Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fahim Anwar

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

Kippy and Foley are with Fahim Anwar! It's a fun one. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Manscaped: https://www.manscaped.com Promo Code: Garbage Rex MD: https://rexmd.com/garbage True Classic: https://www.trueclassictees.com Promo Code: Garbage Honey: https://www.joinhoney.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Gang, New Year's Day, we got a special treat for you. Oh, baby! Yeah, we're gonna be coming to you live from Antote's house, shaking off those hangovers together. Yeah, we won't be able to cut anything during this. We're going out live, baby! We're doing it live, let's go. It's gonna be fantastic, we've got a lot of cool stuff planned.

We're gonna have some guests coming by, we're gonna be a little hair to doll, boys are gonna be boozing, get rid of the hangover blues. We got Patty and Denise making appearance, which I haven't told her about yet. Guys, it's all going down at moment.com. We're gonna be live streaming Sunday, January 1st at 8 p.m. Eastern, sign up now.

Yeah, do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage.

It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy. Here's just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Aunt Toody's basement. She just handed me her Christmas wish list. OK. A tripod and a ring light.

All right, fair enough. Asking for trouble. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. I kind of got him this week. You got me halfway. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's my best pal in the whole wide world.

And that's all I want for Christmas. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang. What's up? Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube.

As you know, those numbers are true to real cooking. Over 100K over there. Let's go. And obviously, the greatest goddamn website of all time, www.patreon.com. That's Are You Garbage. Talk about a fucking life-changing website. That is fucking Google kick rocks.

And then, obviously, we just announced our New York City show tickets are on. Let's go. Tickets are on sale now for the Gramercy fucking theater. Get those tickets. Are You Garbage? Let's sell it the fuck out. Yeah, come see us, gang.

And have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, The Magic Man. Makes us all look good. Works to ones and twos. Crosses the T's and dots the I's. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin. Toby McMullin, everybody. What's up, dudes?

What's up, T-Bone? It's Christmas time in New York, baby. Let's do it. I saw Santa get stabbed on the G train. That happens. That'll happen. Enough of that talk. We have guests here.

God damn it. Jesus Christ. Gang, we could be more excited to have our Incredibly. And I mean, Incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. He is a very funny stand-up comedian, actor, and writer, and podcaster. And you've seen him in, but not limited to.

We got superior donuts. We got drunk history, alone together, goat face, corporate, a moral compass. United States of Al wrote 14 episodes at ads. No big deal. It's a writer. You also got Seth Meyers. You got Ad Midnight.

You got Last Call with Carson Daly. Tiger Belly, UTF, Joe Rogan Conan. He has an amazing special from 2017, called There's No Business Like Show Business. And he also has an absolutely fantastic, brand new special out right now called Hattrick, filmed at the world-famous comedy store. And he has an amazing podcast called

Faheem Anwar Dance Hour. Ladies and gentlemen, Faheem Anwar. Oh my God, thank you. Look at him. He's a good-looking kid. Good-looking kid for a good comedy. For a good bone-struck for comedy. I got nervous to be in there.

For real life, you're disgusting. You know, it makes me feel like I've done stuff when you read, because I feel like shit most of the time. And then you read those things. I'm like, oh yeah, I've done. I've worked. Kid's a worker, man. 14 episodes, not too shabby.

I like the deep cut of Last Call with Carson Daly. Hey, shout out to CD, all right? I'm just lucky enough I don't have that as my credit still when I hit the stage. I was going to use that last. Just expired credits. Dude, that was my hit. I think it was TV shows that are no longer on the air.

It was, like, laughs on Fox, Got Them Comedy Live. A comic's unleashed. Oh, yeah. If I got on it, it got canceled very soon. Couple episodes of cops. That's all you got. Buddy, congratulations on the special. Oh, thanks, dude.

Thanks, man. Absolutely fantastic. You're bringing the pod back, you said? Yeah, bringing it back to go hiatus when I had the writing job. Time was kind of limited. But yeah, going to bring it back. Nice.

Give us the scoop. What's the back story? Give us the origin story here. The Fahiman origin story? Yeah. OK, let's see. I grew up in Seattle. OK.

People think East Coast. People think I'm from New York, but I've never. You do have a little bit of New York-y vibe. What is that, then? I don't know. I don't know. Something of a toad. The hair made a edge.

Whoa, this is blow-dried, though, so that's not. I got to fake it. Get the hell out of here. Yeah. They saw him in the band. Yeah, I don't wake up like that, but I wish I did. I wish I did. Trust me, you don't want to wake up like that.

That's bad. Believe me, my friend. You're doing all right. So yeah, grew up in Seattle. And then. Jail's beautiful. We were just there. Fantastic.

In the city proper? Out of the burbs. The burbs. The burbs. So first, Linwood, and then Muckal Teo, and then Woodenville. My parents are in Woodenville, so that's where I went to high school.

What do folks do? Dad, engineer at Boeing. So I knew it was going to be a sharp kid. I knew this was coming in good lineage. Your dad was an engineer at Boeing. Engineer at Boeing. What do you work on? Commercial?

Commercial. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. 737 and 777. You might have done 7472. So just like forever. That's the coal mine.

Like before tech came in, it was all about Everett and Boeing and playing. Everyone worked at Boeing. Sure. They still do. It's huge. But now there's Amazon. Now there's, you know.

He's working on aircraft. He's working on aircraft. He's getting this hit. What are we doing here? He's in the cubicle. I was saying, like, he's getting his hands dirty. He's getting his hands dirty on calculators and two monitors. Wait, he's not flying?

What's going on here? So where did he go to school? He went to North Dakota State, and then he also went to Minnesota. OK. Not bad. Engineer, what'd your mom do? Nursing at first.

And then she did that for a long time. And then she pivoted into, like, hair. So she does hair now. OK. Yeah. All right. She work at a salon, or she'd do it in-house? At a salon.

OK. So it has a station at a salon. Nice. Yeah. How long has she had that? Maybe, like, 10 years now, or like, eight, 10 years? Was she ever cutting hair in the house before? All the time.

Even before she was doing that, like, trying to pivot, she would cut my brother's hair and my hair and my dad's hair just to save money. Where at in the house was that happening? We'd do the bathroom. I'd always have to get the chair from my brother's room. You'd do pulling a chair into the bathroom's a tough look. I've done it.

Yeah. I take back everything I said. And then, like, when she was new to it, she would, like, it was a haircut that would take two hours, you know? That's never good. Wait, so hold on. Too fast or too slow is bad for hair. Yeah.

So go back. You need the meaty part of the curve. She was in nursing. Never did any hair stuff before at all. No, no, no. But this is just an immigrant thing. Like, I'm not going to pay a professional to cut hair. I have scissors.

You have hair. So she didn't even figure it out. She didn't start cutting your guy's hair as kids because someday she wanted to be in the business. She was just doing it out of necessity. Kind of, just to save money. And then at some point, she's like, you know what? I like this.

I want to do this professionally. I never thought about it that way that maybe we were just a gateway to her dream. Yeah. Finally clicked in. Yeah, I just thought that it was a financial thing. Like, we don't want to pay money for you to go to someone. Let me just cut your hair.

How bad were the haircuts from Jump Street? They weren't terrible, you know? But she would always take pride in it. Like, every time I'd come home from school, she would be like, did people? What did they say? Yeah, what's the buzz? What's the buzz on the schoolyard?

She would think that I'm trending. Like, all the girls and like, oh my god. Has that new haircut? Yeah, have you seen Faheem's new haircut? It's fucking awesome. You have a flipper. Who cut his mom? His mom cuts it?

Got a highlight. It's too good. OK, that's pretty good. Do your parents still live in the same house that you grew up in? No. This is like third, third or fourth. OK. What was the name of that street that you grew up on?

Like the bulk of my childhood, I would say Serene Way. Whoa. That one got the peanut gallery. Serene Way sounds very nice. How much was your mom charging her for those haircuts? It must be high end. How? OK.

That's pretty good. Was that a single house, apartment, condo, townhouse? What are we talking? It was a house. OK. Multiple rooms. I had a room. My brother had a room.

My parents had a room. How far apart are you and your brother? Three and a half years. OK. Older or younger? Older. You're younger. Younger, yeah.

All right. That's good. Not bad. Was there a garage at that house? There was two garages. What did you just say? What, like a two door garage? One for the plane.

Is that insane? A two wait. There was one garage or two garages. Like when you look at the garage. It was a two car garage. But one garage. OK. I got you.

What were you parking in there? What was the old man whipping around then? Ah, what did he have? OK. There was always a van. OK. There was always a Dodge Caravan. Oh, shit.

I'll tell you what. That is, I guess, that's like an affordable, reliable. It's like a staple. Did they move here? Or were they born to your parents' born? No, Afghanistan. Your parents are both from Afghanistan. They drove the Dodge Caravan.

