Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Gas Station Breakfast w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Dave App: Download the Dave app from the App store right now. That's D-A-V-E. Sign up for an Extra Cash account and get up to 500 dollars instantly. For terms and conditions go to dave dot com slash legal. Instant transfer fees apply. Banking provided by Evolve. Member FDIC. Displate: https://www.displate.com Promo Code: Garbage Rocket Money: https://www.rocketmoney.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

gang the boys are on the road with that stay trashy tour coming to a town near you oh yeah the squad come out and see us a little stand-up comedy plus we played a little a-y-j with the crowd it's a good good time yeah gang uh... june 14th we're gonna be at hilarities in cleveland june 15th we're gonna be at the funny bone in columbus then obviously we have new jersey the vogal theater the second show added for that those tickets are going get them before they're gone uh... we'll be adding more shows get your tickets are you garbage on before they're gone. We'll be adding more shows. Get your tickets. rUgarbys.com. Love yous! Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and age Foley.

Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is our you garbage. And it's a little show we sit down to your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. On your host's day, Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tuddy's

and the new addition baby getting ready for summer. She's upstairs in a room blasting guar. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Musta had a rough day, she's letting it out of there. Okay, really just, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, coming through me. I'm surprised you know who guar is.

Of course, what do you mean? I'm not gonna- Let's go in on that, I'm not gonna- Let's go in on that, I'm not going on I know what the kids are doing out there And Tuddy of course my co-host is coming at you from across the table He is the CEO of our you garbage, but as the summer starts to roll around He is known as mr. Neptune down there on the boards. Hey the kid likes the Sam's pizza Shout out to Waw And some medium-sized waves to do a little body surfing.

Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. What up, gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you're rea- and we've used subscribe over here on Neal Dijkton's full video available on YouTube. Check that out. And as you know, those numbers are...

Charooner out. Almost forgot it there. You ain't lying. Then obviously the greatest website of one of the great it one of the two greatest websites of all time i'm gonna change it w-w-that-all your garbage dot com gang that's now the new best website in the world well you're crazy ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha guys obviously I'm joking it's patreon.com. Samyam I'm sorry. Yeah, Samyam. How many koozy you got over there? Shout out to patreon.com.com.

Check it out. We got a whole shit ton of content over there. We have all the bonus vids we do with vlogs. Plus if you sign up at the 10.0. We get two episodes of two bonus episodes a week. What are we doing over here? It's a good time with support. You have a nice quick shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire the magic man. Got the long hair. It's got the cut off gene shorts. No socks.

The interrogation like cooking. Where were you on the night of the 13th? I'm gonna get a bad hit of Molly over there. Take that off. Give it up a T-bone with Scruff and Stolen McBull and everybody. What's up, J? What I buddy? Yeah, my outfit stinks, but it's totally shirt with the fishes. You look like the ocean buddy What are we doing? I'm swinging a miss on top Too on to down to how do we cut this? Smullen hit by a pigeon looks at me McMullen was just thrown out of the league. I'm gonna turn up Toby's mustache I got thrown by the intro. You're taking shots. What are we doing? I'm a league. Nobody turn up Toby's mustache, huh? I got thrown by the intro, you're taking shots,

what are we doing? I'm not taking shots, I'm trying to figure out, I write on stage. I'm trying to figure out a new one for you. There are a bunch of times where you're going out, you know, it's the summer, up there, and I'm going, I don't think he has a toot here. I know, and I got nothing.

I'm going, I'm looking, I can see the wheels spinning, I got this one, the big man does his best work. I'm like M&M off the dome. That's not what he's known I do right on the bus Of bang bus I have something controversial God to discuss it have to do with food It does sure of course you not, live a life worth comedy don't get in that's what they talk about. Of course.

Listen, this isn't anything that I'm gonna get involved in now. So let's go into that, with that understanding. But I really missed out on this, okay? You know, I'm trying to tighten it up. I'm eating right, all that kind of stuff. But there's options to this.

We're, it wouldn't be that bad, but it's the big thing that's going around now. Everybody's doing it. Everyone's talking about it. Everyone's talking about it. It's, they're taking sandwiches. All right, they're taking like turkey, ham, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, all that stuff.

They're throwing some mayo or some mustard or however you want to do it. And they're chopping it up. And they're putting that inside of sandwich. That's all I want at my whole life. You could have done that. I know. I can't believe I never thought of it. What's the best part of anything?

The end then that when you get down to the salad and everything's all mixed in together all that lettuce is gone And it's all the stuff. I'll just chopped up and delicious and it's been mixed together It's already it's already chewed is what you're looking for somebody's come to cut out the middle man and chew it for yeah Hey, I can't be doing all this biting and chewing around here. I gotta get this in my gullet's that. Someone chew it up. Pre-chewed sammies. But I'm big on the flavor combinations and everything.

It's about to really blow up. It's about to be the next chop cheese. I know that's what you read that fact, I quarterly. What are you talking about? You guys have no idea what I'm talking about. I have no idea what you're talking about. I feel like I mentioned it to you a month ago, when it was still in the undergrad.

But it was still sizzling after the demo tape dropped. I've started hearing buzz and buzz in the streets and over-eaters anonymous, we got into it. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm still thinking about bombing in the intro. Don't worry about it. You bomb plenty! I mean, this is a kooky one. I don't know where you're talking about. It's hard to shit in here, by the way.

And if we're being honest, I sharded in the bathroom earlier, and I threw my bionter pants in the garbage. Did you really? Whoa. It's a real tell-all episode right here. That's what I'm talking about. I can't do it. It was like the tell-t talking about. I can't do it. It was like to tell, tell hard.

I can smell of her. You're free bowling over this? Sure, em. Wow. Yeah. It was a, yeah. You're shardin' over that. This is a wild day we're in.

You're shardin' over that. I haven't shardin' a very long time. Two, three weeks. That's good for you. Man, but when that happens, and you're luckily, you clean yourself up in there? Nah, I just figured out, figured out when I get home.

Yeah, I clean myself up in there. Are you a little bird? Right, I'm just gonna clean yourself up. Right, I'm just gonna have to repaint in there. That's, when that happens, the panic that sets in, and I'm not, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a big ol' pot of humor, you know what I mean? Of course, a classy program.

But there is a certain set of panic that sets in when that happens. When you're out, not at your house. And luckily, I'm in my, I'm in my, I'm in my aunt's house right now, so it was okay. You know what I mean? I gotta say this, I've grown out of that. I've moved past it.

What? I'm steady as a cucumber calm Yeah, well what happened was I had it hasn't happened in years But I had a smoothie this morning and that I mean I'm the fucking spinach must have been better Mixed in with that hot honey chicken boy That was in the easy-pass You can't fucking zig and zag like that you got to pick a lane for a day your body don't know what's going on I'm upside down on a bear run this guy's

doing pretty what the fucking it dropped that in there this guy you can't mix that I didn't have a choice of a single father what do you want for I'm working hard over here yeah I don't know man I am am what I am where I'm an open book have added don't act like I'm the only guy who's ever had an accident So no that happened to me this weekend. Don't be silly. You just said you're steady. No, I doesn't it doesn't bother me Oh, I thought you meant you're in such control of your body in such control of your body that he doesn't have. No, no control. No, he's saying that he shits himself, it doesn't break stride. Yeah, you're like Leo in the department.

