Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Dusty Slay!

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Dusty Slay! You know Dusty from Stand Up Comedy, The Tonight Show, Nateland w/ Nate Bargatze, Whiskey Ginger w/ Andrew Santino, We're Having a Good Time Podcast, and his new special "Workin' Man" OUT NOW! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! AYG 2024 Tour Sign Up: https://shorturl.at/jrD24 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ CoPilot: https://mycopilot.com/garbage Fum: https://www.tryfum.com/garbage Promo Code: garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage. It's that little show We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash I'm your host age fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition She's upstairs sleeping one off. Okay in the bathtub. All right. Good for her. He's his own my co-host is coming at you from right next to

Me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman with international taste. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James, Ryan. I like that one, baby. What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. Likes the European broads.

That ain't lying. Make sure you subscribe on iTunes, full video available, and YouTube, as you know those numbers are. Trudorook. Cooking, baby. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Sing it. RU Garbage' baby. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage Baby. Sign up over there, there's about 13,000 people

signed up already, check it out gang. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer, extraordinaire, the old magic man, makes us all look good, works the ones, the twos, the threes and the fours, he crosses the T's and he dots the I's, give it up for T-Bone, McScroffins, Toby McMullin everybody, what up boys, what up T-Bone.

I'm stoked. I'm so excited to meet this guy. Talk about a guy who looks like he'd be right at home sliding out underneath a car. Carburetors blown. Have that ready in about two weeks. Gang, the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests here with us today for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful stand up comedian, actor and podcaster and you might have seen him in but not limited to you got laughs. You got Jimmy Kimmel live. You have comedy central lights out with David Spade stand up Nashville. The Tonight Show the stands up stand ups. You

can hear him regularly on the Nate Land podcast. He has his own unbelievable podcast. We're having a good time and he's got a brand new Netflix special out right now in the top 10 working man. Give it up for Dusty Slay everybody. Let's go. There he is, the kids in town. All right, hey, thank you. We're having a good time.

I appreciate you guys. What a great intro. You know, I've only listened to the podcast. I've never watched you. It's really fun to watch you guys. We get into it buddy. Yeah, that was fun. The rest is downhill, both.

At first 90 seconds, we're swinging for the fences, baby. Yeah, you guys are like, so good. It's a real professional thing and it feels good. Thank you, buddy. We're excited to have you. Give us the origin story of Dusty Slag. Give us the backstory. I would like to say you are one of the most requested guests

we've had in a long time. All right, well. I know there's a lot of dirt under their fingernails I'm very excited for your pedigree. I don't know what it says about me that that people are like you gotta have this guy On the are you garbage? You want to see trash? You guys haven't seen shit yet. Yeah, that's the up there Well, okay. Well, this is great You know, everybody loves to talk about themselves. That's what's great about this job that I have where I just do things and they go, tell me about yourself and I'm like, ah, I love this.

This is like a date where you like get to do what you want to do. Sure, you don't care about what they did for a living, know where they went to school. Just bullwine. You don't care about what they did for a living, nowhere they went to school. Yeah, just bulling. This is fun, man. I love that. Well, I grew up in Alabama. OK. I grew, my parents got divorced when I was two.

OK. So well, my dad says three sometimes. He's really got to squeeze that extra year out of you. He hung in there. My dad wrote two jokes. I put a joke on each album about how my parents got divorced when I was two. And then my dad was like, you know,

you got divorced when you were three. And I'm like, well, I don't really know what to tell. Go back and reshoot, pop. I don't know why your dad does. My dad's a real nitpicky guy. I used to get at you. You go, oh, you know. Like I was at home at his house this over Christmas.

And we were ordering Subway. And I don't really eat Subway anymore, but my dad loves it. They know him down at the Subway now. That's all the time we have today, folks. And... Big Christmas dinner, huh? And I'm not eating it in a long time.

And they were like, what kind of bread do you want to get? And I was like, I remember there was like a Parmesan or Reagan over there was. And I was like, I'll have that. My dad goes, why can't you just eat regular bread? First of all, I don't think any of it's bread. Yeah, I was like, I'll have that. My dad goes, why can't you just eat regular bread? First of all, I don't think any of it's bread. Yeah, I was like, I'm just picking from the options that the restaurant.

Coming in here with your Hollywood taste. Yeah. It's like, they had it, yeah. Of course, they didn't have it anymore. And I was like, of course. Make it that in the sushi roll, is it possible? Okay. And then my dad ordered pepper jack cheese.

So I was like, oh, look at you. Someone hit the daily number. Six cheese. Cheese. Pepper jack cheese. I thought it was European. I've been watching a lot of Nat Gea. My dad gets excited about it.

He likes to get the foot long, and then he eats half that day. And then the next day, he's telling me how the flavor sit in It does, it does though It really comes together overnight in that refrigerator or left in the microwave either one But I'm just like you're really selling me on this subway that I quit eating ten years ago Yeah, gotta get back in there baby. Subway had a moment. Sure sure Okay, so Alabama so my dad lives on a farm and he lives on the same farm that he was born in.

His dad built his house in 1947. Wow. And he lives there. How many acres are we talking? He's got about 100 now. Woo! 100 acres in Alabama. Is he selling it off or is he buying more?

He's trying to buy more. You know, he's like, over the years, he's bought both of the houses on either side of him and the land that connects. So now he has some rental houses. What's he growing on there? Is he growing anything? Just cows is what he does.

Black Angus cows. Really? Yeah, now he's got some chickens. He used to have, man, I love you. He used to have an orchard where he had a lot of apples that his dad planted. His dad died in 1966 and he had all these apple trees that he planted and then one day my dad just bulldozes

all the trees and I go, what are you doing? He goes, I got tired of cutting around them. Hey, I can't argue with the log. I'm like, you gotta get the weed whacker out every 10 feet. He's doing it with a push mower? Like your dad's trees that have been there for 40 years? That's crazy. Talk about that with the old. He's doing it with a push mower? Like your dad's trees that have been there for 40 years? That's crazy.

Talk about that with the old. Yeah. What have you done for me lately? What does he do with the cows? He just raises them and then he sells them. Really? For beef or for dairy? For beef, like, well, I guess he just sells them

to a cattle auction. Okay. And then whatever they do with it, it's out of his... Show business, whatever. He won't get me a cow, I'll tell you that. I told him that, I was like, why don't you get a cow, and I'll split it with you. Okay.

And then he goes, well, everybody wants to split a cow, but there's all this money that goes into it. Kids these days. Yeah, you gotta do this. And then I go, well, all right, well, just get me a number, and I'll pay. And then he's like, was gonna split it between me and my sister's husband that she's now divorced from. So we were gonna do a three way split on a cow.

And then when they got divorced, he goes, well, I figured you wouldn't want it cause he's gone now. And I'm like, it's a rough one. Can you get the lawyers involved? You brought him in. I didn't even, I just want some meat. This is my deal, Jerry.

So when you say split a cow, you want to get a butchered and then you got to meat in the fridge. Yeah, I just thought, you know, at least we know what's going into this cow. Right, I could get the meat. And then my dad, he raises cows and then he buys meat from the grocery store. That is pretty insane.

He's in there, Larry, is that you? Not to mention what he could have saved on apples. Yeah, I mean, so, and then I got, you know, I have a younger sister with my dad, and my dad's been married four times. Nice. And his wife, current wife, they've been married for 20 years.

So, it's pretty good. That's in there. It gets longer each time, with the exception of my mom. That was the shortest to marry. Where did she fall in the, she was the second wife. Second wife. Second wife. Now my mom came That was the shortest to marry. Where did she fall in the- She was the second wife. Second wife.

Second wife. Now my mom came in with two kids. So I have two older sisters. Okay. So that brings, you know, that brings a bit. That's a little bit of baggage. My mom's got a lot going on. And so I can't picture my parents married to each other at all.

It doesn't make sense. My mom's a real like free, free wheeling kind. And you know, she likes her freedom and my dad's a real control freak. And I can't see them being married at all. And so I don't know how it worked. I don't know how. And it didn't work.

