Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Field Trips Edition w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions about Field Trips. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Express VPN: Protect your online privacy TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/garbage Bilt Rewards: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to https://joinbilt.com/garbage. Better Help: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/garbage and get on your way to being your best self Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Live shows, live shows, live shows baby! The boys are about to hit the road for that back on the block tour, so grab the squad and come on out and see us. Yeah, we're starting in San Francisco, then Portland, Seattle, Oh-bray-ah, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the boys are coming home, Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. Get your tickets at rugarbage.com. Love yous, see you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage.

Oh, yeah. So a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. Shout out to her.

Just earned her yellow belt over there at South Philly Kung Fu and Karate and Pet Store. So good for her. Watch out, man. She's on a tear. Kick your ass. OK. Mike Hoses is coming at you from across the table.

He is the CEO of RU Garbage and what he lacks in physical appearance. He makes up for it personality and wild things across the table. He is the CEO of RU Garbage and what he lacks in physical appearance. He makes up for it personality and wild things in the bedroom. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up gang? Hey buddy. Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify, by the way. Those numbers are cooking. Woo-wee. What a charts over there. I know the way. Those numbers are cooking. Woo wee! What a charts over there.

I know. What a goddamn charts. Obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash rugarbage. Go over there, you get all that bonus content. Yes, sir. And then last but not least. Talk to me.

The Back on the Block Tour fall and winter tour dates are on sale right now at rugarbage.com. Coming to the Metropolitan in Philadelphia. The boys are coming all over the place. I'm talking San Fran. They don't like calling it San Fran. It's SF, I hear. San Francisco.

I'm going San Francisco. We're doing Portland. We're doing Seattle. We're doing Richmond. Sure. Raleigh. Sure. The other one, Charlotte.

Baltimore. Boston. Philly. Boston, New Hampshire, Toronto, Toronto Rochester over the map can't wait to get back out there gang grab your tickets. Are you garbage comm? You're not the prettiest girl to dance, you know, what? And what are you doing to the dance you're 50 you weirdo if fucking creepo But you will do weird sex stuff if the car is nice enough Is that is how you've heard about me is that? Is that my iTunes reviews you've been doing a lot for a dinner or what bread lobster you've been scrolling on yeah, that's right

Okay, let's get into the heart of the matter here today. We're here for a little family episode a little themed episode Yeah, kids have been loving they've been cooking up the charts out there sure this one We're going all the way back, which I have to you know we got a little self self-aware here What's that we had with the past month or so we put together a run of guests that was? Unmatched I thought a boy I had to call Joe Hollywood to get some of them guys in here. I was calling in every favor I got. I got a couple coming up, though. Do we?

I think so. Who do you got? Don't we? Cher coming in? Oh, man. Do you believe in love after love? You see Cher from back in the 70s when she did the Sonny and Cher show?

That was, I mean, hot. That's that. Dude, that might as well been me looking at people from the 1300s. That was so far back to me. Like, because at that point, the fashion was so different, the quality of the video was so different, he was dead by the time. Free love, baby.

Yeah, I was like. Dose smoking doobies, taking lewds. I first knew her as the guy She was no she was married to the guy who died skiing Sonny Bono skis horses. He was a senator. I believe he became a senator wasn't he senator son? You know he don't do you know who Sonny Bono is just by name You don't know I don't know no NATO. I mean United States representative United States representative Party land what?

The United States of fun Disco land Mayor of Palm Springs, California and California's 44th district. Man, Maripal Springs. Talk about an easy gig. Talk about getting your D.S. You are out there in Palm Springs. Woo! Fucking closing at Boca del Vista. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Uh-uh. That's what you do. You get down there to Florida, you relax a little bit. That's what you gotta do. Get some color. Go down there to Boca you take juniors place find a nice lady who works the dimensionals department at fucking Sears or something like that here's my wife in this man I forgot coming up the works I don't think the broad down there not your wife I don't know why don't know what reality you're creating first of all didn first of all, did he say Bob Sonny? He said Palm Springs, California. You ended up in Florida

Is that right? Is there a Palm Springs, California? That's the Palm Springs. What's Palm Springs in Florida? That's where dudes go to get Topped off on spring break isn't there a Palm Springs on Beach? Isn't there a Palm Springs on Beach? That's where I'm going. Oh Hey get out of Palm Beach come on a boat and relax for a little bit walk play a little golf Are you talking to me? I'm yeah, I'm doing well. What are you talking about? You get up you go you fucking go somewhere. I should tell it me what did do you go do something? I should take a cruise by myself I should tell him me what to do. You go do something. I should take a cruise by myself

Why you take why you take a field trip? Hey, and we're back tonight a little Franklin Institute You gotta you gotta go somewhere learn expand your horizons. Uh-huh. You know open your eyes a little bit in my horizons Get off the family. I'm a singular man Let's talk about it gang. Talking about field trips today. Who doesn't remember or was it a pivotal moment in your childhood? The first big field trip, the field trip that went wrong. You had money, you didn't have money. Your parents were prepared. Maybe they weren't prepared. Something fucked up happened when you were down there. Somebody got shot. A good dude, a good a good field trip in that was coming up in a spring that get you through the fall in the winter Yeah, that kept you going to school every day that kept the grades up that kept you out of your parents

They could even fuck around you might not be able to go to the good field trips They would always the school as well as your parents would be like if you messed up at school to go If you do that on the field you're not gonna go to wherever it was that was usually bullshit Oh, what are you gonna leave me here by myself? No, you have to sit in a cafeteria with the other ding-bats fucking Turn this place into a blockbuster while you're gone Me either I rolled with that Palm Springs ladies and gentlemen, why Prince Lord? Why couldn't every day? Like those were the times where every day be a field trip. Yeah, like those were the times where I every day be a field trip Yeah, like those were the days where that's called straight chillin dog

Those are the days where I felt like you know Like I was in the movie like I felt like I was like I was going to school like it felt good The shower felt better that morning Breakfast felt better that morning you get your cooler with your snacks and your drinks and all that kind of stuff You're gonna have on the bus you get you get Like 20 bucks from mom and dad Spend down at the gift shop wherever you were going you yeah, you know yeah, it was fun Yeah, cuz you're the rest of the day your brain

What we call it in the medical field ain't good at learning So if you're sick sleepy, yeah, I get sleepy right away when I soon as they started that teacher started talking to me. I'm tired. That's like a dog. We try to train on to get like 30 minutes with them before their brain overheats and they got to lay down fucking hot. Shut up. They call on you twice. I got to take a nap. I got to shut this down. I liked it in being in a nice cool science lab with those black desks, those black tables that were nice and cool, the air conditioner pumping, turn the lights off, and put on a fucking documentary

from like the late 80s about water, about like precipitation, and they would show like- You hear the rainfall. It's trickling, and they'd show streams from the mountains and stuff like that. A babbling brook. I'd be fucking out. Yeah.

