Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Foley Finds Out Kippy's Secret! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Mars Men: For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com BetterHelp: When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/garbage. Promo Code: Garbage Warby Parker: Our listeners can buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional pairs at https://WarbyParker.com/GARBAGE — and using our link helps support the show. Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

La La Land, Los Angeles, California. The boys are coming. We're going to be there on May 7th at the Bolesco Theater as a part of the Netflix is a joke fest. Yes, and then we're going to be in Portland, Maine at the Empire Comedy Club, Pittsburgh Improv and hilarities out there in Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets. These shows are going to sell out. These are great markets. We love the homies and bozes in these cities.

We'll see you there. Hey, everybody out there. Welcome back to everybody's podcast. Got them. Are You Garbage? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out of the group to be classy. Yeah.

Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, right. I'm your host, A.C. Holy coming at you. On a beautiful day, we're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition. She's upstairs having a little bit of couchocula. Okay. My co-cost is coming out of you from across the table.

Doesn't matter what I would have said, I would have got an... But he's my best pal in the whole wide one and I love him. You're going to... CEO of where you garbage? No, I'm not. We're having a good time. Luke's a jerk off. That's not on me.

I can't. This kid's really been running his mouth, ladies you gentlemen. Taking shots at me. Kevin Ryan. My old pal. Hey, buddy. What's up? Thanks for having me, man.

Appreciate you. Good to be here. I look over your goal. All right. I'll leave you guys to it. What's up, gang. Shout out to you. As always, make sure you rate view, subscribe on iTunes.

Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are. climbing the charge. Get your Werner ladder out and climb the mother-frigin' charge. It's got to be a Werner. Gotta be a Werner. That's what we're doing.

Uh, and then obviously the greatest website of all time, www. www. Patreon.com slash garbage. You go over there. You get all out bonus content. And then obviously, you know, we just announced Atlantic City. The boys are going down as shore this summer.

One night, Friday, July 10th at the Hard Rock. That's going to sell out. It sold out last year. Get your mother-frigin tickets. Do we do the Hard Rock last year? Nah, we did the Borgata. And that was a little too classy for the Bull. Boys.

Yes. A little too classy. Down there at the Hard Rock, July. Yeah. Panic City. Bang to bang, dingy, diggy. I mean, how much more AYG does it get to there? I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, listen, that's, you know, that's a big, that's a Philly market. Mm-hmm. That's a motherfucker in Philly market. So get them tickets because everyone's going to be down a short. Yeah, you got that hot restaurant down here, 28, 25 or something like that. Yeah. You know what I know of it.

Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. My brother's been there twice Yeah You got him in That's what you're bringing up the story You pulled some strings

Our boy Jesse Uh huh You're just my boy to him Shout out to him You're just my boy I'm like you're not our boy You mean my boy You're really frame-mogging me

I don't know I don't know where you stand these days What do you mean I mean? He could be with this guy Luke He's got a lot to say But I love you kid You're an inspiration

And you know You're a role model to me believe At a 20s I swear to got a 27 I wish 28 What? Hey, you. Happy birthday.

I do have somewhat disturbing news. The, that I think I have to share with the audience, unfortunately has to do with you. Okay. I think I know where this is. Is this the thing you couldn't wrap your head around? I think it's going to take away a lot of your convictions. Okay. Like, if you were a prosecutor, a lot of the shit that you run your mouth about.

that you say this, you say that. Do you make fun of me for? It's going to get washed away. I've never seen you react to a sentence I said. Luke's not going to understand this. He's not. And I got to be honest with you, I don't fully understand it. I, dude, you were smoking a sig.

You flicked the sig. Why don't even done? He's like three drags. He flicked a sig and went. I just think the homies in the bozo should all know. Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin was a fan, a big fan, of the television show that ran from 1998 to 2008 to 2000. 4 on CBS

called Becker with Ted dancing Kevin watched Becker Blecker the show about the misanthropic family practice in the Bronx

was that where it took place Riverdale I had no idea you watched Becker. Listen. That was after Cheers. I remember being like,

what the fuck is Sam Malone doing? I don't know. These fucking dorks. So you're upset of fictional characters. Get out of here with that crap. There's another fictional characters hanging around. This is a dork. Listen, I don't...

CBS? What's the problem? You stink. That's the problem. You're running your mouth. Like you're some kind of cool guy. You might as well be watching this. designing women, which I would have respected a little bit more.

That's a great program. That's a great progress. So what are you talking about? Listen, I don't. I'm not saying I wasn't in the studio audience. You know what I mean? I wasn't watching. I love Becker.

I said that was a good show. No, no, no, no. Let's pull it all back. No. You said you love Beck. No, no. They wouldn't have his babies. You make fun of me for watching cheers or for watching MASH.

So many shows. I want, no, no. Crazy. Becker. I make fun of you for me. Now, if you don't know Becker, you really have to, you have to, like, put yourself in this time and place. Pause. It was like, if Old Navy made a TV show, it was just, yeah, it was for like.

You shop at Old Navy. It would, not anymore. I don't fit anything in there. Jokes on them, suckers. Hold on. You, I don't make fun of you for watching MASH. I make fun of you for referencing, for. We're making match jokes 70 years later than getting upset when we don't get them.

Seven years later. Whatever. Also, I didn't say I love Becker. We were watching something and we said, what is that guy from? It was Moka Joe. And I said, and he's also from Becker. And you would have thought I peed in your Cheerios. That was crazy.

And you went, you watched Becker? I said, yeah, you're like with the blind guy? Like you were upset that the guy was blind. What guy? That guy that owns a newsstand. What guy owns a noon stand? Newsstand. The blind guy.

And Becker? Yeah. I don't know what the hell. Yeah, no. I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. Someone's back pedaling now. Listen, I'm not a fucking Becker super fan.

I never watched the show. I didn't know that anybody on the show was blowing. You're a bill of busted. I wouldn't have any problem with that. Why would I care if the guy was blind? I was making for Tommy because he has his, when he has his sunglasses is and he looks blind. You're just combining stuff.

