Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Emma Willmann: Dome Person

Episode Date: September 23, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Emma Willmann. Emma unknowingly drops a bomb about the house she grew up. It's bonkos. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows Merch: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Laithwaites: Text GARBAGE to 64-000 https://www.ButcherBox.com/GARBAGE https://LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey, Texas, New York, Philadelphia, take the Jolly Ranchers out of your ears and listen up because the Keep It Moving tour is coming your way. Yeah guys, it's a stand up show when we play AYG with the audience. It's a good time. September 22nd, we're gonna be in Houston.

And September 23rd to the 25th, we're gonna be in Austin for the Moon Tower Comedy Festival ever heard of it. Then Dallas Fort Worth on September 26th, then we're bringing it back up North, baby. September 30th, we're gonna be in Long Island. And then, what are we doing? We're going home for cheese steaks.

Whiz wit, baby. October. Cheese steaks and vengeance. October 27th, we're gonna be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. Get those tickets, they're gonna move fast. I'm telling you. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians

are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Sure is. A little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they go to be classy.

Yeah. Or just a big old piece of trash. Oh yeah. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here at Entity's basement. All is quiet. She's down at Casino there, not in Vegas or the shore, Pennsylvania Casino.

She likes the slots. Sure, who doesn't? I think she's mixing a mingle with one of security guards over there. Oh, she's got the hots for a guy on the floor. Yep. So if you see one of those metal detector wands on the kitchen table, do not be alone.

Don't go upstairs. Don't go upstairs. No, if you see the room rocking, don't come knocking. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is the COO of Are You Garbage. He's the fall guy, basically, when the feds come knocking. Strong man, baby.

Give it up for Kevin James, Ryan, everybody. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are true to real.

True to the fucking roof, baby. It's cooking. And then I would be, like I've said many times, it'd be a fucking jerk off if I didn't bring up the greatest website of all time. Cheers. Salute to you. Dotpatrion.com slash Are You Garbage.

Check it out. Get a shit ton of bonus content. AYG, hard feelings, live streamed. You know the fucking deal. Why am I telling you? Go check it out. You love it. We love it.

Thank you guys so much. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer. Extraordinaire, the magic man makes us all look good. Look good. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Mr. Tooby McMuffin. What's up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? Ooh, a rare H-Fully stumble on the intro.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir, I'm human after all, ladies and gentlemen. You know what I mean? I'm not Superman. Although we do have the same body type. Anyway, gang, we could not be more than a speeding bullet. I'm fatter than an apartment building. Able to eat whole sandwiches in a single bite.

Gang, that's neither here nor there. Don't listen to these bozos. We got some star power in the fucking house today. We could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest. Old pal. Here with us today for the first time, she is a very funny stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster.

You have seen her on The Good Fight, crazy ex-girlfriend, viral beauty, clash, crashing, two girls, one show, my crazy love, deadly affairs, a glorious at midnight, night train with Wyatt Scenic, the mystery hour, this week at the comedy cellar, the late show with Stephen Colbert. Ever heard of it? I have.

CBS, we're talking network here, baby. Hassan Minaj, adult boy. Of course, you've seen her on the comedy line-up on Netflix, and she has an amazing podcast called Inside the Closet that you got to check out. But the big question, but it's mine today, is she garbage? Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever,

we have a guest that is missing a tooth. That's how we're doing it. I didn't notice. Maybe Stavros, maybe Stavi was missing his tooth when he was on the pod. I knocked it out. Emma Woman, everybody. Oh, yeah, thank you.

I knocked it out just for the show. I wanted to, I was trying to get booked. I'm like, who do I got to punch around here to get on? Are you garbage? He's a method actor, I'll tell you that. He's trying to get a high score. I didn't know that. I thought that he just had a space in his teeth.

I didn't know he was missing a tooth. Am I an idiot? Oh, no, he's been missing. Stavi's been missing a tooth for quite a long time, yeah. Okay, I guess I didn't clock it. He's got the fake one that he puts in. Okay, there we go. Like on a retainer or whatever.

I want to say, as a friend of yours, to defend you, ladies and gentlemen, normally she's not missing a tooth. Obviously, she's very well put together, takes care of herself. She works all the time, but right now she's in the middle of a little dental snafu.

Little dental snafu. It's gonna be strike number one, unfortunately. And also, so I had the temporary tooth that he had. And when I got, when I had the first, when it first got like, they knew that I wasn't gonna be without tooth. Is that what they say without tooth? That's not what they say.

What was it? Because I remember you got veneers. I had veneers six years ago, I got veneers at a place called Harlem Dental. And the place was great. People are like, did you get bad veneers? No, the place was great. He did let me pay cash

and come in at weird hours and got a steep discount. So maybe, I don't know. Jesus Christ. So I got, I got the veneers there, but they started popping out this summer. And then fall off. So you still have them? Are they in right now? So the ones that popped out, they reapplied.

But what happened with this, the one that's missing, the tooth under it broke. And I went into the dentist and they were like, did you have blunt forest trauma to your face? And I was like, What the fuck is that? You can hit with a baseball bat at any time. Is that a thing okay?

Miss woman, do you owe anybody money currently? And I was like, I didn't. And then I remembered that I actually had punched myself in the face, doing a boxing class. And so the nurse left and I was like, Hey, you know- How do you punch yourself in the face in a boxing class? I was doing this move where you like warm up like this.

And I remember just kind of looking over at the instructor and I popped myself in the face. Jesus. Did on the Oscar De La Hoya. Yeah, you just see the other guy. But I, so I did that, broke the tooth. Then they gave me a temporary one like he had and I lost it twice.

Like a temporary cutter. One to pop in and I lost it twice. So I'm so mad at myself and it's so expi- I was so- Where are you taking the tooth out that you'll lose it? Man. Cause the only correct answer is you take it out maybe when you brush your teeth or something.

Yeah, that what you would think. That was the plan. So the tooth's not coming back. The tooth is completely gone. The tooth is done. Does it look like it's coming back? It'll be back fully any day now. That's every night I go to bed, please.

Hey Emma, keep drinking your milk. Look at that tooth's gonna show up again. Well, good news is with my baby tooth. It's not working. I'm gonna get a dental implant, but then the tooth got infected and it was just like this whole thing. But where I lost it was I had been in Boston

and I had, I said, I'm not gonna lose this fucking tooth when I travel. So I put it in a special place and then I went and put the bag, this bag down. Out-to-it's box? Yeah. Pretty much actually. It was pretty much an out-to-it's box.

It was like a dip container. It was, I put it in, I might have actually been an out-to-it's box, it was in a, and then I put it in my bathroom bag and then I put that bag down and never found it again. Jesus Christ. I know.

I'm so angry at myself. I just don't wanna spring for another one. The thing is, so I am going to, because I was like, this is too much, because I was getting depressed, I was making me depressed. Sure, yeah. So not missing the tooth was making me depressed was,

it was so hard to get an appointment with the dentist I was going to and it kept getting infected. Turns out there was too much bone in the bone graft. So you're in nowhere near. That's where they dropped, that's where they growth down. I lost the tooth, I got a bad graft.

You got a bad graft. Do you got, how's your, I got a bad graft. Extra bone, yeah. Isn't that gross? And they were charging, they charge you for the bone. That's why. Sure, charge you per ounce, it's like gold. It's cadaver bone, they put, and I didn't know that.

Wait, what? I thought it was your bone, they take it from- No, I didn't ask, I'm an idiot, I didn't ask any questions. So you got dead guy bone on you? Apparently. I hope it's a human, could be a dog. I don't know, I don't know what's in there,

I didn't add, this is my problem. I'm gonna start- It goes back as a fang. I'll take anything at this point to be honest with you. I didn't ask any questions. Could you have any memories of the person's bone that's in there? It was fully, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got a hand cream for cheeseburgers. Somebody from the 40s or something like that. That's fucking nuts. You're nowhere near getting, you're nowhere to the point of healing where they can put the, cause they have to put a rod in. They gotta put a rod in,

luckily they put too much bone in, but the other bone's not infected. So I found a really good dentist yesterday. Actually, no, yeah, yesterday, and he's gonna do it in two months. So I'm in the home stretch and I'm gonna get a temporary tooth in one week. And what are they doing for the infection?

Does it all cleared up? Contagious. It's gonna burn that microphone. Yeah, yeah, it's cleared up, but it was just making, I was on really strong antibiotics. Have you guys had dental problems before? Not like that. No, I never had a cavity.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Have you? You're missing a couple. Oh, I'm missing teeth, yeah, but I never had the bone graft. Yeah. I was pulling. Yeah, well you never fixed it.

No, yeah, it was pull it and quit it. That was it for me. Where are they, no front teeth though. They're right here. He gets it. Whoa! He's lucky, he's got a lot of cheek that covers it. Yeah.

That helps. But when he smiles, I, from this angle, it's like the fucking holla holla. What happened is they were too bad. Nothing on that. I never noticed it. I've never noticed it.

No, you can't really see it unless, ah, I do that. But too bad root canals, but the story I tell people, so guys, don't say nothing, is that I got, is it exclusive? I think I might've mentioned in the podcast before, maybe in the old Patreon,

but now I'm letting it out now, so everybody keep their mouth shut. I tell people I got hit with a lacrosse ball. Okay. And that the teeth just eventually went bad and fell out. Yeah, but what really happened? I just had that shoddy dental work. Yeah, he's a dirt ball.

What the fuck? Why a lacrosse ball? I don't know. If they make them sound cool. Yeah, they can sound cool. I get it. Maybe I should do that. What could I say?

I'd be like, I was saving somebody. You were saving somebody. Yeah. It was the hurricane. You pulled somebody out of a flooding subway car. Get over here and they, they were, I had to pull them up and they bought me in the mouth.

And when you pulled them up, a little piece of their bone jumped into your mouth and got infected. That motherfucker. There you go. I still think you could say the boxing, just don't say you punched yourself. Yeah, don't say you punched yourself.

I'm an avid boxer. That's how I, that's how I keep a good body and stay in shape. Or mixed martial arts. People seem to be into that. They are into, that's a keyword. It's buzzword. I could say that.

