Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Holding Comedy Grudges | Patreon Episode (FULL)

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

Here is a full episode from the Are You Garbage Patreon where Kippy & Foley get into Grudges! Join the AYG Patreon for weekly Hard Feelings and bonus episodes of Are You Garbage. Join the Army of Garbage. Thanks for watching. Love youse guys! PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's going on there, fuckers? And welcome back to another exciting edition. A damn hood motherfucking feeling. I'm your host, the bug man. You just hear crawling. I like the bug man. It suits me a little bit. I keep forgetting.

It started out as the big man, then it came to the bug man. I want to introduce it more to the public episodes, but I keep forgetting. Interior, you're the bug man. I am the bug man. Choo-c-c-c-c-c-oo. My co-host doesn't have a nickname. Real lameo. Okay.

They call him the Exterminator. They don't kill myself. Kevin Ryan, everybody. What's up, gang? Shout it to the motherfucking. Kevin James Ryan, three first name. Shout it to the motherfucking hokey. Triple loser.

Okay. Oh, my bad. I should go by H. That's cool. It is cool. No, what's up on H? I would tell you, Maria H. H.

She stands for hemorrhoid. What? Maria Heinek made fun of me at an open mic. No, but I wish I was there for it because it's story stinks. I guess you had to be there. I was fresh on the scene from Philly. I was at an open mic. Half Moon Bay Coffee shop somewhere in Brooklyn.

I think I remember that. Was that like a music mic too? No. Okay. Sorry. And you really yes, then, don't you? That was an open mic at a coffee shop. We had the back room.

It was on Tuesdays, 4 o'clock. A real prime time hour. Man, we used this thing. Doing those open mics that first year, I wanted to blow my fucking brains out. I remember going to Otto's shrunken head. You remember that, please? It didn't work. That was my opener every weekend.

Is that right? That's not bad. Yeah. If it wasn't for Tuesdays with stories, I probably would have killed myself a long. time ago. So it's you guys, we have to blame. What did she say? Who?

Maria. Oh, she pulled my name out. She's like H. Foley. She's like, God, why did it was every, because it's when Louis C.K. was popular. Yeah, when he was popular. Like, he's like, he's just struggling. He's on like a fucking intergalactic door.

They say it's his best hour. And she's like, yeah, she's like, why did why did guy comedians use their initials or something like that? I never told you this No, but I'm on her side So that I know Maria So then I went

Yeah, sweetheart Very funny comic She was right to make fun of me So then I didn't like that You didn't like that I wasn't a fan of the scene at the time I know the bug man No, the bug man did not like it

My antennas were up So I went later in the program Calling a swarm Have this place crawl with locust in a few minutes. I get some weevils in here that'll turn this place upside down. It's on the bugman.

A couple of roly boleys come out of wintery. That's scary. You're like a silver fish. Oh, cool. Anyway, I went later in the program and I did my set, you know what I mean?

But I had this in my pocket. And I was like, oh, by the way, about my name. My name comes from, uh, I was named after my grandfather. My dad had this wooden plaque that my cousin made that hung over his thing. An open mic? A comedy open mic. And then I told this fake story about my dad's buddy dying in his arms in Vietnam. And he said, if you ever have a kid that grows up to be a comedian, make sure he uses H. Foley. And if some broad starts running her mouth at an open mic, tell her mind their own

fucking business. Murdered. Murdered. Whole place went nuts. Is this reality murder? This is reality murder. Okay. Yeah. This is not broadcasting me and you, murdered. Nope. Murdered. Killed.

How many people were there? About 20. Okay. All comics. Get them laugh. You are. Favorite comedian. And from that day on, I was accepted into their ranks.

And the rest, as they say, was history. I remember. Early on, so the open mic game was a bit of a system you had to work. It was a game. Oh, what do you tell war? story's not trying to want up me this is what it's like gang what it's like you know

we have an hour to fill you share a story I share a story I had an action pack weekend dickhead okay we'll get into that but it was at the alligator lounge remember that place on 14th well now maybe is that the place that sold pizzas yeah you got to you bought a beer you got a free pizza I tell anywhere there was a pizza this guy found it oh really guy who's fucking 488 pounds

I'm not 4808 pounds What do you Moving on I'm not gonna be that guy I am not 488 pounds I'm not gonna be that guy I'm moving on Trave hit me

If I lose 15 I'll be around To retract that Yes Fact check that Redact that Call him out Trav

Fenderberg Yeah so for the listener Foley doesn't How long has Trav worked for us Three years At least at least two At least two years. Coming up on three years, I would argue.

Foley does not know. I don't know Ryan's real last name. You don't know his last name. You don't know Trav's last name. But before this, you were going, I'm a real, I'm Traz's real friend. You're my boy. We're going to go see Superman together, aren't me?

Tickets are on me, Trave. I'll get the popcorn a whole night. Because before he was paying for both you to go? No. We're going to go see it together, and you can't come. That's all right. Luke, you're more than welcome to come. Thank you.

I don't want you there What's Luke's name It's Francis Dempsey There you go What number Third? Nope Second

Fourth No Seventh No Sixth That gives a shit The fifth Yeah

The fifth Louis Francis Dempsey the fifth Yeah God Man It goes all the way back Doesn't it? I'm all right

Did you come over on the Mayflower My cousin Down below. My cousin, by marriage, he always tells people that her family came over on the Mayflower. Okay. Yeah. No Irish person. I'm not.

More like the silver bullet train. The cores. I like that. There you go ahead. So you're on an open. No, I don't want to tell us. Yeah, you're on an open mic at the alligator. You were there, probably.

I'm sure I was. Knee deep in pizzas. I never had pizza from there. Excuse me. But you would buy a beer, you get a free pizza. Yeah. A little personal banger. Yeah.

What are you doing? Scratch on my ankle. Oh, God. And we're back. You have to cut. I didn't get it. Oh, there it is. Sometimes I think I have bedbugs.

You've been bug me. That's how I got my superpowers. It's been by 5,000 bedbugs at the same time. No, whatever And I was I remember putting my name in And then like you put your name in the bucket Yeah, that was a bucket

Everybody writes on a little piece of paper But they would rig the bucket For their fucking dickhead buddies Yeah And I didn't know They all sucked Well this one It was good ended up being a friend of ours

Done the show Suba Argoal Subur ran it No but Suba popped in and then just like Suba was the king of open mics bag Suba was the fucking She was hot She would do 50 mics a week Everybody loved her

She's very funny, very hardworking So people would go like Okay, Super you can pop in and go up Always Because she was such a mover and shaking She was such a mover and shaking Based on her merit Not anything

Unlike you Okay, sure This is hard feelings Sure Hey pal I got nothing I got nothing but love for you I love you too

Mm-hmm So you're bitten off my water You're beating off my water There was one word you said correctly in there and it was off I don't trust the pH in this you have fecal matter in your pants

at the moment you don't you don't trust the pH you're not wearing underwear so I'm not that's probably on me too um thin layer of gaberdine whatever but that was when I realized that the fix was in and they weren't pulling up they weren't going by the honor

system because it was like, I don't, I don't want to name his name, whatever. And I remember going, oh, fuck this guy. Those were always so scared. Because it was, like, him and, like, the first 18 people were all his bullies, and then all left. Yeah. And they would go up early

and leave, and then it was me, fucking six pizza and six beers. And what those comics didn't realize at the time is that they had to deranged psychopaths. And, how you done? The list started back then. It did. And I still don't like to kill.

