Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Drive Thru Etiquette! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Blueprint: For a limited time only, new customers get 20% off + free shipping at https://blueprint.bryanjohnson.com by using code GARBAGE at checkout. Chubbies: For a limited time, Chubbies is giving our viewers $20 off your full price purchase with our code GARBAGE at https://chubbiesshorts.com. Pestie: Protect your home from summer bugs. Go to https://pestie.com/AYG for 10% off your order. Promo Code: AYG Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hear ye, hear ye, all army of garbage. Our brand new tour, the Army of Garbage Tour, will be on sale this Friday. Do yourself a favor. Grab your squad, grab your tickets, and come on out, join the squad. Yeah, we're going to be in Appleton, Wisconsin, San Jose, San Diego, Atlanta, Springfield, Missouri, Fort Wayne, Indiana. We're going to be in Connecticut, Phoenix, Arizona, Chicago, Cincinnati, Columbus, Providence, all tickets available at noon local time on RUGarbage. Come, do it.
Starting point is 00:00:31 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Hey, yeah. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite.
Starting point is 00:01:00 favorite comedians. Damn. Nope. Keep it. And we find that if they grew up to be classy. Uh-huh. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash.
Starting point is 00:01:09 I'm your host, Tate's fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here. Tootie's in a new addition. She's looking for a goddamn Starbucks order. A peal behind the fourth wall. The team is in shambles right now. The Demba's on a mountain bike currently screwing us. What's his name?
Starting point is 00:01:28 Demba. Demba from the South Sudan or whatever. I don't know where he's from. It ain't yonkers. I know that. Mako's coming at you from across the table. Sharp is attacked this morning, despite not having any breakfast. He is the CEO of,
Starting point is 00:01:43 You Garbage, international businessman of sorts. Can't get a couple egg bites delivered from downtown. I'll tell you that. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, what's up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Please make sure your rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there. on Spotify. The boys are on Spotify. Yes. We are. That is a factual statement.
Starting point is 00:02:08 We are upholding our end of the contract. Is that a hold up in court right there? We're on there. You might not be fucking watching. We're in the goddamn charts over there. Top comedy. Top all podcasts in the world. You can't not say it.
Starting point is 00:02:20 That's the world, right? It's not just the United States. Is Spotify an international company? It is, but no, not really. What do they listen to over there? Limerbeens.com or? something over there. I want to take that one from the top.
Starting point is 00:02:36 My coast's coming over. Guys, big, big news. Kippy's going rogue. American trash. Oh, you idiot. It's American garbage. American garbage. I was talking to the boys over in marketing.
Starting point is 00:02:50 They like trash. Me? What are you talking about? That's me and Luke. The shark. American garbage. Our YouTube special, it's all A-Y-G from our shows in Tampa.
Starting point is 00:03:01 It's fan fricking fantastic. Shout out to Connor and old crew to work on it. Mikey, Justin, everybody, Johnny Boy. It's going to be available September 13th on our YouTube channel. If you're an audio listener, if you listen over there on Spotify, subscribe to the YouTube channel, the boys need to, we need your help to blow this to freak up. You've been there for us before. We're asking to do it again, baby.
Starting point is 00:03:22 Let's fucking go. Call on the Army a garbage. Let's tell these Hollywood pussies who's boss, you know what I mean? They said no. I said, hello. They said, who are you? Take that, Eric Roberts. That's a big deal.
Starting point is 00:03:38 Take that Felicity Hoffman. Bounce a quarter off that thing. No, guys. I like her. It's some of us. We're very proud of it. We put a lot of money into it. We do this shit all for fucking you guys.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Thank you so much for all the support you've shown us. And we trust that you're going to launch this into the stratosphere. Fully can stop working. day job you know what i'm doing for the pussy uh what about you guys nothing on that steve irwin Jesus Christ Steve irwin look at him he looks like he's about to pull a lemur out of his pocket jack andy I had a question for you before we get to the cues as you know folks this is a family episode just the boys the bozos the homies reading your questions from the patron from from kevin james ryan this computer this question's gonna stink by the way yeah it is
Starting point is 00:04:30 I had a situation last week. Had a hankering for a chocolate malt. Are you familiar with these? Are you too young for a, you're a malt guy, right? Head like that. No, me and my best dame didn't go out of the malt shop. She walked that on you. You're toothless hillbilly.
Starting point is 00:04:58 Hey, this is how you look. I'm very self-conscious about my teeth. I'm getting veneers. I would be, too. I'm getting veneers. So fuck you. You're not. Yes, I am.
Starting point is 00:05:10 You don't have any money. So, I'll work a deal. It takes someone else's retrofit. Get a dead guy's. Why can't you do that? Like, I know they have... I'm sure you can. As an organ donor, why can't you be an organ salesman?
Starting point is 00:05:25 Why can't I sell off parts of me when I die? I should be able to do that. We're giving these organs. organs away for free. They just take this shit. Who wants whatever you, who wants anything you got? Well, maybe not me personally. But me?
Starting point is 00:05:37 A couple of peptides, a little TRT therapy. Do it some milk thistle, clean me out. You just get chocolate. It'd be good as new. Then you just get a hanker for chocolate malt? I'd never got it. Because they stopped selling it at steak and shake. You didn't have your time machine?
Starting point is 00:05:51 Oh, that's a very popular item. Maltz are very good. I remember a gym restaurant used to have malt powder, and I'd make ice cream with it. I'd have ice cream. And then I'd put malt powder and stir it around. What I don't, can you give me a wopper? You know what a whopper is? The wopper candy?
Starting point is 00:06:06 Yeah. Yeah, that's a malt flavor. I got you. I'm just asking for a proper, what just, you know, get a definition for the, for, you know, we got a young, hip listeners. They might not do you know your old-timey. What's a malt, Luke?
Starting point is 00:06:17 Traditional chocolate milkshake blended with a spoonful of malted milk powder for a deeper retro diner taste. Yes. Retro diner. Yeah, that's big now. 90s are in. Mm-hmm. I got the faded jeans.
Starting point is 00:06:28 Rock's coming back in a big fucking way. His hip-hop's done. Okay. Drake hit the top of it. Drake hit his head on the ceiling with the Ice Man and Abita, Abada. What's it called? Habibi, which is how you say, I love you in something, right? It ain't.
Starting point is 00:06:48 English and it hits American garbage on YouTube. That's right, baby. But we pulled in, okay, looked at the menu, realized I didn't do more. Malts no more. Pulled out of the drive-thru. Oh. Yeah, I thought that'd catch your attention. How did you?
Starting point is 00:07:07 Okay. How did you feel about it? You didn't like it. You're in. It's such a bad look pulling out of a drive-thru. What did you say? I didn't say shit. Well, what is it?
Starting point is 00:07:17 What are you? You pulled up to the thing and they said, hey, welcome to steak. And we were like, chalk a malt. You don't have that anymore. Oh, you want chocamolks because you don't have any teeth to chew your food. To chew our tender steak. Obviously, you want a chocolate malt, sir. Can I get that garlic burger smoothie?
