Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Girls Night Out! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: August 28, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley to talk about a Girls Night Out, It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Show...s: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Pretty Litter: Right now save 20% on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy at https://PrettyLitter.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I got a question for all you bozos and homies out there. Do you think your garbage? We'll come find out the boys are about to hit the road for that back on the block tour. We're starting out there on the left coast, baby. Yeah, we got San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Brea. Then we got Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, full Philadelphia, at the Met, Rochester, Toronto. Guys, get your tickets now.
Starting point is 00:00:23 These will sell out. We love you. They'll see you on a road. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage.
Starting point is 00:00:51 It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that it has to be classy. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash. I'm your host, Tate's totally coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootty's in a new edition. I just saw her down at the coffee shop. Okay. Working on her new screenplay.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Okay. Coming of age story. Okay. About a small, large-headed boy. Bald. Bald, young man. My coach is coming at you across the table. Here's what we call a family episode.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies just to what he like it. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. He's a king of the burbs. He's the king of the boards. King of the eyebrows. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang.
Starting point is 00:01:31 Shout out to you. As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Also, full video over there on Spotify, and the boy, get out your ladders because the boys are climbing to charts. 35 in comedy, 135 top podcasts all around. Is that what you do every morning? You wake up. I check the trades and see what's going on. Variety, where you at?
Starting point is 00:01:52 I'll be doing a hit piece on us. Something. Do a hit piece. What do I got to do? Ended an episode earlier. He had somewhere to go. He was on a tight schedule. Then obviously the greatest...
Starting point is 00:02:08 Taking drugs or tanking episodes? I mean, what the fuck? Can't get on the list here. Jesus Christ, man. Hollywood, hit me up. The guy you had to go. He had to be in Brooklyn by 7. It was 6.30, okay?
Starting point is 00:02:20 Obviously, the greatest website of all time, www. www. patreon.com. I'm sure you garbage. You over go over there. You get all that bonus content, gang. Yes, sir. I'm not on drugs. Unless you got them.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Let's take a quick bite. Let's get out of the hall. Grab a water, grab a coffee. We got to pop in and talk to the suits because they're getting fucking shattered out here. Huh? Take a walk by the corner office. There he is.
Starting point is 00:02:43 Fresh back from the Hamptons. This guy, Hamptons, Connecticut. Yeah, U.S. Open? You went to it all, huh? You guys should try it sometime. Buddy, I'm getting fucking walloped out here. Did you have one of those melon balls over at the U.S. Open?
Starting point is 00:02:57 No. I didn't go. My girl went. I told you. Who was she there with? Andy Erotic or something like that? A good-looking kid. Everyone went.
Starting point is 00:03:05 Everybody goes out there. Saw Spike Lee was out there. You guys got to take me cooler places. I worked there one year. You take us to do we stink. Yeah, what? He can take us to the restaurant he used to work at, and I can get you on a roof of amy-ac-me in the Tri-State Navy.
Starting point is 00:03:19 Not a joint clothes. Snack to run a close, sadly. Great restaurant in the West Village. Shout out to it. Things are changing. What are you going to do? Yeah, I worked. there one year at the U.S. Open. I was supposed to get a cushy job working down on the floor
Starting point is 00:03:31 at like the fucking lowenbrow, or the Hineken bar, and they fucking stuck me up in the nosebleeds. I was serving hot chocolates in the summer. With criminals. Jesus Christ. That's a tough. They would come and check our drawer like every five minutes, make sure nobody was stealing. That's a tough sell in August. It was a cold Sunday, and I only did it once.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Then I bitched at the kid that gave me the job. He was like, what the fuck I offered you a job? You told me you guys I was going to be down, fucking working on a high school. Connecticut floor my buddy got me the job bitched at him too you picture a lot of people I'm picking up yeah it was a chilly night and then fucking one dickhead fucking probably one of his parents friends or something like that comes upstairs and says hey let me get a hot chocolate it's a chilly night then all of a sudden it became the thing all the rich people were coming up to get the hot chocolate I'll have a hard chocolate too fucking don't
Starting point is 00:04:21 give me all your money fucking blackjack your husband and take your wallet lady fuck out of my face you ever been what to do with them from the wrong side of the tracks I got hard real quick yeah
Starting point is 00:04:37 you ever ever been with a guy with no upper teeth why don't you come back to my place in a story it's pretty close I didn't live in a story at the time I was in Sunnyside
Starting point is 00:04:50 by myself even closer fucking guy is coming up giving me or Ronnie about to Roll, you dickhead. What? Fucking straight in the house.
Starting point is 00:05:00 A kid I was working with. My only friend. Somebody did get busted fucking stealing. It was all cash. Yeah, what do you talk to do? It's like the Liftonza heists. Before computer, you can walk out with 400 grand. No one.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Bolli! You're just stealing hot chocolates? You bring a thermos to work? I'm dressed up like a cop. You're dressed up like a tennis player. Ronnie, I'll meet you back at the rendezvous. I just met you, dude. Say it a nice weekend then, huh?
Starting point is 00:05:30 Lovely. Prick. I love you, buddy. Rich. You never brought me any of that fruit. You're going to that fucking fancy fruit stand out there in Long Island. Round Swamp. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:41 You never bought the water mound look delicious. You don't bring me strawberries or nothing. Could have took some of them strawberry seeds and ever rich people with strawberries plant your own. That's how you get in there. Man, what a dirtbag move. Take rich people strawberries, plant the seeds. Just fucking buy you. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:05:58 No, you get them delivered from Japan. They don't send you the seeds. They take all the seeds out of the strawberries because they know that's what you're going to do. And they don't want you to fucking start opening up your own operation. The way to keep getting fucking hammered up in fucking Shanghai. There's a lot of fruit like that. Okay. I mean, what to fuck?
Starting point is 00:06:14 Never had a pink pineapple? No. You got to come down to the Lollipop Club with me. You got to come down to Eastville and see Rudy. I want to get fucked up. I went to dance. I can't stop doing that. All right.
Starting point is 00:06:31 Let's quit screwing around here. Family episodes. Uh-huh. Pinhead questions. Go. Okay. Hi, guys. You're lucky.
Starting point is 00:06:43 I was, as you know, I was down the shore his past weekend. Hanging out with Denise, right? The piece. And the old staple of my childhood we made, we had as a portion of dinner. Really? Hold on. Can I guess it? Sure. Now, you're a picky eater. Sure.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Larger boy. Bit of a fat ass. Yeah? The middle slices of a loaf of white bread. I mean, you're in the world. You ever take him? You're in the... It's a carbohydrate. You ever take him and boil them up?
Starting point is 00:07:17 Oh, man. Nothing was better than a... Stroman? Yeah, all crushed up, man. Why was that so... It's weird that we did that. I know. It turns... After a while, it turns into a jawbreaker. You know, a hole in your tongue eating that, trying to lick that thing.
Starting point is 00:07:32 See a sparrow try to eat that. She had a bag of amyro- What? What? She just burp through twice-baked potato. Excuse me, I apologize. Look at that. That sour cream's working overtime.
Starting point is 00:07:44 I was going to say twice- You think about food and get affected by it. Think about turkey, I get sleepy. I was thinking a twice-baked potato. Nah. She had Amoroso rolls. We had Amoroso. She had Amoros.
