Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Family Fights Edition w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: June 9, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon, and they are all about Family! It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy P...odcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Best of AYG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL8bt-D-ZN4&list=PLCJp1IfokN9Cy1Hi79LSGAykCKfRDM_y9 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Blue Chew: Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code GARBAGE -- just pay $5 shipping. Acorns: Head to https://acorns.com/GARBAGE or download the Acorns app to get started. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? #comedypodcasts #comedians #podcastshow #comedypodcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Martin's question is, are you garbage if you ask for a Rumpelmann shot at the bar upstairs and the bartender said, we're not that kind of place? Give the boys a round of applause. They're kicking it off with a goddamn home run. Rumpelmanns, when you're out of crack. Where is he? Rumpelmann's when you know you're not going to get hard. Dad, get your tickets for the Back on the Block Tour at RUgarbage.com.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Second show out in San Francisco, get your tickets for Portland, Seattle, Brea, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, low ticket warning, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia Baltimore, Maryland Philadelphia at the Met Rochester, New York and Toronto, Ontario See you there Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash
Starting point is 00:01:05 Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Amen, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash. Sorry.ie! I'm your host A-Trolley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's up in her room picking her new guitar. Okay. V. The flying V. The flying V. Is she fucking Cece DeVille? Shredding up there. Sure. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. It's what we call the family episode.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Thank you very much, Margaritaville. Thanks for tuning in, everybody. Shout out to you. It's me and a big kahuna. Talking about cheeseburger in paradise.
Starting point is 00:01:57 That shirt is wild. Gang, shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, also full video available on Spotify. Don't forget to climb up through the charts over there. Yes, sir. Then obviously Patreon.com, greatest website of all time.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Check it out. I mean, hundreds, thousands, millions of hours, a bajillion hours worth of bonus content over there. You sign up now, you get all the past catalog. And then, what are we doing in the fall? Do we have any fall plans? We got the back on the block tour, dumbass. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:02:29 Get some tickets. Come see the boys. We got the Wilbur. We got the Met in Philly. We're in San Francisco. We're in Portland. We're in Seattle. We're in Charlotte.
Starting point is 00:02:38 We're in Raleigh. We're all over the place, baby. Toronto. Baltimore. Baltimore. Rochester. Second show. Rochester.
Starting point is 00:02:44 Second show's being added. we can't add second shows in all the markets because of whatever, the dates, the routing, the whole nine yards, whatever, that's what the fucking suit said, so that's what I'm saying. Can't we get down to Charlotte, that kill box, the comedy zone. And the Wilbur, and the Met in Philly.
Starting point is 00:02:58 You just said that, what are we, fucking reruns already? This is gonna be fun, I'm excited about it. I'm sorry. Lay off the big waves will ya? Hey CheeBurger, CheeBurger, relax. Don't forget we got the goddamn Atlantic City coming up, that little taste in the back of the block. Down there at the Borgata.
Starting point is 00:03:18 I go in there in this shirt, they'll probably hit me with the high rollers, sweet. It's the middle of the summer by the way. With the stun gun. This is my nice summer shirt baby. Happy summer to everybody out there. What size is that coming in at? What do you mean? What's that gonna do with anything? That was very...
Starting point is 00:03:39 Super size, that's what it is. Sure. Comes with an extra thing of fries. You never love me. Okay, alright. And we're off of somebody had therapy This is talking about family fights. We are talking about that was a big one in my house. You never loved me real You don't love me We never had everything I do you don't love me Who's saying that to who I'm saying that to you you son of a bitch. You're going at the dog
Starting point is 00:04:01 Everything I do for you. Yeah, you sit there and lick your bull sack. Man, if one thing the Foley's could do in the 80s was have a nice family fight. It was like we were all individual countries. There was no child. There was no adult. It was every man for themselves. It was every man for himself. It would start small. It would be a proxy war. You know what I mean? That turned nuclear. Sure. CIA couldn't control it. Send some arms
Starting point is 00:04:31 over certain borders that you didn't have a treaty with. Sure. Let someone, let you and your brother fight it out. Then your dad comes home, she takes it out on it. It was usually us that started it. Me and my, it was usually me, to be honest
Starting point is 00:04:42 with you. No. Yeah. I can't see that. I mean, I look at it as it was me. I would start something with my brother or we would start fighting about something. And then there was always we drag them into it. We get the USSR in the United States. See, I never had that luxury. I had to fucking I had to shoot the fade with Danny and there was no parent coming to save you. Because listen, we get home from work or we get home from school. It's the summer or whatever. She's gone. She's gone for a couple more hours. So it's like if we get in a fight at 3 p.m.
Starting point is 00:05:15 She gets home at seven or eight. I can't ruin her day. So I just got to keep my fucking, you know, say I ran. I fell down the stairs or something. There was a summer where me and my brother got into a fist fight Almost every day and we only lived in town line and we were around 50 like every day it was like 50 kids Honestly, like they would all be running around we press all you literally we'd be playing football and all that stuff And me and my brother would always get into a fight and I remember one time we were in this middle field in town line
Starting point is 00:05:42 always get into a fight. And I remember one time we were in the middle field in town line, town line apartments in in Bluebell, Pennsylvania. We were in the middle of this field. And me and my brother were on the ground just just like fighting for like 15 minutes. Yeah, the one of us would let go. There was like 100 kids standing around us. And I remember our mailman Mr. Lupo. guy went to high school with his son. Great guy. He was our mailman.
Starting point is 00:06:07 You don't have to butter up fucking Mr. Lupo. He's fucking 98 years old if he's alive, right? Mr. Lupo, you listen, I'm not disparaging the Lupo family. Great guy. Sure. And I remember looking over and he was just standing there watching us and like shaking his head.
Starting point is 00:06:22 And I remember we felt like heathens, Dirt bags. Mm hmm. But those are it was never those. Those are always all went under the radar. It was always the holidays or vacation that we ruined. Yeah because everything we've talked about this everything's heightened. You're fucking the
Starting point is 00:06:35 money. The one night I've done all all the planning for the one thing and then your shithead kids screw it up. Yeah. That's what that's what breaks you. That's why there's fights at Disney, fights down the shore, fights everywhere. I caused a big fight at a gift shop
Starting point is 00:06:50 in Cape May, New Jersey one time because I wanted one of those little ships. Remember those little fishing ships that were wood that they sold down the shore? Not really. Yeah, I got into a huge war with my mom over it and caused a trouble in the store and like knocked over a bunch of stuff. I thought my parents were going to break up. Sure. Because we were in
Starting point is 00:07:08 the car driving. Remember we drove past the the Coast Guard base down there. That's why I always have a thing with Kate May. And I was like, this is it. I've I've ruined my family. Yikes. Real cool cucumber. You are. I got I'm almost most good times baby most are growing up my family had already fractured so there was no well it's like what are you guys gonna get back together huh? The war was over. It was like we were in fucking peacetime for the most part I mean my mom and dad weren't fighting she did a very good job. We're talking either. No well she did a very good job of not trashing my dad to us. Nice.
