Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fat Guy Confidence w/ Stavros Halkias!

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Stavros Halkias! You know Stavvy from stand up comedy, Stavvy's World, This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von, Hot Ones, So True with Caleb Hearon, Bad Friends, The Tim Dillon Show, Soder Podcast, Your Mom's House, Mythical Kitchen and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for up to 30% off. That's helixsleep.com/garbage for up to 30% off. Make sure you enter Are You Garbage after checkout so they know we sent you! Butcher Box: Go to https://ButcherBox.com/GARBAGE to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, new york strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year — with free shipping always. Promo Code: GARBAGE BlueChew: Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code GARBAGE. https://BlueChew.com Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh yeah, all right, gang. I'm talking about that American Garbage special from RU Garbage right here, September 13th on our YouTube page. Yes, if you don't already subscribe, please subscribe to our YouTube page. We want to blow this thing up. If you're an audio listener, take a minute, pull up YouTube, subscribe so you get notified. We're going to be doing a live premiere of it that night. We're going to be in the chat, get your heaters, get your beers. The boys are throwing a gosh darn party.

September 13th, American Garbage, our first comedy special. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hopa, everybody. Welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah.

So a little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that. have to group to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece. Trash. Trash, trash. I'm your host, Dave, Holy, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.

She's upstairs with a new thing of sea monkeys. Hmm. They smell. Seamongrel. They smell, huh? My ghost's coming out from right next to me. He's the CEO of Garvin. Sea monkeys is what he came up with.

He had three hours before you got here. I've been working on since two of those. If there's any clear indication that Foley is 85 years old. No fucking. Nobody. That was the 17th draft. Sea monkeys. I'm firing those guys from National Lampoon.

They're giving me nothing. Yeah, Harvard grad. That's what they come up with? He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He's an international businessman. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. He's a fantastic father, a fantastic friend. King of the Burbs, King of the Boards.

Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang. Shout out to you, as always. Please make sure to rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available. full video available over there on Spotify. And then obviously patreon.com slash har you garbage.

Those numbers are true to roof gang. Yes, sir. Gang, we could be more excited ever, incredibly. And I mean incredibly special guests. Back with us again today. Great friend of the show. One of the funniest most successful guys out there killing it. He's got his second Netflix special out right now.

Uncle Stav. Of course, he is one of the stars of the hit series Tires, my co-star. That's right. And he's also the host of Stavvy's World. And we weren't aware. we were getting two tickets at a gun show. For Stavreau's Halkies, baby. Brought the pipes with him next.

That's right. I think it's time that fat bodies reclaim the tank top. You know? I love it. I think it's time. Let's go. So this obviously fat my whole life. Right.

I don't have it. I wish I had a tank top body. I don't have it. No, you're right. I don't have it. Well, because you are the, you are like the deceptive fat guy where it's like your face isn't that fat. You know what I mean? Even when you've been much fatter than this,

your face, but I'm saying your face stays, I'm not gonna say handsome, but not fat. Catch him at the pool when those titties are out. It's tough, dude. It's tough. And so I get it. You kind of, like, it is the kind of thing

where you kind of have to be so fat it becomes a statement. Yes, and I'm not, I never hit that fucking, I never clips that arc. What I was pretty good at, which is like what, like, chubby roofer's do is the cuddle. Cut-offs big.

The cutoff because it keeps this underarm in. The side tits. The side tits in and it looks like, you go, that kid used to play football or something. You know what I mean? No, absolutely. You're an inside linebacker? Yes.

What are you laboring this summer? You know what I mean? Absolutely. No, that's a good look. And I do, I mean, it took me a while to work my way up to tank top confidence. Uh-huh. And it was just one, it was way after I was posing nude on the Instagram. Sure.

And I was like, well, what am I doing here? Yeah, yeah. They got, they see the whole thing. I already seen it all. And so, yeah, and I think we need to go back to a time where everyone pop the tops off. Here's the bigger question. The 80s? 80s 70s.

Motherfugers were smoking inside. Once they lost suits. Once society in the 50s, like, what the fuck? We're not wearing suits. It kind of went crazy. It kind of went crazy. I wish we'd go back to the suits. The suits and the fucking hats walking down the street.

Are you out of your mind? I know. I get a fucking a sears sucker, a linen in the summer. Like a southern gentleman. And then wear a white. cool one really pulled up high like Jimmy Stewart wore in the winter. Like a gentleman. Jimmy Stewart and sea monkeys.

You want to talk about gun smoke again? I like that Michael Landon. This is Michael Hodge. Tanktop confidence. Is anybody in this room, other than Luke, obviously, hockey jersey confident. Is that, what is that me? I mean, hockey jerseys?

You're taking a shot. Yeah, it's so funny. I saw someone wearing one recently, and it's a certain. You have to be so big where you go, that guy's rocking. You look like Silent Bob. Yeah. Exactly. It's like Kevin Smith.

To me, when you say hockey, I actually think of that as like the lowest level of fat confidence possible. It's a cover-up, but you can't pull it all. A big guy can't pull it all. He pulls it off off. Kevin Smith, God damn genius. But I would look at first of a second. Just because his movies are good doesn't mean he dresses good. Friend of a show.

I know he dressed. He dresses like he's going to warp toy. Yeah, yeah, he dresses like, fuck out of it. I mean, now he might dress different, but at the time when he's funny shit. He's not wears jean shorts. He's still a George guy. Gene shorts, chain wallet. Now, I respect someone who sticks to their look, right?

Yeah. Like, I respect that. I literally am like, I have to keep looking like a piece of shit even as I do. Like, Kevin Smith is, you know, hugely successful. He could have dressed good at any point in his life. Switched it up. Chooses not to. I like that.

And I myself am, you know, even when I have to dress nice for stuff, I try and make it look scumbaggy. I try, like, for the Tony premiere, I wore, like, a pornographer's suit. I like that, yeah. You know, like, where did you get that? You wore that, I'm sorry, you wore that somewhere else on something. I did not. That was the only place I wore it.

Guys, we're fucking double wearing suits. That's you? That's me. What do you mean? You bought that? I bought that? I feel like I saw that somewhere. How much cash you got on you here?

Do you want to hear a trash move, actually right off the top? I don't know, tanked off to a podcast? Oh, sorry, man. The decommissioned big buck hunter behind me. deserves way more respect than a fucking tanked up. Sorry. I keep my Bitcoin in there. Fully thinks it's a physical coin.

I come in here watching and try to open it for quarters before. There's no bubble gum in here. Okay, you want that I am still a trash to my core, even though shit's going good? Hit me. For the Tony premiere, I want, you know, I'm a, hero trash is like, get gold. I'm a chains guy. You know this about me. Ladies. Exactly. That's totally the type of trash I am. And part of that is, you know, jewelry. So I wanted like a, I was the lobster role guy on Tony, the movie. I play a line cook on the Anthony Bourdain biopic. And I wanted-

I wanted a lobster. SICK. I wanted a lobster. Pendit. I couldn't find one. I found a fucking Louis Vuitton lobster brooch. Turns out they got a 30-day return policy. Here we go. So I popped that fucker on for the premiere. And I was like, who knows? Maybe I'm a brooch guy. Not. I'm not a brooch guy. It looked great for the premiere. You're a brunch guy.

But what the fuck? Am I going to come here? Tank top with a fucking $1,000 brooch on? No, that shit's going right back. Is that what the price tag was? Was it a grand? It was a grand. All right.

And you returned it? Returned it, baby. Returned it. Returned it. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah. Well, you know, listen, I don't want them to catch. I don't want them to find out about this.

I'm like, this is also another thing of growing up poor. You think a store can arrest you for returning something? That was, that's, we talked about that. Our whole lives growing up, our mom's would yell, they're going to take the goddamn house, like, at anything. I know. I'm blowing a stop sign. I'm scared.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I always feel like I was going to get in trouble, and that's why I never returning something that's something's going to happen. No, it's because I think when you grow up poor, you're just afraid of any, even fake authority figure. Sure. You're afraid to just be, it feels like when you return something, it feels like going to the police.

Yeah. And you walk out and go. I got away with that. I pulled that scam. I always felt like when I walked out of a department store, they were going to accuse me of stealing. Right. Or if the thing goes,

I walk out of a CVS now, and that thing goes off. I'm like, I got nothing on me! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just make a B-Lyline. I earn a good living. I have a drug and alcohol problem.

I'm sorry. I've stopped, but it's been very recent that I stopped just kind of shoplifting out of principle. Yeah, I was never me. What are you doing? I just like the crap. Like, what are you? Like Hudson News?

You get it out of the airport out of principle. I did it for very long time because they're overcharging us. Who are you sticking it to? The Hudson Youth Corporation. Sorry, sorry, I'll suck it. I'll suck the mic. Stop his first podcast. Yeah. It's not the essay.

