Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Enter The Matrix w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: July 28, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to Enter the Matrix and answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/li0uni5h As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Factor: Eat smart at https://factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The fat one fell on a retaining pond. You believe that? Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Hey ya!

It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. Yeah. But they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful summer day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's on her way down to Strathmere.

OK. Doing a little competitive eating over there at the Dayaville Inn. Dewville. Chicken wing contest. Dayaville. It's the goddamn Dewville, OK? Whatever.

My coach is coming at you from across the table. It's what we call a family episode. Sure. Just the boys, the bozos, the nahomies, just the way we like it. He is Sure. Just the boys, the Bozos, the Nahomis, just the way we like it. He is the prince of the pie, the Sultan of the Sleights,

the flatbread freak, but homeowner, new father. I thought you were going to leave with something else if I was being honest with you. Future youth soccer coach of the year. I'm talking about the king of the burbs, everybody. Give it up for KJ, Kevin, James, Ryan. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you very much, Bugman. Much appreciated. Shout out to the

homies. Shout out to everybody for tuning in. Homies, the bozos, god damn everybody. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on friggin' Spotify, which I gotta be honest with you. What were the numbers you hit me with the other day? Numbers the other day were... Big man's in charge of the numbers now. Top 200, I think 130, 138 on all podcasts. You said 100. I said 138.

Comedy podcast number 38. Top 50. Not bad. Climbing the charts. Top 40. Get Dick Clark on the phone, huh? We're gonna be doing Top of the Pops in a couple of weeks. Sitting down with that Graham Norton shooting his shit. Getting a little fucking anecdote from Harrison Ford. Very nice suit, having a spritz. Calling him Harry. Harry, you know what I'm talking about. Hey, Indy, take it easy. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com

slash ru garbage. Go over there. You get all that freaking bonus content Can you become a ten dollar homie fun time over there you get to a week you get hard feelings which? Listen everyone if you're in you're in a real VIP section. It's over there at the ten dollar level So the cheek meat hits the road Sliding across the highway. There's over there. There's the real feel over there You get it you get behind the scenes behind behind behind this you want to know what the real barometric pressure is Get over that hard feeling studio over an ice box before we get the show started. Let's take a little cruise by the old corner office. Oh Say what's up to that? Lukey patuki new guy Luke of the Dempsey group over there. Let's see what's in the inbox

See what the outgoing Look at you. What are we in the second third quarter of the year here, huh? What are the what are the the projections looking like projections are looking good aetherium's up bitcoins up His eye on the markets like a mad make my Kramer man money over here. I think you're banging something. So so so that guy's a quack. That guy's a nutball. I used to love him back in the show when he hit.

Dude, he'd be losing it. Oh, yeah. Take it easy, man. It's three o'clock. The fuck? Well, my look on my snake brain Screaming at me Speaking of throwing back before we get the show started. I came across something In my medicine chest okay medicine chest

No, it's called yeah medicine chest now medicine cabinet cabinet a chest would be standalone I got one of those a lot of Doomies a lot of doomsday school buses in there. Sorry park my bus Call that the bus depot. Call that the car wash. Sorry keep the school buses Do a little fucking Chinese fire drill sure you ever do that at the light do a little Chinese fire drill We did it at a we tried it once you run it from the feds. We tried it once at a Train stop like a train crossing did you pull onto the tracks? Why is that first of all that's not a thing what?

really let No, we did it out of like a yeah, we were stopped for a train or whatever as a family or friends Think both yeah, I remember doing it with my parents. Yeah, that is garbage I think the car was on fire Everybody have every man for himself your mom's topless Throw my dad a honey Anyway, I came across this in the back of the old medicine cabinet, which really brought me back to

around this time of year. As you know, I love it. Young kids, you're a big in the past guy because the present ain't great. That's called escapism. According to my big man's living in an escape room. Welcome to the bug man escape room. No way out. Back in time. It's like the Kobayashi Maru you can't win the one deep cut. Keep it moving. Don't ask the questions right you Star Trek fans out there Which I've been getting knee deep into

Sounds Asian What? Kobayashi Kobayashi Maru is The guy that edited one of my talks He did one of my talks? Shout out to the Black Widow Yeah

He's a doctor in charge of Fukushima, fucked everything up Listen, watch the tuna He's watching you Keep it landing salmon the who failed it, then went in and then asked to take it again, went in the night before, rigged the game, and won. And was famous for doing it. It was an unbeatable scenario. No, you didn't beat it. You cheated to beat it. That's the only way to beat it. That's how Captain Kirk does it.

And it closes a couple of alien ass. Get the hell out of there. This guy's a fucking. I did all right. This guy's a scammer. I didn't know that. What? How dare you?

All right, enough with your fucking 1970s television show. It's new. The ones with Chris Pine. Good stuff. Fair enough. Luke. Henry. Let me take everybody back.

Should I look yet? To the summer. To the summer in the 1990s. Uh huh. Man if you knew a young lady that was using that the whole bathroom smelled like it. Man that really cleaned the pores out. Say not. I thought that was for nether regions really No wonder you like to smell You got acne on your tank. What are you talking about? Oh?

You know that I know yeah, that's the you're that that rock a all the products that that everyone's using now Whether it's your sugar scrub your salt scrub your marula oil Whatever you're using your under eye cream, whatever the ladies are doing, this is what the broads in the early 90s had and that's all you got. You got that and a little herbal essence. You gotta make it warm. I remember tugging my root to that moisturizer, that conditioner. Just sitting there smelling a bottle. Man, I would get turned on when I smelled it. Can I say this? Because I would wail on myself. And I'd be like Pavlovian response. I'd be walking down the the shampoo aisle to acme and I catch a whiff of that. Next thing you know, I got a hard

on you can hang from. Start getting sleepy by the time I got that at dinner rolls. Can I say this? What? You know, I'm an old man. You don't really notice that that much anymore. What? A woman's, the way a woman's hair smells as much as it did back in the day. Remember like a girl would get on like the bus in high school and the whole like the whole bus would smell like it.

It would just smell like. I don't want to, I'm not trying to, trying to if you cut, no I don't. I don't remember that. You don't remember that. The whole bus, that's too much product. The whole bus smells. I thought it was nice in the summer. Or you know, towards the end of the year. I'm not saying it doesn't, but I, you know, the whole bus. Whole bus, what'd I say?

You heard me, you bald prick. Yeah, no. I don't know. I'm also, I'm not bump Yeah, now I don't know. I'm also, I'm not bumping in that many broads anymore. You true, true. I'm a one man band. Of course.