Starting point is 00:07:44 Same with my dad my dad to us. Nice. Same with my dad. You know, you get, well, you know how you get. The girlfriends on the other hand probably heard a lot of it. You get, sure, yeah, I think so. But there's whole, I mean, I don't speak to my father currently, there's whole factions of my family that are just scorched earth.
Starting point is 00:08:04 Right. My dad's side, I talked to a couple of my uncles that are just scorched earth. My dad's side, I talked to a couple of my uncles, stay in touch, hear and hear, might come to a share. But like not, not my mom's side of the family, she's one in nine. Not your family. That's the, that's the, we still, I mean, we're all down to shore, cause of Mikey, if I had Brendan got us this place, Michael. And if I had to say, the more successful side of the family. Sure, they've, I gotta give it to them. They plays Michael. And if I had to say the more successful side of the family. Sure.
Starting point is 00:08:26 I gotta give it to them. They've really got some successful. You're not exactly a leader in the family. No, no. You're doing okay. I'm doing all right. Got high school kids that are buy you and sell you. Sure. Sure. A couple of soccer superstars in a family. Shout out to the Sullivan's. Philadelphia Union. I wonder if that's kind of where the beginning of or like, you know, the the subconsciousness of our relationship comes in. What do you mean? That you maybe look at me as like a father figure. If that's the case, can we stop talking? No, if anything, we're more
Starting point is 00:09:00 brotherly. No, you have. Listen, I've read a lot of you've always looked up to me, which I appreciate. When was that? Huh? If you were standing on the curb or something, I was on the street level at the stairs to look up to you. Comedically? What? Financially?
Starting point is 00:09:18 Sexually? That's how you do it. Uh, yeah. I mean in an early That's how you do it Yeah, I mean in an early a before I knew you You were a elder statesman in the scene on August guys running show cool guy Where's a blazer same t-shirt every Thursday night? It's kind of weird sweating a lot even though Sweating a lot even though it's fucking February and eight's not on. I don't know what this guy's all about I sweat a lot even though it's fucking February and eight's not on. I don't know what this guy's all about. I sweat a lot. But yeah, it's hard to look up to somebody when you just bum nine cigs a night off of them.
Starting point is 00:09:51 You kind of lose respect a little bit. You go, hey, man, at what point are you going to go run around a corner and grab a pack? Look and start contributing to the commune over here. And then you say that, and then you hit me with, I always have cigarettes which is like Send you to your room No, so
Starting point is 00:10:10 Obviously we we you know reading a lot of these people submissions which are God I got to be honest with you home frickin runs, and it's it's no wonder why your fans of this year fans in a program it's like So many times like oh yeah that that that you would be surprised at how many fucking game nights have ruined it so But there is this thing with family where you have to either just eventually cut them out which happens Or you just go this is it and we just got a roll with the punches I don't cut anybody out families family now listen. I've kind of cut a good amount of people out. Yeah, I ain't going anywhere what Get let me get my scissors out.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Start snipping. Chained myself to your leg. All right, let's get into it. We got a whole bunch of good subs to get through here, baby. This is from Dr. Chalupa Cabra. What are they? Chupa Cabra. Chupa Cabra.
Starting point is 00:11:00 Chupa Cabra. That's Mexican. He's spelled it Chalupa Cabra. So I think he likes the Chalups. I like a Chalupa.ras. Chupacabra. That's Mexican. He's called a Chalupa Cabra. So I think he likes pretty good. He likes the Chalupes. I like a Chalupa. No. It's fried dough. Okay. Good. Well, this just in. The regular ground beef one. Okay. And they used to have the Baja but they don't really have that anymore. Mm hmm. That's not really here nor there though.
Starting point is 00:11:18 No. For maybe a different episode. There you go. Uh alright. He says $10 homie never had one red. Here it is. Family game night went bad when mom was asked what actor played Wolverine in the X-Men movies. She confidently yelled out Jack Human. The room decided she wasn't allowed to get the points for Hugh Jackman and all hell broke out. Dude, I get that Jack human There's also a thing too. We're like you feel like everybody's against you like what don't want you fucking tighten up real quick You got a couple spritzers in you
Starting point is 00:11:57 Jack human, but Hugh Jackman to Jack human is a fantastic one. I give it to her. I don't know Yeah, I mean come on you're playing for fucking playing for namesakes here, you know what I mean? Leader of the family. We tried to play trivia pursuit. We I bet it's still probably at my mom's. And I don't think anybody in my family, two adults and two kids, none of us could figure out how the game worked.
Starting point is 00:12:24 We didn't know what those little pieces of pie did. We didn't know how to get to the middle. Coming out, I know that. All right. Yeah, I remember. So when we were right, so the my brother and like that group, that legion of the family are all like four or five, six, whatever years older than me. Uh huh. So I was always younger. So I was probably 18
Starting point is 00:12:46 17 18 they were all younger in the early to mid 20s And we would go down the shore during that they would have cousins night, right? Like we'd all go down the shore during the winter when no one was around like the summer getting married and like long-term girlfriends Boyfriends, whatever and we'd all go then the cops run a skeleton crew. Yeah, right? Good pickings. Yeah, good luck trying to fucking run up in the Sullivan's house. You and a couple of constables. A bunch of...
Starting point is 00:13:11 Guys got a wooden gun on them. It's a bunch of drunk pipe fitters going, come on. I know you can't shoot nobody. So we'd all go down there. It was like a night. We'd get kind of not dressed up, but it was like, Whoa, we're going. It was like, you know, like the age where you started doing like we're gonna do appetizers and like, What are you bringing rather than just like drinking a six-pack?
Starting point is 00:13:33 Uh-huh. It was like a little more elegant. Was it just you guys? Was there any parental figures? No, so I'm the youngest and the oldest is probably- That's how Lord of the Flies started. The oldest is probably, maybe, maybe- is probably maybe maybe a shipwreck. Maybe 30. No one has kids yet. It's like and I and there's there's 40 of us in a shore house. And I mean we tried to play Cranium Cadillac.
