Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - History Hyenas!

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedians and podcast hosts Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas! We're talking about buying houses, cleaning your front yard and marriage! You know the History Hyenas, Chrissy & Yannis from stand up comedy, Chrissy Chaos, the Yannis Pappas Hour, The Joe Rogan Experience, Whiskey Ginger w/ Andrew Santino, Kill Tony, Soder Podcast, Bad Friends, Stavvys World, Your Mom's House, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Aura Frames: Exclusive $20-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com. Use code GARBAGE at checkout to save iRestore: For a limited time only, our listeners get $625 off their iRestore Elite when you use code AYG at https://iRestorelaser.com Sheath: Head over to https://sheath.com and Use code Garbage to save 20% on your order to upgrade your underwear game today! Factor: Eat smart with Factor. Get started at https://FACTORMEALS.com/FACTORPODCAST and use code FACTORPODCAST to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gann, we want to thank everybody for all the love and support on the Route 66 special. It is out now. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out. Gann, the Back on the Block Tour starts this week. Tickets still available for Pontiac Michigan, March 8th, March 11th, Milwaukee Improv, and then March 14th, Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Fillmore Get Your Tickets on uGarbage.com. We'll see you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Hey, it's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy Yeah, but they're just a big old piece of trash. He's John Jean

I was about to go trash trash trash I'm your host. They truly coming at you on a glorious day. We're out back here at Toadies and in new additions She's not hitting the links. They're not okay. You're working on a short game for the spring All right, you know a little winter rules sure she's got a caddy lets her in Whatever my coach coming at you right next to me on amuse this week It's a tough laugh this kid my co-host CEO of are you garbage international businessman Kevin James Ryan? Hey, what's up everybody that shout out to to you thanks for tuning in as always make sure you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and now full video

available on Spotify check that out then the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com are you garbage check that out check out that route 66 or cooking over there on a YouTube page yeah well we couldn't be more excited to have two of our incredibly special guests here with us today two of the absolute funniest two of the best couple of good-looking kids to let's be honest Yeah, ladies and gentlemen the history hyenas. Yeah, mommy and daddy Yeah to mommy and daddy here we reconcile that the divorce has been rescinded We're back. We've got the kids back. We got everybody well We lost a couple of kids in the divorce,

but that's okay. But Yanni, my wife, not for long, go to patreon.com slash history hyenas. Yeah. I hear the sex is better than ever. We're going to have a battle of the patriots. Well the sex is better than ever because Yanni, my wife, lost the weight. Yanni's weighing in at 196 now. It's the first time I see my lady. First time I see my lady under 200 pounds

You did come in really first day of school in it. You got the new boots on Whose wife dressed up he put on your boots. He's got a brand new car or boots on. You ain't never seen me outside You know what I you know what I really I really don't like now about this era is every person asks me. Are you doing something? Oh Zempik? What are you on? Yeah, do it naturally. It's like yeah, and then you say no, I'm just on repressed childhood memories That's what I mean. I just it's all it's called depression. It's called depression They don't know the value of an old weight bench in the garage. Oh, yeah get it out to some blue oyster colt. Yes know the value of an old weight bench in the garage. Oh yeah. Get it out to some blue oyster colt. You know the problem is my the ceiling in my garage is too low so I can't get a treadmill or I said I'd go through the shut-lock. I don't think that's a garage.

Really? What is it for a tricycle? It's only for convertibles? Yeah unfortunately my garage is a little bit of a problem. It's got low ceilings. Why don't you get a lift for the garage? Why don't we raise the ceiling a little bit? Raise the roof. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. How do you get the car in there? The car, when I pop the hood, I have to control the pop. So it doesn't hit the, I got to open it by hand. What? So if you had like an SUV, you can't get one in there. You can't get one in there.

Is it a drop ceiling? No, it's not even a drop ceiling. It's just when they built it, it was just, I guess it was built for Chinese. Right. Is it connected to the house or a detached garage? Standalone. It's just when they built it, it was just, I guess it was built for Chinese. Right. Is it connected to the house or a detached garage? It's underneath. It's underneath. Oh, you're on a hill. I'm on a hill. He's on a hill. That's what matters.

That's a guy who knows his suburbs. Yeah. That's a kid who should have been in construction. Yeah. Wait, hold on. It's underneath the house? It's underneath the house. Underneath the floor of the house. Yeah. So you go down his driveway. Yeah. You have go down his driveway. Yeah. You have one of those? We got a nice clean coat of white

that's covering up all the imperfections, so it looks like a finished garage. Wait, you have a driveway that goes down? The driveway goes down the hill. Whoa. Yep. Down the hill. That's very old school Queens, Brooklyn.

Yeah. That's when they killed Joe Pesci in Goodfine. That's right there, throw him down. Yeah, I just, I'm not interested in a house for me. The garage. You're renting again. I'm renting again. This kid's all, he calls me. I buy a house. We start talking. How's the house going? I go great. Best decision you can ever make. Next text right away goes I sold my house. I'm going back to an apartment. He's got two roommates again.

I said, listen, the mortgage rates are the lowest I've ever been in history. I bought during that time. I said, let me wait till they triple then I'm gonna sell That's what I did and that's what I did because I like a little bit of chaos and it's a regrettable decision But I will tell you this is I've looked I've been trying to look at a couple of houses again And I'm just listen anyone on Zillow anyone listening to me any real estate agents that I may or may not hire because I'm always Firing them and hiring them. I'm not looking for houses with detached garages I need the garage attached to the house because that's where I put the gym.

I don't pull my car into the garage. I put my gym equipment in the garage and I leave the car outside the garage and I just wipe the fucking snow off like an American. Yeah, that's actually an American way to do it. Yeah. You made a few bucks on the house, the Staten Island house. I made a few bucks on the house,

but I consider breaking even made a few bucks on the house? The Staten Island house? I made a few bucks on the house but I could sit a break and even make it. Well I was going to say if you consider if you if you if you consider making a few bucks. Which I do. Right if you consider making a few bucks meaning four dollars then yes because I completely renovated the entire kitchen and bathrooms and then you baby I sold it a month later. You never got into when you were going to make pool all one level. No, I did do that as well. Yes Turn this pool into a coin. Yeah a couple coins on renovating it for the nice And then the beautiful Palestinian family that bought it they are enjoying a nice new home. That's good You're a good guy. Well, that's what I said. I said, you know, that's the one way I'm helping with the war here

You know as I gave the Palestinians a home on Staten Island and then but I also you know, I got with a two-foot pool Yeah, I gave the Palestinians my house and I gave the my Jewish accountant the money. Yeah, yeah transaction So I help both sides and that's why we've been on the horn with Netanyahu trying to figure out how to get it back Yes Said that like AI. He made it sound like he's an Apache. Yeah, and I don't know why his face isn't on chocolate drink bottles and they're calling him Netanyahu. I don't know why they're not doing that. Because every time I hear that guy's name, it makes me think of a fucking Yoohoo and I think they should combine the marketing. Yeah. And there's no milk in that. There is.

No, that's dairy free Yoohoo. Big fan. We were speaking about the Yuca app before. This app, not, you know, it's not a sponsor I don't have any I would love for them to get involved But you start scanning different foods on this apps called Yucca Why UKA and you see start seeing the chemicals every food gets a score like this right here here. Let me let me do this Let's scan these puppies. Jesus Christ Danish butter cookies 24 out of 100 folks. Is that good or bad? Bad, it's red bad. Additives, it's got additives.

It's got saturated fat, it's got calories, it's got sugar, it's got- It's got calories, no shit has got calories. Hey stop it, you're making Foley hungry. Somebody get RFK out of here. Well Foley, let me tell you, but he's coming after Wendy's. But here's what I like-

It's an American institution. Right, but here's what I like about this app app is if it just told me the food's bad I'd say thank you. How's it fucking help me this food gives you recommendations alternative alternative So royal dance Danish butter cookies get a 24 out of 100 But for 72 out of 100, which is good. Good. Good. You can get T. Rusk whole wheat crispy cookies I'd rather eat my own a hit song or sugar-free fiber biscuits for 66 out of 100 or how are those only 66 should be a hundred

the right old flavors with a flavor or or you can get um Avon coal I don't know what that is that's a 66 my cousin had that's what killed the India yes or you put that on some blankets or Matilde Vincenzi ladyfingers don't seem so bad and that's a 51. Those are alright. They should call that app No Fun. Yeah, dude. Don't get any here. Talk about a tough hang.

