Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fat Guy Mistakes w/ Big Jay Oakerson

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Big Jay Oakerson! You know Big Jay from stand up comedy, Kill Tony, Legion of Skanks, Story Warz, The Bonfire, the Joe Rogan Experience, Matt and Shanes Secret Podcast, Whiskey Ginger, Stavvy's World, the Soder Podcast, We Might Be Drunk, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Brunt Workwear: Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code GARBAGE at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/GARBAGE Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Warby Parker: Our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping when they buy two or more pairs of prescription glasses at https://WarbyParker.com/GARBAGE — using our link helps support the show. Chubbies: Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code garbage at https://chubbiesshorts.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash.

I'm your host, Dave Trulley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition. She's out ice skating on the Delaware. A little choppy out there, to be honest with. All right. My coves is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage and international businessman. and my best pal in the whole wide world

and I love them. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang, shout out Tia. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you're ready to subscribe on iTunes. Full video available, YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify, too, and the boys are climbing the friggin' charts, baby. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www. www.p.p.com slash shari garbage.

You go over there, you get all that sweet content, gang. That's right, and gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guests here with us today. back again. Family at this point, a legend in the RU Garbage Universe. Give it up for the one, the only big Jay Ogerson.

Small Jay Ogerson. Dude, you look fantastic, by the way. Thank you. I appreciate it. I want to tell you, this is garbage for sure. All I'm mesmerized by is that you guys hit that 100,000 thing before they changed it to the shitty trophy now. Oh, it's changed?

Really? It's like maybe half the size. Very flimsy, like, plasticy. You have to pay for it. Yeah. We did? Well, they give you, I think you get one, right? And it's like, it's like $53 and they give you a $53 credit.

Like you put the code in and it takes the whole price off. But if you want another one, like, if me and you each wanted one, I'm $53. All right. Which we are not doing. I can use it. I'm pure principle. I could use one of those. Sure.

Throw that around my family's face a little. Is that a young foley over there? It's a young folly. What? That's Bubba fat. I do get those confused. Were you a young intergalactic bounty hunter? I live many lives.

He's glad it was the 90s. The outer rim, huh? I don't get in all that. How you feeling, pal? I'm feeling good. You look fantastic. Looking good, feeling good. I drove here, listening to L.O. Cool J.

Salute the sample. Oh, there you go. I don't know why I still get excited when I hear rappers talk about old music. I'm, like, always surprised. It's like hearing a child have information you don't know. Is that racist? What do you mean? What?

Just L.O. Cool J's like, yeah, the sample from this kid in play song was taking it from a song from 1973. And I remember my mom dances. And it's like some, you know, like Barry Hanwick and, you know, the treacherous three. Frankie Beverly. Yeah, it's like these bands you've never heard of before. And you're like, oh, listen that. That's the kid in play song. Yeah, yeah.

I know, it's always when you hear this, I mean, because I can't, I started listening like the number with like, you know, Puff Daddy and all like the no limit and all that stuff. It was all sampled. And then I would hear the original song. Like they fucking ripped off Buffy. Yeah, some of those were just the song. The original song was good. Like that's just the way it is.

That's just a good song. Oh, it's fantastic. You just talking over it. You have hit three old dudes doing a podcast. Well, that's what is. That's just a gotcha hot track. You know, when rap came out, especially when it started becoming the things, you were like, I like it. It sounds cool, but like artistically trash.

Yeah, it's fucking trash. And then that's why it's the one music that you can't, like, get into the new now at all. Because now I feel how my, you know, old white neighbors felt about hip hop when I liked it. And the new stuff that was coming out, I'm like, no, the Wu-Tang Clan, though, they're really great. It's all crap. You can't show me one little baby song where I'm like, that's actually great. It doesn't exist. Gotta give me a sample little hole in oats.

I need a sample. See the sample involved That's why I say crazy things Like hey Have you guys heard the new Everlast album What? No one's listening to it Hey you know Ray Kwan still putting out stuff Um

Mama said knock you out came out I wanted that hoodie so bad I could never get my can this another thing too Like when I was a fat little kid I couldn't understand why my clothes didn't fit The way Michael J. Fox closed Oh hello cool J's clothes did a fit No but he was like velvet

And I didn't put it together That my hoodies had like the the stitch in the middle and his didn't have that. Just the way it hung on him was so cool. The boxing one, right? The boxing ring one. Loved it.

Who was that against Big Daddy Kane? He was beefing with somebody during that. Mama said knock you out. I can't remember who it was. Oh, was he? Somebody got it. I wasn't the Jamie Fox one. That was great.

Remember he punched Jamie Fox? Yeah. That's all pre-vivis before I was like checked in. Well, no. That was on any given Sunday set. Yes. They like didn't get along. And I guess they were talking shit together.

Like in between scenes and like, Elkoot J punched him in the face. Oh shit. I wouldn't fuck with him. Ever Ice T. I feel like Ice T could do some damage. No, you could take Ice T now. He's like, dude, he's like, got to be 72 years old.

You had to wait long enough for all of it. But yeah, for sure. Even like, I'll be honest, even like a Chuck Zito, you could probably take him now. Who did we, we saw, we saw Chuck Lundel not that long ago in the summer. Yeah, still kick your ass. He'd still fuck us up. Yeah, for sure. Because he didn't hit, like, the last, like, people always, especially when people age well,

it is funny when they finally hit it. Like Johnny Depp obviously finally hit it. Yeah. Now he's like goofy looking at his best. Swollen. Still fuck him now. Tommy Lee, all that shit Tommy Lee went through with the girl.

Do you know all that thing? No. Girlfriend or his wife, I guess he was with forever. Was DMing somebody or she thought she was. She was getting catfished by the lead singer of falling in reverse. Crazy town? No, yeah.

No, he's gone. He's long gone. Rest and Pist. Where's a piece. Shifty shovel shifty. Shifty. Furn. Poser.

It might be, it might be swift. I don't know. It's one of those two. I was called my hair. Shifty shovel ships. It ain't Lawrence. Man, we thought it was cool when it came out, though, remember?

Do you're like, I want a body like that? I want tattoos on my shoulders like that. Yeah. He was fucking, I was in, how old were you? I mean, I was in, I think, eighth grade. What year did that drop? Let's tell what year coming out. What year did, uh, I mean, I could look at a time.

Probably graduated. Um, what's the name was the song again? Butterfly. Butterfly. Butterfly. Sugar. Lady. Um, by Sugar Town?

No. No. Crazy town. Oh, I'm sorry. What are you guys in the fucking fan. Come on, Joe. Yeah, Upper Darby chapter. 1999.

Geez, I was doing comedy for two years. I was unironically listening to that on drives to New York black shows. From Philly. I got to go to Manhattan proper and get booed in front of Kubu Bice. Where do they start sampling this, huh? Come, my lady, come, come, my lady. I used to drive with so many black comedians, though. It is funny.

