Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - How Kippy Met His Wife! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: DraftKings: One app. Every sport. All 50 states. New DraftKings customers, Sign up with code AYG, spend just five bucks, and get two hundred in total rewards within 21 days, includes all markets. That’s code AYG. In partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Quince: https://quince.com/garbage Promo Code: GARBAGE Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://www.RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Promo Code: GARBAGE Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred GAMBLER, one eight hundred MY RESET. Connecticut: call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven, visit CCPG dot org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days OR Trade with DraftKings Predictions to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable Rewards issued as Fifty dollar click-to-claims every seven days for twenty-one days. 1 single-use boost per customer per day, expires at the end of the final select game when offered. Valid for select football transactions on the platform for which it's been issued. Terms at d k n g dot c o slash offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.Limited time offer. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh yeah, all right, gang. I'm talking about that American Garbage special from RU Garbage right here, September 13th on our YouTube page. Yes, if you don't already subscribe, please subscribe to our YouTube page. We want to blow this thing up. If you're an audio listener, take a minute, pull up YouTube, subscribe so you get notified. We're going to be doing a live premiere of it that night. We're going to be in the chat, get your heaters, get your beers. The boys are throwing a gosh, darn party.

September 13th, American Garbage, our first comedy special. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. You know, Luke, everybody's favorite podcast.

It's our little showy. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after the group to be classy. Yeah. Which is just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Tate's Holi, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toadie's in a new edition.

She's upstairs listening to The Nights Delights went out in Georgia. Okay. Sumber mood today. Ooh. You know, I think it's the rain. It's going to a little bit of a breakup. Okay. Part of her thruple broke off.

Earl. Do you mean him? Dude, he's got a hog on him. If Earl's in your thruple. Yikes. That's a tough thrup. My comments coming age from across the tables, we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.

Just the way we like it. Give it up for my best pal in the whole wide world. KJ. Kevin. James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang. Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in.

Please make sure you're right. You, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, full video. Velba over there on Spotify and the boys are climbing the freaking charts and then obviously the greatest website of all time www. www. patreon.com slash all you garbage. Those numbers are true to fucking roof gang. We're back. In the charts over there at Spotify fucking Patreon. Army of garbage. 16,000 strong. We got the new tour, the Army of Garbage Store. And there's something else that we got coming up on our YouTube page. Oh yeah. American Garbage. Hey-ya!

Our brand new. Our debut. Our debut, Are You Garbage Special? Yeah. Mm-hmm. That BTS stuff. None of that on the rude stuff. Talking, Are you garbage?

Just me, Kippy, and the great people at Tampa, Florida. Shout out to everybody. Kick in the doorway in the 4-4. How you doing? We're excited about it. Yes. We love it. We love the fact that it's us and the people that we talk to,

the audiences that were at the show. It's like it's a real 360 kind of thing. It's a very, if you've been to a live show, you know how, you know, kind of wild they can get. The stories, the interactions, kind of how everything unfolds. It really is,

and this is like a thing we've said all the time, and if we've probably said it to people individually, I know we have, of like, the stories people share. It's like cathartic for them because, like, if you've been to a live show, it's very welcome to the party. We are trash, you are garbage, we're here to celebrate it.

Do we ever tell them what we say when a guest comes in, when a new guest comes in? The garbage is celebrated, to come up is celebrated, the money is celebrated. It's all, yeah, it's like, and that is it, like, you know, the, um, one. Trash. Yeah, it's like, you know, the, hey, I was a cop. This is how I lost my job. And people are like, that's what we're fucking getting into, baby. You know, it's like, uh, it, I mean, we've had people share about addiction and all that kind of.

It becomes cathartic for them and, you know, everybody hearing those stories, they get a big round of applause. Everybody says, thanks for show. It's a fun. It's a family community thing. Vi. Yes. It's not just fucking, blah, but da, we're fucking, we're out there doing it. Our hands are in the meat, baby.

Making them meet the bowl. We love you. American Garbage is going to be on our YouTube page September 13th. September 13th, if you're an audio listener, go over to YouTube, subscribe to the channel. We're going to be doing a premiere for it. Yes, we'll be in the chat. Be poop, pop, boop, boop, the whole nine yards. Also, like, fucking, you know, this is a very, we've joked around.

This is a very bootstrapped thing. We funded this whole. Bootstrapped. Yeah, pull you up by your boot. Yeah, bootstrapping it. Yeah. We produced it. Yeah, we put all of our money behind it.

You know, we just want as many people to see it as possible. So please do that thing where you fucking, we'll have videos up and, you know, clips and stuff like that. Share it. Put it in the fucking group chat. Make it a story. Spread the fucking good word of. of the garbage. We want to be able to keep making this kind of stuff and doing it.

And, you know, it makes sense as the thing continues to grow. Producer Luke Dempsey. Producer Luke Dempsey. Also, cam up. You got upgraded. Slide cam operator. So listen. Luke is good with these little rinky ding cams.

We, you know, these things that we shoot on here. We call in fucking Connor Kelly, Mikey, Juss. We call in the boys, right, for the bigger production. These guys are, they're fucking shooting movies type. you know, high level stuff, TV shows. And then Luke got promoted. Day of, I think, right? Big boy rig.

On a big boy rig, working a camp. What were you supposed to be doing? Managing you guys. I needed management that weekend. Also, so Luke, you'll see. Luke got called up to the big leagues. Did you get paid as a cat? No, you didn't.

And you will not? I don't know you're sick all our money. of this either, by the way. I'm looking for a goddamn bailout at the end of the year. This is crazy. Hand up, you're always looking for a bailout. I think one of them golden parachutes. Yes.

Also, you know, a little bit of behind the scenes. We have pictures, all this stuff, too. We'll be posting, but... We got photos? We got photos. Just inherently, like, we tried to be a little cool. So, we did it at a club. We shot five shows at a club.

Side Twitter. The green, we're a big team, plus we have the whole crew. I think it was like a 20 per between us and the crew was like 20 people. A little lighting people. We flew people down, some from Tampa area, some not, whatever. So there are a lot of storage, a lot of gear. We rented, I was like, you know what, we want a proper space to chill between shows. We're going to be there.

So we rented like a, the idea was to rent like a tour bus to park in the parking lot so we could hang. and chill and be comfortable. You got us an RV that a crazy woman owns and has sex parties in and about 50 cats. She lives in it.

That is, so I didn't know any of that. The picture, I think Diesel helped book it. The pictures looked nice. They did. And it was a nice, it was a nice rig.

It smelled like meatloaf. It was just lived in. Heavy, heavy lived in. You know when you smell a pouch, a couch pillow and you can tell it There's been a greasy. Dude, it was...

I need to take that over very quickly. I need the, I need to, like, pee around. Yeah. Another dirt bag. Yeah, I got to get my grease in there. It was tough. It was one of those things where, like, you ever, like,

had you ever, like, been at a guy's house or he's selling weed or just, like, a real... No. A real shitty house. Like, where they're, like, they're trying to make it nice, and they have, like, just those real bullshit fragrance options.

There's a hundred different kind, but it's like the diffuser where you turn the sticks over, that kind of where you're just like, you're really masking, not a great scent. It's heavy on the chemis. And that's what that was. You're just,

it felt like he got in a bed. We didn't sleep in there, but it was the feeling of like getting in a bed when someone just got out. It's that. You're like, this is all just too fucking lived in. It was tough.

