Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Garbage Party w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: June 17, 2021

Kippy & Foley are back w/ a hot one! They go over the do's and don'ts of throwing a house party. Thanks for listening to AYG comedy podcast. Love youse guys. Join that Patreon! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.MintMobile.com/Garbage https://www.HelloFresh.com/Garbage12 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang real quick before we get this episode started summer is going into full swing and so is the RU garbage Keep it moving 2021 tour. Oh, yeah We're gonna be coming to a town near you for a little bit of stand-up and we're gonna be answering your garbage questions Kippy tell them what they need to know. Yeah guys on June 22 will be in Chicago still a few tickets left for that June 23rd will be an indie helium get tickets for that and then buddy We're all over the place July 14th Columbus funny bone July 15th Cleveland Hilarities August 11th Rhode Island comedy connection August 12th left Boston those tickets are cooking. That's gonna sell out get those tickets Then August 25th, we're at New Brunswick stress factory and then August 26

We're at Magooby's joke house in Timonium, Maryland right outside of Baltimore. I like it gang get some ticks come out and see It's gonna be a fantastic fun time. I mix the stand-up comedy in the AYG game Come out and hang with Uncle Hank and you're in kippy the way Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. What's that? This is are you garbage? Oh, baby. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grew up to be classy

Mm-hmm, or there's the big old piece of trash. Mm-hmm. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day I'm down here at Antudio's basement. I got a cool new tea on my god So look out kids if you see me at the skate park or hanging out at the Boards this summer come hang I'm cool. I'm not five. I'm not five. Oh, is that what you think the kids at the skate park are wearing? Okay, just making sure what reality we're living in my co-host is coming at you from a generation who doesn't get us He's the CEO talking to other 45 year olds what are you talking about? No one under 32 listens to this He's the CEO of are you garbage? All right. He's an inner baton international businessman Tactically he's that bozo around here. So I got to show him a little respect give it up for a cue ball

Kevin James right everybody. I don't know Given your attitude all day today, I should have known something was out catch you at the end of the month What time do you have to get back to football practice? Fucking like a linebacker you look like you just found out about tiktok Oh, man, dude, that is a tough look Holy shit shout out to Burlington. You look like an undercover grimace right now Hang it out at the where the burgers at huh boys hanging out at the Wendy's I know another place you guys want to go Hey, what's up gang happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in as always

Please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes do it full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are true The roof truth a fucking roof Patreon.com is putting all the other two things to shame Patreon.com so I show you garbage is fucking cooking guys if you're not familiar You can get bonus episodes at a YG. Mm-hmm. You get episodes of hard feelings, which is a little bit behind the curtains You know the show behind the show per se. That's right And then also we do a live stream every month with our top tier patrons, which is a good fucking time So check it out. And then also we got some fucking live shows coming up

This is dropping this week couple of tickets left in AC. Maybe they added a couple of more that was sold out We got we know what's going on, but make sure you get tickets. We got Chicago. There's about 10 left there Maybe and that in that second show and then we got fucking Cleveland coming up. We got Columbus coming up We got Indie Indie coming up next week. Would you give up on indies gift over now? I forgot about it We got a lot of fucking dates is what I'm trying to say come out there and see a show dear boys Flatline in an indie huh now. We're doing all right. We're doing okay. Never make it out. It's not one of our biggest markets I'll say that

For a state that has legal fireworks and $5 cigarettes. I think we'd be kicking Think that had the keys of the city when we got there It's got a cinder block on it. Listen gang. That's neither here nor there How about a nice shout out to our producer? Extraordinaire word on the street is you could drive a golf ball a lot longer than Kevin Toby McMuffin T-bone McMullen. What's up, dude? Hey, buddy. How are you? I'm fucking chilling dude I had my little chef's hat my oven mitts on fucking cook it this week. I do Toby was put in any fucking hours He was he was sending me shit. I'm like Jesus Christ. I'm trying to vacation with a couple of white clothes

Trying to fucking let my airs my balls hang out of a paste on a lot of talk about this kid in Out in the league man people saying this kid can slice them in dice. I know that limo video hot clips guys So if you're not familiar we drop Foley's first limo ride, which might be Toby's best piece of business so far We're just getting started. It's a fucking that there's a full 10 minutes on On the patreon there's that you know a lot of people join to see that kids a man on fire look out Yeah, the one thing I did want to discuss and I hope you're okay with this Because I've been laughing about it the entire fucking weekend. Oh boy since you said it to us I don't can't remember where we were when you said have you ever called?

You ever accidentally called your teacher mommy Have you ever actually called your teacher mom? Yeah, brutal dude Dude, what kind of inbred backwards trash do you have to be to let that slip out at any age? It's probably like it's just like a Oh, yeah, I don't know. That's fucked up. It was like fourth grade Fourth grade's too old. I could see maybe seven the teacher handed me something and I went. Thanks mom and then instantly was like Immediately got an uninvited from every birthday party that year that that same year. I never saw a roller rink again, huh? That same year. I pissed my pants in that class two days in a row exact same way exact same time

Dude, what the fuck What are you an old lady in Florida in fourth grade you're fucking peeing your pants twice dude same spot The second time I was so upset with myself the same spot you're like, so you're just peeing on the rug No, no, no, I was running a fucking Labrador peeing on the rug Well, he said the same spot. Yeah, they usually rub your face in it. So you don't do it again Hey with the newspaper a couple of times He's a brand new cop Oh, man, that teacher was I thought you were a screwball. No, I did it on the way to the bathroom

I was running the first time and then I like pissed me talk about edgy. No, why wait that long dude fucking Talk about flying too close to the Sun. God damn. I wanted to hear about the pilgrims They were getting in a good part. They were we were in a wild game is seven up heads down thumbs up seven up Nothing wrong with it. Yeah. Oh, man So they have to break out the fucking sawdust for you. No, I was just in there drying myself off trying to fucking hide the evidence Oh, man, that's panic when you do even some drops as an adult on like a pair of chinos or something Oh, I never pee before I go on stage and people say yeah, it's to hold it and be in the moment No, because I don't want to fucking dribble stain on my cargo pants. Yeah, and people would be like, why is it so high up in his waist?

Why is it only sure? He's had a huge hurt on it I had it tucked in my belly band God damn. Holy heck. Oh gang. This is a family episode. We are here together the three of us the boys Kipperino. Yeah, that's me. What's cooking, baby? Not much. I Went down to a wildwood this weekend real classy place. I don't know if you ever been have you ever been to wildwood? Iowa, New Jersey, we're talking. I've been the more I've been the more aka the Irish Riviera as it's known as I spent a couple hours at Maury's Pier one vacation drove up and went over there not my kind of town

Didn't like it at all. It's like now. I'm going. I want to go back to Ocean City. Yeah Yeah, I'm not see Ocean City's a classier classier guy fucking dudes with pocket knives on the Making moves on my mom and shit Fucking she should have been what she shouldn't have been wearing that Slime bag it's hot dude. I didn't even this that's just by this is by my head when I got there We went to the Acme. I was a you know grabbing some stuff Friday night when I got down there or Friday afternoon And this guy came in with his son his son was like seven the dad was clearly high clearly Clearly dude fucking ate your smoke smoke. They fucking puff in the cheap. Well, that's okay. It's fine

I know but he's also wearing a shirt like Dad's best buds or something with like a but like a pot leaf on it and I'm like, dude She's I get and he comes in that he walks into an Acme walks over to the refrigerated section I'm at and they were out of pre-made turkey sandwiches. He goes. Oh, no, they're out of the pre-made sandwiches I'm like who the fuck goes all the way down the shore to get a pre-made sandwich at the supermarket I was supposed to bring you there's like Russo's a and lp. There's like great Italian delis down there This guy drove to a supermarket walked in high as shit with a seven-year-old kid Did any of your friends you ever smoke any weed with any of your friends parents?

