Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Eleanor Kerrigan!

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast presents stand up comedian and podcast host Eleanor Kerrigan! You know Eleanor from Stand Up Comedy, The Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony w/ Tony Hinchcliffe, Tiger Belly w/ Bobby Lee, the HoneyDew Podcast, Skeptic Tank w/ Ari Shaffir, The Ringers and her new special "No Country for Old Women" out tomorrow! Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast. Come to a live show! Through the Roof Tour Tickets: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Liquid IV: https://www.liquid-iv.com Promo Code: Garbage This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, the 2024 Through the Roof Tour is just a few short weeks away. Grab up to squad, come out and see the boys, stand up comedy show, then we play Little AYG with the crowd. Great way to introduce people to the show. Yeah, first leg we got, we got Charlotte, North Carolina, Nashville, Tennessee, Tampa, Florida, and Atlanta, Georgia. Tampa, that is the only show for Florida we have on the book, so if you're in the area, get your tickets.

Let's party RUGarbage.com. Let's go. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.

This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. So that little show, we sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find it after you're up to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Garbage.

I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She was eyeballing our guests as you walked in. Said they had a little beef back in Catholic school. You're a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She was eyeballing our guest as she walked in. Said they had a little beef back in Catholic school. Sure, a little flour. Keep an eye on her. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.

He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin, James, Ryan, everybody. Look at him. Oh, shucks. Thank you.

What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you're right if you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. Truderov! Cookin' baby! Boilin'!

And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. So that's RU Garbage, you go over there, you get a bit of a trillion hours worth of content. Also all tickets for our tour are on sale right now at rugarbage.com, get them gang! Check them out gang, come out and see the boys and have a nice quick shout out

to our producer, Extraordinaire. The old magic man makes us all look good works to ones twos threes fours He crosses T's and he dots eyes give it up for T bone Mcscruff ins Toby McMullen everybody. Hey pal. What up boys. What up T bone? I'm stoked. Oh, yeah, we got someone We got what we got a comics comic A legendary person in the space. We got a slam dunk in here. I got an open and shut case on my docket right now. I was checking the cloth and it seems like you're cut from the same one.

Gang, the long hair ain't lying. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. She's a very successful, very funny, standard comedian, actor, and podcaster. You might have seen her in, but limited to you got entourage you got women of wrestling you got dice you got bill burr presents the ringers

Howard Stern the church of what's happening now WTF Tiger belly lights out with David Spade the comedy store the Joe Rogan experience she has not one but two amazing podcast she's the host of the comedy store podcast and what's up doc she's gonna be at the mothership down there in Austin, Texas, March 8th through the 10th. Make sure you check her out and she's got a brand new special coming out tomorrow, March 1st. No country for old women over there on the comedy store YouTube page and she is a South Philly native. Give it up for the one the only Eleanor Karrigan everybody. Let's go. Let's go

Waiting for who else was coming in It was he Man your accents already back We got another jerk wolf coming in here. Dude, this is fucking bullshit. I can't hear. This is ridiculous. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Oh, man.

That's the real deal, folks, right there. That new accent is going to come back. I'm going to sick in myself. Every one of my cousins and aunts. Who do you think you are? Are you kidding me? You're kidding me? You's got to be kidding me.

You moved up to the Northeast and you get real hoity toy. Yeah, you're all up in email. and you get real hoity toy. Yeah, you're all up in email. She's got real real Monday Tuesday vibes. But he give us the back story. We know you're South Philly native, but tell us the whole story. What's the origin story about? My dad, brothers, dad, both of those excited about it. I'm not just a circle jerk. I'm sorry. Is this a clean podcast? I know you're talking to me. I got to ask. I got to ask.

I got to ask. It's out, baby. I got to ask you. I haven't heard circle jerks since eighth grade. Holy shit. Oh, how do you guys come? I, uh, it's going to get dirty. I love you.

I love you. The sun's still out. And, uh, I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach.

I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. How do you guys come? I, uh... It's gonna get dirty. I love ya. Here we go. I love ya. The sun's still out. And, um, no, so, yeah, grew up in South Philly. My mom had two special people. Two Irish come together.

That's a crime. You can't double down. You gotta mix it up. You gotta spread them up. Here we are with skin cancer. Bloodline's too pure. You gotta step on it a little bit. You can see it, the bloodline. That's how pure we are.

But yeah, so. Brother's sisters? My mom and dad, no. They were. They just said they were Irish. I never said they were from Jersey. Whoa. Yeah, hit Jersey.

But yeah, so yeah, I have nine brothers and sisters. Holy shit. Pure filth. You did crazy. Wait, you're one of nine or you have nine? I'm number eight. There's 10 of us. Yeah.

You're number eight on the back end on the young end or the older? Young end. How do you? That doesn't make any sense. What kind of math is that? Is that suburb math? Oh yeah, you do.

You do doobel math. Damn, you're from Bluebell? Yeah. Oh, shit. OK, nice. My friend just bought a house there. I'm like, oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

I had to delete her number. Nobody came up here and told me. Excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. You have your back up when you hear suburbs. Oh yeah, she goes, we got a pool. I'm like, go fuck yourself.

I'm sorry, the community pool wasn't enough for you. When they fill it, it's nice. If they clean it won't, it's not bad. All right, so nine. So yeah, so nine brothers and sisters, but the weird part is we're only 15 years apart from eldest to youngest. Jesus.

Yeah, no pulling out. My dad won at 12 and I always do this as a joke, but it's true, but like he wanted 12 kids. And then after Tanny, he probably was thinking like, oh, this is a lot. So he left, he left and he went on again. He left your mom with 10 kids. That's crazy.

I know I shouldn't laugh, but it is kind of funny now. I mean, it's fucked up. Dude, that's a war crime. Oh, yeah. One time this guy came out of my, she needed a plumber or something. So she came, my mom's, I know the accent's gonna come back, because I've been hanging out

at my mom's house a lot right now. And she's in her 80s, so I go help take care of her. But this was years ago, she needed a plumber. so my little sister was like oh look up she called somebody from the neighborhood they came over like oh my god are you carrigan are you chile carrigan and my mom goes I have my my he was my husband like she was she's so polite my mom sure you don't know she's from South Philly. She's so polite. I'm sure I could tell, but yeah. Tell your closer. Yeah, she'll fuck you up. So she got that estimate for the plumbing job. Well, on the exterior, she ran the Navy yard for you.

Like, she's just class, right? She gave birth to all garbage. But so whatever, the guy comes in, he's doing it. She goes, oh, he goes, oh, Charlie Carrigan, he's the best. I love him. My little sister's sitting there, the guy's going on and on about how great my dad is. And my little sister goes, yeah, well,ion, he's the best. I love him. My little sister sitting there, the guy's going on and on about how great my dad is. And my little sister goes, yeah,

well he left her with 10 kids. What's the bill? Oh, right there. Let's talk turkey, all right? Wait, so did he stay in the neighborhood? Oh, sure, only a couple blocks over. Wait, what? We would see him.

Oh, dude. Hey, dad. You're kidding. No, like, we were on 18th Street. He moved to, what was he on? 17th? Well, that's not that far. Yeah, dad. You're kidding. No, like, we were on 18th Street, he moved to, what was he on, 17th? Well, that's not that far. Yeah, that's great.

Was he around? Like, didn't he? Yeah, he owned a typewriter store, so I'm wealthy. No big deal. This was in 2002, by the way. Anybody needs ribbon? Look, it's full of stuff. He didn't close till 2008 or 2009.

He really hung out. Oh, yeah. Wait, did he so? He's my favorite material, because he's insane, like literally. Would he come to like, was he co-parenting? No, that's a weird word. That's a weird word for leaving us. I didn't learn that until way later, like, oh, you could co-parent.

That's weird. My mom would use him like, don't make me call your father and we did we were like don't all right Don't call him because he was maniac You know when he left me and my brother Billy who are Irish twins were very close in age We were celebrating upstairs. We were like oh yeah, and we were like seven or eight I luna takes out of the house because he was a marine So like if you ran up the steps, he'd make you walk up and down a hundred times.

Or if you slam the door, you'd have to do it a hundred times. Like fuck this guy. The only thing he was good for was us stealing his cigarettes when he'd fall asleep on a couch. That's not bad. What brand are we talking?

