Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fat Guy Breakfasts! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: April 13, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Hollow Socks: For a limited time Hollow Socks is having a Buy 2, Get 2 Free Sale. Head to https://Hollowsocks.com today to check it out. Factor: Head to https://Factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50 percent off and free daily greens per box, with new subscription only, while supplies last until 09/27/2026. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hold on there, gang. California, the boys are coming. I'm going to say it one more time. California, the boys are coming. Come see us down there in Los Angeles for the Netflix as a joke festival. Grab the squad. Let's have a good time. Yeah, if you've never been doing a YG live show, it's stand-up, then we play AYG with the crowd. You guys submit your questions. We pick the best questions.

We should own you. It's a good time. Get your tickets. We'll see you there. Find out of your garbage. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage.

Hey, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it after the group to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Tully, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootty's in a new edition.

She's now doing a little extra work for that new murder she wrote spinoff. Yeah, well, that's okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah, good for her. It's called Murder You's Rote. Fuck! That's not bad. Yeah, I got a laugh, so my coach's coming here.

We're on your table. I don't know why you're on your table. You're being so fucking antagonistic. This is what we call a family episode. Or enemy episode. You be the judge. Just the boys, the bozo on the homie. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.

Just the way we like it. My coes is coming at you from across the table. My best pal in the whole wide world. A lot of people say there's no heroes left in his universe. Kevin James Ryan. They're right. This guy next to me is a J-O. What's up, gang?

Shout out to the Shout out to everybody. Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you rave, you, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify

and the boys are climbing the charts. Climing. Get your ladders out. The boys are climbing the charts. The shows. Look out. Baird and Everton's going up every week, gang. Get on the garbage train.

We love you. Then obviously the greatest website of all time. www. www. Patreon.com slash all you garbage. You go over there. You can get all that bonus content. You sign up today.

You get the last five years of bonus content. It's a lot. Hard feelings. I'm talking a YG bonus episode. A whole nine yards. A lot. A lot. I don't know if you notice.

I keep, it's happening once a day now. Okay. Where I don't miss speak. Something with my brain and my mouth is off. Or like the last word is messed up. Sure. I have that a lot too. It's not drugs.

It's not alcohol or anything like that. It could be, but it could have been, but it's not. Sounds like it is. No. It doesn't sound like it's not. I'm just saying that I'm starting to get concerned that I do have like early Parkinson's or dementia or something like that. Yeah. Like what you want for me?

I don't know. I don't know. It could be for sure. So I got to go in. Yeah. God, I would suck. Uh-huh. If I had dementia, will we still do the show?

I mean, I would tell you if we were doing the show. Yeah. You'd be in here at a cardboard cutout. I'd be on an island somewhere. That's a pretty good episode today. Yeah. There'd be a hologram Kippie in here. Yeah.

Kippie's on a space station. Anyway, I heard you have some, so you want to run by me. Is that right? Which my office door is always open to you. You seem to be, sometimes you make it seem like there's, like, production meetings that, like, Or like, you've gotten snippets of information that's just, I don't have anything I want to run by you.

I have a- Can I tell you this real quick? Sure. Yeah, I wasn't in the middle of something. This water is so cold. I remember the first time I had cold water. It was 1972. My mom had just left me. She was wearing leather pants.

Hey, play the hits, will you? I don't know what you were about to say, but I know I got it. No. I remember the first time I had gob stoppers. I've been drinking. I shoved it in my asshole. By the way, my son found my belly button recently. Whoa.

Oh, man. He caught a whiff of that thing down there. A ripe. Jeez. Cheesy, I bet. He got a finger in there. I slapped it out. Like, Maurice Cheese Shop.

I don't know where it's coming from. How are you supposed to eat in there? You've been in a Murray's Cheese Shop? I just won't recently. I know. They want you to have lunch in there. Oh. It's like eating a foot.

Yeah, it's supposed like feet in there. Yeah. A little fucking Fabriz. Murray. A little fucking Fabriz, Marry. Hey, crack a window, pal. Yeah, I got, you know, as you know, we're dirtbags. Oh, yeah.

Right? Oh, yeah. And. To the fullest. To the max, dude. Yeah, this was, uh, I mean, there was just multiple steps to this. And I didn't even realize it was happening until it was over. And I looked at it.

I was like, oof, that's a, hmm, that's the definition of jammed up. Okay. Luke, run it. the toilet paper a roll of toilet paper on the paper towel as paper towel whoa first of all I thought it was a mini baseball bat what you're playing for the Trent Thunder

what's going on there yeah is that your house who did that I did didn't even think about it we were out of paper towel out of paper towel's paper towel who says paper towel I did it yeah paper towel about four beer I drink four or five beer I love that guy

What do you think that guy's police Smells like? I don't know You could use a paper towel I know that one I get four or five beer Two beer Probably smells like Mary's

Not in this country I I was cleaning Wiping stuff that You know And I needed Some sort of Absorbent paper product

You are cleaning Yeah You should try it something I mean that's even worse Okay, but I don't have paper towel So I'm already I already sprayed the I already sprayed the counter down

All right Right now I go I turn around there's no paper towels Right I open under the sink I'm looking all everywhere You go under the back Under the sink in the kitchen

Not for the not for the toilet paper I'm looking for paper towel everywhere There is none I go Fuck I didn't buy a big one Because I was at a fucking CVS So I just bought a two pack like a dickhead that last you

an afternoon you got a baby two pack of paper towels don't get you out of the night I love paper towels So then I just It's the shitty It's Scott toilet paper

My wife's family We're in town They bought a fucking 36 pack of Scott I got this shit For the rest of my life You can't use it I am so sick of that shit Dude it's one

It's single pot But so then I'm using it I wipe I use that to wipe down And now I just got it. I need to, like, dry my hands and stuff. So that's... It's rough drying your hands with talking. Bad news.

It just sticks to it and stuff. The little dinkleberries get all over it. Big J. called him the little rolled-up joints. Yeah. It gets worse. G.I. Joe joints. I mean, the fact that you even put that on your counter is... If that was my house...

Yeah. What? That. If that was my house... Uh-huh. that would be somewhat acceptable. That's acceptable. I don't know what circles you think I'm rolling it.

Well, because that toilet paper has fecal matter on it. No, it doesn't. How do you know? What? Unless it came with it. I wasn't in the bathroom. Oh, I'm not an animal. I'm a dirtbag.

You didn't take it off the hoop in the bathroom? No. Off to hoop. What are we talking about then? That's all good, baby. Yeah, that's good use it. That's what I'm saying. Is that still there or is that like done as a joke?

As a joke? No, that's still there right now. Wow. You gotta get your shit together a little bit I gotta get paper towel Yeah You get four or five beer Yeah

But in a pinch That's fine That's what am I also I'm not having company over In a pinch Okay It was just me and my wife To do what

To do what To leave there as like That's gonna be your paper towel Until it's gone Until I Until it's replaced with paper towel There's not much you can really do with it though It's more than nothing

I'm not gonna wet my hands And walk away like an asshole Well don't you have a You ever heard of a dish towel Yeah, yes. They're nice sometimes. They're very nice. You get a nice clean one and you put it over the sink so it doesn't get all moldy.

