Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fat Kid Nicknames! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Date: January 26, 2026Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Mars Men: For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com BetterHelp: BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
A good Lord, ladies and gentlemen, I do declare there's some new are you garbage dates over there at RUGarbage.com.
Yeah, the Big Man Ant Lion. We just announced Netflix as a joke festival in Los Angeles on May 7th, and we have the Comedy Works in Denver, July 16th to July 18th.
Get those tickets these shows are going to sell out. We love you.
We'll see you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals,
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Hey, you don't.
It's our little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find it after a group to be classy.
Yeah.
Just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Toadie's in a new edition.
She's selling meth.
Just cut to the chase
Stop beating around the bush
Stop beating around the bush
She's pushing weight
Things are the way it is
And this is what we're doing
Okay
Do you know what I mean?
We got to Q1 baby lock in
We gotta be boy scouts all of a sudden now
Whole place is falling apart
Sure
Do what we do
Okay
My cows is coming at you from across the table
Let's we call a family episode
I might have got a little bit of that product
To be honest with you
Some of them fumes that I'm in the band
It's me or you
Tony
Me?
I can tell you already got meth mouth.
Your teeth are gone.
Yeah.
I got meth mouth before meth.
This is what we call a family episode.
Man, hold, hold.
Somebody get him another hit, will you?
Hey, bring in the fucking meth pipe.
Let's go.
Holy heck.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
And my plug.
That Kevin Ryan.
What's up, gang?
Standing on ceremony.
I didn't know where I was.
You cut me off in the middle of that.
It takes me a second to remember.
Okay.
I'm an old man.
Man.
Sure.
What up, gang.
Shout out to you as always.
Luke,
sit down.
Please make sure you.
Luke, cut to yourself right now.
He's on mess too.
Jesus Christ.
Please make sure you rate,
view, subscribe on iTunes.
I got a goddamn job to do here.
Please make sure you rate with you,
subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube,
full video available over there on Spotify,
and the boys are climbing a friggin' charts.
Yeah, that's not exactly accurate.
We're dropping a little bit the numbers.
The numbers are,
listen.
We slipped out of the top 100 this week.
What?
Yeah.
Don't tell them that.
They don't know.
These people don't know.
I'm trying to be honest.
We're taking.
That's 1,800 meth if you need any.
Then obviously the greatest website of all time,
www.patryon.com slash rubeg garbage.
And also, the boys are hitting the road again.
The tour rolls on in 2026.
We got Tampa.
We got Chicago.
We got Austin.
Cleveland.
Cleveland.
Bloomington, Indiana, Nashville.
These tickets are going quick.
And we're doing clubs.
We're pushing up the clubs.
Rochester, Tempe.
Rochester, Tempe.
What are you going on tour with?
We might be drunk or something?
You double dipping?
Going out on the road solo.
And also Denver.
Comedy Works, baby.
Get that freaking tickets.
These shows are going to sell out.
You know the boys.
That's a weekend in Denver.
You know the boys move tickets.
Get them while they lay.
Weekend at the comedy works here in Denver?
We do multiple.
We sell out multiple shows during a week on Friday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Get your tickets.
These shows are going to go.
And I don't know if we're out of another one.
Now, I like that comedy works out there.
I might fuck around and do Red Rocks.
Weekend.
Dude, what are we going to do there?
I'll grab lunch or something.
That's funny.
He just had a dream about us doing red rocks.
And we were making out.
Did you have 15,000 fringe invite it?
I showed up late and I freaked out.
Luke's having dreams about me.
Luke's having dreams about you?
Yeah.
Well, the whole team.
You just took that.
Made it personal.
That's what I tend to do.
Why is everybody posting about 2016?
Uh-huh.
That shit's annoying as fuck.
Why?
Why?
What happened in 2016?
Nothing.
What's the matter?
Why is it father?
It's whack.
Oh, it's whack?
Yeah.
Hey, a 50-year-old with a back where his own back with his own merch on.
That's because of my hair.
Uh-huh.
Trying to tame it.
And I don't know if I put it in a ponytail tell.
You're going to freak out and make fun of me.
Why would they freak out?
I'm a lady boy.
Uh-uh.
Can we get an ankle cam on the big man to show off his new pants?
No.
No.
How far is how big is that super wide go?
I like them.
They're comfy and they're cozy.
Oh, yeah.
Covey and her coozy.
That's what, what's his face is wearing him?
Can I hear with that.
Who wants, who wants comfy and cozy pants?
Who's the kid, eldest?
Who's the good-looking kid?
Stavis boy?
No, not Stobby's boy.
Shout out to eldest, I love Elvis.
Who's the actor?
Jacob Malorty.
Yeah.
He's wearing a lot of baggy shit.
Yeah, it's in.
Yeah, it's in.
So, I don't know what I tell you.
Uh-huh.
I'm a hip, cool guy.
Look, like a janitor on his first day of work.
I didn't have my uniform pants.
That was always the case of me.
Oh, dude.
I never had the uniform pants.
I remember my first job, Santo Palato, strip mall pizza joint.
About 12, 15 tables maybe, maybe.
Sounds like a sex club.
Shout out to Ralph and Christina took a chance on a young boy.
About, I was 8th grade.
Okay.
First day, they were like, you got to wear black pants and a white collar shirt to bus.
Man, I didn't have none of that.
I remember rummaging through my dad's closet.
You got your grandfather's old police uniform.
He showed him dressed as a state trooper.
I got the hat with the strap on it.
Why is that a strap?
Well, he's so short.
I don't know.
Buddy, well, it's a goddamn state.
You can't get an extra stup.
I like the casual police stuff, the action stuff.
What's that?
You know, like when they got like the guy, the Border Patrol when we were going to Canada.
That was far from casual.
I got to look, he's ready to invade Mars.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
You're talking about casual.
You know, the cargo pants and all that stuff.
Not the dress up stuff.
Sure.
Because I had to wear my dad wore, you know, he had to wear a Navy uniform to work.
And he had these super shiny shoes that I had to borrow every once in a while.
And, dude, I looked like an idiot.
Show to basketball practice.
Slip it all over to join that.
Dude, shoes shining like Michael Jackson.
Just, Bolly, stop doing a moonwalk.
You're doing that.
You catch the ball, then you lean.
For you're okay.
Are you okay?
For you, you okay?
I got dunk on.
By you a huge black kid.
That's a hit.
I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, I remember showing up to my first day of work at this pizza place with a pair of dress black
because I only had like my dad's suit left over from the 80s.
Are you wearing like that material?
A little thin layer, gabardine.
Oh, man, hiding a fucking pop and a bone.
Those things are slippery.
Like a thin mint, daddy.
But these pair of pants had about 15 pleats on them, dude.
It was, I mean, that looked like MC Hammer.
Dropping loads of bread doing a hammer, doing a hammer crawl.
I can't cut this.
Bair, near, near, there.
No, can't cut this?
Like, they can't cut here.
I got you.
I was laughing.
I had a little inside restaurant joke, which brings me to my next.
point first of all just
out of here grab some lunch
okay there's 2016
shit was this the thing you had
no okay no I got something
I got something
I don't hope it's not another audio
somebody was like fully getting mad at a people
being in a coffee shop is all time
fully huh
that was that was it was
engineering shit don't blame your bad gear
on me he didn't play it loud enough
to get the thing but
Listen, I didn't have a great 2016.