I learned the bands that if you didn't want to just do hip-hop. the whole time you can like they would like there's just something I know it it's you could do a test on it it just like have something playing and it was a deaf tones tool corn really uh at earliest times when it would be like Kevin Hart and me and Keith and stuff keep you're obviously driving in the car like a Papa Road really that song obviously like the song yeah yeah yeah yeah some early metallic but tool deaf tones and corn always had like an effect that if I had a black comic in the car they always go who's this you go right You're feeling that hip-hop energy

You're feeling that hip-up energy a little bit My favorite video is when they show Like old school black dudes Listen to the music for the first time And they're digging it You know what I mean? They'll have like Joe Cocker or somebody on There's not bobbing their heads

Like yeah You're watching like Music reaction videos Yeah Oh black people reacting to music Oh it is great When black people watch tool And they go ooh

It's so fake And they even call it like different things They even call it goes Oh this isn't that drop You get that drop It goes it's just called the guitar part James Taylor's a bad money I remember riding with black comics

I learned that you can get gas in very small odd denominations I swear to God Chris Cotton drove us from New York City to Bethlehem Pennsylvania and we didn't get on one highway and stuff for gas

14 times and we just kept putting and go I'll put seven in to get just to get us going because he was looking for cheaper gas and we were so broke and I remember just being Like, let's just put in $15 now.

Fuck that. You get jammed up out there. You'll need that $8.50. Put a little bit in to get to the next. When I first moved to New York, I remember having to do that. When I go back to visit, like, my mom or something back there, like, how much you come back and be like, it was still. When I came to New York, there was still, you can come home and get it for, like, a dollar something. Save it where you get back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it was really important to find that, like, cheap gas. My mom does that at a while. Go to Wawa. It's a dollar cheaper. What the fuck? What? That and a free AT&D.

You can get a pretzel. Free air, too, free tire. Free air, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best thing that they've loosened up on that. Free air. That and the put, well, no, it was always a quarter. Well, that or it's like, very least. Very least.

Have a machine you can, like, tap the card too. I mean, the insanity of having the rummage through and find a quarter to put this thing. So it works for three minutes. You're going to, can you break a 10? I need four quarters, too. They're always a dick about that, too. Yeah, okay. All right, let's get, I got, I got one thing I want to bounce off you.

I felt this is a situation. Me? No. What? Who are you? Jay's here. I'll be rude. I'll try, man. How are you looking at garage beer?

I like it a lot, dude. It tastes like pinpoint accurate snaps. There you go. I don't know what that means, but you hear that, Kelsey boys? Yeah, he snaps the ball. He snaps the ball, pinpoint accurate. Very good. You thought what did you think it was like a candy or something?

Snaps. I didn't know they make them anymore. How does that tie into a center? That's like you're talking about EBP. This is racist. I went to a nice steakhouse, and this reminded me of your story out in Long Island. I'm curious as how you would handle such situation. I went out, I got there.

I had a black t-shirt and jeans on, which I feels like pretty. It's okay. What do you go to a christening in Upper Darby? He died. It's like a carpenter going to a Holy Communion party. He goes, I got to stop by. I'm a foreman on this job, so I got to stop by. so these guys aren't fucking around

because then I'm going to swing by a christening. Uh-huh. Yeah. It's just a matter of pulling your chain out or not. Tucking the shirt in or not was big. Foreman had his shirt tucked in a lot of time. He meant business. I always loved that sopranos when they would stop by the job site

before they would go to dinner or something like that. I was probably the fucking life. It wasn't. My whole life was going to job. I stopped by the job site every time with my dad and you're just like, this is. You are not needed on the roof of an act on the roof of an act. Make sure what he's working right now.

I can tell you that. But you got to make sure they're doing it. Come on, Dad, we're going to miss the previews. Sitting in a car. Acme trusted me with a job. They need new air filters on their units. And so I'm feeling okay. I mean, I'm not the classiest dress guy, but I'm, you know, okay.

It's fine. It's fine. Nice black T-shirt. Nice black T-shirt. Polo outlet. A pair of shoes. A pair of sneakers. Okay.

Dark jeans, you know. They sit me down. Nice steakhouse. I have my jacket off. There's no coat check. So I take my jacket off and I put it on the chair. And then the hostess who sat me said, sir, all gentlemen are required to wear a collar. And I said, well, I don't have one.

Kind of freaky shit are you guys into? I'm talking dog collar. And she said, okay, well, I have, we have a jacket like a blazer that you can wear. I was embarrassed. Or I could sit there with my outdoor jacket on and eat a steak like a fucking homeless person. Out of it to go container I gotta get out of here I gotta get out of here

I gotta go So here's my thing I'm a bigger gentleman in my whole life So now I don't know what size jacket They're because they bring it to me I don't go

You want to look at it goes 42 long Yeah she's eyeing up What are you about a 42 long? Yeah Giuseppe Thanks It's got those question marks

All over it I want to save on your taxes Pull out a real tape measure Start sitting your in seam. So I volunteered. At this point, I'm thoroughly embarrassed. A lot of cool black guys around me, too. Tableful and they went, oh, they saw it go down.

So now I'm thoroughly embarrassed. She comes out, brings a jacket. I got to stand up and roll the dice on this thing fitting. You should have went to black people. You always got to get them on your sidebag. Bitch talking about I got to wear a polo shirt or some shit. You ever hear to death tones? You believe this shit?

Cut my life it! Hit me! Especially with the charging for gas out there, am I right? Cut my life in two pieces. So I was very embarrassed. I did take it, and jacket ended up fitting. It looked pretty good. I kind of had stains of other guests on it. Now, there's a picture.

Oh, there we go. It looks solid, right? I mean, it's a dark picture, but it doesn't like you wore it there. I mean, it looks like it belongs to you. Sure. You probably get scared. You went to take a bathroom selfie. It was pretty hilarious.

I had to. It's for the show. For the program. Would you take the jacket or eat in your jacket? I don't know. Or leave. Probably. What jacket would you have, though?

What do you mean? Did I be wearing? Yeah. Like, what's your outdoor jacket? But the one you wore here. Assuming it has denim and pins on it. It's got the Misfits logo big on the back. That was huge.

Sleeves. Yeah. Sleeves leather. Most of a denim. Sir, can we hang your duster for you? Yeah, it would be like, I mean, I'm wearing a, like, a bomber jacket today. I guess I'd wear that. It's pretty thin enough that it would work.

But, I mean, like, no, if I wore, like, a winter jacket, particularly, now, that would be insane looking. That's what I have. It was like a winter jacket. Yeah, yeah, fur wrists, cutting into a steak. I've got my hood up. I'm going to get all ju in my fur, my lynx fur. I don't know.

Does the place, look, up the place is there a is there a a dress code just code on the website there is on the I didn't see it on the website but they listen they did do they hide it is it buried the dress code it's that classic dress code the place the place I went to

no work boots you said yours didn't have it listed but it is listed I can find the name of the place you can look at their plate but their thing is in the reason I wouldn't you to bring it up at all is because I'd want to show you they do it they have a thing too and I didn't break it. I didn't break the code

even in a Cypress Hill hoodie and long jean shorts. That's crazy. And bright crispy whites. That's a big thing. Come on, guys. You know that. Sure. Some crispy whites? This is the place I was at. They do have... I mean, Luke had found it. We've gone over there. Oh, there it is. House rules at Ruxton Dining

Policy, which there's one move into Philadelphia. Everybody's been DM and me. We aim to create a memorable and parallel dining experience. Please refrain from short. Please refrain from the following short or sleeveless T-shirts and tank tops for gentlemen. Hooded sweatshirts clothing as offensive, including but not limited to language graphics exposed undergarments. So right there, I'm dead to rights. Please refrain for you. I mean.

