Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Driving Topless w/ Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: February 27, 2023Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.insta...gram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Indochino: https://www.Indochino.com Promo Code: GARBAGE Bespoke Post: https://www.bespokepost.com Promo Code: GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?
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Game, you got a sellout alert on that Stay Trashy tour.
Look out, we're adding shows, we're selling out shows,
we're adding city, bring the squad.
It's a good time, gang.
Mix of stand-up comedy.
And of course, you play the little L.A.Y.G with the crowd.
Come out and see us.
Yeah, the big man Ant-Lion, starting in March,
we're going to be in Baltimore, Virginia Beach, Richmond,
Oklahoma City, Dallas, Texas, Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas.
Sold out, second show out, and get those tickets.
Get those tickets.
Then in April, New Haven, Connecticut, Burlington,
Vermont, then in May, we're going to Tampa, Florida.
That sold out, we added another one.
Let's go.
Then we're going to Dania Beach, Florida,
then we're going to Raleigh, North Carolina.
Then in May, we added Louisville, Kentucky.
Get those tickets.
Then in June, we have Cleveland and Columbus.
Guys, tickets are moving.
Don't snooze on it.
Let's party.
We'll see you there.
See you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back
to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage.
Hey, yeah.
It's a little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that they're going to be classy.
Yeah.
Just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here in Antutti's basement,
little update on Tutti.
Oh, no.
She wasn't feeling good last week.
I heard.
Right?
She had gone in for a little procedure the week before.
Turns out they left something in her.
Oh, boy.
Sunglasses.
Anesthesiologists left a pair of sunglasses in there.
Free bands must have fell off the top of his head.
No, the fucking big ones, the novelty ones.
They left them in there.
They took them out.
She's feeling better.
She's on the mend.
They're talking about trying to keep it quiet.
So I don't want to say what hospital she was in.
Sure.
All right.
But there might be a little bit of a payday coming our way.
Uh-oh.
And she said if it all works out the way she wants it to,
she might throw an addition on the back of the house.
On Tutti's.
Maybe make a little room for the boys out there.
That's what she's saying.
Who knows?
Now, she's still on a lot of.
She was probably searching for perks, if you ask me.
She's still in a lot of pain pills,
so she's making a lot of promises.
She also told me that she's going to start dating Alex
for back.
So I don't know what to be doing.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
This is a family episode.
He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
He is an international businessman.
And I'll tell you what right now.
OK, who knows it?
My best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
And as always, please make sure you rate, review,
subscribe, and high tunes.
Full video available.
And YouTube, as you know, those numbers are.
Truderette.
Guy rockin' in, baby.
Lookin' well over 115,000 over there.
Look out.
UseTube.
And then, obviously, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention.
I don't want to speak for the group or my family.
My favorite website.
Sure.
Is www.pornhunt.w.
I was going to say, X and XX is probably
still my number one.
Patreon.com slash RU Garbage, baby,
where the rubber hits the road,
the bread gets buttered, the whole nine yards.
We have a bajillion, two bajillion hours of content.
You heard it here first.
Got hard feelings.
You got the Disney Vids.
You got everything.
Both Disney Vids are up.
Epcot of us drinkin' around the world.
That just dropped about two tree days ago.
Us gettin' sloshed over there.
And it looks like, I don't want to predict anything,
we're on our way to Indianapolis for the Indy 500.
I mean, that's happenin' anyway.
I already got the tickets.
I gotta go.
Either we're gonna film it or not, I'm goin'.
But we're real close to hitting that goal.
We can't thank you enough and we love you to death
and we appreciate you.
And speaking of appreciatin', how about a nice quick shout out
to our producer extraordinaire, the Magic Man.
Makes us all look good.
Works to ones and twos.
Crosses the T's, dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, dudes?
How you feelin', pal?
I'm great.
That was a real nice intro.
Do you owe me money?
That was very nice.
Yeah, I'm substance up.
I would snort.
It's not what he texted me yesterday, by the way.
Ha ha ha.
Piece of shit.
Nah, I love you, buddy.
Love you too, pal.
Here for a family episode.
Kip, what's cookin', man?
Oh man, that means H. Foley's got zilch.
Oh, the subtitle's just right.
I got nothing.
I heard you just got back from Puerto Rico.
Ha ha ha ha, man.
They still speak Spanish down here.
What's goin' on down here?
I was not.
So you got a dog recently.
Yeah, man, I hear you're gettin' older.
What?
You know what I saw in Hawaii that made me think
it's pretty trashy, which I never put it together.
If you got a t-shirt with the skeleton on it.
Oh yeah.
Ha ha ha ha.
That's bad.
That or like the better body?
Like the six pack or whatever?
Unless it's right near Halloween.
That's tough.
Rockin' the skeleton black tea is a real tough look.
That's a tough look.
I got some, it's a little more hard feelings-esque,
but it was one of those moments.
I'm at the pool bar, not the pool bar.
They're like, yeah, the outdoor pool bar.
Not the swim up pool bar.
Which are they?
They're trashy, right?
Yeah, everyone's peein' in there.
I love them.
Wow, man, you get me a good pool bar.
Dude, if there's a stool underwater too,
sometimes they have that.
Sure.
You just post it up, like Aquaman.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Fuckin' do an underwater beers, kid.
Sittin' there chattin' up a clownfish.
I'm big on-
That's not on the head, really?
All right.
More like an orca, all right?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I'm big on personal space, right?
I like my personal space, and sometimes, you know,
when you're mixin' with these different characters
that you meet at a resort or whatever.
This guy, I'm at the pool bar, enjoying my time.
I got the birds at the spa.
I gotta be real drunk to talk to strangers.
Oh, I didn't talk to anyone.
At a hotel or something like that.
I did a little bit in the hot tub.
I was chattin' off.
Where are you?
Chattin' up a nice family from DC.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Hey, is this serious?
Hey, what's your deal?
Was there kids in the hot tub?
No.
I think kids should be allowed in the hot tub.
Too sexy?
Nah, just think, what are we doin'?
That's an adult environment.
Of course.
Get out of here.
Sure.
You don't see me in the kiddie pool,
unless I'm real drunk.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Unless I can't find a bedroom, you know what I mean?
Fall in there, jump in there for two seconds and hop out.
So, I'm at the pool bar, I'm hangin' out,
havin' a couple of services, as you will.
Sure.
A couple of coronas or whatever.
There you go.
The guy next to me gets right out of the pool, right?
Like, from underwater, out of the pool,
doesn't grab a towel, doesn't blot off, doesn't do nothin'.
Comes over to me, now he's like,
he could've went a little further,
but he's like right on my side arm,
to the point where his wet arm is touchin' my arm.
Wait, where are you?
I'm at the pool bar, like at the bar outside,
like next to the pool, not in the pool.
And he comes up, so he's like,
my arm's like wet, so I'm like,
come on, you know, I just kinda like shift a little bit.
Dude, and then the grossest thing
that ever has happened to me in my whole entire life,
he was like, yeah, can I get, you know,
whatever, two of these, one of these, and a margarita.
And the guy goes, yeah, where are you sittin'?
Like, I'll send it over.
And he goes, he has long hair,
and he goes right over there,
and turned his head and his ponytail,
turned into like a water gun.
And dude, all in my mouth,
dude, just, I could still feel it on my lips.
It was taste as condition.
I was ordering shots at the keel,
the stab to fuckin' burn out whatever he's got on.
You say something to him?
I didn't, what am I gonna say?
Straighten him out.
Hey, long hair, first and foremost.