When you were born, were you guys living, was the whole family living in the house on your dad's farm? We were all living in that house. And then they got divorced when I was two or three. And in between that time, while they were married, I, they had this, they had like a, I forget that it was like an old's mobile. It was like, I think it was called like a 98 old.

Yes, yes, the 98. But it was in, you know, 1984. Sure, I remember those. So it was, so I was 21 months old. And my mom, it was a bench seat. My mom leaves me in a running car, no car seat. They said there wasn't car seats at the time. I don't know. But I wasn't strapped in either way. She left me in this running car and apparently, I don't remember, but she left, she went inside

to do something and I pulled the car down into drive. Pulled a Ricky Bobby? Yeah. And then I went there. She left the car the car door open and I went through a barbed wire fence and then in between two trees that they said if I'd hit the tree I probably would have slammed into the windshield. I went in between the trees it closed the door I went through another barbed wire fence and then crashed the car in a pond. Jesus. What were your first words, Rubens Racing? I guess so. Well, my mom can't swim. She goes running down there. The car's sinking.

She goes to the front door. The front door has already locked. Pressurized. Yeah. So she goes around to the other side of the car. That door's locked. And then she opens the back door and she's like, I'm just standing there like pretty happy and

she pulls me out of there and so that probably had something to do with the divorce. I don't know if it was the carelessness that my dad cared about so much or if it was the It was probably the oldsmobile's role in the game Yeah, I mean that's probably the nicest car my dad ever had even to this day Maybe she left the in there in the middle of checking out don't go anywhere Yeah, I don't know what she would have been doing. She said she was dropping off the mail But I mean it's like what just keep the mail in the car. What's going on there? All right, and what did your mom do for a living? My mom, for a long time, worked for a company

that made VHS tapes, a company factory called Ampex. Okay. And they made the tape that goes inside of a VHS tape. Gotcha. So we all, you know, they all thought they would retire from that company. That was big, yeah. And we were the, you know,

like probably the last family to get into DVDs. Of course. We're not destroying the family business here. Like, like one time I lived in, in my mom, when they got divorced, I moved into a trailer park with my mom and my other two sisters. And I remember a trailer, a double wide in the trailer park.

They had gotten some laser disc. And I went home talking to my mom about it and she got real mad at me about it. She was like, oh, you're always talking about all the stuff they have. And I'm like, you know what, I'm just a kid here. And I'm just, obviously I don't say this, but I'm just a kid. I'm just telling you about things I see in my life.

Don't be mad at me, you know what I mean? I didn't invest in it. Don't be mad because they're cutting your hours back at the factory. Yeah. Because no one's buying VHS anymore. Yeah, and you know, thankfully, Laserdist didn't work. Didn't work out. So it stuck around for a while.

They were the ones that were like the size of records. Oh, yeah, real big, yeah. Yeah, it was like a big deal. Yeah. I mean, like, well, a big deal for the people that bought into it. They loved it. I remember a teacher of mine was pushing that on us real big. I was like, dude, deal for the people that bought into it. They loved it. I remember a teacher of mine was pushing that on us real big. I was like dude that thing ain't fitting in my

school bag. Get out of here. Yeah. Yeah like records are on the way out and we're trying to bring in movie records. Yeah. Silver records. The record company was due. They're even more delicate than the you know a record it's like you know yeah like a piece of glass. So you know so I moved in with my mom but I had joint custody and then when I was five, my dad married another lady. And how close in proximity was the trailer in your dad's farm? About 30 minutes away.

Okay. And were you splitting time? Every other weekend, I would go to my dad's house. And how much older were your sisters on your mom's side? My mom, my sister's there, that's 11 years old and nine years old. Okay. All right.

So my older sister was sister is really like, she's at my house right now. She's like, like been like a real mom figure in there. She's like the most, like had it not been for her, who knows where I would be. Okay, yeah. I would be in the bottom of a pond somewhere. In a trailer park doing meth somewhere.

She is like, she's the only one that was like, felt like she like really had it together. And she even took me to a bar with a boyfriend and I got burned in the head with a cigarette. You know, those sorts of things. Normal stuff. So even that was like. Real mother figure.

Yeah. Real single mother vibes. Yeah. You know, it's like all my family is so nice and I don't ever think of them as making all these bad decisions. When you look back. But truly they as like making all these bad decisions. When you look back. Yeah. But truly they were making a lot of bad decisions.

I got a cigarette burn on my hand too. Oh yeah. Yeah. It was an accident. Yeah. But you know, so I'm living in the trailer with my mom and then my dad's married a lady with two older, has two boys that are a little bit older than me.

Okay, and what was the school? Public school? I went to yeah, my stepbrothers were they what do you think he was going to private school just ask He was on the BB gun team Could have been home school. I don't know what my bar getting smoking six my dad was sending my stepbrothers to private school See there you go. They were going to you know a local private school there in his county, which is a very small, but the movie Mississippi Burning, they filmed all the downtown scenes in my dad's hometown. Oh, that's not a good sign. Yeah, because they wanted, you know, in the 80s, they wanted a city that looked like the

50s. Sure. You know, or 60s. So I met Gene Hackman actually, during that time. I have a video of me meeting Gene Hackman. It's on laser disk. Yeah. It's a video of my dad, it's me and my stepbrothers and my dad and my dad like kinda pushes open the door where Gene Hackman is and he's like, he's almost like,

he's like, Gene, can I get you with my boys out here? And... And... What was it, a restaurant? It was like, I guess it was a hotel room. I think it was a barber shop. They were filming. Cut, cut, cut.

Hold on a second now. And my dad tries to come in and he goes, Gene Hackman's like, now I'll come out, I'll come out. And then he comes out and my dad basically goes, Gene Hackman's like, no, I'll come out, I'll come out. And then he comes out and my dad basically goes, Gene Hackman, like he's supposed to do a little dance. And so Gene Hackman's just standing there. Gene, what are you working on these days, huh? He's doing panel.

He looks at us and he goes, oh, you guys ball players? And my stepbrothers are like, I am, I am. And then you hear me go, I'm not. Yes, Ann, what are you doing? Play along, Dusty. You're killing the segment, Dusty. And then Gene Haggard.

This guy's going to walk. He does. He gives me the kind of eyebrow rays of like, OK. And it's a very clear eyebrow raise of, I can't even do it. And also as a kid, I just picture you right now, but smaller, that's how I, just a little bitty me, I pitch boys, I'm not.

Full beard, long hair, trucker hat. And then Gene Hackman, you know, goes, all right, and then goes back inside, and it was just, it was a big day. I've shared that video 10,000 times. It's pretty awesome. I wanted that to be my viral moment that never would be. And maybe this one, make it there, I hope so.

And so, you know, that was about five years old, and then when that happened, shortly after that, my newspaper, what are you talking about? It was a big deal. It was a big deal. There actually was, as was, as I watch, my dad used to film everything. I have so many home videos.

Really? That's awesome. He had this VHS tape, he would just go, and he would always do that to people. He would be these real old country people, and my dad would go, he'd go, move around, do something. He'd go, he'd go, move around, do something.

He got 10 seconds for a cutting. Can't find any talent this time. He's like, this is not one of them still video camera. You can move around for mine. He was always bragging about it, putting other people's cameras down. And it was the big one that went right into the big newscast. He's got a Dusty's on the boom mic.

And everybody hated it. I thought he was a time traveler. I mean, I get that my dad was in everybody's face with it. Sure. But everybody was so rude to my dad about it. We're eating dinner here, Earl. But now that all these old people in my family are like dying. Yeah, it's great to see.

I got relatives reaching out to me going, hey, do you got any of your dad's videos of my mom or dad? And I'm like, yeah, but your mom's being mean to my dad every time. I can show you this video of your mom or dad and I'm like yeah but your mom's you know being mean to my dad every time I can show you this video of your mom going get this out of my face. Send her that Gene Hackman tape will you? Kip this is co-pilot. Shout out to the co-pilot. Gang if you're working out stop selling for a boring treadmill run at the gym shake things up with co-pilot whether you like to work out at a rec center or you want to keep those reps at home co-Pilot. Whether you like to work out at a rec center, or you wanna keep those reps at home,

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Back to the show. But as I'm watching these videos, you see more and more people going, yeah, I went down there trying to find Gene Hackman. Apparently Gene Hackman was like a heartthrob in some way. Yeah, I could see that. I could see that back in the day.

