Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Front Yard People w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Go Factor: https://go.factor75.com/garbage50 Promo Code: Garbage50 Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Shoebie dooby dooby gang. Let's go the state trashy tour is in full swing. We're coming to a town near you Uh-huh. We got the first leg announced. Yes. We're coming other places first leg coming up grab the squad come to the show Yeah, guys starting to March. We're gonna be in Baltimore, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Virginia Oklahoma City, Dallas, Texas, Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas and an April New Haven, Connecticut, Burlington, Vermont in May We're hitting Tampa, Dania Beach, Florida. There you go. Raleigh, North Carolina and in June. We're hitting Cleveland and Columbus We're gonna be announcing a bunch more cities, but tickets are already moving now get them. Let's party. Yeah Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or

Absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Hey, yeah, we'll show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it after good to be classy Yeah, it's just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day We're down here at Aunt Toady's basement. She's upstairs motorboat and a teenager. Okay, yeah I'm listening what's happened? My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage He is an international business man. Uh-huh. The Nick Erdogan's one on the run for president Okay, the Russians want him dead. Give it up for KJ

Kevin James Ryan He's talking about my Russian neighbors. How about that? Yeah, what? I'm an international man of mystery. That's right Yeah, oh watching you speaking up. We'll get into that. Oh Shout out to everybody. Thanks for tuning in. Well, you saw Austin Powers this weekend. We did yesterday Me and T-Bone saw Mike Myers. No. Yeah, we had dinner with the stars, baby Oh, me and T-Bone, how little meal. You two dirtbags had dinner together. Uh-huh. No, I don't like that at all We I said don't tell fully wait till the show. Oh, okay Along with my wife as well. Luke find your best pair of sweatpants

Uncle Hank's taking you out to dinner. We're going to carbones Table for three I'll call up Bradley Cooper right now Please make sure you review subscribe on itunes full video available on YouTube as you know, those numbers are And obviously the greatest website of all time WWW.patreon.com Are you garbage China up you get bonus episodes a yg a day episodes of hard feelings where we let it all Hang out letting it hang out here. It's gonna be a little hard feelings. That's good

Find out about this dinner And then guys are we're announcing our new tour dates the link should be in the bio They're announcing soon get those takies when they're available Mm-hmm. Yeah, and have a nice quick shout out to our producer Extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good works to ones and twos crosses the T's dots the eyes I bought him dinner didn't even know it give it up for T-Bone Mcscruffins. Toby McBallon everybody. Hey, what's up, dude? What's up T-Bone? Oh nothing just out there hobnobbin with New York royalty You know, we're just go dinner with Mike Myers was there what where'd you go? I had him over my apartment

It was a catered affair I made I made him wear the outfit I Said Mike you can hang too, but I need a lot you do those little song and dance or something They do the voices for my wife. We Dr. Evil and I never seen you doing the same room talk to the dog like it's mini me, huh? Come on Where'd you have dinner down on the lower east side down there? Yeah, where better be a subway Place called Ruby Rosa really I've been wanting to go there off reservation tough reservation again

I pulled a couple of strings me and a mic man. Yeah, Schultz. I get you a table. No They know me Mike Myers was in there Mike Myers that right next to us and then answer is table to be changed from away from Toby Ha ha ha ha ha ha Toby was in there cackling talking about camera lenses. There's something Myers wanted out. Is that true? That is 100% right? That's cackle the buildings rattling Myers sat down for two second goes Waiter changed my table. You walk to Mike Myers. Well in our defense. They had saddest in the kitchen Because was he solo he was with his kid. Ah And then Toby I go that was Mike my Toby and my wife didn't realize they had nothing you brought the bird

Yeah, what what am I the last man on the team fucking junior man on the account is both you were sick idiot Oh Luke you and your girlfriend are in for a fucking treat for a nightmare They take a swing at both Couple of short and ease I get a little broad to kick rocks. I don't think a shot at Luke. Oh, man That's a good piece of business I just pooped my pants a little right Jesus Christ Well, I'm getting over a stomach bug. I don't know what to tell you. We'll be all right Um, I wanted to ask you speaking of which I know both of you aren't gonna like this

If you're if your question is does he look like in the movies exactly like He smelled nice too Hey, he really lights up a room at Emma M&M Also my game and King bozo fashion those two didn't realize and I'm like, of course he walks in I see him You know a star spot stars, you know, sure Other famous people sense other famous people in the room. Hey, I get to you. Did you play a rock in something? I Can you play an old man? Can you play the boulder that chase fucking Indiana Jones down the cave?

I don't like this. He was sitting there with his kid like right next to T-Bucks. There's those uh They're tight spots. That's the lower east side spot. You're on top of each other. I hate I'll give me two tree tables next to me, too. I need a little elbow room. Hmm. Um, I Go that was Mike Myers. He was that was a kid. I'm like, yeah, not him. You idiot fucking Mike Myers was Mike Myers That was clearly his son He goes that was a kid he works here Yeah, there's no getting jobs King bozo move any who I

Wanted to ask you about the wipes about butt wipes. Mm-hmm. Okay Obviously fresh ones Sure, can you use them for anything else? Is that trashy? Cuz I use them if I if I tinkle and I dribble a little bit I'll take a throw a couple on the floor and I'll clean it up like that. Use your foot though. I use my foot Yeah, that's the trashy thing. Why? using your I mean Using your foot to clean that's not I mean, it's not how they do it in the commercials. What are you talking about dude?

