Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Flip Flops at Work w/ Kippy and Foley

Episode Date: May 26, 2022

Kippy and Foley are back with a hot one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage

Pittsburgh Buffalo Detroit the middle-class famous tour is coming your way a little mix of stand-up comedy Play a little a yg with the crowd. It's gonna be a good time. Yeah guys get the homies come out It's a good way to introduce him to the show. We're gonna be in Buffalo on June 14th We're gonna be in Pittsburgh on June 15th and Detroit June 16th get those tickies. We'll see you there. Yeah Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley

Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage or is the show We sit down your favorite comedians and we find out they're going to be classy. Yeah Just a mega piece of trash I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Antutti's basement. She's upstairs wearing her best Outfit, okay, she wants an interview With you with she wants to get in on the action. I'm feeling casting couch kind of eyes. She saw those patreon numbers Shit ladies and gentlemen, I make fun of this man a lot

I made a career the fucking senior man on the fucking account across the fucking board all demographics 30 40 50 percent I Gotta buy you a Cadillac or something like that. Yeah, what's it gonna? I gotta pay you to buy me a cat. What's it gonna? What's it gonna take to get you to come work for me? What are you talking about? I'm keeping you cool in those cool t-shirts. You got cooking over ladies and gentlemen Kevin James Ryan Hey gang, thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate the you subscribe on itones Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are Tell them about the good tell them the good part and then oh shit

Patreon.com you motherfuckers check it out. We just we just did the fucking $10,000 spin that 12 minute videos on there. We just did our other goal of forty three hundred three seconds I know hit our next goal We crushed that and when the famous reunion at Dave and Buster's family reunion at D&B that'll be coming up I we're shooting Disney this month the whole fucking thing, baby Listen, I'm saying this from an outside observer because I don't know what these guys do That patreon's a fucking pretty good time. We got a pretty hot patreon going over there. It's a good time You got good kids over there. You got good videos. You got hard feelings. It's fucking. I'm not too. I would argue

Uh Not a lot of people are doing we have a lot of bonus content above and beyond the two weekly episodes You get on top. I mean we have the cribs videos. It's crazy fucking golf video Fucking can't be put the whole thing together. Okay with his junior man on the account. You're Thomas McMullen You're really fucking vying for a raise or something. I'm just giving credit where credit is do I'm fucking I don't know you've been snooping around the numbers yesterday something's up. I think that big man needs a little scratch You're looking for Chelsea. You're looking for something advanced. I think let me know what the road money. I'm like, it's all gone What do you tell me now? Yeah, I was sniffing around about the road buddy. Yeah, dude. We'll I told him we'll

Thomas McBowling. Sorry. He's wearing flip-flops Man's wearing flip-flops. Yeah, T-bone showed up wearing flip-flops in New York City. It's summertime, baby Dude, you're you're Bail in the big short. You're dress you got one big hit this month. You got to do it fucking month after month It's real easy in the fucking bull markets when the bear markets hit what? This guy's real econ on the brain I see those numbers I start getting you your dress for a mosh pit from the ankle up From the ankle down. He's got a corona in his toes this guy dude your toes or something ready in case there's a punk show on a

Pontoon boat. Let's go dude. Your big toe is as long as a stickers bar. That's fucking weird Yeah, I gotta assert my dominance. Yeah, look over you're licking it Just a little nibble where in the rainforest take it easy I will say I walked out of the car. I walked out of my apartment. Why no shoes because I got flip-flops. It's summertime It's hot dude. You're in all black right now and have a hair of a lion What this is and then you're gonna have to get a bag of each if you showed up in like basketball shorts in a jersey I'd be like, all right. Yeah, you know, he's hanging his beach weather. It's pool season. You got to buy in heroin face. Yeah You really do man

It's I don't have shorts yet. I got rid of all my clothes. I'm still on the come-up where it's flip-flops We can shoot between his toes Pio doesn't I got I got like full of compliments. Okay. Yeah, you're something you need money. I'm pretty I don't need anything I don't think if I offered you money you wouldn't take it. Oh, I don't need money. We got it coming in. We're doing great Things are fantastic. I love you guys snooping yesterday real heavy snoop. I got like three days Do double G snoop dog. I Got like three days until I move into this new elevator building

So I got a couple more days to be in a scumbag man. That's a tough look Your feet are so way it looks like you have socks on It's a bad look you look at you wearing gorilla socks What cut that what what are gorilla socks? They would look like gorilla's feet You know like those slippers that I love the shoes monsters. Yeah, okay. Oh, there we go. Thanks. I should not call me a jerk off That's not what I was I'm giving you a high praise. No, I wanted to ask you Um, you went to school for marketing. I did you you worked for your you worked in the family business But let's say that wasn't

An option or whatever. What were you what was I was where I had a job before that I left my first job out of what did you want to do when you were a kid with your marketing degree? What did you see yourself do? Because let me tell you something the work you put in over there on that fucking on that patreon account that fucking jack Conti file Hey, you could have made something to yourself. I know I think I have made something to myself And you while I'm at it and t-bones got a salary. You gotta start putting that to work or something Yeah, but what did you want to do working? You're like, yeah, you might be all right. I have done well What did you want to do in advertising and I'm a self-made man by the way? I made myself an employee of kippy industries

bought yourself those flip-flops What did you want to do? Because I wanted to be a baseball player Oh, wait, I didn't even you don't even know the best part of about the flip-flops Ba-ba-bow. Oh, they got a bottle opener on them. Yeah, I didn't know when I bought them feel like a real jerk off I left the house. I was like summertime flip-flops. I feel good. I got to Manhattan. I was like, I made a huge mistake Yeah, yikes. Yeah, no shit when that creeps up on you Fucking mice running over your toes and stuff