That was literal caravan. Still got a couple of miles left on it. We're talking about. Yeah. OK. So that and then maybe like a Toyota Corolla. That was kind of a staple. A van and a Toyota Corolla.

They're too very, I think that is a very immigrant mentality. You said of like cutting the hair. It's like they're very practical, affordable, reliable things. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Two car garage, though. Could you fit two cars in it or was it filled with shit? No, you could fit two.

Was there a refrigerator in that garage? There was. What was in there? Like frozen meats. It's sort of like my mom's just storing stuff for. Gotcha. You know, like long term. Sure, sure.

You're not going in and out a bunch, but there's like sauces in there maybe that they're frozen. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any sodas? Anything like that? Yeah, there'd be like a case of Coke. OK.

You know, so if you want, you would like go to the garage and like bury a few into the house. That counts as a garage fridge. I got you. I got you. Because I grew up with my Korean buddy. They had a fridge in the garage, but it was mostly Korean food. But then they also had like, you know,

the Americanized ice pops and sodas and shit like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's mostly my mom's fridge. Like we didn't really have shit in there. We just had in the regular fridge. Gotcha. Or to snack situations. Good snacks or were you jealous of the other kids?

Oh my god, dude. I would go to my white friend's house and it was like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. It's like being in a supermarket. Like when I moved to Woodinville, my next door neighbor across the street, David Bradley. Like we would go to his- The whitest guy in the world.

Shit. David Bradley. Shout out to the Bradbys. Two first names? That's like the whitest shit, right? Shout out to him, baby. So we would- Stovetop stuffing's always cooking there.

The first time I opened up, he's like, yeah, grab something from the pantry. It was like a rule. I could walk into it. Yeah, they were big. That was- They were big in the 90s. All my life, you open up a door and-

It's like a closet. It's just like there, yeah. His was, there's like lights in there. If you get in there and they had its own light switch. That was some ballin' ass shit. Yeah. If your pantry had a light switch. It smelled like candy.

It was like a convenience store in there. Yeah. I've been in, I've been in fucking smaller guests. Couple of lottery tickets. Yeah, there was a Korean guy in there telling me to set the hurry up as well. Yeah, man. They hired him.

He owes me on payroll. So they had- It takes your stealing. Like at my house, we only had Coke. He had Dr. Pepper. He had like cream sodas. You know, the bottle ones are even more expensive. Different types of-

Really? Bottle sodas. 20 ounces, get at it. That's crazy. The only rule he had was when you take one, or if you take something from the fridge, put it back like you, you know, replenish it. Sure.

That was the only rule. That's pretty good. Like that's easy enough. That's pretty good. Take a soda, leave a soda. Were they pretty strict with the snacks or could you have- My parents?

Yeah. She would like- Lay it out for us. Give us the vibe. My mom used to get like chips ahoy cookies for us. All right. Pretty good. But now that I'm older, that's like an economy cookie.

They're pretty fucking good. No, but you get so many. That's an immigrant thing again. So compared to what are we talking about though? Look, nowadays I would get a Tate's cookie or, you know- Tate's, who's getting Tate's? That's crazy. Tate's is no good.

Stop getting hair in the kitchen. What are you, crazy? Who's got Tate's money? Tates are great. Yes. But you're not stocking the house with Tate's for children. Nah, you can't add any. I don't even have it in that often.

So Tate's- How many come in a chip ahoy? How many- Probably about 25, 30 or more than that. You get a couple rows. May I call it 30? Yeah, let's say 30. All right, well it's a lot.

So I think I would- I used to put down a sleeve a day easily. Yeah. She would hide them. She would put them in the dishwasher. What? And then they would taste like dishwasher. But I would still eat them.

Wait, what? Yeah, that's all you got. Why would she put them in the dishwasher? Cause she thought I wouldn't look in there, but I would. Or she would put them on top of the fridge. Kid with a bad haircut looking around. Dumbass won't find them in here.

Oh man, I used to love that when you would find the hiding spot, there would always be a moment of like, yeah, you thought you were gonna get me, didn't you? You didn't think I'd crawl up on top of the refrigerator and look in the cabinet up there? What am I, a fucking idiot? I got eight hours, you're at work all day. Tearing this place apart like I'm the feds.

Would you think that she wouldn't find out? Like even though half of them are gone, she comes home like, I don't know. Would you put them up there? Maybe the dishwasher ate them, I don't know. All right, that's pretty good. What was the pool situation? No pool, come on.

No pool, backyard? Yeah, there was a backyard. Who's cutting the grass over there? My dad, of course. Dad would cut it. Push mower, riding mower. Gasoline, like push. Okay, do it every Saturday, Sunday, whatever.

Yeah, they stay on top of that. Yeah, my dad's all about that. Kept it tight, huh? He did build a basketball court, but like a janky basketball court for us. In the backyard or in the driveway? I mean my backyard. Okay.

So he like poured fucking black top? He kind of, so he hired this company or some guy to like pour cement and there was these two by fours that like kind of cut the court just for structure or whatever. Sure. And this cement. Oh, not the frame.

The frame, the frame, yeah. So the guy did a beautiful job. So smooth, so level. And then my dad couldn't just leave it alone. He's like, I can fix it. So he took out like two little hand smoothers and then it just got worse and worse. He kept on trying to smooth it out.

And then just for years we had a lumpy court and we would trip on the two by four because my dad- His family tries to do everything themselves. Well, he should have just left it. The guy did a great job, but he couldn't just leave well enough alone. Were you guys really in the basketball?

Why did he do this? Yeah, cause we love basketball. You love basketball. I think he was doing us, it was a nice like fatherly solid to do for the kids. Were you a good basketball player? I was good until everyone else grew. Sure.

I was amazing. I was like LeBron. I was like really good. I was fast. I could shoot, but then I stayed short for so long. Man, I hated those kids that killed it in like fourth and fifth grade. Everybody else.

Oh, dude. I remember trying out for the basketball team and like I wanted it in the worst way. And then they would, did you guys ever get cut from sports? Yeah. How did they do it? Did they just put a list up?

I think. Yeah. Okay. This was fucked up the way they did it. I got rid of the basketball list. The aim you stay. No. He would say, I want to bring you in.

Like he's going to bring all the kids in one by one and let you know whether you're on the team or not and give you some input. What is this? Like Little League basketball? No, this is like middle school. I'm in like sixth grade or something. Okay.

No, I've never been cut from a school team. Oh, really? Yeah. Damn. No. All right. Well, I did. So I'm trying out for a week or two.

Hold on. I just want to make sure that's clear with everybody. There's only Little League everybody. So I mean, I would prefer just the list and be like, okay, my name's not on there. I'll just sulk and go home. He did like Moneyball. Yeah.

I traded you for soda money. He gave you the name and number of the coach from another school. You're going to Hillcrest now. Enjoy it. Yeah, so then I had to get called into this guy's office and it's like have a seat and he's telling me everything that I'm bad at.

And I'm just like, uh-huh. Yeah. Just trying to like hold in tears. Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, I'll work on that. You're not the Lakers, dude. Jesus Christ. Just let me go home.

Yeah. All right. Damn. All right. Yikes. That's pretty bad. The Lumpy Basketball Court is wild. You have a basketball court at your house, but it's lumpy.

Maybe that's why I got cut. He has no shoes. His floors are too flat. I can't play here. If this was bumpier, I would run circles around you guys. Whatever, coach, your court stinks. It's not even a hump in the middle. How do you do bouncers?

What was the name of the mall? Alderwood Mall. Alderwood Mall. Movie theater in there? Yeah. What was the two main department stores, do you remember? I don't know, but when I was a kid, we would hit Zoomies a lot. Shout out to Zoomies.

Zoomies? Are they still around? Yeah, I bought a pair of shoes there, not too long ago. And Spencers? Spencers was like early porno for kids. Of course, absolutely. Couple of erotic greeting cards on the poster. A bit of sperm candle?

Oh my god, I shouldn't be seeing this. That's pretty good. I don't hate it. What was the high school mascot? Falcon. Did you play in high school? I played tennis. I played tennis.

OK. Are you good at that? Doubles. I don't think I was good enough to be singles. Doubles? They have doubles, tennis, in high school? Yeah. That just seems like swimming around.

I played women, so I wasn't. I was fucking spiking it on these walls. They demoted me from doubles to women's. It's killing. That's pretty good. What was your first car? My first car. I wanted to be like my brother, because my brother was

all about cars. He got a 91 or a 90-something Honda Civic. Hatchback with tinted windows. There you go. Alloy wheels, like two kicker 12 subs in the back. Shout out to the subs in the back. Probably had a nice head unit in there, too. Yeah.