Does your wife's hair smell good? Yeah. Yeah. I miss that. You know what I mean? Hot chicks, their hair used to smell really good. I would argue hot chicks' hair probably smells better than ever if I had to guess. I mean you know. Not around hot chicks no not that I was around hot chicks previously. Of course.

I met one and I married her. I tell you what I don't mind you know what I like is that dry shampoo the ladies are using. I don't get that either there's a lot of stuff. I started using it though. I'm a bar of soap man and I'm a Pantene Pro V when I do wash my hair. I gotta be careful I don't wash it uh That's all I use everything else. I don't know. I don't know nothing about nothing I had one pie was the oxy not oxy clean His face disappears Talking about

Paracel know the pat the circle fuck man not oxy clean those things Oxy oxy pads I think they were oxy pads. Yeah. Yeah, no those are look. What do you got oxy? Those are the butterflies huh butterfly wings no these were the circle the oxy pads Yeah, that you would man that's I remember I found them we were in noxzema family that shit fucking stung Noxzema tried to pull it one time with that shit. Holy fuck Whoo? like a knight in the gulag Shirking over the pepper and Patty getting stuck in a Chinese finger trap I

What I remember Mike Mike, what do you have there? It's just oxy pads really up did there whoa? Is that they still do the pad no one ever talks about monster energy drink take those over? More now I tell you what with those things though you would do them And you would see that dirt on your face you knew it was what I'm saying and every time I watch my I go I wish I didn't know listen. I got I'm getting back on these yeah, I'm getting them, too Yeah, they were the soap you go. Oh, okay. I'm clean now. Yeah, you see it stop working the pores Yeah, now they have those borosil pads, whatever they're called the things you put over your nose and you pull the blackheads out Yeah, those are great. What are they called borosil?

Clearosil now either way. Those are all right Borson not an order this Either way those are all right borson not an order this That stuff be or that's what I'm about be your your fucking beat it Me fuck that I don't like that marketing somebody called him up get that straight now That looks like you're selling me fucking perkin doodles of what oxy that does look like oxy a bunch of guys scratching waiting in line I took four from ain't they working there. Nothing smells like that stuff sure I'll give you that hot scrub and had like it was the first time that had that I ever used something that had like the

Little whatever those little beads in it. Yeah, holy scrubber. Yeah Yeah, you were died a little bit of case someone had those that the big thing for us was the broads were getting the bath and body Works like spritzers they were like they were hot for a while man It was like there was like a cherry one if they would have they would have them in baskets in Not bedbath and beyond bath and body. Yeah, they were everybody got into that I was paid that took over the mall like fuck it nothing you would believe that in the Shirts, that's that clamped together down the bottom. What? You know, I'm talking about the onesies. Bit of a freak,

aren't you? Is that what you're into? Yeah. Jennifer Aniston used to wear them all the time. The body. My wife will throw one on from time to time. Luke got that. Um, yeah, I do catch that whenever I forget that, you know, she'll watch from time to time. Watch what? The program. What the hell? Me and my oxys. And she'll be like, and I'll forget, I'm in the zone, I'm in the riffing zone here. Sure. I'll let something fly. We're working. I'll always protect the innocent, but I'll make a joke. Of course. Man, and she'll say something to me. I'm like, that is a deep cut. I didn't think you were.

I'm like, oh, you listen. You made it 53 minutes? Because I think maybe she'll listen to 10 minutes, get bored. She's sick of me. She's sick of you. She's sick of both of us. Sure. I figure, like, I'm deep enough in the episode.

I can let something go. And then she hits me with it. And I go Okay, so you're on a pay-year that no limit little freak But all that's neither here nor there we got a gosh darn family Episode on our hands as you know when you join the patreon you get to ask your garbage question But King of the burbs Kevin Ryan Father of the year flatbread freak the flatbread Ryan. Hey, Dom. King of the Burbs, King of the Burbs. Father of the Year. Flatbread Freak.

The Flatbread Freak. I got a lot of names. The Pizza Maker. That's what we'll call it. If you were in the Matrix, that's what you'd be called. The Pizza Maker. Something better than that. I'd have to go and see you.

I'd be Neo, obviously. Cheating on a test or something. Why? Because you're like Spock. Huh? Spock? Kirk. Kirk. I said Matrix. Yeah, I know

Hey, those two universes do not exist together And either this is one you're currently living in Does not intersect with reality at any given time. I am NOT an earth 616 you're another deep cut You are in another plane my fourth maybe fifth dimension The round dimension I had a question for you who wins in a fight me or you I'm out of shape, but you got no bone density right? Kids bad got half a liver over there. Hello. You're gonna get off the juice and get on the tea start pumping iron

Me if you got yoked up, that'd be pretty funny I want these I want to build Goldberg Goldberg fucking muscles got wearing a neck roll in the 80s take out crush a can as you know we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands when you join the old patreon a wheel you get a chance to ask your garbage question on the air yes sir and shout out to the homie they know what they're doing they know how to write a funny funny garbage question Uh this one's from Jose ten dollar homie had one read already

How you there is it garbage if you put a karate belt color on your resume in the other skills? Category had a homie put down brown both to show his discipline slash perseverance, and he never took karate before That's how you pass a test That's how you pass a test. That's how you do it. That is amazing. That's one thing they can't check. They can't be like, here's, you know, break these boards. Special. They just happen to have a stack of cinder blocks. That'd be a real dickhead boss. You go when he's in a kimono or whatever that is. Gosh, I hear you're a blue belt, huh? Well that's the problem. If they are into

karate, then you gotta talk shop with them. Yeah, then you gotta talk shop. And that's how they get you. Could you fake that? What karate? Yeah, if you lied and said that you were a green belt. That's fine. Brown belt's right below black. So you gotta know what you're doing.

I would be like, well, I think my biggest weakness is, Hi-yah! I strike when you least expect it. I'm a throat chop, man Throat chop specialist. Would you be able to bullshit it? I mean, what are they? I mean, what would you ask me? What do you call the what do you call the place where they work out in a dojo? What do they call the mat? Is it a mat? I don't know. Yeah, Matt My gee what's a gee the butter?