Starting point is 00:07:57 A bag of this bag. You know, what is it? Probably like eight, the bag of eight. The small little banger, the club rolls. I'm just saying. The footballs. Call them footballs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:08 They're not football shape. They're a little snub-nosed johns. Yeah. Whatever. About three inches. Four inches. Yeah. Depends you're talking to.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Soft, hard. Let's go. You got a bag of them because she had a party. Garlic bread. You make garlic bread with them. Because they were kind of stale. They were like not good enough. because you know you're talking the party was eight days from dinner so them they're I don't know
Starting point is 00:08:34 when she bought them when they got put in the bag when they came out of the oven but it's well over a week so they weren't good for a Sammy nah I mean listen toast them and that's fucking whack through them in the oven little butter a little butter garlic garlic salt garlic garlic garlic powder yeah she did yeah garlic and onion powder I think she's a good Good girl. Fucking early 2000. Nobody's got time to fucking mince. It took me.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Chop? That's crazy. It took me bad. The smell. I came out of the shower. I might as well been in eighth grade going to Mr. Feeney's social studies class. Those are a little spaghetti sauce, and I'm good with a Coke. It was hot.
Starting point is 00:09:16 Let's go. Dude, because the inside don't get cooked. God damn. Man. Just brown. What else does you have? Just that? I just had that and a baked potato.
Starting point is 00:09:26 A baked potato I had the baby I was on baby duty Did you really have a baked potato? Yeah I had a piece of chicken too Oh, please Wait hold on So it was chicken, a baked potato
Starting point is 00:09:39 And garlic bread Uh and some vegetables Yeah It's a weird dish Yeah it was kind of It's a weird ensemble I mean it's not that crazy No spaghetti
Starting point is 00:09:48 No Garlic bread, no spaghetti What am I nuts? No I mean okay Remove the garlic bread It's a normal thing I think she made the garlic bread because it was just to get rid of the, you got to get rid of the bread.
Starting point is 00:09:58 End of the summer. You can't throw out fucking six Amaroso roll. You know, everybody kept saying that, that last weekend was the last weekend. It was the three guys you talked to? I talked to a lot of people this week. Yes, I did. At an active weekend. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:18 Fitness-wise and socially. Last weekend, everybody said last weekend was. was the last weekend of the summer. It's not. This weekend coming up is the last weekend of the summer. Yeah, I just think for a lot of people, like, school started. Yeah. My sister's a teacher.
Starting point is 00:10:36 I hear you fucking typing over there. You fucking backstab and say, actually, it's the, I think it was the last weekend. A lot of people. I don't know why I'm giving you shit. I don't know why. Yeah, relax. Jesus fucking Christ. It's a good kid.
Starting point is 00:10:47 A lot of people have said it's the last weekend people could go away. Kids start school again. Right. Like my nephew's in private school, not private. In Catholic school, he went back already. So a lot of the Catholic. A lot of the Catholic schools in Full Delphi area are back. So you have no one's...
Starting point is 00:10:59 Archdiocese. The archdiocese. Mm-hmm. No kidding. Huh. I know a lot of people that are going down a shore this weekend. Yeah, listen, these aren't steadfast rules. I just think, you know, a lot of people were like, I can't go down the shore anymore.
Starting point is 00:11:12 The kids are back in full swing. They got school. No, but listen, I did that one year, I think, where we went away Monday or Sunday and then had school on Monday. That's like going from vacation. to school the next day. My disease is it's like fucking eating too much turkey. I never could go. Son Burton's school sucks.
Starting point is 00:11:31 I never could go. Okay. Football camp. Yeah. Labor Day night, we'd all meet at the field. Kiss each other. No. It'd be the end of camp.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Offense versus defense if you catch my address. I run a nine-man scrimand, nine on nine. Shirts for his buttholes. It was the end of summer camp, and at camp, football kids. Do you think we want to hear this fucking high school war story? It's not a war story. We'd run the whole field. We'd go from like the...
Starting point is 00:12:05 So it's the story where you look cool in high school? No, we'd run from one end zone to the other, and then we'd just keep going. Is that we go to each other's buttholes? Take it to the end zone. Go for two. All right, whatever. No, no, please continue. That's it.
Starting point is 00:12:20 You just want you to do that you ran from one end zone to the other? We'd meet up on the field as you know. An unspoken bond. No, I just couldn't go down to shore. Because you had to run 100 yards? It was you had practice. We had practice the night before school started. School started on Tuesday.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Labor Day is on a Monday. Right? I think so, yeah. Yeah. So we'd all meet up that Monday. We're not meet up. We're talking about practice? Yeah, you're saying meet up.
Starting point is 00:12:47 I don't know. We did practice. We all to be there. We spent way too much time on one football practice that was 42 years ago. All right. Everybody, no one cares. We know you play football. It's okay.
Starting point is 00:12:59 We're proud of you. I'm still proud of you that you played football. Thank you. I just don't need to hear about it. Shooting a movie in the fault, though. Play gay porn. Hey. That's this weekend.
Starting point is 00:13:16 All right. That's neither here nor there, gang. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. As you know, when you join the old Patrione. You get to ask your garbage question. This one, I don't know if we've ever hit the nail on the head with this. We've talked about this. This is a great name, Jehovah Thickness.
Starting point is 00:13:37 You ever brag about how fast you've been in a car? That's a dirt bag. Cut it to about 110? I remember the one. We hit 104 when I was too young. I was a kid. I was a kid. I scare you.
Starting point is 00:13:49 And my dad's friend was a union delegate. and he had a, he had a, a Cadillac through the union. He was an adult? Yeah. And he had a. That's crazy. He had a white Cadillac, I don't know, something. And I never, this is a first time.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Like a big boy or like a newer one? Big, new. It was brand new because it had a digital speedometer, and this is probably like 92. No, but like it didn't look like an Eldorado or something. No, it was like a big new, I don't know what they would have been. Find out what they were, what Cadillac they were making in the 90s. It was a big. It was like that newer model type.
Starting point is 00:14:24 I guess. I don't remember. Not like a coup de Ville. No, it was like a big, I don't know. I guess the equivalent now would be like the STS they made for a while. DeVille and Fleetwood, it seems like. Because those new Cadillacs are pretty nice, the ones that look like regular sedans. That's the STA.
Starting point is 00:14:39 That was the STA. The one Pauley Walnut Strode. Didn't he drive something like that? That was the STS and the CTS. CTS was more the coup. That's what it looked like. The bigger. I got it.
Starting point is 00:14:47 But this is early 90s. Fleetwood. I wouldn't say big. compared to a Cadillac Cadillac's fucking huge An old Cadillac's huge Yeah, whatever I don't have the dimensions
Starting point is 00:14:59 of a 1917 I'm just saying I wouldn't refer to it as big It was a big car That's why It was because there was like five of us In the back seat Jumping around Chicks
Starting point is 00:15:07 And got our way to football practice That's what I'm talking about And he hit like a hundred and five I remember the digital speedometer going up And I must have been shitting in your pants And all the kids were jumping And sky wanted to be like Where is my dad?
Starting point is 00:15:22 He wasn't with you? No. We were driving back. A guy probably had a couple of beers in them, too. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. I mean nighttime, I'm driving with this guy.
Starting point is 00:15:32 Shout out, great guy. Yeah. Ours is probably 110 on the Atlantic City Expressway. Who! Coming back from the shore. Older buddy of ours, R-I-P, was driving. Fucked up. Fucked up.