Starting point is 00:13:58 I think that's what it's called Cranium Cadillac. You like makeup rules or something. Hey Jack Boomin. I tell you what, it's not Cranium Kadoo? You like make up rules or something? Hey Jack Boomin, I tell you what it's not Cranium Kadoo You mean the game Cranium? But I think there's a version Cranium Kadoo How's I remember my mom going, Cranium Kadoo? He gave it down and sure played Cranium Kadoo, everybody get some fist fights A version of Crananium scaled down for kids we're drunk welders hey we're not pussy welders all right we're out there with the tools what's cranium I remember that
Starting point is 00:14:37 coming out it just been cranium and I'm thinking what is cranium it was like there's a there's a bunch of rules to it okay No like a bunch of like hey if you roll a six It's it was my it was the like I remember the guy on the cover There was like nine nine bust a rhyme and you had to like keep the rap going or something I don't know listen. We never made it to the end. I mean I remember my brother and my cousin Liam getting in a fucking like Holding each other over like a third story Third story railing over a cranium get that over a kid's game like what my heart like my my cousin's new husband I
Starting point is 00:15:15 Don't know if they were married new boyfriend he came big guy you met him He gets all banged on that dude. Yeah, and I'm trying to I have my first night meeting I say he's it that was my first night meeting them on my back your skull. Oh, hey, and I'm trying to I have my first night meeting he's it I was my first night meeting him on my crack your skull. Hey, man. You got to come back inside. It's alright We'll be okay. I'm like Jesus, but it was fucking it was like a hell in the cell back I was waiting for the undertaker to speaking of the shortest is a sidebar You know my one my one young cousin is doing just graduate high school He's going off to college in the fall good school smart kid Guess what he's doing this summer as a summer job
Starting point is 00:15:46 I don't know the fudgy wudgy man on the fucking beach those are tough to get real tough to get Fudgy what Wildwood? C. Isle Nice huh pretty good. Why would you gotta be you have to be a Vietnam vet? No, I don't think it's no It's either so it's like it's either I think firefighters are the hot dog vendors fudgy wudgy guys are I think you have to be a vet vet. No, I don't think it's no it's either so it's like it's either I think firefighters are the hot dog vendors fudgy wudgy guys or I think you have to be a vet or like something you have to be something. Yeah. Oh that's what all the Jersey Shore it's like the prerequisite. He's working the beach in
Starting point is 00:16:14 Sea Isle baby. Shout out to it. Family probably the most proud that the whole family has been. You know fudgy wudgy man? Of anybody. West dude. He's going to like a really good school too. We have like a World Cup athletes, Olympians, NFL players. If somebody became the fudgy wudgy man, you'd be fucking king shit. Got a job at Sam's. Shout out Michael used to work at the hot spot. Yeah, what was that? It was like one of those shitty Greek fucking, they serve pizza, lasagna, omelets. It's on the board while it was a hot spot. See if you pull up the hot spot. Wow. What I think there's like four or five of them.
Starting point is 00:16:47 He was man in a grill. I think he lasted like two weeks. They didn't make it the fourth of July. We had somebody that worked at Flanders in Ocean City. It's a huge hotel and candy shop. I'll take you to the candy shop. And it's like we had somebody in Congress. Working at Flanders original hot spot. But yeah, I think he was at the hotspot for called I think he called out like three days in and they're like, dude, what the fuck fuck a memorial day
Starting point is 00:17:14 It's Sunday Memorial Day weekend. We're fucking in the weeds Can't be got time about Shopify. Oh Chaching Shopify. What do we use for our online platform for selling merch? Let me pull up my fuzz. Shopify, baby! We are a Shopify company. Listen, gang, we know we got a lot of hustlers out there, a lot of guys doing side projects. Make that side project your main thing and use Shopify. It's the best checkout in the world online.
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Starting point is 00:18:39 Yeah. Kev, let's talk about Bluetooth, baby. I'm hard right now, big dog. Yeah, let's talk about getting hard and getting right. I'm getting some sleep Jesus Christ Gang if you got some issues as you get older as a lot of people do you put on a couple of pounds you get A little older the blood starts slowing down need a little help in the fucking in the bedroom sure all right There's no drug testing for PD in the game of life There ain't nothing wrong with a little
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Starting point is 00:20:07 This happened about 25 years ago when I was in high school. My dad and his brother had a falling out and hadn't seen or spoken to each other in decades prior. My grandmother was in hospice in Michigan and the whole family was there. My uncle Tony, who I had never met, walks in and my dad immediately goes after him Me not knowing the guy thought it was an intruder So I jump in on it too now We're both beating this shit out of my uncle while my grandmother's lying dying in the other room
Starting point is 00:20:35 My dad still won't tell me what happened between those two. That is what we're talking about. That is dirt bag level Talk about the the heightened this sure I am others laying on her deathbed all of a sudden you now you show up, huh? Probably waiting for the goddamn will piece of shit. I had that I kind of stood my kind of episode I think it was my sister's wedding if I'm speaking out of school nice My sister's wedding and one of my uncles didn't come no my one of my uncles came to the service uh-huh because he didn't trust himself and I guess my dad did not have a heated discussion uh-huh but uncle on your mom's side now on his side uncle on my dad my mom side
Starting point is 00:21:28 Ended up getting the later years got along with my dad Uh-huh not along with him, but like sure they knew each other they might you know My parents got married like fucking 20 years old or whatever so like they knew him as like a young Hey, we're in our 20s, and then there's been so much space. They would see him when they're 45 at a wedding. They're both out smoking, drinking. It's like, ah, remember that time we fought? And it was always fight stories. It was always, remember we got thrown out of fucking McShambles and you know, whatever. But he trusted in
Starting point is 00:21:59 this is how dirtbag we are. He trusted himself in the house of God. He's like, I know I'm not going to fight him at church, so I'll go to the reception. Beautiful. I'll go to the service. Beautiful service. Man, you go to the service and not the reception at a wedding. That's a garage. That is a garage. You do that at a funeral. Yeah. I go to the store. I'm not going to the luncheon. It's for close family. Yeah. Yeah. I'm listen for the record. I'm always going to the luncheon Sure always but when they say it's reserved for close family and friends
Starting point is 00:22:29 They sometimes mean that listen. I still need a meal Those funeral lunches are great. Mm-hmm. It's always midday and a weekday something nice. I'm there Yeah, I'll pay for my own drinks. I'm giving shit All right, let's see this one's from rattlesnake Jake $10 ground floor investor and shout out to you, baby Talk to me New Year's Eve a few years ago. I told my cousin in front of everybody He looks like riff-riff the rapper got a huge pop in the room Which stings? He got mad and hit me with a full beer we started started brawling. My real dad grabbed an oar,
Starting point is 00:23:07 I don't know why, to break it up. My stepdad got mad that he quote unquote grabbed the weapon. Needless to say, the party was over after that. That's fucking, dude, getting hit with a zinger and everybody laughing at you. Now, who's wrong there? The cousin. Riff Raff. Yes. Yeah. Also, you don't throw a full beard at a guy.
