Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Having Asthma Attacks w/ Ian Fidance

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Ian Fidance! You know Ian Fidance from stand up comedy, Bein' Ian with Jordan, Kill Tony, The Joe Rogan Experience, The Adam Friedland Show, First Date, Stavvy's World, Your Mom's House, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Harland Highway and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/AYG Quince: Go to https://Quince.com/garbage for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don it, Pam. Listen, did you get your tickets yet for the Are You Garbage Show at the Met? Are you garbage with Kevin, Ryan, and H. Foley. The two I showed, yeah, the bald and the fat one. Yeah, them two. Yeah, they're at the Met. I know. Must be nice.

All fancy at the Met. Made it big, you know. But make sure you go on there and get your tickets because I know they're probably going to sell out quick, you know? And I'm telling you right now, I hope Aunt Toddy's there because guess what? I'm going to be having a conversation with her. That bitch owes me $80 from that beef and veer of Paddywax. Yeah, so I'll be having a conversation with her for sure. All right, so go online and get your ticket.

All right. So long. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Roe. Brian and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there.

And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Gerbiz. It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians. Not today, but what is it going to do? And we find that it's a used to be. Bookings are tough. I'm available. If they grew up classy, if they're just a big old piece of trash.

I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a glorious day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She was just paper and toilet paper in the neighbor's place. Okay. My co's is coming at you from right next to me. A little too close. Father of the year,

he's little kippies old man. Yeah. And it ain't his kind of rock and roll. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. It's no rock and roll to me, dog. Shout out to you, gang.

Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify, baby. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www. www. Patreon.com slash are you garbage.

You go over to join the over 50. thousand members of the goddamn Patreon. Army of garbage. Kids are kicking over there. Love that money. And then obviously Spotify? No, I did Spotify. Tickets for the December 13th show at the Met. There you go. Tickets for the Met December 13th

available are you Garbage.com. Boys are coming home. Going quick. Grab them. Just fucking be normal for once. I'd like to redo the Tootty. And Tootty just got back from the pet store. She bought an alligator. Gang, we couldn't be more. excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today you know

him you love him he is the co-host of the be and Ian podcast with Jordan sometimes give it up for Ian finance everybody hi everybody thank you so much for a guest host these days I'm going home having a ball I'm so happy to be here you got your heaters you got your snot rag you got your comb you have some notes written down it looks like you're about to open a table at a flea market I do have The things that I could sell. You're a bagling. Ian brought us a shopping bag. I brought a shopping bag of gifts.

A stop and shop bag. It is the season of giving. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. It's November. November to the end of December is a seat. Well, November's a month. What are you?

Lexus commercial? What are you talking about? November's gratitude month. And then December, obviously, is Christmas. And Hanukkah. And Kwanza. Kwanza. Yes.

And other made-up thing. But I have a bag of gifts for you guys I don't know when you want me to give them Just give them now Plug my travel show produced by YMH That's the announcement Ian has a brand new travel show Being produced by YMH

Are good friends at your mom's house Ian do An odd guy doing odd jobs You can see it at YouTube.com slash Ian finance comedy So subscribe to my YouTube page Partnering with YMH It's a gas, it's a blast

The episodes are still not out They are I'm waiting on a tech to clear. You were going to see the trailer when this comes out. It was an NC-17 rating. A lot of gay sex. There was an incident with the K-9 place I went to where... That's a peck to bed smart.

I got drug out of a bed smart. Bid me a little too hard. Empty jar. I went to a K-9. Akela K-K-9 services in Chicago. Akela K-K-9 services? That's the name of the place. I think I mentioned it on the show and they hit me up.

Are we in reruns already? The fuck, we're three minutes in. You're telling stories you told last. I actually told this story last time I was here. At the K-9 services, I ran into my old imaginary dear friend Venetio. Shout out episode 36 probably. Episode 36. I don't know.

What are you in season nine already? 36. No, no. That's what they do with bad game shows. They film like 100 episodes, then it gets canceled. Dude, I have so many episodes filmed. Is that true? So many episodes.

What are you dropping this? This thing's never going to see it all the light of day. Once we get all the media and assets together with YMH, and then the episodes will come out. Stop trying to sound more business. Media assets. You don't know about media assets? Quick stop at Kelly Clarkson. It'll be out then.

Doing the Jennifer Hudson store. Shout out all roker for the plug. I'm in a little hot water already about the Kwanza comment. Would you like to do the Jennifer Hudson show? Is that the one where they dance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you do that? I would do the worm.

It's Ian. He's a creep. It's Ian. He's sheep. It's Ian He's grinding on the guy He's backing it up And dumping it on some dude

It's Ian HR It's Ian Please don't do that Why is he choking himself With the microphone cord Hey walk in the green room

You got your sack tucked back What the hell? You hand Jennifer Hudson You hand Jennifer Hudson The remote to your butt plug Why is goodbye horses Playing over and over Goodbye horses

The song during Like, have you ever met Jennifer before? I'm like, she's a great big fan person. You want your gifts? Yeah, please. Did you smell like a stepdad? It's crazy. Between the heaters and the right guard or whatever you got going on.

Give us the gifts now because he's taking it out to trash in a minute. Sorry. Jean-Paul Gautier is a clone and natural pheromones, no deodorant. Smelling scratchers. So I. You smell like a cab driver in Athens That's what you want In Athens

You mean cab driver I wouldn't work I don't know I was in a cab one time in Athens Georgia That's a bad part of the day I didn't I was at five

I was at five points I need a ride Listen hold on a second Back to this up real quick Jean-Paul Gautier LeMail Is that what you're using The guy with the body And the stripes

Wow You're still going to shampoo What are you doing over there I have been using that cologne Since I'm after day Fast days He's about to give me a shirt With a fucking cat

hair on it I can see it already do that's crazy oh yeah you're right I had them out they used it to lay on but it's a little souvenir for me isn't it I'm allergic to I isn't that cute when they lay in your luggage when you're packing you forget him in there one I would love to have a road cat that would be the coolest road cat yeah just bring him on the road and he's a cat a road cat he wouldn't make it if you put him in your bag and it got put under the thing I wouldn't do that I don't check bags me I got to give them gabapentin before they go to the Gabba Petton?

I got to do it to him, too. I've had to make that joke. I think you've told this story, and I've made this show. I've heard Gabba Petton before. You got to put it in a thing of cheese. Henry. Gabba Petton sounds like one of those new starlets out there in Hollywood. Gaba Patton.

