Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - How to Cancel Plans! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

Here is a full episode from the Are You Garbage Patreon where Kippy & Foley discuss the best way to cancel plans! Join the AYG Patreon for weekly Hard Feelings and Bonus episodes of Are You Garbage. J...oin the Army of Garbage. Thanks for watching. Love youse guys! PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up, everybody? Hope you guys had a happy Fourth of July. The boys got jammed the F up this week, and we're unable to record an episode. But don't worry, we have a Patreon episode on deck for you. I hope you guys like it, and we'll see you later this week. Thanks for the support. We love you. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage,
Starting point is 00:00:22 the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Trap, hit me. It's a little show we sit down to your favorite. Sneak attack.
Starting point is 00:00:46 And we find that the group to be classy. Yeah. To just a big old piece of trash. Basura. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here, Tootie's in the new edition. I've got to tell you folks out, why is that Kippie? Mother fucking.
Starting point is 00:00:59 I'm a motherfucking homies. Get her. I can't really get up there right now. Homies. Homies. Yeah, you think you can sing. I'm the true, I'm the true triple threat around here. I'm an alto, dickhead.
Starting point is 00:01:13 All three arteries, partially club. I'm a tenor. I'm sorry, not an alto. You're a three at best. And Albuquerque, too, if you is me. How you done? Hit me with a tenor, mate. Gang, we're here for a little bonus episode on the old Patreon.
Starting point is 00:01:27 My co-s is coming at you. from across the table when he's not Kevin Ryan, everybody. Big dogs. Throwing heat today. I was going to make funnier, but I decided not to start off on the same footing. I like that. Other than the abuse that I took in our pre-production meeting this morning. There was nothing.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Due to my new boots and my weight problem. You think that one, first of all, that was, I listen, you're rolling over. You got a lot to say. You're rolling over and playing turkey chicken already. The days of your psycho babble over. That's not psycho babel. Yes, it is. Listen, we're now.
Starting point is 00:02:08 You're always trying to put me on the couch. No, I'm not at all. I'm saying this. With my legs wrapped up pretzel style. You introduced all these people. The first introduction to me is that I've been being mean to you. That's what you just did to fucking 20,000 people. Kevin was being mean to me, which I was not.
Starting point is 00:02:27 Fuck me. Uh, shout out to, which I respect. What was the joke? Uh, the insult. I was going to call you Captain Dickhead. They would have killed, baby. What are we talking about? That's what pays the bills around you.
Starting point is 00:02:40 I was working after about four hours yesterday. Captain Jerk. Captain Ansel. Uh, nothing was clicking. But then as I was buying my new boots yesterday. Oh, God, these new boots. New boots. You got a boot cam?
Starting point is 00:02:54 Huh? I think we do. Don't we have an ankle cam? Yeah, not on this. That's on that's on the, okay. Hit him with the ankle cam. Go ahead. Take a look at him.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Look at him. Nice, new boots. $89. $1.000. Genuine leather, folks. Can smell it from here. I can smell the blood from the blisters already. Here's them dogs are a barking.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Boy, a little break-in period. Sounds like a sheep dog down there. God damn. Shout out to the motherfucking homies, baby. The lifeblood of the organization. God damn boots on the ground to sleep and sells the undercut. brothers and them soul sisters. We fucking love you again.
Starting point is 00:03:33 Truly, you know, this is a... All the stuff we've accomplished and we do to the fact that the fucking Patreon is still hitting new highs every month is fucking...
Starting point is 00:03:50 It's not slowing down. It's crazy. It's like new highs every month a year over, month over year over year is fucking crazy. We fucking love it. appreciate that you guys are digging or picking up what we're putting down this is really where it is this is home of course behind on the page this is it everybody else out there whatever bozos yeah talk to this guy that guy that guy shut up yeah i was talking about you what we're doing this from an underground bunker uh-huh after the terminators come if you're listening
Starting point is 00:04:22 to this i have all new boots i mentioned my new boots i can't run. That would suck. What? New boots. There was a natural disaster or something now. I just got my new boots. Also, snow everywhere, wild to wear new boots.
Starting point is 00:04:39 That's the whole point. Those aren't snow boots. I'm not wearing duck boots like I'm fucking going out on the chalet. A little bit of goaches. These are my winter boots. I'm going to let them get dirty. I'm not saying you're not going to let them get dirty, but those aren't. to let him get there.
Starting point is 00:05:00 Believe you me. Yeah, that's more of like a dress boot, I would say. See, that's just because they're brand new. When they get weathered in, they're going to ruin them. They're going to be more ruined. Yeah, yeah. Respect the logic. Well, when I ruin them, sure.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Well, I looked at like, I looked at like gaffer boots. You know, like, you know, like the shit that like the guys in the, like the camera department usually wear. Like Tim's. No, not Tim's. Those rock climbing boots are. Yeah, those rock climbing boots. What are them all about? I know, but the cool dudes wear them.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Cool dudes wear them. Guys that know shit. You just named gaffers. Guys that wear-gaffers are cool. They're the real gathers. I'm not saying, listen, okay. I'm not saying they're not cool gaffers. I'm just saying no one goes, I want to be cool like a gaffer, race car driver,
Starting point is 00:05:46 instruction worker. Gaffers, grips, camera guys. Those guys are the- Hey, listen, you're not giving your Oscar speech. Those guys are the, those guys are the, those guys are the, The line cooks of... Everybody gets that. Of the set life.
Starting point is 00:06:01 Like, you know, like the line cooks, they always scored with the waitresses. Uh-huh. The waitresses never hooked up with the waiters. So are the actresses, the waitress. I don't think there's a lot of actresses dating the gaffers. Fucking Julia Roberts married to camera. Okay, no one's saying you're the lizard. I'm not, I'm just saying, I think the rule of thumb on the movie.
Starting point is 00:06:20 The point is I get no tail. The rule of thumb on a movie set is I don't think the gaffers are swimming and gush. Well, I was going to buy a pair of... Swimming of gush? Ew. Super Bowl Sunday, you talk like that? You stand. Get your bets in, folks.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Let's bet if those boots ever come off. Let's see if we ever... I got 20. He says we never see them things again. It's a two-man job to get them on. It really is. Why did you lie to me outside? Because you suck.
Starting point is 00:06:49 I don't like your face. Fucking tell you what's up. Yeah, I'm going to give you that. Give you nothing. What? I mean, that's just a conversation. Wait, why, did you ask me? Yeah, you go, they're actually very easy to get on.
Starting point is 00:07:00 In that kind of tune. Yeah, three, four guys. Very easy. A boomerang system. I think I need the gaffer for. Julia Roberts did not marry a gaffer. He was a cinematographer. It's the same thing.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Camera guy, working guy. Huh? What about Julia Louis Dreyfus? What is that bozo do? Sit around. He's a cool guy. Hey, a real cool guy. Pussy.
Starting point is 00:07:28 What does he do? Julie Louis Dreyf's husband. Brad Hall. Yeah. He's an actor, I think. Actor and comedian. Get him on a show. Check out my new boots.
Starting point is 00:07:43 That happens a lot, though. Where did you get the boots? Can I get a right answer out of it? Because you've been lying. Not lying. You've been squirrelly on the real information on the boots. They're Lou Bitton. It's a new designer.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Uh-huh. Yeah. Tell me Lou Bouton is not a real designer. We know he. Will Smith's kid just did a show with them. Uh-huh. France. That's where I got him.