My hand doesn't, I said I'm saying. You can take it with full blown poopers. It doesn't matter. I handle the situation. What do you do? I play it real cool. Well, physically, I have a little bit more protection, let's say.

Doesn't always reach the fabric. No. No, the volcano doesn't always rise in the crust. Shh. I mean, what are we doing here? We're gonna start reading some poetry, so we gotta class this up a little bit. Oh, yeah. Um, sure. some poetry so we got clases up a little bit. Oh yeah.

Sure. Did you get a fucking dumper on you? Hahaha. Got the shamrock. Got the shamrock shake back here. Two pressed hams and those, isn't that set of sheets you got? My wife just had a $2.50 affair underwear. I'm not that bad.

What it's like you're cleaning up a murder scene dude, you're like, you're inspecting everything. I got bleach out. Sure. It's, you're, because you don't want to get caught. No, it doesn't matter, but you're going, if it happens at work or something, and I, happen to work one time when I was bagging groceries

and act me, that's not something you can be like, hey, I gotta go home, I shit my ass. No, it happened to me one time when I was driving and I wore scrubs, because we delivered medical medical equipment to doctors offices. You're a drug deal I swear to God of a doctor. I'm a doctor. He used to be an anesthesiologist And yeah, that's a bad situation dude if it gets through the jeans I mean it didn't even read you got to move home. Oh, yeah, yeah, pack it up and go home. No, I didn't even Yeah, it was it was a I was pressed that you were

That you're freeballing it right now. I mean, it's not like I I didn't have an up. I didn't have an option at the new studio I would like to have a set of fresh gear in case that ever happened. I keep pairs stashed around the city If I had spuluckly, I don't have a spot if I had spots and I can go free ball or something There's nothing I did not tell any I never wore underwear When I was like attractive I never wore underwear When was that college two weeks Not kidding of course when I was thin I never wore underwear. Yeah, you should at this age

Yo, yeah college I didn't wear underwear either really I didn't wear pants. I was playing was hanging brain But yeah, I didn't wear underwear that much now, but it should get older it feels good Do you want to do your loose? You're hurt Reynolds things are loose. Yeah, you do feel like if you feel like a porn stuff I'm not to show my fucking show my little hip-saull Get a set of low rum. I'm a full these down one roll.

I feel like I'm Brittany Spears out of here. Throw up these mom jeans. Get some hip huggers. Yeah, no, as you get older, especially, you know, hygienic hygiene wise, you got it. You just got to do it. Yeah, they're arresting if I did it now. What are you nuts?

Yeah, it's tough. It ain't easy. What do you think about that sandwich? What? Could that be a thing? I think it's really, it's perfect. What, like a chopped up sandwich? Yeah, that's what I always want it.

I didn't realize it. Yeah, I don't know. I can't go back now. That nice, semolina bread. Yeah, it seems like you're really over it. How are you gonna do? I didn't know these were fish by the way. That's why I didn't think I can go back now. That nice, Sennelina bread. Yeah, it seems like you're really over it. How are you gonna do? You're ready. I didn't know these were fish, by the way.

That's why I didn't get it. How would I eat them weeks ago? Ha ha ha. Yeah, I don't know. You have that thing where you'll watch food Instagram and stuff when you're hungry. I don't like, I don't lust over food. The algorithm you it's because of what you're putting into it when you Google chicken porn 38 times it gets a read on You don't have to be fucking Zuckerberg to figure that out okay

Bastards yeah, I got you dead the rights now. You know what I wanted to ask you And you see these parrhogas I wanted to ask you and you see these parrots. I'm gonna start it. Cheesecake parrots. Shout out to Carol. When did, all right, I was in an Uber the other day. And I don't remember this when I was a kid. I remember it's starting maybe 10, 15, no, 15, 20 years ago.

But now it's like you can't even roll the winded down. When did the helicopter start? What it's crazy two windows in the back. I get it. I Dives in a new but you're dead crack my window Yeah, can you see what causes that I don't know. I do understand what you mean I remember as a kid the first time it happened This is my dad's Jeep shout out. I it. Oh my dad almost drove off a cliff. It was like someone, you think someone of a Huey was coming in.

Let off a flashbang in the car the way he freaked the fuck out. Dude, it's crazy. But it is more prominent than before and I don't know why. We used to go down that highway with all four windows down because the AC didn't work. But I think is it one? It's like sometimes when it's one. It's dude, it's one is it one it's like sometimes when it's one it's dude It's one it's it's gotta be let me guess. Let me it's gotta be some sort of negative pressure versus positive pressure

Like there's a negative pressure inside so the air's Hey, shit's pants relax Hey, googly hey Johnny no one these Like marking mark a ring. I'm supposed to to take orders from a guy who's got his balls on his jeans. Yeah. Has the guy who writes the checks around here? You did come out of the bathroom

and immediately start fucking barking orders to look, which I respect. Yeah, I had to, I had to fucking zipper, but maybe. Yeah. Still plenty of room in there. I was a quick joke. I had to come out. I felt like it was my first day in prison. I had to come out swinging.

Wait, hold on. And I don't want to go back to the potty talk. But I had just gone in there to pee and I said, what the hell is that? I mean, you didn't use the bathroom that was just what happened? No, I went in to use the bath. Oh, okay, and as I was like Turning the light on or something I let out a squeaker which was Ha It was a fresh and ready CCs beer little seas just beats it

I did the back. Okay, what are you doing over there? Oh? God damn it. They got damn big buck hunters on the fritz by the way fucking thing We've had it a couple of months. I'm not not even we just fucking bought this goddamn thing I knew this was gonna happen there. Jean now you're gonna find a big buck hunter technician if you're out there hit me Oh, they're gonna rip you off. How are you gonna see me? I mean fucking walk that don't even have underwear They're gonna rip you off. Are you gonna see me? I mean fucking walk that we have underwear. They're gonna fucking bend me over Man, yeah, I'm damn it. It's another list I think when it's I was thinking when it's off

We should because we were having a tissue a couple a couple weeks ago when it's off We should put out a order sign on it So nobody puts any quarters in there. Okay, I don't hate it. I'm not the one buying the out of order sign No, that's a you that's a you project. I'll just Draw one up. Okay, I don't hate it. I'm not the one buying the outer sign though. That's a you, that's a you project. I'll just draw one up. Okay, I've told you though it. She's real artistic. She is. But that's neither here nor there gang. We got a gosh darn family episode over here where we answer your questions on a patreon. When you sign up for the patreon, we will answer your garbage questions on here. And boy, do we have some hum dingers?

I'm always shocked by the homies. At the level of trash that we have yet to over to unturn. You know what I mean? A couple of comedic geniuses out there. Oh, for sure. Some of the names are fantastic, but it's even like certain rocks where I'm like, oh, and it's just different than of like in my family, I didn't experience that.