This is, this is, this is, this is the defense of a madman. I've sat here and stood my ground and honestly told the people. This man watches Becker. That's all we need to know. I've told the people out there what actually happened. Did I watch Becker? It's fucking Ted Dancing. What are we even talking?

You got Ted dancing at Moka Joe in the same program yet again? No, stop. He was before Larry David. Larry David sold the tells the time. Moka Joe wasn't Moka Joe yet. I got nothing against the guy playing Moka Joe. Listen, listen. I have something against the fact that you watched.

Becker at that time and place in the quarter of the world. Like, did you watch it? Did you and your mom sit there and watch it? Both wearing dresses? Was it a what? Smoking cigarettes? First of all, Denise stopped smoking years before that. Okay?

She only did a little puff. Becker. You were in high school at the time, too. 98? 98. I was in fucking seventh grade. That's even worse, man. Put on a cartoon.

Watching Becker. It's cartoon in seventh grade. This is why we're different. for in humor. What's wrong with a cart? Oh, you were watching sophisticated adult contemporary comedy? Becker about doctors in the Bronx.

Yeah. Beard. People are doing the living and dying in this city, not fucking cartoons. Hey, what neighborhood in the Bronx should Becker live at? The one up there by the Little Italy. None of that set fits the Bronx. I've been up there.

Late night. Looking for dudes. Can we get a little bit of, what were the reviews of Beck? See, this is very fun to me because... Critically acclaimed. Everybody loved it. But not seventh graders.

Not seventh graders. Listen, I just strike it as I. We don't need to beat this to death. I just strike it as odd. Well, no, now that I'm going, let me see some reviews are going. You want to backpedal? Listen, stop saying backpedal. Someone's back.

Because I'll freak out. I'm not backpedaling. You have nothing on me about the blind guy. Yeah, that's that you just made all that up. None of this crap works. You're like the blind guy with the newsstand? I didn't even know what you were talking about. What blind guy with the newsstand?

I didn't know there was a newsstand involved. That's what a backpedaler would say. No. Crazy. What do we have? Just how many rotten tomatoes does that? We got an 87% popcorn school. I just said critically acclaimed everybody liked it.

Just not seventh graders. MASH only got an 82. Oh, here we go. Don't start that shit. Don't start that shit. Kippie rules. Everybody knows. First of all.

I'm getting a Becker tattoo. I'm not into a MASH Becker debate. Mash is one of the first of all. Masch was the most watched Last television episode ever. First of all, there's no need to get into a bait The tribe is spoken and MASH stinks. Becker's awesome.

Obviously, everybody knows that. What's it called? What's the name of that website? Get the fuck out of here with that. That's bought and sold. I think Trident owns that. Oh, you think Becker bought and sold fucking? No, that website is bought and sold.

Yeah, for movies, not Becker. That's all fake. For Becker? Oh, I got him dead there. You're like my wife. You're like my wife. Don't have you dead by life. You're a peto.

That's what I know I get you against the road. I'm making fun of you for saying Becker like that. You don't have me up against anything. Yes, first of all, you're lying, you're backpedaling, and you're mimicking. Those are three tell-tell signs of a loser. These are all made up. What, did you not just backpedal and? I didn't backpedal once.

Okay. Not once. What did I backpedal on? You made up the whole thing or misremember the thing about us getting into a conversation about Moka Joe being a blind guy and I didn't like it. You just said that. I don't even remember knowing that.

Okay, listen, critically acclaimed. And I don't think it was Moka Joe that was in the show. We were trying to figure out. It was Moka Joe. Okay. I know I'm a super fan. It was Moka Joe.

All right. Listen, I'm just saying, you got Ted dancing, you got Moka Joe. Who else did that? Larry David. What else did Larry David create? Curb Your enthusiasm, Seinfeld. He knows what he's doing.

He sees those two stars, those two talents. You put them on screen. you got yourself a goddamn hit. What other two programs? What other program have those two guys been in? They're not in misses. They're in amazing shows. Okay.

That's all I'm saying. All right. You watch Becker. You like Becker? That's totally cool. I'm sorry I brought it up. Uh-huh. I dig it, man.

Yeah. We should watch it. We should watch it together. We should expand your horizons. Yes. Uh-huh. Maybe it's not all cartoons and soprano. A little higher-level high-brow comedy about

I didn't even know it was about a family I thought he worked at a hospital It only took place in the coffee shop Right I don't know man I don't watch it Yeah right I didn't This is this is you're like one of those One of those like congressman who's like anti-gay

And then comes out being gay I'm gonna catch you at a truck stop watching Becker later What that you got? I'm watching Pecker He got me Um Yeah I would probably say I saw, I would say, probably

a quarter. All 128 episodes? That's how many their way? That's syndication. Of course. I'm not saying it wasn't popular. I'm not saying it wasn't a good show. I'm saying it strikes me as incredibly odd that a seventh grade boy was into the show Becker when it was in prime time.

Into the show, you also got to think this is... Because Becker was like a, you know, it was coming out of must-see, TV and all that kind of stuff. It was just odd. It was very, you know, yeah, CBS-stified and I don't know, man. I thought it, you know. So it's weird for whatever, let's say a 12-year-old boy to be watching a sitcom.

That's weird. You were seven watching MASH. What is a little, and that's not odd? I'm just grading your behavior on the things you're grading my behavior. I'll give you that. I'm going to say, yeah, that's a little odd. A little odd. A little odd.

You're watching a World War II. Korea. Dickhead. Whatever. You're watching a war comedy with your family. Not really a comedy. It was made more of it. That was a laugh a minute.

You're talking about. Drama. I don't know. War. Okay. I'm getting a little weird about this. I will say this might have spawned Kippie's alter ego. Kippie Rooney.

The show revolves around Becker and the thing that. that annoy him that's true that's true hit me kiffy runny put the eyebrows on me isn't it weird I don't like square pizza I love square pizza see now you're just making stuff up in your back bettwin I want all square pizza I like both I like having the option when I get pizza I get a little bit of square a little bit triangle Square's a better vehicle if I'm if we're shooting it straight and typically has better flavors I'm trying to think of other shows that I hate it.