Hachi machi. I don't know what I wanted to do when I got older. I wanted to be a businessman of some sort I was you were gonna be in marketing. You would have been like selling iced tea and shit like that or whatever I guess working for something, you know, I don't know some Budweiser campaign I wanted to do I started doing comedy right when I Graduated college and I was just like, you know, I was working at a fucking Roof I was selling roof stored a door guy like that So you should have been working in fucking like mad men or something like that Cosmo or whatever they do walking into a boardroom ladies and gentlemen

Four heads have been too small for too long. We need to make them big Yeah, fucking great job. Thanks. I may I'm being genuine. All right, man. I'm I said, thank you. All right I don't know why you keep bringing it back up though. Something's up. I can't get a read on this guy Something's up and you know it. There's nothing's not up Something's not not up. No something's not Okay, I know there's some sort of angle you're getting ready to hit me with whether it be tomorrow in a week or two months Sure something maybe you got something stewing either way when you step back from an outside observer It's very impressive. It's awesome. The fucking video was great. You guys did a great job

The fucking bet was fucking super fun. Everybody's been fucking super cool about it. And I'm grateful and I appreciate it Of course Now I got an idea Now, you know, I want to ask you, um, what's that buddy? I was cleaning the turlet this morning cleaning the bathroom I'll be honest with you My aim ain't great. I'm sure it's bad. Sure. And you know, I feel like the lady's kind of getting sick of it and You know what I mean?

I've shared air bees with you. I know it's not great. Yeah Looks like a fucking shepherd got out of the got out of the bathtub who spilled mountain dew everywhere Hair and pee, but I used the toilet brush. Okay to clean the inside of the toilet my question to do my hair That's kind of what I want to ask you my question to you is What? Does the toilet brush I'm talking about the little scrubby john. Yeah, you keep in the corner. Yeah I didn't know what that was until I went to Europe. I thought it was an umbrella I I didn't know what it was until I went to europe for the first time because they're

Their toilets are different where the poop stays on the wall. Yeah, they're out because the water's not the water's not as uh, high The poop stays on the wall by design. No, they're like, you know how we have like the long wide bowl Right big boy. Yeah with like a bowl in france wasn't connected to the ground. I thought I was gonna break it Yeah, just stuck out from the wall. Yeah, like a public toilet. Yeah. Yeah a lot of public toilets are like that I thought I was gonna cause an international incident Putin uh Um

Yeah, I well and They're in most if not every bathroom or in germany. We're like because They have one flush two flush over there by the way Yeah, we but we go to the bathroom and it falls right when you your business falls into the water goes into water Yeah, this the water's in like the bottom of the it's it's not filled with water So there's more poop on the toilet and that's probably stinkier because that water creates like a little force field That's what the water is for Oh god, damn. Fuck it ain't doing over there. Shout out to Steve. I put the eggs in the fridge. We

But yeah, I didn't know what it was until I was I went over to visit my wife for the first time I was 27 You didn't know that was a toilet pressure in there. I thought it was for more like When you clean the toilet that is what it's for. Yeah, but But they're using it every time you're supposed to get the I listen I've never wiped the poop off if it was on there. I just left it there Like her parents house. No, you're playing the dog before that I'm saying like if I pooped at my house when I was in high school

And there was like your skid marks on the water. They just stayed until I peed them off. Yeah, I walked away I blame my dad. Yeah, you're supposed to clean that Oh, really? Yeah. No, it's fun. If somebody comes in who have claw marks in here. Oh, man, you're a dirtbag family Who'd get doing poop jokes with your mom? I just did a poop joke on my mom the other day when I was home because I I went and used the facilities She's like, is it okay to go in there? I was like, yeah, she walked in there. Ah, Terry Anyway, um, we haven't even talked about the claw marks on your face. What's going on with that? Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, I don't know if it's picking up on camera. It's like you dude. You think it's nothing. It's crazy

I think that's why he's being so nice is that he's hemmed up for cash Someone hit him with a fucking tire iron No, I was I was filming something I had makeup on and I rubbed it off too hard What 80 grit sandpaper? I got worried because this is where the toilet brush went I they put glue on my eyelash or my eyebrows And uh, I am that's yeah, and then you you got you panic because it wasn't coming off Yeah, I just scrubbed too hard with that. That's not my beef. Well, whatever that happens. You're a working actor in ceter um

My beef is you've been downplaying it like it looks better now Yesterday it literally looked like that scene in tommy boy where he got hit in the head with the fucking 2x4 Yeah, I did a set of brooklyn comedy come yesterday and I feel like everyone thought it was weird I addressed it up front. My wife saw you yesterday. It was like, oh my god. What happened to your head and he's like, oh, what? You look like I forgot about you look like marv when he gets hit with the iron. Yeah looking down a fucking Getting hit with a kitten ahead with a pink can Lots of top flight goods

Yeah A weird man Me? Yeah, but we're real weird vibes the last two days. I'm feeling how wide weird vibes I was asking you a little bit about the numbers to see what's going on I'm complimenting you about the patreon and now i'm asking you be a nice and also money in the same conversation There's something. Hey, man. Denying the maybe I've turned over a new leaf. I'm doing some soul searching Plus I've been dipping in those shrooms a little bit. Yeah This guy's been high as a kite

Ah Anyway, do you do I see you got your new shirt on too like it's picture day I got my new shirt on and I'm wearing pants for the first time in two years. Oh, that's great button They're not draw strings I'm I'm very proud of you. Thank you. If you want to catch more of the weight loss journey of fact court season two Check out the patreon. It's a real tearjerker. We're not pushing it stuff sells itself. I know it seems like we are um My nephew has that same shirt