What do you mean? Well, I'm not saying I don't do it out the I'm the kind of guy if I got a sock on and I dribble I'll just mop it up with the sock I'm old-school, baby I'm old-school Janice. You can't use appendages as piss mops Using your foot is a fucking wet jet. Yeah, Swiffer. It's called the kippy baby commercial of me zipping around the They should have They should have I usually take my socks off and the dog eats Oh

Yeah, I'm mark of my territory, but I'll also wait down like the sink with them and stuff like that. That's cool. Yeah, all right Well take it away kippy Don't I get a little more pushback from that. I didn't know you were wiping up your pee with your foot That's crazy. I've done it. I don't make a habit out of it, but I've done it around the house Yeah, I mean at first I'm not like it's it's not like a puddle on the ground It's a drip drop so I don't get yelled at, you know on the subject. I do have something else to confess More often than not I'm peeing in the shower Just like not in the shower not in the shower

What are you doing cuz I if I get it all over the place? It's a problem. I get yelled at That's what squatters do man. You can't be doing that. I run the water and it saves water How does running the bathtub save water every time you pee fill it up that you're not I just give it a little splash It's no good. No Toby That's like Fenway Park bathrooms, dude. That's like a trough Might as well throw some ice in there like a like an old urine or a pub next to a guy in a Giants hat Hey look good this year, huh? You believe these bums

Pass interference Well you doing ice baths he says It's just in in the tall. It's just easier for everybody That's the way I look at it. Okay fair enough. I completely disagree I turn the fan on I turn the water on in the forest have to do what are you Just to cover it up. She don't know this what are you nuts? Yeah, be out on the street. Yeah each where you belong you're peeing in a tub Yeah, that's no good, huh? No knock that off. All right

Then I got to sit down to pee. I don't want to do that yet You could just stand up. I might I'm too. I'm too powerful. That's I'm telling you I'm talking about an all-time spin zone I'm telling you man What does that mean for escalators maybe? I'm too powerful. No matter where I hit the toilet it splatters out and like little little particles I think you got bad aim. I don't have bad aim. I got good aim It's coming out. It's like a fire hose. All right This way everything stays clean and no one's none the wiser. Yeah, all right

It's got to be real careful when I open and close the thing because they we have the metal hooks And she's gone while you shower and four times a day That's you at least you don't smell like you are Yeah, knock it off with that seriously. All right. I I Real I have a problem. I went out to dinner with them We went we had a nice little dinner in a movie date. You've had a couple of dinners over the last week Yeah, I do. All right. What happened is back on the soul. Yeah, no shit You turn that key real quick. What you you you were drying out you were right out for like fucking 23 days

You were on the Peloton next thing I see a picture on Instagram You got you got you got four cows legs a bone marrow in front of you Yeah, I spilled my drink all over the table man. I don't belong in nice places, dude They spot it. I was wearing a Miller a Miller a Miller high life racing t-shirt at a place that at bone marrow Yeah, it was Minetta. What yeah, I spill. I spilled my manhattan all Over the table. I can't take me to nice place I were I was I resort back to that eight-year-old scared. It's a bourbon diner. What'd you put the bone marrow on? bread a little behind my ears relaxes me at night

Where it is cologne? Put it on a baguette. They do. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Huh? Was he there too for that one? No, just you and the bird on cruises there though. Was he? No, we walked and we popped we went to see a movie try to be cultured a little bit went to see that Colin Farrell movie the Lord's of Banshee The banshee's of Isheraheam or something. Okay. How was it? Nice nice film good. Yeah, I'm a big in bruise guy I love him bruise sure same guy Martin McDonough. I believe it was a rose you guy, too. Oh, I love him bro Told you over there. Yeah, put him in that nice little dinner. No, Rezzi

I think she called on the way down to see if we could get it. They were like, oh, yeah, 730. Really? Huh? Easy peasy. Look at you. Uh-huh Not bad stiff them on a tip And left with paper towels from the bad French fucks Hey frogs kick rocks, huh? USA I'll take another side of freedom fries None of that mayo shit neither I got my own ketchup Like it's about that a bunch of packets

I'm not a cultured man. I don't belong in those places. They smell like you It's the nuggets here, dude She'll do the modsticks a couple ice cubes without wine But we got a goddamn family episode here folks Yes, we do as you know when you sign up for the patreon. We want to answer your garbage question on the air It's just the best way to do it. We get a lot of submissions the DMs the tweets the list the emails the whole nine hours people called My house one time and said hey, I got a question for easy, but snoozing over here

But patreon gets the first crack at it. So when you sign up, we will answer your question on the air sound good Sound good. Let's get into it. What do you got kippy? This is from a guy with the name of got Rob the Norris town In there before never have one read is a garbage if the only place you could teach your kid how to swim was an amusement park wave pool Dude, I wonder where that wasn't Norris town. I don't know. It's got to be talking about Dornie Park Maybe I'm the only wave pool. I know in the in the tri-state area Dornie Park Hershey Park Probably had one six flags had one driving up the Hershey. I mean, yeah, I don't know if Hershey Park had one I would assume they got a wave pool. I don't think great adventure did Did they yeah, they did cuz I when I was a camp camp counselor

We took a group of kids and one kid wanted to wear a jeans jeans. Yeah, which I refused again I had to come later. I thought Dornie Park was the one that had the wave pool It's a top the top-notch Organization I got a wave pool and raging wall. It's not raging waters or what's it called T-bone? Oh, I thought you were I thought you were about to sorry. Oh, no, I heard she's woman in a creek He doesn't fucking know he's a hillbilly Hershey Park does have a wave pool, but it's made out of chocolate There you go, milky well, I do have a way pull though, but that's a tough one how to swim at peanut butter falls I like the marshmallows like to see that in the Olympics, huh?