Tarryton. Whoa, I don't even know what that is. Here's, wait, you were ripping heaters at seven? Hell yeah. Nine. No, no, no, nine. I was nine when I started. No, I apologize.

I'm a little classier than that. Calm down. Nine years old ripping stingers. But I would steal from my brothers. So I was little so I could sneak there. And if I had my hand in the cook, because he was sleeping on the couch. So I would put my hand in.

And if you woke up, you'd be like, what are you doing, girl? I'll be like, ah, looking for quarters. Probably a light sleeper being a marine. Yeah, I would give the cigarettes to my brothers. So I was there, you know. How big of a house was this? It's a row home. So like three bedrooms?

Two and a half bedrooms. Two and a half bedrooms. My mom says it's three bedrooms. I'm like, if you call that a bedroom. I know, I've slept in that bedroom a bunch. And then this bitch, she put a canopy bed in there because it was, the girls would sleep in there. And so you had to open the door and like.

Like the door hit the bed. Kind of jumped in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then if you hit that net, you were fucked, you know, because it had the canopy. Sleeping in hammocks and South Philly. All right, hold on. Break this down room-wise.

So. How many bedrooms was it? Two and a half, two at three. Two and a half bedrooms. And one, one and a half bathrooms. It would be considered like a, like an off, like a very small off. There was a time when you were all living there together,

right, there was all 12 of you. There was all 12 of us, a dog and my mom, my older brothers, like their friends would get kicked out of their house a lot. She would take them in. Absolutely. Where were you sleeping? Then break that down.

This is a problem. So once my dad left, my mom was like, all right, a little room. So. Woo, finally. Thank God. We can breathe for a second. No, once my dad left, my mom gave up,

they had the big room, if you will, the front room. So, and we were all jammed in the back room. Like, I was supposed to sleep with my sisters, but I went to bed, so they kicked me out, whatever. So you were on the floor or just, are you with the boys? Yeah, I was on the floor in the boys' room. And then we moved to the big room,

and my mom had a triple bunk bed, a double bunk bed, and a single bed. It's like a goddamn hostel in that motherfucker. And a mattress that pulled out underneath, that was mine. No shit. Yeah, it didn't even have the wheels the trundle This was just pull it out. It may or may not have a sheet on it No, so how many girls are in that room in the big room just me and my brothers six brothers And there was seven of us in seven of you sleeping in the big room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah, people are like what's wrong with Eleanor come over Oh yeah, it was terrible. People are like, what's wrong with Eleanor? Come over. Shit. Stop lying. You slept with six boys. Say hi. And then how many girls were in the girls room?

So two in the girls room, Karen and Kathleen, my two older sisters, and then my little sister. She was like three when my dad left. So she didn't know what was happening. So she latched onto my mom and she slept with my mom until she was 18. Sorry, I didn't mean to out her, but who gives a fuck? She was.

What's her, what was he? She wasn't getting gizzed on, I was. What was he, Eid? Edy. Edy, Edy. And Eid. And Eid, yeah, we ain't Eid. Yeah, we ain't Eid.

She was three when your dad left. Yeah, three, yeah, two, four. And what was she smoking back then? She, she was just, she was three when your dad left yeah, what was she smoking back there? She was just she went right to coke She was the 80s she was like, oh, let's do it. So what did your was your dad financially supporting you guys? It was like a tree house that he would hang out in. I only went there for the stories. Like, he would sit there with the,

because we had to work for him every day after school. So he wasn't like, gone and gone. Oh, so you did see him and all. Oh, yeah, we saw him. But I wouldn't call that co-parenting. No, I understand. Like, literally, there was times like me and my brother Billy were in there and we'd just get bored.

No one's coming in. So it's the 80s and it's dead, you know? And so me and Billy would be bored. My dad's a marine. He's got get bored. No one's coming in. So it's the 80s and it's dead, you know? And so me and Billy would be bored. My dad's a marine. He's got fucking grenades. He's got guns. I think Marines just have it. What?

Those things in South. It's not a base. You don't know a lot of Marines. They just were fucking crazy. He made his own platoon. It's crazy. This guy fought in Korea. He was out of his fucking mind.

And what, okay. So we would find all kinds of shit, right? So we would just through this typewriter store, look all kinds of stuff up. One time we- He's probably with the trip wire. We knew where everything was. We knew what everything was.

One time this big guy comes in and he goes, where's your father? And I mean, Billy were like, oh, he's still on the street, which was, that's what he meant. He's on the street, not he's homeless, meaning he's working, but he would go from place to place to fix typewriters.

Sure. You know, who still has. On the road would be a better term on the street. He's on the road, he's out worried. He's out doing cold. We always come in on the street. Yeah. Because your third bag, no? I don't know what to tell you. He's on his street again. He's out on the street, but he wanted me to tell you,

he's not here. In the field. That was a masterpiece. What do you want me to do? He's not here. So me and Billy were like, yeah, he's not here. In the field. Oh, that was a masterpiece. What do you want me to do? He's not here. So me and Billy were like, yeah, he's not here. And the guy's like, he just starts cursing at us. Like, crazy, you tell your effing, bop, bop, you fucking following this, that, and the other.

And I'm like, me and Billy, and this guy's giant. And we're like, all right. So my dad comes in, we're like, dad, dad, sky came in. And Billy's got his hand over the gun because we know where everything is. So we're like, we, dad, sky came in. And Billy's got his hand over the gun because we know where everything is. So we're like, we'll just shoot this fucking guy. I have to shoot him like 10 times, but we're gonna shoot him.

And that's what we were thinking because we're sick, dirtbags. You sure? So the guy's like yelling. So we tell my dad, he said, oh, this, we're saying F this and the F word. Because we're young, but meanwhile we're saying it this and the F word, like cause we're young, but meanwhile we're saying it.

Yeah, you're smoking cigarettes. Yeah, I got you. We got our cigarettes hidden. You're holding your grenades. You believe this guy said the F word? That I was a good girl, I didn't even pull the pen on that thing. I was being real good.

Such a good kid. But anyway, so he goes, call him up, get him back in here and and I was like oh, okay So I called the cuz they wrote the guy's number down sure I call him up He comes back in me and Billy he goes you two stay here. We usually when my dad comes in we leave Okay, the co-parenting we got he comes in he goes We basically just had a leap we were his answering machine. And so he didn't understand machinery at all. That was too technical.

So anyway, so the guy comes in and my dad gets the 45, puts it in this guy's throat, literally picks him up and he's got the gun and he's like, you cursed in front of my kids? And I'm like, that's not like that. Like, whoa. That's what he's mad about. You cursed in front of my kids.

You came here trying to kill me? You say. You cursed in front of my kids. Cursed in front of my kids. He came here trying to kill me. You say enough bomb in front of sweet little Ellie. Poor little Ellen, she don't curse. What kind of person are you? She's not there yet, but me and Billy were in shock. Geez. I want to say we were nine and 10,

like around the same time he left, like we were both like just in shock and he's like, you apologized to my fucking kids. The guy's sweating And we're just what might we never heard my dad curse nothing. We've seen him shoot at people, but he don't curse classy and Seen him shoot it Did you not hear that crazy? Gentlemen at the end of the day is a classy guy

But yeah, so I mean and what at that time started coming off at was his life like like was he did he find someone else or was he Another family sugar mama. Yeah, he's still with her. He's still with her. Yeah, so he went lived with her Yeah, and would you guys go there at all or no? No, she didn't like kids She didn't have any and sometimes we go in the house and you could just see her Flustered because her house was like so neat. And here come the fucking terroristic. Go fags, yeah. Just filled.

My brother called me pig pen for years cause I didn't like to take baths. I didn't know I was a girl. Like I was so bad a boy. Like one time a kid said to me, are you ever gonna be a girl? And I was like, What's that mean?

Yeah, as I'm standing here, literally in football pads. With a football helmet. Blue 42! I have a fucking quarterback. I'm like, will you talk? What are you, a jerk off? Like, don't I have a good arm?

You were the quarterback? Oh yeah. Where? For the Eagles. It was the season they had the walk-ons. The Eagles would only be so lucky. That was not the fuck. Let me tell you something.

