Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - How to Throw an Adult Party! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Quince: Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to https://quince.com/garbage Promo Code: GARBAGE Blue Chew: Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code GARBAGE. https://bluechew.com Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

New Jersey, Philadelphia, Delaware. You heading down the shore this summer? Of course you are. July 10th, the boys are going to be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Come out for a little AIG life. Yes, and before that, we're going to be in Portland, Maine at Empire Comedy Club. Tickets going fast. Then we're going to be in Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Impro.

And then hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets. Are you Garbage.com. Stand-up comedy. Play AIG with the crowd. It's a good, good time. We'll see you there. Best summer ever.

Ooh. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garba. Hey-ya. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they grew it to be classy? Yeah.

Just a fucking big old piece of trash. Basura. I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here. Tootie's in a new edition. She's got a fresh batch of Chinese stars. Messing up the trees in the backyard. They're coming to cut them down next week.

They're going to be fine. Okay. Okay. My co-s is coming out from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Just where I'd be liking a lot of times. You know what I mean?

Uh-huh. Like to hang out, clear the air, shoot the breeze. Uh-huh. Get to some cues to hang out. Shoot the breeze. You got a lot of breeze to shoot this week, how big guy? Got all these Chinese stars. Remember that bit?

Uh-huh. Kevin Ryan is here, ladies and gentlemen. My pal. That's what we call. on the business a warm welcome uh what's up gang shout out to talking about fucking turning well i bombed i got to blame somebody i can't blame luke you had nothing to do it he wouldn't touch it hey i had something to do it he had nothing to do it hurt people hurt people and that hurt that's all the time we have for today folks chinese stars i figured that'd be right up your alley

lowbrow guy like you i don't give you the high-end stuff i don't know why we're into personal with texas this early on in the show i don't do the geopolitical stuff Take it from the top. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back. Guys, as you, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe. This guy stinks. Full video available on YouTube.

Full video available over there on Spotify, and the boys are climbing the charts. We're in the charts on Spotify. Yes. Top podcast, top comedy podcasts. So my guidance counts in high school can, as they say, suck it. Is he still holding that grudge? Well, most of it's due to you. I really can't take the credit.

32 years ago. My buddy Kevin's real smart. And then guys, we're on the road. Get your tickets. We're in Portland, Maine. We're in Cleveland. We're in Pittsburgh.

We're in Atlantic freaking city. Philly, come down, see the boys and down the shore. And we're in Denver at the old Comedy Awards. The best clubs in the gosh darn country. If you've never been to a live show, it's a little bit of stand-up, a little bit of A-Y-G.

The boys have put together a-plus show. I'm excited for all that. Yeah. Fun summer. But I got to tell you, what's that? That AC showed down the shore, I mean, let's go. Yeah.

That's prime time shore vibes. Yeah, dog. We're the hard rock. Taking a golf cart there, low power. Are you? You can't take that on the fucking. The hell I can. The goddamn king of the board.

I'm drunk. I can't arrest me. I'm drunk. Anything I say is inadmissible. Isn't that true? No. I thought it is. If you're drunk, anything you say is inadmissible.

That's why Matthew McConaughey. Not Matthew McConaughey. That's why, what's his name, Cole Trickle, Garrett Cole? That's Rusty Cole. I think that's like a fan. Yeah, that's like a fan theory, right? I don't know if that was ever. Was that in the show?

I always thought that was a also starting the show with a half-drank beverage is top-tier dirtbag. Is it? Yeah, man. It looks like you just came in off the street. I had it with my sandwich. Me and Luke were just talking about that. Was I gone? What?

Was I not here? Yeah, no, I don't think so. That wasn't talking about you. We're just talking about, like, also here's the thing. What's the thing? A can of soda should live and die wherever you open that can. You can't leave a place or come into a place where to have a drink. I disagree.

And that's my move now, showing up with a drink. Not an alcoholic drink. Showing up with a drink. Okay. That's my thing. I've never seen you do that. I was doing it. I'm going to start.

That's my new thing. I'm starting that. Okay. How not to move with age fully. Yeah. How to move like a bozo with a. with H. Foley. Walk in, ask for a charger.

You want to alienate everybody around yet? That's a great one. Yeah. That's a Ricky Veles. That's a Ricky Veles joke. About his crew stings. Yeah, his crew stings shows up to like a party at like Gagnon. I just need the block or something.

Like I got the cable. I just need the block. Yes, I don't know. It's just, yeah. That's just it's a, I can't. Because you can't put a cat. If you put a cap on it, that has a lid. I get that.

But like. Is this what any do with? My club soda's being around the thing. Absolutely nothing to do with you. You just mean you drink it and then throw it away. If you get a can of soda, it's, you know, and you're having lunch or whatever, you should, you shouldn't come. I think we were talking about it. You don't take it with you?

Where? Whatever. I don't know. That's what I'm asking. I've never been anywhere where I can't finish a, fucking a can of soda in seconds. Because I want to start being around with a beverage. Because I start a walking. Why not actually just work on your personality? I want to be a bottle guy.

I want to be the guy that always has a bottle of, you know, what are you going to be, what to be one of those guys? What about my personality? Well, the soda's going to be part of my personality. I'm going to be a soda guy. Half a can. No, I'm not a soda guy. I'm going to be having a drink in his hand guy.

Like a coffee or something. A bottle, half bottle of Pellegrino is nice. No, I did that leaving the cellar. Oh, you are such a jerk off. I didn't go up on stage with it. I was leaving. I was like, can I grab a Pellegrino to go? And they have these screaming cold bottles down there.

I don't know. Who do you think you are? Bottle of Pellegrino to go, to go, huh? Well, tell you what, I'm about to get a bottle of whiskey. We'll see how that ends. I don't know. I don't know why you're threatening to me. I don't know why there's only those two options.

That's from a land man. I can see you stealing McCusker's move of carry in the Mountain Valley spring bottle. You're no shaman. No, I'm no shaman. You can't do that. And I'm not a Mountain Valley guy. No, everybody thinks you've probably... You either got to be McCusker or a professional baseball player to roll around with one of those.

Yeah. Everybody would think you just dumped out the water. You found the bottle and put Mountain Dew in there. You snuck into an AMC and filled it up. I got milk. Drink a milk out of it? Yeah, no, I can't do the Mountain Valley. I know my limitations.

But I could be walking around with a half a can, sipping a cold can of diet root beer, like a diet ain't. I don't think the can play. Why not a bottle with a cap? Because that's the thing. It's ironic. You're unironically bother me right now. So.

Well, you should hits the fifth. You got an open can. That's nuts. Why? What you mean why? Shit hits the fan. Yeah. What are you walking into?

Who knows? Well, I dropped a can. You can't be walking around. But then how are you going to quench your thirst after? I'm going to keep it in one of those pouches where the bodyguards keep the guns. That's going to spill. What are you talking about? I want to have Skittles in there, too.

What does that have to do with your and idiot? I don't know. I've been looking Skittles later. Had a little bit of sweet tooth. Uh-huh. Candy. Sure. You know, my man.

Just to scratch the edge. They say that's common. For a larger gentleman. For a heavy. I was going to say some. Oh, I want to be a drink guy. Oh. And I wouldn't mind being, I wish I could pull off the broken sunglasses.

What? You didn't remember that back in the day? Oh, you're too young for that. There was a minute where wearing broken sunglasses was cool. You want to bring that back? No. Half empty, half empty diet, Dr. Pepper. I broke my sunglasses.

I'm really trying to shoeing this. I also think dirty underwear. I don't wear underwear. Like those rave glasses with just no lens? No. I think he snapped his sunglasses and wants to wear them. I can't confirm or deny. Okay.