New Chrissy's a tough hang. Tough hang. I don't like this RFK poking his nose around. I'll scan this fucking water right now. Natural water feeds you 100 out of 100, folks. That's just from the sink though. We just really filled them up. This is all good. But get the Yucca app. That's just from the sink though. We just we really filled them up. This is all good

But get the Yucca app. It's healthy this kid's mom uses it and she's a CEO. Chrissy's the king of new things Yeah, every time I see him he's got a new thing. What are you doing with the gym equipment now? Where's that in? Do you have a storage locker somewhere? No, I have it to detach garage and the thing is so are you Are you living like Doug like King of Queens Doug Heffernan it's not a percent that kind of living right now we got in the wall air conditioners we take them in take up we I got the air condition I got to lift the window up and put the AC unit in I got no central AC move it a barbs like Yanni what are you doing she doesn't want to move there this is this

is my theory on Chrissy it's just you got to understand you're dealing with a kid from Ridgewood Queens right so there's certain things that makes those kids comfortable His jaw whenever Yanni say he's a kid from clean He gets all caveman You know something good's coming so he's just a kid that certain things are just he needs to be comfy I respect things Yeah, so I need it. I need an AC that I got to put in the window plug in I like plug in one Yeah, I got to be honest with you. My house was my house and stand on was too fancy I didn't have any lights that I could put a string on and pull down

So I was like I need to pull these fucking lights. I'm gonna pull the lights out of the ceiling Yeah, so I need that I need and I but I do need now the one Amenity that I'm looking for as I want the garage attached to the house because I got my gym equipment right now in my detached garage in my house and even though it's just a five-foot walk I never use the gym it's got to be attached to the house. So you think if it's closer than five if it's two feet you're gonna go. If it's attached to the house I use it if it's not attached to the house I don't use it. That shit could be in my bedroom. Yeah that's that's fully level denial and I respect it yeah you got all the equipment out there in the

garage yeah and I won't ease and I won't freaking use it and I should I should but I if it's attached to the house I use it and I make up the excuse I got kids I can't I can't be not in the same physical space as them if nobody's watching them but sure the garage is attached to the house I say to kids they sit there put on Netflix put on the cartoons dad is gonna do is pull up and hit the weights You can still yell in tell him to start a sauce. Yeah. Yeah, I could stand and say hey get off the couch Stop hitting your sister. I go back to the fucking treadmill. That's how you know How probably difficult it is to be his real estate agent? They probably show him like a beautiful house Detached garage, you know, what if it's a

foreclosure sale, let's talk. Great price. Yeah, great price, one million, it's really a $10 million house, he's going like the garage was on the house, they're taking it. We can't guarantee you can smell calzones when you come outside in the morning. Here's the thing, and I've been told by two different people, this is the first time they did this ever in their careers and they both did it to me, I've been dropped by two real estate agents. Real estate agents never drop anybody.

I mean you find these people on Zillow and I've been dropped by two of them. How does that breakup call go? We saw the most recent one, they were looking at houses in Westchester, I was trying to get out to the Burbs, they showed us 12 houses, that all could have worked and we said no to all of them. Up high Westchester, like Yanni or down low Westchester, I was trying to get out to the burbs, they showed us 12 houses that all could have worked and we said no to all of them. Up high Westchester, like Yanni or down low Westchester? We went all over, all over the map. And then the agent on the 12th one said, listen, if this one doesn't work for you, I'm going to kill myself.

I totally understand, but I'm not the guy. I can't help you. Find someone else or find a different location, but I'm wasting too much time now because I'm coming out here and I've shown you multiple homes that would work and you're finding reasons that I want you to talk to each other. You guys don't know what you're doing.

Do you actually really wanna move? Probably not. Right, and the answer is probably not. The answer is, I mean, she has asked me, my girl has asked me to go knock on the people's door of the house we sold to and ask to buy it back. And I'm like, I probably can't do that. But then I fucking sent a text to the agent anyway.

And they said they would consider it. But you got to wait till next October because it's some tax law. Well, if you if you knock on the door and just say, hey, the whole neighborhood just became Jewish, maybe they'll be convinced. But it really is. It's like we got to launch another crusade to get that house back. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to get the house back, back probably gonna pay more than you bought that more than you sold is trying to tell that to a woman Yeah, try to tell that to a woman say hey, honey

I made a mistake the house is twice as much and the interest rate is three times as much she would say Buy the fucking house back. That's dude. It's why the same house again That is lottery winner trash. I was gonna say what I would I be an all-time Hall of Famer in the are you garbage world? Hall of Fame now, what would you be willing to pay over what you sold it for? You got to think this is interest rates coming in about 7% hundred grand. What it at 2.8% interest rate So with this crisis like free money? Yeah, I fucked up Even if you wanted to move you should have rented it out just I'm good Johnny, what do you think the last two years on I would say if there's seven days a week five out of the seven

I wake up in the middle of night sweating because of these decisions. I mean you are you're something else. There's something else Here's the thing. If you don't like the area or if you're the and I completely understand what you're saying. Not that I'm from the city but I'm so ingrained in it now. I you know we think about moving out of the city. I just gotta have it around me a little bit. Yeah. And if you're not happy out there in the burbs even though it's not not only still in the city but that was very

suburban area. Yeah. That's a nice nice area but we were the birth the king of Queens house though. You can't it There's got to be a meet in the middle. So I'm saying hun. Why don't we just rent a dope apart? I work in the city every day the kids will love it Son could still go to high school where he's doesn't have to change schools Let's get a beautiful apartment in the city and she says no when the city in Manhattan in Manhattan And she says not you want like a nice one that you see on like suits or something like that like nice window get a nice little rental but a rental rent it out I'm renting out I'm not looking to buy right now but it's not it's not a great time

to buy it's not a great time to buy but the women don't they just don't understand that it's not the language they speak right you're not so now you just have to fucking kind of sit here and just deal with it And just kind of keep saying I can't afford it And then it gets to the point where it says well, then just go find the guy who fucking will yeah I can't do it. I mean forget about the house for a minute. You got some other planning to do you just popped the question That's right cuz you got that coming. That's right. What's that looking like Yanni? Oh, well, they're gonna change the venue nine different Well, it's looking like a lab-grown diamond. When you propose after ten years you already fucking bought the horse you get the lab-grown diamond. Those things came into fashion at

just the right time. Well you put a quarter in the machine and you turn. Here you go sweetie. Opening of it now needs another two, three hours. I proposed I got the ring at Six Flags. It only cost me 400 tickets. Yeah, so we're doing that and then you know. Where'd you go with the diamond? Where'd you pop the question? I don't know. In the house.

You went to fucking Zales. Where do you think you went? In the house. Right there in the house. Monday morning, 7am, right in front of the kids. He called the Palestinians trying to ask you to marry her back in the house Monday morning 7 a.m. right in front of the kids he called the Palestinian shot asking to marry her back in the house yeah can I do that but no so it was a beautiful proposal I you know when you have kids I thought I thought it was really touching right with the kids right in front somebody somebody filmed it my stepson filmed it my stepson technically he was he wasn't you know you wanted him for you he's technically he said right right yeah he was well he pushed he's technically. He's, right, right, right. Yeah. He was probably pushing for it. He was technically working it. He was working the event.

But it's beautiful. You say in the special, you got three kids, you put them in there. Always, always, yeah, always. Yeah, you gotta include everybody. The thing is with me, I'm all inclusive. He's in there with an asterisk. Right, right.

No, no, no, no, he's in there. No, here's the thing, here's the thing. He's fully in. Sure. He's fully 100% in as much as the other kids. Just the other kids, there's no way out. He's got a way out. Right. So you know what I mean? He's fully in, but he could.

It doesn't have to be forever with him. My kids got to be forever. Right. You know what I mean? He's got a way out. If he doesn't like me, he can walk away. But we're getting along great. My daughters, unfortunately, can't leave. I will lock them in the basement like that German guy that locked his daughter in the basement. Like Ariel Castro. That's what I'll do.

What are we thinking as far as the nuptials? Because I just tied to not got married. Congratulations. A lot of poor financial decisions and that. I'm an ordained minister. Are you going out on the same road? I'm doing it on the cheap. Are you going big?

No, I don't think we're going to go big because we've been together. She doesn't want big. No, because we've been together so long. I don't think she wants big. I think if we still own the house, I think actually selling the house is saving me from the big-time wedding because she said I'm saying to her I can't spend all our money on the wedding and you have to pick what's more important to you and she says the house So that's what it is. So I think that's why it's better I was gonna be one of those couples it gets divorced and remarried like three times just like the house

Just do it get in the fight go go down to City Hall. I'm addicted to losing and getting it back. That's where the rush. Riani said, yes, stay at the table. You stay at the table. You stay at the table. The table, ride it out. Destination Vegas, a lopen.

A hundred people. Listen, the thing is, I only ever leave the confines of New York City when I have to go work. OK, if I don't have to work, I don't leave the confines of this great city. Yeah, I mean... And I very rarely like to leave the confines and the laws of this great nation. I don't leave it. What about old school Queen's Catering Hall? Do it very teen... Astoria something, upscale nice. You know the place in Astoria? Astoria Boulevard? Astoria Manor.

Oh yeah, that's the thing. That's what story of manner. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You can that that that's the thing. That's what I was trying to say before like waiters on he's done extremely well in his career like crazy. He's at the top but his accent and his persona just don't

believe it. It's like his voice when it comes like us. We don't we don't belong here but really the wedding he would have would be at a catering hall. The guys he's friends with are fireman and cop'd show up, you know look khakis Yes, we're like a couple jeans couple of messages Balls, you got all my god gap button down. That's oversized. I don't tag on it or car hard boots

I'm gonna have a pair of khakis. It's a like 3230 Pat Finnegan is gonna have a blue button down blue button down shirt with a tie and it's gonna have the Mets logo stitched onto the pocket. Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. That's his good shirt. Someone's gonna forget to take the size thing off. Yeah, so you put like Yanni, Yanni, classier, little classier guy. His, I mean, I didn't, we weren't tight at the time. I seen the pictures. Classy event.