The whole town does smell like chocolate. It does. It's nice. There used to be an Abisco factory up there on a boulevard when I used to live Down that way in the Northeast Man, you could smell the cookies from a fucking. It's not bad. There also used to be a now and later factory in Brooklyn And when I was you've been thrown out of Sir, can you please leave I pay my taxes you're not welcome back now or later actually a storm in the capital. I stormed that Trying to get in there Now they used to be a now or some kind of flavor factory or something over and save it a flavor, baby Down here at the flavor factory. There was something over there in Brooklyn that what you just called food factories flavor

They got it all lime cherry. You got cherry. They got grape. They got vanilla swirl Used to drive by the on the guanis expressway. You could smell it in the summer flavor factory. You are a gray I think it was now and later. I Think it was now and later But I don't want to brand specific I don't want to pigeonhole them. I don't want to blow them up. Maybe they were runs could have been a now and later dark site I don't know. I got my now and later gators on Teaching your kid how to swim in a public

Wave pool seems they I mean, that's a real trial by fire. Who taught you how to swim. I Think I learn. I don't know. I feel like I've always just kind of known how to swim I'm part turtle Maybe I have a vague use your head as a buoy. I have a vague members boats going around Go to the left to kippy stay watch the wake dickhead. I think We might have went to like When I was a girl toddler I have a vague memory of being in like a pool at like a gym or like a rec center type thing probably

I think I remember a kickboard now that I'm thinking about it. Sure, but I think at that point I was already like pretty good, but I think was more of like Just learn some more fundamentals. You know what I mean? I never remember not knowing how to swim I'll never forget the lady that that taught me because set of cans on her now I fucking tortured her man. She hated my fucking guts. She had bruises all over. I remember the specific what I was so scared of The water man, you are a fucking dude. I pinched her all the time holding me She I remember I vividly remember her complaining to my mom like you can't bring him back. Look at my arms I'm all bruised up

The kiddie pool now it was a big pool I think it was at the CYC and now Wolfsbury is where I learned okay I'm just thinking you're drowning and then pinching somebody. Yeah, I don't get yes my move Getting hands you with the instructor Wendy pepper corn Yeah, man, I look back on it fucking bad news that's tough But then I got it. It took to the water like a seal Yeah, I mean I just I had a record over there 12 and under freestyle for a long time might still be I did a worm like nobody's business doing some backspins, baby

Pinching other the other kids you're swimming against. I remember somebody loved one in the pool shit. Yeah, like a caddy shack We talked about this We down in the deep end we used to suck too We have and they talked about it not a lot of people know about it, but the greased watermelon We've mentioned it before on the show They grease a watermelon with Vaseline and throw it in the pool and then it's like Rugby or like whatever you got to get it to the other side of the pool and it's two teams Mm-hmm, and man

I remember just being a kid I was too young and being like wait till my day comes and I get in the goddamn grease watermelon fucking man I was all right. There was a big day I'm all the kids would gather and watch it all like watch like the older teenagers do it Yeah, man, and the one time we did it. You know those pretzel barrels We felt with at my buddy Neil and Scott's house we filled that with rocks and did it with that in their own pool man I just I think I think like a stone dude. I went all the way down to the bottom with

I don't let go maybe like a 50s gangster. Oh, man. Yeah down there swimming with the fishes I remember in middle school when we would do because we had a pool at our middle school and we would do Like swimming certification at some point during gym class Throughout the year and it was it was a pretty size. It was a pretty decent size pool Mm-hmm, and the deep end was pretty fucking deep. It had to be 10 feet Something like that. It had a couple serious diving boards. I'd buy 12. Yeah, and we used to do These bricks they were like bricks that were like made of like rubber and they would drop them down It was like seal training and we'd have to swim back and forth and then dive down and get them

I don't think anybody fuck Car seat with a seatbelt. You got to get down there fucking cut it off roll out Share an oxygen mask dude that scared the shit out of me Officer and a gentleman with Richard gear all the anytime anything's being done in a pool and it's empty No one's having fun. I knew I'd never be a pilot You never see anybody diving for rings or something next door. You're in a cage getting fucking dunk Oh, it's my biggest fear. Yeah Brutal, but we had to go down and get these things and I don't think anybody did it

And I knew I knew it was dangerous because they always had like two extra Gym teachers there with goggles on in the water with their suits on like ready to go down and get you I'm a fucking seventh grade here. Yeah, just load it up on fucking shitty pizza and a couple of Otis muckmeyer cook A couple chocolate milks in me. Now you got me doing budge training. You're ringing the bell dropping out of school Yeah dropping out of seal training fuck man look to your left look to your right to what you won't be here You're like it's fucking Tomeru man relax fucking sparta. Who's going on here? I don't think they do that shit no more now They got rid of them. They switched high school my high school. They're in the underwater demolition training

You're an underwater welder down there with a fucking pig welder What's the dinero movie with him and is it an honor? Oh, man, give me those steps I was crying like a baby back bitch dude. I was fucking Man Antoine Fisher is nothing to shake a stick back to you ever see that it's with Denzel Come on. You're gonna kill him suit himself in the head. Oh, that's that one. No, that's John Q Yeah, trying to save his cats another one. He don't miss. I'll tell you the first movie. I cried. Oh, I bawled my eyes Like as an adult or like, you know as a man, I think Kevin Connelly was in that too. He was he was all right It was supposed to do the show

