Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Greg Stone: Bad Feet

Episode Date: September 9, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back for a fun one with old pal Greg Stone. The boys answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a hoot! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey, Texas, New York, Philadelphia, take the Jolly Ranchers out of your ears and listen up because the Keep It Moving Tour is coming your way. Yeah, guys, it's a standup show when we play AYG with the audience. It's a good time. September 21st will be in San Antonio.

September 22nd, we're gonna be in Houston. And September 23rd to the 25th, we're gonna be in Austin for the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Ever heard of it? Then, Dallas-Fort Worth on September 26th, and we're bringing it back up north, baby. September 30th, we're gonna be in Long Island.

And then, what are we doing? We're going home for cheese steaks. Whiz wit, baby. October... Cheese steaks and vengeance. October 27th, we're gonna be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. Get those tickets.

They're gonna move fast. I'm telling you. Yeah. Do it. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out

if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians

and we find that I have to go to be classy. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. That's right. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Antutti's basement. There's one word on her mind. It's eagles. Eagles.

Excited. She's trying out. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. You get to laugh and you get out, kids. That's two in a row. That's two in a row you got me on. Ladies and gentlemen, he is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman.

And I'll tell you this right now, he is not to be trifled with in a boardroom south of Dusseldorf. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang, happy to be here. I gotta give you that one. Got me, big man. Someone said in the last one.

He's on the sweet spot. In the end of the conference. I've been going for haymakers. I got a jab. I got a jab. That's exactly it. That's exactly a stick and move, baby. Keep them quick.

These tiktokers don't got a fucking attention span, you know what I mean? I gotta adjust my range. Somebody in the comments goes, did Kippy just laugh at an Antutti joke? What's up, gang? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you subscribe on iTunes,

full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are. True to roof. True the fucking roof. Just hit 25,000 over there on YouTube. And then I would be remissed an asshole, a jerk off. If I didn't bring up the greatest website in the history of man,

shout out to Al Gore for inventing the fucking internet. Patreon.com slash Are You Garbage. That's cooking. Amen. Just there, you get bonus episodes of AYG, episodes of hard feelings, which is a completely different podcast. Just me and Foley chopping it up a little bit.

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And then come see a fucking live show. Yeah, come see a show and have a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire. He's the magic man. Makes us all look good. Who's that? Give it up for the Astoria kid, T-Bone McMuffin. Toby McMuffin.

What's up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? Dude, I'm just giggling, thinking about Invincible with fucking Antony. Antony. She's lining up in the slot with a new port to house dress. Exactly what I, I pictured her getting fucking hung out to dry across the middle in a house coat.

When I hit the slate, you hit me. She's lighting another one with her old sink. Gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back with us again today, one of our absolute favorite episodes. We have to check him out. He's super funny, super amazing. We love him, and he has an amazing new podcast

called Friday Night Greg. Do me a favor, give it up for the one, the only, Mr. Greg Stone. Yes, guys. Ladies and gentlemen. God bless. God bless. He's fucking Gabba Gula.

He'm out all with these guys. About to be a new daddy. Oh, very soon. Coming soon, me moving to Mexico. It's going to be great. I can't wait to sign. Maybe comes in October, and I go to Mexico. I'll be coming from you, from an undisclosed location.

I'll be on the beach having a good time. Would you ever split town? Would you bounce? Like the fun ideas, yes. We're having fun here, Greg. I freak. I bounce. I never see this kid again.

I got a mustache. I cut my eye. We're an eye patch, do that. But reality is, man, I want to be a dad. I'm so excited. That's awesome. You're going to be one of the best guys ever, and you're going to be a fantastic dad.

Because I fucking dad you guys. Every comedian I know, I'm like, hey, don't you do it all right? Yeah, he dad you real high. He's good, which is, it's endearing. He showed up with G.I. Joe's for folding. Sorry, I missed your birthday, kid. He did good on his report card.

He had a little something. He had no idea that the endorphins, this trigger, just when I see these things. Yeah. It's bad, though, because I'm such an action figure guy. I mean, you're boncos. I'm not going that right. I just want to have a couple of guys

to play with when I got an Eddie or two in me. You know what I mean? That's what I said. That's what we all say. We go, I just want one. Just put around is a thing. Next thing you know, you are fighting people in the back stock of a target going, I know they're in here somewhere.

I street date my ass. You're looking for a shredder in the middle of a fucking bunch of toasters. Where are the turtles, man? Where are the turtles, man? Yeah. I do think about that, though, as far as dads and stuff like that, the Bill Burr joke is so, it's so perfect when

he's like, I know guys would have left by now. Because I think about my dad when we were kids, shit, that me and my brother, like driving them both insane on like a Sunday, like totally responsible for it. Any punishment we got with deserving of it. And like my dad just, you could tell, just wanting to be like fucking, oh my god, what am I doing? Yeah.

He's pulled out of the driveway a couple of times, too. But then he comes back like an hour later. Yeah. My stepdad, but he's a stepdad. You know, he came in. Oh, yeah, stepdad. I got one of them. Like what's this guy's commitment to my wife?

It's like to my mom or whatever. My real dad, though, was like, you know, he showed up on the weekends. I'm like, hey, doing Danny's like, we're going to the Bronx Zoo. And he was the best. Got all the cool weekend dad's or weekend dad rock and roll. My mom, meanwhile, Rick's taking the brunt into your fucking

homework and shit. Yeah, George was my stepdad. George was like a psycho. He was a cop. He, dude, it's like, is he still in the picture? Yeah. OK, he's a maniac. He's still you were saying was.

I wasn't sure of what happened. She's still on the job is the question. It only the newer heat coming down on us. Now, he like, we know he doesn't really talk. He says the only things he says is like, he'll do Jaws quotes in this guy. Get this guy up a decap or to God. You just say, hey, doing George, you go,

think we're going to need a bigger boat. And you're like, OK, man, like he's kind of like force comfy and it's up the game on William. He never says anything about emotions this year for the first time we were leaving. And he just go he'll just say like, I am. He says I am group now. He saw Guardians of Galaxy loved it.

So he sees I am group and a few. Yeah, no, go ahead. I mean, get in there. Right for the picket. Is he legally allowed to be married? I don't think so. He's very for it. We say for his gum.

This took a hard left. Yeah, my dad pulling out of the driveway. Never in my life did he ever say anything like I'm proud of you or I love you. Recently, we're sitting in the car. He goes, see you later. We are Groot. And I just started bawling.

I was like, this is how he says I love you. Sure. This is how George says I love you. He said, we are Groot. Maybe my wife are dying. I'm crying. She's laughing. I'm like, he's never said it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And two high school football players showed up and beat you both up. He got he has a real of mysa men vibe. Dude makes guns. My stepdad in the basement. I remember you telling us about this on the app. Yeah.

Oh, I did. I believe so. Yeah. Copy him. No, no, no, not at all. Jesus Christ. Oh, that's a good piece of. Hey, I got control.

I didn't mean to shut it down. I was trying to connect with you. You psycho. No, you know what I did. I'm sorry. You know, I got podcast bits. You know, I come in and I go, I do this story. I do that story.

I plug my Patreon and then get the fuck out of here. By the way, plug the Patreon right now. Plug it. Greg Stone's zone. It's my Patreon. The Greg Stone zone. Check it out. Greg is so fucking funny.

If you like watching a guy high out of his mind, saying a bunch of things and whatever, it's fun. We do music. It's fantastic. Guys, go check out his Patreon. It's awesome. 100%. Thanks, boys.

That's so funny. Is that it? Are we out of gas? Had a fun time. Yeah, that's great. This guy keeps you on your fucking toes. I got to be honest with you. Just took a breath for a second.

No, not 100%. We did zero to 100 for the first four minutes. Sorry, I was sweating on this. Let me blink for a second, Greg. I'm going to sip ice coffee like a gentleman. You got to hit him and run, baby. That's George looking into the conversation right there. It's good talking to him.

Just can't have a beat in the conversation. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah. Gang, this is a family episode, so as you know, when you sign these. You really did just hard reset that. Well, it's 12.22, and the weather is looking a little rainy out there.

Back to you, Rick. Holy shit. Crazy guy, Greg Stones in the studio. And we're back. Greg, so we heard that you had a crazy time in a raincoat recently? Well, I got to tell you, I was out in the rain. And where am I going to put my monkeys?

