Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Discount Dental Work w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

Kippy and Foley are back with family episode! Its a hot one! Thanks for listening to AYG. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.MVMT.com/Garbage https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage

Gang, big news, the RU garbage middle class famous tour is coming to California and you don't got to wait long, baby. We're going to be in San Francisco on April 3rd, we're going to be in Los Angeles, California April 4th and April 6th, we're going to be in La Jolla. So grab the squad and come out and see us. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.

Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is RU Garbage. Sure is. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grew up to be classy. Yeah. Or they're just a megal piece of trash.

I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Antutti's basement. She's upstairs switching from vodka to gin. Okay. So look at that right there. We're all doing our part over here. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the brand new hot driver in the NASCAR Sprint Series. If you ain't first, if you ain't first you're last.

You're going to be running at the motor speedway this weekend. I'm a dirt track man myself. Driving the double zero PAPS car. Give it up. Give it up for Colt Ryan everybody. What are you doing? I'm living my best life baby. Got to support the brand.

It's American brand. Got to support. Got to support you know. That's what I'm doing. What's up everybody. Thanks for tuning in. As always please make sure you rate, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are cooking and obviously

patreon.com the greatest website of all time. Shout out to them boys and gals over there doing the fucking Lord's work. Sign up to get bonus content. Episodes of AYG which episodes of hard feelings which just mean a big man behind a curtain a little bit more. A little HR, a little airing of the grievances. Check in each other. Check it out.

It's a good time. Thank you. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire. The magic man makes us all look good. It's Keybone McScroffins. Toby McButtons everybody. What up dudes? What up P-Bow?

Dude Kippy looks like he brings his own helmet to the go cart. I got a mic in there. What the hell's my pick crew at? You fall in both worlds. It could be cool or you also look like the guy that goes to every Met game. You're that guy. You look like you got that jacket out of a claw machine. That's a pretty expensive claw machine.

This isn't a chalk line original by the way. This guy's walking around like a drunk astronaut. Look at you. Dude stinks. That has screaming a t-ball written all over it. Oh yeah. Big fan of paps. I was watching Teltaginites last night.

That's a good fucking piece of business. Got that uh, yeah got me pumping. I was like you know what I gotta break it out today. Been waiting. Been waiting for the perfect moment to break this out. Yeah? Did you get it? Online.

Chalkline.com. What credit card did you apply for to uh, to receive this? I put this on the business hammocks. By the way, I'm wearing it on screen. It's a wardrobe cost. How many paps caps did you have to send in for it? Paps caps. Are you going to get the key or wrapped in paps shit?

I would if they would pay for it. I would drive a fucking paps key around town. Man, remember when that started happening? Dude if paps would sponsor our tour or us in general. This is a power play I'm doing here. This is a money play, all right? You two are sitting around thinking I'm a bozo. Can I touch in the Jeep?

It's a goddamn lease. What are you doing? Yeah, right. I'm going to have paps on your forehead next week. I'm going to be selling out your fucking belly. You're going to be doing this shirtless. Patty's walking around, head to toe, paps. Uh, do you remember when that, I kind of feel like I remember when that really started

to happen. Like uh, like around role models time. When people were like selling their car, like people would drive around and like monster energy drink cars. A lot of like, a lot of brand, that was when like brand reps were big. Huge. Huge. The beer rep would show up.

Yeah. But like people would like freelance as the, as the reps, you know what I mean? They would be like, like I used to work when I was like in an office job and like girls on the weekends would be like, I'm doing a whatever event. They would make like 120 bucks given out like monster or whatever, like stand at the tent or whatever. Man, some PT cruiser wrapped like Fig Newtons. Big, the trashiest of traps like Fig Newtons.

That's the perfect car to wrap for a Newton is a fucking PT loser. Let me tell you something on the Newton subject. I've recently uh, rekindled my love affair for the Fig Newton. Sure. The healthy cookie. But not what you're thinking. Not to Fig Newton. I'm having one at a time.

It's the nature ones. They're real thick. They're like double stuff. Mm hmm. Blueberry. Fucking nice. Gluten free too. So it's fantastic.

Yeah. I'm on the Fig Newton diet. Once can you come and be like carrots are good everybody. I'm going to be a carrot guy. Carrots this weekend. They are delicious. Deep fried butter. Um, yeah, but the trashiest wrap is that where you are?

The trashiest wrap was the Hummer. People would wrap the Hummer like fucking especially like or like every strip club in Philly down at like down by the airport like that run. They all had the Hummer. They would show up to like the tailgating events with like fucking chicks with cannons. And like there'd be like little kids. I remember filing out the back. Yeah.

I remember catching some of those as a kid. That's real pro pro bowl vibes pro bowl weekend and fucking Arizona girls and girls twerking next to a bag of fucking tournament. That shit's trash. The strip club limo decked out is a tough look to the Hummer club anything at not anything from a strip club club outside in public is a tough look. Have you ever had them send the limo for you? What?

What? What? Send the limo for me? What am I a big spender? I'm in there picking pennies off picking dollars that these broods are dropping. I'm splashing around in the puddles when people are making it rain. 50 cents a dance or iron over here. Those little change coins.

Honey, honey, folding money only. Can you break a five? Folded? What is this? Deadwood? Paper bills or T or treasure T bills. How do you on that similar line? How do you feel about the courtesy car from the dealership?

That's a tough look. It is a real tough look. And listen, I'm a Kia man. That's what I can afford at this current state in my career. I drive a Kia. The thing and I'm not alive. I've never really been alive. I've never driven.

I don't think I've driven a BMW. My buddy's BMW think I've driven that. He's gotten it where a lot of those BMW dealerships, if your car goes in, it's important. You got to, you know, I got to import all the products. It's tough. It's not like a burn. That's different. But that says I would be pissed if I spent money on a BMW.

I'm talking about like Jamie Kennedy Chevrolet. Well, that's what I'm saying. No, they do that on the beavers. It'll say like fucking, you know, Edison, New Jersey. Oh, no, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would be pissed if I paid for a beamer and you give me a fucking, I'm driving around in a wrapped car.

You look like a fucking asshole. I spent enough money. I'm not, I'm not your fucking billboard on 95. I would be fucking pissed. You mean the renter that they give you? Yeah, they give you the loaner card. It says like Johnson BMW. Yeah, no, that's no good.

At the Auto Mall. I'm talking about the one where where a dealership guy drives that and picks you up and brings you back in a beamer. That's okay. No, that's worse in a beamer. You're driving a luxury car that has like on the back windshield, like Johnson's BMW. Well, my mom, my mom used the last week for her car and the guy picked her up in like a 96 Windstar.

So I'll take the fucking BMW. That's right. It ain't over the name. Probably have to. Where was she going? She was going to pick the car up after it got serviced. Oh, and they came to pick her up like a shuttle, not like the loaner car was like a shuttle car.

