Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Dov Davidoff!

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast presents stand up comedian Dov Davidoff! You know Dov Davidoff from stand up comedy, Chrissy Chaos, Filthy Operation, The Fighter and the Kid, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show, and so much more! Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast. Come to a live show! Through the Roof Tour: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Mack Weldon: https://mackweldon.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Manscaped: https://www.manscaped.com Promo Code: Garbage Fum: https://www.tryfum.com/garbage Promo Code: garbage Mando: https://shopmando.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brian's question, is it garbage to order deli meat by the dollar amount instead of the weight? I said three dollars! That's just $3.25! Let me get three dollars a ham and five on pump four. Buddy, I love you. Get your tickets now at rugarbage.com we want to see you out there. Welcome to another exciting edition of RUgarbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage?

It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find it out to good to be classy Yeah, after just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's down at the bar shooting a little stick Okay, play alone nine ball. Love it. My coach is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

What up, gang? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you're ready to subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are true to cook and baby. And then obviously the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com slash are you garbage? You go over there, you get all your content baby. How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire,

the old magic man makes us all look good. Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours. He crosses the T's and he dots the I's. Give it up for T-Bone, McScruffins, Toby McMullen, everybody. What up boys? Excited? I'm stoked, man. This guy's vibes are through the roof. Coming in hot. Comes in hot, wheeling and dealing off Jump Street. He's trying to close right now.

Trying to throw us out of our goddamn house. What are you talking about? Trying to give us a low ball offer. But Gang, the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here this day for the first time He is a very funny stand-up comedian and actor got a little bit of cash on him, too

You might have seen it in but not limited to you got third watch law and order invincible Reigns Boston legal Brothers let go Marin you got the league Horace and Pete blackmail you got the Punisher You got shades of blue crashing hustlers got his own Comedy Central presents Last call with Carson Daly Jimmy Kimmel live WTF Lopez tonight the tonight show 44 episodes of Chelsea lately. How you doing the comedian? He's got two amazing specials filthy operation and the point is gang give it up for the one the only dove David Sharp to yeah, good looking guy keeps it tight. I keep it pretty tight The point is gang give it up for the one the only dove David Oh Sharp to yeah, go look at you. He keeps it tight. I keep it pretty tight. Yeah

You know the credits yeah, yeah You looking around this place? I feel you like a human tape measure What do you paper square foot in? No, no, listen, I'm just making observations. What the audience doesn't know, we were talking about real estate before that, how to determine evaluation for the space they have and whether or not they were being overcharged. Buddy, I should have talked to you before I signed the lease. On their lease renegotiation. I don't want to leave you guys out of the contextual loop

before we got into the 45 credits, 44 of which I could give a fuck about. Oh, man. He's a straight shooter. He's calling balls and strikes, baby. Yeah, we're big fans, man. We always thought you were hysterical. It's great to have you here. It's a cool operation that you guys have.

Thank you. Yeah, you guys are clearly pros, too. It's interesting to. We're not. We figure we've kind of back door fell into this. Yeah, but that's what it means to be a pro. I'm drunk. Right?

Exactly. I'm shaking off an eight ball right now. Dying. Give us the back story, Dove. Back story. You grew up, childhood? Yeah, yeah. I was, yeah.

I come from Jersey. I grew up in a junkyard in English town, which is- Really? Yeah, an actual junkyard. We had a dirt driveway across the street. It was a junkyard. My father was in the junk business. But it was very strange.

I think that's how I got into comedy, is it? You know, it's, I don't know. I guess, who gets into comedy? People that are looking at the world from the outside, right? You gotta be fucked up a little bit. Right, but that's, that's, right. I think that's, that's the umbrella idea. And beneath that, you're sort of trying

to reconcile existence, I think, you know? Without dropping a philosophical anvil. No, no, but dick jokes are a way to come at it as well. I mean- Sure, you're looking at, you always had a different lens of the world. I mean, growing up in a junkyard, I think it's a good start. It wasn't just a junkyard.

You know, my- That's most of Jersey though, let's be honest. Well, yeah, look, parts of it, especially where I grew up, but I mean, it wasn't Short Hills. I mean, it was in a fucking, anyway. You know what a house costs over there, huh? Yeah.

I can show you something. By the way, no, that's an ironic thing. Things have gone up by 30, 40% in the suburbs. In the city, it's been flat for 10 years, and the building you're in is worth half of what it was pre-COVID, I'm telling you, for real. But anyway, the audience doesn't care about things that are important, let's talk about this. Was your dad successful in the junk business?

Was it a lucrative business? They made money over time, but you know, success is a contextual thing. I mean, he had a pocketful of cash at a certain point, but it's like being, you know, the it's like being the son of the local, you know, if you grow up in the projects, you have money if your father has a pocketful of cash, but that doesn't mean you have real money. You know, it's all relative.

Got you. But but my father's an uneducated Jewish business guy from the Bronx. My mother was an on my mother was a hippie intellectual, went to Columbia Wasp from California on her way to teach piano in India. She stopped off to meet her. She had a lesbian friend who owned a monkey. The woman, the woman that owns the monkey, it's like a Rodney Dangerfield set up to wild sea. I'm tell you, I, you know, when I used the word reconcile, it wasn't

because, you know, somebody had a wacky painting in the living room. I was really trying to deal with some shit. Got their monkey looking at me. No, but I know the monkey died before I was born. But God rest his soul. But that's the kind of scene, this crazy scene. But she was on her way to India, but she stopped. Oh She met my father and then they were married for a little while. Where'd they meet up? In the Bronx or in the city? No, no, Jersey.

Okay. Across the street from the junkyard in Jersey. And- That's where they met? Yeah, that's where the woman was renting a house that owned a monkey. You couldn't get a good rental back then if you had a monkey. Yeah, you had to go to the English town. Yeah, you were out in this area where, you know, you could live with a monkey. Yeah, you had to go to the English town. Yeah, you were out in this area where, you know, you could live with a monkey. She stopped up, she stopped. Can't be in a Bronx with a goddamn monkey.

Yeah, well you got zoning laws around here. Midtown Manhattan, when this building was worth something, back in the day with a monkey. Wait, so she was visiting her friend, your dad owned the junkyard. He owned the house that the monkey owner was living in. This little shitty rental property. You can only imagine what it was.

They met, but then she got involved in a commune. They were convinced for many years. She spent most of her divorce money on freeze-dried food and earth-integrated housing. It was a cult. We are off to the races. You know, and so but so she was up there. They would meet at St. Patrick's Cathedral in the city here in Manhattan.

And then they bought this land upstate and they were convinced that the apocalypse was inevitable, but that they would be protected by a force field, You know, classic upbringing. You know, Boy Scouts baseball games. And what age were you when they divorced? Two, but they lived in the same house for the following 10 years. Jeez.

And then, you know, I ended up for a little while, I went to just a few weeks, but it made an impression I was on a commune in India, a Sai Baba, you know, this guy walk around in an orange robe and we would stay on these concrete floors for 25 cents a night. You'd go back to where I grew up in Jersey

and you couldn't communicate these things to anybody. Some guy in Jersey, yeah. Yeah. Tryna explain that to your dad? Yeah, exactly. What? I got a fender on a Ford Escort and he did. Hold on.

Your parents got married. Are you an only child here, brothers and sisters? I have a brother, He became a shrink. He became a psychiatrist. Another way to reconcile existence. Sure. Older or younger than you? Two years younger. Two years younger. Yeah. So they get married.