I can't listen. Maybe you watch it. All fine. I think this, I think you hated that time and place of your going. It must-see TV. Like, culture changed. And if there's one thing I know about the big dog, he don't like it. So culture changed.

And then you're going, you hated what that stood for, the people that watched it. Meanwhile. I'm a Sam Malone guy. Not some fucking doctor. Hanging under the past, man. Stop it. You are. You're going.

I'm a Sam Malone guy. Took me a long time to adjust. Sure. I only liked him in Kirby enthusiasm because he was fucking Ted Dantson. And I loved him in saving private Ryan. Let me get the fuck out of here. He also played Ted Denson in that. No, he did.

Oh, my God, you're an idiot. He played Becker. Becker's grandfather. You don't remember that scene. One of the best scenes of saving Private Ryan. I don't fucking know. Who are you talking to? I don't know.

You're just making Grand Stee. Luke, did you ever see Saving Private Ryan? I'm forgetting Ted Dantinton in it. Wow. See? Doesn't forget Terisi, though. Going to Dorese. Man, you're on a war pass today.

I am. You are. A little bit. You don't remember that show to get. You don't remember that movie that came out before you were born. Was it before you were born, buddy? I'm like, I was probably the same year, dude. It was the year after I was born.

Yeah. Wow. Cut the guy some fucking. That's crazy. Cut the guy some slack. Yeah, that's nuts. It's not like your family where he turned six and they started showing a war propaganda film. Top Gun.

All right, she's birthday. We're going to watch Deer Hunter. Hey, you got to watch, you'll find out what Akamis are trying to kill you. I love it. Listen, my TV proclivities are neither here nor there. Of course. And listen, guys, if you're a Beckerhead, hit me up, all right? The Beckerhead.

It was a fine program. Do I deserve to be ridiculed and drugged through the mud for it? It struck me funny. I get that. Strange. You also got to cut me a little. slack I feel in the sense that like there wasn't all that kind of stuff. Diverse. All that kind of stuff. Dorma.

I get it. There wasn't that much. There wasn't that much going on to Lashki kid. This is overweight. Girls probably didn't notice you. Bad teeth. Bad teeth. Going bald. Going bald. Yeah. This is before on demand. This is before all that kind of shit. So it was just like you kind of, that was a time where you still had to watch what was fucking being watched.

And if I wanted to spend any time with my. father it was in front of the television your dad didn't watch becker i don't know yeah i'm just joking i that's i know i listen i don't think my dad like ted aanson what fucking grow i met your father once you're you're nuts dude you're just a nuts guy i met your dad once no way he watched beckxed one i haven't talked to him in six years i want to call him right now if i'd be watch becker i would just do it for the show that'd be crazy that'd be fine all right thanks bye i knew think you'd pick up uh probably not that would be deferred to a voicemail that I would have to.

Hey, just check it in. I wonder if you want to get together, watch the Becker, got the box set. That would be cool. Is Becker, can you watch Becker anywhere? That might be a fun Patreon episode. We watch, we watch an episode of Becker. The highest rated episode of it. See if you can turn me?

See if I can turn you. I got to start from the beginning. You don't listen. I'm calling it. I can't jump in. Can watch it on Pluto TV. Who's, give me the cast on. We should sell a special to Pluto TV.

Pluto TV. I don't know. They got Becker. They got cash. Pluto TV. Ted dances sign-a-bos-oh, yeah. I have that on my Samsung. On my Samsung?

I have that on my TV. And I didn't pay my- Who calls their TV the brand of the TV? I didn't pay- I have that on my Vizio. I didn't pay my YouTube TV, so. This guy is just mulching through fucking bits. I didn't pay, I didn't pay, I didn't pay.

He didn't pay a lot of bills. Trust me, I know that. I've been watching Pluto TV. That's funny. I didn't mean to steamroll you. It's okay. That means you're doing bad. Luke, what do you say?

You're watching Pluto TV? What are you hanging out at the hospital a lot? Oh, a practical jokers again. I'm doing a lot of physical therapy. Guys jammed up. Listen, again, neither here or there. But I do look forward to sharing an episode or two. Maybe we'll do it on the page on,

on do a nice watch-along, an episode or two of Becker with you. I think you would be delighted if you got out of your comfort zone and enjoyed some highbrow, well-written, well-acted, well-produced, well-directed situation. Andy Ackerman. I think it was a showrunner or whatever. There you go. What else he run?

I don't know. Something. Big stuff. Yeah. You shot me down before. That's why you don't like it. This goes all the way to the top. Gang, check out Becker on CBS Tuesday nights.

When did it air? Give me that. Do you have the time in day? It was 830.30. What time? What day? Monday. Yeah, Mondays at 8.30.

Let me triple check. That might have been up against Roseanne. Not 98. Maybe the end, Roseanne. 90, I don't know. Rosanne, I wasn't a... It was the lead-in to everybody loves Raymond. It was originally 930, and then it went to...

A lead-in to everybody loves Raymond? And you know how I feel about that. You don't like Raymond? No. No. You're nuts, dude. I can't get a fuck. That truth-peat-to-to-he-old guy is...

It Tony soprano. And I ain't watching it. His wife was a huge bitch. Nothing against the actor. But give me a break. I like Peter Boyle. Mm-hmm. I like a Brad Garrett.

Small doses. That's a big guy for small doses. Listen, before you burn any more bridges in the industry. Do I like Ray Romano? Brilliant. Thought he brilliant in the Irishman.

I got to, well, you can't call him brilliant in his life's work. You go, you don't like it. It's not his life's work. Everybody loves Rayman. Fucking Rosenthal's. Everybody loves Raymond is not Ray Romano's life's work. That's all Rosenthal.

You're not. Traveling on Thailand. So you go, oh, he's great. I liked him in The Irishman because you only watch mob stuff. So you're like, that's the one thing. I'm sorry. Becker didn't do fucking Goodfellas five, okay? Moka Joe was probably in fucking...

