Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Divorce Court w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! MEET & GREET SIGN UP: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScLUmBhmeLHRhnkFpXkZD15foLanoepaJrPRBQm08Pzir5cHA/viewform?usp=dialog AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Quo (formerly OpenPhone): Quo is offering our listeners 20% off your first 6 months at https://Quo.com/GARBAGE HexClad: Take advantage of HexClad’s Best Sale of the Year and GET UP TO 52% Off by going to https://hexclad.com/GARBAGE Lucy Goods: http://lucy.co/garbage Promo Code: Garbage Tushy: Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code GARBAGE at https://hellotushy.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Philadelphia in the surrounding areas. I'm talking about Lansdale, Whip Payne, Concha Hoccan. The boys are coming back to Philly for the biggest show they've ever done, December 13th at the Met. I'm talking to you, Langhorne Larry, Pendell Pete, Bristol Bob. Get your tickets at RU Garbage.com. Talking about Marlton, New Jersey. We're talking about Plymouth White Marsh.
Starting point is 00:00:21 We're talking about you snobs out there on the main line. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys. Dirtbags in Levittown. I'm talking Upper Makefield. Makefield. I'm talking Shelf on. The rednecks up there by Scranton. Get your tickets. The boys are hanging. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we finally have to group to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Trash, trash. I'm your host, Atschrolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toonies in a new edition. She's in the garage doing a little free weights. Okay. Pumping some iron. Throwing a steel around. Getting ready for the holiday season.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Listen to a little DMX. You know how she likes to do it, getting her bark on, as they say. Sure. Mike Goes is coming at you from across the, tables we call a family episode just the boys the bozos and the homies just the way we like it especially around the holiday season give it up for my good pal kj kevin james ryan everybody hey what up gang shout out to you as always please make sure you review subscribe on it's full video available on youtube full video available over there on uh on spotify as well then obviously
Starting point is 00:01:50 the greatest website of all time www www.patryon dot com slash are you garbage you go over there you to join the over 15,000 members, the whole, over 15,000 homies. That's enough to take over a small country if we ever needed to, you know what I mean? 15,000? If we ever started, we got, that's boots on the ground, right? I can organize that.
Starting point is 00:02:10 Uh-huh. I could do some damage with that. They're all going to listen, right? An old country buffet, maybe. Get in there. What kind of weapons are we talking about? Uh-huh. Some radios?
Starting point is 00:02:22 Uh-huh. What about air support? What do I got coming in on me? You got somebody in? coming on you i presume at this point some choppers uh-huh fixed-wing aircraft yeah huh they palm yeah element of surprise yeah let's make sure all that stuff has seatbelt extenders too while we're at real tough guy uh excuse me you have a click and click that's what he does that's what he does and you see that oh excuse me can i do a i do a little you don't even have the courage to say it say it with your
Starting point is 00:02:51 chest next time hey seatbelt extender one b hit me you do i click and click you click and click Dude, the other day the girl was doing the thing, like, the day, like, she was giving the instruction with it. And he goes, can I get that when you're done? Like, you're asking for kills on a sig. She said, no, I got to get you another one. I got to get you another one. I can't get the floor model, bitch. Very durpah.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Well, she forgot. I know. Sometimes I think you also don't care. You're like, yeah. Oh, yeah. If she comes back, she comes back. If she don't, she don't. If she don't, she don't.
Starting point is 00:03:26 100% I worry about you though Because I would kill you What do you mean? If it was bad turbulence I'd bang my head into you Probably shatter the plane That noggin you got it You have a bigger head than I do It's huge
Starting point is 00:03:39 Your head is significantly bigger than my head Dude our hat sizes You've always been like You're like an eight and a half Yeah it's bad You got like a cinder block head You got a lot of mass around here That's a big old head you got on
Starting point is 00:03:54 Oh that's neither here nor there We got a few, a little bit of housekeeping we got to do here before we get off and running. Is it about how good my hair looks today? Sure. It's better. Weight loss? Yeah, all that stuff. There's new merchandise on sale right now.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Get it while it's hot. Another merch drop. Go get your tea. And then also, too, as you know, we got our big Philly show coming up. December 13th at the Metropolitan Theater in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Biggest show we've ever done, right, KP? Biggest show we ever done. And as you know, if you've been to previous shows, you know, 95% of the time we do a meeting greet when we can, when the venue allows.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Right. Unfortunately, we were talking to people down there. I said, hey, you've got to figure out a meeting green. Playing hardball. One, we never charge for a meeting greet. We never have. We never will. Never will.
Starting point is 00:04:47 None of that. That's just not our cup of tea. We're boys. Are you garbage never will? Are you garbage never will? Oh, age five. I got guys waiting outside right now I just picture you
Starting point is 00:04:59 You know there's wrestling conventions There's gonna be like podcasting conventions I'm picking in a bag From the big podcast boom You're over there like it You're signing some book that someone else wrote I'm Henry on Henry I'm like that
Starting point is 00:05:12 But So we want to do something Being that it's a special You know the Philly shows are always special to us And a lot of the homies and bozos know right away they start hitting you up hey we know it's a big venue is there gonna be a meet and greet unfortunately they're not gonna be able to accommodate it it's just too many people it's a big show too many people but we are gonna do
Starting point is 00:05:32 something we want to do something special um hit him so we are going to be given away some VIP meet and greet packages for free for free yeah that's giving away all right yeah we're giving away for the easy price a nine 99 no so we're going to be given away unfortunately we tried working with the venue to do that and then Ticketmaster, LiveNation, whatever. We said, can we get a list of people who bought tickets already? And they said, no, you cannot. So we have to do it ourselves.
Starting point is 00:06:01 So if you buy a ticket between now and December 1st, you will be, and there's a link. You can click the link. You put your name, your email address, and your ticket or order confirmation number will be entered into the pool to win. I like that. We're going to select them. I don't know how many we're going to do. We're going to, a bunch as many as we can. I'm assuming family and friends aren't eligible.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Are family and friends? Yeah. I don't know. My mom wanted to come back and say hi. Your mom can come back and say hi. Okay. $20. I'm going to be a $20 or something like that.
Starting point is 00:06:31 Oh, she'll get her way in. So there's a link in the description of this episode. Click that link. If you've bought tickets to Philly, and if you buy them between now and December 1st, you will be entered into Wynn and we will email you and you get to come backstage. I love that. We're going to do some merch giveaways. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:49 Some of the merch, some of the tour merch, all that kind of stuff. We're still figuring it all out, but we appreciate the fucking the army of garbage. And we want to make it, we wanted to make it special. I love this. That's what we're doing. So between now and December 1st, you'll be entered to win, come backstage with the boys. You get to meet Patty made. Probably Patty the needs to be sniffing around.
