Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fancy Feast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: June 2, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. We're talking fancy foods, take out orders and smoking stoges, It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: True Classic: Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/GARBAGE! This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp, https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there. Back on the block tour, still on sale. Gotcha, bozos. Gang, we're coming everywhere. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys. Talking about stand-up comedy. Then we play a little AYG with the crowd. It's a good time.

Oh, baby, this summer we're going to be Atlantic City. Then second show added in San Francisco, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Braya, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston. Tickets, low tickets, low ticket alert. Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond ticket alert, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada, all tickets available at RUgarbage.com. Let's get to the show.

Start the show. Welcome to another exciting edition of RUgarbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast this is are you garbage oh yeah that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out there group to be classy. Yeah.

Which are just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, A.Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition. She hit me with a wet willy this morning. Okay. Juicy one. Got it right in my ear.

Okay. A little childish if you ask me. Mm-hmm. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call the family episode Just the boys the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He's an international businessman and this time of year. He's the king of the boards Look out down the shore hitting the boards shooting the hoops Wow and the girls. Yeah scaring the kids

Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody. What up gang? Shout out to you as always Please make sure you rate view subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube also full video available over there on Spotify Which is good in the charts fucking baby. I think we were like 140 total total That's pretty good for two in a podcast United States of America Lookout of the Tri-state You keep qualifying in Southern Pennsylvania. Climb in the charts. Everyone at Top 100 on comedy. Pretty good. Shout out

to everybody over there on Spotify. Shout out to everybody on YouTube and all the subsidiaries. I knew you were going to say that. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patrion.com. Boy's just hit an all time high over there. Over 14,000 patrons. The army of garbage is strong. If The It's not battalion. Whatever. A regiment. Ah, Italian. It's a lot of Italian. Eww! Speaking of Italian, my nephew was down there at Wildwood this weekend. Shout out to it. He didn't text me and ask for permission to be operating in my backyard. First time down there with his little cronies.

I told him. I was like, listen, that boardwalk at night. You get jammed up. Mention Kipperino. Those ain't private school kids on the boardwalk up there. They are not they got nothing You mind your peas and cues. Yes, we used to it was the big thing was I'm somebody wants your token You give them up. You give them your heads fun kid card and staff That was always the big thing is my brother and cousin would take me out like that like they you know I've got me jamming their style up, but I was a young kid baby

So, you know parents are out drinking or whatever they're doing they're down here getting totally nutted and kids are kids that worked over under the under sand I remember being out on the boardwalk till like midnight when I shouldn't have been I mean Danny and my cousin Liam are catching heaters I'm about seven years old Ocean City's one, but Wildwood was just scary. And they would always say, if... Those kids will cut you. Dude, they'd go, if we get in a fight, you run.

Like, you just get out of... Waddle. Yeah. Go grab a slice at Sam's and see that. No, but that was, I mean, because there was fights and they, you know, they were fucking drunk idiots and everything. They were like, you just... Unless there's another seven year old for you to square off with run get out of here Let it get for you to spit at you're just spitting at each other Trying to gross each other out

Yeah, it's that time of the year though summers And the living's easy yeah, I I had one thing I wanted to I wanted to show you so, you know, please we're you might have seen my doors always open Unfortunately, I'm aware. Help me Pitch me. Show me. Uh-huh. What do you got you? There's a I don't have you said I don't have you seen this where we're fans are rotos that I love We are a chicken rotisserie chicken. Have you seen this? Except for the bottom of it. Sure. Have you seen this one at a French Michelin star restaurant?

I wouldn't fuck with this. You know what's coming? I know exactly what's under there. It's like a... It's got black legs. It's like a boiled hawk. Uh-huh. Open that up. So let's see.

First of all, that's a bladder of something. That's like a bladder of something. That's like a sheep's gut. And they do this table side. So if you're not, so for the audio listener, they come out, nice fancy joint. Yeah, I don't care how fancy you are. I ain't eating your black legged bird.

That ain't gonna happen. That's not happening. It's like guacamole table side, but French style. And there's a, it looks like a pastry. It's like a big poof, and they open that up, and the air sucks out. That ain't no there's a, there's a, it looks like a pastry. It's like a big poof and they open that up and the air sucks out. That ain't no pastry. I know. It ain't a looks like a pastry.

I'm telling you, that's a goal-blender. I'm following you. I'm just saying, once they pop it, it sucks up like a condom. And then they reveal the world's worst rotisserie chicken I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, go ahead. It looks like, oh, what could this be? This is fancy. Oh, any chicken strips.

I'll tell you that I don't get worse tenders I've ever seen in my. I mean, that's like a fucking balloon. That is. Dude, the chicken, it looks undercooked. And why are the legs so that, I would fucking flip the table. Caught him with his socks on. He's got a pair of dress socks.

This is what they do. Now that doesn't look that bad. I'm just not touching the skin. But I think- You're crazy. I mean, dude, do that in the back. You're not bringing them black legs in that yellow skin to me. That ain't happening.

Yeah. I gotta sift through that at the table. That's a mallard or something There's dirt still on them hoofs. They think that thing didn't shower fucking eating dragons. That's uh yeah, that's There's a thing when you do that. It's not good. It's like what is that? I bet you it is a French so what is it a Bressy Bier chicken's a French breed renowned for their? Bressier. Bressier. Whatever. For their flavor and tenderness are considered a delicacy.

What's the price on that go, do you think? See, if you get a price on that, that's got to be $200. You're going to table side roto? That ain't preface. I half cooked. Now, what they do is, first they liked it they like the skin like that You wouldn't you wouldn't eat poached chicken, would you? The skin's got to be crispy. I mean it's first of all it's got to be real crispy and like

There's a timeline on dude cuz sometimes you get that roto home You stop you stop at them you stop at the post office or something before you get home. That's that's already rubbed I remember when my mom tried to introduce chicken thighs to us. It feels like you're eating dinosaur meat. Who am I, Fred Flintstone? I remember the first couple of times she made that, that skin got ripped right off. It was like human. Yeah, well that's the problem with a roto.