She's very good. Unlike you. Yes. Give us the T-Shall. The boys are in. And what? You're going to give me a fucking tool? Oh, that's actually really nice.

The Morton Salt Girl, Ian Fidantant's tea. I brought one for everyone except the new guy who's name I don't remember. I didn't know he was going to be here. Guess his name. What do you think his name is? Mark. What's up, Mark? Mark's pretty good.

Edgeman store.com. You can get these and get them on the road. Edgeman. Yeah, Jimmy Edgman. That's where, who does my merch. You don't sell your merch on your website? I do. Heandfinance.com.

How did Detroit? Yeah, that's where they make my merch. USA, all the way. I like to support local in America. Okay. What size did you get me? I got an XL for KJ. Uh-huh.

What? I'm a large. He's a medium. I got a large. You want a large? Who's the large for? You can take large. I'll wear it if it fits, but I know what's not going to fit. Henry? Keep going. I was going to bring a 3x, but I didn't want to insult you. How big is that bag? Insult you? Insult you? 2x. Well, I got a gift that I don't insult you in a minute. And this is for Luke. Your website takes you to edgeman.com. Let me tell you something. This is a very nice quality shirt. Comfort colors. It makes a great shirt.

If you like a nightie, you can get a... This might fit me. Triple side. Pop it on. Should we? Kevin? Now I'm going to have to wash this thoroughly. This one does not have cat hair.

This one does not have cat hair. The medium does. Luke, sorry. Hand up, that's my fault. If you want cat hair, it's $5 extra. Oh, and there's a medium. I was going to get a small for your son to wrap him up in. He could grow into it.

He's very anti-fi dance, and that's his choice. I haven't indoctated him at all. That's interesting, because... Because I bought him, you, and your wife a gift. Okay. Let's see it. Now, this is for you, KJ and fam. Okay, thank you. Because I haven't given you a gift for your son yet.

Where'd you get ricene this time of year? I've been holding you a pack of cigarettes. That's edgeman.com, folks. For all your boys in knees. I can't get it. He's got no fingernails. He bites them down. He loves it.

it. There you go. Now, it did not arrive yet. So this is a printout that I laminated. Silica gel what I always wanted. Popper to your drink, it'll fuck you up. Keep your asshole dry.

And so I printed out the order. I got a candle for your house. Looks like a fucking Quest Labs bag. A blanket for your son with a personalized note that says Good luck, Mark.

Little Prince of Garbage. A sideline stripe maroon blanket. Philly's colors. A fireside fur candle. You use the discount code. Typically, you used... That was not supposed to be on the slip.

How do you know he used a discount code? It says Chapby 15. And he saved $6 on the candle. You piece of shit. Woo! He saved 1275 on the blanket. Chaping 15, 1275 on the... You saved 15%.

Yeah. Why did I use a discount if they offer? That's a pretty expensive Campbell. 15% you save six bucks. Let me tell you, this all together. That's like a $30 candle or something like that. Let me tell you something. The invoice is coming.

This all together... He just got to the checkout. Monetarily... Just took the picture. Monetarily, this was worth what fully weighed and great... school. That was $700. Thank you very much.

That's very sweet. That is very sweet. Give me mine. Give me, give me, give me. Better not be some dumbass candle either. Henry, this is a mirror to take a look at yourself.

Dig deep. But it also says you have value. She'll be chopping up lines on that thing. Yeah, that's all right. I could have used this a couple of months ago. Look, I do my little bangers here. Oh, this one key bumps and this one main lines. Yeah.

He's filling that whole big side up. Very nice. Thank you, Ian. You're welcome. Thank you. Throw this out. Thank you very much. What did you get that mirror?

Dollar store. Oh, yes. I guess I'm not worth a promo code, huh? He's right. These guys yelling at the cashier. You're Chappie 15. Chapie 15. Happy 15.

What website was that? I googled monogram blanket. How did you find the promo code? You Google code for that website? Sometimes when you use sponsored Google ads, they pop up. up a thing that's like promo code sign up for the email list promo code you sign up and then you unsubscribe to get the promo code you never done that no no it's never worth it back in the day you never did that i never bought a fur candle to be honest with yeah i i i'm a huge candle guy there's a

candle guy outside of philly uncle ron's candle shout out you like the wax getting dripped on you black metal coffee it's tobacco and coffee smell amazing they really fill up the room it's incredible I just got a incense burner that's a guy in an electric chair And when you burn the incense, the smoke comes out of his chest It's really cool sweet Yeah, they try Xanax It's like ride the lightning Where's that? Just on the kitchen table?

Living room table. It's also, I've been to the apartment That's the kitchen table too And the bedroom. I can't believe you've been in that apartment for so long That's crazy. That's your home. That's my home.

I've been there longer than I lived in Delaware. They're going to drag you out of there someday Over my dead body. They still have a 60AC since May 15. And trust me, Mondami's hearing about that one. Oh, he ain't going to do shit, but you know who will? My guy, Curtis, Steve. Got to do that guy.

King Curtis, you got my vote. You got multiple votes from me because I don't check IDs. And let me tell you. Also, hey, I got the thing. Cats can vote for him, though. I got you guys something. I'll sell you these so people think you're a good person. That's pretty good.

Two bucks. Two bucks. What do you say? Eifffinance. com. promo code chapie 15 you stanked thank you very much

that's crazy that is very nice of you that's very that is very nice very I mean I only only rich people have gotten me embroidered stuff really yeah fully hasn't gotten me anything I don't think you haven't gotten anything I haven't got any buddy from your mouth that got to you

I can't imagine what it would be like him offering the babysit I offer the babysit first of all the kid loves me right now you don't know He don't know. He don't know. Brains not developed. Everything else is, boy, you know.

Eat cards. I want to get close to this. It's going to be our first. You should do skin-to-skin contact. Yeah, right. My kid doesn't need skin tags. I hear those are contagious. That's how he's going to teeth.

My skin tags on my back have all disappeared. Really? You just can't feel them anymore. Wow. Yeah, they move around. That's great. People can change. Yeah. You hear that, folks?

