Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - How to Cheat w/ Kippy & Foley

Starting point is 00:00:00 Gang, Christmas came early this year because the Are You Garbage Special is on YouTube right now. Yeah guys, go share with your friends, hit them up in the group chat, tell people who aren't familiar with the show, this is a perfect way to introduce them, check it out, it's a good time, a lot of laughs, thanks for watching! Love ya. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast, this is Are You Garbage. Take two!

Starting point is 00:00:41 It's a little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy. Yeah? Or they're just a big old piece of trash. Right. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day, we're down here at Anthony's basement. She's skiing. Really? In the bathroom.

Starting point is 00:00:55 Real bow garb at the back too, I'll tell you that right now. Running this lollum up there right here. My co-host is coming at you from across the table so you know what that means, it's just a tham tonight. Tham damn. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage, international businessman and I'm starting to think part owner in the Brixton Shirt Company because he's got 17 of them. I got a lot of shirts. This guy, give it up for KJ everybody. Hey gang, thanks for tuning in as always.

Starting point is 00:01:21 Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are. Through the roof. Through the roof and then obviously patreon.com you sign up to get a bunch of bonus content. I mean, I feel like an asshole saying it's two times a week every week for the past year. Bonus content, episodes AYG, hard feelings, the breakaway hit. Hard feelings. And then live streams that we do every month with the top tier members. And then also guys, the AYG comedy extravaganza.

Starting point is 00:01:51 The special. The soup of the day. Streaming on YouTube page. Whatever you want, we got it over there. Go check it out. It's a 30 minute, you know, kind of tour, like 30 minute performance tour. It's five cities I think. Five of our favorite cities from the tour.

Starting point is 00:02:08 Shout it out. Houston, New York, Philly, Cleveland, Boston. Boston. That's a good time. So check it the fuck out. It's on there. Share with your fucking friends. Someone posted on Reddit.

Starting point is 00:02:18 Let's get this thing cooking. There you go. I like to hear it. I wanted to ask you. What? Did you realize Sean Combs just re-bought back Sean John? Re-bought back. He bought back his company.

Starting point is 00:02:31 Really? Yeah. I didn't know he had sold it. Yeah. 7.5 million. I don't know if you heard that news and you were, you know. In billionaire weekly? No, I haven't been reading it.

Starting point is 00:02:41 What are you talking about? Other moguls? Yeah. When are you going to start getting into the, would that be the next move? The clothing line? This is going to somehow, you want t-shirts for free or something, I'm sure. You want to have an employee discount. My mom needs a new shower curtain.

Starting point is 00:02:57 Hopefully you get into bathroom fixtures. No, I'm done with consumer goods, I think. Really? I did all the card games. I did all that shit. I made all of it from front to back. Product design. I came up with the, I remember asking you, hey, send me 20 questions for the card.

Starting point is 00:03:12 You would have thought I asked you to check your prostate. You gave me such a, what kind of, what do you want a card game? Meanwhile, you're cashing the checks on the other. So it's all crypto and NFTs going forward for you. What about the metaphors? I'm done. Are you involved in that? The, what is it?

Starting point is 00:03:26 The, what is the internet 3.0? That's like the new thing, right? I got to get on there. I got to get a screen name. I got to lock that down. I got to, I got to get at Kevin Ryan on the new internet. Get my profile pic on there. Lay some claim.

Starting point is 00:03:42 How about a big shout out to the magic man, speaking of the argue garbage comedy special, special, specials, the brains behind the operation. Give it up for T-Bone Mcscruff and Toby McBuggins. What up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? No, no, no, we don't want to do that. So what we need to get into is licensing. We need like the AYG corn baller, infomercial run around at 3 o'clock in the morning.

Starting point is 00:04:03 I like that. What's a corn baller besides foley? I know what a corn ball is. You'll think this is trashy. When I was a kid around Christmas, my uncles used to give us, they were, they were called corn balls. They were popcorn balls that were like stuck together with like toffee and shit like that. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:21 I never fucked with that. I was the, I was the blue tin three, the cheese, the, the caramel and the regs. Those were friends, right? I always left the caramel till the end. My fat ass tore through the cheese, then the butter. And then I had to go looking around, probably eat all the goldfish, all the pretzels out of the other cabinet and then go back and eat that fucking caramel. In one sitting?

