Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Dave Temple: College Trash

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

Comedian, podcaster and good pal Dave Temple joins us for this hilarious episode in STUDIO! Dave tells us about trying to be a thug, college, and stealing shopping carts. Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Forman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast. Yes, gang. Hit that subscribe button to make sure that you get the episodes as they come out. Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Whoo, baby. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is R.U. Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're complete trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on yet another beautiful day here at Gas Digital Studios in the

East Village. Or what's left of it? Did I say I'm H. Foley already? I think so. Mike, I'm not used to being around people anymore. I don't know what's going on. My co-host is sitting right fucking next to me for the first time in a long time. Gang, he is the brains behind the operation. He put the whole fucking thing together. He does the books. He cooks them. He does it all. We're staying one step ahead of the law. Give it up for my good pal, Mr. Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks so much for tuning in. If you're listening, if you're new, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Also, the full video is available on YouTube. You can subscribe there as well. Also, if you're new to Gas Digital,

you can sign up for Gas Digital, use promo code AYG. You will save $1.50 a month for as long as you are signed up. Plus, we get to wet our beaks a little bit. Love that money. Keep the big man flush with a couple of ho-hos. Keep me in small hats, you know what I mean? In smaller shirts. Yikes. Buddy, you are falling out of that thing. Shout out to the George Collection at Walmart. You saved my summer. I don't know what business went under, but thank God for fucking Walmart. It was a tarp cover. Guys, thanks so much. You can sign up, use promo code AYG, and you can get, you know, HD live streaming. You get full access to all the catalog of all the shows on the network as well. The full library is a lot of cool shit, so check that out. Yes, sir. And we could not be more excited

to have our very special guest in studio with us today. Another one from fucking Jump Street off the streets of Philadelphia, our old pal. You've seen him in the movies. Many love of Benjamin, Army Wives. You've seen him on Laugh Tracks. Got them comedy live. He has his own video series. Look at it this way, and you know him from unpopular opinions. Ladies and gentlemen, he is a strong, proud, beautiful black man. He's one of our best fucking pals, and we love him. But the big question in everybody's mind today is he garbage? Give it up for Dave Temple. What's happening, man? Wow, what a fuck. The beautiful black Dave Temple. I think he's going to take a run at you later. Oh my God. What do you mean, Dave? Listen,

let's say Dave's gorgeous. He's a good looking guy. Got a tight body on him. This guy, I don't know, Mike Nigelo did it. A tight little body. Word on the street. The piece is pretty nice. Yeah, kids got a hog, okay? So you're coming down the street. He's the first one to have corona that day. It ain't the bad. I never, you know it's so funny. It's good to be around that energy with you guys again, because I've only been around black comic friends, and we never reference each other's dicks ever. Sure. That was in the intro. Wait till we get to the questions. The intro, we're already talking about the Johnson. Will you show me your penis? This is behind the paywall, right? Just a one-track mind with you guys. Jesus

fucking Christ. Black guys don't do the gay shit. I learned that early on. I first started hanging out with black comics. I'm like, yeah, what's up? Grab the resume. Don't fucking touch me. Oh my god. Dave, thank you so much for sitting with us, buddy. And it's fucking, we were chatting a little bit over the quarantine. We kept tabs on each other. It's good to see you. It's fucking, it's really nice to be here in the studio. It is, man. It is. Especially I had to get to you guys face-to-face. I know. You guys been fucking big dogging me a little bit. Whoa. Hey.

All right. I send you these guys text messages. You don't get back to me till the next fucking day. I don't know when that started happening. I'm not doing a fucking MySpace live show. I apologize. I have some... I don't know when the fuck that started happening. Buddy, I respond to everybody all the time. Check, pull up the numbers. Dylan, pull up my cell phone. You know what I mean. But now, you know, I'm glad you guys, I knew you guys would pull through on the other side because you guys are fucking Philly trash just like me. Just throwing through, baby. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's no need to check on it. I'll see you guys. Quarantine's a weird time for everybody, okay, Dave? We're all dealing with it in different ways.

Some of us ignore text messages from time to time. Okay? Get off my back. Holy shit. Dave Temple, tell us a little bit about where you grew up, what the situation was. Oh, man. So I grew up in Southwest Philadelphia and I bounced a lot. You said that like you're on the local news. Now, tell us what you saw, man. Is this gonna be on TV? Area man cuts the temple. Hold on. I want to send a shout out. I just want a shout out. He's plugging the website after a fire. Holding up one of his t-shirts. We're plugging ridiculous mix tapes. Network four on the way. Coming soon, yo. That's fun. Good spot. Yeah, man. 60 feet King Sesson and a lot of time back and forth between there and Delaware County. Oh, yeah. Got out there into the Darby's,

the Yadans, the Upper Darby's. The suburban trash is way worse, man. The suburban trash is worse because one, there's like more area for stuff to show your trashiness. There's a couple more bucks too. So like they don't know how to spend money. It's tough. And you don't have to keep it in line out there. You can be the full asshole that you are in the city. You got to be careful. You can't run your math. You can't do certain things. You get out there with the fucking cul-de-sacs live. It's fucking wide open. Yeah. Well, you know the other thing about the counties, especially when I was growing up, everyone was like first generation. You know what I mean? Sure. Everyone that knew was first generation in the counties. Really? They had no idea how to maintain property, cutting

grass. They're out there with a weed wacker trying to do the whole backyard. Using the lawn mower on the snow. Like, you watched the neighborhood deteriorate when we got there. So who was out there, though, that made you go out there? Yeah. Everybody, like, basically... Your family went? Like, okay, so a little known fact about... Start from... I know this is gonna start from growing up. Growing up? Yeah. I came out full grown. Big ol' hog on him, too. Top pussies. He might be four with that dick's 18. I'll say that much. That thing can vote. Holy shit. Come on. Oh, shit. Where were you born? You're born in Southwest Philly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. And you guys live there? Yes. Okay. And who's we? Me and my mom.