They have you. Then they have your brother and they divorce. Split. Yeah. Yeah. And then they live on the junkyard for 10 years. Did you know that they were divorced when you were a little kid? Yeah. Yeah. They would yell at each other and lived on separate floors Yeah, that was the clue. They were living on separate Yeah, but anyway like if you come from that kind of background it was so crazy making that you find a way You know or you or you'd end up with on heroin or something. Yeah, and so she took you did she take your brother to India too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we were yeah

It was a whole family operation not your dad though. No, no my father was this is when she was starting to do the Yeah, she got involved in this this is commune cult thing and you know, they had they were they had good intentions They weren't right, you know It wasn't a destructive philosophy, but it was very ethereal, and they spent a lot of their money and their time in ways that would have been otherwise used for a sustainable life. And then a couple of Tonka drugs.

Yeah, you know. And then after 10 years, this is when she moved up there. She never moved up there full time. Where'd she go after she lived in the house with you? She went back to school. She lives on the Lower East Side right now. She's a painter and a psychoanalyst, stayed in the area.

And then, you know, and so from there, you know, I was thrown out of school, but then I went back, went to Rockford for a little while, and then I left. And then, you know, I got into comedy. And I started working on Wall Street, actually, when I was 21. You did? Yeah, or 20. And I was 19 or 20. And then that's how I got involved in the comedy and I started working on Wall Street actually when I was 21. You did? Yeah, I was 19 or 20 and then that's how I got involved in the comedy.

The New York Exchange or the American Exchange? New York. The one where people, you know, that crazy floor when you get that image. What year are we talking about here? Yeah, it was really late. It was 1937. That was a good year. But before we move on too far from the cult, what was the vibe like when the Apocalypse didn't show up?

Did they have a date? Well, it's a good question. They didn't have a date. Respect. Don't ever write anything in a date. Don't commit to a date. If you don't commit to a date, you're always waiting. That's how you lose customers. You can't be wrong. Business 101. Start walking out. What was the free freez dried food?

Well when the apocalypse You'd need freeze-dried food Access to markets, you know, you'd have to have stuff that stays good for decades So was she going on about this stuff when you were a kid? Were you taking guys in very aware of it? Absolutely, you know And also, when you grow up around working class kids, I didn't know people whose parents had been educated or whatever. So growing up in that, you couldn't reconcile. But she was educated.

She went to Columbia. Yeah, yeah. But she became an house. But she was the only educated person I knew. And so the environment I was in was a junkyard. You know who's... Sure. Yeah. What was the school? Public school, I presume?

Public school. Public school. Yeah, public school. Yeah, yeah. Otherwise, I was. No, Dalton in midtown Manhattan. They bust me up. They bust me in.

Three and a half hours each morning, I rode back and forth. It would depend. Yeah, exactly. Dalton. Hey, just for the record, I had to confirm. Outside of the home, normal childhood, like baseball sports

What was the friend situation didn't have I don't remember a lot of people Quoting revelations people gonna stay clear. Yeah Yeah, no, no, it was a very strange You know kind of existence in some ways put But, um, how was the house? Was the house nice? Nah, it wasn't. No good. What was like a normal day? So you get you take the bus to school? Okay, you know, you take the bus to school, take the bus, you get to school, you come home and then you're just hanging out on the property. Yeah, would you play in the joc?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I used to have a we would shoot out the back glass. The back glass. That's not really playing in the jungle. Oh, it's very playful. The back glass. The back glass would burst as opposed to the front glass, which is sandwiched so that it doesn't do that if you're in a if you're in an accident. It would take the bullet. Yeah.

Yeah. The back glass, the front glass would just put a hole in it. But the back glass really's an explosive quality to it Just very enjoyable what kind of is this you and your brother doing this? Yeah? Yeah, what kind of nickel? We use it. What do you guys shooting? We had a shotgun. We sawed it off with a dremel and Yeah, no it was yeah, yeah We had a you know just a couple of things and then you oh then you get in a car We could get in the car and bang it into shit Oh cuz it's my father on the place. Yeah, not like yeah, would you guys work there?

So it was a lot of fun in some way. Yeah, I can imagine would you guys work there in the summer day? Yeah, and would he sell like would like cuz my mom when things were lean when I was a kid Yeah, if it's like a tail light went out she would go to a judge. We're going that's that's how you somebody would walk up They want to do the work in their own car. You know the demographic, right? I mean, they're not going back into Porsche to get their car fixed. Sure.

They're showing up, they got a 85 Chevy Impala and they need an alternator. And that was the main source of revenue. Wasn't like he was selling scrap wholesale. He would do that too, right? So the junkyard business was vertically integrated. You took the, you had. Man, this guy.

Who shot out all these windows. Yeah, yeah. trying to sell it. Exactly. You are the most eloquent dirt bag. That's the name of my next special. I like that. That's a good name. I'd steal that.

But it's all yours. Yeah, no, you crushed the cars and that had to be cool. Yeah, you'd ship the metal out and you take it with a forklift You bring it onto the crusher across the car and then you take a crane pull out all the metal that you use and sell Try to separate it from all the other garbage It would call like cleaning out the aluminum and stuff and you'd ship it out gotcha And when your mom moved out so you were 10 when she moved out. She did she go to the Lower East Side Where did she go High the Lower East Side? Where did she go?

Highland Park, New Jersey, and then she ended up on the Lower East Side. Would you split your time, or did you stay at the junkyard? Oh, that was interesting. I didn't even think about that. From the time I was 16, maybe earlier than that, or 17, I lived alone.

Because, yeah, yeah, my father owned my house. I forgot all about it, about bringing back old memories. You're not 700 years old. No, no, it wasn't, but you try to put it behind you, you understand. You guys are digging shit up for God's sake. I'm going to go to a psychiatrist when I leave. Call your brother. Yeah.

No, no, no. Does the shotgun represent the love you didn't get? Yeah, no, they the shotgun represent the love Yeah, no I they divorced and I didn't want to choose and my father on ass he's lived there You know he said fuck her and they you know and he bounced where did he go? remarried and he remarried like 20 minutes away And so I just stayed alone and they put somebody and it was over 18 of a family friend Wait, you were 10 at the no no I was like 16 just stayed alone and they put somebody in who was over 18, a family friend. Wait, you were 10 at the time? No, no, I was like 16, 17.

When she, okay, all right, I got you. Yeah, yeah. I was gonna say, Jesus. So you stayed in the house? 16, because I was still in high school, yeah. Would you go and see your dad and stuff like that? He was at the junkyard during the day across the street. I'd walk across the street, see him during the day,

so it was a cool, it wasn't, you know, it was just, I didn't want to choose and yeah. Was there ever a time where there was like family dinners and like you guys were sitting around the table together? Was there ever a unit? Not one time. Not one. I mean if you divorce when I'm two, it means the relationship was shitty

by the time I was born. Sure, sure. Already down in the hell. Yeah. What would you do for dinner at night? Make your own stuff? My mother was a hardcore vegetarian. It was horrible food around the house.

Horrible. But my father liked good stuff. We'd go to a diner once in a while, things like that. All that was normal. But my mother was a hardcore hippie vegetarian. Well, who would do the grocery shopping when you were living on your own? Fucking good question.

I don't know. That goddamn monkey, maybe. When I was on my own, my father had a a meat guy would drop stuff off once in a while And then I don't remember if there was anything like fresh that somebody bought I don't remember going to a store would you have a question cereal in the morning and stuff like that yes Oh, yeah, I remember stopping like 7-eleven on the way to school in the morning 16. I have my permit 17 I was driving. I had a car. Yeah, you pick something no. No trouble getting cars with the junkyard, I assume, right? I always had cars.