And you just, you know, you just be wary of it. I understand that. Don't rub like mashed potatoes or anything. Yeah, but I know. Yeah. If I was a lot, yeah, for sure. I agree with you. But you can't, if you spill a little something on the, see, the problem with the dish towel, right, is I'm cleaning, I'm doing dishes.

I'm doing all this stuff. You're not, you can't try. Dishes. No, it's fucking crazy. She'd be leaving fucking cotton all over my frying pan. You can't use the dish towel to, like, wipe up stuff. And then also on your head, it just gets too, Of course.

It gets too ratty, and it don't dry fast enough. Well, you also can't be putting fucking chlorox on the countertop, wiping it up with that and then drying your hands with it. Oh, yes. Cleaning off the potatoes. That's just for, like, that's for things it can handle. Not a lot as one-ply toilet paper handled. You might.

It's like I'm in a gas station. sucks you might want to think about replacing that scrubby back there too on the left he looks a little dried out now that's pretty brand new here that that guy's nah that guy's been in the sun nah that's i think that's he don't live in a blue zone i'll tell you that that thing is hurting what's a blue zone it's where people live that are very healthy your uh green scrunt sponge what do you live under the fucking center of the earth your green sponge doesn't and what's that big sponge in the back is that for the baby to wash i'm not sure if i'm being honest with you that was new that's an obvious i took it

And when I sent a picture to Luke, I go, they're going to bring that up for sure. I don't know. It looks like something. The only sponges I've ever seen like that were fucking dudes who do drywall wipe the dust off the new drywall. That's the only time I've ever seen a sponge like that. It was nice when they did that. I don't know what my way. I haven't seen it in use.

That was there this week. Yeah, maybe she uses it. It's got, it's baby related for a little sponge bath. Maybe. But we don't do that in the sink. You don't watch the baby in a sink? No. Yard?

Take them down to the truck stop. I can spray them down real nice. Wow. Yeah. But that's the, that's the, that's the kind of life I'm living. And it wasn't, it did not cross my mind until I looked over at one point to dry my hands. And I pulled that and I'm like, the trashy thing to me is all these steps to get here, get it on the, even the holder were all, I didn't think I was jammed up. I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I went, ooh, I've made a lot of shitty decisions. to get to this point. It's a nice looking paper towel holder, though. Thanks. Rustic, little marble in the bottom. Is that my right about that? Some sort of stone. Yeah.

Yeah. Pumice? Pumice? No, I don't think it's not pumice. Nice countertop. Decent countertop. You have a kettle? You have an electric kettle?

Yeah, she does the tea. Why don't you do it on the stove? Electric kettle's quicker. I don't know. That's whack. No. It's, I think, to me, it's very European. Nobody I knew.

I'd never seen one until she moved in and we got one. I figured she'd want to do it on the stove. You have, you have... I got a little waffle maker for the boy in the back. See a little guy? I see it a little guy. You have gas heat, right? Or gas stove?

Yeah. Okay. I'm not living in a fucking... You got the bullet there? Extended stay Vermata. You got the bullet? Yeah. Got a French press for what her parents come.

And I think the thing in the back's for iced tea or her mom made like lemon water in it or something like that. Oh, I don't use none of that. Very nice. I'm a frying pan. A little bit of pork roll. A couple of scramby. They're the only thing I use in the kitchen. Are they all?

Those are out like that all the time? Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. You're using most of that every day, though. It's a waffle maker, the kettle, and the Nutra Bull. That's what she mixes the pancake stuff in for them.

What about the anal brush that's on the left there? That's for bottles. You sure? I hope so. Or my belly button. A deep. A deep dick. That's a glass thing for glasses.

No, I think that's specifically... No, yeah, no. Yeah, but I've seen them for glasses, which is nice. Yeah, but, you know, that's the... That to me is resourced. I mean, a guy of Luke's caliber would never be doing that. If I was having company, I wouldn't do it either. It's a bad look.

It's a bad look. And I get it jammed up 20 minutes, whatever, I get this. That's there right now. Outside of New York City, it's more acceptable. In New York City. Right. You can run out to the bodega. You can get.

I can have paper towels here in five minutes. Yeah, that's not like a skill you have. That's called Uber Eats. No, I would go and get him. I can go and get them. I'd be back in five minutes if I didn't stop to get a slice. That's New York, baby. Yeah, no, I get that.

Why are you guys explaining New York and Uber Eats to me? I get it. I just jammed up. When you're down there, Joe Slubb, suburbs. I'm slumming it. You need paper towels. What's it take you?

45 minutes. You got to go to Costco? No, I could have them. I could, one, I could walk to get them. Right. Or two. 10 minute round. 10 minute round.

Sure. You don't need any of be with you anymore. Yeah, I'm such a, I'm too. I still, I treat, I, we treat our neighbors like we're living in a dorm. Like, yeah, you got any macaroni's left going, you know. Have you borrowed food? off of them. Borrowed food is an eye. Have you went over and asked for

something? I get a bite of that. You're going to finish that Skeddy? Instead of a cup of sugar. No, no, no, no. Have you eaten dinner over any neighbor's houses? I've had, you know,

cocktails. I've had a, I should say, I've had a couple of beers and some, they had like a charcutory really, but no dinner. No dinner. That's interesting. Why? I don't know.

Have you ever had dinner out? Yeah. Yeah, me too. But I never had dinner at a neighbor's house. You don't have a house? Or whatever. Not whatever. It'd be weird.

I couldn't tell you the last. What would it take for you to go to one of your neighbors in your apartment, knock on the door and go, hey, man, you have any, you have any frozen? I don't know. What are you in nowadays? What are you crazy? Don't ask them for something? like that. It's good, good on the street.

Yeah, no. I know. We're living in a bit. I'm not, I'm saying that going over for dinner. I would if they, nobody's invited me. People, I don't have, you know. I wouldn't, I haven't done that. I'm trying to think when the last time I ate at somebody else's house was.

You like to do it in private, naughty time. Uh-huh. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll come over, but I got to eat my underwear in your bed. Don't look at me! And I don't want any eye contact either. Yeah. Yeah. I always think that whenever I'm out like someone.

This would be awesome if I was by myself. Or if I was eating this on the couch. You know what I mean? No, I don't know. I don't know what you mean. Listen, I like last night. We were here late. Yeah, we were.

I go. Working. Uh-huh. Well, someone ran out a little early. The rest of the team stayed. You scurried out of here. It'll keep me fresh, right? cameras are rough I'm out of his dump it there's nothing I love more I dislike I don't dislike it

I'm not as comfortable like last night I got home pizza yeah my wife had already eaten because I was here awesome I was in late that's all you want to hear all I already eat I know but then I got to sit on the so you don't want anything not I don't want anything yes are you going You're going to the room, you're going to sleep? Yes. Who are you? Yes. What are you the fucking 1980s bully?