Starting point is 00:07:07 I can make that happen. What? I can, if you want Patty there. Set up a kissing booth for Patty. Five bucks is smooch. She's paying. She's paying five bucks and kiss everybody. Doing a little apple bobbing, huh?
Starting point is 00:07:18 I never got it. Not me either. That scared the shit out of me. I always thought it was going to drown. Uh-huh. Big show, December 13th, come out and see the boys. I love it. That's great.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Yeah. He's all my idea. I don't think, I think you learned about it just as I was describing it. Before we move on, can we take a little cruise by and see the kid? Sure. There he is. Hey, guys. Lucas Patuckus.
Starting point is 00:07:39 Mr. Dempsey. Oh, Mr. Dempsey. I'm trying to throw that at you. Wearing one today. You are, huh? Just after a long, wonderful skank fest. Skank for the memories, boys. a lot of drinking, didn't you?
Starting point is 00:07:50 Takes it out of you. We get some pops. Yeah. It's a good time. Uh-huh. Me and Lucas were linked up. We were moving as one. The boys were, the boys were locked in.
Starting point is 00:08:00 Uncle Hank, clear, clean, focused. That's funny. I have a picture here I would like to discuss with you. Uh-oh. As you have something to do with me? Nipple claims. Can I get some time on that Philly show? What's up?
Starting point is 00:08:16 As you know. What do I know? What do you? You know. I'm describing to the listener. I don't like this. We have two bathrooms here. He just like shrunk into himself.
Starting point is 00:08:26 I know. It's bullshit. We have two bathrooms here. That's right. The natural order of things. Uh-huh. You have taken one and I have taken one. Yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Right? Mom and dad, a little his and hers. You know what I mean? Because you bitch and moan if I, if I use the same turlady. You know, he's getting so defense. Not me. Not me. Not anymore.
Starting point is 00:08:48 Okay. Why are you screaming at me? Not everybody likes using your facilities. A lot of urine, a lot of fecal matter, a clock toilet here and there. Raw sewage smell floating around. And, you know, from time to time, we have to take care of ourselves and you brush our teeth. We do our hair.
Starting point is 00:09:16 We got to, we record, we got spots, we feel fresh, whatever. You know what I mean? What I want to know is how high is this water going to be? I popped in. For the sandbag operation you got going on here. Everybody's involved. I haven't been in that room in maybe a year. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Maybe a year. You should step in there. It's nice. I did. I needed a little product for the hair. I was doing spying or run a house doing spot. I need to juzh up a bit. Yeah, use my stuff.
Starting point is 00:09:40 That's my, first of all, you've stolen my hairspray and put it in there. Just say, if you win the meet and greet affiliate affiliate. I'll give you a half a can of hairspray from H. Foley's bathroom, which is 9-10th of the law, which got me in this hot water in the first place. Ain't dumb. Nothing on that? What? I just haven't been in there.
Starting point is 00:10:03 Yeah. And me and you operate a little differently when it comes to... I think I know where this is going. Hygiene, germs. Sure. Stuff, just, you know, just stuff like that. Do you know where I'm going with this? I have a feeling.
Starting point is 00:10:18 I picked up Let's just roll the tape Just hit them with it This was shocking to me That you are just Punch in on that You are raw dogging Your toothbrush on a communal sink
Starting point is 00:10:35 That is I First of all it's not communal It's a private bathroom No that's communal Which I have a key There's five of us in here a day That's
Starting point is 00:10:46 I know Luke just went in there did his business, too. Like a little cockapoo. Dude, you're just... That's a little wee-wee pack. For the audio listener, Foley's... It was wet. You're wet toothbrush.
Starting point is 00:10:58 Why was it wet? I am. Today? No, this was... Oh, okay. Somebody comes. Someone breaks in and brushes their teeth. No, this was the other day.
Starting point is 00:11:09 Everybody had left. It was just me. Uh-huh. Because I had brushed my teeth. You had brushed your teeth, and then you just leave your toothbrush on the this, dude, if you punch in, you can see pubs. Yes, punch it, punch it on the corner. There's a couple of short curly, right there.
Starting point is 00:11:26 No, go under, go under, about an inch under the thing. Oh, I understand. Right there in the bottom, there's a, yeah, your curly cues, right there. Okay. That doesn't, I mean, first of all, it's on a rust ring. It's on a wet, that is rust. That ain't good for that. I run under cold water.
Starting point is 00:11:44 You have to get a tetany shot, dude. Now, get out of here. Don't matter. That is, dude, there's like black mold up in the corner. That's good for you. That's all good for you. Okay. That doesn't rattle you at all?
Starting point is 00:11:57 No, doesn't rattle me at all. Okay. Well, you know, that's good for you. Mm-hmm. Which I do have to say, this is the worst condition it's been in a month. You have been taking good care of your bathroom facility as a guy who. You think it's bad now right now? From this picture, I...
Starting point is 00:12:13 Well, see, apparently... No, that's just close up. What do you mean? It's on CGI. That's just close up. I'm giving you a compliment. You have been taking good care of your backroom recently. I just redid all that.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Oh, okay. Red did. Wait, what do you mean? Redid all what? What do you mean? You redid all that? You act like you went in and demoed it. I redid all that.
Starting point is 00:12:36 I just wiped it all down with the chlorox wipes. A couple weeks ago. That's why I respect your verbiage. I redid all that. When you really hold them to the fire, it goes, I wiped it down with a chlorox wipes. blocks like a couple of weeks ago that's all fresh that ain't that ain't that's the farthest from fresh cleaning a you rinse that off on a little hot water you're fine you said cold water
Starting point is 00:12:58 it depends if you don't want it to shrink or not you got to freeze out these terms daddy okay I was just my other toothbrush used to clean the grill my other toothbrush what do you mean your other toothbrush that's not my only toothbrush I have a toothbrush at my home okay and then I have a toothbrush in my butthole that I use for the road sure which is one of those ones you stick in there oh I don't like them that creates a rain fart a goopy goopy well you know it sucks is I have this thing where I have to um I have to when I brush my teeth I told you this I yeah I have to scrub my tongue and I have to gag myself in order to feel like I got I accomplished brushing my teeth
Starting point is 00:13:47 And I'm always scared that when I use that It's gonna come loose and go down my throat And I'm a joke In the bathroom Of a seedy hotel that you have me in We do stay at some Bad joint short Not just not nice
Starting point is 00:14:04 What the place you stay in Atlanta I saw like a baby in there though Was that a Hampton in? It's very nice Nah You can always tell by the The tub If the tub
Starting point is 00:14:15 if they've, like, crudely caulked over cracks in the middle of the tub, you know what I mean? You're like, this joint ain't great. If you go in there and it just looks like someone took a hammer through it and then spread a little spackle on it, it ain't, that's my dead giveaway is the tub's key. Yeah. Show you.