So my mom and dad, they weren't together. Like, they were, like, dating a little bit. Here we go. She got pregnant. I didn't want to say it. I'm just leading you. So my pop is from the Richard Allen Homes, North Philly. And my mom, she's from Southwest Cops Creek. Wait, who's Richard Allen Homes? The Richard Allen Homes. They're the same projects. There's an old movie star. I've never seen any of his films. You see, pre-John Wayne, Richard Allen Homes. Yeah, the Richard Allen projects. So same projects as Cosby. My pop. Got good legacy there. Got good stock. My pop, he kind of pieced out like around month two. Okay. And it was basically because where my mom lived, because he wasn't from the neighborhood, like dudes would kind of give him

a lot of shit coming in and out. Dude, I would be out. Jesus. Yeah, like the kind of like, yo, who you here to see? Like, I'm just here to see my son. Oh, oh, you got son with Tony? Like, you know what I mean? So it was like, he would come out to like people sitting on his car or challenging him and shit like that. Yeah, but that's something you do if you go to a cookout and you get yelled at by kids in the neighborhood and you leave and don't come in. That one, it's your two month old son. You go, I don't know. Take a little abuse. Here's the fucked up part. Yeah, my mom definitely always looked at him as like he was a pussy for that. Like, oh, really, you're going to let these niggas stop you from seeing your son?

He's like, yeah, I don't want that kind of energy. Just leave him at my mom's house and I'll pick him up. Me at the Arby's. Oh, what even. And who was in Delaware County that you went back and forth? Oh, man. So we used to use different addresses to go to school out there. That's great. Here we go, gang. That's garbage, but I respect you. Put your fucking seatbelts on, everybody. Here we go. I gotta say, that is trash. I've had friends that do that. It's like a game of three card monty when you're trying to locate where that fucking kid is. But he's not at one, two, three main street. Taking a fucking city bus to school out of suburbs. I can say this because I've said it on my special and enough time has passed. Everyone used that address. Like, you

used that for car insurance. You registered. Like, it was just every, like every family member that had our last name was coming out of this one house in Yates on paper. It wasn't even a house, it was an empty lot. These guys own a lot of cars. I'll tell you that. Wait, but I respect that because that's like, that's trying to better off. 100%. That's, that's your mom trying to be like, right, I gotta, I gotta pivot and get out of the garbage level I am to the next level. You know what I mean? And what's fucked up too is like, that shit's so stupid. I mean, I understand school districts and all that kind of stuff. But when you have like one area that gets like zero funding and you literally live fucking, you know, a street away from going to the good school district

or going to the shitty school district, you got to fucking, you got to hustle a little bit. You got to play some fucking games. I can't hit daddy. I'm all about cutting corners. What the fuck does this look like? And who was the family that lived in Delaware County? Who, whose actual house was it? Oh, it became my mom. Yeah, my mom. Oh, so they just, you moved out there. Oh, okay. All right. Very nice. And how old were you when you guys moved out there? Ah, maybe about six. And would your dad go out there to see or was you scared of those kids out there? They eat in street tuffs. Now it's a bunch of white kids. Like he's a grown man throwing bagels at him. No, at that point, it just became my mom. You know what I mean? I just, he didn't

feel like dealing with all of that. So you know what I mean? I couldn't find parking one day. That was it. My father's definitely like MIA. No fucking sponsor. Spanx a hard left and keeps it going. I ain't paying for parking. Fuck this kid. If we can get screwed on the meter, I don't think so. They don't buy shit where I'm in there. $3 an hour. This is a pre-sale phone for you to call and say it out front. I have to fuck it. They don't have to. Try to do a pay phone call. Oh my God. I got no change. And did you have brothers and sisters growing up? I was an only child until I was about 15. And then I went back to the city to live with my aunt and I became number 13. So I went from being by myself, you know, a good amount of family coming

in and out to boom. Now I'm child number 13. So I got 13 kids. There was 12 already there. What? Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit. There were all your, your aunt had 12 kids. Eight. And then like four kids come from the birthday party that never ended. I just live in here now. I told you to get out. The clown's not coming. His dad was supposed to get it. He ain't coming back. You got a guy who pumped eight in her. That was her husband. He came before previously and then he died while she was pregnant with the youngest. Damn. And that was in Southwest Philly. Yeah. She was doing 12 on her own and now it's a romantic way to look at it. The guy that pumped eight in her.

Poet, I see. All right. So, you know, I've made, like, I am a typical, I'm a typical case of like, my mom worked her ass off. She did good. I was an idiot. I was an idiot. Like, I wanted- Are you though? You're not an idiot. I wanted more than she could afford. And when my mom put it on me to go get it myself, I used bad judgment. So that's when I got involved with the streets and the scamming and the stealing and drug dealing and shit like that. So for me, mom found me with basically valves of dro or my nightstand. Like, I own this place and a gun under my mattress and she was like, you gotta go. You know what I mean? You never thought about cutting lawns or paper routing. That's what I'm saying. I was a total fuck. I had a job. I had my

first job at 14. Oh, you are a piece of shit. That sucks. Yeah. I had my first, well, my first job was a fucking drug. That's not a job. No, no, no, no, no, no. My first job, I worked at Dunkin Donuts at 14 mopping floors. Oh, all right. There you go. Everybody I worked with was a drug dealer. Okay. And I learned about working a job to cover up the fact that you deal drugs. Yeah. And that this was the dunk. So I used to work at the Dunkin Donuts on Island and 70th and Island, and it was a, it was a drug school. It was where I learned everything about it. Usually in that situation, it doesn't make for great customer service. I'm just going to be honest with you. Yeah. They're not, they're not cared about the fucking closing time in your latte.