They're all gone. I don't want in my armpit right here. And I wear sleeves. sleeveless shirts on stage you can clip it get toenail clippers you are gross dude that's what do you think they do at the doctor's office you freeze them off no what was a bag of peas you're clipping your skin tags off that's what they do with the doctor they take a tweezer they pull it out and they snip it with scissors it's the same thing with the fucking what if we got a bleeder what are you going to do you put a little alcohol on it i just had blood taking today for what a subway

a train or sandwich joint you'd make you make the choice five dollar footlongs for vile blood he's there all I'm all Chipotle Ranch what did you get blood taken for endocrinologist I had to go and get my my Zep bound get the doses up it up a little bit what's Zep bound it's like Osepic

but it's a salad dressing so you're no longer on OZempick you're now going a different route. Yes. Yes. Bringles. Once you pop, my God, did you hear that? It was crazy. How thick is your beard? Talk about giving you the woojies. That's like

Woojys. That's like hugging Tommy Pope. It's like Haiti grit. I shaved up. Oh, and Tommy rubs his face on you? Oh, my God. And his big Italian wet kisses? I love Tommy snuggles. Yeah. We get, when in Tommy get drunk, it's like we're about five seconds away from kissing and fist fighting that whole time. You're going to start a fire with those beard touching. No, he's smooth as a bit.

baby yeah your beat yours looks like it's soft yeah yeah much of a man not a lot of testosterone i'm the goddame jive procreated all right you two quit pulling your wieners and fucking docking each other i need to talk to mori on that one i don't think my stuff works really yeah i don't think i can have a kid stop putting in the asshole you know what i mean you're right i'm gonna try a different round guys can't get pregnant i can't make babies up here amen brother Man, I wish I had gifts for you. We didn't get you anything. Yeah, here.

Do you want some glasses? You want a fidget spinner? Some zepound? Fidget spinner. Yeah. What are you working at Hot Topic? Yeah, you're like the guy with a kiosk at the mall. That's why I call an indoor cigarette.

It helps me not get distracted. How many sigs do you think you're on at the moment? Two packs a day. I did have bronchitis and pneumonia and I quit for three days. I know. He called me and told me a pneumonia. He texted me that too. Don't tell anybody had pneumonia.

Why? You know what's trashier than pneumonia? Pneumonia killed you. They'll find out by my inhaler. Walking pneumonia. Already if you were a girl, I'd say. You take my breath away. It's just fun dip.

It's mini whippets. Is that an antibiotic? No, it's just like air. It's albuterol. Albuterol. Arbuterol. John Paul Gautier. I was on albuterol my whole entire life.

You were on an inhaler? My whole life. What for? And sometimes I'd have to use that spacer. Eat a fat piece of shit. I had a problem with cheese. Art was working overtime. Uh-huh.

I had allergy and sports-induced asthma. Really? Yeah, and I have it. Sports-induced? Sports-center induced. Watching the X-Games. I used to hyperventily watch the World Series of Poker. American Gladiator would get me all sweaty.

Those guys, I carumba. I wish I would bring that back American Gladiator. Did you watch a documentary? Yeah, it was all right. They tried. No, but I would leave. I'd have to go to... Dude, you guys got enough money.

Make an American Gladiator course. First of all, he does not have enough money. Worst summer ever. Take a look at that mirror. It just says worse summer ever. Biggest loser in the world. By the way, you get me a mirror. I don't fit it.

All I can see is my eyes. They did have wider mirrors. I should have gotten it. I had to get a windshield to fit him. One of those mirrors they have on tractor trailers. Objects and mirrors are fatter than they appear. Yeah, but we're talking about uncommon goods. Are you talking about goods that aren't common?

No, I'm talking about uncommon goods. Oh, yeah, I'm talking about the same exact thing exactly. Yeah, we're talking about it. I'll tell you what I'm talking about the holidays coming up. And don't go out and get everybody the same boring crap that he got them last year. What you want to do is go over to uncommon goods and get them something they are going to love. Yes. Uncommon goods has something for everyone for moms and dads.

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You know, try, you know, kick the tires on this thing. I have my nephew's birthday coming up. Boop, pooh, pooh, pooh. I use Foley's code. What? Come on, man. Boop, pooh, pooh, perfect gift. Out the door, how you doing, sent it right to that.

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yeah go back to your asthma your sports and I would have to go I'd have a what yeah I would hear Sequin Barclay has asthma let me a pump off that

you're breathing like a bug right now what are you talking about yeah you're defying God's will you shouldn't it's like when you dip a pug upside down they go into a flow state they just block the sinuses of a French bulldog and the wrinkles uh and the skin tags is something on the clearance rack a lot of tags multiple markdowns I didn't know you had an inhaler and all yet I'd have to go I'd have to go every day to the nurse and take a puffer midday I would do it as I need my

and you got to take a break, and I go, take a couple of rips. You would be supervised with the inhaler? You couldn't just have it on your own. Stick of it up his ass. Yeah. I'm sure you would take your time getting over there, wouldn't you? I'd swing by the cafeteria, see who's hanging. My blood sugar's low.

Uh-huh. I've been tested. I got a cookie. I'm taking a bite and a puff at the same time. Would you stop at the vending machine? We didn't have vending machine. You did it? This was elementary.

We used to do that to get out of wrestling practice. You go to the nurse, you'd be like, I have a headache, I have to lay down. I'm having my period. She had these little cots that you'd lay on. Go to the nurse is always at a wrestling practice? Uh-huh. You'd say you had a horse shoulder, she'd massage you. Kind of weird.

Really? A little bit. Huh. She was great. Did you not have vending machines in here? I had vending machines in our elementary school. In great school? No, that's a fat-ass elementary school.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, where you getting the money to put in a vending machine? Fucking steal it from Patty. A couple quarters? Yeah. Yeah, get a crimpet. no not at elementary school we didn't

junior high we did but I don't think you were allowed to use them they were off until after school oh fuck that and then I remember when we got Snapple apple in the vending machine in high school that was fucking news was there Jim Gardner showed up to that Snapple Apple something

Excuse me I was never a Snapple Apple kind of I was never an apple kind of guy No I was rigged straight up maybe a diet Didn't like peach Love peach I love Apple I don't you don't I don't peg you for an asthma guy well then my I've I've done dude I mean I was gross what do you mean

but he's not like a skinny freak what are you skinny freaks don't listen I'm not gonna sit here and be besmirched no you're not like a guy like Luke I'd be like he's still asthmatic yeah you know but you you you seem more diabetic anemic maybe Luke's got scurvy yeah I'm looking at a real winning table of yeah what I'm talking about What?