Back in the day, man. I did watch the old supermans and they were pushing him as a playboy in those. As a playboy. He was like, he's like Robert Downey, Jr. Ironman. Sure, sure. Okay. So your dad did pretty well with the farm.

Was he making good money? Yeah, my dad sold insurance. He was an insurance salesman. Okay. So he had this real thing going. There was a truck, like a truck driving center, you know, like a, I don't know what you would call it, but it's like a truck driving company.

So they had all these truck drivers. So my dad would just sit there, he sold Afflack and he would sell these accident policies. So he would just sit there in the lobby and just sell accident policies to these truck drivers. Like shooting fish in a barrel. All day, he would win all these awards at Aflac and win all these trips.

Oh shit, film the whole thing. Yeah, my dad's been all, he's been, you know, the Canada and Hawaii and New York city, I mean, you would never think my dad would go to New York city, but it's like, he went with Aflac. He would win all these trips. He loves to tell the story. He went to Montreal and these girls

were walking real fast and he goes, why are you walking so fast? And they're like. Chasing on with a camera. They go, it's cold. My dad loves that story. That's one of his favorites. That's a great dad story.

Yeah. And so yeah, my dad, he did well with his shirts. He was doing well. Was your mom doing well with the company she was working at? Yeah. I think the factory was paying so well. I think that's why she left my dad. She was like, oh, I don't need this.

Yes, let me get out of here. And how was the double wide? Well, I was a single wide. OK. We were a single wide. But it was good. I mean, I liked it. I had a, you know, my mom was good.

I was telling you that we always installed our carpets, you know, but my mom was really like handy. Like in a trailer, they have these particle board floors and over time, like the heat and the moisture will swell it up and so then it'll get real thin in other places. So the floor will just fall through. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like, and my sister rented and so they would just throw a piece of plywood over top of the hole. So you'd have this little trip hazard, this little one inch trip hazard. I watched my nephew, he was living in a trailer one time and he was showing me something and he had all these dogs.

He had one, sounds like the worst place ever. Wait a second, hold on a second, he was living, how old was the kid? He was, you know, by this, he's 10 years younger than me. Yeah, okay. So it's because of his, his sister's 11 years older. My sister had a baby at 19, which is not bad for how he grew up.

That's pretty good. And, uh... Like, Bloomer. Yeah. I actually have a joke that I'm doing right now that I love, but I say, I have kids now, and I always...I wouldn't just do a joke on you like this, but I love this joke. And my sister...well, I have kids now, and I always try to get people to have kids, because I like them.

And I was telling my friend about it, and she was smoking a cigarette, and she was like, dang, I want to have a baby now too. She goes, but then again, if I get pregnant, I got to quit smoking. And I was like, well, I don't know. My sister smoked while she was pregnant, and it only took her six months to have a baby. That's a good piece of business right there.

And that's one of my favorite jokes now, because it is so true. It is like, you know. She was cranking heaters during pregnancy. Obviously it's tragic at the time. Sure. But you know, the kid lived, he's 30 years old. Who was in the trailer with you?

Was it just you and your mom? It was your sisters for a little while, but then they got their own? Well, it was me and my two sisters and my mom for a while. My middle sister, she would go live with her dad sometimes. Okay. Their dad was still in the picture a bit. a while, my middle sister, she would go live with her dad sometimes. Their dad was still in the picture a bit, and so she would go live with him. He was a bit of an alcoholic.

I think he's sober now. He's a nice guy, but he's still not a good family guy. He's a good farmer. He knows about canning. He tells you all about chickens. A line that I wanted to be a good joke. I say I learned everything I know about chickens from my sister's dad.

And I like that because you know it's not my dad, but the audience never appreciated it. They're like, yeah, we're all from split up families here. Get over it, Dusty! How many bedrooms was the trailer? It was a two bedroom trailer. So how does that break down? Well, for a long time, I was a couch

guy. I was on the couch. What age were you talking? From about either two or three depending on who's telling the story I guess until 14 is when we moved out of the tree. But you know at some point they did all move out and I got my own room. Okay. You should have a book called Dusty Slay Born to Crash. Yes. That's true. I'm the original couch sir. How would that break down at night? Like when did you go to bed? Were they just sitting there watching?

You would just sleep? Was there any type of room? Well we would, you know, a lot of times- Like your identity in the living room. Like did you have little posters on the wall or anything? Well you know, I would have stuff just in the other rooms. Okay.

Don't go in there and look at it. My mom worked third shift for a long time. My sister had moved out. And then my other sister and her boyfriend, who's now her husband, lived there. So, man. This is great. This is great.

These guys are multiplying. And my mom worked third shift. So I would sleep with my mom until she went to work. And then I would have the bed. Okay. But if I would wake up at night, then I would go get in the bed with my sister and her boyfriend.

Out of, scared, like fear? Yeah, and so I just liked it. We were all tight, we were all buddies. And I was like, man, dude, that's crazy. That's where I wanted to go to sleep anyway, but they were like, go sleep with your mom. How old? Were you in the middle between them or on the end?

You know, we'd be everywhere. I can't call it. I bought a bunch of cats. Just walking in with a juice box. You guys doing some palling around. You goofing? I know. It had to be a real buzzkill for them.

That's crazy. That's crazy. I bought an army sleeping bag one time that had the little face hole. Sure. But I would sleep with my neck out of it. And my brother-in-law said I woke up one time. He said, I don't remember it, so I think I was asleep.

But I like woke up in the night and I was like, help, help! And I was like trapped in my neck. My neck was trapped. We had an army. I just made sure your sister's boyfriend be like, what is this kid deal, man? Fucking cock block of the year. Were you on the floor or were you in the bed with them?

I was on the floor at that time. Okay. And well, my brother-in-law, he's from Michigan, you know, and he had a pretty wealthy family and his parents both worked at General Motors. Okay, yeah. My brother-in-law went to the University of Michigan. He's the only person with any education in the trailer at all. My mom didn't go to college. My both of my sisters dropped out of high school. I mean it's like he's the only one with any kind

of education but because we were all dumb we treated him like he was the idiot. We were all dumb. We treated him like he was the idiot. Turn it around on ya. Right. Like we're all dumb but we're all dumb. We are like hive mind dumb. Sure. Yeah.

You guys control the narrative. Yeah. And like there was a spin zone baby. And there was no internet back then you know so you can't go look up. Like what time we spilled. Just gaslighting this dude to the thing and he's crazy. We spilled milk and the vent on the floor, and he goes, oh, it's going down the register,

and we lost it. We made fun of him about register for so long because we didn't know that's what it was called. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like, what an idiot. This is a vent. You see any money? Yeah.

And my sister would cut his hair. And I remember one time, like, she really, like, she'd used in the clippers and like gave him a big, like, gap all the way up the back. And we were laughing so much that she couldn't even fix his hair cut. And this poor guy's like, he's trying to work a professional job.

And he's got this big gap up the back of his hair. What did he do? Well, he actually. what did his family think? He said he came from like, he's a college educated guy. He's chosen to live in a trailer. I don't think they liked it. I'll be honest with you. How long were they there?

A few months, a year, two years? He got an apartment. He always had an apartment, but he would stay with us. Sometimes crash with you. Okay, he would stay with us all the time. Okay. Gotcha. But he had, you know, I had his own stuff at another place. Why the hell didn't she stay at his place?