I didn't have a 2025, be honest with you.
We were still.
Wait, 2016, we were doing all right.
Were we?
Yeah.
Up here?
I don't think so.
Not to be posting about it.
Yeah, no, 2016, we, you know, we had moved to New York.
We had, you know, we were slowly cracking the comedy scene, the club scene.
We were doing reps.
What did you fall and hit your head?
What are you talking about?
We were tanking.
Nah.
You were sharing a winter coat and dollar-slice pizzas.
Good friend.
my 40s.
We had each other.
You were hanging out with a 40-year-old loser.
I know.
See?
Look at us now!
I'm hanging out with a 50-year-old loser.
With big pants.
Yeah, no.
I thought we were...
I mean, we were doing okay.
We were doing better than we were
any other time in our lives.
Yeah, whatever.
Okay.
I still don't get why everyone's posting about it.
Could somebody explain it to me?
It's a trend.
I don't know.
10 years ago, some shit.
Yeah, 10 years.
It's a trend.
Hey, fucking...
A bunch of idiots.
What are you doing back there?
Let him do his job.
Is that his job?
You're supposed to be doing your job.
Distracting me?
Start freaking out.
Where's to-y-at?
Uh-huh.
This is what I had.
What do you got?
Now, I know I'm going to be the bad guy on this one.
Okay.
You've seen the program.
Especially you being a new dad and all that kind of shit.
But I hope you don't go down this road.
Okay?
He's going to be like that.
Are you going to talk to your kid?
Are you going to bring him around places?
Is he going to bother me?
He don't bother me.
He don't bother me.
He doesn't bother me.
He's got a bit of a toad on him.
Okay.
The public is not necessarily the place for your child's life lesson,
especially when you involve other people in it.
Okay?
What's that?
This has to, and I might have brought this up once or twice when I was waiting tables and stuff like that.
You call you fat or something.
You shouldn't do that, even though, you know.
I told you about the kids that called me, thought I was Santa Claus when I was in a wire, right?
I, Santa's smoking in the hot tub.
That's bad for your health, Santa.
Hey, get out of you, kid.
Santa's on the naughty list, right?
This involves...
I want to go see if your mom wants to sit on Santa's lap.
All right.
You're at a, you're at a, uh, a restaurant or whatever.
I'm at a restaurant.
Okay.
I've been to a restaurant.
Right.
You've been to a restaurant.
You let the kid order, but he doesn't want to.
You're, okay, and this isn't a thing about the kid.
It's the thing with the parent forcing this situation.
Like, go ahead, Billy, tell him what, tell him what you want.
And the kid's like doing the, you know, he doesn't want to say nothing because he's shy or whatever.
And then the dad's like, remember, you said you wanted to, you wanted to order.
And then you're dragging this poor.
waiter into this.
So he's got to stand there and do this fucking bit with you and your kid.
I mean, you're not Abbott and Costello.
You're not lying.
He got work to do.
It's like, dude, your kid don't want to order.
He ain't there yet.
When he's there, you'll go, Billy, what do you want?
Oh, hi, how are you, sir?
Can I have a root beer and a grilled cheese?
No problem.
Okay, until they can do that.
Three shots are cutty start.
Do you get what I'm saying?
Listen, I do understand.
Are you going to be that guy?
Man, you are a special kind of hater, you know that?
You are something else.
Listen.
Go ahead.
You see what I'm saying?
A little bit, but also at the same time, you're working at a fucking Bear Burger.
Yeah, well, you're not working at a Michelin Star fucking Rest.
You're doing a lunch shift at a fucking Bear Burger in the village.
So my life decisions are now called in a question.
You've been wearing the same, you've been wearing a same pleaded pants for about five, six days straight without washing them.
You've been wearing a same sweatshirt.
I remember the Tokyo 76 sweatshirt you wore every fucking day.
I didn't wear that working.
Yeah, you did.
The one time I went in there you were wearing it.
I got that right now.
Listen, you only ever owned one shirt for all of 2016 and it was the Tokyo 76.
Drop the pick.
I got it.
I got it here.
Somebody wants to make an offer.
I'll put it up on eBay.
I get what you're saying.
And listen, if the kids like really can't speak, I get it.
It's not the kid.
It's the dad that's doing it.
That's like forcing this.
is simplifying your time.
I just watch this happen today.
I don't disagree.
Listen, I don't disagree with you in theory.
It's not about me.
It's about other people in the service industry that have to deal with that.
I get that.
That's the same fucking dad where the kid eats and all the stuff gets spilled it all over the floor,
they don't clean it up.
I hope you're not going to be that guy.
I know you're not going to.
Why are you just pegging me to be like the guy you hate?
This is insane.
I know you're not going to.
Don't be that guy.
I know you're not going to be that guy.
You're the guy.
That is you 97% of the time.
There is food everywhere you sit, and you know it.
And I ain't never seen you pick up anything off the floor after we left the restaurant.
Okay, guy?
You really are what you hate.
You hate the things in yourselves that you know you are.
You hate the things in you.
Or whatever.
Yes.
Yes.
Of course.
Listen, I've been out.
My son's not ordering yet.
You know what I mean?
Tomahawk for two.
Big boy.
Here's, I've been out with my nieces and nephews a lot.
And I think this is, I think we're very similar in the sense of like,
we have anxiety not to bother that waiter.
Right.
Yes.
So I've seen it.
And luckily my nieces and nephews are very good at it.
They're like, they're older, but like some are younger and they'll go,
I'll have the grilled cheese with the Sprite, whatever, you know what I mean?
Good order.
I'll make that, too.
I'll do it Dr. Pepper instead of it.
A little pickle juice in there.
I'd be curious to hear from the more experienced parents with kids that are 4, 5, 6, 7, whatever years old.
I would assume they'd probably tell me to shut up.
A little bit, but I mean, like, you're also not wrong.
I don't know how old.
I don't know, like, the age for that.
You know what I mean?
Listen, if the kid can't do it, sure.
But I think there is a bit of a grace period where it's like, yeah, I mean, you know.
Takes a village.
If you're in a place where there's kids and you're certain, you have a kid's menu,
I got to push back that like you're not at a high class joint.
That all comes with it.
That all comes with it a little bit.
Listen, is every table kids?
No.
Is it happening once a day?
Do you got to eat that?
If you're selling Shirley Temples.
Come on.
That's a little bit.
You got to dance a little bit.
But also, there is something on the parents to be like, fucking execute.
Yeah.
No what?
Don't go.
what do you how?
Like fucking say it with your chest,
little bitch.
Get out there, you know what I mean?
Okay.
I agree with you.
There's a time in place.
I agree.
I do agree that everything should be a life lesson,
especially if you're at lunch,
shift at Bear Burger, you're in the weeds, NYU.
It's not Bear Burger.
It doesn't have to be bare.
This isn't about me.
It's really not.
Did it drive me crazy when they used to do that?
Yeah, a little bit.
And I just happened to see it the other day.
Yeah, of course it happens out.
side of your experiences for sure.
But it did drive you crazy.
Yeah, it drove me nuts.
It's like, dude, the kid don't want to order it, man.
One, you're forcing him.
Two, you're wasting this guy's time.
He's got drinks to make.
He's a busy bar.
He's got dinner rolls to sneak in the walk-in.
Just missed my sink break guy.