Just say I got punched in the face. Don't say, ooh, just say I got punched in the face in a boxing class. Right. And I mean, it was pretty bad too. Cause it wasn't like I even punched myself hard. Like I was just going like this and I kind of looked over and was like, what happened?

Yeah, I didn't think he was a big power puncher. I nicked myself. Well, I wouldn't feel too bad about it because it could be, this is my professional dental opinion here. That's what I want. The tooth could have been going anyway. Maybe there was something wrong with the tooth.

That's what they said. They said it was already cracked. I was like, I would have been nice to know. They didn't, they withheld that information. That's all a skit. I just want to make money. I didn't know. Cause I'm from such a small town

like the dentist in my town. So nobody puts an extra bone by accident. Okay. That's on purpose. Well, they're charging you to buy per fucking ounce. They, this, so they, when they were doing the extra bone, they're, they originally quoted me at $1,400. And then while I was,

You have to put the bone in? Just put the bone in. And then while I was there, like, and they're like, the guy standing over me and there's a two dental assistants, they had the front desk person come in and they were like, actually it's going to be more.

And they changed it from 1,200 to, I think it was like 3,500. And I was like, When you're in the chair, like ripped open. And I was like, And then I was like, what do we do? And then they were like, they're like, that's how much it is.

And I was like, well, what are my options? Like, what, what happens if I can't pay for it? Do I work here now? Like how do, what do we do? Do I give you bone to give someone else? Like, how does this. Have they already started the procedure? Started the procedure.

So what the fuck are you going to say? That's what I said too. You don't go back to that dentist anymore, do you? No, I, no, I don't. Yeah. Did you give them the three G's? I, I did. What? I put it on my credit card. And this was the thing too.

I was like, I was like, You got you by the balls. What are you going to do? They get serious. Yeah. Yeah. You got you by the gums. You got you by the insizers.

Cause what are you? I was like, I'll find a way to pay for it. But what if, you know, what if I couldn't? What if I had like kids or something? They, they, they, they, a lot of places, not mortgage it. A lot of places finance it on their own. Yeah. They have a finance company that you can do it.

Right. Credit card guy pops up. You interested in the service. All of a sudden, you know, you're making fucking monthly payments to the smile cafe. Let me ask you this. Yeah. Did you, did they take payment right then and there? Yeah.

Like why you were in the chair? Oh no, no, no, at the end, at the end. And they did apologize. Cause I did a video, I was posting on Instagram about it, like what the fuck that was weird. And then they called and were like, they're like, well, we don't normally do that. And I was like, all right.

Yeah, well you fucking did. But you did. Yeah. Did you video down? No. Did you tag them in it? No, but I mentioned them and I mentioned the secretary by name.

Yeah. Fuck Shirley. Yeah. Fuck Shirley. Fucking bitch. But this is the first time I've ever had any, I've never had problems like this before. Have you noticed any people acting different

or being treated differently with the missing tooth? Yes. Because I think everybody knows you and it all takes us to like the fuck. I went, that'll work. So when it first happened, this was like really, it, when it first popped out, my face was all swollen. I ran into like five different comics.

I was like bopping around and. Yeah. What was up with that? You had like black eyes for a little while. That was when they, well, that was when the dentist and I just, we just had enough of each other. No, he was, I didn't make a payment. I couldn't make a payment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't play at Harlem Dental. This was, this place isn't, this place is in Gramercy, but they, that's nice. Yeah. That's why I kept staying there. Cause I was like, no, that's nice. It's like in Gramercy Park.

You would think. But. Actually in the park, which is a little bit. I was on a park bench to be specific. The pigeon working on you. It's, I'm just fucked up out of my mind. I'm like, this guy seems pretty good. They, I had, but I had black eyes.

And you know, I shouldn't have done shows those nights, but I didn't know I got a black eyes from him. And they were like, this is unusual. Yeah. How do you get black guys from. Ari had the same thing. Remember he said he got dental work done in Columbia or Ecuador or wherever the fuck he was.

And he came back and looking at hit by a two by four. Yeah. It's cause they've got you like open and they're doing the surgery. And it's all like. The blood rushing. It's all weird. I didn't, that I didn't even mind the,

in retrospect, I looked at some pictures. I was like, I should have stayed home those nights. Take the night off. But I don't think anybody you know is just, you know, everybody gets jammed up in those situations. Which almost isn't good that people don't. Like you kind of want to be the type of person that when people see your face all fucked up,

they're like, what is going on? You don't want to be, you know what I mean? You don't want that to be in character for you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Classic Emma. Emma walked into a wall again, everybody. Here we go.

They're not even blinking. But the, when my tooth fell out, the first five comics I saw, not the, it was, I said three white guys and two black guys and the reactions I couldn't help but do that social sample of the three white guys I saw. I was like, do my, do I look weird with this? And they're like, it doesn't even notice it.

And then two black guys I saw were both like, what the fuck? Like you got it. Oh shit. Oh, you got to get it together. Is everything okay? Yeah. Shrodsmall was yelling at me. He was like, go home.

And he's like heckling me out of here. And then I think I saw Todd Beren. He's like, I didn't even notice it. And I was like, what's going on? Wow. So what is the backstory, the origin story of Emma Woolman? I know a little bit. I know small town Maine.

Yeah, Maine. Yeah, small town Maine. Taking them there. Can either, I feel, I, Maine can either be like, you know, Waspy, very nice, or like so small town, super trashy. Or Stephen King's called a car, trying to kill you.

Yeah, he didn't get hit by a car. My stepmom was in that movie. What was his big one? Was it a pet cemetery? She's like a one little line. Your stepmom's in pet cemetery, really? Yeah. I haven't seen it.

Jesus, I'm the missing tooth. What the fuck, Emma? I haven't seen that movie. Trying to make an episode of this. Is it a good movie or a bad movie? It's good. Yeah. I remember it scared the shit out of me as a kid.

Oh, God. Yeah. I put eyes on it again. It doesn't really hold up. Right. I didn't see it. Yeah, she was in that for a little bit. But you nailed it.

My town was a mix of the two. It was 2,000 people in the winter. And then in the summer, it was a bunch of like really waspy tourists. My parents were like kind of, I would say, they were like waspy tourists. And then they were hippies and they moved there. My dad was a carpenter.

And then my mom owned a little blueberry farm. And they met when he had to fix her floor. Wow. That's like the most main story ever. Yeah. Nothing. It was a simple blueberry gal. That's how they met.

That's how they met. He had to fix her floor. That's what they're saying. I think they smoked a lot of pot back in the day. OK. Are they still? I don't know. I don't know about my dad.

My mom doesn't, but I would like it if she did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take the edge off a little bit. Take that. Because she's a good insomniac. I was like, would you consider smoking pot? And she was like, where would I even get pot? And I didn't know.

I got a little main. Yeah. She's in Cambridge, Massachusetts now. OK. Yeah. So did you grew up in this town in Maine? I grew up there. With your mom and dad.

Tell me, because I know the divorce now. Yeah, there's very divorce. They divorced when I was in third grade. Very divorce. So do I. That's the episode title, right? Did you ever live on the blueberry farm? No.

Maybe when I was a baby baby, but I have no memories of it. I did blueberry picking for two days. OK. Which is where you're like, it's back break mark. I didn't. Didn't last. Didn't last. I just sat down with my friend, Tron, and ate the berries.

And I'm like, you guys are fired. I didn't live on the blueberry farm, but we lived in this house my dad built. And then my parents. Built the house. He built the house? That's pretty classy. Pretty classy.

Geodesic dome. It's pretty cool. Geodesic dome? That sounds less classy. Wait a minute. Hang on a second. We got to grew up in a year. Quick.

No, Emma, please. It's a geodesic dome. And then he built this big extension on it. He's a math. Now he's a math professor at May and Maritime Academy. That's what you live? That's like YEPCOT Center. You didn't grow up in there.

No, no, it is that shape, though. It's a big geodesic dome, but it's wood. That's what he's pulling up. It's like a glass bubble. Wait, you grew up in a wooden house like that? In the. What, like one of these maybe? Yes, exactly like that.

You grew up in, this is what you grew up in. Yeah. What? Yeah. That's a McDonald's play place thing. That's fucking nuts, Em. It was nuts. It was pretty pretty, though.

Oh my god, Emma, I had no idea. Yeah. That's where they keep rock salt on the turnpike. Yeah, for the listener, yes. It's half Epcot, half where they keep rock salt on the turnpike. What? That's, it's like a big wooden golf ball. Yeah, it is.

The room, was it one big room? It was, the way my dad had, he had his office upstairs and then he built this giant extension onto it. So when my mom moved in, she was like, we got to make this big extension. So wait, that's what he lived in prior to your mom getting together. He built this dome.

I was like, I'm going to be a lady killer with this dome. I'm going to be batting them away. Well, they get a look at my yurt. And he, and he had no electricity before my mom. He was a hippie. Right. He was living off the land. No electricity.

No electricity. Damn. He grew up in Belmont, Massachusetts. And then he was like, fuck this. I want to go just like be off the grid, which now I understand. I want to be in the big cities. I want to be a yurt guy. That's fucking nuts.

Holy. Have you guys been to Maine before? I've been to, I've been to Bideford, Maine. Oh yeah. Bideford. Doing what? A friend of mine's family is kind of, you know, they own a bunch of stuff up there.

Cool. So we went there. Beautiful. It is beautiful. It's fucking crazy beautiful. It's so pretty. Not a main hotspot. Like that's like someplace that I, you don't usually hear people

say that's what they're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on. Back to the yurt. All right, back to the yurt. Let's not get crazy here. Kippy's vacation plans. I gotta, this is bonkers.

Did you have your own bedroom? Yes, I did. How the fuck have you never told us this? Yeah. I've known you for eight years. And you dropped this shit on me now on live podcast? I didn't know when it would even, it's not, I never even think about it.

That should be high. I'm Emma. I grew up in a dome. You think so? Yes. Yes. Really? That's insane.