Talking about that kid. I thought it was a kimono. No, come oners are what fucking hot broads are wishy-washies where really a Geocroc II. Oh, I'm told I always go to the restaurant They were in a burlap sack a lot of calluses can't but say about cash out baby shout out the K. She I know what the big dog Sponsor on the show gang sending money can be easy if you want using cash Yeah, that's right If you use cash app do yourself a favor get over to cash app send that out, baby You don't got to worry about it. They're not asking you 15,000 questions or anything like that. What's going on?

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Shout out to Factor. Now you've never had Factor. You don't know Factor. Oh, I've been using Factor for about three or four years. Let me tell you something right now. These goddamn things are delicious. I know, they're so good. Shredded chicken taco bowl, you have my heart.

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got Asian inspired meals with bold flavors by China, Thailand and more buddy. They're killing it. They are. Eat smart at factor meals dot com slash garbage 50 off and use code garbage 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That is a lot of turkey. That's code garbage 50 off at factor meals dot com for 50% off plus free shipping. Get delicious ready to eat meals ready to eat meals delivered to your door with factor. Do it. The ghee, that's the karate ghee. Yeah, no, I mean, listen, I would go, I would put a this is how I would play it. I put it on my resume.

Kevin, it says here that you're a blue belt in karate. You studied with Tiger Shulman. The Jewish, I'd say. Which, is there an actual Tiger Shulman? There's no way his first name was Tiger and his last name was Shulman. No. I always found that weird because I didn't realize, I knew one Shulman. There's no way his first name was tiger and his last name is Shulman No, I always found that weird because I didn't realize I knew one Shulman growing up and he was so did I he was a very Big uncoordinated Jewish fella, huh? And I was thinking I'm like I can't see a Shulman Mastering the Mets ours was a was a was a smaller Jewish fella good kid

Parents were the richest people, that biggest house I've ever been in in my life. All that karate money. It's insane. Everyone's deep. Very true. Yeah. It's like the Waltons. He had one of those backyards that went down that was like, I can't describe it. It had like a hill in the back, but it was all perfectly manicured. And then down at the bottom was

like the pool and like a pool house and All this stuff. I was only there for like 45 minutes at a party once. So you got caught stealing the silverware Couldn't believe I'm going through their medicine chest house is fucking 15 minutes away from my sure do you own my house, too? Sorry, we're gonna be looking on rent this month What do you got? Mr. Daniel nickname tiger Shulman? No kidding? Yeah, is he still alive? Yeah, he was born in 1962 get the fuck that worth $87 where did it start is that local that's national California gotta be California. He was born in New York. Oh tiger

Why? Detroit Tiger. Why? I don't know. I don't know. I almost said Detroit. Tigers. Yeah, I got you. Um. Huh. That's interesting. 25 million. It's got maybe more than, I mean, if Tiger Shulman's, if they are national. I think they are. And there's really no competition. Who else are you going to go to unless it's a local spot? Yeah. There's nobody. I mean, I can't get his net worth, but the revenue is thirty-four million dollars a year. Wow. It's gotta be franchised.

Yeah, it is. Let's open up a Tiger Shulman's. That's pretty sweet. It's me and you. Who's gonna train? What? Us. You don't know karate?

I'm a brown belt. Check the resume. Hey, you don't. I do. Listen, you're teaching these kids. They don't know karate a brown belt check the resume Listen you teaching these kids. They don't know sure take up teach them a fucking headlock for Nelson Kick him in the nuts each in the illegal throat chop the crying Ryan hit him They hope they just open up a time I never understood karate. I would like him as a kid It's a very childish, and I'm not down crediting karate, but I think it's very it's a lot of children If I will karate if I was in the best shape of my life would I be able to fight and beat up a black belt? In karate it's bullshit right not bullshit. Whoa. It's not it's not like jujitsu. We're like those guys and fuck you up

But karate's got to be coordinated would a karate guy be able to kick my ass. I think yeah, I mean yeah, I think so I'm not doubting it. I'm just, I'm ignorant to it. Yeah, I don't know what the, I've only ever known children that do it and they opened up a dojo in my neighborhood. I know a guy that sold weed that did it. They, and it's mostly children.

Sure. Like it's for the kid, and this is the first time I looked at it, I was like, oh, this is a child's activity. Self-defense, confidence. I think if you're, it's more self, it's more handle on yourself. Yeah. I don't think it's like. We can't be teaching that. What you want to do is freak out. Brace knuckles. Kids, I want you to start worrying.

That's a sweet move. Yeah, I'm a big proponent of lying on any sort of documentation to achieve something. I was big on the, I always did, what's it, Special Buddies? Buddy System? That sounds like Moles Stacione. No, it was the, it's an organization. Best Buddies, Special Buddies. That's the Catholic Church?

No. Best Buddies International? No. Best buddies international? Yeah, best buddies international. What was that? I think it was for mentally challenged people. You became like a friend for mentally challenged people. What side were you on? Nah, I'm just curious.

Take me around to McDonald's. This is the 80s. It could have been misdiagnosed. I think it was best buddies, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I did that for like six years. What's that got to do with karate?osed. I think it was best buddies right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was I did that for like six years What's that gotta do with karate nothing? I would you bet did it let this guy beat your ass

He's tossing you around like a rag doll what a big hog Martin stop You're not getting ice cream later power bombing it I Get that kid that smashes the two bottles Fucking that guy likes to party don't do it That kid likes to party I found out though as I've gotten my older age I've really appreciated that kind of thing in the sense of like, yeah, that's a pain in the ass. You just broke glass in the pool.

But it's like, let's have a good time. What are we doing here? Why are we keeping on air? We're adults. We'll pick out the glass. Just break the glass. Let's have a good time. Guy's enjoying himself.

Yeah, I did that for six years. That was your extracurricular activity. Like, that's what you would have put on your resume. Like, that's what you would have put on your resume. Yeah, that's what I would have put on my resume. Actually, I probably have my. Because I looked at it recently. I have my serving resume on me. On you?

Yeah. I got some. I got a call from a friend of mine. I don't know if we've talked about this. I got a call from a friend of mine who's helped me out or helped me out uh-huh very early on in my Career right New York career, okay. It was almost a 10% investor of a YG. That's my acting resume man, I Only took eight minutes as you weren't that in

Comedic timing improvisational skills stand-up comedy sketch comedy voiceover artist save says Various accent this is saying that save it David guys check out the rest of that on page, right? I don't know if I could find the other one. I can I can find mine. This is big and take a quick peek shortcuts Garage band files. All right, save it. Save it. Save it. Save it. What did what party did you not get about save it? I Got beats in there dickhead I'm gonna go to the miles. Alright, save it. Save it. Save it. Save it. What what party did you not get about save it? I got beats in there, dickhead. And the matrix, you'd be called Mayo.

