Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Francis Ellis Answers your Questions!

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with Francis Ellis to answer your garbage questions! Its a fun one. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage http://www.breathefum.com/garbage https://JoinHoney.com/GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang real quick before we get the old show started let's talk about these live days we got coming up it's to keep it moving 2021 tour and we're coming to a town near you we're gonna be in Atlantic City New Jersey June 18th oh yeah and then we're gonna be in Chicago for our fourth and final show on June 22nd then we're heading over to Indianapolis Indiana at the helium over there on June 23rd get some tickets and then we're coming back Thursday night back to the windy city for two sold out shows so if you heard a date on there that wasn't sold out buy some tickets to come see us it's gonna be a great time yeah guys the live show is awesome it's stand up and then we play AYG with the audience we answer your questions it's a good fucking time get involved

see you there oh baby welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage sure is little show we sit down with your favorite comedians we find out they grow to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a glorious day we're down here in Antutti's basement I gotta say our guest got me a little nervous I'm sliding off the stool over here the kid's a looker but we're not there yet I got bozo sitting next to me my main just as good looking some say better

Kevin James Ryan everybody only my mom hey what's up gang thanks for this is a silly one already thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you're right with you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are true to roof true to roof those numbers are cooking baby and then the bread and butter the moneymaker patreon.com slash are you garbage love that money closing in on 1500 patrons we fucking appreciate it um you can sign up you get bonus episodes at AYG you get episodes of hard feelings which is me and uh Foley behind the curtains a little bit shitting on each other did a little comic passion this week oh yeah that one that one can't get released talking a little shit and then every month we do a live stream

with our top tier patrons where we ask you questions you ask us questions it's a good fucking time yes it is and have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man he makes us all look good give it up for t-bone McMuffin Toby McMullen what's up dudes hey buddy fucking you guys look like such shit next to this guy you have never looked pastier I know I don't know if that bothers you or not but I you look at me like I'm a pile of trash me no oh I do too I certainly do ladies and gentlemen you know I'm from oops to podcast he's a previous guest it's a it's a it's a little company in the house here um you gotta go check out his episode it's absolutely

amazing you gotta check out oops to podcast and you gotta check him out on patreon he's got his own patreon he's producing his own patreon he's got a smash hit on there called alternate side alternate side parking Thursday my favorite thing on instagram it's fantastic it's him just fucking dealing with the parking nightmare that is new york city give it up for the one the only francis ellison hey thank you so much for having me back fellas buddy thanks for coming I mean you can't not comment on it like what are you doing to your skin are you are you doing anything or is this just genetics here's the thing listen you're a great comic funny guy absolutely fantastic I don't mean to just point out your physical features no but they are alarming I feel like you got better

since the last time we had you on the pot well he's definitely gotten worse so it could be could be that juxtaposition my eyes have gotten fatter I I I've been a redhead my whole life so I've had to protect my skin but it's strawberry that's really the answer dude people ask people do ask me like what's your skincare routine it's sunscreen and I'm not even being funny about that like I start my day with a with an moisturizer that has 20 spf in it real and I think I think sun is the number one thing that makes people look old it makes you look like a catcher's mate real quick you look like us I could have been him well I I mean I started no you could that was the joke I started because once we started an hd we've just been I've been getting fucking destroyed so I've been doing a

face care routine myself trying to bring back a little bit of the life or stop it you know what is what's in your routine I'm curious I got well we went out I went to this fancy spa and we spent a couple a hundred bucks on some products okay it was I got a facial I was there and then I bought the products they used okay yeah all organic and shit so it's like a cleanser it was not a mall it's just a face mask yeah so it's pretty good I love it you know I I think having some kind of routine is I hate I hate that word like it was your skincare routine corning let me ask you this so word that they're they're busting my chops that I'm a little heavy that I gotta lose some weight I just out of curiosity you're a classy guy I would like to know what is your daily routine like as

far as like working out getting up what do you eat for breakfast what do you do with the loofah what are you doing I like to eat um overnight oats in the morning classic I think he told us it's not classy no that's nice you're premeditated that's overnight oats is well it's you could you could also just do oatmeal instant oatmeal sure what do you put in it is it soy milk or is it regular milk oat milk bro really yeah watch out for that Oatly I think they just IPO it actually and how much how much are we talking to the first guest to ever address an IPO I don't even know what that means but it sounds cool it's what they went public and so you can buy their stock really yeah but dude I'm telling you if you like oat milk there's only one brand

and then if you if they don't have it at the supermarket and you have to buy any of those other brands garbage yeah absolute oh I know Oatly is the one Oatly is the one and I don't want to like give free ads or anything like that but I'm telling you if you've ever been our listeners are not buying it if you've ever been you know you know how you know it's garbage because the other brands aren't even allowed to call it oat milk they call it oat beverage you're drinking oat beverage step your fucking game your your garbage yeah um so wait hold on I want to hear this so you get up in the morning what's the first thing you do I do the crossword the New York Times crossword puzzle on my phone what yeah I gotta stay sharp dude what time to get up in the morning I like seven

seven thirty no matter what time you go to bed you get up at seven o'clock yeah I can't really sleep I'm not a very good sleeper any anymore and you do the New York Times in bed yeah my girlfriend brings me a coffee it's part of our exchange of goods for services all right I don't like well she's got her chores I got my chores her bringing me a coffee what are you wearing that time of day just out of curiosity just for the listeners so you're in bed you do the New York Times crossword puzzle how long does that take you uh 20 minutes 20 minutes yeah just about take me two weeks then you can't even afford the face once you start doing it you get the month like early days of the week they're much easier Monday Tuesday Wednesday easier Thursday Friday it's really

hard yeah I can't finish it off really same Friday yeah so okay so you do that then what start on a Monday uh get up take a shower uh you know then I put my my SPF on uh-huh moisturizer with the built-in SPF and then I uh get to get to emails and writing and all that stuff and then around uh five p.m. I usually do my exercising that's what you do then you work out yeah then shower again yep and then off to spots or whatever that's it yeah and what what are you having for lunch so when do you have the oat milk or the the oats that's uh usually around like eight thirty nine okay and it's just a small portion I would assume I probably I don't even know what you'd call I eat a lot dude I eat a lot yeah huh people are always um kind of aghast you're a big guy you're burning