You're proud of squeezing into pants that have holes in them. Yeah Oh, fuck You really have holes in your pants. Yeah, dog. I think it's a cigarette burn from a couple years ago Well, and you're not at all fun fucking bikes You stink man, you're finally losing weight. You're getting in shape and you're putting on clothes with holes in them You guys my rags fit again Dude I was snooping around in the closet. I got a couple of fucking hot old navy jeans back there

Fucking i'm talking like 2008 johns real time. They got cargo. They got cargo pockets on them. They're the cargo jean Pan that and the car. I was a big carpenter pankeye With the hammer and the two little pockets At work or like in school at school They were cool pop tart in there. I used to keep my sigs in them. Nobody would know In case I was always like if a case they were like, hey, you know You got your sigs on your back. I didn't even know they were in there The cargo pants that I have the good fellas shout out to target. They're like light

and You know, they're they're easy. They almost feel like sweatpants. They are sweatpants. I don't know what we yeah What we're kicking around here, but those things were terrible where lee was making those the cargo jeans Cargo jeans were bad cargo sweatpants were also really brutal. The only the only cargo a Cargo sweatpants are all right cargo sweatpants. No, I'm talking like actual sweatpants You're yours are like the thin jogger. I know exactly what you're talking about Yeah, I had a pair of navy blue ones my pop used to rock those for a little while Did he would wear that with a button-down shirt? I swear to god and roll into a fucking lady killer

Did he would roll in like no problem have a belt on them and everything it was wild There's a time my buddy caught my dad at the supermarket wearing aqua socks. He used He used to wear them as shoes Holy he'd be rolling around the superfresh wait not the ones with the toes in them. You mean the ones He's not in scuba gear Walking walking down the bread aisle like scuba steep No, like aqua like water shoes. They were popular in like the early 2000s. No early 90s for eight-year-olds Yeah, we were aiming to the ocean so he wouldn't step on seashells. Yeah

He would rock them not even like in the pool that day like throw them on to go in the winter They don't want to go to the store. Holy shit. Yeah, that's fucking. That's a tough Yeah, I was like, yo, Vinny with the skinny saw you. I'm like, are you wearing fucking aqua socks? It's a super freak He goes, how'd you know I go Vinny with the skinny saw you put is he an italian assassin fucking sneaking around Jesus christ. He's like the sideler Um What when I was originally going to say well now that you got me talking about the closet go ahead I got a lot of good stuff in there. Uh-huh

Listen, I've been friends with you for a long time. There's nothing good in that closet Your one or two really cool pair of jeans your wardrobe has stunk since the day I met you I swear to god. I'm gonna turn it all around now I know but don't be like there's I can fit back into these good clothes, dude Those things stunk six years ago. They stink now and if I see that white denim jacket, I'm gonna slap Oh that thing's on launch one. What are you talking about? Turn your key. Oh, I got that thing in the shop right now A little starch on that thing. Yeah, you show it off. I might get something airbrushed on the back I don't know what probably a chick probably more stains

You put some air and air on a shoulder Anyway, when I was originally gonna ask you do you use the toilet brush? I'm trying to conduct business here Do you use it we're even talking about that? We're talking about fully run around in church from 2005. Yeah, it's gonna have a little bit sunshine shirt going guys Is this cool? We're eight. You know, it's funny you mentioned that the Who was it? Uh What was the name of the brand from walmart that I used to wear George? Yeah

I found about 20 of those things in my closet at my mom's About two XL. Oh, buddy. You got some time a few months away Okay, but by next spring Be fat again Next spring it's gonna be 2015 all over again. Tell you that right now a lot a lot like this A lot of these johns. How cool a lot of school picture johns. You can't can't wait. I'm a little kid at heart. Let me tell you Anyway, can we get back to the broadcast here? This is the show the toilet brush. Yeah, do you use it on the outside on the outside?

Yes, because I use it to clean the no surrounding area. No, that's bad. They're what? Yeah, that's you're wiping you and poop You know, I'm not what someone you act like there's poop on it. There's somebody comment about that hepatitis c thing I didn't know that is that true. I don't know. I can get hepatitis c in my butthole from from using toilet water That's what somebody commented. I don't know man. What do I look like? You're acting like I commented I've been bugging out about yeah, we'll stop fucking drinking from the toilet What's it dude Man, yeah, there's poop particles on that for sure on that brush is it proven Yeah, man poop particle

What do we even know what goes on in the subatomic level? Sometimes I think I'm a mirror annoying me on the subatomic level. I'll tell you that so you you're telling me I don't know but I know it's not not the hepatitis c you flush the toilet You fucking take the chlorox spray you spray everything down you do the inside you get it under you run the water again Yes, yeah, there's poop bacteria then you spray on the outside where like the dribble of the pee would go And then you use the brush to scrub the tile. Yeah, and then wipe it out. That's no good. No Well, like fuck me that I don't know what I'm gonna do now. That's like using the gas station squeegee on your tires It's all right. I don't get that

That's because the guy's never driven before That's like, you know when your dad's You grab a boob and it feels like a bag of sand flip flops. Why don't you go make us a margarita or something? He'll put some jimmy buffett on the jukebox T-bone. I'm kidding Yeah, things that go in the toilet stay in the toilet you you're Your barriers are all over the place. It's wild. I have loose boundaries. Yeah, but a lot of things So I was just asking sure, you know, yeah, that's how you learn. That's how you learn

That's how you learn. That's how you learn. Mm-hmm. I love when you ask me questions It's one of my it's one of my favorite things in the whole world. I got some more financials. I want to go Somebody when I got in my ear a little bit. Yeah, I knew something was up Yeah, patty patty's down there asking about the fucking money. I know she is she starts I'll tell you what after a couple of two tree wines. She starts making sense Something was up, dude. I knew it Out there smoking heaters. Yeah. Yeah, fuck that guy. Fuck him. Fuck him So that's Kevin