Like that wasn't a thing or whatever, you know what I mean? This one's great, this is for me, and I ever had to wake your parents up for work. That's bad. Dude, if your kid is waking you up and you're going five more minutes, and I'm gonna get five more minutes, it's bad if it's early. I don't know what's worse. I guess if it's like you're working the graveyard shift and they wake you up before they leave for soccer practice,

like hey, seven o'clock, get up. I can kinda get that. But if you're getting woken up by your kid in the morning, by like you're like 13 year old son or something. The good news is Patty would always, she would trick us. She was, she got up crazy early. My dad got up late, but she would,

carry, get up. She would freak out and get him up. And he'd get up and he'd rush out the door. But we never had to wake him up. But she would say, she'd come into our room and say, it's 602 or whatever. You had to be at school at 615 or whatever it should be lying you get it always that's the old get at a bed you look at a clock it's

545 you're like God fucking damn it yeah and you're doing a math and I get six more minutes or whatever yeah no she's in there screaming yeah that had to be there's too late the apples and cinnamon oatmeal would be cold that had a jammed off off wake up at that crib at my oh my god Tight house everybody fucking screaming right the second day wake up everybody freaking out panic Oh, oh, no, no, we were never late for anything ever ever We were 15 minutes early because once he got up he would have anxiety come on We got to get going got to get out of here and she would just Yeah, her my brother my brother be up doing pushups and shit like that

You're just screaming with a mouthful of Cheerio's brain cereal They're off my back. Oh, dude dying just looking for five more minutes in dreamland Yeah, I was thought you asked me why, you know, why my alarm is the rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm like that's how you're starting your day. Maybe that's why you're a little on edge from time to time. Yeah, wake it up and fucking nuclear war. Yeah, that's how you get it. Yeah, looking for a fallout shelter. Get it from patty. Yeah, that's I didn't good feels like home. Wake up. It's like really. Oh, didn't fucking good. Well, you need a fucking. He need a handgun to your head when you wake up right away. Just to feel. You need a fucking, you need a handgun to your head when you wake up right away just to feel Yeah, that's trash that it but that's a fucking fantastic Well, there's there's got to be some sort of level of gauge to it as well, and I don't know what it is Right into if you if you've had to do I guess if they're working the later shift that makes sense sure cuz their hours are all fucked up

That seems like single dad shit and like that's even worse I feel. No, if you had like a responsible young girl, single dad, I mean, that's just a plot that pretty in pink, but still that's how that would break down. Yeah. Getting your dad out of bed. I would be I'm not sure I'm pretty good. My dad would have been screwed, but out patty. Yeah. But he was also in the Navy. So he knew how to get himself up. In the Navy. But he would be in and out. He, from the time he woke up to how quick he got out of the door.

It was, it was insane. Yeah. And he would do the thing where he would pour a cup of coffee. He'd take a couple of steps, put it under cold water, chuck it a little bit, chuck it a little bit more, and chuck it a little bit more until he got the whole cup down out the door. Whoa. Yeah, it was a real one That's you were going with him getting the car. Oh, yeah

McCart that's fucked up. Yeah, but talk about that display display display Let's talk about cool metal posters that hang up on your walls with just magnets Uh-huh, you don't got to put nails in you don't go to do this. You don't gotta put nails in, you don't gotta do this, you don't have frayed edges, all that stuff, it's cool stuff. Do yourself a favor, get over to this plate, grab yourself something, they have awesome licensing deals, so you got Marvel, you got Star Wars,

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That's display.com code garbage or click the link in our show notes. Do it, baby. Kept this is rocket money, baby. Rocket money. This is rocket money saving you money. A lot of people think that they have about $80 worth the subscriptions going. It's actually more like 200.

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That's rocketmoney.com slash garbage. Rocket money, one more time. Rocket money.com slash garbage. That's rocketMoney.com slash garbage. RocketMoney, one more time. RocketMoney.com slash garbage. Do it. Your dad driving you to school was never as fun as your mom driving you to school. Oh, you're nuts. I had the opposite.

Yeah, because my dad, the custody was split half and half. He would stop and get you, if he had a couple of minutes. Not even. We were stopping. Oh really? It's your late go in, come out and get me if they need it. I would just minutes not even we were stopping oh really late go in come out and get me If they need it, and I would just go to do it like I'm good. Yeah, he didn't give a he was one of those guys I would call him and even I'm saying stop it like a wall wire something every day

Even if we didn't have the time he don't care. Oh really? He don't care about me being five minutes late for he's going fuck school Would you do a would you that's what I love he was just like yeah the rules He's okay, you're late one of the third to tell me you're late. I drop y'all I'm gonna fuck would you do a breakfast at the house and then grab it like a bacon I can cheese no there was a time I mean there was no no I don't think so maybe a serial app at the cinnamon toes crunch appetizer before I got my sizzle Well, I remember sizzle. He's didn't hit all right, so he would pick me up Be er because he was so he would pick me up,

cause he would go to work. I would sit in a alarm, or like my step mom would wake me up or whatever, cause I lived out of, I thought I couldn't take a bus to my junior high or high school, from where he lived. Right. But it was like seven minutes or 10 minutes or something. Live outside the school district.

You're one of those kids. Well, I was in the school district, but out another school. Like I was registered at my mom's. And that, yeah, man, it's fucking trash, dude. Then when's the Thursday? Usually they reserved those kind of slots for athletes. What do you mean?

Like they looked the other way when they have a good athlete that lives outside the school district. How I lived in the school district. Mm-hmm. I was registered at my mom. You have a bus route. My mom's I did. Right, but not at your dad's.

Yeah. Yeah, you're dirt ball. So I'm not defending it, but I'm just saying, it's not like that crazy. When I was with my daddy, I had to drive me to school. Okay. I wasn't like registered at his house. Okay.

But, we were gonna send me to another school for two days a week talking about fucked up. Ha, ha, ha, ha. That's like, I mean, what other option did I have? another school for two days a week talking about fucked up. That's like, I mean, one other option did I have. Oh, man, they would have thought you were a cop. Oh, yeah. Fucking balding already and stuff. You got light on you.

Only there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What's up with that fucking big headed bald guy only shows up every other day. Ask me if I do weed. Yo, a bald guy only shows up every other day. Ask me if I do weed. Yeah. Smoke beasters shows up with another guy drinking coffee. You're a cool kid at one school and a fucking nerd. Yeah. Dad can I just go to my school? I gotta go get beat up on Wednesday and Thursdays.

He's state. No, so he would leave for work and pick me up at like whatever. gotta go get beat up on Wednesday and Thursdays. He stayed. Uh, no, so he would leave for work and pick me up at like whatever. Let's say the standing time was 730. I've had to be at school at eight or whatever. He'll be like, I'd be back. He'd be up and out the door already. He'd go to work, go hit a job site, go to the office to whatever he had to do. What do I like?

Five o'clock. Pratt, EF 530s probably out. He's going to night school. Drop me off at CHI. I'm going to learn in steam. I'm going to pipe it. I remember panning driving the community college. That's fucked up dude. It's listen, if you're really trying to get your act together, I respect it. Which I wasn't.

That's what I'm saying. Like if you had already crashed out of something, you were like, you know what, fuck this? I'm getting, I'm gonna swallow my prime. And mom's gonna take me to fucking community. But if you're just a fucking idiot, your mom's dropping your outfit school. Oh man.