a lot of calories yeah I mean I eat healthy food but I eat a lot of it sort of the quantities that what's the last thing you had today let's let's start there uh I I didn't have much time today so I had just a bunch of pre-made chicken salad that I bought at like Whole Foods okay and then I had half an avocado no bread it's a tight you eat a lot of bread probably doesn't touch this stuff what are you talking about what about fast food no even Wendy's she's a nice girl I like I like Wendy's but the problem is uh when I eat it I get I feel like awful it's just my body fucking rejects it yeah and then I know that I fight through it I fight through it feel like shit you take it personally not this time Wendy I'm fully starts his day as girl brings him a

honey baked ham and a big I do some mad libs I hit the coloring book for about 20 minutes connect the dots oh it's a it's a constellation can't finish the word fine on Fridays he's got damn armor Duke it's up to trouble I'll tell you what this kid's doing oh my god well he's asking we just we're doing a weight loss challenge for him this month he's a classy guy I like to learn from class people that's what I'm saying came in we asked if you wanted a water he's like no I brought my own I knew it was gonna be a fucking reusable water bottle yeah the reason I like this is because it's bigger than those yes and I'd need more water and that's not enough water for me I know I'll do a couple of these this is like 38 ounces how many of those

do you drink a day like two at least yeah yeah gotta say hydrated yeah what about a hair product what are you putting there I don't have I don't I'm not a big hair product guy and there's a reason really yeah it's because I sweat and then it drips into my eyes and my eyes sting yeah I've had that problem though I don't like having the hair gel sweat in my eyeballs what about your shampoo and stuff like that and she's head and shoulders two for one real you're doing two first well yeah it's it then I don't have to do both the conditioner and what about the soap you gotta have something fancy you're gonna let him fucking walk over the two for head and shoulders that's fucking trash that is trash can't you do no wrong I'm shaving with it

well I do use for the soap I use the Dr. Bronner's yeah it leaves your skin all tingly it does use the mint and if you're out camping and you're in a pinch you can use it for everything wash your clothes with it you can brush your teeth with it shampoo soap yeah man they a little goes a long way it's Dr. Bronner's is alright I love that tingle on the nuts they seem too shabby yeah I just smoked a new port soon to be illegal by the way well thank you I wanted to know that's my routine did you have braces yeah I did flawless teeth for 11 months I hated them 11 months it was a short time Jesus I told him I didn't want him anymore I had him for like four years yeah my sister was six on your legs all right come on you're lovin these off

oh man good stuff we appreciate also I want to say the fucking alternate side parking hysterical is so funny thank you so good it's develop we were talking about it the other night before we even hit you up to do the pop we were talking about how funny it was and you've created this world on your block it's interesting there's there's recurring characters yeah the family because you call it the fast and the furious car whatever yeah mad max fury road car he's never there gets a ticket every week doesn't seem to care I mean it's not a bad way to go because the tickets are $65 I sometimes I roll the dice yeah and and and he's just willing to collect one every week that's roughly whatever $270 comes about a parking spot is it's less than

a parking garage yeah yeah so he just doesn't deal with it he pays his tickets or doesn't who knows and that's when you get in trouble they come and get you that's he could get booted I've been have you been booted he's been booted so how long does it take for you to get booted how many tickets do you need to get I think here's the deal I can I know 100% as yeah so here's so here's the story you have you get a ticket you have one month to pay that ticket after that one month it monetarily increases a little bit if you get to the point where it's over $350 and it's been a month that's when they can boot you really $350 and fines yes fines then they come and boot you all right so you got the 350 you're sitting there then they come and boot you they tack on 400

he's got to keep a ledger come on keep my math right that you got you got 40 you got 400 now you're looking at like $789 to remove the boot it's like a I think I paid 880 to get my here's the thing you got to have you got to have all the your your documents in order to oh my god I don't know if you know that about also documents tend to not be our affairs aren't always in order yeah here's the thing too is so let's say it's a Thursday morning you go downstairs fuck I got a boot you have between an hour and 24 hours to get your shit straight because you got the fucking tow truck coming around Joe notice you're now on the list so whenever fucking bozo Joe in the tow truck comes around and you don't have your shit then they're taking it now you got fucking 788 now we're

probably tacking on fucking two three hundred dollars for fucking storage fees when they tell you yeah I don't I don't mean to get I don't mean to get blue on this wonderful show but one of my favorite porno's is bad tow truck driver really yeah but is that like a genre or a specific it's a website it's this guy this kid's got serial killer he like goes to tow these girls cars and they're like is there anything I can do and he's like wow get in the tow truck and there's something very kind of I don't know the mechanical about it that I enjoy right in my wheelhouse I'll pay 880 for that these girls do not want to get towed they do not want to get towed I haven't seen that but I'm digging a snowplow porn okay all right a little Liam Neeson vibe I like that a couple of snow buddies

well I couldn't get away with that with just tow truck driver he was playing hardball I had to call my mom and get the credit card number quick yeah I remember that was one of the funniest things ever he called her and she's like well what are you gonna do he goes I'm doing it I'm calling you get the credit get the credit card he's like I'm not calling you to brainstorm he could play stupid honey go get the visa but so then when you tow it when they boot it I found out I got booted because I went to work I left it I had it and then my buddy who lives in the neighborhood took a picture of it and sent me my car booted which is a tough that is a tough picture to get but you can take it off yourself there's a combo number on it where they go oh the code is 11247 sure and then you take it off

and you have up to 48 hours to return it where they charge you for the boot for the boot or they'll come take it off but they'll be like it'll take up to two hours yeah so if you have somewhere to go you can take it off right away and leave but then you have to go return the boot the only place I returned it was in the Bronx and was that like a regular gas station oh my god he just accepts it and I was like so embarrassed I'm like I gotta walk in here and stand in line with people but paying for gas with a boot to be like ah to holding it for a friend or whatever there's no way to not look like a fucking journal it's my cousin's he's from out of town and then I remembered I was in the Bronx and like the guy in front of me was like already drinking a butt ice like that he was paying for

me he started drinking before he paid for it I'm like oh I'll be all right yeah they walked in I'm like I'm returning this they're like yeah whatever man here go I'm like I love that yeah you've never do you get tickets or no I've gotten tickets but I've never been booted because I pay them pretty quick yeah because I'm in the game so I can't risk getting booted yeah I make sure I pay them within a month too I'm usually carrying about one or two wow usually yeah interesting because what they switched the alternate side parking a little bit to not two days a week now one day a week that's that's why part of the reason why the spots are so coveted now yes because what what typically happens is normally in normal times there are you know Tuesdays and Thursdays let's

say or Wednesdays and Fridays hundred percent the street sweeper comes from 9 to 10 30 people you know instead of playing what I call the alternate side parking the waiting game yeah which is where you sit in your car that's what I know because it's two days a week they people can't afford that so they just they relocate switch to a different street or whatever so there's kind of like a musical chairs of parking spots but now given that it's one day a week most people can find a way to you know get out of work for just an hour and a half or do they're working their car for that time and they go do it and it was that's what led to this whole series developing well I say this as I say this as a driver in New York a dirtbag all right I'm a dirtbag I'm lazy