There was a there was a house That let us smoke weed and I saw I had beers in that were they smoking. Yeah, no They were smoking with us down. I didn't smoke at the time But we're all sitting down there like somebody like one of my friends got like a new bombs The mom was like, yeah, let's go smoking with adults. That's real trash and I I went to the car I got a six. I used to like roll with beer. So I went out the trunk at a six. I was like, oh, we're partying And they warm now. It's cold. We used to have a cooler It was next to the ACU

And the tree stump And they fucking she's like you can't do that here. I'm like, yo, you're high as a kite right now toots This wasn't medical marijuana age like this was fucking 15 years. Hey, lady. You're blown a 13-year-old Pointing fingers, huh? I want to fucking just try to take the edge off and have a fucking Bernie after a long week A fucking long division Like sure and me you're giving drugs to kids and that tattoo on your left. He tells me otherwise I've never been like what the fuck fucking round up the troops. I'm fucking you fucking losers find your own way Fucking have a couple of silver bullets and relax. I'm gonna go over the McGuinty's like a gentleman have a beer

You're really embracing the trash lifestyle, huh? Wildwood, that's all I know man. Is that where you would pitch a tent? Things keep going the right way. If I got a house, would you drop a house down in Wildwood? I think it's probably the only place I could afford. I'm going straight Hamptons right on the edge of the water. Yeah, right houseboat made me Working at a lighthouse And my whole family it's out Boats are crashing you forget to turn it on out of bulbs out again

Shit, but I would why I would baby. I got recognized. I walked into a bar. Shout out to Todd nice Todd Todd from Philly which and Now it raises, you know, we're public figures in In some dumpsters, I think all it does is hem you up to lay a good tip on that That's what I wanted to get this. I've been we've been wrecking I've been buying a new to like walking on the street a couple people like yo, what's up love the pod whatever This was the first time I'm gonna sit there already ordered. I think we ordered the food tour Maybe apps were sprinkling infield got a couple of apps. What'd you get the fried provolone, which is different?

I think it's all I had And We're out of food. What do you got? We got some cheese back here. I Oh Fried provolone get the fuck out of it was good. It was like it was like mozzarella, but provolone mozzarella. What? Sticks was it breaded? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it wasn't just like you didn't hand me a fucking tub and melted Microwave cheese in a bowl now because you know what I learned a pretty nice Stack snack for keto if you melt some cheese in a bowl and then take pepperonis and use them as chips

I Try that out. Okay Toby sure That shows was lunch. That shows was my lunch. I didn't say it was on keto. I just heard good things about this guy He likes the cream cheese, but so we saw now I'm going he's like and then he's like, oh, he's you are you from are you garbage? I got yeah, big deal. I mean, I don't know pictures meanwhile with you. What's up, buddy? You want to get a picture? I Needy don't just sit there show him your titties

She wasn't there I was boozing with the boozing with a pal Wow real daybender look at you But I was a little upset too. I went to four bars and while what it's finally finally got recognized I was like, I figured you fucking bozos would have been stopped me at the bridge On the way over who you Jenna Maloney fucking 30 rock trying to get noticed That was a deep Jesus Christ. That was a Toby Joe correct Who are you obscure actor from that Joe from 15 years ago But just a sea of DMs of people who love the cuts and my mom has Instagram too does she No

But I'm police up DM I had to fucking mrs. McMullin's in the DMs really They all know who's got the power Holy shit, don't act like your mom's not either Okay, I know she doesn't have Instagram. I got your mom your dad your brother. Everybody's in there I know I know my mom doesn't have Instagram. I saw you does have an only fans. I saw your mom was on nothing I'm not giving it to you Wish she mad about the whore comment, I guess it came out that I actually will find out

It was in her younger days, but still But I had a tip there now I was the first time on yeah, you do I had to hit them Thousand I said I looked over my buddy filming at the tip this guy to tree green The bill was 52 bucks Big shot No, we were running around getting drinks at a crazy provolone, huh T-Bone Fucking trash bag what go down there. You already went to four bars before you got that was the third Jesus, yeah, we did a circle the loop. Did you have apps at the other ones too? No, that was the first time

We got Sammy's there, too. Yeah What's the name of the joint just show them shout out to the inlet used to be Westies Oh Yeah, like a nice born named after a gang that used to slice people's throats open shout out to the IRAs $22 you call it's all night long. Welcome to the Protestant He holds you up though, right? He gives a shot of fireball because these are on me nice. Yeah Chill to it's you rarely get chilled fireball with anybody asking for fireballs Man, that's a bad look these days. Yeah, also, too. It was like fucking too in the afternoon, too

Hey, that how about some JMO, huh? No, well we order we asked for the fireball. I mean like I never you know Can you put them in the back to go please but I ended up dropping them 30 beans is a tip nice Yeah, I was plus that by that point. I was fucking torched You got to watch those with the card because that doesn't go right on that's a little fucking floater Yeah, a couple days later now Phil Phil put it on his card. I did the tip nice Hey You a PayPal kind of guy cash up. What are you working with? I Just asked some place that it was me a check. I was like you want to Venmo me. They're like, yeah, we can't do

Yeah, we're a business you fucking Marmalook. All right. Well, whatever you got to do I guess. Well, I guess I'll rescind my request there. Well, look at you. You're getting recognized fucking kids a big shot Living the dream this guy. Yeah doing it. Yeah, I like it man You on the other hand you're no you're no cap t-shirt. Now. What does no cap stand for? What do you think? I know I do know yeah, I think it's no caps like a surf like on the water like the white What when the water breaks the white stuff? Well, what didn't you want caps? You're a real marine biologist, huh? White stuff wouldn't you want if you were surfing you would want a cap

You would want the wave to break well, not if I was chatting up some honey on my board I wouldn't want caps if I was ready to make a move. Yeah, I want all cow on tubes also fertile listener He put the shirt on and went who is no cat. Yeah, so who is no caps as an abandoned. Yeah, it is new new debut album coming out Run it up. It's called 45 year old fat guy Who's no cap your dress like fucking King of Queens in the later years What he really let it go you look like a guy getting ready for fucking semi-pro football tryout They both got pretty fat on that show didn't they she got pregnant? I think she they Did went to the pregnancy. Ah did that old thing when they just put like a fucking pillow in front of her every day

No, we're gonna do to you. These are full. He's pregnant years guys working into the storyline I get pregnant. You look like ready to pull a hamstring in a softball game So what is it dickhead no cap means like No exact like yeah, it means I'm not lying. Yeah, not lying. Fuck. Yeah, ain't your people are out of people on Instagram cat Like capping that's all cap if you're capping your line Yeah, like if you like if you post a picture of yourself in a fucking, you know a Lamborghini on tick-tock or whatever people like yo That's all cap. It's it's it's it's hood. It's street. See young kids. That's like Tuesdays in a sentence fully as fat as shit. No cap. No cat. No cap. No cap. You're fat as shit

I can't wear this then. I thought it was a surfing company or something. No, it's like straight some guy on tick-tock made that and sold Them to Burlington Coat Factory. Well, you shouldn't be buying. That's another thing. He just came from Burlington Coat Factory Yeah, they got lame shirts now It's not just coats okay, they go factory and shitty t-shirt company. They have five XL t-shirts did I wear? Dude the collar on that thing too. God damn. You're gonna look like shit I'm feeling lightheaded The collar it looks like it looks like you're about to hang out a fucking like a bad grade like my dad's choking me out That thing who no cap that thing stinks. What is running up me?