Starting point is 00:14:33 I had to change the toothbrush, the travel one, because it was yellow. I don't know why the bristle turned yellow. I don't know what my dad used to do or how often he used to change it or just the level of anger and anxiety he would brush it. It was wild. Dude, but the bristles. I feel like that's gone.
Starting point is 00:14:52 It looked like someone stuck a stick of dynamite in there. Dude, they were like off to the side, flipped back. Yeah. I wanted to be like, dude, try a fucking cup of decap. I don't think anybody lives like that now. Well, I mean, I'm sure there's some fucking. I don't think so. Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:15:07 Send in some toothbrushes. Let's take a look. I have the bozos and the homie. Send it some big toothbrush contest. All right, all that's neither here or that. We've got a guy starting a family episode on our hands. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, you know, fucking, when you join the Army of Garbage over there,
Starting point is 00:15:24 the 15,000 boots on the ground. 15K. I break that up into regiments, is what I would do. Uh-huh. Have a couple of special crack commando teams that would go in first. The first 2,000 guys tie my shoes. I can organize that. The second 2000, redo the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:15:41 I've been watching a lot of things on YouTube about history and Alexander the Great and stuff like that and Bay of Pigs. I can organize a little crew for that. Okay. Two by two formation. You know, I'm talking about. Send Diesel and Ryan D in there early.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Let's go up at the situation. See what the talk is. Maybe it'll send me down to Venezuela. I don't know. A little R&R, you know what? Catch you on a beach. Fucking beating your colotte. Zinc on the nose.
Starting point is 00:16:07 You guys are coming next week. I got to acclimate. The time difference. Can't be going into. be overthrowing governments all fucking zunked out jet lagged try you got tronnie's a rapist down i need to get my bearings know anywhere i can get to travel to bro you think i'll be picked up in two seconds you guys got to hint that in around here drag me off a succulent meal succulent chinese meal is that what that is do you know that's you don't know that
Starting point is 00:16:42 you just passed away no shit yeah I felt that'd be very in Luke's internet. He was a bank robber. No, he wasn't. Yeah, I believe he was. No, he wasn't a bank robber. Okay. He's a guy enjoying a nice Chinese dinner.
Starting point is 00:16:54 Kim, let's talk about Quo. Let's talk about Quo. Quo formerly open phone. Formerly open phone. I mean, let's talk about something every business owner knows too well. Missed calls, we're talking about missed calls, baby, will jam you up because missing a call, a business call, is like watching money, fly right out the window. So do yourself a favor. get over there and get Quo, formally open phone
Starting point is 00:17:16 because it's a smarter way to run your business communication. Yeah, listen, missing calls is missing cash and we ain't in that business. No, we're not. Quo is the number one-closing deals. Quo is the number one business phone system built for 2025, not 1995,
Starting point is 00:17:31 like those other bozos out there. Your whole team can share one number, collaborate on calls and text with a shared inbox, faster responses, happier customers. They're taking care of you, baby. Quo is offering our listeners 20% off your first six month at Quo.com slash garbage
Starting point is 00:17:47 I am a, listen, I was one of those bozos. We needed another business line. I didn't know what to do. I went out and got another cell phone. I'm a guy carrying two cell phones. I'm fumbling and I'm dropping calls. I'm dropping cash. How you doing? Quo's got us straightened out. Save this. Quo, Quo.com slash garbage.
Starting point is 00:18:03 You can even skip the, you even keep your existing number for free. Quo, no miss calls, no miss customers. Do it. Kim, we're talking about Hexclad. I cook scrambies on a hex-clad just this very morning, my friend. Yeah, you did, gang. We're talking about top of the line. Hexclad, do yourself a favor.
Starting point is 00:18:19 Get over there and get the best pans you're ever going to use. Hexclad six-piece set is the perfect start bundle for any kitchen. It includes three of the most popular pans with matching lids, giving you everything you need to handle daily cooking with ease. From breakfast to dinner, these pants deliver pro-level performance, effortless cleanup, and dirtability. that lasts a lifetime. Yeah, uh, hexclad pens truly check every single box when it comes to picking your cookware. I, listen, I bought a whole set of hexclad. No problem, but they weren't a sponsor.
Starting point is 00:18:53 They then came on. That's how much I love hexclad. I got my hands on. I mean, you, you can't get super glue to stick to these things. That's how your omelets flip and bacon, tossing. That's the only two things I cook, eggs and bacon. And they do a great job. So if you're good at cooking, man's got a bad heart. So if you're good at cooking, imagine what you can do with them. See, come over, see the fluffies, the fluffies, I'm cooking on. Scramies and bacon. For a limited time, Hexclad is having a massive Black Friday sale.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Head to Hexclad, H-E-X-C-L-A-D.com to get up to 52% off. Hachimachi. That's by far the biggest discount they've given all year. That's hexclad.com for up to 52% off after you purchase. They're going to ask you how you heard about them. Tell them the boy saying you, are you? garbage doing the back to the show. All right, listen, let's friggin get into it.
Starting point is 00:19:45 This one's from Brandon, $10 pump and dump, never have one read. Are you garbage if you finance a temporepetic mattress and pillow at the Labor Day sale, then bring that pillow with you on your son's camping trip and tell all the other dads around the campfires. Slept great, got a $300 pillow in that tent with me. That's, if you're not doing that, you are not fucking Trump. man dude that's what you do that's how you live you finance then you face throw there's two steps to live in like a dirt bag you finance your face your face that's what it is i built my head my whole existence is based on that that's all right you got some
Starting point is 00:20:28 other dad complaining to his wife i don't got a three hundred dollar pillow slept like shit yeah also too you know like the other dad circled up around the coffee pile fucking garry had to mention It was probably not 300 either. It was probably $199. Sure. Over $200 with tax, and then you get to throw it in a face at the $300. You always throw a couple of $100. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Yeah. I mean, we famously caught you doing that for the necklace you wrote for, or the necklace you bought for Patty. Yeah? Yeah. What, the $7,000 necklace I bought for? I somehow found the receipt or whatever. It was like $4.99.
Starting point is 00:21:04 A couple of regular Hardy boys, you two. Looking at my toothbrush and through my receipts Irregular farty, boy, ain't you? Ain't that? You know what's going on? My Instagram account. I don't like that. Listen, you put the company card down for things
Starting point is 00:21:19 that may or may not be not, you know, these are seedy websites apparently because I'm getting texts from Amex going to you approve this H-Foly charge from jugs.com. Say yes, say yes. It's me, say yes. I'm about to come say yes.
Starting point is 00:21:41 You fucking freak, a leak. It's from my meta. Uh-huh. I don't know why it's $185. I just wanted to badge. It was busting my chops saying, why don't you verify? Why don't you verify?
Starting point is 00:21:55 They don't do that shit no more. Now it's just pay to play. It's all payola. Uh-huh. Like the 80s. Finance. Face throw. I should finance that.