A warm bed. That's what that place was. It felt like you got, it was like that scene from No Country from Home of Man, when the glass was. still cold. You're like, oh,

we just missed them. You know what? Bails, we just missed them. Yeah. Milk's still cold. Um, but,

uh, so inherently, even us trying to be cool in it, we fell into, we can't not be trash. Um, but it was, like a mobile Airbnb situation.

That's exactly. That's perfectly, it was like, a mobile Airbnb. Oh. Yeah, had those day. Gary,

Indiana. There's bad, uh, bad sheets and like the bad pillows, like real like shit that you got at marshals or whatever. Yeah. I always knew that when I Airbnb, I used to Airbnb my place out. I would switch all the pillows and blankets and stuff.

And then we started using a lot of Airbnbs on the road. And I'd show up, I go, I fucking, this is the shit I put out. I knew we were in trouble when she's like, I'm not going to be there to unlock the door until later. I got to drop my daughter off. Yeah. And she was like, yeah. Yeah, she was like strict about stuff. Yeah.

Don't go in that closet. Yeah. That's always a fucking. Don't open up my drawers. Nine foot dildo in there. That was a broom. What'd you use it for? Yeah, but check it out, gang.

We're very, very proud of it. I think it's the best thing we've ever put together. And shout out to the Army of Garbage. And shout out to the motherfucking Army of Garbage. Also, tickets available now on sale for most, some of the cities we're coming to. We're working with new agents, so they were figuring out the rollout and we're adding, we're trying to, we'll be adding a lot of shows. New Asians? New Asians.

Agents. Agents. Shout out to Asians. Han Dynasty over there. on 3rd Avenue. Oh my God. Oh, my Lent. Finally had Taiwanese food.

I had Taiwanese sausage. Delicious. Yeah. And the cold chili oil noodles. You're not that big of a Chinese guy. I mean, I'm fine. I like it, but it's never like my, no, not real.

I mean, a lot in college, we'd go to Temple Star, shout out T. Star. Mostly because they delivered Sigs late. You know, so you had to. Chinese restaurants deliver Sigs. Yeah, that's a real feeling. thing I feel. I don't know if they ever do that

in New York. I'd never heard of it before. Really. Most places delivered. That's how you got SIGs out underage. We'd call Munchies that was in this place called Munchies. I told you then they got arrested for like selling weed and I had a bunch of T&T. Which I remember Pappy like, why wouldn't you tell us man, we were in there. I love weed

and tea and dynamite. That's how you call and then another place, IG's pizza it's now defunct. They'd give you They're selling Coke, right? Who? Oh, no. Monchies.

I mean, I don't know what they were doing. It was a nice family business, I think. Yeah. That was the first place I realized I have a stare. I got a bad face. I got caught staring at this kid. Staring at him? Yeah, smugging him, I guess.

I was looking. He's a real dirt bag. Real, like, salt of the earth trash bag. What do you say to you? What the fuck you looking at? Yeah. Fat ass. Be you with a fat ass?

I don't think so. but he was saying of yeah I mean I quag I for sure I was eating if I was at IG's pizza I was eating dog yeah and he knew my boy's older brother so he out of respect

he like came over and dapped my boy up yeah you know what I mean and you're sitting there yeah I was you were probably asleep and he realized it sleeping with your eyes open that boy snoring or choking I'm sorry I look like

I looked like anger he got an anger suit on Dr. Pepper and pepper already more parmesan cheese please Yeah he hit me with like Oh what the fuck He was getting in a white tersail hatchback

And I had never seen anybody Hold on. Paint this picture. God, you stink. Paint this figure. You're with your boy. Yeah. We're hanging out of a shop. Are you outside? Yeah, we're hanging out of a shopping center. Okay. Out front of IG's pizza. And he rolls over.

That's probably skateboarding. He rolls up, dabs up your boy. Yeah. He did the thing in the power where he pulled up, like not in a spot, hopped out. Or he might have been, yeah, I don't know. Hopped out, rolled up to who? Stubbsky? Not my boy, Liam. Uh-huh.

Dapped up, Liam. Y'all is your brother, whatever. And then he was getting back in the car. I remember really He turns around and looks at you I was intently staring at him Because I'd never heard anybody in real life Used the phrase word is bomb And I was like what that seems like

Oh is he Action Bronson I know I remember I was like we're all you know I get it wraps hot right now Hold on were you looking at him like whoa No it was more like Oh really would this kid have fucked you up Oh yeah

This is one of those kids That could like fight at a young age I don't even know his name He's one of those bad kids I respect about you and me both What? We know we get our ass beat. I get rolled most of the time.

Unfortunately. You got to kick my ass. Are you nuts? Fortunately, I'm a dirtbag and think I have to defend my honor as a man. I don't mind getting beat up. I'm going to get beat up. Yeah, I got beat up a lot. I'll hold my, you know, I'll hang.

Luke's kind of kind of good. I bet you could take them. I bet you couldn't. I found out quick. Yeah, you did. About to find out quicker. What? Huh?

About to have three feet, two on your legs and one up your ass. I just saw that somewhere You're going to do that? No I love you I'll put something else up your ass What? You or me

Call HR I'll testify with you I do think we're We got a whale sitting here I do think we're going to get to a point where you start trying to scam the company In lawsuits and stuff like that Can I do that and still work here?

I mean not really Do we have insurance? Yeah We do You have to We have business insurance Yes You have to.

In order to get delete, I had to up it. I was... I've been shot! You're not that good of an actor. No, I'm not. Good Lord, you come out, Trusley, Shakespeare. Yes, you can sue the company you currently work for. You're the owner of the company, Dickhead.

You'd be suing yourself. Yeah, but that insurance pays that. Wasn't I going to jack up our premiums? Yeah. Oh. That's not cool. Also, you don't think they'd send a fucking... insurance inspector after your ass, you're nuts.

Yeah, I was worried about that. Where the fuck was I? I don't know. Nowhere good. I was in Brooklyn. And there was somebody watching somebody where I was at because there was a guy sitting in a car across the street with a camera filming somebody in the restaurant.

Oh, yeah. And it had like, you know, my buddy used to do it. He was an insurance investigator. Like for like medical malpractice and shit like that. Just catch dudes all the time. They got the neck brace on, the fucking cane. They're fucking shooting, they're playing a game of horse with their buddies. Busted.

Yeah, I don't know anybody that ever did. Actually, we know. I know one person. Moving on. Guys, we got a Gastron family episode on our hands. Wait, did you finish story about the guy almost beating your ass? Well, that was it. You were just sitting there staring at him.

He yelled at him. Yeah, he hit, I was, like, intrigued by this level of dirt baggatry, the unlaced. Dirt baggatry? Hmm. Baggy black jeans, which in the 90s, or, you know, late 90s early 2000s. Like punk style? No, like tough guy style. Not like the older black guy that you see in that certain cut of jeans that you know he will beat your fucking ass.

Yeah. That's my thing, but he's still wearing G-unit clothes or Echo. Steer clear. Yikes. How did he use word as bond in this setting? I forget exactly. I remember the Dap up and then he was walking back around the car, which is a tough guy. move.

Did he get, what did he? The driver's side was on the other side. Like he had to like walk around the car. Walking around. It was like a white terseilles. Did he just get out to say what's up? I think so. Yeah.

Maybe he might do, yeah, maybe he was getting sold him weed or something. Pizza or something. I forget. I just remember. Well, hold on. That image is a lot different if he's holding a little white bag with a fucking beef patty in it. No, no.