It stays too moist. Right off the breast is good around the legs is alright But sometimes the underneath the hair follicles come back and you see like the die. It's got goose skips I think it's been sitting in a puddle Nasty not my cup very good. Yeah, I've seen that that's nasty shit. I wouldn't fuck with it I bet you the meats probably pretty good inside. Hey, listen, you know what else is good fucking eels good all that You ain't doing that table side though. Give it to me straight. I don't you do it. I forgot about this We were somewhere when we were back on tour

I can't remember where we were but you you were eating healthy and you tried to get Chicken and some vegetables and the chicken had that skin on the outside. I remember you were not a fan I saw it in hand you that plate and I was like Kippy ain't gonna like this. It's gotta be like it's gotta be good skin. It looked like human skin with goosebumps. No it looks like a burn victim. It was like a chick's arm after a quick rain. What was that? After a quick rain? You've been reading too much poetry? It was like a ladies bosom after a cold June rain. What are you talking about?

You know, like it's a little chilly outside, like a woman's arm gets, you know. Yeah. You know. After a shallow bath. Fucking creep. After a turn in the waterfalls you know what I mean I did yeah it was like good skin but you know it was all goose bumpy yeah that's if I'm not a creep I just want to shower you scrub you up real nice with the sons

I know I know relax he He doesn't protect the innocent No, yeah, it's it's gotta be It's gotta it's yeah, also. That's real fat if I'm trying I mean like if I'm having a bad, you know, you know what they do with that shit Sometimes this will really freak you out. So though something'll have something like that now for the audio listener that they had like It looks like an old coffee machine. It's like all steel or pewter or silver and it's real fancy So they have that table side but then sometimes they'll take like a piece of the breast or the bone and they'll put it in this crusher and They'll turn it and it'll leak all the like all the you know

The narrow and all it's not into it into a cup and then they'll make a sauce out of that I Mean that's like that's crossing the line I mean, I'm fine with that's what happens when you're like boiling down the carcass and stuff all that stuff's given They're not doing a table side. Hey, tell I listen you want to do a Caesar go ahead buddy I love sausage too. I don't want to fucking grinding up the pig next to me a couple of brats. Yeah, dude I want fine with whatever you do. I don't want to see how the sausage is made cut the legs off Oh, yeah, or died that color. I'm in or something put a pair put a pair of two white tube socks on that John let me let me think he was just came from the gym

Please finish the outfit some skettlers on that. That's what a Yankees had. Oh, good stuff. Yeah, that's tough. But we got a gosh darn family episode here. What do you got? Dead Bird is about 60. If you want it alive, it's going to be about 130. Alive?

What are you talking about? If you're trying to raise these brase French chickens. If we're trying to raise it? Yeah. Trying to get something to eat. What are you talking about? 60 bucks. 60 bucks at a restaurant.

No, if you're just buying it at home. If you're buying it at like the Roast Over. So at a restaurant, it's probably like 120. Figure with the markup. Probably more than that. The expertise. That's something you guys would be doing up there. Raising brossier chickens.

That and pheasant. Have you ever had pheasant? Maybe once. Have you? No. Cornish game hen? Wait, what? Bat and pheasant. Have you ever had pheasant? Maybe once. Have you? No. Cornish game hen? You've met everyone in my family and know the life I've lived up until I met you.

When was I having pheasant? I remember the first time I saw Cornish game hen at the grocery store I started crying. Like a little baby. An eaten kitten. Nah, yeah, none of that. We were not adventurous when it came. Twice but data as far as the follies went yeah, that was twice a year you got them Maybe maybe a couple times more my stepdad started out that I'm frozen John Did I had we had a tray at M like from like market day or whatever sitting in the market markets like yeah?

Like it was like a catalog it It was like we've talked about it was like a fundraiser type thing. And my mom worked in a hospital. So everybody like, you know, everybody in the last at some point, someone was coming in with, hey, Suzy's raising money for the I don't remember. I don't remember selling twice baked. But I remember chocolates. And around the springtime. Yeah, no, these were this this came later, even in my life was market day. But but whatever there was a tray full of already pre-made twice baked potatoes

That's what you were doing for fundraisers. You were selling meat out of the back of a van. I wasn't Denise would partake in it You get a sheet of those and but whatever there were I don't know where it came from I don't we didn't make them. I know that we didn't have the tech course they're in like they're they're half of the baked potato with like the The what's the bag puffer? Yeah, whatever history bag. Yes with the with the with the twice baked potato on top Yeah, I know what they look like. Yeah, I'm explaining it to you had a tray of them in the fucking freezer Uh-huh, which I for a long time. I thought they were really big deviled eggs if I'm being honest with you

And I was not touching them for an after-school snack. It's kind of hoagies that. Yeah, it looked like dino eggs. No, thank you. I remember just staring at them for like years at being hungry after school home alone going How the hell am I gonna even make this thing? I know what I can't just have three of these bar 15 cans of coke and three of them. Man, your mom would think you're so fat. He came home.

She did. I mean, if we're being honest with you, she did. Plus, that's like an hour in the oven. Oh, I didn't have time for that. You hit them frozen? Cracked a few molars. Twice bake pops? No, a lot of times I would go to the Kraft Singles over a plate of Tostitos in the microwave.

Sure. Found that out. Woo-wee! Talk about table side. Ain't no feet on that. I'll tell you that right now. Couldn't tell me nothing. And I would take, this is when I was real jam, we were a real jam the fuck. So there was a hierarchy of areas you would look for for food and snacks.

Sure. Right? Pantry? Pantry. Fridge. Fridge. It went, for me, it went, pantry? No, that's a lie.

There was like a snack corner above like the Lazy Susan. That was where the chips and pretzels were. If that was thin, maybe hit you with a couple of croutons. Something in there, loaf of bread. A little garlic salt, moldy over. Well, that was the spice. If you were looking in the spice section, you were fucked.

