Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Disney Adults w/ Brendan Sagalow!

Episode Date: June 4, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Brendan Sagalow! You know Brendan Sagalow from stand up comedy, Sagdaddy Da Pod, Legion of Skanks, Whisky Ginger, Soder, Stavvy's World, Tuesdays with Stories, Chrissy Chaos, The Bonfire, KFC Radio, The Adam Friedland Show Podcast, You Know What Dude, The Jim and Sam Show and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Fabletics: https://fabletics.com/garbage Promo Code: GARBAGE BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/garbage Promo Code: GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

New Jersey, Philadelphia, Delaware. You heading down the shore this summer? Of course you are. July 10th, the boys are going to be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Come out for a little AIG life. Yes, and before that, we're going to be in Portland, Maine at Empire Comedy Club. Tickets going fast. Then we're going to be in Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Impro.

And then hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets. Are you Garbage.com. Stand-up comedy. Play AIG with the crowd. It's a good, good time. We'll see you there. Best summer ever.

Hey, everybody out there And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast This is RU Garbage Hey, yeah It's that a little show We sit down with your favorite comedians And we find that if they grew up to be classy Okay, just a big old piece of trash trash trash

I'm your host stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition She just picked up a six foot tank For the weekend Of Nitrous All right She's about there for wisdom teeth pulled Do it herself

Mike Coates is coming out from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He's a bit of an international businessman. And thank God my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Shout out to you.

As always, please make sure you're right of view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing a frigging charts. God dang it. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www. Patreon.com slash are you garbage?

You go over there. You get all that freaking bonus content, gang, and join the 16,000 people we got going on over there. Yes, sir. Shout out to the Army of Garbage and Gang. We could be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean, incredibly special guests. Finally back with us again today.

Uh-huh. We've known him since Moses wore short pants. Uh-huh. Came up on the goddamn streets together. Very funny stand-up comedian, an actor, voiceover actor, podcaster. Yeah. Freestyle rapper.

You better believe it. Written rhyme to recording artists. On Interscope records. You can have a little bit. hear him every week on Sag Daddy the podcast Give it up for Mr. Brendan Sagelow. Thank you guys. Sag Daddy. And I've got something for you guys. Do you remember

when you were first starting this show and we were both doing a show with the name Garbage in it? Remember you hit me up? I had a show called Garbage Days hugely successful. Another podcast called Garbage Days with Scott Chaplin and Foley calls me and he goes,

hey man, we're thinking about doing a show called Are You Garbage? You got garbage in the names. You mind if we also to do that. And I literally, what did I say to you? I go, we're both going to fail. Who cares? Good luck. Yeah, I was like, all right, good look. But I prefaced it with the fact that we had been doing, we've been playing,

Are You Garbage on the old podcast for like a year. Yes. I remember the show. I don't remember this at all. That's what I was running the goddamn business. Well, the fact, in the day on the streets, when you had to use a little muscle. That's what that's right. Not your second generation shit. Here's me and Sagalow were running molasses out of Canada. You were in fucking, I'd Princeton.

Well, just imagine Imagine if I said to you, like, yeah, I kind of have a problem with that. And you're calling this show now, like, are you, you know, a badge? We have you whacked or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were asking for, we weren't really asking for me. I was doing it anyway, for sure. You know, it's like when you were our first podcast, we were just checking in.

You know what I mean? Like, hey, just letting you know we're operating in your backyard. Right, right, right, right, right. Well, I'll tell you what, that you can operate in the backyard. All you want, the house is burned down. So, yeah, go, go. hang out in the backyard. We're also changing Luke's name to Brendan Sagalow.

That's okay. You're cool with that, right? Yeah, that's all right. That's fine. Take it all. We, I mean, we know your trash. Yeah, of course. Look at me.

What? I actually think I'm pretty classy. Shout out to the big dogs t-shirt, the gold and silver bracelets, and brand new tattoo. If a dollar is free tattoo, this guy who came to a show went to my hotel room this weekend and just like, did a tattoo? did a tattoo. Well, I got it done in the hotel room?

I got it done in the hotel room. That's actually pretty classy. It's pretty punk rock in a way. I felt like Pete Davidson. Yeah, that's pretty rich guy shit. When you get, that's famous guy shit.

When you get your haircut, when you get your haircut done in the green room or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a haircut guy that comes with me to the Alpharetta Little Room. Over in the lab. Over in the lab, the helium lab. In the other room. I have a haircut guy.

This was probably a, Hampton in? Yeah, what kind of hotel room? was it? I don't know. They just put me in hotel rooms and I just stay there.

I should do... Also another rich guy answer. I don't know. It wasn't a four seasons, was it? No, of course not. It wasn't a one season. No, no. I had the hotel room had...

The window was broke. Yeah, yeah. No, it had like... The hotel had like things all over the walls, like right above the bed. It said sleep well or something like that. It was horrible. I think that's a mental decision.

Yeah, and they gave me my own jacket. My own My own snuggie What town What city was this in? Alpharetta Atlanta Alpharetta, Georgia

Yeah What's club there? Helium Oh the helium's in Alpharetta The Helium's in Alpharetta It's a great club It's a great club I was in Atlanta

But yeah The town is Alpharetta Yeah Which is like 40 minutes outside Whatever but yeah Alpharetta Yeah I mean it was It was so boring

Sounds like an old black lady Alpharetta I talked to Alpharetta We're gonna cut that out You know, as I was saying And I went, this is not going to be good. At first I went, he's going out on a limb. This is not going to be good.

I semi-tried it. It was like, I don't think. No, no, no. This doesn't feel right. You went, I'm not jumping out of the plane. You know, I think we're a little too close to the ground to jump out the plane. And I went, I'm going on Affaretta. Sagalow came in today.

And he was singing a, um, a police song that I, that I've been listening to a lot. So lonely. Yes. Love the video. they're on the train. Oh, I don't know the video. Great video, great song. That's how he consumes music is just YouTube videos?

Yeah, on YouTube. I watch everything. It's wild. That's crazy. That's how you, well, what about music when you're traveling? You watch it on YouTube while you're traveling? Like in your car or something? My car.

No, he uses... You have a car? I do, but relations is suspended. No. In the car in the car. What? Why? I never turn my plates in when I switched on.

Long night and alpharetta. You never turn your plates in. I didn't. turn my plates in when I got a new lease and they suspended my license for like almost a year. Jesus Christ. Starting in March. But I had it taken care of so I get it back in June. Okay.

Back on the streets riding dirty. Okay. But I do use YouTube on that as well. Strange. Yeah, that's strange. I know. You're on a plane next to him. He's looking at videos.

Well, what I do is so every year on June 1st, January 1st, sorry. Let me preface this before you get into this. Okay. This is the thing. He's singing a police song. Yeah. So, no. great song, whatever.

Uh-huh. He follows it up with a selection, a selection from the Disney animated series, Disney animated cartoon, I guess. Hercules. Yeah, I mean, I'll stand. Which is basically a show tune. Ah, I guess.

You're singing, you have musicals on your playlist. Yeah, of course. I have a playlist called The Masturbation Compilation. I make it every year. And I love, I mean, the Hercules soundtrack is one of the best soundtracks in the world. And I'm looking at your eyes right now. I'm not convincing you, but the song is a, that makes it.

Also folded real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see it in your ass. I know what I'm teamed up against. Do you make a playlist for the entire year? Yeah, and I just feed songs that I like into it. And I just keep listening to it over and over. And then at the end of the year.

The first week's pretty rough. I'm just listening to So lonely for one for a whole week. You don't do it all in one day. Like on New Year's Day, you don't sit and put like 4,000 songs in a thing. No, no, no, no. Then do you shelf that? at the end of the year? Yeah, I'll listen to it again, but I usually...

You start fresh. I start fresh, yeah. Yeah. And how many show tunes would you say you're in there? Tons, dude. It's filled with Disney songs. He's a Disney adult. I'm not a Disney adult, okay? You're not not a Disney adult.

I like, I'm an adult. I'm a, I like Disney and I'm 35. Okay, my apologies, Your Honor. Okay, so that's what my lawyer would say. I go, Your Honor. These guys, barely an adult. It's the Disney thing, but not, like, you don't have things from, like, Chicago in there, do you? Or, like, late-man?

I have stuff from, like, Book of Mormon and stuff on there. I'll give you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're a South Park guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I love Broadway as well. You do. Pretty classy as well.

That is. I'm trying to, I'm trying to win here. I didn't know that about you. I didn't know you loved Broadway. Oh, that's a fun. Ask a fucking question once in a while. Hey, why you call me and now then. Hey, call me every now and then.