I don't want to fucking move the car it's my street is so fucking dirty because they're doing it only one day a week yeah there's nails everywhere well it's that and it's also there the city does not do they suspend alternate side parking if there is the faintest hint of a religious holiday oh yeah any denomination any crazy sect of anything that celebrates that day they honor it and they say no no alternate side parking which I'm surprised the Blasio did that because that that shits a fucking money maker for the city it is it is and it's also surprising that they went to one day a week in COVID because you're right well it was nothing COVID for a while yeah it was zero but if they if they have it two days a week they issue more tickets sure they make

more money you know they pay their drivers and the Department of Sanitation and all of that I've become friends with those guys I know I saw which is the coolest thing Pete the sweet that's my guy he's got your friends with the street sweeper it's hilarious it's the funniest fucking thing in the world he did uh he did my first like live happy hour on the patreon we just had Pete the sweep on the patreon talk for an hour it's awesome so fucking fun I have a bargain question so in in Chicago when it snows you shovel out your spot dibs you throw a thing is that a thing in New York no people have talked about that although in Chicago they honor Billy's the same thing you see you see like someone's chair or trash can or whatever it is if you move the chair people

will slash your tires yeah and everyone around them will be like yeah that's what you get yeah yeah I dig that I think there is you know whenever you find these unwritten codes of you know parking decency whatever it is in different cities I find that very authentic and and then you but you like anywhere I'm sure you get violators right yeah people who don't play by the game that's that is what happens in New York which leads to fights well in New York we have the one which I strongly I'm totally okay with this if you drive by a parking spot and somebody's standing in the spot saying he's circling the block he's going to be here in a minute you let them have the spot you do you don't I don't I haven't encountered it but um

you know I don't know how I feel about it I don't like it I say but it's also like what are you gonna do you're gonna run the person over yeah you have a choice right I don't I would never do that I would never be like no someone's coming yeah that's crazy that's I feel like that's an unwritten rule in New York City like the chair thing but the snow remember the snow this year I got I dodged a bullet because when that last big snowstorm hit I was down at my parents so fucking plow it out fucking drove up and there were just these mountains yeah on the side of the road where you could tell some fucking guy stung his car out for like fucking three hours and then had to move it I'm just snuck right in nice nice clean living yeah you gotta go over a little snow

embankment yeah you do so I got a four-wheel drive nice classic four-wheel drive is not too shabby what kind of whip do you drive can I ask you that yeah so we took over my girlfriend's parents lease okay and like it yeah they kind of give us a good rate it's a nice car it's a BMW yeah I love it SUV no just a the five series nice but it's great kids driving on a BMW classy this kid's class I told you shopping whole foods exclusively or or Trader Joe's yeah whatever whatever he has to swim it Trader Joe's is cheap as hell I know Trader Joe's is cheaper than any of those giagostinos yeah those New York groceries there's a new one that just opened in my neighborhood it's called little right or am I saying wrong it's that German leader yeah I like the

it looks weird everything looks the same let me tell you something this place they tip toe around copyright infringement like it's nobody's business because it looks exactly the same they had frosted flakes and it was some snowman I swear to God it was a box of frosted flakes and instead of Tony the tag it was a snowman yeah Trader Joe's does that too you know sneaky instead of Honey Nut Cheerios it'll be like Honey Nut uh you know Trader Joe you know and you're like give me a fucking break you know I can't do that I can't do the generic stuff now I need the games on the back yeah I had frosted flakes all growing up and they fucking sucked that's probably what Foley does in bed in the morning playing the word search on the back of a cereal box I found the second toucan

what's different between these two pictures hey Captain Crunch really gets himself in a pickle you know what I mean you can't you're stuck in the maze you can't get out gang let's face it we all shop online these days no one's going to the store like a bozo like a doofus and don't you hate that when you get to the promo code section when you're about to check out and you're staring at it and you got nothing zip nada and you're paying a full price like a bozo while our friends at Honey are going to change all that Honey supports over 3,000 stores online they range from they range from sites that have gaming products to popular fashion brands they got it all even food delivery and what they do is instead of manually searching for promo codes Honey is the free shopping tool that

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savings that's what you're doing it's literally free and installs on your on your browser in a few seconds and by getting it you're doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast yes if you like us this is an easy way to support us I never I never I would never recommend something I don't use or my wife uses it for shopping for clothes it's easy peasy you get Honey for free at joinhoney.com slash garbage one more time baby that's joinhoney.com slash garbage did you just give them the kippy guarantee my name's on it I guarantee check out Honey gang let's take a quick second to talk about one of our favorite sponsors who's that our biggest supporters here on the show of course I'm talking about the good people at Fume oh yeah all right Fume is a natural inhaler that makes it easy