If you can buy beers and your mom's dropping your outfit school at some level. That's just the 13th grade, dude. Dude, her coming home from work and picking me up and driving me over there in a rush hour traffic Token the horn out front your fed is probably just jerking off upstairs talking you a little wiener back in But she used to drop me off when I was landscaping too over at this guy's cousins house where he kept a truck Wasn't the most professional operation. Yeah, there's a there's a one on my street

That's where they key it's like his business. Mm-hmm, and that's where they keep Like a sister in law's house. I think it might even be his but it's like rag It's like do for own an landscaping company Why don't you get the fucking why don't you get the trimmer outers have one of the guys coming early sure? It's a rough. I sure you make the cash though when you keep it a small operation. Sure. I don't mean you can't be fucking take disease. You do the fucking Z-mo over your lawn. Looks like it was fucking bombed out. But so he would he'd come back get me. That's crazy. He would be at this point. He'd be on his looking for his second hit a coffee. Okay. Right. Because he would leave Hit W looking for his second hit of coffee. Okay.

Right, because he would leave Hit Wawa, go to work, come back an hour or two later, whatever it was, grab me, we'd go hit Wawa again. I would get before Sizzleys hit, I would do a plane bagel or a poppy seed bagel with butter. They had them pre-wrapped right next to the cash register. Remember that? There was a row of cream cheese and a row of botanon man a freshy good night I would do a butter begal I wasn't fuck with cream cheese at the time Dude castation breakfast talk about a C-stune dude

I do a poppy seed begal if they had it if not I Sleep for the first period I was not not before we got to school. Fucking the insulin kid over here. Dude, that's not even it. Then I would fucking do a straight either OJ or Wala iced tea. Like not diet obviously, just fucking pure shuggies. And then I would do sometimes in a winner, I'd do a French vanilla.

Wait, how old were you? Eight. French vanilla. Remember they had the machine you'd press the green button and it spit out the man. It was like hot chocolate. Oh, yeah, it was French vanilla hot chocolate. I do I do a 16 ounce of that and whatever I wouldn't take it in but I would finish probably about half of it I throw some ice cubes in there to cool it off so I can get my Just like you're that sure

So I can get some shooters in there Yeah, man, and I would go in machine technology for the first five years Yeah, man, and I would go and machine technology for the first five years That was like men's a lot when they tried to do that when they tried went when like gas stations tried to like up Take to like mocha chinos and stuff like that Dude, it was just hot chocolate. I was air-fired. It didn't matter Dude I felt like I was European over there. It didn't matter how much caffeine was in those things You would be so slow. You're from the sugar crash, dude.

Doesn't matter. So then yeah, I would do that. And then sometimes you'd have like an early launcher or whatever. So I'm fucking piggybacking at at launch at like 10.15 AM sometimes. So that was it. He drove me to school every day.

I stayed there. Always stopped at Wawa always got yeah and then even still when I would drive it was just Pavlov's dog's condition. I would stop at Wawa get Brecky had in a couple of heaters. Never did that. Never stopped in the morning. Even when we drove never even really occurred to me. What was on the way Unless we were cut in school, then we'd go to Del's and get some eggs. I'd go over to Jean's place. Yeah. And load up.

Jean's place sounds like your buddy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha his dad played ball if you catch my drift. Yeah, that was great. Looking, I mean, that's why I'm a fat piece of shit. Because that was, you know, I didn't know that that was, I mean, I just learned that that was kind of bad for you. Probably see bagels with butter. Oh, man. Sometimes they didn't have them out. I'd have to ask them.

I remember when I hit a bagel for this latch key, kid. times they didn't have them out I'd have to ask them. Ho ho ho ho ho hoel? I'm gonna shut your fucking mouth. It made good with those reds, Captain. Oh, God. Would you ever rip a heater in the car with your dad? I'm not an eight. Not an eight. Not an eight. No, it was after, I think once we, once we started working together, that was sure.

Like so. I've defeated him and hand to hand combat. Once we started working together, that was sure. Like so. Like so. Feeded him and hand to hand combat. We had to do, he's got to try it. We had to do that leg wrestling where we lock legs and you could ever flip each other. Real Roxborough shit. No, it wasn't until we started working together that it was like, sure. Let me get one of them.

My stepdad, heaters, well, my brother always broke the seal. Sure. So he would be like, you're too young to do it in front of, you know. He's like, you're putting him in a bad situation. If you pull out a pack of heaters and light up, he's got to have to say something. Sure.

But 16, with my stepdad, he didn't care, probably 18, 19 with my dad. Oh, I was. And then from then on, when it was me, my, him and my brother work in, it was like Bernieville, every car, every indoors out, it didn't matter. We were fucking, we were the heater gang.

Heater plumbing. Welcome to heater HVAC, your house smell like smoke? Indoor is out that didn't matter. We were fucking we were the heater gang heater plumbing Welcome to heater HVAC your house smell like smoke. Well, will we leave instead of heating and air conditioning? It's heater and air conditioning That's a shirt heaters and AC's heaters and air conditioning That's a new shirt that he up Rip and heaters why cool you down. How do we even start off with that? Oh, the dad going to work.

Waking your dad up. Waking your dad up. Speaking of heaters, I was gonna say real quick, what I would have to do is pop would still be in bed. He was able to get there a little bit later. We'd be taking the bus paddy to be up curling our hair. Good morning, America was on. And we're in Catholic school. We're real little. You had to go to him to get your tie, tie. And he would just roll out of bed and just sit on the side of the bed and tie

your tie with breath that would burn your eyeballs. Uh huh. See the tie's searing up. Just crush you. Uh huh. The morning, man, you tried to keep that thing tied for the rest of the week. Leave it. Pull that out real slow.

Doing it on the door knob. On the big guy, you're fucking uh, uh, uh, speaking of heaters. Let's see, uh, this is from Eric B has your lip ever started visually bleeding because you kept the sig there too long. No, but if you keep it in there and you pull it out, sometimes that's what he's talking about. Oh, yeah, I draw the skin. If you leave it in there and it's a little too moist, it then draw the, the, the cotton in it or with the cotton bulbs, it will absorb all the liquid off your...

You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about getting a sig fuse. Oh, you pull that out. Oh, it's a kid. Do that in the winter. It's like a blister. No big thing. No, it's in the world and I'm gonna cover that up.

That's bad. That thing hurts. Yeah, that's an old, you learn that early. And then you can start to feel it before you know, you gotta get out of dodge. Oh, man, that's a stinger. You know what happened to me the other day and we were talking about this is this is Bernie logic Which we're getting off them by the way, you know, it's a United Front we're gonna do here We's you ever noticed I was talking about I my buddy Pat was picking me up in Philly out front at a hotel I was staying at down here center city and I

Out front of the hotel I was staying at, down in your center city, and I had my last sig and I lit it backwards. Sure. And he was like, it's always your last sig. And I was like, I just thought about this, it's because that's the only, that's never in the pack. You take your last sig out and you throw the pack away. And then the sig is just like in your ear

or in your, you know what I mean? You're fumbling with it. That's how it ends up backwards does that make sense yeah like you're not taking it right out of the pack I've been done that since I was a kid what let us sig backwards yeah really not as a not a kid but it's been years now so it was fucked up I've never tell you took a drag of a stick backwards with it Talk about wasn't this kid Justin's house man was like eating a firecracker instant Alzheimer's right there You know you know when you're fucked up And you're like this ain't right but like the pain you have the feeling but like the pain didn't really say you know I'm like what is that like it was like I couldn't process what was happening I looked down I got the cherry in my mouth like fucking bozo

Yeah, talk about a heater with the gator. Uh, this one's from cut Toby's hair, which I agree Have you ever tried to kick down a door? I don't think I've ever been in this sip. It is a try if you're kicking down a door unless you're saving puppies or something I've had him kick down on me. For that's worse. Yeah. By your parents or something? Parents, brothers, orders, patty and swatgear.