How does this work? I never got that. What's stealing? It's overcharging you. Yeah, they fuck people at the movies. What are you talking? Do you do popcorn? Yes.

You think popcorn should cost 12 fucking dollars fully? It should cost a nice. The sauce is pretty good. The butter sauce. They can't legally call it butter. That should be $8,000. Dipped in butter sauce. You get a deal on that.

You get on a napkins you want. Kidding me? Citing with the prices at movie theaters and airports. As a business owner, I get it. You fucking scumbags. You really are. Even if I didn't have it, even if I didn't have it, fuck you are. You going to charge me that.

He'd go take it. Interesting. I'm more pissed off your offer. me snow caps. What the fuck? Snow caps? Well, there's no way to steal at the movies which pisses me off. You go get another movie. That's true. Classic. Oh, you know, trash popcorn is something we used to do in college where certain movie theaters gave you the free refill on a big one. And every once in a while, you'd find one that's pretty full in the trash. So you know whoever bought it, they weren't, they weren't built for. Right.

They're wealthy people. It's a guy maybe trying to flex. This is what I've, this is the This is okay. This is one of those hot shots. It's trying to get pussy and buy a small petite woman, a large popcorn to show. I got it like that, babe. It don't matter to me. What's the difference between $8 and $12, right? And so this is what I had to conjure up.

So that way I'm like, well, she barely touched it. Because I don't want some fat guy really dig it. I don't want me. I don't want to get me from last movies discarded bucket. I want a petite woman. But under that logic, you wouldn't throw out a half a bad. A pop-p-p-roll. Exactly.

I would never throw it back. No. Absolutely. It's coming home with me. Yeah. I know. Obviously. Or mine never makes it the trash.

Yeah, that's what I was saying. It's right on the aisle floor. I had that logic when I waited tables and I would eat off people's plates. I only did it for attractive men and women. Men and women. Yeah. Interesting. Pause.

So wait a second. You boys all finished here? Hold on. Hold on. That actually does. I would rather eat off. I think I would rather eat off an ugly. woman's plate than a sexy man's why an attractive guy takes care of himself he's got

cologne on stuff like that he's a lot of job he takes you out tender lover what are you talking about i guess okay i'm not even if some guy like you or me's plate no again of course because we're fucking boogers on animals yeah um or kids no you can't do kids no of course not but i think also it's not ugly i would say it's gluttonous that i'm trying to avoid okay women so an ugly woman who's like who Why can't somebody take care of themselves, wear cologne, and be fucking busted? You know what I mean? You're being, you're... Sounds like you're projecting, but okay.

I said take care of themselves. I'm rich and dying. Dude, when I would get... When I would get a hot chick that would cut her hamburger in half, I'd be like, Oh, yeah. That's coming home with me. I'm getting at least... Not her, obviously.

Of course. Oh, she doesn't date fat, sweaty waiters with no problems. Whose dick is getting hard because she's cutting a... burger and half. Probably a lesbian anyway. Do you drop it? Let me cut that for you. I cut it into quarters.

Oh, that's a beauty. That's a beauty. This was one we were discussing recently. Sure. Submitted by one of the good folks at Patreon when you sign up for Patreon. You get your garbage question on the red. How do you feel, because this was divisive, how do you feel about drinking out of a two

liter? Stavi. Stopi. Don't lead the witness. Like I need to know who said you should drink out of a two leader. Like I don't know. Exactly which side both of you fucking landed on. To go against your nature here.

Not to say you will. You're a Louis Vuitton brooch friends. Which I return. Which I return. You look overfold, you got a two-liter brooch? Honestly, a jolt cola. A bejeweled two-liter brooch? That's pretty good.

That's a new, Stavi World, AYG,G collab merch coming out. Yeah, yeah, we get the fucking jewelry. We do it. 60-40, our way. Can I recommend your move for the next premiere? Hey, Foley could use it. That's fine. I'll pick it.

He's making them. He gets the hourly wage and the merch split. I'm when my beaks on both ends over here. They're paying me per hour and make one a day. I'm in there pressing buttons. Pins. Fuck. Okay, so do I drink out of a two liter?

I mean, almost always the answer is obviously no. But do you enjoy it? Hold on. It was, stop. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. You can't not lead to witness.

You can't not do it. Yeah. Because you see another larger gentleman not going your way. Go ahead. Do you like Milky Way bars by any chance? I do like Milky Way bars, yes. We're talking in the fridge. Okay.

Okay. We're talking in the refrigerator. Okay. We're not talking you're walking into a 7-Eleven or something like that and buy a local store. That's yours. That would be a lunacy. That's crazy. Okay.

I'm parched. Let me go pick up a usually not refrigerated, warm 2 liter of Pepsi The largest legal quantity they can sell it down Where one side of the label is sun faded You take it out of the window What the fuck on earth would do that? I've seen it done

I'll tell you what the secret here is Some places, bodegas in the city They'll hit you with a They'll have a section of one liters The one leader's not bad They fell off The one liter is interesting Whatever it's called

The one leader I think they were called the Big Slams By the Pepsi, Wild Cherry Pepsi Big slam, Great Slam, something like that was the one leader. That thing was big, your dick and good. I'm falling for branding from 15 years ago. They don't make Wild Cherry Pepsi anymore? They do. It's back.

But it was gone for a while. It was. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. Give me numbers on that. It absolutely was. Really? Because I'm a big Wild Cherry Pepsi guy.

See to me. Because I'm usually a Coca-Cola products, man. But Wild Cherry. It's shat all over it. Shat all over it. Yes, they fucking. They went more wild. We're Coca-Cola.

It was traditional. It was sweeter. They were too demure about their cherry. It was sweeter. They were letting the cherries hang, you know, if you know what I'm saying. I've said this before. I've always been Coke in the winter, Pepsi in the summer kind of guy. That's always the way I did it.

Coca-Cola has a level of white trash that is seasonally changing your soda brand? Well, what are the differences? has the polar bears and Santa Claus and Pepsi You're kidding As you know is the choice Of a new generation And that's summer fun

Which by the way I don't know if you know He started vaping and wants to get a tattoo Oh my god You have a tattoo right? No I'm a clean canvas I'm also not clearly going through

A three quarter life crisis right now Three quarters Thank you for the compliment You should see the thing he's vaping It's crazy You see my EKG Do you have the old school He's doing O's

Do you pour your own juice into the rig? No, what's juice? Don't act like you've done that. No, no, that was because that was Gen 1 vaping when it was more of a steampunk thing than anything. Yeah, no, I'm not, I'm not blowing the thing. Listen, I want to quit smoking. I don't like the way I smell when I smoke or the rest of the day. Kay puts on it.

Boy, he's right. The bird I'm seeing occasionally has a little vape that she hits off of. I started hitting that every once in a while, and then it switched a little bit. It's something about your personality when you started doing a new drug, you got addicted to it. Is that what I'm to believe? Interesting. Well, I don't believe it. I just got caught.

Diesel just asked me if I sleep with it. I was like, yeah, it's... You plug it into your CPAP? You fucking put the hose directly into the van. EDM's playing in the background. Looks like a dragon laying there. I've thought about that. I've thought about pouring something delicious into my CPAP paperizer.

Depending on the season. Depending on the season. Of course. In the summertime, you know what they say you can't do, but I don't understand it. Why can't you do a touch of peppermint oil or something in there to freshen up the lungs? Because... Probably it'll kill you. There's no way you should do that.

A little vix if you're sick? I don't think so, man. Do you use water in yours every night? No, I don't actually. I'm a dry guy. Only when I'm sick and I need the... you know, moisture. Do you turn the heating element off on your,

you make sure the heating element's off? No heating, no, no, I go straight with it. I know, but you make sure it's off. Are you plugging it into a hot plate? Yeah. No, for about a year, I didn't realize that I can adjust those and I was going to bed and I... What do you got?

Let's talk, Turkey. You got a resmed dream machine? What are we talking? Everyone's got a resume. I don't think there's another brand. Yeah, I'm a Resmed 11 guy right now. Okay, okay. I got the newest one.

Whoa. I don't know which one that is, but I also just... Things are going well. I also just kind of ball. I haven't been to a pulmonologist in like 12 years, and I just kind of bought one off a sketchy website. So I hope it's doing something. I think you're fine. They have losing.

I've been feeling horrible for three months now, so who knows? That's all part of the healing process. You got to get worse. Make sure it's not heating up because I was breathing straight metal for about six months. Okay. I will. You know, it's awesome. That's a Dr. Foley guarantee right there.

Thank you. Hank Foley, MD. I'm signing up for that show, by the way. Take two two leaders. Call me in the morning. He never answered the two-liter question. He didn't answer two-com. Hold on.

