of years older than me and like the bad, you know, the, the shittier area had one cover with like big blue tarps. It was a talk about an ice sword. Yeah.

Yeah. But now I'm looking back. My parents are like, get the fuck out of here. Property value. Come on. Have all these kids, have all these Tobi's hanging around. Yeah. No shit.

I'll say this though. That mom, the kid that was allowed to have the half pipe. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I can't skate transition. I don't. I'm a street skater. I don't do vert. Okay.

Yeah. Maybe big air if it's available. You're also not delighted. Get your bike and get out of my yard. Hey, listen, take your roller blades and hit the fucking bricks for you. Yeah. We're actually in target practice with our BB gun. Oh.

Remember that one? That same kid had the half pipe. Had the BB gun. Shot my buddy. Somebody. With the half. Sure. With the BB gun.

Shot him with the half pipe. Shot him with the BB gun. Yeah. That was that. Also, that's where I almost got my eye blown out with a firecrack. This kid's bad news. Not that I'm doing the math. That's how it works.

It's never just one thing. No, it's never. The parents were never around. Parents were never around. The dad was never around. It was never a house that you would ever, in a million years, think about eating over however, that house always had the best iced tea or juice mix in the refrigerator. Yeah.

Because there was no regulator on it. There was no regulator on it. It was a pound of sugar. Yeah. The iced tea at that house out of the fucking plastic pitcher would blow your hair back. Yeah. And the mom, nine out of 10 times was pretty attractive. I don't know if I ever met this kid's mom.

Really? That's what it was like. Wow. Well, he was friends with it. He was a neighbor of my friend. So like, I, we would, you know, it wasn't like a direct line of contact. Meeting the mom for the first time was scary. Yeah.

She could come home from work and lose it. Yeah. There was definitely houses where like, I spent a lot of time where I'm like, are there even, do you have parents? What the fuck is going on here? That's the type of crib where you see your first broken bone. Yeah. Yeah.

You're like, ah, put it back, put it back, put it back. You got little faces of death going on the VHS. Fantastic question. Um, all right. This one's from a puppy to sloppy ever call out of work because your two son burned from the weekend. Talk about a July fourth question. I don't know, but I'm going to tell you that.

If I get a phone call on Thursday that your two son burn, I'm going to know what's up. Um, that's a side. I don't think classy people get that burn because they've done it before. It's the guy who's like, I just got to get a good base. If you ever say I got to get a good base, you're trash because I say you got to get a good base. One good burn, let it sit in and a mate and do some maintenance on it. Again, it comes with baggage.

It's not just that one thing because there's a good chance that you didn't just get some burn. You went out and you got fucking hammer. Yes. That's what I'm saying. You're drunk. So you're really not not coming in because of the sunburn. It's because of the hangover, which now involves sunburn because you're a bozo.

Yes. Exactly. It's a, it's a series of shitty mistakes. Yes. Yeah. But it's bad. Now, now's the time of year. I've seen videos of dudes that are like fucking lobster ride.

Yeah. Yeah. Can you get away with that? Can you, can you call it a work from sunburn? I don't know. I've been in a position. I've had such bad sunburn where I couldn't do anything. I go strep throat all the time.

That's my number one excuse. I got strep throat. But I've, yeah, that's a big one. That or pink guy too. Oh, yeah. Pink guy. They want a picture. Hey, just do this.

I used to go in the bathroom and just fucking rub my eye and come out and be like, there's something wrong with my eye. And I used to work. Holy shit. Yeah. I never thought of that. I would do it. And then like 10 minutes later, go back yet.

You know, so you're like building a story. You know what I mean? Like if somebody sees you like, oh, your eyes already. I don't know. Fucking dude. I blind myself. I throw a thing of bleach in your face. And there's a party.

There's a party tonight starting at eight. I got to get the fuck out of here. I got to say, mushing your finger in your eye is a great way to get pink guy. Sure. In a public bathroom. Yeah. For sure. But then I would be like, yeah, my eye itches or something.

And then they see it. Oh, shit. You can't be fucking bagging people's groceries with pink guy. Fucking out. I'm like, are you sure? I'll stay. Nah, nah, go. Go.

Don't touch nothing to get out. Pink guy is gross, man. I was petrified of that when I was a kid. You don't want pink eye. No. Never a good look. Either of you ever have lice grown up? God damn right.

Twice. We've talked about this on the podcast. That's insane. I don't think I've ever known anybody with lice. Well, you know two people. Oh, God. Who have it now? Yeah.

I had it twice. Once on the fourth of July, believe it or not. Oh, wow. We just passed the anniversary. I didn't get anything. I would have got you a bottle of lagovole in 16 at least. We were on our way. We were on our way.

