Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Foley Moves In with Ian!

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Ian Fidance! You know Ian Fidance from stand up comedy, Bein' Ian with Jordan, The Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony, The Adam Friedland Show, First Date, Stavvy's World, Your Mom's House, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Harland Highway and so much more! Check out IAN DO: An Odd Guy Doing Odd Jobs! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Undrdog: Our listeners get up to 30% off their entire order at https://undrdog.com Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attention, attention, the Army of Garbage. The boys are coming to a city near you for that Army of Garbage Door, baby. Round up the squad and come on out and see the boys. Yeah, this October, we're going to be in Appleton, Wisconsin. We're going to be in San Jose, California, San Diego, Atlanta, Georgia, Philly announcing soon. We have Springfield, Missouri, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Connecticut, Phoenix, Arizona, Baltimore, Baltimore, Maryland, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois, Cincinnati, Ohio,

in Columbus, Ohio, we're announcing more cities as well, but all tickets are available at are you garbage.com. Get them before they're gone. We love you. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.

Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy. Yeah.

Or just a big old piece of trash. Trash. I'm your host. A.T.T.T.O.C.combe coming at you on a beautiful day. Sure about that. We're out back until he's in a new edition. She's upstairs with a bowl of fruit loops. Uh-huh.

My co-s coming in A from right next. That's a steam roll. That's steam roll. Don't give him a chance. Right next to me, he is the CEO of RU Garbage. International businessman. My best palmer. in the whole wide world.

Give it up. Oh boy, catfight. For Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What's up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks as always for tuning in. We appreciate you. Make sure you're a review of travel on iTunes,

full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify. Now boys are climbing the freaking charts and obviously the greatest website of all time, www.p.p.com slash already garbage. Check it the freak out, game. Yes, sir. And also check out our brand new special

that'll be out September. American Garbage right here on our YouTube page. If you're an audio listener, go over to the YouTube page, subscribe. We're going to be doing a live stream for it, live premiere. Yeah. We'll do it all, pull out all bells and whistles. Yeah. So get on that.

Plus the new Army of Garbage Tour, which is on sale now. Come see the boys. We're coming to the real nooks and crannies of the country. Salt to the Earth, folks. The layover tour. Not to that big cities. They wouldn't have us. Doing weekends.

Digging it out. Gathering the Army. Gathering the militias. Come out and see it. Hey, easy. Welcome to my world. Gathering the militia. What's that fat, Stominant?

What are you talking about? Getting excited for the new July 4th, January 6th. Gang, we are... Can you redo the intro? That's all the time we got. Do me this favor once. Gang, we're lukewarm excited to have our... I was excited.

Okay, guest. Here with this today. He's been one of my rocks. One of my... Is that why you're sinking? He's been like stones in my pocket, ladies and gentlemen. In an above ground pool. You just stand up.

Six feet. Above ground pools are six feet? Mine's seven feet. No way. Yes, it is. And my joke wasn't as bad now. He's my landlord, although no monetary compensation has been established yet. I'll take it.

This is such a IOU. This is such a long con. He's got going on. And dude, you've been Hulk, line, and sinker. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. I love you, Roomy. Bought me a Stiller Soda last night.

What's the last time you bought me a Stiller soda? I know that's what you like. No serious comebacks. Our good pal from being in and other things. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. Ian do's show at gmail.com. Email me, look at my tour schedule. If I'm coming to your town, get me working, find me a job.

Let's go. Continue with how good I am. The best guy ever. Yeah. The best cat dad ever. Thank you. Ian finance, ladies and gentlemen. Cousinian.

Thank you for having me. An hour late. I like those glasses. Thank you. Which ones? Whoa. Folks. Well, he's in the slapstick is out.

I am not wearing headphones because I just got my first earring at 41. You can't wear headphones? No, I don't want to. Yeah, because then you're not going to see it. And how are you going to give him attention? Yeah, I don't want to upset my ear. because it's the it's sensitive I can't wear headphones

I've had my scrotum pierced ladies and gentlemen Ian yeah I forgot what I was going to say I'm so excited to be here it's great to great to see you I haven't seen you since this morning and I come in he's singing Nirvana

and I was listening to Nirvana and I was about to shoot myself with a shotgun we are on the same cycle oh my God have I loved it we have our deli that we go to I know what kind of Van Luan ice cream Ian likes it's honeycomb Yep and I know what Stiller soda he likes

Lime I bring it to him and I went to a deli the other night That is completely wrong What I like the Shirley Temple First of all I don't like slurs at all It's kind of whack I didn't really like that one either They're falling apart at the seams already That's not it and I'm here for it

It's not about that it's about the gesture Yes he thinks of me I think of him Mm-hmm I gave him some L-thianine did you try that I did and I have another bottle ordered because we're running low. Chewables? Chewables.

Whoa. I know you have a problem with pills. Did the chewy box get there? The chewy box has arrived. A little couple of greenies and a new chew toy for the big man. If my factor arrives, please let it in. I'm a promo code garbage. Promocode Ian Dues show for 50% or.

Or either one, whichever you want to do. Either or. What the fuck? We have been talking about expanding the network here. I have. I literally walked in I'm like he's gonna be one of my before he walked down my

there's gonna be one of my favorite episodes and I'm gonna fucking hate both of them by the end of it and I'm here for it let's go dude it is uh it's it's great I you guys like pitching shows what's it like two

two phenoms of the of the industry of the comedy industry moving in together I try to tread lightly he's very welcoming very sweet um

not the best sleeper which he woke me up today which we had a tough morning. We did. Yeah. Yeah. It was a tough one, but we were there for each other. Yeah, there have been some issues with sleep.

Foley, do you want to take it away? Ian's a little high strung. Doesn't sleep great. Sleeps on his back. Even in my sleep, I am going. I mean, these two. I thought he was in the room. He sleeps at the door open.

I thought he was in the room. Sometimes I can't, okay, I can't sleep through the night. I this has been a summer How many times? I had gout and then I had kidney stones I was in and out of the hospital I had kidney stone surgery I'm fine now

What's kidney stone surgery? Did you go in get them? Yeah I had to go under They had to go through my urethra I had a stent in my ureter My bladder My kidney

I feel like with those two sisters On fucking Thousand-pound sisters Yeah I like my savings We're gonna be like gray gardens And I'm doing fine in my life And Foley starts dating a black guy

I'm jealous Wait why Just roll with it I didn't watch the show Okay Is that what happens I thought one of them was seeing that doctor The Indian guy

Did you leave your funny bone at the house Yeah can we Instacart your funny bone Are those family glasses I stole them from a guy Who had to kick out of a show As a blind guy Very nice

Because I have a pair of R's in my bag I'm looking at a pair R's right now Is that his tits? I was ready Ian's on the board No I had to kick a guy out For being

For being an Asimatic And I took his sunglasses What did he say? Like we aren't got to get into it The clip will come out I animal six It wasn't Go Jews I'll tell you that

Yeah yeah Yeah it wasn't I'm a fan He's saving it for his own Instagram reveal You gotta do it you can't And drum up the business You know how in a gang You steal their biker jacket

Or their colors Off of their back You steal their patch I stole his sunglasses You've never been in a biker gang. I've wanted to. I have a bicycle. I would love to join a bicycle gang.