Buddy, I'm talking about, I worked with a Jamaican guy who used to drive a jeep, like one of those jeeps with the lights and they're missing rag top roof, and he would come in and take all of his gold rings off to make donuts. That's awesome. Like this guy, he, but he was Jamaican. He had that work ethic and he goes, no, you always keep a paycheck. That way you can at least explain maybe you wanted a dice game, you're good at investing, but why you have a rhinoceros in your backyard. Where'd this cougar come from? I'm picking up midnight. I'm going to make the donuts, jerk off. Let's go. But I'm 14 years old and I'm mopping floors for five, 15 an hour. Fuck it. And I got, you know, dope boys that are showing me

nods of cash while they're making donuts and teaching me like this is real money. This is how you take care of your family. You're good. You got work ethic. You get up and you come here and you do this, but this ain't how you get ahead. You know what I mean? And I listened to that dumb shit when we were fine. I got into the whole concept, oh, I need to sell drugs. Take care of my mom. My mom was a computer programmer for Bella Princess. She didn't need you selling dime bags in South Philly. No fucking way. I probably got a 401k. It's still paying. This is all for her. You get her nothing for Christmas. Mom doing this for you. He's got like the four finger ring and the triple fat goose on. I'm out there calling up for you, Mom.

So I went and I saw it. But when my mom realized what I was doing, she was, now as an adult, I totally understand it. Like, oh, you totally jeopardized her livelihood. Like as I watched the guys, when I went to college, because I was a smart kid, you know what I mean? When I went to college and I saw the guys that were stuck around and started continuing to deal drugs like post high school. Yeah. And like we're getting their mother's doors bow rated in and it's like, you know, I watched my friends get rated December 21st. They fucking the cops knocked the mother's doors off the hinges and left them like that for Christmas. And these kids couldn't afford to pay for shit. They couldn't even hire a contractor.

That's when I was like, oh, shit, this was the wrong path. You know what I mean? Thank God. And my mom was totally right to get me the fuck away from her. You know what I mean? Because I had no idea that that was the reality, that that was the result of that kind of lifestyle. You know what I mean? That could happen. Now, you see, obviously, you went to Pitt. Yeah. He went to the University of Pittsburgh, which is a fucking great school. I am a, okay, so I should be, I should be like a scientist, dude. I should be with you. Yeah, I got I got two degrees, one in mathematics and one in economics. All right. So, but I don't know. I just I like doing.

3.5 grams and an eight daddy. Oh, let's keep it moving. All right. Look, when I was in college, I all of my professors, I looked at the guy like I no one wants to fuck that guy. I don't want to be that guy. No one wants to fuck a math professor that's covered in fucking chalk and lost in permutation. But the Jamaican guy with the fucking rings on and maybe a little bit of powdered sugar on his shoulder. He was getting late. Yeah. And I mean, it's sex was a big fucking thing for me. Sex was a big motivator. You know what I mean? That was my motivation to take a shower, get a haircut, you know what I mean? Like anything so. Holy, take after him a little bit. Mine was Elio's Pizza in the 18.

And what new G.I. Joe was hitting the market. So I was doing I was doing like, I would do basically college to get money to have access to women. But it was like, yeah, this was I was once I got started getting around, keep in mind, I became a dad like 1920. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. So like that was in college. Right. So the whole concept now became my main priority in college was dollar beer night. That's crazy. Yeah. Okay. So had you worked that out in the dorms? Where was the kid? Oh, no, I had to get an apartment on campus here. So like, so like, all right, you got to like, for me, once the streets got a hold of me, and I'm at my aunt's house, right? I'm doing kind of holding me shut the fuck up. This is what I'm doing. And remember,

all you had you had social promotion in middle school or in high school back in Philly, right? What do you mean social promotion? As long as you pass English and gym, you move on to the next grade. I did know that that's really fucked up, man. So I had been an academically talented class since I was like in fourth grade, right nine years old. So after my freshman year of high school, I'm pretty much guaranteed a diploma. I've already outperformed everyone here. Okay. So now I'm coming to school, like my senior year, I'm coming to school for periods. I'm coming for the free breakfast, home room, you know what I mean? I might do, I had gym in English. That is a trash move, dude. If you're going to high school, if you're going to high

school for the continental Europe, the free breakfast, and then leaving to go catch a smoke and like coming back going and an oil change coming back, seven and a half hours, just saying the fuck out. You're back in the kitchen checking on lunch. What are you letting me do today? I get the free lunch and I'm out. I'm out of school every day by 12.40. I would just blow off the whole second half of the day and that would leave me time to now go back home and hit the block with some other knuckleheads that I, you know, but I felt like I could take care of myself because my aunt put me on a very, very long leash. My aunt, she really didn't, my aunt had 12 other kids to worry about. Her thing was, look, you were at the bottom of that