So where were you three years ago? Third anniversary. We were on our way to a fourth of July party to watch the fireworks at my dad's friend's house. Somehow. God damn it, Henry. Yeah. He was so pissed.

We had to go back. We had to go right upstairs. Fucking burn the car. We had to go right upstairs and start doing the comb. I don't even know what that means. Oh, it's this fine comb that they ripped the fucking things out. My mom loved it. She was up there like ripping them out.

Brutal. We're both crying. He's downstairs drinking alone. Good times. Good times. Happy birthday, America. About as American as it gets right there. Two little kids squawking upstairs.

Yeah. Hot dogs, freedom, headlights. Hot dogs, freedom and headlights. This one. This is just a home run. This is from Regan. What is the crumb situation in your gear shifter? I would say Foley's probably got a six piece and a small fry if I had to guess.

I could make a pie out of what I got there. You kidding me? Holy shit. Yeah. That's so fucking funny. That's dead on. Damn, that's good. Dude, I remember my mom had a 98 C-bring or a C-bring convertible.

It's a car I learned how to drive in. Dude, there would be, you could probably get a small fry out of from under the seats. Fuck you that would drop down and then you'd be like looking for a quarter or something. Dude, parents. Pull out a proper whole French fry from the car. It got worse, I think, with our generation having kids. I remember when I was a kid, we, it was monitored as far as like, you know, the eating in the car, what you spilled.

But like, you ever get like a buddy of yours that has a couple of kids now and look in the back of his fucking minivan? Yeah. Holy, it's just, it reeks of old stale milk. Yeah. Like it just has like a funk to it. Yeah, it's like. Goldfish everywhere, just flopping around.

Fucking brutal. I like that act out. Thanks, man. Yeah, it was really nice. Flopping around. Flopping. I didn't know I was doing a podcast with Sebastian. They got the goldfish everywhere.

Yeah. Trash. This one's from TK. Is it garbage to have a black toilet? What, like a lid? No, like the whole toilet's black. Unless you're, unless you're moving fucking weight. Oh, you're into, you're into orgies.

You're into group sex. Yeah. Yeah, you got a black light in your house. But then one of the comments. If you have a black toilet seat and thing, that's like, you got that from a bar. If you have a white toilet, if you have a white. Yeah, yeah, that's industrial. Commercial.

You got that from a supply house. You didn't get that from fucking. From JETRO. Yeah, you didn't get that from Home Depot. You got that at Ferguson. You might as well have a urinal behind you. But then one of the comments on Patreon was, I've only seen it in rich people's houses, which I can too attest to.

Yeah. I think you're like gold leaf mirrors and all that with the whole walls and mirror. I know there's a family friend of mine. Fucking billionaire, right? Yeah. Proper billionaire with a B. Really? Yeah, crazy.

Look at you. It's like, it's not like. Does he have a nice piece of property? It's a woman, has multiple nice pieces of property. Nice piece of property. So they have a bathroom that's all red, patent leather, floors, walls, and ceiling. It's crazy. What's patent leather?

Like. Like trademark? Yeah, patent pending leather. No, it's like, it's a leather. Do you ever like shoes? Some shoes are patent leather. Yeah, I don't know how to explain it. It's just like shiny leather, but it's cushioned.

It's like, it's fucking, it's crazy. It's gotta be like a fucking 90. Not like couch. Like couch leather. No, like nice Jordan. Like Jordan's tend to be patent leather. Air forces tend to be patent leather. Oh yeah, I know what you mean.

But like nice. Like I don't understand it. Sweet. To make sure not to do some driplets in there. Only number two. Get an invoice for two grand. Yeah. Black toilet.

Black toilets are not cheap. That's, I think it's a rich thing. I think it's a rich thing. Cheapest one I'm seeing is like 350. You can go, you can get a white toilet at Home Depot. One fitting. Not bad. This one is just, this is funny.

This is from Ross Strain. Long time listener, but first question. You guys ever have one of the hottest podcasts on the planet and still live paycheck to paycheck? As a matter of fact, yes. Wait till you see what we got in the works. Oh man. We're about to waste a lot of money.

On a couple of hours. I kind of want, I don't want to say whatever. No. Yes, I know. That was a fun, I saw that one. It hurt a little bit. We made a promise to ourselves that we would do the dumbest shit possible.

We're living this baby. Yeah. We're living this. And I had an idea yesterday that it's mind blowing. We're not going back to our summer homes and reading Hawthorne or anything like that. No, no, no, no. What you see is what you get.