I would say if you're digging around in the bottom of the freezer for some chipped raviolis, you're jammed up. Yeah, we saw a lot of times, but it went the chip drawer, then the pantry with like food that you would have to make there was some cookies or some Goldfish in there some time time, but that was like you got to see her You got to assemble that stuff sure nothing super ready to make you know it ready to eat then the fridge

Then the freezer then there was the spice thing and you'd go looking in there sometimes. Never find it. After that, you're chasing squirrels all around the backyard. Fighting for moldy bread. I remember, dude, I found the semi-sweet Toll House morsels, and I was like, that's when it hit, I didn't know, because they were all, that was always an ingredient to me. Those hit. I didn't realize, I'm like,

I can just eat these motherfuckers. Those hit. So I started, you know, that was like, while I'm digging, looking, that was the appet hit. So I started you know that was like while I'm digging looking That was the appetizer that was you know keeping me going then I started melting them Jones down and dipping scoops in their pretzels They were the hers blue bag thin Extra crispy pretzels man Man, they sell that now.

That's a high commodity flips or dips. I was doing them way before them. Fucking pussies. I was an innovator. Leave a fat kid home alone from school. I remember I made the mistake of grabbing a piece of baking chocolate one time. We never I don't even think we had that. Man, that'll jam me up.

They know sugar in that fucking brutal get out of here with ah, that's real smart dip in the Yeah, but then she found that out that is yeah Yeah, she went to make Christmas cookies, and it was fucking three chips in there. I Was always the king of leave a cigarette doing short bread so leave a couple like I never I never really polished off the I don't want to you know For a minute my mom and dad I don't know if I told you for a minute my mom and dad were on like a vitamin kick and I can't remember the name of them, but they had these like chocolate chewables that were in like a little box. I

Can't remember what they're like vitamin. I know yeah. I know. Yeah. Viac. They were viac. That was for that was for old broads. That's what that was. Those things hit. I think it was viac. I took those all the time. Oh, they were so good. That the chewable vitamin C in the morning. I didn't mind. I

do. When vitamin C hit and we were, I mean, Ross, we were popping them like tic tacs like six five. We would put see how many we could put in our mouth. Pissed me on green. Never got I remember when the vitamin C hit and we were, I mean, Ross, we were popping them like tic tacs like six, five. We would put see how many we can put in our mouth pissing neon green. Never got sick the whole

year. We never got Flintstones. That was rich kid **** We had them for a little. We only took them in high school when we were dropping **** Keep the high going. That's what they said. Sure. If you were dipping, you grab a glass of OJ. Um... Kimmy, how about them true classics?

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t-shirts, they get all messed up. I swear to God, True Classics, I feel like they get better as you wash. They do. They get a little bit thicker. They don't go out of shape on you. It's honestly the best t-shirt you're ever going to put on. So do your stuff, go over to True Classics. Check out all the other stuff they got over there. They got a whole line over there, like I'm telling you. It keeps you in budget too. It ain't going to break the bank listen They're probably not gonna want me to say this, but I've stepped out on the true classic family. I'm an idiot I'm bad. Oh, yeah, and I gotta tell you it was the worst decision. I came crawling back

I said, I'm sorry take me back. What you gonna taste? Well, yeah, I bought this other ones I was in a wall off a whim and I mean they stunk They get the next all come but the sleeves shorten up I feel like I'd wear I was all wearing a halter top brutal. You gotta go true classic Yes, you can grab them at Target Costco or head to true classic comm slash garbage you get hooked up today do it Yeah gang. This is an ad brought to you by better help. Yeah for all you men out there today We know you're under a lot of pressure

We're under a lot of pressure to perform, to provide, to keep it all together. Mm-hmm. Would you start coming apart at the seams a little bit? I wonder so many people are having trouble, suffer from depression in here in the United States. Do yourself a favor, get over to BetterHelp and talk it out. Whether it's something big, something small, believe me. Take it from Uncle Hank. It helps to talk it out. And BetterHelp is a place to do that. They got license therapists. You can do it from the privacy of your own home. Get yourself straightened out.

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and everyone in your life. I got a kid coming on the way. And that's, you know, making sure everything for yourself and everyone in your life. I got a kid coming on a way That's you know making sure Everything talk about pressure. I'm the pressure. I'm jammed up and listen talk therapy has he's gonna lose it Has helped me a bunch Here we go as the largest online therapy provider in the world better help can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise expertise you talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash garbage.

That's better help. H e l p dot com slash garbage. Do it. All right, let's get in. We got some gosh darn as a family episode, as you know, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. We got some humdingers here. This one's from Mr. came and snatch. Oh, OK.

Uh, is it garbage to check your to-go order before leaving the establishment now, it's a very very Thoughtful thing. I can't do it You know, I said extra honey. Yeah, I can't do it. You don't go looking through I do feel It feels like the people I've seen do it and the people I know that do it. It comes from like a very, they're trying to catch you moment. They're looking for, I ask for extra, it seems like it's always a very aha got you that they're looking for that because they've been screwed over once before. It's not all the time doing a due diligence. Chinese that's big. It's going. We don't trust

you. Yeah. And I'm never going to trust you. Yeah. So, I'm taking the, I trust them. The way I look at it when it comes to that stuff, I know it's crazy. You get what you get. I'm right there with you. Keep your mouth shut and that's just the way it went. You don't, they forget your sodas or your duck sauce or your mustard or your egg roll. Well, the egg roll. I might take you with that. Sure. Any Chinese food on a goddamn egg roll?

What am I an asshole? Oh, yeah, I just seems I do the same thing. It's like you roll the dice. If it happens, it's happening what? Maybe two out of 100 times. Are the orders getting messed? It's not that. I feel like they're way worse these days. I mean, there's so much more takeout going on.