But who's where? What are? Short T-shirt? It's a short T-shirt. Like a short-sleeve-shirt, short or sleeveless T-shirt? I thought that meant like a half-shirt. A belly shirt, crop top. Sleeves a gentleman, hooded sweatshirts, no.

clothing that's offensive You weren't having nothing there What? It says no fat chicks It says your seat here With an arrow to my face Theo What's the shirt that Sebastian Bach wore?

He goes what? This says AIDS kills Dead? What? Dude? It's from the 90s. It's vintage. No, he wore it.

Remember he wore it the Grammys? He did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Police Academy, Steve Gutenberg wore a t-shirt in the beginning. It was a half shirt that said one in the oven

with an arrow pointing down. I couldn't figure out for the life of me. You guys cooking? He got a pot rose going? His weiner's bacon. I want to remember the name of this place. We went, we did this. And I'm fans.

It's in the Hamptons, wasn't it? Yeah, fans, you left started leaving bad yellow reviews. Did they? Good, good. I've never been here, but my friend Jason came in. Nothing on there says you can't wear our Cypress Hill so. Insinct. The best part was me questioning all of this while I was sitting there.

from like Chris Cuomo. It's like people like that were there. And you're like, oh, ooh, la la. But I've dressed like that at any place. Cuomo, you believe this shit? Kim, let's talk about Brunt, baby. Brunt workwear. Let's talk about the best boots ever going to put on,

specifically talking about the Marin and the Omen. Mm-hmm. Fantastic boots. I, like a bozo. Well-documented. Bad boot choice you did. Bad boot choice. Discount boot plates.

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Bad boots are ruining my life. So what did Kippie do? Kippie got you a pair of marines. And I appreciate it. Thank you, Brunt. Shout out to Brunt. You got to come correct. They know what they're doing.

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No breaking period. That's what he did with his book. I've got to break him in. Not with Brunt. Brunt. Brunth. Vaseline on these things. I had to fucking wear him in the rain.

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This puts it all in one place, categorize it. Look, this is what you're spending this week, this month. This is what you got coming up. I was signed up for a lot of bozo thing. I found something that was like a significant chunk of change that was going to hit us again. And I called my wife and said, the hell I thought you canceled that she because I thought I did she didn't rocket money came in saved the day nice how when you saved the friggin' day um some voodoo hair treatment you're

from the far east let rocket money help you and you reach your financial goals quicker join rock and money dot com slash garbage that's rocket money dot com slash garbage do it i'll tell you where la is pretty cool so the la does they're pish posh places they don't give a fuck what you come dressed as i've won a nice places new york's kind of the same though there's no like Most part. You don't have to wear, like, shoes. Like, there's no... They think you're important with the worst your dress.

New York City, I agree. You can go into any steakhouse. They don't give a fuck. What about carbone? Can I walk into carbone? However you want. Yeah? You've been?

Yeah. How did you get there? God damn... Celebrity. My manager at the time, Dave Kimmelowitz, and my agent was in town. They wanted to go there, and they got us, you have to go and you can go.

We had an 1145 PM reservation. So that is the answer of how we went. We're going tomorrow. Spicy rigatoni at 9 a.m. Trying to muscle it down you. Guys got a coffee. A chicken parm omelet. Did you?

I went to Carbone also as part of a Bachelor Party. I went to once with Destination Bachelor Party. Do it where a bunch of people went. That was a weird one. What was this at? You guys. We weren't. No, we weren't there.

You weren't there. No, no, no, no. Was it in Miami? No. Was it in New York? No. Vegas. Vegas.

Oh. Do you know the one? I know whose party it was, yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you heard the story before? No, you're looking at me like a little girl. You remember? Oh, you don't know the story it is?

No, I don't know who's. Well, somebody else. Somebody else threw it, obviously. You know, a best man or something. Sure. Throws it. Because I don't think the person who, like, whose it was would know this at all, but every step of the way, all these people,

I was like, hey, do you guys have fun? That was really fun when we told everybody to come down to the pool cabanas and stuff. That was a lot of fun, right? Well, if you guys wouldn't mind, it's $50 a person. $1,200 bucks ahead. Gathering around for money. Everything we did, it was so. And Carbone was one of those things as they go.

Guys were sitting down, it's a prefixed meal. And you're like, oh, cool. All the food here is really good. And they go, $250 a person. At one point, me and soda had to start covering people because I started seeing, like, you know, lower money people going like, oh, God. All I had was some spaghetti. Relax, man.

Just enjoy your food. Don't worry about it. I remember doing that on a bachelor party in Atlantic City. I was so broke. And some of the kids, some of their friends were like, you know, lawyers and stuff. And they started ordering rounds of, like, whiskey to the table. And I'm going, I'm okay. My argument would be.

I ain't fucking falling on this. My argument would be the guy throwing it pretty wealthy. Probably going to cover all this. Yeah. Yeah, the guy covered it was very well. The guy, yeah, very well. It should have been no problem, man. Yeah, you shouldn't, there shouldn't have been cash in hand at an event like that.

You know, I don't know if you guys ever had a chance to watch that new Corey Filman documentary. Corey Filman versus the world. That's next on the docket for me. Buddy, it should be. It's the greatest documentary ever made. It starts, though. The first access that director girl got was his wedding in Vegas to his chick that he met at the Playboy Mansion. They're separated now.

But it shows as they're sitting down at the reception, someone has to get on the microphone and goes, hey guys, so we're asking everyone for the meal you just had. If anyone could just do between like $35 and $50. And he's like, Corey, where should they put? He's like sitting at a table and he goes, Corey, where should they put it? And he just does that, you know, he wants this to be done, but he didn't want to be involved at all.

So he kind of goes like, he's like. In the back. Yeah, he's like, I don't know. His wife's pointing at like a bucket right in front of her. Wait, is this, they're getting, this is that the wedding? Yeah. What? the wedding.

Yeah. Oh. You got to pay for your dinner. Brutal. I mean, something like that, I'm fucking leaving. You're technically supposed to do that with gift. And in a check as a gentleman and what you have up to one year to do, by the way. I went to a wedding one time in the summer.

It's a dirtbag rule, yeah. Interesting. I went to a wedding one time in the summer and fucking had a hundred bucks in the envelope. And it was outside thinking it was out of place, though. And it was all tense. I'm like, all right, well, they'll have the inside open to cool off. nothing sweating my balls off drinking coronas and i got all fucked up because it was hot and i started crying in the car on the way home i fucking took that hundred bucks back fuck him it's crazy

sounds like you needed it i tell you when i went to uh beckione's wedding did i tell i don't hear yeah yeah yeah the pants yeah yeah it's crazy there's suspender pants i i didn't know that buttons and i had to oh man i had to do my belt like i was going to do heroin in my ass not sure how that even is a thing well you see you would squeeze the middle of your body to hold the pants up also constricting your veins which would make them pop which makes it easier to uh it's all junk of it's uh it's a basic junkie math bro

yeah kevin you're from the suburbs never seen somebody tie off okay well good i'm blessed how blessed for you i don't think i've ever seen anybody tie off anybody like shooting drugs i'm trying to think about I mean, just as, like, on the street, like, walking, but never, like, anybody I was with. I've seen somebody loading on the street, like, loading it, but I've never seen, like, anyone going. I've seen, like, the actual punk butt just, you know, you don't make eye contact. You see, I've seen the, a sleep afterwards.