But about this, we're working. I'm at work recording. I went and got a sandwich from the deli. They screwed me on the cucumber, as you saw. and I was enjoying a nice coffee with my turkey sandwich. I finished it and brought it into the studio with me. That's great. You're a guy who enters rooms.

This is the vibe I'm talking about. Yeah, like if I was just throwing around with this, hey, what's up? Yeah. I'm done introducing myself. Okay. You're a real peach. You know that? What the heck is even that?

I'm kidding about that. Yeah, I don't know. That's a guy of your stature. It's messy. Stature? Like size? No. prominence in the comedy industry.

I can't have a half-drunk soda or a drink. You get there and go, oh, where's a coffee? You don't have a coffee? Someone will run and go get me a coffee. That's what you do. Nobody's getting me a coffee. That's what you do. Luke, go get me a coffee.

He wouldn't get me a coffee. Would you? Go get you a coffee right now? I got other business. I had to Luke of coffee just this morning. I know, and you really make a note of it. I did not. Hey, everybody's call.

You really? I didn't even say anything to them. You make hard eye contact. You stood there with it and out. for like 15 seconds. Yeah, because you weren't looking at me. Uh-huh. You didn't give me a, hey.

And still, you're looking for a pat on the back. I gave him a coffee this morning. Real nice guy. Was it half drunk? Sure. Was my finger in it, maybe? Did I sneeze on it? Sure.

That happens to you. Are you sending it back? What? If someone... Somebody, if the server hands you to drink like that. It depends on how thirsty I am. Or you just not drinking it. Really?

You'll go. in? Is his finger in the soda? Yeah, his fingers in the soda. No. What? Got to put my finger in the soda. Uh, no, probably not, but like I do get, a lot of times you get the beers or whatever, they get handed to you like that or so, or that's, yeah, what do you get? Beers, it's killing the germs. That's always the way I looked at. Yeah, that's not the, you're drinking beers, you're drinking beers. It doesn't matter what the fuck's in it. Sure. You're hoping a little something. Uh, yes. Okay. So here's my thing. As you know, I had to have, uh, uh, It was my son's first birthday party, and I had a little bit of a...

A little bit, thank you. A little bit of a suoret at the house. We'll get together with my family. Oh, yeah, I forgot about. And that's very much... We haven't talked about this? No. Huh.

So that is, you know, I don't host that often. We live in New York. I'm a bit, you know, like, we live in an apartment. You don't entertain that often. Sure. And also, well-documented as you, we mean you have been the bozos of our family. What do you mean? I got the fucking half-drunked coffee now.

And these broken sunglasses, I'm the coolest guy here. Yeah, my family's not talking to me. Is that what you're getting that? Why would I be getting that? I mean, you're fighting 38 fights in your head at a time. I'm not fighting anything. I've accepted it. I stink.

No. Friends of this call? No, 100%. We're the bozos of the family. For sure. We're just like, we've always done everything not correctly. We have older brothers who are a little bit more together. and successful and

my brother was a collared shirt on Sunday dressed up nice nice not even like trying just nice khakis and a collared shirt a button down I'm like what the fuck are you doing sure it's comfortable good guy I was we had mass or whatever they had to do somewhere

yeah that's what I'm saying where there's me you're trying to sit down now you're trying he's got shit to do on Sunday yeah I'm wide open that's not great I'm gonna go to the batting cage Get beat up by local children Beed a creep

As your mom around All right Okay Now I'm in that Yeah so just You know I'm in my head about I never really entertained

Or anything Got ice I got an ice maker What do ice What are you My dad from the 1920s Like there's not ice in everybody's kitchen There's not enough ice in that ice maker

I think a lot of people agree with me That's trash You got to go Go get a bag ice You got people over If you ever more than four people over your house You go get a fucking bag ice

That's your You got a huge thing When was the last time You've had more than four people over We're getting personal No No you're taking it I don't know four people

I don't know four people I don't know four people That would want to hang out with me At once to be honest with you Uh huh Yeah I'm taking it I freak out I don't

I got all the size I got no one to hang out with Four is also like the number of, it's the size of a family. Of course a ice maker can sustain. Yeah. All right. Have you threw a 12? Have you seen this lot?

What are you talking about? They come in with the, they got the empty glasses. You know, let's put, the, the, the wine's chilled. They're drinkers. Yeah, yeah, exactly. If they're not drinking, fuck, we're not making margaritas or nothing. I'm going to. Yeah, what do you talk?

We got, we got canned beer and cold wine. You got canned. beer, cold wine. You are trash. And tomato pie. I don't know what they're bitching about. Cam beer. You got cam beer and coal wine.

It's red. It's now a pinkish hue. When you hit me with the Sutter Home the other day, that brought back so many memories. Yeah, the original Nisi wine. The Sutter Home White Zinn. That's the only wine I knew. I thought that was wine. Yeah, I didn't know anything else existed.

and like honestly and like that's not even a joke until my mom switched and my stepdad started drinking and he'd get real nasty you know they used that as a church that I was an altar boy yet I don't know what happened where were you in sandals what are you talking about

I did church he must have ran out or something was my mom the deacon what do you mean no way that's your nuts you know no I'm not buying that for a second you've spun a lot of yards my friend

No way am I buying that In the name of the father's son And Casey in the Sunshine Bandami And Robert Mondavi Isn't that his name? Yeah Saint Mondavi I remember the fly

I told you my friends were getting into wine And like caught like flipping his weird old friend That's crazy in college you stink And he was like yeah we got wine or something And I was like yeah like Sutter Hume Like I didn't you know I don't know nothing I'm like I don't like Sutter Hume He's like that's the kid said to me

At I was 21 or something And he goes, that's Robert Mondave, table wine, bullshit. I was like, okay, I will take my... Should have kicked him in his face. I will take my schlitz to go. We had that when craft beers were blowing up in the late 90s. Fucking shut the fuck out. I didn't understand.

I mean, I get it now. I didn't understand the 60 minute. Let me know when the liquid acid gets here. I got a half drink cup of coffee. I'm looking to top off. I didn't drink coffee back then. Okay. So go ahead.

Okay. So I was just, it was just, it's been in my head. I was just nervous. I ended up doing well, a charcutory board, some apps. And then we just ordered from a, it was a weeknight, low-key, everybody got there at five, gone by eight type thing. Just ordered, ordered some pizza and stuff. Because now you've got to think it's mostly kids. The parents are outnumbered by the kids.

So you're like, what do you do? It used to be like, oh, let's get, can't go wrong with a pie. Now. What are you going to say? We did four large and a medium. How much pizza have you been eating? That's gone. It was gone.

I mean, it was perfect. I think there was one or we did a mediums? Okay, four. She sent it with anybody? What? Did your wife say take some pizza? Now, my mom does. That one's taken home.

I mean, first of all, there wasn't enough to take home. My mom will do that shit after a cookout. And I'm like, what the fuck, man? You send all the cutlets. I'm here for two more days Is everything maybe had enough cutlets? You got a thing You and your mom got issues, dog

She said she'll send all the dessert To get rid of dessert My brother's going home With a goddamn fucking treasure He's got a family I'm sitting there with old Jabani yogurt Like a dickhead You know what I'm saying?

Luke, you're with me on that No, you deserve that Yeah, you play Just your attitude about it Yeah, that's what you get Why don't get your fat assult I can't vent to my friends I'm not saying

nothing to my mother I say thank you very much and I take the trash and then come on a half a million people and shit on her publicly don't say nothing fuck my fuck my fuck on my plug my cut my cutlet plug turn me off get what's talking about quince quince quince now you know quince I wear quince multiple days a week I love their pants you're a forward thinking guy try to be kids are all talking about quince luky does quince amazing yes everything at quince price 50 to 80 80% less than similar brands. How about that?