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that's kushydreams.com and that check out use promo code garbage for 20% off your next order baby plus you get free shipping on orders over 20 bucks smoke your CBD with promo code garbage for 20% off today now back to the show gang we got a little company we're reading your questions here Kevin Ryan hey gang um we got a we got some good ones uh let's see this let's oh before we get into that I had a couple car ones can I ask that since we're on the on the car thing sure um did you ever I guess this kind of goes with the with the lease but did you ever sell a car did your family ever sell a car to somebody that you know and then you see that car driving around all the time no no we're a dealership family I had that happen really trash and dude the guy

paid us in cash oh I like that and and uh and and I think are we talking like five grand are we talking like 15 no it was like four thousand whose car we had bought it my sister and it was the car of my sister and I split it was like a 1993 Volvo you know that I mean it it almost rolled cold like shit that came out of the exhaust every trip to school was one polar bear's life at least and killing two seals a week yeah and we ended up selling it to uh this this kid we knew his dad came to buy it his dad uh did landscaping for a living so clearly just got paid in cash yeah and he showed up with like a gangster roll of 20s really which we then put in like a soup jar and then I kind of whittled down over you know now how did you how did you advertise the car

was it out front on the lawn or was it like did you do that or did you drive around with the for sale sign the or best offer that's a great question I don't exactly know maybe I don't even know how they found out they might have been in like the yellow pages or something okay that's I feel that's the way to do it yeah but that's a tough look seeing your car driving around town yeah I wouldn't like that yeah so you would see that car like schooling shit yeah but the kid had he was super into like auto repair and I think he replaced a bunch of the parts and kind of like a project nicer than what we had had as it and souped it up yeah uh what about you ever try to win the car at the mall you ever do that um I've tried to win I think I've tried to win the car at

the airport I don't even know they gave away the airport I mean I might not be you were just robbing cars in a long-term parking I signed up once for some kind of thing at the airport that was big as a kid I feel like they're just giving this away if you put your name in it's crazy I don't I still don't understand how that works and this is the most two things send murderous rages up my spines especially in New York the dickheads who put those things in the back of their mufflers that go you know what I'm talking about yeah I guess yeah and the and the train horn the dickhead who puts the fucking train like that air horn uh yeah I want to fucking see I want to get one of those big pellegrino bottles and throw it right through their fucking window nice drives me insane

that's a classy way to yeah that happens to Betsy yeah and I was sparkling you're looking at this still on me you know a bricklework too no the last question car related would be do you think it's trashy to lean on somebody's car that isn't yours that's with the first part we just did that the other day or is it trashy to yell at somebody for leaning on your car oh what if you walked up to alternate side parking somebody was leaning on the beamer had like a cup of coffee yeah no no coffee on it I'll do that I hate to say this I think a lot of it would depend on on who was leaning on the car sure you know if it's some some twerp some guy who's like coming back from a run and he's stretching his hamstrings by using the car to

balance you know he's doing his quads or whatever and he's just kind of using it as a balance yeah a beam or whatever you give that a pass I think I'd let that guy go okay yeah good for him what if he's sitting on the hood yeah if there's some guy out there what if it's me leaning up put like you're sitting on the hood I'm gonna be like listen this you can have the car you clearly have more confidence than I ever coming back I don't think I can sit in it anymore that happened one night we were drunk and we were in somewhere and got like a bunch of like pizza and wings and we were all fine we just like put it on something the hood of someone's car and Billy I know we were just so drunk I like you know I'm not saying it was right and we were

just like tree it was like Thanksgiving dinner dude like chicken and then this guy walked up and was like what the fuck are you doing I'm like I'm sorry sir just like dude I'm fucking bitched up real quick you think a chicken tender's here yeah real real quick all right I'm sorry I just figured I wanted to get the car questions out let's go we have another one this one's for all right so this is uh guys as you know when you sign up for the patreon we will answer your garbage question on air it's just the best way to do it um because we get we get a shit ton of submissions um so this one's from Sam and it is car related have you ever taken a drink from home in an open glass or a mug in the car yes like with like a prop wow really coffee yeah in a mug no

lid oh sure I can see I like to I like to have an ice iced coffee you know okay and uh I'll bring it in a mason jar with ice wow yeah I don't know how I feel about that yeah because you get spills or is that what just when you're sitting in alternate side uh I take it with me to go to alternate side and um I I don't like lids in general and I'll tell you I'll tell you why there's something to me about um getting the sip straight from the big sip is nice yeah and you get you get um I don't know you I feel like I'm I'm more connected to the drink I'm getting it the way it was supposed to be I'm way god intended I don't know why but I totally agree yeah I'm not a big straw guy yes yeah I'm over the straw not a straw guy yeah like a nice sip

and I think what he's saying is classy especially the mason jars reusable it's not a fucking plastic cup or anything like that he's bringing it from his home I know do you make the ice coffee in your house yeah you make it could you cold brew it so or is it just hot coffee over ice we have we have like an uh an espresso thing and what we'll do is I'll do like two shots of espresso and then oat milk with a bunch of ice in it and that's my drink that's my coffee drink every day do you have a reusable straw that you use no I don't I just don't I don't I don't do straws in any way shape or form no matter what for a straw guy don't like a lid yeah that's fair play yeah yeah do you have an ice machine in your freezer yeah you do not one that you go like that no no not on

the door it's a big bin that refills like a chicken coop I gotta tell you when you have people over right and then you get through all that ice and you're like shoot we're out of ice and then you wait an hour and you go back in and the machine has laid seven new ice cubes you feel great you're like thank you for the bounty dear chicken freezer we're living off the earth have you guys ever collected eggs from a chicken coop no my cousin my cousin like baseball cards what do you mean collected them gone in the morning I thought you meant like displayed them like collected them like that oh my god this guy is out to lunch I thought you meant like you had an egg collect I got an 83 rooster over here come check it out have you ever fetched eggs now have you ever gone to

no I went to a self-sustaining form one time with my brother and his family and we had eggs that were from that farm and they were fucking lights out yeah they were like low they were glowing orange I'm troubled that your mind though went to somebody whose hobby it was to hold for value who says collects nice have you gathered gathered it's fine collects is probably a synonym for that mate what's a synonym oh synonym okay yeah I like cinnamon all my eggs I usually just do salt and pepper if you say it's cool I'll do it hold on uh you go and you get the eggs from from the chickens yeah where have you done it I don't know I grew up in Maine and they're a neighborhood yeah a chicken coop and I gotta tell you banging going going to get those after the

chickens have have laid them at night and you go in there and you see fresh eggs it's like finding diamonds yeah so you don't need to they don't need to ferment or anything like that you don't have to treat them or anything nothing you can really just straight out yeah and they weren't gonna crack them in a pan eat your omelet and they weren't gonna those chickens weren't going to use those eggs anyway they're like just they're no they don't eat eggs beware to go out there chicken was not an omelet cannibals you know kind of frittata going sunny side up no but how does how does that they can become a chicken you have to incubate it oh right that's true so it's a good question and I don't actually know the answer to this but I

do think right so those chickens it's possible that they expect to sit on them and grow them into no because doesn't the male sit on them or is that ducks that's penguins I think that might be someone of those arctic animals yeah yeah guys this might blow your mind but there has to be some jizz involved so yeah they're right that's right it comes it's if it comes out as an egg that you can eat it was never going to be that's what I thought okay so there are it's not like fish where they squirt the eggs out and they jizz on top of the eggs and then they become chickens okay but so let me ask you this it's insane that you're my bosses don't forget at the end of the month all right we got a chicken guy over here so