Starting point is 00:04:41 You did all that. I was breakfast. There was snow boots in there by lunch. Oh yeah. Holy shit. I thought of this. What? I might have mentioned this before, but this is more, I'm being vulnerable here, I'm telling

Starting point is 00:04:55 you. Otherwise, I'm starting to get to the point of fatness where I'm becoming, eating around other people, I'm becoming aware of it. Okay. I don't know if you guys are, cause we've had to share a couple of meals over the last couple of months. I'm aware. But like sometimes I'll do something that I think someone's looking at and I'm like,

Starting point is 00:05:12 oh my God, they must be ready to throw up. You know what I mean? Like, No, I have no idea. Something will keep going. Something will fall out of my mouth. Yeah. The way my fork looks or how I mix everything together.

Starting point is 00:05:23 I feel like. Have you caught anything like that? Of course, pulling a carriage when I'm eating with you. I got blinders on dude. I just looked down at my plate. I don't, I kept some shrapnel from you from time to time. Piece of coleslaw flies out or something. So you try to keep your eyes away from, because if you, if you didn't, if you did see something

Starting point is 00:05:38 you might not want to see, it might turn, it might turn you off. Yeah. You're also a talker when you're eating. So there's things that are flying. You got, you catch, you catch some floaters. Get this guy to tune this out. He's dangerous. A couple of asteroids flying out of there.

Starting point is 00:05:54 Plus we tried to get you on the mob boss napkin tuck in the shirt. Here's the problem with that. And you get embarrassed about it. And then you take it out and then you fuck your shirt up anyway. Because not everywhere we go is cloth napkins. If you took me to a nice joint and I could use a cloth napkin, that's different. I can't be sitting there with a regular napkin unfolded on my chest. You're not a fun.

Starting point is 00:06:13 It looks like a bad necktie. You're not a fun guy to eat with. It's a lot of tension. Why? Because. You feel it. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:23 You can cut it with a butter knife. It's. Nobody touched the last button. Yeah. It's always you're. Yeah. At least my interpretation. I could be wrong.

Starting point is 00:06:32 There's always a quick. Fuck. When you spill something on you. So that's not like a fun time to. Fuck. Like as they're dropping the appetizers. I worry about that. Sticks are coming out in the.

Starting point is 00:06:43 You know, you're already cursing at everybody. I worry about that with my girl. Like I asked you like, do we, like, do you feel comfortable when we eat together? Do you feel like rushed or feel like I'm going to. I'm going to get done mine and then start eating yours. Mm hmm. Poor woman. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:59 Probably starving over there. I know. You're fucking stealing it all for a fork and shit. Well, I think, I think, you know, we talked about bringing a financial advisor in here for the Patreon. We got it. Let's get somebody in here. I want to get like an etiquette.

Starting point is 00:07:14 Yeah. Slow. I mean, I don't know. Yeah. No, there's, there is a lot of two. One of my favorite things about eating with you. Oh, really? Well, I mean, it's, it's my favorite cat.

Starting point is 00:07:27 You're a very. The delusional way that I order where I think I'm making the right choices. Oh, well, I mean, there's that. I'm done even like trying to put in like a, hey, why don't you give me two bottom? Why don't you not get the three racks? You know, why don't you leave it at two? Give me two bottoms of the buttons. I think that's a little bit less bread.

Starting point is 00:07:45 Um, no, it's like the fact of you'll do the, hey, I, you, you're aware that you're a bigger guy and you don't want to have. I feel like everyone's looking at me. I feel like when I walk into the restaurant, everyone's like, that guy shouldn't put a piece of food in his mouth. No, it's not like that. I mean, maybe I don't know if I saw it. If I didn't know you and you walked into the steak house, they were going to bring you

Starting point is 00:08:12 something called Peter. Um, you do the, and it's, it's one of my gripes with you as a whole. Instead of just saying, I want this last Pete, you got to put on a big show. Like we're all, you, you think we all buy your horse shit when no, it's like literally talking to like a, it's like talking to my nephew. Really? Yeah. Everybody sees through me.

Starting point is 00:08:36 Dude, you'll tell you, you'll be like one bite of like, let's say one mozzarella stick or one piece of crab cake left. Oh, Toby, that's all you. I don't even want that. I couldn't put another piece in me. You pushed the plate away through the fourth there. I'm done. Can I get a door?

Starting point is 00:08:51 I don't even. I'm watching the plate. And then you're gone. Kippy. And then T bones. Now I'm going to say, I had the, I had the calamari and then, and then you go. Kippy, that's you. You take it then.