Hey, and that was the way they'd be better. Now. Okay. In your theory, I understand. I'm saying there's more. There's more takeout going out the door. So, there's more room for more people are getting takeout than ever before in the history of human beings. Sure. Right? Would you give me that? I don't think it's a question, of course. Yeah. So, there's, you know, there's gonna be a lot more mistakes because the numbers are higher Yeah, but that doesn't necessarily they're not getting better at it. They're still the same at it

I would argue you're completely I would argue that's wrong You think yeah, if you do anything more I do I listen I can't remember the little stand-up 15 years I still stink we talking about you don't really work at it stand up 15 years I still think we talking about you don't really work at it I would argue I mean we order a lot of takeout on the road a lot of Uber eats a lot of deliveries a lot of coffees how often is the is the order messed up from the top down to me it would be rare a lot of times you get these bikers with the in New York and they're they're driving 15 miles with your coffee and so that soda is always Yeah that but that's the delivery method that's not

The packet in that direction. I already I got I got a I got Uber Eats the other day. Did you? And the guy it was typically so in New York 99% of them are on a bike. This guy was in a car, and he was coming from the Upper West Side up to Washington Heights. I don't know why he chose that, whatever it was. But, I mean, Embossed it took him two and a half hours. It was gridlock traffic, and this guy- Did he want you to come downstairs? No, but I'm just saying, like,

literally, like, an hour and a half went by, and he was still, he had only made it like 10 blocks. I wanted to be like, dude, have the lunch. I'll report this to uber Let's just go it didn't work out the city said no, and that's what it is That's a real deal breaker for me what I got to go downstairs. Mm-hmm. That's one of the main reasons We never order Domino's Because you got to go downstairs Domino's doesn't bring it upstairs. You got to go down It's yours.

I'm not going down there. Where my underwear? Sure. Plus then they're gonna see me walking upstairs with six pizzas or something like that. Why are you ordering six pizzas? Whatever. You know, I'm making a point. Not whatever.

You know I'm not ordering six pizzas. I mean, it's enough that you're not going down to pick it up. Two pies. There's other people there. I'm not there by myself. The cat doesn't count. I'm not ordering two pizzas. She likes the thin crust. I like the pan. Mm-hmm. But...

Sure. Well... It's not meant to be. I'm not going downstairs to get it. Sure. Bullshit. All right, let's see here. This one's from Foley's Popped Yoga Ball. Long time, homie.

Do any of the women in your family smoke cigars? Oh, dude. My aunt used to always have a cigar on her most times already partially smoked. Ooh. What is she? What is she, working a dog track? Tough broad.

That's crazy. Get over here. Give me a kiss Ah, no, but can I say this this is gonna sound I don't know They it was in big in the in the early 2000s where it was when cigars got real popular It was like a cool thing for hot chicks to have them. I think that was in like movies and stuff. I don't remember really that rubber hitting the road. I remember like Cindy Crawford like holding a cigar or something. That was a lot, I think, like photo ops and like hot girl doing manly thing.

Like it's a powerful broad. I don't think it, no hot chicks I know have ever been like, let me get a rip it up, swisher sweet or whatever. No, but who's the lady that sings the anxiety song? I don't know. Luke, you should know this anxiety anxiety. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. She was at the Met Gala in part.

Dochi. Yes. Part of the costume was she had a cigar. Yeah, I like that. Now, I mean, I get that that's not hot. You hear that this just in folks Overweight men in their 50s don't think hot chicks smoking cigars is attractive and not my thing And if that's the case, I'll take my deep-dish pizza to go But I'm not going down You gotta you gotta bring your your hot ass up here. It is I have lost

I can't really comment on anything or anybody. I'm well aware. Right. But for some reason you still do. You still shit on everybody on the team. And we've gotten to the point where we're like, I don't even know what to say now. This is crazy.

Grammy award winning artist at the Met Gala. Probably wearing Gucci or something nice. And I'm like, nah, I don't like the cigar. Bring my pizza to my front door. Got a lot in there. You do. You got brass balls, dude. Alright, smoke the cigars. I don't give a shit. It's just, it is a tough...

That was one of those things I don't think ever really happened. You know what I mean? How is it around the time chicks are wearing fedoras and you're like, what are we doing? A lot of pinstripe vests like that like... That was when I've said you had to dress business casual to go out for some reason the outfit that a Apatow's wife wears in yes in 40 year old virgin Yes, very much that was of the time of yeah, that was cool girl stuff. That was yours. That was your scene I was young in that I mean I was in my scene mean, I was in my scene. That's your time. To me, that's your time.

That and Yellow Card or whatever the hell the band's name is. I mean, yeah, sure. I don't really know what it is. You never wore a vest out? I never had a vest. I would have. I don't have vest body. You guys are well aware I don't have vest body.

I look like I should be working in the bathroom, handing out mints for a dollar. No way. I'm have vest body. I look like I should be working in the bathroom, handing out mints for a dollar. No way to what was on my vest guy. Like a Seth Green generation. Yeah that was very much cool guys doing cool stuff. Well that's you, aren't you Seth Green, entourage? I mean that existed, yeah, I wouldn't say I was trying to be Seth Green. How old were you when that was going on? High school college? Yeah, yeah. That's you. I mean there's not,? How old were you in high school? College? Yeah, that's you. I mean, there's not, there's no cool guys in high school, I would argue.

The guys that aren't wearing, the people who were in the high school were not cool guys. Did any of your friends in high school or college wear a tie? I did, yeah. Not high school. Wait, what do you mean? Probably not college. Wait, what do you mean? No, probably not college. Like after college. Like you don't have a job, like you don't have a job that... hold on a second. We've talked about that. Have we? Yeah. You wore a tie out. Yeah, you wear like a tie and like a sweater.

Like undone? Yeah. You know, I only had one version that looked good. When the lights were out. Dude dude I've seen you wear a scarf to shoot a sketch thinking you were a fucking French director eating rotos with black legs what are you talking about hey I didn't say that I was cool I know but I mean I'm I'm gonna make funny I was at least of the time did you put the collar on the outside? What do you ever wear a sweater vest? No sweater with no sleeves. No, I that was big boobs were bad for that. I needed baggy around the armpits to cover to cover the day. I saw a picture you one time when

you dress like Avril Lavigne. He had the things going on. I'm here to watch like the socks. I've got myself. He was a skater boy Yeah, that stuff was all whack yeah, I listen I'm well It's well documented anything of all time you look back 15 years fucking stinks I don't serve you got it you had a lot of bad haircuts back in the day sure that it was 90s year when I met you the bowl cut when I you had that like fucking Stone temple pilots haircut. That's the only that's the only thing I can refer to it in my head

Where you I remember finding a YouTube video you would put he started talking we started we started being chumped started being you know I remember there's a series of videos. I did you thought and I just remember being like I was me at the desk Yeah, and I remember being like Foley is a pretty cool guy then I I remember seeing those videos and was like oh man I can't be friends with this Cut to look at us now Looking at me like a deep dish Nora Jones over here She had a couple of hits. Yeah, great. It's funny. Two things on this. One, I don't see that happening now. You're nuts. You think?