We're talking CPAP right now. All right. We'll come back in. I don't know who unregulated that fucking industry. But thank God. I remember when my dad was getting them, you had to go through like six guys to get it. You couldn't fucking walk into his door.

There's a place on the Upper West Side. You walk in there. You got a fucking brand new seatp. Foley, do you think something has changed with your circumstances? Or do you think the world has changed? The world has changed. You couldn't get a CPAP. You can get a fucking jail broken CPAP.

on auto. Normally they had to set it. A jail broke. You lose all your tax messages, but still. I don't have any contact. You can play a snake on it. I think the Upper West Side, there are so many dying, obscenely wealthy people that that's why. I think you now live in a place where they have.

Do you think he lives on the Upper West Side? No, no. He lives in New York City now. He's not in the trash suburbs of Philadelphia. Sure. That's the big difference. Yeah, we have a whole. foods. Yeah. Oh, you do? Somewhere.

I'm not allowed back there. Yeah, yeah. I just think, but I agree with you. C-PPs are, I think they're secondhand now? No, I think, I think, the market's been flooded. I think probably it's still way easier to get a CPAP here than it is if you still live here. Also, you're talking 15 years ago. Direct-to-consumer things have changed.

Online shop and off- of course, of course. I buy it all off the internet, mostly. Cap, let's talk about Helix. Helix. Helix, the best mattress. You're ever going to own helix men here. Yeah. I'm a helix man. I'm a helix man. Yes. My mother's a helix man.

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They can match you up with the perfect matrix for you. We've been singing their praises for five, six years. Do yourself a favorite. Get a helix. Yeah, I've been a helix man. for I think six years now and there ain't no turning back. I'm a Twilight man. Do you go over there, you take the quiz, I mean, it's the first, like adult purchase.

Actually, it wasn't even the first purchase. They sent me one shot at the Helix, but I've gone on to purchase another because I love them so much. That's fantastic. It's just, it's right. It makes it right for you. Go to helixleafsleep.com slash garbage

for up to 30% off. That's helixleaksleep.com slash garbage. up to 30% off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. Hillogsleep.com slash garbage, do it. Kim, it's talking about butcherbox. Butcher box. An old fave here at Toonis.

I know Antutti loves her butcher box. She likes having her freezer stocked with fresh quality meats talking about responsible, sustainable, ethical. We're talking about grass fed, talking about organic chicken, wild-caught seafood, Kim. What-caught. Talking about wild-caught seafood gang. the good news. Every box is customizable.

Ooh. Custom. Customizable. Customizable. That means you pick what you want for you laymen out there. For you bozos, you get to pick what you eat. Yeah. Do yourself a favorite. Get over there. Butcher box. Get yourself set up with some top quality meat. Stock that fridge. Stock that freezer for your family. So you know they're eating good

quality beef, chicken, poultry, pork, fish, crustaceans. All that. Yeah, listen, we're a butcher box family. Yes, we are. It gets me and my wife back in the kitchen. I got a rack of ribs. Let's get it go.

I got the wild coat to it. I ain't done, ain't done, ain't done. Hit them with everything. It's a kippie out of the bedroom. Baby, talk about wild, call it. If you're looking for an easier, all jokes aside, if you're looking for an easier way to get great meals on the table, give butcherbox a try.

Go to butcherbox.com. Go to butcherbox.com. slash garbage. You get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free rib buy New York strip or filet mignon in every box for a year with free shipping. As always, go to butcherbox.com slash garbage. Again, that's butcherbox.com slash garbage. Be sure to use our links that I know to boys set you. Obviously, I'm not talking about Schedule 1, 2, or 3 narcotics. But we should really loosen up this prescription bullshit. Kind of sounds like you are. The fact that you can't get I can't go to right eight and get an eight ball

It's bullshit Schedule one, two or three What's a schedule three? I don't know That's like super low Is it? Yeah, I believe so.

New guy Luke? I'm a schedule one kind of guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, schedule three are medications that have accepted medical use and moderate to low risk of physical dependent. Okay, that's what I'm saying then. Like I drops and shit.

Steroids. Tylenol with Cody. Oh, oh, oh. Coding. Coding. Okay. I got to get a fucking prescription to get fucking pink eye drops. Are you fucking kidding me?

I don't know. I got to go to a doctor and say, yeah, I rub shit in my eye. I can't walk into a fucking CVS and say, where's the pink eye bacteria, an antibiotic? You're giving me neosporum. That's an antibiotic. But I can't get it from my eye because I put a pillow up to my legs and then sleep with the same pillows.

You recently got pink eyes. Is that what's going on? Yes, I did. I did too. and I just went to a urgent care and immediately got a... It goes away on its own too.

That's changed the game too. The urgent care used to be like, hey, I saw my, I saw my half of my foot off at a construction site. Now it's fucking... Anything.

That's a designer shock. I gotta be honest, I don't like that my doctor, I don't ever know who my doctor is, and he's sandwiched between a coldstone and a Chipotle. I much would rather my doctor be... I want to enter a facility.

I want to enter a facility. I want to go on an elevator, exactly. third floor have a receptionist check in. I don't want it to be next to a T-Mobile where they're playing fucking Bacotta music next door. I feel a colesore coming on. I walk in there. I'm out of day with a fucking

prescription for Valtrecks in about 35 minutes. And I stop at the Taco Bell. Some of those new canteen items. Foley's cut his own ads that you don't know about. Trust me. That's been explored by legal a whole bunch.

Every now and then, he's like oh, check out Franks on Detroit Avenue and you're like, what the fuck? I'll go, look, cut that. I can't help that Pat's image of hair styling in Blueba, Pennsylvania is the best place to get a haircut, and you can see me there this Saturday at 2 o'clock. He's doing public appearances for like $250. Four of free haircut.

He just plugs that he's going to be getting a haircut. They're like, all right, we'll trim it for free, Hank. I'm sorry about Pat's image of hair styling. You don't have to be a – you don't have to apologize. Pat Simmons' the hairstyle? I don't know about Pat's. All right, back to the two-liter quack. I got to say it one more time.

He just made 70. just made $75. I got to get my bonus. My good friend Stadro's Hockiest will be with me. Yeah, he's key calls. He's like, it's an emergency. Can you meet me here? These guys are going to kill me.

Stop me. What the fuck? I need you in Bluebell right now. Just play along, dude. This is his movie Tony, everybody. I need this, I need this. I need this. Play along.

Oh, by the way, you got to do Ronnie. Yeah, there's a tires set. There's a shitty, like, and we're going to reenact one of our scenes from tires. Like it's community theater. Okay. Do some crowd work. She tells about flacko. I left it all on the tour.

I got nothing. Give me something, Stami. Okay, so back to the two. The two leader were back on? We got offended. The people are, come on. Talk to me. I want to talk to me.

I want to talk this too. Because I think, obviously, like we said, that's not a walking drink. You don't pop into a CVS and get it. Also, I don't think you can, on the first run of a two-liter drink out of it. For example, at a function, at a barbecue, whatever. Like, you would be a real piece of shit to drink out of it. Possible exceptions made for, it's the end of the night, it's winding down. There is one final serving left in it.

You can finish off the two-liter at the end of a barbecue, in my opinion. I agree, but that is a crazy look. If everybody's like, yeah, by the beer bun table and you walk up. You know what I'm saying? If we're here and we're, you know, and obviously there's, you know, it's like families, girlfriends, whatever. Still, if it's 8 o'clock, the peripherals have left the barbecue. Usually when a barbecue, if you're at the end of a barbecue, it's the main crew, right? You can polish it off then.

They want you to polish that stuff. I will also, who is they? The people running the cookout. Yeah, get rid of it. We're just going to throw it out. He's just going to throw it out. Oh, you're just going to throw it out. You're going to our fridge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My kid's lunch. He's fucking... He's got a bunch of his crunchies going. He's pouring fucking olive oil into an empty essential bottle. Either you can... Like a dirt bag getting gas in a pulling spring bottle to fill up his mini bag.

You're trying to fucking siphon olive oil out of fucking, out of Kevin's fucking kitchen. Either you can finish it off. I also think... if when you are at if it's just an at home two liter your personal at home two liter thank you stopie keep going

under 50% and if the carbonation is low oh you can then drink it your but you cannot while it is a premium shareable beverage sure then you are you absolutely cannot drink out of and put it back and then when a guest comes over pour it

my whole thing is not can you or can't you it's the enjoyment of the beverage It's delicious. It's, do you, yeah, no, listen, it's wild chari Pepsi. Of course. Any time of day. Do you, if you were at home and you're like, I'm going to have some soda. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And it's, let's say give it is that. It is the perfect possibility to drink out of there. It's right under half, 48% and lost a good chunk of its car. You can sit down with that at the coffee table. Are you, I'm just saying he can do whatever he wants. You cannot sit down. Okay, no.

