Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - How to Quit Your Job w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! Through the Roof Tour: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp, BetterHelp: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Mack Weldon: https://mackweldon.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Gang, the Are You Garbage? Card Game second edition is now 20% off. Wee, blowout sale, baby. It's over 50 of our favorite questions that you've seen from the show all available in a card game. Are you garbage dot com 20% off while supplies last. Yeah, moving merch. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
Starting point is 00:00:22 The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that the group to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash garbage. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition.
Starting point is 00:00:53 She's upstairs watching small wrestling tapes. Okay, well WrestleMania one is a her her vers the Undertaker got money on it. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and let me tell you folks something. Next time you're reaching for a best pal, do yourself a favor. Making a kippy. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, what up, gang? Mr. Neptune. Ooh, king of the boards. Come find me this summer. Come
Starting point is 00:01:19 find me, baby. Ducking for cover under the boardwalk. Swimming in my t-shirt. How you doing? What up gang? Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate view subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube as you know Those numbers are true to rap cooking and obviously the greatest website of all time over there You pull your little computer or tablet your Kindle whatever you got you go over to www.patreon.com slash are you garbage you get all the bonus content for the last three years, baby. A lot going on over there on that Patreon. Got the New Ireland video drop not too long ago.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Bada-bing, bada-boom. You get bonus episodes. You get hard feelings. You get a lot of stuff over there. Good time. How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, that old magic man. Makes us all look good.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours. His shorts are shorts, but the wiener is long. Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins. Toby McMullen, everybody. How you doing there, kid? Well, I'm doing great, man. What up, T-Bone? All right. Sounds like you're not.
Starting point is 00:02:13 Oh, well, I got it. I'm losing it, dude. Everything's cool. Sounded like you were on the edge. I was doing great until I found out we got bugs in our brain from all this Fiji water we've been guzzling. Yeah, stop with that. Big man tried to be cool and jammed the kids up.
Starting point is 00:02:27 Come on. I got Fiji brain, dude. Those are rich guy worms. Ha ha ha ha. They're getting smarter. They're in there giving you stock tips. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Yeah, we're jammed up. We're off. We've got to be off to Fiji. Every nothing's good for you. I thought I was hydrating by drinking 30 bottles of that a day. Wrong. It's like finding out Mercedes makes your hair fall out, make your wieners small.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Hey, I don't what the hell is that supposed to mean? I just put that together. I wouldn't even think that's true. Talking about a recall. Stop taking from the top. We're not going. I don't like this episode. I have a question for you boys I'm not sure if we've ever covered this personally, but I saw it a couple of days ago and it was
Starting point is 00:03:14 Refreshing to see or I was happy for the person. I saw a guy walk out of his job. Oh In front of me big. Yeah respect get it at a big chain pharmacy I don't want to give any names away, okay, shmaine shmeat Shmivy smash, okay Packed line getting yelled at one person wasn't doing nothing. He's behind a register Just as fuck this really walked right out. Ha walked right out had a had a had a Tank top underneath his shirt, took the shirt off, threw it right out the door. That's very much the half baked. Right in the middle of summer, baby.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Yeah. Hey, you know, he had plans to like, that's the best when you all your boys are somewhere and you're like, you know what? I could still make happy hour. I'll see you later. And that's good. If he was a real legend, he would have turned around, grab a bottle of Perks. Pop two school buses on the way out. Taking his nicotine gum and these flowers. And I'm leaving.
Starting point is 00:04:14 Grabs a box of rubbers. And dude, I mean, like it was chaos in there. All right, there was there's something wrong with the self check out or something like that that wasn't working. And it was it was chaos in there. All right, there was something wrong with the self-checkout or something like that that wasn't working. And it was two of them back there and the one wasn't doing anything. And everybody was, oh no.
Starting point is 00:04:32 And I literally just looked at it and like, yeah, you go ahead, dude. I'll wait, I'll wait. Oh, you meant the guy, I thought you meant the guy working the pharmacy. What? I thought it was the guy in a lab coat with a tank top underneath.
Starting point is 00:04:44 That's a goddamn career. That ain't a job. That guy's got Benny's and stuff. You would have heard it on the news because I would have ransacked the joint. Are you kidding me? No watchful eye. Nobody garden the safe? What are you nuts? I would have put the lab coat on and went back there and started filling prescriptions. Who wants what? Let's go. Couple of kickers in there with the antibiotics.
Starting point is 00:05:05 I really respect it. You don't see it enough anymore. I feel like it used to happen a lot. I don't think I've ever seen it personally in my life. I've wanted to do it so many times. You've never walked out. Never walked out. I have.
Starting point is 00:05:17 You have? Yeah, when I was doing that... I get up and leave. When I was doing that... I was doing that telemarketing and you can both kiss my ass dude pops in with the rubbers you ready man? Oh I've done it twice I quit an internship an unpaid internship wow pulled up crazy hung over great like crazy hung over.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Was Arby's where you were? No as I was working man as I was working at a used forklift battery plant That was your input is that you wanted to be your I needed something educational focus Broken n64 controller factory it's just a bunch of duck hunt guns I never told you a loser. What were you doing working there? I needed an internship It was sales and marketing is this in college. Yeah She's uh-huh. I was in my mom's car like 1999 Chevy bravado or whatever bravado whatever it was remember that was like a bad Jimmy
Starting point is 00:06:24 It was like it was like Jimmy's slower brother Very Jimmy esque or the blazer they came out with those whatever. I was in that hate the Jimmy has still yeah I got all drunk the night before drove down I had so hungover so so chugging a Gatorade and a wah-wah It's so hungover so so chugging a Gatorade and a wah-wah sizzly and the guy waved it He like pulled up at this I had to be in a nine. It was like 858 I was parked in there parked in the parking lot was a dirt road I should say it was not it was not a paved parking lot and he waved at me. I got see you there I was like, yeah, I was like what these motherfuckers ain't paying me
Starting point is 00:07:01 Fucking kicked up some dust on the way out Left them hanging like Joe dirt grabs another sizzling and me fucking kicked up some dust on the way out. Left them hanging like Joe Dirk. Grabbed another sizzling kept it moving. I did it. I did it, too. I have the reason I brought it up is I assume you've walked out of a restaurant job before. No, I've been asked to leave. Skeevy stoner that you are. But I I've done it three times.
Starting point is 00:07:21 I I stormed out at a dog daycare I was working at. Not bragging. Oh, man. Oh, I did. That sucks. There was I remember you it three times. I stormed out at a dog daycare I was working at, not bragging. Oh, man. Oh, I did. That sucks. I remember you telling me this. Yeah, there was a guy, the guy who ran, who was like the manager, he was dating the owner.