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for more details and important safety information. We thank Bluetooth for sponsored a podcast. Do it. Anywho. Yeah. It got me. So then I have a video I want to show you not of an Instagram video of a guy planning his birthday party. His birthday party.

His birthday party. He's having it at his house. I just imagine it's Foley. Like Foley's home video, you got it somehow? I wish. Dude, fucking sandbag yet. Wouldn't be anybody there. He's just a bunch of ice.

Like an ice throne. Man, when they... You don't need them. No, I don't. Do you need them for the TV? You might. No. Okay.

They're reading glasses from close. Pretty attractive, huh? I'll sell my compression socks on right now. Swelling up. So this is so, well, I just, it's a short thing, but there's some stuff on it that I would like to get your temperature. Because this guy puts together a pretty nice sullet. All right.

And it's not super classy. It's just, it's what we kind of feel. It's like well-thought-out things where you go, oh, that's a nice touch. That's nice. Okay. It's not at a big mansion. It's just like a normal. Okay.

A regular guy. Regular guy. A little weird guy. I mean, he's throwing himself a 40th birthday party, but, you know. But he's got some rules about it. All right. Roll the tape, Luke. I'm throwing myself a 40th birthday party, and I usually put balloons on the mailbox just to

denote where the house is, but people usually know where we live. But let's go inside and I'll show you what I'll show you what I. I didn't. You don't need to film like that. A nice joint? Yeah, I'm not saying it's... I also like how this guy doesn't want to make the video at all. That's...

Okay. You have balloons on your mailbox. You're 40 years old. So people can identify... I think it's nice for the guests coming. I give you that. I give you that. Hey, is it this how, what I don't know?

Right. This guy does all right. Looks like. He's in shape. Looks like a nice southern house. In room and I usually put out a cheeseball just so people can have an hors d'oeuvre. But one tip is I would suggest you, cut the cheese or start the cheese before your party?

Because most people will not be the first one to start or cut the cheese. That's not true. You got a handful of cheese going. But that's a nice touch. I do respect that in the sense of like it feels like, oh, somebody's already. Oh, yeah. I don't have that problem. I think you would have that problem at someone other than your family members home.

Okay. You know what I mean? If you went to Luke's parents' house and there was cheese sitting there, you wouldn't go, I'm cracking that open. I don't know. My mother as a good host would probably crack open the cheese and get it.

I just said something I never thought of. Hit the kid with an invite. Still a little trial and error. That's not going to happen. He's showing up with ice. I got the ice, Mr. and Mrs. I call it Mr. and Mrs. Dempsey. You're older than him.

No, I'm not. I'm really getting it. All right. Really putting it out there. Beer and seltzers in it and that will cut, the line down on the bar so people can just grab a beer if they want

or go in the other room for a liquor drink. Now, that kind of cooler in a room like that? But isn't that it's not it's for functionality and good time is my take. All right, okay. Right, where are you like, where, when are the beers ever in, if we were partying in here? They're always in the back.

They're always out back. Are you getting up to get a beer? Bears on a porch. Bears are next to you on the couch. You think anyone's hanging in that room? They got the cheese on a table. Where else? You know, I'm just saying it's. I'm a Kitchen hang guy. I like a kid. Lean on a counter.

Yeah, but I do like the fed. Well, why are you there? The beers are right back off the thing. Plus all the pretzel nuggets and shit are there. The real apps are there, the hot apps. The buffalo chicken dip, the pretzels. I really know this based on my cousin Kelly's. Yeah, I feel like you're basing off one place you've ever been.

Yeah. I'm sure I've heard Kelly throws a fantastic part. Kelly throws it out. Shout out to her. Yeah. And we put out And cousin John Jump back at Hips

And John, yeah Shout out Patty too Patty's all right A liquor drink In the kitchen I usually put out bar snacks And then I have a couple adult treats If people want to partake in that Since it's legal in Missouri

Down here in the den I have a full bar set up So the bartenders will be here One will be here and one will be also Passing orders or taking drink orders It's got people working Pause that That's a that's a clam thing. I've never seen, I've seen, I've been to a place where there's like a boy, a guy

tending bah, right? And in, in, in the extended families, best years, once or twice at, on the Christmas Eve party, there was a lady that did that. Yeah, I don't think we've ever really, we didn't know what to do. Sure. Yeah, I don't know if we've ever had it. Maybe once or twice, but now, it's usually my uncle John's house. It was in our house. It was in my cousin's house. Yeah. Uncle did very well. And they right. once or twice. And that's like a little higher end we're doing. We don't want someone back there where we just want everybody to enjoy it.

But they got a second guy going out and taking orders popping into the room. Hey, anybody need a, anybody need a Tom Cohn, anybody need a Manhattan? That's a real classy touch. Probably what do you get? What are those guys cost you? 100 something maybe? I'd do it for 50. That's what I'm saying.

You say, hey, it's three hours. You work four hours, $25 bucks an hour, plus whatever tips you collect, or maybe tell them no tip. That's a nice touch to have a 40 birthday classy suoret. Yeah. I feel like you kind of got to give him a bar, though. On the table is wild, right? They need their office.

That's wild, yeah. Where's the front of the bar? Right there. That's where you stand. So is he behind the bar and front of the bar? He's in front of the bar. He would order there. I think that backs up into the corner.

That's his fucking kitchen table. I'm with you. I'm on that set. Also, I got that. I'm not spinning it as the best, the classiest part. You were about to,

you were about to personally attack me. I believe you were. I think I was. I can, I know, I can, I can write some of the material. What table do you got? You don't got a bar. You couldn't have friends.

Well, that last one I didn't say. I'm your friend. I was about to say the first one. Then I was like, wait, I'm with him. Sure. Okay. Welcome to the dark side.

I usually just get my glasses from the dollar store, so they're actually kind of nice for the dollar store. So if someone drops and breaks it, it's not a big deal. And then I also did have cups made for my 40th birthday. Oh, I forgot to like the candle. That's a bit much. But it's a nice touch. So this guy's, I'd be working for this guy.

I do like, I do like everything is in, this is what my takeaway from, everything is in service of a good time and everyone enjoying themselves. Sorry, what's it say R's 40th? J.R's maybe? I don't know. I don't know. J.R.

This guy does all right. That's a real Southern name, too. That's a real Southern guy. Yeah. I went to like Chapel Hills. I feel people in the South wear a pair of chinos real well that, like, I can't. My boy Phil X wears a pair of khakis. I just can't do.

They're like too tight or always too baggy in the hips? Got fat legs. Okay. Gross. I got fat legs, too. Sure. I just. I have Quest Love legs.

Yeah. You got big, you got big mama ass. What? I also, I've never understood if they feel comfortable because I've never met a pair of cackies I feel comfortable in. Why, you could wear them. I know, but I always feel.

He's too thin, though. I am too. I don't have enough body. You have to have some. They got to be tight in the right place. He's like a. fucking telephone pole this guy. String bean.

Your birthday? Oh, I forgot to light the candles. Hang on. Oh, and take all the cellophane off. For food, I pick options that can sit out at room temperature for a couple hours. So I did beef tenderloin sandwiches with horserada sauce. Whoa. I did veggies and dill dip.

Whoa. And then I picked up toasted ravioli from my local grocery store. Hate toast and a store bought. And then I did strip cocktail with pink sauce. And then this is a... Stop. Stop. Stop. that pink sauce. What the fuck? Pink sauce?

Never heard of it. Over in Paris, they dip that shit just in straight mayo. Uh-huh. So what are you? Do you know what pink sauce is? I don't know. You just don't like it. No, that's bad.