Dude, when I was going to AA in Delaware living in a halfway house, my home group was a men's meeting. I got sadder word by word. It gets saddered. I thought it was bad when I was in Delaware. I said, ooh. My home group was a men's meeting called ventilators, and it was a biker's meeting. And I went there because they were rough and tumble, and they'd tell it like it is. And so I would park my bicycle that I had to ride because I got my license taken away.

next to all their bikes. And it was like, you know, they'd wait for me. And when I'd pull in, they go, brum, boom, boom. You do that thing where you knocked them all over in a line. What? I'm sorry. No, I was like, pee-wee. They embraced me.

He can be very sweet in public or very assertive. I'll say that. I don't want to say aggressive or crazy. Yeah. I'll do it. I got to go home with this guy. No, I, you know, you're going to put your foot down sometimes. You're going to stand up for yourself.

You know, it's a dog-e-dog world at there. and I'm a cat. What are you going to do? Cat mom. Cat mom. What do you know, Glenn? I've heard of Glenn. Dude, Samson. Foley and Glenn are best friends.

No, we were. What happened? I stepped on him. And he's fucking like real fucking pissed about it. He's like, I mean, he's got a thousand pound sisters stepping on his tail. What do you expect? The thing's going to have some resentments. Jesus Christ, Henry. Oh, okay, first of all, you got to, okay, what?

So last week when I was there, all right, when I got there, he comes downstairs, he winds at the door. If Ian's out, no. Me, me, me. Have me back on. Do my bud. Henry. Oh, my God, I just realized something. What?

I was calling you daddy. What? Yeah. What the freak is going on down here? When you were gone, what daddy's not here? Daddy, Daddy going to come home and yell at us. Uncle Hank and aunt. Ian.

Yeah. Yeah. No. What? Huh? You guys are in love with each other. It's nice to have someone in the house. Listen, I've been on record on the Patriot.

It's sad because I get where he's coming from. Well, dude, I haven't had a roommate in forever, and I always had people. Years and years ago, I lived with friends, and then they moved out, and then I would sublet my place out to strangers on Craigslist. And it was very like, don't talk to me. whatever I was making money I was a little you know it was good cold hard and you know I've I've lived alone for a while and it's funny because if I if I live with a woman I'm like well leave me alone and now I'm like is Henry in the living room I said daddy you know daddy come out get upstairs daddy's coming you I'm gonna tell your dad and now he's mad at you because he's mad at you're a fucking rat you know he was fucking downstead he's downstairs Ian has strict rules he doesn't want the cat wandered around the studio and he wants to

some door clothes because the cat can get, I don't really know why. He hides behind the shower curtain and then he can get locked. I can do this all day. You two idiots and two cats? Guys, these are lobops. I see his tail coming out from him. Fully, yeah, yeah. So he was doing that for a while.

So after I cleaned the room out. What daddy say? So after I clean the room out, you know, you get me. You know, I cleaned it out myself. Because daddy wanted to know that. You don't want dad. to get mad when he came hurtful. He's not my fucking daddy.

I'm a friend of his. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm just being nice to the cat. Go ahead. After I cleaned up the room, did the sheets, all that kind of stuff. I let him come in there and hang out. And we hang out. And we're boys.

And I go upstairs. And when I'm going to bed, if he's away, he's crying. And I say, you got to go upstairs, go to sleep. He goes, I'm just going to sleep. I come up in the morning. I give him gochoo-go-gees, all that kind of stuff. He's a good guy. He's been giving him greenies.

I give him greenies. And Samson was hiding. After I did my initial routine, when I started feeling comfortable when he was on a ride, I did my initial, my initial search, my initial routine. To the cabinets. Do you have a warrant for this or a sneak and peek? No, but yeah. What? What?

What? Give me, okay, give me what, what cabinets, because I'm familiar with the apartment myself. What cabinets? I keep forgetting you have sunglasses. What cabinets did you open? And what did you find? What were you looking for, do you think? Yeah, and why was my bed made?

I thought that was nice You made his bed? He did He did But but okay You don't get us What? What is nice?

I bought him a fan You know That's not making the bed Well it's a thoughtful gesture Okay He was coming home It's nice to come home To a made bed

I left You know Eve left And she didn't make my bed My stripper friend from San Jose Shout out Eve Go see her at the pink poodle She Is that a comedy girl's a stripper?

Well, she wasn't in a camera. She certainly wasn't a doctor. No, but she's actually a massage therapist. She's incredibly smart. She's doing great, and she came to visit. She comes and stays with me sometimes. Just a friend. And you should have seen Foley's face to sleep at me.

Yeah, I'm down there fucking stretched out, getting ready to do my night nights. I got my mask on. What's going on? These two come down, stay standing there. He's got this chick with him in the doorway. I'm like, hey, I'm Henry. Fully's jaw hit the floor. My jaw hit the floor.

I had my retainer in. Well, Eve stayed over and I left to go to Winnipeg, and she didn't make my bet, which I was like. Right. And you were coming back. I cleaned out the ashtray. I like to listen. You did fill it with lollipops. I keep hard candy around my house now.

I'm at that age, and I have hard candy, maple candies. We're both candy guys. We're in recovery. We're candy guys. Candy guys. Boom! So anyway, my cat... My cat's Samson.

You guys are the fucking drug addict fucking Costco guys. We're a hurricane. We're recovery guys. Boom. Boom. That's five free, big free relapses. We're in the rooms. Room, room, room.

You guys, hold on. Stop talking. You guys fucking stink. I'm here for it and I love it Double knock and relax Boom boom That's them shocking you

Chonk chunk Double hoxy chunk Bottle vodka chunk We were in pre-production For a A sleep paralysis Demon character Character

of your friend who's in recovery Who's staying in your basement Your sleep Your friend who's life's falling apart Sleeper out. I'm sorry, I thought you guys were describing another guy sleeping in the basement. Wait, when Foley moves out...

Is there a lower basement? Yeah, when Foley moves out, Dan C. Germain is going to move in. Are you serious? I'm running a recovery house. It's crazy. Jesus. Free of charge. He's in town for work.

What are you talking about? Yeah, he's staying in town for work. So here's the thing. My one gripe is my cat, Samson, there's a toy. And when cats... Oh, don't fucking do this. See, here you go. Cats...

This is crazy. Cats love going out. That's why I'm tiptoeing around. And bringing you gifts. No, be yourself. Cats bring you gifts. I am being myself. And there's one toy that Samson has that it's, it he plays with.