Just like some, some fucking poor schmuck on his lunch break. They were like, go pick up Patty. That's what happened. Smoking it here. What? I smoke it. Crack the window. Stop being a pussy.

Oh, dude. Using the car lighter still. I remember that guy showing up a couple of times throughout my life when the car was in the shop or something like that. We never. Yeah. This is where we differ. Our family, we weren't a dealership.

That's where they fucking bamboos. I get nervous driving by a dealership. We're used cars. Front loan by the mailbox. Yeah. We're person to person. Yeah. We don't do that.

I love when they pull a car out right by the mailbox. It's all. It's funny. So my stepdad ran into some car trouble recently and his was, his was out of commission for a while. So his buddy has a used car lot. So we bought a used car off this guy because it was supposed to take like. Lot versus dealership.

Yeah. It's a huge difference. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. We're a lot family. It's really like the guy's house. It's a trail. It ain't like college and university.

No. No. It's a couple of pegs down. Yes. Go over there in a lot. Yikes. That's where I've gotten every car is off from this guy. My picture's on the wall in his little office that has, it's like me next to the Lumina

and me next to my Montego. We don't, but to go into a dealership. He's saying they're running the odometer backwards. Oh yeah. He's got the back propped up. Wheels are just spinning. Three miles. It's an 86.

Belong to an old lady. Garage cap. What do you want? Yeah. Dealerships nuts to me. We would never. You got to know a guy. You don't buy.

To us, if you buy a car off a dealership. Oh, we always. Who needs to pay for all the coffee and donuts? We always knew a guy. We always knew a guy. But we never. There was always somebody working for somebody. Also to get a, I guess if you were leasing too, but to get a fix, we would never go to

a dealership to get a fixed. We would just let it sit in the driveway for six months until the neighbors complained that my stepdad finally pulled the trigger on it. Maybe the holes will rust up. So his car was jammed up, right? For it was going to be like months. They said. Months.

Yeah. I don't want to get into it. Months. It was going to be a long time. Some engine problems. I got to go to physical therapy. Months. Who's going to do highway driving to begin with?

That's it. Not a lot of starting and stopping for three weeks. Months. Still working on. Well, that's what they said. So they had to redo the whole engine or something. He bought a lemon. I get it.

He bought a huge truck. Huge pickup truck. So. Redo the engine. Something happened. And so he bought a used car off this buddy who has the lot. Sure. Right?

Of like, well, I'll just zip around on this until my fucking, it was like an Audi he bought for like six grand. Okay. It's like a 90 or like it might be like a 99 Audi or whatever. Audi, that's good. Yeah. Probably all beat up. It's a convertible.

He doesn't make any sense of this guy's driving this way. He looks like he's in the Russian mob or something. So I just on the phone with my mom yesterday, he goes, oh, his truck's finished early. You know, whatever it wasn't as bad as they anticipated, he can go pick it up and go, what's he going to do with the Audi? Because he's going to park it out front of his office with a four sale sign on it. Wow. And see if anybody gets any takers.

Flipping it real quick. So we're currently, we're currently, if anybody out there is in the market for a beat up Audi. Hey, try me not that beat up. Don't listen to Kevin. It probably looks nice and it's a convertible. And don't forget, springtime is right around a quarter. That's what he said. He goes, I'm going to wait for the first night's nice day and put the top down.

Yeah. Show up to merchandise. It's getting sharp. I'll tell you that right now. Between that and lottery tickets, this guy's a gentleman of my eyes to tell you that right now. Yeah. So we're currently selling our own cars at the moment.

If anybody's curious, it says 6,000 OBO. It comes as is, by the way. Those seagulls were in it. Sullivan Ryan Motors. Sullivan Ryan Kelly Motors. What's the giveaway situation on the weekends? You get, you get 20 seconds in the cash booth. He grab as many singles as you can.

Three hot dogs for the kids. Come on down. That's where you got the jacket from. Man, you've been playing, you've been playing this all weekend. That side's against the middle. This guy's always making money. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right. You look like you're about to take the shot from Cinerice into the little hole.

That's back to your mail route. I'm walking all slow from the bench. Easy does it, Kippy. Yeah. That jacket came with a big check. It's written in glitter, Jackie. You want to talk about a home run? The moonshot.

Shout out to Semi-Pro. If you haven't, head down to the video store and pick yourself up a copy. It's a killer. Oh, gang. You could never wear that again. You know that, right? I can pepper it in. Let's come around the guy who wears the same clothes every single day

to the point where you said you smelled like an homeless man. Allegedly. Also, someone commented, you thought it was the juices inside of you? That's what you said. The juices inside of you went bad. I think so. Yeah, no. Because of what I've been eating, my sweat isn't as pure as it was when I was a young man.

That's pure, yeah. Yeah, it gets to some high quality shit. We're taught this is unstepped on H. Foley juice we're talking. You're an idiot. Well, what you eat determines how your sweat smells and tastes. I don't know if that's the case. Yeah, it does. That's why if you eat like garlic, it tastes like garlic.

Yeah, sure. Okay, garlic. Yeah. I don't think the juices inside of you were bad. Plus, there's a thing. You also said you didn't wash those fucking basketball shorts for like six months, which I think that might be the problem if we're fucking splitting it. Those things, babe.

Cave puts. Oh, man. It's insane that anybody shares a bed with you. It's crazy. Poor girl. Oh, my God. All right. What do you got?

Let's get into some questions, guys. So as you know, when you sign up for the Patreon, we will read your garbage question on the air. It's just the best way to do it. We can hit up fucking people DM on Instagram, Twitter, email, but Patreon gets first crack at it. And we got a couple of this one's just funny. This is from a lig of my balls.

First time. I can't take him serious. You're calling a cubs game. You're like a dad trying too hard. At what? He's trying to get his children's affection. Yeah. You got your kids at the bat in cages nine o'clock on a wedding.

I'm throwing heat too. That's my plate. That's my plate, Junior. Fucking giving them the high. I'm buzzing them. I own the inside. Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike.

Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike. I own the inside. Hey, my son or not. I own the inside of that plate. You walk into the batting cage and turn the machine off. I got it from here.

I got, I got a half of it on. I was going to say. I was going to say. I'm keeping it warm. Cut to me on the Patreon. I'm all like, stop full pack of seeds in your mouth. Looking like the big, big chew guy. Stop being a pussy boy.

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Do it. Yeah. Put your box, baby. Put your box. Put your box. Put your box. I got a fridge full of meat. Put your box.

Me too. Put some ground beef in there. Yeah. Stuff is there. I got patties. Makes a nice bolognese that ground beef they got. Gang, put your box. Deliver it right to your door.