God, this thing popped out properly. I could give Tom Brady a rum for her money. Trust. Trust. That bitch. Wait, go back. No, yeah, I played football. I didn't know how to be a girl.

I used to take my shirt off and put it in the back of my pants when we were playing stickball. Like, topless. How is the topless? Yeah. Eight, nine. Eight, nine. Yesterday.

Spring break. The games were packed. No. They were like, you know what, this is what, I would tug McGraw, you know, like the Phillies have to go and like hang out in the inner cities. In the inner city neighborhoods. Right. So, man, the poor bastard that pulled that card to go hang out with you.

The other side of us is the projects, the passion projects that are like, ah, we'll just go to Barry Play playgrounds right in the middle So they come to Barry playground now. I'm an amazing athlete You call anybody about the biggie they'll fall can tell you and so Stopless So hitting Homer stop us. Yeah, I'm a fucking monster. I just picture the front office of the Phillies Be like you gotta get down on your project. It's broad topless. We're can't out hitting dangers You know, we got to get her the seventh inning stretch Wait, so I was good. You're insane. I wanted to be Mike Schmidt. I just have better

What an idol for a nice little girl. I Just want a mustache like Mike Schmidt I just have better I just want a mustache like Mike Schmidt. I used to go to Mike Schmidt had a hug Mike Schmidt had a hoagie place in my In my hometown. Yeah, I would go. Yeah, I would be so jealous I never got to meet him. It was very upsetting because that day I was like if Mike Schmidt's calm He's going to see that I'm him right like I'm so excited I don't know ten nine ten somewhere around there eight nine ten Kim let's talk about that liquid IV not the liquid I visible it's not just for working out I could tell you that gang of booze bags you had a rough weekend do yourself a favor chase away

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for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash garbage today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash garbage. Do it gang, now back to the show. Back to the show. Cause it all blurs together cause we had to grow up so fast. Like I still think I'm that age.

Yeah, to start pulling guns on people. Yeah. That is, it was working security. Wait, so Tug on that age. Yeah, to start pulling guns on people. Man. That is, it was working security. Wait, so Tug McGraw came, did you get to meet him? So he was one of the people that were there, right? And I got my, I got my, at that point I cut my ponytail off because it was giving me a headache in my helmet. So my hair is like, like you.

Like you. That's not good. That's a rough looking little girl, dude. Like you and that's not good. That's a rough-looking little girl We're there letting us have catch with them so the guys that ran the playground they were like I like they let a couple carragans and they usually don't because we're wild But because I was such a fan they were like all right guys sure so I go in and I'm throwing the ball with tug-and-graw And I'm throwing the ball to him and he goes, damn this little boy's got an arm and I'm like, fuck yes he does. That's all I ever wanted.

Put your name young man. You know my Schmidt bitch. Hook me up. So the carragans were feral cats in the neighborhood. Oh, 100%. How could they not be? My mom had to work a full-time job and she always worked for the Eagles in the Philly. She was a beer girl so she worked for Nile on for years. Yeah she always she'd be running to work like

from her day job and like trying to feed us and no help from my dad no money nothing so she had to work 50 jobs if you will. I started working in fourth grade so you just you want money you want something go get it yourself. So we were like always working and she would be late for like an Eagles game or something she'd be running and at half time but she goes I always knew I was really late because I see dick for meal running around remember he used to run around I don't know if you know that but he used to run around that stadium before every game that was his like warm-up and she goes and she won by him and she go hey dicky

with her nylon apron f flapping, poor thing. Back to the guy with the gun that was head. Okay. What did he do? Did you ever find out? He apologized, no. But I don't know what happened. We don't know that part, but he apologized to us

and then my dad said, hit the bricks and we left. So we didn't see the end of that. It's at the bottom of the fucking scoogle. It's none of my business where it is. I'll tell you that. Oh, no, mine are all those. And neighborhood, neighborhood girl. When did you see, you saw him popping off shots at somebody? I'll tell you that When did you see you saw him popping off shots at somebody no, so

This is crazy too because this kid's nail a cop. Listen everything you've said so far. Sorry is crazy They we didn't even get into the tiger yet. All right, go. Let's do this know what that means I've been doing this show for four years. I don't even know what the fuck that your mom and a tiger in the house Wasn't her it was our neighbor. Anyway, so. We'll get to it. So go ahead. So we, so the kid was acting up and the parents were both locked up at different times, right?

Okay. So now the mom's out and I think the dad had just gotten out or whatever, so the kid's acting out, right? And the parents even though they went to great people nice people very nice people and I don't none of my business what they went to jail for I never asked so they asked my dad you can really keep your mouth shut can't you? I never asked that ain't my business what happens in a household happens in a household

just look the other way it's not not your problem. So what he was sheathes turning back odometers. That ain't my problem. It's the poor fuck who bought the car. Yeah, you know him? And, uh. You're fucking crazy. I can really see you. It's so bad.

Sewing up a wound in a kitchen. 100%. We've done it a million times. I don't know what you're saying, but yes. I don't know how you can see it. I thought I washed it off, but all right. You used it a piece of yarn? Yeah, yeah. Oh my god, if my brother Charlie was here, he'd be like,

oh my god, that's the knife. The fact you got a Charlie family. That's not Charlie. That's Charlie. I think it's a very Philly, New York, say Charlie. Charlie. No, Charlie. No, Charlie.

I just sent him a package and I put CHOLIE, just a piss ball. Charlie. He goes, you don't even spell my fucking name right. And I'm like, you say, he goes, Charlie. I go, is it a spelled right? No, Charlie. Sounded it out, prick. And so.

Okay. Okay, so, wait, now I forgot what we were talking about. The kid whose parents were in jail. Oh yeah, yeah, okay. I think he get shot at by your dad. For trumped up charges, by the way. It's a bullshit charges. So my dad, they ask him, they love my dad.

Everybody in the neighborhood loves my dad. Except your mom and you guys. We're a little pissed, but everybody, you know that Irish that does for everybody outside, but not like inside. Yeah, they're fucking crazy. My mom's the opposite of that. She's a hugger, she's sweet, she's nice.

She kept us. Anyway. Thank you. She didn't give us away, thanks mom. But so my dad brings the kid outside, handcuffs us, and this little fucker was on Ruelly, cause at this point I'm in high school and we had our, you know, St. Maria Garedi uniforms on

and he would come in and lay on the floor and try to look up our dresses. We beat the fuck out of them ourselves, but now my dad, they got my dad involved. So my dad handcuffs him to a pole outside and then he's shooting around him. What did he do? He was just sticking his head up girls' dresses. No, but other stuff, the family stuff was having trouble with him. What did he do? He was just sticking his head up girls dresses.

No, but other stuff, the family was having trouble with him. So the family asked my dad to- Hey, come over and scare the kid. And discipline him. My mom did that with my uncle, and he came over and he gave me a stern talking to. He didn't chain me to a basketball net. Excuse me.

Bluebell. The Zari. Sorry, we're not blessed. Sorry, they don't got fucking utility poles in Bluebell. He handcuffed the kid to a telephone pole. Excuse me Sorry Utility poles and he handcuffed the kid to a telephone pole. Yes was shooting rounds around accidentally hit his hand So Nobody press charges I will tell you that but he's a cop now Whoa I can tell you that. But he's a cop now, so now he does it to people. Okay. Whoa. Okay.

But one time, again, I tell these stories on stage because it's like my dad, you know, but I walked into the typewriter store after school and I'm in my uniform, I got my books, a bag, whatever, you know, probably cigarettes everywhere. And I walked, at that point, I think my dad knew I was smoking. I don't know, but he didn't really discipline us that way. So I walk in and he's cleaning out a rifle.

And I'm like, hey dad, don't shoot. He's like, hey girl, hold that pencil up. I bet I could shoot it out of your hand. I'm like, what are you fucking high? Geez. So I did it. Well, what are you high? Who does that?

My dad's gigantic. So I held it up and he cocked the rifle and then he fired, I threw the pencil. And then I dove under a tight breader because I'm thinking, that's cast iron, right? That's bull, I don't slow it down at least. I literally like, I remember like checking like, fuck, did my dad just blow a hole in me?