Where these sigs are right off Why does he tell you where you can write off and what you can't write off? What if I need three grand? She knows how to get me That was my only line towards money currently. I feel like you should be getting the lion's share Well, I think she saw that estate thing. She saw the uh, what estate thing that that something happens to me that My estate wouldn't hurt. Yeah, we have to come up with a business agreement where They get nothing I hear that patty you're left out in the cold. Don't listen to him mommy. I got you buddy

No, there's the chances you go before them's pretty good. Keep that easy pass coming to us. I'll tell you that I'll see if I can sweet talk the boss for you. All right. Let's get in some cues. Oh, fuck. I didn't take any Oh, I'm kidding Holy shit zoom in on me on the academy award I'm about to go down and have a burning. Let you guys figure this out. Well, give me that's your job I'll be downstairs trying to figure out ways to get money out of you. Let me know when you two get your shit together We were all good. I had another patty line locked and loaded float us hit it gang as you know, okay Oh, man, the three of us are off

He's all fucking We're all hopped off. I was just imagining her going I am prepared for litigation. I got the best lawyer on channel four Go back to waxing this her for she does have deep connections with law firms Just just so you know in case you want to get she owes money to them, too She'll be on that stand like amber heard What really that was topical and everything Uh Listen gang, this is a family episode as you know

When you sign up for the old patreon you get your questions read on the air on here Mr. Kevin James ryan on now. He is the only one that knows these questions They're delivered to him in a sealed envelope from jack conty himself. Oh, is that where they come from? That's where they come from. I make half of a bump. Anyway, you do. Yeah, shout out to steve and pittsburgh shut up Really? Yeah. No you idiot. Oh good All right, let's do it. This one's from travis very topical this time of year That's what he'd start off with song Bees hepatitis

Is it sure the big man has hepatitis c go get those monkey pox going all right, man I don't like the sound of that. Yeah, you know how yeah, what nothing. No, what toilet bowls? No toilet brush No All right, this one's from travis does your family go to the beach? Before memorial day or after labor day? Because if you do it's trash, which I tend to agree with I'm not saying it's not nice Here, let me rephrase that if you have a shore house or you know, uh, uh, if you go a lot and you go

Like a lot of people really go kind of year round or before before the the super tourist season But if I think if you're weak, you're if you take one vacation a year like your family goes to the shore Oh, and it's before it's before memorial day or after labor day. That's a tough one the week after labor day Man, I feel like we've done that the dude the weather drops like 15 degrees immediately on like september 2nd Yeah, I don't know what it is, man. I'll do that. It's storms. So we got a hoodie on on you're on the beach Everything's fucking upside down Yeah, if you live there, see the Cornelia Marie out there I see that

From deadly sketch Take a ride on the Edmund Fitzgerald, huh? Yeah, it's no good, man Yeah, if your uncles get out of the water saying she's like, whoo, wake up. Yeah, whoo. I'm sobered up now boys I'm gonna get me a beer I just lost my buzz You get the jersey sure in october I don't know where this hot dog guy's at Where's that goddamn fudgy wudgy, man

He's frozen an ice over at the fucker corner of the boardwalk when the boardwalk Shots it's memorial for the when those places aren't open on the east coast. I that's got to be an east coast thing They have boardwalks in Santa Monica or we're out there, but it's nice all all year round Nice, sir. I'm saying it's got to be a northeast east coast thing memorial day to labor day. That's when our summer Vacation really stuff. Yeah. Yeah, you're a bozo if you're going We did that. I can't remember why Schools started later something. I remember like being an avalanche or something like that in like a really nice place

After labor day and I remember kind of piecing that together like how this We usually had a we usually stayed at a hotel In ocean city Like 10 families with all fucking rent rooms in this in the harbor house. Yeah in ocean city, new jersey And fucking post up at the pool Just take over. Uh-huh meatloaf blasting kids running around Crapping off the dock stealing minnows The whole nine yards

Real trash couple of street tops stealing minnows. Yeah, my family usually just went to the grocery store, but that sounds good, too Grill up some more minnows boys Throw them in a microwave. What are you fishing for fishing? So you guys are eating bait I'll take four bunker medium rare Running around like all of her twists stealing trout. Do you have to have a mini tuner? Follies eating power bait you're eating the artificial stuff

Look over got a got a pink mouth full of power bait Fucking lures Man That's fine We used in the summer when it would get really hot And it couldn't go to the it was just too hot to go to the beach like those fucking dog days of fucking summer I'm a beach guy for about Two three hours. Yeah depends on what we're drinking. Listen, we go down. I've said this before we set up shop

We never really did in wildwood beach. Well, they now like we were kids. Yes, but the way you do the way you describe it Sounds very nice to multiple tanks. Well, the best. I don't have to do anything. That's all my cousins who have younger kids They go down set up the real estate How I stroll in drink their beer eat their snacks. They get pizza. I eat it How brutal is that you see dad's doing that shit and you're like motherfucker that must suck I think they like it though. Why don't you become a dad? I've noticed it with the dog a little more It's like you're your sense of response. You're used to we're conditioned to do nothing You know what I mean? Like that's like, dude, if we don't have something going on, I'm on the couch 24 seven

Yeah, or I go out drinking one or the other but now that you have like a responsibility I got to get up at seven. I got to take him. I'm like it's conditioned me a little bit to be like Oh, I'll start cleaning and I'll do it like because you're up moving. Yeah I think when you have kids, you know, and they're 10, it's like you're just conditioned to be like I got to do stuff I got to fix stuff. I got to take care of this. You start your brain starts zipping around Um, that's another thing I wouldn't talk about dude. This dog hair is he shedding right now. It's bananas I was hanging out with him yesterday. Yeah, you met him twice. This is security Met him. We're friends now. He's my best friend

