Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Drinking in Public w/ Kippy

Episode Date: April 19, 2021

The boys are back with a family epidote! They talk drinking in public, going to the doctor, & getting hit by a car! Thanks for listening to Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! Share w/ a friend! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Bespoke Post: https://BoxOfAwesome.com https://Helix.com/garbage https://GetRoman.com/Garbage  

Hold on there partners before we get this show started We got a real special announcement from down here at amp to these basement Mm-hmm uncle Hank and kippy a couple of city slickers are gonna be heading out down south We're gonna be at Raleigh. Good nights in North Carolina April 20th. It's coming up the next night We're gonna be in Zaney's Nashville. So get some Tex. Yeah guys. It's gonna be a good time We're gonna be doing some live stand-up T bones coming with us And then we're gonna be doing some live a yg with you guys you guys are gonna give us questions We're gonna be asking you questions. So grab some friends. Come on out. It's gonna be fun

We're gonna be shitting on your stupid uncle Ted or whoever comes your buddies your buddy Steve who's an asshole It's gonna be a good time. I'm correct. Don't be showing up with sneaks and no socks on we're gonna rip on you We're gonna we're gonna be having some beers. We're gonna be taking some pics. We're gonna be hanging out. We'll see you there Now let's get the show started Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. I'm H. Foley and I'm an asshole

Oh Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage. God damn it Oh, yeah, it's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they grew up to be classy Uh-huh, there's the big old piece of trash. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a rainy day We're down here at Antutti's basement Love is in the air in the springtime. Oh, yeah, Kevin James Ryan's trying to play a little matchmaker Oh, yeah with a a former guest body guard sure and Antutti

Well, he was waiting out by the car and she saw him I was waiting out by the car We tried to get her down to AC Right, and she came back early because she's trying to touch a Chinatown bus back up to Chinatown bus back Because somebody in neighborhood told her that they saw Chas Palma Terry in the neighborhood Yeah, and she put two and two together and zipped right back. I gotta tell you I like it's a match made in heaven I like it lamb chops and Tootie baby lamb chops and Tootie. She deserves to be happy. Yeah, you know doesn't she hey At least that I like the idea and I know you I know you I know you you really want it to happen Which I think is beautiful. Yeah, but we just got a big romantic

We gotta like we got a hopeless romantic folks. That's me kippy. Is that a glock in your pocket? Okay, give it up for my co-host the CEO of RU garbage international businessman Kevin James Ryan, I still don't understand the root of that intro that credit. I know your wife's German. Yeah, okay? Hey, what's up good enough for me? International house of pancakes for you and now that you have that business card. Yeah business credit card Got some kids got some steel took me out of the town last night got me some oysters I died more Margarita. I was going home with you. I'll tell you that What's up everybody

Trying to explain the world trying to explain the world of business expenses and write-offs to Foley is like He might as well be talking to my dog. I still don't know. Yeah, he's like, well, who's money is this? He's like technically this is all money, right? I'm like dude. Just shut up and enjoy the fucking Always there's Rockefeller for like an hour. I believe that Tootie was an actual person and we were some We were somehow ripping her off. Yeah He was like, I don't like the sounds of this. I don't like it. Hey, what's up gang as always? Thanks for tuning in baby. We fucking love you. We love you. It's a blood of the podcast. Love you We appreciate all support. Please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full videos available on YouTube and as everybody knows

Those numbers are true to roof true to fucking roof true the roof true And then also guys patreon.com you can sign up to get bonus episodes of a yg that are only Existing on patreon without releasing them out to everybody. They only exist on patreon So you can sign up you get all of them back until like November when we first started this So you sign up today and get all of them. There's episodes of hard feelings, which is me and Foley behind the curtains a little bit Get on that. That's a good time, baby. That's the runaway hit Then also we'll do a live stream every every month of the top two which we got one coming up I can't come up. Yeah, it's gonna be a good time

A couple of beers with them. I feel like we haven't seen the fam and a little boy I know and the fucking road shows. What's that? The road shows are gonna be like an extension of that like I'm I'm now excited because you know like we get excited We get excited to do the life because they're a good time. They're good. Everybody's a good shit Everybody's a good shit. Everybody makes fun of each other in the right way And we're goofing around and they're laughing and we're laughing and I feel like the fucking live shows You're just gonna be a big extension of that. Of course, of course, so guys so Raleigh Tomorrow this is this is coming out Monday, right? So tomorrow will be in Raleigh, uh, North Carolina

Nights, yep, and then the next night Wednesday 421 will be in Nashville Zany's get those tickets The link will be in the description of the motherfucking show never been in Nashville. Can't wait either of I look at I've been the Raleigh But I was all I was only there for a night My buddy was hooking up with some girl that lived there long drive from Bluebell Can't get his wiener went Delaware No, it's when I was living in North Carolina and we drove we drove out to Raleigh for the night He ended up meeting her to bar and then the three of us probably a fucking warlock

Raleigh to I Don't appreciate these judgments My friend was actually a tall good-looking kid with a little bit of cash And she was some she was some rich chick that lived in Raleigh and like a condo by herself She's a little screwy. Yeah, I mean come on, but isn't that the what dude? What were you doing? I was sitting on the couch. I'll fucking all yammed up why he was in the back doing his business Talking to the cat. Hey, how you doing? That ain't no ego boost Being the third wheel on a fucking hookup. Yeah tough break. What are you gonna do?

How about our fucking producer short and air a fucking who's that you come on? You know the magic man. He's absolutely fantastic been working his ass off and buddy We love you T-Ball McMuffin Toby McMullin everyone up boys Maps with the audio yesterday. Yeah, yeah Chas was a little bit off the mic for the listeners Toby had feet off Oh, we had to work his magic over there to get Chas the sound pretty good Oh, shout out to mr. Shout out to me if we seem giddy or whatever if you missed last episode we we had Chas Palma terry on last episode

This is the first episode. We're recording after that. We were super happy with it He was amazing super happy. You guys have been little schoolgirls all week. I know it's been adorable. It's been fantastic The big man came in tear it up These exact words guys we made a command in bluebell very proud I thought he was joking my dad loved the episode my dad's a big Chas Palma terry fan Obviously big fan of a Bronx tell so he loved us that made me very happy was great and the response from you guys Yeah, everybody's saying one of the best apps is not the best out. Yeah Yeah, very cool. It was just cool to sit down with somebody like that. We had a great time

And it was fantastic. We thank you again for the love and support and this Back to the roots is a family episode. You know what I mean? You have big company in Sometimes it's good. You just want to fuck on wagons a little you want to rewind with the unwind with the family a little bit You know, everyone's gone home. We got our showers. We got the homework shoes are off They did you know the kitchen's cleaned upstairs. We had the coffee now We're gonna sit down as a family watch a little TV. Maybe maybe a married with children or something like that We weren't allowed to watch out my oh Sunday night was a bit there was a run of Sunday nights

Just TV in general when we were kids that was fucking blow you away. Sure. Yeah, something was like the Simpsons fucking married with children TGI Friday, wasn't that something too? Yeah, that was your guys thing. That's the I'm too old too busy sitting in condos in Raleigh. I Got trying to watch family matters. I Was trying to make a move on this cat over here. I was too old for that Yeah, I think I far remember at the time I was pushing for the Manage a talk To no avail. Yeah, neither one of them was probably interested in that you guys are right there You guys good, so you'll just be I'll be over here. Just let me know

thinking like a sexual appetizer sampler Maybe we can split these fries. Uh, by the way, you're out of mail Family episode here. We're fucking back together. We love it as you know when you sign up for patreon We get a question asked on the air. Yeah, that's what we're gonna do here today. Uh-huh guys So, yeah, we got off. We got some fucking heaters to cold water by the way. Thank you Yeah, they open up a new spot down on the corner. It's open. Yeah, nice You ain't got to go all around the block. Oh, I tell you I feel like I'm in the fucking in the old West out here It's it's wild. Oh, I gotta walk three blocks to get a fucking pack of gum. Let's go