I put them in the coat. Now I'm in a coffee shop. Monkeys are everywhere. Anyway, man. Back to you, Rick. Buddy, we got a hot one already, folks. Somebody call the exterminator. We got some giggles in here.

Why are you killing giggles? Yeah, all right. Why would they get in there murdering giggles? Fucking fun stopper over here. All right, let's get to some fucking questions here. Yeah, but as we just said earlier, it is a, I don't know. Yes. Whatever.

It is a family episode. With a little company. A little company. That's right, it's a family episode. I got corporate all over us. We're going to have to fucking break out the flow chart for this one. We have a little bit of company, so we're

going to answer your Patreon questions. As you know, when you sign up for the Patreon, answer your question on the air. And we got some fucking heaters. And we're going to get to everybody. There's a backlog. We will get to everybody, I promise. It's just we got to wait.

Not every question is great for every guest, by the way. 100%. You know, I got to tell them a little bit. Yeah. Your next question is, what's it like growing up black and doing it? I guess I got to get this one, huh? Well, some people, like, never shit your pants in second grade,

and then Sally makes funny, and you got a huge crush on her, and then you can't get a bone ever again. I'm like, it's a little too specific, guy. I sent that one in. All right, this one's from Tori. This is a home run right off the bat. Have you ever eaten in a pool? Yes, yes, yes, of course.

Have I ever not eaten in a pool? I always eat in a pool, and I'm always surrounded with crumbs in the niblings around my body. I get out of the pool, and you see the line the top of the pool from the muffin that is just on my body. Top five pool foods. It's got to be hot dogs, pizza, right? What else?

Well, I like candy. You can't be doing, like, pasta or anything. I can't be doing. I can't have a nice carbonara. Have you ever had fried Diablo in the shallow end of a public pool? I do clams. I like clams casino.

Just up to the neck in water. Yeah, I like to go to, like, a casino and get real stoned. When I'm, like, performing in casinos a lot, I get real stoned. I bring in whatever they got in the buffet, and I just bring it right to the pool. You take it to the pool? Yeah, right next to me.

Outdoor pools, dude. You're eating in an indoor pool with that chlorine smell? Yes. Oh, my. It adds a certain, uh, a certain, uh, Dude, that's psyched up the palate a little bit. Yeah, man, I'm like. That's fucking next level.

Yeah, man. Trash, or it's called, see, you, like, when you say trash, I say compress. What is it when you're putting more than one thing into one thing at a time? Compounding? Multitasking? Multitasking.

I'm eating. I'm enjoying swimming. I'm ruining everybody else's day at the pool. Jesus Christ. Yeah, of course. I like a can of Coke, and then the pool water goes in there, and you can taste a little bit. That happens with beers when you're doing.

Yeah. All right. Spit the top off. I've definitely drank some river or some lake. Oh, yeah. Dude, Doritos will never taste better than when chlorine is in there. Dude, I hate that when fucking chips and stuff like that

are around the pool too much. It's soggy real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's stale. Nah. Yeah. Oh, man. Candy's acceptable, and I scream.

Candy is crazy. Candy in a pool is no good. Candy is crazy. Why is that? A Werther's original? You're unwrapping and throwing the trash? I'm going to swim in a sweater, OK? Why is it got to be a Werther's?

It's just what he pulled, and it was funny. Reese's Peanut Butter Cup you're doing in a pool? No. Chocolate? Chocolate. Let's eat chocolate. Chocolate's no good. Where are you from, Minnesota?

This guy's coming in hot today. This kid's barred up. This is we got the little group. It's just pure vodka. It's Bailey's on the rocks. I'm doing DMT and coffee. Yeah, candy's not in a pool. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Back it up. There's a wrapper involved. That's no good. Ice cream truck pulls up. The ice cream truck has the ch- has- He's not pulling up to the pool. Yeah, the indoor pool. It matches through the window.

Anyway, I'm not buying the indoor pool. I assume this question meant for an outdoor public pool, whether it's a snack bar and access to an ice cream truck. I understood it. Maybe that's just for my headway. Never once did I think about an indoor pool. That's crazy.

I also need to just state that there is no access. Is your pool in the front of your house? There's no access to the ice cream truck from the backyard. You hear the thing. You run outside like a gentleman. And then you eat it outside. I don't know that you can't do candy. I'm thinking public pool with a snack shop, OK?

Oh, all right. And my point with the ice cream truck was the guy has ice cream treats, but then they also always had a few candies, too. Right, they had some noun laders. They had some fun dips. They had some fucking blow pops and stuff like that. So knocking back a fucking fun dip

in the shallow end of the kiddie pool, I think that's a gentleman's move in a hot summer day. No, I also, I think your own pool is OK. Not buffet items at an indoor pool. Eating in a pool at all. Candy, chewing gum, I'll draw the line there. That's too much. I think you got to get that sugar.

You know, the one that's all sugar, the fixie stick. The one you dip with the candies? Fun dip, yeah, that's what I was talking about. You dump all the fun dip in the pool, turn the pool into a full iced tea. That's pretty good. Just get a world functional. Now you're like a Willy Wonka in your pool, you know?

Turn it into the iced tea pool. I don't hate it. That's funny. Is that chlorine? No, that's foresee. That's also a good idea to play a trick on somebody. You know, they always said that if you pee in the pool, it'll turn blue.

If you had some blue fondant, set your boy up, sneak behind him like, oh, this guy fucking pissed in the pool. Everyone's sticky. I can't not pee. I pee in every pool I go in. I'm sorry if I've been at your house. And every time before I pee, I'm worried that's going to happen. I could be at a resort.

I could be at a. That's because they got us. We listened to that shit when we were kids. That shit got our heads. It's not real. It's a couple of things that got in our heads when we were kids. Santa Claus. Santa Claus, the kidnappings got us

because we were a kidnapping age. Funny you should bring that up. I was actually kidnapped. It's a hilarious story. What? I was not. Some guy kept me in his back yard. Hilarious story in his basement for a few months.

I didn't see the light of day. It's a real knee slapper. I just remember the cop reaching in with the light and being like, my god, I'm saved. Anyway, back to you. What other question did you have for me? That's good. Holy fuck.

Great question. All right. This one's from Brendan Norris. Ever bought shoes at a thrift store? Or have you bought clothes at a thrift store? 100%. 100% clothes. I did buy sneakers.

And it's it's. Yeah, it was at a Buffalo Exchange. It was a Buffalo Exchange, which I give a little bit of. It's got a little bit of a little bit of attaché. You don't have a Buffalo Exchange around you. It's like a thrift store, but people trade in their clothes. It's higher end stuff. It's not like donated, I think.

I think they buy it. It's not McDonald's, it's Shake Shack. It's like a big step up. Yes. They'll give you four bucks for your t-shirt and then turn around and sell it for $22. They are the, they are the, I don't know if this reference is going to hit, they are the Funko Land.

Was it Funko or they are the GameStop of clothing. Where you bring a PS5 and they go, I'll give you three nickels and a buff on ghoul. How about that? And you'll, you should be happy. You should be happy. You piece of shit. Why'd you come in here?

You bring them an Armani suit. They go, we'll give you three dollars to a credit of a dollar and a half and a jab and a rips. The shoes are tough. And even we all agree I'm disgusting. Correct. I think you're pretty good. I do. I do pretty disgusting things.

But the feeling of putting your foot in a shoe that already has somebody else's like worn feet in it. Like where it's got the ridge in it. It's got the ridge. Someone else's ridge. It's like somebody else's mouthpiece. Like it's fucking molded to this. I've done that with my brother back in the day.

Like in a hockey game, you needed it. Man, there was nothing better than mouthpiece night when you made your mouthpiece for the other day. Dude, you felt like a mad scientist. You're a bullion on that thing. Oil and water, get it in there good. Yeah, I can't do that with shoes. Well, the trick I believe is what I do is-

You have them cobbled? New insoles? No, I just have the worst feet on the planet. So I know whatever I'm going into is way. I'm like a kid from Vietnam moving to South Jersey. It's like, yeah, I know you think this is bad, but you should see where I'm from. Yeah, exactly.

You know what I mean? It's bleeding over there. So I don't get to compete with me. That's a pretty good theory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had athlete's foot since I was three. Oh man, I had it. I remember having it as like a seven-year-old.

Yeah. No, continually. Yeah. Here's the difference. Now, I don't know if you guys have the same feeling, but I used to hate it when I was a kid. Had it really bad. Now as an older man, when I have just a little bit.