Really? What? Because I talk about my stuff. That's like worse than being a homeschool. Okay, let me ask you this. Do you know anybody else that grew up in a dome? No. Here we go.

So you weren't in a neighborhood of domes? No. That would be more normal. You're right. I never thought about that. Were you in a neighborhood? No. It was really.

You can't put that in a neighborhood. The neighborhood, the homeowner's association will run you out of town. What's with the dome guy? Hey, take your lifestyle soccer ball and beat it, buddy. Kippy, how about the folks over there to butcher box, baby? Did you say butcher box, baby? Ooh, it's butcher box. Don't get it twisted.

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Probably make a hell of a chicky parm with that. Say that one more time. Free range organic chicky chickies. Nice. Mainly raised pork, wild caught lobster tails, wild caught Alaskan salmon, or if you're trashed salmon, sugar-free bacon. That's my wife introduced me to sugar-free bacon. And then they started sending us the butcher box.

Good stuff. Killing it. Top quality stuff. There's no better feeling knowing you can skip the grocery store because there's a variety of butcher box meat already waiting for you in the freezer. And listen, depends on where you're going. You don't know what you're getting all the time. You don't know where that meat's coming from.

Nope. It's been sitting in the back of the grocery store for six weeks. Then they put it out. Good. But then some guys shrunk a couple of nights ago. It's on a discount rate. You don't know who's handling that kind of stuff. Not with butcher box, maybe.

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Kippy, I want to talk to you about ladder. Ladder? I want to talk to you about insurance. I want to talk to you about innovation. I want to talk to you about turning industries upside down. That's exactly what ladder's doing. Ladder's changing the game. Ladder's changing the game.

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Sign 15 policies since then. What are you talking about? Go and meet with these people. That's stupid. If you want to get life insurance, this is what you have to do. Now with Ladder, you can get fast, affordable term life insurance with or without.

I need to get some. I might be having a stroke. It's 100% digital when you apply for $3 million or less in coverage. No doctors, no needles, no paperwork. It's like to sign and drive, baby. 20 to 60, too. Take care of it.

Yeah, so if you're between the ages of 20 and 60, which I know all of you are. Listen to them, by the way. Yeah. There's no geese who's listening. If you need coverage and you want to team up with a company that's redeeming life insurance, choose Ladder. Do it, man.

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Now back to the show. My dad bought, it's like 60 acres of land. So he built, and then he built this dome up on this little hill, so it's way deep in the woods. And I grew up there, and then when my parents divorced, my sister lived with my mom, I lived with my dad, and then I have a half brother. He lived with his mom.

So we're all separated. I never really talk about him. My therapist, I mentioned him the other day, my therapist's like, I'm not yet a brother. Really, you'll open it up to this later. All right, hang on a second. All right, your mom and dad are together. They have you, they have your sister's younger than you.

Yeah, 19 months younger than me. 19 months, okay, so you're like Irish twins. My me and my brother are thinking about 18 months apart. What is your brother? Am I allowed to ask you guys questions, just you ask. You said it's the army. What is he, what are you? Shut up, Private Willman.

It's back to your dome. He's got a notebook now, so I'm not nervous. Let me ask you a question, did we grow up in a year? No, my house was square, okay? These guys are fancy. I'm one of these, yeah, there was right angles in my house. What does your brother do? My brother works in finance.

Oh. Yeah, he does all right. He worked on Wall Street for a long time. Now he does some other stuff. Good for him. Yeah, he's doing all right. Not a year guy. Not a year guy. Wow.

I know, I wonder what's gonna be like when my dad tries to sell that something. He still owns it? He still owns it. We have to do an episode in the year. Well, let me tell you something. This is fucking nuts. Does he still live in it though?

He does. He still lives in the house you were born in. Yeah, geodesic dome. And then, so hold on a second. Get that straight, he doesn't say that three times fast. It's a big giant. We did a lot of trick or treaters on Halloween. Never not once.

Kids line up for fresh deer meat. Other parents didn't let their, allow their kids up that driveway. Would you think you were the, like don't look at the dome, like that's where the dome people live? I could see it. You know what I mean?

Like you guys were like, don't go past the grief. Don't go past the grief. The dome people will steal your dreams or something. Don't take your teeth. Get a premonition. I don't know if they were, they were keeping it to themselves.

I never thought, I never thought it was that weird to be on it. Cause there was a real, it was kind of like a hippie- Yeah, and you're in his defense, that's definitely not the only one of those out there. There's probably a couple of them out there. Thanks, Foy.

I appreciate that. I have 100% She's disagreeing with you. I've never seen another one. Now that we're, Not even in your town, there wasn't somebody. I, there was,

there was this place we used to party at There's some cats living in one or something. I thought you dome people stuck together. There was this one. It's a family of squirrels living in one town. It was like an A-frame. But that's typical for up there. So the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's where the snow does. That's like an I-house. It was, if you live there, we'd be cracking open the champagne and throwing an A-frame. Yeah, there was a couple of A-frames, but I guess that's, I don't know,

I just thought it was like another unusual shape. I mean, those are like monkey bars. So was there an upstairs or was it all what, like, there was levels. There was a beautiful fireplace to it. He had this beautiful, there's a beautiful fireplace in the center

and then he's got an office and then my brother's room was up there and then he's got this, like, that's where, and that used to be the whole house. Then my mom built the extension. I'm breaking your bones, but it looks beautiful.

It's probably when you're in there. It does look nice. Stunningly beautiful. It's like, pretty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. The view's, that's nicer than the wet,

than his is. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here. Sorry that. His is, his is more kind of like that one, but it is nice. And I did this show, I guess it was about a year ago.

It was on True TV. It was called 30 Works and they shot an episode in the dome and that was cool. Like the lighting was great, but they, cause it was a reality show about this woman who sold moose poop.

I sold that. Did you? You were the one. I did. Yeah. I knew, I don't know if I saw through you, like if you had posted it

or something or we talked about it. I posted it a couple times. Yeah. But that was in the dome. I watched that. Yeah, they did it with it. I've seen the dome. He's seen the dome.

It's not as nice as that one. Wait, they did it in your actual dome? I saw a couple scenes in it cause they wanted to make it seem like me and the woman knew each other. So they were like, oh, we're going to go hang out at Emma's house. And they made it.

It was like, I just happened to be in Maine visiting my dad. So they came in and then, you know, my dad and I were like, oh, hey, little did they know, no one just stops by in Maine. Cause it's, no one still stops by that dome.

Get the first people to ever come over. I have a quick question. Yeah. Shoes off in the dome. Yeah. And did you make your own shoes? We didn't make our own. No shoes off in the dome.

We didn't make our own shoes, but shoes were supposed to come off. Yeah. And where I went to elementary school, I went to this hippie Waldorf school. We had to take our shoes off. What? At elementary school?

Yeah. And everyone packed their own lunch and we had something called Apple Fest and Mayfest for you. Like everyone would get together and like sing and dance. How many people were in this school? Oh man.

Fall apart. Small. How many years does it take to become a witch in this program? Yeah, yeah. I had to accelerate the track. Do you have your bag of spells on you right now?

No. One went bad. Can you drink fully? Yeah. Just am. Can you put some eye of newt in my coffee, please? I wish.

Wait a minute. Hold on. Back this up. Hold on. I want to know how many people. And if I ever got the opportunity to become a witch, wouldn't do it. I don't like that stuff.

Yeah. I don't want to say that. Uh-uh. That sounds like someone who's been close to being a witch. You know what I'm saying? I don't fuck with the powers anymore. I would be a sorcerer if I could.

I could see that because that's more positive, but I don't like that. Give it to me, the heebie-jeebies. Any kind of, any kind of. What about wizard? Would you take wizard? I'm open to wizard,

but I don't like anything that conjures up the, like any kind of like. Spirits or anything. Exact. I don't like that stuff. I don't fuck with spirits either. Me neither.

Because I am like a spiritual person, so I don't want to bring any bad vibes. Oh, no. They had none of that stuff. Yeah, none of that stuff. And I. Yeah, you fuck around with that stuff. Your teeth are falling out.

That's crazy. Next thing you know, you're living in a dome in the side of the hill. Wait. So when did your parents split up? When I was in third or fourth grade. So you and your sister, who were about the same age.

Now, the step brother was your dad's kid from before. My half brother was my dad's kid from before. Yeah, he's older. He's older, yeah. They break up. Why does it break down that your sister leaves with your mom and you stay in the dome?

It's so fucked up. Because now that I'm an adult, I'm like, why would you separate kids? But at the time, it was because my sister didn't want to go between the two parents and she wanted to be with my mom. And then I felt bad.

And I've always been like close with my dad. So I was like, well, then I'll just go with dad to not make him lose out. Yeah. And my parents were like, great, which they should have been like, no. Yeah, let's structure this a little differently. Totally.

I mean, I could see why your brother stayed with your dad. Your mom really. So he actually went to his mom. So we, wow. Yeah. So none of us were in the same. They didn't want to be.

They got out of the dome early. They figured out it was weird way before. It took you two to make me be like, wait a minute. That was fucking weird. Any excuse for them to make a move out of the dome? Get me out of here. My sister, but she, they live close by. So my sister lived like maybe like 15, 20 minutes from my dad's house.

Yeah. So I'd see her a lot. What did your mom get when she left the dome? When she left the dome, you know. House or an apartment? She got a house. Oval actually. There's.

Kevin in the circle family. She got a farmhouse. There's no apartments in the town of 2,000 people. OK. You know what I mean? So she got a little farmhouse, very cute. That's nice. Very nice.

And then she moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts, I think, like 15 years ago. OK. No. Yeah. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Before we move on from the dome. Please. Two more quick questions.

Yeah, anything. Please. Did you ever get dome in the dome? What's dome? What's that mean? Like, did you hook up in the dome? Oh my God. In high school?

I don't think I did. I did hook up in high school, but I don't think I ever did it. Maybe. Were you out in high school? No, I had boyfriends. And I had like a lot. And you know what I said? I was like, I had this like group of close friends.

