Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - How to Get Scammed! w/ Joe List

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Joe List! You know Joe List from Stand Up Comedy, Tuesdays with Stories w/ Mark Normand, Stavvy's World, The Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Soder Podcast, Whiskey Ginger, We Might Be Drunk and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Pestie: Keep the bugs away with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/AYG for 10% off your order. Quince: Right now, go to https://Quince.com/GARBAGE for free shipping and 365-day returns. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Merch alert, baby. Merch alert, merch alert, merch alert, the quality is going through the roof, as they say. Hooking. Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over to RUGarbage.com. We got hats, we got shirts, got mugs, we got keychades. We got, we got wall art.

We got paintings you can buy. Go check it out. Are you Garbage.com limited supply list. Do it. Yeah. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU.Gurbage. Oh, yeah.

It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they grew up to be classy. Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Dave Trulley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She just brought home some Valentine's Day candy. Okay.

Half price. All right. Swinging a miss on that one. Fair enough. My coes is coming at you from right next to me. Very judgmental. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman of my best pal in the whole wide world.

Give it up for KJ. Kevin, James Ryan. Hey, don't blame me. No one laughed at that. What's up, every. There's other people in the room that heard that. What's up, everybody? Shout out to you.

The hell list. Thanks for tuning in. I didn't even know a joke had been made. Shout out. Thanks for tuning. As always, make sure you're ready to subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify and the boys are climbing the freaking charts. Yes, sir.

And obviously the greatest website of all time, www. patreon.com. Slash, R. You go over there. You get all that bonus content, gang. That's right. And gang, we could be more excited of our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today, his eighth appearance.

Eighth appearance on the show. Give it up for Mr. Joe List, everybody. Thank you. And I've got the sweatsuit. I mean, that's crazy. I've been wearing it around, baby. Have you? I wore it on at the big show, and I was telling everyone this is from Arie Carbages. And people said, how come it doesn't say, are you got? What kind of merchandise is this? Oh, the yellow sweatshirt. The golden sweatsh. Yeah, yeah. Wait, what showed you wear it on?

I wore it on my show at Sesh, which you guys keep not doing. I've been trying hard to get you. guys for years. I have better job getting Eddie Murphy. I get you Mr. Pants, Thompson. I like that pants guy. He's a good shit. He's a good shit. Yeah, he's okay. Ryan's a good shit. I like the other guy over there. That guy. What's that guy? New guy Luke.

And then Mark the Shark. Mark the Shark. Mark the Shark takes a little bit of warming up. His name's Ryan, too, but we can't have two Rines. He's Mark the Shark. Gotcha. All right, Mark the Shark. I call him the Shart. Folks. Can I say something? I've been on the show 100. I've watched the show many times.

You guys never boof an intro. It's amazing. I've never seen you go, oh shit, let me take that over. It happens at once in a while. It happens when it does, big man spirals. The rest of the episode where it's like we're pulling the yoke up to get the plane. Well, you nailed it. Thank you, buddy.

Yeah. Somebody appreciates my talents. You don't like Halloween or Valentine's Day candy. That's your problem. No, the problem is the joke's talking. You don't like a conversation heart? Sure. Joe, you like a conversation heart?

I don't even know what a conversation heart is. Jesus Christ. We don't do Valentine's Day in my house. Really? I was in San Francisco for Valentine's Day. My wife was, who knows? What about as a kid? With their boyfriend.

Your mom didn't get your Valentine's Day candy when you were a kid? We always got a little something. Maybe. I don't know. I don't really remember. That's a little... It's a little incestual to be. You're trying to get a piece of pussy from your mom.

It feels a little off. I don't know. I didn't give her anything. Yeah, right. It's not like I took her out to dinner and shit. Got her something from Adam and Eve. I don't remember Valentine's Day. As a kid.

I remember, like, at school, you'd have a little, a bag. Yeah, yeah, they'd put shit in there. You get Valentine's Days from everybody. I would have some empty bags. Oh, man, that was always so bad when the hot check didn't give you one. At first I thought you meant you would be, like, coming everywhere. Like, I had an empty bag. And I was like, oh, shit.

I developed pretty late. I thought you were just banging every chick in glass. Drain my balls that day, I can tell you. Wait, hold on. Back to the sweatsher. What? Where did you get it? This.

Oh, this? The USA sweatshers. This sweatshers. Is that official authentic merch? I'm sorry. I thought you meant the R.U. Garbage switch show. I thought you were losing your mind. That doesn't say are you garbage on it?

Yeah, yeah. You bought it at the place downstairs, remember? Many people that I wore it, and I was like, I got this for R.U. Garmin, everyone was like, does it say are you garbage? I don't get it. I mean, we understood the bit of, like, the golden jacket or whatever. Yeah. You got it? Yeah, yeah.

You don't need to brand everything and show off. Yeah. Well, that was the beef, the people had. That's my idea of come. Now this. This atrocity you're walking around. This is authentic. I'm keeping it on until they lose.

Authentic as in what? Authentic as in it. It's mine. This is authentic, Joe. I don't think that's team issue. No, it's not team. I mean, they're not wearing this. Well, first of all, I wanted to buy an official jersey, but they're all sold out.

American pride is back, baby. It's big. This country's never been better. I've never been more united. So I wanted to buy an official jersey, but I was going to be a hockey jersey guy. friend Matt Wayne. You guys know Matt. He's great. He pointed out Clark Griswold in Christmas vacation is just wearing a hockey jersey at home. Now, how do you feel about... That's wild.

Blackhawks. That's in the hockey jersey and hanging out at home? Yeah. Is that classy? Did you have probably never even owned a hockey jersey? No, I tried one on once that they don't fit me right. And they're too heavy. They fit fat guys pretty good. Like, if it's cut right, it looks pretty good on a fat guy. Kevin Smith did it for many years.

True. I remember I just hit me. I took my class picture in a Philadelphia Flyers jersey as a kid one. Jesus Christ. It was a replica, too. It wasn't even like a good one. It was like ironed on. Was it a player or did it have your name? No, it was blank. No, the blank is tough.

Blank is rough. It just proportionally doesn't look right on the back. Like something's missing. When you see someone with a jersey and they flip around and there's nothing on the back? Double zero. Yeah. It's brutal. Burrudel.

No, so this is, it's an officially licensed team gear. They were all out of jersey, sold out of jersey. So I went next best. This is about 175. dollar sweatshirt shirt right here dirt bag thing dropped the price yeah so this is authentic I've had it on for four days straight I'm taking the colors back

for the good guys but I had an incident yesterday we were at Starbucks Sarah and I and the baby and the lady selling the coffee had like a sexy accent and her name was like L-E-R-A which is a little unusual L-E-R-A so I said how do you name and she said

she said like a she gave it a little staguer and I said oh where are you from and she's like what the country do you I mean? And I was like, yeah. Where do you bury you live in? Yeah, yeah, what's your address? And she said, well... What part of Queens do you live in?

She said I was born in Russia, but she looked timid and weird, but I realized I'm wearing the USA shirt. Like Rocky Ford. She probably thinks I'm like fucking a bag. You look like a homelander right now. Where the fuck you from, lady? Let me see some papers. So I felt I had to let her know.

I'm one of the good guys. In there waving a flag. Yeah, she got a little nervous. I'm not going to arrest you. I'm just making conversation. Don't worry. I'm just flirting with a hot Russian chick in front of my wife. Let her know, you know.

Sure. Show a little respect or else I'll be. Now. Alira. Off to Leningrad. Will you wear that later on or is that purely for the tournament? For the Olympic? Like, where are you going to wear that?

This isn't coming off, baby. If we win gold, you'll never see me out of this again. You'll wear that doing spots? I thought about it last night. That's a lot. That's a lot. It's a big move. Philmate, clip it?