And when you play with him, he puts it in his mouth and they trots in my bed and leaves it on the bed as a gift. Foley. That's jealous. This guy. Back up. Samson's fucked up. No, he's not. He's got real abandonment issues.

You're all a little fucked up. Samson. The outside is stolen. Samson was. found in an engine block without a mother in my neighborhood. He was feral and I was the first human he ever warmed up to. See, that's why he doesn't like

you. It's too much masculine energy. He likes sensitive energy. He gravitates towards women and now that he's used to you, that's why he didn't like my cousin Sherry because she's a bulldite. So he didn't like that masculine energy. Now it just takes a while. He's warming up. He's coming out. Because he's a bullshund. Henry did

I hate to see what her mom looks. Do you like Dick? No. Uh-uh. Nah. Or maybe. But he did, Henry did lose the toy. I didn't lose it. Samson found it and he brought it out.

Oh, you found it. Samson found it. Okay. No, Samson fucking hit it. And I was a fucking, first of all, let me tell the good people out there. For the first week that I was there, I was pretty sure that he made this cat up.

Because you didn't see this cat. It was just Glennie. Who were coming back around. I think Glennie just holds a grudge. And well, you stepped on him, man. Yeah, because he's creeping on him. He's on the basement steps in the middle of the goddamn night. Well, you're coming out of the shower.

You got to, you got to look out for the night. Huh? What are you doing? Well, the middle of the night for him, 430. Well, Foley also has a pension of really. Pension? I did not have a pension. That's why I'm in his face.

If there is one, can I get access to it? I'm a little hard up for cash. What? He is a. penchant for, you know, waking, being my alarm clock. What time do you, hold on, okay, hold on. A few questions. You guys are jumping all over the place a little bit.

What time, regular day, Foley doesn't live there. What time are you waking up? All depends on what I get to do for the day. I like to wake up around 10, get some stuff done. And what is that about, Luke? What is that a giggle? That's pretty late. Pretty late.

I'm up all night doing spots. What do you want from me? He's a road dog. I'm a road dog. He puts food on a table. I'm on the road all weekend. I think you're doing spots. I got to take.

I'm doing, I'm the headline on the road. I got to take a day off to catch up. And then I'm out doing set. He's a comedian. On my, on my travel day, Sunday, I ended up working spots at night. My brain, the endorphins are running. I'm creative at night. I stay up late.

And I, yeah, 10 a.m. is not late, okay? It ain't early. Okay. That's all we're saying. Well, okay. I can't sleep through the night sometimes. I have a day job. He works at night.

That's why the relationship works. It works. This is like Dorma and Greg. Kibby, you hear about this underdog? Underdog, underdog, underdog. Now listen, Uncle Hank shedded a couple of pounds. I'm in the market for some new t-shirts, all that kind of stuff. I'm a little more health conscious these days.

I don't like the polyesters and the microplastics and all that stuff. You go to underdog. We're talking all natural fibers, baby. Do you yourself in favor. They're blank teas. They got none of that polyester, none of that junk in there. All natural fibers. Yes.

51% hemp for durability. They got 31% bamboo for breathability. And they got 18% organic cotton for comfort, baby. Let's go. The textures and the fibers. There's a huge, obviously, huge movement to get away from plastics and synthetic fibers and stuff like that. The microplastics are getting in your brain. No good.

Getting in your liver. Getting in your ball. They're getting in your ball bag. They're taking over. You want to have a kidney? It comes out of GI Joe. Do yourself a favor. Get over to underdog.

Yeah, they were nice enough to send us over some teas. They're fan friggin' tasting. They fit great. They wear well. And they're good for you or better for you. You know what I mean? More than 450,000 men have already switched. More than 40,000 men order these every single month.

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Do it. But Ian sleeps with his door open. I sleep with my door open. I would do the same thing. You will, you wouldn't. Because the cat's going in now. In his apartment, I would for sure. Yeah, because in my head, that doors.

That door's closed. And that goes right to the street-ish. No, no, no. I sleep with my bedroom door open. Yeah, I know. I'm telling you. Oh, my front door. You're someone of first floor apartment.

Yes. Right. Anybody. I don't want someone getting in and then I'm stuck in the bedroom. Well, that's why I got knives everywhere. Oh, he didn't explain that. It's like a medieval fucking nun. I don't have knocked up.

You should get a cat door for your door. Well, no, shut up. That's pretty good. No, he leaves it. He likes that we're a family. Yeah. As I said last night on our way home. Yeah.

Our home. So I leave the door up and the cats come and go. You were just about to touch me and pulled back. I did. I noticed I saw your eyes. And you can't see mine. We get you. I don't want nobody making my bed. I can't sleep through the night sometimes.

So I'm up and down, pee in the kidney. I haven't had a good night sleeping forever. Finally I'm sleeping. But I fall asleep in the couch sometimes watching TV or I'll just go and rest of my eyes. And I just end up. He falls asleep. First of all. I sleep like a vampire.

What does sleeping in the room look like? What's up? Do you turn the lights off? You can't tell if he's in the bed or not. Where are you? Because he's in the door. In the corner like hereditary. If he's, okay, if he's sleeping Dracula style, he's in the middle of the bed.

I mean, you two are some freaks. He's in the middle of the bed like this. I sleep. But is there a TV on or anything? You have noise? You're just lights out. If he's in non-Dracula mode, he's so turned over on the side of the bed. And his legs are so little, it just,

looks like the sheet so you can't tell if he's in there yeah yeah and then there's a suitcase and a blanket and pillows scrunched up on the couch so if you come up the stairs and look over he's not there and then the bathroom door's always close because we don't want we don't want Glenn to get in there and get behind the shower curtain yeah also there's not a suitcase on my couch the way my apartment is there's space uh a law i have an L couch there's space along there so i have their cat tree lower case L so then my my my my I'm like, it's a small apartment. And then the suitcase fits like perfectly there.

And I like having stuff fit in like Tetris in my apartment. I'm not, I'm not dirty. I'm not a hoarder. There's clutter. I'm a collector of things. I have records. I have little toys. Oddities.

It's like the mutter museum. You motherfucker, if I have my. What's the fucking, what is that? Why is that so much? What happened? I missed it. He just went, motherfucker, you?

This guy's been killing me all day. He's a real cut up, this Kevin James Ryan. Oh, Ian didn't like that. He didn't. He wasn't in the fun. That's it. You're booted. You go home all your shits in the street.

sleep at me, she's on the sidewalk. Me and Glenn are at the window. He's no longer friends with us, Glenn. He chose his friends. And you pull the curtain shut. He fucking psychopath. Glenn does. He just sees me looking through the blind with him.

Glenn likes to go under the curtain. Glenn does sit on the window seal. And I leave the window open a little. And there's a screen and like, I feel like I should be blinking help into the camera. You like it. I love it. And when I come home, I'll whistle and Glenn will hop up and put his head on the thing.