Hi, Jesus was not selling beef patties. No, he was leaving. He had an empty hands. Okay. And he, and he was like, he was. reaching into the car. What the fuck are you looking at? He had the door open and over the top of the car.

It's like something out of a movie. I know. That's why I'll never forget it. What'd you say? Nothing, sir. Are you done with that beat set? Yeah, I just, no, no, no, no. And I think my boy stepped in.

I was like, nah, he's cool. Yeah, pussy. I pop up. No, he's not. Beat his ass. A bit of a dick. Can I ask your producer a question? Sure.

Luke. Henry. Hmm. Well, stink on that. I respect it. Well, if I'm not, you're pretty sweet. You are. What are you talking about?

You're my friend. He's the man. How many times have you said that? What? Word is bond? Yeah. When you were in high school with you? That's too old.

That's old. Are you sure? That's OG. When you were in high school, would I have liked the way you spoke to your other friends? You would have hated it. Can I get a little taste? Real bad. Really?

That was the height of fucking Zans and, you know, Trippy Red or whatever. 2016 Zandemic, dog. Yeah. 2016? Is that when you went to college? That's when I, yeah, freshman year. Jesus, we were fucking... Right, don't let me in with your old fucking ass.

I was hanging out of IG's dog. Are you, 2016? That was 10 years ago. I was 30. I just moved to New York? Yeah, I was living in New York. Yeah. You were doing well.

I was doing all right. I was dating my wife. You were sharing me? Were you really? 2016? Yeah. Are you? I met her in 2014.

So date my wife. I was traveling internationally for the first time in my life. Working some... Working the circuit. it in New York a little bit. Luke, back to you. I was doing all right. I had just lost the weight.

Gang, when you sign up on the old Patriot, get your question right on the air. I had some cool clothes. My word is God. Word is bon. I had some cool clothes. Uh-huh. We were doing okay.

I mean, you didn't know, you weren't. That was the year I started acting professionally. That's when I got the Gaffigan show. Yeah, there you go. All because of Kevin Ryan. How? You said I should start acting. I did.

And I spent that year doing short films and all that kind of stuff. Word is Bond. I forgot. So in your, in your, in my biography on A&A, in your Academy Award speech, I want to be obviously, you know, you know, people go, I want to, you know, obviously have first and foremost. I don't get that. Do I make the list? You got to thank the producers and all that stuff, people that worked on the project. if you do what I've been telling you to do.

And what's that? If you get in with me about pitching and producing and all that kind of stuff. That is how what you're doing? Yeah, we could be like fucking Seth Rogen and what's his name? Adam Greenberg? What's his boy? All you got to do is sit... So we're two Jewish guys now?

I can't swing that. I'm clipped, but I can't swing that. I ain't converting Denise. Denise. Denise'll never have me. We're a Passover dinner with some executive is spitting it out. Look, that's a bit. I like a brisket

As much as a next fella Yeah You're thanking the devil In your accepted speech I'd obviously like to thank Lucifer Best deal I ever cut, huh? He meets me at the crossroads I hear you're the resident

Tough guy around here Anyway Yeah good stuff Kim, what's talking about draft kings The King of the Draft Gang as you know The Draft King's app is now available in all 50 states I'm talking about from Texas to California,

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contest availability varies by state. limited time offer, baby. Who had the over on how long that was taking me to say that? I was like watching Slingblade read that thing. Predict that, daddy. Listen, please. I got to be honest with you. What?

Listen, you know, I was staying away from the Phil's for a little bit for a while. I'm in them. Football season is upon us. It's a different animal. It's my favorite part of the year. First couple weeks of college football season, I got the Irish. There's a big game, North Carolina, TCU that they're playing over in Dublin. You know, I'm on.

North Carolina, man. And just we got the Irish, we got the birds. Listen, we got it going on. During the games, I like to do to win, and I like to do who's going to score the little touchdowns. You love to text a group with you. I just put you in here. And it bothers. And it bothers Henry.

And it bothers Henry because I'm a gosh darn winner. I need a little bit of seed money. Guys, that's Draft King's app. Do it. Have fun. Kippee, guess where I've been. Where is that, bud? they are on Quince.

Oh, you mean Quins.com? Now, you know, the big man's down about 100 some pounds. Hey, down. Okay, I'm fitting into different things. I'm going to be over there at the Chunky Monkey store anymore. I go over to Quince, get some new fall fashions.

I got some stuff on the way that's going to blow you away. Shout out to Quince, man. You're looking for some nice stuff. Falls coming. Upgrade the wardrobe. Don't break the bank. Talking about quality products

and a quality price, Quint has it all. Listen, this is, this is my, this is my dirtbag hack. Mongolian cashmere sweaters. I do it once or twice a, I do it one, and once every two year or two. And this year is big for me. We got a lot of dirt bags out there that listen, right? Not a lot of fashion. Some people are fashion forward, some aren't, right?

Due to financial restrictions, culture, whatever, you're a blue collar guy. I'm a, I'm a denim guy. I ain't doing all this. Listen, but then you got, hey, I got Thanksgiving coming up. I got Christmas coming up. I got a wedding. I got all these. A court.

I got custody. All these things you got coming up that you need to, you can't be wearing your, you know, your Weldering jacket too. You need something a little more. Go to Quince. They get you lined up. It's easy. It's simple.

Boom. You get that sweater that goes with everything. You get a good pair of pants. You get a nice t-shirt. Something that just elevated so you're not doing. And then just wear that to everything for the year. Next year, try again. That's what I do.

Let's go. And you go, oh, that's a jack. Yeah, so, you know what I mean? Quince focuses on high-quality wardrobe stables. Made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, the big man said organic cotton and merlino wool. They also make premium pants fitted teas, polos, breathable, active wear whatever you need.

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Download Quince app for exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Garbage and get free shipping on your order. 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK 2. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com-size garbage. Do it. Do it. All right, let's see here. As you know, when you join the old Patreon,

over 16,000 strong last time I checked. You will answer your garbage question. We'll answer it on the air. If you're a fan of a show, you know the mother-frigan deal. Woo! All right, let's see here. This one's from Dosh. Never have one read.

Are you garbage if you take video while you go through the car wash and post it on your socials? That's fucking trash, dude. That's so true. Why? What is it? It's awesome. About a dirt.

All the colors? A dirtbag's brain that goes, the world needs, I need, I need photographic evidence. It's awesome in there. I don't do it, but every time I'm in there, I go, I should fucking, I'll maybe take a picture and send it to my wife. Like, I do take a picture. It gets dark. It gets cooler in there. I wish that, that should be a nap thing.

Whoa. Sleep in the car. Yes. You get a real long. car wash like like 10 miles long and you could pull in on your lunch break and you could just sit back and go to sleep while you're getting the why the car is getting that's not bad miles that overhead would be brutal who water bill that'd be a $5,000 nap yeah did I ever tell you what I used to do with Patty my mom so back in

the day they had they had the vacuum cleaners weren't one thing they had a body that was like on two wheels looking like a dog's body and then I it had a hose and then connected to the sweeper, the thing. The vacuum. Yeah, and it blew warm air out of the back. And Patty would put like some moth balls and some good smelling shit in there, you know, a little potpourri. So it smelled nice. And it was a perfect temperature.