Never happened. All right, I'll get into that. What are you gonna do? Kip? How about them factor meals, baby? I got a text today. They got dropped off at the apartment Tasty and delicious love them gang factor does it all for you. They shop for you They prep it all for you. Yep. They cook it for you. Uh-huh fresh never frozen. Yep You go home. You pop it in the microwave or throw it on the skillet for a couple of minutes It's ready to eat easy peasy and they are the Yeah, gang. I got back on a factor train. They're fantastic. It takes the thought out of it I'm a big fan of that chorizo chili. They got cooking over there. I don't want to eat more than one

Oh, they got delicious. They got calorie smart keto options They are perfectly portioned to keep you on track with your goals factor now for 34 meals per week and over three dozen add-on options Like sweet smoothies smoothies juices and so much more, baby. T-bones on them It's ready to eat under two minutes by a bing by the boom takes it out If you're if you're wrapping your head around should I get paid just like a sandwich by the bing by the time you're by the time You're your factor meals done. You're already eating it. You don't have to make the decision head to factor meals comm slash garbage 50 and use code Garbage 50 to get 50% off your first box, baby. That's code garbage factor That's that's code garbage 50 at factor meals comm slash garbage 50 to get 50% off your first box

Do it. Kip. Let's talk about ladder, baby Ladder love that ladder. Let's talk about what you're leaving your loved ones Yeah, I got you earmarked for a nice little care package, buddy. Yeah, take care of you for a couple of weeks cleaning up your debts I'm sure My ladder premium is gonna be one of them Yeah, do yourself a favor get yourself a little term life insurance And if you're in the market get yourself over to ladder and take care of it Don't leave your family holding the bag. Yeah guys

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la dder life comm slash garbage ladder life comm slash garbage back to the show back to the show All right, let's see here. This one's from Peyton long time home. He never had one red Are you garbage if you exclusively used Heinz 57 catch up and no other? Only because your father raised stock cars and the number was 57 Here's my question about that. What other what else would you use though? But I do respect the brand loyalty and the number he's talking about something different We've brought this has come up before and I've tried to clarify it and you guys give me pushback There's Heinz catch up and then there's Heinz 57 sauce

I think that's what the guy's talking about which is more like an HP kind of sauce No, but I under I do I it's like more of the yellow or the reddish. I'm not red like the brown Yeah, yeah, yeah, or it ain't catch up Heinz 57, but on the bottles though on the red bottles Yeah, they have the 57. Yeah, it was they had 57 engraved on the bottles that like a diner of the ketchup Regular Heinz ketchup. Yeah, and you would say tapped to 57s was the thing and if you tapped to 57s around the bottle It would all come out. Okay. No, that's totally cool. It's because they had 57 varieties of sauces They did at one time. They had 57 varieties

Yeah, I mean there's 57 on a ketchup bottle at the top says Heinz 57 Really? Let me see it. That's what you're supposed to hit to make it come out. Yeah tapped to 57s. Can I see it, please? So there's Heinz 57 sauce, right? Yeah So it's 57 up there. That's okay. Yeah, that Heinz 57 sauce was all right Me and my brother love that shit. I don't think I ever fucked with it But not as a standard that would be wild just using that all the time. Oh, man You have to bring that you feel that debate. That's hang, baby My gels are milking right now doing a shot of Malort when you're eight

Like it blow your molars out Now that's totally cool. I mean dude If it ain't Heinz, I Don't know what to tell you. I mean, there's not really a debate on that It's not like the the ranch thing that we were talking about. No, it's straight I mean, it's hot. I think there's a number like they make like 98% of the ketchup in America and They just water it down and sell it but I'll do a hunts Yeah, hunts is all right, but especially with the Pennsylvania connection. We were a Heinz family

In the bottles for a while the glass Yeah, that was those got real crusty Yeah, for sure Took a bad restaurant This one's from Jordan first time long time not really a question. My mom was a grandma at 37 Whoa, I think she I think he said she had him She had her bro. She had his brother at 17 Uh-huh, and then at 20 his brother had a kid. Wow to a 37 year old my age

that's crazy a grandma but She's still got her whole life in front of her. That's kind of the way to do it Knock it all out by the time you're 40. Yeah, man Fucking chill now. You got a homie you can smoke cigs with and drink beers There's there's people my age that have their kids are like going to college Yeah, well, you're 50 47 well 46

Yeah, so somebody had a kid at 28. It's not bad. Yeah, that's me. I think probably most people in America have their kids I get the number on that Average age to have kids in America. It's probably 24, but I have some friends that have just had kids Mm-hmm. They're like two and three and five and 28 28 28 28. There you go. Average age, man You gotta get cracking big man. I'm just gonna adopt an adult Somebody to adopt a new guy Luke Hey, new guy Luke you're bumping over me He's all caked up up there. You're gonna come Uncle Hank's house. Yeah, give me but I need somebody needs somebody to take care of me

Be out on the street. What do you mean? Who's gonna take care of me when I'm older? Yeah, I'm really putting the screws that my nephew about that lay in the groundwork of the trip Sure, I won't fuck him up. Hey, I'm gonna die. Someone needs to take care of me Hey when I can't walk in three weeks someone's gotta take care of me so who's gonna wipe up to pee in the top three weeks He's a freshman in high school All right, this was well this one's from H. Hoagie never have one red Is it garbage you use a coffee mug for anything other than coffee tea or cocoa like wine or sodas? Oh, yeah It's trash though. It's never enough. It's it's a perfect. That's what I like about a mug's a perfect