Remember when dolphins on the LCD was such a stunt? So he was living that life. Yeah, like detachable. Yeah, put it in a case. I was like, oh, I want that. I can't wait till I'm old enough to do that. But then I just realized I don't care to go through. It wasn't even Craigslist at the time.

It was newspaper. When's he rocking this? About what age would you say? 16, 17? 18, like, yeah. No, yeah, when you get your license, 16? 16. Yeah, maybe 17.

So 16, 17. And what did he do? Did he work to save up and get all this stuff? Yeah, he would work it safe way. Really? Yeah, and then paper out before that. To hook the car up. Right.

So my dad had a deal. Like, we pay half. He pays the other half. I like that. I like that, too. Keeps you working. Plus, you get some tight shit out of it. Yeah.

Kids don't really do that shit now. Do they? Like, nobody really hooks the car up. Well, they're making millions off TikTok so they don't need their dad. They have a driver. They just dance. But I'm just saying, like, I never see.

No, there's still dirt bags that are put in, you know. After effects? Yeah, like, yeah, after effects. Or whatever it's called. Yeah. After market. Sure. Yeah.

So then I just, I got out of that phase. Then my dad just bought a car. He bought this, like, shitty 89 Toyota Corolla, a champagne Toyota Corolla. They were all that champagne. Yeah. And every single one of them was crazy. And then they all smelled the same, too.

Yeah. And then he goes, like, do you want it? He's giving me, like, $4,000. I go, yeah, OK. It was just easy. I liked how easy it was. And I would have a car. So I, you know, I didn't need a tinted windows and all that.

Wait, you charged you $4,000 for it? Half of it. Whatever. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it was, like, too, it was cheap. It was, like, $2,500. Wait, how old are you at this point? I think I got my license. I was, like, 16, 16 or 17.

You had two G's on you? Yeah, man. Really? Where were you working? I would do, OK, first job was paper route. OK. I would do that. How old are we talking?

Maybe 12 or 13. OK. Yeah, it was called the Enterprise newspaper. And I would deliver that around the, like, around Serene Lake. That's the neighborhood that I live. So I would do that. And then the job after that, when we moved to Woodinville,

I worked at Cottage Lake Safeway. OK. Doing what? Catch your airbag. I was a bagger myself. Yeah, man, fuck yeah. It's like Tetris, right? Oh, I still do it at self-checkout.

You know, it gets me hard. You all get one less rodeo. You're doing other people's? I put my apron on, yeah. You could do this for a living. You're like, I did. I used to. I'll handle that, darling.

I just do it for fun now. Eggs on top. What are you, crazy? Bread on bottom? Changed the game, eggs on the bottom. I loved it, man. So no CD thing. I worked there when I was, because they would hire you

when you were young. So 15 and a half was the barrier of entry. So you started working when you were a kid, saved up your money. Yeah, and then Nikes, when I was five, I would make those, and I was kidding. In a factory. My dad's like, I'm sending you to China.

You need to learn. Dental plan wasn't great, but it was all right. Gang, today's episode is sponsored by PayPal Honey. Sweetest honey. The easy way to save when shopping on your phone or your computer. We all love shopping online. That's no secret, right?

Nobody wants to wait in the store anymore. What happens to all of us? We do our little shopping, we get to the end, get to the checkout, and you got a promo code. I got nothing. Never have a promo code. That's why I'm paying full price like a goddamn dickhead. I know.

But gang, thanks to Honey, searching for coupon codes is going to be a thing in a bag. Yeah, guys. It is fantastic. As you know, I dabble in the online shopping industry. He's frugal, this one. No, no, no, I'm bad with money, I think it is. But not anymore with Honey.

Baby, the other day I was buying a nice pair of kicks. I'm a big kick guy, Kippy. Kippy's kicks. And you get there and it's like, do you have a promo code? And you panic, and you go to the depths of the internet. You don't want to see what Google takes you when you look for a promo code. Yikes.

But Honey takes care of that all enough for you. Yeah, it scours the internet. I saved about 20 beans on my shoes, by the way. Really? Baby, I love Honey, and you will too. I'll never go shopping without it. You can save even more when you ask Honey to keep track of price drops on your holiday shopping list.

If the price drops on any item on your list, you'll instantly get an alert and let you know. If you don't already have Honey, you can be straight up missing out by getting it. You're doing yourself a solid and supporting the podcast. We never recommend anything we don't use. I use Honey every day. So go get Honey for free at joinhoney.com slash garbage.

It's joinhoney.com slash garbage, do it. Can't but talk about that true classic. Oh, baby, I'm wearing one right now. Shout out to the true classics. The most comfortable, the best fitting t-shirt, you're ever going to own, I can tell you that right now. And yeah, I squeeze into them, all right? I heard you talking shit.

They come big, they're fantastic. They're great, I love them, yeah. Listen, gang, enjoy your milk and cookies this holiday season. It does not matter. You got true classics backing you up. Fits all in the right places, sleeves are a little shorter. Good around the belly. Top, top quality product, I'm telling you.

Yeah, if you're a heavy bike boy like us, I'm telling you, you need a little room around a waist, tight in the arms, you feel like an old varsity athlete, I tell you, back to my football days. I got polos, workout, boxers, keep the boys feeling nice and comfortable. True classic has something for everybody on the list. And they even got big boy options, like we said.

Right now you get 25% off trueclassics.com slash garbage, free shipping included on purchases over 100 bucks. There you go. At 25% off at trueclassics.com slash garbage, Santa won't be the only one slaying. Thanks to true classics. I'm gonna have Santa won one. What about the vacations as a kid?

Where would you go? What would you guys do? We would do frugal kind of affordable local vacations. So we would go to Canada a lot. We would go to this place called Penticton. Penticton or Pentucton? There and then Keelona. There was a place in Canada called Keelona.

My dad would always say, like, it's the Hawaii of Canada. Was it a beach? It was a beach. Yeah, there was a beach. Yeah, it was nice. It's fine. The Hawaii of Canada. It's saying a lot.

Probably freezing. No, it was fine. Yeah, we would just like pile up. Middle of February? Yeah. This is a bunch of Mounties eating span. It was like in our jackets, just freezing. And he's like, it's the Hawaii.

Okay. Who babysat you when you were a kid? Do you have any babies? Was there any of their family around? Like cousins and stuff and aunts. When did your parents come over? Like late 70s? They came over in the late 70s

and did they have family that was already over here? No, like, yeah, my dad had some. Like they were starting to come over around the same time. There wasn't like a bunch of people here. So the trickle was happening. Any tight family? Like, did you have any cousins? Like first cousins or second cousins around?

Growing up. Yeah. Yeah, there was my cousin Mustafa and Nilo. They were looking to make a few towns over. All right. Maybe like a 30 minute car ride. That's not bad. See them a lot?

Yeah, maybe like twice, twice a month. That's good. So who would watch you as a kid? Who would be your babysitter? Probably, I mean, my brother, when he got old enough. I don't recall having babysitters really. Like somebody from outside coming in. Yeah, not really.

Okay. Yeah. That's pretty good. How would you get to school? Bus, walk, drive. So like elementary school? I would walk. We were close enough to Serene Lake Elementary

where I would walk. Would everybody in the neighborhood walk? Yeah, if you lived around where we did, you could walk it. Was there always a sidewalk or were you ever actually on the road? We were on the road for like half of it. Jesus Christ. Stepping over tires.

We're getting closer. All right, yeah. We're cracking this thing wide open. I used to play bass. All right, me too. Oh yeah? Yeah, yeah, that's right behind you. Damn.

Are you still good? No. He bought it for me for a Christmas present last year and it hasn't left the studio. Wrap it up again this year. Yeah, would you look up? Make me an offer. Yeah, how much?

They'll pay half. Hey, you're a hard working kid. Are you still good? I was never good. Me too, I was never solid. I would look up tabs, you know, like how to play long view. Do you still own a bass?

It's still at my parents' house. Still at your parents' house? Yeah, yeah. Fender amp, Gibson. Okay. Yeah. No instruments in the house that you live in now, the apartment you live in now.

No. No guitars on the wall or anything like that? No, I would just be like a poser. I'd be faking it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Who was the name of your pediatrician?

Oh man. Oh, Dr. Gellin. Sounds pretty respectable. Was that office in his home? No, my mom used to work for him. Okay. There you go. Keep it in the fam.

Got the hookup. Oh yeah, he used to have a dog. He had like a dog that he would just visit. Yeah, it was just like a company with him. This is before bringing your dog was cool. Yeah. And the office wasn't in his house? It was not.

It was a professional center. And it was a dog right around. Yeah, with a bandana. Huh, that don't help you out. All right. That was funny because I went into this coffee shop and it was a dog friendly coffee shop. Which I thought was sweet.