Well, eventually that's what happened. I think we all... But he probably had to be watched if the mom went to, if your mom left at midnight or, you know, 11. I really think he liked it. His family had money growing up, but they were like a colder family. Sure. And like like we were like

I think I saw a goofing around sleeping again Redneck he called us hillbillies redneck wasn't popular back then he always called us hillbillies and I don't think he was wrong. Yeah now, but like one time he was like he wanted to order Chinese food and apparently we made fun of him Like we would only eat at Hardys. Hardys was the, Hardys in Western, Western Southern was a night out. Okay. It was, and then like we were like, what are you gonna,

are you gonna go to China to get that? That's how stupid we were. Like these were real thoughts to us. Like Chinese food in Alabama grow up. Why don't you go to the moon while you're at it? Yeah. Fucking Buzz Lightyear over here. Why don't you slide down to register?

Go get your Chinese food. Okay. And how would, I think you're the first, if I can recall through all the guests, I think you're the first guest to grow up in a trailer, correct? I believe so maybe I think someone I forget Is so many people in it? Yeah for sure What was the what was the trailer park community like where you spend a lot of time running around with the kids? Was there a pool was there it was no pool festivities going on at all

Yeah, we were hanging out. I mean there was a lot of kids and have, you know, most of them I still talk to to some degree, but, you know, some are dead, but most of them are. Sure, just numbers. Praise the doing business. But, break a couple of eggs. You know what I mean? But I do talk to a lot of them and one guy, we nicknamed him alarm clock because he would always come down

and knock on the door real early in the morning trying to get me to come out. And the whole, that's one of my family. Come out to play? Yeah, he just went to play. And you know, we had a great time. He would always chew on a shirt. Oh man, I know those kids.

He always had a lot of rips on the bottom of a shirt where he was like really tearing at it. Sure, man, that's childhood trauma. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. You're trying to run from stuff. Yeah. If you run out of the house at 5 AM eating your shirt,

you're gonna be like, dude. Skipping breakfast. I'm gonna go eat my shirt and talk to Dusty. And then his sister was a lot older than him, and she was really pretty hot. And I remember she lived next door to us for a little while and she was married to this guy who played it like a band and like the holiday in or whatever locally.

And I remember me and my buddy were outside one time and we could hear them having sex in the bedroom from the outside. Yeah. And we were like, oh, that's it. I mean, because she was hot. Yeah, of course. We were like this is what I'm talking about.

But his son is my age. Makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it? And I talked about it on my podcast one time, that story, and he listens. And I didn't realize it at the time. And I was like, oh, that's weird. He never brought it up, but I'm not. But you know he heard it.

Yeah. And I was like, that was a real highlight. You hear some sports going on. You're like, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. What was the bike jump? We guys were writing. What were the activities?

Yeah. 100% bike jumping. I mean, we had a lot of bricks and cement blocks laying around. Put a piece of two-by-four. Put a board around the tent. Woods all over the place. In the back, we had just endless woods. I mean, they were not ours.

I don't know who they belonged to. But everybody would hunt out there. Like all my family would come and they would hunt. We had no permission to be out there. Just shooting. We had a loose permission from a guy that was like, I don't care if you do it kind of thing We don't really know that he owned. Yeah

We need to say your family would come over your mom's side of the family would go over to the trailer Yeah, my brother-in-law's would hunt and my mom's boyfriends. They would come over and hunt Are they walking deep out in there? They're just getting like Yeah, I was in short we're going way out in there and Shoot from the kitchen? Yeah, I was insured. We're going way out in there. And then I also had like, I built a rope swing out there. Nice. Swing out and there was a creek. Nice. And we love creek stuff.

Sure. Getting tadpoles and little salamanders out there and crawfish out of the creek living there. Yeah. And we're good years of your life, man. It is so good. 12 years old with a creek and a couple of buddies. Catch a nice rainstorm. That thing sw with a creek and a couple of buddies.

Catch a nice rainstorm, that thing swallows up a little bit. Oh yeah, I mean between my dad's farm and the woods, we had some woods on the other side where they had a creek and then this big rock. We called it big rock. Because it was just, and I tell people, I still back here, there's neighborhoods back there now,

but the creek is still there and you have to just go out in there and I tell people, I still back, there's neighborhoods back there now, but the creek is still there, and you have to just go out in there. And I take people sometimes, we'll just go through this neighborhood and then kind of drift off in the woods. And I tell them it's called Big Rock. And every time they see it, they're like, whoa. They're like, I did not see this coming.

I mean, this should be a national park. And now it's just some creek polluted by a neighborhood. Damn. Maybe a state park. I don't know if I'm gonna have a national park to be. Yeah. What were they hunting? Deer?

Deer, all deer. Okay. Yeah. You grew up eating a fair amount of deer meat? I still eat it. My stepmom brings up deer meat. She don't hunt. I don't know where she's getting it.

But. She got some kind of deer meat connection. Route 48. Yeah. She just brings it up and it'll be in all these random meat bags that say, like, not for sale, stuff like that. Got a percent. Best buy date on it, but there's no date written in.

Avoidive package individually. But when I was five, I was down hanging out in my grandmother's house. My grandmother lived, had a house, and she lived, you know, this is Alabama, she had no air conditioner. My whole life she had no air conditioner. So it's like, you go down there, it's 100 degrees. There's just an oscillating fan going around,

just a whift of slightly less hot air blowing on you. And, you know, my cousin and uncle lived next door. And they had my grandfather's old air rifle and my cousin was like- The pump. Pumping it, just pumping it. I'm five years old, he's probably seven, eight. And I was like, I don't think you're supposed

to be playing with that. And he's like, it's not loaded. And we were playing, I was like- Famous last words. I was being he-man, he was being G.I. Joe or, I don't know. He was being a dickhead. Yeah, being GI Joe, or I don't know. He was being a dickhead. Yeah, and I was like, you know, I have the power, and then my cousin shot me in the chest

with a BB gun at five years old. It went in my chest through my lung. What? In my back, I went to the hospital. Wait, what? There was an exit wound. Jesus Christ. No exit wound, it's still in me to the day

I'll get x-rays sometimes and it's still you've been shot I went I got an MRI done one time and they were like do you have any Srapknoll in your body, and I'm like well kind of Now I was like and if this machine pulls this BB out I want it I don't know I'm putting it in a necklace I'm wearing this through your chest into, into your lung, through the lung? Through the lung and it landed in my back and I guess the, I see in the house.

It was a hell of a shot. I'll tell you that. I think you tried to kill me. And, and it just, it was. Did it hurt? Yeah, you know, I don't remember pain necessarily but I remember like not being able to breathe. Yeah, the panic.

He man. And then, yeah, I mean, I always say, you know, I was Adam and had I made the full transition. I would have poked straight off. But I never got to do it. The lightning didn't come down. But I, you know, and the doctor, I guess, was like, you know, I, you know, we could do surgery and take it out or you could just leave it in.

That doctor definitely had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. And my dad was like, just leave it in. Let's get out of here. Did they fix the lung at all? Or is that healed itself back? Yeah, I don't think they did anything. They just kind of. That's crazy.

I want to take it off. That's crazy. And then I had an IV. I got video, obviously. Oh, my. The buddy. I mean, I'm literally, I'm in the hospital. I got a board on me so that my, I don't rip out the IV and then I got all these IVs and

I'm in the bed and my dad's video and me going, do something. I'm not rolling around. My dad is like, move around. He's like telling me, I'm like, I'm in the hospital. You never see the movie Butterfly Effect. I wish that I could do that sometimes. I wish that I could Butterfly Effect back to all these videos and tell some people off.

I would just like to wake up in the hospital bed as my full grown mind and tell my dad, hey, I'm in the hospital. Hey, you're cool. But the lens can't go on. You can video me, but, man, I'm not gonna be moving around. Dude, talk about built for the show. Yeah, not crazy

This is like where the Yankees in the 80s and there's like there's a guy named Dusty Slay throwing 102 down in Cuba Yeah, so it's like and then after that my I kept my my stepmom would always fix my meals at my dad's house And I kept coming home to my mom's house and I would be sick. And my mom, still to this day, thinks my stepmom was poisoning me and my dad. And there's no proof. And I'm not alleging that she was. For comedy purposes, we're right.

But my mom, she's told me, she said, I want you to start fixing your own plate. And I started doing it and I stopped getting sick. Whoa. So I don't know if she was trying to kill us. Did he divorce her too? She left him too. I mean, you know, my dad, you know.