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Is it garbage to have a picture of dogs playing poker in your house? To me, that was like art. We're not a big art family. For about two weeks in the spring of 88, it was. Yeah. And it went downhill quick. It was like those Billy Big Mouth bass. No, no.

This was at least like Billy Big Mouth business for fucking hillbillies and rednecks. That's not there. That's not the same. This was at least a drawing of some sort. I don't know. Would you put the dogs in the poker picture in the same thing as. Talking about the bulldogs. One's got a cigar in his mouth.

He's got his nose wide open. He's got his nose wide open to roulette table. He's asking for a 50k marker. They're turning them down. No, but only because I think it's generational. It's like the dogs poker is more 80s to me. Big mouth Billy Bass. That's like 99 early 2000.

Yeah. But the Big Mouth Billy, the big mouth. There was no endearing quality. There was no artistic endearing qualities about it. The dogs play a poker. It was actually. Yeah. Yeah.

You would find that in like a, like a cheers type established. Exactly. Sure. Okay. The Big Mouth Billy Bass is for fucking mouth breeders. I completely. And Paulie Walnuts. That's pretty funny though.

I'll tell you that. What? We had one for sure. Sure you did. I stepped that guy for Christmas from his mom. Big. You know, hey, we got one, you know, man. Yeah.

You ever seen one of those? Those 90s were tough for us. Running on low batteries. It sounds like he's on poker. It sounds like he's on promethazine. Yeah. The ludes are sitting in. I don't know what they're dumping in that river.

Lay off to fucking scissor. Will you Billy? Must be his later stuff. His last tour. This one's a little mean, but conditionally funny. What do you like mean? This is from TJ. Know anyone that went blind or deaf?

That's tough. If it was a medical reason, that's not fun. But if it's an accident, it's a little different. I'm thinking fireworks. Oh, I was thinking. That's what goes to my mind. Welding no mask. Yeah.

Something like get a bad case of welder's eye. That's what I was. I was thinking more like quarter sticks of dynamite were involved. Losing fingers and stuff. That is pretty bad, man. I don't think I got that terrible. No, obviously not a medical condition. Of course not.

This is in the vein of the show. It's more accidental fucking dumb ass. Here's a step down from it. Do you know anyone that blew anything off with a firework? No, not. Lost a finger? I got a fucking. I'm surprised you have all your fingers and toes.

Little fucking pyromaniac. Yeah. I got one in the eye. I caught a firecracker in the eye. First of all, firecracker is trash. Yeah. Fireworks. No, the firecracker.

What's the difference? A firework goes in the air. A firecracker is like a fucking M80. Oh, you know the difference, huh? I know that I used to pedal this stuff. What are you talking about? I had to connect. Like that would go south of the border every year.

Fucking come on with a couple of fucking cherry bombs. A couple of mortars too. You're selling snakes and silly binders. You're going to stay in there. I was just watching a little bit of Joe Dirt yesterday. Good flick as well. Really cracking the books over there, huh? I got the dog.

We can't leave the fucking house. This thing don't have all these shots yet. This little hellhound running around. Plus you told us that you're fucking 40 episodes in the Yellowstone too. Yeah. This guy stretching it out. Dude, you can't leave the house with this fucking thing. I got a M8 or a firecracker.

Not an M80. No, it was a firecracker in the eye. I think I saw, I'm sure I've said this at some point. It lit and then went out and then like picked back up in this kid's hand. So what, you stick it in your eye? No, this kid had it in his hand. And it would like lit and went and then fizzled. And he's like, oh shit, give me the lighter back.

And as he's holding it, it fucking re-upped. Like down by the, like it was about to fucking go off. And he went, ah, and threw it. And I was standing across from him and it exploded like here. And fucking, I couldn't open my eye for like two days. Oh man. Yeah. It was fucking bad.

You must have been bugging out. Oh dude, my stepmom's like something, she knew something was up. I was like, yeah, I'm just real tired because I couldn't open my eyes. Fucking. Have your hands full. It's all black. My hair's all popped up. The hell happened to you?

Not dead. I'm screaming. I don't want any supper. I'm gonna have stairs to get my homework started. It's August. I finally broke down and told her because I was just acting like I was dying. I was freaking out. It was one of those things.

Your eyes are not moving. You know one of the, I think the theory, the working theory that day from her was I blew a chunk of the white part off, which can happen. I think she's not an optometrist legally. But that was, that was her take off. She can't see. Who knows? Man.

It was one of those things. You know that panic when you're like, you're so scared. I was scared. I was going to lose my vision, obviously, but you don't want to say it out loud because then it comes true. You know what I mean? I'm like, if I can just close, keep my eyes closed for 40 hours, I'll get through this thing.

It was bad. I got hit in the rocket. Your little red rocket. I got hit. Took a mule kick to the nuts. I got hit in the head with a rock when I was a little kid and it was like in the evening and I tried to just go right in and go upstairs and go to bed. I think my mom came in.

I ended up in a bathtub. Mom came in at a barrel later. My whole bed was like covered in blood. Tomato sauce. He paused again so I could sleep it off. When you were younger, did you guys ever hit rocks with bats? Of course. We would have, we called them dirt clods, but they were like dirt rocks.

Hard clay. Yeah. Kind of when they were doing construction. Mud rocks we called them. Yeah. I think dirt clods was from like a show at the time. We'd have straight fights with those things. Oh yeah.

And every now and then a fucking piece of quartz would be in there fucking turn the lights off for a second. That's what happened to me. Good old fashioned dirt fight turns bad. My brother hit me with one. Turns out it was a cork bat. Yeah. Been there.

Two pounds of coal in there. That's a fucked up question. Yeah. Let's see. This one is from Devin Lopez. Have you ever used whiteout on your sneaks after cleaning them because the tough marks wouldn't come out? I respect the move. It looks okay.

I don't respect. I get it if you're jammed up, but there's no way it looks good from like maybe 20 feet away. You're like, if I'm looking at t-bone shoes, they look white. You get closer and then you're going to have to answer to that. I think on leather and like the thick Nike whites, it could pass. You know what's a God damn miracle tool? I don't know what the fuck it's made of. Let me guess.

What? Magic eraser. The fucking Mr. Clean things, the white John? What the fuck? I don't know what the fuck. What's in that? Dude, it'll take anything off of anything. I don't fix your credit if you make anything go away.

I got a 780. Dude, I'm telling you. Yeah. It's a little water on that thing. I don't get it, man. I think it's rubbing off on there. I think that's all it is. It's a big chunk of whiteout.

Just covers it up. Yeah, that's what they're doing. It's insane. Uh, no. I don't know what. I remember when that dropped. My mom had them and that was like, they should have been behind glass. Like only using a case of emergency because they were still probably right next to the

core of Seedon. They were probably still like 12 bucks a clip for like two of them. You know, now they're like two tree bucks. But back then that was like, don't fucking use the brand new technology. Now there's like the generic versions and shit. You can get a couple, but they're not as good. No. That magic eraser, man.

