Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fumi Abe: Ohio Kid

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Fumi Abe. Fumi talks growing up in Ohio, his criminal grandmother, and how to spend a million dollars. Its a fun one! Thanks for listening!  https://stereo.com/kevinryan​​​​​ https://www.stamps.com T-Shirts: https://www.PodcastMerch.com​​​​​ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey hey hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage folks it's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians we find out they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a glorious day I'm down here in Toody's basement guess who didn't come home last night toady toady where she yeah she's

shacking up with this assistant manager from Wawa all right who's maybe a year older than me I told him I ain't calling him Uncle Pete I'll say that right now so we'll see how it all works out sure my co-host is coming at you from right next to me folks if you ever want to do a TED talk how to move cheap playing cards this is the fucking guy right here because he sold him out 24 hours and we love you and we love him I'm gonna start calling you Mr. Ryan right now give it up for Kippy Kevin James Ryan hey gang what's up thanks for tuning in the boss is here shit yeah thanks for tuning in also thanks the cards the AYG playing

cards sold out and fucking like what we call it like 12 hours not too shabby by the way all sales final six to ten business weeks for shipping and nobody said you were actually gonna receive said card you bought the idea of a deck of AYG playing cards there is one pack left and they're sitting right there if anybody wants to purchase the display model hit me on the DMs yeah don't he's gonna try to auction this off for sure pull up in a Lambo next week guys thanks so much for tuning in always as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube those numbers are what true

to fucking roof to the roof also patreon.com slash are you garbage you can sign up you get bonus episodes of AYG episodes of heart feelings we got him you want them and then for the top tier patrons every week I'm sorry once a month will play AYG with you guys you ask us questions we ask you questions we have a couple of beers it's a good fucking time time on a zoom there yeah it's awesome check it out guys thanks for tuning it's good time thank you everybody for the cards we really appreciate it we love you guys and we want to give a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire folks let me

tell you how we do it okay we start with an ice English muffin we toasted golden brown what yeah then what do you do two slices of American cheese and a big old sausage and that's how you get to T bone McMuffin give it the fuck up for the magic man Toby McMuffin everybody what's up Toby McMuffin today I got two masks on like game kid turning to Michael Jackson over there huh little propofol whatever it's called anyway gang we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guests here with us today with them since Jump Street up in New York City known as guy long time crawl that in a fucking village with

this kid used to work a crew down there at the village lantern yeah he's an earner too very no he ain't no fucking street dog nope he's a worker he does a very funny very successful podcaster comedian and actor he's been featured on MTV vulture comedy center also a writer been a contributing writer for the NPR hit wait wait don't tell me of course he's the co-host of the Asian not Asian podcast fantastic podcast he's a cool kid cool cool guy he's a cool kid dresses cool even his fucking headphones right now are cool right now I would have never thought to do that well he doesn't want to mess up his doesn't want to mess up the

fucking clock looks like Steve Aoki over here I like it I don't know I fucking I work keep it moving alright he dresses cool I don't know where he gets his clothes but I can tell you what they don't come in my size in his own merch by the way which is a fucking pro move I was gonna wear a clean living shirt damn this kids we got Asian not Asian hats on I'm by his podcast cards next what's going on ladies and gentlemen give it up for the very funny Bumi up a hey thank you so much for having me thanks for coming dude this is amazing man happy to happy to have you love it love good to see you buddy we start we were down we

work at a crew down in the village absolutely that's where we started I think it's only we're knocking over banks we were telling shitty jokes great second story man right here we worked at a crew back in a day before all this shit blew over shut up we stunk back in the day what is the the origin story of foomey you're a suburban kid I'm a suburban oh hi I'm Columbus hey for argument sake I was fucking dead on with Cleveland okay he didn't say Wisconsin give it to him were you? yeah it was called uh Hilliard I'm sure you guys have listeners in Ohio I don't know for sure we got a show coming up in Ohio

oh do you really? yeah I can't announce it yet oh shit I did Ketamine with my friend's dad in Hilliard really? yeah was it foomey's dad? he was never home it makes sense I was out wandering the streets you Ketamine you did Ketamine? what the fuck? yeah I would drink Bud Light Platinum's how old are you like significantly like 40? what's happening? we gotta start the vetting process over again with this guy this kid's a little shit he bones on goofballs fucking Jesse Pinkman over there I don't like it yeah man so I moved to where I was 8 from Japan but I like basically spent hold on go back oh you were born in Japan I was born in Japan parents are

Japanese? born in Japan which is why you have an interesting guest in a podcast you were born in Japan? I was born in Japan yeah yeah yeah so where in Japan? it's this prefecture or state called Chiba which is next to Tokyo it's like the New Jersey of Japan it's like a community of Tokyo old school I like it yes I'm from there but I get I was so young I'm gonna fucking remember yeah yeah so like my first real memories of stuff it's all it's all central Ohio and 8 you don't remember? no I remember I mean like happy in a basement or something you got I mean I'm sure if we can pull like a birthday party or something but he doesn't remember

going to school every day you can find a while while over there baby yeah yeah but uh yeah so moved to Ohio I was 8 and then why Ohio? my dad like just some business shit like his company he basically builds factories for cars and there's like a Honda factory in Ohio wait hold on hold yes he owns a company that builds car factories he doesn't own it he just works for one anytime someone says their dad does something fully gotta break down the organizational structural chart of the corporation so you're telling me your dad owns New Jersey I can I can hear my mom I can hear my mom's what? so his father makes

cars I can hear it yeah it's like you're so shocked that he has a job or something so he works for a company that builds car factories car factory that's pretty good yeah so like that's not a community college guy or something see that's something like that and then there's like a weird Japanese pocket in Ohio because there's a Honda factory sure so it's all bunch of like weird white kids and then like a pocket of Japanese kids but we're out of school because my parents didn't want me to speak Japanese at school so I could learn English faster they sent me to like a little like a school district that wasn't as good

as the other one as wow because all the Asian families just want to go to the best school district so I went to school hard not that's a little rough coming up rough man really yeah I mean I guess when you're younger like you don't really progressive out there from what I understand no I mean but you don't like when you're young you don't know and you're immigrant you don't know what trashy is so like I mean I don't know that I would call myself trashy but I like a lot of trashy people around me sure identify so hold on when you got here you spoke Japanese right right right as much as an eight-year-old

can't up yes um no English you put did your parents speak English like a little bit but you know you pick it up as a kid you know cuz so you're rolling in first day of school yeah don't speak English a bunch of fucking weird-looking white kids with weird haircuts yeah I remember like I brought because you know like Asian people are super into stationery shit like I brought my pencil case you know how we love it we love it we love it right I brought my like little pencil case with like a little anime characters like the first day of school their top shelf yeah and I got roasted but like I didn't understand what they're saying yeah but I

knew like no this shit's cool dude I would say you got those are racial slurs that's not fun loving Jeff Ross stuff on comedy there's no creativity in Chin Chong yeah yeah yeah yeah they were being mean kids yeah yeah yeah so a lot of that a lot of that but you know when you're like really like second to third grade it was like it was pretty chill I mean I think the kids that age don't really understand but you didn't know what yeah they're just hanging out they're really understand but it was like around fourth grade fifth grade when you start liking girls that's when that's when like because that's when the

competition comes in competition exactly so they got a you know they got a knock you off a spot or whatever so it's fucking yeah a lot of that I mean I remember like I'm trying to say this without being sad but like I remember like I told me hit on with the sad music I remember pulling my eyes in the courtroom legit like I remember in middle school or high school some of my like good friends had me in their phones as so my full name is my fumi right they had me in their phones was masa ching chong I swear and I was just like yeah they're funny like I didn't even know it was insane and I think about that

now's a 30 year old man that's top it was a different time yeah 2005 it was really wild man man it was really wild were they just joking around like did you call like the Irish kid potato Steve yeah got him hey Rick and Tony Rick get over here I mean they called me roly-poly foley for most of my life I mean the name you really live you really grew into what about brothers and sisters I got a little sister how much younger you're younger than me okay so you guys were kind of in this together exactly but it's a little bit easier on girls I feel like people are like say racist shit to like girls faces I don't