Sure. Looks like this. Beasful, man. Gang eye roll is smokes it. Yeah, nice. My squad. First thing, dude. Stage four cancer, I leave that doctor's office and go.

On the needle? Who can we get heroin? When I go needle right away? not if I didn't have to. Who is your call to get heroin? I guess probably don't answer that. Yeah, yeah. That just got real serious.

See if Artie Lang's number still works, I guess. I go, I know you're off the shit, thank God. But who's your guy? You still got your beeper outside of your apartment. Yeah, that'd be the first one I'd try. Really? Yeah, I'd sit there with a guitar that I've never done how to play in my life. Trying to jump and shot, even trying to get some hits out.

A legal pad, a nice pen maybe I got from a. From like the nice section at Office Max. This one's called cancer. How would have been the tragicest thing you've said in 15 episodes. The nice section of Office Max. Oh, the nice pen section. You know what I mean? Not even going to Staples.

They've got a couple of Hyundai's in there. I'm at Office Depot. I'm not using some hotel pen to fucking write my opus. Yeah, sit there and I'll go, all right. Let's see if we can learn the guitar. Stage 4 cancer. It's in the heroin. They said I got three months.

Let's go, dude. Where's my stairway? Where's my stairway to heaven? That's so funny. I feel like any of the time someone tells me that they didn't get off heroin. I was like, you're writing good tunes? And they're always like, no, it was like, you know.

There's also like seven guys who've done heroin and wrote good music. But I believe that's all, I only try to see the good it could do. Clapton, man. He cranked out a bunch of hits where he was all jacked up on H. Anything I would try to do like drugs, that I would justify drugs was for like the own self thing of it. I'm like, well, I want to do heroin.

They write a song. Sure. People like, I want to do coke because you'll lose a bunch of weight. And they go, well, that's not always the case. some people do because they go all in on coke and I was like, oh. Yeah, you really got to apply yourself. Yeah, I wanted to Coke. It was funny, if I would have been more of a scientist, when people would say, you should

do Coke to lose weight, I was like, no, I mean, I wanted to just make me not hungry at all. If I would have thought to make Ozempic, that's the basic idea I was saying there. Yeah. I remember I had a kid. We were like 10. Fat kid. He's smoking Sigs at 10. Nice.

He's seen shit. He seen his dad hit his mom. And we were, I remember being like, dude, why are you smoking? And, like, I've just started smoking shortly after. So, like, I was just more like here. I'm like, you smoke cigarettes? He's like, yeah, I do it to stay thin. And I'm like, I don't think that's how it.

That's something some fat mom told me. That's exactly. That's an adult. You're an adult singer. Yeah, I'm like, I don't think. I think it's like when you quit SIGs, you get, like, it's not preventing. He's Johnson. You're like 300 pounds.

It's also then like, hey, pick up and start doing two packs today. I don't know what's fat piece of you got to crank it up. Turn it up a notch. Man, the things fat chicks did in the 80s to fucking stay thin. You would know, huh? Yeah, I was on the Slim Fast for a while. Sure, what of it? I did it for three weeks in a challenge with Ari Shafir.

Slim Fast? Yeah, we saw who would lose more weight on Slim Fast. I used to love him. He used to love him. I used to drink them as like, I didn't know it was like a meal. I was drinking them like they were like Diet Coke. These are fat kid mistakes with me. My great grandmother, when she would come to the house, they had for her, when she came

to my grandmother's house, she would come, they had inshors for her, which are, I think, to make old people stay alive with calories. They are, yeah. And I was like, this is milkshake in a can? It's like, your great-grandmother needs this. This is her life's blood. I'm like, it's so chocolate-y. She gets to have four chocolate milks a day?

This bitch. That sucks. He's taking a hit off her oxygen tank. Dude, I had an older gentleman in our family pass away, left this, like a satch, like a cash of fucking insure. Like, he had, like, five months supply. That's all he was on. I don't think I've ever actually had one.

are. They're high-calorie, like chocolate or vanilla drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a meal replacement with, like, all the ribio-flavin you need. And these alcoholics, like these, from this other side of the family came, and they saw the insured. And that's what they eat because they're alcohol. They don't really eat.

They just drink. That's how you stay. They were like, who's claim? Like, everybody ransacked the house to be like, I want the China. I want the TV. And they're like, they go walking out with a palada insured. They all have girt and fucking heartburn all the time. One of the things we've been doing on the show is asking,

there's things as, you know, a dirtbag your whole life. A new homeowner. New homeowner. You got a couple of bucks on you, doing okay. What are some things that doesn't have to be expensive, right? Just what are some little things you either do around the house on the car when you're traveling that make you feel rich? You know what I mean?

Examples are like somebody has like the soft closing drawers in their kitchen where they're Like every time they do that, they go. He did towel rack. He did towel rack. Somebody had little individual salt and pepper shakers for everybody at the table. The bidet, kind of. A bidet in all bathrooms. All bathrooms.

We've really ruined that. Septic tank, though. Huh? I have a septic tank so you can't use wipes. Really? If I could use wipes, I don't know if I would even have gotten a bidet ever. But now that I have one, I do like it. Yeah, Americans are really.

Did you go like the crazy Japanese one? I got a nice one. Yeah, they're good. Just the top, like the seat tops to do it. but I mean like they work and they really uh I was so against it's like every even with wipes at one point at a wipe you're like dude you have to use wipes I'm like you're crazy I did the same thing I'm gonna smear it all around my ass then I became almost exclusively wipes uh never looked back and then people kept saying but days ago I don't understand it I don't understand how it's gonna do the thing

just squirting water on your air and then you get it and you go there it is how am I gonna drink that the things I do though in there it's like uh I mean, I'd assume pretty soon the asshole control that I have can make a real mint on only fans or something. Because while I sit there, sometimes now what I use it for is, and you guys have done the, what are the tri-seppatides or the? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, GLP-1s. Yeah. I'm on Zepbound right now. Me too.

So when those things like, and you, sometimes you feel like you have to go, you're not going enough. Sometimes it blocks you up. Something down. Sometimes it gives you diarrhea. Yes. And then, but the bidet, I will often now use, oh, what I've learned with my. asshole control is to bloom for it. You can flower out.

I flower, I bloom. You present. You show us a peacock. And then with a series of blooms, and I'm doing it right now, actually. As a series of those, it's almost like, like sucking a little water up there. So as it'll get the fucking pipes going.

Get the, uh, loosen it up. Oh, yeah, like a little enema. You get rid of all the possible it's still in there. Sure. Nice. You could use poppers for that, too. Oh. Or a grown man's ween.

He goes, nothing a little spit in two of your fingers couldn't handle. Taking a shit with a jock strap on. So do you have anything? Other than that? Other than the bidet. You got any marble in the house? I don't think. So the countertops are like nice, but I don't know if they're marble.

What's your cutting board situation? Any appliance where you're like this coffee maker, this blender? I'm trying to think. I'm trying to. The fact, a TV. Here's would probably be like an ash. A TV in every room is pretty. I mean, you are a fucking dirt back.

My industrial size as smoke eater. TV in every room. What do you mean every room? Every room. The last one I thought about. Living room. Living room. Well, that's not the craziest room.

I hope he's starting from the obvious. Yeah, duh. Work backwards. Living room. Kitchen. Yeah. Really? Well, kitchen dining room.

