Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - How to Feel Rich! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: February 2, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code AYG. Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred GAMBLER. New York: call eight seven seven eight HOPENY or text HOPENY. Connecticut: call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit CCPG dot org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus in most states. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see D K N G dot co slash audio. Limited time offer. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that at the group to me, glass. See? They're just a big old piece of trash. Garbage. I'm your host.

Tate's really coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tudy's in a new edition. Woke up this morning delivered to the house a dozen long stem red roses. Whoa. Addressed to my little sweetie pie and Tuddy. Wow. Yeah. Okay.

She was shaking somebody's bedpost last night. Hey, you know that. Somebody with a couple of bucks. Bringing the goods. Yeah. Very classy move. Yes. To send roses after a night of fornication.

Probably they were probably at a motel to pay by the hour. The shout out to the Lincoln Motel down there on a boulevard. Woo-wee, the door opens out to the parking lot. Uh-huh. Very nice, though. Nice. How are you with flowers? Why don't if you introduce me, maybe we'll get into it.

Kevin Ryan. Yeah, you didn't like that, did you? I did not. What up, gang, shout out to you. As always, just make sure you rate review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify, baby. And then obviously patreon.com slash all your garbage go over there. You get all that bonus content.

Not to mention the Boisers are going back out on the road. A couple of big ones. We got Tampa. Make sure you get those tickets. We're going to be down at side split us for the weekend. Uh-huh. Get tickets. Come see that in Austin, Texas down there at the Creek and the K.

Not to mention Los Angeles on sale for part of the Netflix is a joke festival. Get those tickets since that's going to frigging go. Really? Taking a bug man back to LA Wampo Wom Wom Woh Hachimaj we're going to have to We're going to have to have you a couple of fucking bodyguards

I'm going to have to hotel like in L.A. Confidential They'll be working me over I told you not to come back No, there's going to be that thing where it's like You're about to testify We've got to keep you alive You know what I mean? You've got to lock you in a hotel room

These eggs taste weird And then Denver's on sale L.A's on sale All tickets available at RUGarBorgers.com Check it out. If you haven't been to a live show, or have a fun freaking time.

Chicago, too. Chicago. Coming to the Vic Theta. Now, that's where I need to be out there in Chicago. Once the weather clears up a little bit. Also, wind whipping off Lake Michigan. Thank you. Staying on a nice side of town.

Are we? I don't know. I'm not going downtown to Shirek. I tell you that much. Wherever they got, King Von and shit. I got people over there. Yeah. Keep you safe.

Who, Dick you? No. I think you. No, no shit. I can't be safe. Don't wear blue. Okay. We're red.

Oh, yeah, you're fucking. Don't do that. That's blood. Suppose me? Okay. I'm in for Valentine's Day, but. Right. Can I get back to my...

I drove this one into the ground? You did, didn't you? No, you do. I'm going to pull it out. Don't worry. Oh, I'm in a gang. I got you. I'll take care of you.

I can't take care of your fucking self. You can't go back to Los Angeles. Not because of that. because of my own personal reasons. I don't do well out in LA. Something about the sun out there. A fresh air. Avocados, get me.

It's not really the avocados. The mango trees. Things that are sometimes inserted in avocados when they come to the border. Yeah. We got you. We got you. Anyway, my personal...

A guy taking bits five seconds too long. Let's go. Check to fuck in. My personal plights. Not really on the docket here. Nobody... You brought it up. Fair enough. You do flowers.

Classy guy like that. You do flowers. I try. Figure after that disappointing sex, you got to. Man, you really got your, really got the fangs out today, gang. Not really. My wife isn't a huge flower gal. They all say.

She don't like roses. I'll do a couple times a year. You'll throw them out there. Yeah. Classy move for a gentleman, which today we're talking about classy things. Sure. Which, as I told you, things that you had in the house when you're growing up that made you feel like you were classy. Like you told me, yeah.

Like I told you. It was all my idea. I'd have to tell you three and a half minutes ago while we were doing. Sure. Wake up in the middle of production meeting. You got to act like you've been there. I get yelling somebody. Take the room back, dog.

You know what I mean? So we were talking about hot dogs. Fire somebody. and walk out. Shark, you're fired. I'll be in my office. Shark, let me see you in my office. Sorry about that, man.

Shout out to Mark the Shark, a new editor on the team here. Cornell grad. Sure. Smart guys working for us over here. I know. Name's not Mark. His parents are probably very disappointed. Sure.

It was also pretty funny. The first we brought Mark the Shark to the Philly show to help out production hand. And the elevator opened up and he was carrying my babies back in play. and welcome to show business. Welcome to Hollywood Shark Cornell boy carrying a fucking carrying a pack-and-play with spit-up all over. I had to bring my own pack-and-play upstairs like an asshole. You do. Wait for the stuff.

The big pack-in-play. Look behind you. No, the other way. God, you stink. What's on the wall back there? What's on the wall back there? A painting. That's not behind me.

That's my right. Oh, look at you. Yeah. What are you fucking Bill Cody? Buffalo, Bill. Didn't hear the guy who got with his back to the door? Wiley Coyote. No.

Wild Bill Hookcock. He got caught. You talking to me? Yeah, that's how I thought we were doing a comedy pod. Talking to the guy behind you. No wrong behind you. As I said before on this podcast, that painting was in my home, was in my childhood home and Mountain Top.

Then it was brought to Wilkesbury with this. And then it even made it for a few years at the house down here in Philly. Yeah, outside of Philly and the Burbs. And as a child, I thought that that was. was my mother and my grandmother who grew up in a studio apartment. Definitely not. They're not blowing anybody.

How dare you? Got up. Kimmy's back. Hey, that guy stinks. Kibby's back. My mom grew up in a one-bedroom apartment in like the 20s. No. For the harp. How'd they get it through the door?

In a one-bedroom apartment with other family members that live there. Mm-hmm. So. But what's that mean you thought that was her? Oh, I thought that was them, but I was... You thought that was the apartment they grew up in? They didn't have second bedroom money, but they had a harp money?

Not a room in here. He could easily put up a wall, turn it into a two-bedroom. Painted over the hot plate that was in the corner. Also, I'm pretty sure I see Florida stealing windows. Where the fuck is that? That's what I thought. I thought, like, that's where my mom grew up. And then every New Year's Eve, she would always...

tell me how brutal it was growing up because she hated New Year's Eve because that's when she found that her mother was dying. Okay. Is this your first time doing this? I'm just telling you that's facts about me. Nobody has those facts. I thought that was us. I thought that's where I came from.

And I always wonder, what the hell happened on the cash? What minute are we at? Seven. Seven and we already hit esophageal cancer. That's crazy. Topical. You could have just said she was sick. I didn't need to fucking test results.