Couple of people I invited shouldn't have been there. Yeah. Same spot as, same spot as Derek Jeter. Ohiika Castle. I seen a pictures classy event couple of people I invited shouldn't have been there. Yeah Spot as same spot as Derek Jeter Oh Hicca Castle. Yeah Royalty you did big time and he would do Fran Lee's catering hall down on fucking long I'll royalty Oh Hicca Castle and I took an uber in and out of that place which most people didn't that's So we'll shut up in nice cars. I took a fucking Toyota Camry uber Yeah, and Ari Shafir wore fucking Chuck Taylors to a black tie event. That's what happens when you invite Jews to your wedding. Just kidding.

But when you gotta, you know, take the money, I'm like, hey, hon, we're gonna take the money away from the kids here for this fucking party of one day. Come on. You're not wrong. Smart. Let's invest in the house. Kip, let's tell them about Aura Frames. Oh, shout out to Aura Gang.

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I don't like I don't like the disrespect you're throwing at me or the table or my decorating their jitter wouldn't act like this I'm sorry all hoity-toity fucking Oh Alonka Castle. You didn't pull You didn't pull this thing off the street Again white club delivery What are you talking about? What are you talking about? White glove delivery service. I like Raymour and Flanagan. You're making me put a coaster on a Raymour and Flanagan?

It's for the show. I'll tell you what, the best piece of furniture I got in my whole goddamn house is from Bob's Discount. Good shit. Really comfortable. Shout out Bob's. Yeah. Bob's, with that stuff, I've bought a lot of discount furniture.

You walk in, you look at something, you go, what's your zip code? You go, hey, enough with the questions. I'm just here looking. And they go, it looks good, it holds good price, but then after like three months, yeah, it doesn't have the life bar. Do I know that couch? That's the couch from the old house?

I don't know if I sat in that. Yeah, I got that, but then I also got a, we use it as our liquor cabinet now, but it's from Bob's. We put the wine in there, we put the nice liquor in there. Yeah, you got a liquor cabinet, you got a little bar set up at the house? Yeah, definitely, you gotta have one of those. That's part of that. You got a mini bar in

his house. It's called his garage. Yeah, it's just a garage. You got a hunch. You got a crawl in there, but still. It's got a nice touchdown. We got a nice two-tier liquor shelf. Beautiful. You gotta do that to complete the house, right? Sure. I don't have... I need one. Do you ever go home? The problem with yours is the alcohol will be empty after you... It don't have I need one. Yeah, do you ever go home problem with yours is the alcohol be? My stuff don't yeah, but my stuff don't hang around We saw you you fell because yeah, it's something wrong with the stair. Yeah, that's right I said what stairs were you on Jack Daniel's house?

Said I fell I fell down the stairs. I got hit right in the cirrhosis of the liver I saw you guys in a bad day. I just got out of the hospital. I remember. I'm texting you. I'm texting Kippy for 20 minutes. We're talking about shit. I said, he goes, what are you doing right now? Wherever I am, I go, what are you doing?

He goes, I'm in the hospital. I said, whoa, we've been talking for 20 minutes. And you know kids lie when you go, how are your liver numbers? He goes, yeah, I get everything. Not the same guy. Yeah. I got a 1,400.

When the voice goes, that was pretty good. Yeah. That's awesome. Took a trip to John's this manner. Swinging on this. I got a 14-hunter when the voice goes up. It's pretty good Took a trip to John's this manner Chrissy when Chris had any apartment in Bay Ridge. Oh my god. He's known me through seven houses Yeah, I mean literally seven how many years we get nice apartment in Bay Ridge. Thank you. Yeah 6802 Ridge Boulevard apartment 2k. Yeah, that's what I say fucking go-hards And when we knock on the door shoulder to nice people when he was buying He was buying furniture. I was his consultant. So we made some bad decisions

Yes, we do need a young so listen I have I have been a big fan of history. Heina's Great podcast your hiatus Definitely helped prepare their propel our career with history hiatus Shout out to a lot of patreon funds cleared up when you guys went out We could have just went hey guys go listen to go listen to RE garbage Yeah, which they did shout out to you shout it out a lot of crossover a lot of crossover fans But you do Very much as he needs a kippy you need a ya you need you you need someone

Yeah, you gotta be on a short rope. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he understands another New York. He's older. He's wiser Right. Yeah been better shape at the moment shape at the moment really kids cut right now I mean, I'm just the thing is always tell by his head. He's not going to the garage. Yeah Yeah, but I've been still working out though. Okay. He's fucking jacked right now I do push-ups pull-ups sit-ups every single day in the house in the house I do it every single day. I put up. I put a pull-up bar. Shout out to Rikers Fitness I put up a pull-up pull-up bar my stepson's bedroom, so I'll go in there at 530 in the morning I'll just do pull-ups, and then if he wakes up he wakes up if not

I just keep fucking going so then I wake him up with a fart. Yeah, wait is it in the doorway? It's in the doorway in his bedroom It's the only doorway that fits because it's a fucking beaten down piece of shit house Max Katie yeah, I try to encourage him to get up and make his bed and do pull-ups with me But he won't do it He just tries to sleep, but I bang out my 50 pull-ups then I go Do 50 pull-ups not in a row five sets of ten dude one is impressive and then I go into so I do I do the promise man in the world so I do the pull ups in here.

I do the pull ups in his room. This is 531, I go in his room. First thing I knock out the pull ups. Then I go downstairs in the living room. I bang out my push ups. Then I go, I have a back room. I go and do my, I got a mat set up there. I do my sit ups.

That's what I do. And I try to get that, bang that all out by 615. Then we start making coffee. One kid starts waking up. We start making dinner. I mean, we start making breakfast, heating up the milks for the baby who wants a fucking tuna fish sandwich. We start making coffee. One kid starts waking up. We start making dinner. I mean we start making breakfast, heating up the milk for the baby who wants a fucking tuna fish sandwich. We start doing shit. Sure. Get it going. The house wakes up.

Now is that regardless of what time you go to bed or are you keeping your nights pretty regimented when you're not on the road? I'm not late unless I got late late late spots. I typically go to bed. What's a late late late spot for you though? I mean no I'm saying like if I'm on the road and the show starts at 1030, the headline is not going on till 1115. I might not get back to the room till one o'clock in the morning, but if I'm home in the city, I almost am never awake past 11 PM. That's what it is when you have kids. And Chris, he's the pioneer of this. I got to give him credit. I think it's great. Six o'clock shows. Yeah. But when I do theaters, I do one's one show seven if we get lucky enough where we add tickets 5 p.m

Comedy clubs go late No comedy clubs because they're you know comedy clubs got the mailing list or a bit easier to sell five and seven on a Saturday on Fridays I got to eat it. You're not late Saturday never I love it I won't do it. They don't mind cuz they'll go we'll have a local show I because because then guess what at the comedy club or the theater I'm out by 830 now I can go have a nice dinner in San Francisco like a fucking human being You know what I mean the power Pioneer what it is you guys voted for it. You made the right choice

I think about you taking the power back a lot when we talked when you talked about you know that you Social media you were getting too into it you pulled back from that a little bit I got to get off I respect it you got it you gotta you gotta have you gotta have rules you live by so when you're doing your spot when you're lining up your spots in the city you're making your you're concentrating them on when you do them and the rest of the week you're living like a dad when I text dinner going to bed when I text the comedy clubs when we have to text our availability, I'll say I'm available Thursday before 10, Wednesday before 9. I don't give them a time. I just say before this. So I don't care how many spots you give me, but I'm not going after

9 or 10. So you can do that. I probably wouldn't get a call back. I get the 150s. But you know you could. You just got to start the day early. No, well, here's the thing. You can, but it's always everything in life is one step back to forward So when I first did it I got penalized a little bit I just fucking ate it and I stayed afloat I kept it going and then let me remind you of the greatest quote of all time by Winston Churchill that you honestly I've said many times get those crowds success is not final failure is not fatal. It's the courage to continue that counts. I love it Yeah, so that's what you know punk. Yeah good. We're a man shit. It's a good

Alright motherfucker fucking let another real estate agent fire me. I'll throw you a little garage. He's going like what's the real estate agent? Yeah, he's like what did you guys just buy cash? My mother just I just I don't even know I just have a place What an apartment in Bitcoin? Yeah, I just have a place. I mean look how comfortable he's got no shoes crazy He's doing this fucking podcast and socks. Yeah, how great was it when you told your mom you actually had a job That's all you need to tell you don't know about he took off his Birkenstock Podcast where'd you grow up? What city Connecticut? Oh Was born there.

Yes, oh Greenwich man. That's fucking real money. Yeah. Oh, that's real money. That's not just made money. That's not just, oh my dad had a plumbing business and it exploded money. That is-

Shout out to that kind of money though. You have a portrait of your ancestors in the foyer. Yeah, there's a baker. You have a cousin of your ancestors in the foyer. Yeah, there's a baker. You have a cousin named Baker. I know all the lineage. Is there a coal in your family? It's generational money. Yes.