That's pretty funny. Prove to us why you think you're how much, okay, Classy you got jewelry on. Yeah. How much was that jewelry? It was a couple hundred for both of these. So it's not really real. I don't need to get insurance on it.

I almost stopped wearing these. I don't need to get insurance. I've never heard of that. The people have insurance on their jewelry. Did you know that? It's all fake too. I don't roll with that. I heard Fettiewop or somebody talking about that.

What do you mean? It's all fake. They do wear fake. Yeah. If they're going somewhere, they're like, why would I wear the real thing? I know. Yeah. Well, I got this one for Christmas from my lady.

who Fettywap is, by the way. Fettywap sings Trap Queen. So I got this from my lady, which was about like 300 bucks, I think. Okay. And this is like 100 something, 200 bucks. Where do you go?

Does Jacob do those for you? He's got Jared. Yeah, I have his name tattooed on me, Jacob. Holy shit, you do. Who's Jacob? Jacob is my best friend since we were in, like, first grade. He died?

No, he's still alive. I'm going to his wedding next week. He did get a DUI, though. That was when they put him in house arrest. I got a tattoo. I went free Jacob. Wait, you have the tattoo of a man who's still alive that isn't your father on your arm. He's more healthier than me.

This guy's alive and kicking. He's doing great. He works out every day. He's very healthy. I'm going to his wedding in two weeks. Does he have your name tattooed on your arm? He does not, no. That's a wild upper hand.

What the fuck is going on? When I was... How did I not know anything? When we were younger... What sparked it, yeah. I visited him. I would go visit him in college because... You're in love with this guy.

Well, uh... He got friends zoned. Yeah, yeah. I think... I like you, just not like that, brother. I got your name, he's on my arm. I love you. Let it go.

Let it go. I would go... Jacob doesn't bother me anyway. It's frozen. It's frozen. God, it's on my playlist. He doesn't know it. You don't know frozen?

That's a goddamn banger. I know it. Don't you have a little baby? I do, yeah. You're going to watch Frozen. He's starting to learn all this stuff. Yeah, watch Hercules, bro. If there's a price for rotten judgment.

I'm all right. I guess I've already won that. Anyway, so I would visit him. I was great. I do love how I was like, prove that you're classy. We got to the bracelets and found out he'd another man's name tattooed on him. And we completely, he literally got one decent thing. I got these bracelets and then that's the best case you could make for yourself.

I'm so far into garbage. I could never be class. How have we not known that? You had that tattooed that guy. I don't really brag about it or anything like that, to be honest. I mean, so I would go visit, you know, a bunch of my friends went to the same college, including Binghamton University. Yeah. So I would go up there.

Right next to the state penitentiary. Binghamton is a rough town, dude. Yeah, I mean, my. That's pretty good. I don't know why, but it's funny. I bought a, what's that, it's like a gun for arrows? What's that called? A crossbow.

A crossbow, yeah, my buddy bought a crossbow, and he's like, bro, we just got a crossbow, you gotta come up to Binghamton. He'd jump in the car for seven hours. Yeah, and I went, I went straight to Binghamton, and we just shot crossbows at the wall that they were like. Now, were they selling dry? That sounds like somebody who was selling weed. My one buddy had, yes. Yeah, would buy a crossbow. Very good, very good.

Wow. We're the same, we're essentially the same people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same generation. I'm a little older, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're pretty much. How old are you? 39.

Yeah, okay, same shit. Porn, Maxa Magazine, all that kind of shit. Yeah, bro. FHM. I did the Deep Guts, dog. Fish Eye lens with, like, Malcolm in the middle t-shirts on and stuff like that. That's all that. Like, goose.

Remember how big, like, radiation goos was in the 90s and shit like that? You know what I'm talking about. Like slime? Slime, yeah. Any, yes. Sorry, yeah, slime. For the old heads. I'm back at my name.

Whatever, pop up. Hey, second, let's get out of here. Like on Nickelodeon. So, yeah, to make a long story short, I went up there and we were just laughing about, it was always a running joke because we were like, we were best friends. Like we got attached at the hip in high school. That was the thing we got. Oh, like your award. Yeah, the award we got.

What is that called? Whatever. We got that. Gengest dudes award? Fuck you, man. Yeah, the principal was like, and for the biggest homos. We have Brendan. Go to Brendan and Jacob.

We actually, we had a, we had a, we had a, when, when Facebook first started and we were like, we were like, let's just create our own Facebook because we wanted to look at a buddy's girlfriend and like see if she was hot. And, you know, because we're not gay. And we, we, we, we, she's gross. Yeah. We go, ew, in that dress with that top. Wait, you guys started a Facebook page for yours together together called Jaco Brendan. You're in love with this. What is J-A-C-O-P-R-E-N?

I don't know, dude. Fuck you. Fuck you guys. Hello. How dare you? You're going to object it to wedding. How dare you? I object!

I know. I'm going to be hitting the glass. Jacob! She doesn't even have her name tattooed on you. Anyway, so it was always a running joke that we would get, I would get his name tattooed on me. And I had a bunch of tattoos I was getting, so I didn't really give a shit. Like, this whole arm is full of, like, I don't care. And so is this arm, too.

And so we were like, on the way to the tattoo place, that's a heart-shaped grenade, right? Yeah, yeah. So, because I wear my heart on my sleeve, ladies. Let me go. Are there any goth, fat girls that listen to this? Probably, yeah. Shout out to the beautiful girls out there.

Shout out to all the beautiful girls. Hell yeah. Yeah, so, and on the way there, we were like, well, what's it going to look like and all that stuff? And I was like, and someone was like, Someone was like, we should put it in an anchor. And I went and then someone was like, have the squid. We went as a group, like all my friends went.

And we were laughing and giggling the entire time. It's not bad. I know. It's horrible. What are you talking about? We asked the guy to make the eyes high. We went, can you make the eyes on the squid high? It's faded to the point where, like, I remember seeing old men who were in the Navy.

Like, that's what that looks. It can't be that old to fade that much. I got it when I was like 21, I think. Okay. So, and then. The clover really asked to it above it. Well, the clover I got when I was 16. But anyway, whatever.

What is this? You know, but. This is garbage days. Garbage days. So we, yeah. The biggest regret, I think, of it. I'll tell you this, is right before. Unrequitted love.

Yeah. Yeah, it just could never work. It's right before we got it done, he goes, we said to the tattoo guy, we go, oh, add a pirate hat to it. And the guy, I thought it was going to be like a pirate hat to it. And the guy, I thought it was going to be like a pirate. hat like a cartoon Captain Crunch Pirate hat. This guy did like a realistic pirate hat and now it looks like a

fucking cock. It looks like a slice of watermelon. It looks like a penis. It's another man's name wrapped in a penis. Yeah, what's this circle? A bit of a turn on it, you guys make. The anchor, I guess. Oh, the top of the anchor. So it's an anchor.

That makes on his watch. What? I thought it was a duck if I'm being honest. Well, yeah. And Jacob's always like, hey man, you can get that covered. And I was like, yeah, maybe. I don't know. Hey, man, things are getting pretty serious to my girl. Why don't you cover it up?

I'm going to be wearing a suit without sleeves on it. Are you the best man in the wedding? I'm not. He has a brother. Are you in the wedding party? I am in the wedding party. I'm wearing a tux. Again, with the sleeves cut off.

You're such a dirt bike. I am wearing a tux. Wait, hold on. Are you officially in the wedding party? Or are you just wearing a tux because the other groomsmen are? I got a feeling he's not in the wedding. No, none of the other groomsmen are wearing tucks. I'm wearing one tux with the tail going out.

No. Everybody's wearing tuxes. So you're in the, I'm in the wedding part. You're standing up there with him. Yeah. Are you first behind his brother? I hope.

I mean, I got his fucking name tattooed on me for Christ's sake. The fact that I'm not the best man is going to be... It's bullshit, Jacob. Yeah. Are you making a speech? No, should I? No, not if you weren't asked.

I might freestyle something. I go, Oh, ha. Oh, ha. Jacob, don't get married. I love you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Anyway

Anyway, so when are we recording? Talk about the duality Of man, wow Duality? Yeah, let's just spell that. This is pretty one way. I don't know what you're talking about it. Well, he listens to musicals.

I'm a pretty... He's got the brain of an eight-year-old. What are you talking about? Baby Shark Shark. Have you guys heard this sick baby shark song? I'm going to see Telethubbies at Wembley's at Wembley Stadium if you guys want to come out.