Becker didn't even have a drug problem. How are we supposed to get behind this? Crazy. Man, you're something else. Yeah, I guess so. You are set in your way. I'm an old man. Keb, let's talk about Mars men, baby.

Mars man, Mars Men, Mars. Talk about locking your potential. I'm getting older. Things are slowing down. Things aren't what they used to be. You know, sometimes you feel like you're walking through mud. You can feel the changes of lower testosterone. That's right.

I don't want to say it, but yeah, you got to put my business on Front Street. Yeah, that's right. Feels like you hit a brick wall. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You got it all right. What do you got for me?

Give me something good. Yeah, you do listen. You're like the workouts, the diet, but you still feel like you're stretching and calling me. I'm not doing any of that, but yeah, I'm still tanking. But a lot of guys out there are. And they're still not feeling up to snuff. No, I'm right there with you, especially when the baby came.

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So after you purchase, they're going to ask you how you heard about the show. Tell them the boys send you, AYG, we love you. I love you. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Better help. Gang, as you know, Kippy and I are both big proponents of talk therapy. There's a lot of different reasons why you might be talking to a therapist. Sometimes financial stress could be a big part of that.

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Gang, listen, we're going to get to some freaking questions here. Please. Us debate and TV from 25 years ago. You should have just took the hit and moved on. You watch Becker. It's okay. Yeah. I don't like how.

I don't. It's crazy, dude. Weird. It's crazy. Becker. How old were you? So you were 22. 22.

Yeah. Wait, I can't let it go. You're telling me you can't look at me the same. I've been best residue for 15 years ago and I can't look at you the same. 1998, I just come back from North Carolina making big moves. Okay. You're a fucking huff and cleanser in a closet with your roommate. What are you talking about?

Okay. Oh, you get personal. And then I moved in New York in 99. It was right back in 2008. Trying to find the set of Becker. There's you, Becker up here. That's right, man. You moved out, you missed out on Dawson's Creek in North Carolina.

He shot that in a lot in L.A. You think Ted Dances is coming to New York to shoot? You're kidding me. It's probably the only reason he took the show. It's probably 10 minutes away from his house. I don't know if you're pro Becker. I can't get a read. I get you don't like it.

I'm pro dancing all the way. You know that. Dancing from start to finish. Ted Dantzance has been on TV in some form or another for the last 35 years. I love Ted Denson. You. This was his, this was his. No, I don't have done it.

This is, this is his only leading role. That was an ensemble cast. Cheers was an ensemble cast. You're crazy. What? Without a doubt. You got Woody. You weren't even alive.

Dude, Kirstie Alley, Woody, the fucking rest and peace of the coach. You just said Moka Joe was on the show. Moka Joe? Moka Joe. Listen, I love Moka Joe. He can't carry Ted, Ted dance instead of school. He can't carry. He can't carry Becker's lab jacket.

Okay? Ted Denson was a star of Cheers. I'm not saying he wasn't a star. That was an ensemble cast. Ted Denson was an ensemble cast. But Ted Dantzance was an ensemble cast. Whatever. I'm not, and I'm not debate.

He carried it on his back. This is what you do. You start getting this stuff. I'm debating these things. I don't want to debate these things. I think it's weird. You watch Becker. That's all I'm going to say.

That's fair. We just unpacked why you think it's weird. That's all. Why? I'm just one, I think, you know. Because it wasn't my kind of rock and roll? Yeah, that's a, yeah, listen. If it didn't scratch your it, you ain't a fan, and that's fair.

Okay, sure. Got me. All right, listen, gang. If you Google Ted Danton, Becker is one of his top projects. Top project? 87. 87. What?

Popcorn meter. It's the fourth project that comes up. Fourth project. What's the first three? A man on the inside, cheers is the good place. Ooh, the good place. Now, I like that show. A man on the inside.

That's a new one? Yeah, it's new one. He's in a nursing home. Kick rocks. Why? What? Start us new a Ted Dancing podcast. Just fight about Ted Dancing.

I want the good plane, the Ted Dancing plane. Of course. All right, listen, here we go. This is okay. This one's from $10 shareholder, generic name. Love it. Love it. You ever make an ice cream sandwich with Wonderbread and Vanilla Ice Cream?

It's a sweet bread. and it works better than you think. This blew my brain. I've never thought about making an ice cream sandwich. Like a, what do you mean? Like, what? Wait, hold on. On a cookie?

I thought the Becker was going to get. I thought the Becker was an ugly conversation. You're telling me at your house. No, I've never thought about it. You never took two chocolate chip cookies, whether it be a Chippahoy or... If I want to have a chip-a-hoey, I'm going to have a chip-o. Or whatever. And you never put ice cream in the middle.

Not even that have I never done it. It's never crossed my... mind. What? That's boncos. I know you can't find those chocolatey, the rectangle ones. You can't find those wafers nowhere. That's not a wafer. Whatever it is. More about cooking. A cake. I think the It's not a wafer. I think the moisture in the ice cream does that. I may that starts out like a cracker and probably gets softened up. Stop fucking typing. I need you fact checking me over there. Fucking thick GTP. Yes, yes. You feel like you're

getting it from both angles. Scared Henry. That's just the way I like it. Back in the corner. First of all, no one's doing this to you. You're doing this to yourself, guy. Cookie wafers.

Thank you, though. Germany, they call them waffles. Thank you, pal. I love you. My buddy. Cut that and post. Let's really gaslight them. That I don't even know what that means.

That I get. What you get. Not being able to have access to those. but not making an ice cream sandwich out of a cookie at home. I don't know. Luke, did you grow up to? I'm not even,

I'm not even, it's all out of my room. This guy probably had a fucking Sunday bar every Saturday. You got a chip on your shoulder. You're from the wrong side of the track. I got a chip boy. Luke had a better life than you. I'm not saying.

I'm against it. I'm happy for him. No, you're not. Hey. You're asking if you're an ice cream sandwich at home. Of course he did. Luke? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

He's half your age. grew up in a different town, but a little bit of cash. Maybe if you're a person. I'm cool with it. If your parents weren't derelicks and watching mash and fucking repeat every day and maybe went to college and got a fucking education, you can make chippaholee sandwiches at your house too. I did make chippahoy sandwiches at my house.