I'm a good bill of health. You look like your last stop is on the Oregon Trail. He got to have stuff all over the table. It looked like you're a joker. Yeah. Oh, man, that was not a joker. Follie is a joker. Want to know how I got this lard?

She couldn't stay on the side of it. Want to know where I got these snacks? A vending machine. Just a little crimpet. I'd steal. the quarters from my mother. Here's the plan. We steal from Patty.

The principal comes in on a big pile of sitting on a big pile of crimpins. I ate your half. You want to dress like a nurse. What? What'd you dress up for Halloween this year as? Little mermaid. Ooh. Yeah, it was nice.

Yeah. I liked it. I felt real comfortable. Yeah. Make up. Nice. Nice. Yeah, how about you?

39 years old, so I didn't dress up as anything. You're 39? 49. Oh, okay. I'm an adult. Yeah. I thought you said 39. No.

I look 39, though, right, Luke? Winning. There you go. That's all the drugs. It keeps me young. It's funny. I was at the endocrinologist morning. That's why I got the...

Do you have to check the bags under your eyes when he fly? I'm platinum. He's screaming. He's on lot up to 70 pounds per bag. These are service bags, folks. Why, do I have bags? I have bags now. Yeah, emotional support bags?

Yeah. I'm certified depressed. I've been really working on them. Was there Louis Fattors? Huh? Louis Fattots. I got him at Canal Street. They look expensive, though.

Wait, really? You can see them? Do I have bed? Can see them? I thought it was your vibe. I thought that's what you were going for. They're multiplying. It looks like you got wet.

I have a fucking. kid you're looking at four eyes you leave the house twice a week folly looks like his eyes you should be the most rested man in the world folly looks like his eyes got wet after midnight gremlins third time i tried to get that out third time

you know it always looks so good you know somebody fed that drink fuck here we go we just yes no this isn't happening Luke is a glass eye you have a glass eye

oh the guy that's so giz Oh. Oh, my God, you stick. Fidget spin. Yeah. Two things. One, where'd you get the Little Mermaid costume? That spot on my closet.

Like 11th and 4th? No. 11th and 4th. Yeah, next to the Goth store across the street from that big cathedral. Mascarade. There's a goth store? Mascarade, yeah. No, Halloween Adventure.

Halloween Adventure. I did tell them I'd shout them out. Halloween Adventure. Give me a discount. Thank you. That's Chewy 15. Chubby. Yeah.

And Jordan was Lord Triton. Oh, very nice. So it was like a aquatic theme. Okay. And then for Atel's game show, I was the co-hosts as a Little Mermaid. Matt Richards was Chocolate Trump. Sean Patton was a flasher. It was very fun.

Yeah. The chicken that he gives the Gremlins looks really good. It's a deep cut. From 10 minutes ago. go yeah is that the second thing you wanted to bring up to me first thing what were you for all that was the first thing in your head chicken bach chicken bach chicken that was the first thing i wanted to bring up i didn't want to steam fat by saying it first but that chicken that baked chicken from 42 years ago that looked pretty good who just has a plate of fried chicken sitting in their fridge

like that remember movies i really don't remember that that's what they got that's what they ate You're like a Mr. Skim, but for food and movies. That's not bad. Mr. Potato Skin? That's not bad. In Gremlin's minute 32. 32 minutes and 15 seconds and you see a plate of rage. I did have an idea to go over.

I just don't know if there's enough of them to have a podcast where you go over food and movies. Like the Chinese food they have and the Godfather was really good. And that's a podcast, folks. That's brought to you by Bluetooth, gang. Anybody else get hard while watching food and movies? Promo code, by the way, bluechew.com, $5.000. Are you stealing all your undercutting our fucking erections? I respect.

Arrections. Errections. Who does he have? Who do you have? Blue Choo. Yeah, but he said his promo code. What's your promo code? Garbage.

Now you said yours. We're bleeping yours for sure. And a half of fully jokes. Short episode. We got to give his jokes, Blue Chue, to revitalize those. I was too many words. How'd you get diagnosed with pneumonia? And what is pneumonia exactly?

It's like fluid in your lungs. I went to the doctor. I couldn't breathe. I was wheezing. I had a chest cough that like every time I would just sit there and be like, and it felt like a sledgehammer is in my chest. So I go to my walking clinic and they. Steady your nuts.

They. I didn't get it. Wait, nuts on your chest. No, it's the sledge. Because he likes when somebody hits his nuts with a sledgehammer. Okay. All right. He's a freak.

Take a puff. We, I go in and the doctor gives me a chest x-ray, and I had a bunch of, like, junk in there and some water. It's a kazoo and a Chinese finger trap. And so he said I had bronchitis and pneumonia. And then he jammy up with steroids and antibiotics. Thank you. Such a trap. And then he gave me a second round because at the tail end, you can get sick with the flu.

So I'm flying high, man I just did my last cycle of steroids Feeling good I should You know Jack them do some lifting I'd love to get beat You're pretty jacked

A pretty jack kid All right Thanks Minus the pneumonia I was going to the gym all the time I was boxing I got injured my back again I had to be on the cane for a minute

I had to stop I got pneumonia Every time I make some progress You're like 83 years old He's got pneumonia He's back on the cane Dude I'm gonna be the grandfather from Charlie in the Chocolate

Factory just living in a bed It sucks. I keep getting injured. I think it's because all the travel. We get you out of bed to take you to skank fast. Okay. Okay, Kibby. You stink, dude.

Those grandparents are a real fucking bummer. I try to fuck some fackerel covered in blue. He's just folly. He's stuck in a tube. He's got his aunt car in the vending machine. I got into the Sour Patch Kids River. Oh, my God. A little help here.

I don't like this. We're not doing this again. No, we're not. Luke, go to commercial. And we're back. We all just take a breath. I am starting to sweat. Well, he's just an excitable boy.

He is. You're a giddy, you're a giddy little man. That's on his website. Whoa, that's freaky. It moves. Yeah, Justin Gilman's shout out. Stop with the shoutouts. Sorry, sorry.

I like when people support me and I support them. Yeah, that's a quote from Warren's Eva. My favorite artist of all time. I noticed you didn't reference him there. Well, he invited. It's a little easy. Easter egg. He used to say enjoy every sandwich.

I don't know what? I said he didn't find his from the Eagles. Okay, he didn't like that one. Your brain is Don Fried. That's not bad. Thank you. Smuggler's blues. Oh, wow.