Yeah. And you ain't seen a damn thing yet, Adio. I love it. All right. This was from Jake. Have you, has anyone in your family ever triggered a statewide Amber Alert? On either side of the coin?

I guess he said, I think, I don't know. I didn't copy it, but the comment was from, it was like his aunt took his kids on, not whatever. And everybody's phone went off. Wait, his aunt took her kids. Yeah. And wasn't supposed to type thing. That's a court thing.

Yeah. Wow. Still. That's when they throw the net out there for that? That's most of the times it's a family member. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last seen with father who's not allowed to have them

or whatever. And what? Are they splitting with the kid? That's the idea. Jesus. Go away for the weekend now. You know what I just realized about Amber Alerts? Is that the person, the kidnapper gets the alert too.

It's like they got a police scanner. Now they know what the heat's on. Now they tell them to duck down in the back and shit. Yeah, but everybody knows. It's never like, hey, it's also to the car. It's never like a 2021 Lexus. It's always like a fucking 73 Corolla. You're like, what the fuck?

It's never a nice car. No steering wheel. Yeah. Keep an eye out. Yeah, no kidding. I just from Isaac. Is it garbage to lick your own blood off a cut or a scrape? I've done it for sure.

100%. But I can taste it. I know the taste. Metallic taste. Yeah, it's like fucking pennies in your mouth. Yeah. Were you guys scab pickers? What am I?

Yeah, of course. Who isn't? Were you guys scab pickers? I mean, I wasn't in the fucking after school club or anything, but yeah, I dabbled. I've definitely eaten a scab or two. We're being truthful here. We're being honest.

Chicken sandwich. Chicken sandwich. We can't be honest with ourselves. I've definitely eaten a scab. Sure. And like peeled skin. I've definitely eaten that. As a young man, I don't have any scabs now.

Kippy, can we get an official ruling? What's worse that fully growing up? Food or scabs? Scabs. Over the roll? Over the roll on deodorant? Oh, the deodorant was weird because it was used. That's the weirdest part to me.

So the flavor comes from. Come on, man. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. That's fucking hard. Yeah, I don't know, man. It's all very not good. Love peeling a scab.

Love. Get it to a certain. You're appealing too early. Man, that's a mess. Yeah. We got a bleeder. We're doing triazon. Triazon.

You got a scab coming in a couple of weeks. All right. This one's from Whitwiz. Ever take a homemade sign to display at a pro sports event? Trash. Yeah. I did it wrestling, but wrestling, that was the idea. You did it at wrestling.

What do you mean? Oh, of course. Of course. Yeah. Come on. I wasn't at the time. I wasn't at the high school. Go Tony.

I'm trying to get on Sports Center. I saw one the other day was an Instagram. It could have been a meme. It could have been a joke. I don't know when it was from, but it was a young hockey player. I think on the Bruins or on the Penguins was skating by the glass. And they were these two girls. That's old.

Yeah. I blew you in college or whatever. I blew you in high school. Do you remember us? I had a huge smile on his face. That's pretty fun. That's from like five or six years. Two smoke shows.

Yeah. Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah. It's all about for sure. Exactly. It's a do all right. Yeah.

It's good stuff. No. Never brought anything like that. I don't even like wearing a hat or a fucking jersey or anything like that if I go to a game. Not for not supporting the team. It's just that is posed, especially if it's an away game. You can't do that away.

Yeah. Home game of hats. Yeah. It's like you're just asking for a fight. You got that kid from the Suns tuning the up on fucking. Suns and four. Yeah. I put you at night.

I make you take a fucking dirt nap real quick. Yeah. No thanks. Let's see. This one's from Raul. I think we've touched on this and I've never done it. Ever go to a breakfast buffet and stay for lunch or dinner. Dinner.

I mean, what are you going to do? I mean, don't you have shit to do that day? Yeah. Hanging around. No, that's nuts to me. I've pushed the envelope in a buffet. I'll tell you that. But never crossed over from meal to meal.

Yeah. No. That's not what I'm not even joking. We've gotten that question probably. Couple of times. No. I've probably gotten it 50 times. Like that's insane to me.

I would never. Never a big buffet guy. I think because my parents. Huge buffet guy. Love it. I think that's the every restaurant should be a buffet. Every restaurant. I would be so down with that.

No. Would you really? Love that. You seem like a guy who has a lot of self control. I love the vibe. I love the fact that like, you know. You shouldn't be eating like pasta and chicken nuggets. There's no one judging you.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? No. We're judging you. You can have your salad course. You have your pudding at the end. Yeah. A crack house is a judge free zone too, man.

But we all know it's a crack and we all know who's in there. Get me a both. Yeah. We never fucked with them. I think it was just more of like a. Never went to the Rosa. Rosa. The Ponderosa.