Starting point is 00:22:06 You are. What do you mean? I ain't paying I'm not paying no monthly fee What about celebrities? Don't they still get whatever They don't got to pay for it I don't know
Starting point is 00:22:18 Zuckerberg hit me up Doing a movie in a couple of months here All right All right Let's see This isn't the same world This is from Alex $10 homie Never have one read
Starting point is 00:22:32 Is it garbage We brag about how many Amex points you have spent I'm a big, I don't, I do like lumping them up. I got a lot. I haven't used them in probably two years. I wouldn't know where to find them. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:22:46 I wouldn't know where to find them. You have a personal Amex card, right? Yes. I, why are you on that many? I don't know. It's off all this. If I had my points, you are six. Our points in miles is the same thing.
Starting point is 00:23:03 Yes. So I'm getting miles when we fly. Delta. Yeah. Right. Which go where? You tell me. That's what I would like to know about it.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Who goes that? Who gets that? Who goes that? Do we get that? A company get that. You get the personal. I get the personal. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:21 All right. You get from, you personally get from Miles flown. You do. Me. Hank Foley. Allegedly. You ever think that?
Starting point is 00:23:29 Me getting Miles. Hey, you got a clicky? Um. One of those. I don't need to broadcast my. fucking business to people that's literally our job what are you talking we love i'm saying on a plane and they always give you the i'll get you i remember they told guy got on the plane yesterday some kid got who we were in the front row some kid got on a guy whatever i mean 45 years old
Starting point is 00:23:53 probably we're yelling at each other yeah we were in the middle of an active argument and he goes i grabbed his phone no such a bitch no i got no dude my phone is in my hand this what Happen. This is what happened. This is what happened. I want to hear his version first. Okay. So there I am. What I do, do, declare. So there I am with my $300 seatbelt extended.
Starting point is 00:24:20 Okay. Let's, let's, let's, let's. I just had a lovely meal in the New Orleans airport and had my shoes buffed and shined when there's ragamuffin sitting next to me. so here's a deal so dickhead he gets on he goes he goes on first right guy got to be first guy he's got to be first this guy you're just slow and you know what's some nice some nice rich lady just brought too just move you would have loved her so slow she comes into the line and i go go right ahead she's like we're all going to the same place anyway right and i'm like well yes we are
Starting point is 00:25:00 We are now If you mean the toilet I had a bad batch of et tufei last night I had a bad Cajun chicken pasta last night Down on Front Street I don't know where I was But shout out to New Orleans I love it sure
Starting point is 00:25:18 Very nice I had an ice cream cone Are you gonna tell the story That's a problem with you Yankees Always in a rush In due time my ugly friend in due time The boys are back
Starting point is 00:25:37 Tell your side of the story I'll tell my side of the story All right Do it then That's what happened All right first of all I picked this nice spot to go to To go to breakfast at the airport
Starting point is 00:25:52 Leah's shout out to Leah's down there At the New Orleans Airport This fucking guy Comes in Hey when he go to the year old Irish Pim So we humped on air I'm eating fucking scrambled eggs Off a fucking paper plate
Starting point is 00:26:05 One of the best airport breakfast We've ever had You know I would know We sat down We were fucking furious with Luke I go Luke goes hand up I fucked up
Starting point is 00:26:14 We shouldn't be here That all American breakfast They threw out Was fucking kick your wiener in well Can talk to you for a second No we're against each other right now Okay fine Well
Starting point is 00:26:26 Change your two When the Tater Tots came out Yeah I did Hey, I tried to have your grits. I like, I like a southern grit. Anyway, I tried. Everybody was done eating. You opened up a fork from a plastic utensil bag and started eating his grits.
Starting point is 00:26:42 Wow, you're just like a little robot fucking in the memory, aren't you? You know everything. My toothbrush, my credit card indiscretions, what kind of silverware I'm using? Man, you love me. You're obsessed with me. Uh-huh. he gets on the plane first you say it like that like it's a bit first this fucking god he's trying to ring out any but as you know because he has a fragile bladder he has to sit in the aisle because he has to get up and pee 50 times a trip
Starting point is 00:27:16 i must have peed i'm not even joking about nine times from new orleans to he i get in that i get in that that saddle over there luke i'm against the window um you don't even know i'm there it's like the videos he likes to watch Stuck He's got his hand in the dishwasher You don't even know I'm there Although I have picked up a bad habit Everyone knows you're there Because of your celebrity
Starting point is 00:27:41 Thank you, Lou Gehagher Because your celebrity Is that who I think it is? Well, it ain't you, my friend Anyway, um Sorry, we've been doing the number one's accent All weekend. Can't stop. I get in there, okay?
Starting point is 00:28:00 First of all, I will admit this. I have a bad habit of looking over his shoulder while he's on his phone lately. I don't know why. I just been doing it a lot. He gets very upset. He goes, who's that? It's literally like a picture of my son
Starting point is 00:28:12 and like me sending hearts back to my wife. And he's like, who's that? That's the hand I get down. This guy sitting next to you, taking up all the arm space, happy to do it. You're my best pal in a whole wide world, but then he reads your tech. Who that? Who to you?
Starting point is 00:28:30 You're really doing the Cajun guy. Who that? So I hand him my bottle of water because I'm drinking a lot of water lately. I'm on a Zepad. I got to get it out of me. Somehow you being awesome. Well, that's what I'm doing. I'm over here just being awesome.
Starting point is 00:28:42 This guy's texting his wife being an asshole. Yeah. I handed my bottle of water to slide in. Doesn't even get up like a gentleman. No, because you started coming in. Dude, once that inertia starts, I got to run for the hills. And then when I get in there, I reach over to, and I just might just have like, you know, a brain lapse and I go to grab his phone.
Starting point is 00:29:09 No. Instead of the bottle of water. He's like, get the hell off of my ball. Like I'm some stranger on the street. Like I never meant anything to him. Like we're not best friends. Okay. So then he's like, so then I yell at him.
