Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Dave Smith!

Episode Date: July 3, 2023

Are You Garbage presents the hilarious stand up comedian & podcast host Dave Smith! Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast. Come to a Live Show! NEW TOUR DATES: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Beis Travel: https://beistravel.com/garbage Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Huge tour announcement calling on all the army of garbage. We just added a bunch of dates to the state Dredge door for the fall and for the winter stand up comedy show plus we play a little a wide you with the crowd Great way to introduce to people to the show come out and see the boys. Yeah gang all tickets are available at our website Are you garbage dot com? We're coming to Phoenix Denver Salt Lake City Los Angeles, San Diego, Washington DC, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Toronto, Pontiac, Michigan, Chicago, Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee, Sacramento, San Francisco, San Jose, and then we're ending it in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, maybe get those tickets. Let's party. Yeah, welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Gabbitch?

Are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is our You Garbage. So I will show you sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big ol piece of track. I'm your host dates. Totally coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tuddy's in a new edition. I just saw her out on the street. Okay. Driving along, Mauer. All right, good for my wife. My co-host is coming at you right next to me. I was a quick one this week. Don't

I'd get them. Did not succeed. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. What's up gang. Thanks for tuning in as always. Make sure you're a review. Subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. Shooter out. Cooking. Then the greatest website of all time. www.patrion.com. Gang, check it. The fuck out. It's a party over there. Yeah. Love that Patreon. Have a nice quick shout out to our producer, X Shording Air.

The magic man makes us all look good works the ones the Toes the threes and the fours crosses the tees and he dots the eyes give it up for T-bone McScruffins It's Toby McMillan everybody for God's sakes. What's up boys? We got a sharp dude in the And if I do say so myself he might be the guy to fix the goddamn potels in this city He can get to get some shit going this guy getting it done gang along hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests here with this today for the first time.

He is a founding member of the amazing amazing Legion of Skanks and the host of part of the problem very funny standard comedian podcaster and currently number six eighty seven on the CIA kill this give it up for Dave Smith everybody uh... thank you very much this is uh... i'm looking around at amazement like this is what happens when you unwed yourself from the who have been doing it wrong

i dare you uh... i was going to shut out to Mr. Lewis J Gomez and get digital. So tell me about this Patreon website. There's money involved. We pay them. Buddy, thank you so much for coming in, man. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. We're excited.

You've been everywhere lately, it seems. Give us the backstory. Give us a rundown. Brooklyn kid, if I recall, right? Yes, Brooklyn, born and raised, born in the 80s and 90s. Okay. So not like, you know, today, Brooklyn, it's all today. It evokes a whole different like image.

Sure. When people say it today, what neighborhood did you grow up in? I grew up in Park Slope. Okay. And then prospect heights. Okay. So I moved around there.

I moved a lot. Like I lived in an lot like I lived in a Excellent I lived in I'm never classy Well, it was just with my mom I lived in I'm trying to count it up there. It's okay one two three four five Circus nine nine no, but it was all within We just kept getting like kicked out of the apartment. Shaking a couple landlords. Like we weren't going anywhere. Sure.

No one got transferred. It wasn't a level up. Yeah, oh no no no. I mean there were a couple levels up in there, but they're never drastic. But that was by the time I went off to college. I think we were at Shines. And then she moved like several more times after that.

So when I'd be coming home to visit, it'd always be like a different place. There was a place. What is this place? There were a few, there were divorces in there that were part of the moves Sure, but those only accounted for two Yeah, that's a the was it nine divorces the rest was like I mean, I'm not even exact we this is true So I moved from 12th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue to 11th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue Jesus like you're like why why do we even do it?

The effort of moving. What are you gonna do? Yeah, like it was like, why are we even carrying our stuff over here? You see what I'm saying? Was it, you, was it monetarily things? Like couldn't cover the rent or? Not was like she was dating a guy in the building

and they broke up. And so she wanted to get out of the building. Wow. This guy went on to be. But not too far. Well, this guy went on to be- But not too far. Well, this guy went on to be my stepfather. So it's like, they got back together. Really?

Well, she only made it a block away, you know? Like, have a- You're gonna run a new with the Trader Joe! You think I was gonna find you? You're gonna skip the- There was no Trader Joe's in the days. Keafood. Keafood.

Keafood. Is that what it was? Keafood, sea towel. Yeah, there was a- A Keafood and a Daga Stino. Woo. And let me tell you when Daga Stino first came in, we see talent. Yeah, there was a key food and a dagostino. And let me tell you when dagostino first came in, we were hyped.

Yeah, we were like, yo, we just moved up in this game. Yeah, that was like a trip to Sicily. Oh yeah, it was incredible. There's a thing that's out there day. So did food and porriam in New York. Yes, I don't know that moment. Yeah, I didn't have any of those by me, but I had been to them like at my father's house.

He lived in Manhattan and it was like, now we're stepping up a little bit. Can we go to food and porriote? Yeah, this is serious. Hold on, so back to this up a little bit. Do you have any brothers and sisters? Yeah, I got an older sister and a younger brother. Same mom and dad.

No, my younger brother's a half brother with my stepfather. Okay. But my sister is, yeah, same mom and dad. So your mom and dad got married? Yes. Had you and your older sister? Yes, not in that order.

All right, so then it's so it's the for you. You're in an apartment in Brooklyn. No, my mother, so when I was like a baby. We already, when I was a baby, we lived in an apartment in Brooklyn Heights. Okay, very nice. They bought a lived in an apartment in Brooklyn Heights. Okay. And then they bought a house in Park Slope. Okay. Now all these neighborhoods weren't quite- What they are now. Of course.

Like they weren't like, you know, like horrible. Wasn't East Brooklyn. But yeah, no, no, no. Right. It wasn't East New York. East New York. But it wasn't like what you might think of it now. Of course. Because you get a real affordable home and stuff there.

But so they bought a brownstone and park slope. Okay. So that was from when I was one to like three and a half and then they got divorced and... He went to my house. What did your mom and dad do for a living at the time? Uh, at the time, my dad... It was never really been clear what to do.

Jesus Christ. He's a man. If you were to listen to him... A lot of trips to Dallas in the 60s. It's never really been clear what Jesus Christ. Amen. If you were to listen to him. A lot of trips to Dallas in the 60s. Yeah, if you were to listen to him tell it at the time, he was like, he was running like an advertising company. Okay.

But there was, Junk man. There was very little evidence that this company existed. And my dad was a, a bitch who alive. Sure. So you never really knew what was up with him. That was one of the issues my mom had with him. Sure. Sure. I'm just going to, you're lying to me constantly. Yeah. But he could swing a brownstone. That's pretty nice.

Yeah. No matter what decade it is. Yes. He was able, he, he, well, it's, we never exactly figured it out, but I think he got a little bit of money from like my grandfather got remarried later in life, like in his 90s, some old broad who had a little bit of money. Like she was married to a wealthy guy. You come from a fucking lineage of trash. Yeah, there's a lot of trash in this whole story. But so we don't really know exactly but yeah, you put you figure that out

What was your mom doing for work? My mom was a she was going back to school. Okay, she like was going back to get like her masters I think he's learning from what I understand right my mom's very smart very very smart But he was swinging it at the time your dad was the one paying the bills. Yeah, got you paying some of them I think My dad's very similar but my dad was like also like he bills of the time. Yeah, paying some of them, I think. Yeah, I think. I think my dad's very similar. But my dad was also the worst stickler. He would refuse to pay bills and then threaten to sue them. I do crazy shit.

My mom told me. I'll come and turn your power off. How about that? He was like that. But he was like, he had no shame. He went to a dentist and then they did a bunch of work on him, and then refused to pay. He was like, I don't know, shut this whole place down. And it was like, okay fine, we'll just call it even or whatever.

And he was like, you're lucky I'm letting you off easy. And then my mom would, you know, just be like mortified. And she's like, that dentist is a friend of mine. Like, what are you doing? But, man, that's all. But he was, yes, my mother wasn't bringing in any money. My dad was paying for whatever was the breadwinner. Okay. And then so they get divorced when you're three, you move out of the brownstone. Move out of the brownstone,

moved into a basement apartment of a brownstone. Are you aware that this is a step down at the age you were in? I was aware there's a lot less space around, you know? I was aware that we should be like, we used to have rooms all over the place. Now everything seems to be happening in one room. But we were real, real broke, but I was not, I didn't, I don't think I was aware of it until like, like as I started getting older,

like at the time I was just like, we'd scramble digs for dinner a lot. That's pretty sweet. Pretty sweet. I love it. There's no problem. So it was like, I think when I started realizing we were real broke,

was when we'd go to like birthday parties. I remember this, that we could never get good presents for like forever, the cause of the year. My friends, whoever's birthday we are going to. And we used to get, you remember that you said like, travel, toys, you know what I'm talking about?