That's a bad look. It looks like Pepto-Bismol. You go cocktail sauce. I like the horseradish cream, though. I'm wanting to get more into that. Okay, do you maybe think not everything at the party is built 100% for you? And that maybe some people enjoy a pink sauce and some people enjoy a toast. I think you would love it.

No shit. What is it? What is it? You eat shrimp like a flamingo. You might as well be pink. Pink sauce for shrimp is typically a creamy, tangy condiment made of by blending mayo and ketchup. No, what? That's pink sauce?

Yeah, and then you'll add additions like lemon juice, Worcester dryer, Brandy, or hot sauce. Brandy! You put some horseradish in there. You will find sauce! I got a little tang. I'm a cocktail sauce made, no, believe it or not. Shout out to fucking San Elmo's. Woo!

Everyone's favorite that I make are party pizzas, so those will be hopefully a big hit. And then another huge arrangement of peonies from the yard. Cigars, cigarettes, Eddie Valiant. People will know who from Roger Rabbit. This is new to my party, so I'm calling it a gentleman's bar. So I got cigars, cigarettes, mizons, some matches, and big red gum. So I got the cigars from J.R. Cigar, which is in town, which is great because I didn't have time to get monogram. matches so they gave me a about 12 of their matches and it works perfectly because it's the

skyline of st. Louis and it's has my name on it this is right by the screened import so people can grab a sig or cigar and come out here and enjoy the space out here or smoking in the house i plan impatient that's it yeah but that's not bad I've been to way worse fucking parties than that I wish I was friends with that dude that guy's all right yeah guys are what is it about being put together. Like, I never, I'm saying, I'm saying this because I just went through all of this. And I would never think of most of that stuff. I think you have to entertain a lot.

It's a put together guy who gets it, though. Heaters? Like, yeah, heaters. He strikes me as a guy that would be like, but you got heaters on the fucking porch. This is my thing that I like about, I like about him. He goes, it might not be for me, but I want everybody to be comfortable. My only gripe. And I'll walk back.

on the pink sauce or give it a shot. That toasted ravioli, that shit sucks. Sure, it's not the best. No, come on. Tostaravioli was a mistake. But again, that might not be your thing. That's not, that's not it. It's not my thing.

But I don't know anybody that likes that. Toaster ravioli was the biggest mistake we ever made as a society. Listen, it's not my go-to. It's whack. They're always too thick. There's too much breading. I but I'm a listen I'm a sucker for fried bread and cheese and dough like there's no like I I get that there's better vert a mozzarella stick is a better version of that a whatever there are

better fried things that I'm going to order but I mean if if I'm fucking three Manhattan's deep and there's a plate full of fried ravioli sitting on the table I mean what are we talking about I'm going to double down fuck ravioli as a whole as a whole I don't I don't I would prefer fried ravioli over ravioli. I'll do the pumpkin ravioli in the win. Now you can't. You just said fuck ravioli as a whole. I'm talking about the big ones.

I'll do a couple of those as a side. But regular ravioli and you're a flip flopper. Am I? Flip flopping. What about now? That's about to be an empty cup. Now you're an even half empty cup guy. Oh, yeah, refill.

Where's J.R. When you need to send one of those barthenders? Fuck, man. Now I'm out. I'm out. See? I don't know. Listen.

I mean, I should have known you're a harsh critic. For a guy who stinks. For a guy who stinks. I mean, beating up a guy. I'm not beating the guy up. I wish I was hanging out with the guy. I wish I was hanging out of him and didn't know me. What?

I wish you didn't know me. I was starting fresh with him. How did you get the invite? The only invite you're getting is being stand up and podcasting extraordinaire H. Foley. I mean, what do you think you're going to bump into this? this guy at the supermarket and he's going to go, he's got a car full of fried ravioli. I'm going, I'm going. You air soda stinks.

Stink. I'm going with a chick that, uh, that, that knows him. Uh-huh. I got no shot. No broad that's going to that thing. Tagging me along. No. This is H.

My coworker. Fuck. That's a guy Dempsey would hang out. Luke would hang out. That's like a guy from Luke's hometown. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I would love. Is that the extent of the food, though, sorry to cut you off.

Is that it? Is that what we're looking at? I don't know. I didn't make it to that. I didn't get to the party. I bet you that's it. And that's all right. Yeah, I, listen, I don't think.

He's probably got dinner reservations somewhere after that. Yeah, who the fuck? I don't want to go to a party. That, I don't want to go to that party, ND. You're going to that party. You see how much alcohol is on the bar? He's got edibles on the table. He's got a smoking line.

You don't go to that boy. You don't go and go, oh, what time is the seated dinner? I'll tell you the one thing I know about that party. More than likely, someone. is going to fucking embarrass themselves. Yeah, it'd probably be me. Zeminem's are weird. You get a handful of Eddie's in you?

That's why I, dude, at an early age in high school, someone was going around with cookies or brownies or something, and I went, I don't eat at parties anymore because I would be the guy in the movie that you see fucking next thing. You know I'm trying to drive the house on the roof, trying to drive the house. Back to my home planet. Yeah, not my cup of tea.

Good shit. Happy birthday, JR. Yes. And then he did, then apparently he mentioned those pizzas. And then he did the recipe on those little pizza Johns. It wasn't the Irish pizzas, was it? You've been pushing them things on me for weeks, dude. I don't know. I fracked her for a second.

He knew what was up. No. He does know what's up. Yeah, that guy is up. Mini pizzas? But they're like homemade. Yeah, that's sweet. Yeah.

I would never do that. At first I thought they were bagel, I'd be down. I ain't seen any sweets floating. It's at the end. He's got everything is individually packed so you can get it on the walk out. Get the fuck out of here. It's just like cookies and cupcake type of or something.

Some fancy dessert I didn't know the name of. Yeah, all in like the cupcake cup so you can just, you're on the move. No one's sitting down. You're trying to get fucking, trying to close trim in there. Yeah. Yeah. You're weird. Yeah.

Pink sauce is pretty good. much ice you got you got it can i see your can i see your chest the ice he's got ice although the beers didn't have ice on him you notice that those celtzers or whatever didn't have any ice on them that should be covered in ice listen i get you come from a i'm i get the ice people you're a big dude ice people are like people that have nothing else to talk about you get the ice you don't get the ice rag you can stop and grab a bag guy it's just like we get it do it we've advanced. Being told how to how to pack a...

Being trained how to pack a cooler, being corrected on how to pack a cooler, the different styles that my different uncles and cousins did, being yelled at. Got passed down Jenna. If you were... If somebody was four days older than you, they would yell at you about how you packed the cooler. Yeah, I remember getting smacked around for it.

Okay, maybe this is why this guy's got such a big ice issue. You gotta need more ice. That's the one thing I could do. I put a cooler together. I think coolers now, these Yetis and the, it's like you put six ice cubes in there. It keeps it cold for fucking nine years. You know, it's not, I've never been to a party and been like these or this stuff is warm. I'd freak out. It's never, it doesn't happen anymore.

The technology is so advanced. I would have ruined the day. I can't eat a trim cocktail with a fucking warm suit it. What about warm pink sauce? you would just be complaining at that party. I'd break something or something. Not on purpose. Yeah, his will to live.

I couldn't sit in that front room. That night's flowered couch? That pink sauce all over. You know, it just sounds pretty good, actually. I'd be wearing a shirt like this looking like a dickhead. J.R. is crying by the end of the party. You just... Said you're a comedian?

What kind of stuff do you do? I don't know. Wait, who's there? So he was asking me at the party about it. Probably a chick. JR's like, I wish my birthday never existed. Well, I don't know if I drove him that far, Luke. Jesus.