Mr. Clean. You know what works? Crack the code. He was on his last legs too. Yeah, he needed that. No, nobody needed that. He needed that. Yeah.

I'm gonna walk out of here. Um, toothpaste on shoes too. Toothpaste and a toothbrush. That's how you clean your ear first ones back then in high school. Toothpaste on a colesaur too works pretty good. Yeah. Dry it out. So I've heard.

Dry it out. Yeah. Dry it out. Oh man. Cut yourself shaving again. Yeah. Full beard. I got punched by a herby every three to six weeks.

I keep getting punched in my genitals. Just flaring up in here. This one's from McLivin. How many boogers are under the driver's seat of your car? Mine is like sandpaper down there. Yikes. I'm assuming yours isn't great. Out the window.

I flick. I roll. I flick like a gentleman. There's no way I believe that. Yeah. I'll flick it in my car. I'm not putting it under and like wiping them off. I mean.

It's not gum. Listen I'm pretty. My car's been pretty good. There's a couple of stalactites down there for sure. You got a couple of mine in there too. Yeah. You're not looking on the highway. I do a little digging.

Oh man. Check and see what's going on. You have to. Mark my territory. You're never allowed back in my car ever again. Ever again. That's too fucking good. The thought of your booger.

We've been in more almost fist fights over your boogers than anything else. It's a point of contention. I know. It's me trying to stay as far away from your boogers as possible and they're constantly encroaching on my personal space. It's like trench warfare with you. Every day they move a little bit closer.

We call truce on Christmas. All right. This one's a this one's actually a pro move to me. This is from Scott. Is it garbage to order pickup from the restaurant? Your roommate is currently working at but never pick it up. So he can take it home for free. That's putting the whole fucking system on trial.

That is. Wow. That's something I would have never, ever thought about. Damn. That's like oh that's that's like white collar crime. That's yeah. Talking about cooking the book. Jesus.

Yeah. There's there's accomplices in that. If you're doing that a lot that's fucked up the restaurant. They can afford a burrito or a fucking side of checkie fingers. Maybe. Probably. I doubt you're still you know what if it's an Applebee's they can afford up. Fuck them.

You're stealing from a fucking mom and pop shop. He's trying to you know keep and make ends meet. Put the kids through college. Sure. Yeah. But if it's a fucking Fridays fucking pot stickers all day. Let's go. Yeah.

Fucking open it up. I'd be pissed. Open up the pipeline. Get the black market. Broccoli and cheese. Let's do it. That's genius. Yeah.

I've never even fucking thought about that. All right. This one's from Andy Feathersnatch. Haven't had a question right yet. I think it's Dr. Andy Feathersnatch. Is it garbage to sign your buddy up for a ton of free magazines car cruise ship give away so he gets bombarded with mail and phone calls. That's good old fashioned fun.

Yeah. That's a good time. It's a lot though. It's a dick dick move but a good old that's that's all right. There's no time we saw a magazine. We get them. You do. The bird.

She's you know an aristocrat. What are you the southern living house. No the New Yorker. Really. Yeah. I thought you were lying when you told me that. No. You get the New Yorker.

What's that come once a week. I don't even know. They're still all in the mailbox. Really. I don't have to do the mail. I open the mailbox. I make sure there's no packages in there and sometimes that we have this you know this rough rough rough broad who just is like fucking uppercut packages into my box because there's

so it's so full. Take it out. What are you doing. I don't check the mail. There's nothing in there for me except bad news. You want money. I ain't got it. What do you want from me.

Interesting articles in New Yorker. Yeah. So we get to we get to New Yorker. There's a couple in there. There's a I think of probably monthly the New Yorker. I'd have to assume. Yeah. They're not cranking out at everything.

I don't I don't even know if she reads it. Yeah. Trying to look cool for the neighbors. I get it. Yeah. Flex on my New Yorker. Somebody see my New Yorker. Yeah.

By the way we lost another package. I think the thief might be back. So by the way this is a little off tangent but have you seen our friend Reggie Conquest's stories of some guy broke into his building and stole all of the packages and then he was put it all on Instagram and then they they pulled the surveillance. He was like trying to show. Dude he walked right out front opened up all the packages. It was like holding the shirts up on his leg.

It was like this dude he was doing. He was doing the pants and like putting the leg out to make sure it fits. Yeah. Imagine the confidence this motherfucker has to start trying it on right now. Yeah. Yeah. They're fucking they're they're relentless with that shit. I know.

I peaked into my paper towels yesterday. See what was in there. Who. I don't know. Oh same guy. You're you're on. Oh you order paper towels. Yeah.

Sure. Paper towels. What you answered like that. I don't know. Which we do. We do. We do the Amazon like month is like subscription. No.

We're not fucking. I'm not subscribed to paper towels. A lot of people do that. I just subscribed to cat food. I think I got a month for him. I think I got a month. No commercials or nothing. Fucking bounty plus now.

Yeah. A lot of people do that. Thank you. Trying to get one in there for a couple of seconds. The Amazon fucking. I don't know. We I don't know. We had to spend 35 bucks though.

So she got paper towels and some Periades. Okay. Fucking fancy pants. I wonder you were hitting me up for the YouTube money yesterday. This guy's fucking you're getting sparkly water delivered to your house. Well I also had a shipment of this guy. Come on. I had a shipment of stormtroopers that came in.

I got a squat. I got six and eight sleepers. I ordered them in a main DeLorean when they all got there. They got there safely. But I was worried about they were going to steal them downstairs. That'd be a jackpot. You open it up. It's all toys.

Fucking bastards. But they ripped the one part of the box to see that it was just paper towels and left it alone. Took a roll. But hey. Hey. You know what? Your beak.

I get it. Steel package is a hard job. I would love to catch one of those. It doesn't bother me in the building would bother me. Like I said, I'd have to live with them. But other than that, I don't give a fuck. I was coming in under like a delivery driver fucking guys and stealing fucking, you know, my dog treats fucking take them.

I don't care. I don't like that shit. That's if I was Reggie and saw that dude out front. Yeah, that'd be a fucking problem. Do you ever see the videos where people go up on the porch? I saw some nickel. The guy opens the door with nickel like where the fuck you go? Like, oh shit.

Fucking take off running down the street. Yeah. That's great. I love watching the videos where they like fall and slip and one pulls away. That's such a scum fucking such a dirtbag fucking move. Not really because it gets replaced. You're really ripping off big business. It's a white collar crime.

No, you're waiting on Robin Hood. No, they're not. They're not giving that out in the neighborhoods like turkeys. Yeah, but they're stealing from the from the big guy. They're stealing from you. You bought you paid for that. Yeah, but then they get my goddamn stormtrooper. It gets replaced.