What was that first car? And you could throw a dealer's plate on the car. I used to take cars and I would run them off a ramp and see which ones, axles broke. These early Toyotas, no, the Nissan made a quality operation in the mid-80s. You couldn't break those fucking cars. The American cars would break faster, but you know.

What did your house smell like? Did it smell like patchouli and stuff? Was the hippie out like that? No, because my father was downstairs and so he had a regular operation. They would cook real food. Actually, no, they kept titles to cars in the oven. So nobody cooked down there.

But upstairs. In case there was a fire. There was really titles. No, he just stored them there like it was a file cabinet. He had all these titles to use cars, because you gotta go to sell the used car in order to prove you own it, you need a title. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that was the ownership docs. They were kept in the oven as the ownership docs should be. Um, but yeah, no, I don't know. She lived upstairs, and I don't know what the fuck went on up there. It's a smoke, you know. Are you tight with your brother now? Yeah.

You see your mom a lot? Not a lot. Not a lot. What about your pop? Is your pop still with us? Dead, dead. Passed away. Died of age at 21.

Used to bang guys. Your dad? Yeah, and my father was like a real guy guy. Yeah, it's a wild scene. Wait a minute. He was 21. I have a joke about it. He was 21. I was 21 when my father died like a real guy guy. Yeah, it's a wild scene. Wait a minute. I have a joke about it. He was 21. Oh, you were 21.

I was 21 when my father died of age, yeah. And it was a wild scene because I had a joke. What was the joke? My father was a real guy. Nothing about him was gay, I mean, except for the fact that he banged guys. But he used to say, I forget it. But it was an interesting, wildly dysfunctional situation.

Yeah. Yeah, it was wild. That's crazy. It was wild. That's one of the craziest stories you've ever heard on. And how did you find out? Did he just call you? It was like, I have A? No, he never said it. We found out sort of later on because we were kids. He wanted to protect us from that and that was still very stigmatized back then.

Sure. Man. Yeah. That's something Man. Yeah. That's something else. Yeah, wild scene. Kip, this is Mack Weldon. Shout out to Mack Weldon.

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The nuts. What are we doing? Take care of your body here. It's not the 70s anymore. Manscaped.com. And then after high school, you went, what was the first college you went to? I went to Rutgers for a little while before that.

I went to Rutgers Newark for a little while. Okay, a little satellite campus. Yeah, but then I took off and then I ended up on Wall Street. And that's when I started comedy when I was around 21. How'd you get the job on Wall Street without a college? Buddy of mine was down there. Buddy of mine was down there. You could still get a job clerking

for what they call $2 brokerages. You can go for your Series 7. Sure. They were hustling type jobs. We could still. Yeah, entry level you didn't need. There wasn't a lot of barriers. It's like if you're a hustler, get in there. If you're, yeah entry level you didn't need there was a lot of barriers It's like if you're a hustler if you're a hustler you could do it

And then if people like you they pick you up and and you can still make a lot of money down there And then you go back and finish whatever you know aspects of my brother worked on the American exchange for about 15 Yeah, yeah, and there was a lot of old-school guys like that like no degree and stuff like that. Um Did you do good on Wall Street? Yeah, I had to raise real fast and did well. And then growing up, you didn't have a lot of money, I would assume. Right. My father started to make money. The thing about junkyards are the barriers to entry in that business

are very high because EPA standards prevent anybody from just coming in. You can't open a junkyard. You could grab a few mics and some cameras and set up a podcast studio. Try opening a junkyard. You fucking permitting process. You think you're doing something? You son of a bitch. You plug in something to an outlet, you hire a long hair and you think.

Try dumping antifreeze down a creek. They're all over you. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. No, it started to do well. You know, it's a cash business. I mean, you don't report much. Yeah. Yeah. No, it started to do well. You know, it's a cash business. I mean, you don't report much.

OK. I mean, gentlemen, yeah, it's dirty and it's rough and it's blood money. But but who took it over after your dad passed? Sold it. Sold father passed. We sold it to a consortium of Russian businessmen. We never met the people that put up the money. They were looking for strip clubs, gas stations, and junkyards, cash business.

Whoa. You got a good penny on it? Not that great, you know? Yeah. And this is you and your brother. It's hard to trade a sort of a business that, yeah, my brother and I, and then, yeah. I mean, to sell a business, you want to be able

to prove cash flows, net operating income, expenses. The records were spotty at best, you know It was in the oven. Yeah, but those guys are like the car crusher it crushed bones as well I never met those guys they sent somebody else and they sent a proxy in to to acquire the place There wasn't a lot of underwriting Any pets at the house pretty cool The cats at the house pretty cool. Hey, that's the house. I got a goldfish named Whiskens.

I had a fucking pit bull. This thing took out, I probably ate of the 12 cats next door to me. There was a big problem. It killed everything. Junkyard dog? Nah. No? Didn't enjoy the junkyard dog. CPA. Exactly. No, cardiologist. Worked at a hospital part time, just hated cats.

Good guy. A little weird. What about the holidays? Would you guys celebrate holidays? Yeah. Were you were you raised Jewish? It culturally, in a sense, my father, you know, sort of instilled the notion that there was a culture to be regarded But we didn't understand there wasn't a religious aspect. You didn't do temple. Did you get Bar Mitzvah? No, no Okay, any vacate what were the any vacations growing up? I lost my virginity at 13

No, really this was on a first one of the first vacations. My father hooked up with some lady We went to a place in the Cancun. I think I got in a taxi. I said, take me to... Anyway, I banged a prostitute when I was, yeah, 13. I was going into high school between eighth grade and it was the summer of, I believe it was the coon. Yeah. But I don't... But anyway, yeah, things, you know, like that, like that. It was an interesting, spotty life.

Wait, so you went on vacation with your dad. He was hooking up with some lady. He was with a lady. He was hooking up with some lady. He was with a lady. He wasn't married to her. I like that you pulled that part out of the story. What are you, a Mormon? Yeah, all of a sudden we're fucking.

They were on wed? Did they sleep in the same bed? I just said I fucked a hooker at 13. You're like, they were on wed, your father? I assumed there was separate bedrooms. Disgracee-odd. Disgracee-odd. He asked his, her parents' approval before you left, right? I assume there was separate He asked his her parents approval

No, that wasn't a lady that he married so yeah, that's right There wasn't and they so they took you to the Cancun. Yeah, and I remember, you know But that's the bang the prostitute at 13. Yeah That's why then my best friend was a kid who grew up in East Harlem and he had moved out to Jersey and so I was spending a lot of time in 106th and 116th and third and it was real wild. And so as a kid, if you start to grow up fast and you're in a, you're sort of a dangerous place in life, you're in a bad, you know,

Sure, sure. A hot, what they call a high time preference, you know, you're short term thinking, you end up doing weird shit. And you do have the vibes of a guy who grew up quick. You do. You're you're wise. A little bit. I feel you're. Yeah. You have a. I mean, from what you just told us. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah.

No, that's pretty wild. Did you get did you get in trouble in high school? Were your grades good? No, I was. Yeah, my grades are good. They were fine, but I was thrown out. There was an explosive incident. They threw me out at 16 or 17, and then put on home instructions. They wanted me out of school, but I wasn't allowed to show up at the graduation, really.

The police got involved. Can you back it up a little bit? What was the explosion? The explosion. Oh, I was like a third of a stick. It was those... Terry Bomb, M-80, quarter stick. Yeah, the Blockbusters are like a third or a quarter stick.