And it's really nice. I love it knowing at some point it's going to go so south. Why? I don't know. It's good because I'm not around a lot. That's why I'm treading lightly. And I'll be honest with you. Treading lightly.

Make yourself at home. Of course I make myself at home. I was rooting through your cabinets. What is treading lightly to you? What would you do a little bit more? Here's the thing. Because I know. As you said before, I have used up all my, not.

credit, but all my... I would say that. Who said this? I did. Well, I thought it, but go ahead. I just wanted to make sure I didn't verbal. I wasn't talking to my sleep again. I'm not in a position where I can have another situation.

A lot of pleasantries are no longer extended to you in certain circumstances. Yes. And living at sober house finance is another way to restart. Right. But I could be annoying. I can cross lines. I can, you know, be a lot. My missed phone call log is large.

With him. Yeah. And that's outside of that. That's industry business. What? He's like, I'm thinking for the next video. I do have a good idea for a video. Hold on.

You guys shooting content yet? Slow down. I have some ideas. Only fans. God, I lost my train of thought. What do you hate when that happens to you? It's been happening to me all the time. I know.

All the time. But if you just rethink your thought, you'll go back to it. I'll say, okay, I'll go back to the thing. He has woken me up and I have been very scared at times. He freaks the fuck out. Yeah, even when I got surgery. Who are you? Who are you?

Wait, you did that? No. No. No. I'm cool as nice. Hold on. Get back to what we were saying. What the hell was I talking about?

Why were you waking them up? Wait, no, before that. The pleasant trees. Okay. Okay. Which I still get to see you. And this is what would happen. You couldn't tow lately.

Why are you treading lightly? Here's a Venn diagram. Not a vent diagram. Here's a drawing of it. Okay. This will be me. This will be me. This will be me.

I'll be causing all kinds of trouble. Okay. Outside of somebody's house or inside somebody's house. And then what will happen is that person, Okay, that's Ian That's Glennie He'll see Kevin

That's Kevin Bighead Kevin Oh hair Give me a bigger con Just kidding you hair Mmm Mmm Yeah

Yeah you And then He'll be like dude Folley's killing me And everybody knows that You know For a long time I've been

You know Kevin's responsibility Or you know he takes a lot of heat for my things and then you're really painting you being a dickhead to be my fault then that then i respect it i really respected if i'm saying come on foley's being a lot and fucking kevin will hear about it he doesn't want to hear about it and then he'll yell at me but you're projecting your future tripping that's not going to happen because i will not do you dirty like that no no no no i got your back no go back to that so what are you worried about am i complaining

to ean or is he in Ian would be complaining to you. But I'm not gonna. I don't fucking do that. You're not gonna. You're not gonna because I am being... I'm not that guy. No, no, no, no, stop, stop.

And don't fucking play me out like I am. Like shit's sweet and it's not. It's our first fight. The sex later is gonna be awesome. Quit saying that because it'll make people think that and I don't want people to know. That is not what I'm saying. I like it better when no one. So what are you saying about treading lightly?

You're making me sweat. I'm not treading lightly. I'm trying to be a good house guest because in the past I have been a fucking nightmare and I am all out of credit and I don't want to fucking. So you're making changes for the better and we can see progress. That's great. So that's why when I know Ian's coming home, my friend Ian, okay, when he's coming home from a long weekend, five sold out shows.

Thank you. Up there in Canada. Thank you. Okay. What kind of number of you're doing? See me this weekend in Milwaukee? Madison, Wisconsin, Comedy on States is remember first to third. Nice.

Philly November 7 to 9th, helium sell that out ahead of time. It's a Patreon episode. by the way. This is going out as an Instagram video. They're extending the content. I emptied the ashtrays. I emptied the ashtrays. I lit a candle.

And yeah, he's got his sheet and a blanket on his bed. And so I fucking, yeah. You know, I go in there sometimes to play with the cat. It was nice. I threw a sheet in the fucking pill and a thing on it for him. Yeah, it was nice. And, you know, you look at it. You know, I go to, I go to.

of the deli, I grab my fucking ice cream. He wants to have an ice cream. It's nice. Listen, no one's saying, buy him a sweet treat on a hot, on a hot sunny day. No one's against that.

You're not doing nothing wrong. I think the making of the bed, I think, is just, weird to you guys. He's eager to please. He's eager to please. Don't say that. And that's fine. And he's eager to get on his knees.

I just, you know, I appreciate it. I know, but I'm just, listen, I've known you for 15 years, we've been best buds. Yeah, me too. We've been roommates. If I came. You never made my. If you came home from work one day, here, let me do a drawing.

Do you in the drawings? You should see our fridge. Huh? Why? It's empty. Posting up your drawings. It's empty. He ate all the food. He does keep looking in the fridge.

Like, magically, food will grow. Here's Kevin. I'm Asian? Here's Kevin. No, you're angry. Here's Kevin when he, when he was in Philly. The guy in breakfast at Tiffany's. There he is.

Here's Kevin when he worked. I'm sorry. Now, I'll draw you. sleeping in my basement. Here's Kevin when he worked in Philly. On someone else's food done. Can you draw that? Did he pass out on a kitchen table once? Oh, he used to sleep under a kitchen table.

I slept under... Mike Schenderman's kitchen. Jordan Rabled and Mike Schenderman's kitchen table in Bushwick. I slept under there on an air mattress for six months. And now you're sleeping in a bed. You went underground, though. So you're on a bed. Underground.

subterranean. Anyway, and the making of the bed was once. Okay, I'm just saying. It was a nice gesture. We just said, well,

you both critters are lifestyle. No, I'm, the only thing that was upset about that was that was that it made Samson's toy go away.

But he found it and things were fine. Samson's hit the toy when you were gone. How do you know? Samson hit the toy before I knew Samson was real. Well,

Samson's real and he's, and he's hanging out now and things are great. I'm trying to get Glenn back. fucking. He'll be back. You got to let him come to you. Cats are about acceptance, consent, understanding.

You're not on your time. You're on cat time. And that's a good timeline. Last night was the first night in a few nights that I slept alone down there. Mm-hmm. Okay. And the door moved a couple of days ago on its own downstairs. Okay.

What? Yeah. What he's talking about? And peeping Tom. Yeah, there's a ghost. A peepin' Ian. That's my new show, peeping Ian. Coming to a bedroom near you.

It's haunted. So. You got a sheet over your head. Boo. You're hard. He's got his dick at the hole. Boo! Blow me!

So that's in the back of my head. I'm a scaredy cat. And I had seen a Instagram video a couple days ago that said if you get, if you get woken up at 3 o'clock in the morning, like, like whatever. It's not anxiety. It's a signal. And I know that's dumb. It just popped it on my head.

And I fell asleep last night. How's the door moving? The door like... Which door? The door to your room or the door to the basement? If that door moved, I would freak the fuck out. That's a fucking heavy metal door. Well, what?