Thought it was Toby for a second,
look like a wet rat, this fuckin' guy.
By the way, there's something,
somebody posted that picture of you
as a little kid on the roller coaster.
Your dad, it was his dad.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
First of all, your dad looked like he could fuck.
Hey, look.
That's somebody else.
He looked Jack.
Jack.
He's like, this is Toby's first roller coaster, right?
I'm like, is that, I'm like,
that kinda looks like him if your dad was on HGH.
He looked Tony Soprano-esque.
Got a little winch-drill in him or something.
Yikes.
Yeah.
And dude, the most adorable kid I ever seen in my life.
Little redhead, look at you.
Yeah, I was a cute kid.
Woo, freakin' house on the roller coaster.
I had a hot dump.
Yeah, we got that picture framed in my house.
There you go.
That's pretty.
The roller coaster, the two kids behind you
are perfectly early 2000s late.
Oh, they're like goofing off at like fake punch in each other.
I never did that.
Oh.
I thought I'd be testing my luck.
I'm getting too cocky to try something for the camera.
Fall out.
That's how your fucking head gets taken off.
That's how you end up on the local news.
Not doing that.
All they found was his keys.
That was me on Space Mountain with that GoPro.
I was able to lose my fucking arm.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
The roller coaster photo is pretty trashy.
My mom never sprung for it.
That was a ripoff.
No, we never did that.
Should we get somebody to take it from, like,
sneak in and get down there?
That was it.
She wasn't paying for that.
They jammed me up at like Disney, or I don't know if Disney,
but like places, if you go and try to take a picture of it,
they go, no pictures, no pictures.
They like jump in there.
Because they want their cut.
That's a dying market right there, you know what I mean?
I mean, we have full video on the thing.
Who needs a static shot?
You know what I mean?
I got a three-camera shoot going on the log flume.
That reminded me when I-
The producers went to bed.
I got the-
All right.
That reminded me of, did you have any fake sports covers
as a kid?
What's a sports cover?
Like a cover of sports illustrator-
Like a Wheaties box or whatever?
Yeah.
Maybe in like T-Ball.
Like very young.
Man.
I thought I was gonna get drafted by the Yankees.
The fake sports illustrator,
that was like an extra five bucks.
One year, my mom sprung for it.
Man, I used that to try to buy beer.
Dude, sitting there, ready to roll.
Sir, do you have ID?
I'm on the cover of All Star Magazine, sir.
Yeah, it was sports illustrator.
It was something like that.
It was slugger quarterly or something.
Now, first of all, dude.
That was a very humbling year.
Cause I had that done.
We had this big picture day.
Shout out to Whit Payne Township.
They used to really put on a nice picture day
and started the baseball season.
They get baseball cards.
Sure, they were big.
Had to made up.
My uncle, all right.
Uncle was the coach.
Couple of any rookie year,
H. Foley's floating around out there?
There's a couple, but here's what he did.
He put on the back utility player.
My own uncle.
I remember I had-
He knew you weren't a star.
I had to go home and ask my dad.
I'm like, what's a utility player?
Best six man.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Utility.
Most improved.
I would have rather had right field.
Yeah.
Or manager.
Or something equipment guy.
Something utility player.
Just got all the snacks that you eat as you stats.
14 orange slices, two cans of Coke and a chili dog.
Giddle crushed through a pack of sunflower seeds.
This is our garbage time kid.
Brutal.
Yeah, that's tough.
I remember one time I was getting my picture taken.
I was young.
T-ball asked, maybe, right, like maybe,
because what did it go for you?
I went T-ball for us, coach pitch.
Coach pitch.
Kid pitch.
Yeah, that's how we did it.
And I tell you what, in the 80s,
those dads used to put a little pepper on the ball.
Yeah, a little mustard on it, a little stank.
They didn't care.
I remember my dad, I think it was my dad,
was thrown to me and I'm like,
give me a couple of fucking-
How about a grapefruit?
Give me a couple of hoogies right down the plate.
The fuck is it?
What are you throwing?
Knuckle balls at me.
Is he throwing at you?
That's my plate, Kippy.
Give me a fucking, you know,
give me a school bus coming right down to center lane here.
He was taking shit out on me.
I remember-
I don't know if it was him or something.
I remember someone, I remember being like, buddy,
fuck it, and this is a friendly game here.
I remember I lost the championship for our team.
It was Little League and Wilkes-Barry.
Shout out to the North End Little League Association.
It was pretty top shelf.
We had like an awesome,
we had like an actual field
that had like a fence and everything.
We had the snack bar, we had the umps,
we had the kids announcing up there.
We were playing on a dead end.
Well, the one, as we moved to Whit Payne,
it wasn't that, it wasn't that locked in.
It was like, this was like a baseball field.
It was nice.
But-
I understand what you're putting down here, big guy.
I had just moved up from whatever,
whatever, you know, I don't know, six and under to,
I was the youngest of the group.
So it was like, let's say 10 through eight
or something like that.
And I was eight.
And we were playing in a championship game
and somehow it came down to me.
Two outs, kid on the mound, I launched it.
Yeah.
Brutal.
That's tough.
I could not hold back at their disappointment.
Really?
Oh, even my brother was making fun of me.
Yeah.
You blew it, this and that and the other thing.
You call yourself, you never had the makings
of a varsity athlete.
It sucked.
Yeah.
I remember standing for the pictures, right?
And it made me take my shirt off.
I never took a good one of those either.
No, I had my, I was holding,
I guess I was holding the, whatever.
It's like the bat upside down.
I was holding it wrong.
I had it on my wrong shoulders.
I remember being like, and the guy being like,
let's just get a deal or whatever.
I was like, buddy.
Real utility player vibe.
Yeah, what the fuck?
You're breaking my stones here?
How am I going to get on the cover
of this fucking All Star magazine?
Yeah.
And I remember he was like,
are you right handed or left handed?
I'm like, I don't know, dude.
Because you're holding the tennis racket.
I just shit my pants.
Fuck you mean, dude.
I can't even read.
Oh, dude.
Yeah, take this Frisbee out.
I'm going to go out to the parking lot.
Man, I was always jealous of the kids
that like look good in those pictures
and like the stuff fit right.
None of that stuff ever fit me right.
The hat was always goofy.
Yeah.
Tough luck.
I feel like your pants would have been
different colors from your shirt.
Kid playing in sweatpants.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think I fit them in the traditional sense.
You shit them in the traditional sense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had like grown men's stirrups on.
They went up to like my nuts.
Yeah, it was not a good look.
Yeah.
It's a tough, I mean,
I remember being so lost in like T,
but as like a five or like very young,
you know what I mean?
Where you're like just kind of go up and whatever
and being like, I don't know what's going on.
You're running the third.
Nor do I fucking care, man.
This shit stinks.
Back to play my video games or something.
What the fuck?
Bubba, smoke from the oven.
I know.
Hey, what do you do?
What do you do during the day?
I got good betties.
I want to talk shot with some real men.
You know what I mean?
Picking up side work.
Yeah, not fucking doing this bullshit fucking tiddly winks
over here.
I'll say this though.
I know cooler technology has gotten better,
but do you remember those igloo jugs of water
that had the little thing on top
and they were like metal on the inside?
Metal on the inside.
Yeah, dude, this thing would put out.
You could taste the field on it a little bit in the water.
You know what I mean?
I don't know why I said it like that.
But man, those things would produce
screaming cold water in the seventh inning.
Yeah.
Be all right.
I don't even.
I remember the first time we got into kid pitch.
