Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fancy Cereal! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Ultra: New customers get 15% off with code GARBAGE at https://takeultra.com Brunt Workwear: Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code GARBAGE at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, Cleveland, Ohio. The boys are coming soon. Talking to you, Lakewood, I'm talking to you, Ohio City. Everybody from the surrounding areas, come out and see the boys at Hilarities, play a little A-Y-G with the crowd, and a little stand-up comedy. Yeah, we're also in Pittsburgh at the improv. Get your tickets. They're moving quick.

We'll see you there. We love you. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they grew up to be clear. See? Yeah.

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash trash. I'm your host, Dave, Trulley, coming at you on a beautiful day. A fake. I got the big man. We're out here at Tootty's in a new edition. She just got busted for the third time stealing packages off the neighbor's porch. Jesus.

It's becoming an issue. Wait, does this mean you've done that joke two other times? No. Okay. You see what I'm saying? Hey, for the ninth time, I'm going to tell you to see. That's pretty good, though. You can rehash him.

I could start doing that. No, no you can't. Well, folks, look for that in about four months. I'll be the fourth time. That'd be crazy. I put my foot down. My coach is coming in from across the table. Ladies and gentlemen, this is we call a family episode.

It's just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just to where we like it. Circle in the wagons, hanging out. Family, friends, unity, togetherness. Kevin Ryan. What? What's it? Call him Mr. Jetlag.

You get it worse than anybody I know. Uh-huh. because I'm moving and shaking. All right, take it easy. You're used to sleep in 18 hours a day. What up, gang. Shout out to you as always. Make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes,

full video available on YouTube, full video available on Spotify, and then obviously Patreon. com. The best website in the world. Yes, sir. I've seen it from the rafters. It's changed our lives.

You can go over here. You get all that freaking bone. You're probably sitting there going, how much bonus content could there be? It's more than you're thinking. And maybe that might be overwhelming. So it's not then it's not too much. Take it one day at a time.

I don't want to scare you. One day at a time. That's what they're telling me. Am I buying it yet? What's not telling me? That's telling me. You know what I've really learned to appreciate in this life? Friends.

Fellowship. Commerodery. I've been to spend a lot of time on the phone lately. Different agencies, associations, businesses, things like that. Uh-huh. Okay. I hate the Shriners, I can tell you that And that's what you appreciate

No, no, I hate that Okay But what I do appreciate Is the callback feature Very nice If we can do that If we can do that Ladies and gentlemen

What is the problem out there If we can do that Civilized Who the fuck thinks you want to sit there I was on the phone I was on a whole day the day And he goes, the guy said, while you're on hold, we're going to play a little music. I don't like that.

It's like, hey, man, unless you're dropping Skinnered on me, sure. Or something. This is live music. Are you going to play me a little diddley? Then I'm in. Hit me with the Iceman. Huh? At WNBA.

Oh. Drake. Sure. Oh. You know, you don't listen to the albums? That guy's hot. Nah, I'm out. You're out on Drake?

I'm out on music. And everybody. Not really. Holy shit. This guy's losing it. I am, did. But why, Kevin? Why, what?

Why are you losing it? You know. Good guy. Beautiful family? Uh-huh. Callback features? What more do you need in this life? What more do you need?

No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm just, uh, yeah. You know, if we can do that, the possibilities, I think, are endless. That's such a good thing, nice thing. I don't know how to do it. I agree. A big fan of it.

Huge fan. It's fantastic. And that's H. Foley's Roundup for this week. I just wanted to share that with you. Thank you. Very welcome. I appreciate that. It's very nice.

No problem. It's a good thing. It's all I'm saying. It's a good thing. I agree. That if we can get there, where else can we go? Right. I got something.

I got a little thing of a little diddly I'd like to show you. Little dittling. A little ditty. Whatever. Not P. Diddy. Little dilly. What dilly is you touch on my balls and my penis. Why, it's soft.

That is little. That's diddlin. I assume didlons is soft. Pee got a little ditty, though. Do you see that video? No. Oh, man, the video dropped. What video?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, his sex video. Whose sex video? Yours. And everyone's making fun of how red your balls are. Hey. Whose video? Hey, TMZ.

Yeah. What are you holding out information for me? First of all, I'm not holding out any information. You wouldn't answer me. Pete did he has a sex tape out? We said that, yeah. Isn't that the least of his problems? Who's he with?

A guy and a girl. My man. I mean, I don't know. I mean, what do you want me to get into details? I didn't see the stuff. I'll check that out later. You're going to be distracted for the rest of the... All consensual, I hope.

Yeah, but it's all like in that red lighting. It's, oh, it's so creepy. I didn't... It's a goddamn family show here. Yeah, Luke, what are you doing? Bringing this up. Now you got Foley hard. No?

Yeah. I'm soft. Not yet. Ready for dittling. I got something I want to show you. The screen's not set up, so I'll show you on my... Laptop? My lab top.

Your lab top Because that's where the scientists Do you bring a computer with you When you went overseas? Uh-huh You did, huh? Yeah, someone's got to run the business Don't work?

Yeah It's good I was, hey, I was busy here Uh-huh On the phone, on hold The callback features So you weren't that busy I'm saving the company time

What? I had to charge your time And I have though The holiday weekend Um Now this is This is from like I guess he's like

Social elite etiquette kind of guy. And I'll play it and you can, you know, I think there's a few things to unpack. Okay. Right? But I'll play it for you. Now, is this directed at me? No.

Okay. I have to ask. Why? Because I'm defensive. Yeah, but I don't know. Yeah. Okay. No, it's not.

Okay. It's fodder for the program that we do. This isn't a personal attack on you. You got to fucking do a show, you're weirda. Man, you need to play. However. How many times you see. your therapist a week. See him once a week.