Two seconds. Put your hood on. Heads up, seven up. Just dreaming. Just dreaming and chilling. Sure. That's school to me. What was your, do you remember your favorite?

Field trip? Field trip. I mean. Palm Springs, 88. Me mean. Palm Springs 88. Me and Sonny Bono. I got a bag of yak down there talking about fish scales. Me and Sonny Bono went water skiing. This guy knows his way up. I can't water ski. I don't have the weight weight problem. I don't have no I don't have the

the centrifugal balance to go water skiing. Centrifugal balance. It's something that lines up. I can't get up Yeah, your front heavy. Yeah, it's like pulling a Mack truck out of a bog You need a good winch. No rope is gonna do that got kelp all over me The Franklin Institute man, that was that was that was the. That was a big one. And for Philadelphia, the Franklin Institute was like, get the exact definition. I mean, it was a museum. It was an interactive experience.

They had the first dome. No, was that the dome? Planetarium. No, but the screen. Planetarium. That wasn't the planetarium. Yes, it is. That's what it's called.

It's called a planetarium. No, the planetarium is like you look up at the sky. No. That's what it is. I know's called a planetarium. No, the planetarium is like you look up at the sky. No. That's what it is. I know, but that screen's... It's the sky. What? I saw...

Nirvana at the Franklin... No, I saw laser light shows down there. We used to go down to the Franklin Institute and see laser light shows in college. Drop a little... Cool, cool guys. Drop a couple of tabs of sunshine and fucking head down... It's a science museum in Philadelphia. You talking about IMAX

No What it's the planetarium. I know they got IMAX there too that way it was more It was more of a movie screen I'm not saying they didn't show that but they also showed like You'd be on like a helicopter flying through the city when I was back when I was they had maybe they upgraded Yeah, dude that was I mean ours was just the stars No, they had that thing that looked like a telescope in the middle and it would go around and it felt

like the place was moving. That was always big. We were always big on and also to disc man had just dropped. They just man dropped when I was in like everybody kind of had him in fifth and sixth grade. So I mean you you and your boys on what CDs you got CD books be flipping. Let me get the DMX CD Let me get that was on hip hop was in it a couple of tough guys back there talking to Pac. I'm talking Jay-z

We didn't have that shit. We just listen to five more listening a classic rock on a field trip The bus driver was his old Vietnam vet and he used to crank 93.3 WMMR. Sure. Listen to that. It means more rock. Talking about President Steve. I'm talking about Jackie, Pierre Robert.

Pierre Robert. Talking about Pierre Robert. Me too. Did you? Yeah. Yeah, shout out to him. He was friends with somebody through the theater, through the Hedger theater.

I can't remember how No, no, no, no. Yes the year. Wait, was he boy? I think he was boys with one of my friends in high school's dads Think he was boys at mr. Gabriel to be honest with Google that see if Pierre Robert was friends with mr Keefer don't you wish the internet was that? Dude, every time I can't find my keys. I'm like if I could just Google where my keys are Every time I can't find my keys. I'm like if I could just Google where my keys are How more do you need? What are you doing bits on me? No, is that a bit? I don't know. I try that I called it. I remember one time that bus driver put on stern and

Everybody's sitting in the back with stingers On top of a subwoofer think I was only yeah I think I was in like seventh grade or something like that We were listening to Stern and fucking I remember the next day It wasn't on and like somebody had somebody's parents had called and complained sure, but he don't get fired I wonder what it was back then a couple of strikes Well, this is hang them so obviously most of our listeners are in there You know most of them in their 20s 30s and 40s. You know they're all people of our age There's not a not a lot of children listening to this. So a lot of these stories take place in the 80s and 90s where you're like, oh, there's no way this would happen

now. You know what I mean? Do they do that shit though? Like now? Like, cause I remember a big one in, I think we were in high school was we came up to New York So I got robbed of that. I was supposed to go as 9-eleven We were supposed to go we were supposed to go like we always every school We always went in September the end of September like do I'm talking permission slip signed had my you know 1850 in like $18.50 check written out. Where were you going? Do you remember where you're going to go when you got up here? I think we're going to hit the seller and try to pop

a couple of sets at the Boston. Were you going to go to the World Trade Center? I guess you were probably probably there and like the MoMA or something. I don't know. I know more. Yikes. So we that we're that in D.C. They were the same week we were supposed to do. I'd have you fuckers on a list. I don't like that.

That all played that, didn't you? Also, it's basically a central P.A. too. So we didn't we didn't get to have that. That was the big one. That was the one you would hear people would go up and like, you know, get they go to Times Square, you get like a switchblade, fucking. So you buy a nickel bag of weed or something like that. Like, oh, no, you're allowed to cuz you were like on Some chaperones like yeah, just meet back here at five some chaperones would be like we're go moving as a group which is insane

Taking fucking high school kids in New York City different back here at five different time what? I've ever do my come back with a tattoo and a wife, my boy in New York, grew up in New York, they would take the subway to like, oh, we're all going to the whatever we're all going to the the Met. So they take the subway. And he's like, we would go in between the train cars and like smoke a blunt on our city kids are built different. Fucking wild why I like it out there in the burbs. I'm a yellow cheese bus. My favorite.

My favorite one was we went down to the Edgar Allen Poe House in Philly, which was awesome. That's pretty good. Yeah, we were studying. It was it was a year. You're a poetry queef as you as you got, of course. As you got older, they got smaller, which was great. I remember that. It wasn't the whole school would be like these couple social studies classes. The one was, I think, just my English class.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And it was like it was like maybe 15 of us. And we went down there. Class, there are a couple teachers in there. There is that was not one guy doing that heavy lifting 15 kids 30 teachers took us to color at Sesame Place No, but we went down there and we were reading about him. We were doing all kinds of Literary stuff at the time was English lit. I think I was smoking doobies I was expanding my mind as you say my horizon as I say as you said

What do I say you said expanding your horizons? I was expanding my horizons back then drop an acid and tune it in He's got a fucking reset you do Take me back to the factory. Anyway, we went down there. We had a lovely day. It was a nice spring day I think we like smoked a joint or something like that went walked around saw all the shit got back was great my the best one for us was always a The Amish country they take us out to the aunt to Lancaster about two-hour drive

Pound the mashed potatoes at the buffet No, we just stopped by like side of the road stands and we would, I mean, these poor, Kevin's eating a whole apple pie, that fuck. I'm out there smoking. You guys got the back? Man, these poor, you know, these poor, bad haircut havin' mother,

the last thing they wanted to see is a group of fuckin'. Those guys would fuck you up though. They're all field hands, they'd fuckin' tune you you up. I know but they ain't allowed to fight that's against their religion. Is it? Also I would just hold my disc man up and scare the shit out of him. It lem buddy let me tell you it's dark and hell is hot. So we that go those were always that I mean we were mean bad kids But we would just be fucking not to their face But we'd be having fun at the regular little bit having fun at their expense And I remember that they didn't I mean we'd roll in 50 60 deep

You know what I mean like a biker gang in the 80s go and take take a borrow knocking over tomato Yeah, just fucking I want 10%. You know what I mean? I'm your new partner. These fat kids got a reputation of coming into bus bussing up a buffet. Not today. They picked the wrong buffet. That's all right.