I was trashing him this weekend. That one brought his name up. I said, fuck that. They don't even think that we're friends. I see it. I go, hey, how you doing? I go, you had no close to doubt. How close you are to death, my friend.

Made fun of me for having a fourth slice. I'll kill you. I also imagine taking you like eight months to figure it out, like way too long. It'll be a while. I was just like, wait a minute. Again, again the same 14 people went up in a row. They all come in with their pens and their notebooks bouncing jokes off each other

Where are you at now? Some of them are doing very well Some of them are on TV shows They're actually all great guys I just remember going like Oh whatever okay hey it's the system It is what it is we've ran shows in Philly I get how that way it's it's whatever

But we did it honorably though Then they would all leave and you would just have to fucking So now I'm like up there delivering jokes to like fucking you know Ryan D and Scary Jerry and I got fucking nothing going on. And they're like, you know, it's just you and the mutants at table nine left. I'm going, I'm a goddamn fucking working comedian here. Is that our first mention of Scary Jerry?

Yes, I think so. Gang. Let's, we'll pitch it to. So as you know, you've met Ryan D. Ryan D is a long-term buddy of ours. Started off doing open mics and stuff with them, banging our way through the village and the East Village at that as well, multiple different sectors of the village. And Ryan D had a.

crew of flunkies that we would they he would so Ryan was like our straggler guy and then Ryan like you know then Ryan introduced he would always cut he would show up with a rat the most rag tag bunch of guys yeah Asian Phil and scary Jerry Asian Phil and scary Jerry yeah and scary Jerry is a character of one of the most I mean we've known him for what it we've known him for a decade a whole all the time we've been in New York he's been in our lives sure We were, you know And Ryan still hangs out with him

A good amount, Ryan still sees him I would argue weekly They talk, whatever They're boys They're boys So he was sharing some scary Jerry stories with us Where we were like, we should we have him On the show or not as a, you know We'll probably have them on a Patriot episode

That's the idea we're kicking around Is to introduce Scary Jerry I haven't seen him in a long time No But he's still Jerry He's still scary Still scary.

An interesting fellow, an interesting mix of garbage. Yeah, very much so. Truly someone that could be studied by aliens. Yes, yes. In the near distance. Very unique, specific kind of boy. Yes. An interesting subject.

That's all I would say. So maybe one day soon you'll get to meet scary, jerry. Is that the rest of the story at the Alligator Lounge? Yeah, it was just me realizing the fix was in. And I think that's a pubic care, to be honest with you. Oh, look at me. Luke? Your flies down.

And you're not wearing underwear. You keep it shaved. So I know it's not you. I'm hairless. Ew. Are you? Is that gross you out and turn you on? You tell me, chumsies.

Grosses me out and turned me on. That's what turns me on. I'm so grossed out. I like it weird. Uh-huh. Yeah. Should we get into the weekend? Sure.

I got one or two little things that I want to... This was maybe last week. I forgot to bring it up. It was insane. You know, we're leaving here one night I call up my Uber Right Guys out front waiting

Sure And it was a few minutes or whatever You know, I was like maybe we were waiting to take You know, whatever We're all leaving it's scary down there, doesn't it? No Oh Scary

And I get in the car Right, old erasian man Okay Like an SUV I've seen them Um And I was a little longer. I think, like, I pull up, and maybe he was expecting me to be right there,

but we were up here and just whatever. It took, like, maybe three minutes to get down there. So I get in, and do you ever get in, the vibes are weird? Like, I just got in, I'm like, he's acting weird. He, like, moved around real quick. And I'm like, what the fuck? And he's... Is he jerking off?

No, he was peeing in a bottle. Oh. Which they do. They pee in bottles and then pull over and dump it out. that's my suspicion because I saw a bottle get shoved into the side real quick and he was he was fiction as Jimmy and you know a bottle of riptide rush when you see it and it ain't yeller yeah and I was like what but it took me a minute we stopped this motherfucker was just peeing in here it I felt so violated did it smell like pee in

the car but then I started thinking I'm like that's pee but I was I was in my head at that point yeah and then I go probably drinks a lot of green taste probably Sure, yeah, he's probably, you know, it's probably all antioxidants. Sure. A little ginseng. But it was just one of those things from like, that doesn't feel right. But I just rolled with it and lay. Wow.

You know what I mean? It is what it is. I've been in a public restroom. Sure. Do you look at the piece? Nah, he was, I think, because, well, what happened was I was walking across? I was waiting for the cars to pass, and I went like this. And that's when I saw him frantic.

I think he was, he had to cut it off midstream and, yeah, put a cork in his becker. Very interesting. Yeah. Oh, man, I would have fucking bugged out. I would have got out. Got in the front seat. Hey, Vito. Vito.

So, let's get into this big weekend, you had. I heard big weekend, a lot of plans. I had some plans with you that you fell through, didn't connect, didn't really. Hard feelings is, you know, aside, that's not how you handle canceling plans on it. man i'm sorry i you saying i didn't do it right i would feel that way yeah really yes you think me saying hey i'm in and then a couple hours before saying hey i can't make it well it wasn't till i texted you what time are you going so a friend of ours was having people over texting me and foley in a group chat that's right yes i doesn't chat hey what time oh cool sounds good sounds

Good. So then noon roll. We're supposed to be there at three. Maybe 11 or noon rolls around or something like that. No word from you that you're not going. Which I feel as a friend, if you know three hours before you're supposed to be. I knew the week earlier. Yeah, then why don't you tell me?

I don't know. Yeah, because you're a vet's bad. When you're lying to him and me? I'm not lying. You knew you weren't going. I have every intention on going. I want to go. But then when it, you know, push comes to shove, I don't know.

Something, you know. they don't want me there or something like that goes through my head you mean i okay yeah but it's like we made the plans with you right we were taking we were weighing in the options with the three of us made the plans that was because of the three of us oh you think a hundred i i mean a hundred percent huh it was me you and him was the impetus of this thing right and then i think you're going the whole time you don't indicate that you're not not going. So then I think it was like 12, 45 or something.

I was like, hey, I'm like getting ready. I'm mapping out. All right. I'm leaving. You know. And I go, what time you go? And then you lied. You went, ah, I'm not sure if I'm going to make it.