know if that makes sense but like it's just I feel like it's a little no this is this is why I'm interested in this I'm when I was a kid I moved I was probably yeah maybe eight or nine years old I moved from upstate Pennsylvania down to the suburbs of Philly and I'm not a strong person as we know I'm pretty shallow and you're weak on the inside that was a huge thing to me just being in a new school and I spoke the language so I'm so fascinated with the fact like if you dropped me off at fucking 10 at a fucking school in Tokyo I would have fucking got to get involved like they got tanks and shit like they build a

robot version of me to fight me that's a game show right there man you'd be famous no I'm just saying like that I mean that's that's that's a fucking that's an obstacle man but like I stayed in the same district from for ten years so like by the end like you know I say obviously there were some weird shit that happened were there other Japanese kids in your school when you got there because they sent you to a day like very few but a lot of them would just like move back and then by the time I got to high school we had some kids who just moved from Japan to there but like by that time like I was already fluid yeah I'm

not teasing them but like they were just like they were just so foreign so yeah you're so you're so like American you know you're the ones like with the anime pencil case now you know you know you got a Ford F-150 I got a straw come out of my mouth not from around here are you boy get in the truck OJ did it bumper sticker on your thing holy shit yeah yeah yeah so what was the so now so you what was the town like that you grew up in because you said how do you send a kid to another public school in a different way we so we like chose to live there so central Ohio is pretty small so there's like districts like Dublin or up Arlington

which are a little bit like more classier and their schools are really good but we per we specifically moved to Hilliard so that I could go to school that's like an immigrant parent that's like hard like you're gonna yeah yeah they want me to fit in tough shit yeah but I mean it's like it's like a white suburbs like big football town everybody's really in the football and all I got out there yeah yeah yeah and then like a lot of like class divide so like we had you know I don't know what's like when Philly where you guys grew up but like depending on so there's like this main road right yeah schools here I live here there's all

these neighborhoods right and then like they're called like river landings or whatever and then like the closer you got to the school like the shittier they got you know yeah yeah like that's about right it was crazy I mean like the the disparity was like just so shocking but no yeah similar similar where I grew up there was always like this like one road where you'd be like driving down and like you would be driving down it's like the nicer neighborhoods or whatever like the nicer part of town and then as you got to the shittier end of the town there was more and more people walking along like the highway like this isn't a road

you should be walking on you know what I mean like there's just more like shopping carts flipped over and stuff it just got a little gritty that's a big tell you got highway walkers it's fucking yeah there's no Whole Foods folks so don't ask anybody where the Trader Joe's is yeah um what did I want to ask you so but you so your dad you guys had a little bit of cash I have to assume right like a little bit but like my dad was central Ohio cash I know but still I mean he owns a fucking car plant that makes car plans for the rest of your life but he's gonna tell people you know he invented buildings for God's Sakes um yeah I mean did your mom work or no no she couldn't work because she didn't have a

we weren't citizens I wasn't a citizen till 2015 so none of us could work right right and dirty I like it huh legal yeah but yeah I mean holy shit yeah I mean I know we're pretty like middle class but like my friends ranged from like rat tail go-kart to like to like I was a rat tail go-kart kid yeah that to like I'm going to Yale next year you know what I'm saying like it was just like a little bit suburbs has that you know it's a beautiful it's like mechanics kids mingling with lawyers kids yeah I got everybody makes it enough it's fucking fantastic now did you fall into the to the to the the redneck trap a little bit the trap uh I mean I think the kid I was really closer since like fourth grade he was like a little trashy and I just tried to stick with him

for like till high school um he had some I mean he wasn't like poor or anything but like he just like he had like he was one of those kids who like a German he bought his family bought a German shepherd but like couldn't afford to train it like what like so having those things off the leash is insane it is like that's not a dog you just don't look him in the eye man those guys are nervous yeah and then like we got a gun with no safety yeah yeah he shouldn't yeah it's like getting a gun and not going to the range we're just letting it hang out on the counter for an hour um yeah I don't know like his mom was super into like sweepstakes I remember that that was like a thing yeah a lot but like she would win shit like she won like a Mustang

and then she lost her dignity though for sure she didn't she ain't walking away with that you have a friend whose mom won a Mustang yes that's how I know he's kind of trashy because he's telling us about that that's real but that like a car but she made her thing she was like proud of it you know and I mean you know it was it was I met a chick like that at a bar one time we were it was when you could still smoke inside I asked her for a light and she's like can I borrow your cell phone and I'm like for what lady she's like I gotta call in the WMGK right now I'm really good at winning radio contest last week I won two tickets to Foghorn I'm gonna get out of here oh man that is fucking garbage you know you and your sister went to the same school though

yeah yep yep okay all right where'd your dad go to school in Tokyo what do you want to know I don't know what the fuck could be some credible institution what was the meal plan like at that dormitory did your dad go out much do they take transfer students do they have an international program I'm getting a picture I imagine your dad's a pretty sharp guy yeah he's pretty he's pretty smart but like he was just I just remember he was always gone on like business trips for like a long time and for a while he's probably in the nice part of town what the fuck he's not hanging out with cool kids he's got a second Japanese family um he would just come home like once a month for a long long time once a month what and then and then that doesn't add up you know that right oh of course

not for sure I've got a half brother sister so wait the plant was in town no like he so he so for a little bit he was working in Ohio and then like that project would end and then he would go to like Kentucky or oh okay I make so I mean I don't think it was lying about the actual job sure but like maybe the time away yeah wasn't he's like yeah I gotta get an apartment out like I don't know he didn't ask us to move with him I don't know it's weird well which I kind of respect because he's like oh you guys have you're already integrated into this life sure yeah community you have friends and stuff like that make sense to me it's like a straight you wait he had an apartment somewhere else uh when he lived in South Carolina he did I remember we visited him a couple times but he

like it was it was just weird because I remember he'd come he would come home that's weird imagine visiting your dad he's still with your mom yeah can we visit dad this weekend what the fuck did you have room did he have rooms there for you like one of the places he like lived with a co-worker or something yeah I don't know baby how hot was she it was a dude but let me ask you this I probably should have asked this in the beginning but I thought this one was going to be a no-brainer but it turns out I'm wrong do you think you're garbage uh I think I have garbage taste but I don't think I was raised he did roll in with fucking two sandwiches from McDonald's and ate on aunt table before the recording I honestly I don't know how you're coming back from my dad's roommates

I'm being dead honest man that's a tough one that's a tough one that's a tough one if my roommates you get your shit and get out um was your dad would you how would you describe would your dad like a good dresser or was it was he like put together at all or was he like no he was pretty like regular like really quiet like he's definitely hiding something for sure wow but like because he was never home the times he what would come home by the time I was like older like 16 I didn't I feel like I didn't know him as well and then he would still hit me he would hit me up by a dude in the neighborhood I was like getting in a bar fight I remember he hit me once and I was like who are you I started laughing I was like I don't know you man I don't even know your middle name

man hey Steve you're gonna be in South Carolina not gonna go home and beat my kids this weekend he hit you gets back in the car holy shit yeah yeah yeah there's a taxi running out from nah nah keep the meter on I'll be two minutes I gotta tune up this dork inside oh my god he slaps you hey kid we're the towels he talks like that too I don't know why which one of you is foamy the red the red that kick it ain't me man he gets a slap too shut up boy holy shit wow gang let's talk about a good time we're having over there on the old stereo app oh yeah me and kippy over there taking your calls every Thursday night at nine o'clock

yeah guys if you're not familiar it's a good time a lot of good shows on there we're on there you can you call in you can leave a voicemail we answer we play it on there we have fun with it I might have a couple of cocktails like I've been doing guys get involved it's a good time check it out go to stereo.com slash Kevin Ryan the link will be in the bio check it out it's free it's live it's fun do it gang let's face it making trips to the post office is not the way you want to be spending your time so we have an alternative for you it's a new sponsor here on the show and we love them we're recommending Stamps.com Stamps.com allows you to mail and ship anytime anywhere right from your computer send letters ship packages and pay a lot less with discounted rates from USPS