No. That's rude. That's pretty good, alright. Looking horrible in the trench coat. Ah, **** **** It's got stains on it. **** Can't you be see the Oracle? I would have crushed him cookies though they look good. A buddy of mine hit me up uh-huh said hey I got a I got a family member who's looking for an internship. Okay. Can I send you over the resume? Okay. I'd have to toss him some cash a week. Is that right? And for, you know, it just ended up more than I said. Listen, this is how I play the game.

I'll just fuck, listen. I just said to get a couple hundred bucks. I'll send him a couple hundred bucks and I'll just say, I'll write him a letter of recommendation. I like that. I'll just say, I'll go ahead, but go, he was more like web design stuff and I'm like, I don't, I can't even,

like I read his resume and I'm like, I don't know what 99, I don't I can't even he I read his resume and I'm like I don't know what 99 I don't know 99% of stuff Luke does let alone what this this kid's like speaking in code I'm like I can't I just can't use I don't know zeros and ones it's easy. Oh thanks Mayo. Boom got him. You think it's zeros and ones.

Mostly pepperoni and salami am I right guy? I think it's zeros and ones. It's mostly pepperoni and salami, am I right, guys? Um. So I just said, hey, let me know. Where's the kid go to school? Can you say that? No, I don't remember. It was a high school kid.

Like, an accredited high school kid. He was 18 or something. Okay. You know, it was like... Was this the beginning of the summer? Yeah. Oh. Could've had an intern the whole summer hanging out.

No. What? Could've went to pre-fresh parties. Hang out with high school kids? No. How old are you? College kids, though. Go to Bloomsburg. I just said he was in high school. You said he's going in. No, I said he's 18. He's going. He's currently in high school is what I said.

Sign him up for the Army. I'll show you what it's like. I would have been a door gunner. Sign him up for tiger's moment So I just said hey man I Realized that were like it's all everything's fucking made up and fake. I go. I'll just say He worked for us. Mm-hmm. I'll fucking write him a letter of recommendation put him on the thing I'll call a guy no one cares cares. Just get him the job.

I would just lie. And he was like, oh, yeah, I'll let you know if we need to do that. I said, I'm here to help. I'm here to scumbag our way up. Big man. I'll go to the interview with him. He's in his college admissions. Now, who is the bug man? You just crawl. I'm right here, man You just crawl across the ceiling. I'm right here man.

You crawl across the ceiling. Just give me... crawl through it. Bug man engaged. Oh that's so good. Alright let's hear this one from Tom. $10 kippy plus size Pampers fundraiser here. I think he just said my kid's got a fat ass.

Is it garbage to microwave a frozen lasagna in the office microwave, them John's jam up the break room microwave for about 10 to 15 minutes? That is a dirt bag level question on a such specific, it's not the smell, it's going, I'm jamming every, dude, think about if you were gonna microwave your shit. Who's got something in here for 25 minutes

Dude, if you got a nice lunch if you got a half hour break and you get in here and he's at minute 14 That's half your breaks go. You got to do that. Say you get lunch at 11 You got to pop in at 1030 and throw that in yeah, you got I'm running a bath you get in there started early But then then you got a something in there cooking for 20 20 minutes with no supervision. That's how the break room blows up Then you're GMed up. I know the exact I assume if you're if this guy is worth any weight Worth his salt. That is a Stouffer's mini lasagna. Listen and those things hit You that's not I'm not child. Listen, I'm a big my I'm a hot pocket. I'll do whatever you need going to be like, listen,

Nine you got to take lunch at like three for that you can boil you a cup of coffee a real strong cup of real Strong caracal get you through to 435 o'clock, but if you're doing a lasagna at noon, dude You're doing a noon or lasagna and that he ain't doing a diet kook with that. That's a fucking he's doing some something heavy That is I remember being so sleepy Anytime I would come back for lunch like when I worked I worked at an office briefly as the as the as a dispatcher for a little head a jeep at karate Has a dispatcher for a for a limousine company and man I'd crush a lunch and just be Bucking sending cars the new work that I supposed to go to JFK Katie Couric screaming at me

She was a client coffee lady. I was in a lot. Yeah, we were I mean it's pretty well documented We weren't when I worked with my family. We weren't allowed to take no lunches He ain't worth shit, and you weren't you get in that pickup you get in the cabinet pickup truck You start eating a hoogie. It's cold as shit outside. You're going fuck that. No way. Like that, you ain't worth shit. We would knock off early, go get beers and chicken tenders. Shout out to the Ashton pump.

Ten minutes at 1060 away from night night time. Yeah. And then you get that day, get that AM radio going. And one guy's reading the paper. I'm fucking out, dude. Sitting on a bucket snoozing. A lasagna. Especially if you're doing we were doing like, you know, doing labor. So you're like carrying. So like you're already physically exhausted.

You're sweating. And then that that you could you're physically cooled down. It's like half time. You get the meat sweats in the winter. That sucks. But in office, I'm like a wide receiver. I got to stay on a bike even when I'm all, you know, keep the legs moving, keep the sweat going. Get me the jacket.

Did you ever, did you ever fuck with Stouffer's like that when you were a kid? I know the French bread, obviously, but I remember my mom. I mean, I didn't do Stouffer's French bread till I was in college. My mom every once in a while would get like a Stouffer's, it would be the big Stouffer's lasagna You had to put that in like three weeks before you wanted to eat it Yeah, it was like it was like an hour and a half that would that to me We were never planning that far ahead that would be like there was one in there I remember her getting home from work at like 530 and putting that in and seeing the timer guys at 7 o'clock

What are you Spanish? What the fuck are we doing here lady? I got school in the morning. Go take a siesta. And not to mention that thing comes out of the oven at 730 You can't go near that fucking thing. No, that's like Chernobyl. It's like eating an elephant's foot. Middle's still cold. Dude That thing would be boiling. We always had we were a my mom we were my mom was a big lean cuisine. A lot of frozen stuff. They're little though, these fucking big lasagnas. I'm telling you, I understand what you're saying. My stepmom, sometimes for dinner, which I didn't hate because the cheese

was like watery, creamy, soupy. Wait, do I know what you're going with? You're talking about the the Jolly Green Giant, Cheese and Broccoli? No, my mom would make that for Danny. Danny would eat the whole bowl of that. It that might as well be an alien brain. Are you kidding me?