A quarter stick of dynamite. He threw it where? In the toilet? No, Commons area. There was a very explosive sound until a couple of people ended up in an emergency room for a hearing thing. He threw a grenade in the lunchroom in a flashbang. No, no, no, no, no, nobody around. Nobody really got hurt. It was just, you know, some some broad ratted me out in there. It's a skirt. Yeah. Some damn ratted me out.

Dude, you have the demeanor of someone who would be unfazed by a mugging. Like a guy would have a gun in your face. You got to do what you got gotta do. No, you know, I've never been, they've never tried to do that. Probably, I wonder why. Probably pretty cool under fire, I would have to assume. Well, reasonably, but you know, I mean. He would hate you with even the why you're mugging me. What?

What do you live? Buddy, the safety's on. What? Where do you live? What are you paying in rent? Have you thought about borrowing? You know, it's a buyer's market right now. It has been flat for years.

Alright, so 21 you get into comedy. Yeah, 21. In New York City. Mike's Clubs. Open Mike's. Open Mike's. Open Mike's like everybody else just trying to get some stage time on the lower east side on Ludlow Street. That's where I bought my first building. I was walking around Lower East Side,

you know, thinking that this area is not as bad as people think, you know, when I was younger before it became popular like it is now. Gotcha. Yeah, a lot of people might not know Dove is heavy into real estate. I'm not heavy. I'm not Bruce, Bruce Ratt. Yeah, he ain't light. I'll tell you that. Yeah, I mean apartment buildings. Yeah, no, in the context of somebody in comedy, you know, I'm a fucking Rockefeller. I'm yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And comparison to us, I'm JPMorgan compared to the average comedian. But not to the, you know, major real estate. And see, you're 21 when you bought your first building in Manhattan.

No, no. Twenty one. I started doing comedy. And then I was that's what brought me to the Lower East Side. Right. Love those Street. Four or five years after that. All right. So you're 26. Yeah, 25, 26. And you're working on Wall Street. Actually, I left Wall Street after about two years because I had to make a choice. Either I was going to do comedy or I was going to or I was going to sell a piece of my soul and stay on a. And you saved up enough money to be,

how did you buy the place on Lullo Street? Well, it was a couple hundred down, so I had a hundred, my brother had a hundred. Okay. And. A hundred thousand? Yeah. Did you live there?

Did you move into the building? No, no, no, not until I could afford to have me do that. Okay. Initially you need, when you leverage, excuse me, when you leverage, back then it was about 220 down against a $500,000 mortgage against a 720 purchase price. Something like that. I can listen to you talk about this all day.

No, no, and so you're leveraging, it was four stabilized apartments over this shitty little diner. Some model opened up a fucking vegan diner. They didn't even make their own. What year is this? Anyway, no wonder it flopped in the first six months. This was mid-90s?

No, no, no, late 90s. Late 90s. Late, late. So you were her landlord. Oh yeah. Good looking lady? Yeah, I can, you know, she was a pretty good model, but what does that take? I mean she her diner was a mess Vegan eggs, I mean what the hell? Same diners all these onion rings makes it sound like the books are a straight like everything

No, you open a fucking vegetarian diner. I mean you think you got at least produce a decent What are they veggie burger? You know something yeah? Yeah, would be your entire model be contingent upon at least producing one fresh decent thing She would take these frozen package with a fuck that you learned to do business in a modeling shoot you idiot Anyway Do you still own that property? to do business in a modeling shoot, you idiot? Anyway. He's all busy. Do you still own that property? No, I refinanced it, and then I sold it. How long ago did you sell it?

Years ago, probably 10 years, 15 years ago, probably. Yeah. Nice chunk of change? It was an incredible investment, and it would not happen again today. And it was, I bought it for 220 down, right? Took the rest in mortgage, sold it for four million. Yeah, that's all right.

It sold it for four million 10 years later and lived in it for part of the time. So you can sort of back out that math, right? And then refied that and leveraged another deal on 10th Street. So I bought another apartment building, but that won't happen again. It was like these moments in time,

in any free market system, you have these openings, and then they close. You know, it's like, it's this undiscovered territory below Houston Street. Of course it wasn't undiscovered, I mean, metaphorically. I was banging some girl on the 10th street. Ha ha ha. You know, Colin is so brilliant. His mind is so flooded with esoteria. His mind is so filled up with all this shit.

But that just made me think of that. You're buying places at 26. Yeah, you know. And how many places do you own now? I was always paranoid. I knew in entertainment that I couldn't put my finger on. You know, you have these, I don't know, I just knew it was a feast or famine operation.

I remember the first movie I did, remembering what actually, what the reality of it was as opposed to the perception of it. And so anyway, I don't know what people will like next year or the year after. I know that people will probably not wanna live on the sidewalk. You know, I don't research. I mean, all my research indicates that that is true.

By land, because God's not making any more of it was a person. It would be you. I like that. Yeah, it's like, you know, it's it's it's a how many places the own now. Probably about 40 apartments. You want 40 apartment buildings? Yeah, I built I got into development. I built 26 two bedrooms on Noshrin Avenue in Brooklyn block and a half off the A train. Wait, is this all in New York? Those apartments? Yeah, they're in Brooklyn. But eight of them are stabilized.

It's not that valuable. The 26 are valuable.. It's a 16 million dollar deal, but I have partners. But the you said doesn't all accrue to me, but that's the gross portfolio kind of in terms of the number of units. But to your rich, but depends how you define rich. Yeah, you are. That's how I define it. Rich guys. Yeah, that's a rich guy. No, no, it really does depend. Well, let me think.

I have an ex-wife, right? Rich is relative to your expenses. Johnny Depp almost declared bankruptcy and had to sell assets in order to meet his expenses, right? Okay. And so I keep my lifestyle underneath my, not really income, but I try to grow the net. You keep it tight. Yeah, I mean, it's just not below...

Listen, I keep a portion of garage 10 blocks from here. Okay, that's not cheap, right? $700 a month. I'm on My garage cost me nine grand a year with tips Fucking and of course 100 grand I mean that's you know, just that alone requires significant passive income. Sure. And so it's a... You're the first guy to say passive income on the show in 500,000. Well, yeah.

Otherwise, it's a treadmill. And so you wanna create something that works on its own. And so what you guys are doing, you invest your money so that you don't always have to... Dude, you got the wrong guys. Then you say... We're upside down in everything. No, but that's a lot of life. No, you guys are having fun, you're funny you say we're upside down and everything. No, but now we're back

No, you guys having fun. You're funny and you're successful and that and that's fine You just want to at some point, you know start to think about tomorrow. Sure. No, yeah What they call a low time preference, you know, it's got my rocket money account. I Got an acorns account Yeah, get me suckers. Okay. All right. So all right right you got the you got the apartment you live in you got the worst You have another cars at the day to day. No no no I don't I would never keep two cars in Manhattan That would seem superfluous that would seem. I'm not super it would seem profligate Google now. What's profligate mean? Yeah over the top like the government spends money in a profligate manner

And so it leads to various historic levels, deficit levels. I mean, that's why we're debasing the currency, which is an argument for Bitcoin. It's a decentralized storeholder value in theory, if you bet on it now, if things work out. Did you get struck by lightning or something like that? This kid's a fucking genius.

No, no. Jesus Christ. No, you just. Two years at Rutgers. No, no. Jesus Christ. No, you just. Two years at Rutgers. No, I'm just sitting around a fucking comedy cellar. What else is there to do? I click on my cell phone, you can learn a thing or two. It's not the thing.