UPS and more Stamps.com has saved businesses thousands of hours and tons of money with Stamps.com you get the service of the post office and UPS all in one place oh yeah all right big discounts mailing shipping rates absolutely fantastic yeah guys they do it all for you it's really great they sent us a package we signed up with them we got a scale we got a printer and we're sending out all of our merch the RU garbage card game yep sending that all out in from Antutti's basement it's easy peasy they do it all for you they take out all the hassle it's awesome I couldn't stress it anymore if you're a small business owner get involved with Stamps.com if Tutti could do it you can do it they take all the hassle out for you it's fantastic you get discounts up to 40% off

post office rates and 62% off of UPS shipping rates what's there not to love about say wetting your beak a little bit unbelievable you know what I mean not to mention Stamps.com is a fraction of the cost of those expensive posted shipping meters they give you a scale for cheap you get it on the low plus they give you a you know a couple of credits when you sign up good company so stop wasting time by going to the post office go to Stamps.com instead there's no risk and with our promo code garbage baby that's what we're talking about garbage you get a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale to give you right off the cuff crazy you know well why would you not do this what's that promo code again garbage g a r b a g e I think I

spelled that right no long-term commitments or contracts baby just like we like you gotta be able to stick and move that's right just go to Stamps.com click the microphone at the top of the home page type in garbage g a r b a g e that Stamps.com promo code garbage Stamps.com never go to the post office again oh yeah now back to the show they were hitters though I like that yeah I think a lot of immigrant families tend to be it's a little more uh mine for some reason I don't think I never didn't deserve it I'll tell you that right now I mean they were yeah it was like abusive I don't know that's my no I got you know like light hearted yeah yeah you guys are gonna be crying in 20 minutes yeah sometimes I deserved you me and I swear find out his dad's I didn't mean

to spill the chocolate milk it was my fault find out his dad's actually my dad that wasn't a fat white guy in bluebell Pennsylvania wasn't it I love that man this is a hot one baby damn that is something else and what about yours you say your sister kind of goes through were you guys tight you had to be tight um you know it was like I was one of those things were like we were too close in age in high school to be tight and she you're older she's younger she's one grade younger than me so you were in 10th grade she was in nine exactly there were a couple years when she was like dating people in my grade that's why and I just had friends I hated that and now it doesn't matter you know but like back then it was just like no no no this entire grade is mine sure yeah yeah

that's all you got you only have your great yeah so I think guys that could beat you up no they were just like fucking weird dudes I don't know but like I'm like I'll like hear shit about the stuff they did and I was like a virgin you know what is what is fingering you know like wait really yeah like my sister was definitely doing all that stuff before I was um and that was like the weirdest part I think because my mom I remember one time like I'm listening he keeps asking about my sister yeah one time uh my mom caught my little sister like having sex with her like white boyfriend or something and she like flipped out right wait a minute hold on flipped out and then like wait a minute like a big yo she flipped out this is a high school high school yeah but I

was a senior she was a junior so I don't know it's not too weird so were you kind of were you kind of more straight and narrow when she was a little bit no I was holding us out bro but like I don't know what are you not were you fucking in high school yeah were you really yeah this was fully good looking oh no what's what's uncle Hank yeah I don't even know that I'm still not fucking I wasn't gonna beat up by some guy in a cab I'll tell you that but yeah well she caught him one time and she freaked out and like as the older son she like put me aside in the house yeah I wasn't home though and later she was like I can't probably like my mom was like smoking I was like you don't even smoke like who are your parents dude this is a wild story yeah unless she was like we gotta

talk and and I think she was scared a because obviously you know somebody's fucking her daughter but also like he was not the Japanese and like just like the language barrier and she's like you know to her like a lot American kids were like savages they're like you know big guys you know whatever and so she was like you know I gotta like I think I'm gonna go over there like talk to this kid I'm gonna go to his house and talk to him like when you come with me and I just remember being like I didn't say this I remember being like I am a version like I was like I don't even belong in this conversation like let's go over there I'm gonna go over and ask this kid for some point why not how he's closing all over town how many fingers man oh yeah Jesus yeah yeah damn yeah

and what does she do now she's like a public health worker so she does does good yeah she's great your mom and dad are still together they're still together they're still in the house nah they this is so random they live in Mexico now uh because my dad's just doing more shit over there it's it's hard to find even if we can release this there's some shady going on with with these obeys I'll pay you back holy shit yeah they live in Mexico now yeah are they retired no no no it's just like you're still doing his job yeah because there's actually like a lot of there's cars in America I know yeah yeah yeah yeah wow that is uh off the job I didn't know I didn't know about all this to be honest with you now did you go to school did I go to school college oh yeah

yeah yeah I'm gonna tell you we know you went to school you weren't getting late you told us that what your parents are all strict about grades whether is it the stereotypical Asian stereotype so my dad was because he's like very smart but my mom is actually like if I'm garbage it's I get it from her she's blue collar like my were they were they like were they class wise differently like was your dad from like a yeah like I remember like uh my dad's family like a little more buttoned up but he has more relatives who went to like good schools sure it's great turn grandmother that's pretty good that's gonna be a recurring one on the pod right that damn even cut that out so no one knows food he said it that's gonna be a kippy I pulled you out of the roommate fire buttoned up's nice yeah

but my mom's size like none of her siblings went to college um my mom went for a little bit um my mom my grandmother she passed recently but when she died it turned out she was she was doing insurance fraud like holy shit I don't know if that's garbage or not but uh but it ain't classy dude yeah so like that like jump in front of the car and stuff like that no no no she sold insurance but like she would sell it to like me and my sister who didn't even live here just to get her white collar that ain't too bad yeah she came out there with a knife or nothing yeah yeah white collar touching no she's dead was it like was it like a lot of money or just like corners and you know I don't know the specifics but like I just thought like because all my friends

wasn't their grandparents like they get money so when she died I was like am I gonna get money so I called my aunts and uncles and they're like now we actually owe the government money I don't even know how that's possible for me got three months of community service your mom just randomly smoking one day your dad who you don't know hitting you and your criminal grandmother this is shaping up to be treasure dude I was not expecting this man that haircut really fools you I'll take it at your family really took move into Ohio seriously fucking blend in holy shit yeah quick to a slip and fall bang a football player I'm moving to South Carolina and getting a roommate if anybody asks I own a car dealership

yeah go go go go Fumi sitting there with his trapper keeper like what's going on that's probably why they want me to go to school with other Japanese kids trying to find find the jig is up all the other Japanese family in the area were like what the fuck is wrong with you holy these people are fucking nuts man I was all the way here to just to fucking just go into pieces I was not expecting this I was yeah nice quiet you know what I mean we moved to Ohio all right let's let's get into some fucking questions here we're cooking already since we're kind of on the topic a little bit what'd you get on your SATs you're a smart kid I think I'm not that easy I don't know I'm not uh wait so wait what'd you get on your SAT okay two subject or

three subject two subject you're just making this up no no no when I took it there was a third subject yeah it was writing what was the subject then they writing yeah but they got rid of it no god okay so this is out of 18 or sorry 1600 yeah uh 1310 it's not bad it's not bad it's buttoned up put it in put it out it's actually really good but everything you just told me in the last 10 minutes one I don't know if I believe you for all your wallet for all your grandmother could have been giving you the test yeah what did I get or what did my grandma get my grandma got a 33 000 out of 1600 I don't know what's your sister get to you remember I don't know like a little maybe a little lower I think yeah yeah there you go got her back for that um what'd you guys get

ooh come on I got it by the way this is like a very sensitive question to ask an asian person so I'm glad I could talk with you 13 yeah 1300s good for anybody how's that fall in the asian 1300s that's low in the asian that's really awesome minhash has this joke on his show where he's like he's like yeah I got a 1300 on my SATs and some girl gasps in the audience because I'm how low it is sure it's pretty aged dude Asian parents it's wild they would have had a parade in my town if I would have taken it four times combined that's an amazing score thank you so much that was really good I assume you go to any college you want if you get a 13 no no no no no no no no no are you a doctor can you take a look at it