Yeah, no place opened up right right on the corner. It's pretty nice, too And we got the mini fridge and we got the mini fridge cookin you have a notice gang No one really said much, but we got the mini fridge your patreon dollars at work Yeah, I got a couple back into the program. I got a couple old Bud heavies in there that are decorated with Christmas That's how old they are. I know but just think those things are getting colder and colder I know and cold but they were worn. They were sitting over here for about two or three weeks I know but I'm that guy if you can get it cold enough. It's fine. Of course That's not gonna do anything. What was it cold? It's not gonna get skunked

Right happens. Yeah, that's that happens in the bushes man. It's gonna be skunked That happens first. How trashy is that? I remember that was my biggest concern in life. Yeah, that beer is gonna be skunked man You're like doing inventory like well, I got three Milwaukee's best over by the pond Yeah, pulling fucking case I can get through from my house. You can get this whatever. Yeah looking like a real fucking idiot Tell nobody I got a 30 rack in the snowbank. Yeah, absolutely fantastic, but what I was gonna say is I'm one of those trash bags that thinks the longer that it is in Cold the colder. It's gonna be You know, that doesn't even make sense to me like it like okay, so if it's in the sun

It'll get really cold when you put it in. No, no, no, I'm saying if you leave a If you have to let's say you have two Capri Suns You you put to a fucking scientific method you're breaking out on you put you put two in the garage I was more of a high C kind of guy, but sure I'll live in this world with you orange Yeah orange and fruit punch Okay, I'd always had both because we're fucking we were fucking learned it people you're talking a little bangers the squares The wreckies the three-pack. I used to get well. No, we would get that we would get like the 12 pack And put little fruit punch in the orange in there. I would get about to a trade M a thing of fucking

Yeah, I think a goldfish had a right up to the room Dad don't talk to me If he's busy and I would I would sit on my inflatable chair that I bought I got paper. I got paper I got paperwork to do it don't bother me. Yeah, oh dude the inflatable chair. They were big Spencer's. It was blue I used to sit on that thing Yeah Man like a pool thing like a pool. No, it was like an inflatable Chair that for like your house. I mean, I'm sure you could use it in the pool

Science says you get it'll work in the pool Probably beat me. I wasn't on like I wasn't on like a fucking Like a mat that you would take down shotgun falls or anything I was on a proper fucking blow-up chair a two-seater raft It's got the handles on it The one that looks like an alligator Oh man, we've had an alligator in our pool It wasn't a ramp

Can't get that little fucker out We gave him the chicken But those things are a good time. I'll tell you that that's trash as shit Have an animal shape below Yes, you get a noodle and like a tire that's there the noodles stink Fuck noodles are noodles when they when noodles dropped There's only one thing to do with a noodle beat the shit out of each other put your wiener in the little hole at the end Anyway back to my experiment what I'm saying is if you keep two high seas

All right, you put two high seas in a garage fridge You wait two days you drink one of them Okay, if you wait it till the end of next summer to drink the last one that one would be colder Does that make sense? Yeah, that's not how it works. I know It would have to freeze at some point. No, yeah Yeah, well, yeah, I know it they can only get as cold. I mean if you turn the air conditioner on For it can only get so cold. It's not going to be fucking 15 degrees in here I know but it feels nicer for some reason doesn't you're telling me that a fucking

High sea that's been sitting in the garage for it all summer ain't gonna be they will I don't know I mean I don't know what it says about my family, but they made the fucking they were in a they were in a main fridge We had high seas in the main common to think about it's dangerous We only my dad didn't have a second fridge this whole time Wow, give me the company card Holy fuck that's rattling. We only had one. We were one fridge people. Jesus. Oh, that explains that explains so much Oh

He was more of a cooler man We had a couple of coolers rolling around. Yeah, that's all right. Yeah, but wow. I didn't realize that Holy shit. That just rattled my little fucking world Well, I went back on the brush of the teeth in the shower. No garage fridge. This guy's white trash code switch Or lying to us the whole time. Yeah, I can't get my life. Maybe he's the real crazy one Um, truth be told microphones aren't even plugged in truth be told. I didn't have a garage fridge until We moved into the house that we started the patreon Not quick get on craigslist kippy kippy's got an idea and it looks like it's working

Um, yeah, we didn't have it until we until we moved into the house that we that we're in now Which was in 19? I don't know 87. Yeah, that's fucking 30 years ago. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. It's respectable It's respectable. Yeah, got a garage fridge for 30 years. Not too shabby. It's not bad And if you leave something in there for a long time, it's gonna be really really cold That's my point and you got a couple of fucking bud heavies sitting there. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna crack them I want to do a proper drunk episode, but you two bozos don't drink anymore. I had to beta blocker Yeah, I didn't stop you from house and fucking well margaritas last night We were at a classy establishment too. He's like what it was kind of a place where they like

What was I gonna get a fucking diet coke like an asshole? No, well, you at least say some sort of tequila You don't go what he was like. Well, what? Well All right, dude, no one's ordered the well of the well at that joint in a long time. I'll tell you that I never know what to say in those situations. Yeah, I don't want him banging me out He weren't paying for it. It doesn't matter. He's got a wet air beat. I guess I should have said, uh What's this? What's the square one the kind of square don Julio? Let's make something up. Yeah, you got you know, you got the uh, Baggadour back there and he says no, I'm like, ah, give me whatever you got. I gotta find it tequila. You're right

Because anything but Jose Cuervo. Sure anything but Jose Cuervo. All right, my blood run cold Yeah, I gotta figure one out because Cos amigos that's the go-to. I'm gonna be drinking a lot less these days Okay, when I do what's just gonna be one or two cocktails like a gentleman, which I'm starting to realize is pretty nice Puts me into a perfect spot. Yeah, you know what I mean? Um I was doing that less. I want to make them impactful. I had three last night three beers I went home. I got a six pack of pounder PBR. Jesus Christ. Fucking house them, john

Yeah, you had three beers. You had three fucking german boot pints. Whatever the fuck they are I don't know what that was this guy. It's hazy too. You couldn't see through that thing That's murky of water right buddy. You're flying blind in that thing Visibility zero mayday mayday kippies IPAs I like it like a churn in river It's just like a boat engine that's stuck in the mud. You could lose an eight year old in there like that Definitely a couple of gators in there A couple of IPA gators. That's my new shirt. That's my new murky. Kippy likes murky waters

We got any fan boat IPAs We're having fun boys. I'll have the chop IPA please No chop like on the water whatever one two four That's a classic foley One that nobody not even that it doesn't hit. We're all like, what are you even talking about? Here's one for the back of the room It's like we're even in the same joke. What's going on? Here's one for nobody I'm not even really sure if I get it Yo, everybody alive

Can still recall one time when you were like 15 teenage years hanging with your friends and you threw out the one too many Joke that killed the whole Yeah, that was back when that's how most of them ended that was back when the term beating a dead horse was big All right, you're beating a dead horse. Remember that. I'm gonna hit with that the first time. I'm not 115 beating a dead. You've never heard that. I put am I an asshole? Of course. I have okay. That's all I was saying It was bigger back in the day. No, we you weren't saying it. There's no I wasn't saying that there's no You don't know what I was saying. I hope I know what you were saying Just a couple old ladies without a garage fridge

Trying to make his way in the world. I don't two in the bush one in the hair Ah Let's get to some fucking family questions here gang by the way what We say this what do we say another podcast say this about how much they love their fans and all that stuff. Yeah, but These guys are fucking funny. Sure the jet ski question Yeah, homer the one that you got on patreon. I know that fuck which I just forgot about I'm pulling that up dude Because there was one on patreon that well, this is what we'll start with Because toby doesn't know we know it and how we how I heard of it was so fun