Starting point is 00:07:34 If I'm doing that, just fucking take me out, shoot me. If they got to blend my stuff. I don't want that. That's the line? Yeah. Which I don't taste it first. It's pretty good. Keep me around.
Starting point is 00:07:47 Yeah, they did that at my grandmother's nursing home. Yeah, nursing homes make sense. It was brutal. I remember this guy sneezing up a whole bunch of scrambled eggs. I was about to whip in that. I mean, everybody's done that. You catch a hangar back there. Could have an eggs Benedict for like two weeks.
Starting point is 00:08:04 Yeah, we're like, okay, thank you. And pulled right out. So you say, I'll do a chocolate malt. Did you order or you saw they weren't on the menu? Because if you see they're not on the menu, you're not going to go, oh, you're still going to go, hey, can I get a chocolate? You guys have the chocolate malt. And they were like, yeah, we don't do that anymore. But they saw it a chocolate milkshake.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Yeah, but it's not a chocolate mall. I wasn't going to waste the calories on a regular chocolate milkshake. I wanted a chocolate malt. I'm very definitive about what I eat now, what I put into my body. I don't like that you try to spin that in like a healthy way. Yeah, when you're talking about chocolate malt milk versus chocolate milkshakes at a fast food drive-thru. I lost weight. I didn't stop being a dirtball.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Okay. Yeah, no, listen, I don't like it. Bad. It's very unbecoming of a guy of your stature. Sure. Would they run out of fries, fat ass? Yeah, you just got to stay in it. It's a bad luck.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Okay, no worries. I'll just do a diet cook. It was for my grandmother or something like that. She's dead. She doesn't have her teeth. She's doubled it down on the teeth. What are they extra band today? No, you brought it.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Okay. Now you saw them. They're not extra good. I've been working on my smile and regular pictures, too. I've seen it. Yeah. What do you think? Sometimes it looks crazy.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Sometimes you have bitter beer face. You suck it in too much or something. I don't know what you're doing. I've been trying to do it. You turn into a weird version of your dad and it's too, it's too much. ready you gotta open you can't no I can't open you can't go I got no teeth fucker can't open you can't tell you it's too per no that's too bad that's why is that bad
Starting point is 00:09:42 I'm gonna trust me I'm gonna tell you I just said it looks like you have bitter Tommy egghead Very oval head You wear that aren't most heads No um Luke fact check that oval yeah your head's very oval aren't most heads oval aren't most heads oval I mean they're not Your yours is very oval. Stupid looking at too.
Starting point is 00:10:06 I'm just trying to hurt you. I'm sorry. See, I struck a nerve under your dead tooth. I got a bad one in the back. He's killing a couple bad ones on front. Those are the pawns. You can take to him any day. Keep the king and the queen in the back.
Starting point is 00:10:28 It's bad. I can get a whole mental. stuck between my tooth, which is bad. Is that a party trick you're doing out there? I sure have got it. Everybody want to bet me five bucks I can do it. I swear to go. Those airhead bites get stuck in the gap in my tooth in the back.
Starting point is 00:10:42 I'm really conscious of what put it in your body, huh? I got in my candy. Yeah, I listen. Part of recovery. I don't think you should. Yeah, I think you should. Tough look. Yeah, it's bad, man.
Starting point is 00:10:55 It's always a shitty car, too. Yeah, no shit. Not that I was a nice car. You know to see you in a Kia. Someone said Kia Fortes are the new Nissan Ultima's on the road, and they couldn't be more wrong. And I had one. Couldn't be more wrong.
Starting point is 00:11:13 Couldn't be more right. I'm sorry. I remember? I mean, there's the stereotype that the Nissan Ultimas are always driving like dickheads. They think they're race cars because they are not. My brother had one. And we thought that was. They ruined Nissan.
Starting point is 00:11:25 We thought that was the fastest, coolest. They had a little bit of giddy up, I guess. Remember the maxima? Those things were pop. I didn't like maxima. Paddy's drove a maxima. It was always broads had, though. She had a white maxima.
Starting point is 00:11:36 She had a white maxima. That's crazy. Yeah, with fucking catchers mitt interiors. Nice. You're a dirtbag. Catchers mitt interior. It's nice. Light leather.
Starting point is 00:11:46 It's nice. Caves leather, cream. Probably slipping and sliding all over that. What are you working at a fucking used car dealership now? Maybe. Why are you trying to get in some? guy your stature I've been thinking about a part-time gig
Starting point is 00:12:02 I think it would be smart for you yeah guy in your financial situation giving back you know like grocery store I bet you get back some of the money you borrowed you son of a bitch that's a bridge loan that bridge is a close
Starting point is 00:12:19 I'm about to jump off I don't think yeah I mean listen I think if you pull out of there, if you pull out, just with the guy behind you and front and the next to you, it thinks you don't have the money. And as somebody who never had money and my card
Starting point is 00:12:37 would get to, I'm very self-conscious of, I would spend the money I didn't have to make it look like I don't have money. That's why I've always been able to. Maybe burgers for everybody behind me. Yeah, something like that, you know. So, yeah, it's just I would just say, order something. You're there. I would grab a whopper, you know.
Starting point is 00:12:54 What do they have? What do you get? Stake and shake? I've never been. Oh, they're good. Never been on steak and shake? They don't have them out here. No. I don't spend a lot of time in wherever you are. In the Midwest, great Midwest. Ohio State.
Starting point is 00:13:08 By the way, speaking of Penn State. Ooh, a little scandal over there. Yeah, you know those dudes. Be Valley. Those are my boys. Those are your boys. Trained them up. Little soldiers.
Starting point is 00:13:17 Happy Valley. A little something else in the ice cream out there, huh? A little dippity old. Boys like to party. What's wrong with that? Yeah, I don't get it. There was like a 50-year-old in that lineup, too. Yeah, one of the kids' dads.
Starting point is 00:13:28 No way! man. I'd probably get my old man have a catch with me, let alone fucking move weight. Catchers mitt stuff. Fuck. Jesus Christ. See what happens when you don't get his Starbucks?
Starting point is 00:13:41 I know. Any my venty. Prima Madonna. Yeah, well, he got him like a, I mean, this isn't the show we do, but he got him like a safe or something like that. That's it? He, like, hid the money or something. He helped him hide money and drugs or something like that.
Starting point is 00:13:54 Oh, what the fuck? Yeah. Bullshit. I had a buddy that happened. He got raw. He was moving, you know, he's doing quite well at a young age. And he got... Gonna be Sleepy Valley now, huh?
Starting point is 00:14:07 Because he retired. He said a Happy Valley, Sleepy Valley. I'm tired. Because they don't have any blow. Uh-huh. I can spell it out for you? What, joke? Yeah, please.