Stop touching yourself. You little creep. Flashbang in a crucifix. Yeah, there. Throwing holy water at ya. Yeah, definitely parental situation. Or my brother just messing with me or me doing something to him. The move was you do something, you get a sneaker in there.

We get behind a locked door. And then you run upstairs and go behind your door and lock the door. What's he going to do? Break the door down? He'll get what the, and it'll come through because we get those shitty low on doors. Sure. You go through those things like butter. Yeah. Yeah. They were bad. Did you, uh, I remember my door being off the hinge.

I was just going to ask, we, I think we talked about this years ago. Yeah. I don't think that ever happened to me. Oh, my door was off the hinges for about a year because I, because it was, it was busted. Like watching, huh? Hey, look, it's for free. Uh, my room used to be so dirt. My, my, it wouldn't fury my mother. Watching huh? Hey looking's for free

My room used to be so dirt my my midwood infuriate my mother Infuri being what I'm not I just off the hinges eating in my the room in my dad's house. I mean I used to paint that kid masterpieces up there I'm talking red solo cups of iced tea that sometimes I wouldn't finish. They probably like my third one or whatever. A brand new fresh bag of pizza goldfish and I'm fucking just I'm sitting I'm not even fucking I was sitting on a blow up chair from like a neon blow-up chair from Spencer's watching like WWF or something just fucking I had a Britney Spears poster hanging out looking at that just in all

my glory and uh... Jerk it off with pizza, the fakeers and I would uh... I feel like you'd stand up and the chair would stick to your body Yeah you're not wrong it was Scotch tape because I put a hole in it by accident stand up and the chair would stick to your body. Yeah, you're not wrong. It was Scotch tape because I put a hole in it by accident. So how do you Scotch tape the free flex? God damn it. It's pretty, pretty flex.

He got, he got, he got bum on me. Yeah, and I would leave cups in there with like a little bit of Wawa AST and then we get mold in it. After, like, yeah, I remember I, he would come in screaming at me. And then Peter did she get into room or not eating her room, screamed at you caught up there with something like that. Yeah. Jammed up, not of my moms at my dad's, it was more like, sure.

Like when AJ went and lived with Tony for a little while. Yeah, you're that. You know what I mean? I had a stepmom, but like, she also couldn't really act as like an authoritative. Could you ever order out as a kid? With the family there. Yes. Like I'm going to get a pizza, whatever you guys are doing, you're doing.

Yeah. No, my richy rich, who's allowed to do that? That's crazy. Crazy. I'd be sent to boot camp if I tried to pull that. You're nuts. Yeah. What are my cousins years ago? Did it? It blew my brains out. Young, what are my young cousins? Was like he ordered something. First of all, the olden delivery in the suburbs, unless it was a pizza, but now with the Uber Eatson all that stuff, it's a little bit different. But it was something like that.

We just did pizza. Yeah, of course. Pizza or chicken holiday. Shout out to you. Ordered something at like four o'clock. I was like, we were talking about dinners like, I just ordered something. I'm like, what? Wait, who said that?

My little cousin. Whoa. Crazy's like, I just ordered something. I'm like, what? Wait, who said that? My little cousin. Whoa. Crazy. Kids are on these kids are at Kuku, these days. Yeah. Nuts. Yeah, well, we also think back in the day, delivery was like an hour.

Sure. Yeah, the tip, they had to grease the guy. That was all new stuff, you know what I mean? Now it's all the hat. Yeah. One's doing it. Yeah, what's going on? Yeah, no, we would get like the, hey, I'm leaving, I left you 20 for pizza at that.

Or I'll call Angelo's, they'll deliver it. The money's at the counter. I go, how much am I tipping a guy? And I go, just give him it all, I got it. Yeah, right. But, Sure, change that. Every time we would go pick up an Angelo's,

my dad would give me a 40 probably. It was probably 23. Give me two 20s. And that was, that was I was like my income did that was the big fucking skimming Give me that was eight bucks. I give him five back or whatever That's how I made my first million Yeah, I'm a pack man and sometimes you like I get in the car like no change. I got nah. It's like all right Like Sharon Stone and Casino Can't let's talk about Dave. Hey Dave. We've all been jammed up with unexpected expenses

You know what I mean things come up late-night ambulance ride from the bar Really no more crap Dave swinging for defenses Dave I'm gonna light bill or something like that How about corn shorns? You got us on the run to Mexico. What do you think of this? Gang, we've all been jammed up. That's the point with Dave.

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extra cash account and get up to $500 instantly for terms and conditions go to Dave.com slash legal instant transfer fees apply banking services provided by Evolve bank and trust member F the IEC. Do it. Now back to the show. Back to the show. All right, let's see this one's from Jack Keating $10 homie never have one red Shout out to you is a garbage to have bar mats by the kitchen sink in your house There's got to be an age level to that because that's real cool wait, there's the runners. Yeah, it's like Jack Daniels or whatever your house. That's cool if you're in your 20s That's pretty cool. That's pretty classy any house. I lived in a 20 that at least shows like talking about family

I don't know what I'm yeah, I'm the shakers next to it with the long whizzler sticker Remember playing with that thing when you were a kid the thing that had to spring on it that you put over the shaker I we didn't have one of those until my brother we did the it put a full bar downstairs I was that kind of stuff. Yeah mixers and all that shit. Oh, no wild. We were I Thought we were a beer. We were a beer crew. Oh, they just had it. You know what I mean? They didn't really use it that much. Yeah, I don't remember that. I thought that stuff was like space age technology. Just ring.

It was like a slinky. Yeah, that was all right. No, I don't, I mean, I think if you're in your 20s, sure. It batsle a pad, you got some roommates. That's pretty cool. Sure. I'm also a fucking dirt bag loser, so I don't know. That seems pretty cool.

If I went over someone's house, what kind of thing? It would have to be also clean. Like it would have to be like, hey, we I don't know. That seems pretty cool. If I went over someone's house, we're guys. It would have to be also clean. Like it would have to be like, hey, we're doing this cause we use it a bunch. Back in the day of my 20s, when I was working at a restaurant, I would always steal a few bar, bar rags.

Clean ones? Yeah, I mean, bring them home and use them. Yeah, what are we doing? Man, those things are awesome. That's, yeah, that's, of course, but. Right, I'm in a wash. I think, yeah, that, I mean, bar mats are what what's the shot? What are they call where you drink all the stuff off the bar mat at the end of the night? Oh bum shots. I've heard

Matt shots Never in a million years for his disgusting as I am hey, I could never That smell of rubber and What the fuck? Yeah, I couldn't do it. Great, great snail. The Jersey turnpike. All right, sweaty bartender. Okay, I mean, that's crazy. That's absolutely crazy. Yeah, I couldn't do it God there's no point there's no What isn't like I'm just crazy that kind of thing? It's I got a dollar. I'm trying to get booked up It doesn't it's mostly mixer and shit like that. I don't know no You know who's was the world's sloppiest bartender no one one's missing that much booze. If they're moving units in there, sure.