Double it. Doing well. Okay? Doesn't exist. It's not about me, is it? Am I in that sex team? He's starting freaking out. I wasn't there. I was walking down his street. He said, can I hold the boom? Like, I didn't know it was going to be that kind of thing. He said, do I want to? I'm trying to make it

in show business. I was working freelance. Well, hey, whatever I do outside the studio is my time. I'm allowed to work on side project. Hey guys, I'd earn a living, right, Luke? Jesus Christ. I got to tear this. My dummy breathing down my neck. I got to pay my bills.

Not to mention a few bad short-term investments. All right, whatever. So here, let me play it for you. Okay. Well, nice British chap. Oh, I know this dude. Yes, dude's all right. Yeah, this guy's all right.

He's got a pretty popular podcast that it's kind of funny because it's like the opposite of ours. Excellent. It's like him and a dude, him and another dude who were like, how to do things right? Kind of. And yes, it's just the complete different perspective. Let's get them in here.

That's not bad. Hello. Sorry. What's old he's then? All right. Let's sit. Hold on. Didn't you work for the queen?

Why don't we just set it up on the TV? Just take a minute and throw it together. Can we? Yeah, yeah. And do the magic of podcasting. We are back. Are we? That quick?

With videocap abilities. Which was my idea, my suggestion. I was going to lead it in. Who? I'm working. Okay. Man, you really... All right, let's see. Let's...

That's a British chap. Mm-hmm. High British. It's first of all... Not that cockney that you'd do. This guy's... I think this guy worked for the queen or something. It's about...

Or Rihanna. Eating cereal at a restaurant. Which is... First of, I won't get into it, but just that's what it's... It's the etiquette of how to eat cereal at a restaurant. So... Interesting.

That ain't no Beniggins. That's a fancy joint. That's pewter. You know, Puder? All right, let's see. That's show business. That show business. Here's how to eat breakfast cereal.

First of all, add your milk of choice. I'm going for semi. And then, with a spoon held in your dominant hand, and the fork in your non-dominant hand, you will eat. Now, it's not soup, so you don't need to scoop away from you like you would with soup, but you can use the fork to push some corned flakes onto your spoon and eat accordingly. What the fuck, out of it?

That's crazy. This guy. We're doing too much here. First of all, who's going out to a restaurant and ordering cereal? At a joint like that? I'm getting a steak for breakfast. Sure, steak and egg, something, or one of those bangers and mashes that they got over there. Yeah. Obviously, I mean, to me.

Your corned flakes. Anytime we went out for breakfast. How about you kick rooks? Now, I'm not about getting cereal out for breakfast. You can do that at 100%. I've seen it done. I'm not saying at a diner. They give it a little box.

It stinks. Yeah, it stinks. Stany about, hey. Yeah, you go. Listen, here's 20. Run to the store. Run to the yakme. Get me a big box of frosted flakes.

Come back. We'll do it that way. What's semi? Luke, do you know that? The semi, when you referred to as the milk as semi? No. Is that maybe like a little bit of fat? Low fat?

Yeah, probably two percent, something like that. That's screaming cold. Semi-skim milk. Semi-skimed milk. That's your first mistake, what you want is whole when you're going in flakes. Then you want to get about a table, two tablespoon sugar. You want to sprinkle it on there and you mix that up. I remember doing that with special K.

It works. And not. You could sell it down at the bottom and you get that. It just felt bad. It just felt not. Wrong? Yeah, it didn't feel right. Well, what are you looking for?

Don't you want to do something and feel bad about it after? This guy. Yeah, teach him everything. Folling apart, man. Two things. One. This guy's a dick. I mean, he seems like a nice guy.

We just live in different worlds. Of course. He's got a pretty good drink array there. He's got a coffee. He's got an orange juice and he's got what looks to be a water. Think that orange juice is fresh squeezed? Yeah. Yeah.

Also, how do you feel about those bowls? Get the fuck out of you. I hate them. Is that how I feel about it? I hate them. The lips bigger than a bowl? It's crazy. That's nothing.

That's a rich guy shit. Yeah. That's a. Serving? If that's a serving, I'm in trouble. But to me, would be a dirt bag like this. A dirt bag would order. He's also not getting the milk on there, too. You're rubbering the...

Well, I think they look at it as... I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I'm not British. But ours turns into more of like a soup. What, our cereal? Yeah. Yeah, you mix it up. Get it all wet. I get that. I don't think they do that. I think it's more of like

Is that true? They moisten it. Who says that? This guy's, well, this guy's eating with a fork. This guy's not indicative of the British guy that works down at the fucking, you know, the fucking fish market. That hell what's sold to you? A bowl of corn flakes. You think that guy's going out to breakfast and order in cornflakes?

You think he's got fucking... No, he's having them at the house. Probably poofs. Give me poofs. Whatever they eat over there. What's a popular British cereal? Jacks? They bowed a union jacks, mate.

What's some of that semi? A little bit of salt. I'd put salt. I got that brown sauce on there. They love that. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's all like weed abics, shreddies, crunchy nuts. Shreddies!

Weedibix. That caught him right there. He was eating his shreddies. I put the gun to his mouth. I pulled the trigger. What, do you all dishing in for something? Shut up. We get it.

You can say 14 words. I can, why? You, how dare you? 13. Well, he just start count. I mean, yeah, I don't know I like what I like this guy's got some good pointers But if you're I first of all

You're a fucking bozo if you're ordering cereal at a restaurant Any restaurant let alone a restaurant like that Then you're eating it with a fork like a fucking dickhead I know this guy I like this guy's style I've learned some things from them That I'm not having been doing I get that but it's too much It's too much

I agree It's cereal come on you can't Who the fuck we eat meeting with can't eat cereal like a normal person I didn't what did he say you don't have to go towards you because it's not I didn't realize that the super supposed to go away Fuck that

Go away Yeah Trying to get my lobster bits in there from my bids Who you put you can't get a good You can't get a good hook on it No imagine doing chili like that like an asshole My mother would have me committed Here my rotator come

Fuck that Carpal tunnel from having a bowl of chili Yeah no I'm not all about that But it also Respect him Mr. William Hansen. Yeah, shout out to him.