This kid was throwing smoke.
And I was like, I was struggling with the tee, buddy.
What the fuck are we doing here?
Hey, you got fucking, you know.
The only kid to strike out in tee ball.
The last time I played kid pitch, the other kid
hit so much.
A week ago.
That blue team was pretty good.
The other kid hit so many players on our team
that we had to forfeit.
Really?
Yeah, dude, smash me in my elbow.
It sucked ass.
Quick, my son's a pussy.
Is there a doctor here?
The elbow.
Oh, man, they're prepping you for surgery.
Yikes.
But this is a family episode gang.
We're here to answer your garbage questions.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, as you know, when you join a Patreon,
we will answer your garbage question on the air.
It's just the best way to do it.
Because that Patreon's a gosh darn party over there.
I said that a million times, you know what I'm saying?
It's a good time.
This one's from Noah Banks.
$10 homie.
Never have one red.
Shout out to it.
Is it garbage or drive barefoot?
I like to feel the engine through my toes.
It's so funny you mentioned that.
I respect it.
It's trashy, though.
I love it, too.
I do it.
It's illegal.
I believe it might be, yeah.
Because I think you can miss and catch a toe on the brake
or the gas.
It's your shoe can slip behind the brake
so then you can't stop.
What?
That's why it's illegal?
That's correct.
That would mean it'd be illegal to take my shoes off
while I'm driving.
In the summer, I'll get into the car without shoes on.
I think it's just the heat don't want you to have a good time.
Because it's all right.
Thanks a lot, Denladen.
I can take that from you, too.
Thought this country was based on freedom.
It's all based on the Patriot Act?
No party.
We can read your text and you're not allowed to drive with shoes on.
It's illegal to drive barefoot, I think, but it is fun.
I think I mentioned before, I remember a girl in college.
I was probably in college freshman year or whatever.
It was a summer.
Like one of those summers, you're like back home
and this girl would drive topless.
Really?
My buddy was seeing her.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What?
And at night, she would drive topless.
Wait, why?
I followed her for about 40 miles.
Trying to get in front of her.
Trying to cause you almost rear-ended her.
She would drive topless.
Just let the girls out.
I don't know.
I mean, you know, you got a set on you.
Drive topless.
Yeah, you like to do stuff topless?
Even in my best shape, I never drove with a shirt off.
You had to be ripped to pull that off.
I don't even shower with my shirt off.
What are you talking about?
They're in a winter coat.
Wow, really?
It's not illegal.
What?
It's totally illegal to drive without shoes.
My dad told me it was illegal my whole life.
Yeah, it's a common misconception.
There you go.
Really?
Yeah.
That's it.
Shoes off, everybody.
Yeah, no kidding.
We're partying.
Driving with my big toe.
There is something I like.
I split my toes on the pedals.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't use my whole foot.
Sometimes I'll just use my big toe.
Sure.
You feel real powerful.
Yeah, it feels good.
Back to the topless, bro.
Sure.
I never saw her again.
She was around.
I don't, he like.
Wait, would she do it when other people were in the car?
Other girls.
I remember we were driving home from the pub one night.
And we pulled up next to them.
And he's like, I was with my buddy.
And she was with her.
I forget.
And he goes, I bet you she's topless.
And we pulled up.
Shores, you know.
I wish I was in a fucking semi truck.
So I had a vantage point from up top.
Where's it going?
But I was in a lowered Civic, so.
Where's a GoPro when you need one, huh?
No kidding.
Yeah.
That's pretty spicy.
Uh-huh.
I used to think it was real sexy when girls
would drive with their knee.
Sure.
I always loved that.
He just won't go out of house and use your drive with her knee.
Man, she was all right, too.
Shout out to her.
You are.
No, I respect it.
This one, I don't know if we've ever talked about.
This is from Benny B. Cups.
Very impressive.
Speaking of which.
I ever tried to break a Guinness World Record.
That is trashy.
We know.
Katie Nolan is a.
Guinness World Record holder?
Isn't she?
I think so.
We talked about that on the episode.
She holds a Guinness World Record, or did.
Yeah, buttons.
Get on that.
So does Mans, I believe.
Didn't Mans say?
Yeah, Burt's Boy Mans.
Yeah, shout out to him.
Shout out to John Mans.
Most donuts stacked in a tower while blindfolded.
Katie?
Yes.
Really?
Seven.
What?
Seven.
Get me a blindfolded fully.
Get your donuts out of the car.
I'm not giving you my good donuts for that.
I'm not giving you my emergency donuts.
Those are for emergencies only.
Bakery's closed.
She stacked donuts blindfolded.
Yes.
Huh?
Seven.
Yep.
Really?
I think Mans is like the deepest.
Deepest cells.
Cold water died for something like that.
Yeah, it's something wild.
There's no donuts involved.
I know that.
Something real.
It's like he like freedove in Antarctica or something.
Yeah, something wild.
Kip, let's talk about Indochino, baby.
Indochino.
Let's talk about looking fly and fresh, baby.
Valentine's Day was just here and gone.
Yeah.
Probably used your one suit.
I know I could have used an Indochino suit for a wedding.
I was just out of embarrassment.
Jammed up.
Walking around like I was in a bowling league or something
like that.
Gag, do yourself a favor.
Get over to Indochino.
You got custom-made suits, blazers, jackets,
no tailoring involved.
You do it all on the website.
Pick your measurements.
They hook it up.
You're looking fly and fresh in no time.
Yeah, guys.
They were nice enough to send old Kiparino to Tree.
Custom nice shirts.
I feel like a bajillion dollars walking around there.
I feel like Sam Yam and Jack Conti walking around there
in my Mark Cuban or somebody.
You're no Jack Conti, my friend.
Every suit is made to your exact measurements,
and you can customize every detail.
Create a suit that fits for you with your style perfectly.
They offer different fabrics, options for lapel shape,
custom monograms, and more of the best part.
Indochino suits start at just $4.49 and shirts from $89.
Look at that.
Indochino also offers completely custom-fitted shirts
and casual wear.
Get a wardrobe personalized to your style and taste
without ever spending a fortune.
If you're ringing in 2023 with wedding bells ahead,
start planning your custom look with Indochino.
Go to indochino.com, use the code Garbage
to get 10% off any purchase of $3.99 or more.
That's Indochino, I-N-D-O-C-H-I-N-O.com.
Promo code Garbage, do it.
Kippy, it's Freeze Pipe, baby.
Uh-huh.
You know what I'm talking about.
Rip tubes.
Go get the banger.
Talking about getting the feast.
Uh-huh.
And not coughing up a lung when you're doing it.
Sure, we've all ripped tubes and caught the cough.
Sure.
Burned the throat.
Embarrassed yourself at a party.
Yeah, in front of chicks, there's chicks here.
What are you doing?
You look like a bubblegummer.
Uh-huh.
With Freeze Pipe, you don't got to worry about that
because it cools the smoke about 300 degrees there.
Yeah.
Keep it in the freezer, top quality,
break it out when company shows up,
or you got a fresh bag on the way.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Put it on ice, Daddy.
Kippy's getting lifted.
I want to talk to Samson.
I like my pools on the rocks.
I don't know about you, gang.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Guys, the hype is, I'm high right now, D.
I smoke my heaters out of a Freeze Pipe.
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But I do remember, I mean, having that book as its child,
the Guinness World Record book.
I just remember being two fat guys on the motorcycle.
Trying to find something I could break in my house.
You know what I mean?
Like some sort of, not something I could break,
a record I could break as an eight-year-old.