He really is we're like boys He was doing the in between the leg thing of me snuggle with me hanging out. Uh-huh. Definitely likes me better than you Yeah, I'm fun uncle Hank. I give money to take him to the movies Teach him how to make out with you You know what the cup size is Uh, by the way, can I say this this might be a hard feelings, but I can save it Or now go let's give him a teaser The guys of the fucking dude this Han's guy that they picked up this fucking

Border that they got over there. Are you talking about my dog? Yeah, okay. He's a fucking chick Magnet save it Fucking brooklyn 10 and a half comes rolling up. Yeah, Jesus Somebody that usually look at would look at us like a rack of yard tools came over. It was real friendly Uh Yes, it is a babe magnet. I walk around and get all the chicks numbers. Yeah You want to take them for a walk sometime? You a dog walker? He's my dog. You have a car

um Yeah Okay, uh, where was I where we whatever moving on Please this one's this is a home run of a name. It's not funny. It's not like a joke. It's just funny This guy's name is waffle jones I don't know. It's a nickname or what but that's a good fucking time. What about waffle jones crazy thing is He'll let us bank eggs Flapjack kind of guy

You know what's crazy about the we just got a fresh thing at eggos at the house at my parents house My dad likes eggos and he likes to have a waffle every once in a while I didn't really notice this that cardboard box when you take it out of the freezer It has a shelf life of a fucking carnival goldfish. Oh, yeah, where that like this like it's flimsy. It starts eating itself What's going on with that? I don't know ego. What are you doing? They don't need to eat them so quick You don't even need the box true Man, how many times I've had a frost bitten fucking ego waffle jammed up put peanut butter on it or something Because there was no syrup in the house

You know what? I don't know if we've ever talked about I had a flash of being I was in my elevator the other day and a flash of I used to when we'd be I'd come home from school about sixth grade seventh grade or whatever, you know 12 13 Be hemmed up moms at work Brothers, I don't know where the fuck they they might have been starving. They might have been in college Uh starving starving no car no cash to get delivery. Whatever all jammed up. I would eat croutons. That's like That's like dude Caesar salad crouton. I would eat them like they were pretzels

I would I would dude. I'd roll out to with the box of the bag get a fucking screaming cold Let me tell you something Hey, fuck. Yeah Rush fuck. Yeah a fresh thing a fucking garlic and herb cruise Man, it's better than any fucking trisky. You're gonna come across. You know what else I used to fuck with heavy, too It's like rich guy trisky. That's exactly the It would be just triskets or that it would be the fuck croutons every time my mom come home trying to make a salad You fat piece of shit

I was like the dog got into him. What do you want? Dogs are dead for three years Listen, those bacon bacon bits too. I used to fuck with those solo. They were there We didn't really fuck with I feel we had the same container for 25 years in my mom's house Here were the two big ones in the foley house. My mom would get So fucking pissed because they were such a specific thing for specific recipes number one is the Um, it's something choy the asian noodles the crispy asian noodles. You know what I'm talking about. Yes No, they they come in like a look at 10 like a peanut dude

I don't know them fucking house dry noodles. Oh, no, they're I don't know how you would describe it If you were to order a salad that had Like teriyaki and stuff that they throw them in a lot. They're like little they saw them at the grocery store They're in like a blue container I got nothing. They were fantastic. It's like a tortino in a southwest salad of like tortilla strips It's like a fried chip strip type thing, but asian. Yes. Okay, but in a noodle form Okay, they were they're phenomenal. I don't know what you're talking about. Just eat them dry Sometimes people will make a homemade

They'll make a homemade dessert with it like chocolate those things some nuts. Okay. No, you never did that Those things with my croutons daddy out and I used to fuck heavy with some fucking dried onions Oh, like out of the fucking the the container. What was that company? Fuck? Yeah McCormick There's another nice one. Yeah fucking home run that in a screaming Mimi I'll get you through I'd get you through tomorrow. I'll get you through a pinch. Yeah Not too shan. I used to have a fucking run of that house and sometimes When it was when it was low Man, you really know it. You knew you knew where the I knew I knew coming into it

I'm walking home from the bus. Fuck you punching the air Fucking cocksucker at the house drinking vegetable oil You got to those cabinets you were like Oh, yeah, and I'm like she used to hide stuff in here. Maybe it's down there looking for a dusty bag of laze or something Fucking going out to the garage freezer. It's just like meat. She's a slim bass and dried cranberries Shout out to a slim fast. She started getting real cute when we started getting to like seventh and eighth grade She would hide things in the coat closet in the sleeves Yeah, I mean we were animals. Yeah, you'd find like a fucking whole box of fucking granola bars or something

too, but salami It's like when they're sneaking the food into karen hills A big house coat on yeah, dude is fucking she had to get real crazy Otherwise we would fucking eat her at a house in home. You need her out. That's crazy She would come home from the grocery store and like all of a sudden the box of kudos would just be fucking gone Kudos didn't stand a chance once they pop the m&m's in them. Do we talk about this? We might have those things that in a can of coke Gaffing it doesn't put you put you on a sugar high I mean when the chew doing my homework too sweet with those things or the chewy granola bar hit the scene

Holy shit step aside. Well, it was big. I remember when my sister and like, you know She would probably be in like junior high or whatever when like, you know Look started matter and like to like a young girl. You know what I mean? She was like, I gotta get you know, I gotta lose weight and all this stuff They would be eating rice cakes remember those things. I tried one of them as like a seven year old I was like suck a dick. No way chewing on ceiling time. Oh, dude. There was a little bit of peanut butter I'm like, give me the roll. Let's make a fucking let's make a footlong sammy here. What are we this thing stinks? They do them now