Do you call your dad father? Papa? Father? Yes. No, I'll tell you a big trash rule that I learned. Hit me. This was a move from New York. Never live it in the country in the burbs type of. Such a New York learned. Hit me. This was a move from New York, never live it in the country

in the burbs type of- Such a New York thing. The country. Yeah, it was in the country. You got three blades of gray, I should call it the country. Country. I'm out there, it's like you're working a field.

Yeah, and it doesn't matter where you live, it doesn't matter where you live at all. It could be Westchester, it could be all your upstate. Yeah, all right boys. You go upstate? The kid lives upstate. Yeah. So- might as well be a Newberg yeah I mean you ask anyone from Long Island I mean they think we live in

like Canada because you know they just look at things like why would you leave Long Island so if like they got to go anywhere they're like why are you going to Canada? We're fucking an hour and a half 15 away. Dude I told you most of New York thing I ever heard I told a kid we went up to like we went up like on a a hike outside of, you know, I don't know, like two hours up, and the kid asked me if we took the one train there. I was like, dude, it's a fucking mountain. No, with the one train. M25 run up that way?

He goes, would you take the one? I was like, what? This guy is a fag. He's like 32 years old. So this is what I learned, right? I didn't know. I had no idea about this rule, that the community gets upset about this every community We got the blow-up pool for the little girls mm-hmm and we started doing backyard front yard on that well that

King of the burbs I know where this is going rolling in the driveway I had no clue that I was in the eyesore on the community Yeah, you're not do that in the front yard. Why is that? We were on the front. We got a nice fucking, I mean, we're hosing it down. That's backyard shit. I can't explain it. You can't let other people see that.

We don't want to see you hosing down, giving your kids a bath in front of your house. Yanni's got the per plus out there. Got a lamb on the spit roast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was also leaving the boots outside the front door. No. You can't do that. That's all backyard shit. Backyard shit. I knew that. Yeah, I was also leaving this you want that I hope I was leaving the boots outside the front door Ah, no, that's all backyard. Yeah backyard shit. I knew that yeah, how do you why is that? You got a side door, huh? You got a side door. No, we got a back door in front door

Yeah, that's back. That's back your mini garage shit. Whatever you want. I didn't know I didn't know You're not supposed to use the front wall. Listen. I bought I bought a not for use. No, that's what I want I want to throw the ball around you can't put the barbecue in the front, right? No. What? No. You're gonna get deported. It hurts to get back to Queens. Yeah. They already have meetings like there's a Greek living on the block now, so just be careful around the town. I do agree. I mean, I get that it's in the front yard seems normal. You'd be like, oh, it is more community. Hey, I'm out out here I'm waving how you doing you passing by cuz in the backyard. It's very by yourself But that's what the suburbs are hide your hide your hide your seat

The suburbs is an is it is a American invention too like most other countries. They don't have that everyone lives proximity to the city whatever the suburbs This is America big long island first suburbs right yeah even even though what I have there's a Levittown outside Even owning a home like how we all sell we got to own Yeah, you're ran through your fucking got a mortgage like in England They're like well I don't know why you would own like this what you can own, but they're like this is not a that's like not a goal I've got a dream. Yeah, they're like we can we're fine renting CQ doesn't own Colin Quinn

He told us on the show. No he's been rented for years. I bought I bought my first car ever Is was a Chevy Lumina 1995 Chevy Lumina? I shot a shot a shot to loom I bought it again kind of like I just wanted to buy my first car I think it's funny when people get money they buy like Porsches and stuff I'll just buy Chevy Lumina a piece of shit car well that is cuz there's something like like guys like you Philly New York You don't believe that this is happening Also, I don't know the circle I can drive like a pull up in a Porsche no I've seen old pictures What are my cousins would steal it? I've seen old pictures you I've seen those old pictures and let me tell you some

Your life is a fucking miracle Miracle and fucking miracle on fucking Benjamin Franklin Park. I should be driving a truck In the trash that this kid was yeah, I mean have you seen his old pictures I mean we're talking about partying in a fucking first floor of a Ramada Was it days in and it was the third floor? These fucking wah-wah twins are a miracle yeah, yeah, but I bought so now that my house I'm at my house in a burbs. Nice joint. You know what I mean? And neighbor neighbor is a very nice, very nice, very big home.

Neighbor does very stereotypical suburban family. You know what I mean? Guys, a doctor. She's a, you know, home stays at home, but she's very, very good shape. Very, you know, a pretty lady. And I pull up, I'm like, I get the car and it's a bit of a fucking proper piece of shit. And I was just going to live in the driveway. You see you see it. I'm like, which one is it? He's like, you see the lumen and I'm like.

Yeah, it's a it's a tough look. And she's like, oh, what's that? She walked out and I'm like, I bought the first car I ever had. Kind of sentimental, you know, like kind of a bit. I mean, you know, she's like, it's got it backed in like a psycho. She went looks expensive and walking closed the door. And I was like, well, now I get she knows there's just going to be a piece of shit car parked next to her house.

So what you're going to see in a couple of weeks is a little thing we call a for sale sign or a privacy fence. And Chrissy, you can move in. We can be neighbors. Yeah, I'll come to. A little bit of news. I'm also going to be spending more time down there this summer because my wife is expecting a child.

Oh, congratulations. Believe this guy? So the idea, so I'm. How far along is she? You're leaving me high and dry up here. Four months. Congrats. Thank you.

You can tell after, what is it, three months? Yeah, yeah, three months you can tell. So we're going to be, the idea is, because we have the apartment here but with the space and just everything is easier in the Burbs because it's bigger. Of course. We're going to go there and then I go, that might be the last, I don't know if we're ever going to come back and spend more time here. What's the drive? No, you'll come in for work. Yeah, what's the drive? hour not bad not day? How many you coming to what three days a week for this? Yeah, three days on the road schedule. I mean people could do that. I mean people do that every day They do that one hours nothing. I just yeah

I just once I see myself living there as much I go What the fuck am I gonna go back to a one bedroom watching tonight's yeah, you're probably not well you can't expect cuz it's what by The way it's not gonna stop at one no it's probably gonna be two three I mean you could use it as a case to cheat on your wife with get your head or at least get some hookers I mean I can also just get a nicer hotel or you know fucking off or you hundred and seven some hookers somewhere nice take it like a candlewood sweets or something nice you can rent it to Dominicans that are hiding from ice.

True. Not me, I'm staying in a story of Queens. Hell yeah. Can they drag me out of the apartment? That's what it is. Who's going to say? Well, they're not going to drag him. They're going to have to cut the wall open.

Yeah, it's going to be a couple of hefty guys helping out. You're going to have neighbors coming over, give it a hand. No way, I can't do it. But that's how did you know the feed? I'm sorry to cut how did you know the feedback of the the pool in the front yard did somebody go? Hey, you can't be doing it because verzi's up there the verse you go, buddy. You can't be doing yeah Yeah, talk to Paul verzi about this is what verzi dead. This is what verzi dead right for you He's a letter strange looks from neighbors right high some waves with some interesting looks

No, is this just in the summer or is that thing up there now? No, no, summer, summer. Did you winterize it? No. No. But even right now, I got a shovel. I got a shovel right outside the front door. That's a no-no, right?

The body, you'd not did it. The front should be. No, no, fuck that. Unless it's snow. Did it snow? Off to the side. Yeah, it's off to the side of the door. Is there snow on the ground?

Dude, it's 55 yesterday. I got a movement now. I'm trying off to the side. Yeah, it's also the side of their snow on the ground I'm trying to learn the rules so no with no snow on the ground You got a move is there a bat is there a half-used bag of rock salt next to it? No What a coffee mug in there that's in the garage. That's in the garage the rock salts in the garage Yeah, yeah, I say shovel at the front door fuck them is it's not sound like a like an old one tonight shovel I thought this I had to take I'm sorry cut you off, because you just made me think of it, two weeks ago I had to take my little daughter right to the doctor because my nine year old daughter, the cup that we use for the salt for the ice, she filled it up with water and gave it to my fucking daughter. She had to drink all the rock salt. But it's

fine though. But it actually doesn't do anything to you. So if the kids are at home, I mean you should go to the doctor, but the doctor said it's actually not that big of a deal. It's good to know. That's what they said when they had cirrhosis in the liver you don't listen to these quacks that's a Queen's doctor though, they might say something different than the burbs yeah okay no so Verzi yeah yeah Verzi just at some point it came up and he didn't say me he was just like you know it's like people who have all their stuff in the front of the house and then then in my mind, I went, oh, is he passively aggressive? Do you think that was a subtle jab at the poppers?

Trying to do you a favor. He's like, people that got stuff in the front of the house, actually know they got fucking goats who are throwing on wigs, making believe they're transsexuals, throwing dots in. I don't know if he meant it, but that's what made me think of it. Gotcha. Oh, you can't have the pool in the front? No. It does make sense. It is more communal. I get that. If you're going to. Oh, you can't have the pool in the front? No.

Oh. It does make sense. It is more communal. I get that. If you're going to hang out, you want to see other people. You know, and Sally, Demi, the whole nine yards. Yeah. But that's a backyard thing.