But yeah. Open floor plan. Open floor plan. Huge, though. Big TV. No bathrooms now. Bathrooms I watch a computer or phone. Do you have dimmer switches in the bathroom?

Yes. Wait, you bring your laptop into the bathroom and put it on your knees? Or I hold it like I'm reading poetry to a loved one. Really? Yeah, I hold it out. And you watch your shows? It's where I go through. With your bloomed bathroom.

Yeah, where I'm not blooming, sure. When I'm not accepting that water inside of me. that's where I go and do my daily run-through of a world star hip-hop you're still doing world star the nip slip into the nip slip this is my trail every day what's the nips slip what do you have mr skin com oh the nipslipslips fantastic uh it links with mr skin yeah go to the nip slip is that Spotify though no it is uh YouTube no no no it's the nipslip.com oh my apologies and it's your daily dose of like who

was almost or was naked this week in celebrity world. Huh. It's great. There you go. Ah, the rain underwear. It's a thing. The girl. Sure.

Wardrobe malfunction and Mishaps collection. There you go. That's just regular girls. But there you go. Tovlo did a little thing with her tits. Amelia Gray Hamlet, whoever that is. You like, you like. Tits and ass that much.

You go to this. Look at Melanie Griffith. Well, I just. I'm not just. I'm, that is more of a respect, not a judgment. Yeah, this isn't. It's not a jerk situation. Sure, yeah.

It's just like, well, again, with all the broadcasting I do, and also the radio show, it really is funny how different, like, radio is of a podcast. You got to be up on the news? No. Like a fucking Larry King over here. Not the news, but that is a real, like, because it's daily. So it's like, they really follow your week with you. Sure.

So it's like, if there's a thing, it's like, you know, at some point in the conversation, I just want to go, hey, you see Charlie X, CX, a flashed your underwear, the thing yesterday. And then, you know, let Bobby take a peek at it. And then we talk about famous underwear flashes or something. I can stay up on what's. going on. I've never seen Game of Thrones, but I've seen every pussy on it. I'll give you that. Yeah, it's all it is. I don't have to watch Game of Thrones. The nipslip will just show me. Sit through the dragon shit. What are we doing?

Enough with the little people, huh? I'll tell you what sucks, though, is the laptop I've had forever this little, about this size. It's just shit in the bed and so many viruses and stuff. Dirty little girl, huh? Then now if I look up porn on Bing, which is sometimes the best search. for your pornography. Are you trying new sites? Don't you just go to Porn Hub? No. Why?

Because you can go to these sites that will show you whatever it is you want to watch. They'll show you what they have of that on Porn Hub, on X Hamster, on X videos, whatever one's your favorite. And it shows you all of them. Bing's one of the things that does that. So if you go to Bing and you type it, I don't know,

Big Beck. Big Blackhawk gang bang. Let's say. You type in B on my computer. That's filling in purple before you even have to type anything else. Now, homemade, I might throw in there too. Then if you do that, on Bing, it'll bring. Get out of here, Luke.

On Bing, it'll show you, well, for you have to turn Safe Search off. That's a big deal. Where's Safe Search? Well, you have to look it up first. You have to look it up first. I'm going to sign it for this. I mean, you don't have to sign it at all. Get that off.

Safe search. off. Put on the big J filter. Welcome back, Jason. Now, BBC Gang Bang. Now, if you do that, it'll show you videos that are from, the most watch videos from Pornhub that are that, from all the sites. Okay. It's a compiling. All right. Safe search is still on. Oh, wait, you have to go into videos, though. Click the

videos up top. This is your first time. Don't be upset with yourself. There's a real long poop you're taking me. And then you over Safe Search over there. Yeah, turn that off. There you go. Look. Spank, bang. TXX-X-Hampster Porn 1 Spank-Bang which is a nice one And that's how you get demonetized

Well you do you blur this I don't know You're kids out there watching This isn't my show I'm gonna make a production call up You guys seem to play it a little up the middle A couple of squares I know where I'm at

I know how to read a room You're on a Today Show doing this to Michael Strayan He's freaking out. Yeah, but talking about that Warby Parker. Warby Parker. We're talking about style. We're talking about color.

Clareby. We're talking about prescription or just sunglasses. You want to go over to Warby Parker. It's got that nice name Warby Parker. That's where cool people get their sunglasses. Sure. Here's my thing. A lot of bozos out there, ourselves included.

Yes. Don't know a lot about a lot. Ain't got a lot of scratch. No. Listen, we're not buying the Christian Dior to this, da, da, that. Get out of it. Warby Parker laces you up real nice for not and without breaking the bank. Yeah.

That's how they do. Listen, a little bit, just a little bit of detail, a little bit of this, a little bit of that, something where you go, like that, looking good, looking fresh. You go over to that Lake Como over there in Italy. Sure. With George Clooney, you got a pair of Warby Parker's on. Uh-huh. You got to blend right in. Yes, Wolverie Parker has distributed over 20 million pairs of glasses that people in need through its buy a pair, give a pair program.

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W-A-R-B-Y-Parker.com slash garbage. After your purchases, they're going to ask you how you heard about the show. Tell me the boys. Tell me the boys. Maybe not the boys. Are you garbage? Yeah, but you're talking about chubbies, baby. Chubby, chubby, I got a chubby.

I got a chubby over chubbies. I know. Spring, summer's coming, and I'm down a couple of pounds. I'm back in my chubbies. I got a swimsuit sitting in there that's going to knock the boys out. Looking like two pressed hands walking down. a high dive. Look at you now.

You know who loves the Chubbies? The kids love the chubby. My wife. Huh? Everybody loves the chubby. Yeah. My cousins at college, everybody's on Chubbies.

Here's the thing. There's a perfect cut, the fabric. There's something to it where like I'm a bow. I've always been a bozo with bathing suits. I got, you know, I try. I order it as I do that or I just use basketball shorts. I look like an idiot. Chubbies was nice enough.

Sent us a nice care package. You put them on and you go, I look like I belong at a swim up bar with a mitai. Yes. I look like I should be doing a cannonball off a dock in a lake with some hot chicks. That's what it is. You got a pair of Chubbies on. You don't mind walking to the beach with the shirt off and just a towel over you.

Working on your collar. Yeah. Even though you're a big, even though you're a thicker guy. Sure. For a limited time right now, Chubbies is giving our listeners 20% off. Holy heck with the code garbage at chubby shorts. That's 20% off your order with the code garbage. Give your thighs the VIP treatment they deserve with Chubby.

Support our show and tell them the boys. But yeah, my thing is it's a world star nip slip. Then I type in the words, Eagles news. Then I do Sixers news. Read the headlines. Back to nipslip. Oh, no, all while this is going on, by the way. All the tabs running on this, are they new tabs?

That's one at a time on these. He's red zone in it. This guy's old school, baby. On my phone, on my phone, I go. to YouTube and look up like when I was go to my home page and it'll be like you know the Eagles just did what or something

on YouTube. Yeah, yeah. I watched the Philly Talk podcast, Thomas Mott Show and the Philly special show. I think those last two I mentioned are in cahoots with the team. Okay. The other one's just a guy. They got inside access. The other one is just a guy. Or

run it back Philly is the guy I watched for Sixers stuff. And I just turn that on and I put it on the ledge. next to me while I'm taking a dump. You're like a guy who just found out about computers. You had seven of them go. I listen to that and I go, World Star Hip Hop, the nips slip. Eagles News, Sixers News.