And I was like, I was like, you know what, guys? Like, we have to wait until we're 18 to have sex. And I made all my friends. That's pretty good. And out in front of it. Yeah, I was like, we have to wait. And like, all my friends were straight. We have to do like the dome people before us.

And wait till 35. No one disrespects the dome. Yeah. Like, where are you getting this idea? I'm like, the dome, the dome. They, I had the. And I was like, we got to wait till we're married to have sex. The big deal.

And I like pushed it really hard. And now I'm retrospecting like my poor fucking friends. Because they were straight. Because they were all like, well, I kind of want to have sex. And I was like, why? It's fucking gross. I mean, when though we're married. So they were like, and I remember my mom was always like,

you know, you might get caught up in the heat at the moment. I was like, there's no heat. There's no moment. There's no heat. Don't worry about it. It's fucking ice cold over here. But I used to get blowjobs. You used to give blowjobs?

You gave dome in the dome? I don't remember if I did though, because I used to smoke a shit ton of pot. Yeah. I don't remember. I didn't know that was like a slang for it. Dome. I didn't know that about that.

Dome. Head. Head. I didn't know about that. I don't think so. T-bone muscles are done pretty hard. Yeah. I don't know about that.

Maybe probably I did. I was always giving blowjobs because I was like, I don't want to have sex when I have sex, but I was always high too. I did the same thing. You're going to make me feel better. So I got through college, baby. Woo!

So they got this nice studio over here. The lobby here is nice. Not a bad setup. Yeah, it's all right. All right. So you stay with your dad until when? I stay with my dad until when I was in ninth grade.

I went away to this high school for dyslexic kids for a little bit. Then I got kicked out. Then I went back. She can read! Get her! Yeah, you can get her out of here. What was that?

Use a decimal. I got kicked out. And then I went to the public high school in my town. And then I was there for four years. Then I left to go to college in Boston. Where was the dyslexic school? It was in Beverly, Massachusetts. It's called Landmark.

Did you sleep there? Yes. OK. What did you get kicked out for? I got kicked out. I really wanted to go home. I missed my friends. And so I was like, I want to be

my friend. So I kept trying to get kicked out. So they wouldn't let me get kicked out. Checking extra than a fucking one. She's not there. Yeah. They were like, we know you want to leave M.S. They wouldn't kick me out. So I was like, fine.

And I pretended. I tried to. I wanted to throw myself down some stairs, but I wouldn't do it. So I was walking down the stairs really hard. And I remember the dorm monitor was like, I know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't want to be here.

I'm a hazard to myself. And just stomping my feet. And so they were like, fucking. So then I kind of like flopped myself and they're like, OK, I'm like, you can go. You can do it. I didn't even have a not one bruise. There was nothing.

First guest ever. You're bonkers. I know. Slip and fall. Slip and fall. I didn't even get out to get out of dyslexia schools. It was more like a quick sit. It was I was kind of like because I was too scared to.

I've never broken anything. And I didn't want to leave that bad. But I just wanted to go back because I would say high school was actually fun. Like just because I just I liked my group of friends in high school. You know what I mean? So you went back.

You moved back into the dome. Move back into the dome. Your mom and your mom and dad somewhat friendly. No, not at all. Bad news. They do not like each other. But now they can be at cordial. Are you guys your guys parents are together?

My parents are not together. OK. No. And I had a similar when they were like my they like Sadistown told us and then my dad was like, hey, I'm leaving. Does anybody want to go with us now? And everyone's like, what? No way, dude.

Yeah, let me see your house. My mom is staying in our house. So my dad's like, I'm going to leave. Sure. Does anybody want to come with me now? So fucking disruptive. It rocks, dude. I'm like, all the fucking snacks are here.

I got Sega leaving. That's was part of what made me. I was such a little hustler. I remember being like, who's got the best snacks? And my dad got me toaster strudel every day. But then I was in a really overweight kid. Not blaming the strudel, but I was. Sure.

I was big. Yay. Strudels are all right. I love strudels. Well, that's pretty classy, though. You're a strudel family over top of a pop tart family. I like pop tarts better, but we were a strudel family. Strudel class.

I mean, I love pop. We're saving all our money on a dome. What do you mean? I know. That's crazy. I didn't know strudels. I didn't know strudels were more classy than pop tarts. 100%.

Yes. Really? Yeah. Really? Well, I don't prefer them, but it's classier. The pop tart is better and has stood the test of time. OK. Thank you.

I so agree with that. Yes. And Carly and I actually, you know, and I had a big debate about this because she likes strudels more. Strudels. Just when they hit, they were more expensive. And they had the allure of fancy.

It was a better product than just a pop tart. It actually. It's more European, I feel. It's got the flake gear. It's a croissant-y. But the puttin' it, you know what killed it was, the puttin' the on icing on, you got time for that. I gotta get to work.

No, it's got the total. You think I got the, because the icing's frozen and you just get heated up, and then you splat right out. I love, I just love picturing like you as a kid seeing strudel and being like fancy. I would like, yeah, that and Dunkaroos are in the same thing. Oh, yeah. I'm just like, they are in the same class of,

that's a different kind of fan. That family throws in a couple of bucks at the supermarket. That's a good snack. Yeah, yes, yeah. You don't want to share your fucking Dunkaroos. No. My mom would never buy them. Me neither.

My friend Margot's mom would buy them. And I am in. My Pat's mom bought them. You would go, they still have them. You go, like, we'll go over. I'll go over for like a barbecue. They still have Dunkaroos. Really?

They're coming back pretty strong. Good, thank God. What about the Teddy Graham? I like those. I used to make cereal out of Teddy Graham. Really? Blow your fucking, listen, listeners out there. Teddy Graham's cereal.

My mom was away at work. I was about seven. I said, yo, I'm going to put two and two together. God damn, son. I was going to say, so you weren't, like, monitored. No, my single, you know, like my single parent in the house. I mean, I split time, but my mom left. He's making Doritos cereal.

Yeah, that's fucking good. My mom would go to work. My tooth just made me spit. I just got tested. I'm so sorry. My mom would go to work, and I'd be left to my own devices. My brother or sister would be watching me, and it would just be fucking game on.

She called me one time doing that, and was like, what in the first, she's like, first of all, they're about seven bucks a box. You just, you just ate two full, you know, fucking bowl of cereal just cost you $10. Too much worth of snack. You got cocky and did it in front of her. Oh, I was like, she was away.

I was like, I do this, you know. I just became normalized in my head, and she fucking put a stop to that. I remember my parents came concerned about my eating habits as a kid when they saw me putting butter on a graham cracker. Oh, but I get it, but I get it. Cinnamon. Did you heat up the butter?

It's room temperature, so it's cool. I've done that. I fucking love butter. Growing up, was the butter on the counter, or was the butter on in the fridge? Or did you guys have some sort of dry ice situation? These, the butter's on ice. You had a fridge, right?

Yeah, we had a fridge, we had a fridge, we had a fridge. You know what, at my mom's, it was in the fridge, and at my dad's, it was on the counter. Yeah, I pegged him as a counter guy. Interesting, I never really thought about that, and I prefer the counter. I can't stand the fuck. What is it in the fridge for if you cook with it?

Well, there's two different, so salted butter and unsalted butter, once for cooking, a chef told us this, you can, the unsalted butter has to go in the fridge, and that's for cooking. The salted butter can stay out at room temperature. I had no idea about that, that's a fun fact. So it's for spreading, yeah, yeah. Okay, I fucking love butter, but I wouldn't,

there's no reason for unsalted butter for me, I don't cook. Yeah, I didn't, I never do. And it fucking stinks, too. It stinks, you ever have, you think you're expecting butter, and then you get unsalted butter, you get the fuck out of here. I don't think I can notice the difference, I don't know, I don't know.

It doesn't taste like, but there's no salt to it. Yeah. It's like fucking just putting Crisco on your sandwich. Sorry. Which I've done. Foley and I are very upset, yeah. Friggled. All right, that makes sense with your pop with the butter on the counter, all right.

And then you went to college? Went to college, I went to Simmons in Boston, I had a great time at college. Nice. Yeah, I think that was like my favorite time of my life, I loved college. Really? Yeah, I had a really good time.

Bitch, it wasn't in the fucking dome, what do you mean? I can't believe you didn't think dome was crazy until about 33 minutes ago. No, I mean, it just like, it was just the house my dad built and he was always really proud of it. He'd be like, yeah, I gotta check out the dome, it's got great, these beautiful windows up top, not like, not, yeah, kind of like in that picture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. And he's a math guy, so he's like, oh, fucking math words. The angles and the shapes and the fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Yeah, I get it too. It's just wild for you to be like, that was my house. That was my house. And I also get it too and give you credit

because in that small town, out in the woods is one thing. I mean, yeah, if that was. Oh, if it was in the, you're totally, if it was when you had those in like Westchester or something, you'd be like, what the fuck? People would be driving by your house to look at the. You're right. Yeah.

The kids would get all fucked up and be like, let's drive by the dome, see if they're outside. Did you get? That place would have got egged on fucking missions. I egged my mom's house once because I thought it was like a funny prank that people like played on each other. And I remember, I just remembered that. And she was so, she was like, you idiot.

She's like, you're supposed to do that. I told her. Egged your own house. Hey, my shot at your windows. Yeah. Slash ties. Was your dad a hunter or anything like that? No, vegetarian.

Really? Yeah. Hippy-dippy, right? Hippy-dippy, right. Did you guys have solar power? No, but he has it now. Yeah, of course he does. And he actually eats chicken and fish.

So I've been so conditioned to be like, my dad's a vegetarian who eats chicken and fish, but then I've had enough people be like, so he's not a vegetarian. He's not a vegetarian. I'm like, he is, but he is chicken and fish. If you ask him, he's a vegetarian, but he does eat chicken and fish.

Hey, listen, I get it. Draw your lines. Yeah, draw your lines. Did you guys have a well? Yeah. They had to. Amazing well. That wasn't a water main running to the fucking dome.

Yeah, there's no. What are your thoughts on well water? Love it, so good. We found out. We thought it was trashy. No, really? It's better, because it's purified by limestone and the net, it's, yeah.