I'm sure they do little mini ones with caramel on them. They're pretty fucking banging. I get it But we're talking fucking as a kid As a kid that quit no the Quaker ones the plane Holy fuck, it's a key in a paper plate. My dad called a lawyer when I fucking came into the house one those things Uh-huh Suck that was no good Um, this one's go this is like I said this from waffle jones, uh We don't think we've ever talked about this and it's a simple easy peasy one

When you grab your own bread at a deli or bagels. Do you can't do you use your hands or not or the tongs? Yeah, or you just throw your hand and fucking I saw a woman do it yesterday. You started to what she put one back Uh, see that she was walking down the aisle had a like a roll in her hand And then right back in she was walking down there walking around with it She got it. I guess was going to go check out. Maybe I'll give you in a plastic bag or just fucking a raw dog Listen, if you go to those things the case

You take a roll out Or a bagel I think most people probably practice decent hygiene around those I feel like the common courtesy is okay around those I could be wrong What I'm saying is this is what I'll give you if you're not going to use the tongs whatever you fucking There's no feeling around like the fucking like it's not an avocado. No, you fucking grab it. You make a move I'll give you if your hand's still in the case and you touch one But you can move around but once it comes out of there, it's over Yeah, you can you can you can't you can't squeeze firm, but you can move to get what you want. No, but I'll say this though

I'm not a big uh, I'm not a plastic bag guy that the plastic bags in the um In like the vegetable area. Oh, I love them. I hate them. I hate them. It's like my ocd I feel like I feel like it ruins the fruit and when you leave it in that it like suffocates it It it goes bad quicker. I don't know what it is No, especially if stuff's wet then like everything else gets wet No, of course if you're getting like fucking the the fresh herbs or something like that Yeah, but like lemons onions potatoes. I fucking just throw that on the fucking conveyor belt Sure depends how much i'm buying and we were talking about the first time you saw the sprayer go on

On the produce and a grocery store. I just I did I watch it yesterday. It's the coolest thing I feel rich looking at it Sh I go you're just pissing money away in here, huh? You guys got it like that All right Tasted it saw the emblongment. Yeah It's just it's that yeah, that's that and the sprinklers in the yards that go up and then come back down I was the jerk off pulling that fucking the wave thing We had a sod my dad's backyard like every year. I don't know it wouldn't take

Or he just needed a project to do or something. I remember sodding that fucking back But dude moving the foot you got a water Who sods in fucking august by the way when it's 180 degrees out just torching the fucking the roots would never take Watered it in the middle of the day. You're just frying it dude. Oh, man bad bad bad The uh, the sprayer and the vegetable thing there is there's few in the back You're looking like a fucking pair of plaid pants dude. It was all different fucking It was all different. It was like tic-tac-toe in there. Yeah quilt back there. What's going on? Um The vegetable thing there's there's fewer things that are as soothing as that when that comes on

It really takes you everything's all right in the world that in the vacuum cleaner I've said this before I used to follow my mom around and lay behind the vacuum cleaner So the warm air blew on my face and I would take I would like take a little nap while she vacuum That's real normal moving on this one This one's from Eugene, uh ever seen big buck hunter at a wedding The video game I guess so Well, hold on now. It depends where that venue is. I presume Yeah, and unless was that brought in because I have seen that would be fun if it was brought in

I have seen have you ever seen those video game cars that roll up the trucks? I mean if you have one of those at your wedding, that's trash though The fucking thing that rolls up and blit like the side opens up and everybody's playing fucking ps. No, no No, it's not an eight year old's birthday party Maybe it wasn't an eight year old's birthday party at a wedding. That's tough. Yeah, I think it was my cousin Brady's They fucking rolled that thing out real fucking sweet. That doesn't do it. Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets over at my cousin's not too bad That doesn't died that those things to me are Trashy, yeah

Yeah, we's playing in the driveway or the Street it's like go inside get a ps3 rent a ps3 hook it up to the screen. Let's do it that way He's jumping in and out of an old trailer. Oh, we can't all be as classy as you mr. Crouton. I apologize Well, you know, maybe one day a fan of the Crouton. Yeah, see shit on me, of course. Yeah fucking home run Uh-huh. All that stuff's great. Pretty good. Who needs a salad? A little bit of shredded cheese Ever do that? Well, let's talk about that. All right. So hold on. Let's put a pin in this a pin in that for a second This is some time. It's never a question right? Have you ever used Tabasco or any hot sauce alone as salad dressing?

Yeah, and I'm exclusively That's what I do now Really? Yeah hot sauce? A little bit of fucking I'll do some spinach some chicken Uh, a bunch of croutons a bunch of croutons. No spinach chicken. What kind of chicken? Maybe some shredded cheese Uh, what kind of chicken grilled lemon chicken wings? Well pre-made Uh, I get it at the store. They do like they they have like the good uh, they make fresh stuff every day

I go get like that just a container of that typically two tree two breasts Chopped that up. Maybe throw it on a pan heat it up a bit Throw it in there. Maybe some chickpeas. Maybe a little hummus or something. Maybe some black bean. I don't know Not bad and then a little mexican. You know what I mean? And then a little bit of frank's hot sauce called a day That's what you do, huh? I keep my figure Um But yeah, it's trashy. Yeah, it's not a

Salad per se The greatest salad dressing of all time. I called a bowl. That's what I got. Oh, there you go. You get around it. Yeah A bowl. Maybe some quinoa and it's a bowl. There you go. We always did, um Obviously we did the italian but my dad I hate to smell a salad dressing It just all of it it fucking irks me, dude Well, you know what like my dad would come home late from work and he would like, you know, put his own dinner together To be the whatever we had sure but you know, he'd make himself a salad or whatever and he used to His dressing is mayonnaise ketchup

A little bit of Worcestershire sauce and parmesan cheese with salt and pepper man fucking Unbelieve mixed that up Good eating out of Tupperware I remember I remember the first time I watched my my dad would eat a bowl of cereal bowl of special k out of like What seemed to be like a fucking fish bowl like an aquarium as a kid I think we I was like that's I'm like that's like a whole box of cereal the guy's fucking gotten there