There was one on patreon that my buddy shot to my buddy pat Texted me and he's like dude this thing fucking leveled me. Do you know this? No, he literally just said I didn't Yeah That's one's choppy, huh? You got it. Yeah, this one's from christ the word the wording I was literally I'm telling you I was laying on my couch Facing the other way away from the tv Laughing for about a literally five minutes straight. Oh, we really fucking amped yourself if it doesn't hit

Chris g's gonna look like a fucking answer. I'm sorry before you dive into this There was one comment on the chas episode that fucking killed me where the guy said chas may have a bobby lamb chops But it'll never have a johnny shitballs. I also think johnny shitballs just changed his name to dr. Johnny shitballs I swear to god. I got a question from yeah, dr. Johnny shitballs. That's awesome. Congratulations. Yeah I'm a little tough my man is medical school doc When everyone when everybody said his shitballs would never amount to anything you proved them all wrong there. Yes, sir The first shitballs to ever graduate college Yeah, you guys are fucking awesome. Uh, it's so funny. Uh, this is from christ g ever been ran over

Hahaha No, have you been Have you ever been ran over ever been ran over? No, it's have you been ran over? Have you been ran over? Have you been ran over? Which I mean If that's it, I would have never thought of that to be a garbage question, but it's If you're getting run over you're doing something wrong. Yeah, sure Getting hit by the kennel. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I guess the kennel. He's but that's a bad getting hit by a car

Is a tough look, dude That made my size hurt, dude Look, that's a tough look shout out to chris. That's a fantastic. Have you ever been hit by a car? Uh, no, that's not the question. Have you ever been ran over ran over and hit are very different ran over almost seems intentional Yeah, there was motive behind it. There was mens rea. You left the vague a little too long. You know what I mean Run them over There's that son of a bitch get them Yeah, if you're gonna take the beginning of the soprano's pilot

Yeah, if you're pulling a marcellus wallace on somebody when john's when Gotta get you a netflix account. I got one. Um I've been had my foot run over. Yeah, that's actually the the we got to the core of why kibby doesn't get movie references Because you only just watch a bronx tail a thousand times. I've never watched any other movie Yeah, bronx tail and band of brothers on repeat this guy two great programs drinking drinking ipas and smoking during the movie Hey, whatever well fucking tequila who orders well tequila. Come on. You're making me look like a fucking asshole over there It was probably jose quervo to be honest with that's a nice joint their well is like top shelf at the places I go to The oysters are fantastic. It was a good meal. Yeah, it was a nice time. We're gonna be we appreciate the expense

Um, yes, uh I've never been I've been pinned between my car And another car I was I just it was it was the first night I was doing comedy. I went down to helium comedy club in philadelphia You fucking suck No, you suck give me another list will you? I'll be at 20 minutes. It's my first time Hey gang the weather's getting better in this spring

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In the teego rest in peace took the teego down. Sure. That was a real fun relaxing ride down That was the start of fucking 11 years I didn't know you yet. I was still happy I hadn't met you. I was fucking living life I'd love to see it, man Ah, I had a part I had everything going. I think you it's like I got a la pisha the next day You're in a convertible with an ascot on Had smoking a pipe

Meet you next thing, you know, I'm pawing in my shit. You get pinned by your car. Yeah Oh, how does this happen? There's no hills over there In your mind the car went off by on its own. Yeah, how do you how do you get pinned? I'm gonna explain it to you. Can't we've never heard this story So I go in and you signed you had to show up at like six right show Is that like 7 30 you signed up at six you signed up at seven they posted the list So I went and I signed up

Or whatever and I go back to then check the list later at like seven or whatever sure They parked right out in front There was a black car in front of me And I walked in I'm on the list. I'm so fucking hype. I'm like, oh my god, I made it This is you know, and my buddy flippin Ralph here in the teego And uh, I like I'm like looking at them and I'm like, yeah, this is just fucking awesome And so I now I'm walking I have to go between the cars to get to my car And the car behind me is a student driver like permit learners permit

What is fucking Nana who's out to lunch like she shouldn't have been fucking She shouldn't have been the student driver. I mean, I had to sign on no But like a kid like a young like permit like he's got his learners permit. He was like 15 And shit. I should have fucking I was about to flex on him so He backs up While I'm behind the car and pins me And I don't think he knew he was in

Revert like I don't think he knew he took his foot off the gas So now he's pinned both of my legs between my front bumper and his rear bumper and like stayed there didn't like back up He didn't know he was I don't The only thing I can decipher is he didn't know his foot wasn't fully on the brake and he moved back slowly Because he wasn't paying attention. Did it hurt? Yeah, fucking hurt. What do you mean? I got fucking pinned by like a satyr and ion or something. Oh, it's fucking embarrassing. I'm trying to start my comedy career Fucking out all the comedians are looking at me like what the fuck's this fat guy done with a great head of hair right

Right in front of the club. You're probably like, oh, I'm gonna see if I can bum a single off that guy You're sitting there eyeing me up So I start fucking I was in the back. See the ladies car start punching the car because I'm like I panic when I panic I panic. Yeah, that's a panic. So yeah, that's a hit the fucking panic. I'm fucking I'm like, what the fuck what the fuck y'all fuck and I'm like now But nothing register even harder I guess he had subwoofers or something. I don't know what was happening. He wasn't hearing my cries So I go, what the fuck dude? So my buddy

Flip then leans over and he starts pressing the horn to be like because I'm making eye contact with flip like Someone's got to do something here And then I was like, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, I got my learners permit And I was like drooling oatmeal on her face. You don't know what was happening. She would have got a talking Then I went in killed bomb for 10 years and started this podcast That's funny I was never my dad got hit by a car when he was a young kid Running across scott street or something like that

Really? Yeah, it is one is one arms a little bit shorter than the other. You just told me that. Yeah, that's trashy Have you if you if you have to get custom suits not because they're expensive It's so funny It's such a fascinating thing and I remember every time that I thought of it I would always make him show me and I thought it was the coolest thing ever But it never really it never really came up that much. It was weird You think I'd be making them do that at like parties and shit like that that that get over here Show them you closed growth plates

Fucking dork, but now just I've had my foot run over And it you know, it was crazy thing if you get your foot run over it really doesn't hurt commercial for bad shoes It really doesn't hurt that bad You would think it would really really hurt But it didn't hurt really that bad at all. It was more scary thinking that there was going to be searing pain Yeah, but there wasn't it was like a Honda Accord too and there was like three or four people in it And it rolled over my foot real slow There's a lot of jokes there that I'm gonna choose not to make because I'm trying to be a better comedian

Uh, I've never been hit by a car, but I was run over by a boat Oh my god. Was it in the ocean? No, it was in a lake. Oh lake Norman North Carolina, dude. Yeah, why because we were on the boat. We were like going wakeboarding and shit I would have been like 12 or 13 maybe maybe 11 And we were the I was like can I jump off and they were like, yeah And I was on the front of the boat and I jumped but my dumb ass didn't go sideways. I went forward So I like hit the water you jumped off the front of the boat while it was moving What are you fucking seal team six? What's wrong with you?