Starting point is 00:07:34 Big, he looked like Mario from Super Mario, guy named Todd, real thick Chicago accent. I'm Todd. Yeah, maybe the worst guy I've ever met. I'm Todd and it smells like shit in here. Toby, get back to work. They would They would leave us unattended but had security cameras and he would sit in his apartment and watch us But you never knew when he was watching I respect that I want to be that I want to do that in here
Starting point is 00:07:55 I'm gonna make sure all these cams are on and then he would see something he didn't like and the drive from his apartment to The place was like 10 15 minutes So he would get in this big-ass van just tweak the whole way over, just going, I need some more. He was, yeah, he's already fighting. You know you're down bad when he's been fighting with you for 10, 15 minutes. You walk in, you're like, oh, I'm gonna fight like that.
Starting point is 00:08:13 Like you don't know what's happening. He comes in hot. So you're in a room with like 20 to 30 loose dogs that you finally get to all chill out, they're taking naps. And then he would bust in and go, what are you stuck on, stupid? What were you not doing? I don't't know man, he just hated everything he was a piece shit
Starting point is 00:08:30 Probably in there smoking weed or something no my get the dog getting a beagle loose my boy work there And he was like one night. He was like if Todd died. I would not only not be sad. I would be happy Nothing like hating your boss man. Yeah, so he busted in one day, he started screaming at me. I just cleaned a dog, a dog had that diarrhea shit all over himself. I cleaned this dog, beautiful dog, love the dog. And he came in screaming and I was wearing a little smock from the, it was black with bones and hearts on it. Oh, cute.
Starting point is 00:08:59 Yeah. I would have kept that. This is my smock, by the way. And he's screaming at me and I was like, you know what, man? I'm through with this. I took the smock off, and I went to throw it on the ground. But it was way too small, way too light. It just kind of floated.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Loser. I thought there'd be more dense. I thought that'd be a little more dense. Pick up a little more velocity on the way down. I'm going to go put a can of soda in there, and come back and throw it on the ground again. Thank you, that right there. That was a thing they did back in the day
Starting point is 00:09:22 that I don't think they do anymore. Remember when you needed something, they would take it out of your first check. Do you remember that? Like a uniform or like, oh yeah, they'd be like, oh, well, that you don't need the what it'll come out of your check. I remember being like, I got banged down. Let me wear a t-shirt then. What the hell?
Starting point is 00:09:37 Oh yeah, man. Um, stuff for like the aprons and shirts and stuff like that. Yeah. Oh yeah. I remember being like, who the fuck? That first check, man, when you're jammed up, that that's a three week endeavor because they're like, well, it holds a week. And then in three weeks, you came in in the middle of a processing where every two weeks you go a month without getting without wetting your beak.
Starting point is 00:09:58 The fuck you think I'm doing here? I got the money now. I'm not independently wealthy. Yes. Spot. We're not doing this to get out of the house Man that shit sucked. What was the other two times? Uh? Why was that your internship? That's crazy. I don't know I had an internship at Merrill Lynch Waiting table
Starting point is 00:10:19 Yeah about two weeks uh yeah, I did I don't know that I found it on Craigslist. Here in the mail room covered in paper guts. Which I believe they've since ceased business, Merrill Lynch, right? Can you give that a Google? I think they will. No, that was Lehman, bro. Merrill Lynch is still banging, I think. Are they? I thought.
Starting point is 00:10:38 Unless they're going to talk to my financial advisor. Hit me up. I'm sure they're operating in some sort of capacity. You got them on there? That seems like they're still banging. My name mentioned at all. Employee of the Month. Listen, well, I'm not, as you know, I'm not like a guy who likes going into organizations. And to get a sanctioned internship.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Okay, I go through the school like they had to fill out a requirement for your graduation was this in the summer was in the summer. Okay, no, it was like summer part time sales and market. I was going to put it on my I think like I would have got some sort of commission as well. Maybe all right. And I mean, I was mainly just I was so they say hey this summer after your freshman year, whatever you have to do an Internship who says that the school no for your major. No, okay. I just do it is To like build up my resume. That's your first problem. I know I don't know why I did a landscaping job
Starting point is 00:11:36 Cash money every Friday. I know but that's what they sold Graduated with a degree. I mean like yeah. Hey, well, I was mowing lawns. I didn't gonna fucking help your career Yeah, you know what I mean found that out the hard way. I mean, well, we both did help And we ended up in the same spot. So Always in Maryland talking about how to get grass stains out of your jeans Now if you get poison ivy Is what you want to where do you just keep the giz? Is that two stroke who's mixing the who's mixing the oil?
Starting point is 00:12:05 I'm walking through Maryland with a blower Clean this dump up. Oh, he got the headphones Time you guys usually take lunch Yeah, and then I quit that and I walked out of that already yeah, I left he saw me I didn't go in What a fat ass um Over I iced them to I didn't even let he called me like where the hell'd you go? I was like cuz I literally dusted you couldn't I didn't mean to disrespect them, but it was a dirt parking lot I wait he was standing out there. Hey. How you doing? I can't do that
Starting point is 00:12:41 Did you even stop her park? I was parked I was sitting in my car And and he parked like you know next to me and saw me. I was like hey What's up, or whatever? Just busted a u-turn got out of there. You literally kicked rocks. I did like yeah, I dusted them off. Pull it out of your mom's car Went back and took a nappy She's like the hell you doing home? They fired. They're cool. I sold all the batteries. They're out of stock.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Uh, I do. That's, that's how bad that job was. I was cold faxing. I wasn't even cold calling. Whoa. I would just get lists. I would like, I would get. Now what did they exactly sell? They refurbished batteries.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Yes. Like a forklift they used to, I don't know, I'm sure the technology has changed. The forklift battery used to be like the size of this leaf kind of. Okay. Maybe a little smaller, but it was like a big, big thing. And these guys would take off the top
Starting point is 00:13:37 and they had some process where they would like refurbish the battery through like osmosis or electrons or something. Just a sales pitch by the way. Yeah, well that's why I didn't close any deals. And- Do you have to wear a shirt and tie? No, it was literally in a factory. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:54 You know how like those factories like, in like Rudy or whatever, it's got like the little hut that's like, that's what I was just in a hut. Was it like those cauldrons going with like lava and stuff? No, but there was some place, there was like, there was chem's what I was just in a hut. Was it like those cauldrons going with like lava and stuff? Yeah, but there was some place there was like there was chem there was heavy chemies. And they also hired a bunch of ex con. So it was me and a bunch of guys who had gotten out of prison, like because he was like, I mean, I know at the time you're going to a somewhat accredited school.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Sure. Didn't you look around and say, hey, maybe this isn't. I am a dirtbag to me. I went all of my jobs leading up to I've never had to add a professional job. All my jobs have been in factories or digging ditches. Plus, you could church that up in there in the sales and marketing intern. Yeah, I was the best one, the only one, but I was the best one. I think they kind of dangled some money in my face, I presume. Making wet burritos in the snack. It It was bad dude, it was real bad.
Starting point is 00:14:48 And then I was a valet at a big car dealership service center. Right. We asked for a dollar more a raise and they said no. I said well then I'm out of here and they were like we will see you later sir. Hey they had some communist literature. They got some literature that's gonna change the way you think. Hey, that's some communist literature. You got some literature that's going to change the way you think. Yeah, I know that was my summer jobs. That was my go to dickhead move. Very dickhead move for sure. But I was a dumb kid.