Dude, the baggy pants are back and listen, news flash out there. If you're over 18 and you're if you're a grown man, if you have children and you're wearing baggy pants, you are a fucking dork. It looks so fucking corny. The way him and his cronies all dress. He's in his twenties. I have them on right now. You have what on? No, no, no.

They're not as crazy baggy, but like they're... No, there's people we are friends with that are like wearing... Like pants that I used to wear when I see jankos there. They're not that far off, huh, and it's like You're in your 40s sir machine gun Kelly's wearing him in his new video Yeah, he's a rapper pop star go looking kid. I'll give it. He's covered. That's the guy that can do it If you're like, you know, you can't be running errands in baggy jeans. Machine gun Kelly ain't running errands. True. You know what I mean? If that's who you are, sure. But if you just like, if you

have a regular job or whatever. Well, the second part of what I was going to say is even though like when all that stuff was going on, just for a little context I was the worst I've ever been I was like I was like a shut-in I hated all that stuff I hated pop culture at the time you still hate it I just got my heart broken trash and Beyonce's daughter not too long again hey what are you trying to get me killed shut up got that fucking rat see you know being the fucking truck of a car up in Harlem. I ain't happening. Okay, right in Brooklyn Okay, where did he roll Macy projects Marcy? Yeah. No, thank you. It may see cut all the rovers including Do you want me tied up in a target fully? I killed it a pennies. I didn't say anything about his daughter

Okay, your rat. Okay guy who's back beddlin. Um What I was gonna say is I hate it all at some of the time and I also hate it cuz we were coming out The 90s and that was my time man. You know what I mean? That's when it was real. Yeah Pearl Jam Yeah, Nirvana, but it was real but that was like 92 But now then dude, even then you're 10 years after it. Hold on talking about I was a kid in 92. I know. But you're like to 2004 if you're still upset that what you used to do was a decade ago, you're holding on too long. I'm a loser, baby. Choking on the splitters. You are a loser baby

Anyway, I look back on that fashion now with some fondness and wouldn't mind going back to that what like you know the The lugs sweatsuits and stuff like that that stuff was all right everybody seemed a lot more comfortable back then Wait lugs sweatsuits is that what you're equating to me wearing a fedora? Me dressing like Avril Lavigne and also lug sweatsuits? Well that was all at the same time. The whole entourage looked- The show was on for a decade. You can't- It was their decade. Okay.

It was all the same style all the way through. Okay, yeah. I mean, yeah, just certain different, your genre bending, I guess. A little bit, yeah. Turtle wasn't dressing like E. E dressed normal. Sure. E was always straight all the way through. Which is funny, when I go back and watch it, I identify the most with E.

Mm-hmm. You're a whiny little bitch. Hahaha. Rude. Really startin' trouble here here you hear that hey character Okay, no, but like the way turtle used to dress Yeah, I mean she was comfortable that would be a lot of their baggy velour Yeah, heavy denim though those jeans were like 15 pounds of these brutal

I wouldn't mind that coming back G unit heavyweight denim. That's what I mean Yeah, I used to rot and then they With the with a tight big collar like a nice heavy weight tee Yeah, that was all 50 cent right used to buy my g unit t-shirts at TJ Maxx over there on Street Road How you do? I remember I went in there one time that was all 50 That was 50 cents clothing brand what G unit that was his rap. I was his group I was his that was his posse. It was 50 cent in G But those he was he that way he was in sure he was that was his company. Yeah, he's smart businessman Uh, yeah, I was just looking at something. He sold he had G unit sneakers

They made like 80 million dollars in vitamin. He sold 4 million pairs of them. He hit quick. He made 100 million of vitamin water and then like now he shows. A power in all those? There's like 10 of them. Yeah. Man. All for not one song in the club.

All for not one song. He's got a lot of hits. He's got a fucking thing.. He's got a fucking thing. He came in like a fucking. Whoo, just took over. As Jay-Z once said, 50 came through like hurricanes do. That's pretty good. Fucked up the game.

How you doing? There was an interview where they were like. Yeah, trickle down to your fat ass. Like fucking. I'm a TJ Maxx fucking. Bumping many men in my mom's fucking. What was the name of that club in Philly that was above that Italian restaurant? I don't know why you like the Italian restaurant Johnny you break in you're eating fuck you're eating garlic not Davios. Oh g-lounge. Yeah, that's where you used to hang

Yeah, I never that's where you find Kevin Ryan on a Thursday before 11. You wish. That was mover. And that's where Pat Barrell used to go hang out. My brother would be in there with Pat Barrell. G Lounge at Davios. I never made it in there. Maybe once.

What was your go-to in Philly that you like to go to, you and the boys? We would go to bar. I mean, like the Mad River shout out that was a dirtbag early 20 underage bar couldn't get in the G lounge what G loud what you crazy that was our generation studio 54 dude G lounge no I couldn't get into G lounge split the bottle 17 ways. I never understood it people I remember thinking like well, this is the name right G lounge

I couldn't wrap my fuck I couldn't I couldn't figure out how to get there on map quest That's how far girls in there would have thought you were a good route I'd be in there in my fucking I'd have my collar sticking out of my polo outlet fucking crewneck But in a Republic shit, not even I was at that point That was all that was all put on an express credit card that I never paid. It's out Got badass breath and shit just in there talking Warm sig mouth going so I'm like parliaments and cranberry juice drinking captain and cokes it's called a kuba libre I'm drinking a white now my brother

has a tab open sure that was the only way he is shit is that chase up making out with my mom No, yeah, I didn't know we would do mad river those guys were blowing through fuck about going through like a hurricane. Yeah We would do Lucy's Lucy's was a dive but a cooler dive bar It was like a Center City dive kind of her Bob and barbers Yeah, we were do I was mean, if we were hanging out, that was the coolest place I would go was Lucy's. That was it. Thursday, I couldn't get in on a Saturday. I'd go in Thursday, watch an early,

watch an early Sixers game and stick around. You guys can remember, young man, you got a piece of grilled onion on your shirt. I said no onions. I go in, I go in for lunch. I'm just hanging out in the brew closet till later. I stunk. You girls do oil and vinegar and mayo on your sandwiches. I do them both. All you got to do is you put the cheese in the microwave with some chips Better than waiting for a twice baked potato am I right?