You can't just drink out of that rather than pouring into a glass if you got takeout? It's a swing. It's a swing. It's a swing. Why you're, why you're. scoping out what's going on in the fridge. Here is my philosophy. Stop, Rose.

I don't know who you are anymore. Folly. Can't really push it down. Quiet down. Let me finish my very important thought here. If you once, basically, you have, you mark it from a communal beverage to a personal swig opportunity as a way to make sure it gets drunk. A PSO.

Right? Yeah, PSO. Personal SWIG opportunity. And so then it becomes, oh, it's half is left from the barbecue. and I'm going to the kitchen. I'm going to take a nip. Because I will say one thing I do, sometimes I have lost a lot of good cans of zero sugar NW. Rupier, some of the finest.

Now I'm doing it. Now I'm doing some of the finest. I have lost many a rare diet soda to just the reality that what I really wanted was maybe three nice gulps, right? And oftentimes if you were trying to cut down on your soda and you have either a two-liter or let's say you just go to a fucking, you know, get a regular whatever. One liter. Or 20 ounce.

20 ounce, whatever. That's the utility I have for it. I just want to swig and I go sit on the couch and you know what? I actually didn't need any more soda. I'll drink some fucking water. So that is my, I think at a certain point, be it at the end of a barbecue or in your home when it becomes, when it ceases to become a group sharing vessel, at some point you can convert into a solo personal swing opportunity.

This is something that happens to my brain. When I have debates with other fat friends about fast food or soda, I gain like 1,000 IQ points. This is like me going super saying, like mentally super saying mode. Which, excuse me, I'm sorry to interject with a two-part question. Yes. Yes, yes. I agree with Mr. Halkius all the way, but I have one question if I could.

Thank you very much. Happy to clarify. You mentioned the sharing component of the two-liter. Yes, sir. Are you a person that draws the line in the communal aspect? Were you not the kind of kid or young man or young adult? Sure. That would go into your refrigerator and take a swig directly out of the milk container

or orange juice container and then put it back in a case of nothing happened? I was. I was also at one point a young man who shit is. pants in his mother wiped his ass. So yeah, I did that. It was fucking rude. And when I was a fat 11-year-old, slobbering over my family's milk,

yes, I used to do that. I was a piece of shit for that. I grew up and learned that that is no longer how I should behave. And yeah, and maybe I could possibly hear an argument that if you're the head of the household and you want to put that kind of... You put food on that table.

If you want to, I get you. I could hear it out. I still think ultimately that's a fucked-up way to behave and you're setting a poor example and if you do that perhaps you would get the kind of grown sons that at almost 50 years old think you should do that. Are arguing over fast food. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The way, if your father behaves that way, this is what happens. We're looking. We're passionately discussing. Well, these things that are molding the modern world. I have been in a, I have been in a period of self-disclosure of self-destruction. Self-disclosure.

What do you think that means? of honesty and I just want everybody in my do you mean reflection? Reflection? Yeah, yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you, Mr. Hawkins.

If I've been in your home in the last 15 years, if I've been in your home in the last 15 years and you've left me unattended in the kitchen, there is a 99.9% chance I have taken a swig of your orange juice and put it back and not said a thing. No, you're lying. You're being funny for hyperbolic reasons here. That's crazy.

He's not. My blood, my blood, my blood, Pressure's fine. Okay. First of all. I told you, I was at the doctor. But no, I am not speaking in hyperbo. He's a bad man.

You really would do that to a, like, a friend's. That's fucking nuts. I think it's fucked to do it. Extended family, for sure. Kelly, I apologize. Listen, extended family. Neighbors. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Family, how extended are we talking? Cousins. Up to third cousin. I will get, third, once the law says you can get sucked off by them, I don't think you can just suck. Is that a lot? Is that a lot? Is that a lot?

It's just a lot? All down personally. I think I will listen to you when it comes to extended family only because that is often a place where you regress to childhood behaviors. But that's the only, it's truly rude and fucked up and you should not do that. Huh. Whoa. Yes.

Putting your mouth directly on other people's beverages is something I don't think you should do. Now, you said you've grown. Like as a kid, you would do it, obviously. You know, we mature as we get a little older and stuff like that. But at the end, you know, say we come over your house. Yes. And you had took a couple of personal swing opportunities from the cold two-liter wild cherry coat.

Very good, Kim. And I come in. Look at my first 48 right now. I have exactly the answer. I'm not stuck at all. Can I have some of this? Are you going to go, are you going to go, yeah, obviously? Are you going to go, hey man, just a heads up.

I've been taking nips off that. You give the gentleman's warning. Yes, exactly. And now the balls are you telling me that too? I come over? You're just letting me go. Yes, I am. Henry, stop drinking my orange juice.

Even criminals deserve due process. Yes, exactly. I am giving you that opportunity as well. Yes, as long as you get the heads up, and I'd also further like to state, even when I was behaving like this as a, you know, fat child, I did do another, the gentleman's, the gentleman's hover. You know what I hate that? Of course you do, you fucking piece of shit. gross. You're basically saying we should not, you're like a guy who's like who doesn't believe in masks during COVID. You're like, they don't work. Like, well, what, you put your mouth on?

You don't put your mouth on. It's the same germs. It's like, no, there's a huge difference between let me ask you this, Foley. I wore a mask. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. If a woman holds your cock this close to her mouth or puts it in her mouth, is that different? Not for him. I almost fucking broke the chair laughing I was just honored at the idea that you think I'm in that kind of position these days I'm just happy to be here Wait, you guys are getting your dicks up?

What the fuck? It's an honor to be nominated. You're like a 16 seat in the tournament. Or that you could hold my penis with a closed fist I'm sorry. I'm more of this guy. Yeah, that's When you reflect on how a woman

Hold your penis in a non-horny moment I don't do it, I can't do it sucks, dude And then you're seeing a porno, it's fucking Oh man, Jesus Christ That's tough stuff Looks like they're doing that thing with the baseball Back to see you hits first

God damn I know, I know, it's brutal Did you ever have a period of Like when I was like a You wonder why I'm drinking out of people's orange juice Yes, I guess Whatever, it's fine Personal trauma

It's also like if that's the worst thing he's doing we got to let it slide. Well, that's, it's certainly not. The worst that he's publicly going to acknowledge. Yes, right. So, okay, did you guys ever watch? Did you ever seek out little dick pornography as a youth to make yourself feel better? Because I did a couple times.

I can use it right now, though. And honestly, it did not help. No. It did not help. It actually made me feel so much more pathetic. Because I was like, wait, that's what a little dick looks like getting sucked. That's what my dick looks like getting sucked. It pissed me off, dude.

I was like, fuck. I'm fake anyway. I'm fucked, dude. No. Every once in a while, though, you will catch a glimpse of your hog and it looks pretty nice. It just happened to yesterday, dude. That's awesome. It was sick.

That's awesome. It was awesome. Something's going on. I can see it now over my belly. And I just went, I'm going to choose to see it like that forever. Exactly. Or at least until I see it again. I know you're a married man, whatever.

Whoa. I would say take a, take a, take a, take a, take a, take a picture of it. Fuck, speaking of rings, I had a ring on and I took it off. I don't think over here. I didn't take it. It's probably over there. I got to run in the Diamond District real quick. The acidic guy walks in.

I'm so stupid. Anyway, it's probably over there. It's fine. It's at the coffee station. I just realized. I think I washed my hands. Who gives a fuck? Right.

I can call that a coffee station. Hey, I'm trying. The people don't know. I can see my erect penis when I'm laying down over my belly. It's like the cavalry coming over the fucking hill in the sunset. Yeah. I'm really trying to work that. It looks like a little circus tent on your belly.

It's like a little tent is perched on your belly. It's like a little tent is perched on. your fucking fat ass stomach. Oh, Barnum and Bellies in town. Yeah, dude, I have to come at it with a fucking, you gotta be angled.

You know what I mean? I can't lay flat and look at my dick. No, sir. System of mirrors. I would, but what I was gonna say is take a picture of your cock

when it looks that nice and just look at it sometimes. Yeah. Is that what you're doing? I just had, one time I was sexting with a girl and it was, and I can't reuse it

because it was around Christmas and you can see, and you can see the, no, but you can see the reflection of the Christmas tree lights on my dick, so I can't send it in fucking August. That's good lighting.