Starting point is 00:23:30 No. You gotta go verbal. Listen, I come from a very, listen, most of the males in my family have fist-fought each other at some point. I'm not one to sit here, but there is a code of conduct. You do, you gotta escalate it verbally a little bit. You can't take one.
Starting point is 00:23:47 And it can't be a shot. It can't be a, it can't be a fun shot. Like it's just a good burn. You can't be a bitch and throw a fucking beer. Yeah, you gotta go, how about I fucking slap the taste out of your mouth? Then you go, okay. Take it easy, man. Luke. That's betterhelp. Dad, then you go, okay.
Starting point is 00:24:09 That's better help dot com. That's a big one in my family. Yeah, slap the fucking taste out of your mouth. And then they also all they all quote whatever neighborhood they grew up in and shit on that. He's just a pussy from fish. He ain't tough or whatever it is. It's all fucking kid grew up in fucking Bridesburg ain't tough Torsdale they're all just they all just quote the neighborhood
Starting point is 00:24:29 hey you drag your poor father stepfather and father they get in on they looked like they had they probably had a pre-existing beef do you have any that you regret or look back like oh fuck I could have hurt him I was getting beat up I never they were older than me me and my brother got and the youngest one after me is Michael And he'd probably shit and tune me up now. I'm an old man. I don't think the both of us could fight Michael Talk about Mikey did the work here. Yeah, I don't think both of us could fight him I think you're not really bringing much to the table. Maybe get blinded with that shirt Yeah, no, yeah, so I had nobody I know probably I could beat up there was no one in my life I could beat up I was just kind of getting this shit slapped out of me
Starting point is 00:25:17 Well, I threw a lighter at my brother one time and I fired it at him from like for me to Luke I fired it at him a regular Bic lighter and it hit him right here And then obviously we got into a huge melee like a melee destroyed our apartment And man for I was thinking about it Not this long ago that God if I if it would have been fucking two inches higher I would have like blinded my brother Yeah, that kind of stuff all because you probably wanted to borrow 10 bucks or I had was something like that.
Starting point is 00:25:47 It was something like that. Coming down off a bender. And one time we were we were at my mom's house and for a bag. Hey, Doug, about one time we were at my mom's house, your house and I Yeah, okay. We didn't weren't living there at the time. I know, but it's still the same house you grew up in. Sure. And we were in the we were at the time I know but it's still the same house you grew up in sure and we were in that we
Starting point is 00:26:05 Were at the kitchen table, and he was standing right next to me, okay? And I was in a chair and there was a chair in between us And he was his crotch was right at the level of this I thought it was the sickest move ever I felt like I felt like fucking Jackie Chan something sure I fucking took the chair and fucking jammed it into his fucking crotch It hit him on the side, but again like I could have fucking heard him sure He went down like a fucking sack of potatoes. I cut up and beat the job like a bad habit. He was so mad anything anything
Starting point is 00:26:41 Anything dishonorable like that in a fight in the Foley household was always taken with much disrespect. Sure. Like if you went for the nuts. There's a code of conduct. It goes back to the riff-raff. You got to at least go, you at least got to stand up and exchange a few words. You can't just fucking sneak your cousin.
Starting point is 00:26:58 White gloves, pistols at dawn. Yeah, it's very much like- Honorable. at dawn yeah it's very much like honorable I remember one time I got I got snuck by this kid and I came home and I thought my nose was broken but he just like cracked the cartilage but I let him I didn't let him he I got snuck and then I beat him up and I told my dad and my day it's like a you want a fucking guy sneak you like that was I'm like what the fuck like that he was more pissed not that I got in a fight that I'm not alone sure Yeah, then I let a guy sneak me Like let him cold cocky. He were fucking hands. Oh, he goes what had I told him?
Starting point is 00:27:34 We were like talking she gets the second start talking shit you expect to get hit. I was fucking 16 Yeah, I did that once with my uncle uncle red took me and my brother outside put the boxing gloves on us I want to fight fucking took us out to the side of his yard and put mine on first big My brother was getting laced up he's got his He's got his quarter man, they're still playing his intro music he's looking over just for you, babe I knocked his bottom tooth out. They don't want one Alright, let's see here This is from Foley's folly tracker
Starting point is 00:28:11 Hello My father grew up never knowing his uncle because my grandfather said his brother was some stuck-up prick Right, so his dad didn't know right his dad didn't know his uncle uncle. Because the grandfather and the grandfather's brother had a beef. Gotcha. He never met his uncle. Gotcha. Gotcha. In reality, my grandfather was jealous of his brother for serving two tours at Iwo Jima, becoming a college dean and marrying one of the Coca Cola heiresses while my grandfather was a divorced school teacher moonlighting as a JCPenney clerk to keep up with alimony. Rest in peace Uncle Calvin would have loved some of them free DC's growing up. That's another big thing with family beefs is like you don't know right so I know my family is we're entrenched in a beef a faction of my family. 20 years at this point. If not more. Yeah. I don't know. I learned the
Starting point is 00:29:08 side. I was probably. 20 years. Yeah, I mean I was. That's a lot over the last sandwich on a hoagie tray. Whatever you dirtballs are fighting over. It was actually a pretzel nugget of a Philly soft pretzel tray but hey you know his business obviously it should go south but I learned what I was told how everybody else was wrong of course I got the proper guy was getting fucking of course I was getting Kim Jong-un propaganda of course and then you get a little closer in North Korea everybody's fruit was fake then I get a little older I get a little more input What's right is right what's wrong wrong what it was yeah
Starting point is 00:29:55 I'll still get it if I see if I get if I get the if I get Denise down in Wildwood Out on the back porch late night just me and her or maybe one other cousin or somebody She'll starts well that was why was Jimmy's Johnny's Jackie's whole problem They all then it all fucking starts on yeah, I get new stuff every time I put together a fucking Conspiracy yeah, this one's from Kenny G $10. Homie never had one red As we've said but this one's Wow most game nights would end with my mom screaming and packing a suitcase Saying she's gonna leave the family because she was losing. She's got a bag of Monopoly money. It's falling out like an old bankroll.
Starting point is 00:30:32 It's all sticking out. That's it. I mean, what is it with its ego? It's gay. It's like packing a suitcase. That's fucking nuts. That's great. That's great. We never I mean older yeah I've had it as of recent you know as of a few years ago other members of the family
Starting point is 00:30:55 storming out after a bit of an argument over some you know over just some cocktails going I'm going home and you're like you're not go you're not fucking back. I can come on I'm fucking pour you into a cup over here. That's going anywhere. Are you talking? You can't even find your keys my extended family never anything like that like my uncle my uncle like my dad and my uncles Always treated each other and they weren't blood related. They were all married in always the ultimate respect. There was never anything like that. It was always us. And I assume the other families had their, you know,
Starting point is 00:31:33 whatever but never anything big like that. It was always us. We always, I always felt like we were the dirt bags of the family. Yeah. I mean, I know with us is like we're so tightly knit and it's so big that that's like our cousins are like our brothers. Not saying yours weren't, but it's like we are spending every weekend together.