Everybody knows to jump off the back and aside Well, I jumped off the front in the front and then immediately got hit by the boat Went under luckily boats are v-shaped. So it just popped me out the side the second I went under Did you feel the propeller like that? That's that was the thing. I was like propeller propeller propeller Yeah, no shit propeller propeller propeller I was luckily I was wearing a life jacket. So it just sucked me right back up Popped me out of the side like the back of the side of the boat Propeller didn't whang me. Oh man. The life jacket makes it even more lame. Yeah

Dude, nobody looks good in the life jacket. Oh, it's tough. I did. I think I'd rather drown I swear to god, I've always told myself. I'm not put one of those things on Especially one of those things on the airplane that blow up. He'll choke the shit out of me. Yeah. Yeah I think chris farley There is a weight which I've been before Which you look better with a life because it's kind of like a shirt. You know what I mean? It's like a flatjack. Yeah, because it covers every one. I think you know what I'm saying But like if you got you can look real tough on a jet ski. Yes that you can look like a football player or something

Like your G unit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah You look pretty good, right and compare to the Alternative that's the neck roll move in football. You put a neck roll. Yeah, it looks like you're like six of them Look, I was in queen. I swear to god. It was awesome Uh, yeah, that's but I had that but the orange ones are tough Dude, stop. They're all like dirty and what did you ever did you have anybody? Have you ever had to put on a wet and already wet life jacket? Dude, I purposely didn't we went to the what when we were in Hawaii for christmas

We went to this waterfall and you can go in there and swim But it was a little more touristy than I thought it wasn't just like, you know, two people Yeah, like so they have like a whole setup and you had to put a vest on I'm like that my fucking putting that on all sweaty Some kid from belgium fucking just taking it off wiping his boogers on it and shit. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do Yeah, yeah, it's a tough look. Um, I I feel like they're Worse for you too. I feel like you're better off on your own You just fucking float tread water. They don't really this is why we don't pay you to think I'm just saying man I feel like you're shark bait

You're just a little fucking bobber up and down. No, thank you for the rest of the population. They make you float Where's you still sink? Haha? Yeah, I'm a good swimmer though And I float I say the body's in the 78 water. So I can hang you're an olympic-sized pool Haha, I've had to make that joke before I got an event sure of it. I got a big event this week I need a couple more kids with a snack bar. If anybody's interested Uh, um, all right. Next what do you got next question? This is from frank Uh, thank you frank. Have you ever bought presents at the duty free shop? I don't even know what that is really Yeah, it's like some sort of tax. You're not paying because you're technically no sex

If the navy exchange counts then I have the navy exchange the navy exchange is like, uh, almost like a target that's on military bases where dependence and uh, that's a little service members can go I think I assume that's probably catch a break. You have something. Yeah. We used to buy liquor there for parties around the holidays Yikes Ever stocking up that week for christmas fucking fantastic. Jesus christ I was coming back from mexico and I got sniped by a guy at a duty free shop in the airport I was walking and he sniped. Yeah. Yeah. I was walking and there was like a guy in like a vest Like he looked like a like a like a cartoon wolf

He was like had a vest was leaning against the wall like in my head. He's smoking a cigarette But we were into what he wasn't but he just goes my friend tequila and I was like what he goes duty free I just went yep. You got me. Yeah. All right. I'm in Jesus. Yeah. I junk you did you even know what duty free was? No, I was just I was like 18 and I was like I can't get booze in america Smart. Oh smart. Thank you smart smart, man Not bad t-bone. I've done it a couple of times I've only bought liquor and burnies when I need them. Is this like a Delaware run. Is that duty free? No, that's no sales tax duty free is something I forget exactly what how much he is saving

I mean, how much could it be a couple of bucks on a bottle of liquor probably Stupid I got the definition right here duty free refers to the act of being able to purchase an item in particular Circumstances without paying import sales value added or other taxes Yeah, so it's tax free. So if you're buying like a $50 bottle of liquor 35 bucks. Yeah, probably 40 something Come on. I know but that's the big thing is when you're they got you pretty good when you're at the airport You're sitting there for two hours people are like, I guess I'll fucking shop. It's like no man's land You know what I mean? Who wants to be carrying more shit around with them?

I like to travel light. You boys are about to see that on tuesday. Yeah, well our tickets don't include fucking carry-ons or fucking Or check luggage. So we're all traveling very light. You have to check that's my phone I'm gonna get on a plane without my wallet. What do you got us on by the way? East wind? East wind. I don't get it. What is this wings? What the fuck is going on here? What's that man?

That's great. I know the one's gonna be like a little puddle jumper plane It's not gonna be from rally to nash out. Have to assume it's gonna be fucking. It'll be a regional jet. Yeah Oh, I don't I don't like the sound of that if he's gonna be like my my uncle's got a plane boat We're going over on the spruce goose Hey, they come now Yeah, that's why we're only going to cities next week. How do you guys feel about zeppelins? Fucking feel real good about it. We're touring in a hot air balloon. Where's the where's the show depends on which way the wind's blowing No, zeppelins. I gotta find out what the trade winds are before I before I lock in the club

Looks like we're going to miami folks I like the zeppelin idea So you guys use analytics to book your tour. No, no, no, no farmers all on that. Yeah, it's supposed to be a full moon tonight Um Yeah, never a big duty freak I have bought some stuff when I've been in a you know when I've needed it If I was going somewhere where I'm like, oh, we're going to like a wedding or a party and I'm gonna stay with a bunch of friends I'm like, yeah, I get a pack of fucking I get a carton of bernie's And you know like a bottle of jamison or whatever like with it with the intention

I'm going somewhere for this. Sure. You know, are you gonna get a carton of bernie's in north carolina? No tax on tobacco That's pretty good. It's not bad. I think I might get a u-haul Really do it up nice We're gonna be driving back Um, great question next one. This is from andy. Is it garbage to not have a primary pediatrician as a kid? Yeah, man, it sounds like you didn't have health insurance. How do you not? I guess they fucking you're moving around like a game of three-card monte or something. Oh, man I rocked him. I rocked out my pediatrician till I was like fucking at least 18 or 19. Yeah, I was driving to the pediatrician

Oh 100% yeah. Yeah. Shout out to dr. Barbera. Shout out to dr. Dr. John Rogers. Fantastic. Yeah, yeah John Rogers does not sound like a doctor though. It's fantastic. John right sounds like a mechanic. It was nice. You know what? Yeah, exactly Express lube and pediatrician Listen, I give it 200 for the kid. I like the private eye. That's good Um, there was something about the p obviously the pediatrician's office was way better The toys that is that that it's a little more colorful. Sure the treasure chest is there Yeah, but the birds were always smoking hot the girls that worked there or you thought they were you know

As you got into your your formative years you started to you know what I mean? That's the first couple times you flex. Sure a little flirt going on Hey, hey, my mom my mom's outside. I'm an adult now. She can't come in. How you done? No, I still want the car. Thank you. I look real big in these tiny chairs I want to buy one of those. I've always wanted to buy one of those treasure chests I'm sure you can order those somewhere that have all the toys in it. Remember that? It's not plutonium It's a cardboard box that says treasure chest I'm sure you can like you cracked the case on the treasure chest. I was so hooked on that

Oh, man, that's a nice lollipop nice dum-dum Oh, shout out to a dum-dum shout out to a dum-dum. Uh, this one's from this name is a bit kooky Carthic Ah young car thick car thick Uh, I mean, this is a no-brainer. Have you ever peed in the ocean after having more than a couple of beers on the beach? Oh, man I'll do that with my fat like we're all like we'll be on the beach and they'll be like 30 of us like ants uncles and i'm like Just like two dudes just like, you know, like walk in stand like 15 20 feet apart and pee and then come out

Of course chester river sandbar like so it was like three feet high river kid Chester rivers We went once on my cousin's husband's boat Told not long ago. It was within the last 15 years Can't picture you on a boat. It was all right Drove out there miller lights standing in like a nice cool water. I mean it was pretty trashy Yeah, it's trashy. Yeah, I didn't get on a boat to get off the boat and stand in the water

But but but but being being able to stand there the miller lights were ice cold. Yeah, that's all you need Not about it crabbing on a boat with a couple of ice cold fucking cores or something Get a nice hoagie nice turkey hoagie for lunch Extra onions, but yeah, that's that's fantastic. Uh, this one could never poop in a body of water I know dirt ball over here has I If I needed to I could I mean come on if I need it to yeah make an omelet out there. What do you mean? Of course, I for yeah, I mean, I don't think I've ever just been in a position where I'm like There's not a house or a restaurant or something I can go to you know what I mean