Starting point is 00:14:18 Not my style. He went to his dad and was like, listen, I have... It was kind of like, you know, he was just like, I have... Hooses now? What are you? What are you wearing a wire? The fuck? I remember you telling me that.
Starting point is 00:14:33 Yeah, he had like a bunch of money and was just like, Dad, he got robbed. They tried to, it was like a dangerous. He got put in a very dangerous situation. Yeah. And I was like, I can't do this. So he went to his dad and was like, what do I do? And his dad was like, I'll handle it.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Don't tell your mother. Don't tell your mother. Take the trash out. Shell Corporation. Get rid of these bodies. But listen, all that is neither here nor there. I got a gosh darned-dorn family episode. on my hands on our hands over here um as you know when you join the old patreon we will answer
Starting point is 00:15:05 your garbage question that's american garbage gang yes sir on our youtube subscribe now share with a friend who who gets a credit for that name is that you i think it was i think i don't know who was it mine was penny whistle what's that that's what i wanted to name that's what's what you call your p p penny whistle epa penny um is that right luke I believe it was It was like kind of me and Kippy I think we were throwing around Whoa
Starting point is 00:15:35 Whoa Just saying Louis V looking for the feature Anybody here in this See Comfort of King You best not miss What is Luke
Starting point is 00:15:45 Are you a producer on that? Uh Yeah I don't know What am I? Are you there? Uh Performed and written by
Starting point is 00:15:56 I won't even write it It's all improvised Sure. Performed an improvised by. Yeah, performed by. DXL getting a shout out? I don't know. We're not covering your midsection in a couple of those angles. I'm a bitch.
Starting point is 00:16:12 I was right there. So you brought the wrong shirt. That's why you stink. Yeah. You just stink. Yeah, I stink. Just don't get that chocolate malt either. I was like a two weeks ago.
Starting point is 00:16:23 So where'd you go? Did you go somewhere else to get chocolate malt? No, it was kind of done. I had some candy for Marshall, so. You're eating Marshall's candy. They're all right. No, they're not. They're there for a fucking reason, guys.
Starting point is 00:16:35 They're the Albany's gummy bears, which I'm switching over to now. Albany's. Albany's. What's that? It's the competitor to Haribo. No, Black Forest is. Oh, Albany's. Take it easy, Gretel.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Yeah, you know. They're like the white and red. Yeah, you know Albany's. They're chewier, more flavorful. Oh, get out of here. I like the butterflies. You. Who do you think you are?
Starting point is 00:17:02 Who do you eat and fucking this hoity tooty candy? You're buying them a discount because it's contaminated and the FDA didn't pass it for regular people. That's okay. I don't mind something's been on a cargo ship for a couple of weeks. Hmm. I never knew the name of that. I would never buy those.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Are they like gluten-free or something? No. They feel... What am I? The packaging feels too... Yeah. The packaging feels too... I like fancy
Starting point is 00:17:30 They also do that Harry and David popcorn at Marshalls They don't do it there They get it because it's like It's got a long shelf life Yeah A couple of cheeses Those alvenies
Starting point is 00:17:41 I'm like whoever buys those Makes no sense to me What are you talking about? They're always at like hardware stores and stuff They're dusty They're always dusty You got to film on them I hit them with the power washer dog
Starting point is 00:17:53 I hate dusty candy I feel so on the bottom shelf Oh you feel dirty dirty eating it already because you're eating can i got candy at staples you practice at a race track yeah you feel like a fat ass and then all it's dusty it's like you fucking found it a bunker it sucks i hate it right next to hitler's body yeah i hate that shit he's reaching for his stickers mm-hmm all right Kimby let's talk about blueprint blueprint as you know we're getting older a little bit things start slowing down i want to live long you know what I mean lost all this goddamn weight i don't want to cash out now
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Starting point is 00:21:08 Okay. As you know, when you answer your garbage question. When you join the Patreon, we will answer your garbage question. Over 16,000 strong over there on a fucking Patreon. That is an all-time high, baby. All right, let's see. This one is from Tiffany. Is it garbage to dry your car off after washing it with a leaf blower?
Starting point is 00:21:25 That's goddamn genius to me I never thought that Is it garbage to dry your car off After you wash it with a leaf blower No And I also love a leaf blower Just in general When you're doing
Starting point is 00:21:40 If you're doing the driveway Hit the fucking car Oh just on top Get the little pollen off there It zips it up a little bit Yeah Yeah A pollen can be a
Starting point is 00:21:50 You got a leaf blower at the house Yeah You do Uh huh Huh That would have been a great gift for you. A great birthday gift for you. Handle?
Starting point is 00:22:00 Well, how? You got a backpack? Why not? My brother's got a backpack. He's got a steel. Sick? You got a backpack? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:09 Do you live in a townhouse? No. You got a place? These bugs are still everywhere. I know. Just drank on. Mm. Yeah, no.
Starting point is 00:22:19 I got like a standard easy guy, like a Riyobi or something. Ryobi. Something like that. I don't. I miss a leaf blow. I don't need it, really. Yeah, me neither. I got guys to come and take care of my shit.
Starting point is 00:22:32 I know. It's nice to have it, but he's fucking... That's why I like having it, yeah. You hit the car with it. I never thought about... Do the inside of the car, too. They say, they say that instead of doing... You know what I did?
Starting point is 00:22:42 Open the doors and blast it out. I did the fucking... I got the shop back out, and I did the car to get all fucking Hans's hair. That you feel real, real accomplice. There's a lot of hair. Is that gotten a little Kipparino-a-fied yet, the backseat of that car? Oh, I've lost the bat. The only thing that's still relatively cool in the Tahoe is the driver's seat and the front seat.
Starting point is 00:23:05 Does it smell like bad milk in the car? Because I remember my cousin Paul when the kids were little. Not really. Honda Odyssey smelled like bad milk. Bad milk and like old Cheerios. Honda Odyssey. That's what he whipped around in back in the day. Middle-aged Asian man?
Starting point is 00:23:21 No, it was a nice car. I don't know. He's Irish. Just like me. Okay. Cousin related. By blood. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:23:28 It's actually not blood. Okay. But we're cousin. More like brothers. Shout out to him. Okay. You're all done with your... Yeah, we're not a family.
Starting point is 00:23:39 I'm making... It's actually the guy who works... It's the guy who works at the car wash. They don't put son and on grad up back on Krypton. You know what I mean? Um... Yeah, no, it's bad. It's...
Starting point is 00:23:51 You lose it. You just lose it. You just... I don't have the time to stay on top of it It's one of those things You're like I gotta get to that You're always fucking dude There's trash and then my wife's back there
Starting point is 00:24:03 You know And she's fucking she's leaving trash She's like the back seats a mess I go yeah it's that's your That's your domicor Sure I eat in the car I get a sizzle I got Wawa egg bites I got my coffees
Starting point is 00:24:13 I'm doing my got a candy from every now and then There's nothing better But you put it in the bag and you take it out with No I like I like if I Okay let's say I pull into a Wawa I'm loading up I got a couple hours drive just crushing something and just throw it in a fucking backseat. It's such a feeling of freedom.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Just fucking gone. And then, you know, a couple weeks later, stacks up and you get it. I love that. You got a wife and kid back there, so you can't be throwing bottles back there. I do. I mean, like, yeah, I don't. I've lived like that for sure. Trust me.