Oh, good days. She had already eaten. I was like, I'm going to go get some. I'm going to go get some Zah. Three-slice banger. You leave the house to go get it? You order it? No, leave the house.

You eat it there? No. Huh. Eat it there. Listen, listen, first of all, who is your fucking ass? I like it to you. All right. No, I kind of like it.

One, if you're going to eat at the house. Yes. You're like a fucking retarded boorat. Yes. I'm not going to eat it. I'm not going to eat there in my neighborhood. I'll eat somewhere by myself randomly throughout the city. You think you'd want to be out of the house for a couple of minutes.

I was out of the house all fucking day. Remember I just said I worked late because my partner ran away. There you go. You know, got to be in her busting your balls, get out of the pizza place, talking up with the guys, play a little kino, smoke some cigarettes, check out some ass walking by. You know, neighborhood guys. Is that what you think you are?

I don't know. Sometimes you go off on these fantasies of, like, someone you are not. I was there outside of my coffee shops the other night. Sir, get out of here. You got to buy something. The other night. It was like three days. You're waiting for them to open up.

There was like three guys standing outside, and I said hi. They're like, what? Nothing. Trying to be a neighborhood guy. You're going to end up on a list to keep it up. By the way, can I tell you this? The Costco guys? I invited you to be part of the crew.

You look like you know your way around a chocolate chunk. Four big. Yes, yes, yes. That's your thing. Cousin Henry. The Rizzlies go through puberty. They need a call one up. What's the kid's name?

Big Justice. Throwing off the mound. A little bit of pepper on the ball. He throws a little bit of heat. You'll be honest with you. An athlete. Sure. Yeah, no.

He's a bit of a baseball player, I believe. Good snap on the ball. Yeah, good snap on the ball. That from your... What? Uh-oh. I've really had it today, aren't we? It's kind of the program.

Really going. at it. I don't know. The way you're looking at me. It's called eye contact. Keb we're talking about Factor. Factor, Factor. Let's talk about springtime.

Let's talk about trying to get ready for summertime. Let's talk about not fucking pigging out all the time. Let's talk about Factor meals. Ready to eat, fresh, never frozen, ready in two minutes, delicious, top quality, variety, fantastic factor. Factor meals has built around your goals, whether that's weight loss, overall. nutrition, more protein or GLP 1 support like the boys for strength and workout recovery. Check out factors.

Muscle pro collection. They got you covered top to bottom, baby. Muscle pro. Listen, I am a big factor guy. I've been a factor guy since before they were a sponsor of the program. Listen, it takes the bad decision making out of my hands. If I go, if I'm all my way home, I'm going to get pizza, I'm going to get this. I'm going to get that.

I go, nah, I got a shredded chicken taco bowl to house. I'm having to be ready to two minutes. Chicken taco board. It's fresh, never frozen over 100 rotating weekly meals, including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian. So there's something new to look at every friggin' week, baby. And here we go. Head to factormeals.com slash garbage 50 off and use code garbage 50 off to get 50% off

and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until 92726. See the website for more details, do it. Kepp, we're talking about hollow socks, baby. Hollow socks. Let me ask you a quick question, Pinhead. What do you know about ultra soft? What, excuse me, what do you know about ultra soft baby? Apack fiber?

I think it's like when you touch you, go, how is this even legal level of comfort? What are you talking? What do you know about thermoregulating when it's warm outside? When it's warm when it's cold outside? Breatheable when it's warm outside. Yeah, there you go. I messed that up. Hey, guy who can't read.

Your feet stay warm when it's cold outside and breathable when it's warm. outside. Uh-huh. Nailed it. Yes. It's got moisture managing. Your feet stay dry instead of stewing the sweat, which is... Oaterless.

Auterless. Alpaca fibers keep it odorless. Yes. If you're on the job, you're doing yard work here at tailgates, hiking, camping, travel days, cold offices, early morning dog walks, even if you just like wearing them around the house because they are so comfortable and cozy. You'll spend... I've found out about myself.

I'll spend good money for high-quality, comfortable shoes. then I'll be a bozo and put on like nickel socks that I got from, you know, the five and dime. And wonder why my feet are always so sweaty and cold. Hollow fixes the parts that actually touches your skin all day because they're smart people. They know what they're frigging doing. They were nice enough to send us a couple of pairs.

I put them on when I was shoveling to snow all summer. I'm going to on right now. And then I got inside and they go, I'm not going to take this off because they're breathable. They're breathing. They're doing it. They're like magic socks. The everyday socks, they got the hunt socks, got trade socks, compression socks, whatever you need.

They got you for a limited time. Hollow Sox is having a buy two, get two free sale. A Bogo, too. That's head to hollow socks.com today and check it out. That's hollow socks.com for up to 50% off your order. After you purchased, I'll ask you how you heard about them, support the show and tell them the boys how you do it. Yeah. Back to the show.

Back to the show. If you order the slices in and eat it there, I get it. You go out to the pizza place. Just eat it out there. Just eat it out there. See it at the pizza place, man. sit down for a couple minutes, relax, have your four slices and your three Diet Coke's and then walk back.

It was three and two. But you brought it back to the house. Yeah, it's so close. That's what I mean, like, it's like. I'm going to run down to just grab pizza and come right back. I'm back. I'm there order wait back in like eight minutes. Gotcha.

I'm from, they hand me the boxes. I'm already paid. I'm home in three minutes. What are your three slices that you got? There's a lot of detail you're asking. I know they weren't three cheats. I know they weren't three cheeses. Is that, wait.

I've seen fat Kevin order pizza before. I'm sitting next to fat foley. I think an wrigotony slice and a rigatoni slice. Well, you get a little pasta on there sometimes. Don't lie. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Have I sure?

Double carbs, Carl? Double carbs, Carl? I really, really shoehorn that one in there. Put that in slow-mo. Double guard, not really. I've seen you get pasta slices before. Listen, I'm not saying it's never happened. You did miss back Kevin this morning.

Why? Oh, you fucking rat. I forgot about it. Holy shit. Wow. I got you, Big Dog. Man, the tide's really turning around here. Don't say, don't got your back.

My name's been mud around his stump for the last two months, gang. Now I got the underlings all coming around, joining the door. And it isn't because I'm doing any better. It's because they're starting to do worse Join the dark side of the force Dude, I need to tell you That is Talk about a BAM

Because I had forgotten about it What'd he do? Because it was very, very mysterious This morning, folks As we were coming to the office Kevin sends out a text to the group text saying Who wants Starbucks? Oh wait, never mind

In like two seconds What'd you fucking hit your head on a hokey Or something like that? Oh, dude, Luke, that sucks, man. I was like, what the, ugh. They came going, what are you? He was like, oh, you missed this morning. What the fuck happened?