I want to play with my toys. If I go home expecting it to be there. It's not gonna be upset. I'll see if my period. Well, you can cry using your paper towels and relax with the fucking period. What kind of airplane? They go lemon. No.

These you order a box of them. I said it's like a fucking their cans. First of all, there's a little European cans is peach. Peach. Yeah, we peach. Well, you guys haven't parties without me. What the fuck the fuck is this shit came over for dinner? Is it the jacket?

I'll take it off right now. I'll take it off. You guys are hanging out having sparkling waters. No wonder why you weren't with me on tragedy. I'm on the sparkling waters. You're up to your fucking ears in them. You guys are over there swimming in fucking peach. Peach.

I'm drinking fucking Austin and Yana. What the fuck is this? What is this? You think you think you're partners with these guys? T-Bones bought and paid for it. On a subscription basis, too. Damn. It's like an oligarch over there.

I got a corner to do with my bidding. Start putting sanctions on T-Bones. Listen. What? How about I start putting some economic fucking sanctions on you? That's what I'm going to do. Listen. I haven't done anything wrong.

Yeah. You haven't done anything right either, though. Listen. There's the little cans. I don't know. They're like packs of 12. I got a watermelon, a peach, and I got a thing of lacroix, too. Lacroix.

Nice. All right. I'm drinking a shitload of that stuff. Okay. Is it good for you? Is it okay? I know it's better than you did, but is it okay for you? Yeah.

Because I've been brushing them. It's really bad for your teeth, they say. That's what a dentist told me. It really takes the enamel off your teeth. Really? And it's even worse if you drink it and then brush. Because it loosens it, it softens it, and then you brush it away. That's what they told me.

But I could have been that one dentist who doesn't know what he's talking about. Yeah, no shit that jerk. You could have been the one out of ten. Yeah, the guy who doesn't like. He didn't sign off on Colgate. The guy who doesn't like Trident. Yeah, no shit. Idiot.

I can't be worried about that. What? An enamel? An enamel is on the bottom of your list. What? Carbonated water can still lead to erosion and to your tooth enamel. Lead to doesn't necessarily happen. But it's a better option than drinking soda.

Of course. Yeah. I remember the dentist asked me, she's like, yeah, your enamel, you know, whatever. She goes, do you drink a lot of diet soda or soda? I said, I said diet, like trying to like, that's all right. She's like, how many? I'm like, I don't know, six a day. What are we doing?

Who's on trial here? That's giving me my free cleaning. Let me get out of here. Take a spit at the toy chest and be on about my day. I told you that was when I went to the guy, my wife got it on Groupon to go get a cleaning. I walk in and I got a clue. It's a pet coat. They put me on a leash right away.

Give me one of those greenies to chew on. Greenies in a muzzle. Dental work should never be done on a deal. Yeah, dude. That's shifting. What do you want from me? Groupon's real trashy. The bird went through a phase of it a couple of years ago.

It's about people that use Groupon like pigeons when they walk in. Do you know they're there? Dude, if you show up to like a restaurant and you got something printed out, it's a bad look. Yeah. It's 4.30. You're having dinner. We stopped taking Groupon dinners at 9 a.m.

I apologize. I hope you like dinner omelettes. Who had the pot roast scramble? Trash. Yeah. They tried to bamboozle you too. They did. They tried to really.

Yeah, that's what you get when you use Groupon. You're paying at the end. I know. They said you needed some ultra cleaning or something. Yeah, something. They tried to give me some sort of like- Borrow the gum line. Periodonist gum line type bullshit.

Yeah. And I was like, listen, they sit you down with like a salesman. He gets a car dealership. That's why I'm a lot, man. They sit you down with a- Bitch, get me my bubblegum fluoride and sip it. Oh, man. That stuff, regardless of the flavor, makes me gag.

That gets you back at the bottom of the- in the back of the tongue, that thing. Yikes. I can feel it now. It's like getting waterboarded. That's the cleaning you're going for that. I think I got a small mouth too. So, like, all that stuff sucked. Kip, Mint Mobile.

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Now back to that show. Back to the show. Sucked. I hated it. Small mouth kippy. Dr. Spadafora can kick rocks. But I went in and then they gave me this hard sell. They sent me down like, yeah, dude, this was when I'm poor enough.

This is like four years ago. I'm poor three years ago. I'm poor enough that I'm using Groupon Dennis. That's where I'm at. And he throws a number at me that was like 48 hundo to get this thing done. With a straight face too. Yeah, but he's got a mouthful of gear too. And I'm like, I think he's working these braces off to be honest with you.

I think he's upside down in a set of chompers. This guy. This guy's selling spare parts out of his mouth. Yeah. I'm sitting there. I'm like, dude, they got you. Now you're trying to get this like a pyramid scheme. Look, Kevin, what you want to do is, yeah, we're six plan Monday.

Talking like Kanye through the wire. So I was like, I'm fucking out. I'm like, yeah, dude, they still, they still hit me up. Hey, just following up. You got a schedule. I'm just like now on a database. I can't shake the Mets. I went to one fucking one MET game last year.

Fucking emails. They're calling me. I want you to be Mr. Mets. They're like, Hey, this is Jan from the Mets. You know, the ticket pack. It's like, what the fuck out of here? Yeah. Jesus Christ.

How'd I get you? Nuts. Fucking sucking us in. Fucking bullshit. This is from Aaron. Thanks so much for this podcast. It was very sweet. Never had a question read ever pulled away with the gas pumps still in your car.

Yo, dude. Me and my brother saw a lady just right out of the parking lot. You got to be real dits to do that. Yeah. She was, she was an old bag. This one. What was happening? Couple of moms growing up fucking got caught up in that.

Now they're detached. I don't know when they started, but they became detachable because so many people were just ripping them out. And then like gas was spraying everywhere. It got to the point where it's like, you're going to hit the button and the whole place gets fucking. The Anzol system drops. That's over.

Then one of those goes off. That'll ruin. That'll ruin the neighborhood. Fucking dogs and dogs head to the top of the mountain. Dude. It's like, it's like fluorescent. Yeah. Comes out heavy bike.

It's like a Groupon foam party. Let's pop some Molly and fucking party at the Exxon. Put your zubuls fall out or whatever they're called. Those things called those little beads that like plump up in water. No. Zubuls something. It looks like you ate them though. The kids do the tricks.

They're do the things with them all the time. I don't know. Squabbles. They'll fill a whole backyard. Wobble. Wobbles. Huh? I don't know.

Sounds like weed yourself. Trying to get that wobble, wobble. Orbeez. Orbeez. There you go. Sounds like a knock off Orbeez. Come on down to Orbeez. That's a roast beef.