I don't know. It just moved a little bit. It would just... Is you sure? Yeah. Just... Could be able to be the peyote. Could have been the wind.

It could have been whatever. The wind. The wind. You're in a... You're under the ground The fuck, that's a heavy gust I told you not to open that window Oh, you know what it moved

You got the fan running Yeah And it probably, you know I hope so you had a wind turbine What do you call on? Every time you shut the main base in the door The wrong details of the story Negative fresh

You're getting caught up in the wrong details of the story The point is that What kind of fan is it a Vornado? I don't know, I went to the store I got it for him and I just ordered another So he has options What am I job of the hut? How many?

fanzy. Yeah, y'all. No, I'm not. And it's quite cool down there with the fan. Really? I mean, if he was, at least he'd be walking. I thought I always saw myself as a, uh, Lando Calrissian. Shee. Woo. Woo. Love Lando. Um, dude, my buddy, I was a, I was a, I'm a, I'm a bumy-a-fetel because she was a big cook. I'm a mother pet. You would call her Blando Calrissian. Who's this? Who was it? I don't know. Comeback lifelong friend. Oh, I thought it was an old, I thought it was an old roommate. I was going to say, sounds like a loser. Anyway, whatever.

It was in my head. Yes. The scarries got in my head. So you couldn't sleep. It wasn't that. It just I had this thing, I had this thing last night where I kept falling asleep for like, I went to, I fell asleep at like 2 o'clock. And I would fall asleep for like 45 minutes and I would have this nightmare that I was in.

Against basement. Kind of. In your life. Kind of. Oh, my God. I was in a basement apartment and I woke up and somebody was trying to come through the window and I'm locked out

it's Ian and somebody was holding me down Samson stole my keys hell hell hey trauma here it's telling us a bad dream I kept having that every time I fell asleep so it freaked me out and then I had another reoccurring dream

three times in a row a youth dream last night from like four to whatever and I just I woke up and fucking Ian was standing there going come on it's 10 a 10 and 9 we we go to meetings in the morning sometimes which is nice and then So we were going to meet at 8.30 in the living room and then go to our morning meeting.

And I went out, I got coffee. Do you need directions? Let me say meet in the living room. Like, you're going to get lost in the apartment and not bump into each other. It's nice to have a spot to meet. Let's start the day. Common area. It's not like, hey, we're going to meet by the south exit so we don't get lost, right?

Also, what time does the nurse come to give you guys your pills every morning? There's a lot of traffic in there in the morning between Glenn Samson and Janion. And I'm going the other way. The strippers coming and going. I go down and I go out. I get coffee, breakfast, and I go down. I'm like, hey, wake up. And he's like sleep happening and out.

And I'm like, hey, he is like, ha, ha, ha. Comes to like inception. He's pulling to me. That's how I wake up. Yeah. And then I'm like, all right. He's like, don't look at me. I was like, oh, my God.

Hide my chode. But I'll tell you, there's something in the air because I took a nap and I had a horrific dream about you. Did something happen to me? Yeah. Swear to God. What happened? Today?

Today? Fuck, man. Tell me. I had it, I wrote it down. No, then it wrote it down. Oh my God. There's something in the air. I don't know what it did.

I think it's a shedding of a skin. I got my terror red when I was in Winnipeg. I pulled the emperor, which is good. She said, what do you want out of the terror? I said, I don't know. I just don't know. I just don't pull the emperor. She goes, well, I go, because I pulled it one time and I had a great year.

And guess what? randomly I pull the fucking emperor. There's, it's new beginnings. Dolly died yesterday, so maybe there's something going on. Tell me what it was in the dream. Okay, you and I were on a job in like a fire truck and we got a call. This is hot. We're firing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it changes. So you put in the GPS to the job. I'm driving? You're driving. We're not in a fucking Waymo. So I put in the GPS. Holy couldn't Waymo.

That's pretty good. What the fuck? That chair just broke. You broke the chair? No, stop, broken. Yes, it's residual fat. Oh, my God. Dude, there's something going on.

Where would you go? He couldn't weigh mo. My chair breaks. What is happening? This is crazy. Can I please have a cigarette? No. Oh, my God.

I got to be honest. I think that waymo was the greatest joke I've ever. That was incredible. And Ian couldn't take it. So he squoes his ass that. It broke the chair. I thought it was a great joke. Oh, man.

It was great. I want Waymo jokes. Not a bad tag. Thank you. Or whatever you call it. All right. So you and I... All right.

So we're firemen. Hold on. Let's all take a second. That was crazy. That felt like it was in slow motion. That was crazy to you and Luke. Not for our apartment. That was a Wednesday.

That was run-of-the-mill hijinks. Can you just tell the people, because people have this idea about me, the place is it's not what are you worried about and I'm not trying to you know no no no I think people I'm just trying to be a good roommate you've been amazing it like trash it's a fantastic beautiful comfortable let me tell you something right now you want to know something you ever want to take a shower in Brooklyn go to his place good show the shower pressure the heat that that that that that much Mike Cross is the only one that had a better shower rest in peace rest in peace all right oh my god that's the emperor what what's the yellow king

Did you pull it in reverse? What? Did I what? Apparently, I don't know tarot cards, but there's an upright meaning. No, it was upright. I did not pull it in reverse. What's the upright meaning? Sorry. Authority, taking charge and leading with confidence, structure.

Hey, I'm fucking dying here. What's the deal? Stability and discipline. You lack discipline. Hey, we have a big five alarm fire in a makeout session downtown. Can you give us a second? Finish the goddamn thing. It's not all about you, Henry.

Yes, it is. Who the fuck opens up? I had a bad dream about you and I wrote it down. Well, did you not see my accident just now? I'd be honest with it. I don't know what's going on. That was crazy that the chair broke. I thought you just fell back.

No, the fucking chair broke. What'd you say? And he pulls the neck breaks out of his fucking. And I will testify. This is going to cost you a lot. You guys, well, you've been planning this all week. This is like training day. I'm Nathan Hawk.

This is a slip of fall of you. I can never seen one. Take me for everything I got. Ow. You okay? I look your name's been taken off of everything. You just fucking sue me. The wood went my kidney.

Okay, so we are cleared out your stones. You owe me money. We are. What's a copay on that? We're in a fire truck. We're going to a job. We put in the GPS. But the truck does not take us to the job site.