Starting point is 00:24:49 I definitely will, I have and will do that. But yeah, you just, there's something. I like, I guess it's the, as I become more of a man, I like the, I gather it and I like throwing it out. I always watch my dad, you know, it's like you get in trash back there. You got your trash? Give me your trash. What's that right there? I start yelling at my wife and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:25:10 Yeah, that was never, that's one thing. Our cars were always that you couldn't fucking have shit back there. You could fucking scream that. As you were older, I think younger is. Like now it's like. Yeah, kids got But no, I mean, even as a kid We weren't allowed to like
Starting point is 00:25:27 Just fucking leave shit in the car No Fast food You lose a fry Oh it's also I would say We've talked about this The littering back then You could just fucking hawk it out the window
Starting point is 00:25:37 Not that that's right obviously But that was a different time Shout out to Ronald Reagan Huh? Just fucking opened it up The sound of McDonald's bag made As it fucking Launched onto 232
Starting point is 00:25:49 Uh Styrofo foaming shit. Yeah, it's crazy. Jesus Christ. What the fuck were we doing? Yeah, I don't know. It's just, yeah, wild, wild times.
Starting point is 00:26:03 All right, let's see here. This one's from Kip Pizza, 20, never had one read. Is it garbage on a vacuum sealer for food? I think I might want one. Hmm. We had one. My stepdad bought the ronka something.
Starting point is 00:26:20 Is that for his fish? Yeah, his fish. and then he would marinate. He would like, I got, he, you didn't need to do it. You could just use a plastic bag, but that was what they sold you on. It pulls, it infuses. It pulls the air out. Nothing letting, you know, nowhere for that flavor to run.
Starting point is 00:26:37 Patty bought the ones for blankets and shit. Really? Oh, yeah. You hooked a vacuum up to it. She had that thing, man. Puckin, she hooked a vacuum cleaner up to it, sucked it out, dropped everything down. She put everything in there. Yeah, I always, that stuff always, I was always fat.
Starting point is 00:26:53 fresh. I was fascinated by, I was fascinated by consumer product QVC stuff because you go, yeah, this, why, well,
Starting point is 00:27:02 why isn't everybody doing that? But then you got to buy it for, you know, $129 or whatever. You know what I've seen the other day? It might have been Tucci or one of those guys. They had the roller
Starting point is 00:27:12 with the fucking sandwich paper on the counter. Oh, that's clear. The butcher paper. Yeah. Butcher paper. A little bit of twine, tie that up, tie up a nice sandwich.
Starting point is 00:27:27 Yeah. We don't do that shit. Because you're selling trash in your backseat and leaving a pile up for weeks. You're not living a roll of butcher paper. First of all, you don't have a kitchen. No. So let's strike one. Baby steps.
Starting point is 00:27:41 That's something I can see your parents having a little fucking butcher paper. You know what? You know what? The true mark of a trashy household is, and I'm struggling with it right now, and it's a point of pain for me. The favorite towel thing stuck under the cabinets. No, I like that. Huh. Is that trashy?
Starting point is 00:27:58 I don't think it's classy. Right. It's all about that vertical. Yeah. I got that. The kids are using now. But I feel anything fixed is nice. I think the plastic one probably not.
Starting point is 00:28:09 I'm sure there's a classy version of it. Yeah. A gold, like the, you know, something like that. But I got, dude, my drawer where we keep the sandwich bags, trash bags, aluminum foil, Keep the trash bags in it? No, I lied. The trash bags are down below. They're under the sink.
Starting point is 00:28:27 No, the trash bags are next to the trash thing. Huh. In a cabinet. Mm-hmm. And we'll keep them on the floor. Yeah. The cabinet, we have like the pull out. Right.
Starting point is 00:28:38 And it's got the two Johns. Uh-huh. And next to that in another cabinet. That's where we keep them. You got saran wrap? They're too big to fit in the drawer. You got saran wrap? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:49 Wax paper? I'm sure. Part of it. I don't know what they use that for. I think parchment paper we have. That's the same thing? Uh-uh. No.
Starting point is 00:28:57 What the fuck does wax people? Wax paper is for, like, baking, I think. But it's not parchment. I use the parchment paper for bacon, like, underneath my, I have, like, the grill on top of the oven sheet. Yeah. And then, yeah, I put that parchment paper underneath to catch the grease. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:15 Then you just throw it. And bake the bacon. Baking bacon is the best way to do it. I mean, we've talked about it. You're doing bacon? Yeah. Man, you're a sharp kid for 27. It's pretty good
Starting point is 00:29:24 You got a low fucking benchmark He's a 28 year old kid using wax paper Parchment paper I don't know what that is I probably got cheesecloth over there too And he wasn't doing that when he's living with this girl He wasn't doing that when he's fucking He's microwaving and you know
Starting point is 00:29:37 You throw that in my face though What? You can't use wax paper in the oven Because the wax paper will melt or catch fire What is wax paper used for then? It says For cold tasks like wrapping sandwiches, storing cheese,
Starting point is 00:29:54 or separating hamburger patties before freezing. Oh, I could see that. I don't one thing it's used for. What? Okay. Cooking up. Sweet. Yeah, but I open the drawer and it's like, it's a fucky.
Starting point is 00:30:15 It doesn't close, right? You got to, it's, it's bad. That's the rain-wrap lid fucks you. Then I end up ripping it off, and then the bag. It's just like, you open a, I just go, I don't have the skills to keep a drawer organized. Those things are razor sharp, too. The satserated edge?
Starting point is 00:30:33 That thing will fuck you up. You know what my fucking wife bought? I just saw it today, actually. She goes, oh, Hammy, we were at the fucking doctor's office waiting. The fucking little baby's going crazy. He goes, oh, he's got snacks. Hammy, he's got crunchies in the thing. She's got the little fucking zip lock bangers, the little fucking...
Starting point is 00:30:50 Oh, the half-johns? Yeah. The little eighth bags. I go, what the fuck are you spending all my blowing? on my casualty thing? Yeah, those things are nice. That's crazy. That was reserved for...