priority. Exactly. And you just got here. All right. So I don't even know this dude. He's not even getting a toothbrush. So at the time I had a pager, my aunt's deal was, look, at 10 o'clock, the heavy gate gets locked. We got keys to the door, but not the heavy gate. So at 10 o'clock, it's locked. I don't open it for anybody else. If you're not in by 10, you're out. That's a solid rule, though. I got to give her that. It's a good rule. Do me a favor. Define the heavy gate. What is it? What is that? In heavy bites? Is that like a screen door? What are we? I guess it's a screen door in the suburbs, but like in the hood, it's a heavy steel metal gate. Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. And it's got a whole

deadbolt to it, you know, to keep people from kicking your door in and breaking it. You could lose a finger in those things if it slammed on you. Correct. It's just called a very heavy screen door. Well, we call it the heavy gate. You know what I mean? So, you know, when you go through the hood, you see the houses with the bars and the windows and the doors. Yeah, I lived in one of those. So basically at 16, I'm on this long leash where I can make my own decision at 10 o'clock whether I'm going home or not. Yeah. You know what I mean? And my aunt would just kind of page me in the morning and be like, are you alive? Are you eating? Are you going to school? As long as I answered yesterday's

three questions, my aunt didn't give a fuck. You know what I mean? She's just too preoccupied. Sure. So that's where that other shit now where it was like, okay, I need to make money, blah, blah, blah. Like I put myself in that position where now I do have to show up to places like Alden Street and, you know, stands on the corner. But I wasn't one of those kids, but I tried my best to be it. It was a stupid, stupid period. My guidance counselor recognized I was fucking shit up. Shout out to Dr. Ina Cohn, saved my fucking life, man. This guy pulled me, saw me skipping class, saw me wandering the fucking halls. It was like, what are you doing? Come in my office. He goes, you're wasting everything. Sure. And he basically, he already

knew I was a poor kid. So he's like, you're financially eligible for five waivers. Go pick five applications off the wall, fill them out, and bring them in. And we'll pay, we'll pay the application fee. For colleges. Yeah, I just randomly grabbed Westchester, Cabrini, Pitt, Xavier, Louisiana, and Temple University. To you. Yeah, who dodged a bullet there? Literally. Yeah. So I got accepted. That was a terrible job. Jesus Christ. That was like Philly morning radio. Dodged a bullet there. Literally. It's got a time of temperature. I know. I hung out at Temple. Yeah, it's 504 and you're cold. This kid's got fucking ice in his veins, not in a good way either. Holy shit.

I hung out at Temple a lot when I was in high school. The year that that kid from Sharon Hill got shot in front of Whitehall campus in Club McDonald's. Yeah, Club McDonald's, so do Club McDonald's. What are you two on the wire? What the fuck's going on here? I don't remember this. Club McDonald's? It was between Susquehanna and Diamond. It was a McDonald's dude in this place. This guy's too local of a show. We got a branch out here. Right in, if you know what I'm talking about, man. I'm Dave Tempo. Come on. This place was like fucking so rude. They're not doing this for Eagles digits. Old Dirty Bastards. He was arrested in the parking lot of this thing. This is how it was. Old Dirty Bastards.

The guidance counselor? Who are you talking about? You may know him as Dirt McGirt. Old Dirty Bastards from the Wu Tang Clan. You fat idiot. You talking about meek? What? What's he up to? Wait, say this story again. Who got shot? He was just a kid, but he was from the same zip code as me and I think that's why I didn't get into T.U. because I don't think they were accepting kids from our area that following year. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, that's fucked up. What'd you get in your SATs? All right. It's got the bullshit. Fuck your SATs. If a train leaves now, when are we getting to McDonald's? What'd you get in your SATs? 1100 without even... Damn. Dude, and I only took the SAT because my girlfriend in high school

promised to have sex with me afterwards. Jesus Christ. All these monsters, I don't remember. I literally had to pick her up. I didn't even want to go... Wait, she was that pro education? She loved me. No child left behind if you know what I mean. Yeah, she was another one. It's just like, what are you doing? You're just being a moron. You don't want to go to college and I was just in this really self-destructive mode and she was just like, dude, you got to take your SATs. You got to just see what you get. So I was like, all right, you know, and I had a car, so that was the deal. Like, I picked her up. We went and took the SATs together. I forgot a fucking calculator. That's how much I cared about this shit. You know what I mean? You need a

calculator for your SATs? For the math. I didn't really need it for the math portion. That makes a lot of sense to me. What did you get by the way? I got 870. Are you serious? On both? What'd you get? 1140. Took them once. They're like, as long as you get above 1100, you can get to whatever, you know, the schools that I wanted to go to. Exactly. Good night. They're like, you increase it if you increase, you know, you'll increase by 40 points. If you take it again, I'm like, yo buddy, this is the first time I've been up before 7 on a SAT. I'm not taking that shit again. Fucking missed the big kegger in the woods. What the fuck out of here? When my gattas counselor tried to get me to take it again and get a higher score, I'm like, fuck that. Like,

just send it in. Like, because I didn't even really want to go to college. I've been thinking about it. I went because then that summer I got into theft and fraud. It says it like it's an after school program. Thank you, University of Pittsburgh. You used to do this shit. We've talked about it before. We've got to get into some questions here at some point. This is the problem we have close friends on, especially now that we're in person. It's like, we forget about the game and we just start fucking... I think we're learning a lot though. Do you still talk to the girl that banged you after the SATs? No, she blocked me on Facebook. What the fuck dude? Like, nah. Well, you only got an 1100. What do you want? Fuck, what were we going to say? Fuck. I just lost my train of thought.