Starting point is 00:29:24 for yelling at me hold on i'm sure i believe i'm still doing this so i'm yelling at him he's yelling at me and he's like you're not going to apologize i'm not going to fucking apologize and all of a sudden they hear somebody go oh hey foley how are you a big fan i go hey buddy good to see it and then i made a funny joke that's funny we were just like literally about to have a fight and then somebody nice comes and recognizes me that's how i remember that's exactly yeah and then i had some of my and then you stop 9-11. I would have shot up. Fight those 15K.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Also, then I had some of my nerds clusters and I fell asleep. Before we pushed bed, dude, it was the, you know how like you buy snacks and you save them for the flight? Dude, we had pushed back, like, I'm not even joking, two inches. And I look over, he is tear and open a box and nerds clusters. The little bangers. You definitely finish all your snacks before the previews end, right? Oh, yeah, I don't have a stomach egg
Starting point is 00:30:24 And I don't want to watch the movie You got the cup of cheese Not your cheese Whirling your face? Well, fucking 45 minutes of previews, man We get it You got the internet And you don't need that shit
Starting point is 00:30:33 You just start the fucking movie, dude You know what I'm saying? Now cut to Kevin's version of the story Fine, go ahead See your lies Tell your lies Tell your cheap little lies Oh, tell me, tell me lies
Starting point is 00:30:48 What do you got? Listen, that was pretty close to what happened I will say you inserted my phone is in my hand on my knee like it's like this
Starting point is 00:31:01 like I'm like I have my phone I just grabbed the wrong thing I wasn't thinking but you grabbed my hand my phone and my leg all at the same time and I just went I went
Starting point is 00:31:11 what are you doing like not even not like what the buggy done what are you doing and he goes it was an accident and I was like all right why he y'all fucking yelling at me for
Starting point is 00:31:20 he's like that's what happened you inserted this wild energy because i think you were i think you were a little upset that you're going to have to squeeze in i had my nerds clusters yet my blood sugar well you hit me with a blood and i go what you're fucking yelling at me for that's most of the conversation i go why are yelling at me you're winced up face your beady little eyes like a chupacobber eyes burning red in the darkness those bare Bear claws will surprise you sometimes. What bear claws?
Starting point is 00:31:54 Your hands. When you'll grab or something. I mean, not to mention the amount of butter and jelly that's on them thing. I'm very clean these days. I wash my hands. I do my nails. I'm using palm olive. It's palm olive.com.
Starting point is 00:32:11 All right. But anyway, use your point. Start spending your points. Spending my points. Yeah. You don't know how to pull up your app. It'll tell you how many points you have. That's right.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Okay. I don't want to do that I mean my miles I took a loan for 500,500,000 miles Why, you could do that? No Can I use that against anything? You can use it to pay your bill What bill? What do you
Starting point is 00:32:36 Your Amex bill? This is why we, this is, wait, that was 99% of our argument. You can use it to pay your Amex bill? Yeah. What? Not like dollar for dollar. One miles and one dollar. That'd be awesome. I'd be getting pretty right now i didn't know that but like yeah i'm getting ready to cancel that i'm making
Starting point is 00:32:55 this up but like say it's a hundred uh a hundred dollar credit to your bill might be like 12 000 miles or something like that 100 dollars 100 dollars she's like about 100 dollars well why would they continue to give you free money so you think you're just going to ring up a high bill not be able to pay and then turn on and go i'll pay that with miles why why would anybody do that I'd be pretty sweet, though. That's how Folliville Miles work? No, Follivilleville Miles, I'm be strict. It's all of all the cash.
Starting point is 00:33:27 Sockers. Pay me my money. Yeah, fuck that. Judge, jury. Once you get in control, you don't, you know. Yeah, that's what Amex is doing. Such stiffing people. But until they.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Dang, get them. Uh-huh. I have 600,000 miles. Really? Yeah. I mean, we have, we probably, the company has probably over a million. Why don't you break them off, dog?
Starting point is 00:34:01 You can't? I can, I can, I can send you miles. Yeah. I think they tax you on them. No. Something like that. They got it. What can I do with that?
Starting point is 00:34:10 Can I turn that into cash? You're jammed up, are you? No. So maybe I have some business opportunities I want to, I want to, You can get like, you can do anything You can go on vacations You can use to pay bills All right, this one's from David
Starting point is 00:34:25 $10 beneficiary, never have one read Are you garbage if you were your dad's boss When you were 20 You were your dad's boss when you were 20 For context, my old man lost his job While I was a manager at No Where do you think? Yeah, I'll give you three guesses
Starting point is 00:34:42 grocery store No Fast food restaurant Wendy's Chibolet. No. It's kind of fast food. It's kind of fast food.
Starting point is 00:34:54 Huh. Now, this is the kind of interrogation I enjoy. Now, you're not referring to any casual dining facilities. No, it's not like an eat-in. Duncan Donuts. Yes. Bugs. You see that in mine, though.
Starting point is 00:35:13 I told you. The boys are back. Mm-hmm. My old man lost his job while I was a manager at Dunkin' Donuts, and I hired him until he found another job. To make matters worse, I had to fire him three months later because he no-called no-showed me after we got into an argument the night before. What a dick, you fired your dad?
Starting point is 00:35:36 That's great. What do you mean? He fucking left him high and dry. Man, those Indian ladies were probably mean as shit to him. Or maybe they all be. came friends. That's fucking crazy, dude. Man.
Starting point is 00:35:50 We did that. When I worked at a job in Philly after our family business got a little too volatile, a step away, I mean, they ain't got in a fist fight. And I stepped away. I went and worked at a really shitty office job. Like, do I remember this? Yeah. It was that broad and walnut.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Was it the, not the Wanamaker building, whatever that big building was. It was the place that the friend of yours got? Yeah. The one that I always had a thing for. I sure did. Like to bury your crawl, Dad, is it something? It's a good analogy. It ain't no lobster, I'll tell you that.
Starting point is 00:36:32 A little mud bug. Isn't that weird, though? What? You got a small dick? No. I know. I don't have a small dick. And we're back
Starting point is 00:36:51 Move on No, that lobsters and crayfish Look exactly the same And they're totally different things Yeah, that's crazy, dude Tell me that's not crazy Uh-huh I'll tell you what's...
Starting point is 00:37:01 Luke, you know what I'm saying? Kind of What do you mean kind of? They look exactly the same You fucking idiot What are you talking about? Fucking hit me What kind of?
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Starting point is 00:38:04 Everybody wants to get their... There's just little pieces of a box scattered around. I got... I end up buying my own Lucy just because everybody steals the product. It's sent for the host of the show. That's all I'm saying. Not looking at anybody, Luke. Level up your nicotine routine with Lucy.
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Starting point is 00:39:14 Badet. Yes. We installed one in here. I walked in the other day. Fully was drinking out of the thing. Cleaning his shoes in it. Cool, Chris Water. I'll pay that. I mean, let's be honest. We can't be wiping. Gang, if you, it's one of those things before and after. If you have never tried it, listen, give it a shot. It will forever change how you operate. It's a perfect gift to indulge every personality on your list. It's a luxury bidet that instantly transforms your bathroom habits and bottom health for life. Instantly modernizes your daily routine and your bathroom with a super sleek seat plus two separate front and rear nozzles. Clean you both ways coming and going for the most complete clean. Remember, A-Hull is only a naughty word if you wipe for a limited time.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when they use the code garbage at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at LOTUSI.com with the primitive code garbage. You know, let's get back to that friggin' show. Back to the show. All right, let's see. Oh, I worked at that, and that was it. You can tell a real dirtbag job because they'll hire anybody because they're going like, it was all like data entry paperwork, fucking sort and mail.