Not good. Not roast beef. How's the roast beef goat? New Orbeez. Not roast beef. Orbeez. We have some meat. It's in parentheses.

We'll find something for you. Orbeez. Orbeez. You're going to leave hungry. Orbeez stinks. Orbeez. That was you guys. What?

That was your generation, wasn't it? Orbeez? Yeah. I thought you were like, no? Orbeez isn't real. What are you, an alien? Yeah, it is dickhead. They're the little fucking things.

Oh, I was still talking about the chain restaurant. We have some investors. Oh, I didn't play with those. No? What? I don't know. Too busy fucking stealing things. What are you talking about?

What are you up to? Toby definitely did. A couple of marb reds for my dad. Counting marble miles. No, that's Jen's issue. That's younger than us. That's like dick-dockers and stuff. Orbeez and a beta fish.

My sister had a beta fish. Put them in a bathtub. Really? Yeah, I got any one after my wee-wee. Spit it back out. The beta showed up. All right, this one, this is for Tristan. Haven't had one ready yet.

You guys know, this one's kind of a softball, I think. You guys know anyone that got a DUI in high school? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I had a buddy get two before he turned his license in for the first one. He got his second in his driveway. Oh, fuck. What? Yeah.

Yikes. They followed him to his house and pulled him to his driveway. That's fucked up. And he blew under the legal limit, but he wasn't 21. So there is technically no legal limit. We had a buddy who got busted at a party. Spit it. Don't drink and drive out there.

Of course. We had a buddy that got busted. We all got arrested at a party. At a house party to eliminate my sophomore year. He hit under the bed or something like that, got away. And we were all at the fucking at the precinct or whatever. His dad showed up because he had heard there was a party and just assumed that he got busted. Rolled in in a fucking trench coat and his fucking jamies on.

And they were like, oh, I guess we got one loose out there. They picked him up fucking walking down the highway trying to walk home a couple hours later. This old man ran him out. There's my idiot son. Pull over right here. Damn. Dewies in high school are dangerous, especially now.

Don't get one now. Yeah. Well, like the literally Pennsylvania thing is like, you don't drink and drive. You can't afford it. They really had me up. Yeah. It's not good. Don't do it.

I do not advise it. Especially wearing that coat. You've been drinking. You know it. I look like a pussy to you. It's also like I don't get any more Uber's so easy. Jump in, jump out, leave the car. Not fucking the suburbs.

There's Uber. I know. But I drive by bars and stuff like that. That are like the parking lots filled with people. I never understood that. I'm like, can a cop be like, somebody's drinking and driving out. They're not all there for the chicken fingers. You know what I mean?

Doing the open mic. All right. This one is from the mayor of Foleyville, St. Vane. Have you or any member of your family ever been in a high speed chase? Ever ran? I never did. There was a kid growing up.

I would freak out. Kid growing up did. He was taking his brother's car, his dad's car or something. It was my brother's buddy when they were like 15. In the middle of the night, he would sneak out, get the car, go pick up all the boys. Right? And like drive around. I guess smoking cigs.

I don't know the weed, whatever. And he went to pick everybody up and no one went with like everybody could get out. You know what I mean? He had a 24 cell phone. So like he would just like roll up in front of the house and like, you know, if he could get him, whatever. So he's just like cruising around by himself and he got pulled over for like making a, you know, whatever.

So he got pulled and ran and took off. Like cop out of the car. Like the cop had made contact. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know that. He's just taking off on the cop cars. One thing, if you get fucking pulled over and then.

Well, that's the way. Yes, sir. Right there. I think that's the way to do it. Like is there out of the car? I mean, if we're, if we're playing for keeps here, I'm playing fucking Patty cake. Let him get up. He got to run.

Hold on. They always chase the car for a half a second. Where are my keys? Yikes. And dude, he went to a whole, the whole town. He had everybody. He had like, he had a crew. He had like every cop on duty.

They were coming in. He had like six cars chasing him and he finally crashed through the front of just so happened the front of the house of my sister's best friend. And who he ended up, they like went to school together and knew. Holy shit. Yeah. It was wild. Hey, Mrs. Fielder.

Where are you? One of those. I'll see you at the Danes. It's getting tased. Yeah. No, no runners. Nothing like that. That's crazy to me.

Crazy. Scary. I've never really been pulled over. I'm not that good of a driver. Oh, I know. So I can't, I can't, I can't pull over for breaking in a green light. I can't handle the, the anxiety of that high speed chase. Dude, sometimes.

Slow down. I'm trying to run from you. Sometimes, sometimes those dudes, those dudes are so fucking. I saw one on the spike strips come out on the BQE. You know where there's no shoulder. And it's like, it's kind of like 676 and Philly where it's like, yeah, it's kind of not underground, but like it's like that huge, the war to go. There's nowhere to go.

There's like fucking 50 foot walls on either side of you. And I'm driving home from a fucking show or something in like Westchester. And it's at night and this car, like fucking, you know, some like fast fucking beamer or whatever is like fucking zigzag and all of that. And I'm like, holy shit, like I'm cooking. I'm doing 70 or so. I'm 60 or 70. And this guy fucking passes me easy work.

Like it's nothing. Dude, and then I guess he didn't see this cop and this cop's flying, but they're keeping, like he goes and then maybe like six seconds later, a cop comes with lights off. No headlights on. It's two guys in an SUV. No headlights on. No sirens. Is this at night?

Yeah. I guess to catch up with like, I guess their thought is like, if we can get closer and then we'll light them up. Damn. I don't know. It was the dude. That's when I was like, I was like, oh, that shit's real. Who's the fucking?

They hear a car doing 120 with the lights off. You're like, whoa. They're gonna rigs and Murta on there. I didn't see them until they passed me. Damn. Like you get the fucking, the car shakes a little. Yeah. I'm not a high speed guy.

I don't see you. I'd imagine. He's never driven a car. I've driven a car. When? Illegally every time. I imagine a couple of your buddies. You gotta run if you get pulled over.

Oh yeah. No, you don't. You just take the fucking fine. You don't run. Toby run. You never run. All right. Let's see.

This one is from Terrence. Do small appliances stay on the counter? The toaster, the blender, or they put away after each use? I don't know which is trashier. Because my mom puts hers away and that shelf is usually covered in crumbs. Yeah. That's bad. And we have a nice toaster too.

But it looks good. Out like, you're, there's not cluttered. No. Yeah. It's good. No, there's no clutter. But I don't know. That's a real, that's a real tough question when it comes to that kind of stuff.

You got like a blender out. I mean, you keep like a nice kitchen aid out. That thing's all right. But that's more of a showpiece. Yeah. She's, you know, into the expensive kitchen appliance. Culinary arts. The fucking juicers.