you got a blood pressure machine honey no I got a polyp on my butthole I got a small pee peek you take a peek at it put you and so where did you go to college I was in NYU for what I studied music business and computer science still now okay now that's a little bit of cash you got a good score in your SATs you went to an accredited institution here in the city that's not you graduated I graduated yeah what was your GPA when you graduated I like a 35 that's great that's great okay really good what do you mean great that's fantastic but looking at a 275 over here this is all I can tell you haven't had an Asian person on your podcast freaking out a 3.5 what is happening

pretty good it's not that it's I'm telling you from the story that you just told me you should be selling bait somewhere but don't give me that it's like Vince Gilligan wrote your childhood yeah that's crazy that's like at NYU 13 what 13 what 13 30 13 10 long con grandmother yeah this guy's all over the place I can't get a read on it's like wallpaper um all right let's do some of the basics uh okay we can start with this what was the name of the street that you grew up on what was the name okay I grew up on Mark Twain Drive and there was a guy who lived that's classy or trash there's a guy on my street I don't even believe you're Asian I'm dead on the guy on my street who who makes a living selling Mark Twain like antiques or like

goods and he bought his house selling a chair that Mark Twain used to write a book was Mark Twain from Ohio no he's from the qs or something he was just like super into who's Mark Twain that's weird why was it Mark Twain why him no why was that the name of your street I don't know was it a coincidence did this guy move to Mark Twain no no he bought it on purpose okay yeah yeah yeah I wasn't sure if he'd like move there and it was like you know what wait so I'm moving something's Mark Twain merchant he moved to Mark Twain Street Road what was it drive drive drive Mark Twain Drive he lived on Mark Twain Court which was like connected but that's pretty nice court drive not bad it's pretty good what are you guys dealing with place

I was I was a road but I was it was a cold we were in a cul-de-sac so it was it was pretty pretty classy I was away I was away I was away I was away I was in the suburbs ain't good nah it's not a good look that's bad it's not a good look it's not third avenue you know it's a real bad look in the suburbs a numbered street that or a pie yeah you're on my butler pike or something oh move there's a median for sure somebody got tagged crossing that street I'll tell you that um garage growing up what do you mean yeah I had one did you think I'm gonna fuck the garage you're talking to me but we don't have garages what is happening your sister was going through the basketball team like the garage and sold you did you have a refrigerator in that garage uh no no I

think some of the families while the fear family is bananas I'm picking up on to me the garage refrigerator was trashy because all all my friends had it had the like the freeze pop things from walmart yeah that's all they had in it and I used to think that was all you need kid that's it well that's so america a slice of america a couple of loose miller miller genuine drafts and you're good they are they're they're trash but we've gone over to bunch they're trash by nature but it's you know it's nice celebrated here it ain't hoodies it's but they're by nature they're class did you hang out in the walmart parking lot as like a social hang yes it wasn't it wasn't always walmart but it'd be like whatever you know gas station was like a supermarket

like something I mean because there were there's like literally nowhere to go there's me I remember a couple times we would like hang out at like we would like sneak church like the church was open like at night the doors were open so we're just like going there hang out like everybody doing hell mary's and stuff like it was like we literally anywhere where there aren't talking lots I know way we're getting laid we're doing friday night going to st brendan's taking any fucking chicks out here we're going to we're going to say brendan's couple of the venus and go home all right I got a couple questions for you here um just a couple general general questions um what was it what was it usually your lunch

growing up in school would you buy would you bag would your mom make you something what was a deal sometimes if I would make something but it was just like a regular sandwich um but I would buy a lot at school okay um the school had like I was a big fan remember you guys were like boss go sticks you guys ever have that no boss it was like it's basically like uh it's like bread sticks at olive garden except there's cheese inside oh and you dip it right here yeah you didn't have is that a midwest thing yeah boss sticks that was pretty big I'd get that a lot oh stuff cheesy bread uh yeah but the I don't like cheese wasn't actual cheese and it would like the it's it's the thing that it was known for is that it would like get stuck in your throat oh great a big

gum and I people would choke on it but I got that a lot they look pretty good though yeah they're pretty good wait so your school sold them yeah yeah yeah we called them boss go sticks I don't know if they were proper boss yeah yeah I doubt it yeah yeah as sad as it sounds no way the school's showing off her name brand not happening Malio string cheese but we have like I don't know like uh what was it called like those taco balls bowls or whatever we had those that's pretty good hamburgers pizzas did you play any sports growing up we involved in cross country lacrosse there you go and then one year I quit cross-country marching band so wow what'd you play in the marching band trumpet did you were you playing the whole time or you just randomly picked it up

and started playing I was playing the whole time I just I didn't want to do it when I was a freshman because it's like nerdy it really sets the course of your high school career if you're in the marching band as I was already at church and shit yeah I'm hanging out at St. Brendan's with your trumpet ain't gonna fucking get you late I got noose for you cross-country ain't that great I'd say that was a lateral move yeah that was it was co-ed though it's one of the reasons why I did it it was there but I remember getting chasing women through the woods great oh my god but I remember like what a trumpet hey I always heard you coming wait do you still play trumpet now no could you if we had one could

you like I can play a little bit but like it's like my muscles are gone so I couldn't play the high notes and stuff okay I feel like he's being really modest I do feel like you're being really modest I feel like he's being modest I bet you'd probably kill it um kippy you want you got anything yeah have you ever ordered anything other than pizza from dominoes or pizza hut okay so bread bowl guy in the midwest donados is big okay have you talked about the bottom no donados we all had a handful of midwest guys it's like it's basically like a pop it's the same thing but like they cut their pizzas like I know exactly what you're talking about yeah really small grits yeah they're I actually prefer pizza cut like that yeah okay um it's real trashy but it's

really good is it trashy it very yes I guess um part of me thinks it's fancy but I'm trashy so I don't know it's it's trash but I don't know that's like European or something if I went somewhere and you cut my pizza differently that's the fuck you're flexing you're not just going to eat triangles and you're putting a little flair on it it's kind of long strips no it's trashy because there's a couple of slices that have no crust oh there's a bunch of them in the middle yeah I don't know if it's trashy I think you just get upset that your pizza doesn't have crust on it I call the outsides oh it's really not throwing his hat in the ring pop a t-bone huh you guys never ordered like subs I'd get subs

some sandwiches hoagies they're hoagies yeah hoagies not it not only a dominoes at the notos they had them dominoes has them too but I'm not ordering it's not as like a restaurant though like we would you kill it no no no it's just it looks just like a papa john's but okay it's just only the midwest maybe Columbus only I don't know it's pretty big but they sell cold sandwiches are they all grinders as you would call them maybe oh um both they had no no no they were hot they're grinders I don't know what that o was about he just got reminded of grinders yeah I just it's good times hoagies and grinders um so I feel like Papa John dominoes has a good dessert they got that cinnamon thing they do yeah that's trashy though is it you're ordering dessert from

dominoes pizza your garbage I would like to disagree uh with with the gentleman from Bucks County uh dominoes lava cake is fucking fantastic I'm not saying it's not fantastic it's trashy it's trashy if you're ordering dominoes pizza to begin with I think that's your opinion and uh your title to it okay he gets so upset whenever you try to discuss food with them now back to the dinardos don't know are they hiring uh every uh you're on Gatorade with dinner uh you're garbage man you're fucking trash that's not a garbage thing that's a that's a single guy move you know what I'm saying that's not not trash you single guy with a roommate ask your dad I do it just like my father before me and his father before him

he's just a way the men in obi family do it it's not a big deal he's putting a blue glacier with his blue glacier with his roommate Kenny nothing on that I mean you fumbled it I've been fumbling all fucking episode you got a couple of boots yeah I got a couple of sneakers I got a couple of fucking duds I tried to get out where you wouldn't even react you just looked at me and moved on we're all hitting homers but we're striking we're striking out I'm trying to go yard every time by the way I'm not playing fucking small ball I didn't want to say anything but fully throughout that Ford F-150 line twice that was a good one though that was a good one I liked it it kind of worked the second time you pizza shit