Oh, it's fantastic. You get that good itch going, that good scratch. I have a foot fork that I use. I'm going to fucking throw up, Greg. Why? A foot fork? Yeah, it's a special. I don't use that.

We don't watch it. Is it an actual fork? Or is it a tool called a? No, not a fork. It's a feed for scratching my feet. You guys are like, no, it's a fucking fork, idiot. Yeah, it's a fork for scratching my feet that will not be put back into rotation for eating.

Where do you keep it? In my nightstand, by my bed. And I have a fit. I just made my skin crawl. Oh, it's good, dad. It works through the sock. That's how good it is. Sometimes through the sock, it gives you

that extra roughness. It's nice. I like scratching a bare foot with the sock on the other foot. I use it like sandpaper. Oh, I want to feel rich. I do that. I take my feet. You have no idea how bad my feet were.

There was a show called. Are you not using tin actin or nothing like that? It's not actually. It's not actually what I have is I have some weird allergy. My feet are like allergic to my sweat. So it's this constant, like, battle of. He's got off brand athlete's foot. Dude, I saw a doctor and she went.

He's got a gamer's foot. I took my shoe off and my doctor went. Case of walking toe. Damn it. I'm not stunk. Toby, make that louder. Toby, make that louder. Can you cut the last three seconds?

Can we go back? But are you telling us about athlete's foot? And we're back. This crazy thing I have, this crazy foot thing, that gets so bad, I would wrap my sock like a towel, like you're going to whip it. Put it in between the toes and just like. Like a.

He's cutting down a red one. Yeah, exactly. He's got two guys. He's in black and white for some reason. Yeah. Holy shit. I saw a doctor. We're good now, but it was bad for about 12 years.

Wow. 12 years. I haven't got 12 years. What's the treatment? What kind of cream? Oh, it's. Or is it a pill? It sounds more like if it's a pill, you're in bad shape.

It was a pill at first. I got to fight it off. They got to fight it from the inside. Because weren't they giving people pills for like fungus on their toes for a little while? Yeah. And then they stopped that shit, right? Because it was like knocking people off left and right.

The anti-fungal pill. Was that like fucking killing people? I don't know. I didn't have a, I didn't have a, I didn't have the fungus. It was like a white, it was a way, like when you say fungus, I'm like, please, please. I was that's day one shit. This is insane.

They have the show called the night of with a tutorial. Yes. Yes. Do you remember that guy's foot thing? That's what you had. That's what I got. They based a show on my foot thing. Holy shit.

When I saw that, I felt representative. That was disgusting. Finally one foot of good guys. Well, these are my people. They got my letters. And his name was Detective Stone or something like that in the movie. The guy's name was Stone in it.

And I was like, someone has been listening to my podcast. Jesus. Damn. Holy shit. You don't have a iPad though. Because that was, it was worse. You're joking. Now it's good.

But it was the point that people would look at me and they would go, we think you have a, like, is this diabetes? Like what is going on? Jesus. It was really bad. I didn't have health insurance. It got better when I got married.

I married my wife and got health insurance. OK. What was she saying about the foot issue? She would close her eyes and cry. Oh, God. She would go, it's fine. She would like, my foot would touch her body and she'd freak.

And then I would go, I'm sorry. It's OK, it's OK. I have to get used to it. It's like getting used to like a rabid dog in the house. Just don't look at him. Don't look at him. So bad, dude. It was a nightmare.

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Now back to the show. But now I got health insurance. We are good. And I had a fork for a while. I would do a thing where I would take my feet off, stand on a rug, and then do a spin, like a spin. And it would just burn, and it would just take off. No, no, no.

She's judging by the faces in the room. I will move on. No, it's beautiful. It's lovely. Yeah, but it's also, you've told it. You've done the spin. I don't know, the spin caught me off guard a little bit. You're so numb.

The first time I'm here, and you're like, yeah, I would do this cool spin. I'm like, I don't know how cool it is. You got mad at me today when I was rubbing my feet in your car on the. Oh, that's so good. Oh. Did we catch you?

Took my flip flops off. Flip flops off. Brand new car. He's in my brand new car. And he's got his fucking hoofs. And he's just mashing them together. And I'm like, socks on is one thing. I'm like, I can see.

And whatever that carpet is, it was like a Mr. Scrunchy. It was fucking perfect. Yeah. Oh, felt so good. Heck of a wreck. Let me try this thing out. You can get in the trunk. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, man. What did Cassidy say that killed us? He was like, stop rubbing your snout with your hood. No, no, no, no, he coughed. He sneezed, and he didn't, you know, he sneezes. It's like that scene in the mask when he swallows the bomb. Like, it's like everything. It's so aggressive.

I disagree. And then Tommy goes, can you use your hoof to cover your snout next time? Pig jokes, mom. Pig jokes. You believe this? He's a good kid. He's a good kid.

You're a good kid, huh? You're a good kid. Thank you, boys. All right, this next one's from Snake with Arms. Did your parents save your baby teeth? No, I don't think. My mom is, uh, you don't understand. For sure, but she's your nurse.

So any of that shit, she's like, we're not keeping body parts in our house. We're not keeping body parts. I'm not wrapping up the toe. Yeah. No, I don't think they can have baby teeth. That's gross. Yeah, we can.

I found them in a dresser or something. As I grew up, I was like, what the fuck is this? Oh, man, I'm sorry. You never want to look back. I keep things that you want to look back. You go like, oh, I had a Snapple bottle I kept from the first time I ever kissed a girl. I kept it in a box.

Her essence was in there. How long? It was in eighth grade. I was like, oh, this is what a Snapple looked like in eighth grade. It had the old design. It was fantastic. It brings you back with nostalgia. What nostalgia do you get from teeth or fingernail clippings

or whatever weird shit that people are keeping? I always thought fucking it was weird. And I remember as a little kid looking at it and being like, what the fuck does this mean? It's when they would bronze your little baby shoes when you were a kid. I thought they did that when people died. No, my mom, my everybody, my mom, my mom, my mom, my mom.

I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, my mom, everybody had fucking bronze shoes. I'd be like, what the fuck is this? They were just hedging their bets.

They're not all going to make it. You get a good deal now. You get them in bulk. Someone's bound to croak. That and the little ceramic hand things are always weird, too. My mom has those up. What's the ceramic hand thing? When you're a little kid and you make a little imprint,

you bring it home and your parents keep it. Oh, right. We did that when we got it. Yours probably got shattered on a kitchen wall. Like, you think, oh, my parents were together. That's great. Have you used the family? What's up?

Hell yeah. Have you used the family? There we are. No, when we got our in-ground pool, we did it. That's cool, though. Yeah. What do you mean? In-ground pool.

They poured the pool. We did our hands. In the connoisseur. Our little brother did his foot. And it was like my 1991 or whatever year. I'm actually surprised that your mom partook in that. That's bananas. It was also saving your teeth.

It wasn't like, she didn't pull them out and I can look at them. I don't think it was going to happen. She must have meant she forgot they were in there. And it was an addresser that. It was like a little bag that Mints would come in at a wedding. Like something like that. You know what I'm talking about?

What is it? Yes. Like the Jordan Almonds. Oh, like a sheer bag or whatever. It was made out of her panties. All right, but she doesn't listen. You don't look at the teeth and go, oh, I missed these teeth. I remember when he had these teeth.

I know, but I think it was one of those things. I mean, first of all, there wasn't like 50 of them. I think it was like one. And I think they took it. And then it's one of those things that I kind of have it now where I'm like, oh, I don't want to throw this out. There's a hundred teeth in there. She's got them around her neck like a witch doctor.

How many was some teeth did this kid have? The only time I'm doing that is going, I'm going to frame him for a murder at some point. I've got to sprinkle these around. In case we ever need to act like we're dead. Fucking torch the car and sprinkle some teeth. Throw your baby teeth in some burning yacht. Yeah, just to get out of a couple IRS bills.

Apparently Kevin said he hasn't been in the dentist in 22 years. Sure, this guy's still in his baby teeth. Two facts. He's dead and he never grew out of his baby. I just did the same joke you did. I just repeated it. Copy and paste. Copy and paste it, baby.

We do three bits, but we do it well. Dumb airs. I will say I'm upset. I did have a plan that I fucked up. I was going to bring a little framed picture of me and sneak it. Oh, dude, we would have loved it. But I didn't want to tell anybody until like a year later.