Really? Did the well ever go bad though? Not at my dad's. Here's the thing, it probably depends where the well is. Sure. Whether it's good or not, you know what I mean? I think if you have a well, it has to hit this certain standard of like,

it's so far, it's at a certain depth and it's a certain purity. And I think it's naturally cleansed by the, like the minerals in the limestone. I think that's what it was. Something like that, yeah. Sounds good. Check it out to me.

I didn't mean, I remember we had a buddy who's well went bad and like, and I remember we were over there and there was like flushing the toilet. He's like, you're using like a pole and spring. I'm like, dude, I'm fucking leaving. Call me when this shit gets big. Yeah.

Tell me, let me know when you get that dead bird out of here. Until then, we can hang in my house. Yeah, we don't need to do this. All right, let's get into some are you garbage questions here? Also, I liked the last time I saw you didn't have this. And I think I saw you pretty recently. It wasn't like three weeks ago or something.

He's like a fucking caterpillar, dude. He changes all the time. I think I'm gonna dye my hair blonde. Really? I'm gonna go actually get it done blonde. So it doesn't come out all red and rusty. Yeah. They're like real blonde.

Were you gonna get your, what do you think about that? I don't, ah. You don't like it? I mean, I let you very lush brown hair now. True. And it goes with your beard. True. And when it starts to grow out,

your roots start showing and you gotta really, it's a lot of upkeep. It's expensive too. You gotta, cause you gotta bleach it. You want something that's gonna double bleach and then do a whole bunch of shit. Take it from her, she knows. Yeah.

Go to her person. My person's great. T. Marie Hair and Lori's side. She's really good. What would it cost to get my hair? She's expensive. I usually spend a couple hundred bucks on it. Yeah.

I'm putting it in my hair and not the fucking tooth. I swear to God. I don't know how many teeth I could have for this to air. Oh. All right. I mean, maybe. Why don't, you could try it. You could always change it back.

I mean, what do you guys think? Should he do it? Should he do the blonde? Are you gonna do the beard and the eyebrows? No. What am I a fucking psycho? Bleach my eyebrows? Not the eyebrows, but maybe the beard.

I mean, I'm gonna be totally honest. I would just be scared that it would look like you were having a crisis. Which I think he may be having. I mean, if I, I mean, I bit my tongue long enough. You look like a fugitive running from a buffet or something. If anybody from the Golden Corral asked,

you haven't seen me. Yeah. No, don't do that. He's changing his identity so he can go back in. Like, we know it's you, Foley. We know it's you. You change your hair. It's been $400.

He's gonna get a $10 for a bang. He's hiding from the Crack-O-Bare-O Posse. Check it back in. There's a giant picture of you on the wall. Like, not this guy. I'm about my eight. All right. All right, let's get into it here.

But I support you. If you think it would be a fun thing to try, why not? Thank you. But I, in good faith, can't say I think you necessarily should. I, I'll take it with a heap of advice. All right. Especially with all the information that I have in front of me from the last couple of minutes,

the way my decision. Don't listen to the dome. So your dad does, yeah. I'm gonna start showing up to clubs and that these guys are at and people are gonna be looking down. I'm like, did they say something about the dome? I'm like, they, they, they mentioned it. Wait, Emma's not, I gotta leave before she gets here.

So you said your dad still owns the dome but doesn't live there anymore. He still lives there. My mom doesn't. Yeah, he still lives there. So I wanna ask you what street that was on, but I don't want you to give me the street. Yeah, don't give away the street.

There's no street. There's no street. It's probably a pebble. It's no street. Hold on, did you guys have a mailbox or did you have to go to a PO box down in town? PO box down in town. I'm from, I always try to tell people this.

I'm like, it is, like when my friends from high school get, when we get together and it's like someone that, I wanna say like, got out, made it out of me, got out of me, all we talk about is we're just like, isn't this fucking, isn't it so crazy how small it is? One stoplight with not three colors, one blinking red light. Yeah.

Wow. That's very mean. Main is just made up of those towns. I've never met anybody that had a PO box growing up. Really? No, it's the first. It was so crazy to me when, it was just so crazy to me when my mom moved to Cambridge

and then I was like, oh man, it's just so, so different. And when I bring people to my moms, I'm like, this is not like what I, this is not like how I grew up at all. So she did that when you were in, you were in still high school. She did it right out of high school cause my mom and I weren't close.

Then she got cancer and we weren't, I think I resented her cause I was like, I think I resented both my parents cause I was like, my situation has separated us. But now my mom and I are really close. People are people I, you know, it is what it is. I always thought I think like, would I have done the same thing in their situation?

Who's to say? I don't know, I probably would have been. You probably wouldn't want to go to the dome too. Maybe, I kind of liked the dome. I kind of liked it. I would live with my parents still if they would have me. That's awesome. So would I.

Yeah, my mom were. I did in Boston, I moved back in with her like over the years, a couple times, maybe like 10 years ago. Yeah, it's kind of fun. It's nice. And she said, that's enough of that. You gotta go.

Back to the dome. All right, let's get into some questions here. What was the name of the grocery store that you guys went to when you were growing up? There were two grocery stores in town. So there's IGA and the co-op. And I would go to both of them. The co-op was a little bit more fancy,

a little more Whole Foods-y. What is a supermarket co-op? Cause that's kind of a thing now. Supermarket co-op, this was like a real co-op. You own stock in it? I think it's like everybody has to, at the one in my town it was like, everybody had to work a shift.

So you work a shift for like four or five hours a month. And then you get the discounts, but you could shop there and not work there, but you didn't get the discounts. So they did it. A food co-op is a grocery store owned by folks in the community and by you if you choose. That's what it says.

Unlike a corporate chain's food co-ops are independent owned and community members who buy their commembers shop there. And I think, is it not for profit? It should be. Uh, I don't know. Or food or what? Yeah, I don't know.

But yeah, I mean, it's hippie-dippy. It's hippie-dippy. Mom's not working at the fucking Acme to see it. No. Right, right. A couple of chips. Yeah, nice. A couple of chips with the Walgreens.

She thinks she would have to with the money she was spending on fucking Teddy Grahams. Listen, if you're out there and they're still making Teddy Grahams, I don't know what they do. Try a bowl of cereal. I'm telling you. It sounds delicious.

Blow your fucking hair back. And also, nook and cookies in a bowl. Totally. And I bet it's got the same amount of sugar as so many other fucking cereals. You know what I mean? It probably does, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kippy, they make an official Teddy Grahams cereal.

Really? Ah! Fucking trend setter, guys. It's pretty good. I was ahead of my time. They only give you the head of the bear though. You got the whole thing. I hate that.

The head of the bear. That's fucking weird as all hell. Yeah, kick rocks with that. That's so weird. I wouldn't even do it. Bastards. Around other people, I wouldn't eat just the bear heads. That's weird.

You know what I mean? That's very strange. Yeah, it's a little creepy, for sure. Could you imagine if someone was just like breaking off the heads and eating them? There's just a guy in the factory. Eating the bodies. What do we do with all the Teddy Bear bodies?

I don't know. Ralph will take them home. What was your high school mascot? Oh my God, I don't remember. I don't remember. I'm sorry. If you Google, I mean, GSA and Maine, it'll pop up. GSA and Maine.

I can kind of picture those. GSA, what is that? George Stevens Academy, GSA. Private school? It was public school. That was the public school. The special, I almost said special, at the dyslexic school, we didn't have a mascot.

I mean, yeah. It would be the crosswords or something. Yeah, it'd be like, someone's walking the wrong way in the field with the games. Like we don't want to draw attention to ourselves. Give it up for the word jumbles, everybody. I joked about, I did some jokes about being at a dyslexic school and this guy wrote

the meanest review. He was like, he basically said, he's like, you've heard it all before. Like everyone's got jokes about going to dyslexic school. And I was like, what? Like who else? Yeah, there's not that many comedians who went to dyslexic school.

Right, and I was like, not that I even think. Yo, what's up? You hack. Yeah, I was like, I mean, I don't think of myself as super original. I mean, you're gonna have a good, you might have a good time, but it's not the most profound,

it's not profound in any way, but I would say that particular thing. That thing is like not been treadle. Yeah, I was like, I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hmm. GSA, it was some kind of,

I want to say like a rooster. I remember. Big T-bones got it. Yes. What is it? It says the mascot for your weird school in Maine was loneliness. Oh, it's Stephen King.

It's the Eagles, baby. Yay! Okay, all right. Go birds. Go birds. Yeah, oh, GSA Eagles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you. GSA rooster.

Jesus. It was a high school. A lot of school spirit now. Yeah, I was gonna say. Some kind of pigeon or something. It was a weird hand. It was some kind of pigeon. It was a rat with wings.

I don't know what it was called. I've been in New York too long. Yeah, what are those rat with wings called? Like any gold? Did you guys have a football team? No, too small. Too small. Too small.

How many people were in your graduating class? It was, I think, all right. I think it was like, it was definitely under a hundred. It was probably like 85. Wow. Yeah. How big were your guys' schools? 505.

In the graduation? Yeah. About 400. And that's actually considered not big. No, it's not big at all. Yeah, I know. You split when I was in high school, it split to two schools, so it would have been.

It was like, they were typically like 1100, 1200. How did they decide who went to what school? Just area-wise, yeah. It's like a bunch of small towns, and it was like, these three go here, these three go there. That was mine too, actually. It was like, so to get that size even, it was aggregating from a bunch of towns.

Yeah, yeah, like damn, yeah. I know. I know. And then there was one cop, and he would be in town on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We didn't even have a full-time cop. Really? Yeah.

What if something happened? You'd have to call in like the sheriff or the deputy or something. Yeah, like the county then steps in. Yeah, exactly. You called a trooper. Right. What, if I wasn't a trooper?