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Joinbilt.com slash garbage to sign up. What's a fitness studio? But that was good. We were always hit a wah-wah in the morning for the snacks. Yeah, the lunch was always, you got a better lunch that day usually. Well, you can always bring. Even if you bagged your lunch. You can always, yeah, you can always bring or like they always a lot of I think they had to provide some sort of that's like what the money went to like, oh, we'll do it. Do you do pizzas or you know,

you get a cheeseburger at the whatever. Yeah, that was always alright. We're always snack guys. But if your parents made your lunch, that was always a better lunch than regular days. That's the day that you got the hug. Sure. You got to get a

hug. Get a turkey shorty over at the Wawa lettuce tomato oregano mayo push cheese turkey little kid order bag of munch little kid order an oregano just seems weird to me do you run that through the garden for me a little more balsamic. You didn't do oil and vinegar when you were a kid. And now I do that till my mid 30s. I did it all oil and vinegar, hot sweet peppers. Fucking no. What a black and mild kicker at the end.

I get three stuffed peppers and you're what the fuck? No, I'm not doing long hots in second grade. Little moose. No one to no wonder why your GI track is all torn up. Many in being in shards of glass. Little Barrett's esophagus. There aren't anybody. Actually, it did. But all right, let's see. So the the homies all sent in their stories, end or questions regarding field trips slash school trips. Okay. And as you guys know, when you join the old Patreon over there,

we will read your question. Get to do fun stuff like this. Yeah, fun stuff with the boys. This one's from Foley's Chest x-ray. Came back good. Five years ago. $10 shareholder went to Beta Club Nationals. See what Beta Club is. Went to Beta Club Nationals in sixth grade,

ended up staying in a casino hotel, cheapest rooms available, and watched a teacher lose his mind after losing six grand playing blackjack. He just kept saying, don't ever gamble kids. That's gotta be. That's all, I said, that's not happening now. He just kept saying don't ever gamble kids That's gotta be that's all I say that's not happening now There's too many guard rails and checks and balances up. That was just the guy talk about the school of rock Uh-huh, that's you know, that teacher was looking forward to that. He's like I'll do it. I'll sign up

Yeah, I'll take the kids to the lucky horseshoe casino or whatever. The beta club's got to be some type of debate club or science club or something like that. It's like a leadership summit kind of for young kids, I think. OK, there you go. I remember that's I remember that we had and there's might even junior high future business leaders of America. I was like, who the fuck has the balls? Now look at you. I know. And the one kid the balls now look at you I know and the

one kid that was in he died a heroin in art in a motel so it jokes on you I kid and we made fun of him a lot I do apologize was this in high school he died in the hotel room you may be right after high school no shit yeah Wow hmm there's a CEO does hey that's going for now right as terrible he looked like Elton John and we saw granny in the Jets. That's fucking brutal. Yeah, dude That's like that's a lot of money. That's a lot of cash dude. That's like damn. That's tough All right, let's see here this one's from Follies hair kippies forehead $14 50 cent Canadian homie on the board never had one read in Fourth grade my class went spelunking in a tourist trap what?

that seems Why what grade fourth get the fuck this? But this says tourist trap this is more like you know how we used to climb through the heart at the yeah That's what this can't be. They're not like that's got stalactites stalagmite written all over. Yeah, which you know what it is. Stalactite. I don't don't roll your eyes at me. You don't know what it is.

I'm not off the top of my head. Stalactite has to hold tight to the ceiling and stalagmite might reach the ceiling. Okay. Stalagmites on the floor stalactites on the roof. You might be a jerk off rolling your eyes at me. Dumbass. Smart guy. You don't know much. The lag mates on the floor still like you might be a jerk off rolling your eyes at me dumbass Smart guy you don't know much. I'm a future business leader of America. Do you know who drug whom around what? Who you never heard that before no the Harvard thing who drug whom around what?

Achilles drug Hector around the city of Troy Put that in your pipe and smoke it It had more of a needle man. All right. I don't get it that pure. In fourth grade my class went splunking in a tourist trap cave. After we were having lunch waiting for the buses, I started throwing baseball sized rocks off the suspension bridge into the river below. This got the class hyped and everyone. Dude, it just takes a couple of kids in a new place. Sure. Just to go.

What can we fuck up? Yeah, who's not watching me? And everyone joined in the rock tossing teachers quickly shut this down. So I went down to the river below next I woke up in a pile of blood with half my Front tooth missing apparently one kid wasn't done throwing rocks down from above The look on my classmates faces as I climbed back up the steep bank covered in blood snot and tears and The panic of my teacher as he ran for a makeshift first-aid kit

Was about an hour car ride to the hospital, three trips to the dentist resulting in a root canal and a fake front tooth. It's always been a couple of shades darker since. P.S. I got 8,500 bucks for it when I turned 18. Money was gone within three months spending on everything but a tooth. I mean.

Who wrote that, Stephen King? That's pretty fucking beautiful. Yeah, that's uh That's what we're looking for that is that kid was forever affected by a simple school field to the shade darker Seen plenty of them in my day. I a couple family members That's um man that is so what? Shit bag field trip right there fourth grade your ten your nine to eleven. It's alright You're just hucking rocks off a bridge. Nothing's better. Yeah, so you catch one in the chin

Oh, yeah, I mean that guy went to a landing zone just think that's bad You never do that think of how panic those teachers must have been what do you do the lawsuit? To this to that oh my god I would have fucking killed him and threw him off the bridge my sister We didn't see him my sister's a teacher and she would do like the ski she take them skiing She took them to different countries the language clubs to all and I'm going you're fucking crazy in every skis you take him to like Spain and India, India. They're going to Indian Casino Reservation.

Well, six grand. Yeah, but I'm like, I wouldn't take any kids anywhere. Now, I don't want to be involved in that. Mm hmm. There was always too much. There's too much that could go wrong for you as a teacher You know what I mean? Yeah, there's no fuck kid gets in the head with a rock. Yeah, there's no bad That's the least of your problems somebody gets pregnant or something like that who the fuck knows what happens? Two kids boning somewhere. Sure. Why do you I think that was gonna have you?

I mean if two kids are gonna bone on a fucking splunking field trip They're gonna have at it wherever they are. And there ain't nothing you can do to start. Ever hook up in school in school? Yeah. I know grounds. No. At that point, everything was so this wasn't like cameras. Yeah, you did high school. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. I mean, you got to think at this point out, dude.