Oh, dude, we would have fucking loved it. One of the ideas we had is we wanted to print out for when each guest got here, we would go back and find a baby picture of them or like a picture as a kid and have it. But we just don't know. It seems a little intrusive. Yeah.

Also be like, oh, here I show you this. I'm going to show you, stop the podcast, I'll show you a picture. I also have to look it up so it's going to be a while. I'll get back to you in a couple of years. A baby? No, me as a kid. Well, while you do that, I realized the other day

that I have the transcripts from all the clips for all the subtitles. And we could put it into like an AI program and have it generate like an AI version of what it thinks an RU garbage episode would be. That's amazing. That's pretty good. Yeah.

Wait, we have all the what? Holy shit. Greg, I was just after you at all. Yeah. Bull cut glasses also had sex in eighth grade. So this guy was getting late. I don't think that is wild. That's 100% me.

He even says Coraloozo at the bottom. Coraloozo. What do you think, Kippy? It does not. I don't think it looks like him, but I don't think he's lying to us. That looks like the boy that you're impersonating for the last 15 years.

I have his teeth. I can't die to that. I can't die to the corpire in 91. I tricked his mom. Remember these? That's me. You spit them out of your mouth, put them back in. Oh, man.

Oh, man. Good times. Do we start yet? No, this is all. We're all just making up. We're all getting it. This is a warm up. This is from Chris.

You or anyone in your family ever cut sweatpants into sweatshorts? What? My dad was big on sweatshorts. Of course. I think the 80s and 90s were. That was like. Everything got cut down to a certain point.

Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Long sleeve became short sleeve. Short sleeve became no sleeve. Yeah. Fucking. That was big.

Street clothes became fucking sleep clothes. Always. You cut the shirt. You cut the sleeves off the shirt to short sleeve. Then it would become this. And then it would become a rag to clean the 300%. We were big on t-shirt rags. You know, it was weird.

Back in the day, it didn't become comfortable or cool looking until you had it for like a year or two. You know what I mean? When the t-shirt wore in perfectly. Now they make them like that to distress jeans and all that stuff. But back in the day, you had to put fucking work into that.

Do you know how they do those distress jeans? No. They give them. There's like the small. Fully wears them for a week. There's a small town in Africa that gets all of the clothes first. And they wear anything for like two years.

And then they take them and sell them. You're for sure making yourself. And so there's just one city. You broke. I just meant this. There's one city where all these really poor people are wearing very new clothes. Yeah.

Everybody's got luckies on. I love a good lie. Anyway. You had me. You cracked. A little bit. Yeah. All right.

This one's from Hunter. First question. Your dog ever have worms? I thought every dog came with worms. And the first step was getting the worms out. Is that a thing? I thought everybody would do this. Yeah.

You'd deworm them. I don't think we ever had. I don't think our dogs ever had worms. 100%. Is it the scratching the butt on the carpet? Oh, yeah. That's a dead sign of worms? That's a sign of worms.

Yeah. Well, then, hey, sorry, Rusty. Rusty had worms for most of the 2000s. My one buddy's dog just ejects like stone's feet. Apparently, my brother did too that weekend. Yeah. My one buddy's dog had it so bad that you could actually see them.

You see them coming out of the butt. We're going around a little bit. Think of how good that feels, though. Imagine dragging your fucking butthole directly on a nice carpet. It's got to be like shooting heroin. Dude, there's nothing better than a good butthitch. I'll back at the Ramada.

Nothing better than a good butthitch. Oh, and then you go, then you look at your hand and you go, what have I done? What have I done? What? No. I feel like a surgeon walking to this wall in the safe zone. Sendee, hold on my calls.

Yeah. Push my 330. Push my 330 and get the iodine, will you? I'm going to need a new pair of drawers, too. These things are a little ripe. Oh, man. You know the podcast is going on. I keep looking over at Toby Heaps going, that's the clip.

That's the clip. I thought that is the clip. That's the clip. I just love a producer in the back that's going, that's the clip, boys. We got it. The kid never stops working. Smoking a cigar.

Jokes on you, I'm editing the clip from last week. Everybody loved the Wildwood video. They're like, oh, you're not paying Toby enough. Toby is handsomely conscious of his work. All right, back to school. We did a back to school thing on the Patreon. Love it. By the way, sorry to interrupt.

Sure. This morning, storm had passed. The storm has gone through. A little bit cooler this morning. It felt like the first week of school. Chris, Sonny, fucking come on. The heat was gone, though. Yeah.

The only thing that was different was I wasn't sleeping in my sneakers. That was a. Did you do that? Yeah. I mean, I thought I was going to land more. But then you realized, oh, I'm crazy. New school clothes.

September, I would sleep. I was so excited for school that I would put the new clothes on and go to bed in them. And I would sleep in my new sneakers. And then the next morning I wake up ready for school. That was so exciting. I thought you guys have done this. I thought people would do this, though.

See, you were in the shoes. And you were having sex in eighth grade. You expect me to believe that? Yeah, looking that good in bed. Anyone want to fuck me? That's true. These guys were in pumps to sleep. My mom was like.

Ready to jump his bones. Your mom didn't say anything? No, she said, don't do that. OK, well, I put my pajamas on, and then I would take them up. And I would put the school clothes back on and go lay down. And at some point. Would you have your book bag on, too? Yeah, that's why I have such bad school leotas

from sleeping on my back like this. Through the sheets, you see his shoes lighten up. Holy shit. That's wild. It's the best when you say a thing when you're like, oh, there's a thing we all did. And then everywhere in the room goes, what? That's what we're finding out this show is.

People are like, oh, yeah, that. And you're like, no. Sleep it in your clothes. But I'm guaranteed there's going to be 50 comments on YouTube being like, oh, I slept with my fucking shoes on, too. You had to have looked like shit. You slept in your clothes. Everything's wrinkly.

My hair was crazy. The next all pulled out. I looked like a woman who just fucked a guy all night the next day. What'd you get those last year? Forget to wear them? Yeah, I had to rest. It's a shirt.

It's a JP for Jurassic Park. And I was so excited to wear it. I slept in it. And usually my shoes would come off most of the night because you can't really sleep the whole night and shoes. But I would dress up for school. So excited. And then I'd jump in bed and then be ready for school

in 30 seconds. I wake up like, ready to go. And my mom was like, well, you know. Plus it didn't come for 45 minutes. Relax. I'd watch some cartoons or something. Yeah. Oh, that's fucking boncos.

That's funny. All right, this one's from Brad. What was the size of your crayon pack for the school year? Because this was big. Did you just get like the eight piece? There was like the eight pieces of what they would give out at like a restaurant. If you sat down to like do the crossword puzzle,

I'd give you that little eight piece. Now it's a four pack. And they don't give a shit what you do with it. Back in the day, you had to give that shit back. And you usually got a raw deal on that. Broken ones, fucked up ones. You're missing a color. Now it's fucking.

Or there was like the 16, maybe. The big guy was the 64. 64. The sharpener. I had the sharpener. I had that one year. But that was like, this is lasting for a decade. This has to get you out of elementary school.

Dude, we had a kid who was so, he was clearly poor. His mom worked at the RoseArt factory. RoseArt was like. Yeah, yeah, that was like the second year. They were like, they were not good. They weren't the Crayola. Everyone made fun of him every day, except the first day of school, when he would show up.

He'd be like, Crayola. He'd have like colored pencils, cray. They used to make those kids. What did he give them? What did he give them, the people? He would like, he had deals. He'd be like, yeah, man, like you watch my back for the year. I'd give you 64 RoseArt.

Because his mom would just jam him with free supplies. He'd get all the best supplies. And they still made fun of him? Aw. He sucked. Yeah. He's a really good, horrible person. Get down to breath tax.

Yeah. It wasn't because he was poor. We were all poor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he just sucked. He wore the full white suit on picture day. The full, he looked like. What is this, this communion?

What the fuck? He did, with sneakers. Everyone else was like, oh, we have ripped shirts on. He was like, no, my mom makes me go all the way on picture day. She's got that RoseArt money. He's laughing all the way to the bank. I had, I remember it was like a flat.

It was, I had the big 64 guy. And they had colors you didn't even know. That was like, you were learning about colors. They were dropping new ones every season, too. Once Crayola got hip to what they had in their hands, they really put the fucking foot on the throats. They started pumping out everything. We had to do like a building landscape type thing.