That's got some views on it. It's a big move. You have to address it. I can't just come out and be like, hey, who gets nervous? I got to set in that. You got to address it. But I think, Dan Cook, I saw him 20 years ago. He had a Bruins jersey on and it was cool.

He's got. He can pull it off though. Not that you don't, but he's got, you guys are different. It's a lot. It's a lot. He's different than everybody. I think I'll, spots is tough, but I'm wearing it here. Boom.

You got to let them know who you play for, you know. At the end of the day, we're all American, right? We all bleed trash. Now, is this, is this classy or no? No. It's, you look a little. It's, I'll be honest with you. It's, what are you talking about?

I got blue pants on, too. That's kind of match. The trashy, it's not trashy. It's trashy that you think it's classy. That's the problem. I'm blown away here. Oh, I'm blown. I mean, this is nice.

I'm not a hundred, and I don't mean to doubt you. I'm not. I'm not 100% convinced that's official USA licensed Olympic material. I bought it at NHL.com. Okay, doggie? I mean, look at 47. That's what the Olympics started or something. No, isn't that new era?

Yeah, it's a new era. It's a new era of the country. No, this is, this is good. He bought that on Canal Street. This is quality. It's quality stuff. I'll show you the receipt. It's cotton, right?

Like, it's like sweatshirt. It's very hot. It's a thin layer of gabardy. It does not breathe. I can tell you that. I'm dying over here. I wanted to look good for the party. I'm schvitzing over here.

But we got a good team. We're going to win gold. I don't know when this comes out. They're probably lost by the time. You're excited about the Olympics. I like that. I like the hockey. I like the hockey.

I didn't even know they were going on. Except for Jake Paul's wife, the ice skater. That I saw. I don't know who that is. Is it the hot Norwegian broad or something, Scandinavian? Netherlands. Yeah.

She's Dutch and she's like a very hot speed skater. Oh, wow. I've seen a lot of the ice dancing, whatever we call, figure skating. There's some real hot numbers in there. Yeah. And they're scintily clad. That used to be so big. Like I remember watching that as a kid, like not watching the rest of the Olympics.

When those things were on, everybody was glued to the TV. Oh, yeah. Christy Yamaguchi, Michelle Flom. Yeah. Tara Lipinski, Brian Boytano. Does I ever tell you my Scott Hamilton story? Oh, it's Scott Hamilton. You know Scott Hamilton?

The blonde of the guy, right? He's got horseshoe bald. He's like the most famous American skater. He's an announcer. And he does, he did backflip. When we were kids, he was still skating. Well, this is horrible. So you guys are familiar with Tuesdays with stories.

You know the podcast. Great podcast. I'm a Tuesday myself. You know how we do. You know, you say, hey, jizz and cut, whatever. And so I got to meet Scott Hamilton one time. I did a corporate for the National Predators. And I grew up in the 80s, loving figure skating and Scott Hamilton.

He was cool. He did backflips. cool guy. He's like 5'4. He's balding. He's skates. He's cool. He's exciting.

He's Mr. Panash. So anyways, I got to meet him, and then I was telling Mark the story, but he's never heard of Scott Hamilton. So I told him all this reverence I have, but in the fashion of Tuesdays with stories. So I was like, he's a big bald homo. He eats come. And did this whole thing. And then some fan of ours knows Scott Hamilton.

He's like, I told him, listen to the pod. What? And he goes, you don't do that. He's like, he waits on him regularly, and then he saw him again. He's like, did you listen to that? He goes, yeah, I listen to it. Not my cup of tea. So Scott Hamilton, one of my boyhood idols, listen to me.

And who knows what Mark said? I mean, Mark is a hundred times worse than I am. And so it's just two guys being like, oh, he eats goo. He loves whatever. And they listen to it. So now I can't ever see Scott Hamilton again. And I thought we had something. I mean, that's the fact that I got back to Scott Hamilton is insane.

You think like someone. somebody in the industry, an actor, a music, something. Yeah, no. He listened, and I just picture him sitting there and being like, what the fuck? Yeah. He's like, they're calling me ugly and gay. I don't even think he's gay.

He's got to be, no? I don't know. That's a lot of panache for a straight guy. Yeah, that's what's so cool about him. Married since 2002. No kidding. To a woman? Tracy Hamilton.

Tracy is androgynous, though. That can go either way. That's a good point. Wonderful looking woman. Nice little blonde. There you go. I wonder what kind of cash he makes. I bet he does well

I heard the Olympic people that they have regular jobs Oh the Olympians do Yeah because the thing about Olympians is they can't be professionals right Yeah but a lot of times What? Scotty Hamilton's like iconic He does the thing He does corporate stuff

I don't know I mean to the money Let's get an estimated That worth $12 million dollars I'm going to say 22 He does all the broadcast I'm going to say 4.5 million

Four and a half million That's crazy I don't know you maybe think he had a day job a second ago Keep checking this guy when he's down, list. Estimated net worth around $9 million to $30 million. Okay, that's a big window. But this thing also thinks I have $4 million. Does it?

Yeah, something like that. I mean, I have some money, obviously. That's a $170 on me. You went down? You went down. $2 million. That Hamilton's got some pull. You guys want some of these?

I'll get you some of these. You want one? What's your team? That $2 million is not accurate at all? I'd like to know what you're holding. You're a saver. I'd rather not get into it. Those files are sealed.

I live in Battery Park City. It's not easy down there. Are you kidding? He's rich, folly. He's rich. It's a lot. You've always been somewhat smart with money, though, right? I don't know.

Not really. Can I tell you something? I shouldn't say this publicly. I am missing a very large chunk of money right now because I have an investor guy. He's one of these got a Long Island accent. He's like, you got to send me your money, brother. You got all your money in a savings account.

I'm actually stupid with money because I have like all my money in a savings account. And everyone I talked to is like, you're a big idiot. No, that's good. Yeah, no, I think that's not good. We're from the 80s. We think that's good. I like mine sitting right where I can see. Exactly.

I think it's a grease ball from Lerlin. Really going. The market's going to crash and all that stuff. You keep it in the savings account. With my money. It pops back up. But anyways, this guy was like, hey, you're going to send me all your money. What are you doing?

this can be in the market working for you. And I was like, you're right, buddy. And I went to the bank, got a bank check for an undeclosed amount of money, mailed it to him. It's like two weeks. I forgot about it. I mailed a check. Two weeks later, I'm like, hey, you never told me you got it.

He's like, I haven't gotten that. And I'm like, and it's a bank check. So it comes out of the account. So I just got money just floating out there. He never got it. Hasn't gotten it. I've had to do that with a rent, like a certified rent check. It's hairy.

But no one can. They can't cash it. It says my name on it. It's written to me. So they got to have a thing that says Joseph List. But there might be some Joe List walking around out there with a. The check's written to you? Yeah.

A check you wrote to yourself? Yeah, because he's got my account. Right? No, you wrote a check to him. No, no, I wrote it to me. What? Because he handles my account. Right, right, right.

So somebody. Well, now who do you have in charge of looking into that? Shouldn't that be that guy's problem? No, I got to call the bank He's like, don't worry about it They didn't take it, don't worry, but whatever. This guy has your money. They totally took it.

He might have money. Kind of snowblower you got us mixed up with. I'm fucked. With all due respect, I'm going to sit over there. But the problem is, I don't know what to do. I called the bank. They don't answer. This is not 1985.

Nobody's just answering phones over there. So what do I do? It's a great Louis Pid. Ever walk by the bank and see people now? You doing in there cleaning? So I don't, I don't know. Was this your first four-way, four way into investment

foray foray no I got some I got some money in the thing and he was like you should give me

more money he said and I quote give me all your money would you meet this guy I don't know back of the Boston Phoenix I had

the yellow pages oh okay I think the check is either coming back or if it was check when was this

two weeks ago it was about two weeks ago. But the U.S. mail is fucked up. It's not easy to get from Manhattan to Long Island. It's like three days. What are you talking about? Yeah, as I'm saying this, I'm starting to get nervous.