Yeah, I broke a couple of his dollar store glasses. But it doesn't matter. From the Alston, actually pretty nice. I even like that. Like, that's stuff that just, that's like very J. Larson to me. That shrimp should have some ice on it, too. Uh-huh. Oh, Larson would do that.

You need- Larson would do better than that. Larson's class. Uh, Larsen does better. I'm not saying he doesn't. I, listen. Larson's not doing fried ravioli.

I don't like, I think you're great in this guy too hard on if it's classy or not. I told you I want to be hanging out with the guy. I know, but it's like, I, to me, it's the idea of it's not classy.

It's just nicer. It's for, that is like the nicest event I would go to as a dirt bag. I don't, I don't want to be in a classy event. Classy events stink. They're stuffy. You got to dress up for it.

This is, you roll in whatever. That guy, he's got a pair of dock. I put on a nice pair of Southern Dockers. Nice shirt, like, I'd fit right in. What I mean? Nice part, nice comb over. I'd fit right.

I could be a Southern boy. A lot of denim you got there. You're just like Rip from Yellowstone? I'm sweating as hot as shit. I'm in that big black jacket. Is that all he owned? I guess. Jesus Christ.

But you're going to get a white T-shirt? I've been catching those clips all. a time. It makes me start wanting to watch the show. It's a great show. I can't go all the way back. Dude, the first two seasons are really good. You got nothing but time. I can't go. I can't get involved in that. It's too busy watching the clips. I can't get involved with the ranch. Okay. It's too much. You know what's real trashy? I saw a guy the other day wearing a yellow stone hat. And it's the Y. Right? It's like a specific font Y. And he seemed pretty classy and he was wearing it. And I went, that is an actual ranch though, I think. It's Dutton Ranch.

in real life, I think it is. I don't think so. No. I thought it was what's his face. Is that Kevin Spacey or no? Kevin, what's his name? Waterworld? Hey, Waterworld, Zippet.

Costner. Costner. Hey, old man, Zippen. Is that why? That's fucking Tyler Sheraton's, I think. That's what I thought. No, that's in, he owns a thing in Texas that they shoot at. That ranch is a fictional ranch, I believe.

It's real, but it's called something else. Oh, yeah, it's like, why, why, why, why, why, or something. I just made that up on it. Wait, what? That's a wild thing to make up. It's called Chief Joseph Ranch. Yeah. Is that Y from Yellowstone?

Like the Yellowstone National Park? Like, did, is that? Because I feel to wear the Y from Yellowstone as all, like, a fictional ranch is pretty. I saw a guy. Like you were in a Becker jacket. Just the doctor's go lab coat. I gave you some Becker merch. I'm sure it's an assing around somewhere.

Yeah, right. It's pretty, that's tough to get your hands on. the agents. That lies only for Yellowstone. Yeah, that's a tough. This guy seemed pretty classic. I thought it was like Yale or something. I was like this guy, that's pretty good. And I go, wait a second. That's fucking. It's like wearing an Omaha Steaks jacket. Shout out though. It's the Dutton Ranch. Yeah, but let's talk about that chili pad. Chili pad.

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Listen, all that's neither here and there. We've got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you sign up for the old Patriote, we'll answer your garbage question on the friggin' air. Talk about this one, you know, this is classy and trashy. This is from Big Ben. Are you garbage if you put chicken patties in the toaster at work? I nuke them for a minute, then pop them in the toaster to get a nice, crispy, crunchy toast. Yes, I'm fat.

What of it? I've never, in all my paddy days, I've never. Never thought about that. The idea of this has recently come across your desk. Coming to the front of my mind, not just a chicken patty. I put something in it my mom's and she freaked out, but it was a good idea. Toaster oven? No, toaster.

Put something in the toaster. I can't remember exactly what it was. It was something that shouldn't go in there, but like the chicken patty, it could. Which is a great idea. I'm all on board. It's like genius level. That's why I'm a fan of the toaster oven. Of course.

I grew up with the toaster oven. It's like the heat's right there. It's small. It's tight. Is it the most efficient? Probably not. But you get a nice cruncher. I better eyes on it too.

Yes. Which I always said was trashy. This whole. That's also I just, I mean, since the inception of the show, I've said. Yeah. Because I, because anybody that I knew that had one, it was fucked up in there. Like it looked like fucking. No, ours wasn't great.

It looked like fucking downtown L.A. Like it was bad. No, yeah, ours wasn't good. But I don't know. It just seems like such a better... We were also not a big toast. The toaster seemed... The actual stand-alone toaster seems so limited to me.

We used it all the time. We were big waffles, toast, English muffins, bagels. We fucking cinnamon toast. That's the pepper from... Cinnamon toast. Yeah. Rye toast, sweet toast. That's fucking toast.

It comes a slice in a bread aisle. We had a lot of toast. We had a lot of toasted bread. We were big on it. I mean, as were we, but I just saying like, dude, we would put fucking pizza in there. Oh, it was fucking chicken patties. You can't put pancakes in a toaster?

Yeah, my mom had made pancakes. Oh, okay. My mom had made pancakes. I thought you were making them in there. I said, that I don't start an electrical fire. The kids were over. She had made pancakes. Hey, who were doing a show?

The fuck. I was thinking about the pancake. She does a piece of bacon in it. Uh-huh. She does like bacon pancakes. Do you yell at her for that, too? I don't yell at her for anything. Is it baking bits or one?

Huh? He can't be doing bacon bits. I'd have her committed. I'm on fully side with that. Dumbrod's losing it. It's a strip. Bacon bits are for dogs and salads. I disagree with that.

It's one strip, and she pours the... it's wow but she had made pancakes and put them in the fridge and they were like pretty stiff and I threw a couple in the toaster and she'd yon at me bad

I don't know why they're on the tub at the time a little snack on my way to hell yeah I don't know I would yeah the toaster just no I didn't know anybody with a toast like that's what are you talking about

you know the toaster Pat didn't have a toaster your whole squad had toaster ovens. That might be the 10 years difference. You know? You had a toaster oven? No, I mean, we had both.

Why have both? Why not? Classy. Probably all quezon-in-off. Well, no, we swapped. At one point, we had the toast. We started with the toaster oven, then swapped over to the toast. No kidding.

Yeah. Look at that. That's a tell-tale sign right there. Is the toaster oven trashier than the toaster? Okay. Now you're off on a topic. Tim, I think your generation, you and your boys. World's greatest generation, yeah.

Heroes. Mm-hmm. You did take a lot of Molly. I'll give you that. That might have been the time for the toaster of it. But right now. Nobody's got a toaster oven. No?

No. I don't know. Sound off in the comments. Well, they're kind of coming back because like, because those that Sal Vaughanhas got that. That cool Japanese one. I don't hear the cool Japanese one. And the Japanese, we all know, are pretty cool.

I don't forgive them for what they did. Of course. Rest in peace, everybody. 9-11. Uh-huh. They did 9-11. Uh-huh. Does your brother have one?

He's a modern dad? It's a good question. I don't have my phone on. The air fryer has also. kind of taken away the need of the toaster oven to a degree. I'll give you that. Can't put a pancake in the air fry? Why not?

Can you put a waffle in there? Definitely. Really? To heat up. Everything in there. Yeah, we heat up the baby's waffles in there. The baby's waffles? The baby's waffles.

He's eating waffles? Catch up Popsicle? The baby's waffles. He's eating waffles? It sounded like you were just learning how to talk. The baby's waffles. He was eating waffles. I mean, not like fucking, you know.

Not Lego my Eggo, but we make them baby waffles and then... Oh, but you make them like, aren't they like sweet potato or something? I mean, I don't make them. She makes them, yeah. Banana-based, I think. That's pretty cool. That's probably good. Maybe like an egg or something like that.