Like a city, you know what I mean? Like, oh, these tall buildings or whatever. And everybody else had their like four crayons they were trying to make. Yours looks like Inception. Dude, buildings coming in on each other. And I remember the one kid going, Mrs, you know, whatever, Jaminski,

what should we use for the brick? It was like second grade. And I had a brick red. And I think everybody else was using brown and red. I pull out brick red and was like, oh, fucking did my shit up real tight. Yeah. That was great.

She doesn't usually give out A pluses, but you earned it that way. Oh, for sure. I don't care who you are, how old you are. You sit down with a fresh sheet of fucking paper and you crack open a box of crayons, clean living. Also, how do you say the word? Yeah, I just picked that up too.

Not like that. What? I don't know how I say it. You say crayons. Crayons. Crayons. Now, how do you say it? All right, I went to the store and I bought some crayons.

Crayons. Crayons. That's, that is the right way to say it. Crayons is wrong. I say crayons. Crayons, yeah. I'll set my, growing up it was crayons. That would be like, get your crayons.

Crayons? This is crazy. This is not a region. You're trying to get you to see a dentist. This is not from where you grew up. This is from a head injury. That is how you say that. No, it was crayons.

And in the area, it was either crayon. People would say crayon or crayons. It's crayons. Yeah. Crayons. That's Euro trash, shit. Get the fuck out of there. Euro?

Yeah. It's made in Pennsylvania, isn't it? The Crayola back there. I'm saying the same. That's how the Europeans, that's not a principle saying it. It's crayon. Is crayon only a Crayola? What?

Did Roseart also make crayon? Is crayon the thing? Or is it like prison air? This is like a Kleenex type thing, right? Yeah. Tebow, you want that? A crayon is the item. Is the instrument.

Yeah, it's the instrument. I think it might be Crayola Crayons. Crayola is the company. But I think they might have came up with crayon. I don't know. I don't think Roseart makes crayons. I think they do. And it would say a rose.

A pencil or stick of colored chalk or wax used for drawing. Crayon. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. Cray off. That's stupid. I'm going to kill myself with that one. Crown, if you're a fucking idiot.

I don't know if that's what you're talking about. Well, there goes your bonus. Yeah. Wait, no, it says only smart guys say crown. I knew it, Toby. No, crayon. Send me that link, will you? Crayon is like tomato.

Tomato. Yeah, or schedule. Schedule? Schedule. If someone ever came to me, can we mark this on your schedule? I would take both hands and wrap them around the neck until they're life-ceased. But it was a nice old British lady.

Oh, I'd kiss her first. Into heaven you go. Plant one on her. Have a little romantic for her to take her life. Where you're going, you're not going to need schedules. It's not. Crayon is wrong on all accounts. So I'm not saying crown's right.

Crown is wrong. It's crayon. Crayon is 100% wrong. OK. I choose to roll over and die on that one. Greg, do you say aunt or aunt? Oh, my Aunt Marian. Aunt Marian.

Do you have an Aunt Marian? And my god, she wears more leopard than you ever see. How are you saying it? More leopard than you've ever seen. She might as well bail out. She dresses like craven. I don't know if you're familiar with the man who tries to hunt spider-man.

That is how my aunt dresses all the time. I'm sorry I stepped on it. Did you? I screamed it. I screamed it in the microphone. They'll hear it. This is a big one. We're in Aunt Tooties, which is named after Brian Six's aunt.

Do you have any? I don't know when you did the show very early on. We were still via Zoom. I was down the shore. Yeah, it was still very early on in the pandemic, in the life of the show. Do you have any aunts or uncles that you don't refer to by their first name?

For example, Aunt Tootie. I have an aunt, Soupy, an aunt, Quinny. No, no. I just have an aunt, Marian, an aunt, Karen. I have an aunt, Linda, who's not an aunt. She's some sort of weird cousin thing. That happens, yeah. When they go, we can't do this.

She's an aunt. Just call her aunt, because that's whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, no, I don't have like an aunt, Dippy, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Aunt Greaseball. I do have uncles, though, but that's because they were in the mob.

You know, I had like an uncle lefty. Really? We've never met. He died. He had, I don't know if he had a right. He was missing a hand. He used a stick shift. So he had a left hand that he could hold the steering wheel,

missing a right hand, but would put his nub in the steering wheel, and then shift with the left hand. He drove. Hence the lefty. Yes. Yeah, yeah. He earned that one, huh? Yeah, yeah, he did.

He's died in a car wreck, so. He's got hit by a drunk driver. Turns out you can't drive like that for a long period of time without being dead. Flaming. We found his teeth. Baby teeth, though, which we don't even think. He was only 18 months.

That guy ran. Yeah. All right, this one's just a no brainer. This was Corey. Ever take the cellophane from your sig pack to use it as a vessel for weed or drugs and then seal it with a lighter? That's a real dirt bag thing.

What's a sig pack? Like the cellophane from a cigarette pack? You pull off the plastic, you put weed in there, and then seal it. I don't smoke because I'm better than you guys. No, I don't smoke. This is in high school. We're not picking up bags and sig bags now.

We're gentlemen. The big thing was, again, I don't have a bag. And it was like, oh, here I have cigs, and you would take the cellophane off like a plastic square, and then you would drop it in there and seal it up. Real trashy. Somebody's selling you that to you, too. Oh, yeah.

Off the jump is fucking trash. Yeah. I remember the first time I bought weed, I bought a handful. Like the guy was just like, I don't have a bag. Do you have cigs? I'm like, no. He's like, all right, here, man. And I just had to run back to the car

with a fucking ace in my hand. This is a weird thing that I don't know what they're doing right now. They should bring back candy cigarettes as edibles. They should make edibles out of the old school candy cigarettes. That's a fun way to do candy cigarette. And now you take a little nibble, you little edible gum.

It's not a bad idea. Even the edible gum, I like that. Do they have that? They have to, right? You think? I mean, they have edible everything. It would be fun. Yeah.

Yeah. Candy cigarettes. I could do edible headphones. Oh, shit. Things just come out. No real rule rhyme or reason. I'm having a good time. All right, this one's nuts.

This is crazy. This happens in a car, right? So this question happens in a car. Ever cool down hot food by holding it out the window or up to the AC vent so you can eat it more comfortably? I would say that I've done this not in a car. I've done this with my air conditioner, with some food that was too hot.

You just turn the pasta a little towards the air conditioner and cool it down a little bit. Because it's speed. Food is about eating it fast. I'll do you one more than that. I make take a stove for a French bread or some sort of frozen pizza. If I make the pizza, I throw it in the freezer for like 45

cents. 100%. Take that edge off the top. The invention I tried to get pushed for a while was the cold stove. It was a stove. It would immediately cool something. That would like, it's the opposite of a microwave.

Sometimes your food's too hot. You put it in the cold stove, chill it down. They should do that for liquid. I mean, they do have the technology. I just don't think it's. No one wants to buy it. Imagine just pouring like a warm bottle of soda or a beer into a thing.

And it comes out cool. Clearly none of you guys watched Chopped where the blast chiller. The blast chiller. Is the hottest commodity out there. I know, but it doesn't always work. And you need a lot of time. You know, if you do know Chopped,

if you do go to the blast chiller, you're fucking rolling the dice. That's the biggest risk you can take is the blast chiller. I'm thinking the Greg Stone Cold Stove. That's what we're looking at. That's the infomercial right there. Greg Stone Cold Stove. Cold Stove Creamery?

No, I would call it Cold Stove. Greg Stone's Cold Stove. Cold Stove, yeah. Greg's Cold Stove. Yeah, I can't call it Cold Stove. I'm just upset that whoever this Chopped show clearly listens to my podcast. It's just another idea that's just stolen from me.

Clearly listens to my podcast. Like all the producers around it's Friday night, we got to watch Greg. Yeah, well, that's how they got the hot blast cold machine we were talking about. Goddamn Rachel Ray. I had a war. She got me.

Dear pig, you took my idea and I would like some money, Greg. You know who. Inventor of the Cold Stove. All right, it's reserved. Holy shit, that's funny. Yeah, you got to eat it quick. In the car, I don't know what you were having in the car that's too hot, though.