Starting point is 00:40:30 So they were just like, get anybody. I don't know how you did that stuff. They were like, well, I started rising to the ranks because I had half a freaking brain. You know what I mean? And, dude, I remember this woman showed up wearing, you had a dress kind of. Kind of dress up. You had to wear shoes, like a khakis at least. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:48 And like a shirt. Shoes. No tie. A collared shirt and tucked in. It can be like a polo, like a golf shirt. Which always looks sloppy. A parackey. What?
Starting point is 00:40:57 The buttoned down shirt with no tie only looks good on certain people. A man of your, you know. Stature. Yeah. It doesn't look good. I just saw a picture. It looks like you're drunk. Dude, I was at my, I was.
Starting point is 00:41:12 I'm my nephew's godfather. So this was 13 years ago, my sister's first. The no tie christening? I have a tot, dude. I'm hung. I am. It looks like a mugshot. I got a candle.
Starting point is 00:41:27 I'm walking a candle up the aisle. Freak. The candle of life. And I'm like, dude, it looks like one of those. I don't remember having to do that. What? You got to walk the candle up? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:40 I had a candle. I was fucked up. I don't remember. Hey, hey, put that down, man. I'm lightening a heater off. I'm over by the door. Are you next? Just every dude, but at this office, everybody just looked like they were in fucking divorce court.
Starting point is 00:42:06 Like, everybody looked like everybody, because everybody's, didn't have. Nobody had money. They were paying, like... maybe, maybe a nine, ten, eleven dollars an hour, maybe, uh, around then, around that. So it was like, this was people's first office job. Gotcha. Right? They would be like a 55 year old lady who worked catering her whole life or was like a waitress
Starting point is 00:42:33 or a fucking barthender or something. They were like, oh, we'll just take you. And then, you know, whatever. So a lot of people were like, not a lot of people had the business casual clothes. Gotcha. I remember this lady showed up in dudes tuxedo pants one day She had a t-shirt and
Starting point is 00:42:49 Tuxedo pants on and I was like I remember being like I gotta get the fuck out of here And her whole family worked there Her daughter her nephew Because that was like a place You get a job You get everybody a job
Starting point is 00:43:00 Sure Man Sitting in cubicles with no computers That's the kind of place it was Who were you doing? It was like he was like you're like Sort and mail and fucking paperwork I had a computer
Starting point is 00:43:11 but these broads didn't they were just hanging out no computer that's you know you're jammed up that's you're jammed up if you're still going analog i've been in a cubicle with no computers before yeah man i hated that stuff i would get anxiety just being in an office bad most the air conditioner would start blowing on my neck and i'd feel like i was in a hot i'm getting sick the air conditioner would start blowing on my neck and i would feel like i'm like I'm in a hospital and that I was dying. It's so wild how afraid of life you are. I'd be in a bad mood if I was afraid of everything, too.
Starting point is 00:43:51 I used to freak me out, man. Afraid of a goddamn air conditioner. Talk about a love-eight relationship. It'd blow right on my neck and I'd feel it. Never mind. I love it. It'd blow right on my neck and I felt like I was getting a fever and then I was going to be in a hospital.
Starting point is 00:44:07 I'd go outside when I was real hot and have a cigarette. Sweet, dude. I see you having like a purple cardigan on to like stay warm in the office. You got Debbie's sweater on. That I made myself. All right. This one's just funny. This is from Ray Leota.
Starting point is 00:44:28 Have you ever saluted a cop? That's good. Just fucking, I don't know. I think you for your service. Thank you for your service. All the time. Uh-huh. You're like hammered leaving a bar.
Starting point is 00:44:41 doing that. I'm always telling him, I'm on the job. I'm a deep undercover. I was talking to Potter this week. Yeah. Josh Potter. The Roach. He was like,
Starting point is 00:44:54 he was like, somebody was like rolling a joint or something like that. We were partaking in the greenery of the festivities. I think it was Mr. Sam Thalen and Mr. Luke Dempsey had linked up supergroup to smoke a joint together. The high women. Josh Potter was there. And he's like,
Starting point is 00:45:11 He's, like, asking Sam, like, what kind of weed that is or something, you know, or something. Sam goes, what are you a fucking cop? You know, like fucking grilling me on the, grilling me on the kind, bud? And he goes, yeah, I'm undercover. And he goes, it's just such a funny potter line. He goes, what if I was so deep undercover, they forgot about me, and now I'm just living down here? That would be such a potter thing. Can't see nothing, doesn't know where he's at.
Starting point is 00:45:36 Guys, you still there? I think there was a movie like that with Lawrence Fishburn. Deep cover? Yeah. I've never seen it. I just know the references. Nothing like a Lawrence Fishburn and like in his 30s and 40s. Larry.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Yeah. Larry Fishburn. Like when. King of New York. Boys in the hood. No, not King of New York. He was too young then. Okay.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Sorry. Boys in the hood. Great. All right. This one's from Hunter. $10 homemade. Never have one read. How old were you when you found out that tonight?
Starting point is 00:46:10 show wasn't live that's funny that's good uh i probably told you but i used to think the band was playing in the radio station what yeah what do you mean like i'd be in the car and you turn on q 102 whoa you i thought you know the red hot chili peppers were in there doing under the bridge until when i don't know 12 no no no i mean i'm not no no no you know you know I don't know 10 10 10
Starting point is 00:46:44 I mean how am I not supposed to think that I don't know how cassettes work I imagined you in the Luminah doing this No no no no no I remember the first time I put it together I switch stations and like
Starting point is 00:47:03 Same song was on Or like how my teeth are motherfuckers Double dip it move quick What's that? have a chop or something. Get you over to fucking WMG cake real quick. Jumping between fucking YSP and WM. We're there in Balak-Hinwood.
Starting point is 00:47:20 I remember when I found out that some DJ sets. Body once told me. That DJ sets were pre-recorded. Now? No, back then, too. What do you mean? Like, they weren't really there. at the time
Starting point is 00:47:41 like they weren't like I'm listening to radio at 4 o'clock on a Friday they might not actually be there they might have recorded the day before it's up yeah I didn't like that Carson I knew that pretty early though because I was a big late night here in the industry
Starting point is 00:47:56 fellow entertainer sure yeah that's a great question that's really funny some people still don't know that right now as we sit here sure people think that they record those at 11 o'clock at night which why but like why wouldn't i mean like if you never thought about it and you're like the news is live the fucking good day america is live go more to all that shit it's like why would
Starting point is 00:48:21 you not assume they're not in the biz maybe they should do that maybe people start fucking tuning in again yeah you know what i'm saying fired pan pan pan that wouldn't be that bad of an idea it would give like a late night energy you know what i mean it'd be fun the turrets fucking bradley Cooper at fucking midnight? No? I wonder if Graham Norton's live. No way. All those guys in fucking, no way.