Starting point is 00:15:50 Drinking Gatorade. It's never good. Gatorade and vodka out of a Gatorade squeeze bottle Got up to about 110 for about 10 seconds And he was immediately hit like a screech so he didn't kill us Pull over if I can swap them out Yeah, yeah, yeah There's a thing I think like in most people you get around the 90 do a lot
Starting point is 00:16:12 Like there's something in the human in most humans bodies where you're like 90 I start freaking out where you're like it just The things are moving quicker than you like you're like you're it's it starts to get But it's funny And like the Jeep You get to 83 on the Jersey Turnpike
Starting point is 00:16:27 It's nothing I know They're smoother Yeah They're smoother now Yeah yeah Yeah for cruising That is a dirt back
Starting point is 00:16:35 To know To know and brag about it For sure But I respect it Did you ever freak out When you were driving fast When somebody was driving fast Uh
Starting point is 00:16:43 I mean I've done it in the van When Ryan D was driving Where I'm like He was like I was like dude I'm like dude He hit We were going too fast.
Starting point is 00:16:52 He had the brakes pretty clear. I was like, hey, man, there's no reason we needed to be doing 88 miles an hour. Fucking end up back in the future. Yeah. Kip, you know about this pretty litter? I don't please inform me about pretty litter. Yeah, of course I know about pretty litter. But tell the folks out there.
Starting point is 00:17:05 Well, you're not a kitty cat man. I'm a kitty cat man. I got a nice kitty cat at home. For all my cat people out there, I know you hate hearing me say kitty cat, but that's what I got is a kitty cat at home. And she loves her pretty litter. It's the best litter on the market. I'm going to give you a few reasons why.
Starting point is 00:17:20 Hit me. One, first and foremost, the crystals. It's all about the crystals. Silica gel crystals. The cat has a urinary track infection or something like that. Gives you a little warning. That doesn't diagnose it, but it just gives you a heads up. Hey, get the cat down to the vet, see what's going on.
Starting point is 00:17:35 Check under the hood. That's number one. Number two, last for a month. Fantastic. Smells great. You wouldn't even know there was a kitty cat in my house. Sometimes she does sneak out. Right now you can save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy.
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Starting point is 00:18:54 disease can jump as much as 30 to 50%. That's a big deal and completely avoidable. Good news is nearly 90% of biological aging is in your hands. Yes, it's driven by things like your lifestyle, your habits, which we're all trying to fix the environment you're in, which means you have a lot of control over it. Here's the turkey. If you care about protecting your health and just want to find out what your real age is, head over to truediagnostic.com.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Use our code garbage. to get 20% off your entire order or subscription. That's true diagnostic.com and use the code garbage and check out to get 20% off, baby. Your future self will thank you do it. I freaked out one. I told you that I were going to tell you to Jack Wagner story? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:34 My cousins went to Jack Wagner. My mom was driving. I was 12 years old. There was like five of us in the back seat. And my mom started chasing the van that he was in through the parking lot at the Valley Forge Convention Center. Yeah. Doing like fucking 60 miles an hour. to get them.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Everybody was smoking. I freaked out. Ruin the night. Pull over. Oh, they're going to kill her. Fucking dumb shit she did. It's like a 30 for 30. The Jack Wagner story.
Starting point is 00:20:00 I know. He's a big star at the time. You wouldn't know. You better not crash. I got football meet up in the morning. No, it was before I played football. I wasn't doing crying in high school. I was probably like 12 or 11 when this happened.
Starting point is 00:20:12 That's way cooler. Yeah, I was smoking six at 12. You were fucking. You were chasing. down a soap opera started to blow them no i was stop saying that she was no my mom was chasing them down for an auto no one's doing 60 to get an autographs trying to get some of that dick my mom no my mom was she was doing it for my cousins okay they're respectable ladies I didn't say anything and some of her friends were there I think they never let me live it down
Starting point is 00:20:42 a lot of tube tops oh man simply Shout out to Gina and the girl. That's it, mach, mach. This one, sir, Melly Mell. He's ever had a turf war with another neighborhood kid. Oh, my God, dude, so bad. Growing up, there was a spot down the road near a canal that we always hung out at until one day a random new kid you showed up and tried to assert his dominance.
Starting point is 00:21:11 It got ugly. Words were exchanged, and I ended up spitting on him and ran away on my bike. Oh, man, nothing like you. good spitting ride yeah we had it there was like a basin and there's a basin behind us and there was the kids on that street who's houses backed up to all like the basin on the one side our house is backed up on the
Starting point is 00:21:31 other not mine but across the street from me backed up retention pond or whatever yeah and you didn't cross that and if you did and they call you it was like the pagans in the fucking it was like the hell's angels and the outwold dude it was fucking really yeah wait the house you're in that that she's in now Yeah, but like not her side, like across. It was where like two sections of the neighborhood backed up to each other.
Starting point is 00:21:55 And we didn't really know them kids and they were older. They were more like my brother's age. Sure. Tough kids. Yeah. They were tough. Kids that were tough at a young age. You're like, that kid's like fucking eight.
Starting point is 00:22:07 And you're like, hey, he takes boxing lessons. You're like boxing lessons. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. Any kid that wore a wife beater was tough. Yeah. Had that little mustache forming Yeah, and you're like
Starting point is 00:22:22 You're fucking nine and a half It's like a 12 year old that has BO You're like damn Your fucking pheromones are pumping dog I'm fat as shit And he's balling up Amaroso bread Smell like an angel though
Starting point is 00:22:33 We had three tiers Of townhouse communities in our area We had town line which is pretty south Then you had Meadowick Which is a little bit worse As far as the quality of children Run around Then you had Whitpane Hills
Starting point is 00:22:47 which was fucking up the highway and man, like the sign was falling down. This was fucking single parent city. Ooh. Domestic violence Boulevard. Those kids were tough as nails.
Starting point is 00:23:04 Yeah. Scary. Say things like, you couldn't walk a mile in my shoes. I wouldn't even go in here, dude. Yeah, to ride your bike up fucking skip back pike to get there. It's a fucking petrifying, dude. Hey, we're going to play football against the kids from Whippein' Hills. I was like, no, the fuck weird. I got COVID.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Fuck that. Yeah, when they come rolling in the town, everybody would scatter, like Deadwood. It's like Omar coming in. It's funny. You got shot by a little kid. Yeah, that's the brilliance of it. Did that kid ever get it? He's like, what?
Starting point is 00:23:38 I don't know. The show ended. Oh, that was the end of the show? Yeah, I think Omar died in the last episode or a second to like, that was like that was the bow on it. It also goes to show like anybody, it's the streets. Right. Anybody can get God. You're going to tell me.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Told you about the football practice. Couldn't get on the shore for Labor Day. You can tell me about hard times. I don't know what it's like. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Casey $10 KB Jr. diaper buyer, never have one read it.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Shout out to you. Is it garbage to put A1 on a hot dog? Huh. I've only ever sauced, like proper sauced up a dog. one time this guy Sam used to work with my dad he was from South Carolina and knew his way around the grill okay had Sam secret sauce who's Sam secret sauce what you mean who's Sam's he was Sam oh he was his secret sauce was something you may sound like it was like you know nationwide no I did not I said his he was Sam and he had Sam secrets what was it I his secret what the fuck
Starting point is 00:24:39 doesn't tell my fat is I although he put it on hot dogs and I was very very skeptical was it Like a ketchup? Was it like a mustard? Was it like a steak sauce? His secret sauce is a mustard. That's crazy. I'm mustard-e. No.
Starting point is 00:24:54 This is a fat-ass. It was more of like a, it was a red, like a barbecue red saucey. Okay. There's probably just everything mixed together. Why are you hating on this sauce? I don't get it. I'm just saying. As a guy.