It wasn't hot, wasn't cold. It was just warm, nice air. And, you know, the carpets and stuff like that. She would go from room to room and, you know, the vacuum would kind of like stay in one spot. And she would do the room. I would follow her and lay down with my head right on the end of the van. vacuum cleaner and I would take little baby naps while she was vacuum in the

place. Very comforting. I felt like the womb. I'm trying to get back there ever since. Hanging out at the car wash. Very good question. Yeah, I also another great thing about the car wash I love is man, there's never been more

possibilities. My imagination never is more grandiose than looking at the very beginning of all of the products they sell at a car wash. You mean inside? Those impulse buys, dude, I go, could I put this on my car? I want all of it.

I want it all. Why? Is it the chemicals? Is it the fragrance? I don't know what it is, but I'm going, in there, I'm a different guy. You know my favorite summer job. I go, working at a car wash with Johnny Mitt. At the car wash.

On the main line. His dad's, Storm and Norman, Johnny Mitt's dad, RIP's dad, RIP. Shout out to the legend. his buddy Irv Erv Gaudi where it is bombed, dog Erv He was one of those dudes

He like made his money somewhere And then opened up a car wash On the main line I think he was like D divorced or whatever He was awesome dude Open up a car wash It was brand new

And we were the first guys to work there It's a big clean The only problem was that shit Gets all over the driveway You know all over the armor all and shit Yeah I hate of getting an Uber And I got it all armored up

What the fuck? What are you fucking Tom and Jerry? Yeah, I got yelled at for putting too much armor roll on the floor of a golf cart when I worked at the country club. This guy came in around the turn. What the hell? You almost drove me into the... Almost bit it on whole nine into the lake. Fuck you, Johnny Knoxville.

I said, that wasn't me. I was the nighttime guy. I'm not the armory. It was me. We all get eat off that, John. Yeah. There's something about maybe I'm wrong, but it's just maybe the... people I've known.

Anybody, you're a little unsavory if you own a car wash to me. There's something, it's a two cash business. It's a two, I, it's, you know, anybody's ever been like, yeah, you invested in coal washes. I'm like, you're hiding money. You're cleaning cash. Something's wrong. That and laundromats.

Breaking Bad really brought that back, too. Was that? Because that's where he started and then he buys it and that's how he cleans his Maybe that's all Self-consciously that I would have punched that kid right in the fucking face Man poor Walt White He won

No you ended up dying Sorry to spoil it for anybody The car wash He bought the car wash, yeah The wife took that energy Yeah and no she started working for this other guy And banged him Yeah she was banging that guy out

Yeah I respect that she was hot She was Yeah shout of Skyler They had a pretty tasty sex life too Walt and her They'd get into it sometime Yeah I remember her

jacking him off fucking I remember that I didn't even look at it I remember what this shit yeah I loved her you would love her she's like the most hated character I know why he was

stoochie what she'd do I mean not fuck she'd do not not right that she was the most hated yeah really yeah she's like King Joffrey level of hate King Joffrey Game of Thrones

the character is so good like the actor portrays the character so well everyone just hates them in real life turn his mic off way Game of Thrones Our car wash had squirt guns in the lobby

that you could squirt your car with as you went by You rich motherfucker Really Were they connected? Yeah Like you could like

You'd have To do next to each other And you'd Shoot your car as it's going by What I'll clean it Different life up there In Connecticut

Huh Splish splash That's also Splishpatch Was anybody It's probably in a water park To Playing chase the pork kids

And they had a log Blum too Go down shotgun Falls I'll be the lazy river Get me when the car's done Get me when the beamers done That's a good

That's sick It's great for the kids Yeah There's little touches I try to think of the name That's the little difference We either did Lower middle class

And fucking upper class Man That's the difference Ours was like Car Wash USA or USA And strip club And sock factory Shout out to the sock factory

In Bristol Go up to your size And I got fishnets on. I'm going back to school in fishnets. See if you can find that. Do Bucks County Sock Factory. I went there. It was a good time.

That's been outsourced, if I'm not mistaken. I don't know. Somebody said it was recently still there. My mom took us there. And then she took us to a backpack place in New Jersey that I thought, they had like mountain climbing stuff, like a section. And I was like, lady, I don't know what you think I'm doing. But it ain't.

I'm not fucking repelling down anything. You get their shoes that fucking cyclists wear? Over in Croydon. Croydon. Croydon. What's it called? Bucks County Sock Factory. No shit.

Right to the point. The Sox Factory. There we go. Specializing customized socks. Customized. Wait, what the fuck is going to wear special socks? One leg shorter than the other? I don't know why the fuck she took us.

I guess were times that tough that she's like, I got to get a grosser stocks? It was just a deal. We'd do the same thing. We'd go to this fucking shoe place before every school year and we'd get like meds. Instead of kids, it'd be some fucking weird.

They would fall apart like a fucking bad baseball. Stitching come undone. You'd go to fucking stop and your foot would go right through it. Brutal. That stinks. They also do like,

socks for everything. They have a sock for a bottle. I think they do like golf head covers. Like they just kind of like really make socks on everything. I remember the red hat chili peppers came out with socks on their wieners. I could never do that. What? Find me an ankleer. An angler.

A ankle sock. Baby suck. Yeah. Good shit. That's, uh, I think it was USA Call out. I think the other one was Sparkle, which that was like. We have a Sparkle cleaner. in our hometown.

Been there for like 50 years. He might have bought the shopping center near town line in Blue Bowl, where I grew up. That shopping center used to have like a pharmacy, a deli, blah, blah, blah. And then the Koreans came in, heavy bike. And bought a Korean, it was the first time I ever saw a Korean grocery store. Remember we went in there one day. This is like 19-18. Guns drawn.

Safety's off, doll. Lock, Loaded. My dad was having flashbacks. He's in there setting Claymore's putting me on point.

I'm short time. He's trying to order a buffer fish sliced thin. I'll do a half a pound of eel sliced thin. I liked it.

You got any more to Dell back? You guys got Cooper Sharp over here? Yeah. And now they're the fucking hottest rage,

man. You go to an H-Mart? Snacks for days. Some of that shrimp popcorn? Come on. They do it so much better. Of course. This place, I'm sure it's

upgraded now, but that lasts it forever. Sparkle cleaners, the Korean grocery store, and something else. They had open tanks at one point with fish in it. Probably the freshest shit you'd ever get in your life. The first, maybe second. The first

you get a shark in there. A little shark tail soup It's fucked up The first The first one I went into Maybe might have been in like Chinatown Me and you were like

I want you wanted a candy or something Me? Yeah me and you were down In Chinatown running around Here? I never been to Houston What Something doesn't have in Houston

That have a Chinatown Every city does that Yeah And we walked in And I dude There was a Not you know Not casting dispersions or anything

but there was a pungent aroma that I couldn't get over. I remember you laughing at me. I was like, and you're dying. You're like, I got to look. I'm like, I'll meet you outside. I'm about to start smoking in here. You can clear this out a little bit. It's not for me.

They're not aromas I was exposed to at a young age. It doesn't smell like garlic or fresh bread. I think somebody gassed the joint. Come back. I'm a scumbag You just rude Do you want reasons?

All right Let's see here This is a little A little very Very car heavy episode Love it You're always very good with that Thank you

Mapping it out I'm making all this stuff up By the way This one's from Big T No this one's from T First time long time When was the last time You weren't a convertible

With Claw seats That is a specific Point in You probably never have. Have you ever had claw seats? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we had claws seats. And they're beater. The maid's car.

I can tell you. I don't think it was, it wasn't a full, full convertible, but it was probably a 1990, early 90s. Vinny had a firebird when he was 16, or 7, 18, something like that. So it was a T-top.