So whose birthday is it It's my buddy pat eyes are rolling It's my buddy Pat. His eyes are rolling in the back of his head. He used to get thrown out of there. Out of the back of Lucy's they would just take him. We'd be like, party and whatever. It'd be so crowded. And he would, you know, he'd eventually get thrown out and they'd push him out this back door. We never figured out where to let you out. It just put you like in an alley like a system of alleyways that he would call us and be like I don't know where I'm at. He'd wake up on another

side of the map. He didn't know where he was dude and every time like and he would just like you know we would not with that was back in the day you lost someone you know I mean we had cell phones where you're just like we used to have a strict rule. After midnight, every man for himself. You gotta get home, you gotta get, like, if you don't have keys, like if you're, if me and you live together and we go out, it's like both people take you, don't be, if you can't get in, that's your fault. It's every man for himself. You gotta get home somehow. Warm weather hits gang and suddenly everyone is juggling vacations visitors zero routine. Hydro brings everyone back that structure you can get quick efficient workouts and it keeps you feeling grounded no matter what the

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That did happen down the shore. We're at a bar called flip flops and I had flip flops on and they, I got thrown out on my birthday. They saw your toes. Like an hammer toes. And we got thrown out on my birthday. I saw your toes. Fucking hammer toes. And we got thrown out. Me and Pat, road dog, I mean, we've been thrown out of most bars I've ever been in. We got thrown out.

And I was just like, hey, man. I remember, dude, they just gripped me up. They put me in a full Nelson and just walked me out. And we weren't fighting. We were just drunk. I think we were maybe splashing beer. My gut's sticking out, man. Come we were maybe splashing yeah, I got stick it out Oh, man, I was bad. I'm

Fucking I'm like crunched over trying to get my shirt down down my fucking deep ass bellybuttons hanging Who you girls going next Kenan's But I was like I was like I was my flip-flop like I'm out with my flip-flops are inside And I was talking to the bar the bouncer. I'm like isn't it pretty ironic. I was fucking with him I'm like it's pretty ironic my you have my flip-flops are stuck inside a flip-flop He did not he did not you play football. I think he did Listen those goons did. Sure.

All those days are behind me. Sure. I, I might, I don't think in any fashion swings, black t-shirt and me. No, just in general. I'm not trying to be cool ever again. Oh, no. What are you doing? Just like Rosie O'Donnell right now I Think this is a good thing for a man my age if you're in a bowling league I want to I want to start wearing those shirts like that dude king whatever his name is on Instagram where King von No, I'll eat that No

From the grave from the grave. He's he's this tall dude. He's always he's always getting chicks on Instagram Ah that is that that's the guy you're relating with the guy that's always getting to know but he wears these like they're almost like bowling Shirts, but they're solid listen real cool on you've been big enough long enough He's like six eight and gorgeous. You know you can six, off what most myself include jerseys. That's a fat guy. do hockey jerseys. They we hot. Yeah, smelly. I don't string. No, they're tight too. They also don't fall right. The arms are wide and stuff.

It's a choice to be in a hockey jersey. Yeah. I wish I could do it. They made them a little tighter. I'd be alright. Yeah. All more snug. Walking around with a Hurricanes jersey on? Dork. Stink. Anyway, we digress sure All right, let's see here. This one's funny. I was speaking of clothes for me and never have one read and then parentheses I did have one read

Have you ever worn a piece of a Halloween costume as regular clothing? Pretty good, I might have really good. We had this one sick. I don't know where my mom got the money I'm not sure. That's pretty good. I might have really good. We had this one sick. I don't know where my mom got the money but it was one year when we were I think I my brother made him maybe it was twelve or

thirteen. He got this pirate outfit. That was unbelievable. That's what I was going to say. It was like authentic. It was awesome I had some tin foil hat on or something. I was I was dressed as a cardinal That's what I went that year as a cardinal like the for like the the Catholic Cardinals are like to the football team Just a bird, uh-huh No, it was a Catholic Cardinal

Yeah, it was weird. That's and I tried I tried I'd made my own sword with tin foil and as a cardinal I listen I'm I'm a man of God, but I'll kill you right now. I Had to have something on me. I'm not walking around with a fucking piece of the Eucharist like an asshole That's what he got he He got a sick pirate outfit. I used to I have mine with mine also too was a was yeah we were never great at Halloween but I had a I was a pirate. It's probably six years old, seven years old. Fat beard. the dreaded pirate fatbeard got a bag full of dinner rolls sword for the sword to butter my bread it did it had that curve sword you know that the curved sword yeah right that was like big and I had like a red and white striped shirt

got a pair of black pants that were like cut off, like Frankenstein pants kind of, you know what I mean? Like they were like flood pants, you know? And I used to wear the shit out of them pants even way after, I think I liked the way they felt on my wee-wee or whatever. Used to mash my ween on the stairs. Uh.

That and a pair of wooden shoes. But man, I would wear that, and I remember my mom being like, take them freaking pants off. I'd be like trying to wear them to school and stuff. I went my tie. It's well after Thanksgiving. I'm out front of G Lounge with them. My brother's in there. Ahoy, mateys. Ahoy, ladies. Three of your finest meads please. Any you bros wanna walk the plank? No? Alright. Um yeah that

pirate outfit had like this cool hanging almost like a burlap vest. Yeah. That I started to wear for a little while. I tried to wear it to church one day and that's where my mom put the put the kibosh on it. I think she little while. I tried to wear it to church one day and that's where my mom put the put the kibosh on it. I think she burned it. I remember my stepdad's dad, we had some of his clothes at the house and he was alive, which I don't know why we had we maybe like a storage unit or something. And there was this vest from like the 70s. I'm fucking sick. It was dark Navy blue.