I got a question man that was the best insult or what that was perfect we got a chicken guy over here real ladies man huh you're talking real tough for a guy wearing his own merch hey gotta plug the brand it was free figured I'd show up how dare you talk to mr. house like that I felt bad the second I did it he's so nice but I didn't mean chicken guy as an insult either I meant no I know somebody who knows about this for the record I enjoyed it as an insult it was sharp yeah I have a follow-up question as you said that to me I would have changed high schools I would have if you hit me with that in the cafeteria I would have moved if if there are chickens uh that those chicken the eggs that we're talking about where you we just eat them that have

not been fertilized by sperm uh how would those eggs would those eggs if some if a male chicken fertilize them become new chickens no I don't think they can fertilize them post yeah it's got to be done I'm reading it right now for eggs to be fertilized the hen and the rooster must mate first and the process occur this and this process must occur prior to the formation of the egg thus if the hen has made it and lays an egg then that egg is fertilized in this process hold the egg up to the candlelight to see if you can point out the blood spots in the embryo yeah so basically like I throw those ones out the eggs from chickens that we eat is like the chicken's period it's like them shedding their unfertilized gotcha gotcha interesting that's

and and and yet if there were a rooster running around that coop all of those eggs would become new chickens if he came in them before they had they laid the egg so that was my question I didn't know if there were because I know that there are chickens that are grown for meat and then there are chickens that are grown for laying eggs and they're two different types of chickens I didn't know I didn't know that I'm pretty sure where are you on that one chicken man yeah should we have a chicken off because she weren't in the coop that day huh oh god this thing went off the rails are you a quail egg guy no hit them hit the bricks of yarn you're not a lot yeah no way those things they've been pushing those on people yeah um my cousin went all he built a

fucking chicken coop what he just does his own he's got like where does he live out on like the main line by like Villanova no shit they're just like I think they're in the shed or something he's just got a fucking coop and he just does fresh eggs all the time it's cool it's it's like I was buying all these fucking eggs and I wanted to go farm the table and I just was like I'll fuck it we got this it's like next to the goat car it is you know in the in the same way of like people who grow their own weed I think having your own chicken coop so you can eat fresh eggs from your backyard every morning is one of the most like satisfying things you could have if I had to land I would get in on it we got something to do we got foxes down where my parents are we

couldn't do it they come in and get you there was a Peter Paul and Mary song about that really yeah about the foxes getting into the chicken coop hmm have you guys know Peter Paul and Mary now the folk singers that sang for children hey listen thanks for coming in now no I don't is it like from when we were kids yeah wait I know Peter Paul and Mary come on fully there you go what do they say puff the magic dragon yeah they did puff the magic dragon yeah me too hey I'm having fun here um how do we start talking about eggs I don't know oh you have something I ever collected eggs I don't even know why I asked that though I don't know but I got a great answer I didn't think there was egg collectors have you ever

collected anything like baseball cards or anything like that in your life yeah I did I did basketball cards I was really into basketball cards and I'll tell you this in light of the recent boom in collectibles I went back to my my childhood home and looked through my basketball card collection and then cross cross reference to see if I had anything that was worth anything and I actually added up the rough value of all my basketball cards I thought it would be like a few thousand dollars it was like twenty eight dollars yeah I did the same thing I have like I have like 30 Michael Jordan cards and none not a single one of them was like had a crude value they weren't rare like thirty two cents yeah they're nothing they just made too many of them I made me bum me out

dude I thought I was sitting on a gold mine yeah when I was in I probably like junior or sophomore year baseball cards got really hot so this is probably like 92 93 it got really really hot and I thought we had fucking we had the whole tops collection from like 81 to whatever there's fucking four billion of them out there yeah yeah you got to get one more like somebody's upside down or something like that you need the holograms and the autographs and the game worn jersey cards those are the ones yeah I could never get into that shit yeah have you ever gotten an autograph off anybody I was a huge autograph hound really really yeah I had this lucky dad well I had this lucky thing happen where when I was in sixth grade I had a really bad

staff infection that sort of seeped into my ankle joint became a very septic ankle joint okay so it's blood poisoning yeah and you know that's when it gets dangerous when it's in your body because you get staff infections on your skin it's no big deal but if you get them in your bloodstream it can kill you what'd you get it from we don't even know just an open cut somehow that the bacteria got in there and then it found a home in my ankle joint so it was really bad I was in the hospital for two months I had one of those IVs in my heart like the tube the catheter damn so that they could just pump gallons of antibiotics right into my heart really yeah it was crazy mainline in it two months in the hospital yeah I missed all school everything

lost like 20 pounds as a seventh sixth grader so you could do that there you go that'll work we're gonna get a staff infection right here but you come out of that and and my dad as a way of trying to perk me up because I was pretty down in the dumps we got a 10 game package to the Boston Celtics nice and we would drive down to Boston from Maine and we would get there really early so I could go hunt for autographs and I'm going down to the floor and waiting for the guys to come out after doing their shoot around warm up and I'm this sickly kid they'd let you down on the floor no not like on the floor but you know right go down to the barrier I got you're a little yeah and I'm sickly and I've got this tube in my chest there's like I have no color I've got braces

and I just I was the make-a-wish kid basically that's awesome and you just I mean you raking yeah the autographs I think I had a LeBron autograph I I had a you know a bunch of Eric snow shot to eat snow baby that's crazy yeah that's point card in the biz a bunch of the Celtics so I had those but those were not on cards those were on like a piece of paper or whatever it was like the when you get the thing at the game what the hell's that program program there you go yeah very nice yeah yeah I like it I've never really collected much yeah never had the patience for it this one I don't even understand this is from Remy is it trash to leave a gift card as a tip yeah what do you mean you don't understand that I mean I don't understand people doing that that's