Container for coffee tea hot chocolate sucks for water But you're just staying in by the sink for fucking three days trying to sure it's not enough of soda If you I fill that up with soda, you know tea with dinner with ice I gotta read Oh, you know, you get like a thimble worth of fucking coke But there's something that there's something very edging about it. Is that the right words? Oh what the kids call it when you almost get there check your Google search there When you almost get sure you're not Yeah, that's all right with that what's it with some with some

Refrigerator ice off the door the little half moon, John's sure and some SOTY It's not bad for is a little milk. It's great. It's all right with a little that I would do one and a half of those Oh, you're doing too sure Love the milk love it. Um, all right, this one's from Scott age brand new ten dollar Homies by the way, he shot out to the fucking army garbage that down there molt. They're like goddamn gremlins, man They're after night, dude. They're fucking all they're doubling love it Is it garbage to be from northeast Philadelphia like just a garbage birthright like nobility asking for myself Is it garbage to be from northeast Philly? It's north east Philly as a whole is a

Tough Branch of the city. I think great. I think as being a suburban kid. I want to be more or less It's a badge of honor You got the Philly connection. I don't really have much of a Philly proper Connection I got my uncle by marriage who's from down here in Manny, Yonk, Manny But that's really it. Yeah, I was always jealous of that. I was born in the northeast It's where my roots go back to old school real dirt bag three deco men three deco men at best Yeah, I mean lace curtain most of my family is still in the northeast

It's not a great It is there's great parts of it, but there's also parts where you're like ha chi machi I'm not saying there hasn't been an economic decline in the last 30 years And there's about a 98% change you're coming out of dirt bag. Sure. I'm not saying that Yeah, it's nice to get a nice piece of tomato pie every once in a while sure of course You know what I mean head over to the Franklin Mills Mall Maybe know the stocks family where you get the pound cake from mm-hmm not too shabby. Yeah, no It's great. I'd like to be in a first-name base with the lady at Del Sandro's sure. That's Roxbury abozo same thing

It's all Philly. That's still actually quite far apart. It's like probably an hour away. I love that Del Sandro Yeah, it's all right. Yeah shot the Northeast Philly and all the They would grow it up that they refer now the term going around was newt. They called them newts What northeast white trash? What's guys a real fucking newt? What's the great northeast? Is that different? No that the great northeast is the northeast Okay, that was all marketing. That was Gary Barbera. Yeah, I heard that on the radio that shit ain't that great I'm a great northeast. Yeah, beautiful. That's where he had so Gary Barbera was a bit. He was probably still banging Don't run your mouth. He was a heavy heavy bike and say it run over by a pre-owned Buick

in auto sales and Him and FC Kerback coming at me. I love an FC Kerback Gary Barbera It was the great northeast and Roxborough, you know in the great northeast and beautiful Roxborough that was all the commercials Yeah, yeah, it was all right. I always wanted to what a fuck is this place? Yeah, that's just the north It's called great because it's huge. It's like I'd go up on the roof and fucking look at See if I can see the Emerald City. It's not I think they called it great because it's so big It's like the size of the rest of Philadelphia. Yeah, the northeast is it's like this huge fucking this huge sprawling

Area up there. I just thought the mob was up there. I don't think so. I don't know the Russian mob now for sure I told you they want me dead All right, let's see here this one's from Brock. Is it trashy to walk around a convenience store pretending to shop for a while? Knowing I'm not gonna buy anything and I just want to use the facilities Ah a convenience store. You're fine. Yeah, you don't got to play that game. No, okay. Where's the bathroom? Yeah I think cuz I do get this though, but from what since we've been on the road so much It's like I'm just you just go in nobody said a convenience store. Nobody's a gas station convenience store Yeah, there's a gas station. I just filled up. What are you talking about? I'm about to got no car

I get five on two, please. That's a mountain bike And I'm gonna go drop two in the bathroom. Yeah, you're right out Now you can do whatever you want a restaurant is a little different Also, somebody just wrote in or tweeted or something that the move at a restaurant is hey I'm still waiting for my party. I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick if you're like jammed up I try that and a place asked me to hold my credit card Really, you're a dirt ball. Yeah, you walked Mike Myers You would have definitely walked them. No, uh-huh. We started having to do Shrek and stuff

Hey, you guys need a body double by any chance. Is it donkey with you? Yeah hotel a hotel lobbies in New York is a big one just popping to a hotel find the act like you own a joint 1842 where's the shitter a restaurant? All right, that's somebody who worked in the industry for quite a long time The way you play that is You just walk up Don't I mean if you're if you're a scumbag they're probably gonna say no But if you're just looking use the bathroom, hey, I'm sorry Do you mind if I use the bathroom real quick? Most people are gonna be sure it's right there. Yeah, you're gonna get a dick or two

That really doesn't have a reason to say no, I don't like that They just want to be a fucking asshole that that shit's so fucking and that used to drive me Bathroom and you're probably not that guy cleaning them I used to have an owner One of the one of the owners I used to work for did that the fucking nice neighborhood There was no reason to fucking be like this like neighborhood people It's not like people are coming in shooting up heroin or something now Nobody's graffiti in the you know the walls or anything like that

And it would be dead there'd be nobody in there like nah, sorry Like I don't understand a person that had gotten coffee like a couple days earlier That's another I think there's there should be a thing of like everybody's a potential customer. Yeah Yeah, that's like I should be able to buy, you know, you should be able to piss and shit and any wah-wah I spent enough money at this guy like I said if somebody comes in and they look like they're a piece of shit, you know Sure, yeah, they're gonna smoke crack in there or something or you know what they're you know They have spray paint out in their hand that they're ready to fucking you're shaking a can of spray paint Yeah, maybe say it's for customers only I