What is running up me? You're not running anywhere. I know that no cap right up my credit card bill I don't know what run it up me and the dude I mean, it's a bullshit t-shirt that some fucking guy made and Berlin if Burlington Coat Factory is selling the t-shirts It's not a cool t-shirt That means it went to normal stores and everybody said get this the fuck out of here Marshalls wouldn't touch it. No, no Yeah, they're just Burlington now and this one there. I didn't see coat one. I'll tell you that it was more like a Marshalls or something

Because they had toys. They had frames all the tchotchkes and all that shit. Yeah, why don't you shop at pole? I told you polo order as many exes I was down with my parents. I have a show after this I don't can't wear that to the show. I'm wearing this t-shirt on the show. I Stopped to get a couple t-shirts because I only have a well And I had to get sneakers because I only have my flip-flops. I got a sweet pair of needles. No cap Is that right that I use it right? Yeah, fuck you guys. You're a bozo. No cap. No cap bozo over here Take your hat off because you're a no cap bozo. No, no cap means I'm not a bozo You're a bozo. No cap not exaggerating seriously. I'm not what is the kid what is cap short for I don't know

I'm sure we can look it up Not so cool now. Are you? lame-o No cap No lie for real often used emphasize someone's exaggerating to say that it's used by the younger Demographics. Yes So I'm cool cap back. They said early nine 1900s. Yeah, there you go. Good look good day, my lord. You are no cap. No cap

Yeah, whatever Cool, yeah, all right, so I got a cool new tee That's a deal. I have a couple other ones, but they don't quite fit in the traditional. Okay Yeah, I saw you bought some the stretching you have to do on your t-shirts before you put them on Mm-hmm is something I'll loosen them up a little bit Jesus Christ Did you do it? You put them over your arms and then do this thing that dude? He steps on his t-shirts and then does fucking curls those curls stretch it out. It's a lot dude Hey, whatever it is what it is

Okay, I'm holding the line. You just saw me way myself. Not bad. I'm down four pounds From when you weighed me in last time. I Don't know about that. Yes, it is. I forgot the numbers. Sure. We'll see The weight loss challenge also on patreon.com. It's a fucking roller coaster guys Strap in if you're joining now Start at the beginning of June that thing is up and that's like that's like the stock market, baby I got clam chowder in here The only thing more unpredictable than Bitcoin is fully's weight this month. He's a guy's fucking all over the charts

I'm like Kim Jong-un. I don't know what I'm gonna do Kids hot shot Gang this podcast is brought to you by our good friends over there at Mint Mobile. Oh, yeah Let's talk about it. Let's do it because we're fans first big big fans huge kippy's been using it for years Oh, yeah, and here's the scoop with Mint Mobile. Okay cut right to the chase 15 bucks a month. Good night. So you're thinking to yourself. Ah, what's the rub? What's the rub because we're used to dealing with all these big bozos with the fine print and this and that now Here's the scoop. What is it 411? I hit on them big man. There ain't no fine print. Nope

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Well your hair back the crazies are talking about the good stuff Yeah, guys, they were they're able to cut the middle man give the savings directly to you So to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month get the plan shipped straight to your door Go to mint mobile comm slash garbage one more time write it down pull out your phone Do whatever you got to do mint mobile comm slash garbage cut your wireless build a 15 bucks Mint mobile comm slash garbage now take your head out of your ass and go do it. Yeah Yeah, let's talk about our good friends over there and hello fresh hello fresh I'm hungry. I want something to eat something good something yummy. What do you do?

But I don't want to spend three weeks making it. What? Hello, fresh. Why what do they do? What do they do? They send food right to your door? Let me tell you something first of all we're clients. Yeah, okay big box showed up at my house Packed an ice fresh shrimp fresh pork fresh chicken. I'm eating Cajun shrimp over kale salad What with crispy sweet potatoes and a yogurt glaze? 15 minutes after I open the you couldn't do that without the box could not do it No way you could do that without hello fresh number one meal kit in the USA. All right shipped right to your door You don't got to waste time in the grocery store. Nope, and here's the best thing

15 to 20 minutes they can have meals on the table for you and your family whether it's breakfast on the go lunch Dinner doesn't matter. They have every single thing covered to fit your busy lifestyle. Come on. Yeah, it's fantastic I feel like a professional chef. They send it to me. I'm fucking they do make you Way cool. They take enough out of the equation. Yeah that you don't have to do it So they make you look cool. It's colored by numbers for chefs. That's what if we're cooking. Yeah It's really open a at tables, but that shit is a dash of that because my girl was like my girl When my girl made the the Cajun shrimp there's pickled onions that are in there Yeah, so they give you the onions and they give you the stuff to pickle it like, you know, that's like vinegar

She's like I made pickled onions. I'm like now. Hello, hello fresh made the pickled onions Don't be trying to pull the wool over the big man's eyes. No, I gotta get up with the arrow in the morning before you Especially when it comes to anything pickle Um The big thing when they send it to us the thing is me and my being me and a lady We'll get into it in the supermarket over this or that buying is that's not this. Well, that's not this You don't know what goes in it into a recipe. You think you know, she thinks you know, it's yeah Well, this is like that my mom a shot it yet. Hello fresh to send it to you

Fresh Guys go to hello fresh comm slash garbage 12 use promo code garbage 12 to get 12 free meals Including free shipping. What are we doing here? I'll tell you what we're doing We're saying goodbye to hanging out in the grocery store and being frustrated. And we're saying hello Hello fresh one more time guys get go go to hello fresh comm slash garbage 12 You can use the promo code garbage 12 the link will be in the description. You get 12 free meals including free shipping What are we doing? That's nuts. That's crazy. I don't know who's doing that over there, but they should be locked up Well free meals. That's bananas. What these guys in a straightjacket, baby

Back to the show All right guys. This one we're doing a little different to start off. We got we got an advice message came in on that They're patreon. Wow dear Hank You are corny no cap. All right, let's see. Let's pull it up. He okay What do you got names and places are all being changed? Mm-hmm for his He requested and as you know when you join the patreon You'll get your question asked on air because we get too many DMs emails and all it's up

It's the best way to streamline. Yes best way to do it guys. Thank you Toby. Thank you very much Now where the fuck can I find it? This is crazy sure look cool I Yeah, it looks awesome. It's funny that you said I can't wear this at the show when I bought it specifically to wear to the show What I'm saying because I have basketball shorts on and the only other shirt I took down with me was my short sleeve button-up and you can't wear a short sleeve button-up in in basketball shorts You're gonna wear basketball shorts on no You're wearing that's what you're wearing to the show. Yeah, it's a summer. What do you mean?