Showing me your fucking last. Lab workouts. It spread around, too. It wasn't just any... Contagious. Everybody's going to get sick in that one bedroom. I have tonsilitis, I forgot to tell you, too, by the way. It's not contagious, as long as we don't kiss.

But I am on an antibiotic. Okay. Augumentin. Augmenting. Augmenting? Penicillin. Augment this conversation. Try to truncate this conversation.

Anyway, that was something that I had in my house growing up that I thought that made me feel fancy. You know what I mean? mean that beautiful painting back there. I mean, it is a nice painting. To me, that looks, it looks fantastic. It looks like the real wood and patina and it's, it looks valuable. But if you touch it, it's actually like plastic.

Like, it's all one piece of plastic. It's a print, dickhead. I'm just saying, I was shot. We have the original. Yes, we do. It's that the Louvre. It's a loser. It's not a VFW.

That is street. They're holding it until we paint a tab. Oh, man. You never had to do anything like that, did you? What? Pay a tab at a VFW? No, no, we, Ryan pays their deaths.

No, not really. Sullivan pays their death. Give somebody something to hold until you straighten them out. Uh, no, no. I remember, uh, no, not real. Now, I never. I had to do with a stereo. Yeah, I mean, I was, I was dealing with my friends, not drug dealers.

Okay. saying like I wasn't going on some of them were my friends okay I don't think they were calling you that often you get close at knife point you know what I mean I really it really brings you together uh yeah no definitely definitely not I don't think so not that I can recall can I guess what you had in your house growing up that made you feel fancy sure huh call my bluff on this one we'll be right back I would have to assume a lot of people It's the China cabinet What the good dishes are

Which you have a pretty extensive China cabinet In the kitchen In the kitchen Your China cabinet is in the kitchen That's new Raymore Flanagan shit That's not that That house that you've been to

While it is the four walls I grew up in That's no longer the house I grew up in What do you say? Oh, okay It's all not that it's been redone Redone I guess it has been

I don't know that I would say we had a kitchen island that was like the that's pretty good standalone island yeah it was very much I remember being like this is that felt sure that you go over to like as the house that house was building 89 I think when my parents were still together it's pretty good things were still going well as a good year. I think construction in the 80s in the Philadelphia area was doing pretty well. Booming.

Right? All through the 90s. All through the 90s. So that was doing well. And then they split up. And then my mom took that house. That was like my mom, my dad moved out. My mom kept that house.

And then was that paid for it? Can I ask you that? No, no, no, no, no. Touchy subject. Very much so. No, not by any means. And then my mom took over and then as she was the head of the house and she had to go, she went back to work because she was like raising kids and she went back to work at the hospital.

So like there wasn't a lot of, it was a nice house, but my mom always said we were, we were, was it house rich or house broke? House poor. Like we were in this nice house and she kept us in that house because of the, for the school district. She was like, I'm not taking my kids out. So, like, there was never much really nice stuff in there. Where would you have went if it weren't, I mean, you went to fucking Council Rock. It's not like that's Harvard. Where would you?

I believe it's a very good school district. I mean, you had more pill deaths per capita than fucking. Well, that was different. I mean, we should be keeping us in there in the 90s. The opioid epidemic hit in the 2000s. And listen, I don't think you came out on Skate either. You fell victim to the fucking opioid epidemic when you were third. It's not like you had peer pressure in social studies.

So you got to fall me because I like Slipknot? I feel the air runs up in me. Great song. I've been listening to that, by the way. Slipknot? Just that song, wait and bleed, until they get real heavy metal, and I turn it all. It's a little spooky scary. They were banned from MTV, which, hey, listen.

If you're too edgy for the music television channel, you're a little too. that you forget me. The Lutherans wouldn't have them. Yeah, that was the thing, man, back in the day. You get banned from that. That's better for your career. I know. Get that, uh,

the parental advisory. Yeah. Screw you. Yeah. Little M&M. Take it to the man. A little kippy running around. Um,

I don't know that. That house was built with an intercom system on the walls. It's bad, though. It's like what they, it never worked. That's how they warned Trinople. That's the, if that isn't a test. to, I think, everything in our lives. That is a tape deck in it, doesn't it?

Am I not mistaken? I wanted the kitchen as a tape deck. It never worked. Everything was kind of fixed in that house. So you couldn't use that tape deck when you were having parties and shit like that to, like, set the vibe? No, we didn't have party. I mean, when, like, when I was throwing my own parties? Yeah.

No, we weren't listening to tapes. I would have been in, you know, 2000 and, I mean, once you had I graduated high school, 2005, it's like early 2000s. It would have been like a CD player, which I don't think we had. either. You didn't have music playing at your parties? I wouldn't say, like, I had parties. I really think you have, like, a,

uh, like a saved by the bell picture in your head. Oh, no, I don't. Okay. Just trying to rope a dope you. I can tell. Um, you know, like, it's a big party going on, and you and the hottest girl in school,

go upstairs and stuff like that. Is that what happened to you in high school? Sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. Uh-huh. Went upstairs into what? You're, your split level home?

Three steps I took her into the top bunk Is that what you did Fucking Johnny Coog guy You went in your parents Hey this is this is my This is my football jersey It's framed Yeah I got to wear it on Friday

But I still frame it Because I'm hanging on to the glory days That were last Friday You always lived in the past didn't you No week to week even Remember me last Friday Beer Pung champion I didn't play beer pen.

You're a fucking broken record. You know that? Um, no, that would have been the classiest thing. Uh, we didn't have. You know what you have?

That's pretty classy. Now? The hidden, no, no. You have nothing now. A little rude. No, your kid,

your, your, your suburban joint is real nice. It's not, yeah, I mean, the, you know, we've done a good amount of work to it.

I was going to say you had, Your mom's house, a trap house, as I call it. Yeah, you used to sell bundles out of there. You got that thing that comes down when you step on the steps. That always scared me. I don't know what that is. A drug dealer's house, they'd set up booby traps for the cops. I don't know.

You'd step on the steps and you'd fall into a pit where the pit bulls were? You never see that shit? Where? I don't know. Bad places. And, like, bad neighborhoods. Drug dealers would set up booby traps. So if the cops ever came in, they would, they would, they would,

they would stop them. Okay. Like have a knife come down on a thing. You know what I'm talking about? Stop McCulley Colkin. I'm telling you, man. You're hitting a head with a pink bucket. At one, I'm going to get you.

A lot of tarantulas. You got the... Follier girlfriend, Wolf. You have the hidden trash can. Didn't you? You had the trash can in the thing. Oh, no. Really?

Really? No. Oh. Must be somebody else's house. Sorry, loser. And my house in the burbs now, my mom's house, no. Do you even have a trash getting in your place? What? I mean, it came with the house.