Let's go.
There's a hostess I'm trying to bang.
I, yeah, no, I tend to, I got to agree with you on that one, for sure.
There's a time and a place.
But I guess as a, I mean, yeah, listen, maybe the kid isn't typically shy and he gets shy for some reason.
Maybe you're creeping him out as the waiter.
You know what I mean?
He's looking to go, why doesn't this guy have any teeth?
That's freaking me out.
Is a grown man without any teeth?
What do you want, little boy?
You're sweating coming off a fucking bender.
You know what I mean?
You need a perk 30 in you.
You're paying this all picture wrong.
Your guy hasn't shown up yet.
You got a little bit of an edge to you.
What do you want, kid?
And he's like, I don't know.
I was confident before Santa Claus started yelling at me.
So, yeah, maybe it's what you're putting out.
Have you had any interactions like this with the baby of like, I don't know, that's a kid talking, but like, I don't know, like neighbors saying hi or whatever.
Hey, good, good you get to kind of be that.
Yeah, I got to be.
I got to go, hey, say hi, say bye.
Yeah, you do that.
But, you know, you're going to.
That's part of it.
I don't know.
I'm still very early in this.
And I think parents would go like, hey, guy who's getting 25% tip
and probably going to fuck up the order, take the extra 10 seconds.
This is a learning point for my kid.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Because I get the feeling that a lot of people don't stand on those airs with me.
What do you mean?
Like, I'm not the guy that gets that.
Especially with dogs.
Dog owners will just yank a dog away from me.
With that, you even give me the time of day.
I go, hey, what's up, buddy?
and the dog wants to hang out for a second
because I got good connection with a dog
because you got a little bit of pee dribbles on you
and he wants to catch a sniff
wants to see what you're banging with
I'm smelling his ass
no they just yanked the dog away from me
yeah because you know I look like a bozo
I've seen you interact with a lot of dogs though
yeah a little bit but some
I mean you know some some people are like
listen you're also just a point like you know
I don't know you're me I can't make
these broad statements.
You know, yeah, maybe that dog owner's in a rush.
Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
You know?
Or?
What?
I didn't say, or at all.
You know?
I don't want to pile on.
I don't want to pile on.
You don't see, you don't...
Pile on.
It's the show.
You get what I'm saying?
I do.
You know what I mean here?
You come on a bit strong.
You come on a bit strong sometimes, and, you know, you're a large, sometimes intimidating
gentleman to maybe a smaller, weaker...
lady of kind?
I was walking down a street today.
And this lady was going into her building.
So I followed her.
Do you have a dog?
And there was a guy.
The guy wasn't like trying to get into her building with her.
But it was like as she was opening her door,
he was like shaking her down for money.
You know what I mean?
And then he moved on.
And as I walked by,
I just kind of gave her like a look.
Like don't worry, I had your back.
I got you. Yeah. Don't worry.
If he didn't get you, I would.
You know what I mean?
You gotta be careful out of here, lady.
No, I've let it know the bug man's here.
In case I need to spring into action.
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Gang, this episode is brought to you by.
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Yeah.
As you know, Kippy and I, big proponents to talk therapy.
Better Helps the way to go.
We're talking about quality therapists over there, talking about therapist match commitment.
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Do it.
Back to the show.
Back to the show.
Yes.
Listen, I'll do it back to you.
I would love to hear what actual experience parents think.
And I'm sure waiters hate it.
For sure, you know, cashiers hate anybody that has to deal with it.
you know and you're already relatively non-glamorous job yeah it's you know like I said
you're underappreciated to begin with a lot of times I get I get all that you're fucking in the
weeds you got a fucking a jerk off manager breaking your balls all this kind of shit you're probably
you know if you're anything like me when I was working not great jobs you're wearing a hangover
from the fucking night before you know what do you keep looking at me I could have swore we
settled the black t-shirt war I mean literally I'm in the middle of answering
your stupid fucking question and you just you're like you have the you have the attention man of a fly i just
noticed it i'm sorry sure i think one of us should go and change should be you it's well docked
that i'm the fucking black t-shirt got it's not even closed dude thought this was all put to bed
pop it off dump them out for the girls no i give you that little teaser on patreon which i
supposed to get paid extra for that supposed to be a nudity charge how much
$2,500.
Luke, send it to him.
Yeah.
I just paid Luke back for that when he paid me on air that one time.
Really?
Just paid him back.
I told him to send me to Venmo request because I keep forgetting he never did.
I can't believe he didn't.
I know.
He's the king of the Venmo request.
I still got some sitting on you, a little bitch, and you ain't getting them.
One cronet.
Venmo request.
It's his generation.
You're in a great mood today.
I am feeling good.
What's up with people posting 10-year-old pictures?
What's a?
Well, Luke said in Vemo, what's up with these parents and their kids?
Other than that.
Other than that.
Parents and their kids, which I know I'm going to be the bad guy on.
That's 90% of people out there.
And these 2016 bullshit.
And Luke.
Well, yeah.
Okay.
So far, it's a lot of people.
For paying my boss's bills.
A lot of beef.
Uh-oh.
We're all getting it.
Yeah, what the fuck are you coming taking shots?
Listen, you wet your beat well into 2026, my friend.
Sorry if you're not getting the 1650 back.
Fucking guy.
How much is you own?
I don't know.
Probably 200?
I have no idea.
For the Vemmo?
Yeah.
For the...
That was 660.
No, you got that.
That one you got.
He's got other relatively smaller incurred expenses.
But out of principle, I can't give him.
It's fair.
It's very fair.
It's very fair.
We don't count dollars and cents.
Nah.
What the hell are you two are up to?
now you two are on the list
to tell you that right now
Kevin and Luke's
Where are you waiting tables this weekend
I'm going to come in with my kid
I'm going to sit there all fucking day
because he can't he's nonverbal
But him I'd like
He's my boy
I don't mind him
That's where you do it with
You know
With a friend
You don't drag some poor barista into it
I don't tell him
You said you wanted to tell him tell him
But I don't disagree
And the very little I know
about parenting and
I know a lot about bad parenting
I think you're good parents
I'm not saying I've been on the receiving end of a good amount of bad parenting
Yeah me too
Not by my mom
In case she hears this
No comment
Patty we're talking to you
I love you
I think that's how kids learn
Of like
When else are they going to learn
You know what I mean?
It's like
But you know that's how they develop
I think I would assume I don't know
Then how about a hate
Thanks for doing that
Here's an extra five, extra 20, something like that.
Take care of people.
If you're going to bring me in.
I know how much daycare costs.
You want five bucks.
You want five bucks for talking to a fucking eight-year-old.
You keep, it's not me.
I'm out of the game.
I'm talking about now.
Okay.
Making the world a better place.
How do you know these people aren't doing that, though?
I saw the guy leave with the kid.
So how do you know he didn't fucking juice the tip?
I don't.
Okay.
You want to peg me into a corner?
You're pegging this guy into a corner.
You're pegging all these people in a corner
You don't know his jerk on.
Sometimes you like to get pegged out here.
The game across my radar.
What, now mom's the fucking word?
I am what I am.
Listen.
It's a family show.
Yes.
All that's neither here nor there.
Listen, I think that's a very good point.
I agree with you.
And I also, you know, it's open for interpretation.
I don't know.
I don't have the answer.
I think you might want to be a little bit more flexible on the idea, though.