I'm gonna have nice sneakers on look cool. I got my hat you've given up What are you talking about giving up on what what do you mean? What am I talking about? You would have never all fully would have never award First of all not even cool champions. Those are original issue champion shorts Yeah, and where did that get me now? I'm coming into my owner and I feel more like myself than I ever do so I'm gonna express myself Do not try to defend this used to fucking call people assholes and bozos for wearing shorts on stage and now because you don't have clothes It fit that's what you're wearing and you're gonna try to defend it. That's insane. No, that's not true

You're a 100% lying to yourself and lying. I want to wear these wear what my basketball I want to wear what I'm wearing. Yeah, because you're not comfortable in pants. Don't try to don't try to Summer who's comfortable? Don't try to hide it behind that you're you're finally coming into your own This is what your own has gotten you your own is not a good thing. Yeah, this you're wearing a no-capture You bought a Berlin to go factor. It's a 5x it don't fit and you're wearing Basketball shorts for fucking 25 years ago. Thank you. This you ain't a good you you've come into your only option Very good. Oh my back's against the wall. Oh cap. No What do you got you have it in our group text? Oh, do I I'll send it to you right now, man

What would you do without t-bone? We would be tanking can we take a minute here take a second. What would you do without all? T-bone probably finish the story. Haha. That's pretty good. It's not bad. Um, all right, so This uh, this was reached out By a guy we're gonna call him Marty by a guy named Marty Marty Marty is throwing his first Swaray he's having a gathering a party per se how old of a gentleman He everybody's in like the 25 to 35 range nice. Okay, so a little you know a

Little more is it does he own this home? I don't know I don't have all of it. No, he's not married. Okay And he wants to try to impress these people. Okay, you know to show him that he's not a bozo. Okay He said I think I got ahead of myself by inviting these people over. I realize I don't know what the fuck I'm doing Mm-hmm. What advice he wanted to know what advice we have to give him for Entertaining a group of people the his first adult his first adult part now. We're not talking a kegger here We're not talking like I can't throw some jungle juice You can't throw some beers in the tub with ice and fucking order some pizzas not stuff

He wants to try to put out some charcuterie. I don't think I don't know if I he didn't say I don't know how classy the guy is I mean at the end of the day he listens to this fucking show, you know what I mean, but Yeah, well, I guess if you were entertaining what do you have to give him? All right, so I'm entertaining is I live with my girlfriend at our place now No, you live at Wayne Manor. Yeah, you live at your fucking apartment with your girlfriend. There's going well I mean, what else where else would you be throwing a party? I don't know. Maybe this guy's house I don't know if I got into my down the shore. It could be a Toby's mom's house Where would you like to throw the party? I'll I'll rent a space and throw it there. No, it says at your house rent a space

All right, you've never read it. You've never rented a space I would though you know Would you come I've been to your house and you listen you don't roll out the red carpet? Okay that now take that back right now Anytime you walk into my house. I'll offer you something. Yeah water from the sink. No, I can get that I can get that all for you a fresh beverage and some refreshments Say it and you decline most of it. I mean I haven't been to your house in a while, but you've only ever had You've only ever had water That's not true. That's very true and dirty dishes in the in the fridge

Yes, dirty dishes in the fridge. Not not this picture of water. That's next to the fucking the rigatoni pan No, I don't want that. Okay, maybe a meatball All right, so first thing you want to do is you want to clean the whole place you gotta clean it might even be worth it To get somebody in there Especially when you sign up at a place like a lot of places Yeah, you sign up on like they do it in New York like the first time's only 50 bucks or something like that Get them in there to clean the corners They do it nice if you've never had your place cleaned by a service you got to do it treat yourself, dude

It's the best 70 bucks you'll ever spend. Yeah, it's relatively cheap especially the first time you can get a pretty good deal Now I'm assuming Marty is this is all an inside thing now If he if he has a back a backyard, it would be a little bit of a different approach He isn't a nicer weather place so it could he could there could be an outdoor space. I don't know He doesn't he didn't say a little bit of a pool though Right probably not that's a tough look man having those parties with no pool get the fuck out of you Well, let's keep it to the apartment. We'll keep it to the apartment. So yeah, you want to clean the place Can we say we'll say apartment with deck?

Sure, there's probably a front porch a back porch something Marty's doing well It ain't bad to keep the beers in a cooler out there. What what of course? Yeah, let's take this from the ground up since you're waiting. Are we running a space again? I like how now you're involved before you're like, where am I throwing my shending? Clean everything including your room. Don't do one of those guys that have the room I don't go in that room or fucking. Oh the cats in there or whatever. It smells like litter or any that shit If you got a cat Send them away for the weekend. If you got a cat fucking you handle it

Don't be putting people's coats in the room where the cat fucking drops dumps Cuz that shit I don't think there's a coat room. It's in a warmer. Okay. I mean coat rooms are for like My aunt's having a party at Christmas. Hey, you throw all the coats on Yeah, maybe on the other hand do a coat room calling through like the coat you smell like cigarettes and perfume on the ladies coats He's to find a couple of bucks in the pocket That rain kippy's little purse. Oh, we weren't grifting. Yeah me either but you little guys go through the jewelry box, isn't Fucking wet band. It's over here. I've never seen a nine-year-old with a stopwatch Got my uncle's Rolex on

Oh, I'm going to bed tonight o'clock My bed time I'll tuck myself in good night everybody Yeah, make sure the place is clean clean is is huge. So this is how you do it. So you have a definitive Appetizer menu or DERV menu and then you have dinner. Okay, I don't know if you're doing this is where we might disagree You don't need to do dinner. He's not doing dinner. He's not cooking burgers and shit on the grill I don't know. You got to stop him and me up. I don't have all of these fucking details You're asking me like I'm throwing a party. I don't know feel like you're really Marty Let's say you're doing do you're having people over you're asking me how to do it. I'm telling you how to do it

Yeah, well you're going. Does he have a girl? I don't have that's I've given you all the information I have so stop asking me for details. Okay, fine. Then I'm gonna take it from there There you go. So what you want to do is you want to make sure there's a sortment of beverages? Yes out on the deck if there's a deck available can serve themselves. Yes, you unless he has the money you hire a bartender instead of A little borrow. He's not doing that. Okay, cool. So you have all that stuff if you do have an outdoor you do an outdoor that Creates multiple areas so I'm gonna pop outside grab a beer outside grab a beer You set up a little bar area with ice if people want to make a mixed drink Yeah, make sure you put the sodas and the Capri Suns in a separate cooler away

Cuz that's how you get kids on the path of fucking alcohol and drug addition Addiction by putting the Capri Suns with a fucking Coors lights where yeah, also not help ever just a pro move in case somebody has a driver Have some seltzer some tonics, you know, whatever on X Who's drinking tonic? I don't know what pussy's not drinking. That's why if you are you're not coming to my party D-bone Tell you that much. Hey, that's how you know your family's real booze bags. Well, the only non-alcoholic option is tonic Saying have some some orange juice for the screwdriver. Can I get you a glass of sour mix? It's only 17% what? Dude also pro move you get the cooler with the nice beers in the fridge on the shelves nice beers

And then in your crispers the drawers on the bottom throw some fucking Bud Light some No, no for once no no listen for once the nice beers run out and then and then a couple people have left and now you're into the Night and everybody's getting to know he's right. He's right. What you know, he's not you're not stock You're not taking your vegetables out of your in your refrigerator Listen to this show doesn't have vegetables. Yeah, what are you talking about? Listen, this no, this is anything in your crisper. Stop it. This is a pro move. Stop it No, it's not first of all you only go to parties at your parents you go to your mom's house You literally only go to parties at least can I get a beer? Yeah, there's one in the butter drawer in the fucking refrigerator

No, you get a bunch of cheap beer Because if especially if there's no kids when that goes on like the party goes on people start playing drinking games whether be beer pong or flip-cop or Kings or whatever that's what they start doing and you use the cheap beer for that Yeah, or or you're all full up on IPAs. You don't want to fucking be sucking down a Carl's show you need that is a pro move to have cheap beer Not in the in the crisper though. Relax. Yeah in the Chris dude You've never been what was the last party you've gone to first of all that hasn't been at a family member's house your mom or your brother