That's why I get- Like the sheriff to show up? I'm not like a gun guy, but if I lived out- Sheriff, get the fuck out of here. Because like, it's gonna take fucking 40 minutes for a trooper to get there. I'd have gun turrets on the dome. It's-

Get to the top. Get to the 50 cows on top of the dome. It's also totally different. Like, and I remember back in high school, during hunting season, I remember over the loudspeaker, the principal being like, we have to, Tyler Cousins, like you forgot to lock up your gun. Like you need to make sure your gun's locked up.

He was like, oh, okay. And then he ran, not, I'm hoping I'm not being told to have to, like, everything just happened. But that was just how different it was. And it was like, okay. Wait, and you were in high school? You have to, you couldn't bring the gun into school, but you could have, you had to have like a gun.

There's some like thing in the back of the truck or whatever it is and his gun was out. But like, it has to be locked up and all that stuff. Locked in your car or whatever. Cause you want to leave. Ooh. What the fuck? I think, did I lose sound?

No, no, no. He- Oh, did your sound go maybe? That is fucking- As long as you guys can hear. Oh, there we go. Thank you so much, Kevin. He, you want to leave right away

so you can get hunting during daylight. So you can go hunting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was like, you can, you can, hey listen, you can bring your stuff to school. Just make sure it's secure. Right. So you can go hunting after it's-

And that's probably changed. But so that to me, it's like- I'm sure that's changed. But yeah, even, you know, that's not, because my, yeah, that's fucking crazy. It's just totally different. It's like not- It's a different place, right?

It's like geographically and culturally, it's way different. Right. And also it was a different time. I mean, that was, you know, whatever, 15 years ago or whatever, you know. Right. And I remember I had this friend from the city

and she was, I forget, she wasn't in Maine. I forget what she was, but she was like so disgusted and she was like, I saw a dead body in the back of a truck. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I put it together. It was a deer or something. It was a skin deer. Like she was like, it was just some giant-

You guys are driving around with corpses in your back. She was like, what in the fuck? Like that was eight point fuck. That's a good eating. She had to know what, like, I don't know what she thought it was, but she was like, what the fuck? There was just some kind of,

and I was like, yeah, you gotta hang it and like bleed it out, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oof. Any stained glass windows in your- Dome. In your dome or your mom's house? Oh my God.

Stained glass windows. You have to say no. I'm gonna say no, yeah, no. Cause if you grew up and you have a stained glass window in your house, one, you're a creep, two, you're garbage. Get the fuck out of here with that. Cause I knew a couple of people that had them on their stairs growing up.

One window, that's like fucking haunted house. Oh, like the little guy kind of thing. Oh, get the fuck out of here with that. Is it a religious thing, maybe? No, I just think it's- It was big and I think like the 80s or something. Yeah. I don't know.

I remember seeing it in movies and stuff. Stained glass windows creep me the fuck out. Yeah. Garbage. Did you take your SATs? I took the SATs a few times. What'd you get? High score.

Didn't do so well the first couple of times. So I did it, I think I did it two, I did it two, three times. And I, ah man, I remember I got my verbal way up. Bombed the math. Yeah. Bombed. And I was in like the special room take-

Sure. Where I was like, all my friends went in one room and they're like, why aren't you coming in this room? And I had my lie all, I practiced it cause I was so nervous about being like, wow, I was good at room. And I was like, ah, my parents arranged it. And they're like, Emma, it's in here, it's in here.

And I was like, no, I gotta go check something. And I went in the special room. Yeah. And I just tried to not. Like you had time. You had three weeks to take it. And you're like, I'm still taking it right now. But also.

I don't know. I get my results back next week. Anything, guys. I didn't, I remember the extra time sucked. Cause I was like, I don't test well. I was just like, time to cry is what it felt like. I was just sitting there trying to cheat. So I don't think I did that well,

but I did well enough to get in the college. There you go. You broke a thousand? Definitely. No offense if someone didn't break a thousand. 890 over here. Really? Let me tell you something.

Oh, I'm sorry. If you, the test is so fucked up. Because I remember my parents hired me, these tutors that teach you how to take the SAT. And that is what's made my score. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did the same thing. It's all fucked up.

Cause I literally, they literally, they were able to pay for it. So they paid, I didn't learn anything. I don't know anything. Just like hacks on how to take it a little bit. How to take the test for sure. So that's not fair at all. Cause then it's like, you're getting,

I was getting tutored like every day after school, get this little idiot some info. And I did that. And then, you know, I remember my buddy took, his like whole thing was, he was like a smart kid. He was like, you know what I'm doing?

Just take a bunch of fucking Adderall and like really fucking, study, really fucking, not even study. Like I'm just going to fucking, I'm going to mulch through this fucking thing. He took too much to the point. Dude, I only made it to like two questions.

I kept thinking like, if the train does leave and like, it just got too wrapped up in the fucking like, wait, but who's on the train? Yeah, they were like, all right, 30 minutes left. He's like, what the fuck? I'm going to like fly through the next like 300. I am the train.

And they're like this fucking, people think when they take, if you take more Adderall, I do it with coffee too. Like the more you take, it'll make you move faster and be smarter. But no. The wall of diminishing returns.

It only gets to a point. And then it goes, okay, now we're, now it's working against you. Right. Yeah, backtracking. Anybody in your family, including you, take pills dry.

Like can you just, you can do that. Yeah, I think I can take a lot of pills dry. Wow. Wow, what does that mean? I never even thought about that before. I do it too. I take my pills in the morning dry.

Yeah. And then like have, maybe a glass of water later. I don't think it's good. I think it's good to have water with pills. Yeah, every pill. Yeah. So sometimes they can be like.

No, I can just, I can just knock them right back. Me too. Like a hand, I can do a handful. Me too. We should have a contest. There you go. You can't,

you can't imagine anything going wrong there. No, no, no, no. Tell me, get my phone. Cause. You gotta make a phone call. Cause it's the, it's the fish oils. The only one I'll lubricate that sometimes.

Yeah. The ads gotta fight to it. That thing sucks. Sucks. You take vitamins? I do, but usually in powder form. Yeah. I always fucking forget.

So I got a vitamin drip the other day. That felt pretty good. What do you mean? You got hooked up? Yeah. They put you on an IV. Wow. This was like maybe like five months.

Feel really good. Because what it is, maybe it might be total placebo, but it hydrates you. Yeah. No, it's like super hydration. So then you're like, you feel good about that.

Everything's cooking. Yeah. I like that. I want to do that. You should do it. Yeah. They got up in the city. Karen Fian, who's a comedian and a friend of the friend.

She's been on the show. Of course. She's awesome. She has, there's someplace she goes that I really like. And I went with her a couple of times. I think you get like a discount because she's a member there.

Nice. They've got cryotherapy. Yeah, I want to do that. You should. I've been thinking about that. You should do it. Videotape it and put it on your Patreon. What does it do?

Love it. It's supposed to be anti-inflammatory. Yeah. Like shrinks or kills, the cells or whatever. Like regeneration or whatever. Some kind of regenerative. But I've done it a couple of times

and I remember I didn't go to the chiropractor for like six months. Cause I did it every day for five days. I got a pack on Groupon. Wow. Maybe not the type of thing you should get on Groupon. But didn't it happen? Didn't Antonio-

Also shopping on Groupon? Trash. Trash. Yeah. But didn't Antonio Brown the wide receiver do that and he got burned? I think if you, yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, if you do it,

I'm sure there's a wrong way to do it. You got to get monitored and someone's there with you the whole time. So you mean the guy that used to fart in doctors' faces? Yeah. Super bowl champ? Yeah. You should try those, good for your joints.

Yeah. That's supposed to be really good for you. That's what I hear. I like all that stuff. Me too. What about, do you think it is garbage or have you ever taken a lemon at the table to clean your hands at a restaurant?

No. Never? But I totally understand. You mean taking it like out of the water? Maybe. Or if they give it to you on a dish or whatever. Yeah. And just rubbed it on my hands?

And squeeze it and wash your hands with it at the table. No, but here's the reason. I'm not sanitary. So like, you know when the COVID first came out and everyone was like, who these fucking idiots that have to learn how to wash their hands? To wash your hands. That was you.

That was you with the happy birthday. I was like, oh, the back too. Yeah. I don't think, yeah, the back of my hands. Would they ever get it? They've never been. Like I was like, I was that, you know, counting. Like, all right, I'm going to.

So I didn't do it with a lemon, but is that usually clashed? Clashed or clashed? No, no. The specialty thing would be to remove yourself from the table and go wash your hands. Like a fucking human adult. I did the lemon thing last night.

Let me think of it. Well, here's the thing. I also caught you doing the lemon thing before. You have, but that was when I had. Poop on your hand. Yeah, I thought, I thought I might have poop on my hand. Listen, he thought, he came home from, he came back from the bathroom.

They don't wash his hands. And he thought he might have poop on his hand. No, I didn't wash my hands. We're going to keep this show rained out. I did wash my hands, but sometimes the poop smell still goes through the soap. I know exactly what you're talking about. And you're like, so wash your hands again.

You don't come back to the table. But it creeps you out because you're like, it's somewhere I don't know. Yeah. And the lemon really does knock out the smell. And it's an antiseptic. Because I would actually think the only reason, I would do it if I knew about that.

I didn't know about that. So I would do that. It feels a little European when I do it. I agree. It's a little fancy. Wait till you get to Europe and then tell me. And when you get to Paris, tell me if they're fucking taking shits

and then white cleaning their hands with lemons. You tell me that. I don't mean that. Whatever, your trash, move it on. Keep it fucking moving. Sit here and listen to these lies any longer. I flossed my teeth while I was walking on the street the other day.

What the hell, that's bad. How often do you floss? I used to never floss. I used to never. And I'd always lie to the dead to see big. When the last time I flossed, I'd be like, oh, all the time. I don't know why I'm bleeding.

I'd always lie. Yeah, they know. They know. But you got to hit with a hockey puck. Discussion, blood. This is the first time this happened. But I just started flossing in that, because I'm thinking about my fucking teeth all the time.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, now it's a thing. That's the one thing I do. Floss? I floss every day. Good for you, Foley. Can we see those gums? Can't see them.