T-top firebird. the fucking seats went up and you had to get in the back it was red that maroon red had the glove on the front i think it was a goddamn death trap i didn't like going in that oh i didn't like being in the back seat but i didn't oh no i was a fact that plus benny was my road dog i was in the guy's front seat felt like a belarus and astronaut yeah you know you're coming back shit that's a one sitting next to a chimpanzee sitting next to a chimpanzee sit next to a chimpanzee You're a P-O-W. How you doing Mr. Marbles?

Salicia. He gives you the thumbs up. Let's light this candle, Hank. That's a one-way trip, baby. That's a suicide mission. They already got the statue out in front of the Kremlin. Rocket money. Rocket money.

See that? That was a rocket. Boom, rocket money. Now, hey, everything. Rocket money, bang. You know what rocket money does? Saves your money. Bang.

Do yourself a favor, gang. get over to rock of money. You got subscriptions, a bunch of stuff you probably don't know about. Probably the misses don't know about either. Hey, Don, do yourself a favor. Get over to the rock of money. Get them all straightened out. They look out for you over there, not to mention a little financial planning.

Uh-huh. It heightens the stress, increases the savings. Why not? Rocket money. Listen, I just, this just came in today. This isn't even part of the plug. I got, they give you, I use all the day. I use all the, everything the app's got to offer, and it keeps me focus.

and locked in without really having to lock in. It does it for you. I got an email. August important transactions. Amazon, 13 Amazon purchases. What's going to hear about that? Holy cow. Nine times I went to Wawa.

That's all me. You know what I like? That gives you hard, that gives you the hard data to go after her. 13? I don't go after her. You know what I mean. Shake her down.

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That's RocketMoney. SackGarbage. One more time, Rackamoney. com slash garbage. Do it. All right. Let's see. This one's from Ed.

overdraft or never have one read another car base question is it garbage to leave half a smoked heater on the tire of your car while you run into the store so you can finish it after the tire i've never heard of that that's very smart because i don't like i never really thought of that i don't like leaving them i did that you did joints uh somebody get my white out i got to go in and get what what was your drink when you were smoking you're like i'm going to get a Like in Arizona was a big one Every pot head Had their drink

No it would be like those like Razzleberry flavors Like they had all the new flavors Cans or the glass bottles Really? Yeah It was glass bottle It was the glass green tea ginger tea

A lot of people did that That was the hot cheese Green tea hit with like weed culture Where it was like It's all from the earth bro You know It was green tea and there was ginsing Ginsing

Yeah Jinseng took the 90s Over You couldn't get a bowl of cereal Without a fucking piggyback It's fucking ginseng in there A little ginkgo baluba That's another big one too

I gotta get my ginko I'm doing it ginko That in centrium Centrum silver Centrum silver took Over Centrum for women I thought if I took that my tits would

fucking That's a problem Do your parents Have any money I can borrow No No No My checking account is over drafted

right now about $35. Play a hard bowl over there at Navy Federal. They don't want you spending money you don't have. It's a newer thing. It's the vegetables all in one. There's two different bottles. One's red, one's green.

It's not nature of life, but it's something like that. You get all the vegetables. I like that. You know what I'm talking about? No, not really. It's a supplement. It's a, as seen on TV supplement. I think the problem with a lot of those.

supplements from what I've heard is they'll go like hey it's got zay i'm doing whatever is it all the vitamins and minerals you need it's not methylated i know no no the body doesn't process you went too deep with it it's not that at all this guy goes to ways the well once all sudden he's fucking i don't even know what that is hamilton what shout out to laird hamilton uh where does bond um there's not enough to be uh effective it says hey we have zinc, copper, fucking whatever, lead, uranium, but it's not enough to actually do anything to hit the minimum level.

I think the uranium would. A little dabble, do you? A little dash of that. Punch or pinch. There you go. I punch you. Do you see that clip's going around? Yeah.

That's what it is. Cocovan. Donnie, what do you taste is cocoa? It looked like shit. What was the question? Oh, you know what bothered me? What? I saw this the other eyes.

interested here. What bothers you? What really grinds your gears, Kippy Rooney? I'm a big, a big heater guy. An authentic heater guy, right? I've been the heater guy when people fake being the heater guy. That's the longest I've not smoked in a long time.

Yeah, yeah, me too. And I'm, you know, listen, if I, coming from a 20-year heater guy, get off to heaters, right? I drop that. Have your fun when you have your fun. I dropped that vape, too. I saw. Yeah. Which we're proud of. But. A couple years all busted my

I figured great. This is all I fucking need. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You think people trying to help you is breaking your balls, which is crazy. Oh,

just me. That's a good narrative to have for the only guy who wants you alive. Are you? What? If it was up to me, it was up to them,

you'd be done. They'd have you on a fucking have you on the cross. Good for the numbers, huh, Luke? I don't, I don't like to perform I've been a Sikh smoker day and day out.

Pack a day, day, day out. Listen, if we're at a wedding and you want to smoke and you come over to my side for the night, you can live and you can walk in my shoes for the night. You can play tough guy. I'll let you hang out with him. I'll give you the heater. But you're going to run back to your smoke-free life. I was in it.

I get it. I got to watch my wife can't see him. Yeah, only one for me. Yeah, I'm going to smell. She's going to be breaking my balls. Is she? Yeah. Listen, both of you stink.

it all right smoking them out of my eyes and ears she's over there dancing with a board tender by the way so I don't think she gives you shit your fat ass has a cigarette fuck out of here she's giving me to fuck me eyes 20 minutes ago she's ready to give me a jump what's that from uh goodwill humton 10 minutes ago he was ready to give me a jump homosexual the guy's like I love that guy baffled what do you talk good lord you don't know This guy walked his kid. I was in the East Village. Late night, kids walking, he walks out.

He's got the sig at the bodega on the ledge. He walks out with like a six pack of fucking Zima or something. You know what I mean? A couple of high nooners. Yeah, just like he wanted. Blue Raspberry High Noons. NYU, you know, he's living in the East Village. If you're living in, if you're buying fucking beers in East Village,

at a bodega. Like, if you're doing it in Brooklyn or fucking, you know, I respect it a little bit. Yoncas. He's in like white denim. He's got like a white denim shirt. He's like playing East Village

cool guy. Yeah. He walks out and he grabs the sig. And I'm just like, you just so want to, he had had it lit in, but I'm a walk in. Gives the wrong one.

Ew. It's a Benson and edges. It's also like, you can't do that with a light cigarette. As a light cigarette smoker. That's got to be a full-bodied sig To put it on the thing? Yeah

It's got to be a port Yeah exactly It's got to be a hunter Yeah Because as a smoker You listen you wait The 10 seconds You know what I mean

It's like if you're living in these buildings You can afford the extra cigarette It's like But I you know I hadn't seen it a long time That's why it's stuck in my brain But the fucking It's like you're playing this guy

You're not that guy pal I was somewhere not long ago At a pretty You know somewhat swanky affair. This guy Dressed really nice. Is it me?

No. It was later in the evening. He's like, oh, my, my Sigs. I'm going to run to the car, grab my Sigs. He goes to the car. I hate this. Comes back with like a cloth, like, you know, like a tote, like people, like Luke's friends would carry around.

Like a tote? Yeah. It was like a book and an apple in it and whatever. In my head, I put a book in an apple in there. It was a book in an app. And then one of those bottles that you go and refill you. your beer at a brewery. What are they called?

The jug, no, the yard, the, the growerler. Yeah. Oh my God. I almost bought one of them one time. I was somewhere, it was before they were super corny.