Shit. I literally was like panicked and I hear him laughing. And then I was like, what remember like checking like, fuck, did my dad just blow a hole in me? Shit, I literally was like panic. And I hear him laughing. And then I was like, what the fuck was that? And he goes, ah, I just wanted to see if I could shoot the pets. I got you, I shot you with blanks. And I'm like, blanks.

And of course in my act, I'm like, now he's shooting blanks after 10 kids. But he did, he's like blanks. Fun trick, dad, thanks. Oh, he did it in front of a boyfriend one time, this close with a 45, and my boyfriend was like, this is uncomfortable. He's a bumbling, who does that?

That's my joke. There you go. That's pretty good, man. Shoot blanks at people. The poor bastard who's crazy. You can see the fire when it's close like that. You're like, fuck, dude. That's how the guy died in the grove.

Oh, yeah. But that was a real bullet, wasn't that was blanks oh wow you can really kill a guy with blanks yeah I'll tell my dad he's like come back I'll shoot you again girl okay all right quite a out of the gate. Seems classy so far to me. I can't really felt. By the way, this is top notch. I don't know what you're saying. We're very respected where we come from.

Nobody talks shit. She shouldn't have been running your mouth. There's 90 of, did you all go to Catholic school? For the most part. Did everybody graduate? Got kicked out a lot, didn't graduate. I shouldn't say a lot, only two didn't graduate. High school.

Yeah. Jimmy and, Jimmy, my brother Jimmy's amazing. Like he can build anything. Like if you give him four things, he'll build you like a fucking jaguar. Like he's insane, right? But he never went to school to learn how to do that. He just has that.

Figured it all out, yeah. So in high school, he was really bad and he just had no interest. So he would detail all the teacher's cars and they passed them. You guys are movers and shakers too. So that's how he got his high school diploma, but he could do anything.

Like, you know, he just, a lot of things. Did he work it off? Don't ask him any deep questions, but he could do. Did he work it on a motive after that? No, he installed computers all over. Like he made good money, he makes good money, Jimmy. He's great. Okay. He's got two kids. he made good money. He makes good money, Jimmy. He's great. He's got two kids. He makes good money. He does well. He makes good money. Not in my business now. That's a very southfilly thing to put the name. No, to put the name at the end of the sentence. Anybody else would say Jimmy makes good money. He makes good money, Jimmy.

No one files a serial number off him. His son is living my dream. He's a baseball player. Oh, no shit. Oh, yeah. He played from Minnesota Twins for a little bit. And then, uh, yeah. He's got a ball player in the family.

There you go. Jimmy Kerrigan, the best. Right now, he's playing in Australia. He's loving it. Nice. Awesome. Look at that. So he's so good.

But every time I, he's like, Anna, I want to come hit with me. I'm like, yeah, of course I do. But now I'm not good at throwing. Yeah, Jimmy pitches to him. I don't, he don't let me do it anymore because I hit him with two pitches. I got a wild arm. I mean, that thing starts humming.

Ain't no telling what she's gonna do. And a chip on her shoulder for crabbing the plate. I might spit ice, yeah, right? This whole fucking chip. I started on third base, I ended up on first. You know what I mean? Jimmy Carringer or not, I own the inside of that plate. I started on third base I ended up on first How are you in school? But I couldn't detail cars

I got left back. You got left back my friend. He texts me all the time He's like remember when you drove us to eighth grade? I'm like, oh, fuck yourself. I didn't get my license till later. I mean, I figured you stole a car or something. I didn't think you were dumb enough to still be that 16. What grade did you get held back in? Fifth grade. But what happened was a political smear job. Listen, they set me up.

It was a fucking setup. No, I'll tell you, it's very simple. So when you have seven older siblings, they have gone through this school and have put the teachers into a fucking panic. And I'm number eight, and this woman is shaking by the time she gets to Kerrigan and she's like, fuck. She had a mole this twat, her name was Miss Hep.

I hope she's burning in fucking hell this twat. She had the Bob, that crumb Bob that like, crumb is a big filly where you know that, right? Yeah, a crumb is, you could get killed for that in my neighborhood, crumb is the lead. You could call them a motherfucker, coxer, you could call them a crumb, they're coming at you. If you have an eye problem, that's another one,

they're coming at you. Curses don't bother people, it's specific. Sure, things would hurt you. What do you mean an eye problem? What do you got, an eye problem? They're coming at you. Oh, staring, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I always got coxer. Can I help you with your eyes? Can I help you? Yeah, that's another one. I remember some older kid went, what the fuck are you looking at? And I was like, oh fuck. It was in a wall parking lot.

Oh shit. He was talking to my boy. Oh shit. And he goes, you got a fucking staring pro. Dude, this kid would have fucking rocked me. And let me ask you this. Were you? I always got caught.

I just stare off. Were you looking like, oh fuck, he's big or whatever. Not like he's hot. No, I wasn't even looking at it. I think I was just, I remember he was getting in this real shitty car And I like this guy's acting real cool to be getting into this fucking piece of shit, but it wasn't I was just assessing I was just shocked at his character He was like Johnny and I think he said one love or something and I was just like yeah, I was just staring

Not like you piece of shit, you know, yeah, I don't want the smoke I'm no character at the end of the day. Oh, yeah, the Kerrigans love sure so they help Yeah, gun smoke cigarette You know I heard I heard not too long ago, which is I think it's a very it's a very filling thing was my My cousin said the girls in that family are tough. Oh, yeah I don't think that anybody should know. There shouldn't be enough data to come to a hypothesis about that.

Dom Irare always says, the only caring brother I'm afraid of is Edie. And... Shout out to Dom. Yeah, my little sister. He loves my little sister. But she will, like, she don't realize her strength and she'll grab you and you're like, ah, okay.

Did Dom's from South Philadelphia? Oh yeah. Did you guys grow up together? No. He's older. He's 75, but thanks a lot. I know. Could you put this light a little brighter?

I'd like to see. But he knew you. No, I didn't meet Dom until LA. All right. Out of it too perfect. Yeah, well, let's go to the fourth grade, Ms. Hep, because I hate this whore. And I think this is how I used to hit so well,

because I used to picture this fucking trot. And I would see her flying. And I never had to run around the basis, because I would hit it right in the bus barn. So I could walk. I knew it was out. So I would just walk around going there, she goes that fucking trot.

Look at her fucking wart. So this is what she gets me. See, let it go. Fuck her. Still in there. Trauma comes up. That's betterhelp.com. Sure. Go check it out if you're a South Philly lunatic. I tried it, they told me we're good. Ew, we can't. No, I'm just kidding.

They hung up on you. They hung up, they're like we're good. No, but so anyway, so I'm in her class and I already, my friend Frankie got arrested so we were already, he was good. No, but, so anyway, so I'm in her class and I already, my friend Frankie, got arrested, so we were already, he was a good kid and she put me next to him thinking he'd be, and I made him a bad kid, you know, of course. You guys are like, you guys are like,

tics, you get in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like the nuns used to say, empty barrels make the most noise. That's what they said about me all the time. And I was like, wait a minute, what? Anyway, I'm fine. So, she got mad at me and she put me

in the front of the class. She never gave me a test. And I was embarrassed to tell my mom, so I barely did homework. She wouldn't let me, she didn't include me. She only participate in anything. From Jump Street. From, I swear it was the third or fourth week.

But wouldn't she be getting you back if you got held back a year? No, she moved me up. That's what I'm saying. So I got to fifth grade knowing Jack. Shit. So it was an inside job. I was in fourth grade.

It really wasn't inside. It's true, you got to the fifth grade and got stuck. I'll tell you this. These are nuns, we're talking about. No, this was a lay teacher. Okay. This was a lay teacher, it was a twat with the hair. But she, my mom, I finally told her,

cause she's going, what is going on? Like, you know, I see you got straight Fs, that's normal. But what? That's good. You seem a bit down. What you never do homework, now then what is going on? So she went in and complained,

and she was like, what is that? And I go, mom, she doesn't let me, and my mom thought, this is her eighth kid, she's heard every fucking story. She's, she don't believe all word I say. Then she goes and talks to this teacher and she realizes, oh, this lady's fucking crazy. And then my mom went further,

found out she didn't have the proper teaching credentials and by the end of the year, she was fired. Whoa. Don't fuck with big money. She'll the end of the year she was fired. Whoa. Don't fuck with big money, she'll come out. That's her name. Yikes. To Mops money. But then you still got in the fifth grade,

you didn't know what was going on. Right, and so that was a cluster fuck and I was just like, you know, wearing a helmet. I wasn't playing football this time. And you failed fifth grade. So they, the only way, they said, we'll try but you're probably gonna have to get let back. So I did, and I was humiliated,

but then I met some of my best friends. So it's fifth grade, you're young enough to kind of get through it. Yeah, by high school nobody cares. But my anger was through the roof, so I was just, anybody that said anything, I was just knocking them out, I didn't give a shit. That was a problem.