Starting point is 00:09:01 Kim, you take it. No, I don't want that. You big man. No, no, no, no. We just have it. I don't want to really. All right. We get it.

Starting point is 00:09:09 It's the second time I pushed back. It's already in your mouth. I'm not even finished talking yet. It's a big, it's a big fucking, you know, it's all smoke and mirrors. I got to retrain my whole brain. I know, which I'm happy for. I'm happy you're, you know, are we getting somebody in here? It's good.

Starting point is 00:09:24 It's good. A finishing lady in here or something. Okay. I can look like a lady when I'm doing. They're very expensive. I looked into it. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:32 I looked into like some like personal etiquette coaches that come in and give us like, you know, how to have like a proper, how to eat at a dinner. And we would see, you know, we'd set this as like a fucking whatever. I like that. But it's very expensive. Give me a number. A thousands of dollars. That's not happening.

Starting point is 00:09:45 Yeah. No, not at all. If I can't get it for two tree hundred, it ain't happening. Tough break fellows. Put your sunglasses on next time we're at the dinner. Gang, family app. We're here. We're together.

Starting point is 00:09:55 Which is what matters. It's all that matters. This holiday season. This is coming out between Christmas and New Year's. No man's land. What are your thoughts on that? What? That week between Christmas and New Year's.

Starting point is 00:10:05 Pretty sure we talked about this in the episode we recorded yesterday. But yeah, we can retouch on it. Didn't we? Pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's like no man's land. You don't know what's happening.

Starting point is 00:10:15 You don't have pants on for a lot. I don't, you know, good movie week. Yeah. It's good. Like on the couch, the tree's still up. The presents are still kind of scattered around. There's some fucking some, some wrapping paper flow. A lot of cookies on a kitchen table or whatever.

Starting point is 00:10:25 It's crazy how quick that tree gets old. Right? Yeah. Like the fur. What day do you dump it? Huh? I would say by the third, it's got to, got to get skedaddle. Out.

Starting point is 00:10:36 Right? April. Yeah. No, that thing. Yeah. Feel real gross after that. Like you did something wrong. Get it out of there.

Starting point is 00:10:44 I know. I'm like dreading and taking it down because then it's like, when you're doing it, it's fun. It's, hey, this, you got the music playing. It's the beginning of the thing. Fucking needles are everywhere. I know. But then you're like, got to make sure you wrap up the ornaments and those got to go

Starting point is 00:10:56 in the box. Or the box doesn't close. It's like, fuck me. Yeah. It's bullshit. I mean, look, I'm thinking I'm going to, I'm thinking I'm going to have COVID again when that happens. Hey, sorry.

Starting point is 00:11:04 That's. I got 20. It's weird. Yeah. All right. Uh, guys, it is a, it is a family episode. So when you join Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on air. It's just the best way to do it.

Starting point is 00:11:14 We get a shit ton of requests or email DMs, everything. And the Patreons just get the first crank, ate it. This one, speaking of food, speaking of eating, speaking of etiquette is a perfect transition. Look at that. It's pulling the strings back here. Uh, this is from Nicholas Long, never had a question read when you're taking the first bite of a burger slash FCS fried chicken sandwich, I guess that is putting that together on the fly.

Starting point is 00:11:39 I like so. And placing it back down on the plate, right? Can you put yourself there? Oh yeah. They're already the glory days and placing it back down on the plate. Do you place the burger upside down or right side up? It's a thinker to imagine, but upside down as garbage. I think I'm an upside down guy, depending on the structure of the sandwich because it's

Starting point is 00:12:01 then it's easier. Your thumbs are. Listen, not every like a backhoe, not every sandwich is built the same. No, you're, you're sometimes it's a fucking high wire act. I don't get the shot. I'm like, I look at the chef like, have you ever eaten a burger? Yeah. Why are you giving this to how am I supposed to get the tag if you need to stick a fucking

Starting point is 00:12:18 steak knife through it? It's not going to hold together with an arrow. Yeah. No shit. What am I fucking Scooby-Doo over here? Yeah. Dude, it's brutal. Then the bun starts falling apart.

Starting point is 00:12:29 You got to go upside down. You got to lay it down like prop against the fries or something. Yes. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a game of Jenga and it's, it's just easier that way. Cause then you have it.