And as I got older Hey chief, they have my weedies, will you? It's all right I accidentally swallowed the castle He got after it for sure Um, this is from cj. Is it garbage if your family income is tied to a vehicle? Example my girlfriend said her family was crushing it until the boat sank Man, that's pretty good

That's for everything was going well to that goddamn boat went under there would be insurance involved though, wouldn't it? Sure, but it also depends on uh Depreciation no, it depends on where the boat sinks if the boat yeah if the boat sinks into the dock That's no bueno. Why because they the insurance company wants to bring it up and then fix that shitty boat And that's bad. That's bad because you gotta fucking you you know, it's like a Polish turd the thing is fucking ruined already really. Yeah, so they say if it wants a boat sinks, it's done You can't bring it out clean it up straighten it out. It's never gonna be the same as complete as I imagine putting a car underwater Okay, imagine bringing it back up everything's fucked up. Hmm. All right. Yeah So they say when I if you want you want a boat to sink fucking

If it starts sinking at the dock get in and drive it as far as you fucking can Get it up. Yeah, but then you're going down with the ship dive out. You already call call the maid day maid day Really? Yeah, I'll be in the deepest water. I can get through that's fine me by the bridge Good thing is you're on a sandbar. Fuck I don't like that What diving I did that that scares me. I love it having to abandon ship Oh, not abandon ship because who knows how long it takes that fucking south jersey coast card to get out there to you No, they cook they do all right tubes down there. I tell you went out on a deep sea fishing tournament

Uh, as it gets probably like 13 or 14 who caught you Bald headed marlin Mine's smoking. I'm hanging over someone's couch You also just played to the only camera in the room that can't see you. I was playing to you my friend And they stop with that. He's picking us. Oh, yeah, there's a new rule. No more flip-flops in the studio That's you're digging into your fucking pinky. You're no better You're you got a finger in every orifice every time I look over not on camera But he's not a man shoes and I don't want to say that it works

No more toes scratch a testicle in my in the privacy of my own home. Um, you're digging toad. I wasn't digging You weren't You were rubbing you're gonna think i'm lying if you look at toby's feet quick. You think he has six toes Yeah, it's a lot. There's a lot of noise going on over there. It looks like six There's a new bodega guy by bodega who's got an extra finger Oh, that'll get really? It's the guy that handles the cash Oh, man, that's a real thing. I don't throw you. You can have six fingers

Seven eight nine if you want that's probably pretty sweet. No, they're not sweet. It's not what you're thinking It's like most imagine the end of a pink Thumbs up man On the end of a pinky toe, right? So it's got a nail, but it's like loose so it like hangs like a It hangs like a ball bag It's like an appendage. It like bounces off the stuff. He's Had yourself over to the slicer and take care of that way Yikes, man, I went to uh

Oh, I didn't even tell you I went to a surprise show last night at your show Me? Yeah, what show and you weren't there. Did you have a show last night? Oh broken comedy club? Yeah I went to a restaurant around the corner. You did the rear of dawn. I said, oh, shit. You know who's right there What time the time the night jigs over about 8 45 I was off 8 8. I probably I probably probably just missed me Yeah Out the door just missed you had a nice dinner with Tommy over there at uh, Montes or Del Monte The burger joint. Okay, really really nice turkey burger No bun a little bit of lettuce

extra finger um But I went to the bodega across right by that club and uh, the guy had The worst toupee I've ever it was a different color and like it looks like he made it. I was like this thing It was like fucking simple jack. I know what I wanted to tell you. Thank you for reminding me real quick Pull my phone out two seconds here I saved it because I thought about you. Okay Air restoration for men experimental pill

To treat hair loss promote some to regrow a newly Full head of hair lexington base company Concert pharmaceuticals. Oh, yeah said it's experimental therapy to treat alopecia oradia Could restore hair In up when you learn how to read 42 of people with severe form of hair loss Which would you say your your hair loss is severe? I don't know

I was thinking about this the other day because I stopped the topic. I stopped like the the juice. I just do the pill Um taking pills for it. I have been damn Do my hair would be gone I'm listen. I'm 35 years old. Do you think that's do you think that's making a difference? Yeah, it does. What's it do for uh, you're 36 I'm 35 You never know you're 36. No, Tommy told me I'm 35. What year were you born 1986? What year were you born 89?

It's wild I'm gonna be 36. I think I really I genuinely don't know 36 dude Really you're gonna be 37 that makes sense Yeah, yeah, I'm 37 Like what is it? What a severe hair like if I was like 18 to me that's severe, but it's like I'm almost 40 I'm married. I have a career. Well, I don't know what what's I don't understand. You know what I mean I'd say that's the words of somebody with severe hair loss That's what I'm told you're bold. That's what somebody with severe hair loss would say

No, but I like understand. Anyway, you got this covered. I and a couple of years you fucking You look like van johnson walking around who You just make that up. You did van johnson Hey, look like truck stevens, and I was I knew him Uh, van johnson was a movie star back in the star day Google him. I'm not saying he wasn't but star. Yes. He was a movie star van johnson. What's star?