The Breville juicers. The Nutribullists. You can't keep those out after a couple of uses because they get that film on. That's typically fucking me cleaning it all the fucking time. You got to do that right away. Oh, I know. Otherwise it's trash. I know.

She hasn't been using it recently. I don't care how healthy you are. But she has like, we bought like one of those like fucking bought it on Craigslist. A bunch of cucumber guts everywhere. Oh man. That stuff turns right quick too. It's like compost. Fucking earthworms in the kitchen.

I know. Every doubt again, you guys sink up like a sorority house. It's called for besties. Hi, it's Kevin there. Oh, I got it. It's a bay. I got that. I know what's going on out there.

Uh, what the fuck were we just talking about? Oh, but breaking news on said are you garbage podcast? Go ahead. That's what I just bought. Air fryer. Yes. Knew it. Yeah.

That's where you got the jacket from. You were at a goddamn air fryer show. I did an air show. Just an air fryer show. The blue fat guys are over there flying everything out. The blue fat guys. That one guy just did an inverted chicken wing. Yeah.

Got the air fryer, but nowhere to put it. We haven't, I haven't even... You can't leave those out on the counter. They get all greasy and shit. I know. I haven't even used them. That's why I always said toaster ovens were trash because nobody maintained them.

No. After like a, after one summer of fucking, you know, Yeah, 1000 grilled cheese and bagel bites. That thing was disgusting. But like Satan's floor. Oh, God. It's all right. My dad used to do the tin foil on it and then you would...

Dad gets all colored, cluttered up too. No, but at the bottom then, but that made it easier to clean. Sure. At least kept it tighter. Yeah. Should we do the tin foil system? I don't like it.

I don't like the tin foil system. Well, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to let you know how I feel about said air fryer. You haven't used it yet? Yeah, we got it the same day we got the dog and it's just been fucking running around, you know, cleaning up shit. Put the dog food in there.

He likes it in there for three minutes. Couple of dog bones. Yeah. Yeah. I think you got to put that stuff away. It depends how it looks. But I always felt trashy growing up, going in and get the toaster.

You got to go into the closet for toasters. Yeah, we do keep things in that closet too. There's a couple of kitchen items in our coat closet in the front of the house for sure. So go in every once in a while to get the big pot. Yeah. When you got to get the big pot or the big skillet. Yeah.

Yeah. She's digging around in there. Pull out the crock pot. Yeah. It's got a knitted hat in it. It's got scarves in it. Dude, no shit. Yeah, fuck that.

No, that's where you can't be keeping kitchen stuff with non kitchen stuff. That's too weird. Oh, we have stuff out in the fucking garage. Like we're a catering company. When something big pops off. Where the sternus? Oh, yeah.

Behind the box of rolls. Can't be keeping rolls next to the fucking motor oil. Right next to the shock for the pool. We're out of salt. Use a little bit of the shock. Just a pinch. Just a pinch. A pinch and a shock will take care of you.

What's the secret ingredient in this? Chlorine. That's good. Don't have too much. That's a tough look. Yeah. I feel if it falls on, if it looks okay, if it's too close, you know,

one or two things is okay. A blender. If you got the space for it. Can I say this? A blender, a toaster. On the low, I'm a huge toast guy. Toast? Toast.

Huge. Trust me at the house. With a fresh thing of butter. Man, they're all getting lined up. Got one empty slot in there. Fucking cherries all across the board. So I like... Fat guy, fat guy, fat guy, fat guy.

I like to use the toaster. Okay. I enjoy a good toaster. Yeah. Maybe lay off the bread. I have been. Why would I believe that? Because I don't have a toaster.

You just said I have a toaster. I love making toast. I'm in it with my parents. I don't have a toaster. Man, the settings on this, the settings on this story really changed. I mean, I feel like I'm in an M. Night Shyamalan story. Wait, I'm fat?

The toaster was dead the whole time. Have you ever done or... No, I do have a toaster. I don't know what we're talking about. We are in Foleyville. No, I do have a toaster. I was telling you an anecdote on the pod, and you immediately jumped on me.

It's not what I'm doing now. I'm just saying in general. I appreciate that. It doesn't mean that I'm doing it now. That's all. Have you guys seen the move where someone, either you or someone you know, has a hot dogs in a toaster?

No. That's your thing. Hot dogs in a toaster. Hot dogs in a toaster oven. Oh, hot dogs in a toaster. No. Hot dogs in a microphone. That's insane.

Two hot dogs in a microwave for a minute. 52 seconds, depending on the wattage. It's not a problem. No, it's fantastic. Fantastic. I'll throw in a fucking... Dude, those Oscar Mayer cheese dogs with the cheese in the middle?

They do blow up like an old man's nose, though. Some of them... Some of them look like they've been drinking too long. Yeah, some of them get a case of rosacea. Yeah, that's, I mean, I would come home from school, high school or junior high, two of them on a paper plate,

hit the easy minute button, right? Get the two Martins potato... Hit the fat kid button. I get the two Martins potato buns out. Fucking put them on, throw them on the thing after a minute, and they throw a fucking hand, two handfuls of fucking goldfish

on the side of that plate, two cans of coke, cold a fucking day. Two episodes of Inspector Gadget, and I'm golden. More of a TRL kind of guy. And four more years of virginity. Here's your four...

He chopped up four more years of virginity. Here we go. Here's your four more years of juggernaut and a peanut butter. What was your protocol? Was there a defense system for incoming phone calls at your house when you were a child?

Was there a script of what to say? My dad was never there. Never. I mean, mainly there's a lot of people... I mean, for legal purposes, he wasn't. It was, I'm not here. I'm not here. Every time. I would like to the point where the phone ring,

if he didn't say something, I'd go, Dad, are you here? No, I'm not here. Yeah, he's not here. All right. It'd be like his brother. He'd be like, I'm not here. I'm like, oh, hey, Uncle Bill.

I'm thinking of my dad like, I'm not here. I'm not here. Yeah. They don't even answer the phone in my mom's anymore. They don't even answer it. I don't even know if it's on. Really? I don't think the ringer's on.

It comes up on the TV because it's through Comcast too, which annoys the shit out of me. Typically for years, and also, I did them real dirty. For years, it was all of my creditors calling the house. Ouch.

Every single one of them. I'm talking student loans. I'm talking AMX. I'm talking Macy's. They say he doesn't live here? Yeah, but they go, I don't give a fuck. It's just some guy in a fucking call center. They say, yeah, of course you're going to say

he doesn't live here. That's what they all say. I'm not fucking taking your word for it. You're dead beast. I can smell that fat bastard from here. He's making hot dogs. I can hear them. Why do I hear goldfish shaking around like dice?

I'm in the back. I'm not here. Yeah, so I really fucked them. Really. It was like terrorized. I mean, six a day, seven a day. If I got one for five years. One of those at the house.