Starting point is 00:31:52 We're down the shore. It's like most of my brother and sister's friends growing up, it was just all just, it was just, it was very not incestual, but like just very intertwined. So that's how it became very messy We still have it. We'll go out drinking is like Fucking 30 year olds at some point someone's gonna I've seen a little bit of it. Yeah, you have you see me and my brother go at it. Yeah, that's not an open mic scary I get flashbacks to when I was a kid
Starting point is 00:32:24 My dad pulled out of the driveway a couple of times and I knew how bad it was by how fast he pulled out And the one time he pulled out like laid rubber. I was like never seen him again Don't forget to change your oil. It always come back a couple. I was later with a couple of odd quarts of beer That like he got like I assume he was at a bar cooling off beer that like he got like I assume he was at a bar cooling off, which he never did. My dad never like went out like that. It was always with everybody, but he come back with like a random like like a PBR court. Yeah, like you like a couple random beers. Like where the fuck were you? Smelling like
Starting point is 00:33:02 onions. I got something to eat. Ah. Sitting here with fucking meatloaf. You're out having a sandwich. Bullshit. I can't forget that. This one's from Big L. My family all got into business with each other. Bad news bears. I brought my brothers along for the ride.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Now, I don't know the whole story yet, but that, he's already drawn a line, a difference between him and his brothers. I brought my brothers along for the ride. That creates- I gave them an opportunity. That creates dissension among the ranks. Right. Because they, there's certain conversations
Starting point is 00:33:41 where you say we're equal, but then it's that, you know. I'm curious what this ride is Had and then it says okay had to fire my little brother for too many harassment accusations. Geez. I mean He then stopped talking to me Then I broke up the business and went my separate way Helped advise my other brother on how to buy some businesses on his own who he the fucking monopoly man This sounds shady turns out he partnered with my younger brother Fast forward a few years the younger brother claims the older brother had his hand in the cookie jar to the tune of a couple
Starting point is 00:34:18 Hundred K. Oh, he's a good businessman. They got I mean meanwhile most of our business We had about fucking $1,200 in the checking it sounds like there was laundry mats involved somewhere sure no one talks to anyone anymore fun at funerals graduations family gathering etc can I say something sure it's a podcast put that chip behind you talk to your family for these guys me no these guys. No you hey, I'm on your side. We keep the vendetta going I've seen I've seen my father at a funeral Gotta go yet like we keep it. I was my I don't have the biggest beef with him He wasn't at the big dogs funeral was he is the big dog Joe Kelly?
Starting point is 00:35:02 no, no, no, um was he? He was the big dog. Joe Kelly? No. No. No, no, no, no. Um, I hit him with a handshake. I was on his side. I go, I don't hit him with a handshake. That's about it. That and I got a, I got a, you look good. I lost a bunch of weight at the time. Huh. I said, this guy's all right. I don't know what everybody's big, big complainant. That reminds me, I didn't get invited to the luncheon for Joe Kelly's funeral. That was family only. No wasn't there was like 250 people there really yeah
Starting point is 00:35:29 Calls me like fucking a green Every I mean it was I think I was just so respecting me and Patty went right and then we told you to come Yeah, you're in your you're in your fucking joggers really really Really fooling people where was that at that? Is that St. Bede's? No, no, where was the luncheon? The Buck Hotel. Fuck! That's the place we did the show.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Yeah. Damn, they put out a good spread. They put out a great spread. Fuck, why didn't I go to that? We even kept the bar open a couple hours. God damn it! Then they had to close it, and we went into the actual bar,
Starting point is 00:36:01 and I ran up a thigh, I said, here, put it on me. We were doing shots of absolute to the big dog smoking Winstons. Fuck, why didn't I go there? I should've got rid of Patty and went over there. Well, party. It was such a party, we ran out of heaters
Starting point is 00:36:13 and I had my wife drive and go get his heaters. Huh, probably some tail running around here too. What do you got? Nothing on that. Cheese steaks, spring egg rolls. Damn. You fucked up. I fucked up.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Damn it. Maybe I had to get back for a show no you didn't I remember I'm not done for family I'm like everyone's gonna gonna be everybody fuck make some dumb decisions it's an awesome menu hey they got the raw bar I mean they got bar it's mostly chicken they got pretzel charcuterie board what buckwild sampler crab cake sliders did you have crab cake sliders I don't remember I was pretty fucked up told you I was doing shots absolute the fallen heroes absolute that's what he liked he was an absolute man absolute citute citron. Alright. Um alright. Let's see
Starting point is 00:37:08 here. This one's from Saint Louis Viagra guy. So, I'm at thanks. Oh, that's from the live show. I don't know if he was. Yeah, he was in. I think he he made the Route 66. Okay. I remember he was like the if I got Viagra for my birthday
Starting point is 00:37:21 present or my wife. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Saint Louis Viagra guy. Yes. So, I'm at Thanksgiving and my mom politely asks no one to talk politics which never can ruin a fucking party never especially now everybody just shut the fuck up yeah 90 seconds later my asshole uncle starts laying into everybody from whatever. I lean over front of the kitchen and loudly say, my mother said no politics. If you want to talk politics, go to your own house now. People shout right the fuck up after that.
Starting point is 00:37:58 Listen, that's what you gotta do. Because it will seep in. It seeps in. Just tell everybody to shut the fuck up referring to was referring to where his mother At the man's respect yeah, none of that bullshit especially at the holidays. Oh, that's funny Gag today's episode is sponsored by eight cor and you know, we love acorns over here Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start investing for your retirement Because the sooner you start the more of a chance your money is gonna grow baby
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Starting point is 00:39:48 to you by progressive insurance fiscally responsible financial geniuses monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds. Because progressive offers discounts for paying in full owning a home and more plus you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it so your dollar goes a long way visit progressive comm to see if you could save on car insurance progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates potential savings will vary not available in all states or situations all right this one's this one's a little more complex. This is for Marie. Ten dollar financier. Never had one read. Small town. Very small.