Was there, I guess my dad's probably a little bit of cash and or land she could have got her hands on. Yeah, that's true. I mean, and my dad. She left because neither one of you would die. These hillbillies. He's a he-man hillbilly we got over here. He's drinking fre on like Mountain Dew.

Lady, I gotta slug him right along. He got your work cut out for you. He's gonna eat a little more than any freeze to get me. Yeah, I mean, it's true. I don't know. He's like, they just won't die. I tried to do it. I'm just gonna file for divorce.

Whoa. Those slave boys are fortified What was the uh? What would do you have any formal education? What are we talking about? They get selling we just pulled them out of a hole well, I did graduate high school I will say I was the first of my my you know siblings mom's kids to graduate high school And your mom graduated high school? My mom graduated.

My dad graduated. My dad did some college. Yeah, I mean, he's a fucking leader of athletic. He's doing all right. But I tell you what, having a guy from that went to the university in Michigan in your house really brings the bar up. It really did. It does.

I will be honest. I mean, I give a lot of credit to my brother-in-law. I mean, my accent, when you listen to me as a kid, I have a Southern accent now, but when you hear me as a kid, at the end of my special, I have a little video. I was gonna say, you need to remember where he's got his videos moving,

for they're so funny. I put a little, because I have a joke about, you know, my dad in this ditch and killing a frog and stuff like that. But at the end, but. You know, normal stuff. Just breeze right past that. Call it Tuesday.

Well, my, you know, my dad, when I was a little kid, I remember my dad, my dad had a pool. My dad had to put in a- Above ground or in ground? In ground. Whoa! This is when he married this third wife. Okay.

Not his current wife, but the third wife. He was really trying to up his game. He remodeled his house. He was really like trying to be uppity. And you're now new stepmoms. Are they more housewives? Are they working? Well, my stepmom works.

My new stepmom is a real saint of a lady. I mean, and I'm not just trying to trash my dad here, but I do think that the only reason this 20 year thing has happened is because of this lady. I mean, she's a real saint of a woman, just a real strong country lady. And she's just like, you know, you can tell my dad's beating her down emotionally.

Sure, sure, sure. But she's hanging in there. Okay. And then I have a younger sister that by my dad and my stepmom. And so I always like to say my younger sister not related to my older sisters. I always think that.

There's a lot of asterisks with your family. Yeah. And then my middle sister, the one that's nine years older than me, she married a guy that she's been married for I don't know Maybe 30 years. They've been married a long time. Okay, which is amazing and she She's the one that smoked while she was pregnant probably both of her kids and they're fine though. Yeah, they're all tough

You know what I mean? Poisoned me and now they all vape, you know what I mean? So, you know. They're back on it. Yeah, but yeah, one of my nephews just started vaping. I always thought everybody used vape to quit cigarettes. No, the younger kids are just vaping. Yeah, it blows my mind. Crazy. You're just getting a note. You didn't even do the cool thing with the cigarettes?

Yeah, I know. I kind of resent that. I mean, yeah, you gotta fly a little too close to the sun and then peel it back and start vaping. Yeah, you gotta do the cigarette so you can feel like the vape is healthy. Yes, yeah. You know?

And I got a friend, he still tells me that the vape saved his life. So I don't know. He's gotta, his Instagram is devoted to vape. Really? He loves it. He's a big vape guy. What was school like?

What was like a- I can't believe we're only at school so far. We gotta come back every time you're in New York. We do it at 9 o'clock. I love to this. Every three days, we need you back. Well, school was great. I loved-

How far away was it? How did you get there? Who was packing your lunch? Well, when I was growing up, until we moved, living in the trailer, it was, you know, it was- When was the move to- When I was 14. You guys,, living in the trailer, it was, you know, it was... When was the move to? When I was 14. You guys, she moved, your mom moved into a house?

Yes. Okay. I moved just before I got a learner's license, learner's permit, which was my, which was like at the time, the greatest thing in the world. Because I was always ashamed that I had the ad, and I don't know why, but I guess you're just a kid,

and it's like, I was always ashamed that my address was ad, and I don't know why, but I guess you're just a kid, and it's like, I was always ashamed that my address was Lot 8 Morse Trailer Park, right? If I just lived in a trailer on some land, then it would be, you know, 4250 County Road, because I had Lot 8 Morse Trailer Park, it was like, everybody knows I'm poor. Yeah. You know, so I didn't want,

because when you get your driver's license, everybody wants to see it, they're like, oh, let's see your license, and then your address is right there. So I moved't want because when you get your driver's license everybody wants to see they're like oh, let's see your license And then your address is right there. So I moved It's a little place I keep So and and then school was you you know, 15 minutes away. It wasn't, but I was- School bus? Bust would come to the trailer park, everybody hop on.

I would do the bus. I did, you know, I'd do a little above. My mom worked third shift, so- Oh, okay. So for a while it was like, you know, I'd get up, I'd get on the bus and my mom comes home sleeps and then she picks me up from school. We had the old alarm clock, you know, that meh, meh, meh. And my mom would always know that when she showed up, if she could hear that alarm clock,

when it meant I missed the bus. Really? And so she would come in mad because she's like, all right, now I gotta drive you and I'm not gonna get sleep. But yeah, we had my bus stop, I lived on the c cusp. I could have had could have gone to the more country school Beauregard more country. Yeah, or I went to opalika high school, which is like the city school How big of a how big of a class?

That's very funny Toby's funny. That's funny. That's funny. That's very funny. Toby's great with wordplay. Yeah. Opa-like is the full name of the town, but that's very funny. I've never heard that, like a high school. That's, yeah, it's like high school. Well, I think our high school was pretty good.

Okay. For the area. Now, I grew up right next to Auburn University. So, Auburn High was always the rival, you know, they were always the fancy school, but in our county was four schools. So there was two, there was Bula Beauregard, Bula was always kind of like, you know, kind of like the Matthew school. Got you. Beauregard was real redneck.

Opalica was a little redneck little ghetto. We kind of had a, we kind of had a little mix. Yeah, we had a vibe you know. Little mix. Yeah, we had a vibe about it. More eclectic. Yeah, we had a better football team. Okay. You know what I mean? We were good. That's all that matters, baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put them points up, baby. Yeah. Okay, and how big of a, was your graduating class? Do you remember? I don't know, I feel like I would be often. I feel like 200, 300 people. That's okay.

That's a good size school. It wasn't, like, some of the country schools, like where my stepbrothers went to school, it was like, you know, it was, you had one class. It was like 32 people. That's a good size school. It wasn't like, like some of the country schools where my stepbrothers went to school, it was like, you know, it was, you had one class. It was like 32 people. 30, you know, maybe 20 people. And that was kindergarten through 12th grade, you would be with those same kids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a, you know, we had a proper school. Pretty traditional. Yeah, yeah, we had a, you know, and, you know, but it, you know, I got, I got, one time when I was a senior in high school, I got, well, let's go middle school. I got, there was a girl, she had,

I had this fake hand for Halloween and I was playing with it and she was a real big girl. I never liked to say her name because I'm still afraid of her. And she took the hand for me and stole it. And then I went to get it back and she pinched my hand when I tried to get it and I pushed her head a little bit. And then she comes back, the teacher's out of the room and she stabbed me three times with a pencil.

I jumped in the corner, I was trapped and she was just stabbing me. And then the whole class saw it. And then when the teacher came back, I was just like, I just stood up and I go, she just stabbed me I was Not I'm not and then I got a day of in school suspension Because I pushed her head and I never saw her again. No and I'm terrified of her so I'll never use her name, but

She's watching right now you're getting shipped at Opaleco. What was that other school like? Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, they were the country schools, so I don't know. I mean, they were just doing math and mud and... Lord. Would you buy your lunch at school, or would you pack a lunch?