Which, when I heard that, I was pretty sure you were sure you aren't going to make it. I had a lot going on. And I go, what are you doing? And it gets back to this thing, which we were breaking your balls. I think the last two weeks, you're like, I got a lot of stuff to do around the apartment. And I hate you with an LOL, which lets you know, Kimby. that shit. Right.

Yeah. I left it at that. I think I called you gay and then said L-O-L. Something like that. Yeah. So what was the big to do? Because one of the things you needed to do was get a grill, which we've just found out you did not do.

No. I didn't get the grill yet. You didn't do laundry. I did do laundry. No, you didn't because you're in pants right now because you don't have underwear. Okay. Because you said I didn't do laundry. I didn't do laundry.

I didn't do laundry. Slow down. Slow down. I didn't do clothes. I did the beddings. The beddings are done. you have two beds yeah so you got to watch the the duvet covers individually then you have to watch the uh the blankets individually and then all the sheets okay you had four days right I didn't just

do laundry I'm asking what else you did you started off with laundry that's I'll give you four hours this weekend so my girl she was away again and uh you know I I was home with the cat. So I got to watch the cat. You don't have to sit there and actively watch. I'm sorry? It's just some tough love. I'm putting my foot down on this.

The cat's got to be fed twice a day. Okay. So I have a dog. Yeah. Who needs to be walked three or four times a day. Right. I have a fucking 100-month pregnant wife who can't do it. I'm doing it all.

Okay. What's your point? That your excuses are not, you have to watch the cat who... Who's watching the cat right now? No one. No one's home. There's somebody there. Who?

Travis. Travis. What's his last name? Sprague. Okay. He's over there. Thanks, Travis, for watching the cat. I'm sorry.

I got to put my foot down. These bull cocky lies ain't going to work. They're not bull cocky lies. It ain't the bull cocky truth. Okay. So, yeah. So, yeah. I know you're dead the rights.

Everybody knows. I flaked out on the event. All right. Whatever. I procrastinated a little bit. weekend. But I had a nice weekend by myself. I did a lot of cleaning. I did a lot of organizing. I threw out a lot of clothes. I read a script. I watched some movies. I got some good night sleeps. Saturday and Monday morning, I went to the gym. Okay? Didn't go Friday or Sunday,

but I went and did my little old workout that I used to do, my weight lifting and stuff like that. Shake weight. Yeah, I did that. It arouses you. I ate well. I got good night sleeps. You know, I was just kind of doing my thing this weekend. Okay. That's what I did. I did the laundry.

I threw some stuff out. I started cleaning up the upstairs again. Moving some stuff around. I'm going to sound like a dick. You listed five hours of stuff out of, out of 100 hours. I'm doing it at my pace. That pace doesn't work for anybody. Do you, you're not getting that?

Like, you got to get out of this. I'm allowed to what? I can't be at my house. Not for fucking five days straight. You shouldn't be at your house. You should be up doing more stuff, socializing. I was out. Where'd you go?

I had to go to the store. Went to CVS. Okay. Ball condoms. Fingered my asshole. That's funny. I did do that Thursday night. I'm sore as shit back there.

Okay. Yeah. We just choose to see it differently, I guess. So the one thing I did do, so one. issue is uh so there's a couple of things that i have to get done there's a we already found out you did not get done there's a slab upstairs okay slab of bacon i took care of that there's a slab upstairs that's crooked so that's got to get fixed all right then down are you doing that you can't no i know no i can't so what are you doing who's doing that super okay but he kept he kept cancel

Okay So the other thing I thought he was there last week fixing stuff He was but the plumber wasn't there that day The plumber's got to fix the slab No he was supposed to do that he didn't do it Okay So this guy sucks too

We all kind of suck I'm picking up on that you got a fucking bozo team Trying to do I just picture another fat ass motherfucker You guys laying in there eating chips Not fucking working on anything That's what I picture You're both canceling plans with your best friends You know what I can't make it

I got stuff to do I did do sheets. I did do the sheets. What'd you do? I did everything. What? Our house is, our apartment is completely ready for the baby. Packed.

So is mine. Mine's all organized and clean, except for a couple of things. All of your underwear. None of that is clean. And he even said you threw out clothes, probably because you didn't want to do the laundry. Who are you laughing at? I'm killing with Diesel. Fucking.

easel's peeking in. Hang out, scary, jerry. Tough love, baby. Tough love. Well, I just like, perspective-wise, I understand you're going through some stuff. I'm not going through some stuff anymore. I'm on the men's. Everything's cool.

I'm doing good. All right. Things are good. I would argue the amount of stuff you did over the weekend. I had a nice, relaxing weekend at my home. I went out. I did some stuff. I went to Home Depot.

What did you get at Home Depot? I got a snake and I got some drain cleaner. Why didn't you buy the grill when you were at Home Depot? It was too much of a project. You were there? I didn't have the car. I don't have the car. Why?

That would be my next question. Why? You're going to Home Depot. The Mrs. had the car. Oh. What kind of Uber did you take? It was a Highlander. Pretty big car.

That is a pretty big car. They also have delivery. Yeah. I didn't think of it. I do things compartmental. I don't know. No, you do things shmarshartedly. And I'm sorry, I have to try to fix it.

It's insane. It's proper insane the way you can duck away. I wasn't there yet. I wasn't focused on that yet. So I went to Home Depot. First of all, you've been trying to buy a grill since you moved into this apartment. That's not true. I have a grill.

Then why are you buying a new one? Because that one stinks. It's electric. And I got people coming to the house. And I got to move some. I got to move some diesels. I got some dogs that need to get on a grill. I'm trying to get a grill to save.

a little money when everybody's here. So, you know, we're cooking out and stuff like that. We're not doing fancy dinners. You just say you spent like three grand on Yankees tickets and you're worried about saving money? I don't, I can't get whatever point you try to make. You've conversely told me the other point. Well, you can only do one thing.

You know, I'm not spending that money on Yankees tickets and then doing a bunch of big dinners, too. We're going to eat at home. Family. Okay. Plus her mom will do a lot of the cooking. There you go. There's always something.

Hobachi. There's always something going. Just cooking. It's great. Okay. Healthy stuff, too. Asian food. Yeah.

Tempora. A lot of rice. A lot of rice. So, one of the issues is there's something clogged up in the, in the top. This has been going on a minute. You have to, you have to, I'm not, me not breaking your ball, me breaking your balls aside. This thing's been snaked

There's been plumbers There's been super bad plumbers There's been super bad plumber Everybody It sounds like everybody But fucking Super Mario Bros is going down His pipe Well, they check them off the list

Because I took a shot at it yesterday And that was a mistake It was a big mistake What'd you do? I went to Home Depot I got a snake And I got this drain cleaner That's supposed to be like

This serious business Do buy any of them snacks To check out Because I'll do that Because you don't feel like they should be there, and then they're there. I think I got you dead on. You got some Rolos or something, didn't you, that is? They always got something where you go, I haven't seen this in a minute.