That stuff is awesome. I get it. I get it now. But as a fucking I mean, he was I used to think and I was five. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. I used to think it was weird, though, when they would put the plastic bag in boiling water. Yeah, I don't see we do it in the microwave Stove was for heat That was for a long time I'm shit. I'm broiled. I'm warning watching my mom do that I'm not eating a whole friggin house.

By the way, I'm upside down in this fucking energy bill. Sure. That AC has been running, dude. Um, I've been looking the other way on that for a month or two. Wait till that catches up. Uh, well, you can turn it off on me. Can't it's illegal.

Melzer Lee. I'm in the fucking buddies of America. Can't shut my shut my can't. It's illegal. Milderly. Goddamn veteran. I'm in the fucking Buddies of America. Can't shut my shut my. Don't make me come over there and hit you with a karate chop. Um no we used to do this for like

dinner. We would do a side of the microwave stofers. Uh Mac and cheese. Okay. And I remember being like I'm we... We were America's Choice. The craft of her, you know, like the blue box. America's Choice blue box. Then she, my stepmom would do Velveeta. But then sometimes, I guess she had a taste for that, she would do that.

That pasta's too mushy. It's too thin. It like dissolves. It's crazy. I liked it though. Dude, the second you whacked out with a can of coke it was gone it was like it didn't even happen it was fucking like Chris angel eating the Eucharist yeah very I did love that stuff though

yeah I remember my fucking my stepdad hit me with a meatloaf hungry man when I was real young my mom my first day he watched us I'm what I'm what it first time he watched us and that dude there was like I Was the list as a young kid. I wasn't a gravy guy. I wasn't a fucking red meat. He might as well gave you a cigar to chew on I loved him. I get I get it. But at that it first of all, I'm like me and my brother were big Yeah, very steak boys. That's exactly and I go first of all, I go my mom does the cooking I just met this fucking guy smoking on smoking a Winston microwave at me. That's got the chocolate brownie though Yeah, well, I touch I like dabble in the brown. Those things are bangers. I dabbled in I remember this I go

There's no way I'm touching them vegetables. No freaking way I did scoops of the mashed potatoes into the gravy. I dabbed them in the gravy, wet my beak. You're supposed to have a peanut. Hell yeah. I suck. But I remember going, I'm like, dude, you're new here. This don't, I'm a picky eater.

And it ain't this, okay? Go get the chicken nuggies or Diego waffles. We're having dinner I See an onion I freak I Didn't like that onion bread. I love it now that onion bread Hit me with that one time from super fresh. That's a buddy. I don't there's bugs on this I remember getting caught with it. They scraped these mosquitoes off. He had bothered it already.

And I didn't know. And like a long string of onion. Fucking fruit. Fucking dental flaws in here. Fucking worms, dude. No way. Got worm worm bread you freak out Yeah took me a while back on that horse

Hey, Lydie covered it up with covered up with cream cheese get you to eat it The same thing just eat it flavor. Yeah, I don't like it. They always hit me when I crawl He got a Kings of why I'm back there Stick to the islands, baby, he pills Barry. There's worms in mine in mind Pillsbury doughboy never lied to anybody but any shit that's goddamn America straight up the middle Yeah, I'm trying to be fucking French or whatever that is onions in your bread. Those are you in the break room? That's great You got some people pissed at you, but you got a nice lunch

Sorry yeah that you can't you gotta have silverware silverware Yeah, you can't you can't because the fork starts melting that carries a high dent That's a high heat that oil and those things you can't cut through those lasagna They're thick as shit. That's like a comforter trying to slice through that. You're not doing that with a fucking plastic knife. Nothing's worse than having to... Listen, I'm a big plastic utensil guy. We eat lunch at your place, but it's like... It's for certain foods at certain times. When you're trying to... When it's that and it's not heavy enough,

and you're just... It just... It ruins the meal for me. I go, this is so unenjoyable. I'm thinking too much. I'm trying too hard. I look like an idiot. You're eating a whole lasagna. It's just the sheet. Yeah, because you can't get through to cheese. That stuff's hard.

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passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online Go pass ahead of the show at gotransit.com slash tickets. Uh, this is in the, uh, this is in the same thing. Um, this is from sold off, sold off Scott gun great name Man, I call him the salt that guy calls himself to Scott gun that sawed-off Scott gun. That's not going out $20 hoagie no big deal Is it garbage to heat up a lean cuisine just to put it in another container to take to work?

So they think you made it my mom used to do this. I like that. I respect that as someone Who carries a lot of shame in certain areas, that makes you, you know, it looks like leftovers or something. It's not, I respect that. I don't want to burst a bubble. No one bought that. Those lean cuisines, they carry a certain particular scent.

Sure. That's tough to fake. But if you've got a good look at it. But if you microwave it at home get that first cook and then maybe just heat it up sure or it's all you know what I mean a little garlic salt.

Yeah, fucking hit it with a little bit of you know, oregano or something. All right. That might not be bad. I like to move. All right. Let's see here.

This one's from the real Estelle Getty keep an eye on the stock price of frozen dinners There might be a little bump after this episode. Yeah, they're getting a lot of conversation. They're getting their do Let's hear is it garbage or grow up with your uncle living in the garage in your backyard He hit his head on a fire pit ring when he was 18 and got scar tissue on his brain He was never able to have a regular job because of disability so he built an apartment on the backside of our garage and he's lived there now for 41 years. He just smoke weed, blast zeppelin and complains

about the American government all day. Talk about living the life. That's what family's for though. I gotta give you that. Got it. He got jammed up at an early age, caught a bad hand. It sounds like if he's an early age, caught a bad hand. It sounds like if he's building his own apartment, he could be working. I think the disability thing is just to keep the checks coming. Sure. Which? Smoking doobies. He's getting high and he built a goddamn apartment.

I like it. But I respect, and that's what families, that's what a, that's a good dirt bag family. Listen, I can't let you in the house. You've been going through my wife's underwear drawer. You gotta have a space. You can go out back. The backyard's yours. Have at it.

Probably fun for the kids too. Sure. Smoking weed with them. Sure. Teaching them karate. Definitely get the high school. You know where to go. You go for the stash. Sure. Yo.