White baby blood. It was just like the cool like something super vintage and cool and it was just like a little too snug on me and I would try to wear that and it was just like because it was like a winter vest. You don't mean like something you'd wear in the winter. Oh like like a Marty McFly vest. Yes, very similar to that. And I just I I was so fucking I was 15 pounds too fat man

I would be a different guy if I got that on one winner. I tried to wear one of those I'll be prom king. I tried to wear one of those not that long ago I had I had a like a winter vest like that. You've taken a lot of swings over the past decade. Yeah Uniqlo was my lowest moment. That was, you're the king of, you get something real okay. Okay at best. Corny, some would say. And you really try, you create your own narrative. You live in this fantasy land where you tell people, you were telling us like,

nah, this is from a high-end sample sale. Like you were like, you lie telling you, dude, you were sleeping on a park bench All of a sudden you got a friend in fashion That was a wacky artist Yeah, Uniqlo sucked That was big. I mean we would go that yeah, that was there was a time when me and you obviously no money But one of us would get a couple of bucks and I remember like I'd go I'm going to buy some clothes I had lost weight and he would meet me there and it would be like it would be an outing and we would go in we'd

go into Uniqlo or Yellow Rat Bastard or whatever and you couple it was like it was like I was pretty woman he'd be like what about this and I'd be like looking at price. I can't do it. Forty four dollars for a pair of chinos. We were in here yesterday and you spit on us and threw us out. Big mistake. Alright. 15 bucks on us. Get the three for twenty. Three for twenty. Yeah, that

was all right. Sure. Remember, I looked into super dry for a half a second. You were you were really going. He gets something cool like super dry. Not gonna fit. Not more like super tight. Okay. Ah, man.

All right, we stink. Sure, which is part of our charm. You know what I mean? We've taken our fashion swings. Mm-hmm. We've struck out a lot. I'm living here from now on. That's the buddy.

Shorts all summer too. Okay. Not today. Sure. Went with heavy jeans for today for some reason. I don't have underwear on though. Okay. Alright. There was nothing clean.

We'll get into that. I don't know what feelings. Alright. Yeah. We'll get into that. You never ran out of underwear? Enough. Save it. Save it. Feelings No, save it save it You will be tried in the court of patreon my friend

Alright, this one's from Lippy kippy $10. Homie. Love you's big. That's a good saying love is big Is it garbage? I just found out literally today that I was a summertime acquaintance of someone that was features on on the show Love during lockup She was always at my apartment pool Swinging a mess with her boyfriend at the time and as I would put loosely we hung out at the pool for like two years in a row That's a tough life. You're if you're in a world where you're associating. Wait, what's the show? Love during lockup where they date inmates. They fall in love with inmates vice versa. What are you on the phone? You get to go see

him. I don't know. I would get a run. I mean, what am I a fucking EP on the thing? I don't know. Couples trying to preserve their relationships while one of the partners is incarcerated. It's pretty recent because the first episode was in 2022. Yeah. It's a lot of them getting... I've seen some. It's all sizzle.

Them getting out and then you try to make an end. I think on the inside it's easy. It's that Seinfeld episode. They're controlled. I had the communication. I can live my own life. It's just like, yeah. Then you come and it's like like fucking I had a relationship like that my freshman year of high school I was girlfriend and boyfriend with this girl. I didn't see her all summer who says that I was girlfriend and boyfriend with this girl

I was I was girlfriend and boyfriend with her girlfriend. She was my girlfriend Sure theoretically on paper, but I know we would just talk on the phone every day. She only lived like 10 minutes away I don't know why I never saw her. I had a few ideas She was 10 minutes by car I Never got to see her She she went to summer camp near me. It was a day camp. This was one of your buddies talking as a girl for sure You're probably a huge cock. Yeah, no big deal.

No, because I knew her. I knew her in school. OK, I don't know why you're getting oddly weird about this. OK, we'll just talk on the phone every day. Well, that was relatively like how me and my wife worked in the beginning. She lives in Germany. I lived here. It's like on pay as you'd go to bed at six o'clock my time. I'm out there meeting you at, you know, Uniqlo hanging out.

Would you guys talk on the phone for long periods of time? Yeah, but there was no honestly, there was no real time. I would wake up, she would be at work, right? I would go to work can't do that. I'd call her at lunch for like, you know, half hour whatever sitting there ripping butts out. What would you guys talk about? Just whatever Have you never what are you talking about you just said you talked to a girl

Whatever you talked to a woman in a relationship. We talked about George Michael How hot he was I think was hot we also talked about George Michael of them now whatever yeah life stuff Whatever is going on at work blah blah blah Love them. No, whatever, yeah, life stuff. Whatever's going on at work, blah, blah, blah, vacations, things we were doing. I don't know, it's so weird that you always ask me that. It's just funny you talking to a girl.

What? I've been married for seven years. I'm having a kid. I've dated multiple people that you know. It still strikes me funny, The romantic side of you. I'm not the only one that thinks that way. Okay. Your mother finds it strange too.

Fair enough. I mean, yeah, fair enough. It's also funny, yeah, that you think like, what are you, like Don Juan or something? Talking to broads? I'm not good. You're no good at talking to anybody socially let alone romantic that's not true what I'm great in a room you know

that don't say that I'm good in the room what room I don't know where we're hanging okay it's all fake yeah it's not the real me I've to we've lost your fastball you think so huh you have you think I've lost your fastball. You think so? Uh-huh. Huh. You have. You think I've lost my fastball? Mm-hmm, as a friend. Socially. Yeah, you've been out of practice. You think so?