A little bit.
Okay.
And the 2020, the 2016 thing.
I think you should do a post.
I don't have any pictures from 2020.
I got pictures of 2016.
Do you?
Yeah, we're friends.
Bet you do.
Uh-huh.
Probably racing.
No.
Yeah.
I'm not posting nothing.
About a buck 80 lighter for sure.
Remember that time you showed up in that fucking yellow shirt?
That yellow T-shirt?
What yellow?
I don't know.
You just rolled in with a brand new yellow T-shirt.
We were calling you Colonel Mustard all night.
Oh, yeah.
you thought that was gonna blow the tits off the joint
you thought that you were like next stop fucking guy code or whatever
you were fucking locked in dude
you had dressed like a yellow cat
I remember I had that
it was around the same time I had that NYC
crewneck from H&M
NYC it said NYC
and it had camo behind it and like a little bit of leather
Remember with leather on T-shirts was cool?
It was multiple layers.
Dude, I thought I was, I used to wear that like six days a week.
Struck out, Sidney.
Woo, doggy.
Now look at us, huh?
Now look at us.
Black, dirty black T-shirts.
Mine's clean.
Your neck is super thick.
Uh-huh.
It's not the only thing.
It's super thick.
What the hell does that have?
My bottle.
It's a little inflate.
I got worms.
Caught a bad bucket of chili this weekend.
All right, listen, we got work to do here.
Screwing around.
Games.
Calling each other fat, dumb, stupid.
You know, and then whatever you say about me.
We're having fun.
Am I going to pay back Luke to $75?
I owe him out of principle.
No.
Let's get this out of the way.
Welcome back to Foley Court.
Where I solved the case.
What's this about?
It's like it's Uber's it's uh we did we used to take a lot of flash photos and I used to put it on my card now I got the company card he's fine
He also is this is old this is like old old yeah probably like 2023 looking back
You really? Yeah
Wow what and you just did you just remind him of this like hey no they're sitting in there when I go in I see them
Huh a lot of flash listen he ends up in ubers from time to time that are not it'll be Saturday night and it's like hey look
Reuters requested a ride to some cool hip restaurant, and I know he's not going there for fucking work purposes, because I'm at home feed my baby.
Okay?
Love that Kevin Ryan family account.
Everybody's sucking on the kippy tail.
You have to approve it?
No, it's just there.
And sometimes I let it slide, and other times I, like, oh, what do you?
Sometimes I'll take a picture of the menu and send it to him.
And say, I try to rigatoni.
Jesus.
I know everything.
Now you give them one.
Throw him a bone.
It works hard.
Of course.
You, on the other hand, short leash.
Fuck me.
Bug me a bad.
Bug me and real bad.
All right.
Listen, let's get it.
We got some fucking some homie questions to go over.
Guys, as you know, when you join the old Patreon, the 15,362-carat, MetPes.
Paid members of the patron.
Listen, men lie, folly lies, I lie, Luke lies.
Numbers do not lie.
The value is there.
Listen, you join the $10 level.
All those other subscriptions are on and going on.
This ain't worth it.
We got five years of content.
Two Eps a week, five years.
You do the math.
I'm with you.
Think about it.
It's the math.
What's the math on what?
Two episodes a week for a year.
How many episodes is that?
Two episodes a week.
There's 52.
weeks in a year. Two times 52 is 104. Here we go. 104 a year. Let's say we did five. Let's say it was
2020. Maybe it wasn't, yeah, let's say all 2021, 22, 23, 24, 25. Five years. Can I use my pencil and
pad? Please. All right. So 104 episodes a year times five years. Zero two. Fuck, this is even more
confusing me. The five and the
zero is zero and then two
is two
five hundred and twenty episodes.
Sounds about right.
There you go. Yeah. There's more of that
thrilling content over on patreon.com
there you go.
So listen, let's get, and as you know when you join the old
Patreon you get to answer your, you get to ask your garbage question on the
friggin' ear. By Mr. Kevin Ryan himself.
Ooh.
All right, let's see.
This is what I never thought of.
A little more of a debate.
This is from Blake.
Do you use a microwave cover for your food or paper towels?
I got to be honest with you.
I've never used anything.
When you're heating something up.
In the microwave?
Never once.
Never once.
You know, when you say the paper towel thing, I've never used it,
but there's people that use them religiously.
Is that for everything?
That, like, keeps it in and heats it, like, from the topic?
Like a lid on a stove?
I think it has to do with...
Can we get some science behind this, Lucas?
It has to do with that, some moisture issues.
But I know people that wrap a lot of stuff up in a paper towel and put it in the microwave.
I think I used...
I've never done it.
We used to...
My mom's, we used to do frozen lenders bagels.
They sucked.
Remember lenders?
Of course.
These were frozen.
So you'd have to thall it out in the microwave for like 30 seconds.
You'd have to be real, real smart with that.
Wrap it in paper towel.
We didn't do that.
And then we'd put it in the toes.
And these things were frozen.
I remember
they were like pulling out
fucking hockey puck
and they like
all everything had left them
at the point where they were like
they were like weightless
and you were just like there's nothing
there's no moisture in here
these are air dry
your mistake was you don't have to
microwave them
you don't have to thaw them out
you put them right in the freezer
right in the toaster frozen
which is what we do with our bread
we couldn't cut them
I ain't got to be able to get in there
snap it with a butter knife
but if you do put it in a microwave
but if you do put it in a microwave
But they would, now I remember, now I remember they would break in half.
No, we would get them soft enough to open and then you fuck, then you, then you, then you toast them.
Pop them?
I used to put them right in.
Yeah.
We learned a lesson with the microwave and defrosted and bread very quickly.
The great hot dog bun disaster in the Foley family of 1989.
A cheap hot dog.
If it ain't a potato, a potato bun or if it's a cheap bun.
Like if you buy like store brand buns, those things, that's, that's, that's.
They're like cotton balls.
They don't, they get a rip in them.
They ain't holding a diesel nothing.
No, I'm saying the defrost process in the microwave.
I'm agreeing with you.
I'm saying, especially if they're cheap hot dog buns, they're not going to last.
But ours would go too far and they would be, they would get harder.
Oh.
It would be crazy.
You put it in for like 35 seconds.
The ends get hard.
Ooh.
You don't even know what it is.
Yeah, that was turning a clay.
There was always a mutate.
A very big.
I knew she got a new microwave probably maybe 10 years ago or something
because that was a new house when we moved into it.
So my whole childhood, they didn't change any appliances until I was well out.
I mean, I was probably in New York.
So that house was like a bit of a, from a appliance standpoint was, they all lasted like 25, 30 years.
I knew that microwave like the back of my fucking asshole, dude.
I could do a full plate of Thanksgiving dinner.
Like anything.
You're like an android.
Oh my God, dude.
I pull it out after 30 seconds, whip up, add the gravy fucking thread.
Dude, easy minute, fucking defrost.
There aren't to it.
You have to know your thing.
And I knew that thing in and out.
It's pretty good.
Luke, what do you know that in a paper towel?
Paper towel seems to prevent messy splatters for like soups and stuff like that.
That's it.
Most importantly.
And then also traps moisture.
Traps moisture.
Now, I don't do it because it was always foreign to me
Because putting something dry in a microwave
Seemed like it was going to
That it wasn't good, it was going to do something.