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No minimum balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details on applicable terms. That in the 90s into a hidden trash can, even if it was under the same, Not the one that you pull all the way out. A lot of people kept a small one under the sink.

It's under the sink. I kind of like that. Or it was always so small. Very classy back then, which I hated. Trash compactor. Man, I thought I'd kill myself one of those things. Man, they don't touch it. The fuck.

I remember being like, I remember being like, what are you all janitors? Like, this is like, it seems so industrial to have in your kitchen. How much trash are you made? That's like you put a fucking car. in there after you murdered somebody's what they got in the back of supermarkets I always wanted one of those things what the car crusher where are you going to put that in your fucking apartment what are you talking about I'm feeling rich always wanted one it's not a zippo I just thought it was cool to see that

yes yeah yeah I agree with you unless you were in there very cool with a marker open marker uh huh oh and on the street sure I got you're really painting yourself to be quite a criminal this episode as a guy used to do pills in his room yeah you know I'm the bloods, the grips. You know when you go to the trap house and they got the trap doors. I know you used to move a little weight, you know, trying to relate to you. I know you put on a little weight. They're talking about down pounds.

Somebody stole the key. Anywho. Let's get into it. Yeah, so this originally, because I was complaining about, you know, my wife shops a lot at. Home goods. Timu. Marshalls. Adam and Eve.

Easy does it. She shops a lot at Marshalls. Stuff for the house. A lot of these broads are doing it now. You go to Marshalls and that's the kind of store where it's like I get you can get an odd and an end and something okay. But she bought these cheap and we've talked about she bought these cheap bath mats. Right. Right.

And then I get out of the shower. She got in the shower earlier than me. And then that's soaked. And it just, it's like stepping on a wet doll. And you're like, and I go, this sucks. And I was complaining about this. And a homie wrote in and he goes, get a bath mat stone. Right.

Right? Which it's like, it's more of like, it's like a piece of slate. And it like dries quicker. It doesn't absorb it. Don't you slip though? No, I guess. I don't have it. But then.

I couldn't afford it. It was this thing where this is the impetus of this was I got, as I was getting in the shower, I stepped on the wet, cold thing. And I went, I can't do this anymore. I'm getting that stone because he's, Like I did it and I never looked back. Huh. So that's like that in my head of like, yeah, you can do these little things around the house to feel classy.

Right. Right. And now it's like, hey, this is $2,99. I've done it. I've never looked back. Yeah. Type thing. And it takes a lot of dirt bags to realize you can, you know, round these corners.

Touch these things. Make these little things that everybody does throughout the day, the week. Feel like a rich guy. The feel like, yeah, that makes me feel nice. I felt that with the cutting board that I had. Yes, cutting boards big. But then it warped. Now it just sits in the corner.

So I didn't take care of it. I didn't get to take care of it. Yeah. Fucking pain in the eye. I got to fucking loop this thing up. Is that it? I don't know if you're just going to do you schedule of looting other things up? Yeah.

Aquifor is a precious commodity to folly asshole. That's the way I like. My carrot's like gay white jelly. This one, so every, so we ask Patreon to write in with the things that you've done or you buy, like the little things. that you've done to feel like a little, to feel, give yourself a little bit of class. Yeah, a little sharp.

This one is great, and I never thought about it. This is from Hugh Jass, $10 soul sister. Hello. Dimmer switches in the bathroom. Ooh. Talk about the fall. Freakia. Well, just even in the middle of the night,

you're just going to give me a little bit. Sure. Give me a smidge. Soften it. Yeah. Because it's like fluorescent. You're in there. I like sometimes, too.

This isn't a sexual thing. Sounds like it's about to be. I like to take a shower with two or three guys. I just watch them. Paint notes. So I have two lights in the bathroom. One is the light over the sink, like, you know, the thing. And then the other one is the overhead light with the fan connected to it, which I like noise when I'm in there.

Because I like to feel like I have a little privacy. Sure, of course. It's growing up in a repressed Catholic household trying to whack off in the bathroom. He always felt like fucking, you know. You're singing in there. Acting like you're in the shower. Fly me to the moon. I always thought like the Monsignor was waiting in the other side of the door.

Like, what are you doing in there? Given the Catholic church, you might have been. All right. We're going edgy today, boys. Getting ready for you, father. Taking everybody down. Yeah, hit me. But I sometimes like it.

I like to take a shower sometimes, not in the dark, but like, Taking a shower with like the lights. It's not like you're going into the fucking OR. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not so medicinal. Yeah. It's a nice.

You put a little like one of those menthol things down out the floor. Nice, right? Yeah. Just relax a little bit. So I like that with the. A little bit of self-care. Yes. It just softens it.

Because not that long ago, I have a candle in there and I lit a candle to take a shower. Mm-hmm. And then I forgot about it. Oh, my God. I woke up the next morning. What? Whole block in Queens. I woke up the next morning

And do my business in there And I'm sitting down And I'm like man It smells really good in here I looked over And the fucking candle Was still going Yeah

So that's out Sure But if I had a dimmer in there Why isn't that standard Dimmer switches arguably are the same They're what $2 more Take a little bit more of fucking

20 minutes of labor maybe Why isn't that standard A lot of hotels have them now Which is nice dim the lights a little bit little smitsch because I only got my I live in an old the apartment's where you said the bathroom

redone you didn't get that put in there those those yeah those dimmer switches are I'm saying that the apartment though there's just only one I mean it's a pre-wold shitty pre-war building there's one fluorescent fucking work late hanging in that joint swinging that's always

I got one in the basement work light the rope no not the work light but the rope light still. Zodiac. Man. The fucking crow hop I take to the bottom of the stairs. Woo!

Very nice, man. Shout out to you. That's not a little dimmer switch in there. Get it low. Get in there. Take a nice hot shower. Soap yourself up. Not bad. Okay. He just does it. What the fuck? Send yourself a dozen flowers. This one's from Zach.

Small individual salt and pepper. shakers for each person at the table. What, you stole them? He says, my grandma always used to have them, and now she, and once she kicked, we took over the tradition. Find out what the time, like the little ones you would get in, like, uh, sometimes they haven't been like airport, the room service or something. That's very nice.

That probably set you back a total. 30 bucks. Yeah. Makes you just feel a little. Seems like an estate dinner or something like that. Yes. Why not have those? I don't use that much salt and pepper.

Either do why, but at the table. It doesn't matter. It makes you feel nice. It does. I'd use a little bit more pepper. Yeah, I'm going to start using more salt and pepper. I think we can peel back on the sodium. Just a little, you know, dash.

Five bucks for one. So yeah, you know. Yeah, I like that. 30 bucks. Little things. Very classy. If I went over your house and you had those, I wouldn't stop telling people. Really?