I'm not I'm not a fucking animal Restaurant, well, I mean like if you're on the believer down the shore There's no reason to be shitting in the water at the jersey shore Do you ever remember your mom walking into a restaurant with you like can he just use the bathroom? When you're a little fat, she's gonna come in with me Your little fat ass is a huge dump in there Can he use the bathroom? I was always tough. It was just some like boss boy. Like I got gas Little fatty's getting what a tear to join up

Good dinner with a family the bathroom is the fortress of solitude dude Just a little escape fucking you guys don't do that shit. I like my family Oh, it's we have a good time. Yeah Family's bonkers to make sure the McMullen's the new drama on abc, huh? Yeah Um That's nuts. No, I would never do that. I bet there are tons of listeners who I like who added out to dinner go take a little breather reset in the bathroom Oh, there's nothing wrong with that a reset. Maybe with extended family. That's what I'm saying. Yeah

Okay, all right. I ever tell you I was in I don't know if I ever told you so you couldn't look your dad in the eye I love my dad you son of a bitch You never loved me I was in Italy with my wife for her husband for her husbands for her brother's wedding I would have been in the bathroom more than I was at the table This is way different. I thought he was talking about I know I have a story. I'm saying and I was fighting with my wife Over fucking something. There's nothing worse than the fight

Where you're at an away game. Sure. That's bad. I'm in a proper away when you're fighting with her and she's and she's with her Crew so luckily her friend. I don't know if I told her her friends Her brother and brother's friends are like a year or two older than us. So they're like and I hang with them every time We're so like, mm-hmm. It was like four of us just all got up that down at the one end of the table It was like 20 person table. I mean, we're just like fuck it. We're like fuck this chugging beers I don't know I'm just imagining you with her german family who are notoriously humorless. And so your superpower is out the window Your fucking charm is gone. It's all gone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This goes real political. Yeah. You guys feel about trump, huh?

So I go into the bathroom to be like, oh fuck this whatever and uh Splash some cold water on your face and european toilets are different and I can't quarterly upside down I'm different I'm telling you I couldn't find the flush so You know, we're back at this dump again. I know I watch that might as shit then Oh, I forget I for I needed the flush during dinner. I don't know. I was I was I was jet lagged I was all over the place. It was you know, it was in the morning for me

So I had to flush the toilet and I don't know what to do and there's this red chain and I'm like, there's no way that's it. What does it stop the restaurant? I'm like I'm like, there's no way this is it, but I'm looking like I'm like I'm like, there's no button Why would there be a random chain hanging down? I don't know what I'm like. What's the name of the restaurant jigsaw? My father-in-law was chained to the radiator. Why would that just be there? I want to take a shit I'd like to order some appetizers. There's poison on the end of that toilet paper Yeah, it's kippy's dump

It's it's it's whatever Lufthansa served for dinner I uh, so I'm sitting there and now I'm also I got like six in me So I'm like, ah, you know, and I'm like this isn't I'm like, there's no way this is it man You did sure as shit. I the onions peeling on this guy sure is shitting at dinner drunk. What the fuck I always it was fucking, you know, it was super early for me. You let your hair hang down over there, huh? I pulled it and like it was I'm like, well, this ain't fucking good It was like if someone falls in the bat like if an old person falls in the bathroom and they can't get up

They pull this how they supposed to get to it. I don't know the guy finally came in not happy Oh, no English. Yeah, it was a bad scene. I had to go back to the table. I'm like, you guys hear that? And they're like, uh, let's say it was fucking It was like the first night I got there. So it was a rough one. That's fucking trashy. Yeah Wash your face in the chemicals thing I'm drinking out of the bidet It is what it is man. I'm a human onion people garbage um

All right, this is from Brandon. Uh, is it trash to bring liquor and a coffee mug to your kid's baseball game? No, you're an alcoholic Depends what time the game is I would say and if it's a social event. I grew up Going to game. We're like People were drinking on the sidelines. I mean, we can't compare what our parents did to what people are supposed to do now Yeah, functioning. Yeah, I feel like now would be a no fly But then also feel like my brother Right, like I don't have kids. I mean think about the amount of drinking and driving in our childhood I don't know

Yeah, it was a different time man Different sure dude for sure the seatbelts weren't even No seatbelts no airbags. Yeah still making cars out of steel He can't compare it. Yeah, but these days. Well, like what if the mom's there and all the dads are there having a couple of beers I was gonna say let's discuss. Let's map it out. I think we could I think we can walk through this That's all I'm all right with that because I'm a big fan as you know of In the right setting A cocktail

Makes everything better And really really brings out the moment Fantastic. Yeah, so does fucking nine of them And my kid hit two home runs a couple of dingers Uh Yeah, I don't know I I remember I would go to my my brother's my brother played for like, you know Like what a club team in Philly soccer and the trout It was like that was like the main thing all over the fucking place every weekend and these guys

It would just bring coolers of beers and just sit in the stands dads. Yeah Yeah, they weren't just randomly watching fucking fc copa or whatever Uh, they would bring fucking big red igloo coolers and just fucking sit in the stands like saturday at noon Just fucking like bud heavies and I remember my dad being like that's a lot. You know what I mean? He's like that's oh that's something he wouldn't even do. Yeah. He was just like I mean, yeah, he was just like it's noon. Like I got shifted like yeah I can't just be fucking getting plots at noon. Yeah, bud heavies When you when you said it my mind went to like a situation of like uh, like where my brother

Had lived like the baseball fields are like a walk away You know what I mean? Sure kids are still young enough where they have one baseball game Yeah at 11 on a saturday. Yeah, all right Um, maybe in the morning they went and got their haircuts. He ran the errands that night They're going to a cookout or something like that. You got nothing to do grease the wheels a little bit Absolutely. Yeah, big fan. You know what I'm you know, I've become a big fan of over over the last year is baileys In a coffee. Yeah, big fans. Nice. I'll drink it straight. It's nice. This is where the issue lies All of that you just described are people who are openly drinking and this is someone who's talking about hiding the booze

That to me sounds like someone whose kid tucks them in Hiding the booze. I mean you just I mean you also it's like you're not celebrating. I see what you're saying. Yeah Who's businesses you're just not celebrating. Yeah, if everybody was like, hey, we're all drinking here. That's fine But if it's like I'm trying to be somewhat respectful and I'll be honest with you I I'm starting to think that people do that a lot more than you think Yeah, a lot of people a lot of people in my family do it more than I think I think I called afternoon coffees Yeah, a lot more people have a drink in them than we than we think. Oh, yeah

I see mad men So I'm gonna turn this place into you guys just come in. I'm drinking scotch. I don't know how those guys do it I don't know how they from 18 to 27. I never once had a water bottle with water in it Yeah, really toby was a I was I never did real dirt ball. Yeah Proper I like it and that's why I understand you saying, you know that that that's alcoholic behavior, which you know I would agree with that Uh, yeah, but it's whatever play fast and loose baby. You know what I mean? Uh, this is from our boy dr. Johnny shitballs. Uh, have you ever been a part of a scared straight program?