Starting point is 00:31:00 Kind bud. For like rich kids. Like you... We, I mean, we said this, that. We had the flip over. But it was always, to me, the thing that exemplified wealth with the tiny little bags
Starting point is 00:31:13 was the portion control. Of like, oh, you only get, you only need... There was not enough snacks. You couldn't fit enough snacks in that thing to soothe me. But some Luke would sit there and go, oh, well, I have 30. Apple slices.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Yeah, I have 32 goldfish. Meanwhile, you know what I mean? Where I'm like, I need the bag of goldfish. Yeah. That's where I go, these things are useless to me. Put your perkins in there or something. I remember when they had the yellow and the green and you can see the color go together so you know it was sealed. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Remember the commercial they would put the, they'd fill it with bees and hold it over the guy's head. Get the fuck out of you. I don't remember that. To prove how I think it was. And you would zip it and they go, do you change it? trust the competitors, and they had like a gallon bag with like, I have 5,000 bees.
Starting point is 00:32:02 That seems irresponsible. Not if you trust the seal, baby. I know, but the bees. They're dying. Yeah, I mean, I don't think they didn't, like, then smash them with a hammer or something. I'm sure they didn't go back then. They didn't have shit like that on set.
Starting point is 00:32:18 You know? Yeah. An actor? Uh-huh. The ad highlighted Gladlock's color-changing seal. Mm-hmm. you should be on board me me foley yeah i'm on board
Starting point is 00:32:35 i sound like hurting bees no one said they're hurting bees i don't know this is an odd choice odd stance that you're taking on a hypothetical bee hurting 25 years ago self-sustainment sure a litter bug like you somehow crammed in your acting you're acting roll into it i've worked with bees i have some of my best friends are bees and a lot of them are out of work Let's see here
Starting point is 00:33:03 All right This one's from Cody Yo $10 homie here Did Jews go to school with anyone Who everyone only knew by a nickname We had a guy named Cheetos at my school Jesus Dude gave him that nickname
Starting point is 00:33:18 Then dropped out No one ever got the reasoning behind it Shout out to Cheetos I had to have said this before Shout out to Bobby Waples Veteran Iraqi freedom nickname doozy
Starting point is 00:33:33 that's pretty good great dozy I'm trying to think I remember when he was over there he sent a fucking video of him them coming in in a chopper until like a fucking field
Starting point is 00:33:44 he came didn't you I was making up fucking that I had a record label on MySpace at the time you were the king of faking it till you make it and then you make it and throw it all the way I don't get it. Yeah, doozy.
Starting point is 00:34:01 That's a good one. I'm trying to think. We just had all nicknames. I mean, we had Flip. We had Vinny with the Skinny. I guess we were. The parents calling you by the nickname. I mean, Flip is flipped to, like, Pat's dad.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Really? Yeah, what I flip. What would your mom call him? Chris. Huh. Yeah. But, like, we were hanging out with Pat. I mean, Pat's, you know, that was like, we weren't spending
Starting point is 00:34:28 an extended time around my mom from house. I don't know, you know, I think anytime a mom's calling a guy. Most moms called me fully. Yeah, that's normal. Yeah. I mean, you also go by H. That'd be, that's like a tough. I didn't go by H back then.
Starting point is 00:34:41 Okay. I don't know. I hadn't started my career yet. Mm-hmm. My acting career. I was doing music. Sure. You've really dabbled in a lot of, you really struggled in a lot of art forms, having you?
Starting point is 00:34:54 What else? What's next? That's next? Poetry. Uh-huh. But you, you've done? Sure. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Yeah. You're a bit of a renaissance man. Sure. Call you a triple miss. Get the no-got. An e-got is when you win an Emmy, a Golden Globe, Oscar. What ones do you have again? On an Emmy nominate show?
Starting point is 00:35:24 I don't know if I get the statue. I don't think so. I make my own. Guys, it's just an honor to be nominated. Were you nominated? No, not me personally, but one of my friends was. Scarsdale Surprise! That's funny.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Continue. You are truly something else. I stink. Which I do love it. Is your... What? Yeah, it goes back to your Johnny Drummond. It is your unwavering...
Starting point is 00:36:02 Every chromosome in you tries to be cool. Is it a laundry mat this morning? That's what I'm saying if you just owned it. I kind of look like 12 blocks. That's good for you. Sure. Not the 12 blocks. I'm loving it out there in Brooklyn, cousin Ian.
Starting point is 00:36:18 I think that's where I think it's really good for you. Yeah. You turn that corner, the neighborhood gets a lot nicer. Well, why don't you get to Manhattan? Why don't you cross that bridge? It's all right. Man, oh man. He's like the king out there, dude.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Swear to God, we're at a coffee shop. Been living out there for 35 years. We're at a coffee shop. We leave. Lady comes out, runs across the street and goes... Sir, you didn't pay your bill. And goes, Dale wanted you to have these. Dale wanted to give you this.
Starting point is 00:36:47 Fucking bag of pastry. How are they? I don't touch the stuff. I was waiting on my Starbucks. Mm-hmm. Egg bites. Egg white. All right, let's see this one's from now fatter than Foley.
Starting point is 00:37:09 That hurts. Why, that means you're losing weight. It's still ugly kind of change. Okay. I respect a jab. Don't get me wrong. Fire away. You making fun of my head shape earlier.
Starting point is 00:37:22 Oval. Egg shaped. Odd. No, I feel it's bigger at the top. Upside down egg I'll give you. Yeah, upside down egg. More of like upside down. If your head was upside down, it looked like a pineapple.
Starting point is 00:37:36 I don't know if I... Because of your chin. But aren't pineapples, like, pretty uniform, no? Not the ones I get. Okay. It's all upside down pineapples with this guy. Uh-uh. Freak shit.
Starting point is 00:37:53 You're the one that just brought up upside-down pineapple. Because your head looks like it. Is that you trying to swing with me, aren't you? Yeah. You creep. All right, never, whatever. Now fatter than Foley, never had one read. Have you ever been the last one to chant something in a crowd?
Starting point is 00:38:09 Everybody does four chance, but you get a few stragglers that do five. I always feel bad for those guys. Yeah. I'm not a good chant guy. I'm always conscious. I get in and I get out. I go, I'm not going to be the guy that's clapping later. I'm not going to be the guy that does, you know, heck no, we won't go.
Starting point is 00:38:29 I don't know. I was what came to my mind. What are the 1930s baseball game? Yeah, drinking my chocolate mults. Ooh, touche. I don't know. I've never confidently started an Eagles chant. I don't want to be that guy on the news.
Starting point is 00:38:42 Mm-hmm. The E, G, E, yeah. Fucked it up. No, I know. That's what you don't want to be. Yeah, the lady fucked it up. Eggles. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:50 E-A-G-L-E-S-E-E-G-E-E-S-E-E-G. Yeah. Yeah, I would never confidently start that. I also don't like kicking it off with happy birthday. I come in underneath. More of a harmonizer. Mm-hmm. And get people going.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Work the crowd a little bit. Work the rear showman. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not fucking taking lead on a happy birthday. No. Everybody drags their feet. It's like, let's go.
Starting point is 00:39:17 I was always shocked. I'd go to like, when I worked at that big law firm, we'd go in for everybody's birthday. It was someone's birthday once a fucking week. And you'd go in and like. Get the cake. Yeah, but people would like, meaningful, meaningfully.