What was your first concert? The Beach Boys. The Beach Boys, I was at a fair and I was a little baby. That's okay. But first. No one's ever referred to themselves at a concert as a baby. I was. I was a little baby.

We talked to Kokomo? Was that when that was going on? I think, I don't know. But it was a cool fair. There was a bunch of hot air balloons that were taking, that were taken off and shit. It was cool. This is the Long Island? I don't know where it was.

I was a little baby. It would have to be. I don't remember. Stop calling yourself a baby. I was a little baby. I was 13 years old. No, but the first concert I went to as an adult. I don't know.

As somebody who, like, bought tickets, right? And it was like, I'm going to a concert. Can we guess it? Yeah, you'll never guess it. You'll never guess it. Were they releasing music when you were that eight? How old were you? I was, like, 13.

So, 2005, maybe? Like, 2017. Oh, Jesus. Is it, in your, in your, Is it in your vernacular? That would make me 16 years old. Is it in your popular music vernacular that we would know of the Brendan we know? Well, I mean, my music is obviously all over the place.

So I really don't think you would guess it, but I do think it would fit into the, you know, you'd go, of course, maybe. Is it hip hop, rock? It's rock. Let me just tell you. Yeah. It was, you'll never get it. You'll never get it. You'll never get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Steve Harvey. I'm Steve Harvey and family food. I go, let me just tell you what it is. I like Sags put me in my plane. Yeah, I go, I'm just going to tell you, I'm sick of guessing. Bit of a turn on. Yeah.

Okay, maybe I'll get your name to you know what I mean. I come in tomorrow, you got Brendan. What did you guys do last night? You go, oh, God, I'm hammered, man. Why does my neck hurt? Kim, you know Fabletics? Ooh, I love Fabletics. You're a big Fabletics guy.

Well, I'm going to tell you something right now. You better start moving over. Uh-oh. Uncle Hanks down a few pounds. Yeah. I'm getting a little more active. A more movement. That's right.

And I want to be looking for some fitness wear. You know what I'm talking about? Point me in the right direction over there, Fabletics. Let me know what's going on. I will. I'm a big fan of the joggers. We spent whatever the whole time we were in L.A., I don't think I got out of the joggers.

I travel on them. I wear them around the house. They make me, I got to get about five more pairs of these drones because I'm wearing a heck out of them. They cut well, look good. But you're not like, you don't look like for me. I'm not trying too hard. You know what I should do?

here. I'm a big fan of the joggers. And when you sign up for VIP with Fabletics, you get 70 to 80% off of everything. It makes it easy to grab multiple workout shirts, shorts, lounge pieces, everyday staples for the summer without overthinking it. You can look, they see what they have as a total, as like a package, as a uniform, as an outfit. They have, like we said, the versatile pieces that you can wear throughout the day. I can wear them on a workout. Like I said, I wear them traveling. I wear I'm running errands. I wear them walking the dog. I wear them hanging out with my baby. and still feel put together because it makes,

there's things about bozos like us. You just got to increase a little bit and you go, ah, I feel nice. I feel fancy. It's a little bit of 5% twist. That's all you need to just elevate your game of smidge. Let's go. Shop right now, fabletics.com slash garbage

and get 70 to 80% off of everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz, which I took very quick, and be sure to select garbage when prompted to unlock this offer. There's a limited time offer, so don't wait.

Again, that's fabletics.com slash garbage for 70, 80% Send off everything as a new VIP. Do it. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yes. Summer's here. Mm-hmm.

Okay. As we know, Uncle Hank, very, very serious mental health journey. Yes. Start it with Better Health. Mm-hmm. Let's go. Do yourself a favor.

Whether you got something big going on, something small going on, you have a milestone in your life that you have to overcome, that you have to talk your way through. Mm-hmm. Go to a professional. Yes. And get yourself to help.

that you need, if you need it. You got something small going on. Makes it easy. Yes. It really makes it easy. It honestly has changed my life. That's good to hear. And I can second that.

And BetterHelp has over 30,000 therapists. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally, and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. The proof is in the numbers, baby. Better Help does the initial matchmaking work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. And I've always said therapy can be overwhelming and daunting to think about of calling on somebody up,

making this stuff, making these appointments, find out if they're right for you. Let Better Help do it. You get in the pool. You step into the pool instead of jumping in. You walk down the stairs. You get in, you go, hey, this might be my guy. This might not be my guy. Let me try again.

But at least the ball is rolling and you're working on yourself, which I am a big fan of. Um, you don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash garbage. That's BetterHelp, hlp.com slash garbage. Do it. Uh, I went to go see the Viva Labam tour, which was, which was, uh, it wasn't CKY actually, which sucks. Really?

CKY wasn't on it. It was him. Okay. It was. Who? That's funny. It's the name of the band. It's the name.

name of the band. Oh, him. Okay, I got it. Who's on first? Uh, what's on second? I got, I don't know him. Who? That sounds weird.

It does sound weird. Is it a person or is it a band? It's a band. Him. They're like Gothic metal. That's the dumbest shit I ever. I know. They're Swedish or what are they, Finland?

Finnsh finish. I'll give you that. Hey, yeah. Let's finish the story. Yeah. It was Finnish. It was, I mean, it was, it was, this band, Skindred and another band. Skindrid was, is like, reggae metal rap.

And then they were, you know, and I was like 13 at the time. You know the architects? No, who's that? No? No. Oh, okay. Okay. This has been hip hop corner with each of only.

No. They just played at Sonic Temple. You know what that is? These are all video games. I thought this was up your alley. You go, yeah, you're making shit up. Sonic boom. They were like around my chemical romance era.

Oh, no. I wasn't really into that. Really? To be honest. Yeah, no. I didn't really. I mean, now I'll listen to some of their. This is such a new money arm.

It's crazy. I know. Fucking bright red new tattoo and a gold and the gold and silver. That's what makes it really trashed. The double bracelet is it. What was the occasion your girl got it for you? Christmas. What'd you get her?

I got her Nike's. A rap song. Yeah. I wrote a couple verses. Christmas rap song. I wrote her a hook. I got her like Nike's and some like clothes and stuff and just shit she would like. And a necklace.

I got her nice necklace. Nice. Yeah. Speaking of your Long Island early days, do you remember the first strip club? What was the name of the first strip club you went to? The first strip club I ever went to. And let's do the last. Oh, man.

Well, the last was yesterday. So, no, what was the first strip club I ever went to? I think it was. Was it 18 or 21? I don't remember. It was for, you know what was four? I think it was. What was it?

I remember, I think it might have been for Aaron Berg's Bachelor party. That was your first strip club? I think so. Yeah, yeah. Nerd a word. What age were you in? You were in your early 20s. But I was like, I was like, anytime she stopped dancing, I was like, come on back.

I was so hammered that I was, I was just getting a lap dance the entire fucking time. Nice. I spent so much money there. And I was hammered, dude. And then the last one I went to, me and Matt Richards went to a little bit more of an urban one. Was this during the pandemic? I think so. Was it the one close by to where we were performing?

Maybe. I don't know, but I remember a strip club. What are you talking about? It was a strip club. There were ladies dancing by poles. I think it was a little more than that. Well, most strip clubs are if you have enough cash. Yeah, if you have enough cash.

It's in the same building that we were doing the outdoor shows. No, no, no, no. Oh, no. No, but we were driving home. That was a mob run brothel. Yeah, we were, I don't even remember that. What are you talking about? Where were we?

The rooftop. The one rooftop in. Oh. Yeah, yeah I didn't that was a strip club no I went to He wasn't a fucking target I could I know something We were just driving and he was like you want to go to a strip club We're like near a strip club and I was like all right yeah

And okay we just I think I had just quit booze too So I was like I was just there like sober with these like big black asses up in my face And I was just like excuse me miss I'm okay I'm driving Get a cop Why are you doing this? Because she was farting in my face. Pay extra for that.

Her name was Alpharetta. Now we've got to leave all that in. Fuck. That was all staying in the name. I was all parted in a bit. Sex, what was your first job? My first job was I was a bowling alley. Jesus.

All right, that's enough. I was, I worked as a party host for kids, for children's birthday parties at a bowling alley, which I actually got. demoted after a couple of months. They had hired me for... How old were you? I was about 14, I think. It's the brain of a child.

14, 15, yeah. Stop singing those goddamn shout-to. It wasn't a hard job, but I just never really cleaned up after. What'd you get demoted to? Janitor. So you weren't cleaning up, so they demoted you did a janitor? They just had me come in. They were like, because I remember coming in, they were just like, we don't have any parties.