Let me just check my email. I don't know my phone. Take the hockey. He's going to email you the check. This guy don't know what's going on. No, no. He's supposed to email when he's received, but it's probably bouncing back. I probably wrote the wrong address.

They're not getting far with a check. Right? Very true. Luke? I think so. It should have been there in one to three business days, Google's saying. No, but the men. The mail is you don't know the mail.

It never ends. They can wipe your name off of it and put another name on there. But if that was the case. But the problem is I can't see if it's cat. I can go to the bank and then they can check to see if it's been presented. Yeah. You're fine. I think I'll be all right.

Luke got this. Yikes. Yeah. This is real bad. Got a whale sitting here. What are we doing? It's a chunk. I can say that.

Good for you. Yeah. It's trouble. Yeah, I'm doing okay. You know. The guy tries to invest and loses the check. It's like a world's worst investor. No, yeah, the short answer is I'm bad.

I mean, I order McDonald's delivered every day. I get like $50 McDonald's sent to me. What's that order looking like? Double quarter pounder, cheese, no ketchup. I mean, I catch up only. This is just for you? You're not ordering for the house. No.

Is this lunch? You're a bit of a lone wolf when it comes to eating. Yeah, yeah. Sarah's in there cooking up a meal, broccoli, the whole thing, and I get McDonald's right over. No one. Chick-fil-A yesterday. No, no, no, no.

I'm eating over here. No. Okay. I go plain beef, cheese, bun, ketchup, double fries. Double fries? Yeah. Two large fries? Well, my son eats a couple, and I want to make sure I have all the fries.

Two large fries? One large, one medium. Really? Yeah, one and a half. One point five. Yeah, pretty good. Any kickers on the side? No, no kicker.

No appetizers? No. Nothing. But I go to Starbucks, get a brownie afterwards. Hmm. A gentleman. I know how to live. You do?

You're doing all right. I'm doing all right. I'm a little fat in the waist, but I work out. And I got a big sweater. I've got the big sweater. I think Liz's losing it. Oh, I'm losing it, baby. There's a lot going on here.

AI and the things and the comedy and the... You just said America was back two seconds ago. We're back, but, you know, back. The mail's fucked up. Yeah. I don't know what to do about the check. Now I'm fucked up in my head. Is this bad? No, you're okay.

They can't cash the check. And if I said to the bank, I'd say, hey, I don't know who this is. Give me my money back. Don't they give you your money back for that? Yeah, I'll figure it out of them. I think. I'll write it off All these big companies

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Go to quince.com, Q-U-I-N-C-E-com. Garbage for free shipping 365 day returns quins.com slash garbage do it do it who's the bank chemical bank who you with TD? Chase Bank oh this was TD though this was TD I'm a TD man myself yeah you know why I joined TD because they used to have the thing we could dump the change in it would go and a penny arcade yeah they were skimming the whole time yeah for decades they were skimming that which I'm okay with because I need the cash that's how I felt and also I just wanted to get rid of my change and they took it so that's why I joined TD but then now I don't know they got rid of it that was as a poor

I would save you. Once they got rid of that, they got rid of that when we were in New York. And it was like, I remember having going to the Bronx to find a coin star. Yeah, at the supermarket. And then you would get that.

They go, I need to use the coin star. And they go, well, how much are you dumping in? And you have to, like, hold up like a coffee can and be like $32. And they're like, okay.

Well, in TD, you could guess the amount. If you got it right, they'd give you a prize too, which was fun. One time Sarah sat and rolled all my quarter and it was like $180 bucks. And then she got to take it

because she just rolled them. What? I don't want to roll them. I would never do that. Do you have a change collection now, like a change jar? Oh, yeah, we have a piggy bank. We have a son. So we piggy bank it up.

Like a proper piggy bank. Oh, yeah, it's a silver pig. In his room? No, it's in the living room. On display. Is the backup investment? It's an apartment. What kind of cash you got in there?

There's some bills in there, too. I would say there's probably $38 bucks in there, if I had to guess, because there's some bills. Now, who gets their hands on that? You got that bills, bills, paper money. I don't know I guess it could be his I don't know Sarah's like I'm gonna take all your spot pay

And make an account for him I'm like he's too What are you talking about That's my money Take your spot pay What the fuck He doesn't need it These brawls and they're greedy

Their ideas Yeah I got a question Did you open As I was talking about investment Did you open up your I don't know if you get it actually I think your son was already born New York saves

No the account You get the US federal account Oh the Trump thing Warbonds I don't know about I don't know. I qualify. I put a thousand bucks.

What is it? What are you talking about? I don't know. Luke will tell you. I texted our manager. I said, hey, make this happen. How do I get it on this? You got to have a kid within like a certain year.

Fuck. Get a kid. It's a good time. It's fun. Can I have his social security number? No. The other day I farted and my son said, God bless you. Come on.

Aw. That's class. He said, Go bless you, Daddy. You also had sent me a video one time of your kid playing Scratchers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves him. He loves a scratch ticket.

That's what I asked you. One of the things we ask is, would you say the classiest thing you've done is buy, invest $175 of your money into a sweater? Yeah, I went full non-knockoff. I mean, but now I'm getting pushback that this isn't classy. I think this is as classiest it gets. It's as classy as I get it. Real David putty vibes.

Yeah. Got some point to tea. All signs point to, yes. Will America win gold? Oh, we should have got your fucking eight ball jack. Damn it, God. Those are pricey. The snap food with the check, notwithstanding, when you did do that little

process. Did you feel like an adult when you were doing that? I felt like a million bucks or a quarter of a million bucks. Going in to get the check at the bank. And I have to say to the late and I have to whisper because, you know, I'm a working class guy originally. You know, now. You're in here a $170 shirt. So now I'm through the stratosphere. I left my family behind. But I was in there and I go, hey, I need to write a check for myself.

And she's like, okay, how much? And I was like, but she's, is that at the table or at the window? This is at the counter, like right at the thing. And you bring you over? Well, I think they didn't know what kind of numbers I was going to throw at them. And then I think they were a little bummed out, too, because I was taking almost 100% of my money in there, out of there. And now it's just, it's in the clouds, Jerry. I don't know where it is.

You'll be okay. Yeah, you'd be fine. I mean, I could buy a house in some places in the United States with this amount of money. Really? Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Very nice.

It's a little nerve-wracking. I'll get it back. Yeah, yeah. I'll get it back. And then what? What? We've lost it. I know.

Google says you're safe. Unless a really smart person gets that check. Well, also, it's like who's like opening an envelope? Like in the mail. It's in the blue. It's in the box. Wait, is that what you did? You put it in a box on the street?

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Is that not good? No, dude. What are you doing? First of all, you should have wired it to the guy. I know because last time I tried to wire. I can't.

My rods and cones are all screwed up. You need a Mr. I don't know how to wire. Seriously, last time I tried to wire, it was a whole to-do. I'd rather just write a check. I'm from the 80s, dog. I got to write a check. I want to write a guy in the eye and shake his hand.

I've tried to wire. I can't wire. First of all, that guy should have been the one taking it out of your account. You give me your information and he takes it out. Well, he can do that with Chase because he works for Chase. So he did that with my chase. Don't worry, he's gotten all my money. Don't worry.

Multiple against you're going to be chasing this guy for a while. This is bad news But he talks in a way That you're like Holy shit This is good So you're coming a mile away He goes

Norm I got Norman Hooked up with him too Oh my God Yeah You guys are getting fleeced He's it's bad news bears But he's got the accent He's a

Did he say what he's going to put it in T bills? Hocket No but he told me I've been with him for 10 years This guy And he gave me the original amount And the current amount

And it's There you go Yeah I've got like 80% more Get out of here. Although I do keep putting more money in there. Yeah, it's your money you have put in there. It's not like a piggy bank.