I love doggies. But the lady that was working there, she'd come around and fucking be petting the dog and like fucking touching its mouth. Yeah, they gotta wash her hands every time. Nah, she went back to, she's raw dog in my latte. Like what the hell lady? If I want dog slobber, I'll get kisses like a gentleman.

Would you buy your school lunch or would you take a lunch? My mom would pack a lunch. I would have the same sandwich for years and years. What kind of sandwich are you talking about? It's like a turkey. It'd be turkey, cheese, lettuce on it. It was a respectable. Lettuce on a school lunch is all right.

That's what I certainly have. Can of SOTY thrown in there? No, Capri Sun, come on. Really? We're not a soda that cuts into your overhead. Capri Sun family. Who wasn't? Yeah.

You guys are younger. Capri Sun was super expensive when I was a kid. No, that's like, she went to Costco, 38. She went to Costco. Yeah, he's older though. I'm 46. So what was the drink of choice then? The drink of choice was the high seas.

They were the ones that were cheap. When Capri Sun dropped in the 80s, that was a bootie. It was a high end. It was a boutique operation. It was fucking space, the space age stuff. They cut it from the astronauts. Interesting.

But she would go to Costco. So I'm sure she got a great deal on it. But what the bougie fruit juice for us growing up was a squeeze it. If you had a squeeze it, it hits. There wasn't enough of that, man. Game over. They only came in those six packs and were barely a pack.

Those are like cigarettes in jail. If you had a squeeze it. Man, that blue squeeze it. They were like syrup. They were so concentrated. Just beautiful packaging, twisting that shit off. And you fell like you were a bartender. Like, there you go.

Crack it. I got so good, I could break it off the edge of a table. Don't have a good teeth and shit. And then we got a lighter. All right. Remember, squeeze it? I forgot about that shit. Any other snacks in the lunch with you?

The sandwich? A fruit snack. Fruit roll up? Yes. Fruit roll up for a bit and then gushers was nice. I really, that was kind of, you know, that's the pretty one. Yeah, you're doing all right.

Fruit roll up sucked. Really? I loved it. I loved it. Fruit by the foot sucked. Cause you couldn't get a good shot at it. No. Fruit by the foot was great.

You just had to fucking take it all out and roll it up and put it in your mouth at once. Just saying. All your foods by the foot, I feel. I get three feet of beef. Um, hmm. Did you take the SATs? Yeah.

What'd you get? You seem like a bright young kid. I swear to God, I don't remember. I don't. No, no, no, no, I swear to God. But here's the thing, it didn't matter for me because I did this program called Running Start, where you could take half community college classes.

Everything's half with this guy, the dad, that's with the community college. My dad still can't test for me. I swear to God. Yeah, so I forgot. I had to give him two grand, but still. So it didn't matter what I got on it because you're already in college classes or whatever.

My path was going to be transferring from community college to a four-year university. And then your SAT scores don't matter when you transfer. Right. So I was doing my senior year of college, or high school, I was doing half community college courses and half high school. So I was driving off campus.

Really? You were hanging out at the community college in high school? Yeah. There's nothing like out front smoking cigarettes hanging out on top of his car. I had to squeeze it and I was just like, what's up, lady? Wait, so you hold on. That's pretty fucking trashy.

I like this. Yeah, but it's to get ahead. I know, but here's the thing, though. He's a child. He's not 18. He's hanging out a fucking community college in the 90s? No, I thought it was my age. He was definitely offered cigarettes early 2000s, whatever.

I think you have a picture of a kid in a diaper at a community college with criminals. That's not the case. He was a senior in high school. But you were under 18, correct? Yeah. And you were driving yourself to a community college and walking around those halls and sitting in classes.

What's under 18 happening? With those degenerates in there. This is true. I was in community college. Oh, we get it. I was trying to play on these guys' kids. I was trying to fuck these kids. I know what goes on there.

I was on the other end of it. It's a shifty situation. Yeah, you're lucky full to get his hands on you. It was nice because they just assume you're a good kid, which I mostly am. But they just trust you're going to a community college. But I could just fuck off because I'm going off campus. So it's great.

You have this freedom to be independent and adult. Yeah, I think it's much more. Any trouble as a kid? Nothing major. Rob a bank or anything. You haven't been arrested as a kid? No, no, never. But one time, I mean, you say am I a good kid or not,

just one time I had this weird outlier. I don't know why I did this. Get a little guy. Yeah, I don't know what came over me. I just saw red and then the police were there. We were in my backyard in my parents' house and they had this moat of like rocks, just like decorative rocks.

And then me and him just started throwing rocks through the neighbor's window. You and your brother? No, just a friend, a neighborhood friend. How old were you? Maybe like 11, 11 or 12. And our goal was just to get all the glass out of the window. Like it was a game.

Was somebody living there? Yeah. Someone could have been taking a shit. Abandoned house, maybe. Yeah, I don't know. To this day, I don't know why I did it. So we just kept on throwing rocks through the window, trying to clear all the glass, make it super clean.

And then I got in trouble. Was anybody home? I don't know, but they found out obviously. Cause one rock would scare the shit out of you. If another one comes in, you're like, oh, something's going on, it's on. We're under attack. Yeah, no shit.

So I mean, we had to pay for the window, but that's the only time I can think of something doing. That's pretty, I mean. Did you get grounded or anything for that? That's crazy. We didn't get grounded, we just got yelled at really hard. By who? Mom or dad?

Dad, dad is the superstar at that, but then mom, if it's big enough. Sure. But she's more the loving type, but my dad's the disciplinarian. When the mom yells, it was always scarier, cause you weren't expecting it a little bit. Yeah.

And she had the sandal or like, you know, the slipper. They were big with the sandal, yeah. Yeah, I would get hit with a slipper sometimes. Sure. Everybody takes a slipper every once in a while. What are you gonna do? Hmm. Hmm.

All right. You guys ever lived near a quarry or a cemetery? None. Okay. That's the weird thing about, I was in Philly doing shows and. Shout out. Yeah.

Shout out to it. Walking around, there's always plots, just a square of all these headstones. Yeah. Old school ones. Super old. Yeah, you can't even, it's smooth. You can't even see the engraving.

It's, you're so removed from it, it's almost like a history piece, even though there's like bones under there. Yeah. And someone with a, like no one is crying, you know? Like no one's giving flowers and crying. We're so far removed. Oh yeah, of course.

Yeah, but it's just interesting to have a latte. You're like. Not even kid cats for that guy anymore. It'd be nice if someone did though, right? Somebody does, there's, there's, there might be a couple of different channels or a couple of different pages of nice people that go around

and they get old graves like that and they power wash them off and clean them up. Clean them up. That's pretty cool. Dude, they re-engrave it because it's smooth. A little bit. Yeah, they hook it up. They make it nice.

It's called Pimp My Headstone. What's up, I'm XZ Exhibit. They get him back. Hey, we're doing a spinoff. I always think that was the worst thing Exhibit did, career-wise. Like he's a gangster rapper. But I just heard it made him like a bajillion dollars.

I always thought the same thing. I don't know, Tebow, can you get a... Isn't he sad though, a part of him that like, I'm sure he would still love to be on that music path. I don't think he had it though. What? He was with Dre. I know.

He was plugged in. But... And then you're pimping 16-year-old girls' cars with popcorn machines. Like. He hooked them up though. Yeah, but it's branding-wise. It's very, you shouldn't do that.

Sure, he just came out. I just saw an interview with him about this. I thought the same thing. And I think he either made like zero dollars or like a bajillion. It was one or the other. Half a mil. An episode or total.

That's not worth. That's not worth it. That's insane. Real big shot, huh? Yeah. He can't even bit his own ride at that kind of money. Now, is 500 grand a bajillion dollars? I said, or nothing.

So it was close to the or nothing. It was inflation. Back then, it wasn't a bajillion dollars. That's true. But he wasn't that great of a rapper. He was on track. Dude, if you're part of the Dre camp, Chronic 2001 came out.

He's all over that. Yeah, but he had- He's crime. You're gonna get one of us gripped up at carbones. What are you doing over here? Xibbit, we love you, buddy. I'm a big fan of Xibbit. You're starting beats on the street.

Just calling it like I see it. You know what I mean? I was an East Coast rap guy myself. How many Fast and Furious movies have you seen in the theater? Maybe two or three. Me and my brother, we saw, this is the last one we saw.

We came out of the theater and we were like laughing hysterically. It was a comedy to us at this point. That's how crazy it is. Yes, because once they stopped, at a certain point they stopped obeying the laws of physics. And they're jumping building to building.

Like their cars are in space. They're going from Mars to the moon. Just there's no more storylines with traditional physics that they're fucking going. It's the one where someone's hard drive is on the 500th floor, this Dubai penthouse or whatever. And they fucking like,

they bring a car into elevator. They got the car into elevator or something. There's something absurd. Yeah, and that's where I was like, this is just a comedy at this point. Fast and Furious 7, but we fucking rules. You saw seven of them. No. No, I haven't seen, no.