Starting point is 00:08:03 I went over there. Hung out with him. Mom's a bit of a bitch, to be honest with it. Makes a hell of a cup of hot chocolate, though. Nothing? Lou Bitton? I don't know. What?
Starting point is 00:08:15 Am I nuts? I'm also, you know, and I got him at DSW. They were $89. And I got a belt that doesn't fit. But I had already taken the thing off so I couldn't return it. And I tried to put it on in the store. door and the security guy came over and said, hey, man, what are you doing? Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:08:32 I said, I'm mind them my own. I'm cruising for six. And I wore the boots out. Uh-huh. What did you do with the other shoes? I had to bring them home. I'm only sneakers. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:08:42 They're the ones you don't like. They're not the ones I don't like them. You don't like them. Why are you going to get a good pair of shoes? I don't know, man, because I suck. I know, but you. What does that mean? What's a good pair of boots?
Starting point is 00:08:59 Not those. Those are nice boots. They're nice boots. They're nice boots right now. I can get a nice pair of like Timberlins or Carhart's. Because I'm not there yet, man. I don't understand what they are means. Because I'm going down.
Starting point is 00:09:09 Once I get, trust me, you'll know. But you used to have a nice pair of black boots, remember? You used to wear the tongue flap down. Yeah. You're Adam Sandler. That's a pretty good look for you. I got to give that to you. What, really?
Starting point is 00:09:22 Nuh. Yeah, well, yes. Big Jay wears him like that. Sure. But he wears like. His are like. from a 90s rap video yeah he's got like the red checkered
Starting point is 00:09:34 you always made fun of those timberlands because they folded down on the sides i need something to do to pass the time we were tanked some lollipops or something some hard game how to do is sidoku get off my back um those folded all the way down yeah they fold those turned those turned into like athletic which like you can fucking play you can run tracking and things yeah uh i don't know i don't you know i saw these i like these i Luke's boots but I don't want to get the same ones.
Starting point is 00:10:02 Are these the A-Vere Lexington boot? No. All right. They're like Charlie and Haley or something like that. They're called. All right. You shouldn't be buying you. You don't know the name of it.
Starting point is 00:10:14 Why? Because that means it's not good, right? How do you know? What's, what? Nike. I don't know if you heard of them, but they put, they throw out a pretty good product. Tried and true test it. I like them.
Starting point is 00:10:27 I like to try new brands. Small businesses. Small businesses, DSW? No, but the... Earlier you told you got them in a place called Leathers. No, I went there after. Show off my name. Show up my new boot.
Starting point is 00:10:43 You guys got a pair of Christine and Charlie's? No. Yeah, they hurt real bad, too. The boots. Oh, my God. It's like the Batan death march. I'm dying. Well, I'm happy.
Starting point is 00:10:55 I'm happy you are. I take them off, but... I would need some assistance. Sure. I'm happy. I think it is a very nice professional grown-up look for you. I'm trying to take a little bit better, you know, care of myself. For sure, obviously.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Great swing. You know, losing weight, want to get there? And I'm not criticized, by no means criticize. I just go, you're spending $100 on boots. You claim they're not super comfortable. And I don't think, I would say not super functional for the weather. I disagree with that. You would, but you're wrong.
Starting point is 00:11:28 They're dress boots and there's fucking a foot of snow outside. So I would say they're not the best functional option. Well, I'm wearing them. I'm going to get them all scuffed up and trash them a little bit. Well, you don't have to do that. You can go buy a pair of boots that you can wear outside and those can be your nice boots that you wear to dinner or to a show or to whatever. Where am I going? Dinner and a show?
Starting point is 00:11:51 You are a performer. Oh, you mean one of my show? Anything. Okay. One of your shows. Yeah, I don't know what you meant. All right. You said you said a show like I was going to see.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Broadway or like You could also do that Show at the Lincoln Center Labo M. You live in New York. You could do that. I'm just saying You can own.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Would you go with me? Sure. Listen, I've asked you to do a lot of things. You don't come. You've never asked me to do anything. Yeah, you said, can we go out to dinner?
Starting point is 00:12:17 I said, yeah. Then you said, no, I don't want them. So then we decided to go out to dinner and you got jealous. I don't want to go to Ruby Rosa. I don't want to celebrate my birthday this year. I just don't want to think about it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:28 Totally well-adjusted, normal way to. to act. But if you made plans with me, I would probably, no, why? Okay. I would probably cancel. Which is what we're talking about on today's episode. How to get out of plans with your dickhead friends. You want to. I had a celebrate. Celebrate your 50th birthday. Just do something nice for you. That isn't a celebration. God damn. Death march. Death rattle. Jesus Christ. It's all perspective, baby. You got to change the lens. I know, man. kidding. I feel great. You're not. You just feel great.
Starting point is 00:13:05 I feel absolutely fantastic. How your toes feeling right now. Dying. Everything from the ankles up. My right pinky toe is caught a ledge in the fall leather. And it is rubbing. There was a period of time where I was wearing my mom's
Starting point is 00:13:24 boots as a kid. They were waterproof. She had like a pair of like girls. They weren't Timberlands. They were like knock-allens. They were like knock-all. They were like, I felt like they were like hard plastic. Ooh. And have like the fur around the top?
Starting point is 00:13:37 No, but they didn't have like the cool black leather band. You know what I mean? They were a little foofy as my dad called him. A pair of Charlie's. And I was looking like the big dog out. And dancing. Look like Travolta in them Jones. Did you find that brand Charlie and Haley or something?
Starting point is 00:13:54 No. They ain't got a website. Yeah. I really think it's the Al, the A-Vere Lexington and Boot. It's the only zip-up boot I could. find on DSW's website. No, they have plenty in stock. What's the name?
Starting point is 00:14:07 What's the manufacturer? Aveer. A. A. V-E-E-E-R. Am I going to be able to get a... Oh, my God. There's no markings.
Starting point is 00:14:20 You're like a serial killer. And listen, they are not out. They are not snow boots, dude. Those things are like floor shines. The treads off. All the salt's eating away. The Sol's eating away. The Solitin thing. You're going to break it.
Starting point is 00:14:36 No, don't say that. They got grip on them. Not a lot. Yeah, they do. No. I'm telling you, they don't. I'm going to run a hot comb over them. Get some, get these retreaded.
Starting point is 00:14:49 You're taking souls from other shoes like a tractor trailing. You know what I'm going to need, though? What's that ball? I'm going to need to go take a little visit to the doctor. Dr. Shoal. Get a couple inserts put in there. I need some foam support dog these things are flat
Starting point is 00:15:07 you're too big to be wearing not good shoes I'm too big to be wearing not good shoes and you know it's crazy we're on our feet too much we travel too much we're running around ubers airplanes all this shit you need my knee hurts because I haven't walked like this in so long because they're because they go up high so like it's a whole new set of muscles
Starting point is 00:15:26 more of a waddle yeah it's like when you go skiing for the first time in a long time you haven't used those muscles in a long time. Yeah, my meniscus is killing me. Which was what it said on the box, though. Warning. We'll fuck up. We'll fuck your shit of.
Starting point is 00:15:45 I'll jam you up. Bad cartilage boots. Planners warts. Cankthos. I saw a video about planters wards, man. That things are brutal. What's... Or no, Planner fasciitis.