That was real petchy and good feelings. Hey, how long ago wasn't you guys? Oh, no. What did he do? I didn't do nothing. I had a nice, balanced breakfast. Got a new nickname. What's that?

Two bagel keff. Two bagels. What, did you show up with two bagels? or you stopped at your bagel place and came in got him hooked. I walked right in. You didn't know. I volunteered.

Hand up. I volunteered disinformation. What happened? What? Explain. I was walking up the street. His ears are still ringing. I get to fucking fill with poppy seeds.

I was going to order a star, Bob. I was going to get bites. And I decided not to do that because I don't like them that much. They're just like, yeah, they come cold and whatever. I don't want none of that. So I go, I'm going to grab a bagel at our local deli. Okay. Fair enough.

Yeah. Right? Fine. Nothing's crazy about that. No. I'm just a guy getting a bagel. And then I found like a real bagel joint. Big nice john.

Known for bad. That's all I'd do. Begles. Begles. Big. New York. Talking about bagels, bagels? Fluffy bags.

Okay. I go in there and I really want, you know how like sometimes... You want two bagels? You don't want two bagels. I would like a bagel and like a hash, like a kicker. You like a kicker? I love a kicker. Also, he's on my side.

I love a kicker. All I have to do is draw this out. You had me with... We could go get bagels right now. You had me with two bagels. So, yeah. Because you just tell yourself, I'm going to have this one, half of that one. I didn't do that.

It's not because you want two bagels. You want a variety. You want a smear. So you might go in and you might say, hey, let me get a, I don't fucking know. Let me get a sesame with sun dried tomato cream cheese on this one. And then let me get a locks with the whatever on this one. Then you're just going to, you just got a little bit. No, that's not how I.

That's how I think. Those are the lies I tell myself. That's no. Then I eat the whole thing. There's no lie here. This is pure volume of food. I want to be airtight. I want to be plugged up.

Okay. I'm going to be full. I want to sit there and go, that's too much. That's what I want out of this. Gotcha. That's all, that's how I feel. You wanted two bagels.

I thought I was going to do, they're big. I thought I was going to do one and a half. So I did a bacon. I can choose. One and a half? They don't sell a half a bagel? No, I was going to get two. But I thought I was really only going to do the half, genuinely.

Okay. I knew I was probably going to do two, but I thought a half would. get me there. See what he's doing? He's lying to himself. Go ahead. Not at all. That is a pure honesty.

All right. And also, I was like, ah, you know, but then the guy behind me was talking to his boy, and he's like, I think I'm going to get two. And I said, yeah, yeah, me too. Turn around, yeah, me, too. That's a good idea. He was Jack, too. So I figure, you got to bulk up.

That kind of fucking Carver look. So what did you get? I got a bacon, egg and cheese on a sesame. Right. And, uh... Is that sesame toasted? No, I don't do the toast. Good.

And then... Is it buttered? No. Okay, go ahead. And then everything with cream cheese. Hmm. Also not toast. I don't like to toast.

Wow, that's two bagels. That's not two bagels. That's a breakfast sandwich on a bagel and another bagel. Yeah, that checks out. It's also two bagels. It's not not two bagels. The bacon and cheese is not a bagel. So then I get in here thinking I'm a half hour early.

I got to watch this little rat comes in. Not him. Who? The shark. The shark. Because nobody told him we went from 11 to 1130. Ooh. So I get in here and I did I turn the corner and the lights on to the front door?

I thought it was your fat ass too. I said, how am I going to lie to him about that? I got to eat one in a bed through. I could have busted out two bagels in front of you. I'd never hear the end of it. You probably would have said, hey, do you want a bagel? Okay, good. I wouldn't have.

Well, I'm not going to judge you. I would have gave you half of the cream cheese because I wanted one and a half. I wouldn't have took it. I'm not eating bagels these days. I'm down. Working out. What? Are we lying?

No. I am. First of all, dick, I am down. No, no, no, no, no. You always do that. No one's saying you're not down. You say a bunch of shit and then go, I'm down and really rely on the down,

which everybody says you are down. Um. Your honor. Apparently this fed is next to me at two bagels. Uh, I am I am eating bagels these days. I would have probably had half of that bagel. Thank you.

Yeah, but then I fuck his sharks here, and I know he's not going to. I know mum's the word with him, but he's in the bathroom when I get here. So I try to really get one down quick. Jesus. And it was hot, too. It was the, it was.

I just, yeah. So that wasn't. That egg in the middle of a baking egg and cheese gets hot, steaming. Hot. So that wasn't real enjoyable. Okay. first half of that. Well, sometimes that's the way it is.

I know. And then I knew he wasn't going to say shit. I just opened up the other one. He's the nuga, low guy on the totem pole. He can't come at the fucking boss. He probably didn't even notice. He noticed. What do you say?

Nah, he knew. Two bagels, huh, boss? Really bologna. Yeah. So, yeah, whatever. I don't, and then Luke comes in and I tell Luke. And then he fucking, he throws that back. Just fucking wait.

You fucking rat. Real nice. You rat. Good job, Luke. Yeah. I know how it feels. be folly Yeah,

don't you? Getting fucking dined out for every fucking nickel bag you do bunch of bullshit Hey, oh listen,

my eating habits are neither here nor that we have a gosh darn family episode on our hand- work to do here And as you know

when you join the old patron I'll answer your garbage question on the air Please buy two bagels Ryan

2BR Um And you still haven't had your lunch yet Mm-hmm I did take the stairs today Yeah

I was so pissed about that yes yeah um so i i worked off those i've worked off those 4 000 calories it looks like that is an insane way to start your day yeah but like you don't know the world we live in you just don't know that easily what 1,200 calories in bagel probably it's over that's over oh a per bagel no saying 12 oh no i'm over to 2k wow yeah good for you thanks man hitting 2ks i don't it i feel like Half of that stuff isn't even true.

No, it's true. Fucking hit it. It's true. All right, let's see here. You're kind of killing it for the day. You already ate all your calories for the day. I did. I'm going to over a gym.

You go to sleep. Get to rack. You shut the machine down. Process all this refined sugar. Let's see. This one is from your mother. $10. Never had one read.

Just flew back from Florida. And I brought back 30 plastic bags from our groceries. You can't get the bags in. feeling anymore because of the bag ban. Whoa. The plastic bag issue in the Philadelphia area is not great because they've banned them. Am I nuts? I feel like the lids are there.

Maybe the burbs they haven't, but Philly, maybe inside Philly limits they have. I mean, they did it in New York. You, dude, there's still a decent amount of bodegas that will give you a plastic bag, but no one else. I always get plastic bags when I order something. Yeah, order food is different. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean?

Like from like the deli. Like nobody's giving you plastic bags. The deli does. Yeah, bodegas will. Okay. The grocery stores are not. No, grocery stores are. Most of the single-use plant.