How many are they up to now? I think nine. Jesus. I think I've seen the first two when I checked out. Yeah. Is Luda still in them? Nah, there's a rapper. Yo, he's had longevity, man. Of course. Shout out to Chris Bridges.

I think that was his name. What about going to eat, out to eat as a family? What would that look like? Did that happen? What was the story there? Okay. Yeah. The treat for us, we would go to Godfather's Pizza. Okay.

Was that national or was that just local? That sounds like it's regional. I feel like I've seen a couple of them floating around my mouth. There would be this old guy with like a hat and he would say like, do it. Like those are the commercials. He's like, Godfather's Pizza is like, do it. I like, hey, I'm listening.

That's all right. I literally want to go just from that impression. Their tagline is Godfather's Pizza, a pizza you can't refuse. Yeah. Set us up, table for two. Are they still around? Or is it done?

Oh yeah. Oh shit. They're still banging. So, okay. We would go there every Friday or ever. Sometimes on a Friday. Okay. And we were so jacked to go there.

That's great. And my dad bought this. There was a special economy soda jug where if you bought it once, you get three refills. So every time we would have to like load up the jug when we went to Godfather's Pizza. And then one time we were like almost there

and he's like, where's the jug? And we didn't have the jug. So we turned around and we went back home to get the jug. Yeah, what are you gonna tell? And then came back to Godfather's Pizza. Cause they're not gonna get one over my dad. No. I'm not buying a second jug for these animals.

Yeah. That's pretty good. Do you guys ever cook out in public? Ever use like the public grills? Like a park or anything? No. It's pretty good. Are you a bagel bites or pizza roll kind of guy

and or family? Neither. My mom would buy party pizza. Totino's party pizza, which I loved when I was a kid. And then it's funny you get older and you like you walk by the aisle and you see what it's priced at. It's like 48 cents or something.

Yeah. It's crazy. It's good though. It's good. But having that piece of knowledge, knowing it's not like premium pizza. Sure. Retroactively makes me like it less.

Even though when I was a kid, I was like, this is the best thing. Yeah, party pizza. If you were gonna do a frozen pizza now, what do you do? I can do a DiGiorno. I can do a Red Baron. But the sauce is a little like spice.

The Red Baron sauce is a little. Caliente. Yeah, I gotta be in the mood for a Red Baron. I didn't have one in years. A Red Baron it is. I can do an Amy's, but that's. Amy's. It's priced too high.

Yeah. Amy's is crazy. It feels healthier. Imagine we go to Godfather Pizza. She wants nine bucks for a can of soup. What are you doing? And they're small pizzas too. Yeah.

DiGiorno's your best. Dude, you pick up a DiGiorno, it's about 13 pounds. Every time I walk in it feels like a sewer cap. I'm like, dude, this is. Self-rising, crusting. Nothing to shake a stick out of here. I'm trying to think. I was in this like small studio one time.

I couldn't, like it wasn't very big. So I would have to cut a frozen DiGiorno into two pieces and then rewrap it and some unwrap and put two halves. Like I'm chopping up a body. A lot of people have, somebody just wrote in about having to do that of like chopping up the frozen pizza. I never had to do. I need a bone saw, like it's hard to cut.

It's funny. I've heard people that did that intentionally because they didn't want to, they didn't want to cook the whole thing. They wanted to just. That's smart. That's crazy. Instead of buying personal,

because they sell those red baron personal pizzas. The little guys, yeah. But it's probably more cost effective to buy a big one and chop it up. Kips, how about Rex Med? Oh baby, shout out to him. New kid in the market. They're doing all the hard work if he catch my drift.

Shout out to all you limp noodles out there gang. Or if you're just looking for an extra pep in your step. I need it. I'll tell you that right now. I'm getting older. I need a little, I need a juice a little bit. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Call me the Burger King. I'm juicing, baby. I don't know what to tell you. Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over to Rex Med. All right. Makes getting generic, branded Viagra or say Alice Easy. So you can get rock fucking hard.

Something you can hang from, baby. Guys, what are we talking about here? Everybody knows, listen, you gotta have it on you too sweet when you're ready when it's game time. I keep about two tree in my pocket at all times. Chewing one now. Rex Med has made the whole process simple.

It's just a few clicks of a button. Talk to a medical professional, create a personalized plan and get the products discreetly shipped to yours, straight to your door within two days. Nothing labeled boner pills. Viagra can cost around $90 a pill. Rex Med's generic Viagra is just as effective

as low as two bucks a pill. Move them out the door. More than just ED medication, they have sexual health, hair growth, pain relief, sleep aid, the whole nine yards. Man, talk about the plug, let's go. I know. Shout out to Rex Med.

Guys, if you act now, take advantage of their best deal yet by heading to rexmed.com slash garbage. Our exclusive deal will save up to 90% off where you'll only be paying $2 per dosage. Starter packs of generic Viagra or see Alice are now available for our listeners to get started. That's rexmed.com slash garbage. For up to 90% off, give the gift of pleasure

to this holiday season with rexmed. More like sex med, am I right? Yeah, rexmed, get hard today. Kemp, it's manscaped, baby. You mean the best in the GD biz manscaped? You smell that? Smells like clean balls right there. I'll tell you that, gang.

You keepin' trim, keepin' tight. Yeah, I'm on your mustache earlier. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I can't smell anything. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I had a new car smell there, usin' over there. Yeah, they got shampoo, body wash upstairs, deodorant, gels, exfoliants, cover absolutely everything

you need to keep clean. They got the Shears 2.0, they're a full kit for nail care with scissors, clippers, tweezers, and a file. It's great to go on and go, baby. Shout out to Manscaped. Plus they got that long mower 4.0, the electric razor advanced skin-safe technology, it's a life changer that reduces nicks and cuts

on your Santa's sack. Never, never had one problem with that. No, oh, that's the best in the biz. It's waterproof, got the light. To use the beard trimmer, you can really jam yourself up if you've used just a regular beard trimmer. I used to use blade and cream like a real jail. Get 20% off in free shipping with Code Garbage

at Manscaped.com, that's 20% off and free shipping with Code Garbage at Manscaped.com, Manscaped for the perfect gift that will be this holiday's biggest hits, do it, now back to the show. Let me ask you this, kind of in the same vein, if you were makin' spaghetti at your house, okay, now, as an adult, maybe you, couple people, whatever. Maybe us too, if we were hangin' it.

This is your soft invite to having a spaghetti party. So say you had two podcasters over to make spaghetti. I had the spaghetti on me. Chunky. Would you, Hey, we said no fat jokes. What am I meant? Would you, would you, and you're getting jarred sauce,

okay, I don't know if you make the sauce, whatever, but in this reality, you make the jarred sauce, you get a jarred sauce. Would you cook the whole box of pasta and use the whole jar of sauce, or would you put either of those away? I would probably portion it out. I would put half the pasta in and like half the sauce,

cause even half is probably more than I'm gonna be eating. It's kind of almost half of something. Bro, I didn't even know this about myself. Every answer's half, half, half, half, half, half, half. Okay. That is totally, it's good. I got two more. You're entering your shower, right?

I'm entering my shower? You're entering your shower. You turn the water on, right? What are you doing? Are you doin' a door? You got a curtain? What do you got there? I got a sliding glass door.

Okay. This is now. This is now. Easy does it. Go ahead. Stop leading the witness. Is the shower head on one of the sides? Like the front or the back, or is it in the middle?

It's on, so if I enter the shower, it's to the right. Okay. So you enter towards the back of where it's spraying. Not under it. No. Yeah, that would be what a crazy person would do. I don't even know, they design it that way? They, yeah.

Could you get in the front way? I would have to like. Does that glass slide as well? I would have to contort myself like with the toilet. It would be not ideal. Huh. He does that. He sneaks in by the toilet.

Wait, on purpose? No. Yeah. Wait, what's the reasoning here? I don't know. This guy stinks. I don't like. Well, he was complaining that his floor was so wet

for a year, and then we finally got into it and. Here's the thing. He goes in from right into the fucking. The controls are up front. I get the water the way I want it, and then I step into the shower. You don't come in the, you don't come in from the back. Well, you feel with the hand,

and then you go in to make sure it's all right. I enter from, okay. Did you always do it that way as a kid too? I've always done it this way. Like, I will. Which way does your dad do it? This is the guy, this is the guy, he should be talking to the head of the family here.

This is ridiculous. I mean, don't you. I bet the old man's on my side. No, dude, there's been like four people that have been on your side. Yeah, I just tilt the shower head so it, you know, it hits the wall until it heats up. Yeah.