We went to a new high school. That was like new facility that was I mean that was like a generous cops There was like we we grew up watching the 80s like the fucking Zack Morris's who were like floating around doing whatever The arse you we were like a jail essentially also were Clear backpacks and fuck things that started happening already. They were like right, you know, yeah doors. Just post Columbine Yeah, I was in six when Columbine happened damn 10 what year? I don't know. It was 99 I believe. I was in my 20s. Still in third grade. So we went to the Pohouse. All right. Speaking of New York. All right. This is from Wyatt Peter the heater fiender.

Ten dollar debt collector never had one read. Our school went to New York City on a band trip and walked down a road that our band leader said, quote unquote, reeked of shrimp and cum. The fucked up part was that it wasn't a teacher saying it, but he was spot on with the description. I there's got to be more over. You can't be saying that in front of kids. Can I say it? Can I say this? And this isn't just because of American Pie.

But when you look back on the band kids, they actually Diki, freaky Diki, it probably wasn't that bad of a time. Theater kids for us. Yeah. Yeah. I could go back and do it all again. I would have done that shit. Got in the band, got in the theater, all that kind of stuff, you know, wait off the bread. Lay short.

I schooled needed me at the time though. You know what I mean? What they needed me out there on that line. Oh, what if I can't like they needed you like when Captain America didn't come back in the end of Just to get straight you're quitting yourself to Captain America. Just so I Zoned out for a second. Just make sure it would have been nice. You know what I mean due to plays the chicks all that stuff Band was probably fun. I'll be a little smelly though. I Corumbo a clear a sill then. A lot of greasy kids.

But, you know, I wouldn't be able to sit there and watch the football games though in the stands with the playing the trumpet or something like that. Uh, yeah, I'd have to be on the field. I'd have to be down there just doing it, saving the day. I didn't say any of that. You said it like you were a cop who was sitting by watching a crime happen. I couldn't just say it in another life. That would have been fun. I couldn't sit there with my mouth closed. I had to stand up. Who are you? Mark Wahlberg? Maybe I maybe I would have been better in school. You know what I mean?

Nope. That wouldn't happen. You don't think? No. But if I if I wasn't, you know, I don't think out there on the line doing it. No more school themes. Why? Because you just talk about football. No, I don't. It was 48 years. I was talking about wrestling. Oh, sorry. The other sport you were mediocre at.

Did you go to State? You win States win states now I went to states though yeah to work the thanks to Adam at ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I got two congressmen You done being rude What is it? No you also? I mean that was also like I could have been in the band I could have just stopped there, but then you had to go back to but sitting in them stands come Friday night the lights on No way, but in the winter and shit. It would have been fun You know you watch you watch the team lose through halftime, then you're like I can't do it no more You take your tube off cuz you were playing the tuba and you know it now I would have done the Henry Henry no we need you we need you for the halftime show

I could have done both. I can't let my team down. I could have done both You run in the coach goes what took you so long? Oh, my fucking shame, Falco or something. Hold my read. Shame that. OK, I'm a buffoon. No, me too. Um, this is a question I have for you because I don't think my doors always. I never liked church and state mingling. What does that mean?

Was Patty or your dad ever a chaperone? No. I do think. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. My, they would, and like, my mom was, Actually, I think I'm wrong. Maybe Patty was once. But I could not.

I feel like she always did maybe once. There was always, My dad never. The way that stuff was is there were parents that were good with that. That was always the same ones like I don't know Just an example like mrs. Jackson. She was like good with all the kids all the kids newer That kid could operate

Well in front of his mom and everybody else he could kind of be it was it was normalized for people It would have not been no me and my mom or my dad definitely not my dad I wouldn't have been able to be myself. We would have been we would have been like acting in a play. We would have been two different people. Sure. You know what I mean? Hello, mother. Yes. Oh, mother, can I go? You know, meanwhile, I'm like going through a purse looking for a heater. Yeah, I wouldn't want her to see what, you know, I was really like.

That's telling bad kid, bad seed. Yeah. She was working anyway. Yes. I gotta work. Uh-huh Same we were at my mom was never like the class mom or the what-it-when we had to bring the orange slices in the juice Bots, I was like, hey drop them off and fucking did you know hit the high road? My dad came to the high school one I mean they were always had you know, my mom did a lot for like, you know The football like when my senior junior and senior year like you know she was like she had like the the night before the games He'd blow the coach to get you to get you to get you playing time

You know he was supposed to play the tuba I play the skin flute. That's my goddamn mother The audio listener he said daddy you hear this shit She come up here and kick your fucking ass about to get that knee brace off God watch out the one that you picked up at CVS thing by a doctor She would do all that kind of stuff and she was very involved in like the car washes and all that stuff But that's a genie Working at the car wash

Little fuckers want to make some money? He's got a heater going. Rubbing her tits on somebody's windshield. Hurry up! I'm running out of suds. I take Venmo, Cash App, and Zelle. This is reason. I take Venmo cash app and Zell If you were on vacation now with your mom If you were on vacation with her now, like say, uh, or you guys are, you guys are going down.

How did you guys pick? I pictured that the shot was from inside the car. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's enough with her titties. But if you went on vacation with your mom, that'll like a like a beach or something like that. And she walked out in a two piece, would you say something? Yeah. I don't know. fucking floozy ass back upstairs I'd make you be a Muslim or something swimming in a burka no way go get a hoodie you hussy what about you Luke would you be okay with that? Two piece freak out. Man. Cry. The only time they ever really entered the school was my dad

for some reason. It was like career day or something like that. I can't remember what the circumstances were, but it was him and Lieutenant Commander Dave Payne. They rolled into their dress whites. It looked like fucking Maverick and Iceman rolling through the hallways. They're doing that slow walk through the hallways. They turn the corner real sharp. Present, huh!

My fat ass kid! Flippin' an M16. They got guns on them. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Some guys dad's in there's an accountant Paints talking about fuck. I don't know in the jungle. I don't know what it would take for my dad to be a chaperone I genuinely with We'd have to be going to like a steam fitter convention or something that he was already working at it would meet us there It'd be late. There's no like You'd be late. There's no like... Nothing. No, I come by my mom maybe at a young age. Did he ever do anything? Did he like coach baseball or literally coach anything? Coach baseball, yeah. Then there was, he had to stop. There was these two, I told you there was these two big-ass twins that were bad as fuck.

My dad was like, I'll beat them up and you like told the dad, like, these kids are fucking, these kids were bad kids. They were huge. But this was post-divorce. Yeah. They're huge. But this is post divorce. Yeah. So he was still involved in shit like that. Oh, he always will. Yeah. All like recreational stuff he got involved in.

But like, sit with the school. He's like going to school. No way. Yeah. Was not his cup of tea. The show is sponsored by Better Help. You ain't lying. Gang, as you know, Uncle Hank and Aunt Kippy

are very big proponents of talk therapy. Do yourself favor if you're struggling with something something big something from your childhood that's not really just sitting right with you and you don't really feel like yourself do yourself a favor get over to better help because they can help also too if it's just something small if you just need to start bouncing stuff off of people just to get a little bit of you know what I mean just to talk things out Better help can also help with that. It doesn't have to be some tragic thing your whole life doesn't happen to be falling apart Yes, nobody in this room and listen mental health awareness is growing back in my day when I started I couldn't even tell my you tell my daddy. Yeah, call me a lady gave you a bottle of southern comfort That's not the case anymore. There's still progress to be made. Obviously, 20%, 26% of

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Visit BetterHelp.com slash garbage and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash garbage. Do that. We love you. But this is from Poo Radley. That's a deep cut. My head is.