Starting point is 00:12:40 You come up one. Boom. And down. That's how you do it. Toby zoom in on this. Somebody said, I love whenever Kippy says zoom in. Toby never zooms in. Toby, make sure you not to zoom in.

Starting point is 00:12:49 We don't have the technology. I'll say this usually if I'm alone, I mean, I only put my burger down for the sake of the other people in the room. Oh, you'll. Dude, that's, that's my biggest beef about burritos. Do you've been telling me this for years? I know it. Why don't you pick it up?

Starting point is 00:13:06 You're, you're, you're committed. No, you can do it. No. Okay. Can't. Okay. Same thing with a bad, with a sloppy burger. I just keep it in my hand and I go bite, sip, bite, sip, bite, sip.

Starting point is 00:13:17 I'm going to go fry. I go right hand on the fry. Hold my burger in my hand. There's something so trashy about holding a burger with one hand to me. It's so unrefined. It's so sideways. Yeah. It's the grease dripping into your palm and then that smell don't come off for two

Starting point is 00:13:40 three days. I don't know. That burger grease stinks. I don't care what kind of soap you got. If you're reaching for more food while you're chewing, that's fucked up. Oh, I'm a bit. Yeah. I'm huge with that.

Starting point is 00:13:52 I like to have that. It's all the different things in my mouth at the same time. Same way in college. Same way in the bedroom. Absolutely. That's the way I like it. I like every little thing together, all in there, partying together. You got the bite of the burger and you did the satisfaction of the fries, sip of the

Starting point is 00:14:12 root beer. Yeah. I eat quick. Right? I, it's like a, when they don't, everything's dropped. It's going. I'm doing the fries for a little bit to let the burger cool down. I can wrap my head around the best strategy to get it.

Starting point is 00:14:25 Going upside down. What am I doing? So why are you giving me a hard time at the apps and stuff like that? It should be free flowing. It should be a no judgment zone. It's a foley. What's, look at it. Do you think I, do you think in some reality, I know you don't want that last way to crab

Starting point is 00:14:40 cake? So next time that we go out to dinner. Just take it. I don't care. That's what I'm going to do. Yeah. Next time we go out to dinner, I mean all the appetizers. You still act like we just met.

Starting point is 00:14:48 And this is like our first like, you know what I mean? Like, oh, I'm going to be polite. I was like, called me a jerk off two minutes ago. Like we're at a business lunch. Yeah. That's exactly how you treat it. You flip me between like arch nemesis and like new guy at the office. Hey, I don't even have the last cake and pizza.

Starting point is 00:15:04 You fucking jerk off. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what foley I'm getting. I'm trying to go over the regional numbers with you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah. Yeah. Just take it. I don't give a fuck. It's over man for himself. Nice. When I do take the last thing I go, I'm taking this. I'm going, you know, I'll let it sit.

Starting point is 00:15:21 If nobody makes a move. I'm just going, all right. I've been lying to myself for three minutes. I'm going at it. So you're telling me in most situations, I've been lying to myself. Like I just had a meal with my girl. You've been lying to yourself for 45 years. That's been working.

Starting point is 00:15:36 American company right there. I just had a meal with, you know, the social meal with people, breakfast with people. So they know that all too. Okay. You're telling me that they all see through it too. I don't know. I should just be an animal then. Get up on the table.

Starting point is 00:15:56 I don't know. Oh, you're saying the people you just had dinner with. Does everybody see this? Not just you. I think Toby gets it. You get. I mean, it's also, all right. So there's two Foley's.

Starting point is 00:16:09 There's that Foley who most people on the outside circle get the nice guy to have the last crab cake guy. Then there's what I would call the real Foley. The ocean miser. Who was a dark twisted man? And then you try to hide that guy. Only leave the shells. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:33 No. Yeah. I just think, I like, I get insulted. I'm like, in what world do you think I don't, I think you don't want that last month's realistic? Like I want it. If I want it, you definitely. Why don't you, when I offer it to you, why don't you say you can have it?

Starting point is 00:16:46 Because I'm my, I got to buy, you know, something. I'm watching my figure. I got the steak kind of something. And it's fun to watch a squirm. Yeah. I like, I like to watch you tap dance a little bit. I might have it. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:16:56 Yeah. You guys, you guys don't want it? I'm not sure. Maybe let's just leave it for a couple of minutes. I want it to look you in the eyes for the next three minutes. I might take it to go to go. That's a piece of shit. Wrapping up.