And I was like, okay, what am I supposed to do? And they were like, just, like, clean around and stuff. And for hours I would just walk around cleaning. Like they never gave me any direction. The manager actually got fired from there because he strangled this girl named Blaze. There was a girl there named Blaze who was a lesbian and he was a big fat guy named Franklin and he ended up strangling her. Not killing her. To death?

No, no, not, not killing her. What did she do? It's just a Tuesday in Long Island, dude. That happened at every town in Long Island. When you say party host. He put his arm around. He's put his hands around her neck. so he got fired.

He was mad at her or something. Jesus. I know. So the party host. You are fucking next level trash. Tell me about it. I mean, you know, and so the job consisted of you were, you'd go in about an hour and a half earlier.

You'd set up the table. You'd set up how many, you'd know how many kids were going to be there. You'd all getting tokens, this, that whatever, yeah. You'd go, you'd put up the things. Would you fill the pictures of soda? Yeah, you would fill the pitches up with soda. Good question. Good question.

You would fill the pictures up with... He's being a dick or not. You go, you know... You should start... You should be a hired questioner for the president. A questioner? I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

He's giving me attitude about it. Great question. You go, hey, did you fill up those pictures yourself? Would you put your e-she in them, too? I like a lot of e-shirt. Did you put your shoes on yourself as well? They usually don't put ice in them. They do put ice in it.

It actually looks so good. Oh, a pitcher of Coke. We talk about it all that. Oh, my God. I love soda, dude. I love it so much. It's the best. You know what?

You know where we should take Sagalow? Pizza Hut. T&T amusements. Oh, my God. What is that? There's a place I grew up with, and the guy made these infomercials. Todd Tuckie. Shot at Todd Tuckie.

T&T Amusements. He sold. He sold video games, but he kept them, and then he just turned his warehouse into an arcade. So, like, all of our birthday parties were there. But then he also had, we did a whole episode on it. But he also had, we had them on the show, actually. Wow. But he made his own infomercials.

He might be your real dad. Oh, really? It's insane. That's awesome. Wow, yeah. He's got, hi, my name's T. Dude, and he edited all in the camcorder, so the cuts are horrible. Oh, great.

He was like, it was a head of his time. No. I love that. Yeah, I love that. There's a huge arcade in Portland, Oregon. I forgot what it's called. It's like Game Over or something like that. And they have like 5,000 pinball machines. And all you do is like you pay $20 you could play all day.

It's from having my baseball. It's pretty shit. Yeah, I shaved up my money for it. Are you a pinball guy? I love pinball, dude. Love it. Jesus Christ. I would go to a barcade alone.

I still do that. Like up until a couple weeks ago, I go to a barcade alone. That is you currently still, you're like up until a couple of weeks ago. But I'll put $20 in. I'll get a bunch of coins and I'll just be playing fucking pinballs alone. It's the best. It's the best feeling.

Next question. Will I get, will I fill up the, back to the showty? And that buddy. That was genuine argument. Now, what do you gentlemen do for work? So how's this podcast going? There you go. I like what you're doing with this.

I was babysat you as a kid. It was this woman... The TV. Sega. I go babysitter? What is that? No, my parents would just leave me at the Beach Boys concert.

No, I... This woman named Alice, who we would go to her apartment in Brooklyn. She actually let me in... In Brooklyn? Yeah. You live in fucking Long Island. I know.

You would have to go to her? This is like an episode of girls. Yeah, and she would... She actually got fired. My parents are... fired her because there was more babysitters in Long Island. No, but they

fired her because she let me and my sister walk to the bus stop alone and like go meet my parents or something. Like we took a bus alone or something. I was really young. Yeah. A city bus. I think so. I was really young and they were like, yeah, we fired her because

she was dangerous. Wait. Yeah. You and your sister were in Brooklyn and what you took the train, you took the bus. I don't know. I really don't remember. I was a baby. I was a baby. Yeah, I was a baby I don't know. I really don't remember, but that's what they said. The story is you and your sister went unsupervised on some sort of bus.

Exactly, exactly. And your parents are like, that's crazy. Exactly. Just for everyone, when we asked that question, that's what I'm looking for when I ask a babysitter. Do you get shit for the babysitter question? Well, sometimes it just misses. Like, oh, my cousin or something.

It takes a specific kind of trash. It was a woman in my head, this is what she looked like. She was, she was missed out. fire built, but she was Italian. So she had like this Italian kind of flavor. It's pretty hot. Yeah, I know, I know. She actually wasn't hot because I remember her not being hot.

It's very specific because we had the same thing. I mean, my cousins would babysit us from time to time. Actually a lot, but our main babysitter. Part of the problem. Our main babysitter was this woman who lived in my cousin's neighborhood. Yeah. Who she had special needs and she was probably like 45 and she watched us. That was through babysat us

So to have a babysitter that isn't a part of your family No, I don't know how they met her I know nothing about her I think she might have come to My sister's graduation or something Like she wanted to come or something like then They're like okay, you can come That's next level track

I know Especially you want to go there Your parents had to go and drop you off from Brooklyn Yeah yeah yeah well they worked in the city So they would they would drive through Brooklyn And drop us off This was a daily thing? Every day every day

We would go to her house And any family? Not that wanted to watch us, I guess. I mean, we had family. The boy's got a weird name tattooed on his arm. Only a baby. Wow, sounds. Okay.

Yeah. Were you a Blockbuster family or independent rental store? Independent Rentals? I didn't even know that that existed. They might have been gone by the time. Blockbuster all day, every day. I still have some Blockbuster video games that I used to. One of the best things was going to Blockbuster

and getting video games and just playing them and I would keep them. I mean, I probably owe Blockbuster like $2 million because I don't think that's how worse. I still have Toy Story 2 from for N64. Is that, what was the system of your childhood?

N64 and then Xbox and then PlayStation and then Xbox again and now I'm a PlayStation guy. PlayStation 5 I assume? Yeah. You better fucking believe it. And what's your game that you play? Right now I'm playing Resident Evil 9. So I'm getting scared.

I'm just sitting around getting scared all day. Is it scary? It's fucking terrifying. You'd be terrified, yeah. Really? It's a terrifying game, yeah. Of a video game? Yeah, dude.

Yeah, because I play this close to my TV. And so I'm blocking out any kind of peripheral, you know, reality. And then it's things jump out of you. It's zombies and stuff like that. And it's all mutant kind of things. And it's really scary. What's the, what is the, what's the, I'm also pretty balls deep in Pokemon Red, by the way.

I play Pokemon Red on the on my switch on the road. What is that? It's Pokemon. Is that where you go look for the shit in real life? No, no, that's Pokemon Go, which is insane. Yeah, that sounds crazy. I still see people doing that. I'm like, you know, that's insane to me.

What's Pokemon Red? Game of our, my childhood. I download the ROM and I play it on the road. How old are you? 28. Yes, my childhood too, bud. What are you? 33?

I'm 18. You guys are weird and old. Yeah, I actually don't like this questioning. Stranger, danger. Yeah, like, too. I'm going to call my babysitter to pick me up. Are you guys in their 40s? I'm 35.

You're 35. I'll be 35 in two weeks. You two are closer than you and him. Well, no, he's 39. No, trust me. You two are closer. Well, probably in like nerd stuff. Like you play video games and shit?

Not as, yeah. I want to get more into it. Not as. I just yelled out of 20 minutes. Oh, really? It's my mobile game. What's your mobile game? Pokemon Go?

Fallout Shelter right now. I play Candy Crush. I'm on level like 11,000. You're also an old lady. On Candy Crush, yeah. I've been playing Candy Crush for like eight years. And I'm on level like a thousand, like 11,000. You know, this is, I swear to God, I don't know how I didn't know this much about you.

They're a shape shifter. I almost feel like we are, like you've surpassed. Like you are, we are unqualified. If this was a doctor... I know if I'm leaving you guys speechless, it's... If this was a doctor-patient situation, I think at this point we would refer you to a specialist. But he doesn't have insurance, so he can't see it.

Would you agree with that? This is like an episode of House where they don't know what's wrong and they can't fix it. All right, well, like, let's... Okay. What is one... What is wrong with you? What is one thing that...

It can be very small. It can be something at a hotel. My penis. What is one thing that you do that makes you feel classy? Doesn't have to be classy, but like that makes you feel like, ooh, this is nice. I don't know about small. Could be like valet in your life? I'll get like a massage.

Okay. I like massages. Where do you go for those? Like, what's that fucking place? Spa, what the fuck? Med spa. Oh, no, massage envy. I'll go to.