It was like, I just learned. And they were like, well, if you buy them, they're like, you can take this beer home with you. And I'm like, that seems like, but like, well, I'm a fucking carrying us milk. Also, it looks like you're in the fucking 1820s. It looks like there should be three Xs on it. Like this.

Also, too, you don't throw it blows my mind And listen, I'm a scumbag I'm a dirtball I know Um Uh People that use the refillable water station At the airport

That's fucking That's plain water I'm kind of with you I understand it It's yeah for a kid For our generation For our As closed minded

Not closed mind I use a water fountain Get a screamer But you're not wait then You won't do the fucking No that's just That's annoying You think they're better than, I think that.

Yeah, yeah. You weren't going to give me that until I said, I also think that. You went, no, no, I'm better. Way better than me. They're probably are better than me. Yeah, I don't know. They're using sustainable water things. Yeah, I had one time, it was a guest.

I was like, oh, you want a bottle of water? And he's like, no, I don't do, I don't do one-time use plastic. Why the fuck would you say that? Shout out to him. No, cut that. I was going to fucking trash him. Oh, go ahead. He can take it?

No. What? Stop doing it. Love you. Stop. No, no, no, no, no. He's our boy. All right, but I'm fucking trying to,

how do you not picking up on this? I'm trying to trash him. This is the vein of the thing. Well, now it's weird. Yeah, and it's like you're not fucking better that you're not. You're just. My male's the same color as yours is, pal. Yeah, you're taking a stance on a thing I don't.

I don't really have a stance on and that kind of bothers me. And I'm wrong for it, but, you know, you're more thoughtful of a person. I get it. But nah, you're not. We're wrong, but it's so inconvenient to me to carry around the bottle. I feel like I should be shopping at an R-E-I or something. I should have one of those big bag-er backpack. I can't have anything in my hands.

No. I can't carry nothing. I don't like carrying stuff. No. And Nadine hates it. Why? Because now it's like we have so, we're not, I'm not just moving as myself anymore. Dude, the other day I walked out, I was like, I'm going to take him to the store.

I was leaving to get a little R and R. I said, I'm going to, I'm going to do a target run. I'm out of here. She goes, why don't you take him away? I said, what the heck is he? Is this down the suburbs? Yeah. You, okay, hold on.

You're a fucking dirtbag. What do you mean? Got a target for 100 miles. Okay, what time of day is it? I don't know. Noon. Have you already done shit? Oh, yeah.

You hadn't made plans to do anything. You walked downstairs and said, hey, I'm going to run the target. No, this was like known we need, you know, we need dipe, dives. We need, you know, some pouching. I'll go with you. That's not a whole family trip. I would have got my week going, yeah, me. Yeah.

No, but as every parent out there knows you need a little like, hey, I'm going to drive to the store. It's 15 minutes. I'll be there for 20 minutes. It's 15 minutes back. And also when you introduce, now that he's a little older, it's different. But when you introduce... You know, pretty soon he's going to be easy to throw in a car. He's that now.

And I'm just changing that of going, oh, I don't need the stroller. He throw him in the car. He's fucking fine. You give him something from the whole... Like, if he starts crying, you can just... So shits his pants, though, right? Yeah. All right.

You got to bring that thing. Diper bag? No. No? I mean, oh, yeah, diaper bag. But that's in the car. Like, if he shits in the store, it's not like... I mean, I think they only shit like twice a day now.

He dumps one out. It's down from like eight hours. He dumps one out. He dumps one out in the store. You let it ride until you get out back to the car? It depends. It depends. He probably doing it in the car.

I mean, I'm only going to be in the store for, I mean, if he shit the second I walked in the store. God damn it. No, not really. I said my dad would have said. God damn it. Sure. I get I'm also still. I'm a baby.

I'm still early. You're smoking. You're leaving your cig out front. I get that I'm saying this. all from a non-jaded worn day. I can see... Jaded! If you put me in 10 years now and he's 11

and I'm as tired as I am today, you know, I can get how our parents, you see, like, Jesus fucking, you know. So she says take him with you. She goes, why don't you take him with you? And I go, yeah, sure. But I just got, I left. I didn't, like, pack a bag.

And she was just... Did you take him? Yeah. But she came home, she's like, you didn't fucking take anything. Hold on a second. You're busting my balls? It's not, oh, guy, projecting.

You know, do you know couples can talk without screaming at each other? I've heard. Yeah. She, it was more of like, I find it crazy,

like comical. Like, I find it crazy that you're taking them to the store and you just leave. How'd you laugh? Like,

like, ha ha ha ha ha, like that? No, I just, I thought it had a pretty good point. Start losing it. Oh, that's funny.

I got a gun to my head. Oh, fuck. What? I just shit my pants. N-uh. That's crazy, dude. We have to leave that in because we just talked about it. Yeah, that's staying.

This is all staying. We're going to hype. We're going to fast. We're going to... Put it in fast pace. And the word bang. You cut that, right? Nope.

That's all in there. It's that goddamn Zepound, man. Fucking one minute you're jammed up. Next minute. It's a rocky road. Yeah, it's crazy. I guess I'm playing on my butthole too Okay

Is a family program Normally we cut it out Excuse me Normally we do cut it out when this happens Are you actually it happens every three days Every four or five I'm on medication Because I don't want to work out

All right I apologize All good This one's this is a great name It took me a second This is from Holden Tudix Uh Are you Like Holden Caulfield

Yes I'm a catcher in the right. Sure. And the catcher in the right. Holding Caulfield. Are you garb if you send your last $50 to Venmo because you're dodging those auto drafts? They can't remember when they hit. I just did that.

That's crazy. They can't get it. You're moving. They can't get it. Bad. That's great. That's a brilliant thing of like put it in escrow. Put it in escrow real quick.

Yeah. That's great. It's crazy that you're doing that. Do you meet a Venmo? I forgot. Remember Luke saved the day the one time? Which I figured out my Venmo, by the way. Luke saved the day. I remember Luke greasing you for fucking Venmo requests constantly.

Yeah, well, he was coming out of pocket for a lot of expenses. You are out of pocket. They're still up there. You're out of line. Yeah, he's been clean. They're still up there. Yeah, I'll remind them. Your Venmo things aren't private?

No, they're all private. The requests are still out there. You know what's funny? We have people do stuff around the house in the suburbs, you know, the landscaper. We got like a handyman, like, good for you. Okay. Are you looking for a little like, sure?

I pick up a little sidework. You know, I don't trust me with nothing. What can you do? A lot of shit. Dude. I could do time. Where? Entertain the wife and the kid while you're on one of your target runs.

Uh-huh. All right. Germany, huh? That's all you got. She's a woman you've known for 50. You've known her as long. We met the same night, and that's what you open up with. Yeah.

Things could have been a little different. Huh. Now, I wouldn't have had a shot with her. Classy lady like that. She would have saw through me in two seconds. Sure. That was all you that night, baby. I was able to lie for quite some time.

Could be at the hot hand that night. He was down a few pounds. I was looking good then, yeah. Chatting her up, her and her friends. As a smoothest move I ever had. Then out of nowhere, there's the stars. I was meant to be. That was the universe.

You know that? Uh-huh. No way she would have talked to you if you didn't go up on stage. Did you have her number or anything before you got up on stage? We had already kissed before I went up on stage. You did? Yeah. You moved that quick?

I was an 8 o'clock show. No, you didn't. It was a matinee. No, you didn't. Yes, we did. I know you land. By the way, shout out to Mojo. Mojo Brooks.