Like it would be like a trap, like instead of like monopoly, it'd be like, travel, monopoly. It's like, if you like, you're giving me a little mini-port of checkers. Yeah, like it's shit like that, is what we'd always get. And I started to put that together, but I'm like, that's weird.

Like no one else has given many presents out. I do. Dude, I know. Thanks for the map of Cleveland. Okay, all right. That's really good. I know that small checkers. I have one.

Oh, yeah, dude. Man, that's all right. All right, so does your dad dip out of the picture completely at this point? You saying them? Very sporadically. Okay. You know, so like I'd see him, they'd work out like a schedule, then he'd fucking bail or something.

So it was like, it was fine for those years. Like I would see him and I'd be like, I'm going to dad's house. Okay. But it wasn't like a regular, it wasn't like, you know, oh, he's got me half the time. Got it. Got something like that. You're popping in Manhattan Thursday to stun them. Yeah, none of that.

Okay. All right, so for a period, I was doing every Friday at his house. Every Friday I'd go there. Would your sister go with you too? Yeah, we both go and then come back Saturday morning. It's really not a very long. Yeah, that's it. But, and that didn't last consistently for very long.

It was happy I was over there. Yeah. Yeah. It's gonna leave Saturday morning with the fuck. There was like nothing. It made no sense. It was just an inconvenience for everybody involved. Like knowing that anything out of it.

Wednesday at seven and a Thursday at two. All right. So it's you, your mom and your sister, you guys are over there in Brooklyn. All right. What was a family vacation like for Christmas? Yeah, what would you do with that? We, um, sure.

And did you guys have, did she have her family around? No, no, not Brooklyn. She's, uh, yes, she was, but her, her parents had like moved out. They were living in Suffern at the time, okay, which is, I can't remember if that's upstate or in Jersey. But Suffern, I think New York, I think it's, I is, I can't remember if that's upstate or in Jersey. But Suffer, I think New York, I think it's, I feel like I would know. It was like a little, you know, kind of trashy, like old person area.

It's up, yeah, like upstate New York, not too far, I think. Done sound great. It wasn't great. No, that we did, we had a couple, we didn't go on vacation like every year, but we did, we went to back then, Mon Talk used to be like the real cheap affordable option. Really? Yeah, the Hamptons were like already crazy,

but if you were willing to go out to Mon Talk, so much further, it's not easy to get there. Yes, so we did that a couple times. You guys were like first to market at all the places that are nice and all that. Well, it's crazy, I almost have to say it, because you're like, I mean, first up, there's a weird thing about this show that makes you want to be garbage. Oh, yeah. Like, to say it, because you're like, I mean, first up, there's a weird thing about this show

that makes you wanna be garbage. Oh yeah. Like you come in here and you're like, you're gonna tell me I'm not garbage, I'm garbage. I'm garbage. Sky with the montage. What are we talking about? Which is so bizarre,

and nothing anyone should strive to be. Welcome to the party, baby. But if you just say, like, Park's Lope and Montauk, it sounds like, oh, were you guys millionaires? And it's all the same, you're like, no, it wasn't like that, that wasn't the deal. Yeah, but so, yeah, we did things like that, but nothing else, crazy.

My father took me a few times down to Miami, because his father had retired. Driver fly down there. Who, we did some drives. Yeah, you did. You're dead, sounds like a driver. I was like, why would I spend, my time was, he was weird, like he was so cheap, but he would always spin it as like like I'm a genius Idiot these suckers are paying 79 bucks to fly around trip

60 hours for 12 I'm paying the tolls And telling him I'm soon if it doesn't let me and my son through it was hey Dave you got a drive through North Carolina, all right Like he I remember him taking me out like a couple times like man's like a decent restaurant And he'd tell me before we went there. I'm gonna cause a scene I want you to think a heart attack when they bring the dessert menu. He probably did. A couple times he really did cause the scene, but he used to say before we'd get there, he'd go, look, don't order any sides.

They get y'all on the sides. That was his life. He's like, that's how they get you. So you just order an on-tra. Oh man, man. That's how you win. That's a bad fucking call right there. You're dad for sure. I thought he had people after him. That's how you win dad fucking call right there you're dad for sure

thought he had people after all that's like it yeah really and then like as you get older you're like it's not like a trick it's just if you want other stuff you have to pay for it also and it's so nice to get sides with your food because like that's how you beat the system is you eat your chicken with no potatoes you don't need mixed vegetables. Imagine looking down to it. Imagine looking down to one of your kids at like six me like listen. That asparagus is a rip off, all right? Dude, I've overcompensated it to be not my dad.

I am the most, I am the least Jewie Jew in the world. Like I overcame it. King of the sides. I over. Absolutely everything. I'm like, do you want more sides? Get more sides. I don't want to ruin you. Bring all the cream spinach out right now. Okay.

Okay. And so what did your mom start doing as she got her masters? Well, she was a, so she got a psychology as like her, her fields. So she, she got her masters and then her PhD in psychology. And then she had, she got like a, she got like a job, jobs while she was doing that. Okay. In the field or just what else? Yeah, yeah, she was one of her jobs

that she had for a long time was she was, I don't know, I'm going to give out too much of them. No, yeah, actually I'll talk it out. But the job was basically that she would like, she was the head of like a child's unit and would like evaluate kids who were like abused and shit like that and then make a recommendation as to whether these kids got to be taken away from their head. She was out there doing it.

She was making a difference. Yeah, real dark making like crap money and but out there, you know, dealing with this crazy shit. And then at a certain point, I guess when I was in maybe like the ninth grade, she opened a private practice. As far as making really good money. But she went from like,

her track was like making 24 grand a year for dealing with like, okay, well there's three cigar burns on this child. What do you think we should do? And then it was like, for like 24 grand a year, and then it was like, or for $200,000 a year, you could listen to like some rich lady

who's like, I don't feel good about me. Yeah, you know? I call her dead. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, and you're like, wow. I understand why you chose the latter. Of course, you know? Yes.

Sure. All right, so she's doing that, you're doing okay. Where was that place? Where was that apartment? So at this point, the last place where I was on sterling place in prospect heights. Okay. So that's where I lived for like the high school years.

And her and my stepfather got married had my baby brother Okay, and that's when she started to like make a little bit of money. All right, do a little bit better So now we got a little family unit you're starting high school Are you going to public school? Are you going private? I went to private school at this point? I was going I went to public school for a while went to ps107 Okay, then I went to to Berkeley Carol My mom got my dad to cough up the money from that from somewhere. Probably not us nowhere. Probably played mind games on him.

And it was a, now she had a thing. A constant thing with the school that we were late on payments. But they would always be like, you're like three years behind and we're gonna kick you out if you don't. I was always about to get kicked out of high school for my reasons and for my dad not paying. Why would I put it on with this Dave Smith kid? He's not even paying a goddamn bills.

And I was fucking doing terrible in school. I was causing all types of problems. I was really, really bad student. Like I was a terrible student and also just a pain in the ass. I was gonna say I was a really bad kid. I wasn't like shooting people or anything. But like I was a person out teacher.

You didn't have any sides. I don't even have any kids. Yeah, I had no nutrients. I don't person out teacher. Yeah. You didn't have any sides. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no fucking, it was fucking smart. Well, I didn't, yeah, it was 12 something, and I didn't, I mean, I think I came pretty close to finishing. I think I was like 20 questions left and I was like, I'm fucking out of here. I don't know, I was like an ADD stoner. I was like, I can't do this anymore. I need to go run around with my friends. I also think you're judged on what you make it to, right?

Or I don't know. If I would have known that, I would have answered three questions. I was, I don't know if you're right about that, but maybe that's true. So I did okay on the SATs, which is how I got into a shitty school because my grades were. I literally, I always did whatever it was. I think it was a C minus you had to have before they'd kick you off the basketball team. And so I always got that.

You should. Exactly. That was my big thing I cared about. And so I'd always get, except one year I did get kicked off because I didn't, I like, you know, I was always trying to get just that last thing and then I like didn't get up to that and I was like, ah shit, at a D plus average or something and they were like, you're kicked off the team

and I was like, you guys were serious about that? I thought you were joking. I thought it was just like a thing we say. Now when we say private school, it was, what, like, legal or whatever was it? Was it a Shiva? Was it a Jewish school? No, no, no, it was just like a regular private, I don't know, the legal was just like the other.

Wasn't a Catholic school. No, not Catholic, like, okay. No religious, okay. A deviation. They were like, like, I kinda woke before there was woke. Gotcha. School. But back then, you know, woke was like a friend school.

It was just the nighties. Yeah, it was almost just being like, yeah, if you see like a lesbian, don't spit on us, you know? And the old lady's kind of. A little video's been going around from the 80s when they tell them that they can't drink a drink. Oh dude, it's the best. Oh dude, it's the best.