I know what he's doing. And there needs to be the ying to our yang, you know what they mean? Mm. A light to our darkness. From the windows to the walls. Who's that? So the sweat drops down our balls.

That's the great yin-yang twins. You don't know what that means? Oh, these females crawl. Oh, skeets, me, well, good. You don't know the yin-yang twins? No. What? Wait, you would love them.

Black and dirty? What's it called? I don't know. I don't know anything about it. What's it called? Black and yellow. No. That's a Wiz Khalifa.

Is it really? Black and yellow, black and yellow. That's Wiz Khalifa? Yeah. Now I like him. What else do you know him from? He's banging somebody. He's married to Rihanna.

That's Fettie Wop. You're Fatty Wop. It's, no, who's that? ASAP Rocky. Dates Rihanna. You got a kid with her. Nice kid, good kid. Good looking kid.

Now this. He needs what? What's the kid's name? Ying Yang twins. You don't know the yingang twins? No, who's the other kid that I said? Black and yellow. You didn't say,

Whiz Khalifa? Now he's a producer, right? No. He's a rapper. I know he's a rapper, but doesn't he produce a lot of stuff? I'm sure he's got a lot of hobbies, yeah. I like that kid Cuddy and Drake.

It's great. Yeah, they're all fantastic. Iceman. Mm-hmm. WMBA. Favorite song right now. Shout out to it. It's great.

Got to get in there, Kip. A lot going on out there. Okay? I don't know what's going on. I don't know the Ying Yang Twins. That's crazy. I didn't listen to hip hop back then. From the windows to the walls.

To the sweat drop down my balls. I've heard it in the club once in a while. I've heard it in the club every once in a while when I was in there. Great scene from the proposal. The proposal? Who are you, my Aunt Trish? What's the proposal? I mean, dude, I leave for a week.

Is that a Jennifer Hudson movie? You guys are in shambles. Sandy Bullock? Yeah, dog. Ryan Reynolds. Early Reynolds. He's like her intern, takes her to a wedding. Yep.

And he ends up doing her. No, they got to get married because she's from Canada. He's from Alaska. Listen, is she a hot piece? Isn't it? Ain't that. I like that, Sandy Bullock. Oh, do you?

Yeah. Ever see speed? The bus? Do you speed? The girl from the movie on the bus. All right. Listen, we get to listen. You and...

Get down to some business here. You had to eat cereal. What are we doing? You need this guy. You're upset with what I brought to the table. You brought up the callback feature. I only brought up the video because your thing went absolutely nowhere. I disagree with that.

I think a lot of people relate to that. I appreciate the callback feature. I think it was a 14 second segment that you then. I tried playing along with you. Yeah, that's all I got. You ended it. Still plugging Patreon. You were wrapping it up.

Well, the phone also, you can put it on hold. until they're ready for you, which is nice. Hey, Bill Gates, any more tips? Right. Guys, we've got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. As you know, when you do with the old patron, it will answer your garbage question on the mother friggin' air from the windows to the walls. Appreciate that kind of talk.

From Luke's favorite movie. I love it. That's crazy. I like, I mean, I like it. I don't like, I'm losing him, though. I really turned on him, and I loved that movie, and I love waiting. I love early hit. I just, I can't with him.

Reynolds? Yeah, I can't with him. He does. He's got one note. Oh, 100%. But that movie is his note. Sure. Tell you what, that free guy has a hell of a picture. That was a fun one, too.

Fun one. Who? No, you don't know. No. You don't. I don't know. Do you do? What?

Do you do? Yeah, I don't know. What? What do you do? A lot of stuff. I'm out, about, meeting people, hanging out. Filming videos. Filming videos?

Did he? It was a segment I just did. Oh, my God. Segment? He gets so nerve, what, huh? You check out. You fall down your pit of shame. I gotta send a rope to the latso down to pull you out.

Who are you? Brandon Tartikoff, talking about segments. Wasn't a segment? It was a bit we did. Brandon Tartikov? Yeah. The comic from Jersey? No.

The open mic President of NBC During must see TV Engineering Seinfeld Cosby show That didn't really work out But I thought My favorite show growing up

He was America's dad I didn't know What do you want from me? Ladies and gentlemen Callback features More at 11 Kevin Take this segment away

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Now back to the show. All right, let's see here. This one's from Chris. $20 homie needing a trash or class judgment. I like this segment. Yes. You have more of these. Write a minute.

I say classy. My wife says. P.O. box. I know. I just found out that today. Mm-hmm. How long have you known about it? Two and a half years.

Two and a half years we had it? Yeah. Get it. Probably candy and fan mail. Sure. This was from Chris, $20 homie, needing a trash or class judgment. I say class, my wife says trash. Growing up, my stepdad's job was to service arcade games.

And what that meant was that at any time we would have a rotation of four or five full arcade games in our garage that were fully free play, and once a month he would bring home a white van that was full of the claw machine and ticket prizes that we would get to go through. Whoa! I say this is all class. My wife says that having four or five broken video games

that aren't yours in your small shitty house and calling it an arcade and then once a month stealing toys and prizes from a van is not class at all. I guess it's how you look at it. I mean, is it garbage, I guess, but is it fucking awesome? Yeah. Come on.

But he's saying... The claw machine prizes? Yeah. I guess the thing is he's saying it's all class. It's not... It's awesome for a kid. First of all, a white van. Not class.

Never good. No. Never good. It's awesome. It's garbage. It's awesome. The misses, though, you're being a little harsh. It sounds to me like she's a little jealous.