Starting point is 00:25:08 I'm just saying. As a guy? It's all just everything mixed together. Probably a little bit of A1, a little bit of ketchup, a little bit of mustard. That's what sauce is. I mean, no one's like cracking fucking Adams And making new sauces over here It's all just shit put together
Starting point is 00:25:22 There's new sauces Why do you know not like this I didn't say it didn't like you jealous that I haven't had Henry sauce There's something You're taking it personal I would have put little slits in the hot dogs So the flavoring He spiralized them
Starting point is 00:25:35 That was the first time And listen I didn't like that He tried that and I was not a fan of him But he turned you Well he had made a stack of dogs With the stuff on him And I said you I'm a dry dude
Starting point is 00:25:46 diesel kind of guy around here, all right? Dry dogs. Hey, Steve, whatever your name is. Steve and your new song. And he then put some, like, he did one or two non, dry dogs for me. The bitch dogs. But they were on the same plate.
Starting point is 00:26:05 And they got a little salt. And I didn't like it, but there's only two dry ones. So I'm like, all right, man. You got to get two. I got to have my two dogs. My two dogs. That would be, that would be my auto. My two dogs.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Can you like this? Is this a stack of dogs in front of someone make that? It's always two, right? Two dogs? It's two dogs. I mean, I'll do a three piece. No, no, no. Listen, please. Oh, yeah, no one's, I'm not doing one dog. Above, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Minimum on at the table. Two dogs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Break that up any way you want. Put it on the outside, the inside, the inside. Every one. They're two dog minimum On my table Make sure you tip your dealers So then you got into the sauce And I got it
Starting point is 00:26:50 Well yeah That was the only time I really had it It's tough to get I mean you do the chili Whatever That's not like a Sauce per se
Starting point is 00:26:58 But yeah It was the only time A man blew my tits I walked out I said Sam You got something going here I heard someone fully think I hate to say this
Starting point is 00:27:08 I've And I've had it recently To try to rekindle something I've lost my taste for A1, which as a kid, I fucking loved it. As a kid, me and my brother were huge A1 guys. Go to the concerts, rent the videos, the whole nine yards. We loved A1.
Starting point is 00:27:26 We used to take frozen hamburgers and a pan in the summer and douse them in A1 and cook them like that, like make a Salisbury steak with just the A1 sauce. That's crazy to me. To me, A1 sauce was such a grown-up thing. Really? And that was tangy. A kid doing A1 sauce. A one sauce was wild.
Starting point is 00:27:46 My brother put it on burgers, mashed potatoes, everything. I get it. I'm just saying, like, in my head, that was like, that was for my stepdad. You used to have a cup of coffee with dinner, too, though. Sure. That was like a, that was for my stepdad on special occasion. That wasn't like a daily sauce. Oh, no, always.
Starting point is 00:28:02 I thought kids weren't allowed to have A1 sauce. Yeah, that's like, I mean. I got alcohol in it. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, no, that's wild. No one's ever been like, you want A1 sauce. And you're like, A1 sauce out of age. I'm just a little bully
Starting point is 00:28:16 I'm in high school lady A1 and Heinz 57 sauce was huge in our house huge but now the steak sauce has gotten a little sweeter at you know places
Starting point is 00:28:31 so my tongue is now bigger than ever yeah whatever I read the comments me too he had to leave and now I can't I can't do A1 anymore just it's something on a hot dog though hmm I'm okay I wouldn't I wouldn't want too much I would just I would need to like line the
Starting point is 00:28:58 bun with it or so just one part of the bun to get the flavor when the dog gets too it's too much same thing I'm same thing with uh any sort of condiment on a on a sure same thing with a burger A1 makes you think a ground round for some reason I feel like their burgers had like that steak sauce flavoring to them or something i can't recall love the smell of any of a ground around on the outside coming in on a cool winter's day or a nice fall evening pulling in the parking lot of a ground round smell them char-borel char-boreled burgers char-borel you char-brile them burgers listen my kids outside he's a big fat ass you better char-broil your burger than any one dog i do that i do that i do my father speaks is there anyone here
Starting point is 00:29:40 my wife can blow Hey Is there any local celebrity Told you she's getting She's getting her knees Her place I mean I am I supposed Not to make that joke
Starting point is 00:29:49 Should be back in action All right This one's from Wilkes Barbarian Love it Are you garbage if your aunt Was a ball girl For the local triple 8 And you remember
Starting point is 00:30:02 That every game You went with her You got to ride home With a player From the opposing team Because after she dropped you off she had to give him a ride to his hotel because he missed the team bus.
Starting point is 00:30:14 I did get a lot of free game balls autographed by various Toledo mudhens in the 88 to 89 season. Whoa. Holy heck. Talk about knee replacement. Listen. That is a good gig.
Starting point is 00:30:32 If that's, if for a broad like that, if that's what she's doing, I'm not here to judge. I'm not here to shame. It's a fucking 80s. I think of, about that, dude, there's no, this is the only remembrance that she was. Probably a good
Starting point is 00:30:43 looking lady. Players are probably, you know, good looking dudes back then, man's men. That's the way it was back then. She was probably single in her mid-20, whatever, though, 50s, whatever. I mean, if this kid's, she's younger. But what, you know, a new guy every week?
Starting point is 00:30:59 It's not, I'm sorry, I doubt it's every week. Maybe it is. It doesn't mean that anything happened. They could have just went to the bar, had a drink. Man, involving the kid, though. He's dropping them off first. Dropping them off. They're not like waiting a fucking car in a hotel.
Starting point is 00:31:17 Uh-huh. To me do with Jack Wagner. I mean, sit down in the lobby for an hour. I kid. Ouch. This one's just, wow. This was one from Wolfstale McGee. Is it garbage to brush your teeth when you want something sweet, but you're too broke to buy anything?
Starting point is 00:31:35 I respect that move. Well, that's, I guess that scratches the itch. Or does it prevent the... It prevents it. Sometimes it would just go like... Now I can't eat anything. I can't want anything. Brush your teeth.
Starting point is 00:31:48 That's why... That's pretty good. I've heard somebody that was in shape does that. They brush their teeth. Because then you don't want to eat. Yeah, right after dinner. Good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:57 Whoa. Some guy that does it after lunch or something like that, so they don't eat sweets or anything like that. Yeah. Because I prefer... What? What? This just in
Starting point is 00:32:11 Ladies and gentlemen Clear the floor In the morning I prefer to brush my teeth After I have my breakfast Oh 100% I don't brush my teeth So I leave the house
Starting point is 00:32:20 I'm getting ready to leave the house Yeah I like my coffee I learned that from grade school What you mean Fucking brushing my teeth And I'm upstairs And coming down to fucking
Starting point is 00:32:29 Trying to put down A fucking sunny D You're fucking Getting your mom's face And your teeth fall out Fuck that Fucking get you Kills it
Starting point is 00:32:39 Yeah, no, I never, I'm always, I mean, I think I used to brush my teeth going to school downstairs, like in the pout, like the first floor bathroom. I think we used to keep it, because we'd eat breakfast, and then, like, as you're walking out, you know, get a fucking good scrubba dub, dub. Mm-hmm. Yeah. If I'm not leaving the house, I don't get street ready. I ain't showering, I ain't brushing, I ain't doing nothing. Really? So long as you're going on, out brushing your teeth, would you say?
Starting point is 00:33:08 A couple days? Not a couple. I mean, if it's a couple days, I'm, like, sick. Hmm. It would, I don't know. I don't have it documented, but, like, I brush him in the morning, go to bed, drunk. I'm not brushing them drunk. Sure.
Starting point is 00:33:24 Wake up, hung over, and I'm just couching it. Mm-hmm. Getting, I haven't done this in a long time. Juice. Bacon, egg, and cheese. Getting everything delivered or running right out, getting it and coming back up and eating and going back to bed. Like a little rat. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Yeah, you never saw me. Maybe to the next morning, if I'm like proper. That's like if my wife's away, we're not, we're cool. I'm not doing spot. I'm not leaving the house. Except to go get more food. Like I like it. I respect it.