Put down the wings, Tubby. Yeah. Do you own the apartment that you live in? Yeah. You got it, right? On the contract right now to sell it, I bought it all cash, built it. It was a little floor plate, yeah, and then put up a wall in two bedrooms and that process is archaic that bureaucracy If we don't polish that bureaucracy the Chinese are gonna overtake this on a fishing team basis

There's no way to sustain this economy. We gotta have you All right. Now, if you sold that place, where would you go? Would you just buy another apartment? My kid lives in Jersey with his mother in Livingston, and so I go back and forth. That's why I keep a car here. Otherwise, I don't know that I would.

Gotcha. Do you have a place out there? I don't, but I'm gonna sell my place. My kid starts full-time school now, and so I may get a small place downtown, and then, you know, a small place in Jersey. So you're out there. So I can go back and forth.

I'm gonna live with my son three days a week, three and a half days a week. Out there. Keep his life the same. Out there, yeah. And then you're here on your own days. And then I'll be in the city. Yeah, I'll be the comedy seller, work on, you know. And you'll take the Porsche out there.

That's your, so that's your main mode of transportation. That's right. What do are you doing the winner with it? That's right in a garage. It's in a garage No, but driving around snow and shit. Oh, no. No, it's a cayenne. It's an Okay, good. No, 9-eleven doesn't have enough space though They do retain their value better than almost anything else on the market. I'm telling you I looked at a 2010 9-eleven over a Manhattan motor car on 40 and 50th Street I looked at a 2010 911 over a Manhattan motor car on 40th and 50th Street. This fucking car was three years old with 12,000 miles. They wanted 120 grand at MSRP for 110. It grew in value as it age.

I couldn't get over that hump. I couldn't do it. Holy shit, man. Man. Okay. So what, all right, you mentioned the garage with with you said it's nine grand a year with tips What's that tip to the guys? What do you say? My books every time I grab that car I grab it at least two three times

You're whacking them off once every time right plus Christmas. No, I hit him every time. Otherwise, I call in I text in There's suddenly it'll take an hour and a half to get my cars opposed to 20 minutes if I stop giving out fives Kid, I know nobody will say anything. It's longer and longer. You keep those high fives coming baby. Yeah, what that whip? Yeah. Oh, yeah You got a doorman in a building? No, no, no, no, no. I bought a floor plate low expense. I don't know what's floor plate I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just a piece of a floor. It was a 1200 foot just a concrete space Imagine not unlike this. So like a unit in a building you bought. Yeah, it was an old commercial building and so it becomes a loft.

It's a lot like this space. Yeah, that's right, except in a residential building. Jesus. But then, yeah, so it's... You're fascinated. Yeah. Genuinely fascinated. Depends what you're interested in.

This is what I'm talking about. You're like making cash in real estate. No, no. No, I'm trying to reconcile existence, right? Sure. We live in a capital society. And so it's, look, the money of, the utility money is very clear, right?

There's a lot of data to support that. After you can live in a safe environment, keep your kid in a place where he's educated and relatively safe with decent health care, the of money falls off precipitously. Precipitously. It's simply a story of- What's utility money? No, the utility of money, how much money you need,

and the, you know, after 200, after $100,000 a year, the value of a dollar goes down. The value of the money. You don't get joy out of it. If you live in some shit part of Brooklyn, near East New York, and you're hustling in and you got three roommates, and you can fix that with an apartment in a better neighborhood, and, near East New York, and you're hustling in and you got three roommates, and you can fix that with an apartment

in a better neighborhood, and if you have a kid, those kinds of things. Once all of those things are met, it's very clear that money becomes fun or a story, but it's not a thing. Gotcha. It's not, you know. Yeah. Okay.

The utility of the money falls off. All right. Man, the eye rolls. You must pass out at the table at the cellar listening to these stories. No, nobody wants to talk to me. Buddy, I do. You're making them all feel bad. Bunch of losers. You're renting?

No, no. They're talking about, you know, it's difficult. Why don't you just eat your wings? No but the marginal utility is fascinating if you have enough water to meet your needs and I try to sell you another bottle of water yeah it's like so when people are talking about these very big numbers I don't know I think we've gotten lost you know it's like wanting a mansion. A mansion, unless you have the utility, if you have 13 kids and a staff and you're doing some communal thing, then there's utility in all the extra space.

Otherwise it's just sort of an extension of some form of ego, or it's a vestigial extension, it's even worse than extension of ego. It's like it's based on a European estate where you had a manor and surfs and people working for you and you had requirements for the space. No, it's just it's just space. I don't correlate. You gotta stay away from the ego. It'll burn it'll burn things up. So you don't have like a vacation property somewhere? No. If I'm not gonna be in that place for longer than three months out of the year and I don't believe that it's a capital play where value will appreciate.

What the fuck would I want with the liabilities associated with ownership in St. Bart's, you son of a bitch? That sounds like Commie talking to me. I don't like it. Cap, let's talk about Mando. Ooh, love that Mando gang. Let's talk about smelling good and feeling good. Now I'm talking big boys out there and there's a whole lot of years, baby

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I found a mountain biking trail, things like that. It's like, I don't know, what are you gonna do? Like you can, you can, I don't fly anywhere. Is there any way you do pamper yourself? In like, you're like, oh, I'm gonna splurge on. Everything. You don't fly anywhere? Listen, any way you do pamper yourself? And you're like, oh, I'm going to splurge on? Everything. You don't fly anywhere? Listen, I think of a car as something that,

like a nice car is something I don't really need. So that feels luxurious. But I don't believe in a fluffy lifestyle for the most part. Where you shopping for clothes? Oh, I always go. Yeah, no, no, no. But I always, that Nordstrom rack is tremendous. I mean, I look at, when I walk around those boutiques I'm horrified by those prices

over on in no leader you know I'm out by it for a broad you're trying to get somebody's pants I'm not gonna fucking spend on that what am I an idiot he's also got the kind of body you could put on an $8 t-shirt and look all right. Norris Shimerite, nobody would ever know the difference. The SO Pericolonial value of real estate, you know. But hey, you're trying to get laid, you're trying to get laid. You should throw a couple of bucks around. No, yeah, what are you going to talk about, Fed interest rates? I mean, you got to make something happen there.

Hey, honey, it's pink. Holy shit. All right. You got a lady now? I'm dating. You're dating. No, no, no, no, I'm dating. I'm dating. I'm trying to think of a way to get you to date. Pink holy shit. All right. You got a lady now I'm dating No, no, no, no, I'm dating. I'm trying to think about how to answer the question I was seeing someone you know it came to an end. She had a flat affect which is the inability to

Do it to express oneself you know in terms of facial expressions I mean, I think you could rip somebody apart. No, no, no. Listen, I probably got my own issues, but. You think? Yeah. Yeah. So far you've taken on China and the Fed. It's been 38 minutes.

You're kidding me. It's been 38 minutes. The Fed is incredibly impactful. I mean, really, people don't realize the Fed, this Jerome Powell is incredibly impactful for everyone's life. Interest rates are incredibly impactful. When they're trying to slow the economy

and they bring rates up and slow borrowing, it hammers certain things. This sector of real estate is. You think it's in a good spot now or are we going downhill? But can't you not, it's so expensive to borrow money. Well, it didn't used to be. And so when money was cheap,

you can fund things that didn't necessarily produce cash flows And so when money when the cost of capital Rises, it's much more difficult to get something off the ground unless it's a lean and and Profitable in some ways and so but there are these cycles there. Those are credit cycles, you know, whether rates go up and down What did you learn all this? Yeah, what the fuck? When you're in capital markets and you're following things, so when I had to refine money out of my development,

when you go into a development, you have to underwrite the project. And you look at a piece of land, how do you determine the value? You have to determine how many buildable square feet you have, what the setbacks are, where the exposures are, and then you try to underwrite some value, add value in design.