What's the difference is still a party? No, that's the only way you only know the way you do things You never go in and experience how other people do that's not an adult Party that's a I've been going to parties my whole life I'd never win anybody's crisper to get a drink if it's in like a girl Yes, dude, we've probably only has a garage or whatever or then a separate say it was thank you appetizers What are we doing? We like to get a tray of nuggets from Chick-fil-A. We do a Chick-fil-A That's not bad. It also depends on the vibe of the crew if the crew is like a little trash here

You can get that's you know, okay. If it calls for a little higher end. Maybe you do the charcuterie board Sure, you can even what it what is a pretty pro move is order if there's like a place around that has like good wings or whatever Order that put it in your own fucking Dishes right like your own present like if you do have a tray sure order the whatever if there is something where you're like Oh, everybody loves the fucking wings at Mahoney. Mm-hmm. Yo, I got 50 Mahoney's wings on the way Yep, bada bing bada boom. Yeah, but that but do all right. I'm with that You got to go heavy on the apps I think if you go heavy on the apps and you tell everybody you're not having dinner

Like you're not if you don't have a grill or whatever. I don't know what kind of house this guy lives in I'm thinking he has a grill. I have a lot of faith in this kid. That's fine I'm gonna go on a deck. I'm also just saying if he doesn't you're not obligated to serve dinner at a Party at like a cocktail party as long as there's enough people know that to going into it Because if you're getting if you're getting invited over you're getting invited for like a dinner party where you're like, oh, we're serving It's a barbecue is different than a hang You know what sets that tone is it a mass text going out? Yo come by my house around five or we talk in evite No, it was a it was a personal invitation. Hey my place. All right next your mother's asshole, whatever, okay?

And then I'm sure there's been some follow-up Calls and texts and confirmations. There's your chips in the pretzels. Do your chips You know pretzels guac is always big hummus some pita chips walk is big Can I can I throw something out there chips and pretzels going like a big plastic thing? Make sure you put down a paper towel or something put down a paper towel inside the bowl That's the trash. That's like 90s trash. Don't do that You can do something other than paper towels and dumping a fucking bag of lays out also don't do that that's skating party shit Can we just talk about the the trash that is the eight-layer bean dip?

Not a fan. Now you hit the bricks. Thanks. Take that shit fucking back to wherever you go Buffalo chicken dip on the other hand. Good night. Good Fucking night if you if one of the girls or whoever can whip up a mean fucking Buffy chick dip have them do that Bring it over Buffalo chicken dip and shrimp cocktail are fucking if you have a crock pot Buffalo chicken dip in the crock pot real easy. Yeah, not a bad idea, man When you when you're going down that line on the fucking table and you fucking you see that crock pot sitting there Always take a peek inside that thing at our place. It's always fucking sausage And peppers and meatballs sausage of peppers and one meatballs and the other and my favorite sausage of puppies

Ain't nothing wrong, but you don't have to do a proper meal, right? Also, like I don't know you guys could be kind of you know more on the dirt ball side He's like hey, I got 15 pizzas from Antonio's coming over. There you go Which ain't to shut which is like now everybody's down for like a pizza and beer night if that's the way you kind of You spin it not to show everybody knows it kind of slum in it. Yeah, but you have to do one thing. That's kind of like the Centerpiece of the party You know what I mean? So if you're gonna do the pizzas and stuff like that

This is the way this is the way you run a pizza at a party You don't order you don't say they're coming you don't order them as the party goes on a few hours in you go You guys hungry should I get some pizzas? Don't accept any money from anybody All right, boom the guy from skin ellie's is at the door. I got a better. I've seen it done better by KCB former guest on her Not Halloween party Super Bowl parties KCB of the legendary Super Bowl party the legend is she gets fucking a stack of pizzas Doesn't tell you stack of pizzas just show up at halftime and you're like what the fuck New party

You're fucking hanging out at that point. You're already about fucking you got a sixer in here Whatever next you know to drop 15 zazz at the slice to start flying. Good night That's a pro move. Just don't tell me like if you are gonna do that have like two or three pizzas coming and just let it show up That's the class move. Oh, yeah, we got pizzas for my Tony's for later Or now open one up leave it on the stove or whatever put the other away for later for you know How do you feel about that? Can I bring anything? Well, I'm as I this also I just had a plan and do my My wife's whole birthday last weekend or two weekends ago

You had this idea what that you're gonna do your wife's birthday. No, I we had we planned like that the park hang So it was like 15 people come in and we had to get everything like I entertained. What was this? We've talked about this have we yes multiple times I didn't get invited to that either we just did a whole episode of art feelings about it It was like a fucking it was like 14 minutes of the episode one You forgot it was her birthday when we had to change the recording schedule to accommodate her birthday Oh, yeah, I told you it was her birthday. You then go. What the fuck it was her birthday I showed a text and I go you had the chance Toby did but you didn't go to her party. Did you we've had this

Conversation did we oh my god fucking scumbag. Hey invited the dry cleaner. You are losing your mind. You didn't go though Are you insane? That's fucked up though So what'd you do? That's what I'm saying you have to when people say hey, can we bring anything mm-hmm as long as you have You know somebody shows up with the vegan shit You have to have a lot of your bases covered you can't rely on Marty don't do that. Yeah Marty don't have one guy bring the chips another guy bring you yeah You gotta have a fight no over the last lemon square

With 12 bags of original ladies. Yeah Yeah, I've done that did I've done that for KCB's Halloween or a Super Bowl party she'll be like hey Can you grab chips and it's been me and like three other bozo comedians meet each other at the bodega by accident? And we're all standing in line holding like toast eat those or whatever and I'm like we look like I'm like We all can't roll in with the same bag. Yeah, that's a jerk. We look like fucking assholes. Oh also solo cups 100 of them come on hundred solo make sure you got plenty of solo cups ice fucking plenty of ice You need I had an extra big bag and put it in the fucking freeze get rid of Diego waffles

Whatever you got in there tossing a party that runs out of ice Fuck it out of here Drinking like a warm rum and coke Or you know, it's a trashiest is using the ice from like where they have the beers and stuff stored I don't mind that everybody's sticking their hands in there. It ain't ideal, but what are we doing? That's what it is. I'm stunned. You know how you solve that problem You toss a solo cup and leave it in there. Yeah scoop. Yeah, a lot of people scoop off. I well It's not ideal right but my germaphobe my germaphobia gets checked when booze is involved

If it means kippy gets another fucking martini, I'm having some fucking dirty ice in there Yeah, but you need the solo cups or when people want to start doing shots so you're not having a guy with a mug He's got like the butter container fucking yeah You so get a hundred solo cups that way people try whatever and don't be the guy like write your name on your You gotta let people you gotta have enough to let people be free. Don't be you can't be having too many rules The big question also keep the shoes on Come on, if you don't be going in and out of the deck and hang trash bags in different areas Oh, that's pretty and make sure you have a designated Bernie spot so people can pull their darts. Yeah, I feel like a dirt ball

Yeah, hey, well six out front. There's a lighter. There's a whatever. There's a can out there Or coffee can you can put them in there? Yeah, I buy buy a couple of lighters have them out there People can always smoke like a lot of my family part is none of them not everybody smokes But when they start they start boozing kippies around with the bernie's everybody They'll bring pet they'll buy packs and then give them to me. Hey, break these out a couple You know break these out around around 8 p.m. But you got to have the lighters have you got to set it up do it nice and then music music's a big thing What are you getting the band?