Starting point is 00:33:54 Rolling in my fucking. My tumbleweed of brown paper bags and tin foil sandwich rolls. Making a nest out of sandwich wrappers. You wife's putting pillow pads all around them. So you can't get through the holes? A little rat. I said only doing she's not there. That wouldn't fly with her.
Starting point is 00:34:16 I lean in for a smooch and she hit you with a... Get that hell out of you. Yeah? I mean, if I'm... Yeah, kick. I do the same thing. Sniff on her. I give her to Heisman.
Starting point is 00:34:24 What? You make it sound like you've never had bad breath because you haven't brought your teeth in the morning. Very bad. Yeah, I know. Very bad. Might have a bad tooth. Listen, I've seen them.
Starting point is 00:34:35 There's no good teeth in there. That's not true. That's a whole. I just got big lips. None of your teeth are good. Oh, God. Some DSLs. What's DSLs?
Starting point is 00:34:47 Dick sucking lips. His fucking guy. Kevin, do you have another question? Maybe that's why you're hit with the boys. Your teeth are so small. Just saying. What are you just saying? I just said it.
Starting point is 00:35:01 I don't know how else to say it. They like you because your teeth don't get in the way when you're filleting them. A little tight-lip Susie over here. Jack Wagner. Big star back in the day. Big star now. I don't think so. Whatever.
Starting point is 00:35:22 Everybody always says that shit. What happened to so-and-so? They got fucking rich and they're fucking chilling. All right. This one's from Sean. Ten-dollar new, homie. Is it garbage if your stepmom gifted your brother? Your cousins used Bart Simpson's shirt for Christmas.
Starting point is 00:35:38 P.S. Our cousin was there called her out and she threw the shirt and his face it stormed out. What the fuck? Wait. So your stepmom stole your cousin's shirt and gave it to your brother? What the hell?
Starting point is 00:35:54 Dude, that is like, that's like being on perks and like... There's drugs involved in that, for sure. I don't know if it's perk has said. Something. Something that comes with a prescription. That ain't over-to-counter stuff. Unless it's a bunch of things mixed together. and cook somewhere.
Starting point is 00:36:10 Okay, suit of fed. You got to spell it out for you? Corrissiden. Corrissiden special. Yeah, that's fucking... I didn't get mad about. Okay, fine. It's fucking my t-shirt.
Starting point is 00:36:22 That's something you would do. Cause a scene. You never loved me anyway. Those Bart Simpson shirts were huge. I remember I had a Notre Dame one that didn't quite fit right and didn't really make sense. I couldn't find like a good one. You know, we talked about this week when you were a kid and you
Starting point is 00:36:38 couldn't figure out why did the t-shirt didn't fit or hang or wear the way it did because it weren't like worn in you were a fat kid as i was a fat kid the collar you know what i mean you really had a wear t-shirts in and this one just never did the collar was too tight we got at burlington goat factory and it was him wearing a Notre Dame helmet kicking a football or something like that i don't think i ever had any uh those t-shirt bart simpson t-shirts were fucking They use that kid to sell everything. Vodka, chocolate, Butterfingers. They didn't give a fuck.
Starting point is 00:37:15 He probably wasn't getting the money, but... Child union labor walls. He sold everything. Yeah. Time shares, cars, fucking golf clubs. I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you? Exactly. Yeah, I never had any of that...
Starting point is 00:37:32 He saved Butterfinger for a little while. Yeah, I mean, for a little bit of... Probably two decades. yeah um carried that fucking ship carried it i'm trying to think i don't think we ever had any of that butterfingers no i did there was a phaser i was in a butter but they get stuck in your folders yikes all right giving yourself a filling fucking smooth a little enamel smooth that it's good picking though something to dig at later yeah when you wake up with like a bump on your tongue you're like what the fuck you're one of
Starting point is 00:38:01 them mid comma a look at it maybe put it back in for a little Savor the flavor, baby. Yeah, we never had any of that. I was kind of funny, I was talking to my mom this weekend about, because these young kids, my nephews, they all got gear. And that's changed with like availability of ordering clothes and stuff like that. I mean, if you have proper gear. And we just, I mean, like, I'm not, we had cooler stuff.
Starting point is 00:38:35 If it was available Some Russell That's some Russell But it was like You just get what's at the mall And you don't These kids know what's cool Like for us it was like
Starting point is 00:38:44 I saw a kid wearing that It looks cool There's now like across the country Cool stuff for a nine year old to wear Sure You know that they all know about From Instagram TikTok like this is what the cool kids
Starting point is 00:38:56 That's why they all look fucking identical We had jams and stuff like that I'm not saying stuff wasn't hot or cool But these Jeffers These kids are identical Yeah They all have the same hair cut. They were the same. It's like...
Starting point is 00:39:07 I feel like when we were younger, you could make something cool. Does that make sense? Yeah, I feel like that does from what, I mean, listen, I'm not in elementary school or junior eye anymore. But just they all look because now there is a universal, this is cool. It used to be like localized, like
Starting point is 00:39:23 the cool kids in my school are wearing this now. Jammers weren't cool all around at all the same time. Jammers. They're like, what are the fucking... Talking about jams, the Hawaiian shorts. It would have been before your time Well, yeah, I'm saying Jammers were like the
Starting point is 00:39:38 Kind of like the Isn't that what they were called Jammers? They were like the MC Hammer Pants a little bit Like something a chef would wear You know what I mean? Like a Dallas Cowboys fucking Called him Z. Cavaricies back in the day.
Starting point is 00:39:51 No, they were jeans. Now Zee Kavarichi had pants. Let me get eyes on this real quick. My buddy's Blair and Rodney used to where they used to share the same pair to show up every day looking like a backup dancer I can't touch us No, they're not jammers
Starting point is 00:40:06 Zubaz How do you spell that? Z-U-B-A-Z That's not how you're saying I don't think I thought it Zubis You said it like an alien or rich kid
Starting point is 00:40:16 Zubad That's how they said it on the league I remember that was a big Yeah these things Remember then They were like football teams I thought they were called Zuma's or something like that
Starting point is 00:40:28 Zumbas Zumbas Zubes I can't remember Anyway That was my day, though I know, hold on, I'm just saying Are you kids wearing them?
Starting point is 00:40:39 There was left over Yeah, those things At school? I want to say we had a pair of Buffalo Billswell's We had, we never had eagle shit We had Whatever the fuck you get your hands on My dad came home from a road trip one time
Starting point is 00:40:55 With an old Dominion sweatshirt And a West Virginia sweatshirt And I was like, what the fuck do you want me to do with this? I didn't get school, get my fucking ass old dominion it's actually great school shout out to old dominion but uh
Starting point is 00:41:10 reading playing learning stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision they slow down the progression of myopia so your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own eyes light the path to a brighter future with stellar lenses for myopia
Starting point is 00:41:28 control learn more at slyor.com and ask your family eye care professional for SLR Stellis lenses at your child's next visit. I'm just saying that was like, they know what's cool across the country now. Back then, nobody knew that. It was like, this is what the kids at this school at this time are wearing. That might be popular throughout the country, but it was never like this stuff's cool. And then I feel like now stuff gets very not cool, very quick.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Yeah, like that lettuce head. Kids are still rocking at Are they still rocking it? Cool Cool I'm growing my back This just didn't Stop
Starting point is 00:42:09 All right Let's see This one's just funny This from Aiden $10 Foleyville citizen Are you garbage If you slept with a lighter In your pocket
Starting point is 00:42:18 A hundred times Thousands of times Yeah That's kind of I always That in the washing machine You wouldn't hear it Until it got to the dryer
Starting point is 00:42:26 I was sick Whatever two weeks ago I washed a bunch of holes cough drop. They were all in my fucking in a pocket of like a bear basketball shorts or something. And damn dude, they were all fucking halfway
Starting point is 00:42:41 sucked. You know what I mean? Because it got the wrapper off in the water and then just luckily it didn't dry on any clothes. There was one melted in a pocket that I had to buy a flavor. The cherry, like the red.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Yeah. Is it what you do with cherry? Yeah. They got the best hit. I remember my sister having them as a kid. I'm like, What the fuck? You a coal miner? Is this fucking, we're trying to cure your fucking black lung with these things? I'm a Ludens, man, ruined. Like a gentleman.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Man, Luden's lemons. Woo! Then they had the honey for a little while. We were a cherry fan. Of course, Kevin. You got to bend with the trends. I would be sick on, whatever, say, Tuesday. I want to take them to school on Wednesday, really flex.