Starting point is 00:15:59 What's that? It's like when something's stretched. out on your heel or something. It's bad. Planner fash. Yeah. I would get, for the longest time, um,
Starting point is 00:16:09 the tendon that runs, like, on the bottom of your foot. Ooh. That would fucking, dude, that would, that was like something. It was inflamed or something,
Starting point is 00:16:18 and I had to freeze, uh, water bottles. And, like, that was, like, the solution. Oh, to roll. Roll it on there.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Wow. I think my mom has the same thing. She uses, like, a racquetball or something. Yeah. He was on her dogs for a long time. Sure. working. She probably had a good nurse's shoes.
Starting point is 00:16:33 Yeah, always nursing shoes. And scrubs. Nursing shoes and shoes. Yeah, that's what she wore. She ever wear scrubs now? Like around the house? I don't know. People keep those.
Starting point is 00:16:42 She's painting or something? I don't think. Doing yard work or whatever. She has a candle in blood and urine and stuff. I was in her free time. Yeah, no, I don't think she has any of the scrubs anymore. She now dresses very much like she's got time on her hands and spends a lot of lot of time it calls.
Starting point is 00:17:02 She dresses like Tina Faye from an S&L sketch. A hundred percent. Yeah. A hundred percent. Will she throw on an Eagles sweatshirt? Uh, not really. Really? No, maybe.
Starting point is 00:17:14 Philly's? No. Did she wear any of your stuff, like a temple sweatshirt or anything like that? No. She was never really proud of my accomplishments. Sure. Understandable. Rightfully so.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Yeah. Five years to get out of college. Uh-huh. Where did you go to college? What? Where'd Danny go to college? Rider and then Temple. Tiber.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Rider, Bucks, Temple. Riter Bucks Temple. Natural progression. A similar train. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's very much like she's got something, she's got the time to get, like, dress now.
Starting point is 00:17:48 Like when she leaves the house, instead of like managing kids and working and I'm just throwing on whatever. It's like she's putting stuff on, and it's like she's right off a cold. She calls. Oh, Coles. Go with Coles.
Starting point is 00:18:01 Coles all day long. At call. Where'd you get at Coles? Get the present of Cole. Everything's cold, colds, cold. Always has been. Kim, let's get over to Blue Chew. Blue Chew!
Starting point is 00:18:08 Dang. Do yourself a favor. Get over to that Blue Chew and start taking the things you need to get back in the saddle, if you know what I mean? Listen. Food War. I'm a goddamn 50-year-old man. I'm sure I've slimmed out a little bit. I'm working out a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:18:21 But things slow down. Mm-hmm. The pumps aren't always working. You go over to Blue Chew, you get what you need. You get straightened out. And you're back in the game. Hit the fucking thrusters if you catch my drift. Knock knock, Bonertown.
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Starting point is 00:19:14 We thank Blue Choo for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. Now back to the show. Kevin's talking about Cash App. Cash App. If you're under it up to speed, gang, cash up is not just the easy way and safe way to send and receive money. With the cash app card, you can unlock a ton of perks without all the hidden fees. You can enjoy benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concerts. Presales, Kendrick Lamar, Sabrina Carver.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Did you just name a couple? Those two are pretty big stars on day that right now. Plus, you got discounts on everyday purchases and popular brands. You probably already are spent money on it. So why not save the money with the cash app card? What the hell is doing out there? Cash up green and free overdraft coverage, baby. Cash app does.
Starting point is 00:19:58 more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure your money stays your money. Cash app just released a new status program for the way people spend called Cash App Green. Now when you spend at least $500 a month with the Cash App card, you earn green status, which unlocks benefits like up to $200 free of overdraft coverage. Big, huge, big. If you overdraft unexpectedly, there are no hidden fees. You can unlock higher borrow limits, which is big for me. Custom personalized cashback offers every Friday at places you love to shop.
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Starting point is 00:21:29 Boom. Do it. I don't know if I mentioned this a couple weeks ago. I was in a Coles maybe like a month or so ago. It's. Pop by that toy section. Not too bad. Can you look to see how Coles is doing?
Starting point is 00:21:42 I feel they're probably doing better than most because they were a little bit more. I don't want to say discounty. Stuck that Sephora in there. Is in the Coles? Oh, yeah. Well, who's someone's in Target now? Ulta. What's the other one?
Starting point is 00:21:53 Someone's in Target. Alta. Alta. Ultra. I went to a, I went to a career. Um, beauty store yesterday. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Like Korean supplies, like the stuff that they use, ginseng, all that kind of shit. Sure. Stuff's hot right now. Kay Beauty. You know what I'm talking about? I'm not familiar, but... Oh, it's big.
Starting point is 00:22:12 I'll check out. Big. A lot of collagen, vitamin C. That's big everywhere now. I just saw my wife's got collagen peptides for skin, joints, hair, and like fingernails. That's very good. I think she was doing it, maybe doing the pregnancy or after the pregnancy.
Starting point is 00:22:24 You know, what I started doing every morning is, bacon egg and cheese Western Go with the boots Big man's hot today gang Let me get some biscuits and gravy To go with these layers I don't know if it's the boots or what
Starting point is 00:22:40 But the guy is cooking I'm walking taller I'll tell you that I'll give you a little bit of pep in your stuff I'm telling you Not pep in your step your shoulders are high Yeah the shoulders are high Chin's high
Starting point is 00:22:49 I haven't worn like boots like this in a long time I think it's great for I'm about to get some vengeance I'm pro boot folly Just I think a, you know, I think keep these boots, great boots. Add another pair of boots. Be a boot guy. Well, shout me out.
Starting point is 00:23:03 Somebody give me a good boot. Listen, that's great idea. And not, not Timberlins or fucking whatever, but like a good. Well, Brunt, obviously, but not right now, but, you know. Like a man's man's boot. You know what I mean? I think it would look good in Luke's boots. I'm not wearing those Williamsburg fluffies that he wears the brunch.
Starting point is 00:23:23 What is pop collar and sungrass? stole it from like a working man. We stole that culture. Those are a working man's boot. It's like Carhart. It's like Williamsburg's guys wearing Carhart. We're stealing that culture. Not those though.
Starting point is 00:23:36 Nobody would wear a suede boot. And I'm not, I mean, like, I work at a, that I'm working on a job site or anything like that. No one accused. Everyone knows I'm a song and dance, man. I'm a goddamn performer. Check me out of the show. Coles is experiencing a challenging period currently characterized by declining sales. Amen.
Starting point is 00:23:54 Call up niece. Been there. She's fucking cold. Neesie's sitting on a mountain of Goldscatch. About to fuck these dudes up. Q1's not going to see her coming. Okay. All that aside, love the boots.
Starting point is 00:24:07 Thank you. We are talking canceling plans. A thing that a lot of us do specifically. Getting out of plans. Getting out of stuff. Cancel and, you know. Maybe a friend you don't really want to hang out. And this isn't directed at you.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Friends you don't want to hang out with. your, I don't know, girlfriend or wives or husband's friends that you got to go hang out with. Which I just did, which I enjoyed. You did? It was nice. You didn't know the husband? I know the husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:35 Know them well? No, I know him as, you know. But the ladies are friends. Yeah. Huh. How long was that set up? Maybe a month ago, something like that, hey, this Sunday. Did the thought of bagging it ever crossed your mind?