Starting point is 00:15:12 I never did it. I've I've protested at work. In a way, I when I was cutting grass in North Carolina, we used to do this neighborhood. You lay in on a lawn going to protest, bro. I ain't weed whacking shit. Yeah, kind of. Welcome to the city, Dork.
Starting point is 00:15:31 The guy who was the foreman of the cutting crew, we would go to this one neighborhood once a week that probably had, I don't know, eight million houses in it. It was. That sounds about right. Dude, you were there all day from like seven to like nine at night, cutting every single lawn in the neighborhood. And I was on the, I was a weed whacker. So I would just go through and buzz all the beds and it would just be endless. There was no like, all right, we got done that one. We hop in a truck, you grab an iced tea, you do that. You were there
Starting point is 00:16:02 all day. It was brutal. And I can't remember what the deal was but it was me and it was all guys from a halfway house that this man we stink we just working with fucking rehab people and and ex cons yeah but do the one guy we were best friends and the foreman was so racist it was insane and he hated me because I was a Yankee and he hated the guy that I was boys with for other reasons. Sure. And man, we were we were like the best of friends just goofing around laughing and all that stuff. And at some point during the day, we just like stopped and
Starting point is 00:16:35 we're just sitting in this lady's backyard. Laying together on the lounge chair, got a my side going. Just chilling. Nothing's running. We're just sitting there hanging out and he comes walking around he's like what are you guys doing starts? Yelling at stuff like that. I'm like, so we're just just taking a break and whatever bubba bud. You're in a hammock I'm catching some Z's man. We're huffing gas Me and Marvin man. Shout out to Marvin. Hope he's out there doing well. Yeah, um I That's yeah, the show is sponsored by better help
Starting point is 00:17:06 Yes, sir gang if you got a lot of things going on in your life It's always good to talk to somebody about it It's even better to talk to a licensed therapist from the privacy of your home own own home about it All right Everybody's got things that they're dealing with talk therapy is something that can help you through life Doesn't have to be a big problem could be a small problem You just want to check in you want to bounce something off somebody better that can help you through life. Doesn't have to be a big problem, could be a small problem. You just want to check in, you want to bounce something off somebody. Better help can help.
Starting point is 00:17:28 It doesn't have to be a problem if you're celebrating a win. You know what I mean? Something's going good. You go, I want to stay, I want to, whatever's happening in my life is going well. What can I do to keep this rolling? Talk to somebody. They'll help you out to give you some tips. There you go.
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Starting point is 00:18:09 Ooh, love that ladder, baby. Gang, we're talking about ladder and you should be talking about it too. We all like to put things off. I do, brushing my teeth, staying up late, having my third dinner. Filing your taxes. But you don't wanna push off your insurance.
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Starting point is 00:18:40 What are we doing? They're at the top of the game here. Ladder policies are insured by insurers with long proven histories of paying claims. They are A rated and A plus by AM best. That's a lot of A's baby. Pack it up, put them in there. Let's go. Tell them Kippy sent you.
Starting point is 00:18:55 Finally, since life insurance costs more as you age, now's the time to take it off the list. So here's the turkey gang. Hit them. Go to ladderlife.com slash garbage today to see if you're instantly approved. That's ladder, L-A-D-D-E Go to ladderlife.com slash garbage today to see if you're instantly approved. That's ladder L.A. B.D. E.R. life dot com slash garbage. One more time. Get a pen, get a pencil.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Ladder life dot com slash garbage. Do it. Do it. I remember one time I was I had a buddy who served some prison time and we went down to Atlantic City and on the way home, we stopped at one of those rest stops on like, you know, it was like Farley's or whatever. Sure. Frank S. Farley. On the expressway. Means you're almost there, baby.
Starting point is 00:19:30 And Jersey, they pump your gas for you. So we pull up and I was driving and my buddy who had, you know, served the nickel was in the front seat. We were like, you know, taking him. It was like, he's like, we're reacclimate them. You know what I mean? He's off Alcares. Oh, he just got out. Like, you know. Nice. As of like he's like, we're reacclimate them. You know what I mean? He's off. Also, I just got out like, you know, nice as of recent or whatever. And we stop. And I just saw a video of a guy who just got out of prison. He was having a big Mac or a shot. I've died. But for some reason, I've
Starting point is 00:19:55 been getting those. He was he was having a burger for the first time. Man, it was actually kind of cool. We got to do that with him. I got to go down the shore like he hasn't been a while. Wouldn't six take them almost get him arrested They were trumped up charges Love you big guy um He uh, but we saw the guy pumping the gas. He's like holy shit. That's my boy from jail The guys like holy shit, that's my boy from jail. I think guys like, holy shit, is that you?
Starting point is 00:20:25 Is that the father got out and they hugged at the gas station. I was like, man, we're bringing people together out here at the joint. You got a girl already. You're in there driving. Come on, buddy. I love it. Yeah, that's all right, man. I've always wanted to do it.
Starting point is 00:20:40 Just never had the never had the stones to walk. I eventually got fired from that job. I think right around that time I got called into the owner's office and he knew this guy was a piece of shit. Did you think you were getting a promotion? Man, if you're in the office of a landscaping job, you are not in good shape. The owner was cool as shit. He was like this old like southern guy.
Starting point is 00:21:01 He was like real sharp, but he knew this foreman was a piece of shit because the guy was like abusive to he was like real sharp but he knew this foreman was a piece of shit because the guy was like abusive to us and like I said not a great guy. Oh yeah I'm sure the boss hated that. He's like I know he's a huge dick but he gets you to work for so cheap. He said something to say he's like I know he's a jerk but I can't have you on anymore or something like that. Like, all right, whatever. Give me shit. Got coke at that. I got weed to smoke, dude. Getting in my way of vibing anyway.
Starting point is 00:21:31 Yeah. I've been blowing all this money anyway. I'm just gonna sit. I'm gonna need an advance on my way out. Gotta get paid today. Otherwise, Renner Center's gonna take my beanbag chair. It wasn't a Renner Center, I'll tell you that. It wasn't the Boy Scouts either.
Starting point is 00:21:45 Gang, that's either here or there. We are here for what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos in Naomi's. When you sign up for the old Patreon, you can have a question read on the air by Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang. Head intern. Head intern.
Starting point is 00:22:00 At the Broken Glasses Company. That was on my resume for quite some time. Head intern. Intern. Intern. Sales and marketing intern. At the Broken Glasses Company. That was on my resume for quite some time. Head intern. Intern. Intern. Sales and marketing intern. But I would cold fax people. I would have to just fax out like a one sheet.
Starting point is 00:22:13 Man, I never understood that technology. I still don't. They were bouncing back left and right. I might have made three faxes a day. My dad had one. When my dad got out of the Navy, he started working in insurance. I think he was working for New York Life for a minute, but then him and his boy kind of started a little side thing on their own. And he redid the downstairs, got a desk, computer, fax machine. Man, that thing would go off at all hours at night.