Did you fight a lot when you were a kid? A lot, a lot. Probably still fights now, what are you talking about? I do not. I try not to. Did you take the SATs? Okay, no, I just ask you. What's all these words?

No, I did. No college. Not good. I did, I went to Temple for- Hey, to you. Hey, for a couple semesters and that was good. That. You went to one semester. Yeah, and then I just flipped out I was like, yeah, I was again the fighting. It was just like it was just like in college You don't even have any idea. Yeah, I in college. I'm doing I was a theater major

Okay, that's what I wanted to do right so I'm doing theater in North Philly in a Fila suit. Do you know what I mean? I'm doing Shakespeare. Yeah, what light through your honor window breaks. Well, I was one of the witches and the lady, I swear to God. Yeah, where's Rosencrantz Guildenstern? She goes, your accent is so thick. It's crazy. We can't understand you.

I'm like, it's Shakespeare. We can't understand you. I'm like, it's Shakespeare. Nobody can fucking understand it. So she made a language. She made me take American standard English. Okay. Because she said I barely spoke English. So I did and then I practiced. That didn't work.

I'd be like water. But at the time I was life guarding at that playground, Barry playground, it's a city pool. That was what I- It's court order probably. I did that, I think when I got my work and papers I was 15. So I started working there. My sister was the head lifeguard.

Then my little sister did it like we ran that pool. That was our pool for years. So anyway, so I was working there. Such a weird point of pride. We ran that pool. I bet it was awesome. Snack bar? No. No snack bar?

That's wrong. It's like a jail, dude. We did have a water ice truck. There was a commissary. Yeah. He was serving up knuckle sandwiches. There was a water ice truck that Don Julio ran. Fuck you, Don Julio.

Every time I went through, he goes, where did you get this money? You just steal it out of your mother's wallet and I'm like, how'd you know? Shit. You got beef with everybody. Do you like anyone? I love Don Julio, he was the best. But he would like give kids that he knew like,

didn't have money. You know like, he was a sweet guy. But he would break balls, it's funny. It's like this guy in a water ice truck breaking balls, giving pretzels out But but you had to pay for it wasn't like free or anything, you know, whatever. It's a city pool I think I'm soft pretzels were all Unbelievable that was old school federal pretzels. It was federal Street pretzels. You ever have those no big difference between federal Street pretzels and what is it called now Philly Prattle?

Philly Saw Prattle company. Those those aren't the ones of the 90 or like you know back then. They changed and they changed in the 90s to be they're different. They're not what they used to be. They're just different from. If you have a federal street pretzel, which I believe you have to go and order my sister always comes with a case and I'm like, what do you got a fucking connection? They fill up a truck. She always finds it, but it's not easy to get them.

Is what I'll, like she has to go on lot, like search it out, call order, advance. We ship them to people, you know, cause it's exciting. My uncle lives in Florida and he loves pretzels. Kicking his hands on the good stuff, then. But anyway, so I was practicing my American standard English in a South Philly pool and I remember like walking around and I'm watching the kids and it's packed.

Good day, sir. It's packed. It's packed. The pool's packed and I see this kid, Mikey Cavela and he's hitting somebody and knocking them under the water so I blow the whistle, and I'm like, Mikey, get out of the water! And I said, get out of the water!

And he goes, water! What do you have to fuck a stroke? It's like eight! I was like, you little motherfucker, get out of the water! And I had to go right back, but it would catch me off guard. Because there you're like, oh, I better say it You got it. Yeah, I gotta say it the way the correct way in the neighborhood Yeah, but when I first said water and I said it loud

Oh, yeah, and I remember they all just looked and Mikey was like what are you having a stroke? She one of us. How the fuck does he know what that is? Okay? Yeah, that is a typewriter typewriter store A lot of kids. Yeah, this is nuts You're at the pool every summer typewriters with your problem. You have a problem by dowry Was there a vacation situation? I'm just no no no at the pool. Yeah the pool and I will say this my mom I guess she got one week off. Mm-hmm at some point or maybe a few days, but my her sister had a house in Wildwood There you go shout out to the hood baby. I have thought we'd eventually get dead sure here's the problem

She had ten kids to Jesus. That's 50 kids and I had a football team That's crazy It's a football team. That's crazy. It's too football team. My poor grandpa. My poor grandpa. That's a game dog. No, yeah.

We got it. I still want to fall for it. God damn Super Bowl. And let me tell you, those kids were bigger. My cousins, the lambs, got loved. Did they live down there? We were all very close, though. Did they live down there or they have a house out there?

She used to live in Yaden, and then they moved there. I believe once their youngest got out of high school, they moved. Yeah. What other carragans were in the neighborhood, not in your immediate family? Were there were there more? Yeah, but they were suburbs. They were out by you guys. They were out in the birds.

Yeah, like Tom's River. No, that's the other way. But yeah, Tom's River. Okay. I used to think my uncle Tom owned Tom's River. I didn't know. And Delaware, Delaware. And was there anybody from your mom's side of the family in South Philly?

No, they all left. Everybody left. But my mom, because my dad left her like a dick, she couldn't pull up the bootstraps and get that kind of money. So we just kind of stayed. But my mom still lives in the same roll home we grew up in really and everybody lives up the street or around the corner the only two that left her man little Jimmy that are you know work they're all still in the neighborhood

yeah that's right hidden how old are you the first time you left Pennsylvania oof high school so what's at 17 18 where did you go left pencil I mean you can see a Florida you didn't make it the journey Well, I mean, yeah, I guess I consider that sure. I guess I was thinking getting on a plane. Yeah I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Sure. Yeah, but at that point There was a part of me that thought she didn't even make it to Jersey No, at that point I think I only been to Jersey in New York like I didn't even think of that but you're right

Yeah in New York in high school. We used to go clubbing like we would you know, I have my sister's ID. She's 10 years older We look exactly like I'm not sure who that's a compliment You would leave on Friday night and go up to New York and go club. Oh, yeah It was great. Yeah, we did all dumb stuff, but then we go to Wildwood and do what was that one none of this? But then we go to Wildwood and do, what was that one? Kovatas? You remember Kovatas? No, Kovatas. Kovatas, what are you talking about?

In Wildwood. Wildwood. I think we were 14. What, in the 80s? Probably. Yeah, I was like 11 years old. I'm not clubbing that a while. Excuse me, pussy, we were already out.

We weren't swimming in our pool in our backyard, cock sucker. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha at the pool, right? Like, and it's a community pool. So he had to climb the fence, and he climbed, and he jumped from the fence to two foot of water. Missed, hit the side, then went in the pool, nearly drowned, but crippled himself. Fucking idiot. Yeah. I'm just like, who's gonna clean the pool? We gotta go swim anymore.

I hope you're gonna clean the fucking pool out. You weren't there for that. No, no, we were kids at that point. Allegedly, this guy clean the fucking pool out. You weren't there for that. No, no, we were kids at that point. Allegedly this guy had done that. We were on big wheels at that point. But we saw more on big wheels than you'd see. Sure.

But I was talking about the tiger, my friend Frankie. He got in the tiger. His parents were divorcing and they were going through that, you buy him this, I'll buy you that, you know, that kind of. Sure. And I don't know what his father did, it's none of my business. That would never, nobody would assume it would be your business. Nah, that's what I could ask.