So good. It's a baby in the car. In a pickup, I think. In a pickup facing forward in the car. Yeah, they're like, there's a baby in the car in a pickup I think in a pickup facing forward in the cars. Yeah, they're like they're like man There's a baby in this car and you're like this car in America Where you can drink who's supposed to hold the wheel Man the one guy does really sell it though He's like it's getting to point now where a man can't work a hard 10-12 hour day and have a cold beer on the way

man, that's not wrong. No, the guy, and he really makes you like, that guy makes you go like, oh man, I bet that beer is the best beer. Best beer. Best part of his day. Whatever that guy's life is, when he cracks open that first cold beer, I think few of us experience something as great as that. Oh, everything's made of a big one. Yeah, ice, probably ice cold beer.

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That's code garbage 50 at factor75.com slash garbage 50 to get 50% off. Do it, gang. Show me a level. There you go. Man. Huh. All right, what was that high school mascot?

I don't think we had a mascot, but the team was the Lions. Okay. That was the man's the Lion, but we didn't have like a actual guy. Yeah, I was the Lion. But yeah, the team was the Lions. That was the, get an actual Lion.

There's different fact that we've lost three of our starters. This Lion is hungry. There's a locker room in We've lost three of our starters. His lion is hungry. There's a locker room. Whose idea was this? Can you get a kid in the costume for God's sake? Okay. All right. Then you go to school. Where'd you go to college? I went to Heartwick College, which is in O'Neill, New. It's like, it's right across from the SUNY ony on to school. Okay. Which I was there for about a year and a half before I stopped.

Finish up quick, huh? I was real go getter. I just dokey houses that shit. And the last half, I mean, I was there, but I wasn't in college in any sense. I stopped going to all of my classes. Nice. And I was just like riding it out. It's kind of like just, yeah, just there to drink and shit.

The only thing worse than, the only college kid worse than that kid is a kid who's not enrolled anymore, but still living on campus. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, I know there's always a few like that. It was a cool, I kind of, like I had fun. I think I had a good amount of fun my first semester there. And then it was like winter hit and only on to winter is like probably brutal. Oh, it's horrible, dude. I've seen the 80s and 90s.

Yeah, well this is this is comfort of this global warming back before coats. I'm sorry if you kids have this like two thousand eighties. that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that?

I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that?

I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I'm like, how is that? I just like horribly depressing winters and I really hated it. I just missed the city.

So what was the big thought you're like, I'm gonna drop out. I'm gonna go do what? Like what were you going to what was the paper was? How did you sell to your mom? Like I'm dropping out of college. Oh no, that didn't sell it. You just did it. Yeah, I didn't have a plan or anything.

I was like, I can't be here anymore. So I just, I just left. You did. And you go back to her apartment, did you get an apartment in the city by yourself and start work? I got, I went back to her apartment for a little bit, and then I got, you got a place. So you never went back to school?

No. Real? No, I don't know. I'm a real big school. College draw bad. Catch it. Smartest guy I know. Literally.

Well, I uh, I, I, none, I didn't learn anything from school. I mean, I, I suppose like, I learned things like when I was a little kid in school, and I learned like a few random things that I know in school, but nothing that I know about comes from school. It's all like from fucking learning shit after.

Yeah. So what was the job that you got when you went back where you like, I'm gonna go start waiting tables or. So this is, so this is how I meet Louis J. Gomez. Oh, he started borrowing. And this is how so this is so this is how I meet Lewis Jay Gomez. Oh he started. Bar is this how yeah and there's how I got in a comedy. No actually I knew Lewis had been dating a friend of my sisters. What man that can't get around. Yeah. He's all right. He's been closing plus for decades. Yeah we only found this out when we were mapping HPV and and we realized it, went back to, we're like, okay, well, you go to the source,

which is Lewis J. Gomez. And we get a call on Dave from the boys in the lab. Yeah, what's up, doggies? So he, Shout out to LGG. So, yeah, so he was doing this, he was working for this company called New Genesis, and they were selling tickets for the comic strip. And so I went there, I interviewed for the job at the comic strip.

Had you thought about being a comic at this point? No, never. You were just looking for a job. I was a huge fan of stand-up comedy as a kid. Like I was, it was like anything that was stand-up, I would, anytime it was was, it was like anything that was stand-up, I would, anytime it was on comedy central, I'd always watch it. Anytime there was a DVD, not DVD, I guess VHS,

I'd rent it from Blockbuster or whatever. So it's a huge fan of stand-up comedy, but I didn't even know it was like a thing. Like whenever you've got the job, you're like a comedy club, like there's just a comedy club around and there's like, and so that was my first introduction to like, oh just like regular, like people do this.

You can go do it on a Tuesday night. And then it's not celebrities. It's not like Eddie Murphy and Jerry Seinfeld do this. Like, you know, there's just like this guy. And so I interview for the, when I say interview for the job, they give the job to everyone. There's no interview process.

Like do you have, do you have two legs? Yeah, all right. You can make this work. And so I started doing that. And it was, it was actually at the time, the time it was a really fun job. It was like a summer job. I was over in Times Square, handing out,

doing tickets, we go all over the city. And you were selling the tickets. Not just like handing them out, like you had to get someone to give you money. But it was all like young people who were doing it. They were all like around my age, like college kids. And it was like, so that kind of like became our crew. And we'd all like get drunk and high together and party.

And then, and you actually make like, for at the time, it's like great money. We're making like, you know, like if you did good, you could make like a couple hundred bucks a day. If you had a bad day, you make like 50, 60 bucks or something, but it was still like kind of like, oh, whatever. This is fucking cash in my pocket. And you're doing that, what?

Five days a week? Yeah, I would do it seven days a week sometimes. It's just a pen. They go out every day. So you could go. So you could go, you could go however much you wanted to. So it don't, it usually would be like, oh, if you made enough money for the week, maybe I'd take a day or two off.

Yeah. And I just, I got along, I, with a lot of the people and shit there. And then Lewis left and started his own company doing it. Classic Oman. Well, now if you could imagine too, Lewis, like, part-daw. Lewis was the best at that. He was, I can see that.

He was like, you were just like, he's a closeer. Yes. He's a closeer. He was in all of him. Like I was pretty good at it, but nothing like Lewis. Like if you could just imagine the magic

of like 22 year old Lewis charming up someone on the street, like he was hilarious with it. It was so funny to like watch himself people. And he was just great. So then he was like the best at the company. So then he started his own company. Then me and him were already good enough friends

at the time when I was like, well, I'm gonna go do it. And basically that's been my life story ever since. That's crazy. Because Lewis is like, oh, we're doing this. And I'm like, you're doing that, but I guess I'll go do it too. The whole time, he's just like, we're doing stand up now. And I was like, all right, I guess we are.

And he's like, now we're podcasting. I'm like, all right. He's like, now I'm starting a podcast network. And you're like, well, I've got a street going for 15 years here. So I guess I'm gonna go do a 10 already. He's like, I'm baby. But it is credit, all kind of a 100%.

100% holy shit. And that's fucking wild. Damn. And it's all right. All righty. Any injuries as a kid? No, nothing like major. Nothing crazy.

No, no, I never like broke bones or anything like that. Never got hit by a city bus or anything like that. Never got hit by a city bus. I did, I wasn't like hurt too bad, but one time we, me and my, what, I guess we call now X step brother, so my step father's kid. He used to, my step father was real trash.

And he was like, he was like a drunk and like, just like a real white trash. Wait, the guy who your mom eventually settled with. Yes, okay. Oh, they're divorced now. They're divorced now. They're divorced now. But he was like a real, and he used to, he was drunk, you know?

And so he used to, he would let us play in his car, but like we'd be in the front seat. Like we'd be like in, sometimes I'd be like in the driver's seat and said, so we'd just be like playing like, pretending we're in the car. But he'd leave. And like we'd just be in the car there. And so one day me and I was in the passenger seat

and my step brother at the time, he was in the driver's seat. And I guess one of us, I don't know who did it, but we were like, the block was kind of like on a slope. And there was like a lot of space between us in the next parked car. And one of us hit the- Ebracier out of the park.

Jesus. And so the car just started moving. And we're like playing this game, and then all of a sudden the car starts rolling, and we freaked out. And I jumped out. The passenger said, I mean, you know, we're going five miles an hour or something.

But I jumped out the passenger's side, and I scraped up like the whole side of my body and shit and I At the time I thought the car was gonna run over me because I thought I had fallen underneath I started like freaking out like hysterically crying. I was like six years old Yeah, and then my mom ran out and saw me and then she started hysterically crying because she thought like I ran over me or something and then then I remember when she started crying, I just completely stopped crying and looked at her and I was like, what are you crying about?