but I but I have I have done that with the Gatorade I did last night I think yeah with what with what meal dude I'm a I'm a single guy now bro so you're doing like some slices of pizza and Gatorade uh no yeah what did I fucking make I don't know just like I'm literally just putting anything anything you have in the in the fucking pan you're not getting off that easy what did you have for dinner last night it was I was trying to make fried rice but I only had eggs so I just put rice and eggs like I don't hate it I gotta be honest man just white rice just white rice that was a little lemon lime I'm sorry but like that's I mean you put some soy sauce or something in there right I got a little bit but that what I just described is the Domino's lava

cake to Asian people like I cannot be saying this shit I don't know how I don't know if we have a lot of Asian listeners so I think you're all right my girlfriend's Filipino she does fried rice at home fucking fantastic gotta have some eggs in there tell you that right now okay I think we're having a conversation being friends here I'll sell them in a haunted house I can't talk food with you no more I don't know where we draw the line uh when was the last time you had a 7-11 taquito I've never had one I don't think I would have never have thought that yeah well there aren't that many 7-11s in New York so in in Ohio or where I'm from we didn't have any what do you got out there dinelle's or something we just had like whatever like marathon or whatever

the gas station was you know uh but so and you you never had a 7-11 taquito I don't even know what a taquito is it's like the kind of yeah like the roti thing yeah the rolled the rolled taco burrito deep-fried garbage have you had a marathon hot dog no but I have had um skyline chili you guys want that is no guy guess what fuck you know what that is yeah but that's like that's like a regional dish not a gas station hot dog that's like that's like you ever you ever had a 7-11 pizza it's like no but I did have fucking clam chowder one time no no no no no no skyline chili with skyline chili it's like it's like imagine just the pasta from sabaro that type of pasta and then you put chili on it and cheese that's Cincinnati chili yeah but no Cincinnati spaghetti they call

it yeah but that's some dirt ball it works like you're like a you're like a fucking food encyclopedia that's franklin's over here or whatever he was talking about what was the name of the place marathon yeah marathon oh man this is unraveling quickly yeah the big somebody get the big man lollipop I'm laughing man I know Cincinnati chili is basically um a meat chili with no a Texas chili with no beans over spaghetti never even been to Cincinnati how do you know that because I worked with some dirt ball and Philly who was from Cincinnati and he made it for us one time for staff meal he made a whole meal he'll mail made yeah it was not good that's so disrespectful I love that I love that nope I gotta say the 7-11 though there's one

around the corner from here they've really expanded their hot to go foods it's not bad I love you've been in there I was in there the other day with T-bone there was a chicken porn behind the thing I was eyeing up T-bone I'm like dude if you are if Toby wasn't there I want to roll the dice with it buffalo mozzarella not bad um I've ever been in a food eating contest uh no I can't eat I can't oh no I lied I have I have it was it was I did but I did with my friends I knew you were lying yes it was in Ohio I was in high school there was like a pizza shop called a here we go fucking uh Luke uh not Luke Holly that's like nice spot in Carol Gardens it was called like I don't know fucking Tony's or some shit sure it's not what it was called but it was something

like that and they had this contest we know what Italian is the owner of the pizza place is at homeless and they're like just saying it's them fucking chellies it's chellies we need this barstool turn this down we need this um they had this like pizza eating contest and the it's like you get to do so it's like two teams and then whoever finishes it first uh gets a free and then whoever can't finish it has to pay for both so it's like you do it in teams oh I've done that before that sounds like a fucking scam to me it's like a pizza pyramid scheme all she needed is four friends and tell them don't be do they come to your high school to do it no no we went to them this is what I did I did it when I was in high school with my friends yeah no they

didn't like no we didn't do that was like the assembly I did it in the gym no they're not gonna like talk to us about abstinence and I'm like there's a fucking pizza eating contest guys like the movie's not getting laid let's get him the pizza you know when you need 2250 that's okay wow that's pretty trashy it's so dear garbage man wow that's hard to hear we're just reacting to the story you have told us we're not making it's not like I took your blood and I'm giving you the results you just told us the stories we're following science here I'm trying to pull I'm trying to lay a heavy on the 1310 or whatever but you're trying to dismiss it yeah all right I got one for you this was big we did this on the patreon if you hit the lotto for a million bucks what car are you buying oh I

thought you were gonna buy I was gonna say hot tub that's even trashier than whatever the car is gonna be okay okay you want to stand a standalone hot tub might be the trashiest of no it's not Adam and my family they're like I thought I knew you a little bit man they're three that's like dude they're three you gotta you gotta get the one where it's like blue on the inside you know I'm talking about the that's all of them that's all it's a fucking hot dirt you're nice it's like the last time you were in one uh not that long if I try to get if I get an Airbnb I try to find one with a hot tub they have a hot tub filter on Airbnb yeah I know I try to do that wherever I go did anybody have one growing up that you were like oh I want that's like the fucking definition of luxury you

know what my friend had one but he also had an above-ground pool so you're right you're absolutely right yeah there we go yeah stand yeah standalone hot tub people are above ground pool people yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the first thing you're buying a million dollars yeah are you putting it in your apartment I mean I'll probably like relocate relocate you know make sure the hot tub is a good spot I don't want anybody stealing it yeah chain it up chain it to the railing that way no one takes it holy shit man so what was the car what kind of car is that like you know hot tub car you know man I've always had a thing for Toyota Celicas you know what that is they're cool he said it Toby photo plug that's all we got they're cool I'm just stoked he didn't say race car bed

they're fucking cool dude they're so cool I just wait I didn't get one a nice million dollar Toyota Celica I know it's gotta be used too okay yeah that's like nine grand I got have you seen the patreon what the fuck are we doing it's gotta have some guys go to patreon.com we'll get for me a fucking Celica they sell them on facebook marketplace for eight dollars fucking nine grand what do you think we're doing here where's to thes let's go how much money is that a million I'm just money's not an option if I had all the money the world what kind of car yeah it doesn't have you don't have to go like lambo I mean Celica is on the lower end I wasn't I wasn't looking for Ferrari my I'll give you my mind is that mine's a Range Rover I'd get like a

fucking rain checked out that that's what I would yeah what about Foley buy me a Donato's pizza I still got range I was on the business so much I had an opportunity to call 1-800 Donato's I'm buying 2,000 shares in Bosco sticks he's not looking at the proud owner of Bosco sticks the majority shareholder of Bosco sticks he choked a day later I want all my retained earnings in stick form it's like the segway guy dying on the segway uh I don't know I mean I'd buy a fucking cool like looking car there was like there's a Tesla maybe Teslas are big let him answer there's like this I don't want to go it's an Acura model that's like orange that's really cool it's like is that like no there is

there's no they do they do it's the one I know what you're talking about Kenya bearish drives it in one of the shows he's on I thought it was yeah it's like an Rx8 or something yeah yeah still orange come on man it's gotta be orange man oh dude give me that I'm good to go I mean to honestly a trashier Celica might be the absolute trashiest answer possible because you think it's nice you're not even like I want to buy my first car it was a Chevy Lumen a 95 it'll be 800 bucks I want to buy that because it's funny and kitschy you legit want to buy a $9,000 car I'm aspiring to Celica that's the kind of person I am what would you do to it to the Celica yeah would you would you leave it I just drive it as is I think it's perfect

it's beautiful the way it is maybe just silver two door what what else do you want you don't retain a Picasso I use that tape thing with the ox cable you know oh yeah dude I still don't know you remember the cassette you put in and the cable come to my mind I still don't know how that technology works yeah what was in the tape I know I was like why did it have to be a tape I can explain it but I don't know what it is how it better than that thing that baffles my mind that thing was fucking a okay yeah but that's all I could sound nice now so what color would it be did you say silver silver dude I think they only make them in silver I've never seen another color no they have another color these things come with a D

dodge neons only come in that teal or silver oh shit any magicians in your family his dad disappeared hey into the away thing I would have hit a lot of I know well come on um no but like that kid my my best friend from childhood his brother was a magician so he was in family but they were magicians around trying to show you the tricks yeah he I remember he was he would buy these tapes he was older yeah I've had a I've had a kid that I was friends with his brother was older and a magician he would corner you yeah yeah yeah yeah you watch his dumb tricks yeah he really wanted to get his weed or not did he got a party to get to how do you make a 20 a kind but appear