Oh, my coming over. You got them in the shower? Yeah, we keep them in a shower. Kill slugs and a porch. All right, let's see here. This is from Nick, $10 union delegate, a king-sized comforter on a queen-sized bed. Ooh.

I got to give that to you. He says it looks a little shabby. When it's laying there, when it's hanging off the side. Yeah, but who cares? I mean, strangers aren't in your bedroom. You know what I mean? You're like, company's not really going in your bedroom. And if you do, if you're giving the tour, say, yeah, we got a queen size.

Here's a little trick. Do it a king-sized comforter. Game change. You're not fighting over. You don't get lost in it. You wrap yourself up in it. I'm a big wrapping myself up in the, I like lifting up the comforter and getting that, that corner in between my legs so I can rub my piggies together.

I proper shake my foot to go to sleep now. Mm-hmm. And sometimes I wake up and it's still shaking. Burning calories. That's good. That's probably why you look so good. I just need a little color. I'll be all right.

Guys are running from something. I'm sleeping my sneakers on. I think I'd rather do that European thing where you have like the two twin. The two twins. That's also very classy. Again, but doesn't look amazing undone. Like when you're making the bed, it doesn't look as good as the one that fits the bed.

So I'm okay with the king as well. It's all that's... It really cuts down the hotboxing capabilities, though. What? The double? Yeah, you're a real treat You're a romantic Uh-huh

The old Dutch oven You know what I'm talking about that kid And they're gassing myself Now you don't fart Sir Man this is all projection I didn't say anything Very good

Uh-huh And once again And no I don't I go to the doctors Once a week And they suck them out Shout out to Hettnett Talk about feeling clear

Classy, huh? I don't fought no more. This is a big one that I don't have. This is... Can I guess? Sure. Who's it from? I didn't you...

It's from he's just a fat bitch. I walked right into that one, folks. I swear to God, that's... If you don't know... He can't write that. That's Luke's mantra. for me when I'm annoying him. He just says in his head over and over.

He's just a fat bitch. I think annoyance a soft term in that. I think it's when you're... Really annoying him. Bothering him. Driving him crazy. But that then also, that then puts the onus on him of like, you're like... When I'm being an asshole.

Yes. When you're being an asshole, intentionally a lot of times, he'll reiterate that. No. I'm aware with the process. Anywho. Cow warmer. No. Fuck.

It's in the kitchen. In the kitchen. Garbage disposal. No. The knives in the block. No. Classy, though. A meat slicer.

What? You richy rich? McDonald's. What does it pertain to? Oh, the refrigerator in the wall. No. Classy, though. Very.

Ice machine. Butler. Solid gold floor The griddle in the middle of the range Nice Is that it? No, but that's nice Nobody submitted that

But I have, I bought the new stove it hasn't Really? Yeah You made hotcakes? It's got the What, come over? I have a little breakfast I guess it does it

It does it It's got the big oval burner in the middle Oval For that For I guess you can put a grid Like a griddle tray on I don't have the griddle tray What's my life story

I got something kind of cool and then I'm missing something. It's either broken or I'm missing something to make it functional. Patty has the plug in hot. I love that. It's like it's a separate thing. The griddle. Yeah.

We got one down the shore because like 70s. There's 20 people waking up and it's like you can just throw all the bacon on that. You can throw all the eggs on that. I love that. They're like 19 bucks. Cook for a fucking army. Patty does strips of bacon with pancake mix poured over it for the kids. Whoa.

Yeah, they love it. They love it. Yeah. gives me heartburn like a motherfucker. You're getting it right now as you're thinking about it. Yeah, it kills me. Bacon in the morning crushes my heartburn. I can't do it anymore.

I just saw something. I don't know if it was fake or not, but bacon's been listening to like a level two carcinogen. So is luncheon meat, level one carcinogen. I just said it. Yeah. Esophageal. Yeah, bad.

So that's it. It's out. Grass fed beef? Just group one. Fresh fruit. That's all you can eat. And you got to do that stuff. that Breckett does.

The NADs and the R.A. R.H.O's. All that stuff. The college into this, that that. Plus that Laird Hamilton. You got a lot of stuff going, too. Okay. Good looking dude. You know Laird Hamilton?

Of course. Yeah. Guy's a machine. Yeah. He don't drink. A lot of them don't. Get to a certain point. Kevin.

What's the point of it all, man? Can't get fucked up. What are you doing this for? I don't know. Trying to get my whistle wet. I literally, I remember working so hard while being in New York of being like, if I can just get to the point where I can have some pops on a Wednesday and not get up and have responsibility.

It's the whole fucking thing. This is all that's been about. I come from a family where the open time gets filled with drinking. You have some beers. You got nothing to do tomorrow? Let's have some beers. Oh, fucking something just canceled? To have some beers.

Works over. Have some. beers you know what I mean works almost over have some beer couple of desk beers what's the uh what am missing here wait okay I knew you could you can't take the answer is it a utensil no is it it's it's part of the it's like a feature in the kitchen kind of the fucking uh the the hose that comes out that fills up the pot of water no but that's also on there and you have that I have that but it puts out brown water again again I got something and I as a plum it as a good thing you're boiling it As somebody who's worked in plumbing, I don't know how that happens.

It's the same water. It's the pipes. You got to clean them out. It's rusty pipes in there because you don't use it enough. I know, but it's copper. Copper shouldn't be rusty. You have copper. All domestic water has to be copper.

Is that true? Uh-huh. That's good stuff. I mean, I think, maybe I don't have. Listen, okay, I believe in this, back when I was banging in the city, I'm sure things have changed in the city of Philadelphia, all domestic water had to be copper. And my favorite movie, Moonstruck.

Mr. Castorini only uses copper. He was a plumber. Yeah, they have to. It was the 80s. I don't know. Amy Schumer lives in that house that they filmed Moonstruck in? I've never seen it, but the one in Brooklyn Heights. Yes.

Yeah. I lived right down the block from that for... For like a week. Four weeks. Man, you really pushed that narrative. Like you were a tech billionaire living in Brooklyn. They were fucking fumigating your apartment for roaches or something like that. Uh-huh.

You were trying to impress your, uh, your new. Bride. It worked. No, he wasn't my new bride. You weren't even married yet? No. Living in sin, huh? You get whatever's coming to you.

I wonder there's brown water coming out. You're lucky it ain't blood. Man, that is one thing. If that's like the not having kind of the cool thing that doesn't get there. That's my life story. We try to once it came out brown. Oh. You're filling with a pot in the sink like a loser.

Yeah. I don't boil that much water. It's also like a little... An archway. No. Soft closed doors and cabinets. This is what it is? Yeah.

That's great. Remember seeing them? That's like a thing that's probably not that much more expensive now than if you're getting a new kitchen. That like, oh yeah, it might be an extra whatever. I'm sure it's more expensive, obviously. But...