Starting point is 00:39:31 sing it to people and I'm just going, I don't have that in me. Like the excitement of happy birthday. And you're just like, I'm like, that's good. I took a slice of cake, though, didn't it? Nah, never. Really? Never. What?
Starting point is 00:39:44 Never. A store-bought cake? Oh, man. Moist is the day is long. I just had one for my birthday. You did? Mm-hmm. You had a cake.
Starting point is 00:39:53 Shee cake. Wow. I believe it was from Acamee. Huh. The Acmeecheekekekeke. I don't think I've had a birthday cake in a couple years. We took you out for your birthday and you ruined it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:08 But I don't think anybody's made me a cake in a while. I mean, no one made me a cake. I got a cake. Hmm. Yeah. You know, you have to... I got to rethink something of my behavior. I think that's a pretty good thing.
Starting point is 00:40:21 I mean, I don't think I've had a birthday cake in a minute. Yeah. But Travis's wife usually makes us stuff. Cookies. Yeah. Yeah. God damn, they're good. They're insane.
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Starting point is 00:41:12 I had never heard of it. I had never seen it. They were not a sponsor of the show. We started using it. First of all, it takes a couple of minutes. You dump it. You feel cool. You dump it in.
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Starting point is 00:41:57 Go to pesty.com slash a YG for an extra 10% off your order today. That's Pesty, P-E-S-T-I-E.com slash A-Y-G for an extra 10% off. Do it. Now back to the show. When WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere. And two out of three women rocked, the Rachel.
Starting point is 00:42:19 While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to West Jetting since 96. Travel back in time with three. us and actually travel with us at Westjet.com slash 30 years. All right, listen. But I digress.
Starting point is 00:42:36 Yes. You should try to get a loving friends and family. What kind of cake did you have? It was just like standard, you know, vanilla cake with vanilla icing maybe. Did they get it customized? It said, Happy Birthday, Kevin. They threw the 4-0 in. Nice.
Starting point is 00:42:53 You can see the pictures on my Instagram. Is that right? Mm-hmm. Wow. They sung Happy Birthday to you? sung happy birthday yeah had a little kipparino on my lap oh oh blew out the candles ice cold screaming beers huh yeah good time loving family yeah you weren't it baby thanks i'm being serious i love you thanks i'm not saying you're being serious but the fact that you have to say you're being serious
Starting point is 00:43:19 makes me think your intentions might not be genuine no i'm fucking serious man what don't stop looking at me. His motives are questionable. No, I'm being serious. Okay. Was that at your house? Uh, is that, yeah, down the shore. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:43:38 That's cool. Yeah, why? I just pictured you being at your home. Mm-hmm. I have one of those. I know, which would be... I don't sleep in any in the basement. I wish it would.
Starting point is 00:43:49 It's kind of lonely down there. Bring over your whole family. Well, more than merrier. Yeah. No, I, uh, yes, it was, it was a very nice. It was the first time I, I really had that in a, I was the first time I had a happy birth, probably, honestly, eight years. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Yeah, black sheep of the family for a while. Yeah, I was. Yeah. Now I'm fucking. You got him on your hip, you go, everybody, shut the fuck. I took, I kicked my sister out of her room. I took that room. Really?
Starting point is 00:44:21 I said, you gotta go. Low Kipparino. You got to, this is the only room that fits a crib. You got to hit the bricks. lady nice yeah and I just I'll break it down I never probably go I should live that thing's in that's in there I'm gonna break it down and put it back up and break it down he carried down a crib yeah that seems like a lot of work is like a real crib like wood or whatever yeah I had to do it last night too why it was in our room because nadine's family was here so we moved the crib into
Starting point is 00:44:47 our room and then I don't like doing that so they're gone so I had to break it down and move it over no I got to be honest with you you're gonna go I'm happy for you. You like it. When it's your baby's crib? One, yeah. I mean, you're stressed. No, but I was doing it. And he came, I was, like, sitting down. He came over and sat on my lap, and we were, like, doing the Allen wrench together. And, like, I literally, like, I started welling up. I looked at an idiot. I'm like, this is the sickest fucking thing ever.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Aw. And we're back. Very happy for you. I am happy for you. Put these cameras in the back. Yes. All right. Let's see. Let's see here.
Starting point is 00:45:27 This one's from B-O-P-O-T-9,000, B-P-P-O-T-N-B-P-P-T-B-P-T-Bah, I don't know. Never have one read $10-spot balloon knot over here. Ever tell an old injury story where you always hit them with? You could see the bone. Ooh. That's big. That's big. I noticed that, too, that of just, like, telling stories over.
Starting point is 00:45:53 I've been hanging out with my family a lot this summer. A bone was sticking out. And like, when you hear a story that's been told, like a bunch who's telling to new people or whatever, you just go, oh, it's like, you're doing bits. Yeah. And he goes, that's your line. You hit him with the whole bone was sticking. The whole bone was sticking. The bone went right to the bone.
Starting point is 00:46:12 See the ligaments right to the bone. A mile high if he was a foot, I tell you, all that kind of shit. There's a few things that I distinctly remember from high school. One of them is what a compound fracture is. Yeah. The bone sticking out. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:24 That in cumulonimbus clouds. I don't know why. The different kinds of clouds. Cuminoa Seris Stratus. Yeah. Yeah. Also very trash. We were talking about my mom, like stubbed her toe or whatever.
Starting point is 00:46:38 Oh, yeah. She goes. She broke her toe. And then I guess somebody was like, did you go to the hospital? I go, nah. You can't do nothing for a broken toe. Chas though she hit me. Can't do nothing with a broken toe.
Starting point is 00:46:50 That can't be right. I don't know. Find out what the try. I think, I mean. Why is that? She goes, I broke my toe three of a six. the third time I broke my toe. Yeah, what's the point of going to
Starting point is 00:46:58 the hospital? I can't do nothing. I're just going to wrap it. I sit there for three hours. They wrap it. I know what they're going to tell me. Down here? At Lankanol? Get your memorial? I've been there. Fuck. She's right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Rest, ice, elevate, and then if it's a smaller toe, you can buddy tape, which is just taping it to the other toe. Yeah. Which we did. You can't do anything for a broken toe. This is how far we've gotten. of medical technology?
Starting point is 00:47:26 What are you going to do? I don't know. Cast it up. It could be one of those things. Put a screw in. But I don't think. Pin it up. The bone like, I think it just lives in there on its own.
Starting point is 00:47:37 It's like the nose. Is it like where it's just like. Broken nose you fix? You reset though. If it's displaced. Otherwise it just, the bone heals on its own. You ever break your nose? Yeah, kind of.
Starting point is 00:47:50 My brother did. It was horrible. I got sucked. You did? Yeah. I was running my, I beat a kid up, and I was running my mouth, and I turned my back. And he fucking, he ran up. That's fucked up.