Hydroxycut, whatever they were called. Fend, fend, hydrox. Good, gone. Those cookies. We had archway cookies for a long time in high school, the double chocolate fudge ones. You know, Archway, they're a little bit bigger and softer? I think of a retirement home talking to a guy. Talking to Junior Zabrano right now.

Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. What else, pop-up? Back in my day, I was a cheese man, not a Becker, man. You take the heat, you watch Becker. Stop trying to, you do a hit piece on me. Like, I'm a jerk off. Then you did, yeah, you start turning the tables on me. I don't have to argue like that.

I'm on my feet. I don't argue, it's improv. Improv. We're having a battle of wits. You wouldn't know improv. if I gave you it. He couldn't smooth this. He couldn't smooth a silk shirt if you had a hot date with a baby.

I guess these. Gotcha. That's acting. Ask you. Excuse me. Lucas. Yeah. Did you make the cookies at the house?

Yeah, there were some summer nights where we did that. Really? Yeah. My mom, it was like a fun thing. The crazy thing my dad did was he did the cookies with Nutella in between. Whoa. That was pretty. Another crazy thing my dad did.

How many would... Never came back. Okay? Ignored me in a while while parking lot. Now that's weird. A guy dipping a cookie in the tela. Man, talk about sheltered. The weirdest thing my dad ever did?

You want to know which... I remember one time I watched my dad fight the neighborhood. You ever do that? He told a 16-year-old you were going to clean his clock. Sorry if I wasn't... Sorry if I was watching fucking Becker and not eating fucking ice cream. sandwiches okay guy I had some shit to deal with

him becker was an escape a nice simple life up there in the Bronx huh every day I dream having a cup of coffee in there no one fist fighting each other was a coffee shop too Jesus Christ how many fucking shows were coffee shops Fraser that Who can't let it go friends just take the hit guy

Take the break take the hit I like Starbucks as much as a thanks fella Here's a thing When I was working at 20 Manning in Philly, mostly Latino kitchen staff would take the brioche buns that we use for hamburgers, slice a bunch of them in half, past its ice cream in the middle, let the whole, you know, everybody have a little corner. I get that.

Awesome. I think I'm more of a, I think why I never, it never crossed my mind. It's high in shit. What? It's, it's, it's, it's, it, listen, Wonderbread's one thing, but I get it. It's kind of a classy move. Sure. Yeah.

I just don't think it would ever be as good as the, say, and like, the functionality of like, it wasn't an ice cream, if I want an ice cream sandwich sandwich, and we, first of all, we kept them, we kept the America's choice, the ones from Super Fresh on deck, boxes of them, joins, breeze are burned like a summer bitch sometimes. I'm four years old out there in the, out there in the meat freeze. Smelling like tuna and shit. Fucking fish blood of whatever my stepdad got on it. I remember one time.

Hey, there's mackerel guts on my chip with. I remember one time the freezer thawed out or left the door open. There was a bunch of fish that he caught down there. Down the shore. Fish goes bad. And it dripped down into the fridge. And we didn't know for it. I still smell it in my garage.

It was probably 20 years ago. And you open the, you know, we opened the drawer where, like, the sodas were. You know what I mean? You got the saviors in there? And, uh, just feel, like, red chan. It might have all been chum. Uh-huh. Yeah, and I just remember being like, I think they even, like, tried to save the, like, we're washing these drinks off.

I was a lady. You're fucking, you can give me tetanus. Eat nuts. Get a shot at me. Have to be growing gills. Get out of here. Holy shit. Uh, but the function I always, it was just, I was just, I was.

like this is going to be a mess. I'd rather just eat the bowl. If I was going to do, I'd probably just put cookies in the bowl, but I didn't even do that really. I don't mean to be the contrary in this episode, but you're just trash. That's a classy kind of move. Sure.

You just don't know anything about that. No one even, I don't even think my mom knows it's legal to do that. I think probably needs a permit to start making her own ice cream sandwiches. I was never to think. I don't have the food safety test. Yeah, I mean, we were the standard briars. Yeah, throw a little fucking pretzels in there. I would do that sometime.

Yeah, crumble up the thin hers. I'd do that. That's like if you grew up putting pretzels in your ice cream, you're garbage. That's like if we were, you know, that was like hoity tooty. I remember that. I remember figuring that out. Yeah. I remember figuring that out of my own.

Like a fucking, like a T-900. A learning computer. Fucking fat GBT over here. A little salty, you know, is right? Uh-huh. Yeah. I remember my dad would whip the ice cream to like a... Oh, that was crazy.

And I thought you had... That might as well been, like, fucking mixing saccrete to me. Dude, it comes out. As a kid, I'm like, I couldn't get the momentum going. And then once you get, you reach like eight or nine, you get the strength to do it. Mm-hmm. I remember one time I left the frosty in my fridge for like a week. Uh-huh.

And I'd pop that out. Home run. It was like in between soft serve and regular ice cream. Mm-hmm. Like a frosty? Like a frosty? Never really, we never really did them growing up ever. I don't know if I've ever.

All you did was watch Becker, huh? Smoked cigarettes. Drink Slim Fast. Yeah, you were drinking Slim Fast, smoking cigarettes, and watching Becker. I mean, not all at the same time. That's crazy. I'm not a king. The divorce.

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Hit me. Have yet to have one read. Is it garbage to lie until the oil change guide? Don't worry about the air filters. Just order one on Amazon. I got to put it in. when I get home to avoid them showcasing your old dirty air filter because that's how to get you. Damn.

That's a good move. Yeah, I like it. And what is it with the embatt? There's like a level of trash of being embarrassed where like I do this all the time. I know you do this. Where you come up with that. You're having these conversations with the other people of some sort of authority. In your head?