Starting point is 00:43:30 and they never lasted they never made it they never made it out of Tuesday they never made it out of the car I was in the back you gotta have the small pack though you couldn't have the big ones I didn't even know the big ones they were probably just pop it when you were a kid yeah they looked like halls you gotta get the little bangers in the wax yeah the wax paper cool because they had they kept blue magic in call it fuck call it blue dog shit I don't get a fuck man walking around school with that ain't like handing out fucking school buses like straightin everybody Yeah, everyone's all fucked up by lunch
Starting point is 00:44:01 Walking into a bar like Jimmy Conway Everybody gets a hundred They didn't make it Just walking around with an empty box I got a roll up in my sleep All right, let's see here This one's from Kyle
Starting point is 00:44:20 $10-dollar bozo spelled bozo wrong Virgin never have one read Gave a buddy a ride home from work a while back He was planning on paying me for gas money Asked me not to run the AC to save on gas Because he was so jammed up Wait, wait, what?
Starting point is 00:44:40 His car It'd be like me giving you a ride home And me saying don't run the... Me going, me go and give me $10 for gas To get you home and him going You go, I'll give you five and no ACs. These guys cutting deals at the table. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:44:56 Listen, let's do windows down no room. Brady, I'll give you $7.50. And here's a heater. Ooh, that'll sweeten the deal. Sweeten the deal. There was nothing like smoking heaters at an age when like you couldn't. Not luckily, as a young dirtbag who was heavy in the heaters, we all, we, there was an Exxon in our town, shout out to Mohammed, would sell us heaters.
Starting point is 00:45:20 We always suspected there was a little 9-11 connection, and that's why he was making good by giving us heaters if we kept our mouth shut. That's what one of the older kids told us. Was this after 9-11? Yeah. He said, you better fucking play ball and give us these heaters. The FBI drags you for questioning. Ahmed, good guy.
Starting point is 00:45:47 One of the local dirtbags told us that. And then he got caught stealing patch change jar. Man, we used to hang out with... How did he get into his house? They were boys. I think he... Pat's dad listens. I think he snuck in through a window.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Nice. And went down. There were so many dirtbags that we hung out with that then stole... I mean, they were like ticks. That was when the pills hit. And these kids would... Fucking faces all sunk, and they look like goblins. And, I mean, all my friends are doing drugs.
Starting point is 00:46:22 I'm not cast in shape. But these kids were, like, addicts at, like, 13. I remember I watched one kid put, it was the first time we had a good, not a goulash. What are those beers with the fucking funky tops? Golsh. He had a gulsh. We went over this. Maybe it's not gulsh, but I know what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:46:42 I think it's gulsh. He had a- Like a Bex, you're talking about? No, but it was a green bottle. I didn't trust that shit until I was a much older. Fucking, I don't want to fuck Holland. Why drinking that shit? That's how they get you.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Now that I was older. I fell in love with it. I was an Irish part in Sunnyside where I would go. This is my saddesty years. I was living in sunny side about my... Like the ones now are so great. Worst summer ever. Probably the other day said worst summer ever.
Starting point is 00:47:11 He's 50. I got mad. Someone forgot my birthday. No, I started going to this Irish bar and I would get a beck's and a steak sandwich. And I'd go to the movies by myself. You were really doing it. But this one kid, it was daytime. That's what always was the blatantness of it.
Starting point is 00:47:34 It was daytime. I don't, I, we might have just been driving or some of us were driving and we show up to this girl's house. Their parents are gone for the night or something. This is daytime. Like, oh, so we're going to probably, somebody's going to buy pills or something. There was going to buy weed or something. If that shit was big, if that hit when we were in high school, I think we all would. would have been we all would have died a lot of my
Starting point is 00:47:58 a lot of my friends did not crazy yeah yeah yeah and the ones that did are a little tattered sure did not stop at percocet i'll tell you that much i'm talking blue magic how you doing uh but we showed up for like a minute we like stopped out of this girl's house and that kid was there and we and he like yeah fucking dude it was like the dead of summer and he was translucent like he hadn't seen like he hadn't seen sunshine he was the deadest summer what do you mean it was like the middle of summer like this motherfucker should have had a tan or something he came out with like a sweater on and we were like i want to be like dude get it together you know what i mean like what the fuck
Starting point is 00:48:43 it's all right man ted was always to the left what's ah dude he's fucking sunken in i like gallum you a well-nourished fellow i'm picking a piece of butter finger out of my mouth. Your mom didn't leave your pizza money or not, dude? Hey, you snorted it. He walked out. We were, like, parked out front.
Starting point is 00:49:10 It was like, there was a group of people already like, hey, stop by. They'd be like, Luke being like, hey, I'll sell you an eighth. Stop by. Foley's here. And like, oh, we just, you know, we're out front, like, chilled, smoke a Sieg. It was just like a five-minute fucking lollygag. And he walked out. We were young.
Starting point is 00:49:25 We were young. his house no he was at this girl's house whatever he was at the house we were showing up to and he walked out like gee oh what's up hey god damn get under eight lambers look like a you look like a preemie fucking coming out here like a baby chick you're like a baby chick you're fucking eyes closed this guy what the fucking lick in your leg Somebody get an eyedropper to feed this kid me. But he had a big gulsh. A big one, like a fucking, one of them leader jobs.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Like, I ain't never seen a European beard like that, let alone with hinges on it. Did it have a nipple on it? I wouldn't be like, how's the fuck you get here? Who'd you steal that from? You ain't never been to Amsterdam. I'll be like, there's no way you bought that. It was a known thief. Just a known, sticky-fingered fucking rat.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Addiction of supply. Dude, we were so young for him to be addicted to pills. Like, so young. Like, 15, 14, 15. And I said, dude, he had a big gold shake. Took a sip and then dropped green pills in there. This is daytime in this, like, you know, the suburbs. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:50:55 There's, like, kids, like, shooting. Could have been those hydrogen things. if Gary Brecky uses. He's doing methylated vitamin. And I'll bring the color back. Some of that iodine blue, what's it called? The kids are on? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:51:09 I remember being like, dude, you are way too brazen. I wonder if he's a lot. We were just talking about him this weekend. Doubtful. Dropping pills and beer? You, we were. He might have been fifth. He might have been.
Starting point is 00:51:26 We were. young like and dude this is daytime like a summer afternoon and we were out in the street it'd be like walking out of your parents house and a bunch of fucking 12 to 14 year olds are out front and he's there i mean the the beer was bigger than him and he's just like i'm gonna be like this kid is fucked i'm gonna start studying i'm gonna go back to school i'm gonna tell my mom i'm sorry moments when you were a kid, when you realize you weren't about that life? Yeah. You got your ass home before dinner and fucking sat there and had a fucking nice meal.