Starting point is 00:40:30 My stepdad and mom were on the outs. He went to the bank and told Miss Peggy, who was the town bank teller, not to let my mom withdraw any money from their joint account, which I'm pretty sure is illegal. Yeah, it's not. That's not a small town game though, dog. Strap in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:50 Mama went to... Peggy ain't the FDIC. Mama went to try and get some money out and Peggy told her she wasn't allowed. That's illegal. Mama didn't like that. My stepdad's former friend happened to be at the bank at the same time and spoke up for my mom saying they couldn't deny her Her money since it was she was on the account of course
Starting point is 00:41:14 Peg wouldn't budge So my mom's friend told my mom to write him a check for the entire account balance minus $1. Friend then deposited the check into his own account and gave my mom the cash. Mom proceeded to hire movers and take every bit of furniture, curtains, dishes, even toilet paper. Left him only a dollar and the lazy boy when he got home from work that day. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:41:45 That was marriage number two and she since had two more. Listen, I don't condone that, but you're you start trying to play. You're trying to prevent her. That's I mean, listen, you get into bed whether you get married. I don't know who earned it, whatever. That's half her money. Whatever's in the account moving forward making payments is well that's up for debate but sure you're sharing a joint checking account she left him a lazy boy
Starting point is 00:42:16 because he's probably a lazy boy there you go read between the lines a lady thing to do I respect that a dollar and the lazy boy what about what about fucking? Buddy Jim coming in yeah even a day. He probably does probably husband number three if you catch my drift Jim in a little cash to a guy whatever's in the account mm-hmm. It's 300 grand. He's like whoa Jesus maybe Peggy's right Yeah, that's a lot of money for a young girl Yeah, that's fucking that's fucking not so damn um Let's see here
Starting point is 00:42:54 Bozos and the homies are fucked up listen. I mean it's like and this is some of the more PC There's a lot of this one. This is from Donovan. $10 homie. One time at a family barbecue, my grandma stabbed my grandfather in the arm while she was drunk and high on pills. The reason she stabbed him is because he decided to roll up a joint instead of getting her another drink. Instead of going to the hospital, he went to the toolbox, grabbed super glue and sealed the stab wound and used a rag and duct tape to cover it up. That's also, you know, that's a little different to getting mad at Jack human. You know what I mean? It wasn't over cranium. I Was not a game of could do I'll tell you that much also what grandma's drinking and doing pills
Starting point is 00:43:34 I guess probably every grandmom if you're drinking you're on some every grandma's on some sort of pill sure fucking wack Yeah, you're not supposed to be drinking like you got a thing too. We didn't realize when we were kids Your grandmother. You know, usually could be 5055 maybe 60 when you know when you're like five and six years old, it's not like they were 100 year old people. Mm hmm. I'm 50. What? Just saying. Cool guy with a cool shirt like that? I'm just saying. Sure. Not that I would be, but in five or ten years, God willing, I could be on pills or drunk.
Starting point is 00:44:12 Yeah. So it's not that crazy. Five or ten years, five or ten minutes. Wait on somebody now. Yeah, no, that's true. That, of course, that's very true. And like, I'm just saying they're younger and more active than you think. Yeah, there's no. That's of course that's very true and like I'm just saying they're
Starting point is 00:44:27 younger and more active than you think. Yeah, there's no stabbing age where it's like, oh, he's 50. They're allowed to stab you. I agree. That's also the way he said it on pills. I don't think it was **** I don't think it was heart medicaid. Of
Starting point is 00:44:40 course. I'm doing a no grandma should be doing oxies or something. Well, to do with the sexies or statement. I don't think any grandmother should be doing recreational drugs. Smoke a little weed, pop a little gummy if you want, take the edge off the anxiety, the glaucoma, the sleeplessness, the appetite. Sure you shouldn't have a pill guy at that age. Look at you. Mr. Oidy-Toydy. That's all I'm saying. You're all Peggy over here. I play by the rules, huh? That's also, you look back, all my uncles were drunk, all growing up.
Starting point is 00:45:36 And you don't know that. You're like, oh, and I... You're thinking you're having these moments, which we were. And first of all, I love every one of my uncles. They're great. you're having these moments, which we were. And I like, first of all, I love every one of my uncles. They're great. But you look back, they were, if I'm sick, some of them, my two young, my uncle Mike and my uncle Pat, they're on the younger half of the nine brothers and sisters.
Starting point is 00:45:56 They're the last two. So they were like, they might've been 22 when I was like fucking five or six or whatever. They're in their 20s. What I didn't get, like I look at myself now, like I'm a lazy guy. You know what I mean? And I know this wasn't every weekend, but like when our families would get together, like the cousins and our extended group of friends, which were like our cousins, you know what
Starting point is 00:46:23 I mean? I got you. They were all those like, you don't have to explain it. We understand. We understand. We understand what close friends are. We'd go down the shore. Doing the show for five years. We'd go down the shore and be down there for like, let's say a week or two weeks or whatever.
Starting point is 00:46:36 And they would all sit around on the deck. And I remember my one family, my one family, him putting away like, it had to be like 20 Heineken yeah, like an evening like 20 Heineken's and Then all right, then they go to bed at 1 these guys would be up like taking a swimming or going to breakfast or Cleaning up out at like 730. I know and And it's like, how the fuck that's bad. That's that's like like I would be. It's like a two day recovery process.
Starting point is 00:47:13 And I'm bitching and crying and I'm faking sick and I can't. I'm laying in bed. You are a baby. These guys would get up and fucking do it. Yeah, they also have kit like they had to like You're also used to sleeping in that till whatever you get up That's not those guys sleeping in they begin a Fucking getting up. It's the ass crack of dawn for 10 years. That was a thing. I was like you shaved this morning Fuck wild crazy
Starting point is 00:47:44 Man you're like 40 beers last night. I remember when I finally got to the age where I understood it. Yeah, you're like what the fuck? I was in college, I was like, dude, you had like 30 beers last night. What are you doing? How are you up? I remember my uncle, we'd go down the shore for Easter every year. Oh, what?
Starting point is 00:48:03 We always have to get my aunt Patty does Easter and we'd all go down that car what the ham and the pineapple pineapple my mom with the pineapple fucking stuffing I love it but we did the big I told you, so my aunt is married, is married into one of the big fucking sausage, kielbasa families of Philadelphia. Right. So she gets the kielbasa's. And we do kielbasa on Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:48:41 So the night before, I'm probably 20. That's gotta be a Philly thing. What? Because you're I mean, you're not you're nowhere close. Like Xerxes or something. Look, CZ reks or something like that. You're nowhere close to Polish by any stretch of the imagination. We are not one of my fucking. We have a little Polish in our family. But like upstate and Wilkes-Barre and down in Philly, why was that such an integral part of everything?
Starting point is 00:49:09 There was always Kielbasa, the pierogies. There was always, they were always. There's a large Polish. Yeah. A large Polish population. It's got to be a big Philly. It's so funny. Do you find it?