In your head of like, I just ordered it. Like all you could just go, no, I'm not paying. No, thanks. But like you're embarrassed that you're not getting it. You feel like you should be getting it. You might not have the cash to get it. All of these things. And you're going, that guy is driving all the way there going,

I'm going to make up a lie that I ordered it on Amazon. I don't get that. You're afraid to feel trashy for saying no, right? And not getting the full service. Yes. I think of that ilk, people of that ilk, if you say no, I don't want it, you think that that guy's going to think, oh, this loser can't afford it, which you can't.

Hand up, I never could, yeah. Right. I think people that are that do well or whatever are like, you know, no, I'm not paying for that. I don't want it. But or they're also going. Trashy people need to need to, you know, nah, I just order one. Don't worry about it. Yeah.

I got the guy with the thing and the thing. My brother's going on. You just something. Yeah. Yeah. That's like if I would, I've gone in to get my, my tooth pulled. And it's like, well, you know. I want to do this at home.

No, we can save this or, you know, we can do a root canal or, you know, let's check the other ones. I'm like, dude, just pull the fucking tooth. Root connect. I don't need you checking the air filter. Yank it and let me get out of here. Give me three perkinsets and get me through the night. Three more to get me through the morning. I'll figure out the rest.

Yeah, that's a weird. I do that. My brother does. I've grown up watching people do that. My mom is the king of that. My mom is the king. No, that's fine. We just had one installed two weeks ago.

Whatever. You don't need to worry about it. Eyes. Yeah, I just did that with that handyman that came over. I'm going to redoing the whole thing. I'm like making shit. I'm going to knock this down and rebuild. You don't need to paint the walls.

I'm knocking it down. Uh-huh. We're probably just going to redo the whole thing. You know what? We're moving, actually. Here's the keys we're leaving. Just did it. It just broke ground.

New construction. I wonder what that's called. It's called something. People that are like that. Yeah. Low self-esteem. I don't know. It's not high self-esteem.

You know, I guess that. But that air filter. I don't know, I'm 50-50 on that. Does that thing matter? I think so. Because they bang it. They love that. Well, like, I've talked to me.

You go for a little change. That, that's for, hey, crazy. I got a new one. But they're trained to do that because that you're, they have to upsell you. You're selling it. Yeah. Well, I've talked to a mechanic who goes, like, just hit it with the air hose. Blow it out.

And you're good. Oh, fuck. That's what I hear. I listen, I don't know dick about cars, but I grew up with mechanics. And they go, yeah, just hit that with the hose, clean it up for you. What's your air filter? And you can even tell them. Hit it hit me with the hose

There you go Nah, just hit it with the hose I'm gonna replace it next time That's what like And the guy goes The guy goes, all right First of all The guy probably can't afford

You and a guy have the same amount of money A little grease You grease him for that Sometimes those pet boy places You can't get to the guy Doing the job Oh yeah They come up with that fucking

That clear folder with your with your Fuck man Yeah hey Yeah I go to a concert You give me a laminant Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I got it right here.

Like, do they pull it out like it's a product? Like, it's not good. Like, he's telling you, you got cancer. I always, watch, Becker. I always get into the garage. Even they say, don't go in there. I always get in there. I pulled a fucking car in.

And I, I want to know who's doing it. Yeah, I don't care about it. See if I need something for a little, or to show them. Let me show you where it is. Like, if it's a hole of my tire, I'll show you. You got to get eyes on it. How much is an air filter? 10, 20 bucks.

Yeah. Let me talk about it. It's the principle, though. I'm very much, I'm probably, like you're getting taken, sorry. No, yeah, for sure. And you don't, you know, somebody said it to me one time. Everybody loves to buy. No one feels like being sold.

No one wants to be sold. You love to buy, you hate being sold. Love to go, I bought that. Not he sold me a car. I bought a car. Right. You don't want to feel like they took it. advantage of you you took advantage of them

huh which every dirtbag wants to go like I beat him up on the thing I got the thing turning it the last time I was sold we'll be right back it's Becker everybody 930 CBS I'm trying to think sold on something All right let's see here this one's from Stevie six fingers

$10 squad or never had one read is it garbage to do your bachelor party two days after the wedding because you don't get paid until then and also hoping to get some cash from the guests. Wow. That is a dirtbag level of trash. I don't hate it, though. Listen, hear me out here.

Hear me out. If you're a dude, the bachelor party is significantly better than the wedding. Oh, I think I can say than the Bachelorette party. Not the videos I've seen. That's pecker at 830. It's funner.

You should you and 10 boys in your partying or what you're going to a fucking, you know, a lot of people are doing like I'm doing a cabin in the mountains or we're going to go to AC for the night or whatever. It's funner. So I would say like, because when you're at the wedding, you and all the boys like, do, remember when fucking Donnie shit himself and the, like you're talking about stories from, it's never as, there's just broods in your family there. It ain't no fun. So I like the idea of that afterwards, but that's pretty tough a few days after you get married and tell your fucking new one. wife like hey I'm gonna fucking I'll be in a Vegas for three days yeah I want to roll out Vegas is probably a tough sell

you know because all the prostitutes sure but um also you're not using that money then for the honeymoon well I didn't listen I didn't think that was I mean this guy's wait for payday that's great your half is yours half is mine you go wherever you want I'm going to fucking Saratoga that's my 25 hunch

uh wow that you know what else is really trashy that my brother used to do, and I've had friends do a good amount. I've thought about it. I just never had the funds to take to do it. It was to go on the bachelor party, but not the wedding. To be like a guy you party with, like, I party with that guy. I don't want them at, but like we're not close enough to go to the wedding.

Wait, do you want it to become this guy? No, wanted to become this guy. But I ran in circles with a couple of guys like that. Really? Go to the bachelor party and not the wedding. Because they're like, oh, yeah, we're all going to fucking whatever, Get Duff. Tell Duffy to come.

Yeah, Duff to come. They'll crash with me. He's a good time. But it's like, Duff's not going to the wedding. Duff's not going to the wedding. Wow. Yeah.

My brother did that a couple of times. Uh-huh. Interesting. Yeah. Pat's done it a couple of times. Is the wife like, what happened to be your friend Duffy that you went on the city? You didn't invite him to the wedding guy?