She didn't have it growing up. Sure. You know, I saw a guy one of those claw machines there. They'd take a magnet and just went whoop and sucked out like four or five pairs of earbuds. Mm-hmm. You could have. Is your first day on TikTok or something? That's, holy shit.

Is it? Like my mom, dude. It's great. I don't have TikTok. I don't know if I ever told you my mom pronounces it Netflix. Netflix. It's great. And lower your rates.

I don't know that Netflix. Classic, Denise. You got a good deal on homeowners insurance over there at Netflix. Netflix. Um, great, great. That's, that must have been fucking awesome. Mm-hmm. Did I ever tell you the time, me and Pat spend a lot of time down North Wildwood,

Walwood, New Jersey. Probably about 10 years old. Mm-hmm. Just discovering heaters and stuff like that, what have you. Hang it. It was like you'd leave the house. One of those is like an old trope, but like we would like leave the house at 8 a.m. And just go like, you're like under the boardwalk.

We're fucking, you know, just kind of doing whatever. Getting into fucking hijinks. And we found this storage. room under the boardwalk. Whoa. And we got in. And it was... Bookers.

It was all poise from like the games. But they had flood damage. You know what I mean? Like there was like a high tide that like came in and we like got this door open somehow got in there. And they had that big watch that was a clock that you would hang on the wall. Sick. Remember that?

Yeah. They had like a bit and dude this stuff was like so ruined by. water and sand it was like How bad are we talking? Bad to the point we were like we took it home My mom was like get this this is that stuff Is not coming in the house but we were like It was like such a score for young kids

That's a huge score that we were like That's a liftons on us We're like who cares if it's a stack of playboys in there Yeah forget it Pack of heaters or something Damn yeah it was sad I remember being I still think about that all the time I'd be a different guy if I had that watch clock

Yeah people coming over Probably getting all the broad Hey, check out the watch clock. I remember what time is it? I don't know. I remember seeing all that stuff in, like, shows, like, like, sitcoms that I watched when I was a kid. Dude, it was the huge teddy bear that you could never win was there. It was like the size of the chair.

Yeah. Sick, I got that. We got all the cool shit, but it was all kind of ruined. That's where my love affair went to traffic light in my room started. Now you could get one. Yeah. But. Yeah, before you had to find one, acquire one.

Yeah, you had a fucking, you know, whatever, rich dad, like Ricky Schroeder on. overspoons. He had all kinds. He had a race car bed, he had everything. Yeah. And none of that shit. I remember on Home Improvement. Oh, those kids.

They built Jonathan Taylor Thomas's character. Randy? Mm-hmm. No. Yeah, Randy, Mark, and Brad. Yeah, Brad was the oldest Rams. It was Randy. Did you watch that show?

Yeah, of course. How old were you at that point, do you think? Probably teenager, 16, 17, 18, 19, 38. Randy, they built him in a room in the basement because he wanted his own room. So they built it in the basement. And it was like this, like, cool bed that was like a fixture. The whole bed was like into the wall and there was a shelving. And I remember being like, that's sick.

What was he making on that show? What do you mean? Tim the Tallman Taylor. I was all been for big, been for big money. Yeah, but he did a local TV show. What could he been pulling in? Money was in local TV shows back then. Thank you, Mr. Tardagore.

That was a good segment. What are they? Affiliates. It's all about the affiliates. Exactly. Where's our affiliates? We need affiliates? We need local channel 109 in Kansas City.

That a TV show? Start syndicating us. I think we are saying. We should be selling us to the Russians, too. Get two Ruskies to be doing this over in Moscow. Like fucking. They're interviewing a guy. He answers wrong.

Boys in them. Rosenthal. Yeah. Bill. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I always wanted that shit, man. That was like, that's a very good way to put it. Sitcom shit.

Now you can get it. But like, sick, dude, the race car, or like any sort of thing that just wasn't. Made you feel like you weren't living. Yeah. I mean, you only get four years in high school. I'm fucking wasted on a shitty bed. Love that stuff. It was good.

Yeah. That really, that was really. I was really That was our like You would look at Instagram And go like the kids go like Oh we don't have this I want like that's

Just seeing Like Zach Morris's bedroom or something Like what the fuck He must have been closing ass in there Yeah good for him Yeah Good for him You got something

No I mean Drake and Josh's bedroom is really cool Yeah it's the same thing I always wanted to live on a Disney Set Lunch outside Lunch outside I was also

another thing they also went to the schools where it was like we're going white water raft in this weekend yeah and the whole school goes to hawaii for the fucking summer years for saved by the bell who had that yeah took a trip down to the franklin institute yeah dude leave the idea like a dickhead the idea if i fucking applied for your career day the idea of go i cleaned the heart the idea of a big heart down at a franklin institute she was still there The idea of leaving school for lunch was like so far in toss. Crazy.

I don't know if that was like a Pennsylvania thing. Were you allowed to do that? Junior year. Yeah, I think that might have been a Pennsylvania year. How long did you get? Junior and senior year, you got an hour. An hour? Yeah, you got lunch period.

That's crazy. Crazy. We weren't allowed to leave the premises. We weren't even allowed to go outside. If you did, I'd be catching stingers. Yeah, dude. It would cause problems. That's crazy.

Man. Where would you go to lunch? You kind of just go smoke weed somewhere Huh Would you guys ever like go out to have lunch? Sometimes But then like you just end up Like Monday through Thursday

You just kind of end up going to lunch in the lunchroom Man I did you go out having a reservation I was like Pete I mean What are they businessmen? Who's doing that? A table for three at the Rbees

What are you talking about? Chicken nuggets at garden catering Uh Uh I'm a Sam Adams That sounds good. I also have a Sam Adams. I got a clip on ties on.

Yeah, it's all jealous stuff, but what are you going to do? You know? Lunch outside. Tammy Katowski running around. Hey, way. Tammy Katowski? I don't know. Some hot chick on some show.