Starting point is 00:48:49 That's a lineup of a head. Love the Graham Norton show. It's so good. No. No. Not a live broadcast. Smoke a Graham Norton show. Zaza Pact. He's the best. Him and what's his name? Sullivan. Jonathan Sullivan? Who may I think of him? The guy with the long hair,
Starting point is 00:49:05 the other British guy. Long hair. Longer hair. Older hair. Older guy now. Luke. Dave Grohl. No. This one's from Buster Cherry. Never have one read.
Starting point is 00:49:16 My uncle built a tree house in his yard to serve as the guest bedroom of his trailer, which he then turned into a grow room. My man. That's crazy. Grow room smart. You're living a life where you're like, there's not enough room in the trailer. Go sleep in the tree for it.
Starting point is 00:49:37 Pugs. I have just probably bugs in that trailer too Sure That's a tough one You like caterpillars Do they scare you We liked them as a kid They used to collect them
Starting point is 00:49:47 Put them in a promise You're talking about the little black ones With the little orange red Yeah yeah them I didn't mind them I don't mind bugs I mean To a creepy crawly extent
Starting point is 00:49:57 You know what I mean But yeah They were fine It's fast things I don't like Something small Might jar me when I see it But then I'm like Or slow
Starting point is 00:50:07 but it's the creepy You know Fast moving Jones Ticks Ticks don't buy Bedbugs Yeah I never had any experience With bed bugs
Starting point is 00:50:18 Uh Yeah no Found a roach yesterday Where? My apartment Smoke it Smok it? Zaza
Starting point is 00:50:26 Loudpack And that I think he came out Was it dead I think he came out of the drain No My wife put a A cup on it
Starting point is 00:50:35 And saved it for me for when I got home. You know how to get rid of the ones in the drain? You boil a big thing of hot water and you dump it down a drain. Kills all the larvae. That might be hanging on the pipes. Why do you look at me like I'm stupid? I mean, like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:50:55 Just to me, it's like obviously hot water would do the job. Well, did you do it? Maybe you wouldn't have bugs in the home with a child. I got bugs at the table. Bugman. Maybe that's bug man You're telling me that's what kills it But maybe that's what makes them stronger
Starting point is 00:51:10 Bugs are falling out of my sleeve Bisses them off Come get the fucking kid Get me while I'm sleeping Now what would I want that I would maybe want to get one in your brain To control you But I wouldn't want to hurt you
Starting point is 00:51:20 That's impossible Get those miles Get those points But can't figure out now Now I can't figure out where my miles are All right Let's see This one's from Ike $10
Starting point is 00:51:33 Homi I've had one read No big deal Nice Is it garbage To play the funeral music From a car Recently attended a funeral
Starting point is 00:51:45 And at the burial site They played a song From a pickup That was about a hundred young And now maybe They don't mean You're crazy bitch But you
Starting point is 00:51:57 I used to love that A little buck cherry Wow They played a song from a pickup that was about 100 yards away after that obviously didn't work halfway through the song. They restarted the song
Starting point is 00:52:12 put on an iPhone next to the casket. The song, a six-minute AI-generated song. I mean... Why? Why AI generated? Couldn't get the rights. It might have been like a personal. I don't know. I don't know. That guy was definitely bad.
Starting point is 00:52:28 Like make a song about Jim. He loved... whatever that guy was definitely buried in one of them stripped down caskets it's like made out of the ikea boards i've never seen those i've only ever seen like normal mahogany or whatever it is yeah but i know the bottom of those is typically really thick like bottom of what those caskets i feel the trashy ones of all of them to to promote the veggie like the decomposition i believe oh really thought i think so is that what they want they want they want You don't you in there?
Starting point is 00:53:02 Eventually, yeah. I don't know. Maybe I made that. Maybe I heard that on like an episode of Law & Order. I'm getting cremated. No? No. Law and order fact. Law and order fact.
Starting point is 00:53:14 Yeah. Kippie's wrong yet again, my friend. Will you be in a mausoleum, one of those things, the high things? I hope so. Your family have one of those? Yes, unless we get caught in scandal. Be buried with us. Burry with the dirt bags he worked for
Starting point is 00:53:33 Man How man would you be if the three of us were buried together I wouldn't what In the debtor's grave Throw it on top of each other Betty Barras in Thompson Square Park With all the other Destitute Homeless
Starting point is 00:53:46 Good Lord You ever see that scene in glory Where they throw Denzel Washington On top of Matthew Broderick Talk about a tear Teer I don't know I don't have any plans for the afterlife.
Starting point is 00:54:03 I presume I'll find you. You know, maybe like 17th Street Beach and Wildwood or something. I'll be waiting for you in hell. I'm not going to hell. Me neither. All right, this one's from John. $10. $10.
Starting point is 00:54:21 You are just a full-on bazzo. You know that? You know it? Can I do for you? This one's from John. $10. Bucks County native here. Never had one read.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Thank you for your service. Yes, sir. Local Bucks County. Love it. Is it garbage if at a nicer B.Y.O.B. restaurant to use the bottle opener on your key ring. Which this is, I am an uncouth man. I don't really like wine per se.
Starting point is 00:54:56 And if I'm going out to dinner, and the B.O, there's a lot of BYUob. B places in Philly because it's very expensive to get a liquor license. Just for everybody out there. B-Y-O-B does not mean beers. They don't want you bringing in beers. They don't? No. Why? They want you bringing in a bottle of wine.
Starting point is 00:55:15 I get that, but what is... That's what they want. What they get is me rolling in with a six pack of schlitz. First time we went to... And a beer buying. First time we went to From the Boot, the original From the Boot, over there in Lafayette.
Starting point is 00:55:29 Hill, Lafayette, whatever it's called? I would have to push back. So you're talking to suburban, anything flies in the suburb. You can't be, you're not classy if you're next to a fucking Sonoco. That is just ain't the case. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Okay. Just saying. Put that in your little pipe and bite that. Uh, yeah, I, I think if you're going to a... The wide my mom yelled us all in the parking lot and said we were embarrassed in ourselves because we went in there with a cooler of yinglings. that cooler a yingling is a tough law
Starting point is 00:56:00 What if you drink them warm like a fucking loser They don't play This is this is late 90s They don't put them in the back I would maybe let it slide If you had one of those cool like What kind of cooler was this Was it a red eagle?
Starting point is 00:56:15 Was it all it was their wheels There was wheels on it It's shamed in the bottom of that thing for short You're getting some crunchy beer tops It was like a little half banger Not a full like long long boy You can't take that here. I have to listen.
Starting point is 00:56:31 So what are you going to bring in a six pack of beer? And then have them put it on ice for you. Hey, can you put this on ice? That's what I did. And I didn't realize that it was, I had never been to a B-Y-O-B and Pat. We went to one in South Philly. I think I was already back living. I think I was already in New York.