So that's serious, like, is it? Yeah, and then I kind of realized when I did it, I was like, oh, I guess I'm okay. I guess I got a little theatrical with that. Yeah. But no, no bad injuries. Oh. Well, you guys practicing Judaism as a kid.

Now, no, no. No bar mitzvah. I was bar mitzvah, but it was like other than it was just like Why why Jewish I can say it that is true. I guess you can say my dad Very devalue No, but we did it it was kind of like you got to do the bar mitzvah thing Yeah, what you get do you remember?

I don't remember that's a big top. A couple grand couple grand. A couple grand. Look at you. That's all right. Not bad. Yeah, but you don't have anybody who's like your grandparents gave you like 15 grand.

No, I didn't have that. I didn't have that. Did you go to any wild ones when you were a kid? Like friends and a little bit of cash. A couple. I went to a couple that were. Yeah, they were insane. Mine was like nothing like that.

My bar mitzvah was at the temple. And the party was at the room that they had there. Yeah, but they would just give you because you got bar mitzvah. But I went to a couple of kids who had like, yeah, like, you know, like dance teams. You should look at. Yeah, that were pretty nuts.

We saved the balance. I buddies at 20, 30 grand, 40 grand. Parents are giving me like a grand cash. Nothing like that. I remember you were like 12 or 13, I'm being like, wow, I couldn't even wrap my head around 10 grand. What was the, would you do any city kid things? Would you go like run down the subway tracks?

Or anything like that? I've walked on the subway tracks before. We were big, when we were teenagers, it was a prospect park was our big hangout. Like that's where we went to smoke weed and drink and prospect. Was that like a CD park at the time? Was it like how I would picture a New York park?

It was a back in the day. Like I mean, it was a beautiful park, but like yeah, you could get jumped in the park. Yeah, you'd have to be worried about that. That was a big fear, like as a kid was like, you get jumped. That was like a real thing. Yeah, there was like a real thing that happened a lot. And I got jumped a few times.

I was gonna say, we have to take your sneakers or anything like that. Never took my sneakers, took my wallet, took money several times. I feel like a few guns pulled on me. Jesus. Yeah, there was a... To go on skates, it grew up born and raised in Brooklyn It has to be a very unique experience. No, no, that didn't happen. No one went like completely everybody got beat up or at least mugged at some point or something sure. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, a few times. I'm like four or five times. I got mugged.

And I think three times someone pulled a gun on me. Jesus. Uh, you're sneaking the Yankee Stadium or Shay Stadium or the garden or anything like that. No, I went to all of them, but I would, I, we'd get like, uh, you know, like nose bleeds or bleach or tickets or something like that, never snuck in smoked weed in the old Shay Stadium. Okay. A few times. That was cool. But never snuck in. I paid my way. I paid it.

I did. We did use to run on taxi cabs. Really? That was a regular thing. What age we talking? 17, 16, something like that. It was not cool. Sure.

I feel bad about it in hindsight. But we used to do, when we started like- That was a little bit of the culture back then, just to be fair. It was not cool. Sure. I feel bad about it in hindsight, but we used to do when we started like that was a little bit of the culture back then just to be fair It was these cabs should have been allowed to not take us but for sure you so went we we got fake IDs like around time We're like 1617 and then we used to come in them and hat and then try to like go to bars and shit and And big dreams everybody had that good ideas were going to go down pan there was no better city kids city kids are something

else you get them in the uh... in the west village they got spots where you go get these like fake IDs and back then they would kind of work like it wasn't like there's all for their digitile yes for there was any it if there wasn't being

scanned or anything like that is just some dude you showed it to him any looked at it and most of the times the dudes back then, they were kind of like, I think the pressure was like, well, just let him in, we want their money, you know what I mean? So we'd go, we'd get drunk in the city

and then we'd take a cab back to Brooklyn and we'd have them drop us right in front of Prospect Park. And then the move is there'd be like, you know, five of us in the cab or whatever. And what you do is, yeah, you all just as soon as you get there, you all jet out and you leave the doors open. You leave every door open and then you run into prospect part. And so you're just off into the night, you're teenagers.

You know, you can run for years. Like, no, there's so much chasing you too. No one's gonna car run and... Yes, it's gonna be a lot of fun. Does he wanna leave his car running with all of the doors open to go chase these scattered teenagers into the car. And every single time except one, the answer was no. You didn't want to do that. But one time we found the wrong.

Fuck the wrong day. And this motherfucker was in full like sheet guard. Like he was real. And he was old. I mean, you know what I say to us at the time old You know 40 right? But he put up such a chase And I was like I mean I was pretty fast when I was a teenager like and I was running as fast as I could through these like woods that I knew pretty well And I remember like I, he was right behind it. And he was screaming the whole thing,

he was so angry, he was like, I fuck you motherfucker, I fuck you. And I remember long dead. I'm nervous now, man. Dude, I was fucking shook. I did not want to get caught by this dude. But I remember looking down and I had boots on and they were like untied, like Timberland boots

that were like untied. And I was sprinting in them and I was like, and they were like untied, like Timberland boots that were like untied. And I was sprinting in them and I was like, and I did eventually he just gave up. And then I was like, oh dude, that guy caught me. But I did feel, and in hindsight, that's one of the things I feel really shitty. Yeah, it's like a horrible thing to do. Everybody has that shit, you look back on you.

Like what the fuck was I thinking at 17, 18, 20, whatever, mid-twenties you're like, now that you have perspective in your older, like what a fucking dick move I had a little bit of a victory for him though. He did put the fear in tears. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Oh, he scared me. He's telling the story like I scared yeah, I scared this fucking lanky white kid Yeah, I made him see Jesus He was shoes tied. He believed I was about to fucking

Okay, all right, huh. Let's talk about now a little bit. Sure. You got the house. You got a. Okay. All right. Let's talk about now a little bit. Sure. You got the house in Jersey, nice house. Beautiful family. Beautiful family. That is true. That is true. You got a yard?

You got a yard at the house? Yeah. It's a single family home, right? Yeah. Yeah, but it's a big house. It's on a big property. Did you build this house? No, I did not.

No, not you yourself. Was it new construction? Oh, no, it was a, no, no, no, no, no. It was a previously owned. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. Three car garage.

Woo! Yeah, I've come up in the world. Not part of the problem anymore, huh Dave Smith? I'm getting a lot of sides these days. A lot of them. Onion rings and mage. Okay, you got a refrigerator of the garage?

I have a mini fridge in the garage. What's in that fridge? I think just waters. Okay. Right now, I think it's just like a fridge of waters. Because I record, I built like a studio in one of the three car garage. Oh, it's out there. I converted it into like a room.

And so I just, I got a mini fridge down there in case, you know, there's some very nice. How big is it back yard? We talking an acre, half an acre, like an acre and a half. Okay. That's a, it's an acre. I think it's 1.8 something for the entire property,

but there's like woods attached to that too. So I don't know exactly just like the yard area I don't know. Did you throw a pool back there? Is there a pool? No, there was no pool and I was I was glad I didn't want the pool Okay, there's just too much of a pain in the ass. It's like I I got I'll end up hiring someone to take care of it So it's just another bill and I got little kids. I got like babies sure I just get freaked out sure about pools maybe down the road, but not now. Yes What up? Who's cutting the grass? No, I got like babies. Sure, I just get freaked out. Sure, I got pools. Maybe down the road, but not now. Yes, possibly. Who's cutting the grass?

No, I hire a landscaping company. Gotcha. They come like once a week. OK, once a week. Well, they were just coming once a month at first. I'm like a city kid, so I'm figuring all this shit out. Once a month, first, once a month, way too long. Yeah, I thought that would be fine.

Every two weeks is what the dirt bags would do. Yes, I went once a month at first a month, once a month way too long. Yeah, I thought that would be fine. Every two weeks is what the dirt bags would do. Yes, I went once a month, that first one, I was like, that's more, how often do you need a moa long? I figured out, I figured out pretty quickly. At 10 days, you're like, I gotta fucking get these back. Yeah, this is really a problem. A month and then, I mean, mosquitoes everywhere.

I also didn't, I didn't, there's a lot of things I didn't know about. Like, I didn't know about like, dandelions or real fucking guns. Those things really just take over. And then there was like this one period where like, it's like where I live is like a real nice street. Like all the houses are real nice.

And all the sun, there's just dandelions everywhere. Like my entire yard and only my yard. Like everyone else's yard has none of them. And I'm like, they're doing something. I guess there's a thing you got there. That's a treatment they're good. There's a thing, and then yeah, I figured out. Yeah, there's like a treatment you have to get.

So it's like, I was like, I figured out, we need them to come every week, and then we need them to just like, do whatever the thing is that needs to be done, because I don't know. It's like the herpes of the suburbs. Yeah, well, and it's like, there's all these things that you just don't know.