Oh, Jesus Christ. You guys get into my head. You guys got investment guys? No. Shit. I'm busted. Oh, geez. Idiot.

What do you mean? Bad with money. He's broke. Oh, boy. You can't be broke. You would think. Get out of here. Hock some of this stuff.

You got three guys working for you. Fire two of them. I can pick the two, by the way. Who would go? We're keeping the guy that looks kind of like me. I like that guy. The shark and pants are going. Shark is out.

Pants is no good. His pants are too big. We just bought this new table. That's an oak. Brand new table. Oh, really? I think it's fine. It's wobbling, by the way.

Yeah. Oh, boy. Did you know that? The whole place is going to shit. The boys are jammed the fuck up over here. Yeah, we're all jammed. No, I felt classy with this. How about this?

You want to hear some class? Please. Lay it on. I don't mean, I don't mean to be braggadocious here, but I just did Cobbs out in San Francisco. Great club. Love. That is the most.

underrated. That's the best city in America. It's beautiful. San Fran? As a city? I love it. A dump. You're out of your mind. You've got to go to the right places. Go to the Marina District, North Beach. I mean, if you go to the, you know, the tenderloid, it's pretty dice. They did hit the spy store. They have the international spy

store there. That's not bad, right? Spies all right. I like the war for whatever it is. The peers. It's fantastic. The restaurants. That was nice. They have that really big food, that nice food hall. Yeah. On the water. Did that. North Beach is incredible.

It's beautiful. Golden Gate, the whole thing. But you don't eat that stuff. You don't eat anything out there. Well, North Beach is little. I got McDonald's out there. I go all little Italy. It's all.

Do you little Italy? Pasta, chicken, parm, pizza. But no seafood. I like seafood. You do? I eat seafood. You ever have Chippino? I don't know what that is.

I have Chipotle. It's an Italian. It's an Italian stew. They make with fish out in San Francisco. No, I don't know the stew. It's not up your alley. It doesn't sound good. It's good stuff.

I don't want an Italian stew. It looks like a cartoon stew. You know, I didn't even like a hobo would make with like a fishbone in it. Yeah, I don't care for that. It's delicious. But so I was at, I did Cobbs, and then I had Matt Wayne open it for me. And then there was a young lady emceeing. She's from Sacramento.

She didn't want to drive back and forth. So she got a hotel. End of the week, I did okay. Pay for that hotel. Hey. Look at you. That's pretty good. Classy.

That's a classy guy. How did you execute this? Did you go, hey, how much is the hotel? I said, if you show me your tits right now. Okay. I send you. I mail you a check. Jackie, get it in three or four weeks.

One tit, one night. No, I said, after the weekend, I say, what's your Venmo? You shouldn't lose money to work for the old king of content. And she said, oh, my God. And then I sent her to the money. And she said, oh, I'm going to quit my job. You're the greatest. I never got it.

Go ahead and tell everybody on earth. That would be great. And then she said it bows. That's not bad. That's a classy. That's a classic. Now, if it was a man, would I have done it? Absolutely not.

But, you know, if my wife dies, I got something on the horizon. There you go. They're planting a seeds. You've got to do it. Thinking ahead. Baby's going to need a stepmom. Of course. Huh.

I respect it. I would have been trashy if you're like, can I see a receipt? How much was it a night? Like, that's not, that's tacky. Well, here's where it's trashy. I probably didn't cover. I probably didn't cover the whole amount. I probably didn't cover the, a low boulder.

Yeah. Low bould. No, I gave her a couple hundred. A few hundred. Yeah, I don't know. How many nights? Well, it was three nights hotel, but this day. Jesus Christ.

Nowadays is getting dicey as it gets there. It was probably like $800 in hotel. A couple. Less than half that. You know, but something. Yes, center to 300. 250. 80 bucks.

I gave her 60 bucks and a handshake. That's some advice. 60? I gave her a car. 60? No, no. I told her she and hosted. It was a few hundred bucks.

That's good. Yeah. That's classy. That's very, you got a sweet. You're sweet in the pot. And then the next day, I got upgraded to Delta One. Very nice.

How do you like that? I'm too shy. And they were trying to get me to spend two grand. to upgrade from the ticket I already bought an $800 ticket $2,000 to upgrade to Delta 1, I rolled the dice and got the last spot. What do you think about that?

This guy's playing the market. You are. You're sticking 10 moves ahead. I saved $2,000. I lost $275,000, but I got $2,000. Is that what it was doing? In that neighborhood. Get the fuck out of it.

It was my entire savings. Wow, Joe List. Yeah. I took my savings account. I don't think I could be friends with you anyway. I took the savings account, wrote it down on a check, put it in the U.S. mail, and have not seen it in three weeks.

They're putting it in the blue box on the street. I think the blue box was secure. That's nuts. How do you get in there? You can't get in there with Tom's. No, man. It's New York. I don't even know anybody picks that stuff up.

Yeah. There's a little, there's a key. The guy works for the government, trustworthy. He comes in with a key and he opens it. It's a lockbox. You should just got like a carrier, sir. It would have been like 80 bucks. Listen, I'm paying for the MC.

I go to Starbucks every day. I got equal. I can't afford this crap. I don't know if I've ever. I don't know if I've ever used the blue mailbox on the street. What do you do? I don't get it. Look, help me out here.

You're my buddy. You put it in your mailbox and leave the mailbox open or put the little flag up. So the mailman knows to take it. You should have left it with your doorman. Hey, can you put this in the outgoing? Doorman building. That's classy. Did you wear a suit when you walked into the bank like Andy Dufrean?

Or give it to them. Hey, put this with your outgoing mail. Oh my God. That would have been so classic. Why does the suit fit, though? Doesn't make any sense. Big flaw in that movie. Whose suit was it?

Was it happening? He's wearing the warden's clothes. He's like seven feet tall. Yeah, geez. The shoes fit and the pants fit. Fuck, list. That dog don't hunt. Damn.

Just ruined it. Was it definitely his suit? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was his, yeah, his suit and his shoes. Yeah. Well, son of a bitch. Yeah.

Everything's coming apart. A few other problems of that movie, too. Well, keep them to yourself. Lay it on us. I don't want to fuck you all up. Now hit us. Well, one thing that happens is when he throws the rock to reveal the hole in the thing, the poster would have to be pulled tot for it to rip.

Yeah, how did he get tight? Like the post would have to be tight for it to rip through, but he left under it. So that doesn't make sense. It would be undone on the bottom. It wouldn't rip. I would assume you can make the argument with enough force it could go through. I mean, you'd have to have fucking Roger Clemens in 86 throwing that rock. If you watch it out of contact.

It's always a shock when Morgan Freeman leans his head into that shot. He's like, why is he in the cell? Right, right, right. Yeah, there's that. I mean, also, oh, the other one is when he breaks through the pipe, it explodes as though it's pressurized.

Right. So how does he crawl out of there? When he's crawling, it's empty. Because it all spewed out. Yeah, the pressure. 100% of it shot out of there. The whole pipe, it's like miles long. Also, that's a, that pipe shouldn't be,

that wouldn't be pressurized, I don't think. And pressurized with shit. I mean, that is like so much diarrhea. One of them here, is that a lot of poop. I would have never made it through that. No, I would just go back in and be like, plus he's like got it kind of nice now. He's like, he's working there.

Doing all right. Yeah, the sisters got taken care of. He's got Hadley all straightened out. And of course, the biggest flaw in family guy discussed this also and made some great jokes about it. But like, he's been in prison for 20 years. How does he know there's not a mall where he tells him to meet? He's like, there's a rock wall in Buxton.