That's all sour mix. A maraschino cherry juice. Which, hey, what's wrong with that? I love a maraschino cherry. I know you do. You tell me, I don't know, every 48 hours. Big maraschino guy. Um, put a little sword in it.

You know, you know what was big? I want to say, what was the name of that place? It was like a restaurant. A lot, this happened a lot in the suburbs in the early 2000s. When I was in college, 2006, 2007, there was a lot of restaurants that I guess were in the family for a while, right?

Angelo's pizza, I make, or whatever, the fresco's pizza. Sure. They would fucking... They all got muscle now. No, they had come across some money. The something was paid off, something, or they took out an equity loan against the business

or something, and they all got the place next door too, and turned that into like a bar, loungy type thing. And every once a week, they would do, thisngy type thing. And every once a week they would do, this place has dollar beers. That place has two dollar beers at Quizzo here. So as a dirt bag in the city, we would go, or in the, in the burbs,

was home from the city during the summer. It was like Thursdays with Kenny's on street road. You go to air, five dollar covered, dollar miller lights all night long. Then you hit a wall wheeze Alive to that get yourself a friend vanilla cappuccino pizza place in our hometown tried to like they did that same thing Yeah, they all did it they put in like this nice bar Yeah, who the fuck's hanging out in a pizza place like that we would

I mean because it was dollar beers during the burbs. You got nowhere else to go. You're like oh, let's go get fucked up a couple years ago Just please didn't cut out you go in to pick up I'm there. But it is on my that. That was great for us though. That there was the Boeing alley we did because they had dollar games and I think quarter or dollar pictures. That's really working the system good for you. Yeah well we were fucking broke you know what I mean. I thought it was more of the comment of when the pizza place when the second generation. It was the second generation. It was very second generation shit.

Second generation, small restaurant, they try to, they expand. The one room doesn't look like the original one. Yeah, they put like additional seating or like try to clench it up a little bit. Start doing appetizers and stuff like that. Stop. What are you doing?

I don't know, I didn't mind that. Cheap beers, good slices. What more do you need? It never stayed them never kept up though You had one good waitress for a little while then all of a sudden it went downhill I remember one time in this place where we used to skate shot out the little chires It was like the dirt bag headquarters if you were a fucking pretty shitty kid You you were hanging out there. That's where all that's where you skated to where people bought you smoke Skrip mall kind of like a look. Yeah similar, but not it was like a little there was one over here one over here But it was a shopping center a shopping center in

Front of a townhouse or apartment community that's that's specifically what this was the whole neighborhood Who was called villi-chires and so it disappeared in a place like that. Yeah, it is bad. We hung out there. That's how we get smokes. That's where we buy weed. It's where people get, you know, the ice cream guy would buy his booze or whatever. I can feel the lights coming on in the summer. Flickering. Yeah, I can feel it. You look over the dark line of the trees and you can see a little bit of the blue in the sky. I'm cranking a marble menthol trying to do a kick flip. It was a whole see a battered two-string in a group the sky. I'm cranking a marble menthol trying to do a kickflip. It was a hole. Maybe see a battered two-streeting across the sky. A lot of we had a lot of wife beaters on.

You know what I mean? A lot of fitted hats. We were really fucking really thought we were doing it. But why did I bring that out? Oh, they put in a nightclub in there. The pizza place expanded, bought what used to be a Mexican restaurant that they were moving drugs out of and turned it into like a nightclub where you could buy bottles i'm like there's a guy smoking crack over here and what the hell wants to buy a bottle here did i go and hang out a couple two three times checked the scene try to get laid for you can get bottles and garlic knots

and the same thing now there was. It was a separate entity. Still. Yeah. You can smell the garlic over there. It was a. That's a tough look. It made it try to make it like a steakhouse if I recall. That's like the place. That night it was a it was a club. That's the place where the music is blasting and there's nobody in there.

It's set up bottles. They're just giving you plastic handles. Yeah, here you go. It was a pop-off. I remember hanging two tree times. Just in water, no ice. It was, it was at that time, there was a lot of flashing lights in there and you're just like, we're hanging out at Black Bull. That's what it was called. Black Bull. And I think there was another one like, Black Label. There was multiple. That's when like,

put in names, some flashy lights and expensive kettle one drinks and I'm in you know what I mean I'm in there striking out in this dirty dirty barrageans No underwear Little bit of pinnacle whipped cream to get going ah Yeah, man, it was Man what a time to be alive, huh? Yeah, that was something else I'm not a hundred percent sure, but that might be making like, I don't know if it's a comeback or not. What?

But a few, a few, a few. A lot of affliction shirts, it was that time. No, a few of my cousins that are of age, they're like 21, 22, 23. Maybe 21, 22. They were, they were, well, one of them was mentioning about pinnacle whipped cream and like cotton

can't those flavored vodka. I think at that age that's what it is. Even still? Yeah, I mean, it's flavored vodka. It's for children. Sure. You know what I mean? I figured now maybe I don't like the white claws and a lot shit.

Yeah, sure, but that's probably like to be instead of drinking beers or drinking white claws if they're trying to get, you know, tearing up. Well, Luke's that age. He doesn't, he doesn't partake in that stuff. What, pinnacle? Yeah. He probably does. Really?

I'm probably in college. I'm sure he was drinking pinnacle, marshmallow, whatever. We were an absolute crew. That's what an absolute citron. And we would have my food. Dude, looking back, that was fucking classy. But what we would do, absolute never got into the, like cotton candy and all that stuff.

It was citron, then it was tangerine, maybe current, which I don't know what that was, but give me some. I still don't know what it is. It's a clover or something. No, it's like a berry or something. Yeah. One, one, one did a sweet teavocca that was incredible. Listen, you want to hear how big of fucking alcoholics my family is?

We use that to mix with vodka. That's how we make vodka iced teas in the summer down the shore in CIO and Wildwood. It's sweet tea vodka, it's called like sweet briar or briar or something. It's the pre-mix sweet tea vodka and then we dump vodka in there. Couple lemons, maybe some fucking sprite or something.

That and transfusions are big, you know transfusions. No, you would love transfusions. You know what, Patty, it's a golf drink, which I didn't know. Patty used to be big into the margaritas, the frozen margaritas in the bucket. Oh, that was a good thing. Where you just let that thaw out. Like get ice cream cake for a couple of minutes. I didn't started scooping out happiness Blow your hair a transfusion. They're great. We do them down the shore summer on the beach off the beach

I on those some some transfusions. That's grape juice Ginger ale some transfusions. That's grape juice. Ginger ale. Wait, what is it? What is a transfusion made of? vodka, ginger ale, Concord grape juice and lime juice. It's fucking fantastic. I know you're related to a little Wayne.

Love sipping bizzar. He's a scraped piece dude. Got that perp on me dog. Oh, it's great. It's a golf drink I just learned this weekend actually. Wait, what's great. It's a golf drink. I just learned this weekend, actually. Wait, what's in it? Grape juice, ginger ale vodka, ginger ale or sprite or whatever. You just need some short fizz vodka, ginger ale, uh, concord grape juice and lime juice.