You know, I built for a shared demographic, so I shrunk the living room because for people sharing an apartment, that would be less important. But what's more important is two bathrooms. And so if you're sharing all of those people that can't afford to live in Manhattan coming in from Brooklyn. Anyway, you try to underwrite the value and then... Toby just re-signed his lease with a highlighter. Yeah, we couldn't find a pin in here.

That's how behind the eight ball we are. No, but we're all trying to figure it out. My lease is up in a week and a half and I just realized I have to, I had to make some phone calls. Well. What are you talking about? But the problem is. You got it right here. You can get you a two bedroom on Nordstrom Ave

if you need it. No, but we have no open unit. You would not qualify. Hey buddy why you think a shower hit the soup line? I got two words for you. Are you a mushroom guy? We can work something out. Listen mushrooms are fascinating. My brother was trying to grow them a little bit. Micro dosing is emerging at some sort of investable market. What is a Dove Vice? Do you like a cocktail? Do you dabble in psychedelics? Do you smoke a joint? I'm not opposed to anything. I try not to get too heavy into any of it because then we use all of that stuff to deal with our own darkness, right?

And then that's where you have problems and it's a slippery slope. So I mean, I like drinking. What's the go-to drink? Oh, just a Stoli on the rocks. Stoli? Yeah, Stoli guy. Stoli on the rocks with lime.

Yep, Stoli. You keep that at the house, you got a bottle, you got a little bar set up at the house? Bar cart? No, I got two things at the house. I had some tequila right now, and I have some like a good whiskey I would imagine you keep the place pretty tight. You're probably you're probably it's a nice guy Reasonably organized I keep it reasonably clean. I don't hire a cleaner. I like to do it myself do it yourself Yeah, what kind of vacuum you got you got a Dyson? No, I got a little thing

I usually sweep and then I have one of those little small backs, you know, but powerful. What's your cleaning schedule? Do you take one? No schedule whenever it starts to look like, you know, you tighten it up. Yeah, whenever I'd be. Yeah, like, I'm on these apps, you know, and you're dating and whenever I'm thinking like, I'm meeting somebody Wednesday night and I got a shot. Maybe she has no morals. I think I got to clean the house. Maybe she'll

end up back here. Sure. What's a? She slept in the no morals room. I know, I like that. Real smoothly. When you are dating, if you are talking to somebody on the app,

are you saying I'm Dove David off comedian or I'm Dove the real estate investor? The average chick on the app wouldn't know from, unless, although back in the day, they did get a lot, that Chelsea shit, would watch that these two these fucking geniuses. No, you know, I mean it was good for banging, but beyond that the utility value of that sort of that sort of minimal fame is very weak. The junkyard, the junkyard comes out of you real quick. Yeah. Holy shit.

Oh, wow. King size bed over at the house? No, queen. Got a queen. Because it came from my old apartment, I thought there's no reason to buy another one unless I'm in a relationship and I'm not in a long term relationship.

All right, just you, I'll give you the queen. That works, that makes sense. You got a comforter? Nice comforter? I got a comforter, yeah. How many pillows are on the bed? I got three pillows. I use one as a computer to sort of hold the tablet.

Gotcha. TV in the room? No, no, no, no, no. Laptop. I got three pillows. I use one as a computer to sort of hold the tablet. Gotcha. TV in the room? No, no, no, no, no, laptop. No, do you watch something before you go to bed? I got a big TV in the room I never watch. My kid watches TV while he eats cereal in the morning, but I rarely have it on. Usually the laptop. You read before you go to bed?

I have not been reading enough lately. I read out on, you know, wherever the train, you're waiting somewhere, but no, not enough. And what do you read? Do you read the actual? I try actual meditate more so that I can slow it down to read you know his internet's killing people yes you know brutal yeah my girlfriend put her put a thing down where she's like I don't want us on our phones anymore going to bed yeah she started reading yeah dude I tried to do

it one night I got I got like three letters in my fucking brain the book so true well one were you reading fiction and nonfiction? I was reading Mark Twain's letters from Hawaii or something like that is tremendous, right? I mean, but you think about the environment walking around and yeah, not a great business person, but hell of a writer even below 14 I Told him get in. I forget what business he but he got into a lot of debt. He got into financial trouble later on his life. Twain. Yeah. Would you

recommend I'm sorry, fascinating or name origin. You know how he got his name Mark Twain because that was a sued him. Not a sued him Samuel Coolrich or something like that was was his real right but Mark. He wrote under that I can't want it to be a riverboat captain and Twain was a measurement of the depth of the river so that you could make sure that the boat had enough clearance or something. Twain. Yeah, Twain.

Huh. Yeah, fascinating. Man, you're fascinating. Very much so. I'm trying to get through life like everybody else. Where if you're going on a date, even with friends or whatever, you're going out to nice restaurants, you're doing like, are you a foodie? Are you a're going on a date even with friends or whatever you going out to nice restaurants you doing like the are you a foodie on the date no I appreciate good food I cook I can make a soup you know I'm not afraid to not

afraid to experiment with a coconut milk I'll go tie I'll go other ethnicities you know you'll make it yeah yeah you have a favorite restaurant in the city little bit like going even if it's the vibes not even the food you know not a favorite one. No no not a favorite. Oh, yeah, what's that place in the East Village? There's every I was running sort of an analysis of like what makes a good restaurant Assuming you don't want to pay for Danielle or something like that and I and I don't and and that pre-fee stuff I can't stand with somebody coming with six different dishes and then explaining. It's like, all right. But there's a fucking place on A Street.

I'm forgetting it a god damn day. Mogador. Mogador. Cafe Mogador. It's got atmosphere. It's great. You got chicks walking in and out of there sometimes. So you got some.

East Village broads. You got something to look at, broads. And the food's good. Now, that all sounds relatively basic. It's not very few restaurants have been able to execute that strategy in a sustainable manner. And I've been researching this. I mean, empirically, not actually database.

But yeah, more craziness in my head. Yeah. Wow. OK. You like Mineta, Minetta Tavern? Yeah. It's crowded. You get a bit of a finance bro energy in there from time to time. The food is good.

I love the atmosphere. I liked it better before McNally took it over. And it used to be run by a guy named Taka, Eastern European guy. We used to go and hang out and shows. A towel would go up, stop by. I think he would stop. And Geraldo was hanging out back then.

It was a cool spot. You like a bite at the cellar, I assume, right? I like the food at the cellar. I think it's good. Great. Yeah, I think it's good. One of the one of the underrated best restaurants in the city. I think without the club. I agree. Crazy good. I agree. And people don't realize.

I mean, it's not super busy. It's not. And you can get something to eat late.. Oh, I am get a fucking cutlet with mashed potatoes Absolutely, it's great. It's great. They're late last weekend, and I thought they were coming out to do last call on beers And yeah last call for the kitchen. I'm like yeah, I can 145. No they keep Yeah, I agree or yeah So do you not like to fly? Yeah, no because it it's it's annoying. But I don't you know, when you're on the airplane, if you can guarantee

we're going to take off and land at the time you tell me we are, which nobody can. And that doesn't seem to be getting any better. I don't know where flight delays are at in terms of percentages, but it's not good. What do you I'm sorry. No. What am I saying? It's important. Jump in any time. Battling about fucking airlines. What am I a? Something important. Jump in any time. Battling about fucking airlines. What am I a stock analyst?

This is important. Cut me off, Fanny. Cut me off as much as you want. Sorry. I got nothing on airlines. I'm vaping over here. Just trying to fill in space, baby. You know, nothing on airlines.