At the time to go to be like, that's just going to call. This might be a stretch, but I wonder how many, it's got to be a number. How many families that saved? That's, that has to be a comedian's bit, being mad trying to fucking slam the drawers. And you can't do it. That probably saves a lot of fights. You know what I mean? That turned into arguments, separation, divorce, kids crying, family upset.

We had these, I guess it was the early. technology to the soft clothes is we had these brown little soft pads on the corners of the drawers. That me and Danny would rip them off and just like play with and like they would like stick you. Dude

it was like my mom. The squishy ones were the squishy ones were the best. They were they were a little brown squishy jock. Help yourself Oh man and we'd be like well she doesn't use this one that often and we'd like rip them off and like take you could take like one off and it would still but then with man and she

the hell's doing? You know, I mean, they get them all over her face. We're playing lepers. I don't feel good. Try, get out of school. We have one cabinet that closes. Is that a cabinet? Yeah.

One cabinet that closes snaps every time you close it. Sounds like a firecracker going off. Yeah. Trying to get a little chalky milk in the middle of the night. Undetected, bust you cold. Uh-huh, like an old car door. Two seconds. Like an old taxi cab.

Yeah, two seconds. My dad beat the top of the stuff. What are you doing? You just ate. They're in there again? You ain't wrong. Guys got a point. You come down, I will snack together.

My mom currently has, again, so that house is like 30-something years old, at 35 years old at this point. Isn't that crazy? With like. That's a new house to me. Like I look at your house and all my, that's a brand new house. My house is old. I mean, if you think about it, I was saying that somebody's like, how old is it?

I think it was built in the 60s, late 60s, early 70s? Yours? My house. Oh, no, not in your house. I mean your mom's house. When I say your house, I mean your mom's house. Yeah, how the, I mean, okay. That's from my head. I'm somewhat of a guy trying to be an adult. My house is my house.

That was built in the 60s? I believe so. Maybe 71 or something like that. I don't know anything about the house. Fred Foreman. But that's all. I mean, think about how old is that. That's 30. That's 50. It's pushing 60 years old. My mom's house was built in the 50s. Yeah. I got old fucking, I got an old fucking house.

Rusty pipes. With Amex platinum, almost every purchase made with your card can be covered with points, including new tastes, new fits, and virtually everything in between. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Conditions apply. Local news is in decline across Canada, and this is bad news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors, and misinformation fill the void, and it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more drugs. journalists in more places across Canada, reporting on the ground from where you live, telling the stories that matter to all of us, because local news is big news.

Choose news, not noise. CBC News. But like, a lot of the stuff in my mom's is, all the stuff is originally the same. Like they've got new, some new appliance, all the appliances, some carpet, some, you know, a couple cheap coats of paint and stuff like that. Bad cows from Raymore and Flanagan. in something. But she still has a door

that's been this way forever, and she's got a piece of, I guess she replaces, like, a piece of clear tape because it doesn't close all the way. The hinge is blown out. So it holds open two inches, and she's got, like, duct tape essentially, like packing tape rolled up and place,

and I'm just like, there's like crumbs on the hair on the tape and shit. What the fuck? It looks like you just search for, you know, looks like a crime scene, lady. Pulling prints. I know. We have the thing in a couple of doors that it doesn't quite line up.

And you got to lift it, you know? My door was like that for so long in my bedroom. My door was ripped off for a long time. Yeah. Because they'd be. You mentioned. Yeah, they come in. Yeah, you finger in your butthole and stuff like that.

So. Sodomizing yourself. Looking for her hairbrush. The things, we had the, we had the closets, the sliding door. closet. Yeah, broke them. Man. All the time.

Those things didn't stay on track at all. Maybe, you could, like, swing them. They were, like, bar and doors at one point. Brutal. The soft-closed kitchen cabinets will add typically 15 to 20% more to the cost of the cabinetry. Sure, but I'm saying, like, if you're getting new cabinets, compared to what they were at the time, you know, they're probably double.

I'd assume most of them are probably that now. just by probably don't make the old ones anymore. I'm sure they do. Yeah, they have to. People don't have 20% extra to spend on fucking. That whole kitchen cabinet thing is such a racket. It is.

The whole things are racket. It is. Bad. I don't get it. I remember worked that contractor I worked for. That's what he did was he specialized in fucking redoing kitchens. And he had, the only reason it was profitable for him is because his wife worked for the cabinet company.

and he would get like a deal or get like He'd find 10% somewhere that he can make. Yeah. I respect that, but. Yeah, it was crazy. They fucking bang you over the head with that shit. Here's what we did. Trashy little facelift.

Stoll it from the neighbors. No. Ours were like when we moved in ours were pretty good, right? They were fine. 15 years old, I don't know, something. They weren't like, when I guess when the previous owner, I'm multiple owners, whoever put them in,

they were like new of that time. Like on the, not higher end, but not shitty. They're nice. I compliment them all the time when I go in there. Not shitty IKEA ones.

We also have somebody, at some point they added a shitty crown molding, which makes them look nicer. You know what I mean? Above it and below it. So they look, the cabinets are pretty basic,

but they zuzed up around it. Put marble around it. Sprated and gold. It's falling down. We got someone to come in and paint them. Yeah. Yeah, you got an extra probably.

They're like blue, right? No. Red. The bottom's red. The top's white. Also go two-tone. Very nice. Put a ration stripe.

Lightning bolt number three on it. Ain't first or last. That's like a nice base lift. I want to say it was like it wasn't that much guy. One guy came cash job. Like he wasn't, it wasn't like we didn't call like fucking, you know, it was just like Steve the painter came over, taped everything up, took the door. off sprays them sprays the thing out the door and fucking half a day i'm just thinking a couple maybe like 500 bucks got a whole new life out of kitchen another five six 10 years just thinking out

here if you're staying there why don't you redo that basement making a little man cave get the car you know like really hook it up that is i think like every dirt bag put a spare bedroom in there guys thing i don't need a spare bedroom uh you private entrance billco doors yeah ladies i got my own room It's more of an apartment in my buddy's out. Different mailing address. Would there ever be a situation where that would happen? Where I had to move over there.

Is there a situation where you might need to move into my basement? Probably yes. Yeah. Could you? No. You wouldn't let it happen. In what world? I'm bedridden.

I'm only ahead. I don't eat that much. You would take me in eventually. If I was on the street, you wouldn't take me in you would have you i can't have a street urchin walking around the kid eating his puffs do you eat his green beans again no you're doing a thing where it like comes out i gotta fucking wipe it off and put it back in your mouth hey kid won't keep the carrots in his mouth got to mix him with butter

is no yeah it's face that butter makes some sleep or something the fats or something makes some snoozy he's eating butter a lot of people parents will put, uh, like, we'll like feed them butter at night. That's like a new trend or something like that. Ha ha ha.