I don't want the lint from the paper towel in there
Or something.
Yeah.
Just it never made sense to me.
I get that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
One thing, will it, can you put glass in a microwave?
Yeah.
I cracked a glass one time at my dad's.
I yelled at it.
It was a Notre Dame mug.
I tried to make hot chocolate.
Wait a minute. A mug?
Like a...
Coffee.
Like a...
Like a...
Like a pint glass.
Like a Notre Dame pint glass.
Yeah, it's too thin.
No, it's thick, though.
There's a microwave safe glass.
Like Pyrex.
This was not then.
And I think I forgot to put water in.
I think I just had the powder at the bottom.
Yeah, that's why it shattered.
Look, you know, the fucking house didn't blow up.
A Notre Dame cup, too?
Man, you would have got an earful of my house.
It screamed at.
Oh, yeah.
Who went to Notre Dame?
Nobody.
Okay.
All stealing valor.
Probably not even Irish.
Probably Italian.
I'll say that.
I'm sorry.
Don't say that.
You bless yourself.
God forbid.
I'll be Spanish before Italian.
100%.
Especially with the Napst they take.
And those unlimited small plates.
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Always read and follow the label.
They are the inventor of the small plate, aren't they?
The Spanish.
So they like to do a little share plates.
I don't like it.
Yeah?
Always, I am.
Not for me.
Really?
You're a small plate guy.
I like a big plate.
That was big plate.
I'm American.
That was huge.
Who the fuck wants half a Roland Tini?
Give me the fucking big.
It's to share, so you try everything.
I don't want to try.
Get a bunch of small plates.
Yeah, but.
Kevin.
I love.
like getting full on the thing.
This goes back. My wife started listening to the show and we were trashing her a couple
weeks ago. I listened to the fuck. I was all folly, right? I was lying.
You probably throw me out of the bus. Now, I like a small plate.
A little shrimps in green sauce. Something like that.
Okay. I don't like a taste. I would do Spanish, but I know they don't like us.
The Spanish? No.
What fucks are you cares about them?
They don't like us.
They don't want us over there.
They don't like us on vacation.
They don't want us on vacation.
They don't want you over there.
So I wouldn't want to be Spanish knowing that they don't like me.
Of course, if I was Spanish, I wouldn't like me either.
My fat ass lumbering around.
Listen, I'm American.
Not a huge fan.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
What do you laugh at?
He's right.
Anti-American sentiment is the highest in Spain.
I've never heard that.
I mean, you know, you hear you hear.
the French.
I never heard the Spanish.
Yeah.
My sister lived there for a while.
I got Spanish friends.
Your sister lived in Spain for a while?
I didn't know that.
I'm okay.
I'm sorry.
When was this?
What?
Studying abroad?
Yeah.
Huh.
In college?
Elementary school.
What the fuck?
Where'd she live, Barcelona?
Did you say Bartholona?
What?
I said Barcelona.
You don't have enough teeth to do the fucking list, okay, guy?
Barcelona?
Ado.
You are an actual...
Madrid?
You are an actual crazy person.
Oh, I love you.
You picked up on that, huh?
That's the authentic way to say.
You just said I was Spanish.
And maybe I am.
I don't know what Patty was up to back in the day.
It could be a lot of things.
I seen that dick, all Irish.
Hey.
Oh, my little skipper.
That skips a generation, though
There's nothing to do with my hair
It's just gonna be got bad luck
Called a bad beat
Bad bag
And you were dumb
Aces and Ate's baby
This is only 0.5, what the heck?
Dead man's hand
What are you gonna do?
Yeah, Bartholona
That's how you say it
No, that's not how you say it
It's how they say it
Who says it?
We also don't call fucking Germany,
Deutschland or Italy, Italia.
Deutsche Land?
No.
Yeah, that's how they say it.
You don't say Barcelona.
They say Deutschland?
Yeah, Germany is the Americanized,
the English version of it.
So if you ask a German person where they were from,
what would they say?
Deutsche Land.
If they say it...
Stick them up, huh?
Let me see your hands.
Yeah, I believe, unless I'm nuts,
that's what it is, right?
That's got real World War II vibes.
I don't like it.
That's what it is.
And Italy is Italian.
If you ever see like the jersey, the shirts, it's Italia.
They don't say, I'm from Italy.
They do when they're talking to fucking,
when they're not talking to Pisans.
Give me five, huh?
Oh.
Up top, huh?
Yeah, whatever.
Sick all that shit.
Put that on the list, too.
Sick of what?
I don't know.
I thought you were in a good mood today.
I'm sick of all that shit.
What?
I don't know.
What, I don't know.
like that Deutscheland.
For the fucking United States, a friggin' American.
That's right.
You just said you were Spanish.
No, I'm not.
All right, let's see here.
This one's from Thomas.
$10 homie.
Shout out to you.
Talk to me.
Is it garbage or take Foley's advice until the...
This is already a sandbag set up.
Is it garbage and take Foley's advice
and tell the nurse at the ER that you're about to pass out
so you can get to the front of the line.
Yes.
Then they take you back immediately
so they can evaluate you for a stroke.
Once they realize you're not having a stroke,
you get dumped back into the waiting room for five hours.
Thanks a lot, big guy.
Oh, what the fuck?
You played it too hard.
It's got to be aligned with what you got.
You can't just say, I'm going to pass out.
You can't go in there with a fucking skin knee and say that.
This whole episode.
He's falling in on me
Bullshit
Damn
Sorry about that dude
He gets committed to a mental
Institution
That's the folio
That's the folly way baby
A stroke
That sounds like you had some dickhead nurse
Who like knew what you were doing
That's a bad beat
You got caught there
That ain't me
Nine times out of ten that works
And I'm feeling
No it doesn't
Yes, it does.
We have one out of one.
It does not work.
I'm feeling a little bit woozy.
But he, what was he in for?
What?
I don't know.
Why do you think I have, like, a file on these guys?
You get what they say.
I'm not, like, going back and forth.
Shit.
I don't know he pull up his fucking medical file.
Call the fucking AMA.
A stroke.
Who goes to a stroke?
A heart attack, yes.
Who goes to a stroke?
It's an emergency room.
It's not Dorney Park.
It's, this is, that's where people go who are having a stroke.
Oh, that's fucked up.
Once you're back there, you should be taking care of.
Once you're within the city limits.
Yeah, once you're in there.
I don't disagree with that.
A stroke.
And then they find out, yeah, I'm not having a stroke.
It still might be, what, that's the only fucking reason you pass out is because of a stroke?
There's a lot of different reasons.
Low blood sugar.
Lion.
Heart attack.
Aneurism.
Aneurism.
You got to be hit on the head.
You could be concussed.
And if you fall asleep, you're dead, according to my mother.
I never got that.
Oh, don't fall asleep.
He went to bed.
And he never woke up.
Oh, my God.
Please do me the favor, will you?
We're breaking my balls.
Banging your head on a head post.
I should do that.
If I even got a little bit of a head thing,
she'd come in there every 20 minutes and check on me.
He scared his shit out of me.
You all right?
I do think you probably got a little bit of a head thing.
You think?
Something.
Well, something ain't right.
I know that much.
What do you mean?
Huh?
Something wrong with me?
That's something right.
Well, like a little CTE.
I don't even know that.
You're just a little scrambled eggs.
I got a couple of pops in me.