I got 14 cameras in front of me. I got to fill space. Do you like to fly up front is what I was going to ask you. No, I won't pay for that. That's a waste. No, I'm not paying. No, no, no. Up front, domestically, if you got lie flat,

there's an argument going to Europe. You save up some points, or you really, you know, you go out for a seat if it's your honeymoon or whatever and fly lie flat. Otherwise, if you think, you know, I would listen to these comedians, people with no money rambling about how, you know, they could have taken the money or the first class seats.

Like, take the fucking seven grand. You're talking to two of them right there. No, no, I know, it's human nature. It's human nature. But I just think about, yeah, you know, you run a cost benefit analysis. You go, I could hire a fucking driver and a Bentley for what that seat just cost I could hire the driver for a week haven't take me around all everywhere and you know the fourth

I'll own these month in Paris and I mean why blew it on a seat now. I'm sitting there. You know, I've I've I've had three truffles, you know, they make all this. They gave me a truffle after the fucking airplane food. It's anyway, I like the chocolate. I do, too, but I can buy a truffle store for what the goddamn seat cost. Where how old were you when you got your passport? I have no idea. Oh, when I went to India, I must have had a right. Oh, yeah. So I was 12 years old in India.

Have you traveled around the world a lot or a little? Yeah, for comedy. I've gone places with my ex-wife. We went to, you know, the standard, Paris and Rome, things like that. OK. Very nice. You know, Australia for comedy.

That Australia's overrated. Listen, it's a nice place, right? But it's basically the US 10 years ago. And so you're going to fly 5th, what, 17 fucking hours to get the only thing different about them and us is a kangaroo There's nothing there that's that plane for 17 hours the lane in my 90s exactly. That's that's right Yeah, you know I mean if you're gonna travel that far go to a jungle go to a different culture. Oh jean jackets I haven't seen any culture. Oh, jean jackets. I haven't seen any of these.

Australia, we love you. I flew 16 hours and paid 20 grand for a first class seat. I saw a jean jacket and a hammer pants and a weird bird. Who's cutting the hair? Me. I do it myself. Oh, geez. That's a good cut. No, I do it myself. I get one of those little attachments. I do the whole thing myself. How you do the back?

You can do it. If you slow down of those little attachments, I do the whole thing myself. How do you do the back? You can do it, if you slow down and you just go, you know, you can feel it after a while. Are you biting the nails, or you clipping the nails? I clip them. You clip them. Used to bite them, clip them. Floss every day? Yeah, I have these picks that are good, not floss.

Electric toothbrush, regular toothbrush. Ah, fucking, I got an electric, I just don't plug it in. I use a regular, but I should go electric. You're right. I feel shame. So you have an electric. It's right in the drawer. You just don't use it.

You don't use the electric as a regular, because it's not charged. I have the buzzing thing, yeah. Yeah, I've been using a regular, but I got to switch out. OK. I'm going to do it tonight. I'm going to do it tonight. No, no.

My showers are no longer than 35 maybe 60 seconds You're in and out like that in and out what kind of side when one soap one shampoo? What's the soap is overused? I go to the gym in the morning? And then if you're perspiring there's a boxing gym across the street from my house. Yeah, but if I'm Fine I mean for a comedian. I'm not Canelo I mean if that's your comparison I'm not gonna fuck out. You're the toughest, richest guy we've ever met. I don't know what to tell you, dude.

Did you fight a lot as a kid? Not a lot. People, you know, people generally stayed away from me. He's going to sell it off, shotgun it, and hand grenades. No, no, there were, I know, yeah, I had a couple of bad, real bad incidents. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. No, no, there were, I know, yeah, I had a couple of bad, real bad incidents. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I've had my jaw broken in two places

and another time I fell in it with a knife, but, that stopped when I was young. I had that happen when I was 18, I got jumped in the street, that kind of thing, but not a whole lot. You ever had your IQ? Oh, I broke down my fucking, with my neighbor, this son of a bitch, where I was living on Mulberry Street,

this scumbag, this, I'm maybe a decent guy when he's sober, but this fucking guy, this bass was banging through my walls. This is interesting, because it takes us through our current political regime, and maybe it's been that way for a while in New York City, but I asked in every way with a wink and a smile, please, please, please. Finally, one night I just called the cops

three in the morning and then, what happened? Oh yeah, the cops came, shut them down. Guy got angry, comes banging at my door at three in the morning, yelling to his party goers. He says, this is the old single loser. I'll tell him I got some trim in here, buddy. Young. I'll tell my friends. I'm here buddy. Younger guy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, younger, you know, early 30s, you know, decent size guy with his friend. And I open my

laced up my shoes. I knew it's not gonna go well three in the morning. Yeah, the guy shoes before you. Yeah, you gotta lace up is a pro. No, no, you never want to slip. I feel like those are wrestling shoes. Are you sure? I put on a singlet and some wrestling shoes. He comes out, he's got a mouth guard and boxing gloves. He's taping his hands. Who wants to be the hero? The dude pushed his way in and I ended up, you know, we got into it and it busted up

his face a little bit. Nice. They called the cops, An ambulance showed up. A paramedic showed up. They took me to jail. Oh, shit. He forced his way into your house. Yeah, but here's the thing.

They don't adjudicate any of that in the police in New York. They don't give you the benefit of the debt because they're not allowed to. The DA will determine whether or not you're guilty of assault. The police have to go. The police have to cuff you. If that dude's bleeding.

Yeah. So this pervasive, the experience you have outside is because nobody we run a pervasive operation. People get punched in their fucking mouth more often. There would be a lot more self-awareness on the street. People go, you know, mental and mental. I used to live near the Hells Angels on Third Street. They're blocked. They controlled that block. No dealers, no crime, clean as hell. Suddenly the mentally ill people weren't so mentally ill

that they hung out on the block. They understood. They knew not to fuck with the Hells Angels. That's correct. They were sober enough to forget. That's right, and we're running, you know, when you're guilty in a self-defense scenario, it's anyway, but that's neither here nor there.

How long ago was this? Oh, a couple of years ago. No, those were led to. Yeah, two years ago. Did you patch it up with this was reason the charges were dropped, I would assume. We both got locked up. OK. Luckily, there was a witness that told the cops that this dude

sort of pushed his way after I opened the door, he pushed his way into the house. But so, yeah, they I think it was a simultaneous dropping of charges. But, you know, could have kept going. You guys ever patch things up? You come over and apologize or anything? Yeah, I think he said, you know, maybe six months later, we had a restraining order. We weren't allowed.

We were in the hallway at the same time. One of us had to take the stairs. But yeah, it was just a bullshit situation. I was just surprised. I'm sitting in jail for being a decent citizen and trying to get this guy to lower, to not run a nightclub on Thursdays. I mean.

Hey, ladies drink for free. Exactly. Tuned up some young punk running his mouth. Yeah, that's pretty good. I love that. What's the watch there? Oh, this is one of those. It's a it's a remake of that 1960s tag.

You know that. OK. You like a nice watch? You know, I do. I used to watch a lot of those, like watch reviews and things like that. And the you know, the analog in a world of in a digital world. It is a unique thing to look at something that's got hundreds of years of this development, the evolution of it. Engineering.

And to have an analog thing in a digital world with weight that actually works without batteries, you just wind it and it lives on its own. Yeah, as long as you use it to move, it's like an, yeah, it's an engineer, it's the art of something, you know? And it holds its value real nice, too. Yeah, some, most don't.