They are so pink. You just had that finger in your belly button about an hour ago. What was this one? Whatever. Which is a poop. Sorry, I put lemon on it. Those are some pink gums.

Thank you. Those are classy gums. Yeah. Keep them fresh. Fresh in my body is falling apart, but. I think you're doing all right. Thank you, buddy. By the hair, that'll turn things around.

You could start getting steps in. What steps in? The step you get 10,000 steps today, I track my steps. That might be something you like. You probably get about that anyway, but it's like a good way to just start. No. No, I get about 10 in.

I get about 10 steps. I'm sorry. That's so cute that you thought that. You probably get that. You haven't done 10K this year. You ain't been out the dome that long. These dome people, they don't know what's going on. Because just walking into the subway.

I mean, just walking between them. He doesn't walk in. He hasn't taken the subway in two years. Cars parked across the street. So maybe you probably get whatever amount you get when you start tracking it. Then you're like, I got to hit 10,000 today. Hit 10,000.

Yeah. Helps. OK. Yeah. You have to have an Apple Watch for that, though, right? No, you can do it on your phone. Yeah. I think it's only probably, what, like 17 steps

from the car door to the McDonald's door? You know what it is? You just got to do that a bunch of times. 16 and 1 half. When you're skipping. It's 10 on the way and 5 on the way out. Do from the couch to the fridge. And then you know what I mean?

Yeah, just do laps. All right. Let's see here. When was the last time you slept on a blow-up mattress? Last time I slept on a blow-up mattress. I'm going to say probably about a year. Man. It hasn't been recent, but that was

because I was doing so much less traveling because of COVID. It's been a minute. OK. That's good. That's a good answer. It's been a minute, but then when I move back to New York in January, I got a blow-up mattress for a night. But that was dumb of me because I spent like 120 bucks

on blow-up mattress. Fucking hotel. Should have gone to the hotel. Yeah. And I got a hotel the next night. Oh, my God. I know. Have you ever had the New York scourge

that is referred to as bedbugs? No. Never had bedbugs? Never had bedbugs. OK. I like it. Has anyone in your family ever been involved in a class action lawsuit?

I don't think so. OK, good. Is it school bag or book bag? Book bag. Minigolf or putt putt? Minigolf. OK. Putt putt.

That seems a little more. Dinner or supper? Dinner. Do you watch TV or look at TV? Watch TV. I mean, all right. Book bag is the only one you fucked up on. Really?

Yeah, it's not. Would you call it? School bag. Really? I'd say, yeah, school bag. Really? Yeah, school bag. Huh.

Yeah. I don't know if book bag's trash, but. I got to take like an etiquette class. I mean, my mom knew that stuff, I think. What's your mom do for a living? She was a, so after she did her blueberry shop, she did a Swedish weaving store. Swedish weaving?

Swedish, and we're not even Swedish, it's so strange. What's it called? Swedish weaving. It's like the pattern of the weaving, and then when she moved to Cambridge, she started importing and exporting the weaving from where she was doing it to Guatemala and then selling it at fairs. And I had tried writing like a show about her having a cheese

shop, and I remember in one of the pitch meetings, they're like, what is this based off of? And I was like, wow, it's based off of a Swedish weaving shop. They're like, why did you not just say Swedish weaving shop? And I had spent like maybe a year becoming like cheese shop. That's the trick. That's interesting.

Wait, does she make blankets? She makes blankets, table runners. I can get you guys a table runner. Get you a table runner. Swedish weaving table runner? Yeah, they're pretty nice. She makes some nice stuff. That's the ones that it's just a strip.

A strip down the middle. Just a strip, yeah. And it's like a flower in the middle centerpiece or whatever. Yeah, maybe go with them. Sounds pretty nice. Yeah, it's pretty nice. She's got the Swedish patterns, and then there's the Guatemalan patterns.

This is a little bit particular to your area, because I knew that you were in a little bit of a rural environment. Have you ever actually gone cow tipping? No, but I just, there weren't a lot of cows around. Really? And I don't think I'd feel bad tipping over a cat. Yeah. And apparently from what we've heard from previous guests,

it's not that easy. I wouldn't think. They don't just like flop over. Yeah. And why put your effort into that? I mean, not that I didn't put my effort into this. Do we used to do off-roading, where you like get high and drive around in puddles?

Yeah, muddin'. Muddin', yeah. Totally. Do that. Did you have a car when you were in high school? Yes. What did you have? Oh, man.

My dad got me a Subaru. All right, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, it's nice. He saw the writing on the wall and got me out of it. Yeah, yeah, he's a gay. I have to make that joke, sorry. That was my nickname that, yeah, he got me a Subaru. This cute little green Subaru.

I don't know why he got it. He was like, it's a good car. Subaru outpacking a rescue dog? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, put your flame on. It is minus the stereotype, the lesbian car. It is a very main car. It is a very main car.

It's very practical. They're very good cars. It's not a fashion. Subarus are very, very practical. Yeah, they're very reliable. They're awesome. They're very well engineered. And it is like, that's like what somebody in Maine is like,

yeah, we're not flashy. I don't care what it is. Just give me, and a lot of them are hatchbacks because you're moving a lot of stuff. All wheel drive? Yeah, all wheel drive, the weather. Did he buy you a new one? Use one.

OK, but it wasn't like a hand-me-down. It wasn't a hand-me-down. He's very into buying used stuff because he loves the deal. He likes the value in it. Loves the values. Loves going to Sam's Club because he's a mathematician and he loves, he's good with numbers. How used are we talking?

We're talking probably like five years used. OK, that's not bad. That's not bad. Good first car. That's pretty legit, great first car. That's what you want your girl in. Right, yeah. You want your daughter in a suit.

100% something safe. No one's driving in our Corvette or something. Right, totally. Yeah, because I had a friend. I remember she had this fucked up Ewek. And I was like, your parents must hate you. I mean, it was just a fucking not safe. It's a tough look.

Did you guys get bad? I assume you had bad winters up there. Bad winters, yeah. What, give me an average snow storm. A snow storm, what are we looking at? OK, it was always exaggerated because in the dome, the wind blows up around it. So it covers the windows because it's like the wind gets

like stuck on the thing. But it would be like three to six feet. What? I think. That's what I remember. I know. It's crazy. It's crazy.

It's no fucking joke. It is. I never go back. I mean, I went back for turdy works. I went back for Father's Day because I didn't see my dad because of COVID. And other than that, I just never. It's such a hike.

Yeah, as far. Any family reunions? No. Actually, on my mom's side, they have a family reunion like once every like 10 years. OK. Where is it? And it's huge.

It's in Wellesley, Massachusetts. Like, what's the venue? Is it like a park or is it like they were in a hall or? The Harvard Club. I'm sorry, the what? So they went to. So there's a real twist in it. So they were a hoity to a part of our hoity-toity.

Super hoity-toity. Have you ever heard of the author? And I would never have heard of him if he wasn't like loosely related. His name is John Cheever. Wait, yeah. What? Oh, you guys, I would never.

So he my mom's name is Susan Cheever, but she's not his daughter, Susan Cheever, but it is the Cheever. So when he used to write about the Waspe New England family. Hold on. Your mother's maiden name is Cheever. Yeah, that's my middle name. Holy shit.

Wait, you guys had heard of John Cheever? Yeah, I mean, I don't know his work, but I mean, I just know the name. Yeah, fucking John Cheever. Yeah. So how is the, what's the, she was his granddaughter? So she, I don't know how she's related to it. It's just like, I just know that when he writes,

like he wrote this article about the Cheever family Thanksgiving and he always felt like an outsider and he wasn't good enough and he didn't get invited. That was my family's Thanksgiving. So growing up, we would go to my mom's for Thanksgiving and it'd be really fancy. We'd all have cocktails, then you go over to the other house and everyone would be really dressed up and like,

what do you do, what do you do? So your mom comes from a little bit of Quiche. She did, yeah. Yeah, and then she sunk it into that Swedish weaving business. Didn't really explode. Didn't pan out the way. Didn't pan out the way. Out the way, the Guatemalan son of wood.

Yeah. But I was exposed to that through her family. You were the class of your side, yeah. It was at the Harvard, what's the Harvard Club? It's like if people went to Harvard, they can rent the room there. What, really? It's like the level, like a rent, you know.

That's where you'd have your family reunion? Sometimes. Man, talk about a fucking twist in the fourth quarter. She's also part of dome people, let's not forget that. Right, and my mom left all that to like live in the woods in Maine. But then she went back to Cambridge, but it's because she had cancer and she's, you know.

She's in Cambridge now. She's in Cambridge now. Which is basically Boston. Yeah. She's just on the other side of the river. Yes. Basically Boston, it's a bit, yeah. So her family's from Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Wellesley, Massachusetts. Wellesley, Boston, suburbs, yeah. What did her grant, what did your mom's dad do, do you know? He was a banker. I don't know what exactly they all did to, but he was some kind of banker, banking. And then a lot of them are in finance, yeah, yes. Wow.

Yeah, they think they're not. So you're in the Cheever family. I mean, I don't know if they would claim me, but my middle name is Cheever. She's missing a tooth. She went to the Thanksgiving. I do go to the Thanksgiving, yeah. John wasn't invited to Thanksgiving.

He wasn't invited to Thanksgiving, no. Doing something right. Yeah. When's the last time you had a Thanksgiving there? It was not this year because of COVID. I think it was, and it wasn't the year before that, it was the year before that. So now they do it every other year

because there's only a few people that have like big enough houses to fit everybody. To hold it, yeah. So you'll be going there this year? Hope so. If you get the tooth fixed. Now you can't be showing up fucking tooth, look at what you're doing.

Yeah, you gotta get that tooth fixed before that. They're already like, there's a clown. I'm like, hey. You're fucking slap shot. I wonder, do we got a couple from the Patreon we can do? Go ahead. Guys, as you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we'll answer your garbage questions.

It's just the best way to do it. This from, let's see. It's from Zachary, have you ever been told to wait to cash a birthday check at the end of the month? Like if somebody given you a gift and then there was like a $20 check and they said, don't cash it. No, but I love that.