You go along the wall. There's a big oak tree. You're like, he's been gone for literally 20 years. Could be a subdivision by now. It could go there and be like, oh, shit, it's a Sephora. Fuck. Well, I guess I'll head on back to prison now. He's like, damn it, he's never going to be able to find me.

I'll give you that. There's no way that he would have been able to remember all those instructions and find that. He's got nothing but time. No, Morgan Freeman when he went out there. And Sewardenia. San Juanonet. And how do you even spell that? I've seen the movie 300 times.

I still don't know how to spell Saywantenea. This guy's an uneducated. Convict. He's like, oh, say what today? That must be Z-I-H-J. I wouldn't know. If that was us, we never would have found each other. I don't know.

Be warned and around us. He's stuck in the pipe. That would have going to do. It's a great film. All right, let's get to some garbage questions. Please. Let's see here. This one's from Kippey's classmate the horse.

$10, homie. You ever play a sport using a ball, not from that sport? As a kid, basketballs were always flat at recess, and we always use a kickball or soccer ball to shoot hoops. one made shit. Oh, we did a lot of floor hockey with tennis ball. Tennis ball hockey on the street hockey with tennis balls. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was classic. You always get a bad bounce on those things that would go like fucking nine houses down, though. The volleyball was always a good substitute for a basketball. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I feel you, I think the other way around volleyball with a basketball, that'll fuck you up. That'll spike you. That'll ruin your life.

We used to love playing wiffle ball with a tennis ball. Like a wiffle ball bat and a tennis ball? We did aluminum bat with a tennis ball. Yeah, that was big. That was all of our baseball was with a tennis ball. Crush it. It was fun. Yeah.

Did you do like to open up the wiffle ball bat stuff, wet newspaper in there? Oh, yeah. We taped it. Oh, yeah, we did that too, yeah. That was fun. Let me ask you this. What is the official wiffle ball bat? The yellow one?

I think the yellow skinny. Yeah. You got to go yellow skinny with the cardboard holding the wiffle ball in the top. I don't even think it's close. What are you? What are you? It's that, for sure. But whenever you played Wufelball, there was always some dickhead.

That had like a fat one. The big red one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what that movie's about. Wiffleball. Big red one. You guys know that movie? I don't know.

This isn't a classy group here. It's a war movie. I know the big red one. Yeah, of course. Bastone, Battle of the Bulge. Dirty dozen. Okay. No keys.

Flex. Yeah. What do you think you live America more than me? You're trying to tell me you love the USA more? Yeah, I bet the kickball or bad That never fucking worked And you could also, yeah, it's brutal I like a kickball

I love a kickball Kickball's underrated Maybe you can do kickball with a soccer ball I'm pretty sure I've done That's all right That's not horrible You can never kick a basketballs don't kick No trying to kick basketball

It pings real fucking hard Yeah they stink All right let's see here This is from Suley $10 Canadian Bozo here Is it garbage if you and the other groomsmen have pizza? It's all choked up. Oh, man, I'm all choked out.

Keep he's going through puberty. I know. You and the other groomsmen have pizza delivered to the church while you're waiting for the groom to walk down the aisle. Joe, List, what do you think? That seems like something in your family would do, though, if I'm being honest. I mean, look who you're talking to here. We're all pizza every wedding. In fact, one of the reasons, oh, yeah, after my wedding, like the receptionee, you have the reception, whatever.

But that's over. We all pizza, like. stacks of pizza. Yeah. That's a classy move. Big pizza guy. So I think delivering pizza, you're always hungry, you're nervous. Also, everyone's drinking from a flask in the wedding party.

Everyone's got a flask in their jacket. So you're getting boozed up. You don't want to get too drunk. It's classy where I come from. Yeah, I'm going to get it to them. I like it. We were always, Philly was always very, you know, you would do like the, if you were in the wedding, you would go to the ceremony and then like the party, you know, all the

groomsmen and groomed brides or whatever would get on like a bus or something to go take pictures. And on that bus. there would be a bunch of coolers with booze and soft pretzels. Oh, that's classic. Did you do the trolley? In Philly, they have this one trolley that they all use. Yeah, no trolley over here.

You might use a duck boat in Boston. That's big bucks. If I could find that check, maybe. We'll see. The place that you have now, is this the newest, nicest apartment you've been in? Right? Has to be. It's the nicest, but it's,

smaller than my old apartment. I had a great apartment in Astoria. This is much smaller, but a nicer building, nicer location. Got the doorman. We got a doorman. We got a little balcony. We got her by the water. You got a pool? We don't have a pool. But our neighbor, Karen Feen, our best bud, she's got a pool. In her building. Yeah, that we... Can you go over there? We do. Do you wear the hockey sweater? No, no. She sets us up. She pays, and then we're always like, we'll pay you back, but then we don't. Hmm. Trashy, dirt bag.

Sneaking his family over to another building. Left my wall, my other hockey store. And then everyone, all the people at the pool are like, which building do you live in? We're like, I. Building. We live in the building. Don't worry about it. Yeah.

We're here. That's pretty nice. You got a nice view, though. It's a nice view. And we got, yeah, it's awesome. You got a parking garage with the apartment? Not with it. No, I have to pay for that, too.

They really suck you dry in this town. That guy's really a fucking man at night. I have, well, currently. I don't have a cut. My car. Now, you want to talk family. My car, I drove to Massachusetts to see the family.

My check engine late came on. My father's like, you've got to get that checked out. You better get that checked out. Dad's freak out about that. So I went in. They're like, you need a new transmission. What? They ended up paying for the train.

The car company did because it only was like 50,000 miles. Nissan, famously bad transmissions. They covered it, but it was going to take days. So I had to take the train back or rented a car. I came back. Now my car is in Massachusetts. I can't get it. back. I told my parents, why don't you come down to visit the baby, drive the car down.

There you go. See the baby. I'll buy you dinner. Take the bus back home. And they go. Yeah, how do they get home? They take a train. Talk about a flaw in the movie. They take the train, but they won't, they won't drive in the city. They can't drive in the city. Oh my God. They won't drive in the city. My mom from Philadelphia, 90 minutes away. Yeah. Would never even think of a tenting it. No, she's like, we can't do it. A bridge, a tunnel. Get the Fuck out of it. Gang, we got a brand new merch alert, and we've kicked it up a notch, baby. Achi-Machi.

Kippy, show him. We got hats. Boom, hit him with the AYG hat. Look at the YG hat. Quality. We got a classic Bernie's dad hat. We got comfort colors teas. Upgraded to T's heavyweight teas for heavy white boys.

We got Uncle Henry's menswear. We got Kippie's racing T-shirt. Kippie's racing T's. We got the Bass Pro Shop knockoff. No big deal. How you done? We got the Palm Breakfast Spot. Look at that.

Run, send backs, gang. And then get it for St. Patty's Day. Limited Run. Kiss me. I'm trash shirt. Give it to it. Give it to a classy broad near you. That's real as you. Are you Garbage.com.

Did you have to go to a Nissan dealership or just a regular mechanic? I went to a dealership. Did you buy new or used? I bought it used. I bought a 2018 and 2020. Cash. Boom. This guy got $5,800 on them.

Cash, cash or a check? A check. Okay. And I mailed it. It'll be there. in three to four months. But I pulled a baller class move. I said, I'm going to pay.

They were like, it's going to be installments, whatever, because they want you to have their hooks in you. Sure. And I said, no, no, I got cash. And they said, oh, we don't do that. And I said to them, I write a check for $18,000 right now. You're not taking it? And they went, well, let me check to the manager.

And he came back. I said, we'd love to take it. It's the coolest I've ever been in my life. Yeah, there you know. Who's turning away cash? That's crazy. Yeah. Also, I love you sitting across from a finance guy.