What do you mean? You know what a movie star is? Johnny Depp van johnson marlon brando No, those aren't the same. Yeah, give it to me Uh, I was in brigadune. That was a pretty popular movie. Brigadune the last time I saw parrots What did he play guy on bike? Just look at his fucking hair 30 seconds over tokyo He's he's I haven't heard of one of these movies Snickerdoodle was the first one because you're eating fucking croutons in your garage you fucking loser If you're going to throw the fucking go throw amc on on the tv

instead of watching fucking parkour movies ever made What he went on a real run in 1952. Yeah, man. Yeah, check the fucking do Well, no, we were arguing he's a movie star See Oh, I think he's a junior soprano. Like if you've never seen a man of the fighting lady. Yeah, I saw that. Isn't john wane in that I'm thinking of the fighting sullivance That's christmas for me We're sullies

um All right. All right. All right. All right. Let's see here. What do we got? What do we got? What do we got? All right. Let's see here. This one is from anthony anthony. Shout out to anthony Uh, did you have to win your dad's respect by beating him in a fight? Me and my dad only became closer after I pinned him in a wrestling and made him tap out That's pretty bad, but I do respect it. That's like old school man of the house. Like you've earned it. I can now, you know Sure, I'll now give you a handshake. I don't think it was eye contact. It was never a physical confrontation um

But I think maybe If you somehow won a fucking game of basketball out in the driveway Sure, you know, but for some reason those dads They made every shot. They all had a fucking skyhook You had to that was in the running hooker aka the mrs. Foley They always had a shot some trick shot I remember my uncle hit me with the bread and butter. It was a layup around through the legs around shout out to uncle mike We were playing down. We were playing down in south jersey the bread and butter

Dude, he did around the call this the sweet pickle He did through the legs around the back let like finger roll layup and I was all he crossed me up Dude, he broke my goddamn ankles. I was like nine and a half and he goes. Yeah, he didn't know I had the bread and butter And he did uh, whoo. He was a fucking smooth operator. He was all right back then man Different breed uncle mike aka white chocolate Shout out to the professor. Hey, yo Hit you with the microwave. Look out Coming at you with the air fryer

Oh, he shit Hit him with I did not push it I did not push it I want it to oh check swing and we go to the umpire strike three Get out of here. Get out of here I might as well do it now Man, I've never seen you show

Show restraint on tagging a joke, right? I did you've really been doing bad recently. You've been striking. I've been pulling back now I'm choosing more of a pump fake choosing my pitch. That was that was a travel for sure Trying to be a smarter batter the umpire said he went No If I get the first syllable out of the word there's gonna be vacuum cleaner Okay, just so I know didn't test well put your head behind that one take a nap Did you call it that because it sucked?

Larry uva listen finger toes No, nothing you look like a blueberry shut up Thank you All right, everybody relax. Um This is from brian every place a pair of sneakers with the exact same sneaker. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah, that's all I do now It's trashy, but yeah sneakers the other sneakers that I'll wear For the rest of my life these adidas 100 different colors different patterns as long as they don't cancel them I feel dads do that

Rocking those those uh, nike monarchs the dad the dad shoe the nike monarchs Yeah, the new balance or the new balance or the nike monarch 502s The 502 I think to the new balance 502 is in the nike monarch. So like the fucking dad cutting grass vacation shoe The white they were they were white with the with the blues. Well, yeah, yeah, they're tough. My uncle mic rocked the perinose They were all right. I was able to do the bread and butter. That's right Um, let's see he hit you with a hairdryer I Fully hit a real dad move on the drive in today hit me with it

We passed a construction site where they are building the biggest building and it looks like they're building the fucking death star I've never seen a building like that. It's so big And so tall and he's like what are they doing a building over here? And we pull up to a red light and there's a construction guy coming back with a look at a senior man Going back with a cup of coffee. Well, he's got the window down. He goes. Hey, what are you guys, uh, building the building over here? Yeah, yeah, man He goes well like a skyscraper guy goes. Yeah He goes, all right. Have a good one drives

You stink It could have been a museum. It could have been a cvs. I don't know Just curious. I the way the steel was What do you know about anything? What are you talking about the way the steel I watch the history channel it looked like it had It looked like it had beams that went up and then it was like, uh Like a deck on it sounds like you know what you're talking about. It was great. Do you see that steel part up top? It was shaped different like a building

No, it wasn't like a building. Well, hey jackass. That's what they were building. All right, so it must be some new tech It must be some new Yeah, because you're up the way the way they the way they build things. It's it's gonna be it's like a city block Yeah, a lot of buildings are it's like 43rd street. I just have to check it out. Go talk to your fucking contact at the job site Randy here You just stink but also I forgot I forgot about a significant detail, which is that the window is up All right, I don't want to talk all right That we originally we slow he slowed down and on the passenger side. There was a group of guys

I thought they would have made fun of me So, you know, you're a bozo. You're yourself aware. I'm well aware that I'm a bozo I know that this is a new shirt these pants button He didn't fit me a couple weeks ago. They got hold you know He literally leaned over to be like hey, I found a set and it was like a couple rough customers. Uh, yeah Fucking tune you up get a hot bolt to the window Shoot you with the nail gun Take out the engine block

Couple of warning shots. All right, thanks fellas Hey, what do you guys get those hard hats by the way All right, this one's from Chris Scott anyone in your family call a finger a digit That you've lost one if that if you call that's what that's what doctors call it when they remove them I did have a cousin. You got 10 digits Two fingers a whiskey That's big. That's you mean three fingers three fingers. Yeah, that's uh, I don't is that just like in the cup? They mean like that high. I think so. Yeah, like if they're handsome, I don't know

Give me three fingers always skeeve this shit out of me. Yeah, I don't know why Um digits are numbers Digits are also a name for your fingers never heard of that Three digits. No, what what you put up four fingers. Oh my god Okay, all right, that's let's wrap it up because you stink gang We love you. Love you gang. Thanks for tuning in always come out to a live come out to a live show We're gonna be in Buffalo. We're gonna be in Pittsburgh. We're gonna be in Detroit

And then we get fired back up towards the end of the summer We're announcing a shit ton of dates. They might be out by the time this comes out. I'm not sure Uh, we're we're coming all over the place cooking gang. We love you. We'll see you next week Never wear flip-flops again. Peace hide your digits