Like, I knew, I always knew about cutting grass. Like, I was aware that people had lawnmowers and that grass gets tall and then you cut it. But then all of a sudden you start seeing like little like, you know, brown patches and I'm like, where's the grass there? They're like, oh, you have to lay down grass seed. And I'm like, I, that's news to me. Yeah. I just thought it was like it. And the neighbors, the other neighbors don't like when there's Danny L me. Yeah. I just thought it was like a road. And the neighbors, your neighbors don't like when there's Danny Limes in just your yard and the grass is all fucked up.

No one never said nothing, but I do feel like I bet he's on that, are you garbage progress? City slickers move in. Huh. Okay. What's a vacation for you guys look like now? Where have you gone? We last year we went to what's it called?

Goddamn, I'm bringing out something. Ocean City, Maryland. No, it's like a nice town that's down in the Jersey Shore area. Avalancie. Kate May. Wild Woods. Don't harbor. Long Beach Island.

Madisquan. LBI. I'll remember it in a second. Detroit. The Bermuda Triangle. Is it something springs? Oh, spring valley, spring lake. Is it spring lake?

Spring lake, yes. It is. Okay. Near Long Beach Island or near Long Branch. Yes. Yes, I think that's right. I think that's right. Okay.

So we went there last year and then this year, we're doing like another nice little town around there. I don't wanna say it now. No, I'm gonna be there this summer. Of course not. It's not a crazy fan to come out there. They'll be there all day. Hey man, we've been waiting for you

since the podcast came out. So you're doing sure of vacations? Yeah, but also just, like I would do something a little bit further against just like my youngest is one So traveling far is kind of a pain in the hands. There's knee trip in your near future Yeah, I know I'll set my four-year-olds already Bust me about it, okay, but I'll wait I'll give him another couple years I think maybe when in like two years or something like that right go

Right, and then it's like a you know like her mom Is like well, I want to come to when you go of course then like if her mom comes that got to bring my mom of course I can't just wrap up already 30 person her dad's gonna yeah it's like so I it's gonna cost me $200,000 basically to go to Disney World so it's like give me a couple years to do some more we do some more road dates before we do this oh you can get down there and pull your dad to move. So you're not scoring here.

You're not paying for it. It's goddamn mouse grab my hands. I just really, there's one person I could bring when I saw this all over. I'll clock that bill in a hand. You guys know first off, let's talk sides. What are you guys doing? Yeah.

How many suits do you own and do you know how to tie a tie? I can tie a tie. I'm almost certainly not going to have it the right length on the first tie. Sure. There's going to be several ties before I figure out exactly how this works together. I think I have two suits. Okay. Name brand, anything special? I think it's a Brooks Brothers suit.

I don't remember what the other one was, but that a recent you know what was that for the libertarian party convention I think is what I bought it for I believe that's I don't think I ended up wearing it there but I bought it for Convention, okay, cuz I was like I was introducing Ron Paul, okay, and I was like that guy's my hero So I got a big shot. But I think I ended up going with just like a shirt and tie and not the suit. Brooks Brothers.

Very, very fancy. That's a couple of bucks right there. Well, you know, we've all come up a little bit next year. Sure. We're all making a couple bucks, you know? Yeah, I thought of this. How many bathing suits do you own? I think I only, I think I have two.

Two? Maybe only, yeah, two is respectable. I think two just one is trashy That's all right. I think I got one I got one for sure. Yeah, it's a you lost yours short it I had at a certain point I think it might have been two years ago like during the summer We were going somewhere where we were gonna go to the beach and I really didn't have any yeah, I was like oh Swimming in like in one basketball shorts, and then. Yeah, and then would you be okay with that? Yeah, I've said yeah, you gotta do it. Yeah, he doesn't I'd be fine, but then my wife went and bought me a bathing suit, but she bought two

she was like smart you two She's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's broke, she's Yeah, that's good. If I can't sell you on marriage with anything else That's about this. Yeah. Where did you learn to swim growing up in the city? Great question. My East River. Well, it's summer camp. He used to go to like a summer camp and they'd always have like a city summer camp. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sesame Street. I went to a YMCA summer camp. One year. That was real garbage. It was a real garbage summer camp But even they had a pool in the Y and they'd teach you know you do like an instructional swim I learned in a YMCA as well. Yeah, yeah, how rough How old were you when you first time you went on an airplane? First time I went I think I think going in Disneyland. I think or Disney World

I think we went when I was like Three okay, I'm free. Oh, back. Yeah, they did take yeah, they took it back when they were married the whole I think we all went okay, I'm pretty sure that was the first time what did you get your passport? Oh, I remember I got a I Think it was I went after I graduated high school I went to Amsterdam with me and a bunch of friends of ours We saved up money to go literally just fucking just the trashiest Fuck it. We know it we there, you know as we went there and I think I got my passport for that

Okay, so like respectable all right. Do you know how to ride a bike? Yeah, that was big in Brooklyn when I was a kid. Oh fuck that was no A lot of city kids don't man. Oh, no, no, here really huge. That was our whole thing like when I was like 7 8 9 And it was like bikes were yeah, that was our whole world. That was riding bikes. Yeah What They just making shit out now up now and Sultanate. A buy sickle. So two wheels you're telling me?

Let's cruise into the bathroom of the new place. You got his and her sinks? His and her sinks. Okay. In the master bathroom. And his and her sinks in the kids' bathroom. Which seems like a nice one. How many bathrooms is this joint got Dave?

There are four bathrooms. What? Three are four bathrooms What three and a half that's really half where's the third where's the third full bathroom on the bottom floor So it's like the house is um It's like a it's like a half basement type deal. You know what I mean? We're cuz like it's kind of on a hill right? So it's a on in the back of the house It just enters like the ground floor. Okay, in the front of the house It's underground gotcha. Okay, so and down there. There's a full there's a full bathroom. Okay, then on the main floor There's a half bathroom and then there's two upstairs. Hold on. It sounds like a nice giant is your kitchen on the ground floor? Yes, okay, that's all I was concerned with

Sometimes now we can continue sometimes they're on the second floor. And you're like, wait, what the fuck? Yeah, there are places that are weirdly designed like that. You take your shoes off at the house. Yeah. You go in. That's my wife's thing. I get it. And that way, since we are, since we are dating, since we were living in a parking lot, right? Italian brought a Italian. They take their shoes off. Thank you. Big and nice. She's real big on a. I remember when we first moved in together.

So before we married, our kids are anything like that. And I was one of the first times like we just got our first place together. And one of the first days I just like went over to the bed and I sat down on the bed. And she would back then like now she would just let me have it back then. She was like trying to be all like, I've never I've never met you. But she was like, do you think maybe we I've never, I'm never mad at you. But she was like, do you think maybe we could not have you sit on the bed in the jeans

that you were just on the subway in? Or is that like, I was like, I know, I never really thought about that before. I get where you're coming from. Like there's an argument to be there. The homeless guy is just being right there. You sat in it. Yeah, it's, I was like, okay.

But yeah, she was big on no shoes. It's hardcore, but that's how you want run on the ship. Yes That's exactly what I imagine she keeps it pretty tight She's she keeps it very tight All types of ways She's no she's very clean and which is good because I'm like a slob Sure nature, so it's good that she's clean In the bathroom again is the tub and the shower separate?

Yes, but we took out the tub. You did, the jacuzzi tub. Yeah, it was like a big, nice tub, but it just, and it was beautiful and it kind of looked like a nice piece for her thing, but she wanted to build like a vanity thing. And it was like, no, we're never gonna use this. I haven't taken a bath since since I started taking showers. I haven't taken a bath in a long time.

A big bath guy. Yeah, I just don't. So we got rid of that. Huh. But then in the kids room, it's like a shower bath tub or on. Sure, sure. Oh, construction after they moved in, that's pretty clear. Fixing a couple of things there.

What kind of soap you banging with? You doing bar, you doing body scrub, you got a lufa, what's giving me to run them? My wife has completely different products than me. I don't know what the hell she is. Sure. But I stick with a bar soap. Well, brand we talked about.

I'm doing dov now. I was Irish for years. The nice bar, yeah. For years, until I finally, I hit an age where just every winter, I would start having crazy dry skin. I mean like itchy all on my sides in the back of my arms and shit. Irish spring.

I don't do that to you. Yeah, I was spring as well. I thought they invented it for me. Yeah, it was rough. But that's what I used to rock with all the time. But so then there's that, now I do the dove. It's got a little bit of moisture.

It tells you that right on the on the box Yeah, I'm a bar soap guy. I'm not like a cloth body wash. I could make a straight bar to buy skin bar to skin How often you wash the hair Every time I shower every time you shower I always watch my and maybe occasionally miss it, but pretty much every every day. Okay, you brushing your teeth in the shower No, you pee in there. No, really I know I said that like I was disappointed Maybe I occasionally miss it, but pretty much every day. Okay. You brushing your teeth in the shower? No. You peeing in there? No.