My dad shot- You know what that's from? Boo Radley. What's that from? To Kill a Mockingbird? Whoa! Look at you! Written by?

Good friends with Truman Capote. Harper Lee. Harper Lee. There you go. My dad chaperoned my third grade field trip up to DC from Fredericksburg. To preface, he was born and raised in Alexandria, Virginia. Our driver got off the interstate near DC and immediately started panicking in front of all the 10-year-olds.

He got lost and he was pissed off. My dad gets up, walks to the front of the bus, stands next to the bus driver, and proceeds to navigate the driver through the city to our destination. Not only was it given on navigational directions, I was hearing things like feather it a little bit and start breaking now. And he got one coming up on your right. He got us to the air and space museum on schedule. Shout out to a dad coming in. Come cool and collect. I'm your wingman. Big dog. Take a deep breath. I don't even know what that means. Pump the brakes. They didn't see me. They were skidding. There you go. We'll talk about whipping work. That is a that's what a dad does on. We never had those, those more blue collar, rougher dad,

we always had the dad who was like, sweater vest kind of dad, buttoned up shirt kind of. We didn't have- A real one. Yeah, t-shirt, jeans and Tim dad wasn't taken off of work at the job site to, you know. That was that stuff for bronze. That's at the job site. You know, that was pay that stuff for bronze. That's what the.

What the fuck's a Clementine? Like a little orange. All right. Jesus Christ. Um, this one's from Skid Mark. That's great. Eighth grade trip to Gettysburg. There you go. Sure. The hotel had, well, this is another thing. A lot of which we've never done. There was a lot of overnight school field trips,

which seems like a pedophile's dream. Is that right? Well, I just like, I guess at the time that we grew up, that was like, you're not staying over with strange. Like that seems insane to me. You're going to stay at some weird city hotel with weird people. I don't know. Sure. No way was anybody. No one I know is parents signing off now.

But that does keep going with this one because I got something. Eighth grade trip to Gettysburg, the hotel had free HBO. Word got around and every boy was watching Katie Morgan review sex toys. Who's Katie Morgan? Someone ratted and the teachers came around to ruin the fun, went to Hershey Park the next day, and got caught pickpocketing.

Kit Kats, how you doing? That's, I mean, in a hotel room with school people, it seems insane to me. A hotel room with a teacher, that's your- I'm sure he had his own room. You had your own room. I've heard, there's stories here where they say there would be like three or four people to a room.

We bunked up, yeah. Me and three buddies were in a room together, teachers had their own room. Yeah, listen I get that I'm just saying that's we you know we had the sixth grade you shouldn't be sleeping next to a teacher's room ever That's my rule. We had the sixth grade camping one kid. I think two kids had to bunk with a teacher Fuck there's no way that's flying now. No, no chance. That wasn't that long ago. He's a young kid.

Yeah, 15 years ago. That's crazy. 15 years, I was 30. That's going on when I got fucked up. Man, that's crazy. I'd have just said. If I was the teacher, I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. I'd sleep in a car.

No way. Fuck you. I'm not fucking bunking up with this kid. Mm-hmm. That's what I'm saying weird. It's just weird weird But we I remember I don't know where it was It I want to say it was Philadelphia cuz I don't feel like old dolphin I don't feel like we would have drove down to like DC or Virginia or something like that in a day but I remember we went to like like it was like colonial times okay and they had like the little huts where like the blacksmith was working this would have been a Renaissance fair maybe now and like we tore I remember touring a dining room that that was like set from like colonial times

I remember it had that salt Lick in it on the plate they had they used to have a mound of salt you would lick it No, I just saying salt like it was like a it was like a cone of salt and they would scrape salt off and sprinkle it You know that could have I mean Philly has has the old city stuff, like the Ben Franklin. Maybe it was down there. That makes sense. I feel like I was in a field, though, and they had all that stuff.

That's where I found out how they, you know, soft pretzels came first. It was soft pretzels first, then hard pretzels. They just left them in the oven too long and discovered that you can have them hard. Isn't that crazy? Wouldn't you think hard pretzels came first? It was soft pretzels.

First soft pretzels and hard pretzels. In the United States? Anywhere. I think I may, yeah. Oh, I guess it would have came over from Germany. They came over, yeah. They would have been soft. I don't know.

See what was invented first, hard pretzels or soft pretzels. And where hard pretzels was invented. And let's get some hard pretzels. This is a real chicken or the egg type thing. Where was the soft pretzel invented? Uh, gotta be like Germanic tribes or something. You think back then cooking a buddy, if you leave me,

they those guys had nothing to do. I'd come up with I'd come up with a soft pretzie pretty good. Germans. Yeah. Yep. But hard pretzel was soft pretzel was first. It was. See? There you go. It's soft pretzels, all this shit that they didn't have. But yet they had soft pretzels. They couldn't mix it with screaming cold coke.

And let me tell you, I'd rather be in hell sitting there with a dry ass mouth. But isn't it fifteen hundred? Isn't that crazy to think that they had soft pretzels back then? That doesn't seem right. It's probably how bad could it have been? It was probably more of like a bread. I doubt it's the same exact style. You know what I mean?

Not twisted up. Saying an Italian monk made them as a special treat for his students. That's funny. The monks come on a lot of shit on a field trip. They said when HBO is out Monks come up with a lot of shit through history. Yeah, they're enlightened. What would they got these motherfuckers don't have jobs They're gonna get out where were they getting cash? They were like three tanks church really yeah Catholics I mean yeah, just always the church is always

Yeah, Catholics. I mean yeah, just always the church is always found in everything and everything Good Italian monk come up with a soft pretzel. Is he a saint he should be? Saints nighters say they nannies Fair enough, okay All right, but I remember doing that one And I remember I hated it because it was so hot and boring and fucking Those people were walking around in those colonial clothes And I was like aren't you fucking sweating? Yeah, they were you got soft pretzels back then nobody fucking invented a pair of shorts no water ice or nothing Let me get a fucking cherry Rita's called a fucking day, dude

fucking cherry Rita's called a fucking day dude be cool eat the Rita's be cool eat the Rita I wouldn't need shorts if you got a fucking frosty Rita's be cool as ice how about a couple Luigi's a couple Italian ices for me and the boy he's supposed to eat the soft pretzel by itself like a fucking dickhead. And summertime is about to be right here and in the Philadelphia Tri-State area there ain't nothing better than a fucking Reedus Water Rice and a pretzel brain. Hard pretzels weren't invented until 1850. What? 1850. What?