If you're a slice of pizza, dude, a fucking hot slice is off. I know, but I'm not eating pizza in the car. To get pizza, you got to go in and get pizza. Not a dollar slice place. You can grab a dollar slice. You pull up. Somebody runs in, grabs a couple of dollar slices, and you know where you get hemmed up

if they're pulling it right out of the oven and it's nuclear. Sure, I understand that. And you got to fucking put it in front of the AC vents. To me, that's still like, oh, we'll double park. It's going to take 90 seconds to eat this pizza. Let's get out and eat the pizza. I only ever eat ribs when I'm driving anyway. So I don't know why I would need to cool them down.

More of a risotto man. I had to grease up the wheel a little so I can't turn when there's a child in the way. Oh, that's funny. I always remember doing that with mac and cheese when I was a kid. And we would take, it would be burning hot. My mom gave it to us.

Take it and fucking hold it in front of the vent for a good minute. So the first inch is like ice cold. So then you use that as a balance with the molten center. One hot, one cold. Throw on Night Rider and fucking call me later. I wanted to invent a syringe of ice kind of thing

that you could push into like a hot pocket when it's too hot in the middle. Doc Brown? Yeah. I'm always trying to invent things that can make me eat my food faster. That's all you have to wait. Dude, I got a good one.

Edible tape. Don't talk to me because you clearly some of the rad dude cast. Edible tape was invented on the rad dude cast for burrito fixings. That's exactly what I came up for in high school. I got, I got witnesses. Yeah, I don't care you got witnesses because they clearly

burrito fixings. You're some kind of future to watch my podcast and to go back. You talking about taping up the burrito? Yeah, any kind of food tape for tacos, burritos, pizza. And then you have different flavored tapes. Yes. Days close.

Yes. And not just bubblegum flavor. We're talking sauce flavored. You got sauce flavored tape for when your spaghetti breaks. I've been singing this tune for years. Yeah, he's been singing it when this is my podcast. It's OK. It's OK.

It's all right. Everyone rubs me off. You and that pig Rachel Ray. Yes. Edible tape is the move. Wait, but what's the spaghetti tape? What are you taping? My spaghetti breaks like a Zerib set.

I'd like to take my spaghetti, but it was just a dumb. OK, I was like, no, I was more genuine. I was more curious. Yes, I hear you. It was a dumb riff and I'll. No, it was fantastic. Rift on eight on the riff. No.

Hey, that's stupid, big Rachel Ray. Stupid, big. Anyway. All right, let's see here. Freaks out when a spaghetti rips. Don't look at me or my spaghetti. Can someone fix my meatballs? My mom is broken.

That's the commercial. It's not a bad idea. What? The tape. It is a good idea. The burrito, the burrito talk. Yeah, give it a give it a wrap and then you don't have to worry about it's more.

It's a way to get to one handed food then. To be honest with you, and I'm saying this with a long, long track record. It exists. Figure it out. The show on Nickelodeon from the 90s. 1999 Edible Taco Tape segment. I recorded the podcast in 1998, so.

Clearly. Clearly the liberal media is stealing from me. That pig Alex Summers took my idea. I missed the stone. Are you familiar with the channel Nickelodeon Jr.? No senator. I am not. I missed the stone.

Have you ever been slummed before? No senator. No, I've not been slummed before. The only answer to have you been slummed is, I don't know. That's how you get slummed. Is it? I'm telling you all that reference. Oh, I don't know.

I went over my head. Yeah. So did the slime. There you go. All right. You bring the full circle. This guy worked quick. Because it's a bad riff.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't bring it back. Buddy, I'm all on board with it. That was a hard break right there. I feel like Lefty was driving. Dropped the clutch real quick. It's a wonky one. This is a wonky. Peaks and valleys in this thing.

No, well, it's also. I feel like we're all on shrooms. We've been running at 107 miles an hour, so when it gets below 90, we all pan. Well, now we're dead. It's like speed podcasting. Plus, I got a couple of stinkers in another way and on my mind.

No. And now we're here again. I like the breeze down. Yeah, you've got to have it. This one's just bananas. If you're not doing this, I don't know what the fuck's going on. This is from Dan C. Haven't had a question, Rhett.

Have you ever used toilet paper as tissues or tissues as toilet paper? That's just what you do. Common use. Right. Yeah. If you get jammed up, that's insane. Tissues is toilet paper.

Yeah, if you don't have toilet, that's more important. If you don't have toilet paper. That'd be a tough look for me. They don't got to chop. Well, you're the exception, though. I mean, listen, I like a good tissue as much as the next guy. But they don't got to moxie for fucking. Well, no one's saying.

That kind of warfare. You shower afterwards. Yeah? Yeah, so that's what I'm saying. What do you mean? It would never be an option. If I had tissues, that's what I'm using. Of course.

I'm not going to, yeah. I was jammed up somewhere. That's what we're saying. Yeah, I'm not saying you prefer them. Oh, OK. It's in a situation where you have to do that. Oh, I thought you meant have you ever done it, yes. What's the number three thing you go for?

So it's toilet paper, tissue. I go right to paper. If I don't have it, because chances are I have paper towels. After that is a fast food napkin. Yes. A fast food restaurant napkin will save your life. Yeah, I go right to lettuce. I go right to lettuce.

I use like a lettuce wrap. I don't know part thing, so it's a lettuce wrap. Better for the environment. Vegans use for toilet paper, lettuce. I go right to tostitos. I don't know what it is. Scoops. I don't know.

That's right. There is. He had it. We're mind-melded. All right, this one's from Clark. Do you or anyone in your family ever drive a Saturn? Let me tell you this right now. I feel like you were a big high school Saturn kid.

I did not have a Saturn, but Saturns were such good. I stand behind Saturn. You definitely listened to Weezer in a Saturn before in a parking lot somewhere. OK, maybe it was real quick. Can I do a quick aside? I get into an Uber once. Guy Cleo doesn't speak English.

The first track of the blue album of the Weezer album is playing. And I went, sir, did you put this on for me? And he went, yes. And it always works. I was like, you got him right. He saw me. He went, this guy likes Weezer.

Put Weezer on in the Uber. Completely, I guess, racist. I don't know what that is. But nailed it. Like, of course, I'll listen to the fucking blue album. You gotta get that guy hefty tip, too. No, I ran out of the cab. I jump out before he gets to the spot so he can't chase me.

Can't steal the ride before you're there. What was the original question? I kind of forgot. Drive a Saturn. Drive a Saturn. Saturn's are such good cars. Look on the road. If you can still find Saturn's on the road,

that they were so good it put them out of business. That's what someone told me. Because, hey, there was no turnover at all. They also weren't doing commission. You buy a Saturn. Their employees were like $8 an hour. You know what I mean? Or ever much, they were making back in the day.

Like, they were a great car company that gets shit on a lot. Damn. Because they were doing it right. Because they were doing it right. Because I remember they were early 90s. And then they kind of got corn. They were like real pointy. The Saturns and stuff.

They kind of looked like the Pontiacs and stuff, like the Sunfires. And then in the early 2000s, they came out with that Ion. And that was a game. That Saturn Ion was like a cool looking car. They leaned heavy into the fucking automatic seatbelt, though, that we talked about a couple weeks ago. That was early on.

That in the 90s. They were the ones that you would get in and it would go zzz. Every single teacher had one of those things. Check it out. That and a wedgie. Dork. See in science class. Yeah, Saturns were too futuristic when they came out.

Even the names of the Ion. I'm like, where you're not an Ion family. We're pipe fitters. Give me a Chevy of Ford. We can't be driving something called a fucking Ion. I need something with some numbers in it. Yeah. Give me this.

328. F-250, something. Yeah, but I did not own a Saturn. Dude, girls with big puffy pink DCs always drove the Saturn Eclipse. Yeah, there was the big Saturn. No, Mitsubishi. Mitsubishi Eclipse.

Yeah, also known as the stripper wagon. Yes. I've never seen a stripper not in any of the clips. Man, a white one. My sister had one and she was not a stripper. What? My sister had one and she was not a stripper. I love you, Sarah.

She's a good gal. He's fair. Yeah, I am. Nice. How'd she get that? Birthday present, sweet 16 or something? No, it wasn't her first car. It was like, I think she had just graduated from college.

I think my dad helped her out with it at some point. That's real trashy. Your dad helped you buy an eclipse. It was like the down payment he might have made that she was responsible for the payment. I forget. That was when there was a little bit of cash floating around. Things went belly up after that eclipse.

That was the A day. I saw it coming. He was like, I know what your job is going to have to be when we lose a lot of money. I got to just prep you. I'll get you the eclipse. Mitsubishi Eclipse, the most repowed car. You're making that up.