Duff's not a family guy. Keep Duff away from grandma. I think my bully Pat and my other boy used to take each other as plus ones to weddings just to party. And like not bounce it off of the bride and groom. Just like you invited me with a plus one. I'm bringing my homie and we're going to get fucked up. And yeah. Whoa.

And like not. Like with the other way. Who would he do this with? What? It'd be Stutsky and who else? My other boy. I'm trying to protect. You know.

Be innocent. Yeah. Gotcha. Would the other guy know the bride and groom? To an extent, yeah. But, like, definitely didn't make the cut of the wedding. You know what I mean? That's awesome.

Yeah, they did it multiple times. Didn't make the cut of the wedding. Not even, like, wasn't even considered. It was Pat's friend. Like, Pat brought his home, Pat brought his boy to a wedding. Just to be like, oh, it's an open bar. We're going to go get fucked up. We'll put on suits to get fucked up.

That's so fucking awesome. Yeah. Like in our early 20s, that was happening like a decent amount. That's a good time. Remember being like, what's he doing here? He's got like five years. He's hitting on the bride. That's my boy Randy.

He's with Pat. You're the one getting married? Fuck. You work out at the crunch gym down the street, right? I think I seen in there glutes This guy, no way You know, I bolt that

I'm just fucking what you get She's a beautiful girl, I know Yeah, crazy I remember being like Even in like the height of our partying and drinking like that I remember being like This feels uncouth

This feels very un- Uncuthed I'm like are you not bouncing that off to get them? You know, you're not bouncing that off to couple Seems crazy Don't you have to do it in the invitation? Yeah, no, it's just plus one I'll be, you know, I regret to inform you or like I'm accepting plus one.

Like Mr. So and So and guess. Yeah, we will be attending. And then maybe, you know, maybe there was sometimes where he was going to bring his lady and maybe they broke up or she couldn't go or just like whatever it was. But it's like, hey, I RSP with a plus one. I'm not tied down at the moment. What do you guys? We go cruising. I would never even think that would never occur to me.

It's a great move. You have to have friends to get invited to a wedding. Sure. If I was back then I did dickhead. spend all that time with you oh yeah back then I gave my life up for my heart

can you say that with the straight face I did I did um and seen who he is good um I would be I'd do the fucking

the dork thing if like say I got invited with a plus one and then had a breakup or whatever or was single and I got a plus one I would like take some, you know, date and do that and play fucking Johnny fucking dork all night. Bring your fucking boys with you. Yeah, it's a squad up. Have a good time.

Such an idiot when it comes to that stuff. That's genius. Now, back to this business with the bachelor party. Yeah, it's trash. Yeah, it's very trash. I was trying to come up with a scenario where I'm like, oh, it's cool. And I get that it's cool, but it's like, that's a tough look all around. But, hey, you got to do what you got to do sometimes.

I might a judge. Imagine somebody who had to wedding meal. How was a bachelor party? I don't know. Tell you next weekend now. Thank you. I just got invited to a bachelor party. Is that right?

I did. Whoa. Uh-huh. Can't attend. Why? One, it's in the Dominican Republic. Later. You show up?

I go down to the DR now. It's too hot. Yeah, it's just like... I mean, the situation's too hot. I'm going anywhere. In the Dominican Republic. Man, that's how they get you. They get you down there.

How many boys pop you down there? Oh, you? Sure? Yeah. A lot of people wouldn't mind have me out of the way. Yeah, on the... Walking down the sidewalk. Boto, puddle, bottle.

It's like a can't say. Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, it's like, it was also we've reached the age where like that got floated through the group text. And shout it to my boys, they listen. And I'm just like, it was just like, you're not talking about like 40-year-old men with jobs and families. And they're just like, I can't. I'm not going to be able to swing getting three or four days away, you know. Plus with that many.

Plus there was people I don't know in a group text. Getting all fucked up. Uh-huh. Coming back on like a Wednesday. Ugh, dying. Yeah, it's also like, you know, I think there's a thing. You've seen it, everybody's seen it, where like guys get to a certain aid. They get out a rhythm of partying.

Now, that being said, a good amount of my boys are still partying. They're still, they're still, they're not married. They're not having kids. They're fucking, they're getting after it Thursday through Wednesday. You know what I mean? They're doing a seven-day week. So they're not out of step. But, you know, some guys who are like, oh, their wife and kids, they might drink once a month.

They get down there, so-and-so happen. They don't have it anymore. They're not conditioned. And then they end up puking and getting in a fight, something. It's just like it just leads to bad news. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm more of like if my three homies want to be like, oh, let's go here and golf for the weekend.

I go, yeah, we'll hit a fucking, we'll get a nice hotel, nice air, air, air, being by a pool, day beers, be in bed by 10. Wake up. That's what I would do. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Mm-hmm. Hmm. But that's what I'm saying. But I just can't, I can't swing.

I also don't have, I don't have four days of drinking in me like that. No. That's what I'm, yeah, that's wild. Remember John Mayer saying he was hung over for six days? Yeah, and I got to be honest with you, like, if I'm drinking, it's... You come back from a D.R., you're hungover for a couple of days. And, like, you walk in and he needed a baby right away, and you're like, you get. That's the biggest problem with getting to this age and having,

now I have real life responsibilities. Is it like, yeah, listen, we were on the road two weeks ago. I'll go on the road for three, four days. Yeah, I get to sleep in. I get to have my bears, you know what I mean? But then she's on, you know. You're like pop up on the road now. You want to get beers at 7-Eleven and sit in the lobby of a holiday Express.

That's not bad, though. I'm an old man, Gary. Hey, I go straight to bed. Don't get me wrong. We'll climb out the window. He'd sneak open to the night. Jumping on top of a car. I think a gorilla just broke out of room 314.