No. I think it's because my parents were like super poor that it was like a thing in their head of like, we can't. That was like, I told you they drew like weird lines in the sand of like, we're not going to do that. And a lot of garbage people do that. I'm like, we're not them. And I think that was where they separated.

Like. Oh, you're them. Sure. I've been wanting to check out this CC's pizza buffet. I have done that in state college, Pennsylvania. And? I was all banged up. I went there after a game.

Sure. Rightly so. It was like, you had to wait for whatever you want. You know, they're like, oh, we got the bacon. It'll be out in six minutes. Come on. Have it ready. Mother's asshole.

Yeah. That's when they get you with the prime rib at the buffet. Like all the prime ribs not done yet. Like you knew what time you were opening. Yeah. Let's go. And it should be PR. Yeah.

The fucking the potatoes all gratinger ready. The prime ribs should be fucking up. Yeah. With the horseradish sauce. Um, yeah, that was never, I mean, there was one Chinese buffet in my neighbor, like, you know, a couple of minutes away that I went to a handful of times, but I was always like, nah. Oh, they do it right.

So good. There's one. There's one off Delaware Ave. Being the big man used to hit it. Oh man. Yeah. Good night. Wait for prime guys.

I'm going to cover up. But never stayed two meals. Um, I feel like that's something you do with an obnoxiously large amount of people. Like you have like, there's like eight of you is doing that. You take over a corner, you know, one's bigger than the next. The kids are big. I have kids are running around to tough. Look, I have no desire to ever stop a lot of spandex and dirty t-shirts.

So imagine. Yeah. You'll never catch me in one. Unless it's for content. And I hear they got good chicken fingers. Other than that, never get one. No. Um,

He said the honey mustard fountain. That was more of a barbecue man. It's true. It's true folks. I always forget he did love barbecue. I was an adorable kid. This one barbecue sauce and cigarettes. Couple of birdies.

Just think that you started smoking so young that there was a time where your mom, like you were still like her little boy. And probably like you want to be honest. And she probably like brought you in for a hug one time and you smelled like cigarettes. What do you think that did to her? Turned her on. Rub a little absolute. She likes both guys who smell like Barbara lights.

She's got a type. Um, now I don't know. I mean, I didn't. For sure. I didn't start smoking. At like 12. I had smoked at 12. I wasn't fucking.

I wasn't buying back. It's kind of whatever. Get your hands on at that point. Steel couple from the old man. A sick break in between cartoons is. Pause that real quick. It's also crazy. I used to see my dad six every now and then, but we get nervous that like, I'm like, what

if he counts them? And I'm like, he doesn't count. Like, you know what I mean? Like who? A 12 year old would count his cigarettes. A fucking 45 year old man who smokes two packs a day isn't. I thought there was nine in here. You know what I mean?

It's only seven. What happened to the other two? You appraise the replacement with a twizzler. He ain't going to know. Put the candy cigarettes in there. He's on a job site. What the fuck? I got kippy to get.

Good. Good. It's good stuff. Yeah. Um, talk to me. This is from Chris. Ever beer bong anything other than beer? I saw a kid do it freshman year of college.

He was that. He was like right out of a fucking do not do this at college poster. Thought he was a hot shot. It's always the hot shot. Real Mavericks. It was like the first Friday night. We had been there for football camp. So we were a little bit seasoned.

We didn't want to fucking act like idiots. But these kids got their fucking first year at college. Someone dies every every every fucking first weekend. And this kid fondled like. Modkin or whatever. No. Yeah. Exactly.

It was like Jameson and something else. He had his room on the first floor and he's like nice dorm rooms. So he did that in the room. We're like, what the fuck? We got out of there. We walked back fucking like later on that night and his window was open. It's a tough look when your window is open. Like the window is just open.

Yeah. And he's just on the floor fucking twirled up like a pretzel. So you had to go in there, turn him on his side, make sure he wasn't dead. Check his butthole. He was out of college within two weeks. Yeah. Those guys don't last long in the dorms. It's like, yeah, I got to move to off campus housing.

And then it's like, you live in an apartment or whatever. Yeah. They're not making it to class. You guys are literally describing me. Yeah, man. Jesus. What a dork. Keybone.

To be thrown out of college or a school. That's dude. That's, that's, that's real trash. Not saying guys don't recover from it and do good in life. You can bounce back. Yeah. I live in Queens. True.

And we helped them move. So you're not doing that. Yeah. Now I was always good with not getting caught. Especially, especially, especially. I was so, I was so much smarter than those fucking bozo security guards. Cause I went to the temple. So there was like proper security guards to keep out the riffraff.