That's probably good. Nice. I like it. I like a... Most of his stuff is reheated in the air fire or he's got a thing that cooks it. I mean, he doesn't. Suvee? No, cotton.

Baby suvi? It takes fucking six weeks to fucking make a pan. I said it takes forever. What's the deal with that? What are we doing? I don't like it. Fuck at it. Put it on the grill.

Suvi. You've been doing that face a lot. That's very Alec Baldwin from... 30? No. No. Commit of cars, yeah. Really?

Really? I'm sorry. I'm thinning out. I'm looking more like him every day. Get more attractive. Stealing his face. I'm not stealing his face. expression.

Okay, guy, gotten a little too defensive about it. Did I? Did I, Kevin? You can do Batman, too. Oh, Kevin. Um, yeah,

I don't know. Okay, I don't know. The chicken patty, that's, I'd be, he'd be running the company. It is the trashiest form of a Toaster at the,

at the work office, when I worked at the law firm, they had a toaster. You're making toast at work? They had toast there for you. They had loads of bread. You can make toaster at, Stop. You could just make toast.

No, you couldn't. Yeah, there was toast and... Shut the fuck out. You quit right now. Wait a minute. They should do, Jonah Hill from... You show me a loaf of bread and a toaster in a break room right now. I'll quit my job. I'll go to work for them. Wait a minute.

What? You're telling me in the break room at work, they supplied you with toast. You're not going to believe me. I know you had orange juice and apple juice Because you drank it all the time And you would get like a sugar coma Towards the end of the day No, I felt like my teeth were gonna fall out at one point

That's crazy I felt like a horse I felt like there was too much space In between my teeth You know what I mean? I was drinking a lot of phosphate Something good for you What?

Continue There was a loaf of bread Not great bread though But there were beggles There was like a thing of Thomas bagels And I believe Thomas English muffins two o'clock you'd walk in the brickroom you're banging out at englishmuff well you're like also not allowed to just start eating when you're at work why you can't

what do you think so you could so you couldn't get up from your desk at two o'clock walking to the break room making lichmuffin have it and walk back to work i mean you could but like it'd be relatively people would be your boss side what are you doing i'm just getting grabbing a bagel yeah you should be working i am no you're making a bagel i think a bagel i think a bagel The boys are at odds today You've never had a normal job It's so funny Well you're like shopping

You don't understand how you're like What do you mean? It's my American right as a patriot to eat these bagels You pay for it's a snack room You're saying you can only do it on your lunch break That's kind of the thing, yeah I see on the office they do that shit all the time What

That you're popping in and out grabbing a soda You can't go get a soda Yeah, it's different. You can walk in and, hey, I'm going to get a coffee, grab it a coffee and making a bagel and eating a bagel. You know, significantly different. You can't eat it at your desk? Hey, you just drank a coffee while working, right?

Yeah. If out of nowhere you just got up when made a bagel came back and ate it and tried to work, I'd have something to say about it. I think that's a fair. The problem with that is you'd smell it first. You're like, what the fuck is he doing? Yeah, if I walk to an office and I smell bagels, I'd be like, What's going on in here?

Who's working around here? Yeah. Like, I do it. First of all, if I'm at work and I'm hungry and I smell English muffins, I'm done. I'm not where I can't focus. Are you kidding me? You can't do that? You can't do that.

I was a little spray pussy spray. Fucking stripper perfume. I'm checking the fuck out, dog. You know what I'm saying? You can't want to. What? That's crazy. That's fucking entrapment

I think it was Listen I think it was Put in toast You are such a fat piece of shit That's infatement Toast How am I supposed to just walk around When there's toasting

Don't give me that shit Nobody can walk around And smell toast and not get hungry Regular people can No they can I think the toast I never fucked with the toast or the beggles What's the butter situation?

Yeah Really Jellys jams Oh fuck Damn. That place still in business? Yeah, they did. I need to do very well.

God forbid if you work for Google or something. You would take down the whole operation. They told me unlimited vacation days. You just never show up. Do they have that? A lot of places. Unlimited vacation days. What the fuck does that mean?

I mean, we have them. Yeah. Do we? Yeah, it's like you're technically allowed unlimited vacation days. I am. What do you mean? What do you mean? You're not.

What are you fucking nuts? Yes. He said he was in like Paris for two weeks. You couldn't just not show up. That's not a vacation, you bozo. Do you have you ever, the only thing you've quoted about a job is the office so far. I worked in an office once. I was a dispatcher for Kerry International Limousine Company.

I worked the overnight. Sounds like a character from a Law and Order episode of him being up. I find the body. I don't know, Sedge. She was right back here. I didn't see nothing. Yeah, that's the only office job I ever had. I don't know if that's a real office office.

No. My, that's a call center. I can smoke cigarettes. For criminals. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I don't know.

I'm just saying, I think the unlimited vacation. I'm not playing don't. No, I know. This is like kind of new, too. The unlimited vacation is like, hey, let's say we were hiring somebody, right? And Luke goes, hey, I see you guys have an unlimited vacation policy. I go, yes, we do. I take the month of April off.

Yeah. I go, the people who are going to abuse it do not keep the job. It ends up screwing you a lot of times. You end up taking less vacation. Yes. Because, like, oh, you'd guaranteed four weeks. You would just take, you'd be like, oh, I'm going on a vacation end of August, whatever. But now people are like, I'm not going to go on vacation.

Well, so-and-so is not using all their vacation. I don't want to be the person who goes on vacation all the time. So it's actually like reverse psychology to not take a lot of vacation. But also people- Can I get a job at Google? Probably not, no. You don't think? I don't think so.

As a personality? I'll see five of them pull up We can apply Well that'll be a good Patreon episode You can apply for a job at Google And see if you get it That'd be pretty good And we'll see we'll do the video interview with you

I'll coach you through the video interview We'll do some mock trials I'll need a piece of toast What is your toast policy But people would come in early and do that I think if it was like hey You have to clock in by nine You would get there at 845

You could make some toast Whatever but like you had to be, you know, you can't show up at nine fucking cruise to the clocking, cruise to the break room, stopped by Sandy's hit on her, go ask for your check a couple days early, go pop-a, you know, it's not that kind of, these are white-collar professional. So you've walked to the office and smelled toast. Yeah, I've been in there when people are making bagels and toast. That's crazy to me.

Well, what would our grandparents think of that? What? They'd say get back to work. I don't fucking toaster at work? That's nuts. One of the Chinese are kicking our ass. Don't we have a toaster here? We have an air fryer here.

Yeah, but we're idiots. This isn't a business. Morons. You're wearing a jean jacket. They had a toaster in the office. This is a denim shacket, I will have you know. You know, we're not like, this isn't an office office. Yeah, it's just odd to me that you're like, it's that insane.

I guess, yeah, you're just. If you were in a tune of recording, I wouldn't make a piece of toast. You wouldn't say anything. thing? No, but we're not at work. You're off. That time in between is your life. You're like, hey, I need to run to the store.

I'd be like your lunch break. Yeah. No. That'd be your 15-minute break. Fuck that. I'm going to start fucking counting your breaks. What do you mean? You know what I mean?

I want a limited vacation days. You have them. You don't know how good you got it. I got nowhere to go. You're like, you're like out. What? I can know where to go. You're going away.

I got nothing. I'll be here in the city. Hang it out. Uh-huh. Google is hiring. comedians to train AI. I could be that dude. I could be that dude in Terminator, too.

That's just you now. That guy did the whole thing. They're just trying to give the artificial intelligence, human-like traits, and relatable humor. You're going to train AI to take our fucking jobs? You probably would, you scab. Fucking backstabbed me one last time. You, bald prick.