That'd be awesome. That was I was the best of it. You guys catch me. Ah, I'm hitting the sack. Hour later, I come walking down in a tuxedo. That's all right. But yeah, it's the response to you walk in. You go, I can't be hung over.

when I get home. I got to be relatively fresh and I got to check the fuck in. Yeah. Because she's, you know, she's been on for four days. I've been fucking tripping the lights, fantastic, hanging out with my fucking five jerk-off buddies. Calling each other fat gang and bald all week. And then it's like, you know, I've been on vacation. Sure.

My biggest responsibility is what, you know, what snacks I'm going to get at the fucking loves truck stop. Yeah. And to do the short stack or the full stack at the diner. As long as Uncle Hank wakes up in the morning, you're golden. Which. Not going to be your eyes on a big man. Anybody got eyes on the big man. He's usually late.

He's usually up early. You know, I'll get a whisper. See him back man? That's usually Colin. See the big man? I got it. Uh-oh. Ambulance rolling in slow.

Woo! Got it, caught it. All right. Let's see here. This one's fine. I've never thought of this. This is from Steve Urkel. Second time, long time.

Is it garbage to lean on the cart while walking in the grocery store? Like you lean down on it. Oh, fuck that. Yeah, man. All the time. What? Fucking walking doggy style. Face down, ass up.

That's awesome. That is your walking mad slow. She's in front of you or whatever. You're just cruising. It's trashy. You got to be a little more proud. For sure. But fuck that.

That guy's in flip-flops and socks. I love it. Should I see when you go to the suburbs, then they got them big-ass carts? I could fit in that. Throw me in there. Push me around. Like a robot in an Amazon fucking factory. That was the big, I'm sure we mentioned this at some point.

But to me, that was the big level of trash, whether if your parents let you sit in the back with the groceries. That was real. They were, that was like single mom, which. That was the spot hanging out up front. I didn't like being up front. Shilling. What? Nah, that was like, that was like fucking, you had to put a blanket down or something.

That was fucking. Your legs are stuck and shit. Let me in the back. I want to break the, that's like being in the back of a pickup truck. You want to sit in the seat? No. I want to be in the back. Are you selling all that to front?

Wait, what are you talking about? I guess I have it reversed. Yes. You think it's trashy if you sit in the bay where the food goes or in the bay? The cargo bay? Or in the seat? No, the cargo bay. The trunk, if you will.

Yeah, that's trashy. What, you want to sit in the seat like a good boy? No. You're staring at your mother? No, I'm saying I didn't like that. You don't want to see either one. You don't want to be in the car. No, I want to be in the big one, is what I'm saying.

The trunk. But that's trashy. Yeah. Oh, yes. Just because I didn't want to be. It's trashy, but you like it. Oh, yeah. Good man.

I'm saying that's the equivalent of riding in the back of a pickup truck for a six-year-old. That's as, that's as lawless as you're going to. gonna get you, I'm back here. All the other nerds are tucked into the front. That's what I'm saying. With their sippy cups. With the seatbelts. I got an A&W going.

I'm in the fucking back dog. I'm eating a roll from the deli section. I got a slice of cheese and a slice of turkey. How you doing? Tony! I'm making a foot long back here. Suck my dick. Yeah, that's all right.

Yeah, that was. And my mind, I got out of there. Shut up. Shut up. How would you climb in there? Oh, yeah. Can't hold me down.

You didn't tip that? At one point, it got top heavy. It got top. Tough to get the... Yeah. I was thin until about seven. You tipped that cart in a group. I think I was thin until my mom went back to work.

Then it was... Becker time. Started watching Becker and drinking. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah. A lot of ribby-old flavin. You know, my son, yellow number five. Yeah, it's tough.

I get it, kid. Mm-hmm. It's all right. Let's see here. This is another. This is also, this is from all the toast, $10 mozzarella stick. If you go to a restaurant and you've been to before, will you or your family members start a conversation

about every other table you've sat at for previous visits? Oh, wow, we've never sat over here. We always sit at that table over there. That means you got jack shit to say. Man, that is so funny. Last time we were over there, remember? I said to my, like, if tensions are high, but when you sit down, bread's nice here, you know what I mean?

You said that. You said that somewhere that we were at last weekend. I was trying to start conversation with you. You're a stick in the mud. Yeah. That Dominican trip really got me thinking, too. I was lost in my thoughts for a second. I saw you.

Fucking brutal. Oh, that hangover kills me. Where were we that I've said? I probably had to. That's where we, that's where Convo gets with us sometimes. Yeah, we were somewhere. I'm like, we usually sit on the other side. Was that the Palm?

Was it airport breakfast? Yeah, it probably was airport breakfast. Because they put us on the other side. You can get your Palm Airport Breakfast TV, T-shirts at are you garbage.com. And you can also get your aunt tooty mugs while supplies last. They're going. They're running out of stock.

I think the mugs are. Yeah. Plenty of palm shirts. Everything's doing well. Bye, bye, bye. I love it. Oh, I love it. Really turn into fucking midday news anchor.

Oh, that's great. Next time we're going to be talking to a dog who plays the piano Next time we're going to be talking to a punk kid that goes to Teresa every night Luke Dempsey is in the studio with his late gentleman Mm-hmm This one's trashy but respect This is from Jay Kope Never Have One Red Fairly New Homie

Thank you, welcome to the show Are you garbage if your first birthday party was also your mom's high school graduation party? Whoa Listen, she fucked She made some mistakes obviously but She graduated Props to her for sticking out

With a one year old Senior year old And save money on cake Mm-hmm You just get the one big sheet cake For that Cut it in half Yeah

High school graduation cake Wasn't that bad It gets a bad rap Where? What do you mean where Where's it getting a bad Who's talking about it? It's not very popular

You guys know Listen I've heard a lot I've seen a lot of headlines On graduation High school graduation cake All the time Mother's Day cake shit like that.

Yeah, well, there's one of those every year. There's, you go to, you have one high school graduation. That's why no one's talking about it. No, that's not true. And there's not one every year. Well, something just came out of one of your orifices that is putrid and we have to wrap up. That's crazy. That's crazy, dude.

We have to, guys, I love you. We'll see you next week. I got to get fully to the doctor. Peace. I am not gross.