It takes us to a biker's house. And you can't stop the truck. You almost run in a car. the house. We stop and all these bikers come out and they're like, Henry, good to see you. And I'm like, what's this? And you're like, I got into some, some shit with these guys. We said something on the podcast and they're pissed off about it. We'll take care of it. And they take you somewhere and then take me somewhere. And I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, no, no, we're just going to work it out with Henry. You hang out here. So then they take you

already. Let's say, fuck you. They take you on a boat and they bring you on the boat on a stretcher and some like goblin vampire sea creature comes out and bites your neck and kills you and I had to watch and then they took my phone and gave me a tracking device on my phone I wasn't allowed to tell anyone what would happen and I woke up in the dream and like right before I woke up I was trying to fight them and smash the phone to try to like avenge and help but he died but I'm dead oh you're done scary to go on your weak brain let me die in the dream dude they they held me back and put me in a different room. I saw you die and they held me back and then they put me

in another room. Were you fighting? This new phone. Were you fighting to get over there? It's not real. It doesn't sound like that. All right. Yeah, I'll be honest. I wasn't fighting in the dream. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. I thought they killed me. You weren't Sean Penn? You weren't Sean Penn and Mr. River? I thought that if I

played it like get back and get revenge and infiltrate the system then I could get them back. Because in that moment. They're greasyy, dirty meth head bikers. What system? I'm in the fucking Hornets nest, man. I gotta get out. They put a tracking device on my phone. I can't. What do you want me to do?

You too don't stand a chance. Let me tell you this. You don't got to worry about me in the dream world. Well, worry about yourself then. You're going, I had this dream and that dream and the ghost came to visit me. Yeah, but I always fight and I win. I don't lose in my dreams. I have full control. It seems like

it's a tie right now. I chased the guy. I was being held back and fought. I'm very good of my dreams. So I died. You're done. What the fuck does that mean? Google, what if you die in somebody else's dream?

Luke. And I'll tell you, I never have dreamed. You're a loser and live in a basement. That's actually, if you look at it on paper, it's the best outcome. Yeah, I put you out of your misery. And you got it. What? What?

I thought it's on my face. I was scratching my face, you fucking freakazoid. They'd have to get me up those steps, the hook. From the basement. They probably have to excavate. I mean, they're going to make a new entrance. Bringing a digger. Well, no, one of those doors.

No, at least I saved you that. You're going to have to pull permits. No, I saved you that. You don't have to knock out the wall. You won't have to pay for the funeral. I'll tell you this. You're not going to pay for your funeral? Yeah, right.

No, because I'm going to clean him out from my slip and fall. He's not going to have anything. He's just going to embalm you, empty out, and then get inside of you and wear a folly suit. And show up and cash your checks. That's what he would do. You know, how they do that with, like, Social Security. Yeah. That's what he would do.

He'd show up. He'd show up. Oh, you know who's great that he'd find him. Is that me? That's you. I just did that for him. That's you. He already broke the cherries halfway there.

Yeah, I'm going method. What's in me when he died in somebody else's dream? Oh, I'm sorry. I'll tell you this. He didn't mind having a $45 language order. Hey. Why, we were out working. I'm working. Jealous. A little bit.

Hey, can I make a prediction on the dream? I think this is a sign that skin is being shed. There's growth. And in death, there's a new beginning. And I think that's kind of what's going on. Fuck that, man. I'm going to hell. I ain't doing it. Spot on. Really? Usually symbolizes a major life transition shifting dynamics in your relationship with that person or how you represent a specific trait or chapter in their subconscious mind.

Wait, so it's about him, not about me. No, what's it mean to me? I think it's about both the it's. It's transitional relationship. You're in a transitional phase. And if you continue, you're going to look hot in a dress. I will say the tarot card lady said that there's a new thing that is going to help me get my happily ever after. And things will come true.

And I've been working so long and there's success. And I just need to hold on and keep working. but there's a blockage and she goes what's your relationship with your mother and I said listen whore

she's the subject you fucking bitch and then she pulled the emperor so there's something in the air man it's good it's good yeah my demise

sounds like a bit of it's not all about you and how band it is you're a vampire you're gonna live forever fucking chill I would love that dude think about how good our lives are

you just want to watch everybody die things are great we're getting up at the crack of dong going to meetings at night we have debriefs it's good you need this i had a rough rough morning you did i need a i need a big nap you need a singer right now you don't but that how how kind of i'm sorry oh oh wow wow you just staring daggers at me if i wasn't turned on before i'm fucking i got luke well i missed it i go you were staring daggers at me i got daggers take my

What are you in the Russian mob? Yeah. No idea. Flemmy, what do you have to say? Flemmy, Ryan. Flemmy Kilmster. I don't like this. Hey, Flemmy.

Motor get no head. What the, Lenny? Motor get no head. I forget what I was going to say. Something mean. Probably. Have you seen the program? I will say, I think my place is a good.

respite from the daily grind. It's a bit of a spider bite as well. I'm looking at a fucking black widow over here. I think it is a good place for positivity, growth, new beginnings, setting a foundation, getting structure, waking up in the morning, going to meetings, I collect them all. Print is dead. You go get a court order and I'll sue your ass for wrongful prosecution.

What's that? It's Ghostbusters. Kevin. I do think, and it's good for me too, because I need structure. I get to go, dude.

Listen, I'm on paper. Going back to meetings, I've been feeling amazing, dude. So you're helping me. I'm helping you. That's what it's about.

And it's a new beginning. It's a dawning of a new era. Shout out the specials. It's a great song. I, I, Lord of the Rings. I'm on record.

I think it's great. I think he's, I don't want him to move out. That's what I say. Either do I. Everybody here says this is the best version of him. We've seen in a while. We think it's very good.

We think it's... You were just trashing me walking up to fucking street. About what? That's a good question. Are you? About what? What are you doing to my friend? Tell him.

Tell him. Yeah. See how well you're doing it's two on... Can you... Forehead? No, he slept... Is it about this? No, I'm kidding.

Okay. I was late to stop his podcast when we recorded it a couple weeks ago. Before you had moved in with Ian. Yeah. Oh, that's right. So you've been on time since you've been living with Ian. Very good. Yeah.

Dickhead. Yeah. Yeah. Can we get in there? Hey, babe, what if I stay over one night a week? I'll bring the baby. I've got to clean it out. It's my dorm room.

It kind of is a manifestation of my depression, but that's something we'll work on later. I thought that was house business. I don't know you're going to be telling everybody about that. What? My office. Which I offered to clean out. I'll clean out. I know.

We'll work on it. But I do think that this is, you are the best version of yourself now. in a structure. Honestly, like all jokes aside, it's really helping me... I didn't even hear you make a joke this whole show. I don't like that. What's that?

Flemmy motor... Hey, take it easy. You know what are you talking about? No, I think it's great. It's helping me. It's helping you. I think it's fantastic. I think you should stay longer.

Enough it is fluffy stuff. All right, Fats Domino. What the fuck you want? to talk about. Let's get into the hard stuff. Okay, yeah, after you shower, take your hair out of the drain. I'll tell you that. That's not my hair. That's his pubs. Who is black curly hair?

Who's got black hair? It's not curly. Mine's brown. But he, listen, he comes from the point where he lives there. It's not there this whole time. You move in and there's hair. Thank you. He goes, it's clearly full. Let me ask you this.

How many times have you gotten to that shower and that hair wasn't taken out of there? The hair ends up in my hand when I run my hand through it. It doesn't end up in the thing. No, he's saying how many times have you gotten into the bath and there's been it in the shower. One, two, five. Couple. I'll never happen again, I promise you. Thank you.