We'd do a little bit of both. I would buy a lunch and I would pack a lunch. And what was the grocery store that your mom went to? Well, we would go like a Pigly Wiggly or like a Windixie. Those were kind of some Southern grocery stores. And how was the nutrition? What was what were you eating? Terrible nutrition. I mean I had a feeling. I really do think I have acid reflux to this day. Me too baby. And I think it's due to just... One thing that I'm mad about my dad about. You don't have much bologna.

Yeah my dad bulldozed all't eat that much bologna. Yeah. My dad bulldozed all those apple trees. And I think, I haven't seen an apple since. When I was a kid, I think those apple trees were the only nutrition I got. I would just be eating, you know, it's like, nowadays we call those organic apples.

But back then, they were just apples. He had plum trees, pear trees, figs, wild blackberries. That's where I was getting all my nutrition. Did he get rid of all that? Or did he just the apple trees? Just the apple, the pear trees still there. He got rid of the plum tree and then he had two fig trees. That's awesome. And the fig, just recently, had one, one fig tree's giant. One was real small and I go, I go, why do you think that small one never got big like the other one? He goes, I don't know. Next time I'm there, the small victory,

he's killed it and gotten rid of it. I was like, I didn't mean for you to kill him. Yeah, it wasn't telling you to fucking whack him off. Yeah, it's producing figs. I don't know what you're doing. But yeah, I used to eat, you know, cereal was mainly what I would eat. I love cereal.

I just, I never had to do the bag. We would spring for the cereal. Sugar cereal? Sugar cereals, fruity pebbles, sugar smacks, corn pops. Wonder bread? No wonder bread. We were just doing regular old white bread, you know. And back then bread would mold.

Sure. You know bread really never molds now. I don't know what's going on. It's got a longer shelf life. Yeah, for sure. And we would just pick the mold off, you know, and eat around the bread. A lot of grilled cheeses with American cheese. What am I?

Me and my sisters. Craft single slices? Craft singles, yeah. Shout out to it. What am I? Me and my sister's favorite thing, when you take a bowl and then you break up some craft cheese and you put a little margarine in there

and then put it in the microwave for about 30 seconds. It makes a delicious cheese dip. It's so good. Eat it with some Lay's. A little hillbilly queso. That ain't bad. It's the best that you... I mean it's like... That's so good. You started off, I was like where the fuck is it going with this? We got to put that in the cookbook. That's pretty good.

I already thought he does these Lay's cheese fondue. Hillbilly fondue. It's so good. Yeah. And what are you dipping in there? Crackers? Lays chips. Lays chips.

Ruffles. You want a ruffle, so you got a thickness to it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, structure. Yeah. Yeah.

It needs to be able to hold that cheese. Yeah. It's a dense cheese. And you have to. Yeah, it is. And it's a fucking no pussy, right? Marmigiano right here. Yeah. And then we would do, sometimes we would do, this is,

before I came along, my sister always tells me that my mom and my two sisters before, in between those marriages, they said they were real poor, right? Like, they were like, I was spoiled to them. To them, yeah. But they were talking about being real poor. So a thing they used to do, and we would do this sometimes, we would fry up bacon and then eat that with the cornflakes. You eat cornflakes and then eat the bacon. And it's like milk, like a bowl of cereal or just dry.

Yeah, bowl of cereal. And then you just kind of have a side of bacon that you're eating with it and weirdly delicious. I can see that. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, a little kind of salty and a little sweet. Savory, sweet type thing. And yeah, yeah, and then, you know, we would do,

we had this, my mom would do this canned roast beef kind of thing, or it was like, it's like easily you could do it in a crock pot. But you know, open the can, it's got the meat, and then we put toast and put the meat on it, kind of like an open faced roast beef sandwich. We do canned roast beef, We do salmon patties sometimes, where we do canned salmon,

make a little salmon cake, fry it up in a pan. I don't even think I've ever seen canned roast beef. I didn't know that salmon was a real fish. Until I was in my 20s and I moved to Charleston, South Carolina. To actually see it in fish farming. Yeah, and I worked at a restaurant and I was like, whoa, this ain't even in a can. I mean see it in fish form. Yeah, and I worked at a restaurant and I was like, whoa, I was like, I was like, I wasn't even in a can.

I mean, I was such an idiot. I was like, I mean, I mean. Chef, let me show you this cheese dip real quick. You wanna get this on the menu. He got 30 seconds. My whole 20s was like, I was such a drinker, such a weird alcoholic, just idiot that I, it took me my whole 20s to gain

any level of sophistication whatsoever. And I mean, I was just such a, I mean, I would black out, I was just such a dumb. I was kind of, I'm kind of right there with you. Yeah. When I turned 30, I kind of was like, oh, things are happening outside of this. How old were you the first time you got drunk?

I was 16, I think, which is late for, for a, I had some drinks here and there with, you know, do it, do it, I was 16, I think, which is late for a... Yeah. I had some drinks here and there with, you know... Do it. Do it. I was drunk. Goddamn, it works a lot. You know, I mean, you know, my mom dated a guy... My mom always dated these guys that were like, alcoholics.

They were never like... I always thought they were fun. They always looked like fun people, but they were always drinking, you know? But they could do things. Like I remember one alcoholic boyfriend built a front porch for us at the trailer. And it's like, they were all, you know, they always just seemed fun.

Yeah, well, I think with, as my family is very similar of like fun drunks, and then it, as they get older, it gets less and less fun. When you're in your 20s and 30s and you're like, four, hey, we're drinking beers, building a deck here. I have one Dusty, but when you start hitting your 20s and 30s and you're like for a we're drinking beers building the deck here I have one dusty, but when you start hitting 50 he gets a little gloomy. Yeah, you're right I you know I do is doing comedy in Johnson City, Tennessee one time and these people it was only 10 people at the in the club Mm-hmm, and this is years ago and these people they've like in their 50s

They were so drunk and they got real hostile with me like so much so that the manager of the club I watched him kind of back out of the Room, he's not dealing with this Man that sucks and then after the show I saw them leave this is this club was in a hotel I saw them leave and like trip and fall over the trash can Outside and they're like in their fifties. Yeah, and I was so mad at them But then when I saw him I was like, I just feel bad It's just like oh, this is your night out. Uh, what'd you do last night? Oh, I went to a club was great

Had a great time fell into the trash. Yeah, we're all right. I'm still yeah any vacations growing up a little bit I remember going to Disney World with no kid with my dad and my stepmom and my brothers. We did that. But mainly we would go to like Gatlinburg, Tennessee. That was my uncle, my mom's brother worked in the hotel business. So we would kind of vacation wherever he was working. Gotcha. Because he would get us a free room.

Get a deal, okay. So he worked in Decatur, Alabama for a while. Okay, okay. Which is where my sister and brother-in-law met, the University of Michigan guy. Uh-huh. He was coming down from Michigan to go to Atlanta. He was thinking of moving to Atlanta.

And he met my sister at this hotel, and then they started dating. Oh, shit. When you guys were on one of your vacations. Yeah. No kidding. Yeah. Man, that's wild. your vacations. Yeah. No kidding. Yeah. Man.

That's wild. Talk about fate. Yeah. And I remember this vacation indicator. I think all we did was go to the hotel. That you're just hanging it over there. Yeah, we went to the hotel and they had a pool that was like indoor and outdoor that you could swim under the thing. Man, that's all you need, baby.

Yeah, and it was just like, I just remember that. It was just like, this is, I remember just playing in that pool. Yeah. A hotel pool at age 8, 9, 10. Yeah, it was amazing. And then, but my uncle then started, he, I remember he worked at a hotel in Nashville. And then he started, he worked in Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge.

And so we would go there a bunch. That would be the spot. I remember going to Dollywood. I saw Toby Keith at Opryland. Jesus, in Nashville. It's like seeing the Pope at the Vatican. How old were you? I was, I don't know, maybe 10 or so.

My mom was a huge Toby Keith. She was in the fan club. How was that the height of his success? My mom also had a VHS camp quarter. She didn't film as much, but I got a video. She's filming all the Christmas ornaments. We had one of those big old TVs, the wooden, with the TV in the bottom,

and on the top she had a Christmas village. Yep, nice. With the snow and the little house balls and stuff. Yeah, and then she was filming it, and then she filmed this bookshelf of all these Santa Claus ornaments. And then she zooms in and it's a picture of Toby Keith in a turtleneck framed in amongst the Santa Claus. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Woo, it's all right. Oh yeah, I love that. Huh, how were the grades? Grades were good.