I mean, we've gone over this. I don't know what I'm explaining to you. You have to buy that 25 cent or the 50-cent canvas bag. A lot of people use those plastic bags for waterproof-type stuff. This is what you can't put wet stuff in them canvas bags. No. Because it fucking leak. You're recyclables, trash.

It doesn't hold you. So he's importing his from Florida. It's pretty good. Yeah. Pretty trashy. I do get it, though, because... What's he going to use them for, though? I don't know.

I mean, what's anybody use them for? Pick up the dog shit? Yeah, you can't pick up the dog shit with them fucking, with them canvas-ass bags. Anything. You're ruining your tote. Yeah, recyclables are horrible in those plastic bags. Yeah.

Because you think, you're like, oh, and then a little bit the next thing you know, it's dripping all over your fucking... You know what I did the other day? I had a paper bag with a handle, and I had thrown some trash in there. And I think I had thrown in there a... What? Yeah.

What'd you put in there? I'm fucking telling you. I know. Why'd you stop? What's with the shit-eating grin? I think it's going to be funny, whatever it is. No, it's not. What were you thinking?

I don't know, man. What was it? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? I can explain bags to you. You think you stopped mid-story? Um... I had it on the counter, and I had thrown a bunch of stuff in there.

And one of the things I threw in there was a spin drift can that had maybe like a little bit in there. Too much. Too much. I ended up leaving it there overnight. And I went to take the throw it out in the main trash can, grabbed it, and just all over my fucking kitchen floor. That's probably a lot of lot left in there. That was a quarter. You had an inch in there.

Old fries just hitting the ground. The ground sucked. Fucking coffee grinds, all kinds of it. It was gross. You get my mom's house? I remember digging. Dude, every time I had to go into the trash for like looking for... There was, it was always wet, and there was always coffee grounds in there.

I'm just like, I'm like, what are you running a diner lady? What the fuck? You're a single mom. How much fucking coffee you need? You come across a fucking busted over an egg shell. Oh, it was brutal. It was every... A tuner can?

Yeah. I hated the tuna cans. We look like a goddamn fucking fish processing plant in the 90s, dude, the amount of tuna she would be doing. It's crazy. Take out the recyclable. Catch a hangar, lady. Green flies?

Oh, I hated it, dude. I hated it. Oh, I love it. All right, let's see. This one, so Jesse ever tuck your ears in your hat. That is a fucking top tier. Dirtbag wigger move, dude. That's crazy.

I had a couple of boys did that growing up. He show up and they just got their ears tucked in like a fucking Dallas Mavericks fitted or something. You're like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah. That was, that was a real white kid who wanted to be tough look. That was that. The flat brim, the ear. I never understood it.

How are you buying a hat that big? Or did they have a small? I don't know. You look like an idiot. An absolute idiot. Yeah. It's tough. Never did that.

But if you were, I mean, you're for sure a dirt bag if you ever did that. Yeah, that's awesome. Talked in it. Dude, the ears. That's a kid who says like, you know, fucking time is money and only God can judge me. He yells at his mom. Yeah. Yeah.

He's got, he's. Yeah. That's a single parent. Oh, thanks, Kathy. Yeah. But you shut the fuck up. Uh-huh. Crazy.

And he's got cursive. That's my aunt's name. And my cousin used to do that. Really? And she was a single mom. Yeah. And he was just a macele with like the Boston hat tucking up the ears. Is that the kid that was your DJ?

No, that's my other cousin. What was his name? Emmett. No. He fooled you. Huh? He fold you. He fold you.

Check out the Patreon. If you want to see the rap. Yeah, Luke rapped. Then we, we got our hands on it. Shout out to Louis V. You stink By the way Speaking of which

Los Angeles Make sure you get tickets To come see us Netflix is a joke festival May 7th Netflix is a joke A little good for these people A lot of suits out there and shit

Come out and hang with the boy Louis V Open it up Louis V opening up Sike How much we have to give you To go out there and wrap Backup track

You're just got to kind of do like You know ad lit And you be in the green room puking. Cassidy's your height. He's all fucked up. He's all high. You shit. Hey, man.

Cassidy's weak. This is a big, you both got your fucking ears tucked into your hat. He's stank. Let's get me an ounce of weed. I'm up, baby. Okay. Okay. Dry mouth out there.

Dude, I saw a great clip of this, dude. He's going, you ever ask you ever ask you? ever ask your drug dealer for how much something is that you know you're not going to buy? And he's like, yeah, how much is the QP? Guys like, like, 600. You go, 600? All right, I'll take a gram. She's talking about 600.

I'll think. The repeat. Oh, shit, 600? Okay. I'll do the gram. I was dying. I was dying, dude. Hey gang, let's talk about Chime, Chime, Chime is changing the way people bank.

It's fee-free and smarter banking built for you. I'm talking to you out there. Not like the old school banks that charge you overdraft and monthly fees. It's built for you, not the 1%. Chime isn't just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay that gives you access to up to $500 of your paycheck anytime and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit.

Some old banks still don't do that, which is boncos, because they don't care about you. They're just in it for the money. They stink, not chime. Chime turns everyday spending into real rewards and progress. Chime makes your everyday spending work harder by delivering real rewards and financial progress that you can count on. They got benefits, like we've said,

the bank fee free plus overdraft coverage you can count on. Helps you build your credit history, stress-free, get paid when you say up to 500 bucks, earn up to 3% APY on financing, rate of five stars by USA Today, customer service, real humans, baby. Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com slash garbage. That's chime.com slash garbage. Do we. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Bank, banking services, a secured Chime Visa credit card and my pay line of credit provided by the

Bank, N.A. or Stride Bank N.A. My pay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Option.com may have fees or charges. See chime.com slash fees info. Advertised annual percent and yield with chime plus status only. Otherwise, 1.00% APY applies. No mean balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

Kaby, let's talk about 1,800 flowers. 1,800 flowers. Did you know the flowers is the number one gift to give for Mother's Day? But it can be hard to know which ones will show, Mom, how much you really means to you. For over 50 years, 1, 100 flowers, has been helping people send beautiful bouquets to to Mom that she's going to love, that's. It's going to express your gratitude to her for everything that she does. And your mother deserves that, Henry, for putting out with your stupid his for so long.

Yes, she does the dumb brood. And right now, when you order one dozen roses from 1,800 flowers, they'll double your bouquet for two dozen for free. That's twice the flowers for mom who gave you everything. For more than 50 years, 100 flowers has perfected the details that matter the most. Every bouquet is picked at peak freshness, packaged carefully and backed by the freshness, guarantee. I've got 100 flowers knows that many of us procrastinate and they'll even be saving up their customers with same-day delivery service for years.

Even if May 9th snuck up on you, they can still make May 10th count, baby. There you go. I've used 1-800 flowers for a couple of times over the past years. It's like I said it and forget it. You call them up. They do it at it. Then your mom calls you, oh, my God, you're the best son in the world. I'm leaving you everything.