What's a massage run you? It could be like a hundred bucks, be like a hundred. It depends on what you get. What do you get? I'll get like, I haven't gone in a while, but like lately what I've been doing is I'll go to the mall and sit in one of those chairs. I have done that. I do like that.

I don't mind it. It's like 10 minutes. They're way more comfortable than you. Or I'll go to a massage place and sometimes you can just get like a foot massage. And for like 60 bucks, you sit in there and they'll rub your feet and stuff. And then I go to my shows and stuff like that. You'll do that when you're on the road. Well, there's one right next to Gotham.

So if I have time. You'll do it for city spots? That's crazy. You got your shoes off in Midtown. Yeah. If anybody... Dogs are barking. If anybody is seeing me at the cellar

at about 10.30, my feet feel great. You're at that place next to Benz? Are you at that place? No, I don't know. But I have gone... I went to a place... I went to a place once. I didn't know it was a masturbation place,

and I went there and I got mad. Jerked a guy off. Can I call you, Jacob? This is so crazy, sir. I apologize. I did not know. I came here for a real massage. And now I'm bowling room.

I went in there. I knew I did that paper then. And I got a, yeah, I got, and I got a hand job for the first time I ever. Really? Yeah. You didn't want to say no? Or like you were okay with it. Well, I knew.

You knew. Well, no, I went in for a real. You walk into a fucking jack shack. You know it guy. Wait a minute. You're an escort? I go officer. I swear to God, I thought this was a.

real massage. You're in a parking lot. I went to a... Can't me tell you about chime? Chime? Now, I'm not really telling you about Chime. You know about Chime. Chime is something that the both of us could have used when we were younger. I'll tell you that right now. Yes. And if you don't know, gang, Chime is changing the way people bank.

They offer the most rewarding fee-free banking. This is fee-free banking built for you. It's not like traditional banks, but they charge overdraft fees and more. monthly fees and all that junk. We're talking about thousands of fee-free ATMs. Why give your money away for nothing? They're trying to, they've created a world we have to pay to get our own money. That's right.

They're holding it hostage. Chime is built for the salt to the earth people, not those one percenters out there, gang. Let's go. Yes, Chime members can benefit from up to $1,150 in annual rewards fee-free. Direct deposit unlocks the most rewarding way to bank at Chime. It's rated five stars by USA Today for customer service. real humans 24-7. Let's go.

Like the big man said, my younger self would have loved this, constantly getting jammed up with overdraft fees, direct deposit, this, that. You can even get up to $500 of your pay when you say with my pay. Come on, what are we doing? Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank during the millions who are already banking fee-free today. Head to chime.com slash garbage. That's chime.com slash garbage.

It only takes a few minutes to sign up. Chime.com slash garbage. Do it. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Bank, banking services for MyPay and Chime card provided by Chim's bank partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges. Stated annual percentage yield and cashback for Chime Prime only. No minimum balance required.

Checking account ranking based on a JD Power survey published October 20, 2025. For more information on APY rates, My Pay, Spot Me and Travel Perks. Go to Chime. Let's talk about that chili pad. Chili Pad. I know you're a hot sleeper. You sleep hot. Hot box in it.

That's what I want to tell already about the ChiliPad 2.0 by Sleep Me. It's the most advanced version yet of the bed cooling system built specifically people who are tired of waking up hot and sweaty. There is nothing that I hate more than waking up hot and sweaty. You got to adjust the coverage. You got to this. You got to do that. Chili pad works with the existing mattress. There's no need for a new bed.

Yes. Works right there. Bang. There you go. Sleeping comfortable. Uh-huh. It actively cools or warms your bed by using water. It's a thermostat for your bed and water is the key here.

Fans just move hot air around like a bozo. That's all the fan does. We're talking about the chili pad. He uses actively chilled water to cool the bed. Oh, God. Actually, pulling heat away from your body and the differences is standing in front of a fan or jumping into a cold pool. You do the math.

Okay? Okay. Visit www. www. Sleep. Me slash garbage to get up to $255 off your chili pad 2.0 with code garbage. This special offer is available for RU Garbage listeners. so take advantage of it only for a limited time.

Order today with free shipping and try it out for 30 days. You can return it for free if you don't like it with their sleep trial. Visit www. s-le-e-e-p. Dot me slash garbage and never wake up hot and tired again. Yeah. I wanted to get a massage. I was in a story. I was in Astoria.

I was right across the street. If anybody's in Astoria, go across street from the park. There's a or around the. Which is a nice restaurant in this story. Outing a jack shack? Oh, I don't know. Maybe I just won't do that. Yeah, what do you do?

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's illegal. They know. All right. Oh, well, okay, so I went to this place near a place. Whatever, we'll cut all that out. But I'm going to send you guys edits.

You can find it on rub maps. Yeah. Oh, really? There's a apps devoted to this, yeah. Oh, well, whatever. Rob. Rub. Hey, and I walked in, and I went up the stairs.

I wanted a real massage. That's not a dead giveaway. It's up the stairs. No, I thought there were some places that do that. This is New York City. Is this during the day or at night?

It's 3 a.m. It was like, dude, it was like 12.30 in the afternoon. It was... Whoa, you must have been sleepy for the rest of the day. Oh, buddy. And I went up the stairs. And I kind of knew immediately

because it was very like, you know, all of the curtains were like bed sheets. And there was a bottle of pills in the lobby. And I was like, I wonder what those pills are. Now I probably know they're like horny goat weed, probably like, I'm not Vikingin. Oh shit.

Viagra. Viagra. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. And then some disgusting woman came out and she was wearing little tiny leopard shorts. That was very revealing. And I was like, oh God, I think I'm in a thing. But I go, can I see your certificate of a massage?

And then what really tipped me off is when she jerked me off. I got a feeling, wait a minute. Were you completely naked? Yeah, that was another tip too. I mean, she goes, all right, take off all your clothes. And I took off all my clothes and I was in my boxers. And she went, take those off. And I went, okay.

That's when I was like, did you get in front of her? I got naked in front of her, yeah. That was when I was like, I don't think this lady's a doctor. Shit's going down. Let me see your kinesiology degree. Yeah, she walked out and the real massage person came in and went, Ready for your massage?

I went, Who was that lady? How long, how did she actually give you a massage? Yeah, but it was like, it was horrible. They just do this.

They do this move a lot. Oh, it was horrible. And I was like, okay, that's another tell, tail sign that this is bad. Then she was massaging my legs.

And I had spoken to a buddy of ours. I think, Hey, don't want me into this. Yeah. Our buddy Ian, who had done this before, kind of addicted to it.

At one point, I'm pretty sure. And I asked him, I said, I'm gonna rat. He's talked about it. You're naming places, you're dropping names.

I know, I know. This guy's wearing a wire. I know. I'm just excited. And, you're gonna get them out of here, buddy. Maybe.

I go, I go, I go, how do you know? How do you know they want to jerk you off? And he goes, he goes,

well, the signal is you lift your butt up a little bit. So while she's doing my legs, she's getting kind of close to my bulls over there. Like, now I feel gross. I'll just finish the story. I lifted my butt and she was like, she said something.

She was like, you want to take my pain? And I went, yep. And she went, boo. And then I gave her like a hundred bucks and I left. I mean, she did it while you were laying on your stomach? Yeah, yeah. I mean, she asked me to flip over, but by that time I was just the same stars, kids. Wait, sweet.

You just jerked off into the bed? Uh, yeah. I think we call that. milking. Yeah, and it got all over my body. And then she cleaned me up, which felt very nice. Dry towel. And I take 20 back from her.

She was pissed with how much I gave her, though. Because I didn't know. I went in with enough money for a real massage. And you're supposed to give her like... $18. I thought it was by the minute. I only need 14 minutes. Just my feet.

And then I left there and I felt shame for a long, long, long time. I got you. Well, I wouldn't. But now I'm kind of, I'm like, if I wasn't in a relationship, but I'm like, I want to go find another one of those. It's fucking sick. So I'll get a massage is a classy thing I'll do. No, it's not.

You stiffed the woman and you came on yourself. That's not that classic. I'll take a see Alice in the middle of the day. I do like going to like a nice steakhouse. I mean, remember we went to, were you there? Did I know I invited you, but I don't think you went. Were you there? For my 30th birthday, I took everybody to Del Frisco.

You know that was one of the only social? things that I've really ever done. Really? And in that regard, I went to, I went to a birthday dinner with Sagalow. Yeah, I wanted, I was 30 years old. I wanted to take all my friends. That was a big step for me. Great, big step for me too. I mean, it was really fun. Ian was there. I picked up the check. I picked up the check. Yeah. Yeah. What was that check if you don't mind me? It was a pre-fix menu. It was like a grand.