Yeah, Glenn Fry. Glenn Fry. Yeah. Good looking dude back down. I loved him. They were all good looking except for Joe Walsh. Yeah, but he got, he did his thing. He's so good.

Yeah. He's dead, right? Is he dead? He just died recently? Oh, it sucks. His best work was in the Drew Carey show. Everyone knows that. He was in the Drew Carey show?

Yeah. No way. It was. Joe Walsh from the Eagles. You think it's strange that Kevin... The quarterback. Had asthma. Some of his television shows as a kid are very odd.

You strike me as a fan of Coach. My dad watched Coach. I didn't hate Coach. I liked Coach. I remember that one where Dobber? Dobber got a car, bought a Porsche that he couldn't afford because the salesperson was hot. Well, he could afford the payments,

but he couldn't afford to put gas in it, so they called him taking the bus. That one I remember. Something must have happened when you watch that episode. Yeah. My dad walked out. I said, pop, where are you going? Dauber just got the fresh set of wheel.

You just keep watching the TV. I'll be right back. You can tell me more about Dabber when I get back. The scrambled eggs are still on the pan, baby. Just throwing his clothes and his shopping bag. I just got to go live my life. I'll be back in a couple of days. I'm going to go find Dauber.

You want to meet him, pal? I got to go start another family. You guys stink. That was Jerry Van Dyke on the phone. I got to go. What? Now we're doing this? No, no, no, no, Jerry Van Dyke.

We're not. We're here to support. Thank you. What else? What other odd TV shows do I have? Drew Carey show. That's not, that was you. Get the ratings on the Drew.

I'm not saying it wasn't. Did you guys ever watch Fantastic Max? The cartoon about the little boy whose toys would come alive and They would go to the moon every day. What are the numbers on the Drew Carrey? Remember Eek the Cat? Eke the Cat? Eke the Cat.

I don't know what's made up in Eureka's Castle. I remember Eureka's Castle. That was great. I was all right. You were a little old. How old are you? Forty. You're a little old for that kind of.

Same age. I was old for it too. 39. It has my. I was too busy on my nebulizer. They used to hook me up to him. A scuba tank. Really?

Yeah, it was very. You guys are making fun of me. It was very big. What did you get asthma from? What do you mean? You're born with it. Maybe it's Mabeline. I don't know.

I was allergic to smoke. This is the first case of asthma I've seen induced by dinner rolls. I was in all my years of medicine. Tyson chicken asthma? Huh? I was allergic to smoke as a kid. You fixed that, didn't you? Yeah.

Showed them. You can overcome anything. My mom would catch me with cigarettes and break them in half and leave them. Make you eat them? I wish. I was starving. If I behaved. And leave smoking kills people with asthma.

If I behaved around my stepdad's family, my mom would give me a cigarette and a beer when I was in like seventh grade. What do you mean if you did well around your step? I didn't know you had a stepdad. Yeah, neither did I. Short-lived. Yeah, they got married. My mom needed our, we had a lot.

He needed a car. We had a lot of problems and we couldn't afford our medications. And so she married a guy that worked for the state. to get state benefit health insurance. Whoa. Was it an arranged marriage? It was like a friendship marriage, and then he tried to live in an house,

but he stayed in the basement. His name was Gardeep. Really? No. Wait a minute. Hold on. So they weren't romantically connected. They were for a period,

but it didn't work out. I think they gave it a shot, but it was more like, I'm going to do you a solid. It was like, you know, when someone marries someone for a green card and you're like pals and you try to make it work,

and then it doesn't work. I have no idea what you're, talk to you have a kid and try to do it and then you start watching coach and you can be going for the long con I gotta really sell this

hold on a second did he live in the house with you in the basement so things might not have been going great for this guy either he was a good guy and I can recognize that now it was all just so you could shout out Jim you're a good guy sorry I was shitty

What's his promo code? Freak kid. Mistake. Freak kid 15? He worked for the Ferris School in Wilmington, Delaware, which is the kid's juvenile detention center. And that was my safety school. Well, dude, the threat was like, if you don't behave, we're going to send you to Ferris, like, blah, blah, bah. And then he had very much like a...

And in order to ensure you behave, they give you cigarettes and beer at 13 years old. Wait, is this before or after? After. It would be your reward. Yeah. If I can wind down with a fucking molson ice and a fucking cool cigarette. That's a hell of a christening, wouldn't it mind? Like a 55-year-old black dude.

Smoking cool wards in 97. Out on the stoop, she. Oh, yeah. Man, you're in-laws. I can't keep up with it. You're dabbing your head. Who! God damn it.

I ate all my mac and cheese. Motherfuckers be talking. Yapping. Yeah. Yeah. Yowing at me because I took a plate. can a motherfucker take a plate Wait, why would they

What, Ian? Because I was such a misbehaved kid Okay, so if you're good We'll give you a beer And a cigarette, what happened? Just got stuck in the headphones And you were also on medication On and off

And that's why she married the guy So you could be on medication And she needed meds too And she had a lot of She had I don't know Yeah, I mean you don't have to fucking get into her You know

She'd go to the hospital a lot. Gail, Gail, when, when, when, when, when you're 40 and your kid is a nut at eight, and your husband tragically dies, you're going to have some adverse effects. And so she had to do a lot of, she'd go up to Philly every week and get like checked down. Probably you biting her all this time. She's got fucking petting it. Are you going to leave me too? Hank.

Watch this episode of Coach. I'll be back on Monday. Ger deep's going to watch it. Yeah So he'd be down in the basement Well that that wasn't until high school He lived separately for a while And then they got married

When I was a sophomore in high school Did you go to the wedding? No, they got married and didn't tell me They got married at the courthouse And they didn't tell me so that I'd know like They don't want to make you it weirder than you already were Yeah, because I'm in the back back I'm like, don't do it

Like the graduate She's crazy You don't want him to marry her I'm crazy But, yeah, no, she did it for us. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a very sweet thing. Gail's a shit.

She's the best. Did you have a finished basement? Yeah. Huh. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So he would sleep down there. Well, it's funny.

He would sleep down there. Sounds pretty sad if you. When I had to move back home, I would sleep in the basement. With him? With him? Had to toe. No. He wasn't there.