And it feels so out of place. It's that same thing at a staples. You're like, oh, treats. They got Rolos and the movie-sized Twizzlers. I can't tell me shit, dog. Can't say no. And I got my own gun. Oh, yeah.

I'm fucking. I feel, I feel this is always, I was talking to Diesel. about this i feel so cool when i i do in other people's jobs you know what i mean if i'm ever like that's why i like being like backstage it's a job over here i get up i get to go grab that grill make my dream i feel like cool i always when people get to go other places i was like when i was working for my dad you would be it like even if it was like an acme but i get to go in the back and up on the roof it's like that i like that uh yeah that fucking covert access. It's a good feeling. And I know you're busting my balls. And I know socially I haven't been

that great. But I have been, I have been making strides personally on my own. I have. And I had a, I had a good weekend. I look back on this weekend and I'm, I'm pretty proud of it, to be honest with you. I did do a lot of stuff around the house. I did go to fucking Home Depot. I did run some errands. I did spend some time with myself. I did some thinking. I read a script. How long do you think it took me to read that script. I don't know. How long is it? It took me fucking three days. You know how dumb I am? Yeah. I don't know. Have you seen the show?

Do you know how long it takes me to read something? I had to literally break it up into two hours a day where I sat for two hours and read it every day. Okay. It's the first time I read something all the way through. From beginning to end, I snuck and read the back first. See how things end up for me. See what kind of sex scenes are looking at. Sure. There are none. Okay. All right Tell me

So anywho So I go over to Home Depot No snacks I get a snake And I get the drain cleaner I bring that back to the house That's you don't just say You went and got

You bring it back to the house It's not a thing in the list Of what you did that day It is understood You went to the store Whatever you bought at the store You brought back to the house You list that shit

To make it sound like you're doing stuff And I will not stand for it Fair enough The buck stops here okay then i had to open my door and push the button on the elevator and you know that gets stuck sometimes then i got to get out i got to find my keys i jiggled a key i don't know what key you know i met this morning i met a i met a pretty cool guy that lives on my floor guy francisco real good good looking real outgoing guy he he he like he meed me in the elevator what's that mean like normally

I'd be like to hey how are you you know what I mean whatever in the elevator he did that to me he's like he's like I'm Francisco by the way I live in uh you know whatever whatever I'm like oh I'm Henry I live a whatever whatever he's like I was like my I was he took me so the man with all the Uber Eats he he took many people live in your apartment he took me by surprise because he goes I live in uh you know whatever whatever he's like where do you live and it took me a second to remember what my apartment number And he's like, I'm guessing, since you couldn't remember the name of the apartment that you just moved in. Now, the back of my head, I'm like, is this guy an asset?

Like, what, this guy's, is he pulling some CIA mind trick on me or something? No, he's talking to a 50-year-old man who can't remember what apartment he's in. He's going, I hope you just moved in. Otherwise, you need a helmet on. I said I was tired. I'm tired. Sorry. I read nine pages today.

No, it was like 140-page script. Long. The feature. They have crazy page breaks in those. Huh? There's like 30 words a page. No, that's not true. There's a 140-minute feature?

Yeah. That's right. Okay. What do you special effects are probably going to have 145. A lot of character description, isn't it? 90-minute. What are you talking about? That's hard for me.

I haven't read in a long time. I'm proud of you. Thanks. I'm not. Dick. Tough love. This is Boob. Can't Kippie.

Listen, when this kid comes, I'm cut in a cord. I don't need Bukkamp Kippee, and you take care of a kid. I'll take care of myself. I am taking care of myself. You paint me at this picture like I'm some loser, which I'm not. Now, you're a cool guy. Yeah. Yeah.

Just trying to fucking do me. A little solitude. Think, get my head straight. Working on me. Okay, man. All right? Sure. I ain't get any Uber Eats.

So anyway So I get back from Home Depot I got all this stuff with me I go upstairs You go upstairs yeah you open the door you go up Listen yeah guy knock it off So The tub

Is what's wrong with it So there's hair clogged in there somewhere All right But then also the last time they fixed it They took the They took the stopper out And it's this weird like tooth looking thing That goes in and up to the drain

up to the, what's it called? The access thing, the spillage thing. The clean out. That's what it's called? What's it for, by the way? So the tub don't overflow? Yeah, sometimes, but a lot of times a clean out will, you can open that up and then get into the pipe.

Here we go. Yeah, it's to clean out the pipe. So when I was trying to go in through the thing on the floor to the tub, I wasn't hitting anything. And I had a pretty long snake. And it has that thing on the end. Yeah, you do. Huh?

That's what they all say. I work the walls I can't get the clock Work the walls Use your tongue You're damn right You're licking the clean out Rubbing out my finger

Uh huh Anyway Uh so I get nothing So it's getting a little late Can I can I ask a And do a genuine honest answer How long is that first try? Because I know and I'm not

This isn't me This is me knowing how long I would try that And also me knowing you and I'm more on your side with it. How long is that first try, Jen? Are you at it for 20 minutes? Are you going, you give it 90 seconds? No, no.

I mean, it didn't hit anything. It went in and it wasn't hitting anything. Okay. And then when I cranked the thing and pulled it out, nothing came out except for like a little brown water. Like it looked like grease or something like that. So I remember the last time that they were in there fixing it, that he took that thing off.

And I'm like, it's one screw. How bad could this be? So I go and get the drill. Take that thing off. There's four more screws under there and like another plate. And I'm like, fuck. And everything's all rusted. The one screws like ripped away, like, what's it called?

Strip. Yes. But the drill, I have a fat head on the drill. That took care of it. So I got that off. And then I went down that way and still nothing. so now it's all taken apart I have the drain cleaner in there

which I didn't realize it says six to eight hours she's going to be home any minute all right I still got the I still have the sheets from our bed in the dryer all right

so you're behind the eight ball on the chores is what you're saying I'm a little behind the April she got back on Sunday yeah this shit she I'm 11 this isn't me saying she was expecting this up

same thing. To be done Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Right, if I had a guess. I mean, at this point. You know, she don't know about the script, though. 5,000 pages. It was a fucking.

This is the new Hobbit movie? The fuck. You're taking over a key point of chip part. Being to the guy, I've been in this position. Here go. I always curse myself. Why the fuck didn't I?

The fuck didn't I do this earlier. Why the fucking? because now you've got to dig out. You got to... She's going to be upset about one of the things. One of the things is really... Because you can only lie about... I've been working at this dream.