That was like four different characters. Still hot, though. Uh-huh. You're telling me that Tammy Katowski isn't going to be hot. Sure. Captain of the cheerleading team and the volleyball team. Summa cum laude. What's it called?

What's winning is the smartest kid in school? Don't tell me. Valedictorian. You ever know anybody's a valedictorian? No. I bet she did. I mean, I bet I probably knew who it was. Was there one in high school?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I probably knew who it was. How close you get, Potthead? I mean, I was dead middle. Dead middle. Yeah. Yeah, I think I was too. I was down to bottom.

Mm-hmm. I was like 348 out of 350. You were 3.48 in high school? I thought you didn't get fat to later. Segway. Segway. Hey, Brendan Farterkov. All right, let's see.

This one's from Ray Grieco. You ever bit someone as an adult. That's great. That's great, dude. Why? Yeah, that's bad. Did you ever bite anybody in a fight in general? I bit my brother a couple of times.

No, yeah. That always was like, you'd punch someone in the face before you bit them. Bite them. That's bad. Go for the nose? I bite their nose? No. You a fucking spider monkey?

It'd rip his testicles off. I said that to you the other day. and straight for the butthole. That's where they go. They go for the asshole. That's the same thing with hyenas and shit when they eat you. They go right for the ass. A little pear in there.

Part hyena. I used to get made fun of how I said hyena. I think I used to say hyena. And Flip was like, what the fuck? I said, you're over there living like a hyena. He's like, what? So many words. Would you have a borsard route in the northeast?

A borsard. There's so many words I say so wrong. Bad news. Hyena. My mom says I'm wrong, too. Houston. Houston? Houston.

Detroit? Yeah, they're huge. He's a human asshole that guy. Human? That's not fit for human consumption. That's what my stepdad used to say when someone would put salad on the table. That stuff ain't fit for human consumption. He wasn't a salad guy?

Chalton Joe, no? No. What would he? What would he? Cors lights. Uh, no, yeah. Meat? Yeah. Potatoes?

Meat and potatoes. Pasta. Yeah, meat potatoes, pasta. I said, he's not, you know. Human. Human. Human. Uh.

That in Karoki. That's my all-time favorite. He's up there doing Karoki. Like a Japanese? He's a businessman. I love that shit. All right. Let's see.

This one's from Moondog. $14. Northern are here, never have one read. Is it garbage if your buddy shows up to a kid's football game in his old jersey? That's. That's a guy, you know.

Man. That's tough. My cousin. God love him. His boy did that. My cousin's son's football games. What was the level of jerk? What was the jersey?

It was his high school jersey. It was home. Same high school? No. That's where the issue loves. I don't know what's worse, if I'm being honest. It was the kid's homecoming. Okay.

And some of my cousin's boys showed up. One dude rolls in wearing his like fucking methactin fucking jersey. We were at fucking Council Rock or wherever we were. Man. And that? Me and Patty made fun of this guy for about 45. minutes on the drive home. That's tough.

Was it the same number maybe? Nah. Like that's what I'm going. Like maybe there is kids number six. He was number six. He wants to represent the guy. Yeah, I don't know. No.

That's... However, I do it to tell you this. As the guy who has his jersey framed above his right shoulder. So let's not sit here like you're fucking your Johnny cool guy all this time. My buddy Joey, shout out to Joey at the Pottstown

show. He brought me a new. knew Wissahick in Jersey with my number and my name on it. His wife works for the school district. Shout out to him. So expect to see that come game day. I don't know where we're going to put it. We're not putting it anywhere.

I think it's right there. What's it? Yeah, okay. I would never wear that out. And I've been tempted to wear my Letterman jacket to a couple of Wissahican games. But that's so, you just want that. You just you about you. You want them to know you did this as well.

It's not about you. It's about the kids. Who the fuck are you? What are you? Jerry Lewis? Fuck these kids. It's about me. Trying to get this over here.

And my 14 tackles. Listen. I would never fucking wear a jersey or my letterman jacket anywhere. I'm not like that. That shit's whack. I get what you're saying. I'm looking at your jersey. That's my shirt.

memorabilia. No, it's... All right, fine, take it down. Now, I'm just saying, you can't sit there and go, I'm not the guy to do this when it's literally you fought to get it up there. I didn't fight to get it up there. You asked me. Yeah, that's what I said, oh, my God.

You know what this really needs the jersey of a loser? Do we have the jersey of a bench warmer? These personal attacks. Hey, can we get the guy who played left bench? Can we get his jersey on the wall? What are you talking about? I had a bad knee. It's all politics.

That coach had it out for me. Playing his son. A kid was a dick cat. Everybody knows it. There's a reason it's up to. I can't remember why. We talked about it a lot. You're a huge loser.

No, we put it up. Obviously, I'm joking, but we put it up. Why don't you put up some of your old cigarette butts you smoked in ice school? Some of the pictures of girls you just struck out with. Call me a loser. She was just chigs with a bunch of red axes on their face. It says Lesbo on them. Tom.

Welcome to the dumb bra on all of me. Hey, she fucked up. She fucked up. No, because the idea was it would be funny to put it up. Because you, it's your goal. You talk about the glory days a lot. That was the premise of it's a bit. It's a bit.

It's a bit. That's right. But I wouldn't wear that to fucking a game. Not now anyway. I don't eat, though. Hey, big fan of the show I just need a little something Keep me going, you know what do you mean?

I don't know, a little dope of me, a little something Mm-hmm Yeah, that's a tough look I think I think doing that You make it about yourself You're making it's, you know It's about It's just not being a loo

You're a fucking loser Someone had to have died on the team For you to like wear that jersey Yeah, it's like wearing their dead jersey Yeah like maybe like the whole team comes out For like the home opener and it's like, hey, the guy 10 years ago died and it's the whole team or whatever from that year.