Of course you might have a flashback. Start fucking pulling up the machete. Get a screwdriver to your head. I'll do it man That's uncle Gary he's fucked up All right this one's from Victor Mendoza $10 Bozo never had one read is it garbage appointed to menu while turn telling your server what you Want I know I look like a toddler doing it, but I can't physically stop myself. I do it when I can't pronounce the word in an Italian restaurant. Or you want to make sure you're on the same page. Because I've been screwed by that before. What do you mean? Like, I can't remember what the item was. It was like there was two chicken

dishes. One had like fucking, you know, cheese, it might have been like a Sorrentino or something like that and I pointed at the wrong one and got like grilled chicken and vegetables. What the heck? Hungry man meatloaf. I didn't get my pudding. Yeah, I'm gonna do, yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't know the words, you gotta do that. That's the way it's gotta to go man. I get it. Uh-huh

I'll go like because a lot of times you go to these places that stop putting Pretty much any English on the menu you go to like a decent Italian joint that really wants to be Italian and you're like buddy What's going on here? I would be a little bit of a bell polla And you're like there just say it's chicken. Just say chicken. Don't make me fucking Google stuff. Don't make me look at it. So then it's like, I know I can't pronounce the words correctly. So I'll go, I'll do the chicken.

Fagumagah. And like, point at it and hand it to him. And they always go, yeah, you know what, you know I can't say it. A move you could do. I just ordered a Coors Light. You, I can't say it. A move you could do. I just ordered a Coors Light. You know I can't pronounce it. The Coors Light. A move you can do is you

step above it and you go, I'll do the chicken. Did you want the uh the soaring thing? Usually, they'll say it or if that is walk away. Hey, wait a minute. No, give me the I was loving when I started working at like most of them

were American cuisine but when I started working at the Greek Joint, shout out to Snack Tavern over there in the West Village. Closed permanently. I just heard someone just hit us DM me or so. I saw something. Yeah. Taverna. See if you can get

eyes on it. I mean, they had a good run Restaurants of rest just stay open a restaurant in New York stay open for 10 15 years permanently closed Maybe cut this Why I don't know that's a bummer. Oh Fuck I always wanted to go back and get that check the food at that place was so goddamn good It was unbelievable a great run hell of a run I mean for a restaurant in New York to stay open for a decade is... I mean find the average lifespan of it's gotta be like eight months.

More than a decade, probably 20 years it was open. Yeah, that's a long time for any business. God damn it! I wanted that chicken sandwich. Chicken sandwich with a... Is this Patreon? With roasted tomato, arugula, and like a mint, lime, mayo. It was so fucking good great spot anyway when I learned all that I didn't know anything

tzatziki, teremousalata, melissanosalata, borekis all this all this Greek language mm-hmm I didn't know anything after like a year of working there if somebody misspoke something I'd be like you mean the teremousalata you don't mean it's like don't actually you're not hit him with it whip It's in the walk-in and hit him with it. Yeah, oh you mean and with wine I Always do the scumbag thing of if I can't pronounce the vineyard. You know the whatever. I'll go. We'll do the cabernet the second cab whatever Not that one

I'll do that too. There's a $15 bottle uh-huh the second cab, whatever. Not Yeah, that's the time is a tough racket. Tough rack. How many restaurants open up in the city every year? Yeah, I think like pizza, I mean, it's like crazy. It's got to be nuts. Um, all right, let's see here. Funny, my boy, your boy who you ain't got boys. I do in 2024. It was over 1200 new establishments hmm That's that's my boy just a my boy who I worked with just had lunch there

Good actor okay, John Gorman Johnny Gorman shout out to him All right, let's see here this one's from Bobby T $10 home You never had one read are you garbaged if your parent made you try to sleep off a broken bone Broke my wrist rollerblading home from street hockey when I called my mom to get a ride home She asked me if my leg was broken. I never got to sleep and she took me to the doctor in the morning Then he's ain't gonna like this but that was her method that was like I knew it was cuz you fall Damn, I think I broke my wrist. That's probably chances are was probably sprained. It wasn't broken.

But every one of us had broken a bone where her thing was go to bed. If you can't sleep through the night, that's fucking crazy. I know it's broken. Well, you could just sleep now. It broke an arm, a broken hand. Wake up. Take me to the doctor. Wake up. You'd have to wait till the morning. Yeah. So you just laid there all to wait till the morning? Yeah.

So you just laid there all night? Well, listen, yeah. In pain? I'm not, it's not like I got hit with a fucking, you know, it's not like a- You have a broken hand. Yeah, but- Oh, I would have freaked out.

Bones don't have nerves. Is that true? Yeah. You sure do. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ain't that a lot? Bones don't have nerves. I don't think so. I don't think so. No. Get eyes on that.

It's the tissue around it. I think. What if it was a compound fracture? Still sleeping. I had I had close to one of those. I don't believe you. What? Look like a Civil War reenactment. It's commonly thought bones don't have nerves.

Not entirely true outside the bone like the outside part of the bone does have some nerves. Yeah, there'll be people walking around with broken bones. They do all the time. I had a broken bone for a year and didn't know. What? What? This one, my navicular, AKA my scaphoid bone.

That's why I had a surgery because it broke and healed in two different pieces. Huh, is that your business hand? No, it's my pleasure hand. That's what I mean. No. Oh. Left hand. You wouldn't. Left hand? My left hand. a pleasure hand. That's what I mean. No. Oh. Left hand.

You wouldn't. Left hand? My left hand. What don't you get about that? You're righty. There you go. In the boudoir. Ha ha ha ha ha.

A lefty on the tennis court though, huh? Ha ha ha ha. Hell of a back hit. A lefty in the locker room. Yeah, no, it was like if you sleep, if I, you know, if you couldn't sleep through the night Here's a fucking single mom working third shit came from the hospital man. I was I was soft there was also I couldn't sleep with warts, but you put the wart remover on my hand that shit burned little bitch

I'd be in there fucking banging on their door my dad trying to get a little fucking piece of nasty uh-huh Here comes the cock blocker. Oh! You guys aren't having fun without me, are you? I'm here to ruin your day. My finger's burning. There's no shit. Patty would always peel off the top of it

and then put it on there. That's how you get to the roots. She loved that. Oh, you're gross. She'd sit there, underneath the, out in the corner of the couch, under a desk lamp, fucking with the tweezers and a fucking X-Acto knife and fucking with a heater in her mouth. It's like going to like a mob doctor.