That you can buy because there's no real... She don't know when you started. She don't know how many fucking attempts you did. And I wasn't even... The sheets in the dryer's a bad look. I wasn't even supposed to do the... I thought I was taking the initiative. It's like I've been trying to get the super up there

for how many weeks. All right? he's supposed to come on Wednesday and like you know someday I was like you just go why don't you do it you got nothing to do go and take a shot at it I thought I was fucking you know taking the initiative

but I fucked it up I couldn't get the screws back on and I got all these metal parts in the tub and I was plunging the tub so not the tub's filthy the sheets aren't done so I'm like as long as she comes home and doesn't want to take a hot shower

or lay down I'm good which after a long arduous journey people love to hit the treadmill she wants to take her little shoesies off get a nice hot shower going lay in bed yeah that's that's not possible for what i'm picking up no no and it's it takes a lot longer bathrooms or one one one it's nice though doesn't sound it i gotta be honest with you sounds like a fucking porta potty If I, you use this bathroom a lot. If I can extrapolate what I've learned about this bathroom. I had already cleaned the entire bathroom.

It still smells like urine. No, it smells like a homeless person. I had already cleaned the entire bathroom. It still smells. No, not that one. I haven't touched that. I know, but diesel cleans that one. And it still smells.

You put a lot of pee out there and don't get it immediately. That stuff lingers. Do you have to? I got the cream berries. I really cleaned the bathroom and I really clean the. Is that the cranberries? Yeah. Okay.

Are you done with behind the music? I'm tanking over here. I know, and I have a lot of jewelry in it. I'm fucking. So I can't get this one screw back on. God, how much is that it? Fuck, God.

Shit. Screw's falling down the drain and shit. That's funny you mentioned. Yeah. I know it all does. I got a hole, big hole in the drain. Family ones a plumbing company. You know how many fucking screws I dropped down?

So when I take that first screw off, I'm like, all I got to do is not let this fucking thing fall but it's all wet and it's slippery and it it took a lot of pressure to undo it but once you und like undid it once it comes out it slid right out those are just like surface level those are like finishing screw that's not so when i pulled the screwdriver out that thing fell right in a hole but it's not that deep so i had to go in there digging to get it out and i got a caught underneath something so that took me a while to get that out of there and now i got that that that my lunch came You gotta stop it

Big I guarantee The union guarantees me An hour lunch break And four cigarette breaks I'm not smoking So Yeah so then the bird got home What ballpark hour is this

Maybe 10 o'clock At night No you are jammed the fuck up Dude You don't have the bed made At 10 o'clock at night And you're dropping screws I had the sheet on it

I had the fitted sheet on it Doing a duvet, doing a duvet at 10 o'clock at night, fucking sucks. Me and my wife, getting so many fights. Oh, my God. A Sunday night duvet cover, I'd blow my fucking brains out. Whatever fucking dickhead invented the duvet cover should be taken out and have their fucking head job. You didn't grow with duvet covers, did you? Get the five blankets, motherfuckers, motherfuckers.

Yeah. We never had comforters. It was always blankets. We had the real thin one. The first comforters we got, we talked about, were the ones that had the shredded plastic in it. Ours were like the wired plastic. Ours were like, the shitty ones. Yeah.

This is like. That they would just, they wouldn't even fall around you. No. They would stay up. No. You were to wrap your feet up to create a barrier. And the wind would whip right through that shit. Yeah.

It was like a brawny paper towel. Those things. But this is, and I like the feel of, uh, of a nice comforter without a duvet because it's nice and cool when you lift it up and it goes between your legs and you put it down and get that nice and cool feeling to rub your piggies together as you're going night night so this is your excuse if i love a non-finished that's not an excuse i genuinely like that and plus all the hot chicks did you try to sell that to her at 10 o'clock at night i tried to sell this to her when we moved into the house it wasn't just so you know but the duvet cover that she has is really

soft and that's real cozy so you got to get your arms in there you got to tie it around the corner. I literally look at my wife every time and I go, I'll fuck. I want to kill. I want to kill myself. And I can't figure it out. And she starts, he laughs at me and that kid be don't like that. I do it good.

She don't do it good. She always gets it screwed up. What I get messed up is the fitted sheet because it's a California king. So it's kind of a square. So you can't really, you know, like on regular beds when if you do it the wrong, if you do the fitted sheet the wrong way, you know right away because it just doesn't reach across. This one kind of does.

So I fucked that up You can always tell by the tag though There's got to be something There's one tag on it says bread or something on it I don't know what it says on it I thought it was supposed to be at the bottom But mine was on the side So I put that on wrong

Big weekend you had huh Big weekend There's 10 o'clock and you don't even have the fitted sheet right Fit of the sheet's wrong at 10 o'clock Yeah duvet no no go The fucking the bathtub looks like C3PO It's just fucking Just metal every

How much time's left on that dryer? It's been done for about eight hours If I had to guess Well, here's the thing All right It didn't It's not like she walked in and went Perfectly warm blanket for my baby

No, it was I'm not an idiot I'd know to if it was bone dry I would have hit it again I hit it a couple of times But I had to Because again these fucking duvet covers They get mixed up with sheets and it looks like a head in the duffel bag i know it's like they're breaking out of jail

with these things they're making a rope fucking crazy i did i had to do it this morning i don't understand what happens in the dryer how it gets tied up like that and the middle's wet and then i got to pull it out and i got to fucking undo it like i'm a hobo in the back of a train to try to get the fucking pillow cases out of there put that back in start drying that but i got all the stuff back on minus this one screw which she still doesn't know about because i couldn't find I'm going to blame the super when he comes on Wednesday This is a fucking fucking set up job You're doing on this guy

This poor bastard Yeah Now you got diesel involved in on that too I got diesel involved in it You know blood on his hands Yeah You play Patsy I don't know it wasn't even air

Which I know a lot of that sounds pathetic To the real men out there But You know I mean dude there's guys listening They're like pipe fitters They work eight hours They come home

They got four kids they put the kids to bed. You're losing a screw and lying to your wife about the sheets. Canceling plans with your friend. She was not impressed with the script either. A little pedestrian, she thought. A little redundant. Yeah.

But that's what I did. Oh, and then I told you a little bit of this outside. Excuse me. She gets back. Sorry. She gets back. Now, I don't understand this. A lot you don't get.

I'm kind of a big wig in the building, I think. Fabricio didn't even know you. Who's Fabrizio? What's his name? I didn't know him. I don't think he's claiming he's a big wig. Good look at a kid. Cooler than me for sure.

He definitely had a sheet's done too. Anyway. You know, come off him. Dumping clips. She, though this is I worked my way around it. I just picture this dude would be a stud You assume he's having sex with my wife No, no, no, no

You are, but I'm not I'm assuming he's just having sex with a lot of ladies Yeah Or one lady who's very attractive I'm sure That's what I'm saying Or a lot of hot guy Whatever it is, he sounds like he's fucking doing his job

He seemed pretty good He was kind of chewing something When he got in the elevator And he kind of made it cool Yeah Like a protein bar or something like that Yeah, he really had me I kind of run a building

If you need anything, let me know. That's what you're saying to you. Meanwhile, you think you're a big wig in the building. Well, I grease the fucking... I'm the guy who fucks all the chicks in a building. If you see any broads moving, let me know. Wait, I'm saying this or he's saying that? He's saying that.