All right. It's good to know. So it's officially a trashy move. Yeah, my aunt and uncle built one on this, put an above ground pool on the side of the house. Ooh. Luckily, it collapsed like three years ago. They didn't pull the right permits for that.

On the side of the house. It has a nice neighborhood. You almost never see that. That's that's rough Yeah, I was always a you know above-ground pools are the trashier pool of You know versus an inground, but I need to avoid the taxes you look at the price point on them things Yeah, how quickly they can be up and running and the water is cooler and refresh it makes so much fucking sense And if you get a guy to build nice a nice nice deck around the deck around it Yeah, hope my mom's hold that it's all deck my hope they're all back yard to deck It's an above-ground pool with the decks at above ground in ground But you get no taxes they don't tax you on that I don't know cuz it's not a per mixture for a pool

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you get hit. about that. Wait, they tax you for a pool? Oh, it's a permanent fixture? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah, you get hit. That's the whole point for the above-ground pool. So your property tax goes up? Everything goes up. Your insurance goes up, your property tax goes up. I looked at a house in Dobbs Ferry, New York.

Really nice area, right? Yeah. I looked at a house, and the house was cheap, right? And they said, oh, the house got a very cool feature, believe it or not. It's got an in-ground pool. It's got an indoor pool. I said, what the fuck? An indoor pool at that price? There it is. There it is. Sorry about that. I did that. Buddy, that ain't you. You're 190 pounds. I chipped away at it. But you will take the blame. Now my insurance is going to go up. Ladies and gentlemen, Sheath Underwear, one of our absolute favorite

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I said, wow, unbelievable. Looking at this, I'm saying, obviously, you don't need something like that. That's probably like a hazard for the kids. But I'm starting to say, man, what an awesome thing. Jumping a pool in the morning. I'm like, how could a full? Like, this is a house.

You're lapsing. If the price was so low that it was getting people to look. And then I said, what's the catch? He goes, well, it's not a catch. It's just because it's an indoor pool. The taxes went up a little bit. And I said, and then I said, what's the catch? He goes, well, it's not a catch. It's just because it's an indoor pool. The taxes went up a little bit. And I said, oh, I said, okay, so yeah, so the tax was, yeah, it's a little bit higher. I said, what is it?

He said, $88,000. Holy shit. A year? A year. I said, excuse me? He said, it's $88,000. I said, what the, why? He said, because you got the indoor pool.

Yeah. And I was like, oh. So your property taxes every year, you would have to pay 88 grand. Here's the thing. Yes. Holy shit So so that's where you start So obviously that's why the price of the house was so low and then as soon as they tell you the truth Everybody just goes the other way It's like obviously that makes sense now because you can't have a high-priced house and taxes like that for normal people What if you drain it and make a little skate it make a little skate park that's what I said

It's because they'd be a fucking you know ball pit. What if I take it out, and it's not an in-ground pool I'm gonna make it a podcast studio And he said he said I want to talk to the city the town all I was like I'm not doing any of that Yeah, but there's the pools cause a big tax thing who is the guy who built that like a polo player no way to music I'm different probably different back in the day said like a old school like a guy from like the 60s who was a music producer in the 60s It's like an old school vintage kind of house Yeah, they they seem so nice like the house in which I think is in life just all thing the thing on Long Island I think it's from

What is it meet the fuckers? No, what's the meet the meet the parents? Yeah in that one where they're don't if you remember that No, what's the meet the meet the parents? Yeah in that one where they're down if you remember that That house that's a let's all long island, but that's that old like 70s an indoor pool You got some chairs around it I guess if you're rich you don't gonna work all day you can just hop in there in the morning the mold factor though Even if I could afford it, I would never want it in my house Yeah, yeah, unless you go with the saltwater Sure, yeah, so I just put it in the front. Yeah, so my friend with the salt water. Sure. Salt water just put it in the front yard. And so my friend who's a doctor came over when I was living on Staten Island.

We were living on Staten Island. I had everyone over in the house. We made it a salt. That's another thing we did. We converted from chlorine to salt water, then sold it. Classy move. We did all these things. We had a beautiful salt water pool.

It's insane what I did. But we had a salt water pool. And so I was there. My friend who's a doctor was over there with his kids. We'd go in the pool all day, and then he texts me. He goes, hey, by the way, is your pool saltwater or chlorine? I said, oh, it's saltwater. Why?

I said, you okay? And he goes, yeah. He goes, now me and the kids don't have to take a bath tonight. And I was like, what do you mean? And he goes, saltwater, natural skin. Naturally based skin. You don't have to take a bath. And then you were like, but I pissed in it.

Yeah, exactly. You thought I pe pissed in it yeah so that's a little tip from an actual medical doctor well saltwater pool is just like a big but I'm not quoting any medical doctor your quote because also you could have just said doctor the fact that you're going medical doctor yeah means uh means the qualifications he works in the city he's a secretary of the city on date like that's what you hear somebody say. So we're good for the week there. He drives an ambulance. I started an audio podcast program. You're like alright, you don't know what you're doing.

Listen, why we have yous here, we wanted to ask some New York, both New York kids, hardcore New York kids, Brooklyn Queens, we had some New York etiquette questions that we had some New York etiquette questions that we wanted to run by you guys if we could absolutely I'll kick it off first you're walking down the street with your lady all right is she on the

inside or is she on the outside inside that if I'm walking on the street and my girls on the outside I know this now but in the beginning of our relationship you I would just pick up she's angry. And then it would be because, you know, she's on the outside, and I'm on the inside. And she would be like, you're not protecting me. So you got to be on the girl has to be on the inside guy has to be on the outside. I just do it second hand nature now. You'll do the switch. You have to.

Yeah. My wife's from Long Island. So we're never walking anywhere. Yeah, she's in the passenger seat. She's got her seatbelt on I don't even know if we've ever walked. Yeah more than like yeah, yeah the driveway to get that maybe to the restaurant I don't remember who's first we go from the restaurant back to the living room and we just sit in a cul-de-sac That's a side note this contention with us with me and my wife when you're walking into the restaurant All right You have the reservation and stuff like that Do you walk in first or do you open the door for her and let her in and what did they prefer?

Is this a thing? Because my girl doesn't like to walk in first But I look like an asshole opening the door and walking in with her behind I agree with you You gotta let you open the door they go her and. She doesn't want to talk to the hostess, though. No, she needs to learn the etiquette. You open the door, she walks in, she steps aside, in your case, way to the side. She takes cover. Yeah, she takes cover.

And then you walk in, then she walks behind you and you say the name because the reservation is in her name. Then you got to grow a fucking dick. Reservations got to be in the guy's name. Right. True. Yeah and then you walk first from there. Okay. The initial door open is definitely let her through but then she's got to step to the side and let the man through. Chrissy you concur? I say I go in I let the girl I let her in first she goes in first. She has our Puerto Ricans allowed here. Yes. I let her in first. I tipped the guy. I tipped the

Major D lead in Puerto Ricans. Sorry for the noise. Sorry. So, yeah. It could be a little louder in here. Yeah. You guys allowed boomboxes in here? Yeah. Usually, usually I go in first because she's tying up the pit bull outside the restaurant. So, so I go in, I go in first. What I do, I'm sorry, I let her in first, but then what I do is I scurry past her. I catch up. So I let her go in first. What I do, I'm sorry, I let her in first. But then what I do is I scurry past her. I catch up. So I let her go in first. And then I sprint to the thing. And I say party of two for DiStefano.

OK. Well, actually, in my case, usually when we go out, it's party of 19 for DiStefano. For Rodriguez. It's me and her entire family. Are you picking up the check? I mean, I can't tell you. There hasn't been a time where anyone else has even ever reached

For their wallets. It's it's like they don't have arms so I Actually great people I Your wallet No, you know what it is cuz we a lot of times when I go out with with her family It's amazing. They're awesome. We go to a Spanish restaurants. They don't they don't fucking beat you over the head Spanish restaurant I could take a night. I could take our whole party of 10, and they usually order for the table. Her mom's great. She orders for the table.

They know how to really like, everybody eats well, and they order big things. So I'm only paying a couple hundred bucks for a party of 10. It's not bad. I would assume her mom's probably pretty fire in the kitchen. Oh my God. It's unbelievable. It's literally unbelievable. I remember for a while, my stepson wasn't eating meat.

He didn't want to eat meat something with animals Whatever and so he would come out, you know When she would come over and like watch the kids she would slip meat into its rice and he would have no idea I was like, you know, like literally you're like breaking like As she was like he needs to get protein Yeah, do you come home sometimes and there's something just going on the stove. Oh, yeah There's always there's always something simmering when her mom's there Yeah, there's always cooking and what it is to you know, it is about her to her mom's very old school

And it's just like a generational thing. It's just because like I'm the man and I'm good. You know, yes I work you're right, but I mean we do comedy fucking right around she'll always I walk in I walk in she'll say oh hi, sweetie. I'll say hi and she goes Every time she goes there's a plate for you in the oven. She puts the plate in the oven, and it's just there, there's like warm food for me. Little tin foil. Doesn't matter how hungry I am, if she's awake,

and then she's, oh, I put a plate for you in the oven. Or in the microwave, it's there. It's my heaven. It's what it is. I think that that family only got with Chris because he was friends with me. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I mean every tickets in a recent only friend I have Wanted pictures with me as soon as they met there not only that and then they wanted her then tell them what they wanted

By his my girls mom wanted Gosh, I had to she had a nice ass trade that she was into a straight. She wanted me to sign the ashtray He she saw me signed her ashtray that classy. Oh god, and ashtray She saw me sign her ashtray that glassy. Oh god, and she still has it She has an ashtray that's signed by more recent that she won't dump it. Yeah Sure story. She won't ask you she came out of the house. I was in the car She came out of the house with the ashtray She went got the ashtray and she was hoping that me and the ashtray would be together so that I could sign it What is there? Yeah, that's why I get. Picture Rihani with a candle in front of it.