I cut you a check for $18,000 right now. We can't do business. With this sweatshirt off. I had my money guy in my ear. He was telling me all the lines like Newman. Tell me right. I'm a check. Legally,

you have to take this. It's American currency. But yeah, so now my car, now I'm paying for a garage with no car in it. My dad's driving it around. I got word for my sister. She's on the inside.

She's like, you know, dad's driving your car. He's driving the car up there, but won't drive it down here for you? You're goddamn straight. What's his day-to-day car? He has no car. We got, we got, we got problems.

My dad has no car? Well, they share a car. He's a little bit. Now he's got my car. Your mom and dad have one car. Yeah. What kind of car is it? It's like a Toyota

CRV maybe, something like that, some kind of thing. It's least, yeah, it's not. They're both retired, though. No, no, they're still working. What? Yeah. How do they get to work? One drives the other one and then drives back.

No kidding. Yeah, it goes and picks her up. It's like a Norman Rockwell up there. It's like Angela's ashes. We got, we know, we got. got some problems. I'd love to help them, but I'm living down in and head. I'd drown it.

I'd love to help them. I just lost all my money. I pick up the tab here. Would you tell, okay, here's the thing. Would you tell your parents you spent $170 on a sweatshirt? Everyone's, they know quality when they say. They know this isn't Sears, baby. This ain't Sears and Robo.

Look at Joe walking around in his fancy sweater. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they know. They get it. Okay. Did you spoil them for Christmas this year? He's letting him use the car. I gave him a fucking car, for Christ's sakes.

No, we don't really do, I got him some gift cards. I got like a Home Depot for my dad, and then I got a $100 gift card. But we try not to spend money because they spend the money on the kid, and then everybody's a little short on cash up there. I'm with you. Yeah. Very nice. It feels a little silly to be, oh, here's this.

Oh, I got you this. Yeah, no, I agree with that at a certain age. And, you know, with the dynamic, it's tough. It's not toys. I don't give a shit. Right. hated. It's got to be something like special, some person. Hey, I found

his autographed Seinfeld script or something like that. Yeah, that'd be a little... You would like that. I don't think your dad would be fucking chomping it to get his answer. Well, if I found a Partridge family... On a table... script and gave it to her, you know. Sure. This one's about parents and cars as well.

This is from Chris. Is it garbage if your mom is the primary driver even when your dad's in the car? That's a tough look. I mean, I never saw that in my life. My dad could drink 450 Captain Cokes. He's driving the car. I have never once ever in my life

seen my father in the passenger seat and my mother driving. I've been in the car and I want to admit I have had stepmom two sets of parents and I want to admit who it was but the gentleman had said to the lady, I'm okay I got it. I was in the backseat like I don't think we're okay. I don't think he has it.

No, no. I mean I cannot even visualize my dad in the passenger seat with my mother driving. I do it sometimes now because my wife doesn't drink and I'll have a cocktail or two. Sure. Which then... He'll get all fucked up.

I'll get all fucked up. Not really, but even if I had like two, you know... We just went out for our anniversary. Yeah, it's like, why am I going to drive even with two beers, you know? Sure. Yeah. Two Manhattan. I mean, when I'm in Texas, Sarah will drive because it's her mother's car, so she'll drive around.

And she's okay for a girl. I respect that. That's fun. But then a lot of times, if we're going far, I'll take the wheel. I just got... Of her mom's car. Yeah. Once we get out of you.

You'll drive her mom's car. Yeah. Well, you know, I'm a man. These bitches don't know what to do. Not at all. They don't know how to drive a car. It's always odd when you're sitting in the passenger seat of your car. Yeah.

Yeah, that's funky. Yeah. I mean, when I was drinking, this is always so funny to me. When I was drinking, I was never afraid of dying. I was only afraid getting arrested. I don't know I get arrested. So I would give it to the drunkest person ever. I'm like, hey, you get arrested in my car.

Oh, I never did that. I like captain in the ship. Right. Yeah. One time we switch sides. My buddy was driving and he was drunk. We pulled into a Denny's parking lot and I wasn't drinking. And we just literally just went around the car real quick.

And the cop was right behind us. And he's like, who's driving? And I was like, no, you weren't he was. I was like, nah. I was like, all right. Sucker. Nice. Got him.

Told him to beat it. Beat it. That's what that song's about. All right. Cut that. That was worth in the Valentine's Day candy. I hit the brakes on that. Sorry.

And then nothing happened. You know what is? I'm too hot in the sweatshirt. Take it off. I got a bra on under this I got a new car My wife keeps going Like I came into work yesterday

And she's just like oh What's the Because we You have a number at our lot Like I want to you call and say hey I need car number 62 or whatever Sure And she's like what's the number of the new car

And I'm like yeah Smugin or whatever Like I'm just Because I don't want her driving the new car I'm nervous her driving the new car Does she want to take it? Yeah She's like, I want to go to the grocery store.

I want to go to Jersey. I want to go to the mall. I want to take the baby here. And I'm like, yeah, it's all the way in the back of the lot. You know, it's a whole thing. You're not going to drive the car. It's a big car. She's not used to the big cars.

And it's in Manhattan, a technique. You're insured. I know. I'm shocked. You usually pretty loose with that stuff. Yeah. Well, you get older. You buy that car.

Now, I used to have always, I only overdrove hand-me-down cars, a dead grandfather, a different dead grandfather, a dead grandmother. And then I would be like, who wants to drive? my car take the car i'd be throwing the keys around my back and then i bought a car cash don't touch it and now i'm like no one's driving my fucking car yeah there's like there's values every car i ever had was like smack it was like just a piece of shit i mean yeah who cares driving around but now your dad's up there driving around in your car i know i don't care for it he's a nut too and he likes to whack him back with a new transmission too brand new probably humming probably double clutching i didn't know it's

on a stick is it no god no do you know how to drive stick I was taught to drive stick in a cemetery parking lot by Tom Dustin And Tommy that's so funny Boy and then he was like I've never seen anyone pick up on this this fast and then I was whizzing all around He's like it's like crazy he's like seriously I've never seen anything like it like he's the the main stick teacher He's a big stick guy you know what I mean no one ever in his crazy I cruised around and went around town and I was driving that stick like fucking you know a guy who drives stick well And then I've never driven stick since

that. That was 18 years ago. Go out on top, baby. I think, yeah, I mean, I think I could get it done, but it wouldn't be pretty probably. They still make them, right? Yeah, it's like a few per se. It's like a couple of percent. My car in high school was stick. Yeah. Yeah. What was it?

Well, how far out of high school are you? He's like 26. I'm 28. Like 10 years ago. Hot. You got it keeps getting hot. I'll keep me around. I'll pay for you a hotel. Two nights. That's it.

All right. Let's see here. It's just funny. It's just from doggy dingleberries. You ever poop in a winter coat? I think you got to take the winter coat off if you're... That's an away game. I got to tell you, I just did this. So did I.

Like a few, I don't want to say minutes ago, but like two days ago at the airport. Literally two days ago. You don't take the jacket off and hang it. I'm afraid I poop on the back of it. There was no hook and it was a bit of an emergency. And I thought, should I put it on my suitcase? But it was like, it was ready. It was rattling the cages.

How puffy of a winter coat are we talking? Very puffy. Really? Big puff. Huh. Yeah. How'd you wipe like that? I just,

I kind of pulled it up with the left hand and then wipe at the right hand. But I was nervous. I would be nervous the rest of the day that I have shit on my day. Yeah. I mean, I'm nervous for that. I do. That's my,

sometimes I'll take pictures of my butt that make sure I got nothing going on there. I poop in the lobby in my building a lot because it's, uh, it's a quiet little spot. Nobody goes in there. So like if I'm coming home. If I'm coming home, huh?

I'll leave the house. Yeah, I'll go down there and do my business. You know, take the elevator down. stretch my legs a little bit. It's quiet in there. It's bigger than my bathroom.