Starting point is 00:48:02 He fucking suckered me. Yeah. What a dick. You beat him up again? I don't think so. I think that friend's him. Those is all bloody. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:09 He fucking snuck me, though. I was crying in the corner. Are you talking about it? No, I think we got broken up then. Because we were my buddy's house. And that's like I went home. It was Thanksgiving night, or the night of before. Nice.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Yeah. Victory going on Thanksgiving dinner? Yeah. But then I wake up in my fucking eye. It wasn't like cracked. I think it was like pushed in. It like got Reese. I don't think he, I forget what it was.
Starting point is 00:48:33 They had to kind of, it's still tilted when you really look at it. But that's what I told my dad. My dad's like, he was a bit of a fighter. And he was like, I told him the story. He goes, what happened? You got a fight? And he was like, we didn't have to hide that we ever gotten fights. And she was like, my brother-in-law remember me?
Starting point is 00:48:54 like I never You guys like tell fight stories in front of your mom I'm just like I don't know It's just the people we come from We're a violent A violent clan of drugs from northeast Philadelphia Um But he's like
Starting point is 00:49:09 You let you beat up you hit you let it got him I got reprimanded not for fighting But for getting Putting myself in a position to get sucker Hmm And I was like okay You're supposed to knock I'm unconscious Curbs though
Starting point is 00:49:22 You did a hog time You didn't finish the job What the fuck? Shows you the throat move Yeah Roadhouse Um But yeah
Starting point is 00:49:33 I love a I love a family store Any story that's told a bunch With those lines in it Is great Yeah You know what I mean See right to the bone
Starting point is 00:49:43 That like top of You should have seen this And he was top of the line That I remember my cousin We were drunk At a house party And he was telling me And that he kept
Starting point is 00:49:53 saying making money hand over fist. Make the money hand over fist. Hey, dude, you never did that deal. These guys were making money hand. It was the 80. Well, mine having that job. Making money hand over fist. Make a money hand over fist.
Starting point is 00:50:04 You know what else was one of the most deadliest things, which I think it is, but in my house. Brown recluse. Forget that wolf spider. I always thought a black widow was going to get me. That's how I thought I was going to die for most of my young life, that a black widow spider would get me. Those things. rating me.
Starting point is 00:50:24 Fuck that Charlotte's web shit. I didn't trust that motherfucker as far as I can throw her. Uh-uh. Um, Black ice. It's all black ice. Yeah. All 70s, it's all black ice.
Starting point is 00:50:38 Yeah, she, more dangerous. Yeah, it's crazy. I think I've ever seen Black Ice. Oh, yeah. No, you've seen it. Have I? Uh-huh. For sure.
Starting point is 00:50:47 For sure. I don't want to tell you. I mean, you're 50 years old. You lived in Philadelphia. and fucking New York City. You've stepped on blackout. Have I? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:58 Huh. She's that hanging from the rear view, though. I'll tell you that. I got a car smell good. Yeah, no, that's a... Yeah, that in hydroplane and with wet leaves. Wet leaves are more dangerous than black ice. Got pumped the brakes.
Starting point is 00:51:13 Pumped the brakes. Turn into the spin. And it's never you hit a telephone pole. It's always you wrap this car on a telephone pole. No one... No one my family knows has ever... hit a telephone pole? They wrapped it around
Starting point is 00:51:25 this goddamn car around a telephone pole. Lucky's alive. Yeah. That's always that. Wrapped it around a freaking telephone pole. Geez. Fucking insurance going to be through the roof. Dude,
Starting point is 00:51:36 someone got pulled over. We were all out on the deck of the shore down the shore having a couple of ice cold beers. Someone got pulled over right in front of the house. You should have stood. Like mauls do a flame.
Starting point is 00:51:49 Everyone comes. What's going on? The neighbors then pop. What's happening? Because I was out there. I was the first guy on the scene. Get him? I go, I think he blew to stop.
Starting point is 00:51:59 Like, Jackie, running his plate. Yeah, yeah, very, yeah. Woot. Lit him up, wrote him up. No, wrote him up. Wrote him up. Didn't take him in? Didn't take him in.
Starting point is 00:52:06 No, field sobriety? Nah, it was like during the day. You ever do a field sobriety test? Mm-mm. I don't think I ever have either. No. I've never really been, I've never been pulled over a lot. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:52:18 Get this. I'm coming up the fucking Jersey turnpike. You know, it's four, it's 12 lanes. So it's four three lane highways, two up, two down. Two north, two south. This guy, I'm in the middle lane. I'm in quality turnpike, I must say. Great turnpike.
Starting point is 00:52:36 They can move fucking cars. Good rest stops. Great. You know what's a fucking game changer? There's Jersey State Troopers look pretty sharp, too. I'll tell you that. Well, this is about that. But the fucking gas station's there.
Starting point is 00:52:50 The hose can go over the car. Because they got to fill it up. Yeah, they have the extenders. The extended it's just like, why isn't everywhere that? You got to sit in line and wait for a guy. You got a U-turn coming. Move traffic over there. Big business.
Starting point is 00:53:01 I know, but anywhere. Any high volume, a Wawa should have it. Yeah. Should just be fucking burning and turning here, guys. 20-26. Nothing. You feel like a real dickhead when you fucking catch the wrong side of that. I, dude, I always check.
Starting point is 00:53:14 Luckily, all of my cars have always been driver-side. I think that's American cars. I had the Kia Forte, which I believe was. still I think everything I have was driving. I think everything I have with the driver's side. But this fucking cop was on the outside. Right? Like I'm in, if you're looking
Starting point is 00:53:34 and saying one, two, three, four. I'm in three. So there's four, then the proper shoulder. The end, you know, he's over there. What's he doing? He's clocking people. But in my artery, you know what I mean? Dude, and I'm cooking.
Starting point is 00:53:52 I was doing 84. Like if you would have kept going, you would have hit him? What do you mean? Oh, he's in his shoulder. No. So, like, there's, I'm going like north. And next to me the next, I'm in the one segment of three lanes, right? I'm in the cars.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Yeah. Then it goes truck, three lanes of truck. Right. And then he's on the right side of that. Hitting the cars? Hitting cars in my fucking lane. Who comes and get you? He does.
Starting point is 00:54:18 He did because he fucking, dude, dude, I'm doing it. I was doing 85. And I'm like, no fucking way If I'm moving with traffic I'm not like zipping around I'm we're cooking It's not rush hour I'm fucking
Starting point is 00:54:30 This fucking I see him he's got the gun Out the window And I was like There's a pack of us Where I'm like we're dead I'm like but there's
Starting point is 00:54:44 We're dead the rights body I go there's no fucking way He pulls out I go This motherfucker No way I go no way You can pull
Starting point is 00:54:53 over? No, he fucking then he crosses over. Like he uses... What the fuck? Hey, he comes into the next three lane segment and dude, he's now far fucking back. He's like a... I'm not even sure it's him. They get to gun it.