A big concord grape. It's fucking great. Welchers grape juice. Firefly sweety vodka. That sounds right. Okay, dude. That's 35% ABB. That's like putting vodka into Yeager, my stir. I remember I didn't think anything of it and my, my family friend

our buddy Nikki came over and he was like, a couple glasses out over at Bullnuts. We got there on the dance floor. Bullnuts. I just put that thing in. I mean, they were my shirt off, showing my hips. But I low rise panties. My buddy, Nikki came over. It was like 4th of July, and we are awesome, Fy Drunk. And he's like, you're not supposed to mix that with vodka. There's vodka in there. My old little John was like, just the fuck up.

Shoot, he threw about a window. Yeah, he goes, you guys are the only ones that I know that makes vodka with word heavy boozers, which I love by the way. That's all right. It is what it is. Oh God. All right, let's see here. This one's from Isaiah.

Shout out to you and never had one red. Is a garves your toasted bagel on an open flame of a gas stove because you don't own a toaster Buddy, I've been there two three hundred times 15 years ago 20 years ago I would have said yeah But that's kind of that they do with the tortillas and stuff. Oh, that was a fucking game change I would own an open flame when you you realize that that's what you could do Man that pita Forget about it. You take a couple of those net net car

Tortillas woo-woo couple of seconds on each side don't go crazy with the flame you turn your back You'll send up the whole kitchen. You got to keep it real low toast them up a little bit. Then get a little jar That'll mind it man. That's what we're supposed to be doing cooking our over open flame Can't not your fucking studio apartment setting the fucking smoke alarm off. We've made some or is in there. That's crazy trash Is it? Yeah, I don't think so you all the gas stove not an electric stove. I mean, yeah, you'd be there all week. Uh, yeah, no, it's still trashy. I'm not saying it's not a good time and I don't like a smore who don't like a smore from time to time.

Sure. But that's, that's not how they, that's not how they write them in the fucking, you know, take the kids away. Yeah. Yeah. That's really got to wake that up in 20 minutes for work. Type shit. He pissed at Justin. He's like just we're talking vodka and vodka.

What a shot of vodka. All right, let's see. Um, we've talked about this one. This is from knockoff bagel bites. Never with soda though. When you buy a 12 pack of soda, you put it in the fridge. Do you take it out or do you just put it in the fridge? We're a big fridge

Everything goes in the fridge. I was just out of my mom's same thing you open it up There's a fucking a 12 pack of coke ripped from the middle where the handle was so you can grab the coke out of there It's not like you don't we don't use that lined up like in cribs. Yeah, yeah I'll say this. Now in the modern era of the foley of the foley house, the soda is not in the fridge. Same with us, really. She gets like a 12 pack of like 8.9 ounce Pepsi caffeine-free diet Pepsi. And that'll be in the closet in the front where the coats are.

If you want a Pepsi grab one and you gotta get a thing of ice, which it goes through the ice like butter. Yeah, cause it's fucking, it's about 88 degrees. Yeah, I hate that. She's real wishy-washy over there these days. The water, you know, the bottles of water, you know how long it's been sitting in the sunroom. It's just all microplastics. It's real, it's real cookie, man.

It's real cookie. I rolled the dice on some eggs at my mom's the other day that weren't in a container. They were just like in the bin. Man, talk about rolling the dice. Did I take it? I could jam me up for a weekend? It was the last week we were talking, we were talking on hard feelings about when I went to my nieces lacrosse game and patty was doing the flyers for the lacrosse.

Sure. I don't know if I told you, somebody gave my niece a dozen eggs to give to my mom. What are they doing? What are they on the barter system? Well, they all, people are starting to have chickens. Now, that's a broad statement. And now there's two people, your mom, those that have chickens.

So the other one, and she puts the date on them. The lady told her like three months you can have them. Not on my breakfast table, I'll take that right now. But I better not do that. You're a peeing shit where they keep them on the shelf. three months you can have them. Not on my breakfast table, I'll take that right now. I better not do that European shit where they keep them on the shelf. I'll be over a jeans place. No, she puts them in the fridge, she's not crazy.

I don't think you can. What? Once there's, well that's a, that's a, that's a mass farming thing. They're sprayed with something. No, I know, I know. But if there's people on this right now, I don't know if they can go in the fridge.

I think that's like a. Put your chicken start running red coming out of the fridge. I don't know if they can go in the fridge I think that's like a bunch of chicken start running red coming out of the fridge I Don't know it was a loudest thing I ever seen Fathers in your little kid walks over with a dozen eggs in like in like oh and then and then not an egg container I'm like, what the fuck are we doing fucking Jordan box That's sneaker box That's sneaker bugs. The air chicken.

Yeah, that's a tough look. I'm dude, my wife does it. I told you she gets meat from the Amish people. I'm like, I'm not meatin' a guy in a van to get meat. I'm gettin' it from the fucking store. That's or butcherbox.com. That's all I'm doin'. I'm not gettin' this fuckin' you're giving me this.

I'm doin' this for ya. No me this I'm doing this for you now I'll go to the store if it ain't got a barcode. I ain't buying it be and be sure getting the egg game That'd be nice. I think you can ship eggs like that. No I don't know this kid's walking around a little crossfield. What are you talking about? Sure put them in the car. We went in that lunch. Uh-huh brought them back to the house. I got the hell out of there put him in the car we went and lunch brought him back to the house I got the hell out of there Not doing a cup of coffee for me All right, let's see this one's from jake z

$10 shareholder never have one red is a garbage to try to heat your above ground pool by using a metal trash can With a bonfire in it the trash can floats around the pool with help of some two by four stabilizers. PS it did not work as expected. Yikes. In theory, that would be fun. A nice summer night, fire, water, a little fire, a nice type thing. You got cooking if it works. It wouldn't be able to heat it. Why?

Because it's, it's too much water to try and heat with just one trash can full of fire. I mean What do you think a heater is doing though? It's putting out more BTUs than than a trash can and some BTUs isn't the right word. I don't think it is. I think that's air conditioning. No the BTUs on a heater. Yeah You might be right. I've only ever heard of a British thermal unit which could be higher coal right yeah, it's a measure of heat. There you go There you go Plus here's the thing do the fire burns at what? 212 degrees a fucking huge swimming pool and a above ground pool. It's not that big. That's what I'm saying You need like four or five trash cans to heat that up. I think you're nuts

You're crazy. I'm an above ground pool guy I think you're nuts. You're crazy. I'm an above ground pool guy. Mr. Saltwater pool or ozone pool or whatever you're swimming in. I don't have a pool. Your country club. I don't belong to a country club. I don't belong to a country club.

I don't have a pool. We had a pool growing up and it's probably backfilled at this. And let me say this. What? Here's the difference. If you're an above ground pool person, be an above ground pull person. If you're an in ground pull person,

be that way. Have the heated pool with the stone waterfall coming out of the, out of the, out of the, the jacuzzi. Above ground pull people, we want it cold because we can't afford the in groundground pool with the heat. So we will lie to ourselves and we say, we like it cold, we like it, it's refreshing in the summer, which it is at night. That's what I'm saying, a little fucking heat or what, and kill you.

That's what I'm saying. You raise that up eight degrees. That's a party. You're cutting yourself off despite your nose. You get used to it after a couple of minutes You pee too Try it up organic. I hate it up, baby Farm to table what are we doing here get the chickens for the next door and pull myself. Let's do it All right, let's see this one's from robber red for its penis rice Yeah, are you garbage if instead of throwing out your old matches, you rip it up and use it as packing material. Crazy.