So that I don't get cold when I get in. Let it hit the wall for a bit, enter from the back, adjust the shower head, pre-move. Yeah. All right. And then do you put, you're getting dressed. You get out of said shower,

then you enter through the back, and you shower, you dry off. You two are really chumming up there. See what this is going. Do you, you're getting dressed, you put your underwear on. Uh-huh. At what point do you put your socks on?

Do you put your pants on then your socks, or do you go underwear, socks? Pants. Man. I don't know if I've ever asked my, like I just instinctively do it. I've never retraced my steps and think about like the way I do it.

Like are you, do you really put your socks on first or not? Are you sitting on the edge of your bed with your jeans on, putting socks on? No, I don't sit to put pants on or sit to put, I do balance. Okay. Yeah.

I do balance as well. Yeah, I like balance. Cause if I can't do it, I feel like it's a bad sign. Like maybe I need to go to the doctor. It's kind of like a balance test. Either way, when you're doing that, or do you have pants on or not? You're not sure.

Socks on. I think socks go on last. Okay, this guy shaved out. Okay, here's why. Because if you put socks on damp feet, you want to give your feet long enough to dry so that the socks go on smoothly. If you're fresh out of the shower and you put socks on,

that's a tug of war I don't need. You don't use a towel to dry between your toes and get them on. Oh dry, but still like time is your friend. And what's, why am I putting socks on 10 seconds earlier? Like what's that going to give me? You would have to be an insane person to do that. Okay.

Yeah, why not just put them on in the shower? At that point. That would be crazy. All right, let's see. Someone Venmo's you 100 bucks, right? Do you do the instant transfer or do you wait the two to three business days? I never transfer it to my bank account.

Venmo, your Venmo balance is just for you to ping pong between people. So you verified your account one further step. I guess if... Because I can't use my balance anymore. They want some sort of information, which I assume is going to screw me somehow so I haven't given it to them.

I feel like Venmo is just like ping ponging $20 between you and your friends your whole life. It's almost like an escrow or something. Just leave it in there, have a chunk of change. That's the classiest answer I've ever heard. That's pretty good. I do the instant transfer myself. It's my money and I need it now.

Do you... You know karate. I do not know karate. I don't know any martial arts. Never had a lesson or anything like that? No. Can you juggle? I can do three.

I can do three tennis balls. You ever juggle in public? I've had no need to. No need. Listen, I'm gonna shoot this guy unless you juggle right now. Comedy has been going well enough where I haven't had to resort.

All right, for my clothes there. Somebody throw me oranges. You just get free. This isn't going well. Does anybody have three tennis balls? This guy knows what I'm talking about. Fruit will work. Oh, sorry, please.

Anybody with web feet in the family? Not that I know of. Anybody with a limp? No. What about Hawaiian pizza? How do you feel about that? An abomination. Grateful Godfather.

You think he's eating friggin... Come on. Pineapple on pizza? What are we doing? What's the name of the place you get a haircut? How much does it cost and what do you tip? Floyd's. Sounds good.

I mean, that's a chain. They're everywhere. Oh, really? They have a bunch of chairs. Is it like a haircutter-y type thing? Or like a supercut? It's like a 50s creaser, like, hey, what's up?

Like it's a supercuts, basically. But they all have tattoos and shit. It's like corporate cool. They're like, hey, what's up? Yeah, I got room for you. Like I got neck tattoos and shit. It's LA. We're talking. Yeah.

They don't have them here? No. Okay. So yeah. I'm sure there's something like it. They have suavecito and all these products you can buy. They have cool music and it's like rockabilly kind of. Are they wearing those denim aprons

that like bartenders and cool chefs wear now? I mean, they could if they want to. If one is eccentric that way. Floyd's is loose with them. They're very loose. There's no uniform. That's the thing about Floyd's. It's almost like you're lucky to be there

and like they're your friend and shit. It's a cool spot, but I like it because it's easy to schedule. There's a lot of chairs. I don't always go to the same person. Sometimes it's schedule-based. So I'm like, okay, Tuesday at two, I'm open. I'm getting frank.

Or whoever's available. And I tell them what to do. They do it. What's that cost you? I think it's 35 or 38 bucks. And then I tip. What do you tip on top of that? I'll do a seven or 10, depending on how good it is.

Good. Good. Yeah. And then I do a Venmo so that they don't gotta, you know. There you go. Transfer it back. Yeah. Everywhere suspenders.

Never. Yeah. Have you had Floyd's and Ivy as an adult? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? A long, long time ago. I got stung in the belly button during recess. And it was very painful.

What the hell were you doing out there? I was like, I don't know. It was like tall grass. And then it went up my shirt and it stung my belly button and it hurt a bunch. Where was recess? It was so pretty. So really like elementary, dude.

The Everglades. The Everglades. I was on the side of a mountain. Yeah, but it's never happened since. Have you been stung by bees? Not in a long time. I keep my head on a swivel when I'm outside. Stung by a bee as an adult is pretty trashy.

Yeah, that shouldn't be happening. Unless you're a beekeeper. That's true. Yeah. They're pretty careful too. Do you call it mini golf or putt putt? Mini golf. Okay.

Putt putt sounds too, yeah, I'm too old to say putt putt. In a restaurant, what do you do for water? You do tap water, you do bottle, you do sparkling. I mean, I'm frugal, I'm cheap, so I'll do tap. You do tap. You know the wrong with it? Will you stack the plates at the end of the meal to help out the server?

No. Okay. All right. To me, that's the right answer. Stacking the plates? No, it's wrong. Then I work there. Yeah, I don't think you should stack them, but if it's a basket,

if it comes in a basket, yeah, you can stack a basket. You stack a nice fine china, the places I frequent. Shoes off on the plane. No, never. That's not, you shouldn't be allowed to do that. TSA pre-check? Always. Clear?

No, TSA pre is good enough, like clear. I just don't like to cut you off at the pass. Yeah, when there's some clear dickhead standing. Please wait there. He's okay. Yeah, how about he fuck you? They're always real snooty, too. I just feel like clear is TSA pre with a flavor flave.

They just have a hype man next to the machine who's like, yeah, yeah, look at that. But TSA pre is the same thing. I'm a pre-check man myself. I didn't ask, any pets growing up? No, we weren't allowed to have pets. No pets? No pets.

Wow, goldfish, turtle, nothing? I think I wanted a dog when I was a kid, but then we couldn't have dogs in the house. And then I just didn't care enough to get a fish, or I didn't have that gear where I'm like, I want a guinea pig or I want a hamster. I just like freedom. Damn.

I'm like, Daniro in heat. Pets slow me down, you know? 30 seconds. You feel the slipper coming around the corner. Don't have a hamster, you can't slip away from it 30 minutes or less. Let's see. Any plants in the house now?

What do you got in there? You got an apartment or you got your own place? I bought a townhouse. You bought a townhouse. I bought a townhouse. I can sit next to a landowner over here. There we go. Okay.

I bought a townhouse. The money ha ha's bought. Sure. There you go. Any plants in there? I've got a snake plant in the corner. Okay. And then I have this plant that a buddy accidentally left

there when he was staying at my place for a few weeks and I just, I keep it on the kitchen. That's a little weird. Why would he bring a plant to stay at your friends? I don't know. And he says that it's not his plant. Like, so you just have a plant. You're being recorded.

That thing's bugged. Yeah. You got room for my shrub. That's what the feds do. They just leave a plant. The leaves go like that. Is that normal? Is that normal?

I have to plug this plant in. Yeah. It has like servo sounds to your plants. You're going to tear it out a little bit. That's weird. You just have all plant that your friend says isn't his. Also. Yeah.

He's like, I don't remember having that plant. Your friends taking plants with them places. Little strange. Yeah. Isn't that like Leon the professional? He always took a plant with him. Really? You ever see that movie?

Yes, Leon. 100%. Yeah. He's got a plant with him. Do you like egg salad? No, gross. Really? Is that like a mayo thing as well?

Do you like, what do you think about mayo? Mayo is okay if it's just like a very thin coat on a sandwich. I'm with this guy. I don't want any gooped mayo. And also like potato salad, not into it. Really? Man.

Any salads that are not salads? Get out of here. I can go with that. Really? Coleslaw? Get out of here. I don't trust this kid. Excuse me, a lot of sense.

Any fireworks in your house right now? No, I wish. I love them. Have you ever washed your shoes in a washing machine? Never. I always think like I should do that sometime, but I can't bring myself to do it. I just feel like it's too dirty

and maybe it'll damage the machine. Oh, no, it's the shoes. The shoes come out wonky a bit. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. But they smell good and they're clean.

They look like they went through a washing machine. They look a little, they come out a little skewed. They look like you got it from Ross after. Yeah, shout out to Ross Dress for what it is. How's the credit score? Like a macula. It is, huh? So what are you rocking?