Is there anything, what's the meaning behind the ashtray? She uses it a lot. She uses it a lot and she just wanted him to sign the ashtray and he did. That's funny. That's Bonko's, I love him. All right, let's say you're at a pizza shop, you know, in the neighborhood joint

and you want a slice of pepperoni. Do you point at the slice you, is it okay to call out the slice you want and go give me that slice yeah you okay with that I'll say it's a very New York thing I'll say yeah I'll say that I'll say you know obviously if it's if it's Pete regular slice I'll just say can I get a regular that's it not a fucking plain slice with cheese or anything with cheese that's exactly how you know somebody moved to this we say well in Philly it's play I grew up as playing let it you know somebody moved to this we say well in Philly. It's play. I grew up as playing Let it you know you get a plane

A plane let's say that well I would never nobody would say slices a regular I would say just give me a regular Give me a regular or give me a Sicilian Which is you know one of the square ones and then if it's a pepperoni say pepperoni But then sometimes they have like these mystery slices I'll just say give me one of those Two of them and not. When it comes to the Sicilian, are you

saying, give me a corner, give me a middle, give me a give me a side. That's very normal in New York. And what is your preference? Um I like a middle. You like middle. No crutch. Nice fluffy middle. Yeah. That's the Greek in them. That ain't

I mean I like I like a corner because I'm an actor. I'm a respectable unit. Give me a corner. What are you doing? But I respect it. It's a Sicilian. Yeah. It's a Sicilian. Let me get a corner Sicilian. Can I get a regular or can I get a slice?

If you say can I get a slice they know what you mean. Sure. Yeah, yeah. For sure. I mean we're going to get pizza on the walk. Yeah, now I want a slice. When Yanni says, when we asked him, the first time we were on the show he asked you, what do you like playing slice?

I hear that in my head every time I get a piece of pizza. Nobody eats pizza like this guy. I've seen him eat eight, nine in a sitting, easy. Just makes me hungry. It's really true. And you said it the best, funniest way. He said, you eat an alarming amount of pizza. Alarming is the word I used.

Have either of you speaking of pizza been to Chrissy Pizza's, Chrissy Pizza's over in Greenpoint? No. Good. Chrissy Pizza, shout out to him. A buddy of ours now, but a fan of the show originally, how we introduced him. An artist.

He started off making them during the pandemic in his apartment in Queens. Action Bronson somehow, he made some buzz, Action Bronson found them, made it, and now he blew up. And he's got his own joint out there. It's shot in. Shout out Chrissy's Pizza. Boys, you will love it. Chrissy, hit them up.

You hit up Chrissy and he'll go, Chrissy Pizza. He'll go, hey, it's fair. He'll be like, I can get you. You got love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it.

You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it.

You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. You will love it. I'm picking up for Chris or whoever like whole have the whole whole call in or whole be there You gotta take care of the step boom hit the staff Yeah, and I'm all item a good you gotta hit him. I know we grease them you grease them a little bit So they give everybody yeah, I grease them heavy. I got a taxi. You have to do that the boys appreciate Yeah, I said hey, oh wait you tip the pizza guys. Yeah, of course first of all there's some pizza guys

It's also a hookup. There's like a three-hour wait., I get it. He texted me just go your pies will be ready. Oh, okay I don't like in a tip. He went there one exactly. He's Joe Pesci. I just said I went one time He was describing it. Yeah, you were describing I seem a little jealous for me I'll tell you what one of the biggest honors of my entire life, especially kid from Queens There's a restaurant in Queens on Metropolitan Avenue called D's Pizza. Shout out D's Pizza on Metro. One of the best, I think the best food in the neighborhood. They named the pizza after me. The Chrissy D's. It was literally like, that's when you feel like, okay, I'm doing something. We also have, in Bayridge, we have the chicken cuslet. We have a chicken cuslet sandwich named after us.

That's how you know. Either you have your picture on the wall of the pizza. He does. He has a Prince Pizza. I got mine out of a big one, Prince Street Pizza. Yeah, huge. You made it. That's why I think like you don't need- But it says History Hyenas though, you just weren't there. No, no, it doesn't. I think it's just you. No, it says Christie D. History Hyenas.

Oh. Yeah. Well, look, then even, it's not a picture of me, but I'm done. My whole goal was to be up in a pizza place. I mean, that's huge. Johnny's in a dry cleaner, the New Roach Hill. That's Travolta. That's huge. Travolta's got a picture in every pizza place in the city. That's what it is.

That's a big, big, big moment. I always wonder, like Italians who get upset about like the stereotypes of everyone calling the mafia and stuff. It's like, yeah, well maybe if not every Italian restaurant had every single mob actor up in the hallway to the bathroom. I mean, you guys are doing the stereotype to yourself.

Yeah, maybe if the owner were Chaz Palmiteri and then he's sitting there with fucking big pussy from Surprise. They'll have that last supper of all of them drawn together. It's like Scarface. Maybe if the best pizzeria on Staten Island wasn't named Goodfellas. That's literally what it's called. Yeah you go to Uncle Vinny's it's a guy with a Tommy gun Yeah, you know what not all in the mob yeah Then they was fucking but the fake bullet holes behind your head at Uncle Vinny's your guys serving penny vodka that he's making in The back to the customers like it's his known as Maybe you guys are owning that stereotype a little bit. That's a good point. I never thought about it. Yeah, that's good

Um go yonny yoni touch on us a little bit when you's a good point. I never thought about it that way. That's good. Go. Yanni touched on this a little bit. When you were both in the city at the apartment, were you okay or do you think it's okay to put the shoes outside of the apartment door? No, not in an apartment building. No? No. That's your front yard though.

That's great. I know, but it's... Yanni, that's your front yard. It's a communal hallway. That's a gentleman's answer. When I see that, I know Chinese live in that apartment Yeah, that's it that's all I know it's also communal space and you know We've all you know, we all grew up in apartments Like I also can't trust that the people in the apartments aren't gonna take a slice of my shoe

Okay, they're probably not gonna steal them outside my door in the suburbs But they might steal them outside my apartment because we haven't made it yet We're living in the apartment so okay only time where there's you know there's every rule has an exception is like if it was snowing outside sure your web or something like that maybe overnight till the morning that's all you get yeah I see people with open umbrellas out in front of it I'm like that's a dry that's a butcher oh that's another thing my girl won't she've walked out of two houses that work perfect they didn't

have coat closets as soon as you open the door. She's like, I'm not putting, I'm not gonna live in a house where I have to walk down the hallway to the coat closet. I respect that. Yeah, she's like, because the kids are gonna, the house is gonna be messed, I'm gonna get angry,

there's not enough room to even build a coat closet, we can't buy this house. One other- I tried to put up a little fucking shed inside the house, she won't have that either. One caveat, if you have the floor to yourself, you know those apartment buildings where you have the floor to yourself.

It's like apartments on that. Oh yeah. And you can do it. Still looks gross. That's still your property. Yeah, but it's your property. How about this? My neighbor across the hallway from me

in the apartment I used to live in 6802, Ridge Boulevard, they used to leave their bicycle outside their door. That's crap. They had people do that. Big problem. I didn't care, but the super would get angry, we'd get these passive aggressive emails,

do not leave your bicycle out. The fire department will give us tickets. He was Russian? Yeah. That was his Asian accent. Yeah, that was it. No, yeah, he was from New Jersey. Is that?

Okay. I got one, you're trying to, you're on a one way street, you're trying to parallel park, you're having trouble, you're blocking traffic, how many attempts until you gotta give it up? Good question. Chrissy up good question Chrissy I was there a time limit dude at 30 set or what is it this is gonna be a tough question for him I know him well I mean he's probably the best parallel Parker I've ever fucking there's nothing in my crazy there's nothing fucking quick parks do you know how like it's

like Wayne Graz that's the altism I'm doing he's working the angle bro. I'm doing it I'm doing the arenas in parallel parking. I'm literally I'm talking about My blood pressure is the lowest it is all day. He's a he's three move Chrissy really boom in Tightest spaces I've seen and he'll say it before he just goes you know when someone usually brags you like I don't know if he's Gonna get in this he'll say he's like I don't know it was born with the gift. Yeah, I've just been able to do this I've seen him fucking split hairs getting in. I could do it. It's crazy righty and lefty to it doesn't matter Yeah, how did that happen you just had a natural I think just growing up on you know streets that were from fucking Colonial America in Ridgewood that narrow and I was just able to do it and I never I just know the angles I'm very good at

spatial recognition I know exactly how many to the centimeter what I have before I'll hit the car behind me or in front of me I could do with cameras no cameras yeah turn around not turn around I could do I don't yes that's what I don't rely on the cameras I don't feel guy I've never seen anything like it it's actually sort of like an autistic special power that I don't understand. Yeah the real skill on that is knowing exactly how far to go up on the other car before you turn in. It's easy for me I just eyeball mirror to side mirror to side mirror that's where you start and then you start cutting the wheel when the crease of the in between the front door and the back door, that little, you know, basically where the car gets split too, that's when you start hitting the wheel.