1850? Yeah. But, dude, think about. My eye just twitches. I remember. I almost broke out. I remember. So Rita's is an Italian ice place.

It's a soft Italian ice, not like the hard ones, like the little cups or anything. It's a soft, more like a. Philadelphia institution. We call it water ice. Italian ice. Italian ice but soft and you know whatever and the place read is it's like a wah-wah style chain meaning it's they're all over the place franchise. You would buy a pretzel you'd buy three you know we'd buy like everybody you'd go everybody get a

water ice and we buy like three pretzels. Me, my mom, Sarah, Danny, and you know, you'd munch on them. Oh, I know. I remember, and then they had a pretzel braid, which is like a loaf of pretzel. We had one at the birds game. Did we? Yeah, I think so.

The stickiest, thickest could be. And I remember the day I was able to put that down by myself, unreg, ungoverned, un-any, I said everybody get out of my way felt like a monk in the 69 All right, let's see this one's from mr. Bevel aqua I gotta be honest with you a homerun so far from the homies yeah talk about getting a fucking getting the assignment sure My class once went on a field trip to San Francisco Jesus they're probably from there.

I think everybody leaves a blue bell on there. It's a six hour flight. Hey, you had a TSA pre-check back then. That would be fun. Flying with your... Yeah, flying would be fun. Well, we had... I didn't do it, but we had that our senior year. Everybody, their senior class trip is Disney.

Everybody goes, you don't, not everybody. I mean, I remember being like $1,500 and you share a room and there's like a hard curfew and you can't catch eaters. And I remember they were like, there's no smoking. I remember me and my fucking SIG head buddies were like, fuck that. Can't go on. You didn't have the 1,500 anyway. Could have for sure got it from my yeah

Yeah, I remember her go because we wanted to go We our boy or somebody found a trip for like 800 to king I work three more shifts So you can get thrown out of Epcot to go to Cancun it was 800 bucks to go to Cancun She I go listen you see even 700 just send me to to fucking she says she goes I'll do the Florida You're not doing can't coon She heard me call her a bitch on the phone that's But I'll come back pregnant talk about the ultimate. I got braids in my ear. I'm a bitch, huh?

But so I didn't do it, but that was the all my you know a good group of friends all did it sure It was the best sober fun. I ever had suck my diesel So I didn't do it, but that was all my, you know, good group of friends all did it. Sure. It was the best sober fun I ever had. Suck my diesel. Yeah. But all right, this one's from Mr. Bevilock. Well, my class once went on a field trip to San Francisco. The school bus hit traffic on the way back.

I had drank too much root beer. Oh boy. And ended up having to pee so bad, I had my girlfriend hold a jacket around me so I could pee into one of the empty root beer bottle Who are you fucking far as gulp I? Ended up overflowing and that bad boy and drenching all over myself and the bus the whole class was there in high school Ouch, that's a tie. I mean Pee in your pants you see had a girl

Yeah Mean pain your pants you see had a girl. Yeah No one knows what that you know what I mean like no one's like not everybody knows how much come there is a nice She was ripping me off So wet you just like making stuff up she was so wet It's a family show, Kevin. So, are you done talking about your mom rubbing her tits on windshield? I didn't say that. Ergazunga's? Uh, alright, let's see here.

This is from Jackie Treehorn. I'm a Bucks County guy myself. Ayyyy! And my oldest kid did a second grade class field. This is recent. That's a good one. And my oldest kid did a second, wait, hold on. My oldest kid did a second grade class field trip to McCaffrey's, a supermarket in Newtown. Know it.

Not kidding. They walked down the aisles, met the people behind the butcher counter and got to try on the aprons and got a tour to Stockroom. That's not bad. That's awesome. McCaffrey's is a nice organization. I know that McCaffrey's. It used to be a Gennardi. Shout out Pat and Flip.

Both worked there. I worked about 50 yards up at the Acme. There you go. McCaffrey's are nice. Store number 7911. You know what McCaffrey's does nice is when you walk in they have like a bunch of shit for like the house. I can't describe it They have like seasonal. Yeah, it'll be like

Like that's what a flower department is and it's right next to the flower that had the flowers on the right of the left And then they have like you know kitchen towels and like yeah, you know baskets and stuff for it's not bad Yeah, shout out to McCaffrey's. It's a great American institution and what a great that is a great Awesome field trip as that's nice because it's like a place you've been before like I know this. But to go and study it intricately. To put on an apron and get behind a butcher counter at eight years old that's all I want to do that now. This is the red dye we put on the old meat. This is the rubbing alcohol we used to take off the expiration date. You kids can keep a secret, huh?

Oh, that's pretty good. All right. This is another one. This is from Cal in fifth grade. My whole class walked over to the local dominoes. We went behind the counter. That's a little sad. Went behind the counter and made our own pizzas. That's a good time.

It must have inspired a few of my classmates because at least two of them still work there. Twenty five years later. Oh man, anything food related? We talked about this a little bit before like we went to Chi Chi's. We ever go and get lunch anywhere are our Spanish class in seventh grade or maybe ninth grade seventh or ninth. It had to be ninth grade took us to

it was in the shopping center. We hung out at was yeah, it was called the shopping center we hung out at. Yeah. It was called Village Shires and we were considered Shires rats. We'd go skate there to have people buy us heaters and stuff. Sure. And a place called Merida's Cantina,

which had a SIG machine in there, which we knew because we tried to sneak in there and get the SIG machine. And she warned us. Mrs. Grossman was a great teacher. She was like listen I've been taking every class there every semester for the past five years I'm well aware of the sig machine no one you know no funny business play it fast play it straight

But we had gotten we went to Pat's house Because Pat lived right near the shopping center and we got fucking stupid high. Okay. Like, like, like, sorry. Look at you. Like, like bong seventh or eighth, ninth grade ripping bingers high. Sure. On the moon, like, oh, we're going to do this and go eat chips and, you know, burritos.

And they're all freaked out. Oh my boy. Shut out deli turned green Proper green and he's staring at me My inch a lot is talking to me man I didn't think he reach he reached for something and like his depth perception was off and he cut like he like pricked his finger On something and he pulled it pay went like that and I went what happened because something just bit me and I'm like, dude We got to get the fuck out of here. Do we are behind enemy lines? Our junior year they took us through an Indian joint called Palace of Asia Nobody ate a fucking thing. He has your order and dominance It must have been chicken tikka masala looking back on it now for sure

That's what they're not throwing anything higher than that at yet the world I swear to God this thing had eyeballs on it looking like what the fuck the smells in there It just I just wasn't ready for it. No, of course, of course It was that restaurant thrived for years in our area I think it was over in Fort Washington, but it was like a became like an institution for Indian cuisine Now it's saffron over an Ambler Delicious there you go. Yeah um that's uh

That's pretty good. All right. This one is uh, this is to the side piece third time long time Never have one read shout out to you in high school All the Italian classes would go to little Italy in New York City This is Tootie's side piece. Third time, long time, never had one red. Shout out to you. In high school, all the Italian classes would go to Little Italy in New York City from Long Island. That's awesome. And we would eat lunch, then be given free range until the buses picked us up at 430 Uptown at the Empire State Building. Kids would be getting piercings, buying bongs, getting fake IDs down in the village. This was all post 9-11 and I have no idea why they let us do this. It was

crazy. We would smoke weed on the Bronx Zoo monorail. That's New York City kid shit. That's like, that's nuts. Did you ever go down to the Italian market in Philly for a trip? No. It was too dangerous. Uh, yeah. It was the only thing in Philly we ever really did for a school field trip would be Franklin Franklin Institute. I think that's it.