Starting point is 00:24:49 Uh. Would you prefer, would you prefer not to go? Are you so gone that like you were What's gone mean Just lost and Is that what you is that your take on me now If I'm lost What are you?
Starting point is 00:25:03 Not found Maybe Um There was I was in I was just very time very tired obviously Exhausted mentally emotional spiritually Um Just exhausted
Starting point is 00:25:15 And like I if I woulda cancel I liked them and it was like I was good to get out and do something I've got to the point where I've like laying around when I'm, I know that the answer is through the thing I don't want to do if that makes sense. Very good. You know what I mean? I know, I know, the answer isn't laying here eating three slices of pizza
Starting point is 00:25:40 complaining about how tired and exhausted I am. I got to get through. I got a breakthrough. Well, it's not jumped at conclusions. Depends on the Zah. And I said that to my wife when I was like, you know, she's like, you would like to cancer right now. And I was like, yeah, but I know that's not that's not going to. make me feel better.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Huh, you answered like that. I would have been like, what the fuck does that mean? Yeah, no, I know what you would have done. Fucking lose it. Then start a fight. Then you got, you're out. I ain't known. There you go.
Starting point is 00:26:06 I feel like I'm going to excel at this. Hi, dude. This goes back to you think you're way better at this than you really, at lying than you really are. Fine, then I'm not coming. See, I'm out. I see the truth. Yeah, but my thing would have been not, I think not,
Starting point is 00:26:23 feeling well now post-COVID is pretty wide open. Especially, dude, if there's another spike in, like, the norovirus, there's something. Oh, there's people are getting, there's something going around. Whenever something's going around. That's when the bug man. Yeah, bug man. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:26:42 I mean, this Christmas time. You can get out of time. Oh, well, do you not feel well. My uncle got out on Christmas. this was a pretty good one because he was going on vacation the following in like a couple of days I got you bought the tickets
Starting point is 00:26:59 and I can't risk getting sick I can't risk getting sick I don't want to get sick I'm just not doing it I'm out I don't want to get anybody else sick all right I'm sorry you know I do you think I came all the way home so I could lay in mom's house
Starting point is 00:27:13 all day is that what you really think huh no that's stupid your brother on the other line going. You think I went to come slay my childhood bed and not answer the phone? And watch Star Wars and hang out?
Starting point is 00:27:32 Uh-huh. Rub my Fremelon. Yeah. Uh-huh. You think I wanted to do that? Does it help that Patty has, like, all the stuff that she's not bringing over in the fridge? Like the things, like the cheese boards and all that stuff that she was preparing, all those staples are now in the fridge.
Starting point is 00:27:48 And they got a shelf life on them. And they got a shelf life on them. and she might be saving those for, like, another Christmas party she has on, like, the 27th to 28th. And what's going to happen when she goes there in the morning on the 28th to put that together? And there's only a half a block of cheese there. There's only figs left. She's going to be fucking... We got the fucking apple slices.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Bitching at me. You left me here all day by myself. You're 50-year-old son. With no money. You get the dog food ready. Which was disgusting. by the way. He does pretty well.
Starting point is 00:28:23 You hit me with, you, this was one dance move of yours that I didn't, I didn't see. You were canceling, you know, you were cancel on a spot. Mm-hmm. And you hit,
Starting point is 00:28:45 you were like, you asked me, we were, you asked me. Just recently? Yeah, I mean, let's be vague. Okay.
Starting point is 00:28:50 Protect the innocent It was Did I hit you with the hey You go into this? I forgot I think we were traveling together I think we were traveling and you had a spot We were coming back on like say a Sunday
Starting point is 00:29:07 And I was like Or did I? I was like that's I never put in on nights before I'm the worst with that I say yes to stuff that like In the moment I'm like you got to go You got to go
Starting point is 00:29:20 And then that day, I'm like, what are you out of your fucking mind? Well, when you put yourself somewhere at that time and it's cold and you're like, this is all I. You, I also accepts, I'm always a better version with any event, not spots, with anything. I'm always the best version I've gotten, I'm always the best version of myself in two weeks. Hey, so-and-so wants to hang on Sunday. I'm in, line it up. I'll drive to deep Brooklyn. Me too.
Starting point is 00:29:44 I don't, yeah, it's Sunday afternoon? Yeah. I don't, do I have a fucking, are we working every five, five, twice, 12? 12-hour days that week, sure, lock it up. And when that day comes, do I have spots every night that week? Sure, who cares? It's like somebody else did it.
Starting point is 00:29:58 Yeah. Brutal. I had that happen to me yesterday. Mm-hmm. Because my cousin was in town, and I made plans. And I fucking, hey, you're looking forward to tomorrow. Fuck! Fuck!
Starting point is 00:30:10 Is that why, is that way, yeah. You were on the Upper West Side. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I was all over that bitch. The city, not my cousin. You know, love the person. I've gotten better at, because we did that when we first started touring a lot of the night before you leave,
Starting point is 00:30:29 and the night I return, I don't do spot. I don't even put in. I go, if we're leaving. If we're leaving Tuesday, I do not put in Monday because you're just, just James you up. They push my flight back. You believe that? That's what you did. My flight, it was on a weekend where one of those, I don't know if there was a storm or the, they shut down the terminal, something.
Starting point is 00:30:48 I know exactly what you're talking about. And you went, hey, I can't make it. I'm all jammed up. My flight's delayed. And was like, they had delayed a hundred.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Chaos at there. Yeah, delayed the whole Eastern seaboard. And I went, you rat motherfucker, that's a good one. They don't think of that. That was a really good. The whole system's down.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Mm-hmm. God damn air traffic controller. Budget side. When a planet woke up in Cleveland. Be there soon. Oh, that was very, that was a really good one by you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Yeah, flight got pushed back. I got the baby. I'm coming back. Another one recently. Coming back from upstate, I'm in gridlock traffic on the Taconic Parkway. I don't even know where that is, but I know it's bad. I know. I don't want to go.
Starting point is 00:31:32 I don't want to end up there on a Sunday afternoon. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. That's a good one. Now I have a pretty good out with the baby of. You have a get out of a jail free card. And the good thing is anybody with kids, a bejillion. million percent understands.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Yeah. They go. Of course. Yeah, of course. They nap, teething, whatever. I had to cancel a couple of spots on a nice gentleman. You say a baby's got a fever? Teethin?
Starting point is 00:32:02 Teethin. He's fucked. Bedtimes a nightmare. Oh, my God. I was running late to something. I went, buddy, my bad bedtime was a nightmare. He goes, don't even get me. He's dark.
Starting point is 00:32:10 I wish I could still get away with that stuff. You don't know. I'm teething. A set of wisdom's coming in. I never had them pulled. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. What?
Starting point is 00:32:24 That's pretty good. Yeah. The baby's great. That's great. And very understandable. The thing is, but I never, here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:32:33 I never hold anybody accountable for that kind of stuff. Let's say, um, Super Bowl party's going on. Okay. Family, friends, all that kind of stuff. Let's say I'm hosting it. Um, say you called me.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Hey, listen, not going to do it. All right. Yeah, I don't give a shit. Sure. But I find that when I do that, it's, I'm getting ridiculed. I'm getting my balls broke. I'm getting trash, you know, when by, you know, other people. Especially you as my brother or my one cousin.