I look over it. You got a onesie on. Mama. I like that. Do you? Yeah. Butter? You're doing it with spray.

I can't believe it's not butter. Um, what were you said? Would you move? I get you. If you needed to, yes. Thanks.

I think we'd be in a position where I can, I can get you a fucking. I can rent you a condo somewhere. Condo. Thanks, dog. Not in a, like. Someone near you. I guess I needed anything.

Well, where? I got scared of the middle of the night. Yippie. Trying to sleep with me, my wife. You got your blankie, you're standing at the door. I assume that would have to be like a nuclear holocaust situation. What? You're moving in with my, you, so.

Me sleeping in the bed with you and your wife one night. We'd have to be like, they'd have to be like cops and shit outside the door. We'd be holed up. You think I'd be able to sleep with there's cops outside the door? What kind of fucking psycho are you? Where the cops are closing in on us. You brought the heat to my door. And then you go, let's get some shut eye.

Everybody sack up. I mean, you're a different kind of crazy. It should be my favorite growing up when I was a little kid sleeping in between my parents. You want to sleep between a guy and a lady who were 10 years below you younger than you? Mentally, it's a safe thing. Yeah, they had to like. It was like a thing. Like I would sneak in there in the middle of the night.

My dad at the wake, what the fuck? He'd fucking carry me out like a fucking baby cat. Fucking swinging. I got a couple of sticks in. Yeah, I mean, there would have to. I also don't know what world you survive the nuclear holocaust, and it's me, you, and my wife and my kid. I'm all mutated.

If it's not some sort of like, if that's the case, We got to roll with a thing. You're only as strong as your weakest link. And I got to be honest with you, buddy. What do you mean? I'll send you out for, you know, supplies or something. No mask. Yeah, whatever, yeah.

Give me an N95. You know. What? You wouldn't last. I ain't making it. No. I'm out anyway. Fucking dealing with that.

Listen, things are pretty cushy now when you're struggling. I don't think if the big blast happened, you're going to be outside trying to, you know, cook smores or something. eating radioactive marshmallows. I'm going to running towards it. All right, let's see. Very classy. Very classy. Doing very well for you.

Also, someone added a no-slam toilet seat, which I don't know if I've ever seen. I have. I don't like them. Because I'm always when I leave the bathroom, I'm like, that's not going to go all the way down. Sure, I get that. I don't trust it.

I get that. Yeah, that's how you get your hand caught. And then sometimes there's blowback on the bottom of that thing. I carumba You need to cover that up Case company shows up Before I've had a chance to spruce up the bait for it's had a chance to spruce up the baby It's broken

Looks like the upside down This one's funny This is from Zach can't tell me shit when I'm eating a Ferreira Roche And he goes yes I had to look up to spelling Very nice Very nice Very nice I do that when you make

fun of me with the lint touch of sea salt I get the lint touch of sea salt and a bottle of water from the fucking grocery store man I it's got the real light tin foil it makes just those little things that go I'm not a dirt bag I am

not in this moment I'm a fucking I'm a guy trying to get his fucking act together sure me and rich guys we share we share the same chocolate bars you know what I mean I don't know lint though I'm a dirt bag it's not crazy

I'm just saying it feels classy. It feels classy. That's all I'm saying. I think anybody with... It's got thick cardboard. It's not that fucking... Not that plastic that's just like a butterfinger or something. It's multiple layers of packaging.

They think about it. That's what makes you feel good. Anybody with candy out, I think, is very classy. Like at the house. Yes, that's not... Is it to you that shows restraint? One. Show you.

These people have their shit together. Shows restraint. My brother. has that. They're orange sour balls, too. They're fantastic. But he loves seeing you coming over. Yeah. I had one at Christmas. They're like, they're so old. I'm like, you've had them that long. I would have went through. They're hard candy. Hard candy. Hard candy don't go bad. Well, again, they're a little chewy, but still delicious.

I like walking around with like a Mountain Valley spring bottle, one of those glass water bottles. Someone, someone said, Pellegrino at the house for dinner will make you feel. Like, you know, you get it, yeah, I agree with that. Actually, I did that on Valentine's Day. I bought a couple Mountain Valley spring bottles because we were doing it at home and had those as our water for that, for the night. I'm a little, my wife does them, the Gerosteiners.

They're great. She had so much, can you get me a gear? I mean, those things are like fucking five bucks a clip. She's going through them like their fucking quarterwaters. I'm like, lady, he ain't fucking made of money, you know what I mean? I got a fucking baby we got a plan for. I got to pay for the no slam drawers.

Killing me. This is a subtle one, but it makes sense because the generations of this appliance, this is from Commando Brando. Fridge with the freezer at the bottom. Sure. That's new, that feels like new money shit. You know what's funny?

Is that was the style? I want to say mid-80s, some people had that, but not very classy. I always thought it was the top. It went top, like the standard was top, freezer bottom fridge. My cousins had it in the bottom, and it wasn't very classy. But then that went away and now it's back, weren't that at the bottom.

Yeah. I'm sorry, it also wasn't too open and it down at the bottom. It was a door that opened like that, and then the freezer was down at the bottom like a broiler. Oh, that's a little different. Yeah, that's a little, that's more like ice chesty kind of, you know what I mean? It always froze over. Yeah. Some couple twice-baked potatoes in there.

Like the hawth system. Yeah, that's, I liked the, I think the epitome of class, which again is probably a little more attainable than it was back in the day, is the wood covered, the fridges to match the cabinets. Yeah, the hidden fridge. Yeah, I'm not saying you don't know what it is. No, I know what it is. Sure. Takes me a minute to find it. But I'll get there.

I'll sniff out that freezer burn, baby. Yeah. That's very, I think somebody had that as of recent. So, like, when people start getting shit done to their houses, now it is easier to level up with those things that in my head are like super nice. Yeah. But like now you're like, oh, yeah. Well, we're spending $40,000 to get the fucking, you know,

we're remortgaging to get the kitchen done. Let's fucking do it right. You know what I mean? Crazy. A lot of cash people do that. Refi, all that stuff. God love you. Yeah, but it's like when that's your home,

that's your home and you're like, yeah, we're going to, you know, I don't know if it is smart to refi from like a, I think that guy Dave Ramsey will tell you no, you pay it off. Gordon Ramsey. Who's Dave Ramsey? Dave Ramsey's a guy that a lot of people want to have with it says. Is it that old guy that yells at everybody? He doesn't yell, but he's stern.

He's the gray hair? Yeah, bald, but he's like bald glasses, southern. he's uh let me just show you um I mean the this guy the finance guy

you're gonna tell me you didn't pay off your house you call in you go hey it's me and my wife we're you know I make a hundred thousand dollars a year I have a my car note is $70,000

my house is $800,000 at this rate this is what we have what we have in savings what we have in retirement and he goes you're fucking dumb what does it all really matter. You can hit by a bus tomorrow or something.