How you done? Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th, and bouquets are selling off. trust me, don't wait to claim your double roses offer before they're gone. Visit 1-800flowers.com slash garbage. That's 1-800flowers.com slash garbage. 1-800flowers.com slash garbage. Do it. All right.

This is from, it's a cardigan. Thanks for noticing. Are you garbage if you drive with your hood up on your sweatshirt? That's a real another dirt back. When hoodies, hoodies hit differently in, when I was, I don't know, you might be able to shed some light on this. Were they cool for you? Like in junior high school?

No, it couldn't have been. Maybe the end of high school or? No. They got cool for us in like seventh, eighth grade, so like 2000. When you say hoodies, you mean zip up hoodies, right? No, even like hoodies. Oh, yes. It was all crue neck before that.

And I'm not just sure if that was my, what I could get my hand. But like, it seemed like hoodies became brands started doing hoodies. No, the hooded sweatshirt was always kind of. Like the Russell type. Was always kind of cool. you know what I mean especially the lifeguard hoodie

the red lifeguard hook sure chicks would wear that you're obsessed with that yeah I obsessed hey girl beautiful girl is that what I say

is that how I sound that beautiful girl um oversized hoodies were always kind of a thing but yeah but I guess what I'm saying Not the way that you think yeah like every like I get that hoodies existed but I'm just saying

Like at some point every I was we we skated at that age So like every skateboarding company came out with hoodies It wasn't just like oh here's a blue Russell athletic hoodie a train in or like sweatsuit It was like the it became a style it fell The college crew neck was was was more Yeah style and you look back on it

You're like you look like a dork I had an old dominion college crew neck Sure yeah And it was like cool back then I looked back on it now Looks like I was going to fucking night school I mean, my dad brought home from a business trip. It was a West Virginia hoodie or West Virginia crew neck. It was sweet and Old Dominion.

That was back in the year you would just get caught like random college-ish. Yeah. Who the fuck is Old Dominion? Division I don't know. Yeah. It's very funny. Yeah. But when hoodies hit, man, I remember driving with my hood up and my teacher's

saw me pulling into school. My Debbie Loom, 1996, ain't that? And he's like, were you driving with you as a math teacher? Were you driving with your hood on today? Yeah, what's up? I was like, yeah, that seems dangerous. Slaps this shit out of you. I'm sorry, man.

Yeah, that same teacher called me. You must have sucked. The fat Kevin Ryan, a little sleepy coming in. Yeah. A little sleep buggers in your eyes. Now, I always showered in the morning. Did you? Yeah.

Yeah. Come on. Dude. No, I was, listen. Street trying, really? No, I always showered. I, dude, I've, listen, you've seen me. I'm a tough sleeper.

I wake up. I'm not. You got a wrestling match. I know. I'm not, it's not, I can never get you halfway. I looked like shit to begin with. Then doing that. It looks like my dad fucking.

slap me around. You ever see the kid that rolled into school and didn't shower in the morning is like hair would be sticking up a little bit? Dude, that's my biggest pet peeve is seeing someone out on like a Sunday. Listen, if you're running like, I'm running to the around the corn,

but you're like kind of out and I'm like, oh, I do that. I know what you're going to say. Yeah, no, but with the real greasy hair where I'm like, you haven't showered all weekend type thing.

You know what I mean? You can tell. That's cool? No. It's going to get two bagels. I know, but you can get, you can, listen,

you can, you shouldn't be. going out in this shit you slept in either put on a, you don't want to shower that's fine. Fuck that. On the weekends? All bets are off. No. You're running out to get a bacon, egg and cheese or whatever. All bets are off.

You do you. You're running a wah-wa. Go on your fucking pajamas. No. The world is your living room. No, it's not, man. And that's the fucking problem. It's not. What do you wear in a fucking business suit walking around? No, but put on a fuck. Don't do. I don't need your t-shirt with like a fucking cum stain down by

the bottom and like your neck all stretch out. fucking dandra flakes on you. I'm sorry, the guy wanted to come on my teacher. Yeah, no, it's like, I don't need to be that close to your bed sheets. There's no reason. A little bit of respect. Respect, wow, wow. Respect seven.

What if it's a girl? And she has an oversized hoodie on. Lifeguard, a beautiful girl. I'm sorry, that was hot back. If you're putting on, like, the hat, the hoodie, it's fine to me. You're making an effort to like, yeah. You have to make an effort to be like, I didn't just put on slippers. No, I'm not saying that.

You just said that. You just said that. I'm assuming that you, you know, there's a little underwear. I've also been with you in hotels. Like, you juge up a little bit. Jush? That's all I'm saying.

Jujab. You can't be fucking proper in the clothes you slept. You can't do it. That's my, that's just my. That's when of Kevin Ryan's keys to success. Take that to the bank. So I always did as a kid. I was a bad, I was a bad sleeper.

Did you guys ever get to the hoodies that zip all the way up? No, that's, That was a little after my time. That was huge. That was like bathing apes kind of. Yeah. Yeah. That was a lot of one.

Yeah. Yes. That and the, the hoodies that had the thumb sleeves on them. That shit hit. That was big. We used to do that naturally as a kid. Like you'd get a stretched out hoodie and you'd stick your thumbs in it. Yeah, but then there was the holes.

That was grunge stuff. There was holes and then there was the, this. There was the holes, but then there was the one. ones that had like a sleeve for the thumb, not just a hole. I can't even find it. Maybe it was only a couple of brands did it. Let me see it. I can't.

I'm looking. I can't find it. Thumb sleeve hoodie. It was actually like a piece of cloth that like your thumb was. Oh. It was like a little, instead of just a hole and a little. It was like a little condom. Yeah.

That's pretty sick. Uh-huh. I mean, yeah. That's what I'm saying. The hoodies at that point were like very. Yeah. Started to jump to shark. They had the eye holes.

in the zip-up hoodie so you could like still see Yeah, that was way bad. That was fucking, fuck around get your ass beat, you showed all with all that. Yeah, you're fucking dork class. Driving around like that. Fucking high and shit. A bunch of kids with peanut allergies.

She stinks. He's fucking 20 years younger than you. Whatever. It's also, he's doing much better than I am. But that's either here nor there. I can still make fun of me in the dork when he was in high school. Sure. Thank you, nerd.

What was the most expensive piece of clothing you got as a kid for your parents? Were you walking around like a $200 hoodie? Yeah, like those would come around like once a year. For what? I mean, nothing was like $200. It was more like, I mean, once I got the high school Vineyard Vines was big. Oh, my God. That's crazy.

That's a fat guy brand to me. No, that was too. To me. That's so funny. 12, 2014. The one kid, yeah, I guess even before he was with that, what kid was wearing in college? Dude, I remember showing up in like a fucking William Sonoma. His chef's jacket.