Starting point is 00:33:08 I get you. He didn't make it. I, you're not going to like this. I'm sorry. And you're going to call me a dick. It is a. Wait, wait. Can I call you dickhead first?
Starting point is 00:33:16 Sure. Dickhead. it's a lot, it's a very recurring behavior to this point where it's like, at some, worst somewhere ever, all that kind of stuff, it was relatively expected that you're going to try to get out of something. So now people are going like, ah, when you do it, if you did it once a year, totally understandable.
Starting point is 00:33:35 That's whatever. It should happen. Be sick. I don't even think about it, though. Oh, yeah, that's right. I don't know. And Sheila's not here. Yeah, and Sheila doesn't cancel every other event, man.
Starting point is 00:33:45 She's everything. She's saying anything. about my Aunt Sheila. I love you, and Sheila. Sure. That's all I'm saying. That's why the people around you go, ah, fucking, you get pushed back because you flunk too close to the sun. Speaking of which, could use those spinach balls again. You haven't made those in a long time, Aunt Sheila.
Starting point is 00:33:59 If you're watching. She's everywhere. She does spinach balls. She doesn't miss an episode. Man, I used to crush these things when I was a kid. It's like little cheese and spinach, little balls, and she'd bake him in the oven. Never knew what was in them. Sounds like spinach of cheese. Fantastic.
Starting point is 00:34:14 Sure. A little bit of, uh, Put him in a little bit of a dill dip. Ooh, you got a stew going. I'm with you on that. That's all I'm saying. Listen, I cancel a bunch of stuff, too. It's not to, I'm just saying, I think that's why you get pushback from the ones closest to you who've been on the end of, you know.
Starting point is 00:34:35 That's all. Yeah. I don't, I don't know if I're guns down. Baby had a fever. I had a good run with the cat for a little while. So you think. Yeah. No one.
Starting point is 00:34:48 The cat was sick. Tonsils. You get that maybe once a year. You used it for a whole summer. Cat's sick. I started believing there wasn't even a cat at one point. The whole summer. Doctors don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Flying and specialist. Cancelled their flight, you believe that. Uh, yeah. What do you got? What do you got? What are the experts saying? Obviously some of the standards, sickness, which, you know, I think at this point, people do respect. And also here's another thing I wanted to talk about.
Starting point is 00:35:31 We don't do shit. We don't plan stuff that people will cancel. So we're never- Just show up. What? Just show up. But we're never in a thing. We should do more stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:35:44 We just tried. You just got out of dinner. Not dinner. I'm sick at dinners. Hang on at the house. Go over. Lay on my Couch. Play some card games or something like that. Okay, man. You know, Monopoly.
Starting point is 00:35:55 Do you want to do that for your birthday? Where at? Poker or something here? Huh? We play cards here. Ah, that'd be fun. Sure. I like that. I got guys over here anytime. Yeah. Fuck, the cat's going to be sick. Oh, dude, you cancel? That's what you would do.
Starting point is 00:36:11 I got balloons, you know. I got the cat in a little cast. blew out his rotator cuff been captured by ice you got a bag on your I was close I almost had to leave the house I get him a bitterno thing on me Kibby they got me
Starting point is 00:36:34 jammed up I'll see you I'll see it 120 to 200 years now I don't want to be that guy anymore and I've been trying not to I haven't really canceled a lot of stuff lately sure I want to I want to I've never
Starting point is 00:36:50 I'm sorry, let me cut you up. This isn't just cancellations. What? I know you, I know you have some, some things there. This is about what to do when, when you don't want to go to begin with.
Starting point is 00:37:02 When you haven't committed and you don't want to go. Well, yeah, so, I mean, that, sure, no,
Starting point is 00:37:08 it's okay. I'm sick. I, I worked a double. He ain't got a bad back. Kepie, let's talk about Quince. Quince.
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Starting point is 00:40:10 For more information on APY rates, my pay, spot me and travel perks. Go to chime.com slash disclosures. I think we don't understand. And this is, you know, we don't understand, the only things we plan are for work and this. And when people cancel, it's like, it's obviously part of the thing with, you know, comic schedules and stuff. It happens. We've had to cancel stuff. All that stuff happens.
Starting point is 00:40:31 So it's like, there's no personal. But I think when you're planning a party and people say they're coming and then don't, we don't really know, I haven't planned anything social in a long time to know. know how that really feels. You know what I mean? So it's like, we think, oh, we're canceling. Why can't you understand? And people are like, not that they don't understand, but it's. They don't believe you.
Starting point is 00:40:57 I think they believe you, but there is still an emotional investment on the person's side who's Luke just tried to do this and everybody canceled on his party, remember? Cancel. They had to cancel the party. Still pulled through, but. No, you didn't. Yeah, we did. Yeah, you had to go.
Starting point is 00:41:12 We've talked about it. This is crazy. All his fucking bozo friends cancel. still in he tells me not to come i don't feel like that's it he tells me not to come then still has the goddamn get together with close friends that's i mean is that crazy is that not crazy you're listen it's funny it's you're not you're not you get away from something he gets some perspective he really screwed me there i was at a very vulnerable point in my life too you know what i mean I'm on your side here.
Starting point is 00:41:47 You said there was some new people there that I could have met and built my network. Your network is your net worth. What? Your net worth is your network. Oh, I'm tanking. I got a sick guy. I got to start hanging out with other people that my sick cat and Tommy Cassidy. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:42:03 Tommy caught a stray. He tends to. I'm on your side on that. I talked to Tommy seeing a little guy this morning. I think, uh, I think, uh, I think, uh, That's fucked up. To rescind the invitation. It's wild.
Starting point is 00:42:22 I can see if he wasn't. I understand that the thing changed, right? He's going, all right, it's no longer the bigger thing. It's going to be four or five people. But I mean, let me ask you this. To rescind the invitation. It's crazy and I respect it. Let's take a step into chicken sandwiches into the vault, into the total trust tree.
Starting point is 00:42:42 For the new people who might not know chicken sandwiches, chicken sandwiches, it lives and dies here. Don't fucking bring it up, but I'm eating green. Don't be posting about it. This is chicken fucking sandwich. You can be honest. Of course. It's not going to get back to anybody.
Starting point is 00:42:54 No. I'm not going to hold any grudges or anything like that. I'm an old grunt. What was the real? Hey, Kippie. What was the real deal behind that? I know there was a conversation with your loved ones. It was.
Starting point is 00:43:10 Be honest. Not enough guys were coming. So there wasn't. That's a good ratio It gets me Get my dick wet You're telling me It was a bunch of broads
Starting point is 00:43:22 A bunch of rich hot young broads And I can't come hang out Well what am I? A fucking leper Wait you know Steal all the pussy You're jealous I don't have the boots yet
Starting point is 00:43:30 So you were safe So we needed There was one crucial Glue guy that was not going to be there That really was like I'm a glue guy Yeah have you met You haven't met this
Starting point is 00:43:43 guy. I'm Gorilla Glue. What are you talking about? You put me in the middle of the table. I got everybody laughing to couples. I'm there to help you. Tell him about your cat. And cats are real safe.
Starting point is 00:43:53 I probably got to get out of here. You know, time they're serving dessert. I ran through about a thousand scenarios. How many people ended up going? It was two other guy friends, six girlfriends. Including me and my... I shoot a fish on a barrel. I like these odds, eh, boys?