It was a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. I had the two ounce full. But I was like, get whatever you want. Everybody gets stakes. We'll get appetizers. I really wanted to look. I really wanted to look good for a second. I wanted to feel classy and stuff. That's very nice. Yeah, yeah. I love picking up the check. I can't do it, but I love doing it. And I like picking it up and I roll it up and I throw it in the trash. I like picking it up

and ain't into someone else. All right, that's very good. Do you put your hand on the wall when, sorry, do you put your hand on the wall when you're painting a urinal? No, no, because I must, I don't like touching the bathroom at all. What do you sleep in? Is boxers? Naked.

You sleep naked? I sleep naked. Is that weird? My girlfriend said that it's weird She's like normal people don't sleep naked And I was like When she sleeps over, you sleep naked? She live, we live together She doesn't sleep naked?

No, she, no, she's fully clothed And you're naked? She's wearing jeans and a vest Fully clothes and a odd choice, but yeah She's wearing a full Disney mascot outfit That is a little weird then No, she wears a shirt No, he's saying for you

Yeah, for me? No, not her. Why is it weird that I sleep naked? She wears a shirt and underwear, not to be too... No. Oh, okay. Do you sleep naked on the road? Yeah.

Yeah, I take all my clothes off and I get into the hotel. I get into the hotel. I'm fired. You're, I'm fucked. I'm like, yeah, I have to be out there holding my tiny dick in my hand.

Standing outside. Yeah, I just like it. I don't understand why people don't sleep naked. Yeah. We're animals. Sags. Yeah,

there you go. What do you sleep in fucking a big hat and, uh, pajamas? Boy, what day is today? Uh, You go, spit it. Spit it.

Do we have a podcast today? You are an easer scrooge. You go, well, if they'd rather die. In a good way. Yeah, thanks. You go, we have to pay. We got our pay our team. Someone would rather die than work on Christmas.

You go, well, if they'd rather die, then they'd better do it. And deplete the surplus population. We have dance soda coming in. Okay. Kid likes musicals. I love, I love that movie specifically, too. Every Christmas I watch the Scrooge movie. With who?

The Jim Carrey one is really good. It's really good. I'm a big Christmas Carol fan. Yeah, yeah. It's actually in a production of Christmas Carol. Oh, yeah? Would you play the fucking place where he works? That was mean.

Uncreated. I didn't even know what it was called. Would you play in the... Would you play in the building? Would you play one of the buildings out there? You know what I'm talking about. You're a tiny tip. It's one of those mob nicknames.

the opposite. Hey, what's up, Slim? Yeah, you go the first time Tiny Tim's dying of gout in the play. God bless us. This is all we got. God bless us. Everybody. Like, Topper.

Who's Topper? The guy who blows everybody. Backstage. Oh, what time is my boy Topper? He'll meet you outside. That rules. That's funny. I was like Scrooge's nephew or something.

I was a fucking, I was a bum. Still hard. Small roll. Small potato. That's awesome. This guy's a day player. You're a great actor, though. Thanks, pal.

You're a good actor. Thank you. Very talented man. Oh, whatever. Don't start that now. What do you mean? Don't start that now. Don't try to win me back.

Been dickhead. Okay. Have you ever done one of those punching bag machines at like a bar or a carnival. Yes, of course. He's probably got one at your apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called my girlfriend.

I go, how hard did I hit you? She goes, this is like a 900. Here's your spider ring. Okay. I do, but I'm not like a big fan of those. Yeah, I don't really care about this. You're not like a macho guy. That's like tough guy.

Yeah, that's tough guy. I don't need, I don't need that to know that I'm tough. I need it to find out that I'm not that tough. Yeah, I don't want to know the end. I don't want everybody on the boardwalk to know I'm a huge pussy. It's like when you go to a gas station, you see what the last person put in. It was like five bucks. No, I don't like those.

I like video games. I like playing like, uh, like I love pinball and I love like fighting games and shit. Okay. Hmm. What does a vacation look like for sag daddy? At this point, any vacation I'm going on is because I'm working the weekend there. I'm with you? You know what I mean?

I'm going to like Aruba or a ski resort and then I have to do an hour that night. You've done the Aruba show? Not yet. I would like to. But that was just a good example. He submitted my tape. Have you done a ski? He's not answering my emails.

Have you done a ski resort? I did a ski resort a couple of months ago. Can you ski? I snowboard and I'm very... In jeans. I'm not very good at it. Yeah, I'm like... Going down sideways.

Yeah. I'm going down with the... Yeah, it's going like this. On your heels the whole time. Yeah, and... Slow that! Everybody's yelling at everybody. Yeah, my girlfriend.

Caroline, she was like, I'm just going to... She's like, I'm just going to go to the top. She's like a huge skier. Her family skis. She's like, sh, sh, shh, shh. So she was like, I'm just going to leave you. And I was like, okay. And I'm like, going down.

I'm like, you know, that's all I'll do. But then I had to do an hour for these people. Did it go well? Was it in the ski lodge? It's on the slopes. It was in one of the resorts. One of the hotels. Okay.

She got to go too free weekend for her? Yeah, she's a comic. So she was just open for me. There you go. Yeah, there you go. You guys, you guys, you guys tour together now? Sometimes. I'm not really at a place where I can bring fucking my own openers. I got you.

I want to. That's fun. These locals. Jesus Christ. Talk about Abernathy. What was her name? Sago. Aberdeen.

Yeah. Do you remember any of your AOL screen names? Yes. My first one was Hot Dog 964. Sick? I love the hot dog. Then I was. Then what was?

I was like, I was like, cool guy 69 or something. Ironically, it was supposed to be ironic. Uh-huh. And then the one that I just had forever. You're like 10 at this point. Yeah. The one that I had for, that stayed until, you know, it died was ex-Pyro 44X. X, the bookend X was big.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, because I wanted everyone to call me pyro. That was my, that was the name. What you had Haitian gang? Good gang member. What's up? That's pyro. Hey, that's pyro.

Well, actually. So I went to a camp. You get the diamonds tomorrow. I went to this camp called Camp Tioga, which is in... It's where all the Haitians go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody had, you know, everybody had nicknames there, and I wanted a nickname, and I wanted everybody to call me Piro.

You know, you got these shirts by that said Camp Tioga on everybody put their nickname on the back. I wrote Piro on every single one of my shirts. And then about a week later, this new kid came to camp. And everyone's like, what's your name, man? And he was like, call me pyro. And everyone called him pyro. It's just like T-bone from fucking. Yeah, everybody called him pyro.

So I just had all these like, you know, my nickname was stolen from me, essentially. And he was like such a cooler kid. Everybody loved it. Did you like, P-R-R-? No, no, no. I just said, I just told, uh, maybe, maybe. I don't know. He might have had a, I don't know.

You got a different. He was an older kid. So. A cooler kid. He was a cooler kid. He was older. Was it pyro P-Y-R-O? P-Y-R-O.

You imagine saying, call me pyro? I know. It's not cool for either of us. I guess I'd tell people call me H. Foley. He was nine. I'm a grown man. Call me H. What's up? Yeah, so I got my nickname stolen from me, unfortunately. And I never asked for a nickname again.

I wanted to be called Bull for a second. Bull? Why? I wrote a, because my initials are BS. So I was like, I was trying to own it because everybody would call me like bullshit and all that stuff. Like all the kids would be like, bullshit, huh, huh. So I was like, I'll be bull.

And I went to one of those kiosks in the mall that made hats. And they, I bought a hat. Airbrushed. Had them not airbrushed. Okay, I'm sorry. They did the, like, the sewing embroidered. Yeah. Yeah, and it said, bull with one L.

I thought that was cool. And I was getting super into hip hop at the time. So I was like, that'll be my rap name. MC Bull. MC Bull, yeah. MC Bull with one L. How's that going? Dinn stick.

Sagel. This is nuts. My last one that's, my last screen name that stuck was Spitfire 542. Oh, like the skateboarding company? Yeah, that's a good one. Spitfire. What was yours? Did you have, no, you were, you were already in college when that came out.

Yeah. I think I was probably out of college. Yeah. 90. I would have graduated college in 98. I left in 96. Damn, dude. Dude, the concern on his...

I finished early. You were out of college during, like, screen names and stuff. I finished. I did college in two years. What? Two years. Yeah. Did you get a degree or...

Yeah. What? What college was it? Fucking college or something? What kind of college was? Was it a dog school? Fuck you. I'm just...