uh yeah but no no magicians in my immediate family no no no no uh have you ever bought a pair of Skechers uh no but I have bought soap shoes which kind of soap shoes were shoes with wheels on them no with like blind plates that you could like jump up and grind to bench or like grind things in life is awesome what yeah yeah yeah I like a little like c-shaped plastic thing in the middle of your shoe so you could like jump up on this and slide so you could grind on this if you wanted to you just grind it was like it was like rollerblades without the wheels kind of where would you wear them like to school yeah and then you could just like out of nowhere playground yeah when you were leaving class recess you could fucking do a grab

and a grind down the hand that's why you didn't flourish in cross country where I just show up my shoe all the way to St. Brennan's you know that's how I roll and somehow a virgin also in defumi's defense he does all right now you're a good-looking kid good-looking kid I don't know I hope you never tell anybody else this about the cell you know anything anything you're telling us right now don't ever tell a lady that I'm proud of Celica I'm not going to let you have that one I think it's cool we're talking I don't care if you don't want us to have it we took it that's ours man that's I think that might be one of the top 10 garbage jams he earns the entire run in a in a in a world explain a trashier answer than that I really

don't have one because he thinks he thinks it's cool that's the problem this wasn't on air but I remember one time somebody at New York comedy club we asked our buddy Brendan Sagalow extremely funny guy loving the death former guests love having them what he would do with a million dollars his first answer was go to Disney world that sounds so genuine though he's like oh my god but that's up there with that yeah a million dollars sell it I'm on the same level as a guy from Long Island that's yeah that's really such an honor uh all right love you sags holy shit and when your family ever owned a convertible no no no what are your thoughts on Cajun chicken pasta ever have it Cajun no it's the trashiest meal of all time where do you get it at garbage places I'm sure apple

bees or somebody has it it's Cajun chicken with like alfredo sauce garbage sounds good more of a Midwest thing moving right along uh growing up did your family keep magazines in the bathroom to read no no no no my my parents tried to raise me uh classy so we didn't have stuff like that a lot of tv when you were a kid we a lot of watch tv yeah we watch tv yeah yeah yeah okay anybody ever appear on the local news for any reason at all I have appeared on the local news oh god for beatboxing there wasn't much going on you know in the community and I was beatboxing and they like listen there wasn't a lot going on in my neighborhood either I ended up on channel three spitting rhymes they had a no newspaper article me on the Columbus dispatch it was this highlight

highlight of my life burn squeezy shoes or whatever the whatever the fuck they're called why did you make it like perverted I love it it's either sex or food with him every time and that time he chose I got two speeds baby let me see your butthole or let me have that doughnut it's weird and weird oh god wait so beep out you're a beatboxer I'm not gonna ask you to do yeah I just did it for fun like a little bit when I was a kid because I liked music I'm like super into music did you do it in front of people like would you be doing this at parties it's just worse than the magic he's like no magicians I am a hell of a beatboxer um I do like with Bismarck E you're who is the no not I didn't have like a guy there was someone

how are you or something no how are you are you mind I'm 31 yes I was 34 so when we were there was somebody that hit big at that time only your mother knew yeah who was that I thought it was like Rizzo or something like that no yeah fuck I know you're talking about yeah if your mother only knew yeah anyway so like uh yeah I would just like you know I would do that and then I don't I wait do that do that where you like I got school and stuff with my friends and then like we're like hanging out on the like you know like near some lockers in the middle of school like lunch table and you guys get like a beat going and you go in and and you and yeah all right I gotta follow I gotta follow up do you know any of the lyrics from the rap battles from eight mile

no no no I never watched and is this all Asian kids is this Asian kids and white kids there are no Asian kids here so it's you and a bunch of white kids it's an Asian kid beatboxing and a bunch of white somewhere because rapping it's it's it's truly um yeah but we're got out in the clumbest situation like dispatch was like we want to get out local Asian boy makes funny noises they didn't know what they're like we've never seen you but they're just talking about my Asian face we've never seen anyone like you before we're gonna have this kid with no dads a real dork so word got out word got out yeah anyway I guess word got out that he said that earnestly I guess word got out you know you can't deny talent they say be undeniable they gave me the keys to

the city wait a minute I got a key to hunkle barrier what was the name of your town Highline you like can't remember anything I've told you earlier we're we're idiots we got the giggles man having a good time here we'll be folks are enjoying this because I'm having a blast uh what was the last time you took the bag I'm not no stop but we're not going I'm moving on from the beatboxing thing okay would you do it uh like did you put on shows listen how long does Tribune doesn't reach out if you're not showing off okay I did it at like the talent show the school talent show once like soft warrior but I didn't like go do a club or something I didn't like I wasn't like fending off flyers yo come to my show this week live at

st brandon's like no were you dressing the park what was your style in high school would you say like urban outfit or shit you know like I just I really liked the music so I had a lot of shirts with like headphones on them and stuff you know um you know just had to be cool oh you failed I'm sorry hate to break it to you 15 years later but you missed the boat oh I'm sad how's the very good stuff what you fail well I mean he's like one of the coolest kids I know now look at him yeah I turned it on don't tell anybody in Brooklyn anything about that I gotta let him to show this we're not get out yeah I don't think we have big Brooklyn listeners either we're we're more Columbus Ohio

people aren't listening to this and going to matchless man oh my head hurts I'm dying I'm literally I've said this a bunch like I don't know what to do with this is insane this is insanity cool kid you dress cool nice peak coach not in the village you were even put together you got cool friends you do the cool shows good with the ladies my god I had no idea that article is probably still not somewhere oh yeah probably we're gonna find out uh ever have to call 911 on a family member no no okay all right sorry to insult you might have been beat boxing dude you just called beat boxing beat box

um hmm Jesus Christ have you ever own have you ever worn a hard rock cafe t-shirt yeah but um hard rock cafe t-shirts are like cool in Japan so it's different I think you're gonna say in Columbus I was gonna no no they're like cool I'll give that to you a different culture you didn't live in Japan no I didn't I was doing it in Ohio I but but it was like if you go to Tokyo you see you're wearing it like in a very cool way so there is that was that part of that absolutely not but but it was on my mind was that part of that movement you have to tell me I was you have to tell me a deposition was I a part of that no in fact I wasn't so you were doing it like a fucking Ohio hillbilly wearing a hard rock cafe did you guys do you guys know the salty dog

cafe is it's buddy yeah you know that is a lot of salty dog a lot of kids at my high school would wear t-shirts is it a real place I think I think it's in the outer banks or something like a margarita though like yeah it's from a high school would go but it's like a clothing line at this point yeah they would go there it's like mortal beach area or whatever for spring break and they would always wear it back so yeah that was like I guess that was the hard rock equivalent for sure for sure man hmm you ever call anybody mate no no say cheers instead of thank you uh no no have you ever gone to an all-inclusive resort uh yes yes a couple times when yeah like recently yeah a couple years ago okay with my family

mexico cancun it was nice okay family yeah we're not talking about sandals or hedonism or anything no no family good times now you're a little trashy but sure yeah you're a bit I did buy like actually I lied once before that in 2013 I went to Costa Rico that was like an all-inclusive trip and I bought it off a group on I don't know if that counts who'd you go there with yeah no that counts we were looking for I don't know discounts but the absolute trash you have to answer to your question I forgot I did that place it off on the family vacation fucking guy who'd you believe this guy just like a high school friend from Ohio who'd you go to group on beach with um it rained all week so it was not a good time that's why it was on group I didn't even know we got there

we need someone to come sit in a hotel room for four days good thing I brought my trumpet we need to go to sandals but we need to go to crocs hey do you have an outgoing message on your voicemail uh no not now I don't think what does it say you've reached the number this is just like it's an automatic sound thing okay have you ever had a ring back tone like oh yeah yeah but I mean yeah you had that was the thing back in the early two like two thousands you got you did what I did you just you did the the fucking Verizon like that I didn't have any I just had a regular call what did you have not that dude I actually had my first demo it wasn't a dork um I did I was like one of those kids who like found this is like in 2008 I like found this like program where you could