Starting point is 00:22:38 I didn't know what was going on. Just papers all over the floor every morning. It was all just menus from restaurants that weren't in our area. Sure. Sure. I remember one time, my dad, things were a little slow in the biz. And I went because it was typically commercial stuff. Right. Remember how you knew when things were slow? Yes, dude. Most of the car was on E. My dad was sloshing. On E. No, it was on a fucking tow truck in the driveway
Starting point is 00:23:02 because they were coming to get it. I remember for a period, I think it was in college when I was like home for the summer things were real tight and like I noticed I Physically noticed that the dinners were getting the port the house feels different when things are slim. There's just a There's a stillness in the air. Yeah, and when you walk into a family's home that ain't doing great at the moment. Yeah. And I remember like for like that summer, like instead of
Starting point is 00:23:30 like not unlimited pork chops, but multiple pork chops. That's how you see. There would be like two pork chops. The hell I paid for a plate. I know. And I remember like giving them shit about it and like I'm looking back on it. I just like what a piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:23:43 It was it is all we got. And like my dad is like, you know, whatever. He's out there busting his ass. I mean, how are we going to get him to lose weight? Just tell him we're poor. It's all the rules. Holy report. Scumbag.
Starting point is 00:23:56 No more egg bites. All right. Sometimes I just think about that. Oh, my God, you're such a piece of shit. Busting the guys balls. Yeah. I mean, that's perspective that we didn't have. You't have at the time. It just took you 50 years to get it Where's all the rice around me? This name brand shit or what? Man, but then he started doing really well in it. They're all right for a minute. I feel like everybody not everybody
Starting point is 00:24:20 But I feel like there was an uptick Was it like before I before 9-11 or after 9-11 where like the economy was like really good I don't know I have no idea and I feel like the people like my generations like the kids were either out of college and like the like the parents were empty nesters so like they maybe like refinance their mortgages and then they were going at the dinner and stuff like that it was all spinning plates in my house. I don't know. I remember I graduated college and gas was like, it was like an old time. When was this? 2010.
Starting point is 00:24:55 Oh, yeah. It was right after the housing. Oh, dude. I graduated with a degree. Up to my neck in debt like proper missing payments. My mom getting pissed because she cosigned feels it just won the world series What are you complaining about was a good time? Let me tell you I? Got a forklift used battery company on my resume. I'm trying to get a job the starting salary was like 24 5 Crunching numbers on math like written shit. I'm like yeah, I can't swing this
Starting point is 00:25:30 Best case it I wasn't even getting the jobs. I was going on interviews and strike it out Remember I got denied from a t-shirt company one time There's a pretty big operation nothing nothing fit you Hey, I got fired for mediums. And extra large. Hey, guys, I've been promoted. No, it's called Next Day Tees or Rush Order Tees or something. If you Google, like, I need a t-shirt made now for like your softball team or your family reunion.
Starting point is 00:26:03 Are you a fat piece of shit? Listen, buddy, I'm not going to lie to you. The resume looks great, but I can tell by your eyes you don't have hustle in you. for like your softball team or your family reunion. Are you a fat piece of shit? Listen, buddy, I'm not gonna lie to you, the resume looks great, but I can tell by your eyes, you don't have hustle in you. No, I didn't have my words permitted on the keyboard wearing good enough, and that was the- You had to do that?
Starting point is 00:26:15 Oh man, in front of the kid, and he went, "'Okay, we're good.'" That's like when I went on audition for a band to play bass and I didn't have to play bass. Hey, Kaibara yours what? Man, they really I really sat me down this dude we go in Dude every job I went for I guess you think I thought I don't know I was gonna be like the business world and like
Starting point is 00:26:39 Working for lunches going to strip clubs corporate accounts. Yes That's what you thought off the jump. Suit and tie. You and the bravada. With your sausage breath. So they won. You know how many interviews I ate in the parking lot and then caught a heater and went right in.
Starting point is 00:26:58 It smelled like heaters and pepperoni. Hey, you guys got a John in here I'm gonna hit the head before I roll out. Hey stall him in there for a minute I gotta get a meal in me before I go into this five-minute interview. I'll be in there starving It's a guy going, if I could give you one note on your performance, it's that I'm lactose intolerant and you reek like nacho cheese.
Starting point is 00:27:31 He got sesame seeds on your tie, buddy. Just wolfing down a couple of slizzies. Ah! Holy shit. Ah, man Man so mad I go to the biggest flaws. I'm perfect The air going on in there you're coming in from the hot sun Belly full of beef patties I would say I care too much I get a water I shit out of the roof of my mouth I
Starting point is 00:28:14 Think I got a lawsuit on my hands You guys got a lawyer in house I could talk to half open Mountain Dew Those little pizzeria napkins is waving your face My move I never had a suit so my move was gray slacks that I got a TJ man turtleneck Coming in dressed like the rock chain on the Dappin everybody up. Hey, how you doing playboy? You good, I know you straight Bad
Starting point is 00:29:02 Dude that version of I mean, I'm I don have, there's not a good version of me now, but that version of me stunk to high heavens, dude. I was, I was so fat, not a goddamn dollar to my name. And you like to eat. You didn't miss a meal. No. Dude, I would tell my mom I need 20. King of the slice right here.
Starting point is 00:29:29 That's on my resume. Two and a can of Coke. Look out. Here comes Kippy. Whoo. And a Marbleite for dessert. Jesus. A lot of times had it in the year while I was eating. Get a trigger ready. You know what I mean? Make sure the safety's off on
Starting point is 00:29:47 that thing. So does it go finish the slice? Sig out, roll the window down right there in the car? Uh oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, if it was my at that time, it was my mom's car. So, yeah. Stationary car cigigs are vile. Oh yeah. With the AC cranking and the window down. Yeah, it's tough. But I would ride around with the windows down. I would ride home and make sure I air it out on the way home. I wasn't like doing it and then 10 minutes later giving her the car back.
Starting point is 00:30:19 I was, you know, piping that thing. Man, it was broke. So you but you can type well as far as I can tell. For you, yeah, I'm pretty good. Yeah, I was also I was I was I didn't tell him. He was like, all right. Well, the first thing is, it's got to be like 50 words a minute or something like that. You know, that a lot.
Starting point is 00:30:37 I think so. Yeah. You're Guam. Gross words a minute. I know it's a Patrice joke, but it always ranked so true to me. I never even Considered that kids would go to like our computer classes and stuff like that. Never. Yeah, man's for broads never Yeah, well the only people typing at that time, you know stats Not to be stereotyped but at the time was a lot of receptionists. We were predominantly women So it was like that's you know, I do every time I see somebody that can crush it out, man I did my man. I'm pretty good. Yeah, I'm pretty good. This is actually this is earlier on to this is you know
Starting point is 00:31:10 Are you all right? You're a nerd. I'm doing it right now. Can you type? No? It's bad hand fuck Yeah, it's bad. I wouldn't even know how to set up my fingers. I just do your home keys I don't I could your QWERTY board. You know what I couldn't tell you The last time that I typed on a computer, uh-huh It's got to be years. Hey, you've that you haven't owned a computer. I got my phone. I got my phone I'm going to do everything on there. I hate when they say you got to go to a Laptop and go to the home page to like change something. Oh, yeah. Yeah Verizon got me with that.