So, he got a tiger, and so we had this tiger in South Philly that we would walk around with. His father bought him a tiger. And yeah, I see your faces, I get it. I mean, a baby tiger. Yeah, and he was like, you can only keep him till he's like three years old or something We're like was that rule that a thing like we didn't know Well here his mother it was the mother's friend had the tiger and it was ripping up her furniture, so

South Philly That's all right a tiger a baby tiger in South Philly. Hold on, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. She goes. I'm sorry, a tiger, a baby tiger in South Philly in the 80s. Tremendous. I mean, I don't know if you can top that. Well, wait, so we, she gave him the tiger because she was in an apartment. She goes, he needs more room. So they put him in a row home.

That's a fucking apartment with a flight of steps. What are you talking about? It's smaller than some apartments. Sure. And, and Frankie had dogs and cats So it was a bad. It was the key word. Yeah. Well, they had to get rid of a lot of things But we what that time my brother Charlie we used to call him jungle book like he was the He's the guy like he that tiger loved him

So Frankie had trouble with the tiger he called make Charlie come over the tiger would calm down one time we were walking on like to manji in there Yeah, and his cousin VJ shout out to VJ. We're walking him right what a rabid squirrel fell out of a tree and started fucking biting him and VJ let go of the tiger. He's like ah The tiger is just running down Moyni men's Street South Philly Oh you men say you're like oh my god, and I'm like, oh, what? The squirrel? Oh, shit. The tiger. And my brother's child is just like, like Tarzan and somehow caught that fucking tiger. Do you remember the ones that escaped on the freeway or on the expressway and feel it? Like somewhere in the suburbs, they had to give him to them. I wanna say that was Elmwood Zoo in Norse Town.

Something, no, it was a sanctuary kind of thing. Okay. It was like a private. How big did the tiger get? Like a small dog or like? They got rid of him quick before it got much. Right, deadly. I wanna say it didn't, I mean, I'd have to ask Frankie,

but I wanna say it didn't last a year in her house. That's a long time for a tiger. I mean, I'd have to ask Frankie, but I want to say it didn't last a year in her house. That's a long time for a tiger. I mean, in 15 minutes. Well, you can't take it away from a kid. Dude, being in the same room with a tiger for an hour is way more than I ever was. I would assume he was adorable. We loved this tiger so good.

So sweet. Didn't know what it was. Sure. Had no idea what it was. It's playing with dogs and cats. Till it learns what it is. And then all of a sudden it goes like this to you and you're like, oh hey, hey, Chow,

wanna get that fucking tiger? You know, we loved the tiger. Get your tiger, dude. Okay, what was Chris? It's like you and Mike Tyson have that story. No. That's crazy. I know, what if we play with Mike Tyson's tiger,

he'd still have it. Yeah, but he at least had a cage and a giant owl. Yeah. Wasn't it a row home in South Philadelphia? Almost street. Listen, Tiger, you can live here, but you got to do the dishes if they have to rent. Don't fuck around.

No friends. Where's Split Household here? When my dad goes out on his street, you got to cover the typewriter store. Don't touch a grenade People put them in the back room once we found them anyway with a live grenades or like hollowed out none of my business But yeah, it's not in my business, but they were live He also had like a lighter like that he hollowed out like that you know

I put a lighter in there so he would scare the shit out of people, cause they knew he had a live one. They knew he had live one, so he'd fuck with you and then light your cigarette and be like, God damn it. Different time. Where were you, where were you food shopping? Where was your mom food shopping? Well, she loved the Acme cause she's bougie.

The Acme. The Acme was a thing, but like, I mean, I'll go way back, pen fruit was like a cheaper, like a shop right kind of thing. I don't remember being. I think it turned into a shop right. I don't know. Hey, do you remember Joe Carcione? Sounds familiar.

With your tip grocery? Oh yeah, the green grocer. The green grocer. Joe Carcione on ABC News. We call my little sister the green grocer. I don't know. These guys don't remember it. I remember them when I was younger.

The green grocer. Yeah, Joe Carcione with your tips for today. And then we had, it. I remember it when I was younger. The green grocer. Yeah, Joe Cartagione with your tips for today. And then we had, this was in grade school because that was such a big hit that this guy would drive by and he had fruit and he'd just sell it out of a truck. Yeah, my dad used to. And he would yell and we loved it was our favorite part of the day because he'd go, like that South Philly accent yelling like a barker.

Oh my God, it was our favorite. My dad worked at Philadelphia Naval Base and on Fridays he would come home with. He knew my mom. Yeah, could come home with fruit from somebody in a truck that's full of fruit. Unbelievable too. This little Italian guy was just

and he yell it over to speaker with an accent, tremendous. But my mom worked for the shipyard commander. She was his secretary, so she was like, high up. She loved him, she's like, oh, a man in uniform. Philadelphia Naval Base. They had a ton of ships down there. Oh yeah, yeah. Did your mom ever date again?

She did, and the poor man. That's a lot to get into. God rest his soul. Tiger crawling all over him. Trying to put a move on him. My mom's trying to get into. God rest his soul. Tiger crawling all over him. Trying to put a move on him. My mom's trying to get laid. Where are you going to take him? Like at the house?

We're all over the place. Sure. This guy, one of the neighbors used to call us in again, out again, carry him. Because he didn't know who was coming. He's like, you guys should get a revolving door on there and just go in and out. Because I mean there were so many fights between us like as siblings. I just picture like that dust ball with arms and legs flying out like that was like out of Karrigan's or out of it again. If I saw a cartoon that made sense to me I was like oh yeah yeah that's how it goes or if you

open a closet door and everything falls out we have that. What was came with the house. So you shopped at the ACME. Yeah, my mom, we would go all the way to 3rd and Argon, because that's where the Acme was at that point. How was she feeding you? Here's my favorite part of Tomop's money, which is her nickname. She never got a license, so we'd have to drag that fucking thing.

That car, the old woman city car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And from 3rd in Oregon. That's a hard one. To 18th in Oregon. Son of a bitches. And, but my brothers would drive, Jimmy would drive,

Jimmy was driving since he was like three, I think, I don't know. Did the family own a car at any point? My brother Jimmy had a lot of cars. He got one when he turned 16 or whatever. But my dad had cars, my dad, yeah. He was giving you a bank account when you turned a certain age and a car.

Your dad was. Yeah, this was, and then he left, so we were like, he took the car back from Johnny. Oh, so for the first couple, really? Top half. The first couple got a couple hundred bucks and a car, to be like, okay, here you go. We got nothing.

The top half got, if we tell family stories, they're like, what are you talking about? they're like, what are you talking about? We're like, what are you talking about? Yeah, suck for us. You guys killed it. You guys got shit. We didn't. Like, Charlie and Down is the cutoff work.

It's usually the opposite of that. It's usually the older generation, you know, the older brothers and sisters. Yeah, well, he left us though. It's rougher and then they make money. Yeah, they make, typically it's like the dad makes money later on. Right.

And the kid has a better- That didn't work out. No, a flip flop. He got that sugar mama going and uh... Huh. Shopping at the Acme. It's like the dad makes money later on and the kid has a better- That didn't work out. No, a flip flop. He got that sugar mama going and- Shopping at the Acme. But, oh, that was the other thing. So my mom-

I literally feel like I'm talking to my aunt right now. It's crazy. She goes, my mom got my dad, like she was arguing, like you have to help, you have to help. Financially, she was just drowning. And so he was like, fine. So he gave her, I remember remember this this lasted about eight months He gave her a hundred and ten dollars. That's ten dollars a kid

At plus her at to feed us So she would stretch that somehow and she would go to the Acme Let's just say she went on a Sunday the food was gone by Tuesday. Of course your animals So you gotta go to the entire now What was it? What would we eat like what was a normal breakfast? Whatever the fuck was around sometimes? I was very skinny kid Had to keep that athletes for right But I don't want to bulk up plus my brothers would do this because you guys are probably pieces of shit like this too

because you guys are probably pieces of shit like this too. I don't know, these assumptions are rude. You know what I'm saying? So they would like, one time we had two hot dogs, right? And- For the ten of you? No, no, no, this was me, Billy and Bobby snuck down. My mom would really go to sleep when she went to sleep. So we were night owls.

We would wake up and go down, fuck around all night, especially in the summertime, it was terrible. So we would go down and we would just just we would play hockey outside like crazy stupid but if my mom woke up we were fucking dead and so people would just look out the door like fucking carragans you know just shut the door you played street hockey in the middle of the night middle of the night nobody no cars, it was great. It was great. Screaming. Screaming at the top of their lungs. No, we would be quiet. Telling buses to go fuck themselves.