Depends is the Marty face big enough Marty hire weezer Uh, no, you just do a fucking gotta have a good playlist. Yeah, Alexa or whatever you're into It can't be you know, whatever you guys are It depends. I don't know these could be fucking punk rock kids I don't know about bows. What do you think about bows? My dad's in the market for a new bows He's like, I want to get a bows a bows bow. I want to listen to the radio So you have an alexi of all that shit's already there. You don't need the bows anymore. I think bows is trashy Just write bows on Alexa

I won't know um Yeah, and if you don't have good taste in music something like pandora or spot go on spotify Look look up literally look up like party playlist. Yeah hipster barbecue or whatever you can do like rock and roll barbecue Like all that shit and like they they have it pretty curated So but you got to have a speaker like and if you don't have a speaker Don't buy one or have someone hey bring your bows or whatever if you know And it contingency plan in case it rains

Move everybody inside. Yeah, and if you don't have a speaker it's garbage, but it's good in the pinch just running off the tv That's not too shabby either. Yeah, not too bad You got a smart tv. You can yeah, whatever if you're like That's also another thing people watch no tv at the party Oh, well, there's a game on game on different story or game on. Yeah game on sound off Yeah, I don't need the music playing but the music plan. I don't hate that But like you ever got money on it. Do you ever see some people like sitting down at it? You're like watching tv at someone else's house. I'm like, what are you doing you fucking bozo?

Fucking people hanging their chicks here fucking watching friends reruns. What are you doing? I remember when you we have Thanksgiving at my cousin's and she brought a for my cousin one of their daughters brought a friend Oh, that's always bad. It was yeah, and she went up and took a nap For like a while what yeah a nap. How old was she? They're like in college. No. Yes She's sleeping on the fucking oxycott or something Nobody just takes a nap at a party dude That's crazy No way

I'm just trying to get your big get your bearing straight Are you getting your what get your bearing straight? Listen, I gotta sleep this off still a little fucking shook up from the koala panels. Okay Nah, if somebody comes over my house and tries to take a nap. I'm kicking them the fuck out And for the love of god, no naps. No fucking board games, dude. No no board games What about heads up? That's fun. What's heads up with the phone heads up? That's all right depends on if it's just also these could be a slower crowd. You know what I mean Strip poker you're a play strip poker

No, we said we had this conversation with akash Talking about spin the bottle spin the bottle seven. That's all that was all that was not playing that at the party Maybe is I don't know What about the dessert What are you putting out? You gotta do I would get something I got two words local if there's like a cookie company or whatever Stop mini cupcakes crowd pleaser just a bite Get him at the grocery store mini cupcakes. That's the way you want to go

It's nice brownies insomnia cookies like cookies Yeah, like something like that if there's like a place where you're at that's like, uh, Johnny's has the best fucking whatever's you know, hey, I gotta fucking I got two dozen of johnny cakes coming over balloons balloons No, no decorations. No decorations. No decorations T-bone. No decorations You're either 70 or you're nine and I can't tell no cap daddy. Oh He's a no cap kid How about water balloons at my mommy's what times the water freight guys get those pants off. Hey, what's this fucking clown getting here?

There you go. Oh, I have a nice have a nice party checking nuggies fucking chips and salsa Fucking cheese board and go over buy more beer than you'll ever think you'll need that's the fucking worst Even if you don't have room to ice it all or put it in your fridge. Whatever you're whatever you're working with Fucking have it on the side and then one like it's getting low dump more in or whatever That's your fucking job. You gotta be Johnny on a fucking spot with the beer Johnny in the spot Nothing's worse when you're like, hey t-bone. Can you grab me a beer and t-bone goes in? He's like there's one corona left or what and you're like, I'll take a fucking schmitty's and t-bones right do two things You want two designated areas for recyclables and trash?

But you got to go around and keep that fucking place clean because there's nothing worse than a shitload of water bottles That's also a classy move too. The water bottle have a cooler just designated need about four coolers That's about 13 14 coolers you want to use the Without the crisper you have your nice beers crisper is completely fine. You have your nice I get beers out of people's crisper's garage frids garage fridge. Yes regular fridge is no good Okay, but what if you don't have that and that's your only option this guy might be in an apartment You have to relax and say okay. He might have to put him go to fucking target and get a cooler Okay, get the foam ones the foam ones are all that fucking try no way

I'd rather get him out of his fucking bathtub than a phone if do not Marty listen to me. Do not get a phone phone ones always has bait in them They come on and set a night crawler's in there. Those things stink I hated those ever since I was a kid Dude, I can hear that Squitching around on the lid and the fucking no way, dude I'm like you can't put anything you can't put a case of beer in there They start cracking and then the the lids cracked and the sides cracked the fucking

No, no, there's nothing worse than fucking those things. Yeah and grab like a sampler like a 24 pack sampler is a nice move That's not too shabby too like a line in google where you get IPA Sam Adams summer summer fest Something Sam Edges dirt ball party pack Have some of have have the if you guys are into it the white claws ladies love the white claws guys like the birds love them white Guys, look at you because there's no sugar no carbs. Everybody loves white or the high noons the high noons shout out to the barstool squad Big on the high noons. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm classy anything like that Those things are I was had a couple fucking white claws on a beach yesterday

Let me tell you though something fun even if there's no kids if you get a couple of capri suns there's some juice boxes in there It's fun. It's kitschy people like Yeah, not at my parties. No, it's kitschy. What are you? I think you just want capri suns I've never been like, oh guys. He's got capri sun. Hi, sis. It's so kitschy Where to Bernie's that and give me the fucking nosebears. I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna say a rip roll rush wouldn't fucking do me right right now Oh shit load of toilet paper Pretty good. Yeah, that's I assume that's a must. Can't be wrong. Dude. You're running out of tip. First of all, who's dropping a Who's taking a digger at the party? No for the ladies. Come on, dude taking a shit at a party is so trashy

Oh, dude, I remember at a bar one time. I was like, I'm waiting for the stall because I was like hemmed. I was like, I might Where I'm like, I don't know I might be able to hold it. If not, I'm gonna have to figure some stuff out of like a poop I had a poop at a ball at a ball at like a club It was that like It was that like red sky or denim or something And I'm in there never take a shit at a place you had to pay a cover to get it to There's a bathroom attendant and stuff, but I was just like hemmed up and I'm like, I'm like, I'm waiting for this

I'm waiting for the thing and you're killing some poor guy's vibe trying to do bump skis in the next stall and the guy's like, uh Well, I was like, I gotta see what it's like. I'm down. I have to see what it looked. I mean, who's saying this to you? I'm saying this the guy's like you can go I think I was up next for the urinal and I was like about to I had like fuck I was about to have diarrhea and I'm like, there's no way I can find a public bathroom in school Like I have to see what the stall looks like in this place Because sometimes that those bars just all pee, you know, it's just they take this they take the lids off Yeah, so you can't poop it. It's just dudes fucking pissing all over. So I'm like, I gotta put eyes on this thing

So I get in there and it was bad and I'm like, I can't do this I fucking ran out and pooped in a jazz club or something That jazz club on samson street, you know where it is. It's like it's at like 15th and samson. I forgot Oh, I know you're talking about Philly. I was thinking the west village for some reason You taking a deuce at the blue note Guy's scatting on stage. Give me scat in the bathroom Oh man, oh god, that's funny. Um, lock up your prescriptions If you put them away, you're inviting a foley. Oh, there's never been a bathroom

I haven't been in where I haven't just peaked a little bit the medicine cabinet Yeah, also make sure your bathroom's clean too. You don't want to end like the shower curtains closed I don't want to be looking at your fucking, you know, no dog If you have some psycho dog lose them But if you got a friendly dog, they'll let them over hang out of course. Yeah. Yeah Sparklers depends we gotta make sure everybody's okay with the dog too get some works Some work some works fireworks. Fuck yeah. Come on summertime Set a couple off