Then we start jumping. Basically, I throw out feelers now to go, am I going to jerk off? I've been there, Daddy. I go to the eFox. Let's see if I can get the juices. You don't walk on the lot unless you're looking to buy. Come on. No, here's how you find out.

You got to go to the sites where the porn isn't necessarily for jerking off. You're looking for like a... That doesn't exist. Romantic? Well, eFuck.com. That's why I said. That's what I go to... Yeah, look.

It's just like, hey, look the... It'll be exactly like a compilation of girls, you know, doing weird things. And you're going to... This is your appetizer. You're your charcutory board. Well, you go... See if you're really in the mood. You go, is this what I'm in the doing?

Do I want to slap it? And then if I am, Is that being done right there? Huh? Is that all that business being done right there? I'm not my asshole's clean. What time of day is this? First thing?

Or like, you get up, you have a cup of coffee, you're doing some scrambled eggs. I don't know scrambled eggs, really. I like to jerk on an empty stomach. I'll cramp up. I don't want to pull a hammy.

It's not even that. It doesn't go to jerking off very, very often. Honestly, I get older, which is kind of funny. But like, but even without jerking off every day I make it at least to EFucked

and then if EFuck tells me like oh no it's moving you're ready to you got a couple minutes here and you can knock it out I'll then jump over to Lobster Tube which is because Bing the videos don't show up on my fucking funky computer

Crabtrap.net is don't fucking... So I go to lobster well before you laugh Kevin before you have your little I know we're doing a comedy show here A couple cheese steak reviews Here's your place in Delmar I know we're here for you. I know you guys are a couple of comedy guys

But Lobster 2 does the same thing Bing does It's like a Jesus Christ What the fuck Luke? So now What the hell are you doing it? Luke if you go in there and type in BBC Gang Bang

We can show the same idea as we did before This is called a control experiment No That's not how you spell gang bang Luke and I think you know that. By the way, they're very fickle here. That didn't come back. There was a V instead of an A and that didn't go out.

Oh, diddle. One letter off, nothing. The right letter? 158,00047 videos available. And you can separate them by, and hear this. Talk about popularity. Sure. Date added.

Hot. Can you do like trend? Highest rating. Yeah. It's pretty impressive. VR. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way to lay I gets a hold of this.

Where's Christine at all this? I don't know. Holding the other phone. Holding my iPad up. I don't know. Milling around. You're like that guy. She's pointing at me and laughing.

What I need her to do. She's doing what I need. The guy that runs J.P. Morgan, whatever. He runs through the list of, like, all the newspapers that he reads and shit every morning. That's Jay. That's right. I go to E-Bomb's world for a taste of the old country. for the times it once were, you know.

Iraq war sniper videos. Well, before I'm more, before I'm likely to talk about Iraq war sniper videos, I'm more likely to talk about Tovlo showing her nips of the Grammys. Apache kills Afghanistan. Yeah. You know, we have those on Legion of Scanks. Me and Lewis have had over the years.

Several now, like bets we've done or contests we've done where the loser has to take the barrel of a gun up their ass. Right. heard that came to the show in the form of a video i saw of two uh what you find out as gay guys on e-fucked there was a video and it was like you know whatever they gave a really funny headline of like this is why you don't play in the hood or whatever and it's two thuggy black dude talking shit to each other in a room and then it just cuts to them having full-blown gay sex and one of them fucking the other one's asshole with a gun and we were like oh god and then somehow that just became our thing if we lose bets oh god that looks like that looks

So fun. That's crazy. No, it's not fun at all. No, it's like, it's so bad for the loser. No, Kevin, you don't understand. It's bad for the loser. As you're blooming. You've got your onion going.

Well, luckily for me, I have a very accepting ass that we found out out there in Jersey. Desert Eagle. Went right in. It took getting out of, yeah, I don't even need. You can come with a blunt force trauma, dude. You can lay a heavy barrel on me, even a silencer. I'd prefer a luger, something with like a thin front, but I mean. European made.

Uncut Uncut Absolutely I want as much give as possible Now that I don't have a bloom But I'd have to say my asshole Because those bedaes is I mean clean up to a good foot and a half into my calling

So you get into the bathroom what? Two o'clock you're out by nine This all started what makes you feel rich Multiple screens Oh while I'm doing that The heat is hitting my feet And that's what you mean No, just did the vents right there.

You got a heated iPad? I have a big tub that I haven't gotten in yet. Very nice. I thought I would get in it a lot more. That means feel like a thing. Are you a tub guy? I'm a tub guy. I would be with that.

I got a hot tub outside. There was a pool. He's got to be careful. It was like electronics on them. Yeah. The pool is a big. Oh, I've made it so the outside TV can be seen by the hot tub. That's nice.

That's a good one. I've done that once or twice where it's like you're like, That makes feel pretty good. Would you ever put out there? That's it. I mean, for somebody from your time, like your time and as trash as you are, that is the height of luxury. Oh, man. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Watching TV outside of your house in a hot tub. Can you hear? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, I grab a sono speaker throw up behind me.

Gotcha. I knew there was some. I'm Bluetooth. Those jets get cooking. I'm Bluetooth. Yeah, you can't hear it close. Would you ever pop on a naughty video while you're in the hot tub? No.

On that big screen. Can neighbors see the TV? No. No. No, I mean, I mean, I'd whack off in the hot tub before I dreamed. You know what? I wouldn't wag off in my own hot tub. That sounds horrible. Yeah, in my mind, I'll still be like, I don't want my jizz just living in there either. I don't want anybody fucking my hot tub, in fact. Hot Tubbs's off limits now. Hey, guys, you know that out there for the season. You know, no one hot tubs. Is it open right now? Like, is it going right now? If we went out, could we hop in? Nice. Yeah, yeah. Take a trip to the bathroom first. Take the leave. Yeah.

Take that bathears spin. Take that but day for a spin. Yeah, jerk off and take a clean your asshole before you get in. Be right down. It's the rules. I need you to purge all of your fluids for you get in my hot tub. Ah, man. Well, we were looking for, like, an automatic pepper grinder or...

Like using the valet? A mortar and pestle, something like that. A kitchen air. No, parking at the airport. Like driving the airport and parking there. It seems like a thing where I'm like, whoa, ooh, I think I think I'm like, I am. Really?

Yeah. Short-term parking? That's insane. 30 bucks a day. Yeah. In my mind, I was like, this is crazy. I was parked.

My car is at the airport? That's nuts. You take cabs of the airport. I feel rich when, this is only happened a couple of times. You check into a hotel. You give them your bags when you pull in, and then it's waiting for you up in the room.

Oh. Like you stay at a nicer joint. I've never done that before. I think they offer that to me, but in my mind, I'm always like they're not going to bring it fast enough. It go through my shit. My worry is like, I'm going to go upstairs and forget that's happening and smoke a joint in my room.

And then I will be right moving off. Yeah, I got a, I told this on bonfire, but I got, you want to tell a trash story, dude. 48 years old being removed from a hotel for fucking smoking weed is pretty hilarious. That happened to me a couple weeks ago. And I mean, walking up, it was a snowy, shitty weekend in. Where the fuck was it? Was it Raleigh? I can't remember where it was.