Uh-huh.
I remember I fell and hit my head really hard when I was playing wuffleball one time.
It was like a cut-out basement door.
And it must have been like...
Playing inside?
Six feet.
No, no, no.
So next to the house.
It's good thing I have my pad and pen with me today.
I draw my glasses, though.
Add me to your hit list.
Fucking psycho.
So, like, here.
Here's the house.
There's a door right here, but it goes down steps, and then there's like a little cutout
thing.
But it was flat again.
I'm more confused once you started drawing.
I don't understand.
What's a little cutout thing?
Like it goes down.
Like the steps go down.
Okay.
And like it's like a like a little wall.
Okay.
You know what I'm saying?
Sure.
Okay.
So it's like six feet.
Well, a cutout thing.
I don't know what that means.
I got a wall, a door.
I got you with that.
I was going back for a pop fly.
and I was just running backwards like this
and I fucking went down and boom
there's like six feet
hit my head really hard.
Like a store seller?
No, not a store.
Duh.
I don't know how to,
how do you not get it?
It was flat with the backyard
but went down.
I got you.
I got you.
To the basement.
Kind of like,
yeah.
Yeah, it's right.
Kind of like the back
at Kevin McAllister's house.
No.
Okay, well, then I don't know what you're talking about.
That's flat with a set of stairs down to a door.
Is it?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I guess that would be.
I'm picturing the trash cans on the other side.
I say up, you say down.
I say left, you say right.
What's your deal?
Can I see a picture of McAllister's house?
So I can get this?
Just say yes, and we can move on.
This is so not pertinent to any sort of thing.
The audio listener can't see your...
My CTE.
Listen, you got it.
We don't, you know.
All right, yes.
I agree.
With what?
Everything.
Patty?
Kevin said.
All right, let's see here.
This is from Tom D.
Is it garbage to buy food from the Goodwill?
My wife bought a big bag of Utt's party mix from there the other day.
I've never been to a good amount of goodwill's.
I've never been to like one I would trust eating food out of.
I don't fully trust eating food out of like Marshalls and T.J. Mack.
I mean, if he's there because he's got to be jammed up.
Yeah, what are you going to do?
I didn't know Goodwill's soul food.
I don't really think they're in the habit of it.
What do you get for donating a bag of chips?
Is that what that is? A donation?
Yeah, everything from the Goodwill is a donation.
Well, I don't really see a harm in that.
First of all, that's party minutes is fantastic and it lasts forever.
And you could reuse that jar for something.
It says bag.
Jar I get.
You know what I'm talking about? The big boy.
So good.
Man, getting an empty one of those as a kid, sky was the limit.
Do anything.
It'd be changed.
You could fucking pee in there, whatever you want it to do.
I told you we used to fill it with rocks and played greased up watermelon in the pool.
Shout out to the Eagans.
I remember being like, I remember like seven years old.
I couldn't get it.
I was like too young.
It was too heavy.
We put like big landscaping rocks in there and everybody put Vaseline on themselves.
And it sunk to the bottom.
And only the older kids could get it up from the bottom.
I remember getting like halfway.
up with it and my brain
I started losing oxygen and my brain couldn't let go
because I wanted to you know I wanted to appoint
I wanted to prove to the big kids I was part of the team
you know what I mean?
Well she thought the chips were still in there
that's a little snack
everything but the pretzels
that we're on the other other side of this I told you I famously
ate all the pretzels out of at my
I would love that I ate all the pretzels out of it
some guy might bleep that maybe
somebody related to me
went did you eat all the pretzels out of
Dude, I was so, I wouldn't be like, you fucking nark?
What the fuck's your problem?
I don't even want to fucking be at this house.
They drugged me over here.
I got a fucking sweater vest on like a jerk off.
Fat little bastard.
Calling everybody by their first name.
This place sucks.
What?
They weren't really my.
Oh.
There was a couple of.
We had to call everybody by their last name.
Unless they were.
Their last name?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, hey Jenkins?
What are you?
you mean.
Mr. Jenkins.
Yeah.
Yeah, but this guy's related to him.
Is he related to you?
Yeah, but I met him when I was nine, so I ain't calling him fucking Uncle Randy.
Yeah, we didn't call.
I'm not, I mean, I'm smoking Sigs at the time.
I'm not getting a new uncle.
We didn't call Uncle, we didn't call fake Uncle's Uncle unless they were related.
What?
Like, my Uncle Mike wasn't my dad or mom's brother, but he was my Uncle Mike.
But somebody on the fringes that weren't.
married like I would say Mr. Riley
I wouldn't say Uncle Dennis
or something like that sure
you know
because that's weird
because when I got transferred in
Catholic schools we went from like
having nuns to having
teachers and calling them by their first name
like Miss Susie
I was like what the fuck kind of fucking
cult shit is this yeah
that's like youth pastor shit they see you know
there's broads one of my seven wives I don't think so
You get sister-upon-ness.
I'm married to this guy.
Always getting to see him on Wednesday.
Yeah, I didn't get that at all.
Miss Susie.
Miss Rachel?
Oh, Miss Rachel.
What's her name?
Is it Miss Rachel?
Yeah.
See, I don't like that.
I mean, with kids, yeah.
That makes sense.
What do you mean?
If your last name's fucking, you know, a Romanooski,
that might be a mouthful for a toddler.
You know what I mean?
So it's, hey, fucking Miss Debbie.
Miss Ashley.
Again, the kids got to learn.
Miss Scarca Chuttle, he ain't gonna fucking...
It's a bit of a tongue twister.
You know what I mean?
Scattermoosh.
I mean, you are.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about today.
I'm all off.
I'm all screwballs.
I'm well aware.
Really going against the grain.
Foley's got CTE.
All right, let's see here.
She makes a lot of cash that brother.
Hill.
Miss Rachel.
Not Miss Susie.
I don't know what she's done.
I'm sure she makes it honestly.
I assume she's moved on.
I remember I then saw that guy later on.
Well, you went through one of those big oots things.
No, it was they were in.
No, it goes through one of the big utts.
Like a weevil.
Like over your heads in it?
Like a hedgehog and a thing of oatmeal, baby.
If you don't know, these, let's party, Mick.
They're big.
Big tubs.
Big tubs.
Big tubs.
Like a big tub of pretzels.
Yes.
Like that you would see, like, you know.
Man, that was something else.
What, you were in a basket?
Yeah, they were in a bowl.
It was Christmas.
They were in a bowl.
I'm sitting there in a fucking living room without a TV.
Is the same kid who called you out with the chocolate cover of potato chips?
That was Mr. B.
Shout out to you.
I don't know if you're picking up.
I was a fat kid who liked snacks that were on a table.
It was greasy.
season
Kippy was there.
Ooh,
coming in like I heard of Chuck.
Moving from Colorado to Arizona.
Woo.
The grass dry.
Look at you.
Oh, God.
Dude, man.
Well,
you go to a place where, like,
I was going to this family event
at this extended family members
that wasn't really my family.
They were married into my fat,
like, you know.
Uh-huh.
So I'm there.
the parents are doing that shit i don't really have i'm fucking eight years old i don't have a relationship
with any of these fucking people so like passing him out of house and home i'll rue the day
invited me over we're also not there for dinner we're there to like exchange gifts beforehand
so we're doing that for like two hours or something well then we're going to like my
my actual aunts like we're going to the sullivans do they have dinner they were have we were just stopping by
We know, like Chris Michigan, go, oh, we're going to, you know, whoever's going to stop by.