You know what I mean?
I was like giving up on my T-Ball career.
I was trying to be famous.
Watch the most episode of Family Matters.
I'll sit here as long as it takes.
I'm going for the forehead record.
Most goldfish eaten in one sitting.
Kids consume 97 dinner rolls today.
Good Lord.
I always thought that was a process.
I thought somebody had to come.
They do, yeah.
Somebody from Guinness has to be.
There used to be a show like the Guinness Book
of World Records show.
Does Guinness own that, the beer?
Yeah.
Are they connected?
I got a yes and a no.
For the listener, new guy Luke's in here editing.
And I can't have two guys off camera
to give me two different answers.
It's like a third base coach.
I don't know whether to steal or leave.
There used to be a show, Guinness Book of World Records,
where people come on and break records on camera.
I don't remember that.
I do.
Or it was part of a show.
I remember Unsolved Mysteries.
They were always like so serious.
They'd be like a guy would be there.
And like, you know, somebody would be stacking donuts.
And he was acting like it was the most important thing
in the world.
I remember the guy with the most bees on him.
It was started by Guinness,
and then it separated into different entities into 2001.
Huh.
But yeah, I mean.
Corporate buyout, huh?
Merger and acquisition.
Mike on the line.
I remember the long fingernail lady.
Oh, that was a guy.
That was a guy in like Nepal.
Oh, and he would keep it in a black satin bag.
Oh, that thing probably stunk around.
Breaking those things out on a date.
The Widowmaker.
But he was like, looked at it as like royalty.
It was like, you know, some like sort of magical thing
that he was able to do that.
I remember that.
The two fat guys on the motorcycle.
The tall guy was famous.
There was a black and white photo of a tall guy.
Yeah, he didn't look healthy.
The eye bulge lady.
She too timed with Ripley's believer not as well.
She was also in a pledge commercial, I think.
A lot of people can do that though.
I think I knew a kid in high school
that could do one of them.
Also to me, if anybody in my family tried to...
They'd be made fun of.
Well, not even that.
Like, who do you think you are?
Hold the world record.
You owe child support.
I did as a kid.
They start bringing up your real personal shit.
Small dick bastard gonna stack these goddamn donuts.
I did as a kid think that that came
with unlimited wealth and clout.
Oh, it's not.
I thought you got millions of dollars.
Yeah, you're the tallest guy.
Somebody should be paying you.
Yeah, something.
Uh-huh.
I find that it's only like trade shows and stuff.
Yeah, you get like a piece of paper.
Well, I have to ask Katie what she got for it.
I think we probably did.
Probably nothing.
They will cash me.
No, I don't think so.
Shout out to Katie Nolan.
She's the best.
She's great.
All right, this one's from TJ.
Have you or anyone in your family ever been a member
of a band's official fan club?
Which, do they still exist that much?
Probably not with like Twitter and, you know,
Instagram and stuff like that.
I don't know.
We should join one.
No.
Why?
I don't know.
Come on, we could be on the board.
We get to meet Taylor Swift or something.
That was always looked down upon.
Anybody that was in the fan club back in the day.
Well, that was also something you had to like.
That was the aunt that never got married.
Sure.
Yeah.
That was something you had to like,
fill out a form and send it back in the day.
Now you could join online.
Sure.
That makes sense.
Sure.
But like, back in the day when like,
the official fan club was a thing,
that was a little kooky.
Yeah, I don't know what you got for it.
I don't know.
Yeah, we would never.
That was always like, that's how they get you type things.
Sure.
They viewed that.
Yeah.
Cause it's like, you don't know fucking Madonna or whatever.
Yeah.
It's not really Steven Tyler that sent me that message.
Take it at.
All right.
Let's see.
This one's from Jordan.
$10 homie never had one read.
Is it garbage to go to the bathroom
for the sole purpose of wiping?
I remember I saw my dad do that at the gym one time.
Just went into the stall to wipe and I was like, whoa.
Let's clean up a little bit.
I guess, yeah.
I was having a rough day.
Yeah, I've been there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sure.
A little slippery.
Mm-hmm.
You got those things?
Sure.
How do you get older?
That's the kind of stuff that you do.
As a little kid, you're probably walking around
with doodoo in your pants.
Sure.
You're gonna clean up like a gentleman.
That's tough.
That's why a lot of people do like, you know, the wipes.
Which I'm not a big fan of.
Luke travels with the dude wipes.
I went into his bathroom to seal his toothpaste.
You do.
And it's all in Florida.
Not to get into detail, but do you follow up
with a dry wipe after you use them?
I feel like he got it.
He's not who says, yeah.
Yeah, just those.
It's like, it's like you're in a pool or something.
A little slippery.
Not a fan of those.
Yeah, I don't know.
And I didn't like him back in the-
It feels like my butts turned on when I do it.
If you don't dry it off, just fucking slip it off to seat
over here.
I feel like a whore.
Get your ass to church.
That's what you need to go.
I know.
Clean yourself up.
You gotta go to confession after this thing.
Kids wide open back there.
Yeah, I feel too.
Different.
It only happens after you have a couple of drinks, too.
I normally don't do this.
Kids loses a caboose.
I don't like the baby ones either back in the day.
What?
They smell like baby.
Sure.
Sure.
No good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
All right, let's see here.
This is for Mo.
Is it garbage to have someone in your family get divorced
only then to remarry that same person?
I've seen this before.
I've seen that before.
I have a buddy whose parents have been married,
like maybe four times.
But you go through the whole-
To the point where he was like,
leave me out of whatever you're doing.
I don't care.
You go through the whole-
separation, I understand.
I know couples that still aren't divorced.
Sure.
Just separate it.
Which I like that arrangement.
It's very old school.
Are they together, though?
Like, do they still canoodle?
They were separated and then got back together,
and I think they separated again.
But yeah, the door is still open.
But isn't it expensive to go through that process of divorce
and all that stuff?
You got to-
It's a passion, though, baby.
Keep coming back for it.
Man.
I love you.
I love you one day.
I hate you the next.
Crazy love.
Yeah.
Yeah, that seems like it's costly in a lot of times.
But also, after the first one, I think it's like, yeah,
we'll get divorced again.
Maybe we'll get back.
I feel you're more ready to pull that trigger.
You already got the lawyer's number.
I know.
Everything's all in.
Just do it again.
Bill us.
I worry about that with me, because I'm 47 now.
Like, my wedding, it's going to be sad, isn't it?
Getting married at, like, 50?
Can't have a big wedding with that, right?
Maybe it's a little different now.
I feel like we have to do it like the Poconos or something
like that.
I don't know.
In a champagne hot tub?
Yeah, because I remember as a kid,
there would be like a second marriage.
And I remember being at the wedding, like, what a guy's
an adult.
What are we doing here?
Sure it is weird, I guess, because you're older, not
getting, you're older getting married for the first time.
Which gives me a little bit of a pass, right?
I don't know.
That's what I'm saying.
It's a little on the second wedding.
It's a little uncharted territory, though.
Yeah.
Because how many 40, let's say it happens this year.
How many 47-year-olds are getting married for the first time?
Is the priest going to say you have your whole life in front
of you?
Yeah, he takes a look at you up in there.
You have about three years on you.
I better wrap this up.
To have and to hold until death does he part?
To have and to hold for the next two weeks.
Through sickness and in sickness?
Nothing of that.
It's all right.
Yeah, they're getting married into divorce,
and that's pretty tragic.
As a child of a...
What's that fourth wedding like?