Yeah, it's okay. I love that. Hey, listen, I'm good for it. I love that. Yeah, after the first. I've signed sex with. Me too. Yeah, I put the date.

Oh, data. I remember my mom doing that. I didn't know why. Like she had to give it to my SAT tutor actually. Absolutely. And she was like, hey, I'm gonna make it for next Friday or something. Is that okay?

See if this fat fuck graduates. Yeah, I'm chasing that check, buddy. Yeah, I never used to get it either. And now, absolutely, I've done that. So I've done that before, but I haven't. Do you have a checkbook now? No. Couldn't even imagine.

No, it's crazy. What's the credit situation? Bad. Really? Not great. Credit cards? Three of them. Ammox?

No. The only place that would give me a credit card is United for some fucking reason, but I've been a loyal customer because of that. The airline. The airline gave me a credit card. They gave them to anybody. Apparently.

And since they did that, I start now I fly only on United. It's good for the mile. It's great for the mileage. They hook you up with like a hundred off, or like 60,000 off the jump. And then once you fly a lot, you get more points and it is really good.

You're first in line to get the status, to get the upgrade, to get the, you know. What is your credit limit to, you know, roughly? I think it's like five or 6,000. It's great. On each card? 5,000 and one, 3,000 and another one. Is that pretty good?

It's good. Oh yeah. Mine's currently 200. Mine's 1,000. So I had it at that for a while and I had to do one of those prepaid situations. It was like, I give them 500 bucks. And then you can spend 500.

You get the credit against that. So that's how I built my credit back up, but it's been real little choppy recently. I just got a Venmo. You can get a Venmo credit card. They gave me 25 or 22 hundo or something like that. So I'm cooking now. It's man, but I've been putting the teeth stuff

on the credit card too. So that's what it kind of went for. But sometimes it's scary. Cause I was, when I first got a credit card, I was just like, then you gotta pay it. That's the way they get you. Yeah. I had one in colleges.

It's not good. I didn't understand it at all. Me neither, man. That's what I understood. I knew I had to pay it back. I just. All right. This is a good one.

This is from Tristan. Haven't had a question read yet. Being from me, we were just talking about it's perfect. You ever let the wind clean the snow off your car after a big snowstorm instead of brushing it off? Absolutely. Yeah. A hundred percent. Just make a couple of quick turns.

Totally. You give it a little tap tap to see if it's wet snow and then depending on it, like real whip twist the back. Yeah. And then sometimes when you're going by people, they're like, you're gonna snow on. Yeah.

I'm gonna fuck about you. And then the snow's going and coming and yeah, yeah. Icicles and shit flying through the window. That's awesome. Feels good to be alive. Did you ever do the thing where you would take fresh snow and mix it with condensed milk?

Not with condensed milk, but we would put maple syrup on it. But condensed milk is really good. Wait, what? I've had that. What are you talking about? It's like a dessert. What is?

The mixed snow with condensed milk and you put like a flavoring. I don't know what it's called. You would go out? Is that a main thing? Or like a thing? It's like a northeast like snow thing. Yeah.

Where are you from, Toby, Chicago? I lived there for the last 11 years but I went to high school in Massachusetts. Oh, okay, cool. Nice. On the Vermont border. I don't know if that's genius or complete trash. It's kind of gross though,

because it was like, I mean, it's like, I remember being like, oh, like scoop around the yellow, but it's like, you're getting close to the yellow. Scoop around the yellow thing. Yeah, the pee. I've, what the fuck? I have enough information.

Do you brush your teeth in the shower? Yeah. Do you pee in the shower? Yeah. Do you keep your toothbrush in the shower? I do. Do you keep your tooth in the shower? Yeah.

I think so. I can't find it. Check there, check there for your tooth. What about the sleeping situation? Do you sleep with a fan directly on you? No, but I should. My apartment now has AC, but back in the day before it did,

I would put it directly. I hate the oscillating. Okay, how many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Just two under your head? I sleep with one or two, but if I'm in a relationship or there's like a girl coming over, I have a girlfriend now,

so I'll like pillow it up for her. So you don't go... Oh, sorry, go. You don't go pillow between your legs or hold one or anything? I wish I fucking did, because it would make me go to the chiropractor less. But I don't, I sleep on my side

and I would jack my back up. Is the bed in the corner of the room? So I had a bed and then... So I had a bed. I am stunned that you're this garbage. I got a bed. Really? Oh my God.

Yeah, I had a bed and... It's also like you're part of the Chievers and to go into Thanksgiving at the Harvard Club and that can't even pull you out of it. That's crazy. That's like you just dropped the Harvard Club and I'm like, nope, not gonna do it. I had a lot of opportunities to not be...

That's why it's like nature versus nurture. I do believe in like a lot of things. I do think the dome set you back early on in the race. It could have been. But even the dome, you have to put the time and the place and where she grew up and the fact that, okay, her father lived the kind of...

I get where you're going. The natural lifestyle. It's not the... But he grew up in a family similar to my mom's in Boston, but he also was like, I'm not from me and then he's like, I'm living off the land. See, that makes you less trash too. If you come from money and decide to go that route,

that's a noble thing. For them, I guess, yeah. No. Noble? I think they were just kind of high. Not noble. Yeah, you know. I got like puffing on the fucking chiba.

Yeah. And he was like, I'm trying to get off the grid so the feds can't pass. Exactly. Fucking blueberry farmer. You know, this is all fucking... 100%. Yeah.

This thing's blueberry kush farmer. This thing's been fucked from the beginning. And they, my mom, despite the fact that she owned a Swedish weaving store, fucking hates comedy, which I think is so... Really? Yeah, and I'm always like, my mom hates comedy. She was breeding them my neck and then so I'm like,

well, what'd your mom do? I'm like, she had a blueberry farmer. I don't know how to... Nothing that practical. Swedish weaving, she's an importer, I export her with bottom-all in weaving, so I'm like, Swedish. I am.

I mean, I'm... Yeah, I can draw a conclusion. Closing the book. My bed's on the floor now, though, because... All right. Because... That's it. Because I felt like...

Someone told me it was like an ADHD thing. I felt like trapped and it didn't feel like enough room, so I dismembered the bed. Now it's in the closet. Dismembered is a weird word choice. Weird choice, yeah. What would it take to pull her out, Kip? Buddy, if she...

I mean, she dropped Harvard Club for fucking thanks. That's probably one of the most classiest things someone said, and it's like a... Didn't even bat an eye at it. Yeah, I can't really see anything. I mean, if I had like $2,000 in front of me, maybe that would pull her out. Oh.

I'd take a bribe. Take a break? Yeah, yeah, right. And she's classy. And we're back with the classiest person there is. Yeah. If a Venmo deposit weren't a hit, I wouldn't be here. Yeah, I think we would be in the payoff realm.

Wow. To try to get out of this. We're definitely in bribe territory. I don't have socks on right now, and I never wear socks. Do your feet smell? Sometimes, yeah. Yeah. That's impossible for them to not.

Yeah. Sometimes, yeah. I was gonna actually ask if you were wearing matching socks, so it's fitting. No, I don't. Sometimes I'll wear socks, but sometimes when I wear socks, it doesn't, it's just, I don't know, I don't like it. Oh, shit, I'm not a big underwear guy.

Really? I'll be honest with you, yeah. I get that. Yeah, it's just to you, that's so good. I get it. I'm sure the underwear is thankful. I'm not going back in there. We're taking the day off, boys.

Ladies and gentlemen, Emma Wilman. Emma, what do you got coming up you want to focus out there to know? Vlog any shows, any whatever. Lay it on us. Thank you, guys, I'll pull this. Of course, yeah, get the calendar. You got the iPhone, the latest iPhone, though.

It's cracked. It's cracked. I saw that it's cracked. And it's the plus. And I brought the. That's so garbage. I brought the, one of the, one of these cracked, the lenses cracked, so I brought it to a store

that apparently wasn't iPhone certified, because once it's in, now it says that the, that the lenses are not recognized. Man. All three lenses. It's just fucking like, all right. Did you ever wear colored contacts? No.

Okay. No. I didn't. Still garbage. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't wear colored. I was gonna do it.

I did everything I could for you. I mean, I tried. October 1st, I'm going to be at the Robin Theater in Lansing, Michigan. Look at that. And then October 2nd, I'm going to be at Back Alley Comedy Club in also in Michigan. And then October 3rd, I'm doing the Lincoln Lodge

in Chicago. Yes. Those are the road shows. I love doing Chicago. Guys, go check her out. She's a fucking killer. She's a killer on stage. Let me say this.

No bias at all. One of the funniest people, one of the best stand-up comedians out there. I feel the same way about you guys. I have so many memories of you guys back in the day. It's in so many different spaces. That's why it's always like, you know, when people are talented,

but then also they work for it too. You know what I mean? Thank you. Cause they were just like that. It's like that Cat Williams, where he's like, try and shit and try and shit. Don't work. You know what I'm saying?

And then so. But you're honestly one of the few comics that like, when you're on a show, I'll stay and watch you. Killer, killer. Just because it's pure entertainment. You know what I mean? It's just funny. Appreciate it.

And you're always working on stuff. You always have something new. You always have a different twist on something. So folks, do yourself a favor. If you live in those areas, go check out Emma. She's absolutely amazing. Yeah. Let me know if you think, but feel free to DM me on Instagram.

If you think you should get his hair blonde. I mean, I'm curious what you guys think. I don't know. We'll see. I mean, maybe I'm wrong. I'm gonna be a Patreon goal. Yeah. Could be.

You got my pubes bleach too. Woo! There you go. Spice it up. Sorry, Kevin. Sorry. Looks like Jonah Hill down there. Coming up to see his pubes now?

Great. Give me what he got for him. At Kevin Ryan Comedy on all social media. And then guys, patreon.com, iTunes, YouTube, the whole fucking nine. We appreciate all the fucking support. I don't care if you're on the Patreon, off the Patreon. If you watch it, just fucking,

all the support has been fantastic. Thank you so much. What an episode, gang. Evan, thank you so much, gang. We love you and we will see you next week. Peace.