I mean, I was an AB student. SATs, do you take them? I didn't take, I was AB until high school and then I was Cs. Okay. But I never failed anything. I almost failed Spanish class, but you know, that was, you know, my teacher was-

Mostly accent related. Yeah, exactly. And my teacher was pregnant and left halfway through the year. That's a mulligan right there. The teacher's not even committed to it. What do you want from me? But yeah, college prep was not on anybody's mind. You work on a college?

My parents wanted me to go to college, but they weren't doing anything to help me and nobody was helping me prepare and maybe that's happening to a lot of people I just know my friends were like are you taking the sec taking the ACT and I'm like I don't know and they're like oh you know it costs $50 or whatever and I go, oh, definitely not. Yeah. It's going to be a hard no from the Slate camp over here. And I'd be bossing and she'd like, guys, VHS ain't going anywhere. We're sad. And I did go to a community college for,

I went for two days. I signed up. I mainly was, you know, it's like, I had, in high school, it's like you're here in these rooms and you got all these attractive women around you all the time and you're like, this is amazing. I like school a lot. I like going, I didn't skip school a lot

because I liked being there. It was like, I got to be in this room with a captive audience that I got to make laugh. And they were like, yeah, and there are girls in there and I'm like, this is great. And then suddenly I'm out of high school and I'm just getting high with my buddies all day. And I'm like, this is great. And then suddenly I'm out of high school and I'm just getting high with my buddies all day and I'm like, where are the women? Where are those broads at? So I signed up for community college and I had to take like a, and I was

a pretty good student, but I had to take like a, like a test to find out where you were at or whatever. And I ended up taking some kind of lower level math in English, and I got in there, and there were no girls in my classes at all, and I was like, this is not the college experience. That's parties lame, I'm out of here. And I did each class one time, they were on different days, and then I was like, all right, I'm out of there.

You went to community college for two days of scope for checks, it was beat, and you got out of there. I respected. That's chess right there, two days of scope for checks, it was beat and he got out of there. Yeah. I respected. That's a, that's chess right there buddy. That's party's lame dude. And I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life but it ain't gonna be this path.

Yeah. And then you moved to Charleston? And then, you know, then I hung around, I, after that I bought my childhood trailer back, my sister moved into it when we moved out and then she traded it in for another trailer which apparently you can do that. Because trailers have registration like a car, you know. So the trailer, I went to the trailer company.

You're racing houses for pink slips. Yeah. And I, whoever can build this deck fast enough, gets the trailer. And I offered to buy it from them And they said they would sell it to me for a thousand dollars and looking back if I had any Negotiation skills, I bet I could have got it way 400 yeah, they didn't even want to deal with it. Yeah, the thousand was the first price and it was so low I was like, oh, yeah, listen, I'll do 1200 Yeah, it's kind of like comedy, you know. I feel like they must have thought this too, where like a gig, you say, I'll do it for this much money.

And the place goes, OK. And you go, dang, should I ask for more? Shit. You know? I feel like that's what the trailer company did. They go, $1,000. I go, I'll take it. They're like, dang, I could have got more of this kind.

They're both walking away. So I moved back into that trailer on what property? It's still in the trailer park. It was just still sitting there. I think that was part of it for them. They were like, we don't wanna move this trailer. We don't wanna deal with this trailer. So a different plot than you grew up on?

Same exact spot. With the deck. With the deck, okay. Yeah, the deck actually, my sister lived next door to us for a long time and they had built a deck. And so we moved that deck from off that to our back port. So we had a deck on both sides.

That's crazy. We kind of stole the deck from a rental trailer. And how old are you at this time? I'm 19. And what are you doing for work? Well, I was working at Western Sizzlin, waiting tables. Okay. And I went to the Army Recruiters Office

and I joined the Army. I went and I said, I'm gonna join the Army. And then I went, I went through my physical, I went to Montgomery, the capital of Alabama, did the whole thing. I got kind of like a loose swearing in. They say it's kind of, you're kind of being sworn in,

but you don't get officially sworn in until you go to boot camp. Okay. So I got my, you know, boot camp. I got all that. And then I got back and then, you know, I was smoking a lot of weed at the time. So my recruiter, my recruiter, real name's Alan. So my, you got so high you want him to be the Navy. Well, it is true. I was high at Western Sissland. And this guy started telling me how great the Army was. And so I left work that day and went to the recruiter's office.

And my recruiter was trying to figure out how much weed I was smoking, trying to figure out how to help me get clean, you know, and telling me all the lies to tell the army so that I could get in recruiters Yeah, they're like teaching me to lie to the government to get into the government and so I did it I did all that and then when I got home from You know the the Whatever you swear. Yeah, my my recruiter goes he goes I probably shouldn't tell you this but he goes goes, I know you like to smoke weed. And he's like, you're gonna get shipped off in 30 days.

So if you wanna smoke weed, do it tonight. So I went out and that night I got arrested for weed and underage consumption of alcohol. And so my ship off date came after my, my court date came after my ship off date. So I couldn't get shipped off. So I could have went still instead of probation, but I would have lost all my bonuses and all that stuff.

So I just decided not to go to the army. And so I had, and I was supposed to get shipped off in August of 2001. So I would have been in boot camp when September 11th happened. So I was like so happy that I didn't go. And then I, so I lost my license for nine months and I got two years unsupervised probation,

which means I didn't have to take drug test. But I sat, so the next nine months, I just sat in this trailer and did drugs with my buddies and worked at Office Depot. I had this nice- You quit the restaurant job? I quit, well I quit the restaurant job to go to the army.

They joined the army, yeah. I was like, I even, there was this girl that, this is like the most embarrassing time of my life. I even had- That sounds like the coolest dude, what are you talking about? Well I had this girl that I really liked, you know, and I'm like, I'm like acting like, you know, I I'm like don't get married while I'm in the army you know

I didn't have the balls to ask her out but I was doing everything I could do to get her to be like I want to be with you. Call that playing the zone defense. I'll be back for you when I get back from Vietnam. Yeah I mean I was you walk back in sock. And, uh, yeah, it was so embarrassing. I never even talked to the army. You come back and tell her you're a green beret? Yeah. Like, I didn't get in, said I was too strong. Yeah.

I wanted to keep it a fair fight. Dusty. Nuts, dude. I love it. It's so embarrassing. I, uh, I just think of the things that I said to that girl. Dusty, it's nuts dude. I love it. It's so embarrassing. I just think of the things that I said to that girl. Everybody has that.

She probably liked me. I look back and I think all she was like, in my mind I'm thinking, she's like, if you would just ask me out on a date, I would. I'd make it in your bed. Put some clothes on, will you? I would say yes, if you would just ask me.

But instead I'm like, I've given her songs on a mixtape. I'm like, yeah, it's the most embarrassing time of my life. And it was 20 years ago and I wish it never happened. Sure. I know it very well, my friends. But so I lost my license, but I had a job at office depot and I couldn't get to work. So I had this buddy and he had he was he got kicked out of his parents house.

Now my lot my trailer was paid off. My lot where it was 120 a month. So my friend was like, if you let me live with you for free, you know, I'll give you a ride to work every day. And I'll be and I was like, you know what, I need that. And I said, so we worked it out. And I was like, but I can't, we can't be messing around here. This is no goofing around.

They're my living driver. Yeah, if this is our deal, I don't want to come out of work and you not be there. Yeah. So it was cool. He had this Azuzu rodeo. He had these 17 inch rims with a system. So every day at work, I got picked up by this guy

in a really cool looking car and it was pretty awesome. Yeah. He would pick you up and drop you off every day. Every day. And you guys get a free rent, that's his job. And he sold weed, right? So my deal with him was I was like, you can sell weed out of my trailer,

but you gotta smoke with me for free. So he would pick me up from work with like a, Sounds like the greatest setup ever. With like a blunt and I would get in and we would get high on the way home and it was like, it was awesome. And a lot of my friends didn't really wanna buy a bag of weed, they just wanted to get high.