Never understood that that shit always drove me crazy. I remember people like it's for customers only I don't want to buy us I'll buy a slice, but I'm not doing it But like I let me go fucking take a deuce real quick. There's clearly an emergency. You know, I'm gonna slice on my way You know who's cool about that. There's a pizza place on Third Avenue and 8th Street, maybe you know that pizza place third Avenue and 8th It's on the right if you're walking up near Cooper Square It has the corner. It's a race. It is a race. Yeah, they're fucking me. That would used to be our hang Yeah, I used to meet you there after work was on a billy club. It was on like a little mini baseball

But it was on like that. Yeah, yeah, but what I I never understood that man. It was tough though And I would change in there out of my those gray slacks that I stole from my dad my fucking shoes that had holes in them They were tough times. Yeah, I spent half my net worth on two slices of fucking chicken-barned pizza Shout out to it. Yeah, and a screaming cold can uh-huh now. I never understood The people that fucked up bathrooms that wrote shit on the inside of the wall Can I assume that you that you partake in that a little bit? You ever tag up a bathroom? No, no, I do appreciate some nice bathroom graffiti You know look left look right the guy holding your dick is a tiny dick or whatever. Yeah, I hate that shit

I mean, yeah, if you're at no boo, sure, but I mean if you're at a dive bar, that's all fun and games What do you mean? You don't know that's kind of the aesthetic of the dive bar everybody tag then ever someone else write something They write something I worked at that berry burger in the West Village and people would come in and fucking do it all the time It's like what the fuck doesn't even make any sense the fuck you're writing Yeah, I get graffiti nice picture nice fucking spray paint something nice, but the tag in shit It's like dude get some fucking talent. Will you they do and they're tagging and letting you know. No, that's not town Something dumb Anybody can write fuck you fatso

I was in the complaint department, I think I don't even think that was a tag Think that was that was it that was a Yelp review you got That is motherfucker That's just rude All right, let's see here this one's from Sam Is it garbage if your neighbors have a fire pit in the front yard? Smoke and drink beers out there almost every night. Yikes. Listen. There's nothing more I love that a fire pit a cooler of beers and a handful of haters

That's one of my one of some of my greatest times have been front yard, but the front yard is a bad Or maybe side yard activity the side yard who the fuck's hanging out on the side And if you don't hide it's better than the front yard dude. There's two kinds of people Front yard burners and back yard now there's front yard people and there's backyard people You don't want to be front yard people. No, that's tough. Mm-hmm. I guess it does Depends slightly on the neighborhood how it's set up But for the most part, yeah, that's fire pit in the front yard There's definitely a car on the grass in that yard. Sure. Yeah, and it doesn't run

No, I remember there's a runaway in the house, too Probably ain't seen Claire in a couple of weeks. Yeah true an officer after somebody in that house Somebody's attendance is below par. What was it true an officer with a cops they've guns I don't think so. I think they were just more I don't know. I mean maybe some of them in certain places, but they were just more of like Maybe they were like a an arm of the cop like an arm of the wall, maybe Like I never went that far. We had adopt the cops and ours that was big adopt the cop and adopt the cop I think that's what it was called

Where each school would get a neighborhood cop and like he was your cop and He would come and talk and give like a whatever and they had like baseball cards with this guy Our guy was a real fat piece of shit. I don't want to say his name Man, this guy was a real tub. Oh Lord I wanted to be officer Hogi. Hey officer Hogi dick get out of here. Will you? Um Yeah, I remember just being like dude, this is a sham. This is a puppet Reggie. What are you talking about? Give me and there was another dude that we had this fucking cool-ass cop officer Heath

He was the fucking shit. He would catch us skating and stuff and didn't give a shit, you know what I mean? He'd like yo, alright, you know all the other people like give me your board where I'm calling your parents Our guy would come up actually you don't even fucking know me. I'm like, bro. I adopted you last year Call my goddamn parents for doing a little we're doing a little board slide away in your jersey Yeah, what the fuck dude officer. He's would come back. Yeah, I clear it out. What's up? How you doing? That's alright. It was alright, but our guy sucked ass, dude Dude, it's there's a lot of requirements to become a true-in officer high school diploma. All right, Foley's out. I Have a high school diploma dickhead. All right, that one that one's stuck in there probably a GD

No, I was I think I was The third lowest in my class They got really I graduated with 348 kids. I think I was like 344 or something like that. I Was gonna show off Really? Yeah, I was down there. I remember the girl we had the other four kids got hit by drunk drivers of our kids didn't graduate Because I think they did it they did it

They published ours because we were 505 and there was a girl at this fucking There's nice. She's probably not alive. I hate to say it, but 50 her and another kid were tied for 505 dude. It was bad sharing the title It was like you couldn't I mean you couldn't make we did make fun of her But if you know, there was party it felt kind of bad I was down there a friend of ours because they did that on graduation Hopes ours, too. They did that on graduation. That's where I found it out It was like in the program or something ours came it came out like right before. Yeah, I think they lined us up like that

They're in the names Henry Foley. No shit. Holy shit. You owe me 10 bucks. I someone lost a bet Principal's like fuck I Think they lined us up like that. Mm-hmm. Like when we walked in graduation No, no, no, but that's when I remember I was tripping on acid, too So I can't really piece it together But I I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be school graduation I'm pretty sure it was something like that. Yeah, cuz that's what I remember now It's that's remember when it hit me because we all gathered in the cafeteria before we walked already there