No, what was it? Sonoma? Was Sonoma? See, you can find Sonoma. I think it was, whatever they sold it. Coles. That was a Walmart. Sonoma.

That was a Walmart. It was, I, I know exactly what you're talking about. It was, dude, I remember showing up on a button up, sweat my ass off in the sign. I didn't know. We were going to, like, a bar. Like, we were going out. And our boy. he showed up in like fucking he's a Connecticut kid

rich kid he went to Drexel Paul and he lived with like Pat and them and dude he had like the vineyard vines tucked into like a pair of like blue khakis with like pink fish on on mercy somehow you fucking know I'm sitting there dude sweating through this long sleeve button

it's like fucking it's July 4th weekend wool pants on A pair of slacks going A pair of charcoal wool pants I remember being like Oh man In my head I thought I was doing that

You know what I mean Like I really thought I was I thought I was like hitting the country I didn't I've just learned Not even really but That's how off my settings were Wait that's what you kids were That's what kids were wearing

It was fashion Those like rich Those like salmon colored pants Yeah it was like the lax thing was big my town so and that's like all the lacrosse players were like it was vineyard vines Nike elite socks you were midcasts with sparries it's a tough look jesus like a preppy like a real preppy rich kid look yeah damn fuck you guys I knew one kid that went to I knew one kid that went to Nishamini and uh he wore uh we heard stories of them

the one kid wore a collared shirt and we were in like eighth grade I mean somebody went yeah He's wearing a suit. And I didn't know. I thought a collared shirt was a suit. I didn't know the difference. Like, oh, yeah.

Why did the kid wear a collard shirt? He was just like preppy. Oh. But to me, I was like, I thought it was like, he was getting married. Like,

I was like, he was dougy habit. Yeah, you're like, they're like, you see the guys in a shamany. They wear, they wear suits.

It was really. Shemoney's a lower class school district, though, is it? Sure. Huh. Mm-hmm. I'd say about you. Pretty trashy.

Me and my Williams sonoma a jumpsuit. Yeah, I don't know me. I don't come. The chef's coat's great. Anybody in my family, I mean, my dad wore the same, my dad and my stepdad were the same jeans and the same tops. Not like, whatever. It was a blue Russell long sleeve crew neck, like sweatshirt that my dad, like he had like 10 of them or whatever.

They wore every day. My stepdad wore the same flannels every. It was like, that's all. There's no fashion. There was no, you know, nobody was... My dad would go to a cop... Dude, when Tony Soprano hit, my dad started dressing, like, that was when... That was big.

I told you he sent me to a wedding at like 11, right? With the fucking, like, with the turtleneck and the suit. Like, no shirt and tie. It was like... And I was like, yeah, cool. I didn't know where he got the inspo. But the more tucked in shirt, right? Fatty.

That was probably tucked in. I know, but you don't have to... But that's a cot going in there. I remember my brother's boy was like, why are you dressed like Tony Soprano? And I was like, I don't know. I was like 11. I didn't know what the fuck was that. Gabungoo.

Yeah, that's funny. It's also like the newer kids, they, the fashion is like a thing. Like he's like, oh, in the whatever socks. There was never any branded socks anybody knew about. No, we were just trying to get ankle socks. Yeah, trying to get ankle socks. Things changed a lot, obviously, in that, in that time. Things used to be cool.

then you came along. Everything got branded. Your Supreme. And you're Benny Blanco, whatever you were doing. You're Mark Ronson. You're listening to. Amy Winehouse. Good time.

Don't get me started. Better. Beautiful girl. Did you guys ever get college gear at a young age? And then like your parents were like, you're going to have to study really hard, though, to get into this school. No, that was, the college gear was huge. when I was a kid.

Okay. When I was in like 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th grade, those kind of had to like Gilliswheres sometimes. They're like college. They're back in style. It just says like not really a logo, but it'll say the name of the thing, like whatever university.

Well, there was a circle and they have these little lines that went out. I can't remember with game hats. I think they were game hats was the name of the company. Real simple kind of. Yeah, they were huge. Anything college was huge. Anything NBA was huge. starter jackets, all that kind of stuff.

Yeah, that kind of stuff. No, not the one in the middle. I'm sorry. The Michigan Retro Circle, yeah. Those were huge. Huge. And you would wear them, you would fucking bend the shit out of the beak

and pull it down. And the weathered it got, the better it was. If it was, like, ripped and all that kind of stuff, it was cooler. Anything weathered was big. But then that happened, but then it, it's like, that became not cool to us. Like, if any, like,

I mean, it was like sneakers. If your sneakers were worn, you were fucking washed. It would be like all of that. Like, you people would like waddle in their air forces or Jordans not to crease them. Like it became everything had to be. It was very rap inspired. Sure.

I mean, any professional jersey to us was like, you can get your hands. We'd swap them. We'd fucking trade them. We'd, you know. That was the most expensive I think I had was an Eric Mould's jersey. Eric Moulds Uh-huh

Who's that? He's like a fucking linebacker On the Buffalo Bills I won it or lost it in a dice game Eric Molds I think that's his name right I think I want it from Pat Jerry Stranskowson

Yeah it was very Eric Mold's an American Former Football player I don't even know when he played 12 seasons Would you try to sound Cobley gag on my Mold's jersey on Oh for sure

For sure What's his name? Who? Did people know who he was? No I think I got it from Pat in like a in a some sort of gambling debt. He paid me in an Eric Mould's jersey. Yeah, he got over on you on that one.

And not, dude, it was like a real player. It was authentic. The real stitching. Uh-huh. Yeah. It was like real tight around the arms because he's a running back and you were a fat piece of shit. He was a wide receiver. Oh, man.

6-2-10. I was 5, 4, 3. 80. And then I remember losing it to my... Looking like an asshole walking around in 81. I think it was 89. That was. 84.

Oh, God. That's great. I was going to say, 809, you get away with it if you think you're a tight end or something. The 84. That's awesome. And I lost in the game of C-load of my boy, Jeff. I remember being like, that was the most expensive thing I owned.

Gone. I just being like, whew. I had it for like two weeks, like a week or whatever. I lived by the gun, died by the gun. See you molds? Walking home with no shirt on. It's just these lines on your son. I'm driving home toplets.

Lost my shirt in a poker game. You can leave that, sir? So it's not topless. That's for me it was. Titty's hanging out? She still got the helmet on. Oh, golly G. Willickers. All right, let's see.

This one's on Foley's Marshall Arts Gym. Okay. Ten dollar soul sister. Hey, there lady. Is it garbage getting trouble in second grade for using a carpenter's pencil? Oh, those square jump. They got real mad when I used a pocket knife to sharpen it. That'll jam me up.

Trouble is a little fucked up to get in trouble. You can't bring a knife to school. A knife I get. But using the carpenter's pencil, you should. should be able to use that. Sure. I mean, I also think it's just like... Maybe not in those formative years.