Not you. Yeah, well, I'd kind of do the grossing out in the building. Make sure your Uber Eats drivers. Don't leave the food out front. I'm going to take it. Oh, I didn't tell you this. I fucking... I told you outside, but I slashed my fucking toe open.

Deep. I probably should have went to the emergency room, but I did. I just sucked it up. Real man like you. Real man like me. Was this in your contracting? This is when I was making the bed.

It's when I was making the bed. So my box spring has those metal things. And she's cut herself on it too. And I fucking dragged my foot across it. And you know, it's weird. You got a box spring? A box spring. I have a box spring.

Really? I have a metal box spring. Or no, it's wood now. It's the wooden slats. That's not a box, wait The box spring is the box spring Is the mattress under the mattress That's the box spring

Yeah A lot of those are phased out No, I have one Huh Yeah And then I have a metal I have a metal frame Bed frame

Like the ones That's like, that's like jail shit What's yours? Wood Cloth Yeah Like cloth Yeah

Headrest Yeah This is wood covered in cloth Now mine's old school Do you have, is it on wheels? Yeah. No. That's what you got?

It's like a dorm room. Yeah. It comes in two pieces and folds out. And you make the square and hook the hooks? Yeah. That's what you're banging on? That's what I got. What do you spend your money on?

That's crazy. Heelik sent it to me. I think. No. Or maybe my mom sent it to us. Somebody sent it to us. Yeah. What do you got?

I got a wooden one. A wooden one. Uh-huh. What do you mean a wooden one? one like a nice i'll show you what i got a wooden one and you have the comfy thing all the way around yeah i had that in my old apartment our rooms are small we have like this you have a california king your room can't be that small it is oh man you are a fucking turd bag i can't fit on her side of the bed to get in i don't go in that way what i'm saying to get in bed

you couldn't get in that bed i have to squeeze her between that and the air conditioning unit. And they have the cat tree at the foot. I gotta get eyes on this apartment. It sounds like it's like where Kramer's boys live or something. It's like those stairs where you go up and you're four away. You can't tell if you're going up or down. Your whole apartment's an optical illusion.

I didn't know that was trashy. I don't, I mean, a guy, I mean, listen, I'm not judging it. I've had it. But. yeah yeah i just i was shocked slipped my foot open yeah that thing'll get you uh and it was one of those it was one of those things where you can't tell if it just hurt

or it's bad uh there's like a minute of dude i don't know i was so that was right when she had gotten in so that happens i sit down i'm i can't get up because i'm just gushing blood and i'll just get blood all over the carpet and all that stuff and then i'll got to do the sheets again god forbid I'm cleaning carpets. Like, I'm bleeding. Like, I'm heavily bleeding.

And there's a huge chunk out of my toe. Part of you think you're going to bleed out? No one's there. So I was praying for it. You start drinking beers to thin your blood out. I hop into a warm bath. Okay. No, what I'm worried about is that I got to keep an eye and I don't want to get infected.

Big guys, that happens to. My toe gets infected. You know, chopping off my foot. I don't want that shit. Walking around like Davy Jones. Pirate? Anyway, I call her and I'm like, hey, how close to you? She's like, I just pulled in.

I'm like, all right, listen. So bloodbaths. Save yourself, huh? I said, you got to come up. I'm bleeding. Start looking for a pair of crutches or a wheelchair, something to really sell this while the chores, why the chores aren't done.

Babe, I don't want to ruin your trip. I got those fake bullet holes all over the airport. Make it look like there's a burglary. You start ripping the drawers out, fucking dumping them and shit. Babe, it was a home invasion. I don't want to ruin your trip. No, it wasn't like that. I couldn't get up.

I didn't want to get blood everywhere. So she's like, somebody's parked in our parking spot. Again. That was my point. Listen, this has been an ongoing thing people parking in, your spot. Parking to my spot. Do you think you're a big shot?

You are the bitch of this place. Pitch of the building. Bitch of the building. You're the bottom bitch. Well, this is what happened. I'm going to get passed around like a loose joint. She gets upstairs. She's tending to my foot.

I was like, just wrap it up so I can move. Because she's like, I can't park. So I'm like, just park right in front of them. Fuck them. Park right in front of them. And she's like, I have something else to tell you. And I'm like, what's up? She's like, no, it's nothing with us.

But I think there's a dead cat downstairs. And she don't like that. Like that key cat in the parking garage. So, she's like, you could have been sleeping, but it was in the middle of a parking spot. A knife at its back. Got it in its hand. I did this. And you know what sucks is I could have swore I heard a kitty cat meow from outside.

I could have swore I heard a cat meow from outside on Saturday. And I wonder if it was that cat Like on its last legs It was maybe like a year old It was sad I don't know Banned part of town like that There's probably a lot of streets

Probably is on drugs or something That makes up with the wrong crowd Anyway She's like I hope it was sleeping Did that give you some distraction from the befuddled chores? A little bit.

I said, I'm going to go take care of the car. You finished making the bed. You put on a pot of posse or something for us. I'm vanished. I've been eating all day. Okay. Yeah. All right.

That's, you know. I had dinner waiting for it there because I figured she might be hungry. Nice of you? Some beef and some cabbage that I cooked up. Very nice. Beef and cabbage. You know, the Oregon Trail. Beef and cabbage.

Like Mushu. They had like a little Asian vibe to it. I had some soy sauce and some... It was nice. Okay. Some sliced steak and cabbage. Okay. Cooked down.

Some onions. Delicious. Low cal. Cooked down. What? I did cook them down. Cooked. You tell me how to cook them down?

You could just say cooked. Whatever. Cook them down. Like, it's been this big thing. So anyway, I go downstairs. cat ain't sleeping he sprawled out there's a sin i don't know what to do so then i get the car straightened out i come back up some words were exchanged she wasn't the happiest i don't necessarily but she was happy she's like you did a lot thank you was appreciated i just wish the bed would

have been whatever i mean i apologize about that i got the bathroom fixed up that for the Except for that screw, but she don't know that. It's inside the one screw. Okay, that's good. I just took the screw from the inside, put it on the outside. Sucker. Get a drywall screw in it. It's a nail.