Starting point is 00:31:47 No, so I sit there. But everything I went into was like in a bad industrial complex, like real. Every job I went into every single interview. I was all Fight Club jobs, baby. Always. I mean, dude, these were like it would be, you know, accountant, junior, something for some for like a concrete call It was like all shit like that like I really cuz I felt comfortable with blue-collar people I'm coming up here for the interview
Starting point is 00:32:15 It might heller smell like eaters I'm no good. What's yours 30? Yeah, I think so this had to be 50 30 words a minute Yeah, 81 percent seven typos. Hey, how does it know that gives you a quiz real quick? Oh, you just went on like took like a how fast can I type quiz correct? How'd you find that? Google man, you really haven't had a computer, huh? I'm just waiting for the grid to go off. I'll be a king. Level it up. Level the playing field a little bit. Because my cursive is on point. I've been practicing that.
Starting point is 00:32:49 To whom it may concern. But I sat down in this one also connected to a factory. It was and you were in like the bullpen because everybody was calling to give orders, right? So you're like in the bullpen of like a bunch of young people, whatever, just a bunch of people at computers. And... You know, real trendy folks.
Starting point is 00:33:10 Yeah, he was a young, cool kid. He was like a young, cool kid, the kid was. And he was like, all right, let's see what you got. Like type out, like he typed up a sentence real quick. And he was like, all right, you know, you go. Man, I was so nervous. I was all over the place. All right, my bad. This, I was so nervous. I was all over the place. All right, my bad.
Starting point is 00:33:25 Just keep it a little different than the one I got at home. You guys move your V? What's going on? What was a young, cool kid to you? He just seemed cool. I mean, I know cool. Yeah, young, cool Asian kid. You seen the Hangover?
Starting point is 00:33:41 Yeah. All right, this guy's cool. No, man, he was just like, oh, yeah, we've seen enough You know, we'll be in touch. I mean I was in and out of there 90 seconds 90 seconds What I just realized that I can't type without looking at the keyboard Yeah, I got I'm up and down a lot We stink But like the big man said we got got a gosh darn family episode gang,
Starting point is 00:34:06 so we're going to get into it now. Yes sir. This one's from, I bonked your wife. It's a little rude new homie, first time poster. Question, are you garbages if you sleep with your sweets and treats to make sure no one else steals your stuff? My fat ass cousin would go to bed
Starting point is 00:34:22 with a two liter of Pepsi Blue so that his fat ass shit older brother and other cousins wouldn't house it. That's crazy. I never had to do that. I never had to. We didn't have a house like that where you... I mean, like, my mom would hide snacks. But we never had anything that was like, ma... or ours. You know what I mean? No. That was like, if it's in the...
Starting point is 00:34:44 And if we did that if like say Even like in high school if I would have liked my mom went to say my mom went to the grocery store Brought back the order and then if like during the week, I would have like went shop I mean this never would have occurred to me but if I would have went like shopping myself and like gone to the grocery store and got like Root beer and cookies that she would who you Kevin McAllister? She would smash my head. Oh, that's it was What what was there everything was for everybody? Yeah? Yeah, of course. I didn't know
Starting point is 00:35:13 I feel like you probably operate an house like that like these are my Oreos No, no, no, no, no, I mean I could so that guy's crazy. He's got fucking Snickers bars under his pillow Yeah, double. Oh, so this seems like a large family like a gun Yeah, like double oh seven eleven. Yeah, that's pretty good I mean every once in a while like my brother if he had like a pack of Razzles or something like that, but that's not you know half of that and put it in the I was looking to was it a cupboard? Or a pantry for you. We had our neighbors said pantry, but we never said pantry Maybe later it grew pantry for sure pantry, but we never said pantry. Maybe later it grew. Pantry, for sure.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Pantry, but it wasn't a pantry. We said pantry because some of my other friends whose parents did very well had like. The walk-in one. Yeah, we just had, we had the, like a bedroom closet, like the accordion door that would go open. Accordion door. Yeah, you know, like, you know,
Starting point is 00:36:01 like it's like a two or three pieces of wood that are like this big Oh, yeah, yeah, like like that the closet at your mom's house Yeah, that's the one I'm explaining the one I grew up with yeah Yeah But that's like it slides over to the side and I don't think it was ever closed unless we're having real unless you know The king and queen were in town we would close that but otherwise get at it. Yeah, we had just one long would close that one otherwise get at it yeah we had just one long cabinet on the end of our kitchen which I think is still there that that was that's where
Starting point is 00:36:29 everything was it was all in there all of it and man when we get down to the rough to the to the end of the week you were in there digging yeah eating dry pasta and shit like that I was always I was always relatively lucky cuz I doubled up Monday Tuesday was with my Wednesday Thursday was with dad. So if things got a little light Come Sunday Monday I only had it last to 24 hours or whatever half that days in school and you go over to dad and he was that was We're good. It was stock. That was what was the full rotation? It was that Monday Tuesday was at my mom Wednesday Thursday was at my dad's Friday Saturday Sunday switched every week
Starting point is 00:37:08 Friday so sometimes you would stay at your dad's until Monday right uh Yeah, that would be more dependent upon and did everybody go or is it just you well you guys ever broken up? No, it was the three of us always yeah, Well, then once they got older, falling out started happening. Sure. Yeah. It was also once you could drive that kind of, you know, I'm going to crash it, mom, I'm staying at dad's, whatever. Yeah. But there was always periods where like, except me,
Starting point is 00:37:34 I didn't really have it where you stayed at. One of the houses more like once I graduated high school, I stopped staying at my dad's. Yeah, of course. Yeah, because you're dry. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Because you're dry. Yeah. Fuck that. I know. But even when you're like, it was still like a kid. It was like I'm not coming home being like, oh, I'm Friday. I'm staying at dad's place. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:37:54 Plus, I had two brothers at that age. I had two. I have two younger half brothers. So like that was that that became their house. Like that was like that family's house. Yeah. What I mean? I was I was on the way out Pantry for sure called it a pantry, but it wasn't a pantry uh-huh, but it was alright Yeah, so in a March way cookies in there patty patty kept it good good with the snacks They never separate anything every once in while, my dad would have like,
Starting point is 00:38:25 Oh, dad's I think always had stuff of like that's like a diet root beer, but he, he would never be like, that's the one thing that, you know, I loved them so much for is that, you know, everything was for everybody. We're all, you know, we're all in this together. We all stink together. He, we all stink together. Cause I did have friends where it's like, don't touch Mr.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Robinson's, you know, Oreos or whatever. it would be one thing for you to eat them yeah that's a little different. My dad had treats like fat ass kid coming over eating You can insult me. Well I'm just saying. Still a good person. You talk about your dad's slave and what about mr. Robinson's slave and all day to come home to see his fat ass fucking neighbor kid eating all this sweet treats my one I'd be You would be so mad by one boy who who's we always hung out at his house He came they were at the town hall show We were talking. I mean they always had us over like cuz we wrestled together
Starting point is 00:39:18 So like I would stay over there like when we were cutting weight Like just like be together and you know deal with it to get on stuff But man their dad was just the best guy ever He would he was a big like foodie so he would like go to a deli and get like the good Like the good deli meats all stuff my dad did that and he used to go to this horse head I came to find out he was going to get he used to go to this place Murray's I can't remember where it was it was somewhere in Philly and He brought this ham back that was so good night ain't like a half a pound on him one time was going to get. He used to go to this place, Murray's. I can't remember where it was. It was somewhere in Philly. And he
Starting point is 00:39:48 brought this handbag that was so good. And I ate like a half a pound on him one time. And he was he was he was I remember moving to the fridge like, God damn it. But he wasn't a dick about it. You know what I mean? My dad had treats that were his that were only his shirt. Dr. D vodka. What was it? Yeah, kamikaze shots. Fuzzy navels? Nope. I'll be drinking my Tom Collins mix now. No, no, no. Famous Grouse, Scotch Whisky. Come on. Sure. Yeah. My stepdad did and he would get mad if I, cause I was older at that point. He I, I, I, I, that's just a guy eating your shit. That's true. He gave me the leeway when I was a young fatso. But once I started, you know, catching heaters, he's like, you're just a dude eating my pretzels.