100%. That makes so much sense. I want to be cool like stone. Did I have you at all? No. Oh, really? Don't be checking. I still believe that's true.

I find out what the most repowed car did. It's probably Hyundai's. It's probably BMW, I would think, because someone who can't afford one probably buys one. There's not that many of them. You got to, I'm thinking a lot of, like the Honda Civic is the most stolen car just because there's the sheer volume.

There's millions of them. I thought it used to be the Integra. Remember the Acura Integra? If you were fucking poor, that was the rich man's point. That or a Prelude. Remember the Honda Prelude? They were so. If some guy pulled up in a Honda Prelude,

he would buy you cigs if you were underage. I'd rather have an Acura. Acuras are fucking tight. Sure, but that's a little bit higher level. Fancy Dancy, lemon pants. That's still, to me, Acura. All the rich girls had Acuras in high school. It was like their dads were lawyers or doctors or something.

They all had the same Acura. The Acura legend. They had, it was the TSX. You know, it was a sign of wealth though, not rich, but wealth when somebody was rolling around in like a late model Volvo wagon. Somebody had one of those. You knew that their parents were like, old money.

Because it was understated. It wasn't fancy. It was like, hey, there's a lot of value in this. We're going to get it. And we're going to get 100 years out of this thing. Yeah, yeah. My boy rolled around for a little bit in one of those. Or a sob too.

Sobs. Oh, yeah. 100%. Sobs were hot for a minute. Do you know where the phrase sob story came from? Because it was like the original thing of people all wanted BMWs. And then they would get sobs instead.

And they'd be like, oh, I'm sad about it. And like, well, that's a sob story. That's where that came from. There's no way that's true. It's not even funny enough for the lie. There was just a wasting time. They're a Swedish aerospace company that's been around for like 150 years.

Yeah, Jimmy didn't get a sob. So he started crying. I said, hey, that's a real sob story. They've been making. This is going to take over. They've been making fighter jets since the 40s. Stone. Son of a bitch.

Sobs. We're auntie. We're auntie stone. You know how they came up with Rolls Royce, right? My buddy Royce one day. He was at the drive-thru. And I said, hey, you're rolling over there, huh? He felt that a bunch of stairs.

And they said, here comes Rolls Royce. And then the guy guy took it. All right, here, let's see. We've got a couple more here. We've got Murdock. What were you carrying? What were you carrying your lunch into school? Lunch box with a thermos brown bag, grocery bag,

or are you buying lunch kind of guy, Greg? High school, I was buying lunch. That's the look. At the older you get, you can't be taking a lot of stuff to school with you. But also, the parents that cared about their kids made them lunch. Yeah, of course.

$1.45 is easier for a mom who's just being like, just get hungover or something. Here you go. Take it. Take the $5.00. This is for the week. And you'd blow it the first day. Oh, you crazy?

Get the pretzels, the iced teas. Yeah. It's just like a king. $5.00 in the lunchroom when you were a kid, people would kneel to you. But then when you're down, you feel like a real loser. That's how you feel when you're out on the bottom of the slots in the casino.

Come Thursday, you got no lunch money. You're trolling around trying to collect and stuff like that. That's why I always say, when you have the $5.00, you be the guy who's also the Friday guy with no money. I'll never be able to think like that. When Friday comes around, you need to talk to those people. You stepped on their necks when you had $5.00.

Now they've got to give you their fries. You dirt ball on Monday. Get out of my way. Get over it. You were really shooting your mouth off on Tuesday. And now you're coming to me, you're hacking your hand. Wanting to chocolatey clear? I don't know, man.

Yeah, sometimes you have to wait. I don't know if you guys have to do this, but if you didn't have lunch money, they'd put you at the back of the line. And whatever was left, they would give you or. Or you in Gen Pop? What the fuck? Yeah, or they would give you this like government

peanut butter and jellies. That was like no frills. They would get the big old bar. Here's your peanut butter and jelly. This was free. You can eat this if you didn't have your lunch money. Jesus Christ, dude. I don't know if our school did that.

Mine didn't. I know that much. I mean, I like to think they would have fed us regardless. Oh, yeah. But that's funny. They got to humiliate you like that. They can't just slide you a fucking plate of mac and cheese. Hey, go wait in this cage till we find out what we have left.

Here, I got a little apple crisp for you. Don't tell nobody I gave it to you. All right. There were some days my dad would drive over there like it's a Russian witness box. I couldn't see it and they were looking up to the glass. Jesus. Did you have to do that a couple of times?

Oh, so many times because you'd have to do lunch tickets in grammar school. And they gave them to you for the month. And I would lose them the first day. And so I'd have to be like, all my lunch tickets are gone. They'd be like, well, then you have to wait at the end of the line. There's leftover food. You get that.

And I was the leftover food guy. I would hang out with the lunch lady and be like, I mean, maybe put a little something aside for me. That's a good piece. Maybe put it to the corner. I like the corner slice that thing. You're picking up slices of Sicilian. I remember telling them, like, here's all my lunch tickets

for the month. Can you just have them now? And just let me claim them. And let me come later. And they were like, no. This is you negotiating with the lunch ladies? A 90-year-old woman who wouldn't budge. Man.

You must have been a weird kid. You saw that picture? I was. Your mom wouldn't ration them out to you every day? No, the ones. We had ours in an envelope. They would give you an envelope, but then everyone went home. That would like stay in my desk.

And then I would lose them in a desk. And they needed to clean your desk at the end of the month. The back of that desk. We were talking about that thing would eat things. You were like, what the fuck's going on back there? But when you would clean it, the dream. I found an A-boy in there. I remember being like, I can reach to the back of it.

If you could get to the back of it, ooh. I feel like a CEO sitting in there with a clean desk. Did you guys have the desk with the convertible top or just the hole? Hole. We just had the hole. Couple times. I'd best of both worlds.

It was nice. I can't tell you which one I like better. Probably the pull-up. It was pretty classy. I don't know what kind of temper boys you are, but either of you, I flipped a couple of those desks in my day at school. I definitely shunned.

You don't say. Because if we had those hard tile floors, they would fucking, they would fly. Yeah, and those chairs, too, yeah. Oh, I would just go, I'm not stupid. And then flip the thing. And then the teacher would go, all right, now you got to clean it up.

You know, you're after school. Hit you with a blow-down of Ritalin. There it goes. Oh, no. Jesus, don't take it easy. All right, I couldn't find the number one most repossessed car for some reason. The statistics, I looked at like five places and didn't see it.

But I do have the state with the most repossessed cars. That's pretty fun. Florida. Kep. Ohio. I'm going to go. Is it per capita or total? Uh, the highest rates of 30 day delinquencies.

Ohio. I'm going to say New Jersey, because one, we're the most densely populated. Also, we have Newark. And also, I'm from there. So I know the scum boundary. That's probably, that might be pretty good. Goose eggs all around Mississippi.

Wow. So I assume it's all burned out Irox. I don't know what's going on. Those hillbillies don't know how to drive. Fucking screwed us. Mississippi. What the fuck was that? You know why?

There's been a couple of stop and starts on this. I don't know what's going on. Just let me something or what. I could have given you something. But my mind went to, we used to call Irox something. It was like Italian something. There was an analogy for Iraq. The Irox, people who drove Irox, we called them something.

And my mind went there. So I was there. But I came, it was like, yeah. Italians running on credit. Some bullshit like that. It was a real slur that was fun. Because the Italians used to drive the Irox like that. Irox were, you guys are a little older.

The Irish bought their share of them too, honestly. Yeah. I think it was a more economic disposition thing than it was nationality. Yeah, it was the most expensive cheap car you could guess. And that's like a lower, people think that's classy. Low, like trashier people are like, that's, let me flex in this thing.

Wait till I get my Irox. Then you're going to fucking believe in me. I still think it is. The Irox is also the worst Camaro they made. It was the slowest, also the only one that wasn't stick. So it was really like for the poor people. Sure, yeah. It wasn't even the good Camaro.

It was like the worst. I did a bunch of Camaro research one day for a joke. And it never worked. But now I know everything about fucking pony cars. When the transmission on an automatic, oh, you look real trash driving around, man. All right, let's see here. We'll do one or two more.