Sorry. We got to get to some questions. I know that. I know, but there was something else. I apologize. Something about the SATs? I forget. Oh, Steph, I got into theft and fraud. He was telling me the wrong time. This is all right. He told me a story too on the way to New York one time. There was a lot of bags lined with tin foil and stuff that'd be walking out of Bloomingdale's. Was that you? No, but that's a good trick. That's how I met Baby Mama number one though. Baby Mama number one. It was over like Baby Blue fucking Pele Pele Fleeces or something. When I met my first baby mom, she was boosting out of Burlington Co-Factory in downtown Pittsburgh and I was like... Boosting? You might know. Stealing. Come on. You act like

you've never pinned a fucking Claude McDonald's. I get a glow. What's Claude McDonald's? We went over it. But yeah, we got into... That's how I met her. I saw her and another girl from school running out of the Burlington and the sensors going off and I recognized her from school and that's... I'm going to ask her out. At that age, yeah. I'm like, okay, okay. Bonnie and Clyde. That's awesome. We started stealing like velour sweatsuits, like the John John and Rock-A-Ware that was hot at the time. Really blue. So we would get that shit and get the soft tech sensors off and sell them on campus. That sex has got to be great, man, after all that excitement.

It's like really sad Bonnie and Clyde sex. I got the pants in a medium. Anybody got a medium top? I got the box van. Let's go. We're going home to fuck. Yeah, man. So yeah, that was it. But I got into that in Philly and it got a little bit out of control at a job that I was working and the only thing that saved me from catching a major case because it caught up with me. It took a while to catch up with me, but based on the fact that legally I was still a resident of my mother's house, but I hadn't been in my mother's house in like three years. So when Warrens were posting for me, they're going to my mother's house looking for me and my mom never gave it up. My mom never told him where to find me. She just, he's not here.

So even though they're constantly coming and Sheriff's Office is posting Warrens and they were looking for me, she would let me know and let me know to steer clear of it. I got accepted to Pitt. I went because of my thinking, well, Pittsburgh is different, Georgia. No, that still caught up with me in Pittsburgh. But by that time, when I go before a judge, it's like, well, he's enrolled in a program here. He's never had any priors and my father was in the union. Shout out to local 98. You know what I mean? They pulled a few strings down there. Those unions, man, they pull some strings. Yeah, man. Jeez. That's pretty good, man. That's a pretty hot tail right there. I think it's time to get a little game called. So what grocery store do you shop at, Dave?

How do I switch to that? Now, what kind of larceny do you prefer? Throw it to commercial. We got to hit a smoke and sing and regroup here. I got to do something to take the edge off. Jesus Christ. It's like dead hesitant. Hitting gems and shit. I'm going to look over my face is going to be paying like a mime. Let's get back to the show. Good. Do it one more time. Just say let's get back to the show. All right, gang, let's get back to the show. Oh, my God. So not a big Lunchables family. I would have to. Your aunt wasn't big on the Ecto cooler. Oh, God. No, dude. Growing up, my mom never bought any of that shit. And at my aunt's house, there were no snacks around at all. At my aunt's, it was a fine quarters or still laundry

money to go to the local corner store. You know what I mean? You're getting like Dipsy Doodles and shit like that, but never. Dipsy Doodles are really, really trash. Yeah. I think you're gonna say Wow, they are. I don't even know what the fucking Dipsy Doodle is. It's a too thick corn chip. It's a corn chip that looks like a sun chip that wants to be a Dorito. It's all fucked up. We crack a tooth on it. They're too thick. Sounds like a toenail. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like a bad toenail. They were in a bright yellow bag and it's funny because you outgrow them because they're only put on low shelf. Anytime I'm in a hood and I look around for them now, like I literally have to bend all the way down to find them. I feel like such a fat ass when I'm

in the grocery store because they do that with the sugar cereal. You know what I mean? Because they want it at kid level. So the kids, I'm bending over from my crunch berries. We got a spill. Oh my God. All right. Let's get into some fucking Are You Garbage questions here. Kip, do you want to start this one off? Yeah, let's start off with the base. I was joking, but dead serious. I want to know when you were in Southwest Philly, what was the supermarket? And also when you went to the bird world. That was none. Weren't you listening? What are you talking about? Supermarket. No, IGA when I was a kid. IGA. International Grocers Association. I don't remember what they were. It sounds for something Grocers Association. Yeah, but they were always

these awful little stores with the poles so that you couldn't get the shopping cart. Oh my God. Stealing a fucking grocery cart. You see someone walking down the street pushing one of those. You were like, that guy ain't gonna make it. They're always walking down the street thinking you're not allowed to be walking down, too. That's the thing. There's no fucking sidewalk. There's just like a hubcap, some pebbles. That's what it was in the city when we got out to the county. It was like Pathmark, Acme. Acme's all right. Pathmark's trash. Acme's clean living. Yeah, because Pathmark, remember, used to have to put a quarter in the cart to unlock it. That must have only been a Eden. That wasn't in Bucks County, I'll tell you that. I never had to give

my license to get a shopping cart. Are you serious? Are you serious? You guys never had to put the quarter in to unlock it? Buddy, I'm gonna ride him home if he wanted to. What are you talking about? It's out in the burbs, buddy. What do you mean? Oh, God. We all had our own shopping carts. I put a rinse on them. Leave it in the street. I'm going. What the fuck? No, that sounds like some commie bullshit, yes. Fucking paying for a grocery cart. When you get the quarter back, when you return. I don't trust that I'm not doing it. Like, there's a lock on the thing, and when you push the thing in, it looks like a seatbelt. So once the thing goes in, then the quarter pops back out. Hold on. I look at that. See, you know why that would

have never worked with me? I look at that, and I'm so garbage. I think, hey, getting a shopping cart for a quarter? Where are you going to get a shopping cart for a quarter? Keep the fucking quarter. I'm putting some fucking 20s on this thing. I'll put a fucking, I'll put a fucking weedwacker engine on that thing. Come on. Pull her in the bottom and hit the fucking brakes. You're charging the quarter. What you making for? That's true. That's a bad deposit. Oh, man. Holy shit. Holy shit. That's a new level of garbage. I didn't know you had any of it. You're talking about fucking stealing a shopping cart because it's only a quarter. Oh, my God. You're standing. You're standing. I'd be a fool not to. What are you doing?