A bunch of dogs barking around me. We also knew that nothing can happen until working hours. You gotta go to an orthopedic. You go to the ER you're gonna get your x-rays at fucking whatever midnight. They're not gonna put in a cast. They'll put it in a splint No, they're not gonna put in a cast It has to be seen by an orthopedic surgeon who goes who reads and goes yes that is broken I'm prescribing you a cast and puts it in a cast look at you George Clooney. I've had a lot of broken bones George Clooney, you are hate them I

Knew I know you're doing That would be you should you should do George Clooney. ER. I knew. I knew what you're doing. That would be, you should, you should do a Clooney. Comb your hair forward. That's not great. No? Uh uh. It doesn't go back. I wouldn't mind seeing that. Okay. Comb hair, comb forward. A few things I wouldn't mind seeing you do either. It's a treadmill. Drop dead. Be nice to people. No, yeah, I get it. It's tough. But we have the know from so many nurses and people working in hospitals in my family, they know that you're not going to do it even if that happens on a Saturday.

They'll put it in a splint or an aircast and go, you got to call an orthopedic and schedule on Monday and at St. Mary's I couldn't see Dr. Prudusky until Monday. We had my leg and my hand. My buddy Charlie's mom was a ER nurse and she worked over at Suburban I believe it was. It was always nice if you had to go there late night for something whatever and she was there very comforting I Denise the one time I fucked my leg up very bad told the story was hanging off from the knee down Eight years old Denise picked me up. She came from whatever so Denise is in her scrubs

Takes me to the ER. They're gonna have to perform emergency surgery in the ER cuz there's not an OR open She goes that can't. She's like, you're not. So she walked back because she kind of just blended in. She started picking up phones and calling any contact. Because like... A different hospital, the hospital she worked at. A different hospital.

We're at St. Mary's. So this is like if she worked at Acme and she was over at ShopRite calling the produce department like, yeah, what are you doing with these avocados? No, she's not calling that. this is like she worked at Acme and she was over at shop right calling the produce department Yeah, what are you doing? No? She's not calling that. This is like pre cell phone. She's not calling that Oh, are she's calling all of our we're like Fight Club for lower level hospital workers, right? She's calling any other nurse any other admin She knows at any other hot a bed open to go we gotta get the fat one fell in a retaining pond You believe that shit? I'm trying to work. I'm trying to go down as short as we can

It's fat fuck broke his leg. See if you can sleep. You're probably off the couch for like 20 minutes What do you mean that day? I? Never got on the couch. I woke up went to school went home to went home on Liam's bus and Then went rope swinging and that's that's too fat to be rope swinging. First swing? Last, last one. How many have you done? I never asked you that.

Did you get a full day out of it? Or a full run out of it? I was jumping in to rinse off. And I jumped out of the tree and I wasn't swinging out. I just jumped out. So I didn't get the distance away from the bank. Right onto a root. Right onto a root or a rock

I don't know, you know, maybe they always serpent they always say that you got to watch that like if you're like one of the things that makes the East River dangerous is there's a bunch of Piers that got taken down and the things are still underneath there. Imagine diving in and getting impaled on that. Yeah Barnacle only in New York. Did we get sliced up by barnacle? Crawling out of the, coming out of the bay? Why are you not pluralizing it?

Barnacle. By barnacles. You would be sliced by barnacles. No, barnacle is the plural of it. I don't think so. Yeah, barnacle. You don't say barnacles. I think, I'm not, this is the argument.

I think, you know, I could be wrong. What's the plural of barnacles? Are barnacles? Yes, barnacles is the argument. I think you know I could be wrong. What's the plural of barnacles a barnacles? Yes, barnacles is the Name of a bar or something like that. I've got fucked up there Got my sea legs back I'm the captain now All right, I'm stupid no I'm not saying

Alright, I'm stupid. No, I'm not saying Don't don't put that you're a medical professional and I'm a dumbass first of all barnacles They have nothing to do with the medical profession. You never use those You put them on leeches Take the poison I've done But she got back in and started calling places to see if she could get you know We get transferred taking the attitude and they did and something opened up nice Room on the top floor sweet, but a nice view now would they would they have put you in an ambulance? Or would she have taken you over in the bit for Taurus at that point?

The champagne for what you bleed not a deadbeat as brutal as he has it's gushing. I was it was a it looked like a shark bite So how are they gonna really gonna wrap you up take you over to another hospital? I was I mean that was the I think when you turn a kid it No, hmm. Your boys didn't turn give you a tourniquet. No, I don't I would have turn a kitty Oh an old one. They wrapped they wrapped me up in a **** really wrenched it on there. First, Liam's brother Rory wrapped me up in his t-shirt. Then, they carried me. I I've I've I've told this

on Patreon and then the my boy was in the Boy Scouts. He clocked a picnic on fire. Turn him into a TV. It's pitch a tent in his pants. He made me a bird ass real quick The helmet supposed to do with a derby car Shout out to the derby car um I've seen some real shitty ones he ran back He saw a picnic table. They kicked the legs off. Yeah, they carried me to this old woman's house in

The woods that she wrapped me in her kitchen towels got me to Liam's house my mom just so happened to be there to pick me up didn't know all this put me in the Taurus drove me to St. Mary's. Junkie behind the car on the picnic table. Ew gross! I'm sure I made that joke on Patreon. Probably. Um, but, uh, all that being said yes we had to wait overnight for the most part.

Huh. They know that they know that my mom still, even with the baby now, I go, hey, then she goes, this is the lay of the land. This is what can be done. These are your options. This is the best provider to go to an urgent care. This is, she goes, this is the scope of the service you're going to get. And this is the best place to achieve that service.

You know what I mean? So, Denise, she knows what she's doing in there. So, we're here at Lankanol. Got him at Lankanol. She used to work in a blood bank. Hematology, Denise. She used to answer the phone. I used to call and answer.