I remember you telling us or why? I feel like I've heard this. I don't think I've heard this. Yeah, like just happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I saw a clip of it. Is that possible? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I probably talked about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's what you saw a very complimentary, you were like. Oh, yeah, it was so nice, and the lady was like, I mean, she treated me like, a criminal that you are. Guy's smoking weed, no, for sure. But, but, I mean, for me being like, I didn't even argue, I'm saying, even when I'm going, like, I was like, okay, I understand I gotta go. And she's like, that's right. Like that kind of energy

and you're like, no, I got you. Like, why are you still yelling at me? It was so, I was this your childhood bedroom or something? Like, why would you be so angry? What kind of hotel was it? Like a fucking

Hyatt house or something? Hilton? Nothing big. The staff couldn't understand it. They're like, I don't know why she's this irate about it. I go, what about your ex-boyfriend or something? She's furious. is and then when I came back in that was the funniest part so I was like I got to the other hotel

across the street but still snowy as shit uh Milwaukee is where it was freezing snowy is hill snowy shit uphill across a highway with my bags and everything it's already kind of humiliating and silly feeling I check into the room real quick no brother I was like fuck I forgot my hat in the other room the one thing I forgot the other room and I walked back to that hotel and when I went through the first set of you know it's like two sliding glass doors when I got through the first another lady who I'd never seen before is now talking to this other lady the only time I've seen this lady all weekend always friendly with the staff everything's great this lady I haven't seen

she's there and another new lady and the newer lady looks at her I see her mouth the word she goes oh my god he's back and I and the door and the second door's open and I go and I'm already laughing I go did you just mouth all my guys like I just left my hat in my room I couldn't have been more pleasant about this every single step of the way and they're almost like Are you gonna, if you attack us, you know, we will have to call the police or get security to escort you out. I go, no, no, I'm late. Like, I get it.

Yes, you got me. I was smoking in the room. It is what it is now. Like, I'm gonna go. It's fine. You know, every else like, is there any way? I'm only here one more night at the club across the street. Is there any way I can just like, would I pay the fine?

I'll pay the fine or whatever the thing is. I can just, no, you broke the policy? And I'm like, all right. You seem way too angry about this. What was the time of that? Where did they get you at the desk, like when you were coming back? Or they knocked on the door? Like how did they knock on the door?

They knocked on the door. And I looked at the, it's one of those peep holes where I know she heard it go. Uh-huh. Oh, shit. You got a bad. That's not a hooker. No, the best part was, I go, uh. Yes?

And she goes, uh. Through the door. Yeah. She goes, you'll never get you. She goes, Hotel manager. And I go, oh, yeah, okay, one second. I just open the door. And I see her go, Sarah, you got.

like he starts doing over doing the fucking it's like it's coming through people's walls and they're saying this, that and I was like, oh, oh, and I started doing like the, it is funny when they cut you off. That is when you feel like a child, I go, no, I mean I smoke,

but I mean like I, maybe they smell it all my clothes because I smoke and she's like, really? Like there's like smoke. Billowina. Yeah, and I was like, ah, yeah, yeah, all right. And then she goes, uh, I go, all right, well, let me like get, you know,

I was wearing, like, basketball. I got, like, let me put on, let me put on some of my clothes and, like, come down to the front desk. A little more comfortable. Yeah. I went down to the front desk, and she was just, like, still. She's like, you need to get the hell out of here. And she was, like, so angry. So how much time did you have to, so the conversation happened there?

Then you went down conversation at the desk. And then you got to go, absolutely not. And I was like, all right. I go, all right, I'll be out. Like, give me, like, 10 minutes. I said, every step of the way, though, I couldn't have been more like, yeah. Okay. I got Bing juicing up upstairs.

Hang on. I said before, I'm like, ah, it's kind of embarrassing. How dumb do I look? You know, being all that, and she just kind of like, yeah, yeah, you are. I'm like, why are you so angry? I never quite understood that. That's insane, dude. She was too ugly to be a Hilton sister.

You could use a puff on this lady. Yeah. She relax a little bit. But that coming back in, I was like, you look at like I already left and caused a problem. When I comes, she was, oh, my God, he's back. He's come back for revenge. Like you were fired? Yeah, I'm like, I just, I had some.

I said, one. You guys can go get it. It's on the bed. If one are you guys are going to get my. And she goes, no, someone will escort you up. I'm like, okay, that's fine. And then the guy who escorted me up was one of the guys was like, damn, do we enjoyed having you guys.

I'm sorry, man. I don't know. She's making an example out of you for some reason. I was like, yeah, right. Throwing the book at you. His bitch tripping, man. He really was like, yeah, awkward driving the thing. I'm like, hey, he's like, hey, so that was weird, huh?

He's saying that. She doesn't usually get like that. It's like a two-floor elevator. Totally. Three. I think three I was on third You got any more that weed on your big man Now

Did it get back to the club at all It's typically or did they but you know I told them I got there Yeah what the fuck do they care You catch a young manager too As a young manager I think's a fan So you get those guys that are like No matter what you say he's like he's like

Yo awesome dude You're like well no no I was kind of embarrassed I'm a grown man Kind of embarrassing I had to go to another hotel That's not as good as a room I might get snowed in here It's like you know snow is coming I go, no, it's bad.

Rock and roll, dude. Yeah, I mean, tell it for my story, you know, tell my legacy is I played by my own set of rules. I didn't take no shit from anybody, but. He's telling the story 20 years. He was in basketball shorts, man. I think I've done that, though. I think what my Dave would tell, like the first weekend where they stuck out smoking rooms in hotels when I was with him. And he was like, you know, I was tell the story.

They're like, all right, well, I'll just pay the fine then because we're going to smoke. And he goes, sir, you can't pay the fine. fine and just smoke. It's not how it works. You're not supposed to smoke. And he goes, well, we're going to smoke. And I've told that story for so long that when you hear something like that, I just I'm like, I wonder if it wasn't that like, because I always tell it was such, it's like the

myth of David Tell him. Like, he didn't get a fuck, dude. He was like, I'll pay for it. And do what I go, that might not have been exactly how to happen. I don't know. It was something like that. Maybe I wasn't there. I'm not here.

Maybe he was using Becky Owen that weekend. Yeah, he goes, you know what? I don't think it's somebody else's story. Okay. Wow, I mean, sure. That's, uh, that's wild, dude. That's like my biggest fear. That's why I don't like getting caught.

Well, has that changed your behavior of smoking weed in another hotel room? I would have freaked out. No. Absolutely. No, but it's made me more nervous about it. Do you smoke weed in the hotel you got into? Yeah, immediately. Wow. Calm down.

Yeah. I'm all worked out. No, that weekend, I did. This is actually really funny to it. I think I told this, but like, I, uh, when I got into the second room, I was like, at nighttime, nighttime. Nighttime, you never really have to worry too much. Never the complaint comes from the night time.

It's during the day. That's where I fuck up. So, like, but this was still during the day. And I was like, I just got kicked. I had to move. I was like, I want to smoke. Watch something, chill out to the shows. So, and it's freezing out.

So I'm like, all right, I'm going to smoke, but I went in the bathroom. I took the roll, toilet paper roll, and stuff. What do you have, though? I don't have dryer sheets. So stuff in my baby wipes. It's chemically basing. baby wipes in there and some toilet paper and I sat there watching YouTube laying on my belly of a hotel phone like this.