Or you don't. And then you're broke. Living at your place. Then I'm sleeping with you and your wife. It's okay by me. I'm sure it is. That's work on your snoring, obviously. And what are you going to do? And I need an outlet for my CPAP. Yeah. And none of that you sleep but in your boxers. You'll have to wear full pajamas.

Yeah. Okay. And I'm on the outside of the covers. All right So I'm getting that straight Sure So this weekend So do I get my own key here What's a security code No but this guy gives you the rundown

And this is what you And his big thing is like Don't get the slam proof cabinets It's like get out of debt completely And live that way Like you don't like Buy a 98 Corolla That'll last you fucking

200,000 miles like that kind of shit. Really, you know, all that stuff that you're doing. Luke, get me. Q. All right, let's see here. This one is from Ayanna, corn on the cob spears. The nice ones. Whoa.

Like the metal ones. The all stainless steel or something with a wood handle. Not the yellow corn cob ones are kitchy. That's fun. That's a barbecue. Still got them. Yeah. Yeah.

but something heavy with a little bit of heft Very nice I said not too long ago Again Marshall A lot of this shit you can pick up at Marshalls That'll be nice little things It'll make you feel That's very Nouve-or-Riche though

What? I would assume that Real rich people Classy people I bet you the Dempsey's probably Never use those Because that's like When they're having corn on the cob

They're being real folks I think when you're doing corn on the cob Like the Kennedys It's like you're kind of slum That's what that's what he's saying. So you want the yellow. We're living like poor people where we're going, I'm going. I'm going to eat my corn.

They want to hold the corn like that. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Luke, in your house, what did you? What was, I mean, because you're also significantly younger. So like, nicer stuff was a little more attainable. We do need to get eyes on the Dempsey domicile. It's funny.

My mom just invited us for the free whenever like this summer or something to shoot a video down. When she's not there. When they're not there. Oh, what the fuck? Yeah, we'll do. Oh, would you call your parents. mile we're thanking. I don't want to go when they're not there.

I want to sleep in your bed above the covers, obviously. That would be. Mr. Mr. Dempsey, I threw up. Can I sleep with you? You got a big boner. That would be very therapeutic for me. How old are your parents?

61, both of them. That would be very therapeutic for me. And how old are you? So he's closer to your parents for sure. Oh, yeah. I'm 28. They did do this trip. What?

I was just doing math, man. Relax. Fine. I'm, it's gonna be 50. I know. I know your birthday. Yeah. Coming out.

That's right. March 18th, 1976. That's right. It's not right. I'll expect a gift nonetheless. 50th birthday. You should be throwing me a big party. Uh-huh.

A bar do you want to that? Can't, I know. I'll take out to dinner. Yeah. See, this is what's see. And then you say I'm a bad friend. We're doing something. We're doing something.

Let me sleep in the bed with you guys one night. Help me out. You are. It's beginning to get borderline creepy. I don't know, either for me or my life, I'm not sure, but you want to taste. I'll do head to toe. I'll give you head. I don't care.

I'll do head to toe. Your genitals are still lined up. I'm a feat, man. I'm a tutsy boy. You wake up. Who'd you be more mad if you woke up? I was playing with your feet or your wife's feet. What, dude?

Hey, how will you get your life together? How about that, okay? There's a lot of things you need to worry about before. Mine are my wife's feet. Kippie's toenails are painted. You think you're going to come up there? Your pants on the other hand. We actually said, it was funny.

We redid our kitchen around 2010, and they found this company where a lot of, like, homes got foreclosed on in like 2008, obviously. And there was this dirtbag rich guys. And the new company would like gut those houses but keep all the stuff. Wow. And then they bought that stuff.

What was it? Just like all kitchen stuff. Exactly. And they retrofit it for your place. Some stripper that got in over her head. Uh-huh. I've seen the big short. You.

Corporate Raiders. Yeah. They just recently redid the kitchen. It's we'll get eyes on it. Nice. We'll get eyes on it. I want to go in there there. why i don't know have a nice dinner with them they clearly don't want to do that

the offer was hey you can come to our house when we're not there and they remove all the expensive you're pulling open you're trying to get under the sink plus we can bust out the eladelfth luke trying to smoke is three-footer we don't smoke we don't smoke weed like that dog yeah i'm not 14 your parents are getting fucking all sketched out yeah we are yes we are I jump out the window like that guy on DMV. Climbing up to wall. Hanging on the curtains like a cat.

Man, I remember watching that guy do that. You watch them, like, that's that. That was one of those early videos where you're like, no, no, just keep watching. Like, he starts wicking out and whoever you're showing gets like a little bit of a laugh. Like, oh, look how fuck, W. You're like, just wait, dude. Like a goddamn cheetah.

Man, to be that eye. Mm-hmm. Um, um, plate glass can't stop yet. This is, this was one of the original things from the show. This is for Michael,

tiny cups in the bathroom to brush your, for brushing your teeth. That is a, that's a thing for probably five bucks a month. It'll make you feel a little more elevated. Yeah, you mean the little throwaway cups.

Yeah. I thought you meant to apply it like to leave it in there. No, I mean, I don't think so. I think it gets, yeah, that gets, that gets, to people see the problem is the people dirt bags like us aren't going to stay on top of cleaning the majority are going to stay on top of cleaning that cup no so it's like you just take the little bangor take it feel good it's clean and move on five bucks a month for a packet you can probably go to sam's club get 10,000 you know what else is real nice we had him for like my mom bought him once

but the kind of cloth kind of not cloth paper towel like folded napkins they have them at the stand yes you know what I'm talking about yeah like nice restaurants will have them. Yes. Real nice. Yeah. Denise for a while is also very telling of our, we got rid of, you know, you know, like the, in the, this isn't like the downstairs like powder room or whatever we called it. Is that what you guys called yours? The powder room? I have one. You know, is that right? She's like a bad, a non-bath, a bathroom downstairs. So, like, your bathroom downstairs, just called the bathroom? I don't have a bathroom downstairs.

Are your moms? There's one in the laundry room, but that's not. powder room by any stretch of the imagination. So the only bathrooms upstairs. The main level. Oh, man. You wait, your turn. Sounds like a bus stop. Sounds like a loves.

The shower up for number 88. You got your football jersey on. You better hope somebody didn't use a lot of hot water. My goddamn nephew gets in there. He's in there for 45 minutes. I'm going to have taken a freezing shower. These are my mom's soap. Brutal.