Just clean the fucking drain out after you shower. I do all the time. I've cleaned the toilet. I've taken the trash out. That was nice. Yes, you're earning your keep. How do you feel about him using your bar of soap? I don't.

I have my own. You have that pink soap. Yeah. I've been using it. Oh, okay. Yeah. How do you feel about that? I don't think you like that.

I haven't used it. You like using other people's stuff. You don't like when they use yours. You know I have the lufa. Have you touched that? Never. Never. I have a lufo on a stick I use.

He's been on record of taking that and using it on his grundle. Not that one specifically, but he likes that. No. He likes that. He likes that with a... Okay. Hey, let's go. Hey, make fun of me for my flim.

Relax a little bit, will you? I'll do it again, okay? Everybody chill. I washed my feet with it once, but I didn't know it was yours. Who the fuck else was it? Samson. I'm kidding. Glens?

No. I don't know why. But something happened where my... beef tallow soap is uh has been gone you gotta blame one of the cats for that that's beef tallow soap i was making eggs with it i didn't realize no i was i was sure what you got out my ex-baby girl from uh up in vermont she brought it to me special i wasn't sure i was not using it because it was a one last remnant of her relationship oh it smelled great did you did you empty did you empty a container for me huh you heard me you empty you used the last bar bar and you you just bar and you

Did it till it disintegrated? Yeah, like, you know how when you use the bar of soap? It's wild. To use the ad layers it down. There's fucking seven different soaps in there. I don't know what this kid. He's crazy. Well, was it yours?

No, it wasn't yours to use. Yeah, that's what I would say. And he got a lot of real estate to wear it down. Location, location, location. That's a very smart fat joke. Yeah. Thank you. I'm a new guy with this earring.

I'm telling you. I listen. I really feel like it is, I'm like. Someone would say you're the emperor. I owe you a nice bar soap. The Emperor's beef towel. I owe you a nice bar of soap. You want me the beef tallow, which you can only really, well, she could only get it in her town in Vermont.

Bring her out. Fucking Manhattan. Oh, I wish. Brooklyn, I get it over there. I don't think you can. I've looked for it on Amazon. Let's see if you can get beef tallow soap. Come on.

Luke in Manhattan. Oh, sorry you have to Google something. Come on. Foley, you look for her. We'll call a babe picking the city. Huh? what? I liked it. No, no.

I liked it. I really honestly. though, do you think, okay, so this relationship, we're joking, it's fun, it's working. Should we poison the well by turning it into content or should we just continue living our life normal? Yeah. I think you should continue living your life normal. Yeah.

I think maybe a fun video every once in a while, like that idea I have. So I had a video of me. I feel like you're pitching me for financing. I got this DM and four. Did you see that I was on Instagram? Well, I saw, no, but I saw that you saw and you ignored it. But it's kind of a. M.O. There's so I took a video

of me. Holy, holy good. Spinning my cat around and then the next shot is a 12 pound cat. The actual shot of him getting held like, ah, and I think it would be funny to recreate that with Foley and he thinks I could hold him up like that.

You can't? He's got hollow bones. Are you crazy? You have a better chance of a man. We'll, we'll cheat it for the camera. We both work in Hollywood. Come on, tires. You guys live in Brooklyn. It's the new Hollywood. It's Hollywood.

It's Hollywood. Okay. Can we get back to the cabinet? Go for it. They're a little scary. Your cabinets. I just don't know what's what. I mean, you've got to get used to it.

I would like to clean out the fridge for you. Is that okay? Is there anything in there that you don't want me to throw out? No. Okay. What's in there do you think? You had a ballpark. There's some old fresh juices that have gone dark.

Oh, my celery juice. Yeah. Yeah. I get that though that's tough yeah some fruit I threw the fruit out the other night oh you did yeah because I instead it the ice cream's nice but I'm trying to really work on my diet so instead of ice I treat myself every once in a while but I do uh shut up Luke I I do I do yogurt with a little bit of honey fruit and some granola just doesn't scratch the itch no I just you like I'd rather I'd rather I'd rather do once I start with the honey it's like

what do you know I blink and the whole fucking pine's gone I think that's you You just got to do that and accept that. Yeah. Oh, I'm like, if I'm like, I decide I'm getting nice, I did it two nights ago. I'm like, I'm getting it. I'm going to fucking crush the pint. I'm really, throwing the lid out right away.

I'm not, I'm not fucking, I'm not fucking dropping dead someday, going to hell for eternity and fucking worrying about fucking that I crushed the whole thing of fucking Jerry Garcia. I know, like, publicly I'm like funny, silly, ha-ha guy. But I very much have like a lot of mean meanness towards my. myself and I'm very, very mean and I don't treat myself well. And any excuse to like shame or feel anger towards me I use. So if I, if I do that with ice cream.

That's how yeah. What the fuck. Somebody give me a cup of coffee and a heater. This is like a fucking bad a. Boom, boom, boom. You think you can be vulnerable with your friends. I'll say you this right. And we both show the same thing.

We're both. Underwear. No. We're both addicts. We did that, you know, the... Attic! I thought you lived in the basement. Guys. Is this on?

Can I move in, please? That's right. He's the king of the slams. Rod. Yeah, 100%. I didn't mean to cut you off. I was going to make a fat joke, but I decided not to. Nice. Yeah, we're both like that.

What I would have said was. I'll check my files. You're king of the slams. He's king of the yams. But that's a hellful. Thee vegetable. King of the hands. I know.

See, even in my little stinkerness, I'm trying to be nicer. Thanks, pal. But I'm a piece of shit. I'll tell you this about Ian. That basket comes around at the meetings. You donate money at these things? Yeah. The group is self-funded.

Yeah. How do you drop it? We don't accept outside contributions. What are you dropping? I don't know. What's standard? It's anonymous. Yeah.

But people know. he knows well fully what did you drop like no i got church oh yeah foley's a girl on a first day i don't have i don't have i don't have my wallet my celebrity presence is uh presence is a presence oh fucking moves around jesus christ every fucking two seconds

you sat next to me like we're in a packed movie theater i did drop my phone twice i was having a rough morning i also started crying you didn't notice that really i told you that you are i noticed it Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I cried the whole way in. I think it was that vape. I think there's estrogen in that.

Bro, I'm telling you, you got to stop vaping, man. We're trying to get them back on the heaters. Why are you vaping, dude? Diesel! You want to tell him? Come on, man. I gave my vapes. I throw this out for me.