So they would come over and this guy had worked out a system where people would just give him like five bucks. To sit around and smoke a blunt. And then he would just roll a bunch of blunts and we would all just sit there and play, you know, PlayStation 2 and get high. And it was like a really great time. And it's like, I think about it sometimes

and I'm like, this cop that arrested me, and I'm not mad at all cops, but this cop arrested me and he was such a, like a prick about it. Like he was like, in his mind, I'm stopping a drug addict. But what he did was he stopped me from going to the army where I potentially would have changed my life and instead sat in a trailer for the next two years doing drugs.

And I'm like, but I also ended up being a comedian and things are going well. So I'm happy for it. But you know, I mean, That is a tale. We're at 19 years old. Yeah. But it was such a great time. It was like, I look back on that and I just think,

Those years are great. I remember one time we had this tech and tag tournament. I had all these buddies over at my trailer. The doors are open. We're all smoking weed and cigarettes. I mean, there's just smoke everywhere in there. It's just a mess. And we're just hanging. I mean, there's just smoke everywhere in there. It's just a mess. And we're just hanging.

I'm like, this was such a great time. It got a little darker. We got into various drugs here and there. And then it was like, what are we talking? You know, mind sharing. You know, I don't know. I never really talk about it. I feel like I talk about a lot of, you know,

I've just now put out this special where I had like eight minutes of weed jokes. And it's the first time I really hit some realistic weed jokes and I'm like 41 years old and I'm still like, I'm feeling out my dad on it, I'm like, what did you think of this special? You know, but you know, we just got, you know, you got into, you know, some typical Alabama drug, and that, you know, and actually, it wasn't really that. Gasoline and moonshine, baby.

Yeah. It wasn't really that. What do we tap dancing around here? It wasn't really that dark for me, to be honest, I had a blast. Sure. It was, uh... Three-month rule, fool.

Hey, he lying. But, you know, we would drink a lot too. Of course. I remember, my buddy, I had a buddy, his name was John, and he would go to jail, you know. It never was. Okay. We never were real clear on why he was going to jail. He was such a good, nice guy, but he would just, you know, I think he got in trouble one

time and then he just kept violating his probation and then he would just disappear for a while. And I remember he wrote me a letter from jail one time talking about how when he got out you know he's like I want to change, I don't want to be smoking weed, I don't want to be drinking and then he got out of jail, came to my house and my other buddy who just you know he's still my friend but just kind of a real prick move was like just lights up a blunt because my friend, but just kind of a real prick move was like, just lights up a blunt, because my friend wanted to change his life, he was like, oh, we're still living like this.

And then we end up getting drunk and high. My buddy who's like, want to change his life, that night we're drunk, we're out in the yard, we got grass up to our knees, we're getting eaten up by all kind of different insects, and we're shooting each other with the BB gun out there. It's like, it's like you've been out of prison for a day. This is where we've ended up.

Yeah, and I think he's okay. I think he's doing okay. He messages me on Facebook sometimes. I think he's okay, but it's like, a lot of these guys are like my friends, and I want to get together with them, but I don't drink anymore, and I'm like, you know what? I don't need, my life's going well.

I got my wife, I got kids. You don't want to end up in the high grass shooting each other. I don't need to dance with the devil. Yeah. Like I don't really need that in my life. But I got, I was my license suspended for two years or nine months and I was on probation for two years.

And then once I got off probation, that's when I moved to Charleston. I sold the trailer. Okay. What'd you get for the trailer? I got $2,500. Let's go! Yeah, I flipped it. Alabama real estate mogul.

Yes, fucking tycoon over here. Let's go! I flipped it. My brother-in-law, who was the Michigan... Took the one porch with you? Yeah, he was the Michigan grad. He worked for a company called Craftmade Cabinets. And this was at a time when companies were just booming.

So if somebody, these are very expensive cabinets. So if somebody would order the, and get the wrong color, it would just sit at a Lowe's store. So my brother-in-law took me to a Lowe's and we picked up one of those sets of, the cabinets were probably $2,000 cabinets and we put in this thousand dollar trailer and it was sweet Oh, I meant to tell you what I don't know how I got sidetracked with the particle board thing with the holes in the floor

My mom would rip all that out and put in new plywood So this trailer, you know, I had great flooring in it and we would install a good cabinets. I mean it was on the outside it looked really bad. A lot of kind of mold on it. Sure, a mildew. But on the inside it was pretty... Let's keep the burglars away. Yeah, it was actually very good but I was I found some pictures of me like, you know me drinking with my buddies in there. And there was this one wall where it's like bare sheet rock. But like, sheet rock has like a little paper on it.

And it looked like all the paper was ripped off. It had been ripped off. So it's just the. And we had a lamp kind of hanging on a nail up there. And I'm like, I really thought my trailer looked good. But it was like. At the time, yeah. This was the worst wall in the place, but we got a lot of, but you know what?

It's like the beauty of women is like, they're just such nice people that I was still having girlfriends, even living in this filth as some weird, no driver's license alcoholic with a weed connect. Yeah, you had a chauffeur. What are you talking about? I still had like pretty women that would date me

and I'm like, this is great. Women are such nice people. Man, man. I mean, Dusty Slay. Home run. Home run. I think we, which we've never done, which we should just do, just call,

we have to have a part two next time you're in New York. Yeah, well, I would love to. We'll do the, from age 19 on. Yeah, we still want to we have to have a part two next time you're in New York. Yeah, well I would love to. We'll do that from age 19 on. Yeah, we still want to hear the come up and all that stuff. This is so fun, you guys just let me tell you about myself and you let us make fun of it. It's a perfect combo. You have a nice studio, your studio is definitely not garbage.

No, no, no. Shout out to the Patriots. And it's, yeah, I appreciate you guys. Thank you, buddy. Thank you a lot of fun. Buddy, we can't thank you enough for coming in. Gang, the special is Working Man. It is out on Netflix right now.

It's in the top 10. Do yourself a favor, get over there and check it out. Dusty, anything else you want the folks out there to know? Website dates, anything. Well, all my social media is at Dusty Slay. My website is dustyslay.com. And so everything's there. I have a YouTube, it's fun.

I put a lot of content on YouTube, a lot of stuff on Instagram. Those are my two favorites. I mean, I'm on all of them, but those are my two favorites. But, you know, so I'm active there and I will comment back. If you say nasty things about me, my wife tells me I got to stop doing it. But I respect it. But I can't stop. I try to not be like really like nasty because I don't want to make myself look bad. But I do try to get witty with it and really nasty because I don't want to make myself look bad, but I do try

to get witty with it and just be like, why are you being mean to me? Like this one guy just commented on a dales. Man, you can take a guy out of the tall grass. And he just, he's like, well, it's funny that he said this. Now that I'm on this podcast, he goes, this special was literally garbage. And then he goes, I had to turn it off after six minutes. And I just was like, why are you watching garbage

for six minutes? You don't have to have some respect for yourself. Top 10 on Netflix, baby. How about that? Numbers don't lie. But then the guy starts lecturing me. He's like, oh, you have a Netflix and I don't. Just laugh about the comment. I'm like, you just said really mean lecturing me. He's like, oh, you have a Netflix and I don't. Just laugh about the comment.

I'm like, you just said really mean things about me. And now you're like, hey, dude, don't be reading these. You know what I had to go through to get to this? Yeah. Buddy, thank you so much. You got to come back. Yeah, of course. Thank you, guys.

We got to have you back. Next time you're in town, for sure. We love it, man. Kibby, what do you got for him? We are planning the 2024 tour. The only date on sale right now is New York City Town Hall on May 9th, get your tickets, they're moving quick and the AYG card game all available at rugarpage.com.

We love you gang. Dusty, we love you buddy. Yeah man, appreciate it. Thank you so much for coming in. Thank you, I love you guys, I appreciate you having me. Gang, we love you and we'll see you next week. Peace! Peace!