I always wanted to be though I feel like fully would have done that but not as a kid as like an actor who responded to a craigslist ad He shows up My favorite line ever I think it was maria or something or it was one of the scared straights They end up in jail and he's like or he's like if you're talking about the famous clip with a little kid with the glasses Where they're hanging him up to the guy in solitary. I forget the peel is orange. Oh my god Unreal. Yeah, he goes. What are you in here for and he's like so Smoking weed and he's like smoking weed smoking weed. I smoke. Yes. I was like that guy fucking parties

There was two threats when I was a kid one was uh One was Everybody checked to see who's it was who's the guilty was it toby? No, it was me. It was my computer Yeah, does anybody know who was yes that it was was the beep on paul mitari's episode that belonged to a one mister Kippy kevin james rye because I think it might have been me. I think it was you Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my mind was because it would have came up on my computer as well And it didn't and if it wasn't me I would mine would have went off eventually too because I had mine Not not turned on because you're not a fucking professional. You're an amateur. I apologize

You're making me and my new best friend mr. Palmitari look like fucking anzels. I apologize to the audience Um, I make sure you check out the chas palmitari show. Sure. Absolutely fantastic. Yes. Yes. Um, what the fuck were we just saying? We're talking about fucking scared straight. Yeah, there was two threats when I was a kid There was going to st. Gabe's or st. Michael's whatever it was called sounds freaky the home for boys. Yeah, and there was uh Even more scary. I don't know why because for some reason It went so far is I think somebody came to the house and showed me a video of it Like it was about to happen Of outward bound. You know what outward bound is heard it. Yeah

It's when they like fucking take bad kids out into the fucking mountains shoot them with some loose cannon and like make them Fucking climb over mountains and shit like that to get like their confidence and all that stuff or whatever I'm gonna do it to you next weekend Next time you come in here is gonna be a fucking drill sergeant But some dude came to the house and gave us like a little thing on that That that that almost out 20 years later. It's your dad's accountant or whatever Just like play, you know Just your dad gave an extra 50 bucks. Hey come over here and scare the fat one, will you?

That's awesome. You can wear my old navy. Yeah, you got a cop uniform. Yeah get over here. Uh, I never had that we had We were I wasn't that kid though. No, I wasn't I mean I wasn't like I wasn't caught like that Yeah, fucking amateur hour. I would get t but well t-bone went to fucking boarding school like a weird. Yeah, he was a fucking goober I played sports that was all that was that we as long as we kept our we know it was 50 years ago As long as we kept our cool and didn't fucking show show off we could do whatever we wanted behind this Yeah, never got caught me That sent the boarding school So I didn't have to go to school in a trailer and link it to north carolina. It was to better me as a human being

Fair enough. Okay. There you go. Really worked out I rolled your skater die t-shirt tells me different, but okay. Um, this mask intruder I always there was also I'm sure a private school or two in that area You didn't do how far where we wasn't in like new hampshire massachusetts. And where did you live at the time north carolina? Yeah, they didn't love you. Yeah They weren't fans the muckin. Yeah, they wanted to get rid of you No, there had to be a catholic school or a private school somewhere near that Between there and boston, how about that?

But foley I was an independent butterfly who needed to spread my wings in a big hippie-dibby boarding school. It's no fucking grades Go get a refund because it didn't work. And now your careers are in my hand. Oh, wait. I get homeless pimping here in two minutes Yeah, he's full schedule. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he is slammed finger. I would never get ready a t-bone. What this come on We're fucking nirvana. What do you mean? This is a little three piece. I'm gonna kill myself in a couple of months I already got the shotgun Never um, wait, does that mean that makes me the fucking bass player Chris know what? No, no, what is it? Cristobacillic? Yeah Here Dave, let's say we're all Dave Grohl

That's pretty cool that way it's even we're all Dave Grohl We can't all be Dave. Yeah, we can we can all be Dave Grohl now. It's our nirvana Kurt can hang around I'm gonna kill myself. I'll be patched me here. Oh, I hate that guy. You're crazy shoving his face in every band get out of here Guy was in 15 bands in the 90s for like a half an album it the bricks He's fed pass. All right back to the fuck. Let's go. Come on. Um Never been a part of scared straight That shit's trashy

Yeah, I had friends that like had to go to like in school counseling and stuff like that because they got caught doing this or caught doing that No, I never got hemmed up in any of that. I was never in the system Ours was always uncle den's gonna come up and fucking tune you up uncle den. Yeah, I got an uncle den He's a fucking bad man pajama. That's like what you would be threatened with if like your grades were bad or something What would you know it was always talking back my grades whenever bad What would you have to do to get him to come up there? He never did obviously? Yeah, but it was just like I've been talking back Or like on a wednesday night like no, I'm not doing it. Yeah, she would say I'm what did he live Uh, North Philly, Junietta or something. Yeah, he wasn't coming. I mean he could be there in 35 minutes

With a fucking with a marblight and a fucking a 24 ounce coffee from la wa at 10 p.m That was once or twice. We're an uncle. It was the threat. It was like Very, you know That or your dad like obviously it was the dad too, but yeah She was by herself and it was me and my brother were running the fucking asylum. You know what I mean? Yeah, there was once or twice That broad didn't stand a chance poor denise You gotta tie it up like homo

I know my mom had to deal with us when my dad would travel, you know a lot. It's it's it's it's tough Yeah, it's a tough look the uncle's got called in once once once or twice my uncle my uncle Joe come in It was always they were always scarier because you know, you you felt like you couldn't score points To them the way you could with your dad, of course that was what I was like. Yeah, keep fucking with me Uncle Den's gonna come up the fucking tattoo yet. Yeah, you didn't want uncle Joe uncle Mike. It's that either coming and straighten you out Uh, no, all right. This one's from cast. Do you wash new clothes before you wear them or do you just pop the tags and put them straight on? This has come up on the podcast before. Um I like to wash them before but now it's different because I'm you know, I got like three washes and it doesn't fit anymore

All right, but I'm not you need that first wear But uh, yeah, but I'm not a fan of the way t-shirts and fucking shit feels it feels like oily before washed. Yeah, it's bad Um, it's it's real itchy. I always think too like what if somebody tried this on right before me and then I'm way like True like taking someone's shirt off On the subway and putting it on I'll tell you what I do like fresh fresh pair of socks Yeah, I always go you I don't wash socks. No Fucking black fuzzies get everywhere though popping those popping a fresh pair of those always great. Um

Clean sheets too. I found out you were supposed to wash. I never always wash the sheets I hate that oily feel I never knew until my wife was like you're not gonna wash them. I'm like, no That poor bro. They wash him at the plant. Yeah, I'm like nobody's if it's not bottom. What do you mean wash them? Do you ever trust pre wash lettuce or anything like that? Yeah spinach? I do. You do sealed spinach. Yeah. Yeah, triple wash. Yeah Wow, you trust it. Yeah, trust it this morning She's been she had my brains out Kids leaking He always catching a coal-eyed batch with the spinach and the iceberg or something. Oh, yeah goes around to the midwest whacking everybody

Poor slums dude Fucking bad batchy kid bad batch of spring mix Bad batch of 50 50 If they always they do it every year to us fucking for like the first half of the summer It's always something don't go near the watermelons. Yeah, don't touch the romaine Um, this one's a fucking I can't believe this one hasn't come up touched in any way This is from oliver

Ah, man, fuck Have you ever unscrewed the lids on a on a pepper parmesan or chili shaker at a pizza place? And then set it back on top and left it for the next guy To dump over all and ruin his pizza Maybe once when I was 11. Yeah, it's a trash move I thought he was gonna say because my move is I don't do the shakers I always take the lid off and shake it like that Especially with with uh with pepper. I take the pepper thing off and sprinkled sideways pepper

Yeah, like not the red peppers like the actual ground black pepper or whatever the red pepper still I don't like going through the holes The only one I go through the holes with is salt and usually I'll put it in my hand and then put it on Because I like to know and I like that like let's get this done here. Let's do this Yeah, so you're like undid doing stuff. That seems like a longer process. You're just screwing it Fucking this like a fucking jerk off. I unscrew it and I use the lid as like a little like as a little stop It seems like way more work to me. No, am I crazy? Yes, right? Yeah, you're unscrewing screwing you do this Just like that little twist Maybe especially with the palm

Yeah, you also you also have your control issues He needs that palm unregulated. I like a lot He's got to take the governor off, baby I like a lot of parmesan My buddy blew my mind as a kid at a wendy's you can't do it anymore because they don't have the same setup Back in the day at wendy's on the table. They had plastic salt shaker plastic pepper shaker and business cards On the tables So he took a he took a penny or like a dime or a quarter or nickel whatever