You got an AMX? Kind of cards we doing. I got an AMX, I got a Gold AMX. Get some miles on it. Delta Man? Yes. I pay it off every month, you know? Okay.

It's not free money. What medallion status you had over there on Delta Man? I'm not a big medallion status doing it. I'm a low man on the totem pole, says. Why are you re-labeling it? This guy's no clean. Yeah, we're all people. What is status?

What is medallion? Yeah, I don't know. I just sort of buy things with the credit card. I know that it goes towards points. But I don't, I don't, I have buddies who will like fly to New York just cause they want to hit status. They have nothing to do in New York, but they're like, I'm gonna lose my status.

I don't want to fucking get on a plane for five hours just for like status. Gotta keep that status. What kind of luggage you're rocking? Just, I got it from Ross. It's a, it's a Samsonite, just a carry on overhead thing. What color are we talking, black? Black, classic.

It's got, it's got flames on the side. At this point, I gotta say sharp kid, go with his money, sensible. It's a townhouse, it's the most practical purchase you can get. Hold on, corner unit. Whoa, you didn't fucking say that. I'm not finding any holes here. The buddy bringing the plants a little weird.

I respect the way he gets in a shower. Sure, especially the socks angle. Respect the way he puts his socks on. Have you ever eaten at a strip club? Never. Would you consider yourself to be good at laser tag? I don't have enough data points. I think I've played it once or twice.

Some guys are gonna overestimate, they're gonna say they're great, like they're combat veterans or something. I don't know what I don't know. Do you know how to do the electric slide of the Macarena? Oh man, Macarena probably, but it's like deep in there somewhere.

Electric slides a little harder, but I know it's like there's some rocking and then it's kind of like line dancing. It's like urban line dancing. Any weddings in the family as of recent? Any family weddings? Have you been to a wedding? I've been to a wedding.

Causing a friend. So mostly I've been to Afghan weddings. I don't go to a lot of them. What's that like? What's going on there? It's more festive. It's like at a hotel ballroom. There's dancers dancing.

I don't know. That's a wedding though. No, no, there's no bar. No booze. Cause there's aunties and grandmas and stuff. You drink in the trunk in the parking lot. So there's uncles and young kids and you pour some like Johnny Walker Black from the trunk

and you have some like solo cups. So like, it's almost like this unspoken thing. Like everyone knows what's going on, but all the men just drink out of the trunk of cars at this wedding. And then they kind of come in a little looser and everyone just plays this game. Like it's not happening.

Sure. Because there can be no alcohol in the actual wedding. Okay. All right. Now you're speaking my language. That's all right. So everyone has to go outside for a little bit, you know? Sure.

Ever been in a helicopter? Once. I was working at Boeing and my coworker. Wait, wait. You worked at Boeing? Oh, yeah. I worked at Boeing. Back this up.

Are you your dad? What's going on here? Yeah, I worked there as an engineer in Long Beach for like three and a half years. Okay. Really? Yeah. Okay.

That's how I got out to LA. I was doing stand-up for four years. We also didn't ask, I'm sorry to cut you off. We didn't ask you where you went to school after the community college. Oh, UW, University of Washington. Okay. Good school.

Yeah. All right. So graduated and then, you know, because stand-up, like I knew I wanted to do this since I was 18. So I knew I had to go to New York or LA. I'm like, I want to keep it West Coast because my family's in Seattle.

So I just applied. Yeah, I just applied to jobs in SoCal. So I got a job at Boeing and Long Beach. And then I was drive up and- As an engineer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty good gig I would assume doing. It's great.

It's a career, but it was like a stepping stone to me. I was just using it to like- To get to where you want to go. To get to today. Instead of having to wait tables or whatever, you're doing that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Having a good salary I would assume.

Yeah, cause like no matter- What were you working on, commercial too? I was working on the 747-8 freighter and passenger. I should have known when he said the fucking planes as that was working. Yeah. The old jargon, he's like the 737-747-8. What are you working on?

What are you designing? Floor beams. So I was part of the floor beams group. Designing the floor beams. It was more like computational. So the design group was right next to us and then we would tell them, hey, this needs to be wider

or you need to use a stronger fastener. Like it's going to fail at this stress, you know. Would you be in there testing the shit out? No, it was like comp- Like there was no- I tested it. I'm not on the plane. No, well they do like the little mini version

of the plane and they put the arrow on top of it. Well, they would have these load cases in a wire frame. And so there's a software you load up and you get access to all the different load cases. So like the stress a plane sees when it takes off. The stress it sees when it has turbulence. The stress it sees when Foley boards. Could it make those seatbelts bigger?

Come on, please. That was the biggest one. We always did that up top. It was the Foley test. If it doesn't pass the Foley test, it doesn't stand a chance. I'll give you guys a couple hours. You leave the room, you like, yes, done?

Yeah, can I come back? Where was I going with this? Why was I talking about engineering? I don't know, but it was sounding pretty smart. I'll tell you that. You're testing the load beams, specs on the rotary girder. All that shit.

Yeah. What was the question before the- No, I think we just asked, you said you worked. Yeah, I don't even know how we got there. You're smart, you're a smart guy. Eh, I mean- You're a goddamn fucker. You're an Aeronautical Engineer.

Yeah, I don't remember- Wait, hold on a second. I don't remember any of that shit. Are you considered an Aeronautical Engineer? I'm a mechanical engineer who worked in aerospace. Aerospace, that's pretty good, fuck. This guy doesn't even know what the fucking medallion he is on Delta either.

What the fuck, is this a guy building my planes? I want to lease diamond, okay? Wait, what were you doing in the helicopter? Oh yeah, fuck, yeah, okay, okay, that's what it is. All right, so I was working at Boeing. I was building it. Yeah, you know what? Oh, that feels so good.

I've worked at- Boeing. Yeah, yeah. So I'm working there in a cubicle, my cubicle mate over here. Does he want to go on my helicopter? He's this older guy, maybe in his 40s of the time, I'm like 23 years. So he flies, he flies, and he flies helicopters,

and he has to get his hours up to keep- Sure. The license or whatever. So lunch is coming up. He's like, hey, I have to fly this helicopter. You want to ride? You want to go on a helicopter? I'm like, I'm just thinking,

when am I going to go on a helicopter again? A lunchtime helicopter? This is awesome. And Elton H? I go, yeah, cool. So we get in the, he's like, let's take the doors off. So he takes the- Wait, is it close to that place?

Cause we're right by Long Beach Airport. Wait, hold on, I missed one thing. This guy is a pilot too? Yeah, he's an engineer and he's a pilot. He's a helicopter pilot. Was it a company helicopter? No, this is his own time. This is just-

In order to keep your license, you're gonna fly 50 hours a month. So you weren't like a black hawker anyway? No. You weren't taking like the company black hawker. Yeah, he's like, take the turret. And we're just going around Long Beach.

So, yeah, it's just a lunchtime helicopter ride. Was it one of those little ones with the little weird thing that comes up? It was like a smaller helicopter and he's doing all the stuff. And it's a lot of trust you put in someone, like in hindsight. Yeah, no shit.

It's weird knowing- It's like I eat seafood at lunch. Fucking microwaving it. Get the fuck out of here. You're nuts. Ever been on a cruise? No. And I have no desire to do stand-up.

Like I've been offered like cruise ship shows. I just want to be able to- Couple of boat gigs. Some boat gigs. I want to be able to disappear from the audience if I choose. I don't want to have to be forced to see these people. I like the option of eating shit

and never seeing people again. Couple of shrimp in your mouth is a good thing. I don't need that. I don't need that. I'm whispering. Not saying hi, but pointing you out. I've been there. Yeah.

You ever do those shows where after the gig, people are walking out and like some people are saying, oh, good job. And there's couples just like leaving. Yeah. They give you like a- Yeah. Parking lot this way.

Will you tell the waiter it's someone's birthday at the table? Never. Even if it is your birthday? I don't want anyone to know. Yeah, I'm the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty good.

Do you want an air fryer? I love it. I preach the gospel of air fryer to everybody. Yeah, it's a problem with air fryers. People that have air fryers. It's a movement. It's like Tony Robbins. Sure.

Yeah. Do you want to hear my pitches on air fryer? Like, okay. Lay it on us. On a reheating level, it's already worth the cost. It's a time machine. It tastes like it just came out. Pizza?

It's like a reheating pizza in an air fryer? Amazing. What'd you drop on your air fryer? I got a ninja one. Okay. You know, actually, you know what? My aunt gave it to me before air fryer's were cool. I was like, what is this thing?

Before they were cool. Before they were cool. She was like an indie band for like kitchen appliances. She was a hipster. Yeah. So it just stayed in my bottom cabinet forever. And then I kept on hearing about air fryer's. And I go, oh shit, I got one.