You know what I mean? It was black water, relax. No, I'm just saying there was like, but it wasn't just like somebody sitting at a desk. Like it was like you scanned it. It was like a. Sure. You know, like. It was metal detectors involved.

No, there wasn't metal detectors. Kibbies in the bushes with a sixer and daddy light and some night vision goggles. Blue team go, blue team go. I'm in an air duct with a 40. No, my trick was I would take a big basket of dirty laundry, have two thirties in there and then just stuff the dirty laundry on the sides. So you carry in a fucking basket of laundry. Wait, they were checking your shit in the dorm when you came in.

Like looking through your bag. They could. Yeah. What? Yeah. Oh, fucking. I mean, they didn't. Like I like, I think like Friday or Saturday.

Shout out to Widener University in the 90s. That's why you lasted two years. It was like Margaritoville. You got a beer helmet on. Yeah. Dude. I could go to Widener University and walk out with a degree in six months. Okay.

Let us know where that goes. So what were we saying? General studies. Not like you graduated. You don't know what it takes either. I know what it takes. Yeah. I ain't got it.

Okay. I know what it takes. I don't have it. Wait. Did you just high road me on getting kicked out versus dropping out that I high road you? I don't know what that means. Exactly. I mean, that exchange.

You were like getting kicked out. It's a tough look. You got kicked out or you stopped. Yeah. No, you might have been asked to leave. No, you were, you were like proper kicked out. Like they said for, I was kicked out for academics like a gentleman, just being an idiot. You were kicked out for fucking skateboarding over the Dean's face or something like that.

Whatever the fuck you did. No sliding his bumper. Yeah. Dude, tape wasn't even in the camera. It was bullshit. Yeah. Lens cap. Right.

You got, you got, I'm talking about people that got in trouble for shit. If you flunk out like a fucking regular person, I got no problems. So they fucking create a dental school. You know what I mean? Or whatever the fuck. You don't have dental insurance. So it's full circle. I do have dental insurance now.

Thanks for yes. I did that. I do. Um, feel the knives slowly coming out. No, this has been a fun. This has been a fucking, this has been a good jolly up. I threw the first shot. You did.

You always do. What are you talking about? Throw in a T bone. Whether you know it or you don't use someone across the bow of the boat. And you could even get into wine. And you couldn't get out. There's something right there. You need to apply to Warton University.

Oh, let's do it. Let's see if you get in. I'm so down. I'm so down. I'm not covering the, I'm not covering the application. This is, this is a personal thing. Tony will not be paying for that. Man, I got it because that was a superior athlete.

You're not going to get in, but we're going to do it. Um, I, I did a beer bomb one time in a high school and third grade pain killers were big, or pills were big back in the day. I'm listening. Someone said they're pretty big now. Yeah. But in my high school, big fan base doing beer bombs with percocet floaters. That's what happened.

What? So, um, I didn't, I didn't do pills. I wasn't big on pills. I didn't like, I just, just a huge, huge booze bag, right? Big boozer. You weren't big on them. What does that mean? I didn't, I'm not big on little Debbie's, but I dabble.

Well, I'm allergic to, I'm allergic to most pain. I'm allergic to hydrocodone and hydrocodone. Yeah. Loser. How about this guy? So, um, yikes. I, uh, so whatever. So I just never fuck with him.

I'm like, I'm allergic to it too, man. It fucks me up. It turns me into the life of the party. I break out in good times. Doctor said I'm becoming too rad. They want me to go to, they want me to have an intervention. I'm in rehab for being too fucking cool. You gotta slow this guy down, huh?

Dude, the fucking man trying to stop me. Holy shit. No, I, so I just, all, everybody was doing them. They were huge in school. And that, cause this was at the time when the pills hit and there was no real regulation of them. This was, this is what started the opium epidemic. Yeah.

That hit your fucking squad. Like the first wave at Norman. Yeah. They didn't, they didn't see it coming. So, I mean, dude, throwing them at school, like there was like friends. Cause they were, you didn't have to fucking look for them back then. They were giving them out. You fucking pull a toenail.

Doc's got fucking 30 school buses lined up in your driveway. Yeah. The fucking, oh, this is nuts. I don't even think, I don't even know if I ever told you this story. Foley was jumping school buses like evil can evil. The yellow school bus, the perk 10s, they were called the yellow, they called school buses back in the day. The yellow perk 10s.