Spun it took the plastic Fucking salt shaker. I hate this kid already slammed it down on through So the the coin went through the bottom Use the business card slid it under and then put it back So the next person to grab that fucking thing just dunk salt everywhere. Jeez diabolical. Yeah Who are you doctor evil? Yeah, I know Yeah, that's shitty. I always go and burn frogs after that Fucking dorks, but I was I was such a pussy. I was like, there's no shit the comic book store on fire next

I think we're going down a bad road here. Yeah, he calls Dave Thomas Dave. I gotta talk to you Charlie put a hole in the bottom of the salt than the business card on there. There's a flaw in your security Nobody eat the chili He calls like inside man, I'm gonna walk right out of the front of that wet Excuse me. Is there a whistleblower hotline? I can contact With these whistleblower hotline I hear the spicy nuggets of toast You didn't hear it for me. I'm not t-bone McMuffin

Trash We did the scares straight this one's from tony p I love how they how they ever like they have you ever nothing just Ever have a sports team branded credit card I didn't even like the checks back in the day. I'm like, what do you do? That's real unprofessional. Yeah, give me a check with fucking clowns on it or whatever Hit the fucking bricks daddy. Oh But I don't mind. I remember when I was waiting tables if I if I saw like a filly. Are you from filly?

Oh, yeah Yeah, it's nice My mom used to have her picture on her credit card. Do you remember that? Oh my god. She had like a headshot You ever as a server, which I've never seen anybody else with that ever. Maybe that was an 80s thing It was no it was an early 90s thing. Yeah, it was like an extra security thing. Yeah And as a server it was always weird when somebody's credit card on the back said ask for my ID Ask for ID. Yeah, lady. I've never been asked for my ID ever. No The fuck's the matter with you lady. I don't give a shit

Yeah, it's a salad shut up. It's my big here's what you're infringing on my bit. Yeah, that's your bit Yeah, it's a salad. Shut up the credit card credit card. I don't care Oh, your department store joke. Yeah, but you could see that and more April 20th at Raleigh. Good night to April 21st. Sure. And Zane. He's nice. Uh, this is from Pete new member Uh, this is you know, he's got he's got he's submitted three I typically usually pick the best but he's got two two decent one. Really two two decent ones Let us hear first one. Did you receive us saving by savings bonds from family members when you were born? Oh, yeah, and I cashed them in when I went to college those just came up on somewhere where I saw that

Do those still work? Do those still do they still happen? I don't know what you mean Do they still have savings bonds? I'm sure you can buy a us savings bond. Yeah, but I thought there was something That we bought when we were kids that it was actually useless Was it saving or war? It wasn't war bonds. What year were you born? War the war 1812 there was something that was big when we were kids that really didn't turn out to have any value Maybe it was saving. Well, you get the money back. There was no like real gained interest. I don't believe Okay, you know what I mean

It was like a $50 savings bonds and then like I cashed in it was worth like $61 35 years later to be so annoying getting those. Yeah fully scrap. I was like I got no savings bonds But here's some gold teeth from the enemy You like fingertips? I always hated that because it's like the $50 savings bonds you you can see the toy in front of you And it's like now Yeah, of course. I mean, yeah, I go I'm starting. I am slowly going with my niece and nephew straight cash Yeah, I doubt my my the oldest no more presents

I got to go this weekend and I got to do gifts tomorrow But for christmas the oldest nephew He's about to start getting cash. He's like nine 10 because let's be honest and it's like Fucking I hit him with like a hundred dollar gift card for like mic for xbox live or I think gift cards You can buy coins or something gift cards. Just as good get whatever the fuck you want. Yeah It doesn't got me guessing. You know what you like like let's be honest with each other I know what I really want it when I was a kid. Sure, you know what I mean

Yeah, especially when I'm not talking when you're like, you know, eight or nine, but you start getting 10 11 12 Yeah, you want you want cash. I don't know if it was me or my brother But it was one of our I think it was me one of it was think it was my graduation and my uncle gave me a trapper keeper I was like yo bozo. It just finished. Yeah. Where's the cash? You think I want to show up to fucking orientation with a trapper keeper. I could have used this four years ago I need a couple of fucking clams in my pocket. You ever get hit with the two dollar bill I got one at home. Yeah the two dollar. I tried to spend it. This is how poor we they were a little classy back in No, no, I did the same thing. I tried. I bought booze the two dollar bill and though. Oh my god. You've used one

I tried I got denied you got you did. Yeah, dude the cashier looked at me like what do you do when your grandma gave this to you? It was brutal never. It's just worth two dollars and three cents I used that's not poor. I was it was I was working in new rochelle and taking the train up every day I was fucking hemmed up bad on money sleeping on fucking my boys floor And I need I had I found a two dollar bill in the apartment. I'm like, oh, I need this and I took it and tried to It's different desperation. Yeah. I tried to buy like a water a juice something I don't know what I was buying something and the fucking guy in the boat that it wasn't even a boat that goes It was one of those huts

That's just like it's like a newsstand kind of but not a newsstand I don't think they have like regular like they don't have permits or whatever. He's like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no You're not taking so I then he got the quarters I broke the fucking steel out you want to play hardball Put the chips on the table the two dollar bill back in the day I remember when they went out of circulation. Well, look, I was probably like five I think they're still in circulation. Aren't they they stop make no when they get they don't go back out into circulation Well, I don't make them and then when they get to a bank they keep them

I remember a random like older cousin or somebody like that trying to hit you with one of those and you look back now you're like Fucking cheap shit. That's all you were getting was a two So that's a random like distant like older cousin. Hey, there you go. Was it for a gift or just like a just whatever Yeah, Lane say it's cheapo. Yeah, it's real cheapo. It's like magic cheap magic tricks magic tricks at a party No good. Yeah, certainly never used it as currency ever I tried since I've been doing comedy. I've tried so like in my adult years. I tried to use a two dollar bill I still have it. They used to have 500

I don't remember those I'm talking to like the 30s. They have 500. Well, then you don't say you said it like you used them Like they used to have 500. Yeah, they used to have a billion dollar, but shut up. They did. Yeah They had a billion. I got one. You do. Yeah, we're gonna frame it Um, all right, this is Pete's second moment. It's just funny is drinking oval teen class or trash They were talking about this. It's a hundred percent classy. What did we talk about this? No, no, they were talking about it online Oh, you might I might have saw that in the thing. Uh, maybe oval teens fucking classy Is it cold milk in the morning? A lot of nutrients fantastic

But you're on record is saying any sort of powdered chocolate milk is trash oval teen and uh, what's it called carnation instant breakfast is different What about tang then? I love tang The mug is round Foley's round Why don't we call it round team call it foley team? Uh, I didn't fuck with until my stepmom came around and she Started it and I was just like that's a you thing like she would make it every now and then but yeah, I'd have it But like I ain't I ain't measuring the powder and stuff. That's give me to give me the liquid

He's that's gonna get a slim fast, huh? You drank those Yeah, he's shotgun them For sure dude, man, I did. I just thought it was like a milkshake. I didn't know was like a fucking 4 000 calorie meal There is no fatter suburban kid move than drinking your mom's Slim fat A slim fast and a fresco chaser that's the epitome No, I would fat kid with for press feelings in the 90s. I would have pretzels. I know I wasn't sneaking them

Nobody was home. I was just having on my own really nearly nobody was there to care I That's why you were doing it I was doing it because it was fucking delicious. That's the fat kids version of cutting You know, I love it wasn't an emotional thing. I love the way it tasted dude That was some fucking salty pretzels. Good night for a while It was later on my mom got these They were they were they were like chocolate nuggets, but they were they weren't they were something