It's all near a night. A sweetheart of a guy. Name drop. I can drop a little names. You were in the same plate. You weren't hanging and call you. No. You just so happened.

be eaten at a club you weren't working at and he showed up yes okay that's all very accurate funny i didn't talk to you that night but you certainly knew my whereabouts you know what i had for dinner i don't think it was a salad let me check your turnaround let me check your pants i don't know goldfish it was chicken kebabs uh-huh with uh vegetables and instead of rice i asked for mashed potatoes chocolate that's a comedy cellar having dinner with my friend i in finance never heard of them. Good guy. Yeah. Bolivari say, okay.

Love the food there at the hell of trade. It's delicious. Great. Home away from home. Hold on a second. Back this up. You kissed her before you got on stage. We got to the stand that night. This is how Kippy met your mother. That's pretty good. Yeah. Thanks. That was a show, right?

I'm not hallucinating. Neil Patrick Harris is a pussy hound. What are we talking about here? Mm-hmm. Anyway, we got to the stand that night. Yeah. It was me, you, macaroni for the 8 o'clock show, right? If I, memory serves me, we were hanging out.

We were hanging. We weren't working. Yeah, no, we had to. I know we weren't working. Okay. I get it. We don't work at a stand. Yeah, we still don't.

It's crazy. It's fine. Shout out to Chris Italia. Go ahead. We were there hanging out because that's where you have to show face. Right. He's got to show face. Show face.

Yeah. And IPAs just hit heavy, and I didn't know they were stronger than regular beers at that time. See, I did and didn't tell you. Why don't you get fucked up with me? Well, that doesn't mean I'm not fucking... They're not alcoholic. I remember the week before, I realized that they were different, and I blacked out at a diner, and I came to... Yeah, because you had three Goose Islands.

No, I had nine. I had nine IPA. Nine only like the heavy bike, like nine percenters. I wasn't Goose Island. It was... Those things had fentanyl on it. That goose islands, they hit you hard. And they didn't.

Doing that devil's brood. You're supposed to drink. That's when I found out most of those IPAs, you're supposed to drink like a chalice of it. Like a schnifter of it. We were doing, we were doing fucking boots, big boys. Heavy bikes. Yeah, I just didn't know. And they were on sale.

I think they were trying to peddles. They were like, you know, if a beer, whatever, a beer's $10, these were seven. Yeah. Oh, fucking. Trying to get to the marketplace. Me while I'm a fucking bobblehead kippy in the corner. Dry even. But yeah, so we were hanging out there trying to show face.

We were kind of in. I think we were doing shows at the sister club at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the standing room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we were in the family for a minute. We were in the fold a little bit. Yeah, I done, ain't done, ain't done.

It quickly went south. Sure, has most of our professional relationships ado? Turf Street War. Um. Go ahead. So we Yeah, so we were there hanging. Were there hanging?

Yeah. But this was in the evening. This wasn't like 6 o'clock. No, it was like 8 o'clock. Yeah, she was 8 o'clock. Because they were there, they tried to go to the early show. She was there. She showed up late to the 8 o'clock show.

Classic, my wife. Am I right? She showed up late for the 8 o'clock show. Pretty adorable. You can hear of that. Classic dumb bro. As a guy with no family and no one loves them, That's pretty adorable.

Hey, I like you, bud. That's close. That's close to love. I'm like, Bo the bartender. I'm looking for Amanda hugging kiss. Go ahead. I, yeah, so we're there hanging. Heaters, beers, heaters, beers, that kind of fucking thing.

What was it by? We were like kind of so, we were feeling ourselves a little bit. We were newer in the city. I just lost weight We're like doing... You were feeling yourself. Yeah, but so we were moving as a click. The extended click was doing pretty well.

I was close to grabbing the third rail. We were, you know, we were moving... Baby steps, but forward motioning in the center. We got a hot show, just standing room. We're doing stuff, opening up for someone here and there. Friends are starting to get some like tonight show set. Just like things were, you know, MTV stuff. Just, you know, whatever, percolating a little bit.

MTV stuff. Our friends were. Yeah. We weren't even allowed on set. I'm not saying, I don't know why you're making that. I'm saying the people, like there's, we're not doing an open mic in fucking northeast Philadelphia. We're hanging out in New York. Our friends are getting out.

We're like, okay, there's. Shout out to the comedy cabaret. Shout out. There's some sort of fucking things happening on the, at least the, for not for 10 years, but you go, I could do that at some point. Mm-hmm. And, uh. She's there with a friend. You start yapping to her.

No, that old drunk lady who was like a comic, remember she was like an Upper West Side, old Upper West Side lady. Uh-huh. She was there hanging out. Yeah? And hitting on all the comics going out. She did like the 6 o'clock show or something. Uh-huh.

It was like a bringer show she was on. There was some old bag in there hitting on people? Yeah. What fuck was I? She had a big fur coat on being like, oh, honey, or whatever. And I just didn't want to talk to it. It's right up my alley back then. So I didn't want to talk to her.

I'd been like, see you a fellow's like. I got to see a man about a tie. Gotta see an old lady about chlamydia. I'll be right back. I didn't want to talk to her. And I was sitting next to my wife at the time at the bar stool. And I hadn't said anything to her. Whoa.

So she's like. You were sweating though. Gonna finish that. Hi, you're Kevin. I mean, I'm Kevin. My move was, uh, the old lady came over to hit on me. And she's like, hey, me, bab, bab, bab. And I just was like, I don't want to talk.

She was just bothering everybody. So I said, oh, actually, this is my wife. No, you didn't. The fuck I didn't. Did you ever told this? I don't know. It's crazy, you don't know it. I put my arm around.

I said, this is actually my wife. This is my wife. I think I went with Stephanie. Are you fucking kidding me? Swear to God. You don't know this? No. This is crazy.

You don't know this. I took a lot of drugs. Very true. I said, this is my wife, Stephanie. And she played along. And she went, hi, blah, blah, he's a handful. I peel off. I go get another beer or whatever.

Of course. I'm ordering, I'm ordering bar snacks. Hey, you start getting this shakes. You got to make them move. Anybody want to go half on the Swedish meatballs? I'm bourbon. My wife will take care of the chat. My wife.

Yeah, so she played along, and this is the coolest I've ever been. For sure. That's ever worked. I've never been able to get this. So far? Pretty cool. By a long shot. I've never been able.

I've tried to be this cool. Miss, I don't know this man. Yeah, she played a lot. Surprise Chris Hanson didn't turn that corner. You wanted to water? What are you doing here? I was getting a beer. I'm in a bar.

You should try these IPAs. Like $3 less. Hey, fuck you up, too. Blacked out, woke up driving a taxi. A couple of these goose shit IPAs. Fuck your brain up. Yeah, she played along, so I peel off. I play it cool.

I remember coming back to the brain trust, me, you and Chavone and Red Year. And then he stepped, Chavone stepped in at some point with you. Oh, yeah. He wing-maned you. But I, so I go, I peel back.

I look at what she's doing. Maybe she had a beer, so I don't know what she had. And I go, I came up with a beer. Fucking big half of Iison. Oh, fuck. Hey, he'll be taken. My shirt chugs into my face. face.

Ziggy Zuggies. So I come back and go, hey, thanks for that. I owe you a drink. Did you have the beer there? Yeah. Ooh. I like, saw whatever she was drinking. I made it even...

Ruffy Randy over here. I didn't even think of that. She has a trustworthy guy. It's smoking. It's fizzling. Like Drino? That's fucked up. Yeah, it's fucked up. We don't laugh at that.