Even still, if I was a kid on a team, they're like, hey, pop, pop, let it go. It's about us now. Yeah. It's the only. I used to hate when old timers showed up. Wrestling, in wrestling, we used to have referees that were like 40 and 50 years old.

They would show up to our practice and want to wrestle with us. There was this one guy, fucking enormous, would come in a wrestle. Fucking creep. Fucking kid. You fucking grabbing my. nuts and shit

enough of that at home yeah I'm with you trash very yeah knock that shit off yeah knock that shit off and stop yelling at fucking high school sporting events everybody just shut the fuck up knock this shit off

I mean yeah no I agree I do I guess I kind of have a somewhat of an understanding of like what kind of dad are you gonna be little kipparino's out there You're going to keep your mouth shut Are you going to yell? I don't know

I don't know like what How I would feel And I get this is where it comes from Let's go Kippey That kind of stuff, yeah Sure but I think like I think parents get emotional They invest and I'm not

By any means making any Like they make a lot of They invest a lot of time Of course Of course especially now Use sports is fucking insane My brother drives all over It's why

It's crazy So it's like There's that version of it They're also Emotionally and physically invested in it. Not saying rightfully so, but they feel, hey, I'm spending every one of my weeknights doing this.

And I drove for two hours ago to go to the game. I'm sitting here. And then other people chime in, and then, like, you keep one up in. And, like, I don't know, like, if somebody, like, did a dirty foul on the kid, I get how you would be like, hey, what the fuck?

You know, it's a charge. I see how people can get charged up. If your kids, you know. Your ass kicked by some 29-year-old dad. Something. happens you know I'm just saying like I can I understand it my one boy would talk to his dad why he was why he was on the sidelines and the dad he's not passing it to me doing that shit back and forth oh yeah nerd alert zip it kept me tell you about chime chime now I'm not really

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Is it garbage to hold your beer while you slow dance? I mean. I like it. Yeah. That's a gentleman's move. Because you know what that shows you? You're not trying. You're out there for your lady.

Yeah, you're doing this. Oh, that's a good idea. I'm going to start holding a drink more. Not booed You said this like two weeks ago Yeah I really want to start I want to have a drink in my hand at all times So we had two weeks to do when you haven't done it

You haven't seen me out I did have it in my hand When I was at fucking a cookout the other day I had a peria in my hand the whole time That I brought That's trashy Why? Because you didn't

Yeah I brought a case Did you? Yeah Okay For everybody Very nice Different flavors

No, it was theirs Which I thought was very classy Oh, it was theirs? Oh, that's very classy He had Kansas Perrier That's better than any shindig You've ever put together Yeah, it's pretty good

I didn't expect that from him No, friend of ours Colin Chamberlain Yeah, very nice Bit of a hillbilly Sharkootery board the whole nine yards Yeah, it was very classy He was like you want a seltzer

I think he had him there for me Which kind of sucks and it's kind of cool. You want to know how I found out how I'm not classy. We, where I was in Germany, then we went to France and I ordered

a meat and cheese plate. That was a little outside of my wheelhouse. Oh, you don't know what, you're getting fucking brains over there. That was, I was like, sweetbreads. Oh, yeah,

we'll do the meat and cheese plate and like past it, dude, this thing came out with fucking goat brains. I didn't know, cheddar cheese could have mold on it. Ain't got any fabrize on them? Jesus. Dude. They, oh, it was a rough.

Just ate the grapes? If I can hold of my nose throwing fucking pieces of cheese down my gullet. Yeah, they were like, are you done? I'm like, yeah, I'm done. All right? I want you to heat up my eelios. Yeah, that's like. You go get a snickers to get this taste out of my mouth.

That's what I know. Yeah. That's dangerous territory. I wasn't thinking. I was like comfortable. I was a little bit of adventurous. And I said, I'll do the meat and cheese plate. It comes out with a close pin.

That shit. What the hell are they doing over there? They love that shit. They got cheese over there with maggots in it. Big. Something my mom would say. He's fucking idiot. Huge maggots.

That ain't 50. for human consumption. Everybody are eating worms. That's a big Denise thing, too. Why don't I have to do in the, the gagging in the... Korean food? Yeah.

God damn patriot. You strike me as the kind of family that you probably didn't need French fries after 9-11. Freedom fries. God damn America. Dumping out the wine and shit. No, I mean, we didn't do that. At the time, Niece, he was drinking Sutterho.

which is an American beverage. I was always good for breast cancer, too. What? They were always doing some breast cancer. Sutter home. The White Sinfandelle Sutter home is always. Because it's pink. I guess so.

They didn't even got a dime of that money. I remember that's when they switched back to, they would do these small boxes of wine, these small pink boxes. Box wine became huge. I remember then they would just sit there. Each one, they'd have my she'd have one and my stepdad would have it because they were like mini boxes. And they were, oh. I can put them back. That box wine was huge

That's like the party ball The mid-2000 Yeah Of course like party ball Um Guy who always wants to be the guy with a drink Matt of Seltzer Empty

I'm getting accused of drinking without it What? Yeah people are saying that I'm drinking When I don't have anything in there You do that And we got an ice cube I don't eat this shit This one's just funny

This is from all the Toast $10 hard stuff. Ever eat powder out of a crystal light packet? It's the closest I've ever come to hard drugs. I get that. That'll make you blink and then blink again, though. Crystal light, no, but for a while I was taking lemon and dip it in sugar and crushing it. The baby likes lemons.

The baby likes lemons. Yeah. Now, that's an odd duck right there. I'm an odd guy. He's into lemons. Yeah. What do you mean? Just chewing a lemon.

I think they did. Like a rind? They like that. No, like the. I'll, like, bite it, and he doesn't like it, and it's like, it goes back into it. We really has a sour skittal. Those things are fucking great. Uh-huh.

I love them. I love babies. Yeah, see. Lemon, no shit. They like the intense sour and tart flavor. No kidding. Huh. I like muscles when I was a baby.