I keep my tree apart. Do Christmas in July. But listen, you better believe I'm waiting for Christmas to roll back around. You should start that now. I get in the spirit early. I can't send her this and it has a Halloween costume on. And, yeah, and I, so I can't reuse

it, but I was looking for something. Like, I was looking for it to plugs. You know, we're doing a tour doc for the special coming out, Uncle Stop coming out, Netflix September 8th. Check it out right now. Out right now. Out right now.

We also have a tour doc. We have like seven episodes of, because I was on tour for basically two years. And so we have seven episodes and I was going through old stuff to like, like, you know, the art editors would be like, hey, do you have a picture of you at whatever the fuck at the Hampton Beach or whatever? And I was just going through my shit. I got a sweet dick pick from Christmas. Dude, for real, I was like trying to find something.

And I was just saw my, and dude, it was looking so nice. That's good. Like, dude, I was like, whose cock is that? The girl I said it to. What? No, no, the girl who said it to was just like, she was literally like, what the fuck? She was like, this is awesome, but also like, wow, it looks awesome.

Like, she wasn't even like... Had she seen it before? Yeah, yeah, okay. We already hooked up, but it was one of those words like, so she was like, that's cool, because we're sexting and I like seeing it. But also, after the horny segment was done, she wanted to, she just had to chime in and be like, it actually looked kind of crazy huge in that pig.

Let's go. And so I just, whenever I'm feeling low now, I just look at my hog on its best day. So what you're saying is you're saying, You took that, appreciate it, kind of forgot about it. I stumbled across and was like, why, I have a picture of some dude's huge dinking. Yeah. Talk about a humble brother.

Yeah, showed his cock on my fucking photos, my photo app. Kit, what do you know about Blue Chew? I'm hard right now, gang. I'll tell you, Uncle Hank in the last couple of months knows a lot about Blue Chew. I'm popping these things like Tic Tacs. They're absolutely fantastic. Can you get a little get up and go out of the gate through yourself in favor? Get over to bluechood.com and get yourself straightened out.

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to visit blutudeu.com for more detail, safety. Important safety information. We thank Bluetooth for sponsor in the pod and the bedroom. Yes, we do. Kip, let me chime in real quick about chime. Chime. Chim. See what I did there?

I chimed in with chime. And let's be honest. Younger version of me, but a really used chime. I'll tell you that right now. Where were these guys when I was 16? I know. Where were these guys when you were 40?

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What do we ask? You just say, we're going to do some starters? Or you're going to do some appetizers? Oh, wow. Appetizers. Hmm. Gentlemen.

Yeah. Starters is more casual, right? If you were like at Fridays, you guys want to get some star? Are we going to do any starters? Yeah. It feels like a little more. I can't do.

Staters doesn't feel right to me. You know, I don't know why. How do you feel about this? Yeah. You get a pizza delivered to the house. I'm listening. Have some of the pizza. She didn't finish at all.

Sure. Which has started happening to me since taking Zepound. Never had I ever experienced not finishing the pizza. Doesn't that kind of suck a little bit? Don't you feel like I lost a little something? No, man. You can't be thinking this way. This is why you keep relapsing.

Well said it. Well said to my best pals tommy. Me too, by the way. I'm not mad at you. We discussed that off the air in private. As my sponsor, I feel like that's a little. little fucked up. I wasn't I waited until like minute 48 to drop it.

Just I wasn't going to say unless we had a perfect opportunity. That felt pretty good. Just a tiny bit of comfort that we lost, though. A little bit. You get what I'm saying? What's the comfort? What's the thing's eating eight slices and four? We're still not eating the right amount.

We're still eating half a pizza. About three episodes of Sopranos. I feel good about it. I know what you mean. You know? Because, okay, when my, when I am really like relapsed, and like psychologically trying to get back to my habits. Uh-huh.

I'm not doing any, I'm not drinking, I'm not doing any pills, I'm not doing anything, anything psychedelic, no cocaine, none of that shit. I still have allowed myself weed when I'm re- like that's my only, but I take so much that I get fucking so high and I order like I'm not on Zepbound. And so sometimes I'll order like fucking, from a Chinese place in particular, like eight fucking things.

You wanna pretend, you wanna create a Chinese, a Chinese buffet in your home basically, right? I love it. You want to create your own Chinese buffet on a kitchen island. But what will happen, I will order that much, and I won't eat it, and I will just kind of eat that for like a week. That's pretty good, though. And so I know what you mean because you're getting, you're scratching that it's by the order.

It's the order. And that's when you realize, oh, it's not even really tied to finishing the food. It's having it there. And, you know, this is the most fucked up rich guy bullshit of all time. We're like, yeah, I just get extra fooded because it makes me feel better that it's there, but it's like, that, I mean, it's better than fucking doing Xanax. You know what I mean? So that is what I'm fucking, that's what I'm up to right now. But anyway, what was that the question? All right. So let's say you got a medium pie, maybe somebody else was with you. I don't

know, there's three or four, there's enough slices where you could take it out of the box, wrap it up and put it in the fridge. Do that, put the box in the fridge, or do you ever just slide the pizza box in an oven that's off and operate from there? No. No. Absolutely not. That's crazy. It's dairy. Ah. How long? How long are we talking? Overnight. No, what? Are you guys out of your minds?

What are you things going to happen to you? I'm totally fine with leaving it out and just crushing a zah in the morning. Fuck no. That's so fucked up. Really? That is insanely food unsafe. For real. Okay. I'm not kidding. You guys do that all the time to this day?

The orange juice. You guys are dairy overnight. I don't do it all the time, but if I, if I'm somewhere and that's happening. Can we get a bacteria? check on this, my boy? Oh, get out of here. Come on. Should you leave a pizza? We're doing a lot of stuff. We're doing a lot of stuff. You're looking at here.

What about a leftover Chinese thrown in the microwave and closing the door? Fuck, no. That's sealed. Sealed? You think the problem is that it's not sealed? What was the question? I'm sorry. I used to have a roommate that taught me a great trick of if you, if you order, if you get.

Thought you a drink. Not using the refrigerator. Yeah, because once you refrigerated... But what was it? I'm sorry, I didn't hear. Just putting leftovers in the microwave overnight and then having them the next day. I've done that with burgers, with tamar. Oh, what the fuck?

Guys, this is fucked. And I'm not a guy who... I always love every episode we get to a point where he goes, what the fuck? It is true. On his show and our show where he just goes like, we're humming. The three of us are humming along together. And then we and you just peel off to the right. Which I love.

What the fuck? It is nice to... Because people can trace the sort of trash evolutionary tree. Sure. Because we share a common ancestor with, you know, middle at mid-Atlantic trash. And at a certain point, Greek and white trash kind of splits off. You know, and that, so it is interesting.

It's like how fucking, you know, whales used to be little fucking rodents or whatever. We're all traced back to that killer whale. Yeah, yeah. I'm Susie, whatever she's called that they found in the Yucatan and the Anderthal, whatever. Oh, yes. I don't know. That's a deep call for that. Of course, Susie.

You go to ninth grade science? That started. I don't know the Yucatan. I don't think that was her name either. So no on the pizza, huh? I would say no. And do we have, Luke, do we have a... It's obviously on safe.

Obviously on safe. But what's on? Yes. I need a month. So it's always flying a plane. You get hit by a bus. An air conditioner can fall in this right now. I agree.

Fall down a sewer, you know. Whatever they're doing down there, by the way. You are naming things I don't want to do. Get hit by a buzz and eat pizza that hasn't been refrigerated for over, you know, 12 hours. Here's something interesting. Yes. According to my research. I got one.

How do you feel about the Savannah bananas? Bullshit, suck dick. They should be ashamed of themselves. It is a sign of how all of society is crumbling. Because no one gives a fuck about baseball. No one wants to see anything with skill. They want to see a fake version of a, they want a more entertaining version of an actual thing that is skillful, interesting,

has real odds, has real stakes, but can be a little harder to get through than just, you know, popcorn entertainment. Like, it's the candy. You care about baseball, though, right? You were saying the... I like the O's, but I don't really...

I just mean... You appreciate it. I don't even give a fuck about baseball, to be honest with you. It's just like everyone now likes the baby. They like the baby version of stuff, not the real stuff. It's the TikTok version of Facebook. It's AI, it's AI thinking for you. It's like, I don't want to think about baseball.