Starting point is 00:56:47 And I went back. He's like, oh, we're going to this good restaurant. And they're like getting bottles of wine. I'm like, I don't do wine. So we got a, I think I went classy and got some. Loco. Some IPAs, to me, that's like. I can do everything.
Starting point is 00:57:03 IPAs and pasta? Jesus Christ. I see your cheeks welling up from here. You got to do wine or a nice bottle of anisette for after dinner. Anaseptic, that shit'll kill you. I mean, now I would. But also, it's like, who gives a fuck? The waiter don't care.
Starting point is 00:57:22 The wait, listen, if the waiter's judging you. A waiter's a fucking waiter. It's like, you're no better than me. I'm in here drinking beers. You're a fucking waiter. And I'm not shitting on it, but it's like, it's like if the owner came and was like, oh, please, it's not that kind of place I go.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Put you a cigarette out, sir. I'm laid it with the candle. God damn veteran. I'm a cop. You salute me when you talk to me. I'm deep undercover right now. I arrest you, but I'm under cover. I think beers is fine in a bottle.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Maybe poured into a glass. Have them iced this. beers hey can you put these on ice like bring a little thing they do that with the wine i love that yeah hey can you you know i love having beers directly in ice and in the in the in the champagne thing or if you want to be real classy get one of they they have like the six pat like the small like lunchback kind of coolers get a nice black they have them for like bottles of wine oh yeah like a nice black one that looks like it would be done by samson night or something you roll in with that no one's gonna go think oh this guy's classy he knows what he's doing i saw elton john do that one time
Starting point is 00:58:27 I thought it was really classy. Where? What are you talking about? You're at a B-Y-O-B with Elton John. With the tiny dancer himself? No. I was at the concert. Elton John.
Starting point is 00:58:46 What are you looking at it? It was Elton John and Billy Joel. They played out in the Continental Center. It was years ago. I went with my ex-girlfriend. And what did he do? She had just dumped me. He had dinner on stage.
Starting point is 00:58:56 He bought tickets. And she took me. Uh-huh. I tried to get her back the whole way on the bus back from Jersey. That's how you seal the deal with a girl who's already left you. You take the bus from... I didn't have no money. From Paramus.
Starting point is 00:59:10 You sneak on. Go, go, go, go. We're one person. Act like you're sleeping. They're asking you for a ticket. You stink, dude. Shum a cop. I'll blow a house.
Starting point is 00:59:26 start shooting everybody here. I'll blow up this whole bus. No, he had a, he must have a sore throat. Everybody relaxed. There's a bomb on the bus. If it goes under 55 miles an hour, it's going to explode. I am Keanu Reeves. I, uh,
Starting point is 00:59:44 stink. No. That's what I'm trying to thought, God damn it. You stink. Oh, I was at the Elton John Billy Joel concert with her. Making moves, shot down. And Elton John was on stage. You must have to.
Starting point is 00:59:56 to her throat or something, but he had a regular club soda in a big like pewter champagne thing with ice. It was awesome. And he kept putting it in there and taking it out and taking swigs off of it. It looks so refreshing. I wonder why she left you.
Starting point is 01:00:12 I wasn't very present. Oh, you have a rhetorical question. She was hot. This one's just, this is from Count Trashilla. Ever watch with your parents That's tough
Starting point is 01:00:30 I was never into it It was like when I was a kid It was like you know And I don't mean this disrespectfully Obviously But it's gonna be It was it was like for kids I don't know
Starting point is 01:00:43 Which I didn't realize that adults watched it You know I think that's more of a thing now of kids Like now they're significantly more Adults to watch it because they grew up with it The parents of that age Didn't you know Of your age
Starting point is 01:00:56 Yeah. Your dad didn't grow up with it. No. Yeah. It was a boxing man. Yeah, same with us. I remember my dad. HBO boxing.
Starting point is 01:01:03 I went to a handful of events every time it would come around Philly. Because at that time it was WWF and WWW. There was a WCW and they were both huge. And wrestling was like, this is like the Stone Cold, the DX, this is the rock. Like this is like the one of the, I mean, it's probably significantly bigger now, but like this was a huge uprising at the time. Sure. uh and like hogan had returned this is like it was fucking crazy so we would go and i probably went to like three maybe two or three um when they came around and i remember my dad would just
Starting point is 01:01:40 like shocked at the adults that were into it he just couldn't he didn't like he was just like she don't like pussy i remember he went outside and he was smoking a cig with it guys is when you could, there was a smoking section. And he was like, I'm going to go catch a heater. Leave me there. Big pretzel, big soda, watching the big boss man go. Sure. You'd be good for 20 seconds.
Starting point is 01:02:08 I got to pee. Big pretzel, big soda. Man, you ever wanted to shut you up? Jumbo pretzel and a big Coke. Uh-huh. You ain't lying, dog. Uh-huh. commemorative cup out the door maybe some bootleg merch we were always big bootleg merch guys
Starting point is 01:02:31 the parking lot but you never buy inside even when you went to the flyers game I couldn't bring myself because I remember as a kid I went to a flyers game and I'm like look at him my dad's like that's how they that was a good that's how they get you get the same shit of models for half the price tomorrow morning fuck out of here I'm taking it in shamany mall gate out of modell for Herman's we are sports line them up Got them down. We were never, but you buy off the guy in the, how much is that? 20, my dad goes, give you 10.
Starting point is 01:03:00 Okay. I used to love buying the concert t-shirts in the parking lot. Steve Miller band and stuff like that. Elton John. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. With the soda. That's right.
Starting point is 01:03:12 We were always big, too, the guy you'd buy the bag of three pretzels on the walkout, too. In Philly, they're always there selling pretzels. You're hungry after the show. Man, after I have my present. I haven't had a pretzel on them. about an hour of starving we were a we're a big pretzel family big huge pretzel if there's one thing I mean pretzels over chips all day long at at the Ryan household not I'll give you that not even close my dad would stop it just like Philly soft pretzel company and just
Starting point is 01:03:46 buy a rack you know what I mean like the fucking 10 piece and just come home yeah we wouldn't do that man there's something about reaching in a big brown bag with like 10 pretzels in there and just ripping off half you know what i mean you're just like all day you're eating this never-ending pretzel there's no end it saving the middle oh that's a rare after dinner dog that's a sweet part of the meat right there that's what kippy likes we got to wrap moist center uh-huh pork chop gang december 13th we're going to be at the Metropolitan fall right into plug
Starting point is 01:04:25 gang Phil it's the biggest show you've ever done Come on out and see the balloons Also sorry to you guys Sign up the big giveaway Yeah sign up for the giveaway The link will be in the description We're going to post it on socials and stuff
Starting point is 01:04:37 There's the first time we were doing anything like this We hope you guys fucking like it and enjoy it And we're looking forward to it We love you Gang we love you we'll see you next week Peace

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