Helps expand their palate and prevents picky eating. Ooh, there you go. I don't care how many lemons he has. He ain't going to have that cheese plate I have. I ain't going to like that. It is like he, yeah. You don't seem picky, right? Anything you give me, he don't like?

No, no. I mean, he wasn't huge. I mean, their palate is developing, so it's not like a not like it. Like, he wasn't big on eggs for a minute. Turn the corner on them. Yeah, no, he'll eat anything for the most. It's mostly like if he's hungry or not.

When we were over in Germany, his, my wife's mom made him some sort of parage or something in the morning. He wasn't fucking. he wasn't having a hat. I had to put some fucking, you know, goldfish or something. Crush up some crackers in there, put it in. Hey, I couldn't imagine. Yeah, no, but he...

Turn of the Century German porridge. No, it was... Yeah, I don't know. I guess maybe the race... What are these rocks? Salt dust. But, yeah, no, only do you pretty much anything. Hmm. Only thing you give them.

It's all in these... I mean, a lot of it's in the, you know, the pouches on the go. I had a lot of adults eat those Who the fuck were we talking to that had O'Connor Yeah But he does like the juice boxes Uh

But dude dude It's like fucking turkey bolognays with fucking They're like chef What do you mean in the pouches Wait is it baby food? Yeah Oh So it's mushed up turkey

Like turkey dinner Turkey dinner? Yeah mushed out turkey dinner I like that Why just give him the turkey Who the fuck I got time to make a turkey? You're talking about dick. Time to make him six hours to make a turkey so my baby can call me a dick.

You just yelled at how I'm raising my, why don't you make it but turkey? I thought baby food should be sweet. It's all, dude, look at the pouch. Find the pouches. It's all fucking. Is it real turkey? What? Huh?

Is it real turkey? Turkey flavor. That's from a concentrate. Turkey with an eight. What? There's this one that's, yeah, those. Turkey bolognese, right there. Turkey bolognais, that's spaghetti.

Serenity kids. Look at all those flavors. Wow caught salmon. What are you talking about? With butter, nut, squash, and beets, free-range pork with green bean and sweet potato. Look, back me up on this. Do you? Bison with kombucha and a little bit of tequila.

What? 93 bucks How many are you getting? Oh, yeah, it's probably like a lot It's too close to dog food It's so close to cat food It's crazy Wild caught salmon

Now can you see the fibers of the meat in there Or is it just pure mush It's a mush That ain't they ain't using real stuff Yeah they are You think so? Yeah, dude Unless like black

Unless they just sold the Blackwater Or something They go in and they fucking Next thing you know you're eating goldfish fucking chicken salad can you eat goldfish I'm sure you could probably get a nice steak will be small but yeah I'm sure you get a filet off it

huh um yes let's see here this one's from Tommy hegglin yo this is Tommy Haglin the Haglins the Haglins are eight the Haglins fight dirty through the house down the street where over by the Hegelons house. Well, you know Tammy and Bobby Heglin?

Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, they're youngest. Tommy, he's a fighter. Yeah. He's a tough kid. Tough kid. Tough his nails.

He's driving that car down the streets. All layout. That is one thing that I... Tommy Hegland. Shout up to Tommy Egglund. I like it. My family is... Dude, there's this thing of identifies what sure point you go to.

Mm-hmm. And it was like Avalon. You do whatever. Ever Atlantic City You do this Dude C-Ile was You work in construction And no less than six of your cousins

Are you meeting on the beach that day? And I was like, holy shit Because there's like 15 to 20 of us Yeah But That's what all Everybody You hear my family talk about

What? Yeah, you know the Hegelons? You know, and then they go Jimmy Hegelin? Nah, I think it was, and it's like, it's always about how good of an athlete they were or how tough they were. That's the only two things they're thought. He was a great basketball player.

Or social abuse problems. That's why he's not a basketball player anymore. Son's not doing great. Yeah. A problem. That's what we always have. Problems. It's all fucked up on perks.

We're talking problems. Hey, co-cat. Long division's a problem. I like the yak. Holy kid likes the yak. This is from Tommy Hegeland. Dude, the Hegelons. They got to be from Northeast Philly.

Tommy hit us up. Ever bragged that your internal clock is so good that you know what time it is without a watch. What are you, Kramer? That's crazy, dude. That's a great one. That's up there with like, you know. Your knee winter rains? Yeah, like my legs don't get cold, like that kind of thing.

You know what I mean? Like some weird superhuman. Yeah. Strength that you think you have. Cold don't bother me. Uh-huh. Cold don't bother. Eight day, he cold don't bother me.

Ah, that's fucking great, dude. A very Hegglin thing to say. Mm-hmm. Yo. Yeah. Yeah. The Higglins. Tammy and Bobby Hegglin?

It's 4 o'clock. The Kligots? The Kligots. Get out to the Kligots. I'll probably see the Kligots this summer very soon. Is that right? Go down to shore. We go to Alfie's.

Cliggins probably like to split an appetizer, don't they? Sure. Split maps. I would, dude, I would love if my mom would let me just to go, like, if I could get her phone book from, like, 2003. Click it's the Garrity. And just go through the names, dude. Corcoran's. Corkrins.

Uh-huh. Sure. So many of them. Let's see. This was from Hugh J.S. That's pretty good. I didn't notice that. $10, homie, never have one read.

You ever have a cousin or family member, you were forced to hang out. out with that kind of scares you i had a goth cousin with i cp and horror movie posters in his room that i had to hang with scared the shit out of it yeah those people that i uh that my mom sent me to when her mom was dying they're sweet people mm-hmm the lifferts shout out to the lipfords but i was little and the one son was into like pink floyd and shit like that and i didn't understand what that shit was i just knew he wore black band t-shirt that scared me. And they had like a fort in the woods.