That's out. No. See a travesty. Um. But I got a roofied once. You know that. I probably did it to yourself so you could finger your asshole. As a bartender, the night before Thanksgiving.

Yeah, you've told us. Yeah, I don't know why he did it. He still didn't like me, I guess. Sure. I'm on his side, if I'm being honest with you. Shut him up. I just got in there. I had one drink.

Go ahead. Yeah, so I went back with the drink and then, you know, I said, hey, I owe you, thanks for that. And then we started talking. Yeah, and she's like, she's like, I. I'm a comment. I'm a comedian. And I remember she, you know, she said, are you on the show tonight?

And I said, nah, not tonight. Not tonight. Yeah. Or tomorrow. Or tonight after that? Never, actually. And she said, oh, I said, no, not tonight. And she said, why, you're not funny enough?

Yeah. Which I should have taken. And I was like, I got a lot of politics. And while you got to hang out. You got to drink 52 beers, blackout. I'm Protestant. They're Catholic. He's these are guineas.

I'm Irish. They hold it against me. Yeah, so I don't know. And then we started talking. That was how we started talking. That's how, yeah. And then you got on the 10 o'clock show. I got on the midnight.

Oh. So I'm doing so well. They then go, hey, the 10 o'clock show comes up. Uh-huh. And then should they come to see them? And they go, we're actually oversold on the 10. So if you want to push to the midnight, we'll give you two free drinks or whatever. Who's this, Adele running it?

Yeah. Wow. Think it down. Or one of the, maybe Emma, Emily, Emma, Emily. Remember Emily? Yeah, Cohen. Yeah, shut up. Yeah.

It was one of them, one of the girls at the front. Wow. It's not funny how it all connects. Hey, if you want to wait, we'll give you two. Because I think they needed to push people to make sure they had a midnight show or whatever. I don't know. And then they did that. I then ended up still staying.

At that point, now I got a little bit of time. Now I got the whole 10 o'clock show. Had I peel it off by then? I don't know. I would have to assume. I don't think so. Just doing the numbers. Yeah, probably.

I don't know. I mean, it's still 10 o'clock. I don't know. He had 10 o'clock. But, yeah, so then, you know, this, that. The other thing, they then go to the midnight show. I kiss her outside. When?

Before, you went out to have a cigarette with her. But not to have a sig. And then who started to kiss? I did. You just moved in? Yeah. How'd you know your breath? I was smoking a heater.

It was mid heater. Probably, I'm assuming. Heater and beer breath. And I don't know what we had for dinner, but it either wasn't much or was sometimes. type of meat product. It's probably meatballs. Probably a turkey burger or something like that. With no bun.

Yeah. And you have gum or anything? Probably not. You haven't flossed in 30 years. But still, love is love. I mean, she's also smoking and drinking. Sexy kiss or just like a... No, yeah, like a...

Forehead? He gave her an Eskimo kiss. A butterfly kiss. Did you guys do those? The eyes? I used to. Okay. I was adored once, too.

Uh, yeah. My line was, uh, well, you're my wife, so. Legally. I don't know if you know you're familiar with our lulls here in this country, but I get to take a crack at you. It's a binding contract. Okay. You smoked by cigarette, you dumb bitch.

You're out here teasing me. That's my property. You're called a copse or? Yeah, I think I had kind of known it was, I was doing pretty good at that point. And I said, she's like, what do you think? You got that smirk? What are you smiling at or something? I didn't tell you this.

I just came in my pants. Which means it will last longer later. You just save me a cab ride. Good night, the other fellow lady. I bid you good morrow. He's so worked up. He came in his pants just by looking at it. You got what I'm saying?

I said... Pussy hounds like you. What do you know what I'm talking about? Coxman. Coxman is green. Coxman. Always wanted to be called one. Tommy Pope, Coxman.

I was not. More of a dunkeroo's, man. That's where I get that. Yeah, it doesn't have. You don't even booked on the show. What are you talking about? Loser. I probably had spots.

That's what I was getting to. Right. Spots in your underwear. If that would have went through to my jeans, I would have been so mad. These are my light jeans. I got to go to the airport. after this. You're jammed up.

I would have went to DXL and bought a new pair. That's how much I like these light jeans. I feel like Harry Styles in them. I know I don't look like it. We're like hairy styles. Ooh, guys got a bush. I don't, though. I remember my dad's in the 80.

Jesus Christ. Why is that black guy blowing your stomach? What? A pro? That's the clip. So I hit her with a. another cool guy line. She said, what are you thinking about?

And I said, our first kiss. Pretty good. What were you? Were you controlled by aliens that night? I was thinking about our first kiss. Uh-huh. And what'd she say? I don't know.

When's that going to happen? Something. I say it right now. Scrow. I take another drag of my sake. He blow it in her mouth. Ech. Shotgun her a Marbleight.

You're turning around. Is that cheating? What? You know, when the joint... When they turn a joint around? Yeah, it's a shotgun, dickhead. A shotgun is when you take a hit and then blow it in the person's mouth. Who's right?

You're right. Yeah. You can link hands and blow a shotty. Or you can do the... So would that be cheat? Would you be cool with that? If my wife fucking got a shotty from another, dude. Yeah, dude.

That's not cool in my household. That's crap. First of all, I don't want my wife running around doing shotties. If my wife asked me for a shoddy, what do you think, Panama Red? You cool with that? She didn't end up finding out my girls are whore. Yeah, that's crud.

Dude, only girls with ton rings can get away with shotties. That's crazy. That's crazy. What the fuck? Get in the car. Nah. She doesn't want to drop. He's not going to me.

Is that an immediate? I'd like the dad play. If at your cousin's wedding, you walk out and she's getting shotgun by one of the groomsmen. Yeah. Yeah. What? I believe, a lady, I've never met you in my life. I should have known when I found it to woke and stay.

You know, some kind of. That might be worse than French kissing. Yeah, that's great because that's like the tea. That's like the, my boys used to do it to each other. The first time I saw was in college and I was like, what the fuck are you guys doing? Yeah, my boys would do it with blunts. I know. And, like, I was so surprised at, like, the 90s let that slide.

90? I'm not how old it is in 2000? No, but it was like, that was a thing, like a, yeah, mid-200, whatever. But, like. Yeah. I think what, why would it, you would, maybe it would get, like, too small to then blow a shoddy? I don't know. I forget why.

There's some sort of benefit, I just thought it was lame. Yeah, I never got it. Um, listen, but we're going to wrap it up. Well, I love, my love life aside. And the rest is history. So that was history. You caught a kiss before the show. Yeah, and then I went up, I randomly got put up on the, on that midnight show.

Were you guys done seeing? Was it like, hey. She said, stay around. Stick around until after the show. Oh, you would have been a loser sticking around through that show if you weren't on it. Yeah, right. What are you nuts? I just kissed this, bro.

Yeah, I literally was like, oh, yeah, I got a couple things. Meanwhile, I'm like fucking welding my ass to the bar seat. I got a meeting with a producer. Yeah, I got to fucking. Oh, no, there's another hot chick I got to go talk to. Look at you. I love you, buddy. The rest is history.

I love you too, pal. Gang, we love you to death. American Garbage premieres on our YouTube page, September 13th. Like I said, if you're an audio listener, do us a favor. Go over to YouTube, subscribe. Let's put up to subscribers. Let's fucking make this thing big, big, big, big. Huge.

We love you, gang, and we'll see you in three days. Peace.