For the folks that don't know, these streets are very narrow and there's two rohomes. Well, we were in our defense, we played in 18th Street, which was a little bigger. It's not that much bigger. And the buses didn't come down, 18th Street. Go for you. Sceptic was on the other side of us.

We lived on a real nice street. It was real crazy. You lived where the buses won't come. You're on the wrong side of the tracks. But that's what I'm saying. So there wasn't any cars. So we would have a blast. So this one night.

A lot of women could really slash a guy. Yeah, we could fucking kill each other. But this one night, we were hungry. So Billy goes, you're the girl. You have to make the hot dogs. So there was only two hot dogs. And then we, you know, did, I forget, rock, paper, scissors or something

for whoever gets the hot dog. Cause there's three of us. There's two hot dogs. So I won and Bobby won and Billy is a terrorist. And he is like, I'll figure out how to get both those fucking hot dogs. Watch. So me and Bobby have weeks. Don't mix. We're not.

So I boil the hot dog. I do the whole thing. I jazz it up. I put it on the plate. I find mustard, ketchup, whatever we could. I get it all ready. We're about to eat it. And Billy goes, be careful guys, you know, don't bite a vein.

I go, what? He goes, yeah, that's a pigs dick. You guys are eating. And me and Barbara, I immediately, like what? Sure, I kind of just did it a little bit in my head. I haven't had a hot dog since. I got hungrier. Now these pig dicks.

So I was like, really? Yeah, I don't eat rice. He told me that they're maggots. They're gonna come alive in my stomach. Jesus. And then he'd eat the rice and he goes, yeah, but I'm a boy, it's different. Yeah, I don't eat rice. He told me that their maggots they're gonna come alive in my stomach And then he'd eat the rice and he goes yeah, but I'm a boy. It's different Science I don't know what about dinner What would you like would your mom have a dish that she made like a meatloaf? But it's funny cuz like when it got later like when we all grew up moved on whatever

She's still cooked like we were all there does that sense? Like she didn't know how to measure smaller. So yeah, she was great. Like she, meatball, she was a terrific cook because her mother learned from the Italian neighbors how to make gravy, marinara, whatever you want to call it. What do you call it? Gravy or sauce? Sauce, we say sauce.

My mom, my friends will be like, we're having macaroni and gravy. I've heard that macaroni and gravy. It still sounds so good. It's so good. Macaronis. But yeah, she made meatballs that were to die for. And then my aunt Joy too, she did it.

So it was like, like New Year's Day was our big food day. Cause they're parade. Shout out to the mamers. Right? Two streeters. We'd all meet at my grandma's house, everybody. Even my dad's side came through because they liked my mom so much.

My dad didn't come through, but the brothers and my cousins. That is such a fucking specific Philly. Oh, absolutely. South Philly's specifically vibe. A South Philly house on New Year's Day, Mummer's Parade. She's a couple blocks off abroad and this is when they went all the way down abroad to Argonne.

Man, they're talking who's winning, who's this? That at some point it's rigged, dad, they're gonna give it to them. They're not gonna get, oh man, it's the cops or everybody's just, it's just the fucking, just the meatballs, the crock pots are going, it's fantastic. We'd wait for them to get real into their, like the adults get real into it,

and then we'd all do the Irish goodbye and go to my mother's house, because it was empty and just party like crazy. Yeah, yeah, of course, it's great. Ruin everything. Man. How do you feed 10 kids? It's not easy.

I think about it all the time. Now my mom's older and her memory's a little messy, How do you feed ten kids? It's not easy. I think about it all the time. Now my mom's older and her memory's a little messy and so I'll be talking to her and she'll look at me and she'll go, oh honey remember when you didn't have anywhere to sleep? Like all of a sudden all this stuff's like guilt. And she's like you used to walk the halls and say mom where do I sleep tonight? And I'm like, mom, that's awful. And she goes, but we got through it.

And I'm like, yeah, well, I really didn't. I had a lot of fucking scars. You know, your sons are filming. That shot me. Jimmy Zanay is so. Oh yeah, my oldest brother, Tommy, was super creative. So he would like, he loved like Alice Cooper and David Bowie. Anybody that had fucking makeup on.

So he would, they were crazy. What a South Philly analysis of musicians. It's creative. Anybody that had fucking makeup on is dude-like. Like say, what's wrong with the stains? I swear to God, everybody had fucking bizarro shit. And then he would act out, like Alice Cooper's

Welcome to My Nightmare, the whole fucking album with the makeup, blood, we're like, and he's like, that's our bedtime story. He was the boss of us. So, and my brother Johnny for his wedding, that was their walkout music, Welcome to My Nightmare. Jeez. Cause it's embedded, we're fucked up cause of him.

Man, I mean this is a great album though. This is a great album though. I mean if you're looking for some face melt riffs. Listen, when you're eight years old and you know the words the only women bleed, you're a fucking monster. You're a real one baby. I mean I got, I don't even know what to do here the answers yes She said it sister I mean what questions We didn't get to and I mean do you know how to work a forklift

We're still at like 15. Did I do a forklift? I don't think so, but have I been on one? Yeah. Sure. I mean, you know. On the fork part. Were you packing your lunch when you were going to school? No, they were all stealing all the other kids. Yeah, probably knocking over the vending machines.

No, that was a weird time, but also I'm a little older than you guys. I'm just, lights will tell you. We went home for lunch. Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even with the kidnappers, we went home for lunch. Oh right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, even with the kidnappers, we went home for lunch. Nobody wanted you, we were talking about it. I don't want nine other carragans chasing you.

I go, mom, what about the kidnappers out there? She's like, they don't want you. I was like, oh thanks. You got a tiger with it. At least you get your own bed or something. Yeah, we did, we would go home and then a lot of people would come to our house for lunch, not because we had food, because we had cigarettes and we were just wild.

Just dumb shit. What was the first concert you went to? I've never been to a concert really. I, as an adult, I mean we would listen outside, we'd have money like that and I'm claustrophobic and my first experience- Wait so you go to the spectrum and like stand outside? Yeah, so I and like stand outside. You stand outside the spectrum. Yeah, of course.

We'll listen to it. Well, somebody opens a door and you can't hear me. Well, you could sneak in there really well. Sure. We did. We got locked up in there. No, vet stadium. We got locked up in there.

You were in the jail at vet stadium? Well, because we broke in. It was a white collar crime. It was no, by the way, there was no game going on, no nothing. We broke into skateboard around the ramps. I kind of always wanted to do that because you'd see it from the outside. It was a big circle and the ramps went all the way around it. We had a fucking good time in there.

Yeah, yeah. And they caught us and put us in there just to, you know, it's the sweat box, just to scare ya. Yeah. I mean, we got arrested a lot, but like, and we're not, I don't wanna say it was like, like charges brought against it, it was dumb shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, you take it back home type thing.

Right, and so we were breaking into U-Haul trucks, and I remember, that's nothing, but, right. No, I'm saying that you, I mean, we would hang out. That's a crime. Oh, sorry. I think we're boosted stereos or something. No, no, no, no, we would just open them and sit in there and like do dumb shit, hide our cigarettes.

We didn't realize, oh, people are taking, we just thought they were sitting there. I'm like, nobody ever rented a U-Haul truck. How many times would you say you've been picked up by the cops when you were a kid? Like two, three, 10, 12? Did the cops know you? Yeah. Eight-ish. I'm thinking of, yeah, a few. Did the cops know you? Yeah, eight-ish.

I'm thinking of, yeah, a few. I don't know. Eight times. I'm five. I'm half full of times, I'm gonna say. Handcuffed? Handcuffed only once because it was a fight and I do black out, so they couldn't calm me down.

And then my friend Franny went and got her mom and she pretended to be my mom because there was no way we were calling my mom, who was probably working somewhere and then her fucking idiot child just got into a horrible fight and nearly killed somebody outside of Methodist Hospital. At least there was a hospital there.

Hey, you got that, Gelfrey. I do, blackout. You could just get us out. Man. I'm working on it, fuckers. I see red. I just imagined some. Man. I'm working on it, fuckers. I see red. I just imagined some detective going, I'm working on it.