Starting point is 00:55:10 But I'm not even sure it's him. I just say, I'm like, I think that because it's unmarked. Also, what's trash here? Unmarked or undercover? Unmarked. Undercover's trashier. Yeah. They're not undercover. It's an unmarked car. It's not fucking Johnny Depp and fucking
Starting point is 00:55:25 But unmarked to me Feels more Like you're like trying to be on the force That's what a police I saw I was in an unmarked car Undercovers more like Like saying like a patrol car Or a P.O.
Starting point is 00:55:38 Yeah A black and white. What you do for the military And apparently with police as well I always thought undercover was trashier It's an undercover cop It's not an undercover cop It's a cop and an unmarked cop car
Starting point is 00:55:50 He's not wearing fucking She's not dressed like a fucking Hasidic Jew. This is why it's garbage. That's an undercover cop. Freeze. I don't have to say that. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:56:00 But you did. But thinking why you have the know-how or the understanding of why it's the definition of the unmarked car. If you say undercover car, but you're like unmarked. Everybody's introduction is undercover. Yeah, undercover. They're undercover cop car. I pulled over an undercover cop car. Those guys are doing investigation, busting people.
Starting point is 00:56:21 On-mark car. but you well yeah sorry you let I always tell by the license plate what it starts with I can't tell you what but they're sneaky
Starting point is 00:56:38 in the NYPD they're driving on a Mitsubis and shit like that's crazy because back when I was banging it had to be American-made cars this was fucking your goddamn dad are showing up
Starting point is 00:56:48 that's smart what to use fucking whatever I know no it did yeah I don't like it The Mitsubishi eclipse coming after you. A fucking spider. Fucking Rubbins racing, dog.
Starting point is 00:57:01 Fucking cop pulled me over in a tracker. Gotta wait for backup to take me home. But this guy fucking then gets into my three lanes. He's in a different three. He comes in and I just see a black explorer. Also, if you're driving a black explorer and you're not a cop car, you're a dickhead because everybody thinks you're a car
Starting point is 00:57:25 you read like a cop car you do if you're in the back and you're zooming up the left lane you wouldn't hate it put that spotlight on the left yeah that's the thing I look for you look for the lights
Starting point is 00:57:40 the grill's always a little different but they're far behind yeah the lights in the grill you're done anybody that you got a winch on there oh fuck that you fuck you better start
Starting point is 00:57:52 eating your shit, dude. Yeah, anybody that used to have that, that spotlight on the left of their car, that guy was a fucking ball shooter. It's not even a real. Yeah, it is. Those mall aliens out of Miami. Ever see that?
Starting point is 00:58:14 Weird. But yeah, he pulled over the car next to me. Dude, I mean, it must have been about four minutes later. And I'm sitting there. I'm like, this motherfucker's going to. They loved that. And I was ready to go, so you got, you must have clocked them. Because he's going over like fucking six lanes of traffic.
Starting point is 00:58:31 I was going to go, you had the wrong guy. I'm in the middle lane here, doing 85. You get the aviators on. I'm also on a job. Tahoe. I got to give them like the code word for the day or whatever. Why do they have that? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:42 No, they don't. And you think, and you say on mark. What, of all police? I find, I know that there's a thing where you go like fucking flash thunder type thing. What's the, if you say I'm, I think if you say I'm an undercover cop. You have to, I think they go get, like maybe they radio, unless that's a myth. I guess anybody was. Maybe I shouldn't have said that publicly.
Starting point is 00:59:03 That's, that was my, my level of clearance. Would you rather be undercover cop or CIA? See, I've never, CIA never did it for me. Huh. Cop. That was more tangible. Undercover cop. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:16 Cover. No. I want the badge. I want you to fear me. I don't, I don't want to fuck. I don't want to be, you know. What do you got? Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:59:25 But I have seen Like I don't know It's like in Lioness and stuff Like in Landman Where they have like certain code words For that day of like the op You don't have anything I mean they use like 104 and stuff
Starting point is 00:59:37 Lioness They work with the FBI That fucking Tyler Sheridan He's crushing it What the fuck man It's it's It's gotta be six of those dudes It's got like 15 TV shows
Starting point is 00:59:50 Seven movies It's dumb as shit But it's awesome man code word blueberry it's called Starbucks dick it's called deep top
Starting point is 01:00:03 code words egg bites I bet you if you hit a cop with that he probably like all right yeah he doesn't want to seem like he doesn't know I mean yeah chocolate malt keep it moving
Starting point is 01:00:15 all right you've really been fucking pulling a plug him when you're done with the riff you really decide to move on All right, enough of that. Move on. I look over.
Starting point is 01:00:28 You're going to be resting your eyes. All right, let's see. This one's from Kippie's Left Nut, long time, first time, $10. Hey, me. Is it garbage to take a bite directly from a block of cheese? Ah.
Starting point is 01:00:42 Yeah, for sure. What are we talking about? You know what I'm talking about. Bree? We're talking about Bree? No, I think, I mean, Bree's not really a block. Bree's a softer.
Starting point is 01:00:51 But you get the little pizza slice I like a slice Yeah I'm not taking a bite I have a block of cheese I don't like the thickness of a chunk of cheese No I like a slice That's only for like YouTube muckbangers Yeah that's not my cup of tea
Starting point is 01:01:06 I get I get a stripper, sorry I got a fucking thing A cracker barrel You know what I mean the fucking rectangle I'm slicing that But I will go through half of that With some triscuits and a coke Oh head Standing at the fucking counter watching TV
Starting point is 01:01:19 Do the whole thing not even half Yeah. The whole thing. Just crush it. If I'm feeling fancy, I get that cabot. Vermont sharp cabot. Curiously strong? Yes.
Starting point is 01:01:31 And then I'll... Bitter beer face. And then I'll do... I'll get some sort of sliced pepperoni. Oh, yeah. Or maybe if I'm feeling fancy, I'll slice... I'll get like the law, like a good... Not good, but like better log.
Starting point is 01:01:48 Like salami or something. Slice that myself. Oh, I like that. And then I'll do that. do, yeah, I'll do a Diet Coke, I'll have a couple of Diet Coke's lined up, ready to go. Just crushing. You just sit in that. Dude, there was nothing better.
Starting point is 01:01:59 I'd get a plate. I'd sit down and have the box, and I'd sit and watch TV. I would just fucking, 3,000 calories of fucking meat, cheese and crackers. I used to have a home. Okay. All right, gang. That's all she wrote. That's American Garbage. Yes. Coming out on YouTube. Okay.
Starting point is 01:02:18 You'll say it with no calls. I said it with full competent. And then looked at me like you missed. I thought you were going to pick it up. Pick it up. Team sport. Guys, like we said, November, or sorry, Jesus Christ, September 13th. September 13th on YouTube, American Garbage, our brand new RU garbage special that we filmed in Tampa, Florida, at our good club, side splitters.
Starting point is 01:02:42 At our good club. Later. Base.

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