You usually do a little more than chips and pretzels, though.
People are stopping by.
Something hot in a crock pot.
Yeah, maybe not.
They're not doing hot crock pot stuff if people are stopping by for like a glass of wine and exchange gift.
We were there for an hour to tops, and it was mainly.
Some chili dogs or something.
This was a pretty nice.
Hmm.
Some pool pork.
There's a townhouse.
I remember it was a townhouse.
It was on a golf course, which blew my mind.
I was like, what are you?
Are the groundskeeper?
Who lives on?
I didn't understand.
I remember being like, do you have to, like, go into the got?
Like, you have to go to the driving range to get, like, I didn't understand.
Hey, Caddyshack, which cooler has the soda's in it?
I had to fight an Italian kid every day.
There's Dick, though, I got to suck to get a Shasta around here.
But we were only there for, like, an hour.
So, like, the parents are talking.
There's nothing worse than when parents are talking.
I'm in, like, my church.
Like, I'm in, like, Christmas clothes.
Ugh, itchy.
And there's.
I'm in a living room.
She didn't have a TV in the living room.
I'm just sitting there on a couch, like, looking at all this old shit.
The only thing I did it do is have a little nibble.
You know what I mean?
I'm only human.
He either, I just started slapping it.
There's no TV.
So you pick through all the pretzels?
Yeah.
And then this fucking dickhead came in.
I didn't like him from fucking Jump Street.
His pants were too bad.
You back then.
They were like...
It's an adult?
Yeah.
He was too skinny.
and his pants were too bad.
Did he corner you solo by yourself?
Oh, he was like, T started down.
I'm like, yeah, get in, you know what I mean?
Like, you get while getting good?
And he was like, did you eat all the pretzels out of here?
And made me, like, shamed me about it.
I don't be like, buddy, I don't even fucking like you.
Fucking sitting here, I'll fucking, I'll tell my mom you touched me.
I'll end this fucking party real quick.
Fucking guy grab my eyes.
I try to grab my braggiole here.
Let's go
We're going to grab us
I can rally the troops
We're going to Paddy's out
Hey thanks for the Chia Pet Lady
Yeah
It's like going to be
She also
It was the first time I've seen a letter opener
I said who the fuck opens mail
You do it like my dad
And let it stack next to the fridge
Because they're all unpaid bills
This old broads whose house
I always thought that was for rich people
Yeah I didn't
I didn't
I didn't
But then I later seen that guy and I went to say hi to him in public and he fucking iced me at a young age.
Really?
Uh-huh.
You fat little bastard, you're younger pretzels.
Told my mom.
I said, hey, I've ran into so-and-so.
Where'd you see him?
You know, in town.
I was like skateboarding in town.
Went up, hey, what's up?
Fucking turn his back and walked away from him.
Really?
Uh-huh.
There was some ongoing beefs that I was not aware of.
No shit.
My mom.
I don't know if you didn't, I don't know if you, she did not like that.
Like that.
Still held that close to the chest.
I like, how you don't say hi to my boy,
regardless of how many pretzels he's eating.
He's got a glandular problem.
He's on steroids.
Glangular problems, you feel like your glands are sweating.
Like when elephants do that?
What?
You ever see when elephants,
their glands, like, sweat?
Mm-mm.
Like rut or whatever?
No, I remember that in the early 90s.
Like, the fat was...
I remember this one family.
they used to say you got a glandular problem.
I wanted to be like I.
I think it's the hoagies.
He's got a lease hoagie house problems.
I think it's a little lunch meat.
The kid's got a tasty cake problem.
The same family used to,
it just hit me the other day.
I know I've ever told you.
They used to call me Heavy Kevy.
And the whole family,
I remember being like, this is fucked up.
I mean, I like to fucking break balls at all,
but you're fucking, you're a dad guy.
Hey
Wait, this guy turned his back on you?
Who?
Called you heavy-kev?
No, another family.
I wasn't well-liked.
Man, you stink, heavy-kevy.
Oh, heavy-cavy.
And the one kid used to like dance, I want to be like,
what the fuck am I doing at this house?
This place is my buddy's house, too.
I can't know what I got.
Invite me over.
Old family trashes me.
Can I have an orange juice, please?
My glands are acting up.
More birch beer.
All right, let's see here.
This one's from Joey Bagged Donuts, $10 contributor to the Triple XL Diper Fund.
And my garbage, if the only thing passed down to me when my dad passed away was his plumbing tools, a case of Bud Light, lime, and Alagash.
If you know, you know.
I know, but I think it's the combination.
Is that a thing maybe?
And his debt.
Additionally, he was disorganized plumber and died suddenly, so I actually had a couple.
I had to go to a couple of the jobs he was working on and chased down the floor.
folks for the cash owed.
Respect to that.
That is a very, that is a perfectly dirtbag inheritance.
You get some debt, you get some tools, and you got to chase down a couple of the guys
who were trying to skirt off.
A couple of beers.
Yeah.
That debt thing, how serious is that?
You die.
Who gets your debt?
Do you really have to pay any of that?
I don't know.
I thought, no.
I'll just tell everybody to be like, say you didn't even talk to me in 10.
years and we don't know each other
I don't know I mean I don't think
I don't think credit card debt gets
passed down maybe if they're like
I don't know Luke can you find out what kind of debt
gets passed down they just eat that
that's the case I might get fuck I'm not
I mean I'm not taking
I got to talk to some people I got to protect myself
what for me no
I have fucking bigger scumbags in my life than you
you're fucking you're a preschooler
or the dogs I roll with.
The deceased person's estate is responsible for paying the debts.
You're only in trouble if you, like, co-sign the loans or have any connections.
They can't, like, they can't.
If you're estranged from your mother and your mother has a million dollars in car loans that you're not signed to.
Sweet.
I just want to make sure I would assume.
I would assume the estate, if there's a net positive on the estate.
Like if there's a house owned, say there's a, you owe $500,000 to people and you have a $600,000 house,
the estate is plus $100,000.
So they have to sell all that stuff, pay the tax.
And like, the estate is the people who inherit.
Yeah, you can't.
That's insane.
Yeah.
It says, like, the higher priority debts get paid first.
And usually what generally happens is credit cards or personal loans will go unpaid.
Yeah.
Suckers.
My wife was telling me that.
that in Germany, you get, you have to decide ahead of time whether you want to accept
the inheritance and it could be debt that you're responsible for.
So you can see if you can look up that, like they contact you and go, do you want to accept this?
What do you mean?
Like say, say I'm a guy in Germany.
I know somebody who's like a pretty big or somebody's dad who's like a pretty, he's like,
a businessman, but like really good years, really bad year.
Like, kind of like this spiking up and down, you know, had the 80s were good, the 90s
were bad, kind of broken down, up, down, up, down, you know, crashed out a couple
times back up.
And they went to her and they were like, do you accept, you have to let us know whether
you accept this inheritance, but it could be debt and you have to accept the debt.
So she was like, I'm not taking the chance.
They don't tell you?
That's what she was saying.
I'd expect the grandfather who would be like, hey, don't worry, it's good.
I know, but I don't think that's the case.
I don't understand.
That's not really something I can ask her about.
I want to open up the books, see what's what.