It's one of the craziest things. Really? Yeah. Yeah, it's wild. I don't like this one. And I doubt the neighbors are thrilled by it. Nobody knows you're in there. Nobody uses it.

There's two bathrooms in our building no one goes into. One in the gym and one in the lobby. And I use them both. Okay. Like an extended living room. But I went in there and I have my winter cone on. I was like, I got to take this office. It's like Plain L.

I think Plano is putting something to my food. Tell my wife, I'm in my office. Um, yeah, I don't know. I, I stop trying to, I don't love doing away games. Are you okay with an away game? I try to, I try to not. I shit at the gym if I have to, but I try to always shit at home. I like a home shit.

Yeah. Same with the hotel on the road. I'm like Starbucks shit, I can't do it. Wait. I try not to do it. I can, but I don't want to. You don't shit in your hotel room. Yeah, yeah, that's what I made.

I got to get back to the hotel. Gotcha. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I just mean, like, I won't shit in the restaurant. I'll save it up.

A hundred bro. Because I want to take the pants off. I want to get half a boner, read, whatever, watch YouTube. I'm with you. Have the shower as an option if things get hairy. You know what I mean? You get one of those rogue wipes that goes up the side. I got to get right in the shower.

Buddy, you're speaking my language. My percentage of that is about, I don't know, 30%. Yeah, same. I'm getting in the shower after. That's a high number. I like to be fresh. Yeah. That bad?

You got a removable. shower head? No. So where are you going to do like a lean and... Just take a shower. I know, but how do you get up in the hole? He puts his hand in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you mean, normal?

The shower, the water comes down. I put my butt again towards the shower and I... I know, but you get the removable shower head. You just jam that shower head right in there. Blast it out. Sure. I guess. Highly recommend.

Huh. Interesting. Wait, when you do that, are you only washing your bottom? You're not taking a whole shower? No, I take a whole shower, but then when it comes time for my animal, So I put that showerhead right in there. You guys know. Look, I'm with it.

You don't have a removable shower head. Yeah. But if you do, if you do. That's trash. It's going on my ass. Yeah. Removal shower head. That's classy.

No, that's classic. I just got, I had to get a new bathroom and they're like big and then the middle of it pops. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, it's nice. I don't like that. I don't like the, what you mean, it's on the, it's on like a post next to the regular shower. No, that's classy too. Yeah.

You can move that up. I can never work those, though. Yeah, you're not a sharp guy. Nah. Kind of an idiot. Okay. Same. Hey, did you mail your entire savings to a...

To yourself? To a guy. That I've never done. I couldn't imagine going into a bank and doing that. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to leave him. I'm going to go straight to the bank and say, hey, give me that money back. Yeah.

Yeah, they can put a stop on it. Yeah. Cancel to check. But, like, you have to wait a certain amount of time for it to clear to get back. Yeah, that's not going to go right back. into your account. No. But at least no one will have it.

It's just closing. He's like such a fuck up. Yeah. But that's what he told me to do. He's a money guy. I don't trust these money guys. Mm-mm. Yeah.

Should have gave it to me. I want to take care of all the same. Fuck. I'll put it in the market a little bit. Yeah. He knows what he's doing. I mean, this market, GOP. What do you like, Bitcoin?

S&M, whatever. Savings account. He can't lose it in a savings. No, you lose in a savings. No. It goes down. It goes down. You want your money working for you

Luke knows everything This guy is smart as fuck He looks a rich kid Yeah He leaves it somewhere It doesn't touch it Because it's compounding You got to compound interest

On the principal Yep That annoys about finance a little bit Mr. Building Is that they use different words For words that we would know You know what I mean They want to fuck you up

It's like to keep dumb people It's like tennis scores Yeah capital and dividends And all that shit It's just profit Right Capital's not Capital is money.

Capital is money. Working capital, yes. Dividends is what you make off that money. It's more like the leftover. It's what you get them when you buy a stock that gets paid out every year. It's just a little bit. Yeah, see, I don't know. I don't know what NASDAQ is.

I don't know what NASDAQ is. I don't know what SNM is. S&P, whatever the fuck it is. What is with the fucking tennis score? What's the problem with that? Cost has a great analogy. 40 love. Yeah, I mean, the French literally did it to keep.

the lower the lower class people out they see I respect that yeah yeah yeah I like that I'm a big tennis guy tennis guy classy I'm going tennis tournament this weekend where in Austin I got a hookup who's playing Venus Williams is in it and Jessica Pagula it's a ladies tournament singles oh yeah Cocoa golf now it's a smaller tournament but I told my son I go we're gonna go we might meet some lady tennis players and he went a little bit a little bit of ham a little bit of hamlet dog in that boy. Like father like son, huh?

Chip off the old block. A couple of Liras down there. Yeah, I'm going to meet a couple of girls. You got good seats? I got where I'm free Roman baby. I got the ins. I got a hook up. And it connect through the comp, like the.

Did somebody get you the? No, it's a guy of a Tuesday. His wife works for the tennis. Tennis Association. So I got to meet some people. I met Francis Tiafo. I don't know if you know. He's no big, big foe.

Black guy, right? I mean, I try not to I knew you were going to leave me hanging on that one. Who's the Australian guy, everybody thinks is kind of a dick? The one that kind of yelled at Ben Stiller. Oh, oh, oh, but he was yelling at the guy next to Ben Stiller. I like that guy. I think that guy's got an attitude.

What's the, God, you put me on the spot. Now I can't think of it. Nick Curios. Yeah, he was yelling at the guy next to Ben Stiller, but he used Stiller as an example. But then people spun it as though he was yelling at him. Yeah, he's a lot. Well, you lean on anybody to get,

Do you have a ticket guy? No ticket guy. But I'll email the old car. The old pooch. Yeah, we've emailed like people. I'm like, hey, can we get this? And then they'll be like, we're working on it. And then they come back.

Yeah, we got no luck on that. Well, lately, they throw your name out. And people go, yeah, we're good. Well, lately, the last few times I've hit up one of the companies, I don't want to say, for tickets, they're like, we can get you a face value. And I'm like this. Yeah, what the fuck face value? Like I'm a fucking Johnny Jericho.

Yeah. I'm like, I thought I was getting the hookup. But, you know, what can you do? Wait, that's crazy. That's like the last six times in a row. Does that mean that they're selling you the ticket? No, they're a hold. They hold tickets for the artists, but then they don't,

the artist doesn't want to give you the ticket, I think, so you're paying for the, like. What the fuck? Face value. Yeah, yeah. That's like when. You want my 72.50? 702.50 is not getting you any show these days. It's like 350 bucks for a concert now.

Sure. WME's got it. Yeah, they got that cash. Believe me, I know. We get screwed at every angle here. Yep. I got no connects. You're going to dress up for the tennis tournament?

Yeah, what do you wear? Please don't wear that. Your liquid death sweatpants? It's hockey, maybe. Are you working? I'll wear some, you know, yes, probably it's Austin. It's going to be 60 degrees. So probably some sketchy pants and.

What you would wear on a flight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a T-shirt. You're not dressing up. Yeah, yeah. If you would, when you go to the U.S. Open, do you dress up a little bit for that? No. If you went to Wimbledon, would you dress up for that?

Wimbledon, I think they make you. They fucking hit you with a cattle product. You got to wear white. Yeah. It's crazy. So I'll probably, if I go to Wimbledon someday, I'll dress up. I don't like to, it's hard to dress. It gets all wrinkly.

It's the worst. Telling two fat guys. Yeah. Everything's all wrinkly. You look, I got a jackass. I can't do it. Look good for two seconds. Exactly.