What's everybody doing here? That's tonight What This is here grabbing some old Texas Tommy's We showed up we had it in the stadium out there in Trojan Stadium shout out to it In the stadium. Yeah in high school. Oh and high like high school ball field. Yeah football stadium Yeah, why was we have a stadium tripping balls in a gown man this concert blows Play free bird dude Tripping face

No, you we have a state we were just I mean it's not like fucking dead state There was bleachers as a gate to get it eaters is not a stadium It goes all the way around full. Yes. No, no, no, no not the bleachers. There's a there's a fence all the way around it Hey sold hot dogs. They did pretty pretty solid snack bar. I'm gonna lie Henry foley Work do work you do it so great to you Hey throw a flag where you have it right back It's even time out or something go get a heater get my head on the straight because I'm tripping balls right now

You're a different kind of idiot. Excuse me. Is this real? No, and then we go y'all gathered in the cafeteria before we walked out and that's that's that was the first time where it hit me Where I saw it. I was like, oh fuck And I was I was down at the bottom of the list Yeah, yeah, it's tough. I still got my shit though Suckers. I was pretty I was pretty up there. I was definitely like top Quarter or whatever. I we were out of 505. I was probably like, you know 120 or something like that probably if I had a guess what about you when you graduated from Bohemian Grove

We didn't have grades yeah Man So I got a frowny face Cloud or yeah, three kisses in a butt pad three pine cones All right, let's see here This is from Hayden never had a question read as a garb to try and get out of jury duty I would say it's a must unless you got nothing else going on You want to get fucking jammed up on a murder fucking trial? I never buddy of mine just went through it the dude's fucking in there

I don't want to name names. He's in politics a Gentleman, you know you have a friend in politics. I was joking. Oh, but he's an associate of ours of ours. Yeah You know, is he a comedian? Yeah, he's a comedian. Okay funny guy. We were just talking about him right before the show Was it me my jury duty? Am I on acid right now? No, but he was it was a murder fucking rap and the guys in there when they're trying to pick the jury Oh, yeah, that mug. Yeah, dude Get caught up on a Rico case fuck that dude fucking fish heads to your your mother's door Yeah, fucking Bobby Bacala pain you a fucking visit when you're at the snack bar with your kid. I'm not doing that fuck that

Yeah, I I've never done it. I got jammed up once when I lived up in New York the first time they brought me in Found out you had a warrant Fuck No, I'm on trial Yeah, I said I had a dentist appointment or something like that don't fly I got a dentist appointment I did I think it was pre 9-11. It was the Wild West back there or I were like Does anybody have a deep deep when they bring me into like interview you sit in a room Before they even bring you in sure and you could be sitting there for days

You know people versus OJ and then they bring you in and you're there with the judge And it's like do you have any reason why you wouldn't be able to see this through I got a dentist appointment in three days Fucking out the door and a reservation about three Trying to catch a matinee down there at the Angelica trying to catch a table at Rayo's next week You can't really jam me up. I got a hot piece of ass lined up Sweet piece of trim. Yeah, fuck that Get out of that. Yeah, just a busy body for civic duty all that shit. Fuck that. Yeah, I've never wanted to get caught up in that shit Unless it's something real juicy. You can write a book. I don't want to do anything at that. That's fucking

Nope, I don't want nothing to do with that This one's from Palmer. Are you garbage if you take your CPAP machine as a carry-on on a plane without the case? Wow, that's if you're raw dog in a CPAP machine. Is it in your in your carry-on? It just says as a carry-on. I think he's just carrying on His CPAP machine. I wonder if he's using it on the plane Because my pulmonologist said I could because they have plugs on the plane I have more tomato juice I have some more biscoff cookies, please

Don't talk to me while I'm landing breaker one there Some poor guys sat next to a 500-pound Darth Vader Just tripping over your hose to go to the bathroom. There'll be nothing to stop us this time We could do that all day Yeah, that's a tough look I want to get a new bag for it for the new tour So no not that I want to get something so it doesn't look like a CPAP bag mine's getting a little ratty anyway Mm-hmm. You got to get some get some new one. Maybe like an all-metal one. That'll be cool Hand cuff it to my hand. Uh-huh look real important. Sure

It is important. It's a machine keeping you alive. What do I think I'm a terrorist. I get tased. I can take a hatchet to your elbow Make good with the jewels World's worst ice you get back. It's a fucking dirty CPAP machine. Has it been clean since you got it I Clean it pretty regularly now since I got that bad chest cold. Okay, great from it. I Got jammed up I mean you play it fast and loose with everything Talk about sleeping with the enemy man inside of that thing looks like a bong at a bread house I

scraped that thing for for CPAP res I'm doing CPAP res balls, dude get your high shit though. Oh god Man, that's funny All right, this one's from why would truck nuts hey homies long-time stockholder never have one red is it garbage? To prefer your hands as a cup at the bathroom sink rather than a real cup It's amazing how waterproof your hands are when you put them together I've had that realization sometimes I'll do it and just watch it slowly and it's like that is that becomes a proper bowl I do I do enjoy the scoop of water, but I typically have a glaze

Not a bath. Let me say this as a kid in the middle of the night You wake up and you're dying of thirst and you go into the bathroom the bathroom sink You let that cold water run for like a minute it gets screaming cold and you just put your hands under it Put your hands under it, and you just get in there, and it's a constant thing It's like slow it's slurping it out of a babbling brook. Oh my god. That was all right It take it's like it takes you to like an exotic place. It's an out-of-body experience Because I was I was real sick the last couple of days And I had my little thing with me with with the liquid IV in it man. Just fucking pulling on that thing