Really? I know I said that like I was disappointed, but I just don't, I never do. Really? I brush your teeth in the shower, you don't pee in the shower. No. That's a first to the wall. Really?

I don't have ever heard anybody say they don't pee in the shower. I just, I never do. What, it doesn't, I feel like it makes me pee. Like the temperature changes. I think I almost always piss before I take a shower Hmm I usually shit before I shower. Yeah, okay. I always try to time that you know What I mean to be like that you take shit and then jump right in the shower Be a white before you get in the shower. Yeah. Yeah. I'll do a first round

Yeah, I'll wipe each a present. You got a tape He can't be doing no white fucking dump and jumps He don't have my vote Let me grab another one of these Don't be silly Yeah, of course a gentleman of hisature, fucking one. I don't know! Oh, it's right on the side of the, it's right on the side right there. Should be on a magnet?

Oh, there should be one there too, maybe? Or on the side of the fridge, there's a magnet right there. We should just always leave that there, because we can never find it. Are you flossing every day? No. Okay. My dentist wants me to they all you to dentist regularly I have been since since I moved out since we got this place I I found a dentist up there and

With a lot of pressure from my wife. I have gone and I'm almost done. That's good I have fuck I don't want to share. Oh, yeah, some stuff done. Some cavities. Yeah, yeah. Jammed up, huh? Yeah, I've always had bad teeth. Now, with that, um, with that dove soap, is that something you'll go pick up and purchase? Or does she handle that stuff? Yeah, no, she does everything.

That's awesome. Yeah, I was like, I wouldn't have even known that inflation was a thing if she didn't tell me about it. I'm sorry. Baddies prices are out of control. Yeah, what you will be, you're like, do you know these strawberries used to be $2? And they're like $12 now? I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, I, what you will be. You know, these strawberries used to be $2 and they're like $12 now. I'm like, I don't know.

Yeah, I didn't know anything. I didn't know what they used to be. I don't know, we had strawberries. What kind of car are you whipping around in? Bewick enclave. Gentlemen. But I don't drive. No.

I've never had a license. I'm gonna get one. That's the question, they don't have a license. What? Never had a driver's license you're rat in the burbs I can't see his driving she well I Uber where I need a fucking Uber and then She we got a family car she does the driving that's crazy. Yeah, I know I'm not I'm starting to get insecure about it City want city life. I mean, it just seems like a hindrance on you it is and to live in the bird

You know, it's just a it's a Smith is a boss It's just having the time to go like do the lessons and do the permit and do the whole fucking thing as I keep procrastinating it But I do have to yeah, you know when the kids get older well, yeah, yeah, you can just get a job I'm off here. I'm taking an Uber to school. I see you later, have a good day. So you took an Uber in here? No, I Ubered to a train station. Oh, okay. And then I took a train. I could I Uber home every Monday night?

So I try not to Uber both. You Uber all the way. Yeah, it's a ball the way. I heard you talk about that somewhere and I was like, that is a ball smooth. What? He takes an Uber home straight away. Well, what else am I gonna fucking do?

Well, of course. I respect it. What are you gonna get out of Legion of Skanks at midnight and then I'm gonna go up to Penn Station and kill 45 minutes and wait for a train out. Yeah, I'm just gonna Uber home. Sure, you're not knows. And the Uber driver is always really thrilled

or really pissed off. I know, depending on what their plan was. They could hate it. Yeah, either, or they're like this is the best. Thank you, or they're like, God, I hate this guy. Yeah, I had one guy got in the car and we had to go all the way up to he was so mad. He was like, he lived in deep Brooklyn.

I had to go all the way up down to the heights and it was like 4 a.m. He wanted, he thought I was like, I'm just gonna pick up this drunk guy, he probably lives in Brooklyn. And I'll tell drop him off on my way home. But it's also, it seems to me, the system is all fucked up

because it doesn't, from what I understand, it doesn't show it to them. No, no. The location. Which is why can't that you just let them pick if they want to go there. Because then nobody would use the service because people would just be getting turned down all the time. I mean, I think people still would use the service. They just don't want that. They don't want that. That's just more time on the app more blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I see that, but you're a% right, because you know what they do? They'll park close enough to you

where they can look at it. And then if they don't like it, they'll cancel on you. Yeah, I've had that. Or like they'll be like a minute away for 20 minutes. Well, I've had it happen. Just because it's not, it's never like that long, so it just doesn't bother me. But I've had it where like they call me

and they're like, hey, where are you going? And I'll tell them where I'm going. And then they're like, hey, I just, I really don't want to go there. When you're going home. Yeah, like, no problem. They'll see like, hey, where are you going? And I'll tell them where I'm going, and then they're like, hey, I just, I really don't wanna go there. I'm like, you're going home. Yeah, like, no problem. So, like, hey, it's gonna be X amount. Just go, okay, this guy's going far.

Right, so is it worth it? So, I have no problem with that, and then it's like, okay, I'll call us and then like two minutes later, so no one is going to be able to, so it's like, I don't wanna, like, jammy up. Yeah.

Someone pissed off, and then I, someone wanted to go home in 20 minutes or whatever. Well, I do think now they have, I'm going home,, like my last, this will be my last ride to get them closer. Like, that's good. That'll take it in the direction, I think. Huh.

You sending any Venmo requests? No, no. I don't think I've ever sent a Venmo request. I don't actually, I don't have a Venmo. Does I have a license for it? I don't, I have PayPal, and I have what's the other, what's the, cash app? No, it's the one that like works with Zeal,

Zeal, Zeal, Zeal. I have that, but my wife has a Venmo. A few times people have been like, oh, can I Venmo you and I'll just give them her. Shitly. Yeah, send it to her. But no, I've never requested a Venmo. Okay. What do you, so would ease of a state ID?

Yeah, so you're rocking with I got a New York Non-drivers I day I still I still haven't changed it to Jersey. Well, it's only been three years Man, that's a really gonna hang over to score. I got to be honest with you He was pretty he was kind of a whole class. A whole close brilliant mind, successful. Don't drive. He's got the missing, I'm not driving a Buick around. Hey, fucking rolls the rooster, guy.

Yeah, this is all like how you want to interpret it. I know what I mean. Like he does ride in the back seat though. I clearly come from pretty garbage origins. Oh, no, that's, yeah. But you also, you know, called your way out of it. You got a nice three car garage house.

You have a fucking three and a half bathrooms. You read a lot, I assume. I read a good amount. Yeah. Okay, when you guys go to bed at night, is there a TV in the bedroom? There is a TV in the bedroom. Do you watch TV when you go to bed?

Sometimes. Do you leave it on as you guys fall asleep? No. Get goes off. It goes off. I can't sleep. Any lights on when you guys fall asleep? No. Get goes off. It goes off. I can't sleep. Any lights on when you guys go to bed? There's like night lights in the hallway.

Okay. Plug in things because for the kids and stuff. And we're rocking a king. I assume king mattress. California. California king. Yeah. How many pillows you're using to sleep?

I'm sure she's got. She's got a ton of pillows on there, but I use two pillows to sleep. Behind your head? One behind my head and one arm over. Yeah, hug and a hug one. I love to hug a pillow to sleep. Are you facing out or are you facing in?

All over the place. All over the place. Sealing fan in the room? Yes. Is that going? Most of the time. Okay. Okay, but usually.

Centriolar in the house, how you say so. Yes. Good man. Good man. It's not a fucking asshole. This really does feel, man, this show really makes you feel like at the end, you're like, do I get the job or not?

Like, what did I, you just tell me? Are you gonna call me? Well, we're gonna make our decision next week, Dave. We'll let you know. All right, all right. The adansant weddings. Fast dance. We go out and mix it up, a little electric slide dance. And not that I wouldn't. Not that I wouldn't. But if like if the wife doesn't want to, I'm fine with that. Sure.

I've I've reluctant. But if if she wanted to, then I'll go down. Sure. Well, it's last but haven't been having been to a lot of weddings.. I mean, I've been I think the I think sales was the last that I went to. Okay. I don't know. Gary Veters. That's a wild girl. I don't know. Yeah. What would you what would you drop an envelope for? What do you? Yeah. What do you give a guy like sell? How far? No, we got something., you can't give money You know now sell money can change a male I gotta let you know What about the V-ster do you remember that we You dropped out of here. I don't even remember. That was a long time ago. I was pretty broke at that point.

A guy who might have been like, here is half a 20 bag of weed. That's what I have. We can smoke later. This is good. Now, if you're gonna grab this thing open. If you plant these seeds in some water, next spring you're gonna have a hell of a stash. If you go to a restaurant where you ask for a different table if you don't like it, they said I don't think I've ever done that.