I don't know that couple of spinners The fireworks that sounds more like the capri sun group if you ask me Yeah, I'm a big firework guy and that's and that's usually we'll like go down the alley away because it can bum people out Yeah, don't don't do fireworks unless you like live on a farm Especially the way we do them if you live in a townhouse community, don't do fucking fireworks. You're dead bosses there You're a hillbilly, dude. What do you know? And for the record if you're doing mortars, don't put them in a tube set them off on the ground like a real fun guy Oh

Put some M M 80s Ah, sounds like a nice part anything else you can tell me. No, that's it. That's all I know So you just want you know, what are some do's and don'ts? He doesn't he's like I don't want to look like a fucking bozo here Keep it clean man. Keep it clean. Don't run out of anything. Keep it simple, too Don't know you don't need you can go right up the fucking middle cold beer Give you fucking some food to eat. That's all anybody needs. Fuck. Yeah, some that's it some beers some Make sure you get wine wine for the bro. Yeah, get a couple bottles of wine. You can even be a box They even like that. Also the birds like that. Oh, I love box wine. It's okay. Yeah, also whore

What's bad? We'll send a text of what Jesus Christ. I have a fucking I didn't hear that I caught up to me a couple seconds later. Holy heck there big man Yeah, no, no, no, that was specific. That was about a real person. Yeah Yeah Wow, it was a big man just unraveled. She never loved me She walked out on me. I hate that bitch. No cap No, I'm saying that I was joking obviously, but women or people do take pride not women but people take pride in Oh, I don't mind box wine. Box wine is not a bad thing anymore. Well, this is what you do

That's all I'm saying. This is what you do when we move on. We got a couple more questions But we love this style fucking. Yeah, this is this this lane of questioning is fire. It's a great question. Yeah, um But you also Also, there's nothing wrong with sending out a text that day the day before. Yo, what are you drinking? What are you getting beer? Nobody go in my room What are you drinking tonight? You know just to get it to get a feel of like if nobody's drinking wine Also, you probably know that you know these people somewhat

I did so far this so hang on so gang so far. This is what I got. I got some peaches I got this is anybody want anything specific anything I'm missing but but by anything. I forgot you whatever Feel free to bring whatever you want if you want otherwise Whatever that's a we never do that the fold is a lot. Yeah, that's a lot. I wouldn't do that I don't like the asking what you like I just cover all the bases because that's so much classier than having like been that that to me No, but I mean that goes with that. No, I'm operating on something you're covering the bases But it's also someone's like, yo, I really love, you know, whatever

I was you know, you can take care of that so they have it Like I'm not saying like if somebody I want yingling. I want Miller light just to buy those two I'm saying cover your fucking bases, but at the same time like find out. Oh, yeah, I'm not drinking why like, you know Because you also don't want to run out if everybody's drinking fucking wine or whiteclaws and you only bought fucking seven Then you're fucked then nobody then everybody has to drink what they don't really want to drink So I don't think there's a problem with taking a yo, I got this this this and this What do you drink? You know, what do you drink because let me tell you this? What are you planning on now as you know your people like you said like, you know, I don't know how well

You know, I think they're newer friends my cousin like my I know what my dad drinks So my brother drinks and all my cousins drink that's different. So we know to have yingling We know to have plenty of Miller lights. They love that milli lights down there. I've been on course all summer long Love them. They love them. My one boy is now on Heineken zeros Yeah, I don't keep a couple of sixes of them But let me tell you there's nothing worse than walking to a party and finding a fucking cooler of just land sharks Or some fucking shitty beer. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's like you can't go You gotta you gotta cover your bases and then fucking find out if somebody I think it's a nice touch of like

Oh, yeah, I fucking you got a six pack or whatever for me. That's a fucking to me. That's a class. That's a class move Let us know how it went Marty. Yeah, Marty a couple of picks would love to know Especially late night. Yeah, if you have any like party moves that you develop over the years fucking let us know too Yeah, it's pretty good. I can steal them pawn them off as my own But I will say this I wouldn't be throwing a party just to put a cap in this because you don't have any friends Yeah, who would the fucking go to your who would go to your but who would you invite you guys? I'm busy I haven't told you what night it was. Oh, yeah

I would definitely have the grill going Sure, there'd be something being smoked for 12 hours There would be a centerpiece of food then there's burgers and hot dogs and ribs and shit like that. Yeah Do you have a support with you? Hmm? Do you have a smoker? Yeah, it's his mom and my parents, you know any If we as well, but you yeah, no in my apartment, no Well, I'm saying now you're at the end. You can't say we When you live that far from your parents and you're 45 years old You can't also tag along as hey, we're entertaining

I'm the one working the grill dickhead and stocking the beers and the coolers and the fridge So I can say that yeah most 45 year olds do that at their own house They don't go home to the fucking mommy and daddy buy all the food and a beer for the week Hey, well you loaded the fridge for us. I like my parents. Yeah We did this we just did this on saturday at a lovely time. Yeah, I saw the picture. Yeah pool was hot ready to go All right, go ahead. Um, all right. This is from maddie. Hello from norway. Love the show norway baby on the europe international We've gotten some people asking us when the international tours are coming. Would you go? What fuck yeah, okay. Well playing it. Well, I'll see it a summer develops

Okay, see how see how joe b and putin get along this week. Um, all right. This one's from maddie start making international plans Hello from norway. Love the show. This is a home run of a question Is it gar is it trash to bring a laptop with you when you're in the bathroom pooping? Yeah, yeah, that's a tough floor your phone is is your phone is your phone is fine. Yeah, you overlook your phone You overlooked that You yeah, that's everybody's doing that. How hard are you working? Yeah, how long are you in there or how hard are you jerking? I think I don't get that

To me because a computer's more of like a communal thing your phone is yours Your computer's on the kitchen table like you're like people are using it I didn't even think you're in there pooping you get poop. There's part. There's definitely poop particles on there We've learned about them this year those poop particles. They're everywhere So it's like you're doing that and then I get it's on your phone your phones are real I don't know. It's a hard no for me. How about an ipad? If I walked in too much service area on an ipad Yeah, that's all touch screens and stuff too. Nah Nah, no, there shouldn't what do you I don't get it. I don't get it. I could turn it into a pink ipad

Not bad. I think there's a thing if if like I walked into my buddy's house And he was walking out of the bathroom with a computer under his arm. I'd be like i'm fucking leaving. We're not hanging out Yeah, that's too weird. That's too weird. Yeah, no Um This is fucking all right. This one's from tj. Uh, I think it's uh, I'm assuming this is Put yourself in the suburbs if you can do that, right? Uh, has anyone in your family ever called a taxi to their house? Like if you if you're in the suburbs call the taxi

And there's like a if there's ever been a yellow taxi out front of your house or in your driveway You've been hemmed up. That is the definition of hemmed up in the suburbs, but it's never yellow. It's definitely black Oh, yeah, it's always like the weird color. Oh, white and red or something like that It's tough dude. I don't even get in cabs that aren't yellow now. No the green ones. I do sometimes Yeah, oh quali. I'm sorry the green ones, of course. Yeah, take those all the time. Yeah, but those ones in philly It's like what'd you get these from another city? Yeah, the red and yellow and you guys get these from a bunch of cities that closed Where'd you get these from? Detroit? What's going on here? Dude get the fuck out of here. Yeah, that's a tough tough look I mean if you're going to the airport or something like that if you're going on a trip now, there's no reason uber