Starting point is 00:17:11 I'm going to take it. I can have it tomorrow for lunch. Wrapping up. Wrapping up apps. You're a bastard. Oh yeah. No way. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:20 Just take it. Just take it. Okay. Also, no, that's behind us now. We're not going to be doing apps and stuff like that anymore in the room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:29 I know all about it. Yeah. Up. So you got to go upside down with the burger. You know, if you're a chef out there, tighten up the burger game a little bit. Some of them are just nuts. Sometimes you can make sure the buns have enough of last. Elasticity.

Starting point is 00:17:42 That's going to keep everything in play. Yeah. And I'll tell you what right now, lettuce, tomato and onion. I'm starting to get to the point where that can kick rocks. I'm a big. I don't know. I'll definitely go. This is me.

Starting point is 00:17:54 Raw onions. I don't fuck with you. But if it's your onion, roll on you. So the old guy said, I know. I want to go down with raw onion. Typically comes with lettuce, tomato or like pickles or whatever. I'll say no tomato if it's listed. I'll keep the lettuce, but then when I get it, I'll put eyes on the lettuce.

Starting point is 00:18:10 And sometimes they give you like a real jerk off piece of lettuce. It looks like it was under water for four fucking days. It's half the head. Yeah. It looks like seaweed. I'm like, get out of here with that. I want like a crisp. I don't want some soggy ass John.

Starting point is 00:18:21 When they put the lettuce and tomato in the to go container with the burger and the fries ruined. Will. Yeah. All that weird lettuce. Yeah. I want to taste the farmland. Let's fucking do it.

Starting point is 00:18:34 Not doing that. All right. Home run of a question, by the way. Getting a lot done here. We're solving a lot of the world's problems right here. That's why people tune in. How do you eat a burger? You choose.

Starting point is 00:18:45 This is from Zachary. Love the special. Let's see. I thought it was the other day. Do you pronounce the word often? O F T E N as often, like often or often? I would say I say often. Does it often?

Starting point is 00:19:02 I do often. I often. Yeah. How often do you go often? Often. No T in that for me. Often. I got a T in there.

Starting point is 00:19:10 Often. Yeah. You're a little, you would, you do have a little bit of like the Southern like a proper, you know, gentlemen thing with certain ones. That's it. Like that. What? I say on and she like that.

Starting point is 00:19:23 On. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Folks like that type of thing. Yeah. It's weird. You are theoretically from the South.

Starting point is 00:19:33 Not theoretically. It's where I got jizzed out. Yeah. South of Bozo. Is that where you were born in North Carolina? We'd. Yes. Damn.

Starting point is 00:19:42 I don't know who was born. He is Southern. Yeah. You're a weird Southern kid. Do you know that? Yes. Wouldn't cut it on the ranch. I can't think of that much.

Starting point is 00:19:50 Throwing up frogs with M80s and stuff. Where was the lab you were born in? I'm off. I'm, that's what I'm realizing. Yeah. Obviously, we speak so much on fucking microwaves, you know, between the Patreon. It's four episodes a fucking week. Patreon.com.

Starting point is 00:20:06 People really pick up on my dirt bag. Northeast white trash lingo. Like the vodka. Vodka. Vodka. Vodka. Off it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:19 It's like, it's a really. I'm embarrassed by it. To an extent. I asked him a half drunk chicken filly at a bar. I shot you under. Avocado? Avocado. Avocado?

Starting point is 00:20:30 Avocado. Avocado? Avocado. Avocado. Avocado. Avocado. Avocado. Avocado.

Starting point is 00:20:38 Avocado. Avocado. Avocado. Avocado. Avocado, avocado. Avocado, avocado. Avocado. Avocado.

Starting point is 00:20:46 Even that, dude. I'm embarrassed by it. To embarrassed, yeah. Embarrass. Embarrass? No, no. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:20:54 Embarrass. What are? Dude, right here, bro. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:21:03 Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:24:23 Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. ness. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:25:27 Embarrass. Embarrass. Man. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:25:43 Embustered. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:27:11 Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embliche. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:29:47 Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Emb affairs. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:32:30 Embarrass. Embarrass. Emb trials. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:34:28 No. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:43:02 Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Emb conjug. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:52:00 Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Engarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:52:24 Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embви. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 00:59:46 Embarrass. Burning. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Starting point is 01:05:19 Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass. Embarrass.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - How to Cheat w/ Kippy & Foley

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