I don't think I've ever asked to switch to switch to it. Well you send food back if you're like, hey this isn't right. It would have to be a dream. Yeah it would have to be a gregis for me to send. All right answer. The bottle of sparkling bottle of stiller tap. I'll do a bottle of still. You will.

Yeah. Yeah. Fucking clancy guy. It's from talking. That's even clasped real in the sparkling. I know. Okay. Hmm.

What's the split and check situation? Let's say, with like you, the Mrs. Lewis and maybe his lady go out to dinner or something like that. There's been those situations. It would always be a situation like that. A close friend. But like at this point, look, before when I wasn't making any miles, of course, of course, of course, of course. Then it's just always like you split checks and things like that.

But since then, if me and Lewis and our girls go out, either me or Lewis will pick it up. It'll be like, depending on who gets their first, it'll be like, I on who gets there first, it'll be like, I got this one. And then it'll just be one person pays for it. There's no splitting. Okay, good.

And then I feel like in general, going out with like other people, it almost always ends up being the most successful person there. It's just like, I'm picking up the check. I mean, that's good circle you're right. Well, it just doesn't seem like, I mean, I don't know, that just seems like the way it should be. You're not wrong.

100% classy answer right there. You have a go-to karaoke song. Now, I'm not a big karaoke guy. I don't have any go-to song. Man, look at you. Ever worn Jankos. Yes, I have worn Jankos. We're gonna miss.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. I'm not gonna lie. Okay. Huh. Chain wallet? Never a chain wallet. No. Okay.

What kind of snacks we looking at at the house? What's in the pantry? In the pantry. Dinner's over. You're watching a little something on TV. The kids are up in bed. What's Dave Smith's not going to do? Obviously, I have a lot of kid snacks and a shit,

but I'm not like, I don't eat that. You're not dipping in anything. Very, very rarely, you know. Like, and usually that'll be like, if they just like left it out and didn't finish it, it's just out, sometimes just there, and you're like, all right, good. Well, you said the oldest is four.

Yeah. Wait till, you know, a couple of years, they start being gushers and yeah, no, they're not on any of that. It's like cheddar bunnies and shit. And it's my wife gets them all the like organic versions of this. No, I've had some, some like over cheddar bunnies. But it's kind of like you're about to throw them out. Yeah, Annie's that you're about to throw them out. Yeah. I'm like, all right, let me just have a screw for them. They're not bad. Like that. What? What are you like, man?

Sourdough pretzels, the big thick, the big thick sourdough. The hard ones, yes, the whole pretzels. Yes, love those, love them. How are the Snyders? I will still occasionally, not like regularly, but I will still just get like a bag of like Lays potato chips. Just have like a big L lays potato chips in the house.

And they're just like, I mean, the grease on your hands when you eat them, like you just feel it come off. It's so good, but it's so good. They're so good. And it feels like unnatural grease too for some reason. Yes, it's like they added, like we had it. They put something in there. There's no need for it to be here.

And what do you have, would you have a diacote with that? Would you have a bottle of water? I'll have a coke. No, no, no, no. Coke school OG coke. Really? I keep the, um, the little cans. What are the little airplane, John's.

Yeah, they're like not, what, 12 hours? I know you're talking about seven or something. Yeah, something like that. Little bangers. But the little bangers, because you kind of, you know, you don't need like a full coke. Takes the whole like two hours. It's, it's great.

It's great. I have, I have way too much of those. Okay. Way too many of them. What's the booze-sitch at the house? Full bar? We got a full bar. Yeah, yeah.

I have a full bar. I'm a, I like having, like I'm not very, I really just drink beer and whiskey, but I like having a full bar. You know, if anyone comes over, I want to make it. Well, I want to make you your dream. If you come to my house,

whatever, if you two guys come over to my house this week, whatever your drink is, I want you to have. I don't want you to be like, you know. That's really good. This is what we have here, you know? I hope you're like, white Russians. Yeah. On that note, Kevin and I come over to the house tonight.

We asked for a glass of water, are you off for a glass of water? What are you giving us? What are we getting? We getting a bottle, we getting a bottle. Well, I have some bottled waters. I got like a big case of pulling springs in the garage, but I probably give you,

I got like a filtered, it's the reverse osmosis thing off the side of the sink. You do. Yeah. My father-in-law put me onto that. He had it in his house and he was like, this is what you got to do. No kidding.

Yeah. You buy it and then you just got to replace the filters I think like every year or something like that. We're a virgin. But it's good. It's nice. It's nice to have it right there. They say that's really, really good for you, too.

It's like the most filtered, what? If you look like if you open the cabinet under my sink, there's like four fucking filters that it all goes through before it gets there. Yeah, it's nice. I got a good. That's real good. You ever skied in jeans?

I have never skied. Huh. That might be classy. New York head, yeah. That's a never a thing. I also just, I, I, not, I don't really like the winter. I don't really like to go to school because of it. Yeah. I got, I think I got bad circulation. Like my hands get numb very quickly.

Okay. I just don't have fun like being an idea of like skiing is just never appealed to me. Never ski, never snowboard. Would you see yourself retired and somewhere warmer like maybe Florida or something like that? Maybe, I don't know. Maybe. Somewhere a little lower taxes. Puerto Rico.

Austin. I do hate taxes. Just when we're getting ready to wrap up, I get them all around the fucking liberty. Now you know, the income tax was passed in 1914. Allegedly, might I add? What's your fast food? Will you have any?

I ate McDonald's a couple months ago, and dude, it fucked me up so badly. Like, I mean, I literally, I felt just the whole day, like from 20 minutes after I ate it for the rest of the day, I just felt like I got hit by a bus, but I probably will eat it again at some point. Like I just can't. I like some of those kind of like better fast, I mean like, you know, like that, I don't know, you can call shake shacks. Shake shacks, but that's like casual.

But it's like, it's just so good. That's casual. But it's like, it's just so good. That's delicious. But like a, Bal still, I still like that. I'm talking about guys in a mud, the Arby's, Wendy's. I like a Wendy's. I like a, what is it, the spicy chicken? Sandwich from Wendy's. I like that.

I love KFC. Really? Still love KFC. Okay. I don't need any of that a lot, but I still, it's, still my heart. When you guys eat at the house, do we sit around the table and eating

at the dining room, table or kitchen table? Yeah, all the time. Not every single time, but the general. Can you eat the living room? No, I don't think I've ever eaten. You have to eat in the bedroom. Could you bring your breakfast? I'll bring snacks in the room.

You'll bring your snacks in the bedroom. Oh yeah. It's kind of nuts to take a plate full of food like you know, I agree I was just saying I know them you said the Mrs. Runs of tight chip well, she's you know like she's a I run the ship Can't get even dry Leave you at the train station Your card real she's doing that thing where she keeps pulling away a little bit

Why do I joke about it with her that I was like I was like I was like you know I'm not cheating because I would need you to drive You drive me off a Becky's house. You drive me off a Becky's and don't ask any questions. Please Yeah, I struck out I might sleep in over come give me But yeah, I'll do snacks upstairs and shit I'll eat sometimes I'll eat in the kitchen, maybe not in like, go to the dining room, so that's right. Yeah, like covering it up.

Yeah, eat over the sink. Yeah, there's more like over the island kind of thing. Yeah. You travel a lot, obviously, a little bit about travel. And then I think I'm pretty good. You TSA pre-check or clear? No, neither. Oh, I still haven't done either of them.

I've resisted for years. I hate all on them having your idea of being extorted and then paying them more money to like not fucking go through their shits. He's a man. He's so for thing. I'm gonna fold on it. I also. Is that an anti-libertarian thing of like? No, no, there's no like correct lines. Wait, come on, what are we doing here, fellas? There's no correct libertarian answer to that. You know, it's like you're already in the situation, so you're gonna do what you're gonna do.

But no, it's pretty insane with the amount that I travel that I'm not either. Yeah, that's not. I mean, you're at hours, hours out of your life. Okay, you sitting in first class? Yeah. Pushing seatbelt. Put the seatbelt.

Not usually. I don't think I usually put the seatbelt back in front. I mean, if you're in first class when it's like the big planes, like if you're going at Cali, I'm laying. I think I'm completely down. But that's not like, usually I don't think I'll be going to it in the regular like seats. Taking the shoes off on a plane? No. Bringing food on the plane. Now, now, bringing food on the plane.

Grab a sandwich, bring it on. Now I'll eat, I'll eat before I get on the plane or I'll eat what they have. Okay, we use the button to call the attendant over. No, I always I haven't done that in like years. That's like what before when I was in the back of the plane, you know, because you're running

for that, but it also like you're in like the 40th row or something, you're like, I'm in I see this woman forever. But like when you're like in the back of the plane, I used to do that. You're running through that. But it also, you're in the 40th row or something, you're like, I may not see this woman forever, but when you're in the second row, it's like a concierge. She's like right there, it's like, hey, and they also, when you're in first class, they come to you a lot.