You're losing money. If I don't steal it. What are you going around without a golf cart without a... Go back and sell it back to them for 50 cents. Oh, my God. That's fucking good. Holy shit. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Dave, have you ever been a part of a focus group? Like to get money answering? Yeah, me too. Me too. I did it within the calendar year. I ain't going to lie. Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah, I've done some in the past. Before Guest Digital, things were bleak. Would you pay 25 cents for a shopping cart? Oh, dude. I did even worse ones. I did these Novum studies where you would... What? What are you, a Manchurian candidate? Yeah, you would take pills or let them inject you with stuff and just hope you got the placebo.

What the fuck? They had a facility that you could come and you check in on Friday and you're there until Sunday and they just keep administering shit to you. That's the fucking... That was the food. And it was not for like a lot of money. It would be for like $400, you know what I mean? Tell them it's a hotel. Nah, it's a nice bed and breakfast out on the bird. Oh, God. You're distracting it with a lollipop on a sticker with the vaccine. Eat your applesauce, will you, toots? I was doing this in college too. If there's anybody from Pittsburgh, you'd know about those Novum studies because that was the best place to get money. Novum. That just sounds like an evil... Doesn't it? Yeah. Dumping the river when the tests go wrong.

Dude, I did one for like streaming services a couple... Honestly, not maybe a year and a half ago. I remember, yeah. Probably a year ago. And they're like, I had $150 or $200. I'm like, all right, let's go and get there. It's in a fucking Visa gift card. I'm like, yo, I'm looking for cash. Small bills. Small bills. Consequential bills. Let's fucking... Walking around leaving a fucking transaction history with this thing. Get the fuck out of here. Although you can use those debit cards to knock off a few utility bills here and there. Sure, sure. They used to get them as Christmas bonus. You get broken off. I used to work at the law firm. They used to have

fucking whack me off with like 600 bucks on them. That's real trash. Yeah. They were all 25 bucks each in a different envelope. I worked for the fucking letter company. The only focus group I ever did is one time I was walking through the mall and this lady walked up to me. I was probably 12. She's like, do you like chocolate pudding? And I'm like, yeah, fucking... Ends up in a van. If there was never any pudding, that's all it took. Yeah, let me grab my shopping cart on me in the back. Give my shopping cart come too. Should I bring mine? Do you guys have them there? What's going on? I don't have any quarters on

myself. Oh my God. What about a studio audience? You ever been a part of a studio audience? Yeah, my first three years in New York. That's all I did. I did so much Judge Judy and all those court shirts up in Sanford, Connecticut. They would have a bus that you would just get on the bus in 110th Street and it just takes you out there. You get pizza and you get 75 bucks. Then it dropped you back off at Harlem at midnight. Jesus. You'd rather do the medical test. Take the wacko pill before I get on a gray out buzz with a bunch of skeezers. People used to get like bedbugs. Tommy got bedbugs on it. Shut up to our buddy Tom Destiny getting bedbugs on fucking Jerry Springer. Bedbugs, bedbugs, bedbugs, bedbugs.

I don't even think it was Jerry Springer. I think it was the Steve Wilco show. It was the ref. Oh God. Yeah, Wilco's a real trashy name, by the way. If you're not a bald-headed guy that wears golf shirts all the time, you name ain't Wilco. Wilco is like a family company that exclusively works on water heaters. They're not doing a medical testing, I'll tell you that. The dry cleans his jeans. To my dad, dry cleans his jeans. Does he put a crease in them? Oh, yeah, he creases them up. Oh, that's trash. Like Levi 501. I can see if you had a pair of luckies or fucking something. This dude's just doing 29.99 pair of jeans. Keeping the Wranglers fresh. Oh my God. Oh, I got a good one. Dave, have you or anybody in your family ever been in

the contraption known as a money booth? It's a telephone booth where you grab at the dollar bills. Have you or any member of your family ever stole a money booth? Running down the street with a money booth and still on. I feel like Dave knows that guy that was trying to get the ATM machine on the bus. Did you ever see that video? I was stealing ATMs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Videos in the city when the guys do the, when they try to get an ATM machine and they use a car to smash in, they've always wanted to do that. Did you see the one where the guy, he like ties it to the truck and then yanks it out, but he's standing there holding the door open and then like the ATM just fucking takes his, like, you could tell it like dislocates his hip. You know what I mean?