Uh-huh. You think I've, you don't think I can walk in a room and charm the shit out of everybody? I don't know, not as much as you used to. I would say you have more, a bigger chance of failing than you used to. Why? Because you're not in practice like you used to be What do you think I do? I just show my true colors. I think you

You're not always in the right gear sometimes hmm interesting I Don't know how to feel about that. I think you're wrong fair enough. I think I'd still close deals I don't mean like with a lady, but I mean closing ace No, I don't mean that I mean I think I can you know sure I can carry a conversation with just about anybody Okay for 10 15 minutes And I'm bored with it Sir this boars make you as you

Do you know George Michael's birthday? I want to go to sleep now. Huh, you think I've lost my fastball comedically? No, why do you take it there? I don't know. No, I just think you're not in social settings as much as you used to be, which I think is a fair sentence. Put me in a social setting. Hey, Kevin, how are you? What I throw up.

Oh, my God, a social setting. Hey, Kevin. How are you? What? I throw up. Look, oh, my God, a celebrity. Hello, Kevin. You look stupid today. All right. I'll work on it. Work on it this summer. Where I make good eye contact, right? Sure. Hello. I think you got your own district. But really? Yeah. No. You're you're joking no you think I look yellow Yeah, don't say that why because I've been my kidneys been hurting

Okay, you should get to the fucking doctor. Are you really think I look yellow? Come on. Don't screw around no kid Luke she's goddamn lights All right, let's get on with it. Drink some water. That's Gatorade. Wrong again. It's my own urine. Alright, let's see here. This is very, this is very food and restaurant heavy but this is a pretty good one This is from eating beaver damn. They got me again Beavers all right, I feel like moe from the Simpsons. They're just getting me eating beavers

I need a man to hug and kiss. God damn it. Is it garbage if you knock your utensils off the table to a nice restaurant, but you just kicked them under further and act like you've never received them? That is the move. That is that or if there's an empty table no no no no no yeah, you want to piss your server off You do that that is the most Disrespectful thing you can do in a restaurant is take silverware off a clean table you ask the server for other

I've seen then they got no you have yes. I have dude liar. Yes, I have not yellow I Am good in the room not lost my fastball. Oh Wow the pants off you I get you in a second two seconds a couple of drinks Fuck and tell me I lost my fastball fucking bullshit That's the biggest dickhead thing you could do cuz in that servers got to reset that table that takes to listen I'm not and that looks bad And that's something that the man is gonna come but come down and bust in your balls for okay all right guy He's not having fun with this at all you just say hey can I get it can I get extra or so?

I've seen you take it out a greasy fingers knocked it over. I've seen you take What are you using a knife and fork anyway? you don't need that for chicken fingers or mozzarella sticks badass What do you need a fork and knife for your savory your diet cake We told you eat the same thing all the time me you have a salad Chicken parm salad Yeah, kicking her to the table and I'm with that. Yeah IIII well I

don't think it's I think it's more embarrassing to go. I dropped it under the table in my fattiest can't reach it. So you just go I didn't get one. Oh weird sucks when they hear it and they come over and they start getting in your business

uh there it's stuck in your gooch. I think it's pronounced that. Uh yeah ha ha ha. Yeah, listen, he's going to say this probably because he got yelled at one time. I think it's more of a thing to get them to run while they're doing something else. Oh, excuse me.

This is just my point of view. Excuse me. Now they're not coming over because they either just dropped the food, they dropped the appetizer or whatever They're not checking in so I don't get I have to wait until they come back and then they have to go get me a new roll up That makes them run to go do something. They wasn't on their schedule already. I'm just telling I'm also telling you I get that That's your point of view. I understand. It's not my point of view It's the point of view of the restaurant business. They would rather have you

Say hey, can you grab me another knife and fork then take it off a table? I don't think that's a little any waiter in the country and I'll tell you the same thing. Okay, I Just tend to disagree on that sometimes because a lot of times the hostesses will drop the fucking silverware You ever been to the last restaurant? I talked about 12 chairs. They dropped the silverware. I've never been to that place. Okay Well, I'm just saying not every op that operates as the same restaurants that you've worked at. I think that's a fair assess Okay, just take it. Oh listen, okay Then ask the waiter and then your fat ass waiter will comes back with an attitude because you just made him run to go get A new roll-up. Why is he heavy said because you're the waiter

Listen, you're telling me when you were a burger That was the biggest miss me off that was the biggest when you were waiting tables if you had to run to the back to The kitchen I'd rather do that to them reach over. I would stop them. I'd go over there Be like do you need some silverware? I'll get it for you with an attitude there goes Oh, yeah, just docked down to 12% tip his pulled house suckers Fucking dumb pussy shit anyway, I Got one foot out of here. I did man every once in a while

I think about that table and why you that would that would always come in they'd be like 20 of them and this one dickhead teacher He would fucking no matter what they would come in like Individually and they'd all want to order right away. I'm slammed. Fucking lunch shift power lunch crowd down there in the village. Power lunch crowd. Whatever. OK. And he would I'd be taking an order from a table and this fucking dickhead would walk up to me and stand next to me

and wait till I got done. Can I put my bigger in? He was this French guy. He had this huge nose. I wanted to smash it against the bar. I saw him one time crossing the street. I thought about running him over. I swear to God, insurance wasn't paid up.

That had come out of pocket for the damages. Such a dickhead. Sure. Um, yeah, well, listen, OK, then I stand corrected. Go to the waiter, have the waiter get the silverware But kicking under the table and leaving it there. I'm cool with sure I Think you're oddly defensive you're halfway on the Luke. What would you do? You can't ask him. He's a fucking rich Pole in a room I found this blog, ask the salty waitress.

Okay. Yeah, but she's a bitch. She's a bitch. Salty waitress. She's a fucking, you know. But she agrees. That's what you need out there. Take it from the table if it's a busy night.

Oh! If the waiter just walked away and it's a busy night, she said snatch away. There you go. And she's a bitch. And she's a bitch. What's that make you? There you go. Yeah, she's salty. She's a a bitch. What's that make you? There you go. Yeah, she's salty. She's a she's she's OK. OK. OK.

Just don't do it in my section because I'll fuck you up. I'll grab your hand. You need something fatty. Maybe you should contribute to this blog. The salty waitress. You should. The fat waiter. That's what you're going to want to do. Let me quarterback this thing for you. Cooked up fat waiter. Yeah. you should. You should. The