I don't know.
I guess it's just paperwork at that point.
Yeah, you can't be doing the whole thing.
You can't be expecting gifts from anybody.
No, I think...
You still want cash?
I think in my friend's instance, it was just very like...
Legally.
Yeah, they just legally went and did it again.
Although I'm not opposed to the married but separate lives.
I also like that.
That's a good look, though.
What do you mean?
She lives here, he lives there.
They're together, but they live separate lives.
That's very old school Hollywood.
Legally it is.
In the eyes of the church.
Okay.
But what's the point of that, though?
Just to say my wife?
I don't know.
So that I won't disappoint my mom?
Yeah.
Maybe.
She don't give a shit.
She gonna give you away?
I'm not saying me to give you away.
Better use your dude wipes that night.
Give me away.
I didn't mean me.
He gonna give me away.
Comes down smoking a heater.
Never thought this would happen.
Thank God.
That's funny.
That's pretty good.
All right, let's see.
This is Isaiah.
Oh, Isaac with a K.
Shout out to him.
ISAAK.
I ain't never seen that.
You do lunch a couple of names every once in a while.
Well, IS, dude, ISAAK.
ISAAK.
I get halfway through that.
I'm thinking it's, what did I say, Isaiah?
Yeah, I can see that.
And the K looks like an H.
Yeah.
Come on.
I'm flying by the seat of my pants.
I don't like those spelling things
that where parents try to get creative with the spelling.
Isaac, IS, ISAC, should be Isaac, right?
Unless you want to use the traditional Hebrew
spelling, which is ISAAK.
Yeah.
Oh, is it really?
All right.
You went to tribe.
Fair enough.
Old school.
He's a chosen one.
My man.
Shout out to him.
I'm not going to question the authorities.
Can't fight city hall, you know what I mean?
That's how you do it.
That's how you do it.
I thought it was C.
Yeah, I don't know.
I guess that is.
The only Isaac I know is Isaac Hayes, too.
Yeah, I don't think he's spelling it up with ISAAK.
Shout out to Isaac Hayes.
Is it garbage to have to hold the TV antenna in place
for the entire Super Bowl game, including commercials,
because your family doesn't have cable,
so you have to watch the game through a mirror?
What?
Through a mirror?
Man, these guys are biblical.
These two, that's crazy.
Dude, if you still got an antenna.
I don't even think that.
Are they still broadcast in that?
This has to be as a kid, I would assume.
Are they still broadcast TV like that with an antenna?
I think yes.
But no, remember they went back to, you had to go,
they were selling that, they were hawking that box
for a while, the federal government.
Yes, because it couldn't use the antenna anymore.
Couldn't use the rabbit ears anymore,
so this had to be as a kid.
You could get a digital antenna, I think.
Yeah.
So no one's using rabbit ears anymore.
That just sounds like it gives you cancer.
I don't trust that at all.
Yeah, dude.
I don't think anybody's using an antenna anymore, right?
No, my landlord told me to get one.
My old Greek landlord was like,
Give me an antenna.
Give me an antenna, you get like 17 channels.
I swear to God.
No money.
Plus it helps you get into the neighbor's house.
Pick the lock with it.
I saw through his window, he was watching
like Bulgarian soccer.
Really?
Got money on a game.
Get himself a new TV if it comes through.
Yikes, yeah.
Watching a Weasbeckistan cooking show.
That's gotta be as a kid, and I can say yes,
100%.
I have stood there because I was the youngest.
So I had to stay there and hold it and watch it from the side.
Not the Super Bowl, went to our cousins for something.
Good actual learned people with cable.
Yeah, we still don't have cable upstairs in my mom's house.
So TVs are kaput.
But for the longest time, we had one with rabbit ears
that we would move from room to room.
If my brother wanted it or I wanted it or whatever.
Yeah, but I do remember that digital converter box.
It was a big deal.
It was like the real idea of the 2000s.
What, what, I, cause I have a,
this just popped in my head, I have a,
what would it take back in the day
for you guys to get a new TV?
A lot.
Oh, do you know?
It was a, it did so much that I think it only happened.
I mean, the TV that we have downstairs
by the wood burning stove,
we bought that, that's pre-9-11, that TV.
And what's crazy is that we can somehow,
cause we have the, he has the cable down there,
but we, he can get Netflix on it.
So it has like the app section in it.
That's impossible, pre-9-11?
I'm telling you, it might be through the cable box though.
That's how it might work.
That makes more sense.
You got some sort of fire stick on it or something.
You use the cable room.
There's no way a TV from 2001 has Netflix on it.
Was Netflix even around, even the mailbox Netflix?
I think it was just starting to creep around.
Yeah, it was just starting to.
Dude, that was, mailbox Netflix was still like 2009.
So it has, it has the, it has the cable box.
Well, one point, were you guys at the head of technology?
What's going on?
1997.
Netflix started?
Yeah.
Wow.
So listen.
What year did digital Netflix, dude?
What year did smart TVs come out?
There's no.
This is a smart TV.
I'm telling you.
But then I, I understand, but it, okay, I might be wrong.
It had to be, it had to be 2001.
2001.
He believed that cell phones then.
2007.
2007.
The, the Foley family.
Stop Googling.
You're freaking me out.
The Foley family had a smart TV
seven years before they were invented.
That's what you're telling me.
Why did this out right now?
Good morning.
Hey, Tuts, what are you doing?
Hey, Patty.
Hey, Kevin.
How are you, darling?
I'm good.
All right, enough of the chit chat.
You're on the air.
I have a quick question for you.
The Panasonic TV.
Wait a minute.
I saw Kevin on the beach.
He looked very relaxed and comfortable.
You're looking good.
You win the misses.
Thank you, Patty.
He spent eight grand on a dinner, Ma.
Half of that could have been yours.
Listen, I have a quick question for you.
The Panasonic TV that's downstairs.
Yeah.
How did you buy that?
Oh, God, I don't know.
Joe Elmo and your brother hooked it up.
I went over to Best Buy and bought it.
The 90s, maybe?
The 90s.
So how does it have Netflix on it?
Well, then maybe sometime in the 2000s.
Ask your brother.
It was definitely before 2007, right?
Oh, God, yes.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
And Andrew got one.
All right, don't start blabbing.
We're on the air here.
I love you.
I'll talk to you in a little bit.
See you, Patty.
What was my question?
I just asked you, dummy.
Oh, OK.
All right, I love you.
You're fine.
Bye.
Bye, Patty.
All right, quit buttering up the boss here.
She's a good kid.
She's got the hots for me, I think.
I think what it is is so we have the cable remote
and has the voice activated.
I can say Netflix into it and it comes up.
So maybe it's something through that.
But I'm telling you, she definitely bought that TV.
It's a fucking Panasonic, for God's sakes.
I'm sure.
Are they still in business?
We're filming on Panasonic cameras.
Really?
Are these pre-9-11s?
Go USA, huh?
That's an American company, isn't it?
No.
Panasonic?
I thought that was American.
They're thinking of Zenith.
Yeah, maybe Zenith.
RCA, right?
I'm not going to work here anymore.
Yeah.
Well, you stayed away from Mitsubishi.
I'll tell you that.
If you can do a cool car and a TV, I'm out.
My dad was never about that.
Kim, let's talk about bespoke posts.
Oh, you mean cool guy stuff for cool dudes?
Yeah, it's called Box Awesome.
Have you ever heard of it?
Yeah, I heard of it.
I'm a subscriber and I get it and don't share with you.
Well, that's awesome.