They're just much better. They're always the one who lap, yeah. You're bringing a book on the plane? I can't read on planes. Really? I'll bring a book on the road to read there, but I can't, the bumpiness, I can never read on cars and planes anything like that You're reading before you go to bed sometimes that I ask you that yes, I'm yeah sometimes not always sometimes

Sure, so there's a book next to your and your nightstand, you know There is one right now, but there's um, but sometimes I'll go down to like my office and like do if I have to do work there I'll do that. Oh, yeah, I got a goal. Let's yeah Well, it's just it's all pretty new to me. Hold on. Don't you have the office with all the books? Don't you have the thing? It was that's just a studio no no no that was this is but I think what you're thinking is before I bought the house This was the last house. I was renting right that was like where I recorded It's like okay, and we had to like, there was like bookshelves up there.

Yeah, okay. It was like the West Wing Library. Um, Mayo, Helmonds, Miracle Whip. I got, I got, what's Helmonds, what is it called? Yeah, I got, that's what I got in the house right now. Okay. My wife will get that like avocado mayo shit Because that's what she like that's classy bad the olive oil

But I don't I I don't like any of that shit. I'm like I also like yellow mustard. Okay. I still like the regular shit that I grew up on You grillin at a house you got a grill. Yeah, cook them up. Oh, yeah, I spent all yesterday grilling is it Built into a something to grill, or is it like a standalone grill? No, it's like a propane grill that I bought. And you were grilling all the yesterday, you had people over? My wife's parents and then her brother and their kids

all came over, so now I got that big of a group. What were you doing? Handbangers, hot dogs, ribs, where are you at? Did ribs, did ribs. Which the first time I never grilled ribs Mm-hmm, they came out really fucking good. Did you ribs? Some chicken and some sausage Okay, okay, how do you feel about the rotisserie chicken? I

Like I like a rotisserie chicken. I was we'll do that. We'll do that Then every now and then grab a rotisserie like a pre cook to or yeah Who's cutting the hair the wife? We'll do that, we'll do that every now and then grab a road to like a pre-cooked road to street. I love it. Who's cutting the hair? A wife. Reave. wife got started doing it in 2020 when the lockdown's really. And then she just, my wife was also, she was a makeup artist for years.

Okay. And she was like, so she's kind of like, she was an esthetician for a while. So it's kind of like up her alley, that type of thing. And then she just like watched a few YouTube videos on it And then she started cutting my hair and I actually I just at the time I liked it better than what my barber was doing Hmm, and then we I just never went back after that Well credit card you're rocking American Express man. I got an amax

Who's your who's your flight carrier? Who's your he fly with united? Cuz I'm just it's a Who's your flight carrier? Who's your... How you fly with? United. United. United. Because I'm just, it's a, I can, I fly at a new work. Right. It's a hub. Yeah, there's like all the United flights there.

So it's just like the most, every flight I'd always end up booking United. So then I was just like, all right, I'll be a member of that. How do you feel about the devil egg? I, I've traditionally really liked devil eggs. I had one recently and for whatever reason, it was, as I was eating it, I was like, this is the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten liked Devil Digs. I had one recently, and for whatever reason,

it was, as I was eating it, I was like, this is the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten. But my whole life, I've loved them. So I'm not, I don't know how to answer that question. I would say that's classy. I have to have another one to like figure out where I am. Like, with that, actually, I'm with it. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm, I, I am not, do you bite your nails or you clip your nails bite Human at the end of the day It's like makes a face then click some pen and write something. It's like your shrink writing shit about like what do you want was that bad or good? I don't know what to think you know the answer to that question Clip in your toenails? Clip in the toenails. Pights up.

No, right off. Any man he petdies, massages, you don't need like that? Nothing. Never done any of that shit in my life. He eat with a napkin tucked in your shirt? I do not know. Are you into cryptocurrency? I got a little bit of crypto.

Nothing crazy. I should be more into it because of the world, I'm in. But I own a little bit of Bitcoin, and then I'll lead a very little bit of like small random other investment. And you got a couple other investments at the, you got a little portfolio going? Not much.

Very little bit. So I was really just saving for the house for a while, so that was my money one. Hmm, I'm leaning. Clancy, he's not, it's not crazy. He obviously comes from a long lineage of dirt bags. There's no way around that. Sure.

He's done pretty well for himself. His wife keeps him in check. The licensed thing ain't great. But I don't even know if I can say, you can't say long listen to their bags. Mother's a learned person. Single mom worked her way. I've got her PhD started her own practice.

Thanks for making me feel bad. I was trying to fucking funny. And we got her right here. Come on in. You should have a bag. Jesus shit. Hey, look, you believe it. This guy Kevin said I'm

Um, is dad doing slip and falls sure you got your pop That I'll call it you'll call except that ain't great I Great the biggest things are the the license the license, but that's the only real drastic one Hey a lot of people to my licenses. Yeah, he doesn't have one either Oh, I appreciate that. Yeah, not when I take him on the road, I'm drunk, I need someone to drive. He's got the- He's the only sober guy in the car, he just drives. That's awful bringing someone on the road who doesn't drive.

Yeah, that's, yeah. And he doesn't drink, so it's like, what the fuck? He's your card. That's very true. He's got the book next to the bed, he's got the osmosis water. He's got the office. Puehwick, he's buying American. You got any fireworks at the house right now?

No, I don't. Good. I'd like to. I'd like to though. Won't send food back hasn't changed this thing. What's your routine in the morning? Will you get up, make a cup of coffee and go out like in the back deck or something like that, watch the sunrise. I wake up, usually I wake up with my baby boy, he wakes up first.

Wakes up being a great father. You know, wow, not great. I wake up. This isn't new or anything. Is it what time you get up with him? 630, something like that? 630s. Up and Adam.

Up. Well, I'll take him downstairs give him some some breakfast and have a coffee what's the coffee yeah how you making the coffee well okay so I've recently switched to some drinking a lot of espresso now I'm sure and this this was like an organic thing that we broke our coffee pot my wife dropped the coffee pot and it shattered and it was like This was a couple months ago and it was in the middle of like It was snowing and where I live on a mountain. It's like on the top of the mountain

So it gets it gets snow very easily there And there was like the roads hadn't been plowed yet like I just snowed all night As I wasn't even like I was like we get like we can't even go out and get coffee right now And then I was just like oh we't even go out and get coffee right now. And then I was just like, oh, we have this espresso machine and I have a espresso. I've never used it before. And so I just like figured out how to use it. And then I loved it. And now I've been doing that a lot in the morning.

Now, when you say you're having a espresso. Nice espresso. Are you making an Americano or are you having it in a little thing? No, I have a, you got, I have like the little coffee cups. You know, I kind of a little white show all those. A little espresso cups. Yeah, I guess the, you got, I have like the little coffee cups, you know, I kind of little white, yeah, I guess the, I don't know if there's four answers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, no, but not like that, like, you know, like that big, like that. Um, and so I'll do like a double shot of espresso and then foam some, uh, some, some half and half

and half. I don't want to hear any complaining about this. This guy's fucking close. I'm doing what I can. He's a Climbing milk foam and milk. There's I mean I'm trying to come up You want to do your your fucking swinging above your I do it in the artwork on the foam in the Dad, I do not know how to do I have no idea how that's done. It says taxation without representation I have no idea how that's done. It says taxation without representation. Do and don't tread on me. Universal healthcare with a circle of life through it.

Ladies and gentlemen, class act. 100% class, Mr. Dave Smith. Thank you, buddy. Thank you very much. It's fantastic. You got to eat dates up. When you got coming up, you want to hit the folks with. Let them know. Comicday Smith com all my dates. I got a Kansas City coming up and then a hilarities in Cleveland and a bunch of stuff

I'm I'm on the road the whole summer. Oh, we got the big got the Legion of Skanks theater Run all right. Yeah in August so comic Dave Smith dot com for for all that stuff shout out to part of the problem Shout out to Legion of Skanks dash gash dudes or network every go mezz of course part of the problem. Shout out to Legion of Skanks, that's gashdids or network. Every go mezz. Of course, of course, Mr. Ocerson, of course, and of course, Mr. Dave Smith, buddy, we love you. Thank you so much. Thank you guys. I'm so, dude, I'm so happy

you guys are blowing up so much. Thank you so, so great. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Of course, buddy. Kipy, what do you got for? We're just announcing our second leg, the fall and winter dates. It's a big one, guys. Like 20 new cities who get those tickets are going to go quick. Some of them are bigger venues to buy those. Uh, gonna need that.

You know what I mean? Uh, check it out. Everything's at rUgarbages.com. Gang, we love you and we'll see you next week. Peace.