Starting point is 00:44:19 I'll take the two little ladies on the left. You guys can fight over the red. You two ain't gay by any chance, are you? If you are, that's fine. Just keep your dick away from me. If so, I'm going to be an ace by the end of this thing, huh? I'll be teaching the top gun next week. And it wasn't even like that.
Starting point is 00:44:38 I was protecting myself from being hurt, if I'm being honest. Be hurt from who? You? What? I start bragging. Girl falls in love with me. Can't get her hands off me. You got to leave the show.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Sure. What are you talking about what? That I wasn't going to show? Yeah. I'm bragging to my friends. I got a star, a Netflix star coming to my party, a star power. Don't give me that shit. I've been hurt before.
Starting point is 00:45:04 I know you trashed me to all your friends and family. Rightly so. I suck. Don't try to butter me up or play to my affinity for a celebrity. What did you say, though? Do you think there's any truth to that where he was... No.
Starting point is 00:45:21 There's got to be some, I would assume. What are you talking about? We know you cancel on everything. But he's known to trash me all the time. Sure. He doesn't respect me. The two things can be true. Huh?
Starting point is 00:45:33 No, they can. Not in my world. Everything's a lie. My brain. My mind. You sure. word circuit your boots
Starting point is 00:45:47 blow off. It's not like anybody there's going to give a shit. You probably don't want me breaking your
Starting point is 00:45:52 couch or pooping in there or something. We went over this. What? You got to go. Seating is all
Starting point is 00:46:00 fragile and low. See? Let's let's be honest. You didn't want me there. I wanted you there. Stop. In fact,
Starting point is 00:46:07 one of the girls there is a big fan of your appearance and set it up. Which I've told you about before. had insults injury you show up dresses the delivery guy
Starting point is 00:46:21 what's up they let me keep they let me keep the vest in the hat sure I put on a little bit of weight I got Glenn Powell in a headlock with me hey he's how are you talking about wasn't even like that some friends
Starting point is 00:46:37 anyway I didn't mean to go on that big sidebar about that so that's covered ground but you think you know you get away from it We can have an honest conversation about it. I guess not. I guess you're going to continue to lie to me. But I didn't know there was only two dudes and six broads.
Starting point is 00:46:53 Yeah. Not that that matters. But it don't hurt. I read a Ferrari. You got the keys you're swinging. You got driving gloves on? Yeah, it's double parked out front. This place is kind of lame.
Starting point is 00:47:16 He just want to get any. I got to pick my cat up anyway. Whatever. So, let's talk business. Sure. The standards, obviously, the sickness card, prior commitments. But then the prior commitment is what, hey, I totally forgot I got that. Like, the prior commitment is something to get out of, like, to decline.
Starting point is 00:47:44 Hey, I can't. It's my mom's birthday. I can't. It's my anniversary, whatever, you know. work school obligations mentioned having to work late and early morning hey things just shifted around
Starting point is 00:47:58 I got to be into work at 7 a.m. I can't make it. But some of those don't work in my fucked up family and friends. I use work a lot. So what? You got to get a big deal. Just come for a couple hours and hang out.
Starting point is 00:48:09 I never do that to anybody. Again, but no one's canceled on you. That's what I would say. But like, I like, if it was like my, it was like a family party and someone was like,
Starting point is 00:48:19 I can't, I got to work early. Oh, come up. I never put the screws to anybody The way they put screws to me I don't I'm really the good guy If everybody's fucking breaking my balls all the time Everybody's being a dickhead to me
Starting point is 00:48:32 You believe that? Every guy I've ever met It's a fucking jerk off to me Oh man You're fucking I've been hit with that more than fucking What? COVID
Starting point is 00:48:41 What? I got a lot Um If everybody in your life says it's you It's you Oh my mom used to hit me with that all the time I get that five times a week.
Starting point is 00:48:55 Two and a half of that's from you. Rightfully so. I hear you with it yesterday. Yeah. First of all, you called us all jerk-offs. And all, as I said, was do you think if the three guys in the room
Starting point is 00:49:06 are all jerk-alls, maybe it's... Yeah. I'm not even saying it's all your fault. Nah. Something you're putting into the fucking... You're putting into the stew, baby. Also, between the four of us, everybody has their ingredients.
Starting point is 00:49:19 You get a jerk-off stew going, baby. It's true. I get why you don't want Is you really not invite me because you didn't want to talk me up And not have me show up There were a hundred factors into why And it was honestly because everyone fell through And then the party really came together last minute
Starting point is 00:49:36 Like the day before It did came together last minute He was lying Anybody ask you about me? I assumed you had other social obligations Friday night I wouldn't be able to make it anyway At multiple parties I had to admit
Starting point is 00:49:53 I was hanging out at a pet store that night Yeah my cat's sick I was thinking about getting a bait of fish The jerk off of fish Even your even your fish is a dickhead I'd probably bother another fish That's what that is you're a fucking You're a beta fish
Starting point is 00:50:16 You can't put him in a tank with my fish It'll annoy the shit out of them I thought they eat each other And that one just fucking chews their ear off He has a lot of stupid fucking questions that he knows the answer. Don't invite that fish to a party. You're going to count on him. He's not going to show up.
Starting point is 00:50:31 He owes the parakeets a lot of money. Oh, that's very funny. Very funny. I had to do this. He has a little inside baseball. I got offered a spot on a show, right? I said yes. And then this was whatever, I guess two weeks ago,
Starting point is 00:50:56 I guess the blizzard, like when the snow was hitting and I was getting out of Dodge. So I was. I just realized I have two spots on Wednesday. I went, hey, I can't. Hey, man, things changed. I can't make it. Well, hold on a second. It was supposed to be for that Saturday night.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Right. Right. Which the blizzard didn't happen until Sunday. I know, but that was still up in the air. It was supposed to be hitting Saturday night. Maybe talking to me. No, yeah, I mean... I would have been out on Wednesday.
Starting point is 00:51:22 This is on... I gotta get to the grocery store. One, I was leaving town. Two, even if it was in the city, I probably would have been like, hey, man. Everybody was canceling shows that Saturday. Like, most... A lot of clubs are going like, hey, we're, you know, whatever, this is canceled, this is canceled. And I got in the spot very early on.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Or like, not early on. Let's say I got it Tuesday or Wednesday, the spot. This is now like... I'm like, hey, man. That's practically day old. What? They are getting it or day of show? Yeah, I mean.
Starting point is 00:52:00 You just hit me with this. I'm out. Four days ago. One I was, they didn't like advertise anything. So like I'm not even like really pot committed at this point. You think that that makes you commit it when they, when they, when they throw you up on a flyer? If I share it, yeah. Sure.
Starting point is 00:52:16 You don't let anybody down. No, well, it's just. I mean, that has. has happened specifically to you. Got some blowback. The only reason we went to this fucking show is because you and Foley were on. I sick. Subjects. Line up subject to change based on the big man's cat.
Starting point is 00:52:34 And other factors. So I was just like, hey man, with the storm, things have changed. I'm not going to make it, but would love, you know. He hit me up on Tuesday. It was like, hey man, we'd love to have you. Can you do this Saturday? I said, I'm in. always looking to do spots.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Of course. And I can't. So I go, but I'm available next weekend. Of course. Yeah. At that opportunity, came and went for spots at that location, which I get. It happened. Oh, I think I know what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:53:07 Going to west side of town. I guess. Downtown. You side? Harlem? I'm out everywhere. Little place in the sun. So ho.