I'd call a hospital. Lab Lori would answer. She'd pick up, go, Lab Lori. Like, thinking it could be like a doctor calling in like blood tested like I'm looking for the results for No, I just go I would go is my mom there Just as I call a hospital and ask for my mom like she owned the hospital We're just tell her we're out of Kraft singles Tell her her boyfriend's here trying to give me fucking roast beef out of the goddamn microwave

No, don't go Tell him to stop ashen in my macaroni and cheese. Would you do that? Would you call her work bitching? No, we have for sure for sure That was the big threat. I'm gonna call mom who meet Danny and Sarah all were in the house after Joe brought him with the house. No me Danny and Sarah were all watching. Well, they watch whatever was bad. We're all fist fighting and crazy Sarah was a fucking You know right hook that was fucking not the taste out of your mouth fucking boys And the threat was always I'm gonna call mom and if you called mom

Problem that was you that was a bomb. So it like I'm really gonna. I'll just ruin the week I'm gonna call mom and say Danny's doing what that day stole the car or whatever I didn't call my mom at work when she worked at the fucking office god damn it dude what I'm working my mom used to have to I've been to the hospital when like I didn't have daycare Or like nowhere to go and I finished shifts with my mom doing this What things this interviews or whatever I was gonna call this injury on But I figured since the barnacles debacle and keep my yap shot. I call my dad Sitting there talk to him for like 45 minutes. He's chilling. Yeah call over fucking Willow Grove air station. Yeah

Plains are correct chief Foley speaking pop. What's going on? I can shoot the ship for a little while He's chilling. Yeah. Call over Yeah. Planes are correct. Chief Foley speaking. Pop, what's going on? I can shoot the **** for a little while. I ain't hanging out. Hanging. **** boys. Vibing. Chilling. Uh Okay. Um let's see here. This is uh Toady in the blowfish never have one red I ever step in dog shit and get busted it out in class bad day at school

I'll do having dog shit on you and not knowing is like the biggest fear because it someone goes cuz you smell it you might not think much of it and then you It's not so you're in closed doors think much of it and then you it's not so you're enclosed doors and someone goes the hell's that and you feel a spike up your spine dude a chill you know it's you before you even look cuz it's too close it feels like he feels like the dog shit is standing right behind you you're afraid to turn around because it's always on like the back of your heel on the right Ah shit

It ain't an easy clean That sucks dude That sneaker's thrown out That's fucked that You got dog shit in your sneakers now you're throwing them out right? Oh yeah It's a germ thing cause I like where That never goes away I like where my sneaks in saw Like I inside like I don't not the guy of like I have to run inside

I'm like I'll walk I like I don't mind walking to my house with my sneaks on Because they're relatively clean, and it's like if I step in dog shit. I can never wear those ever caught in a hansi bomb No other dogs with Hansi IED. No they uh. You're here to click you know it's over Looks over and drops a pin It'll crawl into a ramble. No well when you I spent a lot of time in the city walking my dog And then you and you're in a place where dogs typically shit, and he's pulling you you know walking to the grass at night Goddamn animals. That's such a good question Dogs typically shit. And he's pulling you, you know, walking through the grass at night. You're screwed. God damn animals.

That's such a good question. You know, it's over, dude. Flip, I happened to flip in eighth grade. He stepped in dog shit and it got in his woo-wear pants. And he got called out. So like before class, say class started at. What's woo-wear pants? He had a pair of woo-wear khakis

that he wore every day. What's woo-wear? He had a pair of woo-wear khakis that he wore every day. What's woo-wear? Wu-Tang had their own clothing brand in the late 90s, early 2000s. How'd it get on his pants? Called woo-wear, because they were baggy hanging over the back of his shoes. Fucking woo-wear, these ain't skinny jeans. I'm talking. Yeah. Like that. Type in woo-wear or that woo-wear khakis.

That's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Woo-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w- that type in woo wear or that we were catching who today had blue right here it said woo where so like you knew they were the same ones every day they were sick as shit wide as a motherfucker yeah whatever pair of who wear khaki got on his pants got on his pants and dude he got so we all had to meet this is in junior high drop

off maybe school started at 815 so drop-offs like 730 to 815 at 810 a bell would ring that meant like start getting you have five minutes to get to class so if you got to school before 810 you weren't allowed to be like wander up through the school y'all had to we We had to stay in the cafeteria and wait until maybe 810. Because I guess they didn't have enough people to watch the whole school. So everybody had to stay centralized. And so we'd all be hanging out.

And that was when we're all getting into music and you have a fashion choice. You're not just like in whatever fucking clothes your parents had and we'd all hang out On these like risers they were called and he stepped in shit and someone sniped them right away And he ran he was like I'm beautiful. I'm Looking back beautiful problem-solving he went I'm not spending all day with shit on my pants and I'm not going to the nurse to get like a pair of sweatpants or whatever to wear just left he ran out the front door cuz you're not allowed to leave once you're at school you can't leave so he just fucking snuck out when

like the buses were coming in and then had to his whole idea is I got to get off property so he fucking you know t1000 ran made it across the field like it was like fucking band of brothers like he was that dude running through the stone or whatever lieutenant Pierce yeah captain Pierce turn around and came right back I don't think the Germans do what they do of them oh when that guy runs through that smoke he was the man so why that guy's not working more. I love that guy sure So then someone saw flip Running out of school like there was on a bus coming in and was like what the hell just happened to flip

So what he go home and change it come back You call that a day Fuck that not running back to school That's a personal day Listen I'm a date today Yeah So these motherfuckers I gotta wear these Jones tomorrow. That's all I got that Do you remember you have your two UFO pants type in UFO young for you are too old

UFO pain yeah, these were pants you were upside down these were for guys who wanted to break dance myself included Those things do the third one a yeah that was yeah, either one. There's no way you Building Look like the foundation of a garage fucking Twin Towers Ryan over here Dude those green get out of here my dad would have beat the shit out of me if I tried Beat the who knows what that's hot chick shit Weren't wearing those yeah, that was that's all broads. Oh that one dude down there That was a glimp biscuit go down here to the bottom neck the kid with the chick Yeah, that's a hot couple, dude. Parachute windpans.

UFOs was the Brant man. My one boy, Paul, had them. They were a store called Mr. Rags in the Oxford Valley Mall. It was run by fucking potheads and break dancers. And we were, we thought that was like they were to cool yet, that's Kind of who you wanted to try no go down in that same one down Down right to the first one the left no yeah, no That that's who we relatively wanted to be you wanted to be that's a guy on the left

It's a dog tag a beanie a dog tag and a pair of baggy pants You couldn't tell me shit. That's what you wanted to do in a perv. I didn't have the body for the dog tags Yeah, they would make them there at the UFO store at the at mr. Rags What would it say you can make it say we was customizable by letter duh? Two slices of the coke a wild cherry pepsi say pass out How many give me a slice of pepperoni That is funny Fuck all right. We got to wrap it up Hachi, Machi, what a fun one.

What a fun one. Gang, we love you to death. Go over to our website, grab a couple of t-shirts if you want, couple of tickets, come out and see the boys. Yeah. Shout out to everybody that was Atlantic City. Woo! Hot Show.

Yeah. Shout out to Lauren, Wyatt, Travis, coming up on stage. Got a fun live show. Yep. We'll see you guys out on the road. Peace!