No. And then he slept on the couch upstairs. Oh, really? Yeah. Where's he at now? Colorado Detention Center Fair as school for

Abused kids Yeah No but he was real good to my My grandparents and my family and everything And I just You know You're like a step dad When you're a kid

And you know You're an asshole So I was just like a wild child You know sure What's kind of stuff would you do to him? I put smarties in his coffee The first time I got really drunk I tried to attack

Cut his breakline you know simple stuff you know the first the first time I got really drunk I tried to tackle him and like fight him and I was in like I think seven third

fight me like a man I just remember you're having sex with my mom and you should be I don't even think you're really Indian man he was Irish I was in a closet that whole time

and you guys were just kissing Metaphorically You're mad because he's not banging your mom You guys should put on I got nothing Hey you stink man No but they were

I'm so tired First of all I've been carrying this This guy's all used up They would go Every day he comes and he's tired They would go to Philly I got bags under my eyes He'll do shit

I'm sorry Can you put some jokes in those bags Zippers are fake. I'm sorry. Me and the guy I married for health care are arguing. They took your blood and your timing? What the fuck? That's right.

Give me a fucking donut or something. A little orange juice. Get no frills delivered. Shop the same in-store prices online and enjoy unlimited delivery with PC Express Pass. Get your first year for $2.50 a month. Learn more at p.c.express. Kemp was talking about Shopify.

Shout out to Shopify. Shopify. We love, listen, let me tell you something. All right. We're shooting you straight. Mm-hmm. We love Shopify. We're Shopify family.

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Synergy. The best in the biz. Yes. Shopify. Listen, we got a lot of guys out there. A lot of guys and gals out there that are side hustle and one of them. businesses. I mean, people have sent us product. They're fabricators. They're woodworkers, all this stuff. If you're selling your stuff, you can

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash garbage. Go to Shopify.com slash garbage. One more time, shopify. com slash garbage debt. First time in a long time, they were able to go in my vein up here. They don't only shoot them in the bag. Wait until it gets woozy.

I mean a long time I didn't have to get tranked They're following you through Midtown with a net I usually make it about halfway to the elevator Actually We're gonna have to get you on the machine At the Bronx Zoo That's mean

I'm a surgeon They Say you're a surgeon Can you hit Do they hit veins Because they have a hard time finding my veins One time the blood is coming out like molasses Not good

I know I'm gonna work on my blood flow. I'm going to marry a cigarette will help. I got to marry a guy that works

with this date. How do you know what molasses looks like? Did you ever have molasses? You've never heard that slower

than molasses? Yeah. He hears it every day. What I'm born my molest? Slower than his asses. That's not what? That's not bad. I am right there.

Slow than my asses. Because you're fat and you walk slow. Oh. I'm sorry. I think every punchline's been explained so far. I'm getting you guys.

but not to the point where you're laughing, you're just going, that's good. Hey, all right, the math on that checks out. That's classic eugen. Stop spinning that thing. It's an audio podcast. Here, you spin it and you will feel good. Let me see.

That's pretty cool. All right. How did you not think that was going to happen? I was excited to share. Yes. No. Yes. Yeah.

Normally they can't go to my arm. Why? Because they can't find the vein Through all the muscle That's what it is So you got to shoot in your hand Like you're living in Kensington They usually go right here

You get your feet You get your fucking dough spread of it I know right where it is They're still trying to burn Yeah I used to play football Wait I don't got to suck your dick Before you shoot me up Why are you all bent over

I'm tired leave me alone No but now they can That's great Yeah That's fantastic She was really good too Right in there. Yeah?

I hate when they miss. I'm like, I can't find it and they're just jab. Pop your vein. Oh, God. Get a blood clot that way. I am covered in tattoos, totally fine, but taking blood, I get scared. I don't get that. I don't have that. I don't get woozy.

I don't get lightheaded. I don't. I'm just like, oh, I'm nervous because I'm afraid of them missing the vein or popping it open. You get that huge bruise, you know? I like the feeling. I like it. Yeah, it's so non-eventful. Like, there's no positive or negative.

You know, you got to puff the inhaler, you're nervous. Listen. What did you? Who grew? You don't grow out of asthma. Yes, you do. Google it. I had a very bad bit on it when I first started stand-up comedy.

What was it? Please. Let's all do bad first bits. Okay. What are you doing now? Hit me. No, it was something like, what do you grow cancer or something? I don't even know what it was.

That's pretty good. Yeah, you can outgrow as well. You don't completely outgrow at Google saying, but. you reduce the symptoms. Well, I'll still get it from time to time. Really? Like, yeah, you start wheezing. Your fucking throat, it's like your throat closes up.

Yeah. Sex? What does that happen? No, the last time it happened, I'm allergic. I'm allergic to the proteins in vegetable skin. Google that. No. He says he's allergic to strawberry.

Yeah, it's such bullshit. Why is he can't have like a line of me? He's sucking down french fries. Like, they're going out of style. What about potato skin? No problem there. I already made a potato skin. There's only room in this town

For one of us It was a callback Yeah An homage if you will A parody law Like a stolen quote from Don Henley It's you look at the website now It says he can find his potatoes

This guy's good Shout out to Edge Denham Shout out to the webmaster Gilman Gilman Shut up the Gilman He doesn't have a computer Gilman does it all at the public library

I was it on the board from Goodwill Hunting Hey man I can't get into the internet cafe until Wednesday I got into a fight with the guy Well maybe you shouldn't take a one-way ticket to Thailand Ian everybody on an internet cafe Once in Malta When you were playing When you were planning 9-11

Malta Got out of flight school I just got down in Florida Dude I went to one in Queens I needed to print something for us, like something for, like, comedy production. This is back in the day. This is, yeah, not that far back in the day. Now we go over to the business center, one of the hotels, like a gentleman.

Sure. But I needed to print some sort of contract or, you know, something. Contract. Something. I needed something for comedy. And I went to Google the internet. Is that a set list maybe? No.

How to do comedy? Step-by-step instruction. It was Judy Carter's Comedy Bible. We're going to be here a while. 10 cents a page what They bang you out over there But dude there was trying to print a script It's like $200

The the bodega had I'm only making $150 on the shoot The bodega The bodega had a handful of computers In the back I'm talking like Queens And the guys on that I wanted to be like

Dude I got to call Homeland Security This is a dice Dude you're sitting next to like the fucking You know the produce You guys better be playing Solitaire Dude, I was looking around I'm like, guy, this ain't fucking This is not on the up and up

Dude, see something, say something I had to print a script I did a table read This movie that went on one And I had to print a script for this movie Called Goblins And I was a Foley biopic We

I'm at the Staples I get the printer And the guy behind the counter Is so completely inept at his job And the line is getting longer There's an old woman He's like not helping her There's a staples in New York that the guy does not give a fuck.