Most don't. This is where you're wrong. No, no, most don't. Man, you tried to step in the big boy water, didn't you? You just pushed your way into his front door. I've never once worn a watch. Yeah, no, you don't need them. You can't read time. No, no, you put your money in his front door. I've never once worn a watch

No, no you put your money in the S&P if you want a passive investment you put your money Everybody here. Yes sub Annually over the last hundred years every ten years your money's likely to double if you reinvest the dividends But it gets seven percent roughly a year say I got four grand cash, what am I doing? Well, you can buy... Got four grand? No, no, you can invest anything. I mean, if you're in public markets, you can't buy a building.

Should you buy an apartment in New York or no? To live in. I hear you shouldn't do it. Well, we have to separate out whether or not this is an investment consideration, or if psychologically we provide you with peace of mind to have a place that you enjoy to live in. You made it too deep.

No, whereas- No, you're right. Of course you're right. Because as an investor, I would never put my money into a residential apartment. No, not just- Really? No, no, no. I heard it's too expensive.

I thought you would be killing two birds with one stone. The taxes. Expense. The maintenance fees. No, no, but the word expensive is an entirely relative word. Right? Just like the word cheap. And it requires juxtaposition in order

to understand whether it's something. If that stock goes from 100 to 50, you can go it's cheap unless it's fallen to 10. Right? It was only cheap if it went back up, you can go it's cheap, unless it's falling to 10, right? It was only cheap if it went back up to 100, then it's cheap. And so if you look at an apartment and you think about it as an investment, you're already losing against multifamily buildings.

You can get a commercial loan on a multifamily building with an LLC, not in your own name, reduce the liability and get much better returns. You can get a six cap return, that's 6 percent on your money if you bought it all cash you'd be lucky to get two percent on your money after expenses in a condo condo is a purchase it's a consumption it's not an investment in some ways keep you let's find an apartment building no no I don't know I don't love the risk profile in New York right now back back you know I was lucky when I got involved I don't I don't love the risk profile in New York right now back back, you know, I was lucky when I got involved

I don't love it right now. Can you whistle with your fingers? No, can you whistle? No, what do what are you doing for color? You go tanning or is this just no no, I'm walking around outside. This is it. That's it. Huh? That's always got good color I'm a heterosexual. I don't tan Have you ever owned a pool cue or a bowling ball never Any any What's the word I'm looking for? I think I'm getting done. I have any cash on you. I Feel like I'm getting stupid around because I'm trying to sound smart. What's it called? Not the immediate family extended extended. Thank you Yeah, what about them?

Anybody have a have a have a have a wedding Recently. Yeah, my my good family friends. They have kids and they keep having weddings Okay, you going another three this summer. I think you go to the wedding I go to them because I like all the people. What do you what do you like to put in the envelope? What do you grease in a near and dear on five one one hundred hundred dollar bills for people that I have very very limited You know see how we mentioned five one. Yeah Yeah, they're crisp yeah And so I think 500 over the course of you know wedding after wedding if I were close

You know if we were closer and that kind of thing then then I would give a lot more. Jesus. 500 real good. That's what he said for somebody that you don't know. But that's real. That's kids of what we've heard. That's very clear. That's good for even being. That's very good for being close to somebody. Yeah. What are you wearing to the wedding? Oh, well, you know, just what you got a nice suit. No, not nice. Not that nice.

Probably the notion right now. Nordstrom rack. There's nothing you can't get at the rack. Buddy, I can't get anything at the rack. No, I'm just saying, you know, this whole thing. They're over here at the rack. I couldn't imagine, yeah, a worse place to, you know, these, anyway. Well, you dance at a wedding.

Not, probably not a wedding, but I used to go to nightclubs. I mean, I was hanging out Puerto Ricans for years. I can I got a dance. I'm not bad for a white guy. Did you go to limelight? Oh, yeah. Hit the tunnel. I banged in the tunnel. No, in the limelight, I banged in one of the upper rooms, the old church. Yeah. Yeah. Back in the day. And that's the only that was the highlight.

That's why I bring that office. Some broad. I'm wasn't that where Chas Palma Terry was a bouncer. Yeah, I had a development deal with's broad. Wasn't that where Chaz Palmitari was a bouncer? Yeah, Chaz Palmitari was a bouncer. I had a development deal with Chaz. We had him on the show. Chaz is great. Chaz is a really interesting, he's a character, yeah.

He had his dog, he was showing me how good his dog was. He got this high-end German Shepherd, that's been trained, it's got a buzzer. And so I'm standing on one side of his big backyard, he sends that dog, and he goes, I can stop it. But he gave it a command, fucking dog didn't stop, it's running straight at me. You have to give it a few commands.

And so yes, the dog listened, but not as well as he said it would. I mean, you know. I mean, it's not even close, right? He's all clay. He's all clay. I mean, he came from a junkyard and like fucking, you know, he turned it completely around. I wanted to ask you before, have you ever had your IQ tested?

Yeah, no, I could only be disappointed. I don't know. Listen, you might be a supervillain. I don't know. You do what know. You might be a super villain. I don't know. You do what you can. You poison a well, you know. I'm trying to make it through. Trying to reconcile this life. I am.

That's it. I assume you don't eat in the car. I never eat in the car. That I keep real clean. Do you wear any cologne? I do. I wear a blue, a light blue it's called. Okay.

When was the last time you ate fast food? Oh, I'm not afraid of a light burger king. But I don't eat a lot of fast food. Yeah, but no, but a sweet, sweet king, nothing like it. Would that be your go-to, is the king? Yeah, I would tear into a light king. Yeah, that would be. What's a guy like you get when you...

I just get a Whopper with cheese, what I would get at the king. You get the fries and the soda? Nope, never. No. He's all right, this guy. Sharp as a tack. Smart. Love you.

Well thought out, classy guy. Listen, you guys are decent people. A lot of people probably don't have that opinion, but you know, it's all right. That's another thing, you guys are decent people. A lot of people probably don't have that opinion, but you know, it's all relative. That's another thing, you know, I was reading in this book about spirituality, this real brass tacks spirituality, and he talked about this experience of,

it's like hearing credits or hearing the way someone thinks about you. We want to be well thought of, but the truth is that we have to be divorced from being impacted, whether we are well thought of or not, because it's just another person's assessment of us, and it's not us, and we have to be careful of identity. You know, identity leads a lot of us

in the wrong direction. It's connected to ego. It's like people that buy, like bottle service, like what are you paying for, genius? You could buy a pack of hookers for nine hours for what you spent on a bottle of $38 vodka, you fucking idiot. Well, that's one way of thinking about it.

What do you think of yourself? I think I've undershot some things. I think I've had some good luck. I think that my EQ is probably higher than my IQ. I mean, I experience probably a similar amount of shame as the average person but You know, I'm also feel fortunate and I have perspective, you know, I could be in the Ukraine in a dugout right now I mean, I don't know. I'm just trying to reconcile pretty fuck. I got a kid pretty fascinating my friend I'm doing what I can but I got a kid. So it's not about me. Once you have a kid It's about somebody else. There you go

Don't David off everybody fantastic buddy. Thank you so much. Thanks. Nice to meet you guys. I appreciate I got a settlement. I gotta get 100% class. Yeah, I love you buddy. Thank you so much crazy upbringing 100% class. Yeah, I love you, buddy. Thank you so much. Crazy upbringing. 100% class. Fantastic. Down the line. Anything you want the folks out there to know? Yeah, I got a fucking buyer. Tried to cancel contract down there this week. Based on a contingency he doesn't have. That's not going to go well for him. I want everybody to know that. Can't be what he got for them. We love you. All live show tickets are on sale. Arigarbage.com. We'll see you out there, gang. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.