What's the deal with Toast at work? No shit What's the Is there a What's the cash looking like? Yeah Salary I don't have that

Let me get I think Google pays a lot You're over six figures Doing pretty good That's pretty good They're hiring comedians Yeah Is that just posted

Or is that like an article Are they hiring writers Or what Yeah I was gonna say Why would they just go to They can reach out to anybody's Sebastian Yeah I want Saban

Yeah you know Well there no But I think that It's really just like They want A bunch of different types of people to like help train this AI is ideally what they're going for. That's scary.

I'm not doing that. Yeah, I'm not doing that. We ain't doing that. Oh, no, you know what I'll do? I'll work from the inside. I'll go in and bomb and this guy will stink. Yeah, they use these people. So they hire creative.

I won't be hard. You're on their flops. All right. It's a total packie der. I saw one of them dogs yesterday. It was on 47 or on 34th Street. Mm-hmm. One of those robot dogs.

Yeah, what was he doing? Huh? What do you mean? Oh, have you ever had? a conversation before he was a guy he walked out in the front door how do you open a door no there's a guy standing there that there must have been like a show

dog or something like you know like what's it called a floor model a floor model I don't know walked out and I got up on a tan knees and his face started spinning I would have fucking ball I would have speared that thing like Bill Goldberg fuck that guy dude he was he was a little one but it was

scary got up and it started walking towards the tourist and he had something on his face that was like spinning. Like it looked like a boring machine. That's what you are. Rood. Yeah, you know what's funny? Is my instinct, I was far away from it.

Like, I wasn't near it. My first instinct was to kill it. Uh-huh. Is that weird? No. I don't know. Just thinking that that thing went fucking berserk in Times Square. It's a little one. But yeah, you'd be able to stop that, right? I guess if it's made of a strong enough metal, you couldn't. Somebody'd have to sacrifice themselves and grab it.

That'd be a good job for you. Google, Google Pay him. All right. Robot dog wrangler. Let's see. Paying $150 to martyrs. Give it to my mother. Give it to Patty.

This one is from Phil 90X. Great name. Sweet. That's a good one. $10 gym membership here. Only have one red, but kind of glossed over. My apology, sir, sometimes that happens.

We start yapping. Being a big. and get cooking. Is it garbage to warm up bread or tortillas on your glass top stove? No. Not on a pan directly on the glass. No. That's also goes for anybody that has, uh, well, yeah, okay.

All right, listen. Let's go back to the chicken. Is it trashy? Yes. Is it genius? Yes. A chicken. The chicken patty, you know, the toaster.

Oh, okay. I'm okay with this. I mean, I'm 100% okay. When I realized that I could heat, that I could toast tortillas on the open flame on the gas stir. But that's classy. That's how it's done in Mexico and shit. That's over open flame on like a burner. Sure.

That's like, that's how that's done. Hey, yeah. And listen, if it's on an electric one, you're trash. No, you can't. On the coils. Oh, yeah, no. This is, I mean, the coils. Yeah.

But a glass one, those are classy. Yeah, I don't think they... They get hot, too. What is that electric? Yeah. Boogie, boogie. I don't think they... I don't think that technology, like the toaster oven got phased out.

I don't think they're... Toaster oven. I mean, the glass. The glass. Like the toaster oven, not its time. I don't see them... I don't see new ones much anymore. My parents just got a real nice one.

I'm sure there's a... I get, like, the Japanese, I'm sure there's a very high-end state-of-the-art thing. Your parents just redo the kitchen? Yeah, a year or two ago. Did they? Yeah. on my way Let's see

This is a great one too This is from Chris $10 investor Never Have one read Would you rather go to a cash bar wedding Or a B-Y-O-B wedding I think a B-Y-O-B wedding The cash bar just rubs you the wrong fucking way

You got me out here in this fucking suit It's 100 degrees I don't like this broad I don't like your fucking jerk-off friends I didn't like your fucking brother's Jerk off fucking speech Okay your mom's kind of a bitch

She's always been a bitch to me Feels directed at me No what are you talking about Your mom's lovely to me Yeah it's hot I gotta do this dumb shit All right but what if that's That's all the same

If I could roll in with a cooler Yeah but then okay you gotta park You gotta get the cooler out You gotta stop again that's That's to me Way more boo I'd rather just pay Hey keep the fucking cores coming Boom

Keep the garage beers coming here Now I gotta to fucking get a cool what cooler are we bringing the yety then you got to do the math we got to carry and i'm bringing i'm bringing them the shit that i like all day ipas yeah okay chicks okay couple of seltzers sure bottle of wine bottle of that 1942 don hulio that i like this seems crazy i'm gonna get fucked up sure you can i'm saying you can do that for a 50 bucks where at the cash bar Just go, here's the cash. Keep it coming.

Hey, listen. As a guy who's been friends at the long time and never seen you carry anything, I don't think you're going to be humping that Yeti cooler out of your car to the fucking thing. That's not you. You don't like taking a pelican home. I get one of my cousins that do it. Okay. Okay.

All right, do the cash bar. Okay. But I'm not getting the chicken. Sure. Great question. I think, B.YO.B wedding is. Trash. I think BYOB is so underrated.

For like a restaurant. Love it. A hundred percent. Love it. Yeah, that's great. It's like it cuts out a lot. Yeah, it cuts out a lot of the, just hustle and bustle and running back and forth and you can try. I love controlling.

I just think at a wedding, if I'm in a fucking suit. And I, me and you got the back, I got the front and we're waddling in. We're going, where do we put the cooler? Why are we going together? I don't know. Luke's getting married. You get married? I'm just saying it's like.

I'd be invited to that. right yeah there's a quick yeah you know you're down on the account when you gotta ask if you'd be invited to I didn't know um also what's he going to say no true

he's just gonna find out your schedule then book it on the day you can't go I gotta be a Google that day yeah um that'd be funny you get them the job ah you can't it's not a limit of vacation you can't make it

you're pegged in I'm gonna apply for that job okay I'm gonna get it turn him down I'm staying at Kippies. Maybe I get you two in a bidding war. You also own the company.

You've really pick and choose when it's beneficial for you. We'll get Google to buy. Sure. That's who I want you negotiating that deal. That's who I want. To me versus AI. All right. How do I turn this on?

It's you versus the dog. He's just beating your ass. I'm playing chess against this. thing. By the way, have you seen that ref on Instagram? You got it takes no guff? He does like AAU basketball, something. The guy, the white guy from Detroit.

Is that he from Detroit? He's not from Connecticut. That guy's awesome, by the way. Yeah, he was on a... That guy is what you call a straight fucking shooter. He's done a, like, part of my take and stuff. Like that, he's like a guy. He calls, and listen, I got a call like I see it.

You can't do the body. Nobody fucks with him. He's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's, uh, he's, he's, he's an internet guy, for sure. Nice. Yeah, that guy's all right. Have you ever seen the Duke?

No. The Duke's the golfer. I think he's from like the Bronx or something or like Pelham. Yeah, somewhere around there. He's from up here. He plays it like Van Cortland. He's fucking, he wears like a T-shirt, like a D-Rag. He's an old white guy.

Did he kill it? Yeah, he's like five, five. And dude, he has like this like wind-dog lackey swing. And it's like always right down. He pipes it right down the middle. and he just rips bowls the whole time. He's like, yeah, he'll just pair up with somebody. You want to rip this?

Yeah, let's go. The Duke. Shout out to the Duke. I like the Duke. It's a good name. It's a great name. John Wayne. Mm-hmm.