Starting point is 00:52:09 Not going back to that neighborhood again. There was about six of those dudes we used to hang out at a young age where you're like, I remember this one time this kid stole again, if we're hanging out was just such. Because we're hanging out with kids who were like, we were bad kids, good head on our shoulders, bad kid like sure mischievi is drinking smoking pro trying drugs too young bad kids advantage bad kids no bad kids are fucking stealing hurting people we were bad burning frogs but we were bad kids did good kids sure not that we were bad kids but like you and your buddies wouldn't want my kid hanging out with me and my friends i know but you guys
Starting point is 00:52:47 wouldn't start stomping on some old lady walking down the street that's a bad kid we're not in the fucking outside it's crazy it doesn't sleep it hurt anybody no no Well, they were looking for it. But I remember this kid stole, broke into another friend's house, stole a bunch of weed. This kid, the kid with the galsh? Another kid. Man, you had a lot of fucking, man, we were so. A lot of zombies.
Starting point is 00:53:13 That's the kid that took seven tommies and fell through the chip dial. And they beat the shit out of this kid the next deck. He knew it was him. So the kid who got robbed went and beat, like, you know, was like, you. And dude, he's like, you stole. And he's like, yeah, man. And he just, like, beat this shit. I'm just, like, looked at him.
Starting point is 00:53:30 And I was just like, man, this kid's just willing to get his ass kicked and go, I'm going to keep this weed and this money. I don't give them fuck with you. Like, a kid that's going, I'm willing just to get my ass kicked. What I got. I'm sitting on like, probably $800 worth of weed or whatever, so you can suck my dick. I remember being like, that kid's about that life,
Starting point is 00:53:50 just willing to get a rag dolled in front of everybody. You went home in time for some stoft. Dude, I got home. I was like, yo, I am sorry. Went home, cleaned your room, did inventory of your toys, went downstairs for a little raceruny. Watching TV with my pop. Hey, what are you watching, Dad? Some quality time.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Anything good in the paper? Yeah, there's a good amount of those kids. We were just like, didn't. Those kids did not stand the chance. Did not stand the chance. But those are the kids that lived. Yeah They're like
Starting point is 00:54:27 You know Cockroaches You just can't We bumped into the one kid On South Street Remember When the fuck were you guys He was like what's up Kevin
Starting point is 00:54:38 Oh God It was after we got the shoes It uh Sneaker suplex Was he cool Was he all straightened out No He was on South Street
Starting point is 00:54:46 I couldn't be working on it Yeah Remember that kid I always kind of walk away from those I was like Oh whoa He's got a camera in my face I know.
Starting point is 00:54:59 How much one for that camera? Yeah. Wow. Wow. I don't even know how the fuck we got there. All right. Let's see here. That was the pain for paying for gas.
Starting point is 00:55:11 What a fucking home run of a question. I was buying SIGs. But we always had access to SIGs. So we never had to really concede for heaters. Sure. You know what I mean? It was like you get all. And they were.
Starting point is 00:55:25 still cheap at the time for us as a teenager they were under five bucks so it's like you could get your hands on ours are like 225 yeah we you could get your hands between change and like lunch money or whatever like if i had five bucks for launch i go oh i'll just you know i'll skip lunch and i got a pack of heaters you know or saved like a dollar two dollars this day whatever whatever we were always we were always very good about the ride we never really had to beg anybody for a ride home that was always you know yeah of course Fucking loop around. Give you a right home.
Starting point is 00:55:57 Yeah, we loved it because there was never much going on. And we were big chill. Driving? Yeah. Yeah. We were big chill smokasig guys. Like we used to go over my boy's house. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:06 That was like during the week, if you're like, yeah, I only got like 15 minutes. But like I don't feel like going home or whatever. Stop by chill smoke a sick. Pull up out front. Oh, stop. He's selling weed. I just sit and sell weed with them. Sure.
Starting point is 00:56:20 Good times. Plausible deniability. I'm here for a heater. Check to that. attacks. Says right there, officer. I had no idea. He was trafficking narcotic.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Trafficking's a strong word. This one's from Tudy's anal beads. Are you garbage? If you keep the tags on your DXL suit to return it if you don't get this job. I'm currently waiting on a virtual interview to start in a full suit without removing the tags just in case. I'm jammed the fuck up over here. But if I get this position, I'll be upgraded my subscription because I have some of that good old cashie. My man. Shout out to you. I hope you get the job. Right in and let us know.
Starting point is 00:57:00 But that's not, especially a virtual one, that's like you didn't even wear it. It's one thing if you put it on, you get in your car, you have lunch, you sweat, you wrinkle it up. I wouldn't even have the pants on during that interview. But I've heard sometimes they ask you to stand up. Do they? Yeah. Really? I've seen it before. Just to go like, let's see how committed you are. It became a thing because it was such a bit on Zoom during COVID. of, like, people wearing, like, the up-top business and then down below just, yeah, whatever. Back it up and dump it.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Let me see, let me see what you're working. Let me see what you got downstairs. Yeah, like, six months, I, like, one of my buddies got got, but, like, he was wearing a full suit, and they asked him to stand up. That's the fuck. I, listen, I, I don't condone it, but I get it. It's like, you can't put a pair of pants on for a goddamn job interview? I'm going to stand up.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Blur them. Real small blur. Hey. rude just saying um uh all right this one's from nothing on that ten dollar executive director never have one read ever used your freshly removed boxers to give your bedroom a dust before they hit the linen basket oh yeah that's bit yeah oh yeah oh yeah towels underwear anything if it's going in a laundry basket it's a rag i'm a big uh they my dirty clothes tend to be used as excess bath mats for me. Like that gets, I get to you, I have typically, not my pants because I wear my pants 57 days in a row, but my underwear and my t-shirt. Also, I find it psychotic if you're in your home and you wear your pants into the bathroom
Starting point is 00:58:43 to get a shower. I do that sometimes. That's so insane to me. Yeah, I do it sometimes. You're getting like fully undressed in the bathroom is, I mean, maybe if you got a pair of, if you're like lounge, you got a pair of basketball shorts on, even those, like, I do a pre-dress, pre-undress in the bedroom. Sometimes I'll hang a pair of basketball shorts in the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:59:03 I'll turn the water on. Like, say, I get home from a late spot. That's a little different because you're trying to keep it low. That's a little, but I'll give you that. I'll do that. I got to do some business in there. You know what I mean? I'll get undressed in there.
Starting point is 00:59:17 I'll give you that. That's the only time I'll do it as well. Because I can get in there, I can close the door and then, like, because it's always weird seeing your jeans hanging on the back of that bed. I'm doing in the morning. Your wallet and keys in it? I never know where they are the next day. What are you, a cop?
Starting point is 00:59:29 I feel like I've been robbed. I'm like, babe, have you seen my... Because we don't, like, really close that. It's like the door that pushes against the wall. You don't see it. Sure. But, yeah, I mean, or I'll just do it in the living room as well. Throw them on the desk.
Starting point is 00:59:42 Because those key, dude, you come in. You're trying to sneak in at night. You got the keys. You got, like, a couple of quarters or something, you know? Or just whatever. You got, I got a pen. I got a notebook, a wallet. Fucking, you know.
Starting point is 00:59:54 Padging gun. badge. You jam the fuck up. All right, let's see here. This one's from Renla, $10 reformed at Bozo, never had one read. I know it's garbage, but we only have a few working light bulbs in the house. Good Lord. So instead of buying more, we just unscrew them and move them when we need light.