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Starting point is 00:43:02 Free woody's. Visit BlueChu.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Chu for sponsoring this podcast, love yous. That and we always had some caffeine free diet coke or Pepsi for my grandfather. Sure. Had to keep that. That and then he would come and eat my cocoa pebbles.
Starting point is 00:43:22 That's what he liked, come and stay with us. My grandfather come up, eat all my cocoa pebbles. That's what he like come and stay with us I grandfather come up eat all my cocoa pebbles He would crush them. You're sleeping with him under your pillow Hands off of old man if your granddad's eating sugar cereal you are from rough stock I'm coming up. You all your cocoa puffs. Get your old ass out of my house. Fucking eggs and black coffee, dude. Oh, he liked the nice omelette from Dino's down here on Route 9.
Starting point is 00:43:54 When my grandmother was in the nursing home, we would always stop and get her a frosty on the way there. But we couldn't get them. Oh, yeah. I used to lose it. That was the That was my grandfather's baby That's how you got bonding time with my grandfather later And that if you wanted him you had to come correct with a hoagie from somewhere He like Russo's down in North Wildwood. So whenever you're leaving the island
Starting point is 00:44:16 I'm gonna stop at Russo to get a hoagie the size of his head and you drop it off that bottle of diet coke like a two liter diet coke big bag of Some sort of chips all in there or whatever and hit him with it. And he'd go, all right, thanks. You'd be there for 10 seconds. He wanted you. He wanted you out so he could do his business. Sammy got it. All right. Thanks for stopping by, niece. We used to have when you say caffeine free diet coke, the gold can, the gold gold can they weren't labeled as diet They were like there was mostly caffeine free, but they were diet. Yes, but zero sugar there was caffeine free
Starting point is 00:44:50 Regular and caffeine free diet. We would have caffeine free regular and I don't know why Dude, the house would have to be falling down for me to drink that They had a bite to it They just sat there on the floor of the closet in the front of my house where the coats were, like next to like the broom and the mop, and they would just be down there. And man, if you were out of everything,
Starting point is 00:45:15 if the milk was gone, the orange juice was gone. Had to get real cold too. It's like skunked beer. You get it cold enough, it drink all right. Woo, it's nasty. I remember one of my aunts dropping off a pack of cigs to my grandmother when she was in the home old as hell, dude Like you know she can't be smoking and they're like well if we don't give them to her She's just gonna smoke the butts out there. Yes. And that ain't ladylike. I'd rather get it for me. Yeah. Good time. Shut up. What was that question?
Starting point is 00:45:51 I don't even know. Was it the pantry? No, that was my question. Oh, I was sleeping with the stuff under the... Right, right, right, right. This one's from Graham. $10 ding-dong, never have one. Red, is it garbage if you routinely use a folded paper towel as a cutting board so you don't have to wash the cutting board? Yeah, unless I'm cooking,
Starting point is 00:46:11 I don't break out the cutting board. You know what I mean? I'm not like... You cutting on the counter? Depends what it is. Yeah. You know what I mean? If it's dry, something, maybe, and not too hard. Like...
Starting point is 00:46:22 Straight on the counter? I'm not, yeah, not like chopping I mean those I have to make one cut on something Yeah, or like maybe what I'll cut it on whatever the plate that I'm making I'm not breaking out the cutting board a slice of fucking apple. Yeah, those newer counters. I think are Kind of like cutting boards themselves. I mean right right. That's a leap, I think. Mine's some type of, I mean, I'm sure it's scratch resistant. Rock or whatever it is.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Rock. Granite? Is that possible? One of them's cheaper. So then granite's probably cheaper than marble. I remember that stuff that they came out with, not for Micah. It was like a plastic countertop that everybody was using for a while I
Starting point is 00:47:06 Can't think of the name of it, but you could do any you'd take a blowtorch to that thing I don't remember that shit um can't remember what it was called But yeah, I mean I'm not but unless I'm cooking like we're making a meal or some sort of charcuterie board mm-hmm I'm not I'm not busting out the cutting board. That's too much. What about garlic if you're making something with garlic? Yeah, that's got from if I'm cooking, if there's a process of cooking. If I'm just cutting something in half or slicing something, what are we doing? Washing the cutting board's a pain in the ass.
Starting point is 00:47:35 I mean, we have one that fits in our dishwasher, but the other, if it's wood, I mean, I used to just put them in a dishwasher too. Warp them things to hell. They come out all white? Uh-huh, then they start snapping snapping they start they start breaking at some point looking like the Spanish Armada And let me tell you that that fucking day. They absorb the cascade to You're cutting some garlic getting a little bit of lemon lime flavor in there
Starting point is 00:47:58 I've ruined some salad bowls. Oh My mom pulling out white white tongs going, what the fuck are you doing? Sure, sure. Hey, next time load the dishwasher, honey. I don't know what to tell you. Alright, let's see. This one's from Anthony Corsina. Anthony Corsina. Anthony? This one's we've talked about. This is a combination of one, of two that we've talked about. Have you or anyone in your family ever brought an ice cream cake to a hibachi restaurant to celebrate someone's birthday? And I'm not talking about in a reserved room
Starting point is 00:48:27 So you're doing the happy you're bringing your own cake to do the happy birthday sing-along at a communal table That's So little I mean that I bought high bocce hibachi is by design Communal but wouldn't the communal table just be everybody in your party? There's four people going. Oh, God. If I was those other people, I'd be like, well, wait, you guys can have this one. Yeah, but they don't know until until they bring out the cake.