Mm-hmm. There's a-ish funny. There's a razor in there, too. A couple curly cues. Okay. Um, uh, another thing that somebody said that I'm trying to find exactly who it was,

uh, is keeping, um, a surplus of stuff. Oh, I got you. Hold on. Let me see here.

we used to be good with that. You mean like having like a bunch of paper towels? Yeah. Like stuff that you don't use all of the time. Right here, this is from Dunkin Donuts. Being all stocked up on something that you don't need that much of feels all right. Yeah. If you can go, hey, I got light bulbs.

We got 40 light bulbs. Yeah. You got the batteries. You got toilet paper. I do that from Amazon. You get the paper towel and the toilet paper and you go, and it might come a little too early. I go, just put it in there. We got it.

going to be fucking, you know, I'm never going to be, you know, can you get the paper towel, screaming out. Amazon has that briefcase of batteries. They're off brand, but it's still pretty sick. My mom's got that. We're stocked up on batteries. Dildos? Huh? What? Vibrates.

Uh, uh, uh, which having a flashlight makes you feel good. Does, makes you feel prepared. Which I don't have that. I want to get a, I don't have a flashlight. I got, I got, I don't have a flashlight. I got, I got, I got a, I got a, I got a got one in the burbs.

If shit goes down, I'm fucking. I'm gonna be like the book of Eli. Walking with a pair of sunglasses and a machete. Save the world. Yeah, my dad was big on that. Flashlight by the bed. By the bed? Yeah.

He was ready to roll. My stepdad had a Bose sound system and a 12 gauge. That's ready to roll. A pack a pack of Winston's. Ready to rock out. Throwing a little skinner as he's sweeping the house. He put one through your chest And then smoke a sig waiting on the cops to come

He strikes me as the kind of guy I would put one through the door Yeah, let you know Yeah Mm-hmm Did they sleep with their bedroom door closed? When he came around, yeah Yeah

She didn't, she had an open door, like for us, obviously Open Door policy Well, I mean, it was also like, you know, it was a bit scary And no dad in the house Oh, you know what I mean? Like this, bro, what the fuck she's going to do? That's why Danny got so tough.

He's got the shotgun. That's how he, I mean, he, you know. But when he came. Danny swings first and says questions later because he, at fucking seven, he had to be the man at the house. Like scary haunted out. Sitting at the kitchen table opening the mail. God damn it, Kevin.

Fucking Jim. Uh-huh. But, yeah, when he came around that door would be closed. Yeah, well, at that point, like. So I imagine if, like, I was a cat burglar. and I got to that top step he was aware he'd probably put one through that door I'm hoping it was you

probably I don't know my dad had that my dad had the flashlight you had the fucking a weapon and all that kind of stuff I got none of that shit I have a knife somewhere but I can't find it kind of butter my toast

butter my dinner rolls yeah I got a I got a big not mag light, but a big heavy metal flashlight. I don't know where it is, though. It was under the sink. My wife fucking moves all my shit. All my cool shit, my wife moves.

Trying to set your ass up. I know. That's what it looks like. Fucking plotting as bitch. Takes your shotgun from underneath the bed. Fucking dead zeal ads. He puts in blanks. I'm fucking blasting off the guy still walking towards me.

What the fuck? She's in there getting dressed. All right, let's see here. This one's, this is from Preston. Electric salt and pepper grinders with nine core sizes filled with pink, pink Himalayan salt and telly cherry peppercorns. Those cherry peppercorns look real nice. Here's my thing.

If that, you know, again, a couple of, you know, 20, 30 bucks, probably you can get that. What? My girl got one for free from work One of the really nice, like, pepper shakers Or pepper grinders, and it's just like, it's like $200 and it stinks kind of. You want the $20 one, I think.

Listen, I agree. And it's all, this is per person. Like, it makes this guy feel classy. Not all, like, all this shit that I like will make someone feel clit. But it's like, if you can find, if that small investment, what it might be 50 bucks, $100, about whatever the fuck it is,

but makes you, every time you, cook dinner or eat dinner, you feel fucking, you feel like not a piece of shit? Go for it. Isn't it funny how the wealthy do stay one step ahead of you, though? Like, that's big now with everybody is the fucking grinder. The electric ones, yeah.

Electric ones I have heard are great. But the rich folk, you know what they do? They have it in a little dish, the little sea salt in a dish. And they do that. That's what they do now. That's I've seen on the cooking channel. Sure. The salt seller?

Salt seller? I think that's what they call them. Like a little salt dish. Yeah. We just got one. It's like something Gwyneth Paltrow does. I mean, we-

He throws out a couple of nice meals on the Instagram there. You follow Gwyneth Paltrow on Instagram? I'd see her reels every once in a while. She does a lot of cooking. Sorry, I make some bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, or some sausage egg and cheese sandwich every day from scratch. It looked pretty goddamn good.

Did you make the sausage from scratch? These fucking way. It's a fucking way. How do you get the time? Making sausage. Gwenith Pultz. I know. I'm saying, well, you know, it's like, you know, it's like,

I'm married to Chris Martin. You know how many fucking albums that kid sold? I'm not trying to throw shade. I get it, but it's like, who the fuck's, who the fuck has time to make sausage from? You're just showing it you're better to me. Yeah. Yeah.

You want to connect with me fucking microwave, throw some Jimmy Deans in a fucking air friar, which I started doing. Sleping the same bed with your best friend. He's kissing my wife's feet. Fucking freakazoid. All right, this will be the last one. This is where I lost the game.

This is a $10 Christmas gifted homie. Nice. People are a gifting the patron. Love that. Very cool. Never have one read. And we've discussed this, this, we've discussed this relatively in depth. He says, never have one read.

I do not reuse bath towels. I bought about 20 towels of Walmart years ago and haven't looked back. No damp towels for me. 20. That's like, that's probably the number of that you need. One in the hamper. What? He doesn't, he.

One use hamper. You got 19 more. So you got 19 days to do the laundry. That I like. That I like a lot. Imagine, dude, it's like a hotel. Imagine every day you got a crisp, new, clean, bang or wait. How much better is your day?

Or how much better is your night you take a shower? And now you go home and you get a fucking, I'm not using a, dude, I use mine today. It smell like a fucking bum's nutsack. Like, what am I doing? I got them. It's got that mold smell on it. You know what I like to do? Just to bring this all full circle since one of the first ones.

was the bathstone. I'm a big fan of use a towel once, and then the next time you put that on the floor. I like that. I love that. It feels like you're getting off into carpet. But how am I, do you then use that again? Because that would somehow fall back into my cycle.

I think it does for you too. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not judging you. I know we're very similar people. Yeah. That would somehow go, is this the one out of that? That's the one out.

That's dry. You know what I mean? That's what it is. It's got boot prints on it. covered in pubes. All right, we got to wrap it up, gang. Gang, we love you so much. Remember, come see us in Austin.

Come see us in Tampa. Come see us everywhere on the road this year. We love you and we'll see it next week. Peace.