I can't think of anything. Good one, Pyro. Man, Pyre's got burned by Pyro. Hey, play with the fire. gonna get burned. Sags. No, I fucking flunked out. Oh.

I went to three colleges. Any degree? Yeah, I graduated with a bachelor's in communications from Pace University. Not bad. And I was on the dean's list. I'm a squad this year.

I'm at my league. I was at, I also, I was on the dean's list at Nassau Community College. Get the fuck out of here. you better believe it. Wow. I'm a good student. You and a guy that got hit by a bus.

I don't know. My joke was going to be you and Airbus. I didn't understand the joke, but I just figured I'd say it. You had some dog. That's like in my head. It was like you and a dog who could like turn the fan on or something. You and the squirrel that can serve. They can't get our references together.

Sagalo. Yeah. Kevin, if you mind, if you don't mind, I would like to ask Sagalow the hamburger question. Please. Hit me. Hamburger. Okay. Number one, lead into it.

How do you get your hamburger cooked? Medium rare. Gentlemen. Gentlemen? Agreed? Will McDonald's do that? They should. They really should.

Yeah. I don't know why they don't. Medium rare. They get some of the best quality meat out of anybody because they order so much. Quality? Yes. Yes. Google it.

The quality of meat at McDonald's. Aren't their burgers like, don't they not aging and shit? Get out of here. here with that. That's all Chinese propaganda, man. Yeah, I love, I mean, I'll still eat it. Okay. Yeah, you get it, medium rare.

You go to a nice place, though. You go to like the Smith. I'm not saying you do. They gave me attitude once, so I hate them forever. Sir, you have to put a shirt on. Sir, I'm not calling you pyro. Well, we're a big Smith family. If you're going to put your feet up, wear shoes.

What was the beef there at the Smith? I don't know. They gave me attitude, like, some sort of like at the lady at the host's Dan, like, gave me something. I just remember being like, fuck her, man. Pyril party of two. Or Bull. MC Bull.

Watch this. Luke, hit me. McDonald's meat quality is rigorously controlled and meets high safety standards. But it's classified as standard mass-produced commercial beef rather than premium or gourmet. Damn. Fuck. Foley's a company, man. I don't think you want high safety standards for your beef.

That's it, dude. If you have to run high safety standards. Make sure there's not like thumbtacks in there. Yeah. Well, those are good. Also, man, you are part of the propaganda machine. How much are you getting on the back end? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Check my website. Go to Ahtroly.com. It just says McDonald's, good. Okay, forget about the Smith. Promote grimace. All right, forget about that. Check Wendy's. I mean, they got it.

Wendy's rules. You go to a nice, you go to a nice burger from a place. Yeah. Like a gastro pub. Okay. Okay. It's a nice burger. Mm.

Take a bite of the burger. Okay? My mouth is watering. Do you put the burger back on the plate upside down? What? Okay. Or do you put it normal side down? Normal side.

What do you mean upside down? So it tends to be when it's like a brioche bun typically. Brioche. The top of the bun is heavier and more dense. Sure. Then the bottom of the bun, sometimes it's like a little sliver. Sure. These are juicy burgers.

Juicy burgers. High quality meat. I'm talking about White Castle. I mean, I'm going to do that because it, It does sound like a good idea. The idea is it absorbs the kind of. Oh, that's great. So the bottom doesn't compromise the structure.

Anytime food that I'm eating is getting absorbed by itself, it makes me feel fatter. It makes me feel like I'm like dipping it in itself. You know what I mean? But I will do that because that's a great idea. Yeah, you kind of go. It doesn't work all the time, but, you know. And I'm a burger guy. Like, I love burgers.

Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. I was actually one of my nicknames for a day in high school. MC Burger. Burger's a good nickname. Yeah, yeah. Burger? No, anything after a fat food.

Yeah, no. I would take burger. Yeah, a couple of them. All right, enough about me. But you failed that test. Oh, I'm sorry, but I will do it from now on. Do you have a family group chat? I do, yeah.

Are all the members in there? We have my current family, which is, you know. I've never heard that term. It's my mom, my dad, my dad, and my sister. sister all in one chat. Then we have a big one with all of the relatives and stuff. I thought your mom and dad were separate or divorce. They are, but they still talk.

For just family communication. For family communication. That's good. That's good. For like Easter and stuff where we still like egg hunt and shit like that. So they they asked me to come out and stuff. What do you mean you egg hunt? Every year, me and my sister.

My sister is three years older than me. Oh, Jesus, Craig Hunt? Yeah, we still Easter Egg Hunt. Yeah. At your house? At my house. At my mom's house. Yeah.

Is your mom's house the house you grew up in, right? Yeah. In Long Island. And who will hide them? My dad. He'll come over to the house. He no longer lives in and hide him in the backyard. In the backyard.

He hides them throughout the house. You do them in the house. We do them in the house. Oh, my God. I tried to back out of this. He's got the brain of an eight-year-old. No, I tried to back out of this. I said to my family, I was like, I don't want to do this anymore.

And it was a whole thing. And my mom was like, it's the only thing your dad ever asked you for. And I'm like, okay. Why does he, your dad loves this? He loves it and he films us and we're walking around as to almost 40-year-olds. What is it? Are they hard? Does he hard them and hide places?

Yeah, sometimes it's really hard. Does one of them have some money in it? He's going to getting warmer. They do have money in it. A metro card. Some of them have quarters in it. Quarters. And then some of them have like 20s in it.

So like the darker the egg, the more expensive. The sweet of the juice. Afferetic He doesn't Your dad doesn't He didn't get remarried Did he? He did Does he have kids with his new wife

She has kids Do they come over? No I actually just met one of them recently What? Yeah we don't really We're not really close like that Like I don't I'm not not with his family

I don't like I met him because I went to his back that alone How old is this kid? Sure no of course 27 He's 27 he's 27 yeah so he's like you I know I know and I really should be close with him

but we don't really have anything in common Are you tight with your stepmom Do you have a relation? She's nice yeah she's nice She's nice Will you go over there for dinner and stuff like that They live in Florida Your dad lives in Florida now

Yeah your dad comes up here He's the right guy He flies Yeah he brings it on his business card too So Really he yeah he doesn't he does You're running everybody yeah He doesn't he does

I was trying to get a joke No, yeah, he'll fly up to do an Easter egg hunt with us And then we'll get like Chinese or something And it's just the four of you? Yeah, yeah I mean my mom's about holding on to the glory Hold on on Easter My therapist will be like

You're off to tell him you can't You don't want to do it anymore And I'm like I tried man But you should do it. It's fun It's for you know I'm like I'm like whatever It's four You get Chinese food on Easter I think so yeah

This year we did That might be the most garbage thing No, he's not. My dad is Jewish, yeah. I'm half Jewish, yeah. Just not. Easter. He's half Jewish.

It doesn't matter. He's celebrating Easter. Chinese food on Christmas is a Jewish thing. 100% love it. I always been very jealous. Easter, we should be going to like a nice restaurant. It doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, go have Peking duck somewhere.

My family loves fucking Chinese food. So we'll get it on Easter the way Jesus wanted. What does that Sagalow order look like? Like, well, I'd be a couple hundred bucks of Chinese. I don't know. I don't pay for it. That's all on fucking daddy. What do you?

What do you? What do you? Wait. And the four, and the four you sit down as a divorce family in your mom's house. Yeah. And have a Chinese feast. Will we go out to a restaurant. Oh, that's different.

We'll go to a restaurant. We'll eat Chinese. Oh, that's a nice Chinese restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And we'll, I mean, nice. A nice Chinese restaurant is still like what? Like, that's not that great. I love them, though. Yeah, they are nice. I know. And yeah, we, they still are in contact and stuff. I mean, my, my therapist is like, it's weird.

And I'm like, is it weird? He's like, yeah, your family's like trying to keep itself together. I like that. Yeah. Man, I mean, yeah, you could write a book on that day alone. That's crazy. Is your bed on the floor? My current bed, no, no.

You live with the girl. I live, well, I'm, hey, I'm as trashy as I am, I still like a bed above. the floor like I like I like I like my place clean nobody likes it on the floor it's due to circumstance I know yeah it's hard to get up you ever wake up in the morning you know fuck got to a sit-up but I like I'm a clean freak I like I like organization in my apartment I like it all clean and places and things put and every year I'll do a like a clean freak usually clean more than once a year I'm gonna

no but I'll like I'll like a wakco I run the vacuum every year January Yeah, I let the Roomba just go crazy. Do you have a Roomba? No, no, no. I don't have enough room for a Roomba. It'd be bump in back. That'd be like getting a dog in a New York apartment. Do you have a dishwasher?