Think, ding, thing. Yeah, so then this morning, 9 o'clock, super's at the door. About the car. She's like, sorry about that. The lady who normally parks. There was the car that was where the dead cat was She didn't want to park in your spot Yeah she don't want to park there

He's like I thought you guys were on vacation It's always my fucking spot I know The bit building bitch That's what you are A fucking building bitch I got one of you I abused this shit out of him

Little building bitch Do you? Yeah Fucking flex on him and shit Read his mail Flex on me pussy What'd you say Read his mail before he does

that's i've also i also had a very productive weekend we have finally i was telling luke we are finally 100% ready for the baby for the babes we have um just because you have so many it's boxes why don't you come on over and finish these sheets for i make my bed so much time on your hands uh we because as there's just so many boxes of you know there's fucking diapers and this and that and the stroller and the bassinet and the fucking this and that like there's a hundred things and then it's all you don't want to fucking you can't really open it so we've had a spot in our kitchen like a kitchen or a breakfast day or whatever there's like a little room no it's a it's a it's a room um where it just been like it's it been is it in the

kitchen so it's like the kitchen where you cook and then i got to get eyes on your place too and then there's like a big room probably a little smaller than like Have I been in this apartment? I don't think so For like a second maybe I don't think so That was the old one

Yeah You can we did it And we used to do We did an episode of hard feelings there I remember you walked in And fucking started trashing it Right away Right away

I was so proud First lease I got on myself Dude I got on a lease myself In New York City I felt like fucking I felt like the king of the city No not the one that you used The Airbnb out

I feel like I was in this one I don't think so Maybe you weren't there Hey not Right I'm sorry for banging the table I uh It's just like we finally got

Our bags are packed or this or that We're fucking everything's We're good You're ready to go And it's just I walked on and I went Everything's everything's away Everything's back and it's I mean there's a fucking stroller

In the living room That's just like part of it's ready to go yeah But that's like Like, I even got that out of the way. It's like off in a corner. We moved some stuff around. It's just like, and I went like, oh, this is good. It's like about to get blown the fuck out.

It's just going to be chaos. But it was nice to be like, oh, everything's away. Everything's taken out of the boxes. Everything's assembled. Everything's in its place where it will be living moving forward. Can I say this? Sure. And I just, I'm just taking this from Cassidy's experience.

I don't have any experience with babies. Oh, you don't? No. I think. in the beginning, it stays pretty calm. Sure. You know? Yeah, I mean, there's not, it's not like he's like running away or anything.

No, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the sleeping and the feeding, it's a lot of, yeah, but they're pretty much. You guys are all ready to go. For the most part, yeah. Have you been thinking about it? It's like hitting me. It's probably scary. Yeah, I mean, it's not, not scary.

It's very, you go, you're about to do this thing that you can't, the closest thing I would argue is you can wrap your head around as a dog but that's obvious i'm not comparing this but it just no i got you oh here's a new thing i have to take care of times a billion yes of course and i remember hans when it was a puppy i went to fucking kill myself we were like three days in i'm like this was steak dude up all night he's crying was shitting all over the place so you know uh yeah no we're stoked though uh why was he crying back then i forget They do, it's all puppies, you're not allowed. Like, if you, you can't leave them alone.

They just cry. If you, I mean, you close your eyes, they start, it's fucking brutal. Sucked. Remember that little rat bastard, dude. We had them in that kitchen area, like in the, whatever. And he would fall asleep. I'd have to be petting him, and he would fall asleep. I would take my hand away super slow.

I'd go, like, one. I'd, like, count to ten. Pulled away, and then stand there, and I'd stand in front of him for, like, two minutes. I'd make sure he doesn't wake up. and then I would crawl like I would I'd walk like a mannequin out of the way

and a turn and I fucking have to loop around and I loop around it I would take me I would go from me to Luke to like the couch and it would take me four or five minutes

and I would be fucking I'd be like this and I'd get there and I'd lay down and I'd roll over and look over and you'd just be staring at me I'm like fuck

and you just start crying again where's your fat ass going God damn it I do have a this is a new take It's in the city all, I mean, like, now I'm like, you know, we're just hunkered down. We're waiting. So me and the broader, you know, some walks and this and that.

It's a lot of time in the neighborhood. Sure. It's, you know, some, being in the summer, people are out and about running around. I don't like, I so don't want to raise a jerk-off teenager. Teenagers, all age, all from every, I think city teenagers are bigger jerk-offs than other teenagers. they can be I especially New York New York's whole thing is like

Warre's so oh like it's the crowd he runs with I know but just like there's okay there's significantly more jerk off teenagers in New York

than I would argue but let me ask you this just play devil's advocate if I saw you and your cronies I'm not saying I would have said I would have said this is a jerk off teenager

but you really weren't I was trying to yeah I mean but if I okay if I saw you out in front of the pizza place with your skateboard buddies you might be a dick but if i came over to your house you'd be a different kid i wasn't no no no i mean like i would have represented like oh these kids are dickheads like if you saw me and pat or you know and whatever but we weren't right

like i wasn't going to interact with you in a negative way if i like cut in front of you on my skateboard it would be like yeah suck my dick i'd be like my bad oh sorry about that like i was we were polite but I mean this fucking group of kids I saw I saw what we were in the park and I was just like man these kids fucking suck just like they were like smoking it's like a kid's park and like you just see all the parents being like

you guys are 15 or whatever like there's all young kids here like I don't care if you're smoking go something like go under the bridge or something you know what I mean like there's this like smoking dope nah sigs or I don't even know kids are smoking sigs they were if they were far away I mean, New York kids, ain't?

Oh, yeah. Kids are smoking six? I would say less than, like, if they're smoking, I would think, like, we would. I don't know. They were on the other side of the park, but you just saw, like, parents at grabbing their kids and, like, pulling them away. And you're just like, I'm like, dude, I've been a dickhead, but it's like, there's, like, there's, like, there's, like, there's, like, there's, like, there's, you go up on the roof and do whatever you want. I'm not even saying, don't be a dickhead, just. And then...

Don't beat me up. Sir, please. Getting beat up by a kid would suck. Oh, my God. I was, like, really mad at these kids. There's a couple, 50... I mean, I mean, like, I would... There was, like, three of them where I was like,

that's the one I would have to hit. First. But you instantly go to jail. He was bigger than me. He was bigger than me. I don't think you're... Big Irish head on this, like, this fucking... Looked like a guy.

Do what you would see on, like, first 48 or whatever, like forensic files. And I cut to like Jimmy O'Connor. And he's like, you know, fucking the big like underbite and the overhang. Probably get, probably getting hit at the house. Probably. Listen, I get it. You got to remember that.

I get, listen. I got to talk to these kids. It's more of outreach. It's more of like. Level with them on their, on their level. Use terms like cap and no cap. And what's the haps and a vibe and stuff like that? They'll respect you for that.

Sure. Ask him about Charlie XCHH. Mm-hmm. X-E-X It's pronounced S-E-X Selina Carpenter And the other one Billy Relish

You're done with your dad jokes Yeah Johnny hot dogs I don't know him Boone Benson A kid that does the flips Benson Boone Right

There you go You don't fit right in with the kids Can I ris you kids up for a second here You guys see that Minecraft movie I know Jack Black I know Jack Black I know They're lying to impress them

Oh yeah They wouldn't know that Sure They probably also wouldn't know Jack Black by name You guys think Mamoa's a dick too Hey you got 12 million for that movie Jack Black got three I can't stand Mamoa

Goofy ass motherfucker are wearing those fucking mad hatter hats fuck out of here yeah be like you do zero chores pays your wife off I really can't say shit about anybody can I

I don't got it I get my own house in order before I start talking shit yeah I don't know if you'll ever have your house in order these are thoughts that I've been thinking more recently really as you Unravel, I think, is the term I'm not unraveling, man, I'm good.