So am I.
I get cool guy stuff, too.
Gang, do yourself a favor.
Get over to that bespoke post.
Pick yourself up.
A box of awesome.
It's got fantastic stuff.
Here's the turkey, too.
What's that?
They partner with small businesses, top quality stuff,
small business, spread around a little bit.
Not like those big sharks out there.
Do yourself a favor, support local businesses,
and support people that support the podcast.
Yeah, just take the quiz at boxofawesome.com.
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Plus, like the big man said, every 90% of everything
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And they got the cocktail kits right now.
Real classy.
I can't hate you with the bull torch.
Smoke up a night.
That's how I do my nice white claw.
I smoke it for a little bit.
Give it a real oaky taste.
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Back to that gosh darn show.
I thought Panasonic was an American company.
No, they're from Japan, my dude.
Really?
Was it at a Sony?
Is it under Sony maybe or no?
No, no, no.
No, Drunken Better.
Okay.
I saw a guy with a Panasonic bicycle the other day.
I was like,
That used to be big, I think.
Really?
Panasonic bicycles.
What?
I remember that from like these.
We got to diversify here.
Getting to something.
You start making TVs.
Luke, get on that.
You're sitting there doing nothing.
Love how Paddy was like,
I got that in 1923 actually.
Then she starts dropping names.
His broad.
She's screwball.
She also answered that a half a second after you had sent.
She was waiting for somebody.
She's like,
You outside having heaters waiting for someone to call.
I do like it.
She's my chitchat gal.
I know.
I get on the phone with her and we start yapping.
Sure.
Like two broads in a barbershop.
Love it.
Cause I remember we had that big wooden TV.
Like the TV was wooden.
I remember my cousins broke one of those.
You know what I mean?
The first flat screen.
No, this wasn't flat screen.
No.
Oh, you mean what?
One of those.
Yeah.
You remember buying one of those?
No, I don't buy.
No, we had it.
It was there.
We're not a big tech family.
How have you picked up on that?
Because those were real old school.
The TV in the wooden thing.
Yeah, TV in the wooden box.
And it sat on top of like a wooden base.
Yeah, those weighed about 8,000 pounds.
I remember I could still smell that.
Still smell the tubes burning.
Smell the ozone coming out of it, yeah.
Dude, and you would turn it.
How'd it come up on an MRI?
Yikes.
And Rusty, this is looking by, it's just crazy.
Rusty, my dog, peed all over the front of it.
Like multiple times.
I guess like that was his spot to the...
He died from a brain tumor six weeks later.
To the point where the wood on the front of the base
was warped and we replaced the wood.
We didn't get a new TV.
We stepped that, replaced the wood with a T,
like got a two by four, stained it to like kind of match,
kind of, but it was off.
You could tell right away it was off.
It was bad.
Yeah, no.
Looking back, I'm like, that was...
And then my brother-in-law, my now-brother-in-law came over.
This lasted too long.
And he was like, what is this?
Like this is crazy.
And he gave us his old TV.
Ha ha ha ha.
Is he dating your sister?
Yeah, he must have been like, what are these yokels doing?
They got a PTV.
He's a teenager?
No, he was 20.
I mean, this was like, this is of modern era of my family.
He was, he's dating my sister.
Yikes.
Was they were in college?
I was in high school?
I don't know.
They're bad with the TVs.
And it's in a big room.
And the one they got now was like,
it's like a 32-inch or you walk in, it looks like a hospital.
We had a proper entertainment center with the...
Okay, remember the Sony TVs?
They were black.
They were still deep and they were heavy,
but it was like kind of new.
It wasn't a flat screen.
No, those pant, I remember those pant,
why they were pantosonic, the silver ones, right?
They were still the big back.
But they were silver.
Those flat screens.
Yeah.
No, we skipped that.
Yes, we did wait.
We missed that.
We had the old, I mean, it's not old,
but it was like late 90s, early 2000s,
the black Sony's that had the deep
and they still had the bubble.
Kind of.
That was in an entertainment center
with a stereo that wasn't hooked up,
that just had speaker wire running throughout the house.
We had that until, I don't know,
I wanna say 10, 15 years ago,
it was the downstairs that got the hookup,
that got that pantosonic.
And that thing's still going strong.
Yeah.
Shout out to American engineering.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Shout out to American Japanese engineering.
Thank God my father died not knowing that.
Ha, ha, ha, he thought he wasifying American.
I think so.
Just tell him it's made in the USA.
He'll pay extra for it.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
But he would, he would have had to know that.
Cause he had a pantosonic reel-to-reel machine
that he got in, that he got in Vietnam.
I was like his prize possession.
I think my mom threw it out on me.
Got it in Vietnam, what else do you need to know?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
He would have known.
I'm surprised he did that.
So he said, I mean, in your world,
you thought he thought he was buying
an American product in Vietnam?
Because I remember thinking to myself,
pantosonic is shitty.
Why didn't you get like a fucking Sony or something like that?
And I assumed the reason that he got the pantosonic
is he thought it was-
He stood up and saluted the flag.
Salute.
I didn't fight for this country.
Salute to TV every morning.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Oh.
Well yeah, man, there's Netflix on it.
It's gotta be through the cable.
That's yeah, something.
You got some sort of a day or your times are off.
I mean, you said-
You just heard her.
I don't believe her.
She said it was before 2007.
She also said I look good at the beach.
I don't know what to tell you.
And I don't know how she saw it.
Is she on Instagram?
She's all over the place.
She snoops around a couple burners again.
You got a couple of finstas?
Yeah, okay.
She don't know what's going on.
All right, let's see here.
This is from Jimbo Slice, $10 loan shark.
Respect that.
There you go.
Did your mom have you light her sigs for her
when you were a kid?
Broad had me cranking heaters at seven.
Why?
To light maybe driving?
That's maybe, like I'm driving light me a sig?
Nah, that's real garbage.
It makes me feel fancy.
I got a sig boy.
It had to be while driving.
I'd never liked that though.
What?
For as gross as I am,
I never liked sharing sigs, the wetness.
Oh no.
I would never want somebody to like that for me
and then take it.
Gross me out.
No, I'm trying to think of like when-
I would hand them.
I would hand them.
Maybe my aunt would let me light hers every once in a while,
but in her mouth, not me giving it to her.
Like a man of the night.
Oh, that's what I was thinking.
Yeah.
No, he said she had me cranking heaters.
I think he would light them for her.
I was thinking he was like a bartender.
Yeah.
Old man breaking your stones, huh?
Do the one hand over top.
I'd say, you know, you're getting laid.
You do that.
What's the last time you lit a lady's cigarette?
Probably my wife when she smoked.
Huh, I did it not that long ago.
Somebody asked you for a smoke and then I lit it for them.
Yeah.
There's a homeless guy, but still.
Yeah, I don't like that.
No, uh-uh.
No, usually I'd keep the lighter.
Oh yeah, I got six on me.
Keep them, keep them.
I don't like, yeah.
That's crazy.
That's nuts.
Lighten smokes for your, what the fuck?
I think my dad obviously found out,
but we still didn't really smoke.
All the kids and cousins of my generation.
It was always hidden.
It was always hidden.
It still is.
They still like at a wedding.
It's like me and they're like,
hey, you got a cigarette going,
you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Everything was always hidden.
I was always the one jumping on the grenade.
Everybody was drinking, everybody was smoking,
but it was always hidden.
Crazy.
It was Irish.
Yeah, it's a lot of, you know,
I don't like people knowing their business.
I know.