Tell me when the... Oh, some guy who couldn't make it on fucking minor leagues did a backfurt. flip. I know when to clap. It's like slam ball. Yeah, exactly. Slam ball is cool, but it's like slam ball stayed exactly where it was. A fun novelty on TNT. Spike TV or whatever. Yeah, on Spike TV that you could watch high. And by the way, if the Savannah bananas were playing for like a couple hundred people, this is, it's not their fault. I feel bad for these guys. That's what I was going to say. It seems like a fun gig if you're a guy who's good. I respect them to want to throw shade at

him. Yeah. And it's not the guy's fault that like society, it's almost like podcasting. It's not It's not our fault. It's not our fault. That we've become like media figures. You know what I mean? Thanks to the good folks out there. But we still are ruining society just like the Savannah bananas. We're bringing them together. I don't want to throw shade at them. They all seem like cool guys. I get it. If they left the burger on a plate, you'd eat it. We get it. Of course. Yeah. Some of our. Tight asses on those guys. I know. I shot a movie in Savannah and some of the, I did a show and a guy from the Savannah bananas came and I was ripping them for 10 minutes. minutes and shout out to that guy sorry about that man I do you're a good sport about it

anything with a choreographed dance I hate a choreographed dance you know what I really hate too at the weddings that's just me choreographed the dances you're just like what are you doing I know it's so when the bridal party comes in and does a thing that's okay I get out you're saying that's okay and then a and then a chick and a dude who don't even know each other they try to do the wheel barrel he ends up slipping and fucking blowing his ACL and ruining the wedding? Get the fuck out of here. What are we doing? I think that if you do it for the express purpose of posting it, it's insane. But there used to be a thing where people just kind of did stuff for fun. Sure. Like if you're a corny ass family who likes to do like embarrassing

bullshit like that in your private, great. If that's how you, if you have a little, you know, if you and your grandma do a little dance on Christmas, I don't give a fuck. But again, like the Savannah bananas, that was meant for home movies. Sure. That was. It's not meant to be on YouTube and like now everybody's trying to go viral. These guys are doing it though. They're doing good, but. I really like it's for like guys that maybe were pro before or didn't, couldn't go pro. They're like they now get to have a job and base per doing, you know, playing baseballs.

I just think we need to regulate it. It's gotten too big. We cannot have people going to arenas to see the fucking Savannah bananas. But that the family enjoys a nice night out. I get it. It's all so cheap. It's affordable. Personally for me.

Times like this. You know what? It keeps everything under like 30. Buck. You're making a great point. Thank you. That sports has completely gotten away from, like, the average person. And it is fucked up. Like, when you go, the one game, like, the Knicks lost in the finals, it was like,

it was like all these fucking, you know, because I went to a, I went to a playoff game and it's like, you go during the year and it's so fun. It's like, you know, it's still pretty expensive. It's New York. But you got a lot of regular motherfuckers in there. You go to a playoff game, it's guys in fucking vests who work in fucking finance. who could spend two grand on fucking seat geek or whatever the fuck. So I respect the Savannah Bannas for that.

Sports in general needs to be. There needs to be a cap. There needs to be like, tickets cannot be fucking $1,000 for people go take their families and shit out. So that's a good point. Major League Sports has fucked us and the Savannah bananas have come in through the populist economic model. I just can't watch. This guy's a Marxist. I don't know what that means.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to be in one of the stuff, political. Twitter videos. That makes one of us. I love when you go do something. I don't want to be said to the gulag when Stabi takes over. Dude, I do these fucking

non-comedy podcasts. We can't wait to talk about. It was Tony, the special, tires, every clip is the one thing. I'm like, oh, you know, that was a fun interview. They asked me two annoying questions. And they're like, okay, the two annoying questions were chopping up and fucking posting them 100

times. And they go viral because all people want to do online is argue. If you think your two-liter opinion's not going viral, you got another picture. This is what I want to go via. This is the kind of debate. If Pierce Morgan had a two-liter segment instead of an Israel-Palestine segment, I'd be there. Pierce-Bronson.

Pierce-Morgan. Charles Bronson. No, no, Pierce-Bronston. You actually just foiled him. You came up with an older reference than Pierce-Brosnin. Who's Pierce Morgan? Pierce Morgan is a guy. He's like a news guy.

He also all these like debates. Well, so do these things. You're talking about Graham Norton? Because I love him. No, I am not. That's just a different British guy. But Graham Norton show is cool. Yeah.

Shut up to Eddie Isrard. Shout out to Eddie Isrard. Shout out that Graham Norton. His shows look fun as fuck. I would love to do those shows. Stavi. Yeah. Baby, we're back.

Yeah. I always say that. He's all. That should be all of late night. Totally. Everyone's hanging out of a glass of wine. You got Harrison Ford. Tom Hardy.

Somebody else. How did he? You? Couldn't come up. with a third celebrity. All celebrities. And it wasn't even a joke. It was just naming celebrities.

God damn it. I love that hell of mirror. Huge titties, some very horrific opinions politically, unfortunately. Not to turn this into the politics hour. You know how bad an opinion has to be for me to not like someone with huge tits? Bad. Oh. I was just trying to think of a huge tits joke between me and him.

Back to the Savannah bananas. I just can't watch choreograph. dancing. Otherwise, shout out to those guys. They're fucking killing it. They're giving people a fucking place to go and enjoy it. I'm all about it. Mine's a little more. I start questioning. You can't dance. I can't dance, but guys dance

and makes my thing jump a little bit. Does it really? Hell yeah, dude. This guy just sit right behind Pat Burrell. All right, let's take you to the Savannah bananas. Let's put a fucking little, some kind of like blood pressure cuff around your cock and see if it moves.

I'm joking, but the night 1990s in me because I can't be watching this. I see, I see. I see. I don't want to stereotype as a Greek gentleman. Yeah. How many mince do you feel is it acceptable for a single person to take as they're leaving a diner? And can you give us the unwrapped mint and the wrapped mint? And what's your thoughts on the?

Wrapped is one because you just don't want to be rummaging. I'm sorry, unwrapped is one because you don't want to be rummaging. Now, are you talking about the soft ones that have the soft. Oh, they're so good. But you got it. You take the little spoon, you put one and you keep moving. I'm a King Leo guy. You know King Leo's?

I don't. The brand. I say, I would say three absolute max. Hmm. These, King Leo's. I would say three max, two is fine. Wow. Those are great.

Those are the best. The King Leo's. Kevin Ryan. They are, they are an incredible texture. They melt in your mouth. They're not too hard, but they have, they kind of bridge the gap between the little one, the spoon, and the general peppermint. That's a great call.

Shout out to King Leo. I'm like really. proud of you. I swear to all the things I've accomplished. You're just really impressed me. He's not kidding. In his eyes, you can see it. Foley's an incredible actor, but this is the most genuine I've ever seen him.

This is almost like the time that you were eating frozen pepper moon patties. You remember that? That was like one of my proudest moments of you. This is why I love Foley. This is what matters to him. Like truly, this just healed like your relationship 10%.

When we connected up. The times I've bailed him out of bankruptcy. No, no, literally not. I'm not kidding. That does not matter to him. It's good candy that he hasn't thought about in a while. You're reminding him of a candy he likes, but does it is at the top of his mind. That's more important than bailing him out. Well, you know what, big guy? Getting a pound of a pound, a one pound bag delivered here. We're going to keep him in stock. King Leo's when you come and go. We had him sent to your apartment, but your landlord Ian confiscated them for, he says until you pay him back rent, he's having all the King Leo's. Can you get me salt water

Taffy Tell? You fucking piece of shit This guy pushes it It's never enough for this guy King Leo's, huh? King Leo man You're all right I fucking love this guy

It's crazy the amount I've done for him at this This is the only time he's express True gratitude It's insane But you know what You know what I'm saying though That's a pull in a half It is but also this is where that

All that gratitude is filtered in You know what I mean You can't say it has to like He'd say thank you for stopping me from completely ruining my life. So he's like, those are good mints. Did I ever tell you the Perth and Patty story? What's that? Did I ever tell you the pepperman patty story?

No, please. He was down the shore during COVID, and he found a bag of peppermint patties in the freezer, and he used to have him. Great story. More than 11. Great story. I never knew that he liked peppermatties. The story.

The fact that you phrase. You know, it's crazy. Sometimes you go. You have one a day. You go, he's a comedic genius. He's the funniest guy. And then other times he hits you with that story. And you go, I don't think you've ever done this before.

Well, the beauty of Foley, I mean, you're such a great, like, you're an incredible perform. Like, you can inhabit. Yes. Like on tires, that was the most fun when we were shooting. Yeah, we had a good time. We had a real, like, like the spy versus spy, white blacks, but we were like, and I do, I don't know if I said this on this, but me and the, when we were just coming up with the character, because like, you know how tires is, dude. We have scripts. but I think it was, were you on season one or two?

Two. I remember me and McKeever being like, fuck, we need to, it was like a plot thing where we were like, we need, oh, I guess I should be on the phone call. And I was like, and we're like, it's got to be like a scumbag. It's got to be somebody that's like my nemesis. And I was like, fully. Yeah. Immediately I was to McKeever. I was like, don't even try and cast anybody else.