Yeah.
I saw the house.
It was a nice joint.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
A real nice joint.
One of those old classic, like, they got the walls and stuff.
You know what I mean?
Could you be looking at some stuff like that?
Me?
Some property in Germany or something?
No, they live in an apartment.
Yeah.
And the outskirts of Frankfurt.
Tough break.
What do you got anything?
I don't see this thing where you don't know anything about it,
but it seems like the first heirs automatically inherit the deceased person's entire legal position,
both assets and all debts.
Yeah, that's what it is.
So I think if you accept it, you're accepting the debt as well.
And you have a six-week period to formally disclaim the inheritance.
Yes.
I don't know that, motherfucker.
I don't know anything.
I don't know.
No, no, Neda.
Yeah.
Get out of there.
What do they, some fucking Interpol after you or something like that?
I don't know.
Would you just watch the Bourne Supremacy or something?
No.
I am Treadstone.
You jump over the table.
Oh, man.
What if you're just?
What's the other one?
Black Briar?
Tredstone?
No.
Is it Black Briar?
No.
That's a little too on the nose.
Treadstone and Black Branch or?
I thought it was Black Briar.
Black Briar.
Yeah.
You tell me.
Treadstone was fucked up.
Probably still going on.
How come he can't make another one of them?
He's out, right?
They did.
No, but he wasn't in it.
Let me see.
He did what they did one with the round.
Pamela Landry.
Landy.
Is it Landy?
No, Landry.
I just said Landry.
No, Landry is a fucking football player, isn't he?
I'm sure there's more.
I'm sure Jim has a family.
Pamela Landy.
Was her name?
It might be Landy.
Yeah.
She's standing right next to you.
Well, how am I going to?
How am I going to do that?
She's standing her right next to you.
What?
Man, I remember when that dropped.
Oh, shit was great.
He was calling my mom.
He did that.
He did that twice.
He did it once for her and once to the fucking dude.
He's like, uh, some, something, something.
Is that Brian Cox in that?
Brian Cox is in that, yeah.
That guy's been the same age for a hundred years.
Crazy.
He's great, though.
Yeah.
No, this is, this is the other guy, the guy that was in, uh, the guy that was banging, uh,
Carmell Soprano.
I can't remember his name.
Great actor.
But he's like if you were in your office, we'd be having this conversation in person.
De-de-de-de-de-de-de-de.
That music starts playing.
That's a Moby song.
Okay.
It's a Moby song.
2012, you had the Jeremy Renner, the Bourne Legacy.
But then in 2016, they came back with the self-titled Jason Bourne with Matt Damon.
Yeah.
Jumped the shark.
Say that.
Damon.
Could be listening.
I like Affleck.
I like Affleck.
They're two of my favorite actors of all time.
very good
I remember
I remember we were at
my aunt Patty's house
and goodwill hunting
was like all the rage
right it was like
took the world by storm
my uncle
my uncle Den seen it
would you eat all that time
all this eating
my uncle dead was not a fan
and he's like you know what I call that one
goodwill sucking
what leveled the room
leveled the fucking room
I remember dude people were
falling out of their chairs
out of you didn't like
I either janitor
is just the smartest guy in a world
He's a carpenter from fucking Kensington
You think he's got okay
All right these fucking okay
Yeah
Didn't buy it for a second
Two guys are too good looking to be working blue collar
Fuck out of here
It's not some two fucking male models
Working at a fucking foundry or whatever they were doing
Oh god
All right let's see here
This was from Bet Midler's understuddy.
Great name.
$10 homie, never had one read.
Is it trashy to buy a decommissioned emergency vehicle as an everyday driver?
My uncle bought a cop car at a state auction and would get drunk and pull his friends over.
That's a good fucking time.
That's awesome.
Yes, it is.
Go through drive-thru spots that would offer police discounts trying to get a free meal.
That might get you jammed up a little bit because you represent.
You've been pulling your buddies over.
drunk
That's a good time
Jesus
At a different time
Obviously
Yeah
I'm surprised they still sell them
With the lights
With the lights on them
That's crazy
I think they were
Yeah I don't know
At an auction
If you ever
I looked
Because I wanted us to go to a police auction
They're online now
And you can just buy
A bunch of cop shit
For like
pretty cheap.
Like they just get rid of all their old stuff.
Like cars?
Like anything.
You can't buy those tanks, can you?
I mean, I don't think so.
That you pretty sweet.
Zipping around one of those.
Called a fucking USSR for one of those.
A bunch of Chinese bullets.
Labelled them.
Put them in a different container.
That was a different one for Cooper.
Playing a bad guy in the...
A very limited role in that, yeah.
It was probably a day of shooting.
Sure.
You know what I mean?
Brought him in.
Uh-huh.
All right, let's see.
This was from Sheets Run, Matt.
What's up, fellas?
$10, homie.
Never had one read.
Is it garbage?
And when I got my very first job at high school,
I spent my entire first paycheck on a brand new pair of Jordans.
How you doing?
Only to realize I had no money left for the week.
I immediately had to borrow 20 bucks from my dad
just so I could afford to buy food for my shift that same day.
At least I was looking fresh in the new kicks.
There you go.
That was all of my life up until this podcast
And also the first blowing every paycheck
Two and a half years of this podcast
Yeah effectively
I bought the cassette of the original Batman with Michael Keaton
The day it went on sale at West Coast Video
I was probably
Eighth grade whenever that came out maybe ninth
It was $100
Jesus
Was it like a box?
type thing?
No, it was just the thing.
It was a hundred bucks or like $99.
Remember, I wanted it so bad.
My mom was just like, she's like, what are you?
You're wasting your money on it?
And it just kind of ruined it for me.
You know, I remember when I got it, and I was like,
oh, what the fuck did I do?
I watched it once.
Is it there?
I might be over there now.
I have that.
It's so funny.
We gambled a lot, you know, poorly all through, like, high school.
was the poker boom had hit
and then we just were degenerates
looking for her personality
somewhat and had seen rounders
I remember I
stopped at the Acme
picked up my check from being a cashier
I'm never forget
it was $168 was my take-home
Good shoe
Not bad for fucking
I think they were weekly
Buy a lot of pretzels with that
I'm like caked up
You know pack of heaters
Sure
We grab a six packer
something 12 you know me and somebody split at 12 something you know a couple of be you standard
supplies for tonight probably out 20 bucks there 20 30 bucks probably had to overpay for six
six bucks a time i got overpay for the booze you know whoever's i'm you know juicing me chipping and
handling um little little tax um and then i went to my buddy's house and we started gambling and i
lost every dollar in what felt like minutes and the pit in my stomach there's no chance to
getting that back like fuck they got to put me on the sheet like they're not going to go you know now i get now i
got to go into the red you ran with some criminals i did um and i remember like gambling i still feel
whatever i lose money like gambling i still i go back to sitting on his floor in his living room
like watching that last car to come out and being like i have zero i everything it's that feeling of
like everything i just worked for all week every day Saturday all seven
Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Like, you fucking idiot.
And I think part of me still chases that. Like, I'm, I like, I like, I like, I like losing more than I like winning.
With you.
I'm with you, dog.
Bugman, man, man. Uh-huh. I'm with you.
Worst summer ever. And on that note, we got to roll out, baby. A little life lesson with the boys.
Gang, we love you to death. We'll see you next week. Peace.