Then it was like Amish country. We did a Renaissance fair. We did medieval times. Uh, We did the The Bucks County jailhouse they locked us all up for you know a minute And you know you're in there with like there's real guys being processed. You're in there already snitching. I Didn't do it man. It was fully you got the Kool-Aid on your lips Pockets are turned out. I want to say we did it in college, too

It was actually the first time I was ever in New York I was I was in college for my art history class and we went to I'd never been to New York Hmm, and I was on our history you went to a jail. No. Oh We went to a museum. It was either MoMA or the I don't know be the Met probably the Met. Yeah, I forget. Where's the Met Upper East or Upper East 80th? It had to be that then sure That's where you would go you wouldn't go to the MoMA Start in the beginning at the Met like a gentleman sure

I mean you had to write like we had to pick six pieces I ran in to first six pieces I was like this inspires me to whatever then I found myself like a fucking middle of the road pizza spot a couple blocks away I Remember putting down your painting is still life I remember putting down a couple I remember to my mind was so Philly sent what a fat little bastard I'm like they want 15 bucks for two slices of pizza I'm like they want 15 bucks for two slices of pizza Smokes are $12. Are you fucking and I sat on the front steps of the Met? just cranking heaters for

Four or five more hours and the bus will be you know we left it like fucking six o'clock We got here at ten ladies man. They were like oh, we're doing like a little group lunch up on the. I'm like that's the last thing I want to hang out with these art nerds I'll be down half a pie. I'll be downstairs in my sweatpants smoking In my car goes through my cargo pants wet pants you see the hot chicks talk me up all right I remember it had to be the upper East side is a rich neighborhood I remember there was signs that said no honking. I'm like these rich motherfuckers. Don't even let you honk He's these money is long up here dog. I am I am a long way from Bucks County like an old cat Hey, you can trolling a fucking noise

Chi-machi ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That will fuck you up. Man, a combo zoo aquarium is tough. That's a tough look. We had to have gone to the... Is there a Philadelphia aquarium? Camden. Yes, we would have had to have gone to that one. Aquariums are nice. We did the Philadelphia Zoo out in West Philly. Yeah, an aquarium is nice.

I feel like we probably did the Camden, but I don't feel like I went. It's indoor, AC, very tranquil. Dark. Yeah. Sunny, beating down on you. Like that. But I don't feel like I win indoor AC very tranquil dark Yeah, something beating down on you like that good fish dicks. Yes farm table fresh never frozen In there eating shark meat This eel um

I'm trying yeah, we never had any of the real like we were supposed to have the New York in DC Those were the big ones, but like I said they got they got a fucking shit can't thanks a lot bin Laden Fucking take him my good times All right, let's see here In six this is from CN in sixth grade We went to the Denver Zoo coming from several hours away The buses stopped at a Wendy's on the way there. The chaperone for our bus was the history teacher who told us anyone who ate a Dave's Triple Biggie Size

combo would get extra credit to bump up their grade a full letter, a full 10 points. That's a 32 ounce drink, a Biggie Size French fry, and a Triple Pattyty cheeseburger. How old were they? Sixth grade. About nine of us tried it, three of us completed it all, but we threw up on the bus outside of Denver. The history teacher wasn't allowed to chaperone after that. This dude did, the times were wild back then.

That's fucking awesome man. That's awesome, if anybody can get a triple in then! That's fucking awesome, man! That's awesome! If anybody can get a triple in them... That's great! They should have gave that guy a fucking promotion! I don't know about that. Oh, God, dude. That's so funny.

A full grade. That's awesome. This one's from Aurok. Shapiroonymykids feels trip has taught me one thing. Mm-hmm this one's from a rock Chaperoni my kids feels trip has taught me one thing never trust a kid with a raspy voice Hey, mr. Foley, what are you doing? No, mr. Angelou know can I go over here? He's whisperin Nobody noticed but you ain't a wire

Kid would arrest me if I've ever heard a kid with a rest. I don't know. I don't know if I want to though I can creep me out. It's great Fuck me, dude. Um All right, this one's from mark. My mom drove behind the school's bus first School field trip because she didn't have the cash to pay for the bus But it was great because the coolest kid in school who was also not allowed on trips came with us Making us making us the cool kids by association for years to come. Whoa, you're hanging out with Steve Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, you're lumped in. Wow. Socially at a young age, obviously school

is a very docile social ecosystem. Sure. You're, IE your mom going on a field trip, not being the cool mom, yelling at a kid, that that's that could that could ruin a Couple years for you these kids are finicky. You know the finnickies Ecosystem that's why I never get never had patty around fucking my mom can't be trusted. You know what I mean um In their quote in the Bible or something Vinicius eat shut the fuck Who raised you so my's what my mom was saying. You got an attitude problem. Fucking threatening kids to watch their mouth out. Slap the shit

out of you little fucker. Uh huh. Take you down. She always uses the threat to take us down to Kensington and Allegheny. I'll take you. You think you're tough? You think you're tough? Take you down to Kensington and Allegheny. Drop you off. See how tough you are. You like to wear your pants low wear them low down here Wear them low I've uncle then come up here and kick the shit out of you and your case It just didn't fit good pull about I over my dad's The threats of uncle Dan coming to kick my ass He's a great guy. You don't want to you know you want to cross him now He was the quiet one and you're like he will fuck. Oh, yeah. Oh fucking jab you right in the throat

Oh Mike. Yeah, I'll call Michael Mike. My dad was away. I'll call Michael Mike I didn't want him pulling up in his fucking Lebaron or whatever whatever cutlass business car he had Put a extra start shirt on and his tie real tight what a Winston hanging out his face all beat red Uh-huh come in and beat my ass. Calling me back from supper for this. Ah. Because the fat one got an attitude, bro.

What's the problem? Nothing. She's a bitch. You know how these bitches are. I'm going to get one of them Winston's, old man. Boy, I tell you, rubbing your stone. Thank God you're here. This bitch is breaking my stuff

You tell me if that meatloaf is cooked You believe this shit fucking skim milk, it's give me if my homework is done Is my laundry done Mike you start calling on Mike not even uncle Mike Mike get a load of this I get home Brought a burn a salad. You know what I mean? Chicken fuck up a crouton uncle Mike. Yeah talking about here. You want a cup of decaf? Throwing a pot Mike just got here Thank God. Holy shit.