Starting point is 01:00:14 Damn. Jesus. Grab a pack. What do you get? How much is a pack? What's a two pack of light bulbs going for? It's not that. I know it's just lazy.
Starting point is 01:00:23 It's just, you just don't do it. I mean, but if you're now, after, I listen, I get being in a pinch and going, I want to go in this room and there's no light and unscrewing it from a light and moving. Once you get into that, once you get into that habit, it's, oh, no, what I'm saying, once you get into that habit, it's acceptable. It's the same thing as the remote with the, with the Scotch tape on the back or the remote that doesn't quite work. That's completely, dude, scotch tape on the back of a remote is completely different than unscreen light bulb. Or if you have to pop the batteries out, put them back in, the one button doesn't work. You get used to shit.
Starting point is 01:00:54 I'm not saying you don't, but that's real passive. You're sitting there doing the, unscruing and screwing light bulbs in. Six, seven bucks get you out of that jam. Six, seven? It's a lot. A pack of bulbs? You know what's great? The bodegas in New York, you can just go and be like, let me get a light bulb and they just take one out of the pack.
Starting point is 01:01:12 It's like a dollar, you know, maybe two bucks. Yeah. I'll give you that. What was big always, and I, because I just did this the other day, I had to change one in the, in the hallway. I'm bad at changing light bulbs But I had to change one If there's I'm big on If the hall light goes out
Starting point is 01:01:29 I'm now using the bathroom light You know what I mean I'll use another room's light Oh yeah To like Especially gotta go up there with the dead mosquitoes And spiders and dust Yeah I find a ladder
Starting point is 01:01:42 I got a step stool But even growing up This was like my mom hey I remember screaming And this was like a big thing of like We never threw the light bulb the bad light bulb out because we were like the glare you'll break you'll get her or something honey that's how you get cut so we'd put it back in the bot like that box yeah and then
Starting point is 01:02:03 throw them out all together i know and you couldn't figure out which one was busted you had to shake it if you could hear the i learned that like a at age five how to read a filament i'm like this is what are we doing here that was always the best hey it's burnt it's burnt i think i might be a little left on that one you know i learned that from an episode of God, was it Quantum Leap or something? No, there used to be another show that was a time travel show in the 80s.
Starting point is 01:02:29 And the guy went to Who invented the light pole? Was it Thomas Edison? Thomas Jefferson. And the kid could time travel. It was a kid in an adult that could time travel and the kid uses little hands to make the filament and that's what made it work. His little small fingers.
Starting point is 01:02:46 That's where I learned that. I can't remember the name of the show. It was a very popular Fuck you What? That's where I learned that I was going to say he was a popular Young TV star
Starting point is 01:02:57 He currently black air I can't remember Jack Wagner No Right at the same time I can't remember his name Can't remember the name of the show either You got nothing
Starting point is 01:03:07 I got nothing A kid on a show That was about time travel In the 80s Give me a gog All right Those eco light bulbs scared us Remember the curly ones
Starting point is 01:03:17 And like they said there was gas If you broke one of them Oh, yeah. Those things came out. You don't remember like the... They were fancy. Yeah, but I'm saying... None of them were ever in Patty's house.
Starting point is 01:03:28 We got one now. I don't know. I guess my wife bought it or I bought it or something. I've like just ordered light bulbs. Dude, this thing. It's like you're in the O-R. You turn it on. It's like...
Starting point is 01:03:40 What about the ones that are half wiffle ball? It's not all bulb? What's half wiffle ball? It's like plastic on the bottom. You never seen it? Oh, yeah. I don't know what's going on. I just going to melt.
Starting point is 01:03:50 Oh, that's like putting bad Tupperware in a fucking in a dishwasher. That filament will get you. What do you got? Voyagers? Yes. That was it. Was there a little kid? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Curly hair? Yeah. Handsome dude. I like you the attitude. I don't know it either. Yeah, Voyagers. Mino Palousei. French, something.
Starting point is 01:04:14 Good show. Time travel. Sure. All right, let's see. We got time for one more here. This one's from Silent Dinner Veteran. Long time, I don't know if I get that. Longtime listener, oh, silent dinners.
Starting point is 01:04:33 No one's talking. Attention. A veteran of silent dinners. He survived. Deep cut. That's all right. Although we had less. I didn't have many of them because they were already divorced.
Starting point is 01:04:50 Sure. So it's like they're with, they were each with new people. So it's like that tension of like. Couldn't get them shut up. A bunch of young love. There was. When I was in my 20s, they were, it was, hell, tense. For me, my stepdad.
Starting point is 01:05:05 Plenty of Sunday night dinners after my dad cooked all day. And there was some, there was always a fight on Sundays, always, always. And then a quiet dinner and then things would loosen up. Somebody had to break something. Yeah. Sometimes it didn't. Sometimes it went into the morning. Unresolved.
Starting point is 01:05:25 Voyagers, huh? Issue. That's when I turn to voyagers. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la i'm a time traveler. Long time recent homie first time never had one read is it trash to have a sign seating in the living room my brother when I would get into fights. Oh yeah. If one of us sat in the other person's spot on the couch. I feel it we never had a spot.
Starting point is 01:05:49 Sure. Your mom had a spot, kind of. I don't know. I, she was never. I always lay there. I always sit there. There was better spots. I guess we would defer maybe.
Starting point is 01:06:03 My parents were only only only watched a couple of things together. And that was for a brief period of time. I think when we left the house. That was early 2000s. Real sex. Huh? What? Ice road truckers, fucking the Osbournes, all that stuff.
Starting point is 01:06:16 They watched all that shit. That's when they were watching TV. together but in the 80s and 90s maybe it was married with children that we'd all watch together me and my mom in the 80s watch TV all the time together at night mash moonlighting dynasty Dallas crushed it
Starting point is 01:06:36 I can't I remember watching I remember when fucking who wants to be a millionaire hit that was like the first season of American Idol especially because there's a Philly Roots or he was from like Redding or something sure But I don't think anything I mean When she was working third shift
Starting point is 01:06:53 To the hospital She'd get home and watch One of the late shows Designing women No Like Kimmel or something Or whatever She'd float through
Starting point is 01:07:01 Whatever was on Down there you happen She was she fucking get done it But you know She'd get home at midnight Catch the end of Letterman or something You have to be back at work
Starting point is 01:07:10 Three the next there Whatever it is Three to 11 I think is A third shift You kids were running around the house I was a little old at that point but eating raviolis yeah well yeah I mean I was driving at that point I think can't remember I was hanging out with the fucking gallum the pill head my mom's at work I
Starting point is 01:07:33 got fucking open crib that's all right steal my change jar yeah weekends too now no weekends maybe like Sunday to I whatever about Friday night would you be out for what she'd be working Friday night I don't remember no checks I don't remember. You would have to have people over. My stepdad was my stepdad and my brother. I mean, like, it wasn't like empty house. You'd be floating around, huh?
Starting point is 01:07:58 Yeah, he'd be fucking. You'd keep them too quiet. What? You'd two go upstairs and hang out. Some chicks coming over. Who, did I say that to? My stepdad and my sister? Your brother.
Starting point is 01:08:07 Yeah, that's what they want to hear. Hey, you guys shut the fuck up and go upstairs. What'd they call? I could have some drug addicts come over and go through our personal belongings. We've got to wrap it up. gang we love you to death back on the block tour get your techies we're coming out this first run uh second show it's in cobs in san francisco we got seattle we got portland and low tickets i believe at braya improv outside the walls i'm hollies gang we love you we'll see you next week peace peace

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