And he was like, why would I? You're so fucking right. And you came in and crushed it. And then we had, we talked about it. I'm going to start crying. We had, remember, remember? I am a scumbie. Yeah, remember the, like, did we talk about on the last one?

We were talking about fat shit around THC. Thomas Hayden Church, that was so fucking funny. We hadn't even met him yet. We hadn't met him. We were just completely, everyone was gone. It was like, he was sitting in a corner so he couldn't really leave, and it was fully on the couch, me and the desk. He was dressed in George Washington as well.

Yeah, Shane left, fucking McKeever left. And me and Foley were just talking about like, hoogies or some bullshit. You know, I like the mini nerds. Yeah, yeah. Which, we're going to annoy Kevin. Okay. Because I was told I wasn't allowed to talk about it anymore. No, no, no, no.

Due to a cease and desist order from the Burger King Corporation. No, you weren't a lot to talk about it. We're not a lot of just start off family episodes. This is the perfect time to bring it up. Okay, go ahead. What do you have for me? I wanted, you had mentioned something out there that you had noticed that another famous, delicious American institution had kind of butchered something.

Right. Wendy, well, so first of all, everything that's wrong with America, I mean, you really are making me fucking go socialist right now. Everything wrong with America is private equity. Like all these companies buy. Nobody had, like it used to be, we'll talk about Wendy's here, right? Yeah. Specifically, they've completely fucked the lettuce on the spicy chicken sandwich.

They've made it, they have done cost cutting shredded lettuce. It sucks. They've done other shit that's wrong with it. They're not the piece anymore. Not the piece. Because they kind of have that, it's a little rustic. Exactly. They lost that.

They have that, the branch of the lettuce. And a nice fat chunk of fucking tomato too. Anyway, purchased by... Try to let it stinks. No, what are you talking about? Purchased by private equity. Because what happens is... Wendy's was bought by private equity?

Every fast food basically has been, dude. Well, I thought... I knew they've been at King. Yeah. Well, you can still get to the CEO and convince him to change things. No, because no... I really have faith in this guy

at Burger King that... Listen, man, just fucking email me and we'll talk this to fuck out. Yeah, he's going to email you. I care that much, dude. Hit me to fuck up. A guy who loved making chicken sandwiches used to fucking run.

a restaurant and try and make a good living and make the best chicken sandwiches. Dave Thomas? Exactly. Literally, shout out to Dave Thomas. Now, some dickhead in a suit is like, oh, they're fucking, oh, if we fire all their employees and replace them with fucking kiosks and took the shredded lettuce out and did this and fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, and made the bread shittier, we could make fucking 10% more.

And everyone will hate it. No one will be happy. They'll get used to it. Or we just kill the company and fucking sell for parts and whatever the fuck. They're fucking vultures and pieces of shit. We need to sell this thing for parts, dude. I can get a decent penny for it. I told you that we shouldn't be organ dollars.

We should be organ salesmen. When you die, you should be able to sell your organs on the open market. And so Wendy's and we were talking Jersey Mikes. Jersey Mikes, the decline has just started. And that's a shame because they are a great chain. They have been bought by fucking private equity. Watch what happens over the next couple years. Jersey Mikes will be fucking subway level type shit.

See, this kind of stuff. with the not that we get political at all yes the kind this this kind of stuff I'm in because these kind of things these are you affect the fabric of our country which made us cool made us cool and good sports is another thing dude now all these fucking billions are paying like seven billion dollars the Lakers just sold for 11 billion dollars to a Kushner like that those motherfuckers don't really it used to be a family business it used to be like someone in the community that shit's fucking cool now it's fucking Epstein

island guys. And I don't, you know what I mean? It's like, they're like, that's who's buying sports teams now. No, that's truly who it is. We're just talking about lettuce. I mean, no disrespect. I think the Philly owner, don't, don't Google Philly owner Epstein. That's all I'm saying. Of the Phillies? Of the Sixers, I believe. Do a little, can you, uh... Hey, we just call it Brawn James. Give us a break. No, you guys are fucking, I mean, the team is going to be awesome this year. Completely fleece the fucking dumb ass Celtics. And LeBron coming is so, LeBron taking a helicopter from Brooklyn to fucking Philly practice every day is going to be so funny. Do we got anything

there, Luke, I don't want to be sued for... Yeah, Josh Harris and Epstein had some emails going back before 2016-ish. Not great. They could have been talking about Burger King. They could have been griping about the chili or losing the salad bar of wendys. You don't know what they said. This guy,

listen, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, for comedy purposes. This guy's a quack, by the way. I'm a quack. I'm a fucking piece of shit. This guy's trying to sink this ship. I'm trying to... Watch uncle stock. You love, if you love fast food and you hate that the billionaire class has ruined our fast food sandwiches, watch Uncle Stav.

Watch Uncle Stav. On Netflix right now. You are a, we are kindred spirits. That, that is, you know. That's how we're winning you. We don't like to get political at all, but that is a valid point, man. It's like some of those things, we got to keep. That's everything.

But also, like, listen. You know how I feel about Burger King and Pepsi, right? Kevin. Stoppy, do you know my theory on this? The country is, the country is cooler when Burger King is number one. and Pepsi is number one. That's interesting. This is,

and you can look at it. You can look at it historically. You've been saying dumb bullshit this whole hour, and you say one of the most profound statements I've ever heard in my life. And his defense has been one of his stanched. Only like really staunch opinions

that he's come up with on his own. This is what we need. Throughout the whole theme of EYJ. And you know, here's why that is, because they're the underdog corporations. And what that is, is they have to get creative. And when they're number one,

that means the legacy number one, legacy number one McDonald's and Coke, they gotta fucking, they gotta start, they gotta do a little pep on their step. And so that's the stuff. There's no one biting at your heels. Exactly, nipping at their heels, that's a great one. Again, it's also when an underdog wins,

everything is cooler and feels better. So when they're rocky, the Knicks this year. But isn't it all cyclical and this is like a little bit, but like, you know, but it hasn't been. The cycle has been broken and it may be because of what, our private equity, our communist friend is talking about it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I have an ear knife.

piece mom donnie's telling me what to say right now he's like here's i going to win over these fat idiots tell them they're ruining their wendy's chicken sandwiches don't tell my mom you know him he looks over we're wearing all gray you got the fucking mandarin collar you're fucking dress like maus et dung i've had those um but but also there because all of these things start to suck and that this has been the same thing with art and kind of anything that like the The status quo starts to suck. So people start, there has been so many more pop-ups of pizza shops of fucking artisanal burger. Like, these guys doing the stuff on a smaller level that then grow, that then creates.

Yes. And that, you know, there's been such a focus on more homegrown because all of these things now suck. Exactly. And yeah, and that's, that is the only. Which will spark creativity. Hopefully, yes. Of course. I have the perfect point on this.

Yes. Of what Stabi is saying. And you can look at this. This is an opinion. This is factly. Yes. It is with it fully. Fact is.

I didn't realize it until now, but I witnessed this exact situation happened in the middle of last, the beginning of last summer. Okay. Now, I was an active addiction and going through a lot at the time. It's a bad time to pull a memory from.

And I really leaned on a specific order for McDonald's in my use cycle to, quote unquote, as I called it, put me to bed. It was two daily doubles, and it was a 10, piece chicken McNugget with a large fry, a soda, and two of the blueberry and cream pies.

By the way, thank you Popeyes for doing the fruit and cream pie, which caused McDonald's to put the apple on hold and do fruit and cream pies. That's interesting. Because they are phenomenal. If you leave in the microwave overnight, they're fantastic. That I'm willing to, there's plenty of preservatives and whatever the fuck's feeling. That's fine. That's fine.

So here's what I'm saying. Last summer. And I love that. By the way, Foley, really nice order. Thanks, pal. Really good stuff. I've learned to appreciate the McDonald's fry to such a degree of my older age that I feel like... Your ratios are unbelievable there, too.

You've really nailed fry to chicken to burger. I've got to be honest, smaller than I anticipate. I thought that was going to go on for another 15 seconds. Proud, quite proud. Well, usually... We had it every day. No, it would be a cycle of like every fifth day of the use cycle. When fat junkie...

I mean, literally, dude, you're saying this, that's the happiest I am is when I'm doing shit like this. I really miss it. Like even I've been on like theater tours. I've been watching a movie that I have no business in, like it being in. And I, it's the happiness I get being fucked up and having a fucking having two burgers and fucking 20 nuggies come in, dude, doesn't match it. I'm literally happier. Nothing to do the next day.