I don't think you're, I don't think you're wind it up. I'm good. I'm good. I told you this. We had a low point. I'm coming out of it. Sure. I think it's great.

Now, back to you getting beat up by these kids. No, but like, they were like, they started like fighting, like, you know. And dude, you're in a tight news. Started fighting, fighting? No, like, a rough house. Grab-ass I don't know Whatever

But they're fucking Grown men Two of them are bigger than me Like like I said Like two big fucking You know They look like they belong On a farm in Nebraska

Like fucking A couple Irish meathead Yeah just some fucking yak Like big fucking animals And they're fucking you know And it's like It's also

It's like because they're New Yorkers It's like the UN There's like an Asian kid With the like on the back Of the big fucking Irish guy There's a Dominican kid fucking. It's all, they're all, you know, it's cool to see because, like, we didn't, I didn't grow up with that. It's just like, they're all just, like, shitting on each other.

It's great. But, man, they fucking, they're in, like, a ball now. And it's like, we're going downhill, like, the sidewalk goes downhill. I'm waiting there. Nadine's going in. First of all, I'm trying to eat health, right? I'm trying. I'm trying.

I'm shooting up. I'm trying. She's got to do with the kids, right? She goes, she goes, because we were stopped out front of a pizza. She goes, can you run in and get me pizza? So we stop and get a coffee. I'm like, I'm going to get a coffee. I've never heard of her eating pizza.

Oh, she loves a pizza. She does. Yeah. Really? I know it doesn't make sense, but she grew up in Germany. That's all fucking proper Italians. She grew up. She lived, her last apartment was for seven years was above.

What did she, like a slice of cheese plain? Well, they don't do the cheese over there. Excuse me? They don't do slices. It's all Neopold. I can't order a slice of pizza in Europe really It's mostly You get like the individual pies

There's no cheese on it though They were called it Neapolitan They wouldn't call it a cheese You don't get like a, you don't order a slice of cheese I thought this was America No but she'll do it She'll do a sleet She don't like the

You ain't doing like a Buffalo chick She's like a vodka slice I got her on the vodka Classy lady But yeah, just typically a plane Can you get me a plane slice? So I go, I order coffee She goes, I want to stop at the pizza

All right, but you got to fight these kids So I go, stop at the pizza place And I'm, I'm fienden I'm like, I'm having a little bit of a saw I'm hanging so I'm like Once you get it in you It's your You can't smell that

Chasing a dragon A pizza place when you're hungry So I go I'll grab a small coffee Take the edge off Skip lunch You down it's burning I burn my mouth But you know they say that's really bad for you

To drink hot liquids Even when you don't realize it It gives you micro Plastic Weeners, penises It gives you micro lesions and your asophagus Sure That's not really scary

That doesn't really scary about that shit You got other stuff to worry about The sheets I know I know I know my god They uh They, uh, whatever. So she goes, so I'm sitting there, and I'm, as I'm ordering the coffee, I'm like, don't get a slice, dude, don't do it.

You've been doing so good. You're down my- You're getting a coffee at the pizza place? No, I'm at a pizza place a few doors that, or a coffee place a few doors down. All right, get me a chicken pot. So I'm going, I'm literally standing in the line at the pizza place. And I'm like, sorry, Tom, I'm all fucked up at the coffee shop. And I'm going, don't get pizza, dude, don't do it. Fucking stay in the lane.

You're doing great. Come on. This is, don't fucking do it. And I'm going, eh, it's the weekend you can have, I'm fucking, I'm devil and fucking angel on my shoulder. And I decide not to after I'm talking, which seems like, what seems like the seven-day war in my head or whatever. You mean the one with Egypt? I don't know. It was a long time, and they didn't like each other.

It was the six-day war. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, it felt like seven up here. I was like you trying to read. So I get out. goes, can you run in and get me the pizza? I said, I can't. I can't go in there.

I can't go into the fucking crack house and get you a vial of crack and come out and not take a little fuck, a little tutski myself. I said, you're going to have to go. He was out. Get me, what are you doing back? They're throwing the dough and he? So I said, you go in. So I'm waiting outside the pizza place.

And then these guys, the fucking, you know, the uptown boys come fucking. rumbling and tumbling down the hill jumping on and like they're picking up momentum and this woman with a fucking newborn babies coming out of the fucking thing this mom cut into fucking mama bear instincts and like they were gonna fucking they were gonna tip over the fucking stroller like proper dude she fucking threw herself into the into the melee and that she fell everything like they hop up and I'm like God, like, I'm trying to like...

Did they say sorry? One did. Oh, sorry about them. And I'm like, that's the, that's a good kid. The other's like, oh, you stupid. Oh, it's his fault. It's his fault. And I'm like, you almost just fucking tossed a baby onto the New York City sidewalk.

Like an infant. You said you yelled something? No, because then I'm the guy, you know, getting beat up. I don't even get my slate. I thought about hitting a one with a coffee. That was going to be my... What? I lose. If that was going to turn on me, yeah.

I'm not fighting these kids fair. What are you nuts? No way. It's an ice coffee. That's a little hot. I think in most situations, an authority figure, if you didn't go at them as a tough guy. I don't see myself as an authority figure. If you said, guys, what are you doing, man?

She's got a baby. Knock it off. They're not going to try to fight you. I know, but this was already done at the time. Like it already happened Fuck you bitching about Go get a slice and shut the fuck up It was just this like You're like fun

And the one kid who apologized But then I just like Ah you're fucking coffee in the face I mean if I was gonna fight three guys Three kids, three children I think he would be in trouble If you scalded at one of them in the eye If they squared up with me

I still think you're going to jail for fighting minors I'm okay with that I'm just not getting my ass kicked by three minors I'll serve my nickel What are you nuts? I ain't kidding. Just one kid would have fucked me. He looked like every one of my cousins.

No fucking way. Remind me not to mess with you. I call me. I don't think that's every like self-defense thing ever. Dowsum, one of them was going to bitch up. Probably the one who said sorry. Yeah, the one who said sorry wasn't going to fucking squabble with me. You hit him.

I said, I'm sorry, Sam. You're fucking blinding. Not that I'm just saying, if anybody, if I'm squaring up, there's two guys, I got the dog, too. He stuck biting me. Hold on. So now you're scalded in one of these kids and you're sick of a dog on them. He wouldn't listen. But if, I mean, if I start squaring up, the kid of the dog.

The kids don't listen, that's proven. These kids, these are bad seats. I had to throw coffee in his eyes. Yeah, it fucking, yeah, you got it by yourself a minute, 10 seconds. Also, these kids are, these kids are like full-blown roughhousing. They're already charged up. You know what I mean? They're looking, blood and a war.

That's your first coffee today. That was actually my third running pretty. I've got to wrap it up. Gang, love you, see you tomorrow. Peace.