And I didn't, I mean, and also it's like, we're making light of this. I have lost like, I mean, so many, so many, so many people have died. Of course. Did I know of that? It's horrible. So we're all going around super fucking crazy at, and like it, we knew fucking pharmacists that were in on it. They ended up going to jail, but like pharmacists were like, being like, oh, here's like, you

know, the bottle that you fill the bottles with. I'm aware of it. Like the big like, it looks like a bottle like creatine or whatever. Somebody had one of those muscle relaxers at a party. We used to call that the Ark of the Covenant. Never looked directly into it. Well, burn your face off. A big, somebody had a big thing of muscle relaxers of those.

And I showed up to the party late and everybody was fucking doing muscle relax. What the fuck? It was doing, I mean, they, we, we ran, we ran with them. What are you guys doing? They had a couple of six packs, huh? Chasing around the girls. We ran with, we ran with a wonky crew. Kip, he's just losing a twister.

Like, what's going on? Yeah. Everybody's all rubber banded. Everyone just hooked up to an IV sitting around. So I got there late and I'm like, oh, I got to play ketchup, right? So somebody was holding. Hey, dude, if you want to look cool. So somebody was holding.

It's called beer pressure. Somebody was holding a beer bomb. And I was like, oh, I'll do that. Like, yo, that's for me. Like joking around, I was out for me. And they were like, no, it's for fucking Steve or whoever. I'm like, ah, fuck Steve. And I grabbed it and I did it.

And I didn't know Steve liked to party apparently. Because Steve, Steve had a couple of fucking. Hey, just for visual, Kevin was 33 years old when this took place. Steve had a couple of kicks. Is that for me? Steve had a couple of kickers in this thing. And I didn't know. So I keep drinking and then, you know, whatever an hour or two.

And my buddy's like, oh, I'm going to Wawa to get some food or something. I'm like, I'll go with. And there was. Kip, he's doing yoga in the driveway. This kid's loose. I'm blowing myself. I mean, there's never seen a guy eat his own butt before. Suck in my own dick.

I'm on the coffee table. Like fucking circus all day or whatever the fuck it is. Circus. Okay. I painted blue. So we're in the car and I remember there was cops at the Wawa. So we couldn't pull up. So we pull into a neighborhood to let the fuzz, you know, let the heat cool down.

And this is when it hit me. My buddy's like, there was nothing more terrifying, knowingly walking into a convenience store in high school, all fucked up and hear a fucking, hear a walkie talkie in the distance. It's like Jurassic Park with the Raptors. Clever girl. There's two at the end of the chip pile.

Clever girl. One pops up from behind the hot dog machine. It comes through the chips. And it just finds a way. That was my goal bloom. So, yeah. So he's, I, apparently he, he realized I was super fucked up and I was the cop or your boy.

My boy. Cause we were like parked in a neighborhood like across the street waiting for him to leave. Yeah. You had your ankles behind your head. You were in the front seat and the back seat. Stretching. Stretching. Stretching.

Stretching. You were in the front seat and the back seat. Stretched out like a Laffy Taffy in a hot car. Scott. Kids on screwballs. And I remember looking at my buddy and he was laughing at me because apparently like I was just like all fucked up and I look over at him and he's going and like, you know, I, what I see is,

ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. And I'm like, oh, this ain't, there was a fucking, where's Steve at? I think I got a bad dose. Dude. And I could have moved my. Got a hot dose of course. Light. My arms felt like.

And I'm like, yeah. And then I don't remember getting into the Wawa. That was the end of the fucking old. Very dangerous stuff. Children. Yeah. Don't fuck with it. We make the obvious.

I want to be sincere. We make a lot of light of it. But like what the fuck? I mean, yeah, that shit was fucking horrible. All right. Let's switch gears here. We took. I opened up.

What? From the huge bottle of muscle relaxers. I think our gears are just fine. No, so I, uh, I opened up on, uh, Instagram and Twitter. I said, you know, it was a little fun thing. Tweet me. Cause so many people tagged us and stuff and tweets stuff. I was like, yo, you know, DMS.

Oh, okay. DMS the trashiest thing in your house right now. Sure. Let's see where we stand. You know what I mean? So I, I pulled a handful. And this might be a thing we do, you know, in the future. But like so many people send us shit that I want to fucking, you know, I want to spotlight

some of the real fucking trash we got. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? I love it. All right. Let's see. Um, but let's start off with a little appetizer. If you catch my drift.

A starter. A starter. Dirt balls out there. Um, this guy has a bench press in his living room. Holy shit. Single guy probably. I would fucking hope that's not a family affair. It looks like a detective.

It does. You got the nice leather couch. Yeah. You have the plants. You have some, some, that looks like some home goods art hanging up there. Yeah. That's not fucking. And that ain't new.