nuts like what are you leaving like a Marshall's gift card or something garbage that's brash I love how he sees how the poor people operate also by the way on the one challenge on patreon it was you had the funniest comment because it was he's never been in a limo so I was like oh we're taking foley foley's never been a limo and then I said in parentheses even for a funeral and you were like I love how that's an acceptable time to be in a limo yeah yeah I was thinking prom right it'd be the number one somebody's got to go foley house who was shitting on me for this my prom I drove my own car yeah I think it was me you and Reggie were shitting on you what'd you take to the prom I did a did a big stretch limo with like 12 kids

huh okay split it everyone pays like 30 bucks yeah yeah so we're doing yeah so we're doing I took a white Nissan Maxima clip ragam that the state police were combing through several hours later why because a couple of a couple of our our our boys had a couple of cocktails where they got in the car I didn't I took acid like a gentleman and there ain't no state trooper tests or that acid to go to prom yeah you must have been a great date yeah it was fun I wonder why you couldn't afford a limo there were a fucking deadbeat at 18 damn I don't understand who would ever leave a like a visa gift card or like a I don't know I think that's acceptable but if you leave like a cracker barrel gift card if you're at like the olive garden or yeah that's trashy because you

there's just a trust issue there because if you have just a gift card you also can't pay your rent with a gift card if it's a limited if it's yeah if it's unopened maybe no but you don't know what's left on there if somebody said hey here's if it's a gift card there's 15 left on there that's your tip yeah that's the fuck out of here that's like people even change I also think that that gift cards just carry with them a general understanding that these are being re-gifted so often yeah you know I got this I'm not going to use it congratulations go go buy a notebook at Staples yeah gift card in general is just a horrific gift yeah yeah give me the cash like why why make me buy something that you know fucking dick sporting goods or something and don't know me well enough

to specify the one place I can shop yeah exactly yes I give my sister-in-law a gift card every once in a while but she's really a secret hey spice things up up there will you um she like loves home goods like loves home goods so I'll get like a hundred dollar gift card the home goods stop that I don't think she likes that she's saying she likes it she's like what more do I need from fucking home goods all right now you're giving them a chore to go to home goods and this is the other problem with the gift card is that she goes to home goods and she either feels constrained by the amount you've given her or she's like okay well put 75 bucks towards this thing comes out to 150 now she's still spending 75 of her own value it

doesn't feel that good yeah yeah you know you're there going hey yeah to try to find the exact thing for if the card's a hundred bucks find something for 99 dollars or you know it's like then now she's buying shit that she doesn't need lose the gift cards everybody lose the fucking gift I'm with you you're right yeah I apologize um this isn't the same kind of vein this is from T Macon uh what is the smallest amount of money you'll pick up off the street oh great question yeah I was thinking about this the other day two dollars has started to feel like a decent amount of money again why so um I think I think because I I left left my job okay and lost my salary and I started to think about it and I was like man two dollars

is an amount that I can't ignore anymore really what about a dollar on the ground a dollar on the ground if I were to pick it up I would probably give it to a homeless person wow that's a that's a really move that's a classy you're picking up dirty money off the grid then you got to look for a homeless guy well you know you give it a glance and see if it's that you know poop money trick or if it's on a fishing line or something yeah exactly you look around those damn kids yeah fool me once I pick up pennies do you really it's gotta be a yeah but it's it's an OCD thing it's gotta be a penny on heads I pick it up I look at the date I think about the date like what year it was then I put it in a separate pocket that's not that doesn't have other change in it what do

you do after that I feel like I have good luck okay well it's not working interesting I never I never pick up money off the street what's the most money you've ever found on the ground 120 bucks in a purse I was a kid you know we were on the Wildwood boardwalk you fucking scumbag that's just a robbery yeah this poor old lady never saw me coming I found two grand in a lady's dresser one time just walking by minding my own business Jesus Christ man yeah no it was 120 bucks in a purse all 20s and did your mom make you give it back it was with my dad and my stepmom so rules were a little looser we weren't always playing on the honors system hey we can go jet skiing no I'm kidding we took it to like the Wildwood like police

thing on the boardwalk and they were like hey if no one claims this by the end of the night like in the lost and found you can come back and collect it and I was like dude come like 10 30 I'm like let's go wrap it up we gotta go back to pick up my fucking pick up my my goods you know so would you get it my dad was like we are not going back to pick up that woman's money good good he's like we don't he's like we have money but I don't like I'll give you 120 bucks shout out to Mr. Ryan I like it no fucking classy move right there what about you I found a 50 dollar bill floating in the pool at Club Med in the Bahamas when I was a kid you keep it oh yeah I had my goggles on I was out under there looking for looking at butt cheeks yeah you know what were your parents

into they took you to Club Med when you were a kid buddy that that was not as I got you labeled that as a classy gentleman yeah okay okay you're right you're right is Club Med trashy yes it's not great really I don't know anything about it it's the cruise on land it's where people go to swing and fucking dirty shit in hotel rooms dry land cruise yeah but it was great man it's all buffets and uh you love it the kids you can go you send them off to camp all day and you're going around doing all kinds of stuff I don't know as a kid it was perfect yeah probably pretty fun actually yeah bunch of bunch of other little kids or in organized groups yeah although I didn't love that stuff as a kid I didn't bond well with stranger me either hit the fucking brick yeah

my mom be like oh they're like seven years old I'm like yo no more that organized shit you're not sending me these fucking weirdos I didn't like vacation let me be in a pool yeah doing a scavenger hunting like an asshole exactly exactly they I always just I don't know what it was I didn't like that when we were when we go to church I didn't want to do this Sunday school yeah man stay in the congregation you know let me be I like so you didn't did you have a tight group of friends when you were a kid yes but you didn't like any outsiders I didn't that's right I wanted to select my own friends I didn't want to be foisted upon other friends I didn't want to be you know co-mingled against my will a couple of kids that look like me hey buddy yeah skincare routine yeah