Starting point is 00:48:56 That's true. Fucking all of a sudden, you're in a family party. You got no idea. Yeah, I could never do that. But I could see you being one of the guys who isn't in the group making a real fun hoping for a slice of that cake. I think throughout a slice of cake. Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna sing Happy Birthday regardless just as just because I'm a gentleman. I see an ice cream cake. That's my favorite and
Starting point is 00:49:20 many movies are getting for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a... Let me say a few words. One more time for Bobby, everybody. Yeah, you give me a corner of that ice cream cake after letting it sit out for about five, 10 minutes. The icing separates from the ice cream. Woo, them crunchies in the middle.
Starting point is 00:49:39 Hey, done. Yeah, all of an ice cream cake. That's a tougher, I think, listen. I don't know nothing about nothing to me That would be like you get whatever dessert if they like I don't know what they do They're probably some sort of fried up ice cream or something that I would say that as a kid to kid though Kids not gonna go for that. What kind of kid is having his birthday at a bocce restaurant? I mean that's for grown-ups his birthday at a bocce restaurant. I mean, that's for grownups. D4C sophisticated young man. No kids have it is no
Starting point is 00:50:08 kids going what do you want? But the bringing in of the outside cake to a restaurant is not crazy. They just charge you a cutting fee. Yeah, which is always good as a server because a little bit extra key. Yeah, no. Well, and a slice of cake. Save the money. I can make that. You don't think I'm slicing off a piece of that for me and the boys in the back What are you crazy? I know we're all out all over your face. I got red icing all over your face. Hey, there's like three slices Yeah, we've done that we would do that at uh We just placed Denise loves in the Northeast called three monkeys or something like that or she always calls it 99 bananas or something
Starting point is 00:50:47 I think it's called three. Can you look at that three monkeys Philadelphia? It's a real things a real treat right off there in a Roosevelt Boulevard Yeah, Sharon the girls go down there heavy, huh? I'm going to meet Patty and you'd they bring a cake in big I think we did her like 50 something or maybe 60th birthday there Yeah, I'd be 60th birthday babe probably get a cake real nice. Yeah, bring the cake in Three monkeys is alright Menu looking like it's a monkey themed cafe
Starting point is 00:51:22 Yeah, I'm the girls love I've been in ten years, but she goes. Monkey themed bar dude. It's a bar, it's a bar. Yeah dude. I don't get it. It's not for you to get man, Denise gets it. Let Denise live her life.
Starting point is 00:51:40 Can I see a pick? Three Monkeys Cafe. Let me see. yeah, I hold on It's a monkey themed bar Sorry themed bar. Yeah, it's just like it's a northeast It's just like bar food. It's like hoagies. Yeah, they got an upstairs that we had the birthday in three monkeys cafe Hmm shout out to it. Oh, yeah. Um, I wouldn't mind getting a look at that many, though. I were here. I got to might as well.
Starting point is 00:52:11 They got everything you want, man. Cubano, cheesesteak, Italian style roast pork sandwich, Nashville chicken sandwich, chicken chicken. You always you always gauge a place for the listeners out there. You always gauge a place on the appetizers. Of course, in Philadelphia. Of course Do they have a primate pretzel? Yeah, they sure do. That's pretty good. The pork pot stickers truffle fries Fries crock of French onion nice fully loaded pierogies
Starting point is 00:52:36 I'm talking potato cheddar bacon fried onion sour cream and parsley Wow They got Northeast cheesesteak egg rolls, prime rib, caramelized onions, Cooper Sharp, wonton skin with a spicy ketchup. Buddy, you see who's batting clean up at the bottom? The Philly steak dip. Oh, Philly steak dip. By the way, that Cooper Sharp in Philly might as well be platinum. Oh yeah. That's a panty dropper. You think that you're Cooper Sharp. I'll do the Cooper You got the... I'll do the Cooper Sharp. Kisub? Dude, they also got a...
Starting point is 00:53:07 I might have... They got a bacon Brussels flatbread. Colby Jack on here. They don't want the Colby Jack. You don't know what to do. Yeah, they got Takis, bang bang shrimp, empanadas, mobster calamari. I done...
Starting point is 00:53:23 They got it all. Shout out to the three monkeys dog I like it we gotta get that air they're living everything from pot stickers to chicken form that's wild pierogies that's like the dream cafe. It is. I thought there'd be more foot traffic. I mean, Friday to Saturday, they're open 9 to 11. It's a nice place. It's just a full ad. Parking conveniently located around back. That's pretty neat. Tell them kippies ain't you? Tell them nezies ain't you? Alright, let's pretty good. Tell him kippies ain't, tell him easy's ain't ya.
Starting point is 00:54:07 All right, let's see here. These are two that we've, you know, we've gone over. This is from Sarah, $10, we never have one red. But at summertime, she's never had one red. Ever make homemade popsicles with zero real fruit juice. That was us, we would do Coke. Coke? We would do soda. In the ice cube trays.
Starting point is 00:54:24 Or no, we had, at one point we did have the Popsicle thing. I remember we got it at TJ Maxx. That's rich kid shit. Or Value City, Value City. Yeah, I thought that was... That never worked. It never got there. Neither did the toothpicks in the...
Starting point is 00:54:38 Dice tray. No, because you'd put tin foil over it to hold the toothpicks, but I always would rip them. So I'd be eating it sideways Sure, but I just didn't know like what you should what I should have done is You don't just take the Kool-Aid and put it in the H cube trays You should what should have been done is use half the water for the recipe of Kool-Aid then it would have been good Yes, I didn't I didn't know that until my 30s or you know, I mean
Starting point is 00:55:06 I didn't hurt. He's I didn't know to read You know what I mean to you know when you freeze something to reduce it to make it more Concentrated flavor still didn't know that yeah, it would have been good This one's from dr. Max Pounder. This is just funny $10 dildo Did you ever have a school food fight? We lost some good men in O2. Never food fight. I always wanted to. That was like movie shit. Like we've said, that's like. Did you trash the place on the way out?
Starting point is 00:55:34 Went the last day of school? No, sixth grade we went from so ours. We were whatever first through sixth was elementary school. Seventh, eighth. And when I was there was junior high. Then ninth through twelfth was high school so on the end of sixth grade we had just discovered Alice Cooper schools out Alice Cooper sharp and we were we were outside at those trailers like sixth grade was outside not in the school you know what I mean you steal one no uh and they did school that we that someone had it on a walkman or something.
Starting point is 00:56:07 And we threw some papers in the air. Yeah. Well, respectable. Yeah. Now we didn't. The school didn't go to that. 1970s. Yeah. That was for criminals. Somebody to clean that shit up. Some poor janitor. That's like eight hours of work after the end of the school day. Couldn't do that. We had it. We had to clean out our locker.
Starting point is 00:56:25 That was that was big. The last day had we had to clean out our locker. That was that was big the last day of school. I clean out your locker. I remember trying to peanut butter sandwich. I must have been in there for six months. Got legs. It was bad. I never had a locker. But yeah, homeschoolers typically don't. You never had a bedroom.