It's uber. Yeah, I mean, I was gonna say get a car. I mean, that's a tough look. I know my pay We've flown a couple places Whoa, hey big spender as a family and we didn't take no fucking My aunt dropped you off at the airport. You have family that drops you off at the airport picks you up Taking a fucking taxi. You're running Something something is not good. It's happening. Yeah something not good as if I saw if I saw a taxi in my neighborhood That's what I'm saying if you put dude if you if you looked at the window and there was one in the neighbor's driveway So you guys there's a body or something's happening

There's a crime for sure. There's a crime. Hey mom. Don't talk to the things anymore Yeah, tough tough luck this one. Uh, all right, this is for William Uh, have you ever taken to a hospital clothes aka socks scrubs shorts gowns, etc? Fuck. Yeah, I stole the grippy socks Yeah, my angiogram. There's been some socks in my house for sure. They got the no grip on the bottom, dude Have people walking up the wall to spider-man. Yeah, there's shit. This things are fantastic And i'm paying for him Right, that's the garbage way to look at I am though. He's taking a fucking throw in the matter giving him to you Taking the bedpans and shit with you. This is my box of tissues

This is my remote control taking nurses computer home with me. Um Jesus christ. All right, uh, let's see. This is This is class. This is I think I don't know. This is from john k y Uh, did you ever have those plastic cereal bowls with the straw built into them so you could drink the milk? What do you never seen those? No, uh, they these were 90s things. I think uh, let me pull it up. Oh No, it's In I don't I've never fucked with them t-bone. Did you have them? No, that's that sounds to me like some 90s Bullshit like the the pants that change color due to heat

All right, that sounds like 90s pussy kid shit. That's what it sounds like They fucking turn the you turn the bowl man. You turn the bowl Get the fuck out of here. I have seen them send me that Yeah, yeah, dude Vote it the most likely to get beat up in college those things stink I don't think you're using it in college You're not like fucking sitting in the cafeteria. You're not bringing that. I'm saying if you were that kid That's a not a good that's now you fucking turn the bowl like a gentleman. What about the spoons that change colors

I don't know what that is. Yeah, what are you talking about? You don't remember that they had they always have the commercial for it It was like a prize in some cereals where it would be like red and then you dip it in the the milk and the the The coal makes a change colors. Well, that's not bad. Any prize any any legitimate three-dimensional object That's a prize in a cereal box is a okay with me as long as not a sticker or a sticker or a puzzle or something stupid Captain crunches to give you little submarines that you put baking soda in in the tub. They were great. They dived down Fucking legit or those octopuses that used to crawl on the walls. Do you remember those? Yeah? Oh, those things are great little soap and water. That's like they're brand new I used to love those things. I don't have no idea what the fuck really fuck with any of my toys are way cooler than that

You ate breakfast at a diner when you were a kid Who did you tell me never went to a diner every once in a while? Yeah, me too. It's a bourbon diner Got out the street rode a bustle thing. Still there all baking done on premises Maybe it's eight years old with black coffee and a marbledite Black coffee egg white omelets and and tomato slices instead of fucking hash browns not gonna iced Damn I was gonna ask you. What do you think of egg beaters? Are they trashy? I would that doesn't cross our radar, but yeah, if it's coming in a fucking carton hit the fucking bricks, okay

I go a couple of great a's or nothing. Okay. How do you feel about egg beaters kick rocks? I don't even know what they were my fucking one friend's daddy. I'm never gonna know what they are either Okay, I'm never gonna learn what the fuck they are. I'll do an egg white egg whites. All right But I'm not doing egg beat. No getting an egg white omelet. Yeah Cool, what the fuck yeah, that's the classier version But I remember his mom trying to fucking put push those on us. You want some egg beaters? Get the fuck out of here No, I'd call my dad. Yeah trying to pick me up. Let's go leave work early. I better smell some french toast cooking in a minute That cinnamon better hit my nose soon. Yeah, fuck that fucking dumb broad

Some friends parents just didn't know what was going on take that take those eggs be egg beaters in your multigrain bread Yeah, you go back to the fucking store So you want to get the receipt for that you want to stay over dinner? I lady. I'd rather take my chances in the street No fucking way either call up dominoes or call my dad. I ain't eating your weird meatloaf. Okay. See you later Fucking lentil loaf Fuck that Okay, and get me a fucking diet coke lose this milk business Dude, if you've got egg beaters in your fridge, you're definitely eating eggplant parmesan for dinner

Dude, yeah people. I mean, if you're having company, you got to get it together Man Um, all right, this one's from Mike S. Uh ever had a Sonoco bumper sticker on your car Because it used to be like you got like 3% off or so there was something you could win free gas for a week Or something my my mom was my parents you just went real you just went real hillbilly Did you know that what you don't you don't know what's going on? I don't think you know what's been happening the past 35 minutes I was gonna say my mom's not loyal like that. She goes to the lowest bidder Every fucking I don't matter where you are or who you are. Yeah, she'll cut you out of the fucking operation

She treats gas like she's like looking for a roofer. Oh low is bitter Yeah, she'll drive the fucking hickoryville the fucking load up She goes everywhere right now. She's wow all the way because wow has got the good number on the gas Yeah, good price. They're moving units. They're moving units got to deal with opec or something I don't know talking to the Saudis, but either way it's coming up patty Um, all right, let's do one more never a punch card never anything like that I got my punch card of my I still I told you I got the haircut. I still have it. They keep giving it to me They know me there

Yeah, that to got them sitting you only have like how many haircuts you think you have left? I think about that every time I think I'm like, is this the one before I sit down and go I look I take one look at me go this might be it. This might be the one you have less than How many haircuts you think he has left in them be honest How often are you getting haircut once a month minimum once a month? Yeah, she got like three left So do you unfortunately dead man walking here, huh? This guy's walking the mile. Uh, you have 30 Haircuts left. Yeah, I was gonna put it in the 20 years. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's probably about right. I'll be close to 40

That makes sense. Cool. Yeah fine with it Do you have about 20 until you croak? die in the chair All right, uh All right, let's do this one and then take it easy This is from drew ever own a strip tees pen where the ladies clothes saw slide off when you turn it upside down Man, those were the cool kids. You showed up to class with that and it's like snuck it. Oh, I'm fine I could get a stinger just thinking about it

Start pitching a tent just thinking about those days some red heads with a couple of private Yeah, it's great that and you know what else is in that needy playing cards that but even they have them in uh Like at the bar the erotic photo hunt at like the bars. Oh, I was big A big erotic photo those things that are on you're talking about things that are on the bar Yeah, they're like they look like old TVs. Yeah, they spin a little bit. Oh Big fan of them Big dude, you got it. That's a shitty place. Yeah. Oh, yeah me my buddies But me my buddies would play photo hunt heavy

It was an all dirty photo hunt because I remember there'd only be a couple mixed in there Sometimes we would do the all male review See what a real one looks like would they show wieners? I think so quick, but they showed the titties in a muff. I just say muff. Who am I? All right, we gotta go It's fully southern out of nowhere. You're from 1912. Yeah, I'm a sailor all this giving up a Joe Piscopo everybody And his bro got a muff on it Uh, that's it. That's it. We got a wrap gang. Listen. We look Jesus gang. Listen. We love you guys very much Thank you for everything kippy. What are you gonna tell them? That's it guys

First of all, check me out on social media at camera and comedy on all social media get those instagram numbers I'm closing in on 10k about live shows, you know subscribed on youtube leave a review on Itunes the whole nine yards and uh tickets to the live shows. That's it. We love you. We'll see you next week Peace