And you have everybody in there printing, like, hot, something like important stuff, passport stuff, visa stuff. And they just do not give a fun. We're in line all making friends about how terrible he is at his job. I finally get the friend. That is a very you thing. He does not, he does not punch the holes. He just goes to machines over there. I can't line it up.

That machine's broken. I'm trying to do it. And I go, Jesus Christ. Hey, man, this is goblins. Okay. This is goblins. I got a table read at a Starbucks in 24. I go, I go, Jesus Christ, I'm gonna fucking kill myself, kills in the line, turns out a week later, this guy goes on Twitter and tells that story and, like, tags me and to try to dunk on me, and then all these people quote tweet, though, that actually sounds hilarious.

Wait, how did he know you were Ian Fydance of Goblins fame? I am popular. Yeah, but how did it? Also gave him my website. I also gave him my card I didn't get it you stuck your tongue out too far

I think we broke Ian what do you have written down over there by the way on your phone? Oh my date oh I ain't really ready for the plugs huh I was on hinge earlier remember now I'm on it more like on edge on hinge fuck I was kidding

are you on hinge I was but I get off I can't do it anymore Can't do what anymore. Dating, online dating. It's just too much. I'm never home. I like to threaten to kill myself in a staples.

That's how I meet people. I like to find them that way. Catch more flies with honey, huh? Oh, are you also mentally you? You were on Hinge. A while ago. I'm no longer on it. I got a question.

You're no longer on it. That's fine. What other, you know, you're, you're Ian. What gay apps are my own? Just ask it. No, we, no. H-foly.com. Yum yum-yumns.com.

Is that one? No. You wouldn't know I get fucked up I like to dance You don't know the lollipop club You know Rudy You know Ian

You know Ian from Staples The lollipoff club That's I mean I didn't write that Don Henley did Joe Walsh That's from Wolf of Wall Street We always quote that Oh really? Yeah

I don't remember that When the gay Butler When they catch the gay Butler with all the guys in the house and then they show up to... You've only seen Wolf of Wall Street on a plane? When are you on a plane? Conair? He's in the cage.

Turn it, see him! They call him Lucky Rose's 14. Why are you throwing me out of the hatch? I haven't died yet. Dave Chappelle, get your hands off me. Put the money down. So in your hinge pictures, you're no longer on there. I know, Ian.

I think we know Ian. We know Ian for a very long time. What famous people do you have in your pictures? Because you for sure have somebody. Me and Brad Williams because I'm in a dress. You Shane and Miles Teller? Yeah, yeah. Hey, guys.

I was on SNL. Hanging out with my good friend Lauren Michaels the other day. Here, these are my, this is my profile. That's just his asshole. Classic Ian picture. I just want to see the pictures. All right, Jack, shirtless, smoking a sick. Let them know you party.

Is that what you do? You keep to show. shirt. Brad Williams. You're in a dress. Okay. It's fun. You're having a good time. Uh-huh. You know, P-sign. You and your cat. Getting weirder. An old guy. Who's that guy? An old guy wearing a shirt that says, can't talk now. I'm eating. And it's a guy going down on a girl. It's a picture of fully. And were you successful on there? Do you do well? It was all right. You know, I would talk to people and very rarely meet up because at the end of the night I'm just tired and people work a nine to

five it just doesn't work out I'm gone every weekend is the beginning of a rom-com you know at the end of the night I'm just spent I'm a single woman I left town I left town to chase my dreams pray crazy a friend from high school died I went back to the funeral I found my high school sweetheart this happened we had it's like a rungka blood it's happened sorry for your loss My fake stepdad died I think he's still alive You don't talk to him? He sends me like

Used him up, huh? No, he sends me like a Invoiced A little like picture every holiday Like happy Easter Happy St. Patrick's I have an ex-stepmom It's tough to keep it

Has the dick look Yeah It's too good It's rude It's a stepdad It's like stepdad It's a basement dweller What are you talking about?

You got to live by the dehumidifier That's like a stepdad It's a fucking sum-pump uncle A bit A stepdad throws the ball to you Stuff like that No he does not I want to go on record

He tried to The very first time I met him He took me to the park I used to go to with my dad To have a catch He kept getting back in the car Bad move Wait he took you to the park

To have a catch with you Yeah What your dad used to do Yeah And what I'm sure you freaked out Oh I was Would you get off the leash? How'd he go into the woods after you?

Just scratching my neck with my back leg. Ian saw a groundhog and freaked out. He takes him off to leash. Ian stands there all calm for a minute, looking left and right. And they takes the one. He's got to Zune. Son of a bitch! Here, but you want a cigarette?

Your mom's going to kill me. Ian! His treats a beer and a cigarette. Oh, shit. She's already mad at me. I lost a retarding kid. You're humping other dogs. Humpin other kids.

We ended up getting along later. When I was too drunk to drive, he'd pick me up. He was a good guy. I was eight. And he worked for the state. Yeah. Yeah? Let's keep some of those details.

State of Missouri. State of duress State of shock I was trying to throw people off the scent They worked for state of Missouri Not Delaware where you live Yeah, stop it Yeah, what do he commute?

What are you talking about? I'm just trying to so people can't figure this guy out Thank you He's probably on a short list in Colorado Thank you McCaffee Who's McCaffee? A virus protector guy McAfee

McAfee what I said McAfee? Whatever, tomato tomato. What? Tomato potato. No, tomato tomato. That was a joke. I said tomato tomato is a joke.

Oh. I don't know why, but it... Some kind of comedian, huh? Kevin said you were some kind of comedian. I didn't believe him. I thought you were a newsmaker. I certainly hope I passed the audition. Did you meet Lauren Michaels, by the way?