Starting point is 00:53:24 Fucking Staten Island. Yeah, I ain't that a jane. That's very funny. So, yeah, that was, I, I just, you know, there's also, when it comes to canceling plans with a, this is relatively business plans a little bit,
Starting point is 00:53:47 spots and stuff. Of course. Now, I understand, like, let's say you have dinner plans with another, couple. Okay. Which, that's only ever happened once in my life, and it was with you. With me? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:03 What? We had dinner plan? We had the four of us went out. Yeah. And you left midway through to go to a spot. That's crazy. I forgot about that. I did.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Yes. 100% there. We talked about it. You left me, your wife, and my wife. At no boo, right? At no boo. I pick up to fucking check, too. You really disappeared.
Starting point is 00:54:23 You disappeared with the fucking. Fuck going to the bathroom I got a spot You're not even a comedian I got a shift down Yeah Did I crazy Huh
Starting point is 00:54:36 See I don't even remember that Yeah Man You stink I remember going Don't take any spots And then you do the thing Where I think you took it
Starting point is 00:54:46 You didn't want to tell me And then like an hour before you're like I picked up a 10 o'clock Or whatever Was it the seller? No This I really don't enjoy your company, do I?
Starting point is 00:54:59 A little fucking bar show in the Lower East Side. Don't give her too many shrimp. She's allergic. Karma lounge. Yeah. You don't remember leaving? No. You left and came back.
Starting point is 00:55:11 Huh. Couldn't have been drug-seeking behavior. No, I had a spot. No, you had a spot at 4th Street, I think. Huh. Anywho. But, yeah. Back in five minutes.
Starting point is 00:55:26 I wonder why we didn't have. another one quick spot huh i only did one couple's date and uh i left midway through and left uh left the other guy there to talk to the two women but some pick up to check something like that i'm no wonder why i'm trying to set you up no wonder why i didn't fucking hey let's do that again i got in the car going trying to set you up for a menagerie t'i that's how you thank me dickhead i get in the car look at my wife i go she was nice him not so much i don't think i'm going to do that again um I understand if, say, if you have plans like another, like, like, if you're real people and you have plans like another couple.
Starting point is 00:56:03 You know what I mean? Like, that's fucked up, you know? I think when it gets closer. Yeah. To me. If they get a sitter. Me, if they get dressed up. Three days out.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Three days. I think three days out, you can get out of anything socially to me. Like, with no whatever. Hey, if my wife has to go, hey. And I always tell her, I go, if whatever, we're just not. I go, just fucking, I'll be the fucking bad guy in every. situation. I can tell her I fucking tell him I hit you. Tell him I fucking left. I ran away. I don't fucking care. I don't care. I don't care. I got to work. I picked up a spot.
Starting point is 00:56:36 I got I'm on tour. I thought something. I don't care. But three days out, I feel socially. I mean, while that person might be upset of, I was really looking forward to it. Sometimes they get really upset. I mean, yeah. You know, it's, uh. 72 hours gives you plenty of time to pivot, though. Yes. It's like, well, we did have a sitter lined up. So maybe, well, let's see if, uh, Foley and whoever want to go So you can find it back I got a whole thing going on with the cat You can find another couple
Starting point is 00:57:05 Or go you know You can pivot I think 72 hours is Nobody should be Hold a grudge of any kind Well I'm glad you brought this up Now back in my day When I was banging
Starting point is 00:57:18 Those babysitters They were coming no matter what I don't ever remember A time in the 80s and a little bit of the 90s, where the babysitter fell through or somebody else had to come, nothing.
Starting point is 00:57:34 But these babysitters today, they're all the baby, and like, I've been my cousins acting like they were trying to find a brain surgeon. I'm like, get some fucking high school kid. Yeah. To sit and want,
Starting point is 00:57:49 the kids are 11 and 9 or whatever they were. I mean, that's a little fucking different, I think. Yeah, I listen, And I know. You know what I'm saying? These babysitters, they, they flake out on you.
Starting point is 00:58:00 They do. I think they're tough within a few times we've had to. What are you dropping on a babysitter too, by the way? Hunter. Let's say you're going to dinner. Okay. I think they're going, I would say the going rate in New York is probably $30 an hour. You're talking cash, right?
Starting point is 00:58:17 Kish. Venmo. Venmo. So let's say three hours. That's 90. A little grease. You're doing 100, I hope The one time we did it
Starting point is 00:58:28 When we did the Met Show in Philly We brought somebody I was like I don't know what that night's gonna look like That's a little different So I paid them I gave them a flat rate Of like hey you know
Starting point is 00:58:38 It's gonna be at least it It's gonna be no more than this 200 I think two or 300 I gave them Well that was also a big commute There was a snowstorm It was that was a night Yeah that was a night long obligation
Starting point is 00:58:52 And travel and stuff like that like that. But we have someone that helps out in, which is why we had to change the plans today. We have someone that helps out in New York. Yeah, that's why I thought of it. Yeah. She gets 30 an hour. But she's a little, Google what the going rate in New York is.
Starting point is 00:59:11 I think she's a little. Like a high school kid. Give her $150 bucks on a Friday night. I know, but I don't think you want, like, I don't, I mean, we have a seven-month-old. It's like high school kids don't have a lot of, unless they have a lot of experience with a seven-month-old. A high school kid can watch a six, five, six year old. I'm learning that. Throwing a pizza, watch a movie.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Yeah, it's like, but if you have a, you know, a teething baby, a 17-year-old might not know how to, might not have the experience. We did that all the time. Whenever, like, one of our, like, girlfriends were babysitting in high school, we always ended up over there. Yeah, that's all change. Nanny cams, fucking, GPI, everything, all that fucking. We've been there rooting through the fridge, hanging out. No shit.
Starting point is 00:59:52 They come home and they chase it through the, yards. I mean, I remember we had babysitters bring dudes. I told you, that guy threw me down the stairs. Fucking rat fuck. Try that now. Huh? It was my king-sized baby.
Starting point is 01:00:05 I was the king of getting a run of my mouth one second too far. Whoever I was with would typically be running their mouth. Danny. Danny was running his mouth. And I went like, yeah, pussy or whatever. I would always get hit. I was tagging it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:00:23 I was always tagging the punchline and get fucking suckered. Pussy. Um, man. I had the idea you fall down to stairs. I was young, too. I was real young. I was really young. Probably did a number on the drywall, huh?
Starting point is 01:00:40 That's probably like six years. And I'm from such a fucked up family. That wasn't that crazy. No. Like, I got up. I'm like, I got up. I'm like, now we got to fight. Now we got a fight on our hand.
Starting point is 01:00:53 Crack my neck Put that pizza in a microwave, right? Uh-huh. It was one of those things where I'm like, I remember being like, I don't even think mom needs to know about this. Like, you know, let's just,
Starting point is 01:01:02 it's going to be a bigger headache for everybody. Let's sweep this under the rug, keep it moving. Listen, everybody makes mistakes. Everybody beats children. You go up and shake hands with the guy. Listen, everybody said some things that didn't mean.
Starting point is 01:01:13 I didn't get a balls to do it. I respect you. Yeah, you're a fucking real one, dude. You know that? You're willing to push a six-year-old down the stairs. There's so many people. but I've gotten to, like, fights with where,
Starting point is 01:01:27 and even got my ass beat where we were, like, better friends after. It's crazy. I always respect the, especially, like, in high school, the kids fight and then, like, a handshake afterwards. You see it in the street or something. Not, listen, fight, you shouldn't be fighting fucking stupid. Yeah, not now. But, uh, I always, I understand that.