Starting point is 00:56:40 Yeah, you had a bedroom and a footlock. You didn't have a locker at the freakazoid school. No, we had safes, though. At NerdU? You had safes? Yeah, so check this out. What is it, a Vegas hotel? Kind of. So people, I mean, they had to put them in because the fucking kids are going to steal, right?
Starting point is 00:56:59 Sure. So this was there a lot. Sorry, was there a lock on your door? No. There's no locks on your door. You had a roommate, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we would switch every, like, four times a year. So every semester, you'd change rooms and roommates. That sucks. No sense at home. Keep it in your... It's like Marine training. Keep you guessing.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Hit you with the hose in the morning. Yeah, it's probably why they're doing shit on my walls. Oh, yeah. Maybe that's why you live the way you do. I certainly had a hand in it. Drama. But shout out to it. Anyway, you guys are going to love this. So this one kid had an ounce of weed in his safe, right?
Starting point is 00:57:36 And we all knew it. And one day it goes missing, right? The safe or the weed? The safe. Took the safe? It's or the weed? The safe! Took the safe? It's bolted down? It's bolted down.
Starting point is 00:57:47 Oh, I don't know. Could've been a gun box. I don't know what you guys are doing up there. Ace to sell them. It's like a little hotel safe. Gotcha. So it goes away, right? And this weed disappears.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Big deal in the dorm. Everyone's like, who sold the weed? No one ever finds out. 10 years later, I'm hanging out with one of my homies that I went to high school with, not Miles, but, and he tells me this story about how him and this other dude took pencil shavings and put it on the keypad of this kid's lock
Starting point is 00:58:16 so they could see his fucking fingerprints. What the numbers were. And that's how they got in. Damn, they deserve that ounce. How devious is that, dude? Yeah, that's all right. Yeah, and he was one of the guys going, that's insane, who would have done this?
Starting point is 00:58:30 That's pretty good. That's a good caper right there. That's a full on heist. That's all right. I like that. I respect that. I remember we had one time, kid, very similar-esque, found out our one friend found out our other friend had a bunch of weed on him.
Starting point is 00:58:47 A couple of ounces, you know what I mean, right? It was pushing grams and stuff like that. And uh... Businessman. Businessman, entrepreneur. Sure. Right? And he kept it in a bar, whatever, whatever. He only ever told one person, he told this kid, the next day...
Starting point is 00:59:03 I remember we all put this together. He came checked on it wasn't there so his house has bad his mother's at his parents house he's got a bunch of weed bunch of weed in his shoebox doesn't tell anybody tells one tells one guy one day the next day it's gone yeah okay right tells him on a Sunday. Monday goes to school, comes home, ounces gone. I got it. Stabbed him with an icicle. That's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:59:32 A murder weapon. It's the middle of summer. Captain in the freezer. We started putting together, he goes, the only person that knows uh-huh is Gary is Gary a tight boy Gary's the Like if you told me yeah We come to we start doing because the only person that knows is Gary and I go when did it go missing? He goes today today I said Gary
Starting point is 01:00:06 wasn't in school so where my look what an idiot where my love for true crime came it's like the town they found out the guy the telecoms guy was calling out a sick every day of the heist no kid so I waited for him to leave to go to school broke in the house or maybe knew the garage. I don't know. Climbed in a window something. Ransack that got out of there. Wow. He then got his A's. A beat. Street justice. Gary got an ass beat.
Starting point is 01:00:35 Oh, Gary. Did he get the weed back? I don't think so. What he did. He smoked it all that night. I sold it. I don't know. It's not something you sit on. You got to get rid of the merch. A hot merch. Need a fence quick.
Starting point is 01:00:48 Another time, me and my boy Reed, he had a buddy in Arizona who's a good homie. And he shipped us an ounce that was already broken up. We put an order in, like our crew of dudes. Got an ounce shipped to the office of our high school. And we're in in there like any uh Any packages or any non drug related packages show up for Toby McMullin just a German Shepherd there So we get this box and we leave and we're going down the path to where our dorm was that fucking running dude
Starting point is 01:01:21 Elated and we were fucking Santa Claus in there dude throwing bags to our yeah some for you you take some of that I'm gonna heist comes. Oh is the best dude. Yeah never I was never never a steel guy My only thing at the end of the year Was the panic that I was gonna be put in jail because I didn't have a daddy do my homework I didn't have a textbook. I lost it. That was always the end of the year I'd get that speech from my mind. You better make sure you turn those textbooks in they'll charge you a hundred and done No, I don't think I probably didn't turn in 50 textbooks. I lost it or whatever I don't none of that stuff ever came to fruition. You're walking into the principal's office with your fucking wrist up
Starting point is 01:02:02 You want to do this the hard way or the easy way? That was so much stress that just never happened. They never build you. They just let all that shit throw. Otherwise, yes, they threaten you to stay on top of it. Yeah. Also, there was no goddamn inventory system back then. There probably wasn't. I know there wasn't because I remember going into those closets,
Starting point is 01:02:21 like when like the teachers, when one classroom would be like connected to like a supply closet sure and just Clean an house just boxes of pencils erasers notebooks No, we ever know anything now they block it or something like that after that after a couple of days After the heat zone and a keep up appearances sure Yeah, no that shit ever Matt The only time it matters in college when you had to buy them and then try to sell them back that I heat zone, got to keep up appearances. Sure. Yeah, none of that shit ever, the only time it matters in college
Starting point is 01:02:46 when you had to buy them and then try to sell them back. That was the only. I don't think I ever returned those either. You didn't have to, because you paid for them. Right, right. It was like, you could buy it for $200, and then at the end of the year, they'd buy it back for like 46 bucks.
Starting point is 01:03:01 Sometimes, man, it'd be like. I don't think I, there was one semester where I. didn't buy the books. No, I don't think so I think I took the money Sure. Yeah, but that was every now and then every whatever cement you'd have a book where like it was a brand new book Let's say it was two hundred dollars like crazy overpriced. Yeah Yeah, but so then you sell it back. And since they were going to read, like it was a brand new book and they're going to use it for the next couple of years,
Starting point is 01:03:27 they want it back. So they go, we'll give you $150 back. Or we'll give you 70% back if you sell it to us. That was because they're going to turn around. It's a brand new book. They can get a higher resale for it. Right. So sometimes you'd walk away with a couple
Starting point is 01:03:41 of hunge going into fucking. You would make that trip. You would get your books together and go back to the bookstore and cash them in what do you mean? I mean, I lived on campus. Oh, okay. I mean it was like a four block walk Just had to do when there was no big line But dude you fucking get like 400 bucks going into or 300 bucks going into fucking Memorial Day weekend going down a short Oh, I think I sold my football pads I think of sold my football pads one year. I think it was my sophomore year.
Starting point is 01:04:09 I sold my shoulder pads one year down at a high school. One of my fraternity brothers. He just wanted them to wear them when he was drunk. Sure, that's alright. It's a good time. Alright, we gotta wrap it up, gang. Gang, what a fun one. I'm gonna tell you this. I tell you all the time, we love you. And we'll see you next week. Peace.

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