And I can't iron. I'm not taking out an iron on the road. Oh, that's a good way. Oh, you're not taking one out. Yeah, I'm not going to fucking spritz it and do the thing. I'm always afraid of burning my shirt or myself. Do a steamer? Take a steamer?

Steamer suck. Yeah, that only do they work. They suck. It doesn't work. They suck. Steamer is a fight. It's a fucking rip-off. Do you know how to iron, like the technique of it?

Vaguely. I think you press the button. You press the button that spritzes and then you rub it, but not too much. Do you guys ever talk? Did somebody show? Really? Dude, I had an iron at a young age. My mother ironed every single.

day on a table though she had put a beach towel on the table that's old and ironed it on the table huh yeah no ironed you grew up in the depression what was she hired my dad's shirts not your clothes no I've been wearing this since I I talk about this I've never changed style you can go to any year I'm wearing running sneakers black sweatpants a rock and roll t-shirt my hair just push back that there's not one moment of me in my life that you can be like oh remember that yeah yeah yeah yeah an American original There's no, I never had any, whatever these things were, the lines.

I never pegged my pants. I never wore. Pegged your pants. What did you do? That's what we call it. Taper them. Yeah, taper them up. Really?

You didn't roll them up? Tight ones. I never had like, what's the thing when you blew on it and changed the color, hypercolor. Pussy. What? Blue on it and changed. Freaky freezer. There was shirts.

It was like hypercolor shirts. Where did you grow up? Pull that up. Me? No. Yeah. That was big. You guys didn't have that?

Shirts that change color? Yeah, hypercolor shirts. Hypercolor shirts, yeah. What? You must have had that. I had match boxes that would do that and you would put him in cold water. Similar. Hypercolor shirt, you'd blow on it and it would turn a different color.

I didn't have none of that. Would it then go back? I don't know. I think so. You wearing mood ring shirts? He's just horny all the time. Dude, this is going to be big. People are going to be writing it.

I said I never did. Other people did. You remember? Well, you don't remember, but you're really. reading about it. This kid's 14. I don't know what that I'm talking about. Hypercolor had a moment. I'm not wearing those changing colors shirts.

Let me get eyes on this. I'm sorry. You're going to get a lot of emails about hypercolor. I remember freaky freezers, the gloves. Oh, I never had freaky freezers. Now who's the asshole? Never had a whoopee five. Yeah, I don't remember. Early 90s.

Did you have the LA light shoes ever? I never had those, but that was a bit. And there was a big myth that like a guy robbed a bank and then he ran to the woods and they found it. I remember my dad. telling his boys that on the side of like a soccer field and they were dying. That was big. It was probably shrouded in some amount of racism there. Like these fucking dummies, they run around.

I don't think you're wrong. I think you're pretty dead on it. Yeah. That's what they're doing that story. They saw him under the bush. Yeah. He's hiding in the bushes. Wasn't there a story about that guy that started through sneakers that he got in trouble

or something like that? The founder of that sneaker company? LA lights? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe. I wouldn't surprise me.

Why would you pin me down to know that info? I don't know. I'm trying to have a conversation. You two were fucking stonewall. What about Reebok pumps? I'm no stone. I'm not stoning. You left me hanging on the Valentine's Day stuff.

I thought I hadn't been introduced at that point. I would have jumped in. I thought I had to wait. I would have told you how bad it was right away. I had to wait for my thing. But do you remember Reebok pumps? Yeah. Yeah, that was.

I thought only NBA players could wear those. You didn't go for that ice. I had Reebok pumps. You did. I think my parents like fucking saved up and got me those and the only thing I would do with them is get them as tight as I could possibly could have them let out the The longest possible that was big. Yeah, I never had any cool shit like that now. What about the the wrist things that you hit? Those were big. I would buy those last party What are they called?

Snap bracelet? Snap bracelet Yeah, something like that Did you ever do like the fake cigarettes? Not the candy cigarettes. There used to be fake cigarettes. The ones with gum had a little bit No, not even that. There was There was this place party city used to sell. They were just like... I don't think so. I think Sarah has those now, though, for sketches.

Yeah. Wait, there wasn't candy or anything? We had candy cigarettes for sure. Yeah, candy cigarettes. No, these were like fake cigarettes. Huh. You could pull some smoke out of it. I don't know if it was like, I don't know what it was.

But that's why I started smoking. Get a pack of them. You should sue them. What? Sue them. Okay. Got money. Have a million check.

Let's do one more, and then we can wrap it up. here uh let's see i'm schvitzin you gotta be dying i'm dying in this switcher it's horrible it is horrible no breathing uh this is from adam fries ten dollar homie is it garbage to take a cup of coffee into the exam room on your annual physical yeah that's not good i i feel any outside food or beverage should not be entering the doctor's domicile i got in trouble for that a few times during the pregnancy because we'd go to get the x-ray what do the fuck you call it uh Ultrasound. Ultrasound.

And I would have my cup of tea. And they would be like, you can't. You got to take that out. And you're like, cup of tea. Come on, Larry, you know me. Yeah, so I don't think it's a good look. Yeah. I would do it.

How comfortable when you're in there by yourself when you go to your doctor, how comfortable do you get when you're waiting for the doctor? Do you remain on the examination thing or will you sit in a regular chair? Are you opening drawers? No, I'm shitting my pants. I sit there. I'm terrified. I'd shake like a leaf and I almost cry.

Really? I never sit in the exam chair. As soon as I'm done getting my blood pressure, I get out of that. I'll lean up against the counter. Playing it real cool. Yeah. I'm not sitting there like a sucker. I'll sit in his chair.

I'll sit in a little stool. No, I'm scared. Even talking about the doctor triggers me. Really? I freaked out right now. I got high blood pressure. No, blood pressure is good. Really?

Surprisingly. What about you? Yeah, I'm a little high. I was. Oh, boy. I got to go to an annual physical. Because I haven't had a physical. I went, I did a physical two years ago.

Oh, boy. I know the doctor a lot. You're going tomorrow. I got a stress test tomorrow. You say I'm a goner? Yeah. Stress test, but I thought that's for blood pressure or no. It's for your heart.

Just in general. Yeah. But your blood pressure is good. That's huge. Yeah, good blood pressure. Take a coffee. Jack it up. Yeah.

That's the thing I'm worried about tomorrow. If I can't run fast enough on the treadmill to get my heart rate up to a certain thing, they give you a drug that jacks up your heart rate. And it doesn't feel good. I don't feel like you're dying. Oh, Jesus. So we got that going for us. Yeah.

I'll tell you guys about my buddy when he was drinking and driving and we switched to box. I'm going to get my check. We got to wrap up. We're falling apart here. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Joe List. Jolton Joe, baby.

What a country. The USA kid always a pleasure. Yeah. Joe, you know we love you, buddy. I love being here. I love you guys. Plug away. Anything you got coming out.

Oh, geez. I almost forgot. Well, Tom Dustin movie is still up on there. Which is phenomenal. Home rock. Thank you. Yes. Please.

It's six bucks. for God's six. That's there. And then I'm coming to Fort Laudan. I'm there for the Miami Open. I'm traveling around going to tennis matches. I love tennis. Really?

Because I'm classy. And you're pairing that with the tour a little bit? Well, Tommy Pucciani, my guy. He knows what I like. And then Providence Comedy Connection in April and going back home to be the garbage, living the garbage that I hail from. But yeah. And then Punch Up Live.

Are you guys on Punch Up? Yeah, I think. I love PunchUp. It's a great website. PunchUp.com. slash Joe List. Bunch of stuff on their YouTube. I got four specials on YouTube.

One of the best. Joe List, everybody. What do you got for them? Guys, we're on the road. I think Austin might be sold out. We're not adding the show's. Fifth show added in Tampa. Get those tickets.

Chicago's selling out. LA. Get them. The comedy club. Get those tickets now. We love you. Joe, we love you. Thank you.

Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Hey.