That is what it is.
I don't want anybody to know I'm drunk.
Uh-huh.
Don't let anybody know I'm drunk or having heaters.
It's a little bit funner though,
to be honest with you.
What?
I mean, the booze in our family's out.
I mean, that's out and about.
Unless you got a problem, then you hide it.
That's like a real problem.
Then, you know.
If you get on the radar.
When people are having afternoon coffees.
There's a couple members of my family
you see walking around with a Wawa cup afternoon.
That ain't a mocha latte, all right?
I'm talking heavy bike.
Vodka with a splash of heaven, yeah.
Yeah, that's, all right.
This one's from Lewis.
$20 homie.
First time they asking,
is it garbage to take your shoes off in a movie theater?
Yeah.
I kind of get it though.
If it's not crowded, I can kind of get it.
But yeah, it's trash.
The thing that keeps me from doing that is pure fear.
Because.
So I'm grabbing your piggies.
There's mice and rats in movie theaters.
All that candy everywhere.
It's true.
They're everywhere.
A lot of candy.
Yeah.
I remember in the 90s being in a couple of movie theaters
over there in Montgomery County
and like seeing mice and stuff like that.
I'd never take my shoes off there.
I didn't think of that.
That makes sense.
Mouse running on your piggies.
New, thank you.
Oh man, a heavy bike lizard jumped out
of the fucking bushes the other day
when I was down on vacation.
I was going to say weird.
Washington Heights.
Stay out of the Bronx, huh?
Yikes.
And I thought he was coming in the pool.
Well, how heavy bike?
Like a little salamander?
No, like a lizard.
Komodo?
Not that.
Enough to.
How big?
That big?
Bigger with tail bigger.
What the fuck?
What kind of hotel were you staying at?
It was probably like, but it was thick.
It was like a.
Oh, I would have freaked the fuck.
I would have left.
Dude, this thing jumped off like out of a bush
onto like down a ledge onto the side of the pool, dude.
And I was paralyzed, dude.
I could, dude, I almost.
They have claws on them too.
Jefferson, do you see that video
of the one swimming in the pool?
That's what I picture.
Those are real scary.
I couldn't.
That's a certain kind of lizard.
And you know, you can't move quick in a pool.
Not against that.
It's like playing against LeBron.
Are you kidding me?
I think it'd break your ankles in two seconds.
I liked the little salamanders.
The ones that we saw down in Florida.
They're still unpredictable.
I think they're cute and they can't really bite you.
And I think it's cool to see.
We could go and get the daddy.
Comes back with the mamas and the papas.
Your head.
But they look, they look like little baby dinosaurs.
And I like that.
I think it's cute.
But at a certain point, anything bigger than that.
Anything bigger than an action figure.
I'm out.
This thing was like, you ever see that scene in the train?
You're prehistoric, man.
That's a goddamn dinosaur.
I know.
This thing looked like the thing that
got Newman and Jurassic Park.
Easy, big fella.
This thing opened up and spit at me.
That's the way I felt in Hawaii, driving around
the big island in that Jeep.
That's very true.
It was pouring rain, too.
You got a can of shaving cream.
The entire time.
Filled with it.
I swear to God.
I was in that exact scene.
I was driving down the darkest road ever in a Jeep.
And it was pouring rain the entire time
we were talking about Hawaii on hard feelings.
I pictured you as Newman in Jurassic Park.
Man, there's no street lights.
Crazy.
This one's from Jeremy.
Is it garbage used IKEA bags at suitcases?
Took a weekend trip up to Northern PA
and saw a family loading their van for vacation.
The whole family was using IKEA bags.
Not in the car, I don't think.
But taking that to an airport is a little trash.
Here's my thing.
I also checked two duffel bags.
And one was filled with Trader Joe snacks.
Oh, my God.
They don't have them over there.
Yeah, I checked two duffel bags.
Where's your luggage?
Every time we travel, minimum once a month,
I meet you at an airport.
Every time you have different luggage.
Every single time you have different luggage.
What's going on?
And it's never new.
It's never like, hey, I got a new suitcase.
You always have old luggage.
I got to keep those airport dogs.
Keep them guessing.
Hey, fully, where's your bag smell like coffee?
Yeah.
What are you doing?
What's your go-to right now?
I have one.
IKEA bag.
Those reusable bags, though, man.
That's what you're supposed to do with them.
The IKEA bag, this here's my thing.
I'm a big IKEA bag.
All the IKEA bags in here are mine.
I know who's starting to skimp a lot.
That was the fastest you've ever shook and kippy off your tail.
Well, I mean.
Like blowing a light in Chinatown, baby.
I said, well, like, I know how to negotiate.
And if he isn't giving anything up, you go, all right,
there's, we're going to enter, we're either going to enter
a real desire for.
I had that bag.
I had that thing with me.
It's just I had to.
But where we just brought that huge suitcase.
And we were laughing at the size of a silver suitcase that
was old.
When was this?
What silver suitcase?
The one that I just brought?
I don't remember.
Yeah, you have a lot.
I had that old one.
The one we were making.
We had one not too long ago that we were making fun of you for.
I think we threw that out.
I have a nice roller now, but it's broke.
So it's not nice.
See, this is what I'm talking about.
I get it, I get it.
You only live in the reality of the facts he gives you.
The duffel bag.
I need it because I had shoes and stuff for the wedding
that I had to go to.
Yeah, shoes don't fit in regular suitcases.
Not in mine.
Dude, those t-shirts take up a lot of room, dude.
It's like flying with parachutes.
It is, man.
They're huge.
Sure.
Plus I had a pair of pants.
It's crazy.
You had to send those FedEx.
These five, they're heavy, too.
Yeah, they don't fit.
OK.
All right.
I think, yeah, Kia, back to the original point.
In the car, I think it's OK.
In the car, if you're going to your mountain house,
your shore house, an aunt's house, a cousin's house,
check it in with one of those things at an airport or a hotel.
It's a tough one.
Yeah, sure.
That's a good one.
But you don't bring that into the lobby with you.
You park.
If you're driving, you park.
You go in there like a gentleman with your briefcase.
Sure.
Handcuff your hand.
And then when they give you the key, you go out.
Then you bring.
Sure.
You wait until nightfall to sneak in the bodies.
I have the other four relatives that you got with you.
But you know who's skimping on that stuff?
And first of all, I don't mind paying a dollar or whatever
for those.
But let's go.
Target, they give you the shittiest, smallest bags.
They really cut back on that stuff.
They're not.
They could be bigger.
They should be bigger.
They're decent quality.
Ikea doesn't screw around.
They're made out of tarp, too.
You put anything in there.
Just carry rocks in that thing.
They're all right.
Couple of new shirts, yeah.
They're all right.
I like those Ikea bags.
Yeah, I've been shopping a lot at Target recently.
They're the worst bags ever.
I like them.
Now, they're all right.
Plus, you can never find them and all that stuff.
What?
They're never right there.
You got to ask somebody.
You got to do the self-checkout.
You don't do the self-checkout.
I do the self-checkout.
They're right there every time I go.
Oh, the wrong one, I guess.
Dude, the one that they open up like that.
There's the ones in New York that aren't proper targets.
They're like mini-targets.
I hate that.
Oh, god.
It's like a knife fight in those places.
Yeah, I hate it.
Everything's locked up.
Travel-sized deodorant locked up at my target.
What are we doing?
I hate that.
Can't that be stolen?
They're my favorite videos when the employees stand up
to the dudes doing that.
Sure.