I collect robin eggs and squirrel feet oh man oh you two is kids I would that's I would have fucking loved to see that encounter he just got like barbecue sauce all over you or something huh he would have hated me um this one's for a max first timer anyone in your family ever wear jeans to a funeral I can't I think your family yet no no way one of my homies did that this past oh my god that's brutal off wow I think that a wedding is fucking tough I'll feel a funeral is better than a wedding what no it's more disrespectful you wear jeans to a wedding you're a fucking bozo

you wear jeans no there's no because if you if there's a wedding if there's a funeral there's no there's no suggested attire when you're going to a wedding it's suggested attire on the on the invitation that's true but I would also say I would also say that like funerals in general I mean are so somber and so there's there may not be a written suggestion but yeah you know is so defined more than a wedding weddings have a range of things sure funerals it's like dark suit yeah dark suit something dark whatever dark about for a viewing if you're doing the viewing because I might be guilty of this for sure now that I'm now they thank tops and flip flops no I think of viewing you get a little bit you get a little bit more away with because it's the

kind of thing you can do like slacks in a shirt yeah because that's for that's for the for the bozos that you're not really that close to the company respects when you get done work or something like that I've always not gone to the viewing no the funeral the proper no to the viewing I don't go to the viewing even family well are my family doesn't do that like each time I like open casket visitation yeah visitation yeah we're not we're not into that what do they do well there's always that we most of the people in my family who've passed away have been cremated okay uh and there's not there's not there's not the urns not there we don't go up and study the urn no see we we most we're old school catholics so mostly it's open casket but people have been cremated and they're

still a viewing where the family's in line and you go up and you and you say your condolences and you keep it moving grab a lifesaver sit down and then they do like a little thing I always stand at the casket and I'm like have I been here long enough okay and then I keep it moving you say a prayer you keep it moving yeah I yeah we're not we're just I guess we're not that religious so that hasn't been but but we've done scattering of the ashes and people show up in the family for that that I've never done yeah never been ever seen a movie in tv but it seems like a good time yeah where'd you scatter them uh you know I think one time it was like in in a garden at their the house because my grandfather was loved the planting the roses this is getting sad it's alright I like the scene

in Big Lebowski is one of the old climbers who sprinkles it all over his face so windy that's good shit um this this is this has to be a no for for mr uh Francis Ellis here ever have any major family events at a vfw no yeah you are looking at me I mean my parents got married I was there of course have you ever been to a vfw no no yeah can I be honest you don't know I don't even know what it is is it a veterans veterans yeah foreign vfw is veterans of foreign war and they have like clubhouses yeah and you know dirtballs like us have family parties they're like halls kind of yeah you can rent them out I it's I feel like an asshole for saying that because I do have service members in the family sure but we've never gone to a vfw some of them are regional

too some of them are nice and some of them aren't so nice like my buddy's dad was in the army and they have one down in brigantine that's pretty classy it's it's it's by the it's by the water so you can get a slip you put the boat out there it's nice and it's nice but one's in like the middle of pennsylvania I've been to a couple of tough ones yeah the food's always dynamite a couple of they know the way around a mashed potato I could tell you so so so give me a breakdown of like um rotary clubs elks lodges all similar things vfw is it do you all have to have been is it all military foreign miller no military no just vfw is I think the only requirement elks vfw and there's one more but not an american legion american legion yes they're the only two elks

and the other one moose lodge and that shit are all just like dad's trying to get out of the house social clubs yeah the whole vibe of vfw is like you watch your friends die so beers are a dollar yeah yeah you've been in the shit here's got it here's a discounted shot it's cold as I say we belong to the elks lodge elks lodge in wildwood new jersey and it's like the membership a year is like a couple hundred bucks but then you get in there and it's like dollar drinks yeah and it's like we'll just go like animals great you order 500 drinks and you have like I remember the first time I went I didn't know and I had like I was like I'll get this round I had like 300 dollars out ready to pay and they were like oh it's 32 bucks I'm like I just ordered fucking nine shots three

bonnet tonics 15 beers I ordered a whiskey ginger in an american legion and the guy goes soda's flat and I went oh can I have a coke and he goes all of the soda is um all right this one's great this is from jack have you ever watched the lingerie football league is that what do you know I'm talking you know I know about that they hit pretty hard yeah they're no joke those girls are athletic those girls are athletic they care way more college yeah yeah and they're smoking I definitely remember when that came out I was like this is going to be great when I watched yeah I watched the first quarter I'm like all right I don't know it's it's a little bit misleading to call it the lingerie football league in my mind sure because they're wearing

helmets and shoulder pads and yeah and you think you're gonna get this like wwe diva kind of thing and these girls are it's it's really female rugby yes it's like yeah they're beating the shit out of each other still it's pretty pretty hot though two highlights yeah uh all right let's see uh did your parents ever uh this is from fisher did your parents ever pick up a stranger souvenir cup off the floor to take it home on the way out on the way out of the stadium oh that's like if you see one by the trash right like as you're walking out of the aisle now oh we did not I can't say we have I don't have you know conclusive evidence that we have it I'm sure we I've gripped a couple on the way out I will say this we we would pay up for the souvenir cup

and then we would have that in the cup cupboard yeah forever forever until the lettering had faded off yes yeah that's not what we were always the best to put like they were so great always bigger than like the tradition glasses rush it um yeah we were we had flyers like 90 whatever it was like 93 play Stanley Cup playoff cups like we had to like graduated a Disneyland one definitely a disney cup you got a club med yeah um I always thought it was trashy remember like for a while when like uh like 7-11 would have like you could get like the plastic plastic big gulp yeah and you could you pay to certain amount and then if you came back in with it you got it you got you got the refill cheaper there's like a 50 cent refill or something

bringing back your own cup the fucking 7-11 well there was the movie theater too where you'd get you get the extra large popcorn and the extra large soda and they'd give you a free refill sure and I had friends who would sneak it in the cup to start go into the movie 20 minutes later they'd walk out of the movie and go up and be like I finished it and get a free every time they went that's not that bad I know people and have been to the movies with people that have gone into the trash and grabbed a cup that's bad and rinsed it off in the bathroom and then went out and fucking got themselves a soda how is your mom doing by the way Patty wouldn't do that first of all Patty Foley does not pay for fucking anything inside of a movie theater except for the tickets