I'm sorry. I'm like blowing through this fucking thing that's doing nothing I'm sure. Not at all. And then I'm trying to hold the joint like this. In there like it's an exhaust. While I'm watching yeah, I'm like watch there I go. This is so cool. It's ridiculous to do it.

But yeah, no, I haven't stopped since. Wait, was the toilet paper roll full? No, but it wasn't empty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, holding like this, yeah, no, no, no. But it wasn't just the roll. It was like some toilet paper run for sure. I look ridiculous. Well, is there anywhere you'll smoke SIGs that you, like, I mean, I'm a big, if I'm drinking at any sort of stadium.

Mm-hmm. I'm smoking in that stadium. I'm not, like, at the seats, but, like, I'm walking to find where the other people are illegal. I know where you can smoke. Yeah, it's illegal, but they don't give a shit. Like the places where you're like, hey, we're outside. I'm making it. attempt i'm in this corner they kind of yeah they do it on the uh the ramps of the link the ramp

you get to it yeah yeah one of the corners of the ramps you can go there um concerts at a stadium especially if you're on the floor yeah i mean i wouldn't even if a security guy came over and he's like i'm sorry you can't smoke goes buddy you'd have to police that what are you working a hampton i'll get my shit i know you're a sister yeah i met your fucking sister buddy really nowadays you so you go to a concert at the at the garden yeah you're smoking the cigarette on the floor. Yes, not in seats. Not in the seats.

Yeah, seats is a little... Never in the seat. It's just, it's fucked. It is fucked up to people around you. But I remember going to places like, when I was the nine-ish nails, we were standing on the floor and someone came up to me and they were like, uh, someone was like, a guy with mascara on. He was like, cigarettes, really?

Like, it would have been okay if it was weed. He's like, cigarettes, really? And I was like, fuck, I beat it. Like, are you kidding? You got a toilet paper roll. It might as well be outside, you idiot. Move three people over. I promise you, you won't be.

near it anymore it's like come get the fuck out of here uh no but i try but i wouldn't do a place i've never smoked in uh i never took a few puffs in a bathroom of a airplane i've never fucking i never tried to vape on an airplane where were we not i never like that i'm really not like an overall puffs doesn't do it for me i'm not an overall rule the weed in the room hotel room i just believe i could pull off the way i do it and i generally have done it countless times and been i only have stories from like three ever you know what i mean where i was and they're not even that exciting. The other two stories are mostly like,

hey, you can't smoke and we're charging you now. You're like, okay. That's why when I went down to the lady, my thing there was almost like, you're kicking me out, actually? It's like, you're almost like, you was going to be like, I've run into this before. And it's like, you just kind of gag me for another like 300 bucks or whatever.

And they're like, no, you broke policy and you have to go. That's insane. It seems like, all right. Like, I guess I'll go. The one time I did it at, uh, I think we're at the Syracuse funny bone. Because like, you can't. That show, that green rooms all the way like,

by the stage. And you can't really sneak out during the show. Oh, you can go to any Syracuse. You can go over to fucking heroin, heroin steps. They stop that. Really? I mean, they, they, do heroin on those steps, but you can't. I hate smoking in those places.

I love that. I love that, the empty stairwell. Yeah. That was great. Yeah, but it's inside. That bugs me out. But it has, yeah. But there was baggies all over out there.

It was like a junkie town up there. That was a good one. I like that. But then they were like, you can't smoke back there. We got caught with something. So I'm like, okay. They're like you can smoke in the bathroom I started smoking in the

They're like David Tell smoked in the bathroom You can do it too And I'm like yeah David Tell I doesn't give a fuck according to Jay He's the trailblaze No he really is they always go I always go it's like can I smoke in It's like it's really like

It's really like tiny green rooms I don't want to smoke in too much Because it's gonna be all over you and shit But like they make some of those big ones Yeah yeah And most of the improvs God bless them For like mostly for cigar people though But like they make the

The filter system So it's like if that she doesn't smell bad But I started smoking in the bathroom. I'm like, I'd fucking need one. And there was a smoke alarm in there, and I started panicking. And dude, I took like four drags. I'm like, I'm going to ruin the show. This is going to go off.

They're going to do. The whole mold is going to have to evacuate. And dude, I was like, put it out. I was like, I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry, it's new material. I've never eaten shit for it, but there's been many. I've not I'll take the fire. If the fire alarm is in a place where I can really reach it, I'll take it off. Man. And then, uh, but if you can't

take it off, I do panic about. like where I'm blowing the thing either way and I've only seen it one in Philly that senesta they put you up at for helium uh down there sinesta yeah yeah it's like around uh it's like on we always just take a bye we never stay there yeah and there they stay at my parents or whatever yeah but they the place put you up a couple blocks away oh I know what you're talking about and it's right on market yes 18th the market and then that hotel in time right across from uh one of the guys we were with and down the hall for me a fucking guy

I don't know what he was doing in his room but it finally like happened like the thing happened it set off the sprinklers but not on the whole floor really his room but I mean dowsing you're fucking it dumps like it's

55,000 gallons in a second it's it's insane it's brown shitty water it goes down and it comes like it's now I guess something about the way that the hotels maybe leaned that we know no one could tell it's not going across the

But it is going all the way down. And I'm on this side also of the same. I'm about, you know, six, seven doors down. So I'm like, man, I hope it doesn't go all. And it starts going down the hallway a lot. We're seeing us go down the hallway. And I'm like, hey, knock it all. What's he doing in there?

It's right to my, oh, the door is open. It's coming in. He's just like a junkie or something. He was all fucked up. And the fire department stuff's coming up. And when I go back to it, like, we had to leave the hotel for, you know, 45 minutes. And they started letting people back in.

And I went back up and the water went like right to my front door, right to it. But it stops a little bit before it, even. And I was like, all right, well, I'm sort of lucking out, I guess, here. Because it's like pretty thinned out. And now the trail and everything, I think it would be all right. Worst case in there, I guess it goes to my door or maybe I'll move. And I went in my room. I don't know.

Forget what's happening outside. It's just coming through. The bed is on an island. The bed's an island in ankle deep water. I said it's like four in the morning I had to go get all my bags I took him downstairs I smoke of weed in here

We got to wrap it up Ladies and gentlemen Big J. Oak Dude that flew by by the way Crazy Yeah It's nuts Promise I wasn't boring

I showed you guys some cool porn though But do you got anything coming up You want the folks to know Plug away Just go to my website BigJ comedy.com for dance I'm all over the place The greatest yapper alive tour

It's funny. It's a disturbing picture of I told the artist I wanted to do that picture of Biggie Smalls with the crown on his head but make it me but with his actual eyes and lips

Kind of lay off the weed, man. So, you know, it's a freaky looking picture but I think it'll make for good merch. Yeah, I don't know if we have it up anywhere and it's officially up, but you could look. Hack into Jay's iPad and get it. Hacking it if you could. But I'm all over the place.

Look for a city near you. Story Wars, Bonfire. on Sirius XM and then of course Legion of Skanks That's it man Buddy we love streaming on YouTube and stuff now a little bit Thank you for coming in we love you Thank you for having me always

Kippie what do you got for him Guys tickets are moving quick Austin Tampa Colorado LA and L.A Everything's going quick Denver Get those tickets we love you We'll see you next week