like download your own songs and like because back then you had to buy it off the Verizon store or you had to have this like yeah I remember the people that had that I was that money's well been nasa I mean I had I went to the whole like emo phase I had like fall boy shit on there you know sure you know how it is hey tight tight pants you know how it is or not okay no no I never I was a little older for that emo phase uh the kids like you know you're a you know a few years earlier in school and really hit was more the 50 cent m&m phase let's talk about injuries sustained as a child um okay this is really embarrassing but thank you so I played wait more so than everything you've told us for the last hour this is my top silica uh well I don't know so

this is it's not really trashy I just think I'm weak I I played lacrosse from fourth grade to seventh grade I had to quit in seventh grade because that's when all my white friends went through puberty yeah and I stayed the same size and then they just got fucking fully sized you know I was like I cannot play sport with these men yeah um but the seventh grade was the last time I played because like uh this is when all this was happening but during pracc lacrosse practice this is when like you know we're just dudes fucking around like we would prank each other and like table topping was in remember table topping table topping is when like a so if I were to oh kneel behind you and push over yes so one friend kneels behind you one person push over

right man nothing hurts more than that I did that there's the embarrassment of it yes it's nobody ever got hurt I broke my arm at lacrosse practice because somebody did that to me and then that kid thought I was gonna sue him or something and so he was like really scared and he like sent me like gifts and like like apologized to me all week and stuff and I was like dude it's dope but that's that's the only holy shit how'd you break your arm you just fell funny I think I just fell my arm or something yeah I guess you weren't a milk with dinner kind of kid growing up no no no no no no I'm gonna go to the career a little bit I have uh lactose I'm lactose intolerance really yes you know that found that as a kid a lot of Asians are

yeah after a certain age really yeah that's like that's like that's our weakness holy shit I guess passports out of the question how awarding you got your passport you were yeah but internationally yeah I'm very well traveled I would say what was the last country you went to uh uh Italy nice where'd you go what was this uh last Thanksgiving four I always traveled during Thanksgiving because my fame doesn't do Thanksgiving and then my girlfriend at the time she was also from an immigrant family she doesn't do Thanksgiving so we always traveled during Thanksgiving so well it's Italy she was a good time it was a good time where in Italy did you go that's nice I wonder like Rome Florence Naples Milan in four days very nice no we were there for like

a week or a week okay yeah yeah fuck goes Italy for four days tell why he doesn't have a passport he said Thanksgiving that's a four-day weekend you're gonna do that to work on Monday I mean most guys gotta work on Friday what do you want from me this kid this kid's a mover and a shaker uh well when was the last time you cashed in change and how much was it for cashed in change uh you have a coin star oh a coin star uh it's tough in New York there's not a lot of well I well I used to like collect I used to like this is bad whatever it's coming out is not no no no I used to like a Gatorade bottle or yeah you know you just put change in there back when like cash was more common

I feel like now everything's been munched uh so I did it all through college and when I graduated I went to a coin star or like TD bank would do it for free yeah yeah yeah yeah honey okay yes they got caught with their hand in the cookie jar are you really yeah they stopped doing it oh I think I didn't hear about that but last time I did it it was a lot it was like 80 bucks or something like that yeah that was a good day uh brush your teeth in the shower 100% but I've got a toothbrush so in my garbage I don't know I don't know yeah bro yeah you said that you said that like a doctor trying to yeah what about peeing in the shower how do you feel about that you got you gotta be in the shower yeah I don't know what's my wife's listening yeah I don't actually I got

I got into it late like in my 20s I didn't do it for a long time I didn't I didn't like grow up doing it but like I had heard about it did I been peeing in the shower I it or as far as I can remember yeah I was you know I was masturbating in the shower before I was peeing in the shower does it make sense I like wet work yeah you know hey I was it do you still masturbate in the shower no because you're in apartment I had this incident where like well not exactly an incident it's just like when you masturbate in the shower the jizz gets all cut and cut in the drain and like when I was younger like I just thought it went down so I don't like I never cleaned it you gotta put a second pair of eyes on it after you get out how much are you jerking off in there like it was back

then like every day your mind is when you're like fucking in there I mean he was playing the trumpet for god's sake kids gotta get some sleep what kind of rope are you throwing but like it's like it was my mom's shower it was like her it was the shower in her room and like you were just dumping clips in your mom it was like why were you showing in your mom's bathroom because it was a nicer shower we just I used to but hold on you had two showers in the house we had two yeah folks that's pretty classy what do you got we got one tough break fat so and then we tell you that shower is a duty always whole family's jerking off in the shower oh the full is just slinging skyline chili right this whole family listens to shout out to the police but uh my one day it was like one day I

went in there I noticed it like it wasn't really a sticky and I realized my mom had cleaned it and I was like oh that was jizzed the whole time and so I was like never again so that's when I stopped stop doing that and poor mother she's from you and your sister what the fuck yeah I mean I don't know who she's more disappointed to be honest with you the one having sex with at least there's at least someone else is involved in the one you have to clean up after her oh man you look like you should have moved to South Carolina with your dad leave you to bozos the house uh how do you clean a public toilet seat I just uh well I'll wipe it down and I put toilet paper like a fucking gentleman it's the way to do it it's not bad are there other ways to do it

why do you guys fucking do it you don't want to know how full okay you use your fucking hoodie that's very funny and gross foley's is worse foley hit it with it what I do we haven't talked about this in a couple of months okay sure what I do if I go into now I make sure it's a respect somewhat respectful respect why is this word coming up okay I make sure it's you know somewhat clean there's like poop and shit in there I'll just go to the next one obviously so it's a somewhat clean toilet what I'll do is I'll flush the toilet a bunch of times let the water go down get it clean yeah then I'll take a paper towel or some some toilet paper I'll dab it in the water in the toilet and then wipe the seat and then raise it again that's like that's clean fresh water

no it's like now how dare you thank you how dare you it's like pulling spring how dare you call that fresh water it flushes down into a bowl where random people shit and piss wow wow wow wow what do you what do you okay let me ask you this like scientifically what do you think it's happening what do you what do you what do you really think it's happening the numbers I gotta take a do-do okay all right that's germ-wise I don't know but it feels cleaner to me okay I guess I'm not just sitting down on people's pee pee for sure yeah yeah that is that is better than doing this so yeah who does that I don't I just maybe you I don't know I think I think you know how many fast and furious movies have you seen oh not a lot like three yeah it's okay I mean you could

be you could be blind and still catch three of them yeah I mean they've been out for 15 20 years so aggro the advertising if it stumbles across TBS on a Saturday I know those things are everywhere daddy oh you ever snap instead of clap uh only when it's appropriate you know when would that be appropriate like like you're doing it like ironically or whatever you know like some poetry somebody says something mic drop ba ba ba okay ironically ironically sure yes all right fair enough hmm like I'm being fucking interrogated for some weird crime for wanting a silica you put up a lot of red flags yeah huh everyone a pair of duck boots see that again duck boots duck boots what are duck do you see k yeah duck boots I don't know what

they are winter boots but they have like the the plastic on the on the on the on the on the bottom of them google duck boots how do you not know a duck the northeastern l l bean style boot like leather on top but like no no no no okay I feel like those are classy though maybe they are that's why those are classy I say they weren't a lot of my friend 159 at l l b that's a classy I didn't say they weren't I just asked me if you ever owned a I think I've wanted it and if it was a size 11 no I've never I've never owned one okay all right I think only I wanted to more than we can do some patreon ones yeah um hmm yeah that's it we're growing up shoes in the house or no shoes in the house no shoes no shoes you do that now right you can't wear shoes in your new york apartment

did your mom run a tight ship the place was nice and clean spotless yeah yeah she was good good cleaning lady yes good cook yes good cook yeah cook yeah um yeah all right I got I got two we got to get two and then we got to get out all I got two from patreon guys so when you join the patreon we will ask your garbage questions it's one of the ways to guarantee it otherwise we just get so many coming in stuff like that's the best way to do it so this is from christin on the patreon you get a frozen pizza I put this came up perfectly you get a frozen pizza circle frozen pizza yes yes uh how do you normally how do you cut it you cut it in four six eight slices eight you go all eight I do eight yeah by yourself in your apartment uh well you