Some kind of like fiber or protein or something that you were only supposed to have one of them like every three days And they were so I like the vitex things or something. It might have been something vita tics or something Oh, boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Me and my dad and brother crushing. Yeah, like it was november 1st, baby They after halloween. Yeah, she had she had to get rid of them. Yeah, we used to be we used to have power bars But I used to eat like 10 of them at once mom. How strong am I? He's lived in the couch Henry put down the garage Mama had like three power bars

But when I was stoned I used to prefer power bars over regular candy bars because they had a better chew Yeah, that's a real fact it moves. Yeah, but a couple power bars and a nice cold Gatorade fucking biting and sipping that It's pretty good Um, all right, we gotta we gotta wrap up. So let's do a couple more a couple of quickies. Uh This one's just fucking this one. I took from twitter. It was so good. You were tagged in it too If this is from no name game guy, have you ever paid for assembly for furniture and new grill, etc Which I think is classy, right? Pain for the assembly's class if you're a young doctor. Yeah, it's classy to have it done right like hey come

That's like the same as like fixing your own roof if you don't know what you're doing is trash here No, no, no, no, no, I've dude. I put together a lot of furniture. I've never successfully put together the furniture You know what looking back on my family history. Yes, um, how Um, and I'm not talking about building a deck like my dad could do that. You know, I'm talking like a bookshelf He could build a deck but when I leave out something like that Anything where Ikea was involved a dresser a bureau an arm war or something when I look back on the fights and arguments That's something like that caused the the yelling and in the end result of the product being poorly constructed Yeah, a couple of screws left over having somebody do it is the right the right way to do it

And they they did kind of get on that tip for for a while I feel like in like the early 2000s the handyman really started to kind of Resurface a little bit. I don't know. I haven't been tracking the every man. I don't I just remember all of a sudden There was like, you know, like we did have people there was guys that you would hire that would do shit like that Guys that like went around the burbs doing like not odd jobs, but they weren't like a general contractor. Like, hey, you got a window I can tighten that up. I can yeah Just cast grab it. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, exactly So, yeah, you know what that is classy. That's what I think it's like the trashier way is to be like, ah, it's dying of pain for that

That's how they get you. It's like, no, it's the right way to do it. Yes, you know Yes, although we did we hung our tv and we felt really good about doing it Yeah, because we went out and got the proper tools. We got the fucking the stud finder and really it really was first time Sure, but this is what I'm saying. Most people don't do that You're like, oh, I got the Ikea drill and it like most people are just eyeballing it not doing the stud finder That's what I'm saying. Yes. So if you do it right, which is normally what I would do Yes, which were predisposed to be like, ah, fuck like even this the tv here I was gonna fucking do it myself and I was like, I'm just gonna have fucking Ryan come

Yeah, I've never put like a dresser or anything like that together where like something wasn't I didn't fuck up Fuck up and like have to get a hammer and like fucking really mash it in or something. I fucking hate that shit hate it All right, let's do two more here Speaking of gifts, uh, all right. So this is from facebook. Uh, the facebook group shout out to that fucking facebook group, baby It's cooking you guys are fucking any miles Uh, this is from john Kavinis, uh, have you ever purposely left the price tag on a gift for someone?

Which I just bought a gift for my other nephew like two weeks or a month ago And I kind of wanted to because it's also like who can't like trash If it's expensive enough, it wasn't that's the thing. I'm like, who am I hiding this? I'm hiding this from a five-year-old He doesn't fucking know Well, did you see it and leave it on purpose because that's weird I was trying to get it off and it wasn't coming off And I was just like I I I have kids are involved I obviously but they have they should that's when you should leave it on they have no understanding of money

I Want you to know uncle kippy paid 6.95 for this No, it wasn't even it was like 39 bucks or 29, but whatever it was you were face throwing No, but it was you see there as a six-year-old. No, you're taking you you're not understanding my point I'm sitting there and I'm taking it off. I'm going. This is a waste of time Yes, but that's not what the question is the question is leaving it on as a face throw. Yes Oh, no, okay. Well, then I wasn't but also, okay No

I don't know. I like a good face throw I love it. Oh, come on So the only thing this pandemic's been missing that's gonna be that's gonna be a gift That's like 150 bucks and you want people to know that you spend 150 bucks, right? That's what that's where that would come in if a gift is truly classy like a fucking diamond bracelet or a fucking nice ass watch Motherfuckers are gonna know a Rolex is expensive. You don't need to leave What I'm saying if I would if I were to buy Foley a fucking Uh, you know gi Joe a gi or a pair of shoes or something like he's gonna know how much I spent

He's not gonna go. Oh, these were 29 99. I'm like, no, they were $300 pair of shoes Uh, I prefer the gi Joe. Yeah, sure. I'm just saying but it's like at what point are you receiving something where you're going I got no clue how much this cost Where you know every gift you received if you receive a video game, you know the exact price of that Have you received a fucking camera? You know the exact price of that It's nephew turning them. I can I know what I'm getting t-bone this and I'm getting closed This this nephew must have done something to piss you off. Oh, no, my mom paid. I had my mom's credit card. Anyway, so I didn't matter No, I don't think so, but I have I have over spent just for the face throw

Like on wine and stuff like that. Sure. You know what I mean? All right jazz relax Uh, all right, let's do one more here. Uh, let's see. Let's see. Let's try to what a fun app It's been a hot one. Love the family apps. Yeah, man. Uh, they're getting better at the questions than we are I like we did this. Oh, this one's great. All right. This is this is the one I was looking for This is from Donovan Mooney. Have you ever peeled off the factory decals on the back of your car to make it Look more sleek. You know what I mean? Like taking like fred beans off or whatever. So like It's it looks like more like a fucking That's like luxury car. That's like shape trimming your eyebrows. You go too far. Yeah, because I've seen cars

I've seen like a proper hondo cord that it didn't none of that was all gone The h was gone. The accord was and it just looks weird It looks real. That's like the guy looks real suspect That's the guy who puts like the straps in the front of the car too to make it look like would you ever see that Or like it looks they get towed that way Never mind you guys straps. Yeah, they'll put like two like hooks or loops in the front of their car Uh-huh for like that. It's like a race car And that's how you tow the car via those straps

You know, I've seen like bucket seats with like the racing similar Those similar people have those same things. What do you why do you have to tow a race car? Like onto the trailer? Yeah, or like yeah, because you don't you're not like cruising a race car around you move a race car Sure, so that's the idea and they make it look like oh, this is a car And they have like the two hooks in the front or whatever or maybe it's to not mess up like the body the kit that they put On the front of that or whatever. I got you. Yeah, like if you're gonna tow a tow it is this is a thing I got a race coming up. Yeah, it's a fucking corny looking thing. But that's what yeah

Everybody knows real racers keep their nozz tanks in the seat next to them. Yeah. Yeah the ejection button under the amfm radio button I couldn't wrap my head around what that is or what that does. It just makes you go faster Sure, that's it. Okay. Yeah. I mean, what do you think I was gonna fucking break out a chart? I mean, yeah, it makes you go fast I don't fucking know. I've seen fans in the furious. It's like a red bull for your engine. Yeah, it's a sugar-free red bull for your engine Fantastic wrap it up gang. Listen, we love you guys. Thank you so much Thank you for all the love all the support and kippy. What do you got for him? That's it guys just uh, I'm at kevin rand comedy on all social media those numbers are fucking starting to cook too You guys are starting to get on board

Uh, and then please make sure you write you subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube patreon.com And come check us out live. We're gonna be announcing. Maybe when this comes out We're gonna be announcing like 11 more dates 11 more dates all summer all over. We're looking to fucking see you guys We love you guys at h foley on ice on twitter and foley grams on instagram Toby mcmullin on instagram Toby down below and follow the podcast at r u garbage get us a 10k So we get the swipe up. We know how many motherfuckers listen to this podcast Yeah

Maybe that's what we need is a new for a new campaign need a new swipe up campaign Oh, yeah, maybe 10k to the swipe up. Get us 10k to the swipe. Yeah team. We love you guys. See you next week. Peace