and sometimes not even that we talked about this with you we did the egregious thing he does he does meal prep at home and bring leftovers then take leftovers oh yeah that's right well you mean like sushi or chicken or something in there yeah okay broccoli rice dude that is the act of an insane proper at the movies well this is you guys over broccoli at the movie how do you stay trim there it is I'm not eating butter popcorn ruin the fast of the furious for 30 other people did any of you guys have movie pass when that was going no I know what you're talking about that was people were ripping the movies off left it right it was like 10 bucks you could see any movie you want it yeah some fucking bozo won the lottery it's like I got a business idea

yeah and free movies for everybody give me 10 bucks all right let's do a couple more here this one's from mark is it garbage is still where your high school class ring four fucking sure yeah yeah did you get one no no really no you get one from college no I didn't do it right I bought the yearbook from college would you go to school again at the harvard right so you didn't get a harvard ring I think I would know yeah harvard ring he was like an I don't know might have been a thousand bucks or something I don't even know but the yearbook was like 250 and I just got the yearbook I respectfully do you sign a yearbook college you go around to your friends and say hey have a great summer and shit like that I think

classrooms are cool if you went to one of the military academies yes or the citadel or like whatever I think harvard and Yale kind of got up there too I feel like if you have a classroom apparently you're definitely CIA what's what's um uh if you went to Clemson everyone from Clemson where's their classroom really yeah it's like a huge thing oh yeah that's a tough look Clemson they tried to sell us hard out of my high school class ring and there was like one or two guys that got it and they got it like two days before graduation and they looked like idiots walking around with them we I went to public school I don't even think that they had them yeah we had them they tried for us they like anybody at like an assembly they're like who's interested in the

class ring and every sort of like booing them like all right like get the fuck out of here nerds how was the food at harvard how was the cafeteria food it was all right just all right it wasn't like you know they're cooking for too many people it's just say it's still a college hospital yeah you know and we chicken breasts that are cooked in water we've had to have asked you this on your episode because you mentioned harvard what'd you get in your SATs uh I forgot what it was I did the one that had three sections so that it's 26 24 yeah 800 800 and I did like a 2280 or something damn yeah smart kid pretty good that's the cross yeah but the only reason I got in was because of sports oh that's right what did you play lacrosse you did yeah I didn't know you

played lacrosse at harvard yeah do we talked about no we did you reacted just like did I you know I played a little lacrosse in college as well did you really division three community college wider university yeah okay my brother how'd you see how high his voice was don't know it okay sounds awesome that's great were you in the skull and bones to hit the brick wait I didn't know that what position did you play defenseman nice yeah nice what about you I was a midfielder yeah but you were kids got body on him tight lean body on him I didn't know that that's crazy what's the talk shop after the podcast oh lax maybe grab a beer hang out

you show up in your old jersey get one of them ice coffee about dropping his beer Francis next one's on me pound it pound it it's like dude your hands stank those in hot hot that and hockey man when you got a good pair of gloves that fucking that fit in like you know you broke them in yeah man they were they felt like extensions of your body that's it all right let's do this one okay this will be the last one this one's from hose have you or someone in your family ever returned an item from a store because it went on sale right after you bought it so you've returned it so you could buy it at the sale price I did that

really yeah but fully had an answer I didn't mean that that no no please that dude straight out of my mother's fucking playbook yeah that's crazy and it feels really good when when you get it down really yeah what you want you go in guns blazing you're like dude I sort of got I bought a coat a nice long coat that was like cool and tailored and all this shit from this store and I asked them as I was buying it this is the kind of store where they give you a beer as you're shopping really yeah rag and bone holy shit yeah it's nice and I walked in there I saw this coat it was not as expensive as I would have thought looking at it it was really nice and I walked up and I was like I love this but their stuff goes on sale all the time and I was like

promise me this is not going on sale tomorrow and they were like this is part of our fall line it's not going on sale these have been flying off the shelves and I was like all right I bought it I'm not kidding you a week later half off how did you find that out how did you know that yeah that's why I don't get because I get their email fucking junk mail newsletters and I right up front there's my coat did you have the tags on still no I'd worn it and you say what do you take what do they I walk back to the store with the coat the very people who'd given me my Peroni and I was like I'll try to butter me up with your import I was like you looked me in the eye and told me this coat was not going on sale and they were like you're right and then they they took it back

and then resold it to me for half the price I like that because you're going I think your mom does it under the guise of I don't need this this doesn't fit he's he's going I made them I made them give me stand by their word yes your mom is just trying to fucking pull one over at Boscombe's yeah no she'll um if she wants something now and she knows it's going on sale if there's like a mortal day sale she'll buy it wear it and then go back and be like yo it's on sale let's go cut the chat oh my god jesus christ patty what do you do she might have had a function or something she had to she had to wear it needed it for yeah oh I don't know that that's not a new jeans for a wedding or a funeral Francis Alice thank you so much buddy I have I have one that I want to ask

you guys for is yours you guys have done so many many episodes that I worry that anything I might bring has already been covered so forgive me if this is over that believe it or not probably not go ahead have you ever brushed your teeth while you were taking a shit a shit never never on the toilet I just started doing it in the shower you're brushing your teeth I'm not that much of a go getter why do you do that I've done it yeah why and then you gotta you gotta tuck your junk while you spit into the toilet no dude that's crazy I think we just found the clip I don't do it often I don't do it often but I've done it you're like in a pinch you gotta get out of the house multitask you got the apartment on fire you can shave a couple of seconds you know I gotta get

that sunscreen on my face gotta get the Peloton you know it's like doing on the Peloton routine routine no I expect a little more from a Harvard man I'm not gonna that's real brown behavior so we got oops the podcast yeah you got the patreon what else you got the patreon I do I do sort of shorter versions like highlight clips from the alternate side parking on my Instagram with the hope that people will enjoy those enough to fork over five dollars a month but yeah check check me out if you like these guys I'm similar he's similar type of humor and you're oops the podcast is with Julio who was a previous guest as well so who we also love have you birthday big guy yeah heard it was his birthday keep you what do you got for him

as always please make sure you're ready to subscribe on itunes full video on youtube and then patreon.com also guys live shows we have live shows coming up in Atlantic City Chicago we added a fourth fucking show that tickets that's gonna fucking sell out get fourth and final and then india as well and we have more we have about 15 more coming so yeah stay tuned we love you guys and we'll see you next week