Those Kerrigan kids don't break. Yeah. Yeah, as I said, because this is one time my brother, Charlie, he preferred drinking to driving, so he picked one. He allowed do both, so he picked drinking. But one time his friend Like he had to move his car. So Charlie was like alright. I'll do it in him And I used to call them Cheech and Chong his friend Albert and because they were always higher drunk or something

So I picked up on that up. Thank you So Charlie drove the car and he hit a flatbed like how do you hit a fucking their hue? Yeah Gigantic hit a flatbed and he's like you don a fucking gigantic hit of flatbed? And he's like, you don't know what happened. I'm like, no, you don't know what happened. That's crazy. Yeah, you were able to hit that.

But like he just walked away. He walked home and the cop was like saw him walking. She goes, oh, it's a carrigate. Like it's Charlie. Like she knew, she went to the house. There was no cameras back then. She went right to the house Knocked on the door and Charlie just looked at my mommy goes. I think I'm in trouble

But so they were always at the house, but this one time I remember that and we were little they picked us up And my our good friend Dante had just moved from Italy there So we were like, oh, we'll teach him America right arrested We took him we got arrested go back to his mother's house his mother comes out So we were like, oh, we'll teach them America, right? Watch us get arrested. We took him, we got arrested. We go back to his mother's house. His mother comes out.

She's really tall. She's like six foot, God love her. And the father was like 5'10, amazing couple, my favorite people on the planet. God rest their souls. And so they, but they lived a long, long life, God love them. And they were so sweet, funny, but they get mixed up with Everybody so sweet God love them and they didn't commit that crime that I know

It's a fucking lie It's an inside job that whole family was rats. They're all rats Cock-Suckers not Dante. He's not a rat. He's a good guy. Yeah, obviously. God bless. We would never say we would never I never insinuate that they were rats I would never it's a sin and a shame it's a sin and a shame that's what my grandma would say about like an ugly baby it's a sin and a shame you see the fucking baby

it's a sin and to shame. How ugly, huh? Man. But anyway, so Dante, so the cops pick us up. They know us at this point. They're dropping us off. So they go to Dante's house first, drop him off his mother comes out. She's cursing an Italian hard, hard.

They barely speak English. Dante and his brother Rosario just immediately became friends with the Karrigan. So we're all hanging out, we get them arrested they're in Philadelphia for a week probably we get them arrested and so she comes out she goes in mediguns I go pill I think she's talking about I think we're the spit in the ground I think you're looking over your shoulder.

It took us forever to get it. I think she likes us. I don't speak Italian, but I think she likes us. Shout out to Dante. He's a good guy. Aw, man. I mean, I mean. They all still live in the neighborhood.

We're all friends. Like when I go home, I see nothing chance like going back in time. Real quick, where are you living now? Where are you at? I live in LA still, but I go to Philly. I go to my mom's house probably every two weeks, three weeks. The most I'll stay away is like my mom.

I haven't seen you up here at the club, it's working. Yeah, because. Yeah, I do move my mom into each other, yeah. I come on this side to help out. Would you say you've shaken some of your garbage roots? Where are you shopping now in LA? But don't look now. She's got a gun pointed out of the table So play it cool big man. If you want me to keep my I don't do kegels for nothing. What do you think's the gun?

But yes, so In LA, I just shop at Ralph's. Here I shop at the Acme still. I'm still in Philly at the Acme. I go to the stores for my mom, like it's when I'm a kid, I go to the same butcher. They got my picture of. Do they? Oh, you got your picture of a butcher? Dad's stuffing shout out, yeah, yeah.

Wait, you got your head shot up. Yeah. It's called Dad's stuffing. Dad's stuffing in South Philly is so good. And your head's Eleanor. What year are we talking head shot? Oh, yeah. Or like recent.

Now, this is like when I was acting. So it's 20, maybe 20 years. Because I started the comedy thing late. Sure. When I moved to LA, I got a job at the comedy store. Waitress there for 12 years was the owner's assistant for like five of those, five or six of those 12 years. So, you know, I was always in comedy,

then left and came back a year and a half later as a comic cause one of my best friends passed away and he was a comic who used to say constantly, you should be doing stand up. But I was like, oh, Misery loves company. You're just a fucking lonely comic that wants everybody to be miserable like you. And now I am miserable.

It's quite the rise. Thanks, buddy. Quite the rise of Eleanor Kerrigan, if you don't know. I mean, that whole story, you are a comedy store legend. Yeah, I love the comedy store. It is my home, and that's why I did my second home. Like, you know, when I go there, I feel like I'm on a corner in South Philadelphia.

It's because we always, you know, Steve Simone. Yeah. The great Steve Simone always labeled it as the land of misfit toys. And we are, we didn't fit in anywhere else. Like down the street was like Needle Maher. Like we didn't, the Laugh Factory, that was like the, we didn't fit in there. We didn't fit in at the improv. We were fucked up and we all fit in at the comedy store.

That's why there's a certain group that are comedy store comics. Cause we're a little, a little off. Well, last time we were out last, I saw you out there. We were there, you know, that the bar drinking and I hear, what are yous doing? I turn around and I'm like, oh, there she is. How you doing?

I'm hanging out on the street. What are yous doing? What are yous out here? Gang, the special is no country for old women over there on the Comedy Store YouTube page. Check it out. Do yourself a favor. We're talking about an absolute killer.

Eleanor Kerrigan. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. And at the end, if you can make it to the end, I'm sure, I hope you can. But I do tell stories about the Comedy Store and how I got in there. Love it.

And wrestling and all that bullshit. Unbelievable. Congratulations on all your success. Again, Mothership, the eighth through the 10th in March. Go down there and see her in Austin, Texas. Love it wrestling and all that bullshit and unbelievable congratulations on all your success again mothership The eighth through the tenth in March go down there and see her in Austin, Texas. Thank you Um, I just got to say this we've had some Do I get a pen or something? Give you a restraining order. What do you talk about?

We've had some people in here that have like, you know, you broke the game and you're the tra- I mean, I don't think. It's crazy. You're, I mean- What? How fucking insane- What's not going on?

There's gotta be other people that are fucked. You gotta come to the comedy store a little more. Unless we have your brother on, I don't know who's gonna top it. They have called in. One time I was doing, we were doing a live podcast, the comedy store podcast at, oh, was that festival, Phoenix?

Moon Tower. No, it was in Arizona. It was a festival like ATC, all things comedy. Okay, okay. All the ATC did a comedy festival in Phoenix. And so we were doing, we're telling all these crazy comedy store stories that are even worse than when I grew up stories.

Like in saying crazy story, you've had Ari on. Yeah, but see all those stories are coming from multiple people. Yours are all you. You see what I'm saying? It's like, yeah, there is crazy stuff that happened, but these are all your stories. So I think we made it to where you were like 16.

Yeah. Are you aware of what you just told me? I'm not sure. I don't go to therapy on purpose. We gotta have you back, obviously. Yeah, let's do it. But I'm saying like, those stories, like telling those stories, the comedy stories, too,

is a whole other fucking life. But we were doing this live podcast telling dumbest stories. And my brother Billy called, and I have him in my phone as Fredo. So everybody's like, you got to answer that. And so Billy's like, who's this? And they're like, you have to hang up. Like this guy's scary.

This guy's not happy to be part of this at the moment. What are you talking about, Montespey? What is this? I'm on a radio? Is it a joke to you? I don't want to be in the movie. Nah, Eleanor, we're Hollywood friends. Call me when you're with your fucking normal friends.

I was like, oh my god. And my friends, Jeff Danish and Ryan O'Neill, were both like, Rick Ingram, my co-host was like, yeah, just fucking hang out. But I'm like, yeah, yeah. Wrong number, we gotta go. Prank caller, prank caller. Ladies and gentlemen, Eleanor Carrigan.

Yeah, love you, guys. The one, the only Eleanor Carrigan. One of a kind. Oh, my God. No, yeah. Gang, check out RUGarbage.com for all tickets to our shows. We want to see you out on the road. We love you.

Thank you for the support. Gang, we love you. Check out Eleanor Special. Check her out at the Mothership. Check her out on tour. We love you. We'll see you next week. Thank you. Peace.