When they come in with a trash bag and take all this stuff
and they gang tackle them at the door.
Oh, I love that.
Where is that one?
They're like some old lady pushes like, what are you doing?
Because they're the reason that all that stuff's locked up.
Sure.
Bullshit.
Is there that much of a market for that?
Are you buying street deodorant?
Jesus.
I don't know.
I only buy American-made Panasonic deodorant.
Sell drugs, man.
What are we doing?
Yeah.
Crazy.
All right, let's see.
I think we have time for a couple of more here.
This one's from Koochie Mae.
Sorry.
Shout out to Koochie Mae.
Is the garbage of your family's preferred method of fishing
is using a product called the Chilling Reel.
For context, it's a beer koozie with a reel attached to it,
which I have seen on Shark Tank.
And I think they did get a deal.
How do you cast with that?
It's like a little, it's like imagine holding a mug
or a koozie, like whatever.
And then there's just like a little spool here.
So I don't know.
You snap it out and let your beer spill?
I don't know.
Spear bill.
I don't know.
Like beer would everywhere.
I guess you cast and then put it in.
OK.
So you can hold in reel at the same time.
It feels like that'd be messy.
Tote D, when you got a Google on it.
I think the idea is that it's not messy.
I think negotiating a fishing rod,
if I remember the pitch correctly,
a fishing rod and a beer at the same time is hard.
It's a beer koozie that you can catch fish with.
It's probably the greatest product I've ever seen by itself.
It seems like a good time.
I can't see Mr. Wonderful going in on that.
Now I think Damon did because he's a fit.
He's like a bad fisher.
Also, koochie main sounds like a great guy.
He probably knows a good time.
You know who I like on that show?
That Lori.
Man.
Yeah.
Something else.
A set of gazangas.
The money, the classy.
Yeah.
All right.
You know who's a.
And Mr. Wonderful.
Mr. Wonderful's all right.
I like that Robert Herjavek.
Is the guy in the end?
Yeah.
Sharp the guy.
Sharp guy.
Sharp, dressed, well dressed.
Yugoslavian, I think he was.
I'm going Mr. Wonderful, I think.
Really?
Yeah.
Kind of a prick.
I like that.
Hard-nosed businessmen.
That's why we're friends.
You fat beans.
I'll pluck the pager I'm with.
Kew, but I think it'd be all about him.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's tough to be a billionaire.
Plus lose the jeans, will you?
I think it's tough to be a business meeting here.
I think all billionaires are pretty much all about them,
I would assume.
Sure.
Think of it if you're just the,
you're the coolest dude amongst cool dude.
Like, you're the most important guy among important people.
If you were a billionaire, would you, would you,
would you go more Mr. Wonderful, sharp suit,
or would you go the Cuban route with the,
the jeans and the, and the blazer?
I don't even think I would go that.
Does it make it?
I would just rock what I've earned on rocket.
I would just spit on millionaires.
Yeah.
Nicer versions of what I had.
I'd get it just maybe cooler black t-shirts.
A cooler pair and likeies.
You weren't target.
No, this is a.
Classic, true classic.
Sure.
Yes.
It's exactly who it is.
Maybe this week.
Maybe it's not.
I'm not sure.
All right.
This one's from Alec, a $10 homie never had one read.
Taking your kids with you regularly while working uber
eats or something similar.
Garbage or not.
I mean, you do what you got to do.
You're hemmed up, you're hemmed up.
I had to go to work a lot with my parents.
Me too.
I remember sitting in a doctor's office with my mom
being like, I, this is weird that I'm in here.
Have me looking at microscope and shit.
Man.
My mom was a manager at the Gap at the Wyoming Valley Mall.
And in the summer, I would say that my brother and I
went to work with her more often than not.
Yeah.
You got it.
Yeah.
And I'll tell you what, as a little kid,
it wasn't that bad.
It was a pretty sweet mall.
All right.
Yeah, the mall all day as a kid.
They had a super pretzel, soft pretzel next to them
or some kind of shop that had that.
And a picture with a photo with your face on it
that said no more free samples.
Well, I remember I didn't know how to add.
Yes, at the time.
And I'd stolen money out of my mom's purse.
And I went over there.
Does all make sense.
And I think I had 10 pennies.
And I thought the pennies were dimes.
And I didn't have enough to get a pretzel.
And the lady shooed me away because it was the first time
that I had it.
The first day I ate pennies.
Because it was very similar to the Taco Bell thing
or the Wendy's thing with the cheese fries.
This was the first time that I knew.
Couple of weeks ago, I told you that the first time I had
cheese fries was at a Wendy's.
And they wasn't on the menu.
They just had the cheese sauce for the potato.
They had the cheese sauce for the potato.
And somebody showed me that you can dip it.
This was the first time I came across
that people were dunking their soft pretzels in cheese.
Because they had the little cups of cheese.
And you remember the super soft pretzel case?
They'd have a couple cups of cheese in there.
Yeah, I know.
That's what I was trying to get my hands on.
But I didn't have enough.
Did my wiener and cheese if they let me.
I would love to see your list of man's greatest achievement.
Like the hydrogen collider landing on the moon.
Cheese for your pretzels.
I'd say it's up there.
I mean, it changed my life, I should say.
The icy thing that spins around is pretty sweet, too.
But you know, it's in the store.
It's always high up.
Oh, yeah.
It's like a gas station on a highway.
They go for top billing.
You can see that in sporting goods or housewares.
You know where it is.
You know where to find me.
Just trying to somehow navigate my way over to that
so I can throw a tantrum.
Got my hands on a cherry icy.
Like a gentleman.
Let's do this.
And we got a wrapper up.
This is from JJ.
Is it garbage show?
Sorry.
Is it garbage show only set your microwave cook time
using add 30 seconds?
Why key in three minutes
when you can just hit that sucker six times?
That's crazy.
Really? That's all I operate.
Wait, what do you mean?
So you're putting something in there for two,
and you're gonna stand on like a dick head.
What do you mean?
I don't think I understand the question.
Okay.
So a lot of, like by growing up, we had easy minute,
where you just press one button, easy minute,
and that starts it for one minute.
Yes.
And then if it called for two, three minutes,
you just hit that two or three times.
This guy's got an add 30 seconds button.
Oh, okay.
So he just presses that six times.
So he's not waiting until it doesn't go 30 seconds stops.
You gotta hit it again.
No, he just goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
and he's out the door.
Totally cool with that.
I'm a fan of that.
But I thought every button represented a minute.
I think if you hit the three, three minutes come up.
No, because a lot of them you have to enter time.
A lot of them you'll have to go like set time.
No, but I thought they all had easy buttons
and it wasn't just one minute.
It was if you hit the two, it was two minutes.
The three was three minutes.
I'm pretty sure we always rocked like that
except for the first one we had.
I don't know.
That was in like 87.
That was real old.
That was a huge deal.
It was the size of our kitchen.
My dad got it for my mom for Christmas.
It was the biggest deal ever.
The whole neighborhood came over to see this thing.
It was wild.
That's, we always had the, we got a kitchen aid one
because when we moved to that house,
it was like a new house.
And that was like my mom's kitchen.
But then we kept that up until,
we kept that for 30 years probably.
Crazy.
And then just got a new one.
See that American engineering right there.
I don't know who we have now.
Panasonic maybe?
I don't know who it is.
We got to wrap it up though.
Dang, we love you to death.
Come see us on the road.
The dates are up.
The shows are selling out.
So do yourself a favor.
Grab those texts and we'll see you next week.
Peace.