That bench press. That, that thing. No, that's from the eighties or nineties. You could tell because it has the, uh, the plastic. The plastic dumbo. The plastic covered weights. Man. That guy's definitely fighting some demons in there.

That's like a scene out of Donnie Branson. There's a half a bottle of scotch sitting on that coffee table that he has at night. And a revolver with one bullet. Also, he's got a, he's got like a nightstand as a table in his, that nightstand. That's a nightstand in the corner right there. Oh, all the way in the corner with the plants on top. Yeah. Yeah.

Right there. That's bad. That doesn't match the motif. No. Of single dad. Um, this one's also pretty boncos. They got a fucking carpet on the wall. Carpet on the wall.

What's that about? I don't know. Now, if it's just a piece of rug, isn't that classy? That print's not that classy. Uh, that could be some good, you know. I think it looks, it looks like a basement. I'm hoping it's a basement. Tapestries are classy.

Tapestry. Yeah. Isn't a rug just a tap, isn't a tapestry just a rug hanging on the wall? Well, I don't know. I think it is. That's a tapestry. I'm not sure, but that's not. The cordless phone right next to it.

The cordless phone in the can of Fabrizia God ain't a fucking great look either. Tough look. If you've got it Fabrizia wall. Ah, maybe the carpet. Carpet smells. Could be a couple of pet stains on that thing. You gotta whack it every once in a while. That's a tough look, man.

No good. This one, this is a bedroom that is, this gets, this is getting into the bonko-esque fan base we got here. Okay. This is someone's bedroom that they sent us. What the fuck? You see that? How many dressers?

There's one, two, three, four dressers. Two strange office cabinets. Yeah, that's, I mean, look at that. Wow. That's a tough look. I think that's a fucking, they got a Sega too. Stuffed animals. Is that a computer on top of the, whatever that thing is?

What, here? No, on the other side, right there. Here? No, on the white cabinet. A computer. Is that a computer? No. Here?

Yeah. Those are storage bins. I mean, they got a, they got a fucking, they got like fucking two foot tall South Park. Those are undies hanging in the corner there, aren't they? There's some undies right here. We who? There's panties hanging over the line. All right.

Change my tune real quick. Hey, okay. In my book. I would lose most of that cabinets and spend, and get some, get some space in there. You can't walk. There's no floor space. Yeah. You got to get rid of some of that shit.

You need to go minimalist. You can't have that many clothes too. Yeah. Clean that shit up. Will you? If I've ever seen one. They're not on a Patreon. This is fucking Ben and this is in someone's house.

Right? Let's see it. They got an exit sign in your house, dude. I don't know. That's pretty sweet. And it's all tricked out. No, it's not tricked out. He said they taped it because it's, you can see the exit light.

So they put electrical tape over the red light so they can't see it. Your house shouldn't have an exit sign. Wait. Why'd they cover it up? Because they don't want it to be glowing. The red glow. I would want it to be glowing. Okay.

Well, they don't. Oh, you mean that was in there when they moved in? Yeah. This isn't like a kitschy thing. This is in the building. I thought it was like when you had a traffic light in your room at college. Which would still be trash. No, this is a functional exit sign in their apartment.

Whoa. What do you live on a government base? Dude, it's got the floodlights on it too. That thing's going off. Yikes. That's a tough look. Holy shit. That's like you live in a, you live in like a retail store or something.

This guy lives in a Marshall's. Yikes. All right, let's do, this one's actually very classy. So this is, this was really cool. This is a, this is a filing cabinet, right? Nice filing cabinet. Nice filing cabinet. Liquor and some records on top with a cactus.

Very nice, right? Very classy. Very classy. That's fucking open her up. He's got a fucking bar in there. Damn. He's got a drop sink in there. He's got the glasses.

Got it all set up. A drop sink. That sinks in there. Yeah. But there's no running water. No. But it's for ice probably for the party. You got the glasses right there.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. I like it. That's classier than anything you got. Yeah. I'll give you that. It's classier than anything I got.

Classier than the fucking exit sign. I could tell you that much. Yeah. That exit sign is a tough fucking look. This one I think you would like. This is a collection of fortune cookies they keep in the fucking, in the kitchen, in the fruit basket. The top shelf of the fruit basket is a fortune cookie.

A fortune cookie has a snack. Ain't too shabby. I get too superstitious with them. I feel like I have to have- You're eating people's dreams. Yeah. Well, I can never have one unless I had Chinese food. That's your soup.

Yeah. And you have to read the thing before you throw it out otherwise it's bad luck. Okay. I got it. This one just came in right before we started recording. This is a fucking, I mean, a definition of a tough look. This is a fridge with duct tape on the shelves. Wow.