Starting point is 00:49:20 It's called a cruise or something? It's spelled one way, but pronounced another way. I don't know what else on Easter so my god Fucking unlocks we wake up so we go out me my uncle me my brother My probably my brother-in-law and my uncle Mike We all go out to this place. Oh, it's called the Surfing pig or so it wasn't the surf and paid pig is like a barbecue spot. This was something else. It's not that anymore. It's across from the Wild... if you're familiar with Wildwood, it's across from the Acme. On the corner. I forget what it's... it used to be like the dog tooth inn or something.
Starting point is 00:49:53 I don't know what the fuck it is. Whatever. They were all fucked up before they redid it. It was still a hole in the wall bar. Over at the Wet Paw. We're at the Muddy Paw for the night. Yeah. Local Philly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Zerxy. CZERW. Yeah. It's in Port Richmond. Yeah. Yeah. That's a place somebody was just there. It's like fame. That's like a famous spot. They have like a smoker room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we got the kid. They make the cheesesteak. That's the cheesesteak pierogies that my Aunt Carol gets. Gotcha She worked there or something hurts her fans. She's married in a right right right or whatever shout out to him um
Starting point is 00:50:30 What I think we uh? Bye we go down there, and we start doing Get that in some stocks pound cake you can't get done, buddy not That's a fucking that's a goddamn Sullivan family party right man if you're in Philly Stocks pound cake do yourself a favor. We do a lot of the wedding cake A bunch of stocks cake give out a slice of stocks cake as the wedding cake, but We're there so we go out the night before Saturday night Friday night, whatever. Yeah, I don't know it's gotta be Friday night. We get down there
Starting point is 00:51:02 We get out we go all fucked up We won't have any real responsibility the next day Easter Sunday. You know what I mean? We got the day off down to shore The resurrection of the Lord yeah, but that's when you start Saturdays when you start getting the house together for the summer like oh we got to get we got to pull out the whatever from Storage you know that's pretty good. You're like. Oh, we got to pull out the patio furniture spray that down look in turn Just the bullsh... Grease the lampposts, scumbags. So we go out with...
Starting point is 00:51:31 Bored enough to place like a hurricane's coming. We go out and Jaeger buzz when Jaeger bombs were big, right? So me and Danny, Jaeger bomb guys at the time, you know, let's do a Jaeger bomb. And my uncle, he's all tuned up. He's trying to hang, like, you know, he's hanging with us. So he's like drinking, drinking. Can't give. So he goes, we go, you want to do a Jager bomb?
Starting point is 00:51:49 He goes, I don't fucking do a Jager bomb. Can't give those old guys that deer's blood. So we go, we go, so he goes to the bathroom. So we, me, my brother, my brother-in-law order a round of Jager bombs. So he comes back like a new man. He's like, whoa, you guys doing fucking show? am I skip what's my name skip you know so we were like all right man fucking order him up a Jaeger bomb so he does a
Starting point is 00:52:11 Jaeger bomb oh that's good what's in it I go fucking red bull Jaeger and red bull he goes Red Bull red I can't ever that's just gonna kill me having a panic Red Bull meanwhile I'll take the fucking 14 IPA. Yeah, I'm gonna goddamn step Rebel shit, I can have rebel So we do a couple buddy likes some cuts a couple beta bludders Hey guys, even out I got a sweet taste to them You know what it means a week no couple three four five more time guys. We're fucked. It's like a proper we went in we walked down I got two words irregular art
Starting point is 00:52:54 Arrhythmia So he wakes up He wakes up and now he's on kielbasa duty because it's his wife brought the kielbasa shaken So he's got a grill it and duties got he's doing kielbasa duty, because it's his wife brought the kielbasa. Shaken. So he's got to grill it. And dude, he's got, he's doing like the sauce. And me and Danny wake up and we look over the balcony, because we're on the second floor condo.
Starting point is 00:53:12 We look over the, he is like, he is the plumes of kielbasa smoker hitting him in the face. And he is, it's fucking dude, it's eight o'clock in the morning. He's got to cook kielbasa for fucking 300 people. He's Gagging gagging dudes good never fucking again am I drinking with you guys never again? The fucking gagging for like three hours cooking kielbasa smell of smoke Smell of smoked meat with taurine running through your veins Don't forget that fucking base smell coming in lowland
Starting point is 00:53:49 Yeah, talk about jammed up Those old guys thought that shit was fucking That might as well been plutonium to them. They didn't know I mean cuz it was introduced This is like not when it's everyone's drinking it as introduced is like this is what fucking snowboarders drink when they're When they're out doing k2 or whatever Red Bulls and vodka Red Bulls vodka and percocet. God damn that is a... That's a wacky uncle.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Oh shit. Thursday nights. Alright, speaking of, this is from Foley's Chess X-Ray. My aunt stole Adderall from the medicine cabinet on Christmas Eve. Got caught, denied it. Less than 12 hours later, we got screenshots of her trying to trade them for perks. That's what we call making moves. Oh man, we've reached, we've reached the true dirt bag level family here.
Starting point is 00:54:53 Oh, fuck me. God love her. You deny it. Yeah. Listen, drugs are, I mean, I've had it, it's other extended families of mine, I thought she, girl got caught stealing gift cards out of Denise's purse on Christmas. We don't talk to them no more. I think she's doing better. Smart girl, she's taking the TD gift cards out of the box and putting the box back in. Yeah, they were always a smart kid.
Starting point is 00:55:24 I saw he's a smart kid. I saw he's my kid. And I was the same Christmas. He told me, we're going where things are going real well. Me and Dave are going to get a bank account, almost got a bank account. They were going to move to Florida. I said, Tuts.
Starting point is 00:55:40 You're trying to get down to the fucking pain management capital of the world. I don't think you're drying out Save the taxpayers the extradition Save us the Southwest flight will you put This one's great. This is some foley's grumble. I'm moving down Every listen a lot of dirtbags. I grew up with some of them rest in peace some of them still banging At some point and be my move dog. They all
Starting point is 00:56:09 This is before we the this before all those pain clinics were exposed But they all wanted to go to Florida some of them went to Arizona straightened out stuff like that, New Mexico I think they think the weather and though you're gonna start running or something coming John of tuberculosis. You don't need to dry heat You doc holiday If I walk in here when they'd say I'm thinking about moving to Jacksonville slap the cuffs on me boy You already got sunglasses on This one's good. This is a Foley's grundle
Starting point is 00:56:40 I got fucked up on Xanny's one time hid my bottle of pills and my ounce of weed from myself I woke up the next day and accused my brother is stealing it. It got heated. We end up wrestling around I got my ass kicked. I was still fucked up yet Yeah, right We moved out of the house a few months later and I found my pills and weed hidden in the slit in the back of the couch I never told him I found them That was a good hiding spot. If you could get behind a piece of fabric
Starting point is 00:57:07 and close that back up or something. Woo-wee! Oh, that's too good. Sitting on the stash, no one knows. This one's good too, driving in reverse. My dad spanked my brother on the bench in the parking lot of the beach No big deal. We got home and the cops were waiting in our driveway
Starting point is 00:57:30 Someone had called the report him for child abuse My father said to the cop you know how it is sometimes they need discipline the cops at eight I get it people overreact to this kind of stuff. They shook hands and the cops drove off Fucking tooth early 2000s was a different time. Hey, listen. It's like fucking Donnie Briscoe my hands. Oh my hands are bruised talking to this banking. Listen, I wasn't there.