How much are you sending? I would have. That would have to be in your apartment for fucking, man. I mean, a hundred years? You have to work at a shipping depot or something like that. You know the stuff that used to be in a box spring? The springs and it was like this white stuff? Not really. Oh man. Box spring the springs and it was like this white stuff not really oh man

I've hauled out a couple of real old box springs yikes the white stuff was like white like lining or Felt it was kind of like felty. I know exactly what you're talking about, but it was like turned into like popcorn. I look like a spestus Yeah, maybe Yeah, maybe. Oh, yikes. Now, jeez, me up. Oh. Um, yeah, that's, you should have been doing that. That's not, I mean, if you work, if you own a shipping company,

that might make sense to me. For, like, yeah, we're just going to fill out this box, so we use newspaper or fucking packing peanuts or fucking whatever. Sorry, your package smells like 10 years of fart. I don't know, I'm trying to help this fucking city eat out. This guy's punk What do you want for me? I sent you something in the mail It's a little piece of me

Yeah, get out of here with that. Oh god get out of here All right, let's see this is some sergeant hangs low five-dialatry Show me never I one red as a garbage, if the person in front of you pays for your food at the drive-through and you don't pay for the person behind you, I'm all jammed up. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Experience anything like that. Have you been in something like that? I think so so the first person We have to pay for their food and the person behind them. Yeah pay it forward type thing Huh, I've never been involved in something like that. I would love to be in on that. Yeah, that's because I see you in the rear view I

Rinse do not I got kids in school Fat asses on his own What do you get that fat motherfucker back own. What do you get? That fat motherfucker back there. What do you get? Three apple pads? Uh-uh. This accent has changed to five different people by the way. Um, yeah.

I think I paid it for it. Yeah, I be like, but it's also like, if you have it, you have it. You're willing to pay, you're in line ordered, willing to it for it. Yeah, I'd be like, but it's also like if you have it you have it You're willing to pay you're in line ordered willing to pay for yours Yeah, who gives a shit who give you're still out your eight bucks or whatever. Yeah, whatever it is Yeah, and true unless you know you see the moon behind you I'm just smiling. I think the only time I would not pay it forward I'm just smiling. I think the only time I would not pay it forward, obviously if I was jammed up like this gentleman,

but you would eat the free food if nobody was behind me. Oh, come on. Come on. I don't know. You pull out of the line, go over the curb. Yeah, I think that would be the only time I would do it. You know what happened to me this morning? I told you that my one outdoor furniture blew off

and fell under the construction site next door. I had to go down there. You could beat up some construction workers. Yeah. Real men. It looks a lot different when you get down there. The mud's about four inches thick because it was raining. I was down there in my crocs and shorts and I walked in there I was like hey man my what's your me call it blue blue blue over you guys fence can I can I grab it and the kid the kid was like yeah I'll

go get it you can't come back you know I mean I was shit everywhere and fucking crocs that's a job yeah that's not OSHA proofs can't be have your pigly wiggly's out on a goddamn construction site start sick it in oh First of all don't you ever see that fat lady that gets stuck in the foam pit She goes right through those like the foam pits that you would like practice like they now they have them at like the trampoline parks She goes through like a dark then and just like oh, this is so fun Then it cuts to her dude. She can they have like 15 people pulling her because she doesn't have the upper body strength to pull herself out.

That would be me. I'm gonna say get in there. I'd go straight to the bottom. They're trying to dig her out and they do it. That's something I've never done. What? I've never been in a ball pit. I missed it.

I missed it as a kid. I never got the opportunity to go to a ball pit. I always wanted to. I missed it. I never got to do it and it kinda didn't start getting some steam that were on my radar until I was getting older, maybe like 11, 12, 13. What year were you born? 1976.

Eric McMillan created the first ball pit in 1976. Wow. Yeah. Really? Captain Kids in San Diego. Yeah. McDonald's had them for a little while Pretty got like her piece from it Yeah, everybody got Merza. Yeah, never got to jump into a ball pit

They say there's like a crazy amount of poop in there. I'm sure like it's like a you know I'm sitting my underwear on the couch. I'm sure the got to take that up by the way. I'm sure the Look I'll handle it actually let me I'm like fast daddy Glady um What's they saying poop and ball pits go poop and ball pits. I always wanted to do it not poop in a ball pit I always want to take a dookie. Yeah, never pit. I always wanted to, I always wanted to take a dukey in it. Yeah, never got a chance. Really?

Yeah. They were a good time. I do it. It seemed like it was the greatest thing ever. It wasn't a wasn't. I was also scared of them too, that I would drown them in for some reason. I would not be able to get out.

I assume there was some way I could get smothered in there. They were like kind of tough, they were deep enough to get your foot in. Some older kid, grab you, pull you in. Did you see that jackass, they put like anaconda in there and that's the fucking, they were biting them and shit. Fook that. But this kid walked over, got the thing for me

and brought it back, tried to hit him with a dub. Nah, I can't, come on brother, listen. It's me, gave him the whole song and dance. Wouldn't take it, he's like, nah to me gave the whole song and dance Wouldn't take it. He's like not a whole song and dance. I just really push Mage fully. I'm a singer actor and comedian You want a picture? Buddy, let me print this out and sign you're trying to give him a sign that shot. Hey, sir Get your fat ass out of here for you get hurt. It's not easy in the service industry that guy probably makes fucking

More than you I know, but it was just nice to him to do that He could have been a dick. He could they could have not gave it to me I know but that's weird to tip someone not in a service industry to me. You just kind of disrespectful honestly really you think a little bit Huh, yeah, like all here you need like here you go No, I'm saying people can take us like what is someone trying to tip you I'm just saying you know what I mean you're like I don't fucking work for like after so someone's like I'll hear if it was something like that no if it was if it was if it was something like that I

would I would do I would have done the same thing that he did but I was a shock that he did it good kid maybe you ever saying you would have done the same and I was I'm also older than him. He was probably like in his early 20s. Sure, yeah, I don't know. Working as a foreman too, kids to go getter. Tipping someone, tipping someone that doesn't work on tips, it seems as a weird thing.

But I think age, sometimes balances that out. You know what I mean? I'm 47. Tell him like I, You can play 32. Thank you It's like I gave it to like a thousand pounds. I gave it to like a 56 year old man I know. I'm just saying but I mean like yeah, I don't know anyway the point of the story was that he was a good guy Yeah, great. That's all right. We got to wrap it up. Okay. That's it. Yeah, buddy

We are well over an hour here. What do we got what do you got for them out there? Buddy, we are well over an hour here. What do we got? What do you got for them out there? Ron and Ruth. Obviously, we have Columbus and Cleveland coming up. Those tickets are, there's maybe about 20, 30 tickets left to each show for that. Get those.

Why do you still can? August 11th, late show added at the Vogel Theater tickets are moving. That's about halfway sold out the second show. That is for sure going to fucking sell out. If you want to come, grab those tickets. Let's fucking hang It's gonna be a party we did one last year sold it out or selling out to this year I'm calling it now. Let's do it baby also obviously like the big man said merch is available at all your garbage.com

We have Zippo Zippo style whiteers and t-shirts check them out gang. We love you. Thank you for the support Love you gang. We'll see you next week. Peace We love you. Thank you for the support. Love you gang. We'll see you next week.