know I was in your mom cleans it up uh well I used to live with somebody so you know it's eight so we can all share now I think that behavior just kind of I'm still kind of used to it yeah I'm a four guy that's really yeah you just eat the like with the hand yeah just like a bigger slice of pizza well let me ask you this I'm eating the pizza I don't care how many do you own a pizza slicer roller no no no just so it's okay using a knife so that's where I could see where the where the less cuts would come in what with the knife with the knife yeah unless you have if you have a pizza roller you should be you know you got a pizza roller what got one on me me going to the pizza roller I got a pizza roller I have tongs I got the

fucking whole nine yards I mean so do you fold it if it's four like I don't understand like the functionality of the four no wait so like a circle pizza yes it'd be four not like a not like a full size like a regular frozen Pete like I don't know you two never you two never sounded stupider yeah well I don't know what he doesn't know last time you fold it I don't know he got a 1310 yeah so it would be like you know whatever this big yeah you would go one two and it would just be like a bigger I typically the crust is a little thicker right it's not soggy right right right you know I guess you know you just I'm not an engineer get your dad on the phone if you want he won't pick up dad his roommates on the phone it's me Kenny who the

fuck are you Terry your son's on the phone again I don't know where he is but he wants to give you a smack when he sees you that's that kind of makes me sound a little bit somebody somebody cutting up a pizza in their apartment by themselves it's eight slices hoping seven more don't be here there's an invitation oh man that's so sad just in case anyone shows up dinner party for one I just I just saw Fumi in his apartment just slicing up the pizza oh god just eat the whole thing it's one don't even slice it yeah right into it all right this is from Evan McFarland which is a fucking home we're gonna have a question did your parents start charging you rent almost immediately after graduating high school because I had those friends that immediately got a rent

bill due on like June 1st yeah man it's like what are we doing thank god Patty I love you never in a million years when I you would have had to chase me oh yeah no no no yeah I don't think my parents would do that I mean they would now maybe but yeah I never lived with them after after high school so we're after high school I guess you were in New York and then I gotta go back to fucking Columbus so when did you graduate from NYU 2012 2012 and then you stay you were here from that from then on yeah when did you start doing comedy 2014 oh you did okay yeah so that was right after we got here yeah yeah yeah so um didn't have to go through that but that that must be like have your parents offered that must be like an awkward fucking conversation I had an even awkwarder conversation

my my stepdad has like a rental property that when I was like 25 I don't know five or something I was like convinced him I'm like hey let us rent it you know what I mean me and my buddy will rent it and he fucking took a security deposit and we kind of did trash but he ended up keeping the security oh wow what a day and I had to move back into his house after whoa I was like I was like wait and I'm like well I'm like by law he's got to give it to me within 30 days my mom's like shut up you are not getting that by law like I'll take him to court over my share of 1200 bucks I was ready to risk it all you owe me 350 yeah we're trash we are trash yeah my parents would have never done that and I did live with my parents at you know after 18 with your parents a couple

years ago after 18 you're 45 I make you eliminate your parents there's a couple of valleys in the story of it isn't it your birthday me no when's your birthday uh it's the end of the month oh this month sorry I thought it was this week I apologize okay thank you I thought I did you get me something what the fuck asking for I gave you this taking those cards I mean I have I mean within the first four minutes of this episode I had all I needed to have I mean to draw my conclusion I'm stunned by Fumi I really on my way here I was like I wonder if they've had a classy guess I might be their first classy guess I was so wrong oh what made you think because I was listening to your other guests and they're doing like all these really like trashy garbage like

stuff that I would see well this one's this one's up there yeah yeah I don't know it's our show we're telling you it's great I've got a hunt this is our you're an expert yeah this is our hundredth episode wow if there was a if there was a champion's week or whatever it is you're coming back if there was sweeps week yeah you're coming back it's gonna be you and Ken Jennings I don't know you're coming yeah this Celica the grandma the dad leaving listen I know you're I know you're a super funny guy but I was worried this was gonna be not boring but I I just don't you I'm not gonna lie I was also worried as well not boring but I was just like oh I wonder like if I could mess with him you know I'm saying I thought you were gonna be so classy that yeah I thought you were gonna be like very

like yeah kind of bland not bland but like I know it's coming off wrong I dude I had no I didn't think you're gonna be true I didn't think you're gonna be pure garbage oh well that's yeah I thought you were gonna be like no we never did you need to know that you're you need to know you're cool as shit now I'll give you that but you yikes yeah before we go though let's let's let's yeah let's do this okay all right what's the apartment like now oh it's nice well maybe it's furnished so like why is it furnished because I was living with my girlfriend we were taking a break so I she's got the place I lived at and then I didn't want to buy a bed and stuff so that makes sense because I'm not gonna re furnish because the lease on this apartment that my girlfriend I lived at is still

you know active till June so it's like I'm not gonna buy furniture until we know what we're doing so did you guys buy all that furniture together at the place you bought most of it so okay but anyways this new place is um damn we look at the horse dad too this gets worse and worse you're gonna be in South Carolina a couple weeks oh my god you got your you got your what you got your walk in 10 years will be in Mexico holy shit you got your walk in papers from a relationship and how to buy a furnished you get a furnished apartment yeah that's 90s divorce dad is it by the airport where do you live what part of Staten Island is it it is by a bridge but uh uh stay away from I mean wow trash I love it trash my favorite kind of trash you shouldn't

have told us that yeah this is this is crazy I guess I never really looked into myself that's the thing like it's corny as it sounds that's part of that's the show yeah people like oh fuck I never even put all of these stories together furnished apartments isn't classy either you know that right it's I mean this I mean this place is like you know it can be I don't care it's got plans said somebody else was farting on that couch that's true probably you would support I was in there yeah oh man um yeah I mean it's amazing it's the Celica thing I'll be thinking about that for a while because I swear to God like up until like 2010 I had that as my computer background you know I'm saying like for me I asked you if you got a million dollars what's the first what I kind of

car would you but you said a Toyota Celica I said hot tub but that's oh my god I forgot about that Jesus um I was proud of it dude this is 4900 bucks we literally make that we literally we literally make that and patreon if we get I think we need like literally two more five dollar patreon members and we'll buy you I'll buy you a fucking delicate holy shit that's the actual one you want right there that's that's it baby girl there it is I was thinking of the older one this is no no the new one's cool see that's not no it's not that's worse the older one school no fuck the older ones all like it's got like comes in blue and shit no no no no no that was like an off-brand matchbox this one's $44.95 we can afford that that's the one that I want to get if you want to you know that

car shitty you can see the guy's shadow in the picture the guy's selling it yeah it's him yeah that's an apartment complex for sure GT though that's a nice one ah comes in a copy of fucking too fast too furious foomi abey everybody fantastic thank you so much 100 garbage dude this is so much fun thank you for having me this was great we got it we love you absolutely amazing is that you want the folks in the left there oh so that it what anything you want to plug go right down the focus on my life so what he said anything you want the folks out there to know oh I think

you want to focus on your life get your head on straight uh yo check out my podcast got Asian not Asian yes very funny all the podcast platforms and then follow me on instagram at the foomi abey let's thg if you have my abe yeah guys check him out very funny comedian check him out old palavars kip uh as always please make sure you're ready to subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube and patreon.com get that bonus content baby get in we're having a good time thank you to everybody who bought the fucking cards the response was way greater than we had fucking anticipated thank you so much and also at camera and comedy on all social media i gotta go outside and have a smoke after this that was something else guys we love you and we'll see you next week

gang real quick before you check out hang on a second want to talk to you one more time about the stereo app we're having a great time over there what do you got an android or you got an iphone it's free download it yeah guys use the link in the description of this show it's www.stereo.com slash kevin ryan or slash h foley when you sign up using that link we get the wet our beaks a little bit it's a good time a lot of good shows on there we're there every thursday having fun maybe a couple cocktails uh-oh see you there