No. No I did go through His desk Me and Shane I like's popcorn I got a kernel Right here

A nickel plate of They're wearing his shoes Hello I'm no No we walked in I'm with Shane And then Lauren is sitting at a table

By himself And he looks at Shane And then Do you know I step that? You work for the state I need medicine And I just go to Shane I go I'm out of here and it goes good idea

I just like went and tried to get Che gave me some chicken skewers and I just left sounds like you're doing well yeah it was all right find a free meal anywhere I love with those chicken skewers I I love bee bopping around sit through an hour and a half show for some popcorn shrimp dude I oh my god there was they had ice cream and everything

and I went to go get it and the guy was like ice cream's done I go oh man I just miss you goes I'm gonna kill my I'm going to throw it out, so take what you want. I was like, all right, so I filled up this big coffee. Do you have any dry ice on hand? He goes, he goes, take the whipped cream, take the chocolate, it's getting thrown out, or it's going in your belly.

Well, my three imaginary friends here would also like ice cream. Yeah. Fully one and fully too. Let's cut that. Okay. Well, you know, we tried. Why? I'm kidding, Ian.

I'm kidding. Having a good time. We're having a great time. Yeah. We love you. You've been very helpful to me over the last couple of weeks. You know, you've been a good friend. That's very sweet.

That's very sweet. I'm glad you two have united against me to take me down. Yes. Me and Ian linking up. They'll be blowing the bridges. It's the last thing I need. Someone's getting asthma again. All things is set up.

And I am allergic to the skin of produce. Oh, man. Just condensed air. No, it's not. It's medicine. It's albuterol. Albuterol. What is albuterol?

It's a medicine, you idiot. If it was air, they'd call it air. I thought this was air. No, it's medicine. You're supposed to take it like no more than four-past-a-day. I thought it was compressed air. No. You just could be oxygen.

What the fuck's albuterol? Medicine. Yeah. Have I been taking too much medicine? Probably. I think? Shit. Whatever.

Medicine's good. I took it every day. Your glasses are nervous. What do you mean? You mean taking too much medicine? Your mustache is right in a suicide note. Dear soup. Your two front teeth killed themselves.

Get it? Because they're dead? I did have a dead tooth. I'm doing really well. I replace my teeth. You opened up and went back. That thing is black on the back. Back in black.

I hit the sack. The dead has screwed me. I said, I'm coming back. Fucking ACDC. It was a dirty deed, dirt cheap. Always got big hole. I think of rabbit. What?

I hate to you do that. Like, I'm the one. I wanted to make fun of his teeth a little more. Did you ever? Did you ever? Don't get me started on the bottoms. Yeah. Looks like an earthquake in a graveyard.

You got two that are ducking the draft back there. I'm buying the other ones. I know. fucking no one's burning its draft ticket emfinance.com for all my ticket so I can replace my bottom teeth Envisaline. Is that what you want to do? Free estimate.

No, you don't. I think we're going to replace a couple. No, at least take a couple. They look good. They look good. Nothing on that. That was gold, Jerry.

Got sharks teeth. Flip up. We got shark eyes. All black. And whale skin. Whale weight. Never get my. small penis.

What? Well, I mean, fuck. Ian, where are you going to be? You got B and Ian with Jordan. Yes. Very popular, very fantastic comedy podcast. Yes.

DC at the end of November, Minneapolis, the following week in December, December 31st, two shows, San Diego, American Comedy Company, Denver Comedy Works, January 8th to 10th, Valentine's State, Portland, Maine, and then Portland, Oregon. Kids working.

He's working, baby. I'm on the road every fucking week. I'm loving it, having a blast. and YouTube.com slash Ian Fidance Comedy to get Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs plus stand up every other day partnering and produced by YMH

shout out Tommy shout out the guys over there you're great I appreciate it we're having fun Christina Zolo all them down there the whole squad down there the best the whole squad is fantastic

we had a good time on that show for ad week I bombed it was tough you did well you listen he said he said he's texting he also bombed and then people started doing good and he changed the narrative that he did good he really financed the shit I heard Foley killed

Foley did okay Whoa no you did great I'll let him know you close it out right I did yeah that was that was tough because Janice and Chris went up together and then like level the place and then a bunch of people left and then you close it out strong it was great thanks yeah yeah it was cool we were all on the poster together

isn't that neat like back in the day We did postings again, remember, huh? Yeah. You're me. Remember Paul Goodman's Applebee's, New Year's Eve? Yeah, no. I wasn't on that show. I wasn't asked to do that show.

And I love eating good at the neighborhood. Everyone knows that about. Oh, yeah. Speaking of teeth, maybe I should go to Paul Goodman. I don't think you'd return. Tom Cassidy asked you guys. I'm going to hit a Paul Goodman. You haven't talked to him in 15 years.

Guys probably retired, got a family. That is crazy. Oh, yeah, WMMR, Cookept for Hunger. There you go. Camp out for hunger. Camp out for hunger. Yeah, November 11. You're working.

You're doing your things. working doing my thing you got big plans for the holidays uh i'm gonna go see my mom the day and uh then i and my buddy is going to come up who uh we i bring him on the road sometimes we hang out he's going to come up and then i don't know what i'm doing for christmas you guys i'm i'm sick i'm at the american comedy company yeah we'll be uh we'll be out of town yeah well you know we should go on like a vacation together that'd be so fun ski lodge skiing You want to ski?

I can't ski no more. Why? He's got fucking sports-induced asthma. I fell and hurt myself very bad. A bunch of us used to go on skiing trips. We'd play Salt Lake City Wise guys on a Sunday, three shows, and you use all that money to get an Airbnb and ski. I'm sure Ian did not like that. Someone else allocuting the funds showed up and they had no choice.

You don't ski? No, I sled. Yeah, you do. I did. It's the best. I love skiing. You don't ski? Are you talking?

I can't tell with your cross-eyed. I'm talking to Luke. Talking to the viewers. Talking to the new guy, Mark. Shut up, Mark. You don't ski? Can't believe it. I snowboard it for a very long time.

I'm 400 pounds do I ski. You don't fucking bomb the mountain, brother. Take out the whole village. Fucking, we just fucking put that Christmas tree up, you fat bitch. We just have to redo the lodge. What do you got for? Kip? What? I'll be a Jack Frost the Big Boldie.

December 13th, Philadelphia. It's our biggest show ever. Want everybody in the Tri-Stator to come out and see the boys at the Met. Ian, we love you. I love you. Congratulations. Thank you for the gifts. Of course. And maybe a little guest appearance by Ian at the December 13th show. Oh, my God. That would be amazing. Yeah, tickets are available at are you garbage.com. That would be so...

No, I'm saying you can buy it to show up to the show. I would like to not do that. I love you guys. I love you, pal. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.