Starting point is 00:57:58 I don't know is described as a spy. I don't get involved in this kind of stuff. I had a babysitter spank me one time bare ass Yeah, it was a girl pay extra for that Yeah, it was so strange I remember is on the steps We were like three steps up on the steps going upstairs to my in my house and whoops Barry. She spanked me Can't remember why? fucking freak tight little ass back then too.
Starting point is 00:58:26 Soft. Uh huh. I had a babysitter's boyfriend push me down the stairs. I'm with him. Yeah. Fucking pussy. Yeah, I was young. I was like five or six.
Starting point is 00:58:44 Danny was running his mouth. Danny was running his mouth to the kid. My mom leaves probably going to work or whatever. I never told you this. This whore's got something. Yeah, she has a guy come over who was like waiting. Whatever guy she's currently sleeping with is over sleeping with She has a guy like pull up like minutes after my mom He must have been down the block like laying in the sea waiting for the you know The Taurus to pull out or whatever So she leaves he pulls up and Danny's like you Fuck is this all about he starts running his mouth. Whatever. Whatever so I got this cool. We can start talking shit.
Starting point is 00:59:25 I start talking shit. I always got hit for talking shit and Danny's in his face and I'm in his face and I get fucking push this guy's probably a teenager. He's probably in his 20s. I'm seven six seven Danny's 12 or something. Danny knows he can't beat a mother fucking grown man. So we go over and get my neighbor What are you 200? Do you stick to the court to 15? How's only Atkins? Probably thought you were at college. He's got a baby face. I'm bald kids building a linebacker
Starting point is 01:00:02 Kids built like a linebacker. I'm blown. He glasses on. Yeah, Danny went and got my neighbor who was a badass dude. He was a roofer. Went and got your neighbor. Yeah. After he pushed you down the steps? Yeah, well Danny's like, this guy just threw up.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Like Danny's, if I'm seven, Danny's 11. This guy's 20-something. Could be 50 for all I know. Fucking full grown man. And it's like, clearly this guy's okay something could be 50 for all I know fucking full grown man It's like clearly this guy's okay with hitting children So Danny's okay get my foot steps the steps that you put your mom's yeah, which ones the front steps? Wait a minute the ones inside. Yeah Turn on it. Yeah, I fell I landed on the landing. I
Starting point is 01:00:45 We were up top. Oh, yeah It's like a full flight shit fucking second floor I'm ever bouncing up being like whoa this guy don't play This guy's like riff-raff all over again, he don't like to talk and shit. He goes right to action All right, I called you jerk off after my bed So we got off on a wrong foot You just you just crack your neck. I want to play dirty, huh?
Starting point is 01:01:18 He touched me he grabbed one of the poles Fucking snap it over my knee Prison rules. I heard about you yourself quite a bully or Megan you're not the limp dick she had in here last week I think it my cousin Pat and my and my cousin Joe and they babysit they would bring broads over there and they were in high school. Man they were like grown women that's me and my brother. I remember this girl in a cheerleading outfit came up. Was she a stripper? Showing up in a cheerleading outfit. It was like after school.
Starting point is 01:01:50 She was wearing a Coughlin cheerleading outfit. Fucking ham and a ham and a fucking ten-year-old little chumpster like me, trying to kick game. You like ice cream? I used to get a little nip of beer every once in a while when the boys were over sure night cuz we do the pouring They had the kegger my dad in a kegger a turn. He had a fridge with a cake So we go pour the beers for the boys. I think man. It was alright learn how to pour a nice beer side Real nice crisp and cold probably Jenny cream ale. Wait, what did uh, Danny? Where this yeah, what did he say to the neighbor? Yo this guy just fucking whatever?
Starting point is 01:02:29 Hey, man get over here this guy means business Hey Kevin's down, that's his problem. You should have been running his mouth little bitch like him I Need a second to take this guy, and I think Mike my the neighbor was kind of like I what the fuck are you dragging me into? It's like a domestic dispute. You know what he mean? Really? He don't know I mean Domestics is shooters when you know the person I know but he's going on just walking into a house of this guy like does
Starting point is 01:02:58 He have a guy. I don't know a knife a gun. He's hitting children I might listen I might have slipped and blamed it on the guy too I don't know I don't fully remember I did my head uh yeah I remember I remember opening my eyes being like whoa this is serious business here I'm everything to be like what the fuck uh the guy come over the guy came over and called. This is where I remember the guy. The guy had like a really big truck. Right. My neighbor.
Starting point is 01:03:31 You know what I know. And he pulled up in the truck. That's what I remember. And I think at this point, I remember coming in the drive. I remember I remember him vividly in a backwards hat on I can do his
Starting point is 01:03:44 car. I'll pad it up. And I remember him vividly in a backwards hat on. I can do his cow, I'll pad it up. And I remember then talking, I don't remember, that's all I remember. I remember me looking out the garage and seeing him. I think he backed in too, backed into the driveway. Whoa. And I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, big, big like,
Starting point is 01:04:01 bumbum, bumbum, bumbum, bumbum, bumbum, bumbum, bumbum, like. Did you ever see that babysitter again? Yes a family friend Here see that dude again. No, I don't think we told my mom either Danny was probably going through a purse or something got caught. You know what I mean? Like yeah, whatever the fuck he was doing This project is probably so the guy weed and fuck it's sold him a beat bag or something That'd be a bitch dude Get the a sure, but you want to go for a quarter
Starting point is 01:04:30 Gonna land a chick like this you need at least a quop on you You gotta wrap it Such a good word That's kind, but right there, dude. Listen, bubble gum. Relative is a good starter pack. Don't smoke that shit and freak out and start calling me. I like it.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Hey, listen, you we never met each other. All right. You were never here. Gang. What a fun episode. We love you. Thank you for sharing all those days. Yeah, home run a fucking story is showing a glimpse of the
Starting point is 01:05:03 fucking true dirtbags. You are home run. Grab your tickets to the back of the block to it come out and tell us a little more Find out what happened to that or all we love you. We'll see you next week

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