Oh, devil worshippers. Nah, there was like fireworks and dirt bikes and all that kind of stuff. And I was just too young for it. And I didn't like it. They were the kind of woods when you walked out there. It was, you know, it was colder and darker than in the sunlight. Yeah, I didn't like it. A lot of worms around.

A couple of nudie mags that I wasn't ready for. I was like, what the fuck's going on? I don't like it. Yeah, he's scary. Probably a sweet kid. Mine was my mom's friend Uh Single mom

A son Who was like Danny's age and a girl was my age or they would go out Right Like oh you're gonna go like they would drop us off at we they dropped us off at her house Then my mom and her went out for like dinner or something like that And we all All the kids stayed at the house And I remember

That could be great That was sometimes that was great Yeah I mean when it was like Our crew, like it was like, you know, like our tight circle of friends. It was like there was a crew where it was like, I was friends with the younger sons. Danny was friends with the oldest boy. Like they met at the soccer field and then we became boys when we were like five.

And now we're like 10. Our dads became drinking buddies. Everybody would go, oh, we're going out to dinner. We're just going to drop the four families kids all at this house. Then all the parents are going to go. And it would just be like chaos. That's when it was fucking awesome. Shout out to the Egan.

The hecklins The hecklins But this kid He had a dude I remember black light was cool This kid had a strobe light In his room And he put the foo

You're in their season up Dude he put the foo fighters on It might as well have been Manson He might as well been playing Pink Floyd backwards Dude It's scared And he was like

Not moshing but like doing this and like because it was in the stroblight it was like the fragment it's I remember being like mom fucking this is pretty self like you couldn't get a hold of this dump bro. Probably out there drinking white symphon belt I was so scared

well what the fuck? It's like a haunted house this fucking kid Danny was Danny wasn't there and it was just like it was like no backup Oh, nothing. Nobody checking my six.

It was so scary. Oh, fuck. And he had like a Stone Temple Pilot shirt on and like that was all. That might as well been the devil music to me. I didn't know nothing about that. That Scott Wilder was a freak dog. There's a flip side to that, which we got a lot because my older cousin Kelly, she's about five, six years older than me.

And all the girls in like the family circle, you know, like the other families that we were all friends with, Everyone's pretty and they're fucking cool And they fucking know what's going on They all smell good fucking It was awesome We'd get stuck over there on a Friday night All the parents go out Ooh hang out at the Wilson's

I only happened like once or twice Where I got to hang out there Because then they moved But their old house was awesome That's how bad they wanted to get away from you Holy shit This kid knows where we live Ah, it was great

Petsas fucking Yeah Cosmo's going around Magazine Cosmopol Gotcha They were cool chicks A good feeling It was a very safe, cool feeling

You know what I mean? I fucking beg it that boy What the fuck you were hanging out with it? Yeah, it's It was like It's Dude, there's a little kid seeing a dude with eye makeup Like what the fuck?

Dude, it was like It was the first Kid too Who like I kind of knew But that I hadn't seen for years And he like Grew up Oh, that was weird

And was like, he might have been driving at the time. He was a little older than Danny. So, like, even my, you know, he, like, it was intimidating to Danny as well. So it was like, even like the tough guy in my, like, his kids give me a handful for Danny to it. You know what I mean? It was just like. That's fucked up.

You go in and thinking how you're going to take him in case he goes. Oh, yeah, case. I mean, then, you know, he went into, he, he took a hard right down a very, very, very. very bumpy, a bumpy road. Stop losing that food fighters. I'll say that food fighters, I'm saying that. Let's just say weed is a gateway drug. The fact that the food fighters scared you.

I didn't know. What song was it? What year did the food fighters come out? 95. I'm 10. I'm nine. What? What scared you?

Well, the fact that my mother left me with the fucking... Well, I thought about it. No. Maybe monkey rancher or something. I didn't know. I think it was ever long. Was that off that first album? No.

No. Man. Dude, I remember him jumping off to dresser onto the bed in the strobe light. And like slowly moot, and like, I was a guy, we got to turn the lights on and call the cops. I mean, I didn't. Buddy, I don't listen. You seem like you got a lot going on. I want that says watch Boy Meets the World

Get my head on straight No, this is a rancher This is a one level house Oh Nowhere to run Uh huh And it had that old carpet That was like

Super plush You know what I? Oh I didn't fucking like Anything about this joint And it was in like It was in a part of the town That I didn't know that well You know what I mean

Man You had some anxiety. You're trying to figure out an escape plan, how to beat this kid up. Well, why would I not have anxiety? I got left with this kid. Do I haven't seen in 10 years? You know. He said you were not.

He used to be my neighbor. Then there was a divorce and stuff, and they split town. Oh, man. She left you with him? That's crazy. Yeah, he was, he, you want to see a dead cat? Yeah, that kind of kid. You know what I mean?

And he would always tell you stories about his dad. And you're like, yeah, well, and I'm with my dad. His dad and his uncle lived together. So it was like, this kid ended up, like, so bad. Like, the worst. The worst you could be without dying, genuinely. Like, that bad. Danny saw him, Danny saw him at a while while on Aramingo Avenue.

And he asked Danny for change. Damn. Yeah. And then he's like, yo, what's up? You still got that strobe light? Yeah, food fighters now. He days like, oh, what's up, dude, it's me? And he was just like,

boot scooting boogie. Fucking zombie. Yeah, guy, guy. Monkey range, monkey range. You start running away. It's a groat man. Gives me a wedgie. We got to wrap it up, gang.

What a fun one. What a fun one is the big man said. Yeah, good old family episodes. I really try to sell it at the end. You guys had a good time, right? Don't you're friends. Remember how much fun we had, gang? Gang, we'll see you in Cleveland.

We'll see you in Pittsburgh. We'll see you in Denver. We love you, and we'll see you next week. Peace.