I would have to put the Roomba out back to get its energy out. You got to go. Look at them go. You got a chain dog. Look at them run. What are you asking? Do I have a dishwasher? Yeah.

No, no. It's on the dishwasher. Okay. Do you enjoy the movie Four Brothers? Yeah, except when what's his name gets shot I don't like that Who? Jack

The white kid I didn't see it yet Cracker Jack Did you? Yeah In the Late 90s Early 2000

Did you enjoy a CBS show Entitled Becker No, I don't even know what that is What's Becker? I'm a man of his His stature wouldn't know that Do you like cottage cheese? No

I don't like cottage cheese at all I'm more of an American cheese kind of guy And I'll you know Sometimes I don't do this anymore But I used to love having You get the American cheese and just go down to the fridge Open it up throw a cheese in there Like the craft singles or like

You go to the deli and get it sliced The craft singles You mean you love taking a slice of cheese out of the fridge Yeah, and eating it yeah But craft singles You're not the first one I've heard say that It's great, it's great It's how I get my pills

It's real dog shit shit. Trying to give the Rumba pills. Keep spitting them out. Have you ever had your belly button pierced?

No. No. That's crazy. What'd you call the remote growing up? We would call it the remote, but I knew some people that would call it the clicker.

The clicker. Yeah. That's good. Have you ever named a pet in a voicemail? Like you've reached Brendan, Megan, and Daisy.

And Ruffles. No, no. Because I, no, I never did the voicemails when I, yeah, no. And I've always had a cell phone. Did you ever have any ringback tones?

Yeah, I did. What did you have? I had, um, I think. Now, was this your ringtone or when I called you? When you called me, Chingy would play. And it would be like hotel, the hotel, you know, whatever. What song is that?

No, you got keys to the hotel. No, no, no. What's the Chingy one with Snoop Dog and the hotel? Fuck, what's that called? I don't know, but that was it. See if you can find Chingee? Or, uh, or like a Sum 41 song or something like that. You've listened to Taking Back Sunday?

Hell yeah, they're from Long Island. Holiday Inn. The Holiday Inn. At the holiday inn. A 12 pack of Corona. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I go, hello? What's up?

Sorry, it's so loud at the mall right now. What's up? What's up? You got Bull. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Bull. Go bet. One.

And I'd hang up and I'd go one. Uh-huh. I'd turn. Have you ever tagged anything or graffitied? Yeah. This week. Yeah. I'd go check the bathroom.

One of the reasons I stopped drinking was because I got fucking hammered. And I was, uh, And I found spray paint and I just started spraying the ground and spraying walls and shit. Where? I don't really want to say. Yeah, sure. It might incriminate me a little bit. But yeah.

You've ratted everybody else out. Really, mum's the word when it comes to his own prize. See how it is. Fucking state's evidence over here. Wittsack. Is your name really Brendan or what? It's burger. Burger.

Burger Sagalow. Wow. I mean, you know. Man, what a ride. What kind of luggage do you have? I have a trash bag. It's a half-

It's a bandana on a stick. I know I have a name brand luggage. I have, yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't know. My, one of my girlfriends One of my girlfriends got it for me when I, like years and years ago and I still use it. It's all torn up and stickers are put on it. I accidentally I was, I was in LaGuardia and I was on.

Just hanging out. I was just hanging. That's where I sleep sometimes. And I was at the top of the escalator, and I let go of the luggage for a second. Oh, my God. Bump, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. I just went down the escalator, and it's destroyed. It's like, but still works, like, still zips up and stuff.

Didn't hit anybody. No, thank God. I always worry about that. I know. I'm like, if anybody, they would have been, pout, fell right to the ground. So, no. I mean, what was the last time I got to just mind? When was the last time we played Laser Tag?

Um. It was a while ago, but it was an option recently. I was hanging out with my girlfriend and her brothers, and we were like, she is younger brothers. And we were like, should we laser tag? But instead, we went on that thing where you, like, climb it and, like, you got a harness and you're like clicked to a thing. What are you climbing? Was this in a mall? Was this in a West Nyack mall?

No, no, no. It was in Virginia somewhere. But you would, like, walk around on, like, ropes and stuff. It was like a jungle gym. Yeah. And so that's what we did. This was recently? And mini putt, yeah.

In Virginia? In Virginia, yeah. What are you doing down there? Shows? You know, I was visiting her family in Richmond. Huh. Or Norfolk or some shit. Interesting.

Yeah. Do you have godparents? Yes, I do. My older cousin and my uncle. My uncle Billy. And the older cousin's a woman, right? Mm-hmm. Jill.

Jill. Yeah. Jill and Billy. Jill and Billy. Yeah. Those are my, I got confirmed. I got, uh, uh, what, the other ones? Communion baptized.

Yep. I got a confirmation name. All that stuff. What's your confirmation name? Francis. That's not bad. I like that. I got it because I was really...

Got to be like Captain Planet. I got it. Red Ranger. Yeah, yeah. Brendan, the real one sagel off. The hamburger. I got it because the older brother in Malcolm in the middle's name was Francis and I always like that. So that's why I got that.

You were a big Malcolm the middle guy. Loved Malcolm in the middle. I didn't watch it one of the best shows. Yeah, it was great. It was really funny. Yeah, home run. Yeah. No Becker, but, you know

I mean, this gets trashed. I don't know what you want for me. Well, how can I, can I, Can I save this? Is there any, what, save it, buddy. Maybe there's classy things I do as well. What do you think? We should be holding you up like Simba. Are you kidding me?

This is legendary. Yeah, you should have a picture of me in here. We should. You should have a wall of people that are like incredibly trashy. That's pretty good. That's not bad. Cut that.

That's my idea. We should have a picture of you on the wall. Good job. What do you think you could say like what is the class we tried to give you an out with the massage and you're getting jacked off yeah i know um but no the steakhouse i do like steakhouse and stuff like that can i push back on that oh my god please i'm pretty sure your dad picked up that jack why do you think so because i remember you're telling me he and he did yes he did all right fuck damn it it was a birthday present

it was a birthday it was a birthday present for me that's a big easter egg the golden one. That was a dark egg. It was my birthday present. So technically, I picked it up. Who picked up to check? I let it slide for a little while. But what a dirtbag.

I respect it. Let him fucking hang himself. That's fucking insane. I ain't. I caught it alive. I love it. What thing you think you could tell us? I like nice cars, I guess.

Do you have a nice car? I don't know. Have you ever been in a nice car? I know. No. I have a nice car tattooed on me. Yeah, that's not it, man. Do you read?

I listen to audiobooks. And I'm pretty balls deep in The Hobbit right now. Your audio book and a hustler? I still can't get up. I don't know. I slam my teeth on the microphone. This kid's a natural right here. remember when he said, yeah, go to like a Ruba or something,

and then had never gone to a RUBA? I've never been invited, actually, but I would. I would do that gig for the trip to Aruba. He led with the Ruba when he had to be a scene. I wish Disney World had a fucking comedy club in it. I want to do that at Ruba show, too big. I know. I want to do it.

I mean, dude, that's all I ever saw when, you know, we were up here as fucking, this one's going to Aruba. I would just go to Aruba. I guess so. Why do you want to get to get on vacation? Why do you want to go bomb in the lobby? Yeah. Fuck that.

That's fucking hilarious, dude. All right, we got to wrap it up. Sag Daddy to podcast. Yeah, Sag Daddy the Pod. Plug away. As well as fart carnival. And I'm hitting the road. I got a lot of road gig coming up.

And I'm really loving it. My hour is getting there. And I love more people to come out and see it. So brittonsagelow.com. Punchup. dot live slash Brennan Sagalow to be on my email list. I won't bother you. I won't spam you.

but I'll let you know when I'm in your city and just come out. Yeah. You just did the Are You Garbage and Friends show with us? That was so fun, man. Monster pop when you came up on stage. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah. It was so good. I mean, what a good show. And then like, and like Nate and Dan and it was all great. Everybody loves Sag Daddy. Thank you. We love you, buddy.

We love you, buddy. Kibbe, what do you got for him? Guys, we're over the road. We got Portland, Maine coming up. That's a small room. Get those tickets. I think two of three. Three of the shows are already sold out.

So if you snooze, you lose. Then we got Pittsburgh to do it the improv. Then we got a weekend in Cleveland, Alarities. Get those freaking tickets. And Atlantic City, the boys are coming in hot. Let's go, baby. See you and AC. Sags, we love you.

Love you too, guys. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.