Knowing you could just sleep on the couch and fucking let the world pass you by. And I've always said this too. The happiest I've ever been is the like, 30 minutes to two hours depending on how fucked up you are Between what you ate what you ate and it hitting you oh yeah You know like that when you still feel of this I'm sorry cut you off no no no you're making me you're You're fucking I'm about to fucking when those preferatives catch up to you Yeah yeah yeah yeah and your blood you can feel your blood slow down

You can feel like you Coagulating inside you So around this time of last summer or McDonald's Burger King was kind of making a little bit of a move. I don't know if they were going through a slight regime change, as you can say. Or what? Right. But McDonald's hit us with what they call the McDonald's gold sauce.

Right. Which I've talked about. It was like when you see a beautiful woman that you're seeing for the first time, but there's something familiar about her, where she feels like you were in love in a past life. Right. That's what it was like. It was phenomenal.

In the medieval times, you both worked on the same mill, and you fell in love, and you finger popped under a cobblestone street. I guess you can't do it under a cobblestone street. Somewhere under a nice fucking, god damn it, I'm fucking fucking this up. I made fun of you for not being able to pull a third celebrity. You had me a finger popped, so don't worry about it. Under a thatched roof. Go ahead.

Then, McDonald's pulled ahead. Gold sauce. went away very quickly. And you know what they're hitting us with now? They're trying to come at me with a shitty Caesar dressing dip. Bullshit. Are you fucking kidding me? Pissing me the fuck off. Are you kidding me? Stavi, make me a Caesar dressing at home

in five minutes. What are you putting in it? I'll be honest you. You're doing an egg. You're doing it. You do an egg. You do some fucking fresh cheese. We all know how to make anchovy. It's the kind of stuff that is so good fresh. Don't fucking try to. What are you doing? It's going to be too. Chemically, it's going to be too sciencey if you try and mass producing. There's no love anything. I tell you what, Burger King starts putting the fucking heat on him, that fucking Caesar's going to go away in two seconds, and that gold sauce will be fucking back.

I missed, I did not get any gold sauce. I'm fucking pissed. I definitely did a little McDonald's, but I typically, I don't know, I've been going, like, more ethnic cuisines when I'm going buckwild. A lot of Chinese, a lot of Korean, a lot of sushi, a lot of, I mean, you want to talk about, I've been in, I've put in sushi. orders that as a boy I could never dream of you know what I mean like I know the amount of money I've been like except for just like a kind of not that filling meal just to be a complete piece of shit but still it's fucking awesome to get to the point of feeling oh my god what did I do with sushi it's good it's a real long it's a marathon it's a man well you got to get sick to your stomach

now listen there's going to be some tempura involved in that oh yeah there's going to be some dumplings involved in I love a veggie tempera yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah sweet potato with fucking panco on it and some of that yozo sauce talk to me. You, you. But yes. What's that?

What the fuck? He had us with a waszab. Dude, he's been sneaking out in a conversation and it's been missing. He's got a mudweiser deal. It's been missing like crazy. We got to wrap it up. Well, you know what's funny is that it would hit.

It's just that speaks to like your timing being off because WhatsApp hits. You know what I mean? If you do it just right. But you really... I'm nothing without my gold sauce. What was the...

Can we talk about the flavor? I know we have to wrap up. but I would love to talk about their... Luke, can you get a gold sauce description, please? For Mr. Howkeye's. A flavor profile. I think it was... Hey, Luke, you make what a doctor makes a year.

Look up gold sauce for our esteemed. Oh, dude, I'm so mad. I think about Eldis makes more than the WMBA Max. Which is what, by the way? Well, actually, they upped it recently, so maybe not. But he was doing until a couple years ago. I think it was more a response to what Chick-fil-A's doing with their sauce. And also, Chick-fil-A-A-you-get-a-bottle of that.

You can get a bottle. Yeah, it's all right. Chick-fil-A is, I just, I really, they got me hook, line, and sinker. I just love what they're doing over there. They're steadfast. Who? Chick-fil-A-Fleigh. The chick-fil-a-nugget tray.

It's unbelievable. If you're having a christening without the chick-flake nugget tray, that kid's going to end up in hell. What do you got, Luke? The McDonald's special edition gold sauce is a creamy, tangy blend of vinegory, North Carolina-style barbecue sauce infused with notes of honey, smoke, and mustard. Interesting. That's an innovation. That's a guy working.

That's a guy working. Burger King can keep their feet to the fire. That Gold's hustle come back. And what we were saying outside that, that I'm all to talk about for certain people. We were also saying we need to do like a special Patreon. We need to do a quarterly Patreon fast food roundup fully. You need to come over and we need to get fat. There'll be three of those before you both die.

And they'll be worth it. For the people. Let me tell you what, Burger King's problem is. Yeah. You bite into a Whopper Jr., everything comes out. Yeah. And I'll tell you why.

It's the pickles. It's your pickles, man. Hit me the fuck up and let's get this country. What would you change? Back on track. Thinner pickle? I think we have to go, like what Kevin said, is everything is becoming farm the table or gain.

Sure. Give me a real pickle. Okay. Get better pickles. Let's get back. That don't, that country cut, maybe like a rougher cut. Give us some ridges. Dude, hit me with a crinkle cut, cut, fucking bread and butter pickle.

Never. Yeah. They're never going to do that. They'd lose $50 million a year. But it's not about, see, you're a dirty capitalist pig. No, Kevin's for the people. Me and Foley are saying, fuck corporate profits. I'm not saying I would do it.

I'm saying they would never do that. You can't say that about this man? They would never do that. He's not all dollars and same. He's about quality. You're telling me and Foley to get our heads out of the clouds. Yeah, you're screaming at the weather. These guys are like, what the fuck are you?

We can take them down. They are not the weather. Kevin agrees with us. He wants the same things as us. You have quitters of a quitter's mentality. Join the Revenue. No. You guys are yelling new pickles.

Go make your own fucking burger. That's what I do. Go make your own burger. That's fair. For the people that like your pickles. But not everybody's in the position that me and fully are. You guys are slaves. No, no, no.

You mean fully want people that don't have undeserved podcast millions to get nice pickles. The one thing we did never do. Million. Kevin The one thing Stop me it up in a mortgage How you doing? Listen,

the one thing Stavi and I can never do is touch the hearts of Americans to weigh McDonald's and Burger King has because they have like a 50 year head start That mentality you're never going to do it That's what do we do? You guys are we changed them from within?

You guys are fucking losers Do we get jobs at McDonald's and Burger King and change them from money? Shoot me a fucking email And the three of us, maybe me or you will bring Kippee in Can sit down and fucking straighten this out All right, I got two words for you

Burger buddies, bring them back. Lose the fucking pickles. By the way, for every fast food place, stop with the fucking crispy jalapinos. Nobody gives a fuck. And stop putting crispy onions on your sandwich. That's all the time of we have. Check out, Tommy.

On the new movie Tony. You got to, I was with you everywhere. They're not. The Texas Wopper. You guys would never last in corporate America. We'll work this out. We'll never last. You're losers.

We'll work it out. I think next week, literally, we have another episode. where we're arguing Foley was 45 minutes late. I was a half hour late at all. You keep saying a half. Dude,

I didn't know a pink guy. It was 40-something minutes. See? I remember. Oh, that's what this is. That was a callback to an episode that hasn't happened yet

for the most people. That's a very Tarantino move on us. That is. Stavi, brand new special it's out right now. Uncle Stavee on Netflix. Yes, sir. And also randomly,

if you're in Mississaaga, I'm doing a theater, like a big show. John Malaney is headlining. Fred Armisen is there. Let's go. James Austin Johnson. shout out to Mike Barbiglia for dropping out.

And they needed someone last minute. And a lot of other people said no. Sure. I apologize that got heated, got gumbled and all that kind of stuff. No, no, no. Don't let Kevin's corporatist mentality. What are you talking about? You guys were ready to join this.

This guy's hometown America. What are you talking about? I'm a podcast for the people. Spy the people. These guys are going, should we join McDonald's? Burger King, they don't care. Corrupt them from within. They just want those big cor-

They want a golden parachute is what they're looking for. Listen, one thing I want to say about Kevin James Ryan? Yes. He's a main street guy. You're a Wall Street guy. He's a main street guy. He cares about America. He's got a child.

He's invested in the future. That's true. That's true. And I want better pickles. I think you're about to ask me for money. I want better pickles. I want to ask you for Burger King. All I want is better pickles for your child than for children everywhere.

That's all. That's all we need. That's all we want. We do that. I'm going to raise my void to go, hey, there's no pickles I want. I'm going to go make my own pickles. A self-starter. All right.

This goes back to my assimilate. Don't annihilate, baby. Oh, we can't get into that. That's, I would check where you found that. I read it on a far side this morning. There's two caterpillar who saying it. Gang, we love you. Are you Garbage Special?

September 13th, American Garbage. Oh, hell yeah. We love you. And we'll see you there. Peace.