She's on the phone. I'm like, what they're calling here looking for you? This is bad. AMX called my sister-in-law's mother asking for Kevin Ryan. Wow. Yeah. I got a call from my,

I got a text from my brother. Do you have an AMX? Who's working at Case Colombo? What the fuck? Jesus Christ. They had exhausted every resource. Holy shit. They're interviewing your teachers and shit.

I got a text from my brother going, do you have an AMX card? Not in the sense, like you could read the tone, wasn't like, let's be AMX buddies. This was a what the fuck? It wasn't a you have an AMX, right? Yeah.

Yeah. It wasn't where AMX? Did you have an AMX card? Yes. Do you have a pass to AMX card? Because they're currently looking for the 400 beans. Holy fuck. Yeah.

Calling Jesus. For 400 bucks, embarrassing me in front of my in-laws for $400. Buddy, I'll get it to you. What do you want? 400, AMX needs my $400. Meanwhile,

it was $200 and they fucking, they juiced me. Probably got two out of the ant too. Can't catch a fucking break around here. That's trash. Good Lord. Not my finest moment. Now I can't see her without

feeling like a complete, complete sub-bag. That's her mother-in-law too. Sit again, you're... My sister-in-laws, my brother's wife's mother. Wow. So it'd be like... How many times have you met this woman?

Enough. I'm too proud to know with her bag. I mean, the creditors calling her house did enough. What are they, pictures with you two together? I don't understand how they make that connection. You're really married into a great family. What's your social security number? I'm at the wedding,

I'm at the wedding writing down credit card numbers. Let me see, I've put together a scrapbook for the kids. I'll need all the kids' socials. They're about to buy some property. Uncles are walking up to your brother, it's really great your brother's running that coat check. He's like, I never heard of a wallet check at a wedding before.

So your brother works for MasterCard, huh? Man, I was a loser for a real... I still am as I'm sitting here wearing this jacket. Man, I was a loser for a real long time. Until you took it home at the Winston Cup. We're a PBR, we're a Marlboro family. Hoo doggie. Can we go to an Ascar race?

Yeah, for sure. There's so much fun. Can you get us in? Yeah, I'll get you in a fucking pit lane. Get in the infield. You're gonna show your titties. Please be 18, please be 18. I'd want to do it right.

One of those Winnebago's out there in the middle of the field. We can do it. Yeah? Fireworks and shit? What? Okay. I don't know what that means. Yeah, maybe we can get in the pace car, pull some strings.

Get the fuck out of here. You can't do that. You can't get in the... I'm not saying I can pull strings. Man, this jacket is going to your head. There's no way you're getting us in the pace car. Not off anybody. I'm saying I'm sure we can make some sort of donation or something.

Get us in there. I don't know anybody can get us in a pace car. I want to do the flags. That's not what I was implying. I want to do the flags. Oh, that was the big thing. Used to have fucking... We were racing outside.

The checkered flags. Thought you were so fucking cool. Whippin' it down. White flag, last lap. I think. Forget. The checkered flags. Real hillbilly shit.

Man. Shout out to Flemington Raceway. Home of the Turpigs. That jacket's thick. We'll get used to it, Fatty. It's coming on tour this week. Let's see. Let's do one or two more and then get out of here.

This one's just funny. This is Jared. Ever watched two years worth of Patreon content in two months because tax time is the only time you had to have extra cash. Do what you got to do, baby. Game the system. I'm all about it. Do what you got to do.

This one, I literally don't... This is from Tool. Have you... Tool, I guess? Have you ever worn goggles in the shower so you don't have to close your eyes and give the monsters a chance to get here? Buddy, you gotta check out betterhelp.com. But I do get it.

I get it in the sense of... That shower curtain can be a little sketchy. I have never washed my hair in complete comfort at any stage in my life, even now when I'm in there. I'm not fucking in Vidal Sassoonland. I got fucking my eyes in the back. I'm on my six. No, let me ask you this in the shower.

Okay. What are you... What's the door situation? Are you closing and locking the door fully? You open, you crack. What are you doing? Like, the door to the bathroom. I don't think...

Yeah, I don't lock the bathroom door. If you did. That would be suspect. I would assume. Yeah, well... Playing a little patty cake in there. That was always suspect in my house growing up. Locking the bathroom.

Even if you... The bathroom door? No. Well, if you're in there taking a boom, boom. Everybody knows you're in there. I'm taking... I'm in the bathroom. So let's just say you were sitting around watching TV.

You have to go, hey, guys, I want to go take a... We were knock first. We were knock first people. When... If I was in the shower and patty knocked on the door and she couldn't get in to get her tweezers or whatever she had to get to, oh, yeah, lock that door. Then you got to get out. You're wet.

Hey. I just had to... Oh, yeah. You're doing that. What? That's crazy. Just trying to get her fucking hairspray? Get the fuck out of here.

Wow. There's no privacy like that. No. Well, older. I mean, if I was down there... If you went into your parents' house now to shower, you could lock the door. I've locked the door. Yeah.

Yeah. Now I can. Yeah. 46. Look at you. Big man on campus locking the door. Hey, Ma, I'll do whatever I want. I can beat her up now.

Well, as a kid, she was a tough cookie. Look at that. Damn. Got a fucking right hand on her. Look at... Wow. Put you to sleep. That's crazy.

Oh, yeah. And now, you know, in my apartment, I, you know... Not worried. No, I think that would be a sign of distrust or something like that if I locked the door. Yeah. I wouldn't do that. I know she's not coming in the way I'm fucking doping, but in the shower, what happens? You know what I mean?

Well, you gotta brush your teeth and stuff like that. Now, no locking of the doors. Yeah. Bedrooms, neither. They knew... As a kid? No. Oh, yeah.

You couldn't lock your bedroom door. And they're defiling myself. Yeah. So I had to work under the cover of darkness. Let's talk to look over my shoulders early in life. Jesus Christ. Keep it quiet. Yeah.

I mean, not locking the bedroom doors I totally get, but we were able to lock our bathroom to... We had a... My mom had... You had a sister, too, though. My mom had to... My mom locked it growing up. Could you do that now?

I'd pop in there and sneak a peek. See what the Bible's talking about. But my mom had her own bathroom, and then the kids had one. What'd you say? See what the Bible was talking about. I'd been out of an Eve because they were naked. I don't know shit about the Bible. I thought they were fucking moms.

Yeah. Stay fruit, y'all done? Beaky, beaky. All right. Let's wrap it up. Gang. We love yous. We're on tour right now.

Yes, we are. We got new dates coming. New dates coming. They're probably announced by this point. The West Coast. A couple of cities on the West Coast will be coming to town. It's going to be fun. Yes.

Let's see us. We have a great time. Bring the squad. Bring the gang. We love you very much. We'll see you next week. Peace.