And it's like, fuck, the plan went perfect, but now my hip is dislocated. How many of these are money for a new hip? I wonder what the copay is because he's about to lose out. Hope he's got collision. That's gotta stink, dude. There's one in Jersey City where a guy, Jersey, get on a city bus with an ATM. And the bus drivers, they get the fucking ATM. It might be a prank, I don't know. Yeah, because you can hear the bus driver going, no, no, no, no. He starts walking it up like it's a filing cabinet. You know what I mean? Where he's paving it? Put down the handy cabinet. Dude, search, search through for the listeners. Search through my videos. Look at it this way. You can just type in the hashtag, but I definitely did a video of one of my videos on

that video. I think that's might have been where I saw it. That's so funny. All right, all right. Let's get back on track. Yeah, let's go ahead. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. What was the... What was the... Oh, to answer your question, I have never been in it, but my kids have done it for their birthday. Wait, how? You can rent those? They have them. Yeah, they're like everywhere. Yeah. Do you put real money in it or no? Well... It's like two ones. You gotta be good. You gotta be real good. Put a third one in there. Put change in there. You put a lot of money in there, but you do it because I remember we did it for my youngest daughter. She was like two. You know what I mean? So, of course,

she wasn't able to grab anything. Sucker. We put her sister in there with her, and I think she was like eight at the time. You know what I mean? So, she helped out a little bit. She got a little too good at it. Had to juice up the wing a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, I remember the one time I took... The car dealership tried to make my mom do it. It was like crazy yet. He's all those sales. Like, everything must go. You go in there, you're a whore. I'm walking home, you bitch. There was another family, and the guy was telling his wife to go in. You gotta lick your arms. Lick your arms. I'm like, I'm like, Mom, if you lick your fucking arms, I'm like, we are never talking again. I missed those terms when I was looking at her arms.

We're like, you're Saturday would end up at a dealership because they were giving out hot dogs and pretzels. It's never happened to me. Really? No. I thought you made the pick up a new car. Yeah, no. That's the thing. It was weird because it would attract weird energy to the lot. So, you have a crowded lot on a Saturday, but no one has any money. No one's really here to buy. If you're going down there for the hot dogs, you don't have money to drive away in a certified prion. I'll tell you that. But you'll take a test drive just to kill time and soak up air conditioning. By the dogs are growing. I like them low and slow. My burgers with cheese, I'll be back in about 20,

depending on traffic. I can run a couple of errands real quick. I just didn't got easy pants. Hey, that's so crispy on the dogs. Don't try to hit me with that French's mustard boat. I want some Gouldens. Man, good to see you, Dave. This is good stuff. Dave, have you ever been on the amusement ride known as the Gravitron? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you ever worked the Gravitron? Oh, God, no. I know you're the Dunkin' Donuts shop. All right, have you ever been to a Long John Silver? Yeah. Like, got excited. What are we fucking assholes? That was a huge deal at the Folie House. Oh my God. Hush puppies all day. Go out to Lancaster to do the outlets and family get excited.

Going to outlets is trash. It's great. But fucking trash. Driving 30 miles is a nine bucks on a bullet. To get an irregular fucking Tommy, I'll figure. Get a pair of mics fucking trash. Dude, I remember being a kid, my mom, like, we're going to the outlets, like, up outside Trenton or something. I'm like, we be driving for what seems like days. I'm like, lady, what the fuck are we doing here? I'll give you the fucking money. Just take me to the mall. Let's go to Piggy Bank. Let's go to Spencer's. What are we doing? We used to go to Reading Outlets, and the outlets in Reading were, like, in these mills, where you would have to walk up and down these staircases. And basically, these aren't finished.

Also, too. I think that was just a mill with some old clothes. Some clothes that the union guys left when they closed down. Everybody's wearing coveralls. Oh, my mom, I said it before. I think maybe on the Carly episode, my mom used to take me to a sock factory to get socks for like, to get like a gross of them for a nickel. Watch, you had to go to, like, 12 stores to get that shit for fucking back to school. It was fucking insane. Old Navy and out as a kid. Get everything. You need an old Navy and get the fuck out of there. Oh, god. Fucking Kennedy over here. Yeah, yeah. That's so. Jesus Christ.

All right. Have you ever had a situation in your car where you needed an oil change? Okay. Or you had a leak, an oil leak. But instead of going get it fixed, every time you put gas in your car, you just put a little oil in it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I work on cars myself. Fucking Marco Andretti here. What are you talking about? I refuse to take my car to a mechanic. That's that's how much of an asshole I am. Like, only way I'm taking a car to a mechanic is if I don't have the tools to do it myself. And I am going to argue that guy down on how easy this job is. Don't give me that bullshit about putting them on the lift. You could do it right here. But anytime I'm getting gas and I see somebody walking out with just like one thing

of oil, I'm like, that guy's a piece of shit. I did it a couple of weeks ago on the way home on the shore back to New York. Top it off a little bit. Well, I checked it because I thought it because I was really pushing the fucking I was really pushing the 3000 mile recommend. That's more of a guideline. Oh, yeah. I was up. I was up. I like fucking, you know, 12, 12K on that thing. So I stopped on the it was like a three hour ride. So I stopped at the first rest stop to make sure I was good. I was still within the within the guidelines. Kip and Kip, that's all he needs is a little recommendation to ignore major problems in a car. Bro, bro, not even fucking around. The check engine on all light was on in my car. I swear

to God for fucking two months and now it's off. And I feel so I feel fucking fantastic. I feel like I just got a 39 point inspection on that thing. I'm passing on the right. I'm doing everything. Mark that off the checklist. Save two grand there. Last January, last January, we're in Philly. We do a memorial show for our good buddy Chris Cotton down in Philly. I catch a ride back to Philly, back to New York with Kippy. He wasn't in a car with us though. Oh, is this? Oh, yeah. But the car breaks. Yeah. And he goes, Hey, you guys just told me it's just from the snow. It's rust. That's what he told me. It's rust. Two weeks later, the brakes go completely. I'm