So fucking good. Yeah Yeah, I typically have something now you have a cup in your bathroom. No Okay, you have a cup in your bathroom. No, I don't like drinking the tap water in New York. Why it's crazy safe No, it seems gross and old and gnarly You're from the you're from the woods. What are you talking about? That's where the clean water is Yeah, well a lot of bears pooping around here. Okay, this guy I I Wouldn't go to the bathroom if I needed water. I didn't hear Aaron Brock. It's doing any reports in New York City

But that deep cut Shout out to eb though. Yeah, Albert Finney Hello the performance Mr. Stephen Soderberg hear that kids drop acid your high school graduations and you can make references like that Yeah, you can make a career out of making Aaron Brock of it references deep cuts I Miss Jane one of his early works, but if I like now I wouldn't go to the bathroom You know what I mean? I think I like a suburban house sure upstairs. You're not going downstairs. What?

That's how the fucking Reaper get you. He's waiting under the fuck that yeah, man I would never cross that fucking staircase and then really what yeah unless unless I was making eye contact with the dog Be like it's me Fucking way there was dudes in every corner down there, and we had the open floor plan so I could see everything I didn't like that at all I feel like because your house is a split level. That's like real urban warfare. That's like higher ground looking down Yeah, dude, no way it was petrifying. Yeah, not to mention you could see the the other downstairs From the top of the thing and it was just

A black hole Seller draft fuck that man. I wasn't going down there for all the chocolate milk in the world. Yeah, no, thank you I would get Sinked them, but now I just go if I you know I typically have something but I'll just go to the sure the banter room But I was always to the I was always jealous of The like somebody who had a cup they had a nice cup in the in the bathroom I mean between me my brother my sister was like that's there's no way that's what like you do if you're like Married no kids

It's you and your husband or your wife And it would be filthy if it was me and my brother plus all this taking Balls in it or something. I mean like it'd be like fucking my parents were doing I'm just saying like I'd be like feeling mine with coke and leaving it like it wouldn't be fucking It wouldn't be like you see in the movies of like here's my glass of water. I'll put it down Yeah, fill it up tomorrow a nice cold refreshing glass of water before you go off pops put his ventures in there when he's staying over God damn, man, I opened up that jar one day. I didn't know I didn't know what the fuck is this blue tupperware thing hot Machi set of jumpers

I was like a drunk 18. I was like a drunk 16 year old whoo That was in the science lab My one ain't used to fucking really played fast and loose with that She just throw it in a rocks glass next to her bed. No litter. Nothing. I think it was in Barbaside or whatever I think it was ginger ale. Yeah, uh-uh Yikes just fucking having a sleep in her room. Just I think staring at me. I swear to God. They would turn in the cup Start talking to me Yeah, my step my step that my grandfather used to get to scare us as a kid. He would push them out

You know, I didn't even yeah, and it's like a fucking three. I was took a swing Adam. Hey, oh, what the fuck you doing? Oh, I can shit's falling apart over there. Yeah, my uncle about I'm like uncle would slide his top ones out Dude the lip drops. Oh, yeah, like a different guy. If you better be your face You hear the suction on the lips go dude like a different guy's like when a dad shaves his beard and the baby freaks out I Let's do a couple more and we got a rapper up there. This one's from Tyler Is it garbage a spray ax body spray after a poop instead of buying for breeze? I'm okay with it It's a tough. I mean it was like pooping teenagers. Yeah, that's tough. I mean, I'll spray anything. I sprayed Windex the other day

I'm a man. I mean we roll with the matches. I'll throw some scope on the floor. I Like that. Oh my sock I'll wear a tip. I'm a match guy. Oh, I hate that. Yeah, I don't I nothing that smells grosser and shit and fucking Matches I don't get it at all. I know we disagree shit though. It does matches smell like sulfur. It smells It smells your poop smells like sulfur. I'm not saying I'm saying the sulfur diffuses the shit I mean, it's techno. It's it's science the sulfur diffuses. It's technology It's brand new poop technology They did it in the old west

Because it was that good They didn't have anything better. They were dropping like flies at tuberculosis. They didn't know what the fuck they were doing But you go to have you go too heavy on the free I walked in here. You went heavy on the for breeze today, and I don't want to say anything. It's heavy. You go real thick I didn't spray. I didn't spray anything in here today. Somebody did no I checked through the trash out I was the trash bag. Yeah, it's got for breeze on everything this guy I didn't make them everything you touch goes to for breeze now, but you do spray too much. We have poo-pourri What's that put little drops in the in the turlet that I yeah, that's before you do do that doesn't do it

That's I've I've had that before you overpower that Overpower. Yeah Take that like Sherman's way out of your book blowing through a roadblock. That's oh, no you put the three drops in You're nuts wait that son of a bitch Sheriff hot on your tail god damn that's some bitch. I'm gonna get him. Yeah Kiffy's a Veneta bone tower dumps. Oh, that was a rough there was no there's no matter no I'm gonna put pooped in a Vada pooperie, and that wouldn't have fucking done anything shit not plasma. Yeah spray and mud dude Got a bad case of mud butt

What do you want from me? But let's wrap it up there gang. What a fun time. Yeah, we love you Love you boys come see us on the road and gals and get and I was talking to you two idiots Love you boys gang come see us on the road. We love you and we'll see you next week. Peace