Yeah, that's what it is. It works like a charm. To answer your question for me. He also memorizes all the license plates on the block too. I get embarrassed, so I just, I'll try it like twice. And then I'll get embarrassed and just say in my head it's too tight and to just pull out.

Even if there's plenty of space, if I do twice and there's people waiting, I'm pulling out. I was leaving anyway. Remember you used to have the car that had like FDNY plates somehow? Remember? Wasn't there like a thing you had like an FDNY sticker? No, no, no. You just said that I had a white BMW, you said it looked like I was the wife of a firefighter. Yeah, it looks like a fireman's wife's car.

And the way he would park, I was like, this is like a wife of a fireman. Yeah. Like somebody's like, Colleen, it's Colleen. Go around. What the fuck is wrong with you? Eddie's probably at the firehouse, like Colleen, but me, it's Yanni.

Fuck you. Go around, asshole. There's also the thing, Joe, you get in, even if you're the thing too, you get in, even if you're not fully in, just get in enough to the traffic can pass. Yeah. Right. And then you can take another shot. But you gotta.

Sometimes I've left it like that. Yeah. Sometimes you've been like, I don't know if I can make this last cut and I just leave it with the wheel out. Yeah. Like, yeah, I just do it. You know what I do, you know what I hate?

And even though I have, you know, I'm good at, but I hate when like an old-timer guy, you'll be parallel parking a tight spot and they stop and start looking at you. Start looking at the car and watching you. Cut it, cut it. I'm like, come on, dude, I don't need a fucking audience. I do like to watch him at Disney stuff. You get these tickets on StubHub? Well, you know, sometimes I've done, I gotta admit, sometimes I've seen a spot that's so tight,

I've stopped to see if the guy will do it. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I watched a bus going down Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn. It was so tight, so tight. And there was it was an ambulance double parked or something. And he inched, inched, inched. He pulled. He's out. He's pulling them both mirrors in.

I believe it. Inch and bus full of people inching, inching, inching. Gets through the whole block as was watching. And everybody just went. Clapping I know it dude. That is the most New York shit I've ever seen. You know what's another thing I know too? I know when someone's trying to if I'm looking for a spot and someone else gets the spot I'll know off the first cut of the wheel if they're gonna get it and then even furthermore

I know that they're not gonna try again. Oh, so sometimes I don't know if this guy's gonna get it But sometimes I could tell off how bad that first cut was. Sure. They have I mean a five percent or less chance of attempting again, and then I swoop in. You ride it out. I call it applying pressure. If I see them waiting to get into a spot, and I know it's tight, and I don't think they got the chai- if I think it's a Yanni in front of me,

I'll fucking pull up and wait behind you. I'll go, let's see, you got eyes on you, apply some fuck, what they eat in the kitchen on you? Yanni got the curlers of his When my wife first moved to the we lived together in Brooklyn she's from Long Island I don't think she has live in that apartment where the studio is yeah I don't think she ever parallel parked in her life, so I would actually have to get out of the passenger seat She just couldn't do it Yeah, she just couldn't. I mean, a lot of people who live in the burbs,

they just can't do it. They just never, I mean, the one thing that we talk about now is like, I have a spot now because my car got stolen, so I'll do a spot. I have like a garage. But before, I would have to, me and my wife would get back from wherever we were,

and then I'd start looking for parking. And like, I just have memorized the spots and the best way to go around my neighborhood to look for the spots and she'd like we'd be pulling up on it It's like clearly a fire hydrant. It's been a fire hydrant the fucking six years. We've been living there She's like oh right here right here. I'm like lady. You got to get out of the car. This is a man's job I can't do this with you. Yeah, calling out bad spots I love that your car got stolen by probably one of the fans of the show sure Bad spots. I love that your car got stolen by probably one of the fans of the show The Kia boys got me know the key a boy, you know, no, no

They'd be right up your alley a bunch of young there's a defecting key is in Hyundai's that they can just start it with an iPhone or any USB cable and So that's what they do and they just steal on the key boys. They just steal them and they just there's what we found the kids I got in the back of the cop car we Drove to the fucking they were like oh it might be tracking it like you could track your day tracked it cuz they drive by and Take pictures of all the parked cars, so I gave my license plate They're like oh, this is under the GWB so the cop was like hop in so I just got in the back We drove and there was four kids. They were like smoking like you know K2. So they're all just in there all fucked up. were 13 to 16 so you got your car back then yeah which is nuts they just

go even break it they didn't do anything to it they smashed the windows they're just in there just right Jesus fucking around they get arrested the cops arrest them yeah two kids got out the back they got to and they were like they'll be out today they're like they're miners they'll be at these aren't enforceable charges though they'll be out today what it is but they just go that's'll be at these aren't enforceable charges. They'll be out today What it is, but they just go that's your car. Yeah on the side of the road windows smashed Yeah, we check it for guns if there's no guns It's just so you have to just drive it home with the window I had to jump my car with a fucking screwdriver and drive it and then go find parking

You didn't miss your spot You still showed up at New York Comedy Club for your APM. I did to make my $40. On that note, if you see some activity in the city, somebody's getting mugged or something like that, are you stepping in? Are you making a move? He will. I will. I will. We almost did it in Bay Ridge. Remember, we saw that guy screaming at his girlfriend.

Yeah. We've got we all the whole neighborhood started to send on this kid. But then she, the girl, told us to get away. I had that happen. The girl was like, do not. I don't want you guys here I had that happen the mummers parade a very famed trashy thing in Philadelphia guy just were in the streets everybody's part in the streets decks of well decks a girl would turn around she's on the ground cry we grow run over all up throw them up against the fucking wall there's like five of us like you know and she's grass she starts

ripping us off I deserved deserved it. I deserve I go I can we came we were not fixing this Wow that was a similar situation to the one Bay Ridge She started telling everybody to fuck off even though this guy was like pushing her and green They're like so that's when they turn on you then to verse you like I can't help this you're gonna be starting your own idea ID channel documentary in a couple years. That's your business Yeah, it's your fucking was the only fans, honey I'll see you on A&E. Yeah, it's bad, but that's how that's how fucking crazy the abuse can get Oh, no, it's yeah, of course. It's not like that's what cops say. They're like the worst ones are the just domestic dispute

Yeah, they say they they both turn on you. Oh, yeah Yeah, late night diner order from from both of yous. Go to the diner late night. Big part of my life. So it's a big part of being a New Yorker. We just did it the other night. It's great. Yeah for me I'm gonna go mushroom cheeseburger. Saute mushroom cheeseburger. Ready for this? Saute mushroom cheeseburger with disco fries. Shout out disco disco fries and then probably if I'm really you know I'll get you know depending on the youka app well now with the youka app. I probably won't get a diet coke I probably go seltzer with the lime, but then I'll also get a diner cheesecake. I love a diner cheesecake. I'll get I'll get that

That's usually the big-time order mushroom mushroom and cheese sauteed mushroom cheeseburger, baby. It's great. Oh Yeah, sauteed mushrooms love it. Is that only only a late night move or you get that a lot? That's typically what I'll get, or I'll get a tuna melt. Or I'll get a patty melt. I like melts. That's what I do, patty melt. Really? Patty melt, patty melt, deluxe, you know, it's a diner.

Deluxe means fries, and then give me mayo on the side. And then I drench, I drench the patty melt mayo, and I dip the fries in the mayo. You have a famous We have a moment on this family with the mayo. Yeah, he goes to the subway guy offend me with the mayo Yeah, I tell him that's how I let him know you won't put ketchup on a burger. I do both right yeah, okay, huh um This one's only not in New York, but I just did this the other day. I didn't feel great about it Oh, this is a back to. Have you ever saved a spot? Like say there's a spot out front of the house

and your wife's like, I'll be there in two minutes. Will you stay in there and go, no, now my buddy's coming around the block? No, no, no, I had a cone in my trunk that I would put. Yeah, it was a good trick. You're a firefighter's wife, you're allowed to do whatever you want. Exactly. Look, parking in Brooklyn at night is so hard,

so I had a little fucking cone. Yeah. I would put the cone in there. When you left? When I left. And hoped it would be there? And I'm like occasionally it would but usually no. And then I just lost the cone, somebody just took the cone.