Yeah. Also, like, I don't think, you know, I don't know if it works on a Scantron or whatever. It's a big, thick piece of... I've gotten them down to... Excuse me, I've gotten them down to... I get you. I believe, I mean, for sure. She's also eight years old or whatever.

Maybe it's not as, you know, fine point as that. I get it. I do get to have... If you break that out for a test or a handwriting thing and it... teacher's like no let's get you a normal fucking pencil I had to use that grip because my handwriting was bad you got to use that dumb kid's grip I got to like the sleeve for bowling I can using that brutal yeah I got popped with that shit every couple of years they'd realize I'm they would they would they would they would they would they would

pop me realize I'm dumb do something about it for like two weeks and then it would just stop I just back to my regular desk. There was like a lot of times. They're putting me at different desks? Yeah. Were you ever in a class like five, six people? Yeah. Oh.

An eye haul. For English. I can't remember the name of the teacher, but she, she liked to have a cocktail. Poor lady. Yeah. She was down there fucking fucked up teaching us.

60s, man. Wild time. But this is earlier. This isn't like, from like 4th grade to like eighth grade i would just get popped every once in a while with like something would come around or like something like you know some ADD thing or you know learning disability thing or some test or something like that or i'd be the fucking poster kid sure i mean they tested me my brother i don't know i remember how to go to the place next to macdonalds i said what the

fuck it was like this old house on the second street pike i go yellow i go this fucking you say good They say a promotion. Walking up, you know, you can just tell a place sucks with the walking up the stairs. You knew you were in trouble or you knew you were going to something unfun if it was during the middle of the weekend, like 7 o'clock. Don't forget after dinner we have to go to doctor,

go to whatever. You're like, wait, what's that? Get checked for scoliosis or something. I have to make sure you don't have flat feet. You have to meter on you. There was so much of that shit Where you just had to go to some random fucking Never in like a professional build

Like you think I want to use at the fucking mall or nothing You got me going to his fucking wack-ass thing Like next to an orthodontist or something Hey what was the place though? I don't know I don't know what It might have been a psychiatrist or a psychologist Like a it might have been something to do

But that was also when the divorce hit and they were trying to fucking trying to plug the hole in the boat. They were really fucking... Hey, welcome to dumb-dums. I told you. I used to have to go to a tutor. I had to go to a math tutor.

For the SATs or something. I forget what the fuck it was for. This bitch was huge. She was so big. Is it a chicken while you did it or something? Oh, you did it? No, she told me this. Yeah, she would order Chinese food.

Her fucking huge... She was, like, pretty much. much immobile. And her huge-ass husband would come in and he would be missing belt loops left and right on his pants. Wait a minute. Was this at her house? No.

It was above a pizza place, ironically. Was he fat too? Yeah, but not like, he was like you fat. He would bring it. I respected. He would bring her Chinese food. Oh, yeah. She would order.

I'd get there at like 515 or what. You know, I'd get there five. whatever, you know. And it was also just so, my mom would drop me off and, like, my stepmom would pick me. Like, we were, it was like, there was like the custody switch was at this, you know, somebody would drop me off and then the other party would pick me up. Brutal. Meanwhile, she's up there fucking eating egg rolls and, like, wanton.

Why your twist she's teaching you? I never a piece of fucking, I had to tell you this. A piece of fucking egg roll flew out of her mouth and landed all my homework. I was like, and she just like, I remember her. She just hit me with her pinky like, you get that out of the way. Thanks for this soy sauce. My teacher's going to love this. How can you be doing that eating Chinese while you're tutoring a kid?

Even I know that's wrong. Well, Danny went there, I went there, and then I went back there. I went there a couple of times. Did your mom know that she was huge? Yeah. I mean, yeah. I was also the same time I realized what post-dating the check was. Denise, I remember Denise said, don't cash it until next week.

I got to move. Yeah, I got to move. I said, this lady's going to be at the fucking Han Dynasty with this in 50. You fucking nuts lady? It'd be fucking, you got to be a check-cashing place. Trying to get fucking fortune cookies with this thing. Oh, man. But, yeah, I had to go to a lot of those.

I got a cold sitting. Then I could feel it. When the dinner, dinner, when the divorce, there was like a lot of whatever, behavioral, therapist and stuff like that. And also, Danny was nuts, so they would be like, he would start acting up. They'd be like, well, let's, Kurt, you know, it just seems to be, it's going to be an underlying.

That one, just looking at me. He just said down like this. Yeah. But there was his yellow, yellow or pink building right next to the McDonald's. It was an old, like, colonial house. Not like, just like an old house. That's not you around that time, is it? Is it?

Yeah. That's a divorce? They had just told me they got divorced right before that. I still hit the pose, though. And they gave you a Frankenstein haircut and took you to get your picture, thinking. Oh, shit. Right there. They told you before that?

I asked three, I think. Yeah, so it was after that. I had already lived like half my life without these fucking guys. I was an old vet at that point. Traumatized kids. there. You were going to work after that picture. Take the picture. I'm going to be at lumberjacks in an hour.

All right. This one's from Aaron. Is it Garbage? You're threatening to send an invoice for your time. I had a coworker beef with Raymore and Flanagan, and he said, so where do I send the invoice for my time to? That's a big diesel thing. They got me calling.

Now I'm sending them back. Then the multiple emails. Who's going to run? reimburse me. I've never, never really done that. I don't give them, I don't give into the, the fight.

I don't know what an invoice is. It's good for you. Yeah, I don't, uh, I've given to the fight. I'm not going to spend an hour, two hours talking to somebody to rectify a problem. That's, I would just go, I'd rather lose whatever the fuck I'm losing

than sit on the phone. or two out. I don't talk to my wife on the phone. I'm not talking. I'm not sitting through customer service or anything. You know what I mean? I got you. I mean, I went through the carpet thing here. Remember we were on the phone with them and they're that? That's what I was thinking. You just can't get it. I just want you just go all right. Like it's either you're going to

do it or you're not going to like you know. I'll do that stuff when I'm trying to do something like I can't go to the website and do it. I got a call and talk to somebody to do it so I know it's done. Just because I'm stupid. Sure. That's so crazy. I would rather do it any other way than get on the phone and

talk to somebody. Yeah. Like any other way. I don't believe the website. Like, you know, if I can go and do something on the website, chain something over, set up a payment arrangement or something like that, I don't trust it. Yeah, no. I'm the complete.

How do I know what that's going? It's, if the server failed or something like that. So you're trusting the guy? I trust technology more than a person. I trust the guy. Earl. Good guy. Rep.

3, 4, 5.9. Yeah, no. But yeah, also, you never have any. You never write that down. Oh, okay. Oh, it's your confirmation. I do, I do. It's also so hard to get the guy now.

Yeah, well, Earl said... Now it is, yeah, because of your generation. All right, we got to wrap it up. Gang, we love you to death. Come out and see the boys at a live show. Hey, yeah. All right, and we will see you next week. Pate.