Starting point is 01:01:46 It's like, you know, I think that's two people who are going, I'm, I want to, this is how I want to do this. I want to get this out and they're both agreeing to do it. It kind of seems like, okay, we did that. I've told this before, Brian Tomer fucking beat my ass street hockey game. I check some smaller kid into the fence. Beat the fuck out of me.
Starting point is 01:02:09 Good. Lesson, lesson learned. Gave me nice handshaking. We worked together. Thanks, you're kicking my ear. Lips all fat. Thank you, Cher. He was like, get the fuck away.
Starting point is 01:02:20 You're getting blood on my skates. I really had that coming, didn't I? I was close I'm what you had you did oh fuck though yeah I caught out that one is wrong
Starting point is 01:02:29 you're on the stretcher giving the thumbs up then we see you right here again he's talking to the paramed he should see the other guy he's getting his dick suck got ice on his knuckles it's too tough
Starting point is 01:02:56 guy he figured it out too unfortunate I'm not going to hear from here anymore. Over here? All right. Let's run through a couple of these real quick. Average rate for a babysitter is like 20 to 27 an hour. Yeah. Experience it or is like 30 to 40 an hour.
Starting point is 01:03:19 We got to juice that. They don't cancel on you. She doesn't, no, she hasn't canceled. The timeline just shifted a bit. But even that. I can't question that. Can't question what? Like when you got a kid, you can just say that to anybody.
Starting point is 01:03:35 You want to know something that was a bit of a lie. Thank you. It wasn't. I would say that all the time. Listen, the timeline shift that I apologize. I say that. First of all, you don't speak as the timeline shifted. No.
Starting point is 01:03:50 So I know you're lying. According to my calculations, my cat's sick. But even that, I wouldn't be like, what do you mean? Well, what happened today was a baby and like your family. We were supposed to record. And I do appreciate everybody on the team. kind of, you know, being flexible with... I try to throw you onto the bus with that.
Starting point is 01:04:10 Yeah. You don't even know. I know. Try to throw me under the bus? No, Luke has planned... Or Luke wanted to do later. Luke preferred. I know.
Starting point is 01:04:20 Oh, I caught... I picked up on your cunty tone. Trust me. I just... Nobody doesn't read anything you say, not as a dickhead. I don't know how to say me. It's crazy. I did feel...
Starting point is 01:04:29 I know it's crazy. It's wild. Your tone and deck. Your tone and everything. I don't get it. I'm not even trying to be like that. I know. you're just so naturally like that what charming the hottest guy um yeah you're a specific
Starting point is 01:04:46 i wasn't even trying to do that i even you asking for smoothies i was like i know he's just trying to have fun i was like fuck this guy though no that wasn't i wanted a response from you guys i know and i wasn't i wasn't i wasn't getting a response yeah i was driving i don't give a shit what you were done Pull the fuck of them. Fucking text me back. No, I've, I fucked, it's kind of funny, this is unfolding in real time. I fucked up because I didn't, we were coming in later, and I didn't tell Nadine. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:05:22 Right? So then we weren't, we weren't going to come in until one or whatever. And the babysitter, I didn't tell Nadine, so Nadine didn't know until this morning. So she's like, I can't Or it was last night or something She couldn't tell the baby She felt bad going to the babysitter saying Hey, we got to move your schedule around
Starting point is 01:05:47 Night of which I get and respect But so I That was me dropping the ball And then I lied and said Hey it shifted around When it didn't shift it or I didn't shift around I just didn't plan Shouldn't have told us
Starting point is 01:06:02 You had us I know I had you That's the fun And hey you catch your fish You set them free You know what Get your release All right
Starting point is 01:06:10 So real quick Tips for declining Be prompt Inform the host as soon as possible You know you cannot make it To a lot of them Adjust plans 72 hours I think
Starting point is 01:06:17 Even day of Keep it short Don't over explain As detailed lies Often sound suspicious That's too much Too much I fall into that
Starting point is 01:06:27 You do Sometimes I think I'm I'm mind fucking where they'll never believe that I'm going this deep into it. Stop. What you did perfectly earlier in the lie
Starting point is 01:06:39 of I'm on the T-neck, it's jammed. Or whatever it was. The Ticonic. Thank you. Some of my best work. That was not that much. Yeah. A little, hey, I'm jammed up on the GWB.
Starting point is 01:06:52 I'm the tunnels gridlock. Leave that. Even the tunnel. Don't say the house. The tunnel's gridlock. You know it works when you get back. Yeah, the whole. city's jammed up.
Starting point is 01:07:01 Yeah. From what I've heard. Whatever. Yeah, just blame something. The weather, the snow. Ah, the snow's got me. Although I might have told you this. One time that worked so well where I was, this was
Starting point is 01:07:13 20 years ago. I was crashed out. Last week. I was crashed out and I didn't want to go to work. It was the winner. I called my boss and I was like, man, I'm so sick. I got to go to the hospital. I hung up with him.
Starting point is 01:07:28 I called him back acting like he was my dad thinking that I had called my dad Yeah you said Yeah yeah yeah Hook line and Hey dad Um
Starting point is 01:07:41 I've always wanted to tell you I fired like a week later Unrelated Called me stealing All right Let's see Use text or email Sending a message is often easier
Starting point is 01:07:53 Than a phone call out And to control the tone Yes But sometimes people will hit me with you cancel over text you don't call i'll get some it depends who the person is if it's my mom you got to call your mom your brother your sister and that's what they're a letter yeah um yeah you got to like hey i'll also do a thing you know because i live far away from you know we live an hour and a half or new york two hours new york to
Starting point is 01:08:22 philly from our families so there's a lot of like hey kevin can you make it next Friday, whatever, we're doing this. And I go, I know I probably can't. And I go, I don't know, let me see. I got to see there's a few things that was, you know, work got to shake out. And then timeline shift it. And then midway through the next week, you go, I can't. It's just not going to work out.
Starting point is 01:08:44 That's what I like to do. Yeah. When I, when I, you know, but, uh, I canceled my birthday dinner one time. You just did it for us. We had it playing. No, this was serious. This is serious as well. No, this was bad
Starting point is 01:08:58 Well, I didn't, wait This ain't great Was that real that you guys were really planning that? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. We'll have to have a longer discussion about it. I didn't know, I didn't have to come up with a more in-depth lie to get out of it. I thought you were joking around.
Starting point is 01:09:11 So we'll talk. What is the, what is the plan? It was to go to dinner, but if you want to. The day of my birthday? Yeah. But if you want to go to, if you want to play cards or something here, we can,
Starting point is 01:09:22 you're the birthday boy, baby. You just give me. 50 bucks now all right 25 no my sister-in-law made dinner made meatballs which are meatballs as you know this was years ago talk about getting off on the wrong foot sure yeah she made dinner and i canceled pool it is mm-hmm you've been canceled for a long time having you big dog man had to give a lot of yg merch to fucking oh i'm well aware it's coming out of my ass All right, we got to wrap it up, though, gang. Gang, good luck canceling your plans tonight.
Starting point is 01:09:59 We love you. We'll see you next weekend. Peace.

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