Because probably someone said this is probably a good idea. Because they looked around, they saw no other signs, and they're like some guy's trying to fucking hold the spot. I won't do it, for me it's the same principle, that's the same reason why I don't like the speeding cameras, because you gotta catch me. I have a big thing you guys America you gotta catch me just like you gotta catch the spot You can't have hold and helpers then then you know what then I'll fucking sit out there all day and nobody

That's such a dirt no one gets the bar he's so fucking right yeah, you gotta catch they're fucking cheating with That's bullshit. It's no fun in that dude. You gotta catch me. You gotta catch me. It's the park. He's so fucking right. Yeah, you gotta catch. They're fucking cheating with that bullshit. That's bullshit It's no fun in that dude. You gotta catch me. You gotta catch me, dude. It's bullshit. Yeah The whole thing's got push to find you got it I want you to fuck and then you can still go you can go if even if they catch it go to pull you Over you go. It's my right to fucking press the gas the other day of the oj Simpson the other day the other day Yeah, the other day I was parked illegally The other day, the other day, yeah, the other day I was parked illegally. A cop was coming around and I walked, we got there at the same time, I said, did you clip

me? He said, I just scanned you. I said, hey, it's what it is. I fucking did the, I did the crime, I'll do the time. And then he was like, he was like, ah, I'm sorry. I'll talk to my lawyer. What he said to me is like, there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry.

So I said, give me the ticket, $55, give me the ticket. I'll talk to my lawyer. What he said to me is like, there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry. I said, give me the ticket. $55. Give me the ticket. I have no problem with it. If I got caught, as long as you caught me, I'm parked here illegally. It's no problem. That sometimes throws him. I got pulled over one time, and I was cooking,

doing like $80 and a $55. It had to drop down. I didn't know. And he goes, you know why I pulled you over? I'm like, yeah, I was fucking flying, man. Yeah. I didn't see it go down. He goes, yeah. I was like, yeah. Yeah. I was, man. I didn't see it go down. He goes, yeah.

I was like, yeah. I was like, I'll take, just give me the ticket. Like there's no, it's like. You're not gonna tap dance or try to get out of this? I was like, no, man. I'm gonna. I'm on cameras at the base of the Queensborough Bridge. Give me a fucking break.

It's bad. Got me with a radar gun. They pull out behind me. Yeah. That's what I used to call whenever I raw dogged a girl. I'd go, I did the crime. I do the time two to 22 days Wait to see if any say to see anything happens

I'm sorry, that's what it's gonna pop up. I used to call doing a bid. Yeah, do your burghett or yeah to 22 days 22 days of worry and you go you get out you go. Whoo. Yeah never doing that again Then you do it again go fuck I tell one of the greatest repeat offenders of all time is our good friend Joe DeRosa Yeah, I mean Joe DeRosa was living in prison in the summer 2021 He does bids like great kid doesn't know what life on the outside looks like. He doesn't even give a fuck dude He'll go trans. It doesn't matter. He does bid. We asked Yanni this In a roundabout way we got to it when he was here last but Christy D backseat of a cab Action no action like sex but Christy D. Backseat of a cab. Action? No action.

Like sex? Whatever. If you're leaving the bar with a lady, you're going back to your house, obviously. I used to. Not probably now, not in an Uber, because they have more of my information. But a taxi cab, yeah. I've gotten blowies back there. I fingered back there. I've gotten a couple of blowies and a couple of fingers. And one time I was getting a blow and I saw the cabby looking in the rear-view mirror I said this fucking guy probably just got to this country. Let him take a peek This is American hog right here, bro

That's called circumcised. Yeah How proud he was blow he's in the back because the cab, you know, it's got the divider it felt like another world We say I'm elegant that guy's in his own apartment I got a ploy for my ex when we were in college She was my blow away from high school And I got blowing in the back and it was fucking great pretty cool still it's like an American holiday in my life It's a blow in the back is it is an American psycho It's like a fourth of July hot dog cuz you're not going down on a girl in the back

That's you don't do that, but a blow in the back very easy. Just suck my stick. Yeah Yeah, you heard it here first ladies and gentlemen New merch coming are you gonna suck my stick? I got one that's not I just happened to this I didn't feel right doing it Oh, yeah, we were I was on a plane plays getting ready to take all they were still they're still loading in I'm sitting there Is it rude bounces off everybody in the room is it rude to take a phone call then While you're like sitting there Waiting you're not waiting to take off like it's boarding. I'm gonna be talking about hey, what's going on?

There's a little bit Collie T called me we were you know I am That's when I FaceTime my family right before I take off. I'm on FaceTime with that with you are half Puerto Rican It's a little rude. If you don't have earbuds in. If you got earbuds in. Wait, you're doing it on the speaker? No. You put it in your ear.

I know, but I was sitting next to somebody who wasn't you. And yeah, just it. Who was she? You have to watch your, I don't know. It's just a more quieter time. Yeah. More solemn time. Right.

I'll do it. For me, I say no, I FaceTime with the fam. That's what a more quieter time. Yeah. More solemn time. Right. I'll do it. For me, I say no, I FaceTime with the fam. That's what I do. I respect that. I do that, but with earphones. Always with earphones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it. You got it. And then when you land, you FaceTime them again so they can clap because the plane landed.

I mean, planes that, you know, thank God you don't see that too much anymore with the people clapping. Well, I think it's back now. I was just going to bring it up. I flew from Florida, Fort Lauderdale, yesterday. And we had a relatively rough landing. But I've been on those before. But the plane slammed down.

And this is the second flight that I've been on where the pilot, while we're landing, is talking to the passengers saying everything's going to be OK. I understand that it's a little rocky. We might have a harsh landing. So I'm like, oh wow, this is because of these recent incidents because it's like, it's two in the last two weeks.

The pilot as we're landing is talking the entire time. And my flight going out to Fort Lauderdale, our pilot was a woman and a guy got off the plane. I swear to God he walked off. And he sighed and he said, oh, I'm actually gonna get off the lady was like would you like this and he's got I'm just not gonna Yeah, I did. Let me tell you I that for me. That's like hearing a German train conductor. I'm off. I'm getting off Yeah, yeah, I'm off. I shouldn't I'm sorry. I just fucking I want my guy with a white beard and a drinking problem Yeah, that's what I want flying my plane. Did you see the one at O'Hara Airport that just happened? No

I mean dude, they're happening like. What, today? It was like yesterday. So I don't know what's going on. Plane comes into land. You saw it? Yeah. Fucking jet coming across.

He has to come right back up or they would have just slammed right into each other. And killed everybody. Killed everybody, dude. Those scare me. And it was so close. That's never happened yet. But if I ever get into that land and take off I'll probably have a heart attack.

Land and take off is not fun. That's not fun. I did that once and it was. I've been on that once. It's horrible. It's horrible but that then, actually I'm sorry it happened twice. Once the pilot talked to us the whole way which is great. The second time nobody said anything.

So that was very very nerve wracking. Because you're like, did we get fucking hijacked? Yeah. That's what you're thinking. Dude, it's kind of scary because our whole career is just getting in planes. And the more planes we get in, the more chances we're giving ourselves to fucking.

It's Delta too. It's not Delta. Well, what do you got a higher chance of dying in, a plane or the bus with Bert Kreinscher? The buses. We've done buses. You really give a lot of that power to the driver Yeah, middle of the night. He's driving through the smokey mountains I'm okay with it. I got the CPAP on I'm

Even know Yeah planes are definitely scaring up, but they say when you look into them that there were more incidents last year The media is just like well actually yes But it's also a plane fucking crashed in Washington DC, so that didn't happen last year sure and crashed in Philly Yeah, yeah, so you can't you can't take a nap on a plane, huh? No, he can but it sucks. Yeah, I wake up a little groggy a little swollen little groggy If I got a couple of Bloody Marys in me, yeah, it's because it is it noisy when he sleeps in a plane Nah, he's out. I prefer him to sleep because he's noisier awake. Especially if he's got

a couple in him and I don't have a couple in me, he is a tough hang. I squirm a little. We gotta wrap it up though, gang. Boys, this was an absolute treat. Long time in the making. Two of the absolute funniest, two of the absolute best in the business, the history hyenas. Fellas, we love you. Congratulations on the spatch. Thank you so much hulu. It's just unfortunate go to Christie comedy.com and then Madison Square Garden September Just come to that building. I'm not sure where the show is actually gonna be I know it's gonna be in that building it will be on that address could be upstairs or downstairs Depends if the tickets start to cook a little I know it's gonna be in that building. It will be on that address. Could be upstairs or downstairs.

Depends if the tickets start to cook a little bit. Yanni, what do you got for them? Yeah, catch me on the road. When's this coming out? Uh, next week. Oh, well you just missed me in Philly. Damn it. Which is fucking a large fan base of yours. God fucking damn it. I need the help. You know that's why we call him Yanni almost.

Yanni always fucking almost. His eyes are almost touching. Yes, exactly. Cleveland and San Diego and Rochester and Springfield, Missouri and History Hyenas is back.com for all your information. Check that out and it's good to finally be on here with you boys. Happy to have you guys. We love you so much and thank you for everything.

We love you guys. Love you guys. Love you guys. Guys, we're. We love you guys. We love you guys. We love you guys. We love you guys. Love you guys. Guys, we're on the road as well. Get your tickets. Every other back on the block tour at are you garbage.com. We'll see you out there and also check out the Route 66 special on the YouTube page. We love you.

Thank you. We love you, gang. We'll see you next week. Peace.