Paint duct tapes nonetheless. That's painter's tape, man. I think that might be duct. That's terrible. I don't know. That's a fucking bad luck. All beers in half and half on the fucking shelves too. Yeah.

Paint duct tape holding the fridge together. This is my fridge in the kitchen at my apartment in the Burbs. And you know how that got that way? That was somebody slimmed the shit out of that fucking- And a fine problem. That was an argument. Yup. Because it's both things are gone.

Yup. That don't just happen. No. Yeah. No. You gotta- That's after one too many schlitzes. Yup.

Or nutty Irishman. No coffee. Um, this one brings up a few things that I want to mention. So he's got a hole in his wall that goes outside that he's covered with a license plate. Because the squirrels will get in there. Because the squirrels will get in there. Yeah. So he's covered it with a license plate.

You gotta watch around those window AC units anyway. Squirrels will fucking eat right through that shit. But the trashiest thing to me is they got- I feel this is trash. You know, I like to pass it to the man, the gentleman from Bluebell. The built in the wall, like they've cut the wall out. That's not in the window. That AC unit is in the wall. That's a tough, tough-

Do you see what I'm saying? That's a year-round AC unit that's through brick, wood, drywall, and it'll- I mean, the thing's beat up. It's not even a new air conditioner. The question is, what do they cover that with in the winter to keep the cold out? You know, it's like a blanket or something like that. Yeah. It's, I mean, another air conditioner?

I don't know. That's trash. That's a tough look. Straight drywall to outside? Come on. I don't know. Some insulation in there, we- A little aluminum side.

Some pink panther or something. This photo screams Florida. Panhandle. Could be, I guess. It says Connecticut. License plate's Connecticut. I mean, I don't think these, I mean, these people can get their hands on a license plate, I think.

Do you think they don't know the way around long-term parking? We've talked about this, but license plate collection. It's a tough look. Yikes. Yeah. All right. Let's do it. We have two more here.

This one is just like, what the fuck? There's a toilet in the closet. Holy shit. A used broken toilet they've kept in their closet. Oh my God. Oh, it's not connected. No. Oh, okay.

Which I don't know what's worse. I think if it was connected, it would be all right. Well, that's what I'm saying. Well, shut up. In fact, you just got an old fucking- Get rid of that, man. What are you doing? Clean that closet out.

Jesus. Looks like Toby's place. What kind of dumps are you taking if you've got to have a backup toilet on deck? Also, why did you keep it in the first place? Probably an expensive toilet. It wasn't black. No. But it was gray.

It wasn't white. It wasn't white. Get that on Facebook Market Share. Remember what it's called. Marketplace. Is that what it is? It's what it is. Get it on there, too.

All right. This will be the last one here. This is fucking- the last guy in this guy could get together and figure something out. This guy's got a- do you see he fixed his toilet? Is that Flex Seal? With Flex Seal. Whoa. See that?

Get that to the fucking producers of the infomercial. Also, so he fixed his crack toilet with Flex Seal and he's got the blue water, which is a fucking tough- Wow. Man. He's living it right there. That got that, dude. Shout out to Flex Seal, though.

I wonder if he did it while the toilet was filled. Did Flex Seal can solve anything? It really can. Gotta get some of that in here. Yeah. Somebody send us some Flex Seal. Fill in your belly button. Yeah.

All right. Let's wrap it up. No water. That's awesome. So we'll do that. Keep them coming. Yeah. Submit some pics and we'll, you know, we'll pick out of the best and we'll do it every,

you know, maybe the family episodes or show you, you know, some guests or whatever. We'll figure it out. That was great. I mean, and also too, these flooded in. This is like the first, like the best tan I took, but I mean, we had like 100 submissions in like 10 minutes. That's awesome. Yeah.

Gang. We love you. This has been another exciting episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. Kippy, you got anything for them? Guys, first of all, check- check me out at Cameron Comedy on all social media. Then follow the R U Garbage pages. R U Garbage on Instagram and Twitter.

We post links, you know, if you don't follow, we post clips from the live shows, clips from the pod, stuff like that. We're also starting a clips channel. The link will be in the description to this on YouTube. We'll be posting, you know, four, five, six, seven, eight minute clips on YouTube to help spread the word a bit. And that's it. Check out a fucking live show being Columbus and Cleveland.

Oh yeah. Real soon. Next week. This week. No, next week. Yeah. Next week. Next July 14th and 15th.

Because they're actually fucking moving, which I wasn't expecting. Let's go. So let's get some fucking tickets. Let's go. And we'll see you. Check out the tour dates in the link. We love you guys. We'll see you next week.

Peace.