I think I have one of these. So I dust it off. Oh yeah. Okay, here's the other thing. Tots? Tots in eight minutes. Tater tots. Tater tots.

Crispy, amazing. Sure. I feel like tots got a bad rap because they were mushy when you were elementary school. Oh yeah. But crispy tots. Tots now. Tots are hot.

Tots never had a bad rap. No, Tots never had a bad rap. Tots were a mush cold freezer burn. They called a bad rap. That wouldn't bother me. Another thing though is like tots can switch hit. Tots are like hash browns. They could be a breakfast potato.

Of course. And they could be a lunch potato. Yeah. Probably Tots any day or anything. You can't do fries with eggs. You can do tots with eggs. No, you can definitely do fries with eggs. So you guys are playing a different game.

What the fuss kid screw balls? What are you doing on? He does fries with eggs. Not in the morning. It's my favorite breakfast substitution on planet Earth. Give me the fries, baby. I mean, you can do it. You can walk out of here.

You can do it, technically, I guess. I feel like I'm like a dirtbag Gordon Ramsay. Fries with eggs. Tots with eggs is... No, well in New York a lot, if the diner, you go to the diners at night and you get, if you are getting breakfast, to go, we're out of hash browns, we can do fries.

Oh. So that would be the potato. But I'm talking two, three o'clock in the morning. Yeah, you're all fucked up. Right. It doesn't matter. I think a french fries in the morning is a wild choice. Thank you.

Okay. It is. Deep fried food in the morning like that, I would never do that to my body. Do you have tater tots in your house right now? Yes. I have like two bags. What brand are you talking about?

I have reserve tots in case I run out of. Backup tots. I have backup tots. First tots fail. That's a real engineer. Mm-mm. There you go. Redundancy.

We have a code red. Oh wait, I have backup tots. Never mind, we're good. What kind of brand you banging with on the tots? Okay. Is it Onita? Is that one? Orida.

Oregon, Idaho, orida. That's everywhere. That's pretty standard. But there's this tater tot from Gelsons that you can get. That is, it's an Idaho potato. I forget what the brand is, but it's the tater tots from Gelsons that are like above and beyond any tots I've had.

Top shelf. Yeah. Top shelf tots. Top shelf tots. Hmm. Okay. All right. I'm...

I mean, here's the deal. I'm pretty good here, I think. You have a globe in your house. Like a world globe? Yeah, like a globe. No. Okay. Is that common?

No. Yeah, that would be a sign. That's true. Yeah. No globe. Okay, what are you whipping around in an LA? What are you driving? I upgraded.

I have an Audi A5. Okay, okay. But before I was driving a 2007 Mazda 3. Still pretty nice. That's for a very long time. Stick shift. I also, when I was living in Austin for a few months during the pandemic,

I shipped the Mazda to Austin so I could drive, so I could have a car out there. What color is the Audi? White. It's a glassy color. It's a white Audi. It's a white Audi. That's clean.

It's like a dentist's car. Yeah. That's what I was going for. It's got real pediatrician vibes. My cards say DDS. You floss every day? Yeah. My brother's a dentist, actually.

Your brother's a dentist. He gave him the car. He gave me the car. Take duties, call me in the morning. You working out? Yeah, less so than I used to. Maybe like two times a week or three times a week. Do you membership?

LA Fitness, yeah. Okay. That's pretty good. How many suits do you own? Two? I might buy another one in front of buy it. I want to get like a nice one because before I would just buy a Zara suit.

And then... That's even the high end of the TV suits. Really? No, I'm an H&M man myself. H&M's nice too. But Zara's better. Zara's better, obviously, slightly. And then I would tailor the Zara suit

but I kind of want to get a grown man suit. Yeah. You know? You have anything to give it? Just one. Yeah, I just did it. You have an IRA or anything like that set up. Yeah.

You do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. 401K from Boeing, I assume? I transferred it because I don't work there anymore. So I transferred it to some like other type of fidelity. 401K. And I contribute the maximum every year and yeah.

I mean, listen, the kid's classy. Yeah. Down the line. Fantastic. Yeah, top notch. Runs a tight ship. Tight ship? Man.

I mean, I thought early on... What do you order it to use? I use Armin Hammer, no aluminum. I'm surprised they didn't say aluminum. Aluminium? No, yeah, that's the good stuff. It's the toothpaste. It's not gonna...

There's no antiperspirant quality to it. That's the only downside. But then I just hear about all the aluminum stuff. And I'm like, as long as I smell fine, that's fine. What's a toothpaste? Well, I do. Whatever's on sale, whether it's a Colgate, there's so many varieties.

They have sparkles in them. They have fluoride. You're jumping brands off. I'm jumping... Sparkles are all right. Can you taste the difference between a Colgate and a Crest? Sure.

Really? Yeah. I can't taste shit in my mouth. I know. Scentedine tastes too weird, so I won't do that. Crest was like dessert when I was a kid. Get my hands on one of those. Like after dinner, you're like one tube of Crest.

I think it was spearmint, and I thought it was like sweeter. I can't tell the difference, so I just buy whatever's cheapest. But it's usually a Colgate or a Crest. They have a basket of them, and it'll be like... I do agree, a Colgate and a Crest are relatively interchangeable. If you're not going, you know, something super specific.

Are you cooking at the house or eating out? That's my problem. I eat out. That's probably my one vice, like eating out too much. Ordering out. Ordering or eating out. Nothing specific. I'll order in a lot, you know.

Well, here's the thing. When it comes to cooking, I'll do a breakfast. That's an easy meal to bang out. Eggs, that's super easy. Eggs, tots, and you... This guy just got damn tots. Yeah, I love tots. You need a potato.

Never fries! And then, and if I cook like a steak, I can do that's pretty easy. I like just grilling a piece of meat and having a side. You got a grill? No, I'll do like a skillet. Like a cast iron skillet and an air fryer. I don't whip you up a nice binda.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know what to... Yeah, kid's class. Throw it through. Sharp kid, good family, educated brothers of Dennis. Drives a nice car, got a 401, got IRA, money put away. The only, the trashiest thing about him currently is the air fryer love, which I'll give you, but you know. But I mean, I feel like the air fryer bridges

all economic classes, like everyone is all about that these days, right? Yeah, you keep getting them on the air fryer. I'm just saying, it's not the classiest thing. That's a time thing, you know? Like, it's a time and flavor thing that even rich people are. Also, they're not having a stat, not knowing the status or whatever.

Can you speak a second language? A little bit of Farsi, not as good as I should. You understand it though. I understand more than I can speak. Okay, that's pretty good. Yeah, I mean, dude, I thought the haircuts in the bathroom, I thought for... Yeah, I thought we were going in the right direction.

I thought we had him fucking soup to nuts. That was the last fucking tragedy thing he said. And his mom was about to become an entrepreneur, so. He shot down Hawaiian pizza pretty hard too. Do you eat over the sink? No. Anybody in your family ever claimed to see a UFO? No.

You keep your batteries in the refrigerator. No, why? Is that a thing? Yeah, it's a trashy thing. Man, it isn't even know about it. I know. Come on, what are you doing? Do you have hand towels?

Like a towel on the railing in a bathroom, right? Yeah. Like, what else would you do? Just like, dry your hands off with your shower towel? No. That's crazy. Do you use your wipes? Damn, this kid's...

You might be the classiest dude that ever rolled in there. What the hell is that? You are, everybody, 100% grade A class. Holy shit. Wow. Very few have come in and beat the golf club like that. Yeah, no kidding. Damn.

Part of you wanted to be trash, though. I thought I had some trashy qualities. No shit, I worked at Boeing. What are you talking about working on this? Whipping an Aldi. That's about laser tag. You said data points. Yeah.

That's fucking... That's a good point. I just should have said, yeah. You used a couple of real smart guy terminology. I didn't understand. I took it as a fence. Do you think later down the line, I can get an honorary trash degree?

That'd be great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Cosby. Come do commencement. Yeah, yeah. Buddy, what a fucking good time. Gang special out right now, hat trick. You gotta check it out on some of the YouTube page.

What else you got coming up, brother? Let him know. Just on tour. So I think I'm coming back to New York in April. I'll be playing Bell House. Love that out. If you're in town. And just go to fihemanoor.com for other tour dates.

Great. And then subscribe to the YouTube channel. There's a bunch of shit coming out. And the special's there. Yeah. Check out the special, everybody. What a good time. We love you.

This was so much fun. Thanks, man. Kip, what do you got for him? Like I said, the Gramercy Theater. Get those fucking tickets. Let's sell the fuck out, baby. Let's do it, gang. Big time, huh?

I bet the whole house on this place. No one shows up. I'm broke. Gramercy's huge. That's awesome. That's so cool. Thank you. And then obviously, Patreon, the whole nine yards.

We'll see you on the road. We're announcing our new 2023 tour coming up soon. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.