going down a hill. I got to hit the e-brake. It was a fucking scene, daddy. Oh, he got on the turnpike and just rolled his windows. Yeah, like it wasn't until we're going through the turns down, he's paying the toll. He's like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, Yeah, that sounds bad. I was always, I was like, try to talk to the toll guy. I'd be like, Ah, it's just some rust on the girders. You know what I mean? Because you're getting embarrassed. This is about me. This is about Mr. Dave Temple. Okay. It's not my wife's car. Tom Brawl doesn't even use WD40. Anywho, Dave, back to you. Go ahead. Oh, God. Oh, God, that was real. If you're making a sandwich at home, do you put chips on the sandwich, Dave? I've done that. Yeah, you have. I don't, I don't look down

on it, but I understand. Okay. But there's other people who make a habit on it. I get Permanente brothers out in Pittsburgh, like that's their claim to fame is throwing their fries in the sandwich. The fries is a lot. Fries is overkill, but a couple of fucking ruffles on there. I just feel like I'd like to disagree with Kevin's last statement. I do not think putting fries on the sandwich is too much. I think it's just right. Okay. Just for the record, want everybody to know. Well, just can I ask you guys a garbage question? Please go ahead. I just brought up the chips. You guys are from the Philly area. Have either of you gone to the Hearst Potato Chip Factory, not as a field trip? Oh, no, I didn't even know you could go. I know what I'm doing this summer.

Watch the fresh chips be born. Yeah, make hers yours. You know what I mean? Where's the nursery in here? I don't even think there's really a cover to get in. What's the cover in this joint? No, Uggs. What the fuck? Holy shit. Dave, have you ever sold a timeshare? No. Have you ever owned a timeshare? No. Have you ever heard the pitch of a timeshare? Oh, yeah. Just to get into Disney. Are you currently interested in buying one? I have $4.99 a month. The pitch to get into Disney? Dude, I answered one of those. Remember when fax machines were a thing and random faxes would just come in? Okay. Yeah, they would randomly send like, hey, crews for two people for this price or for free. Seems legitimate. Yeah, and if you're at work doing nothing, I fucking called and

investigated and we fucking took it. We flew down to Disney. Everything was taken care of. What? I think we just had to take care of airfare and hotel and to get into the park. No, the park tickets were free. We had to sit through the timeshare to get the park tickets, which was like a deal. You just had to sit through a seminar. Right, and the park tickets were like $124 a piece. So, you know, it was just a matter of just sit. And I think it was funny because they got mad at us once they kind of double screened us and realized we were too young and didn't make enough money because I was like in my 20s and it was just like me and my girl. Yeah, I make four million dollars a year. I'm interested in your Disney timeshare, sir. Hello, my name is David Temple. Because I

got definitely kind of you may know me from boosting at four minutes. Try to try to trade in some fooboo to get it. Can I interest you? Give me a weekend. Give me a weekend. And I remember like high five and my girl and celebrating as we're walking out there like you did good not saying anything like was definitely loud about no intentions on buying this shitty timeshare. I've always wanted to do this with my with my girl. I don't know if you guys ever done it. If you guys ever go look to look go to an open house where you have no intention of buying the house. That's how I know Gladwin. That's how I know all of Dave knows. That's how no bullshit. That's how I know Bella Kenwood, Lower Marion. I know every house, every mansion along Contra

Hawkins State Road. I toured an open house from 2005 to 2007. So basically like the hors d'oeuvres and stuff. Dude. All right. I'm six. They do a nice house. And here's the deal. The good chocolate chip cookies. I'm six two at the time. I'm heavier. So I'm like 255 ball player. They assume I just signed a contract and this is like pre everyone having a cell phone like you know the Internet on their phone. I like to keep a low profile. They assume that was someone and they showed me everything. Wow. I'm very well versed in wine sellers. I'm very well versed in the property taxes throughout Gladwin and everything. I would never want to own a mansion for the simple fact that I know $40,000 a year in property taxes, $13,000 in landscaping. I'm good buddy.

$2,000 a month in utilities. Fuck out of here. This is ridiculous. I'm leaving. Take all the cookies with you. Right. Anybody got to jump? Yes, I believe I will purchase this. Could someone direct me to the nearest bus stop? I know Dave's got to go. All right. Great though. This is fucking fun. Thank you so much. Oh shit. It is six. Dave Temple, buddy. I love you. Kevin, garbage. I mean through and through garbage. Jesus Christ. For sure. For sure garbage. But our kind of garbage, baby. Yeah. Anything you want the gang out there to know. DaveTempleComedy.com is the website. Go there to check out all my premium content. Look at it this way. Six foot nothing podcast. Unpopular opinions. Temple University. I've

even got classic episodes of First World Problem, which was a podcast with myself and Chris Cotton. All of that stuff is available with small membership on my website. So go to DaveTempleComedy.com. Check it out. Guys, check it out. Dave is fucking awesome. An old friend of ours. You're going to love everything he does. So check him out for sure. Absolutely. Keep it. What do you got? Just make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. I think we're still in the charts, which is cool. And at Kevin Ryan Comedy on all social media. Yes, sir. Gang, we could not be happy to be here with the gas digital family. Shout out to our producer, Dylan. Dylan, thank you so much. You're the absolute best. We are so excited. You guys are all taking this journey with

this. Stay with us. Like Kevin said, sign up, gas digital network.com promo code AYG at H Foley on Ice on Twitter and Foley Graham's on Instagram. And we will fucking see you next week. Say goodbye.