Good. Now start on these. No, I don't want to stop. Dude, I swear to God, I told Ian I quit smoking. He went, why? Yeah, why? Because it gives me, I don't feel well when I do it. And I get a headache, and I don't want to smell.

like cigarettes. You don't smell. Does my apartment smell? We smoke in there. Does it smell like cigarettes? A little bit, yeah. Have you smoked in his apartment? We just had a cigarette the first night that I was there. Well, when I was shooting that one thing, I was down there ripping heaters. Oh, I know. I know it's my space. Gotta make contact. Well, you do your thing. You're not going to have a new show coming out. It's really going to take the world by called cancer. It's under wraps. He can't talk about it. Obviously. I'm very excited. I know. I know. I know. It's a new thing the Tara Witch told me about that will skyrocket me. I know. I know.

It's house stuff. Cool. I'm not personally against you. Hey, listen, will you guys do what you do in the house? That's, you know, I think that's great. But truly, okay, that it did smell like. I don't care. Does it smell like smoke when you walk in?

No. Are you lying? That's all the time we have. We are two crazy people. You think? It's great. It's great. Dude, I honestly love it.

I hated living with people. No, we're not lying. I enjoy it. Buddy, I appreciate you. I love you. You're the fucking man. Dude, we can put a fucking tent in the living room. We're coming over to do the pot at some point.

Sleep like to push the spash. A sleep over. He's not going to sleep there. Yeah, I have a wife and kid that live in the city. I can't just say, hey, I'm going to hang out my two junkie boom boom friends. I got shit to do, guy. They're not looking for roommates at 50. All right?

Some of us locked in a little earlier. Chucky poop, boom. What I love to fucking sit around, smoke cigarettes and play with the cats? Sure. Do it. You don't like cats. You're allergic. Dude.

And that would stink if you were in there and you slept with your door open. Do you know how many... I'd be out of there in two hours. Do you know, shoot the fuck up? Do you know how many people come in that are allergic and they don't get allergic to Glenn or Samson? Every fucking guy with a cat says this. That's because Glenn is really a dog. He is a dog.

Or it doesn't exist. He is the closest. I don't even know if I exist. I don't even know if this is a fever dream and I died fucking You just pulled the reverse emperor. You bit by a vampire mermaid too? No, I overdosed a computer duster in 2008. I never heard that same.

Wow. I used to be addicted to the dust. One time I did I did dust and I thought I figured out the secrets of the universe and then I couldn't remember when I came out of it. Did you see that's what you keep doing more of it? I was convinced. You got to get the answer. Did you see?

Were you doing it? math equations. Once you start doing math equations when you're high, that's when you're like, yo, my brain is slipping. Have you ever done that? No. I don't do math. Pencil me in for the sleepover, for sure.

Now wait. Glenn is a dog. He's the coolest. Dude, he comes when you, when you whistle. So does fully. Hi, boys. I mean, this has been great, this little roommate powwow we've had, but we do have to wrap it. Let's get into it the next segment.

That's next month. How are you guys getting home together? Well, I've been trying to get him on the city bike, and he's really reluctant. I get that. Why? I mean, I get, you know, he's a bigger, older guy. He hasn't been on a bike. He's not the most active.

You get the electric. I'll ride on side of you to protect with the cars. It's, dude, it's a, you trick yourself. I'm murder or suicide. No, thanks. I'm not riding this. Listen, New York City. This guy's Uber's all this time.

I'm like, hey, let's walk to the meeting. 15 minutes. We're taking in Uber. It's Manhattan. Okay. But you're in Brooklyn, baby. I'm in Brooklyn. We're fucking Brooklyn street rats now.

You ride your bike all you want in Brooklyn. No, I do it in Manhattan. You ride your bike all you go up to the Bronx, you ride your bike, okay? You're the fuck's doing it. Here's the thing. What do you want to look like Swiss cheese? Here's the thing. That, that, that, that, that, that.

Do you watch the news? It's been writing together. He's been writing together. Here's the way I feel about this. This is a compromising thing. This is Manhattan. You want to walk, walk. Otherwise, this is the modern day Rome.

This is the fucking capital of the world. Get the fuck out of the way with the bikes. No, fucking keep your head on the swivel. Pay attention where you're going. Actually, this is moving. This has been one of the worst week for cyclists in the city. multiple people have died. It's a problem.

Nobody's paying attention anymore. Yeah, so why we want him on a fucking bike? Ian's. Are you garbage? Kevin Ian. Ian's going to start poisoning you. You're trying to get me out of the way? We thought he was trying to get you out of the way.

Yeah, he's going to be poisoning you. Dude, slowly. Are you kidding? My stomach has been burning. Put an antifreeze. You want you to get back on the Sigs because he's going to be dipping them in an antifreeze. You're sleeping.

Coming out squeaky clean. I dropped her. Guys running a perfect temp. I haven't had a fever. Ian, what are you promoting? What do you have? Everybody's strap in. Ianfinance.com for all my dates.

Everybody, come out, have a smoke. Hear a joke. We're having a blast. I'm loving seeing all you guys out there. September 1st through 3rd, 3rd through 5th, Madison, Wisconsin, Comedy on State. And then Charlotte, North Carolina, September 17, 19. Dallas, Texas, October 1st, the 3rd, Addison Improv. Let's sell that out.

Philly, November 5th to 7th. And then I'm going all over. Just announced. Cobbs Comedy Club December 16th and Sacramento Punchline the 17th to 19th. And then I'm closing on the year, Pittsburgh Improv, December 31st of January 2nd. He had a big audition yesterday, too. Are coming up. Yeah, well, fingers crossed, that would be nice.

Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs. Out with YMH every other Tuesday, YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. I'm having a blast. Ian do's show at gmail.com. If you have a job out there, you want me to work with you. You have a lead. let me know. I don't like being alone. And

I Animal 6'9 on Instagram and you guys are the best. I love you coming out to show us. I haven't heard anybody plugged there. I have a lot going on. What the fuck you want for me? I've worked so hard for this. I'm not pumping the brakes. I'm fucking on a skyrocketed in the car. You're either in the passenger seat or I'm going to drop you on the side of the road. Are you coming with me?

Hey, can you pay for games? My best pal, Ian finance, everybody. I got a lot of easy pass bills. Does anybody have a gas card on them? Gang, our brand new Special American Garbage will be on our YouTube page September 13th. Please check it out. And we have a tour that we've got to plug.

We're in Appleton, Wisconsin. Allie a garbage tour. The Army of Garbage Short is starting up in October. We got Appleton, Wisconsin, San Jose, San Diego, Atlanta, Springfield, Missouri, Fort Wayne. We got Connecticut. We got Phoenix, Arizona. We got Chicago. Over there to Chicago Improv.

We got the St.ian's looking at the days. We got Cincinnati. We got Columbus. And we got Providence. I'm not sure if Providence is on sale right now, but it will be shortly. 27. Yeah, hell yeah, dog.

Ian, and we love you. I love you. We love you. We love this crazy little world we've built over here in Antooties. We're being a part of the family. Thank you,

Kippie. I love you guys. Love you, pal. Gang, we love you and we'll see you in three days. Peace. Adopt, don't shop, cats. Somebody adopt me.