I'm not my wits in with this broad. If it wasn't for the kids, I'd have left years ago. Is our sister as big of a pain in the ass? It was in her sister. It was your dad's brother. Yeah, it was my my mom's first first cousins my mom was an only child So her family they're my aunts and uncles. Yeah, it's trashy I get it He wasn't related to me at all

Fucking guy dude, but he treated me like I was just kidding. He was the fucking best. Yeah Has work by the way boss still coming down on you I mean I get it Here the scene and Donnie Briscoe when he meets Donnie's kid or when he meets Al Pacino Lefty's kid. Yeah, and he's on the junk yeah, and he goes. He's like hey, why don't you don? He's again. Why don't you try fucking slap him around the bed? He goes. Oh my hands are black and blue like I can't even do I got bruises on my hands from slapping his kid around All right. All right. But to go back to that, the ecosystem, to have what a turn of a series of events to

be like you don't have the cash to go on the field trip. Worked out for you. But our school used to go if you can't do it the teacher would be like if you can't do it Come they would come up to me. He would even say like privately or like whatever tell let someone know and we'll take like Put you take it out of this petty cash or something slush one. Yeah, there was nothing ever really expensive There's like 12 bucks for the buses or so yeah, you know any it's also walking around Oh a goddamn fucking property taxes these people are paying. You can't get a bus for today.

No shit. I got to come out of pocket for a fucking cheese bus? No shit. And we're walking around money was you got what you got. Maybe you got three bucks. Maybe you got five. Maybe you got a 20. I don't know.

Depends on what things were. Yeah, whatever you have. Yeah. That stuff always makes me sad, though, to think about that. What? Kids not being able to- like the kids that can't afford lunch or something like that I remember that story a few years ago where they were refusing if kids parents hadn't paid their lunch bill Oh, yeah, they were like calling them in and embarrassing them and then they were getting to the end of the line with their fucking lunch

Tray and they were taking the kids lunch away. Your dad's a deadbeat I was just 14 dollars that lunch lady ladies face open. That's so fucked up Let the fucking kid eat fucking embarrassing him like that see where this emotions coming from They say I'm a fat guy with bad teeth No, no cuz patty was so nice to this one kid Joel who didn't have a good thing you're airing his fucking business out there He's fucking rat fuck He couldn't afford his He fucking rat fuck. He couldn't afford his baseball membership to Little League. And Patty would always he was at the bottom of our neighborhood

with like 50 kids. I don't know what the mom and dad were doing. But you go down there, they were hanging out the windows and she would drive him to fucking Little League. And she paid for his uniform and all that stuff. She's good shit that Patty. Amen. Good kid. Or thing.

Um, but yeah, but for that to turn to go from like this could be embarrassing to we're now the cool kids. Bang. That's alright. That is all. I would just say I'm sick. I ain't going. I'm I would I'd have to put my foot down out of social anxiety and embarrassment to go, Denise, shut your mouth and turn this car around. Let's stop at a wah-wah and maybe an epic video. I can go watch some fucking movies. You ain't taking, I'm not rolling up to Merida's Cantina sitting at the table next to it or whatever.

Oh yeah, she's sitting there with a glass of wine. Hey, Tim Orte. She got a carafe, a carafe. Lunch. I thought we didn't have the money You're fucking drinking it. Oh, you got weights in money, huh? Man This is just not this room already $10 home He never had one more red went to a local farm when we were pretty young as

We went to leave the bus went off the dirt path and tipped over As we went to leave the bus went off the dirt path and tipped over No one got hurt, but it scared the shit out of us The farmer uses tractor to pull us back onto the path and we carried on with our day Get the fuck out of that would be on the front page of every news channel That would be crazy on tik-tok that be everywhere that happened now Jesus a flip in a bus who's driving auto? Simpson and then just to roll it over and go let's go. That's it man That's fucking crazy

Jesus Jesus What who was when was that it didn't say fuck anyway? It wasn't in the 2020s I'll tell you that much that didn't happen. I mean, it wasn't in the 2020s. I'll tell you that much. That didn't happen now. That would be that guy. I mean, that would be losing licenses or not around kids. There'd be civil suits galore. Sure. Yeah, that was a thing like back. You were like a you'd be at an institution and something would happen.

You just go last fucking nuts. Everybody would just kind of look at each other and you just keep moving. Get picked up and go home. You ever see that video where the bus driver has a heart attack and the one and the kids all handle it very well Like the one yeah, and he comes up the one kid takes the wheel the other one's doing CPR Guys filling out his timesheet for him. They fucking handle it. No one's that I've never been on a bus where that that would have happened People are diving out the back. I mean we were yeah lawless winging shit out the windows at cars or hitting cars with M&Ms And we had a guy pull us over one time

Yeah Like fucking flagged on a bus and like got like on the bar was like you like giving the finger whatever the fuck we were doing Fucking at the at the nom vet up front you think you're getting through him drivers got no legs. Let's see, I think we got time for one or two more here. This is from Mushyman. I pissed all over myself when I got lost in the underground part of Rockefeller Center on a band trip. Had to call the chaperone parent to come find me with my wet clothes.

Told everybody waiting on the bus for me. Oh you get there and everybody's there and you got wet pants What do I pissed himself? I was scared couldn't find a bathroom ban kids. They're freaks. I Told everybody waiting on the bus for me that I spilled perfume all over myself. I broke the bottle of perfume I got for my mom to hold up the story. Nice. That's a liar and I like it. Way to go. We were in New York to march in the Macy's Day parade as munchkins as the Wizard of from the Wizard of Oz. Alright. That's a pretty good gig. Yeah. And dude, what a what a brilliant, nervous kid thinking like an adult. I broke this perfume. Covers the pee smell.

I'm big on that. Covers the pee smell, explains the wetness. You're out clean. Take the lie as far as you can. Uh-huh. Remember that, kids. Yeah, something like that. Hey, you believe this?

Broken. My mom's getting it from my mom. I can't believe it. That sucker. Look at the chaperone. I shit my pants. Alright, this one's from John Michael. $10 homie.

Did you ever have a kid that would get injured on every field trip? My friend Tim in 5th grade had just gotten his cast removed from his arm and then broke it again on the monkey bars at the zoo. They took us back to the entrance and we all watched him get carted off in

An ambulance he's giving the thumbs up Save my snacks That's a tough look I know luckily never got hurt or nothing like that in like public places like with a group of people like that I got hydrochloric acid diluted is squirted in my eyes and had to use the fucking thing. I flush. Yeah Yeah, it was actually very soothing try to get a wrestling practice that day. No dice. Mr. Landis would have it What are you gonna do? They needed the kid on a line breeding champion Another great story about me being a star athlete. What a fun one gang. Thank you so much for tuning in

Get to take us to the back on the block tour pick up some cards the whole nine yards We love you, and we'll see you next week