And then we gotta run. It's just been a fun one. This is a home run. This is from Jake. Haven't had one on the red on the air yet. And I love how they're abbreviated in H-Y-O-A-I-Y-F. Have you or anyone in your family ever had a timeshare in a non-beach town?

My friend has one in Branson, Missouri. That's a home fucking run. Why? What's there? Branson, Missouri. There's a lot of theater in Branson, Missouri. A lot of bad theater, I presume. That's where, like, Yakov Shmirov is.

And someone else, yeah. There's a lot of dinner theater and stuff in Branson, Missouri. That's a tough book. My friend had one. I don't know if this counts because it was the Poconos. So I get why you would do that. But also, so two things. One, I remember we were hanging out and I saw a girl.

And I just came back. I was like, oh, I kissed that girl. And my friends were like, you did? And I'm like, let's go ask her. And the answer was, I've never seen this guy before in my life. Ow. So what are you, Nathan Lane? What's going on over here?

He's almost lost a tooth on his microphone. I don't think the insurance is paid up in here either. I'm being 100. Hey, you chippy. You want it, right now. But we also, I remember them trying to be like, I didn't know you can get like a thing like in Florida or like the South Jersey or wherever.

But I remember them trying to trade time shares with other people. And they were like, no, I don't want to go to the Poconos. It's like a shitty game of an apple. I don't want to go to Lake Harmony. Yeah. Yeah. I remember my family friend had one growing up. And I didn't get it.

We didn't go on vacation. I still don't get it. We would go down the shore. I get it now after I watch a documentary on it. I don't know who stays there with you, how they get it, how you get in there. Is it always a condo? No, it's like you can do hotels, you can do whatever.

Now, since the recession and like since the housing bubble and everything burst, there was a documentary of the guy, the biggest guy that went completely bankrupt. Because you own all these properties and then no one can afford them or go anymore. Then you're like, well, I own 10,000 properties now. It's all based on the fact that more money keeps coming in. But you got the free trip to Disney World though, huh?

I never understood it. Because our vacations, we went to the shore. And we went to Myrtle, or not Myrtle, but we went to Ocean City, Maryland one summer. Like every dirtbag family from Philly, we said. Once. You go once. You go once when you're like 12.

That's it. So we went down the shore all the time. This place stinks. We're not coming back here next year. Did you ever go to Secrets? We were just talking about that too. No, no, no, no. SEA, because of the sea.

Sea, yeah, yeah. For the listeners, it's like a bar, not a resort. It's a bar on the water. And you can stand at a table and drink in the water. Yeah, you could eat your hot dogs in the water. Yeah, there you go. A lot of eating hot dogs in there. It's encouraged.

Yeah. I hooked up with a girl there. The way you said it, I don't think it was a girl. Yeah, she did a good job of making me think it was, I guess. Her dick was nice. Very nice. It was very nice. Anyway.

Yeah, no, never been. That's like the big dirtbag thing when you turn 20 in Philly or 21. You're like, we're going to Secrets. What do we get? We got a place. Yeah, never went, though. We should go.

We should. So one of the owners is a listener. Really? We called into his radio show, remember? Yeah. Dude, I want the best times of my life at Secrets. Want to do an AYG Secrets fucking weekend? Yeah, they'll have us.

AYG. OK, slash FNG, because I got to use this for mine, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cross promotion. Synergy. Synergy. We'll send the contracts over. I can't be wasting content like that, man.

I got no time. I got a kid coming. C-Brag, this is why you got to do it, man. You got to seize the opportunity. Get your name out there. But I'd love to do that, for real. We don't even have to record it. As long as there's a buffet and I can drink in a pool.

Let's do it. All right, let's see. Let's do one more. This has been a topic as of recent. Is it garbage to use diet Pepsi as a mixing with vodka? How do you feel about mixing anything? My thing is, if it's not a captain in Coke, you can go diet. It should be Coke.

It should be Pepsi. That should be a rum and Coke. That's where you caught me. Pepsi is for garbage people. Yes. But I want to say this. I completely disagree. There's a resurgence of Pepsi coming.

I believe all the hipsters and all the people are all going to be like, yeah, it's going to be cool. Because it's not the cool brand. It'll become cool. I think Pepsi is going to hit a real stride now, because it's cool. I'm a Mr. Pib guy through and through. I'm a fucking gentleman over there.

But I'll kneel. I'll kneel to Pepsi. You'll bow down. I'll bow down to Pepsi. I want Pepsi. I want its day to come. I was in a bar and somebody ordered a whiskey and Mr. Pib, I believe.

Close out. Because trouble's coming. Yeah, I think it can only be done. I think if you order a mix and vodka with soda, that's not a drink anyway. That's what you do when you're 13. I think maybe the question just means diet soda. Because nobody had no bars have Pepsi.

It's always Coke bar. You're usually something fake. I could ask. Sorry. It's the idiot D. I may have brought this up last time. I may have. Have you ever had a Beverly? No.

Beverly is a fountain soda that I think they only serve at Disney World. And it's like a bullshit Coke. But I love the name because it's Beverly. Yeah. Give me a Beverly on the rocks, please. You said Beverly. A soda brand?

I think so. I don't know where to get it except Epcot. They probably only sell it there. They probably just make it for it. So some lady, Beverly, went, hey, I got one customer. It's Epcot. Think about how much fucking soda they move a day. A ton.

Probably more than fucking Mr. Pib does all year. Probably. But I'm saying she never tried harder to get a little bit out somewhere else. You think it's a girl, Beverly. It's Beverly. It's the woman Beverly. Greg, can I shatter your whole world?

Tell me. You know who makes Beverly? Who? Coca-Cola. That's it. We're going to end with a Coke. I got to go back to Inka Cola. All right?

I got to go back to Inka. That's the wrong thing, a cola. A golden cola. Yeah. Fucking fantastic. I don't even know what that is. Oh, it's delicious. They're hometown, Bloomfield, where I'm from.

Inka Cola. It's the Native American soda. Inka INCA Cola? It's like a golden cola. It's fucking pop shelf. Ice cold. Where do you get it? It has a lot of cream soda vibes.

Yes. Very cream soda vibes. Oh, that stuff? You've seen it. You've seen it like a pollo, pollo, rico or something like that. Those cans, yeah. But they got the rotisserie chicken and the green sauce. Oh, I would never touch that.

Inka Cola is better than Malta Goya. That's why I grew up with a lot of Puerto Ricans. It's just like a thing. They all drank Malta Goya. Can't do that or the Italian version of the coffee soda. Coffee soda? Yeah, the Manhattan special, whatever it's called. I never had this.

Really? Yeah. Interesting. Second Espresso Cola. You would have had to come across it growing up in the Tri-State area in the 90s. Too young. They're probably like he's too young for this.

The bottle looks like it had a little Manhattan scallion on it. I don't know that I've ever seen this. You're on your own on this one, big man. I guess I feel that way. Have you ever had Malta Goya though? Tastes like sweet potatoes. Yeah, it's disgusting. Tastes like sweet potatoes.

With the consistency of blood. All right, that's how we're moving on. It is. That's it. That's it. Wrap it. Yeah. I like how you share.

We used to drink this sweet potato cola that felt like blood. Fun, loving guy. Potato blood. Greg Sloan. Dude, people die for it. Not me, though. A pass. People die to make it.

Come on, nothing on that. Wrap it up. We got to go. Gang, that's the episode. Stoney, you've been absolutely amazing. Been a loved one, baby. What do you want the folks out there to know? Hit them.

Oh, all right. Could you check out my podcast called Friday Night Greg? Friday Night Energy on a Wednesday morning. That's the catchphrase. Love that, by the way. That's great. And I got a new album out called Night. Yes.

Oh, do you? Do you, you sons of bitches? I got an album out called Night Cream, the Cream Supreme. That's on all streaming services, except YouTube music, because fuck them. They got some weird legal laws that we can't seem to get through. It's a check out that in my podcast, Friday Night Greg. Folks, the kid plays it cool.

I don't know what to tell you. Greg Sloan, ladies and gentlemen. Kippy, what do you got for him? As always, you know, rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available, you know, subscribe on YouTube, and then Patreon. Also, guys, live shows coming up. We have Texas.

We have New York. We have Long Island. We have New York City we're about to announce. We have Philly. Get some fucking tickets. Also, like the merch, we have Koozies and a few card games left. Oh, yeah. Get them while they last.

Gang, we love you, and we'll see you next week. Peace. Peace. Oh, buddy, that was so much fun. Beautiful.