The Duke. By the way, new Jimmy Stewart movie coming out. You know Jimmy Stewart? James Stewart? The actor? Yeah. Who's deceased, I believe? A long time, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. How's that coming out? It's like a biopic of him going to, he was a... Oh, he's not in it. No. Oh, well, I wasn't... Okay, that's...

Jimmy Stewart biopic. Gotcha. He was in World War II, came back, thought his career was over, got it to a wonderful life. A lot of PTSD. Mm-hmm. The bomber pilot or navigator or something. P-25s or something. You haven't pulled up?

No. Oh. You were looking at what you did it. He's watching Duke videos. He's watching Duke videos. Oh, we got to get the Duke. I wouldn't mind having the Duke on. See if you reach out to him.

Hit him up on Instagram. I'm sure we can get a hold of them on Instagram. I got a wedding coming up this summer. Whose? I'd rather not say. Oh, thanks for bringing it up on air. What the fuck? I'm a family friend.

Okay. Yeah. Are you going? I don't know yet. Where is it? It's a ballpark. Around home. Home.

Yeah. Uh-huh. The place I always wanted to hang out at. A nice joint. Okay. Yeah. I actually wanted to buy the place when I was a kid. I thought I'd be able to buy it.

Like someday, I'm going to buy that, and our whole family's going to live there. All my cousins and everything. That's the level of psychopath. You're dealing with. That's what you call damaged goods. I wanted us all to live in this place and all be together forever. Then a lot of people died. The Acme?

That'd be sick. What? To live in an Acme? Yeah. And from the 80s? Let's say 93. Can you agree on that? I want to live in one now.

You wouldn't want to live in one now? I would. What the fuck I want to live? Dial-up modems and fucking... No, we'll get to technology. Well, then what's different? The food products are dead. Huh?

Dunkeroo's. They said, not dunkeroo's. I guess he's doing it. Are you AI? I mean, you got a Starbucks? You have your Beezers in Acme? Yeah, they're always in Acmes. What?

What happened to us, man? Starbucks and Acme? Get the fuck. I'll deal with it in Tartmysers. Target. You're not. I don't even know who you are sometimes. Starbucks and an Acme?

Fucking B-Y-O-B weddings. You don't like Starbucks and an Acme? I like my Starbucks separate. Making pancakes and a toaster. I'm not sale. Hey. I've never seen a Starbucks and an Acme? Acme is a local grocery store.

Acme. I go to them. You do you? That's where you shop? What? Acme? I can. Well, so can I.

But do you? No. Shut up. I mean. You have? I didn't know you got an Acme. This guy's all right. It's good.

Well, one's got a new goddamn. I used to work at an Acme. There was a Starbucks in that Acme. There was a Starbucks when you worked there? Uh-huh. Get shut the fuck up. No, that's not true. What are you talking about?

Yes, it is. What year was this? 2003? 2004-5. Say a lot. I don't think. I think you're either a head injury. I think they cut your hair a little too short,

which they did. You just got a haircut, too. I need a couple of days. That was three weeks ago. So who were you? I got a... What are you? Rob base?

You're getting your hair cut every two days? My mom. Also, Rob base. What is it with you in 1993, guy? I'm my base and I came to get... I was placing the other day. I was walking with a lot of my wall. Came to cut my hair.

I'm Rob base and I came to get cut. What? What are you looking at? What are you going to look up? I'm not looking at. It looks something up. Wait, here did you got damn unlimited vacation days. You're sitting there staring at the Duke.

You would love the Duke. You'd be in here, chief. I can't smoke bowls. These people that don't hang out with the Duke. I can't smoke weed. I don't know what level of panic attack I would have if I smoked weed because I'm too far away from it. I haven't smoked weed in months. Right? I haven't smoked weed in months.

Okay. You should have been. Some conflicting timelines there. I just don't. Relax. A weed. What are you looking at it? Cooler if you did. Starbucks first partner to a Target to open in-store cafe.

I know, but like we got to start with Target. I feel like Target was before Acme. Yeah, I don't think so. Okay. Do you think they were going for the Acme account and not getting Target? Hey, Kevin Ryan works over there. He knows the numbers. I don't know why I'm personally attacking you

they went for target first dickhead they're a regional grocery store targets everywhere I wonder why you have no friends I'm the only thing you got people can't handle it fucking tiny brain pussies can't handle first of all I'm the only friend you've got and I'm your business partner and in this episode you've insulted me personally

and told me you're going to get another job so like why the fuck That's Google. It's a good opportunity. Is this about to Friday Nighter have the only thing? Yeah, what the fuck? So Target started in 1999, which was then followed by a large expansion to 2003. That's crazy.

99? Acme didn't start having the in-store cafes until late 2010s. That's impossible. That's impossible. Wow. This Google is pretty whack on. Honestly. Google.

I know. I got to be honest. Wait till I get over it. I'm going to turn that fucking dump around. Let me do a deep dive. No, where's the John? Just to back up all my lies. You just change it.

Kippy is a dumb bulb. H. Foley has not smoked weed a month. I mean, there was a Starbucks here. I don't know what to tell you. I was the cart guy, and I remember having these rich housewives would come in, get their froca mappolates and leave it in the cart. And I'd have to take it and throw it the fuck out. And I remember being like, these rich bitches.

I'm never going to be like that. Housewife? I wish I was. I'm walking around in yoga pants. No, with that haircut. You got it. You got to let it grow in. Just a goddamn good old-fashioned family episode.

This is from probably gay, definitely drunk. H. F. Foli account. Probably gay, definitely drunk. That's all right. That's got to be a history. I he knows name. That's funny. Is it garbage, and when your mom dies, you find 32 cartons of Marlboro Reds and Black 100s in her refrigerator.

Also at her funeral, they set up packs of Marlboro Reds and lighters on both sides of a framed picture. That's a broad who likes a heater. That's wild. Wow. God lover. Yeah, that's trashy. 32 packs? 32 cartons.

32 cartons. See, those old schoolers, they like to get them. We're always on the thing of, uh, they get a pack. You're different than me when it comes to buying heaters significantly. And which way? You're not going to like this. I'm smoking heaters. No, but you don't buy them.

No. You never had them. We don't agree on this. Back in the day, you don't know me. Thought I did. You're never. This isn't about us, by the way. You also need a lot of times we're out.

You need to find heaters. Okay, yes. Because I would say you're not prepared in the heater game. Yes. You always go, ah, someone will be like, hey, I'm running to the, stop by the store, you go, I got four heaters. And you're like, that's not going to last you over the next two hours. Right. But you go, I think you think.

It's always my last pack. I'm always done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they didn't give a fuck. No. They got, get them at state minimum, load off. I remember seeing that. State minimum.

Cigarettes at state minimum. I know you lying All right, let's see here Let's do one or two more Home run of a question And Big Dog, sorry for your loss This one's funny This is from Mahoney, not that one

Shout out to Mahoney Hey Mahoney If you mention states that you've driven through As places you've visited Say it again If you mention states that you've driven through As places you visited For a long time

I would say if you stopped, yeah. If you drive all the way through Virginia, you technically, if you stop for gas and some snacks, hand up, you were in Virginia. What the cops say you were in Virginia? Yeah. You were in Virginia, dog. For a long time, the only time I was on a plane until.

Is Conair? Cyrus. That guy creeped me out. We flew to San Francisco. Yeah, you can't then say you were in Illinois. Well, that's funny. You mentioned that. We flew to San Francisco when we went on that trip in 1989.

It was after the earthquake in San Fran. We flew out there, and then we drove to Serene Lakes, California, to visit our cousin. Shout out to him. My best vacations of my life. That's where we drove to Reno to go to that fucking... I've heard. Yeah. Johnny Squogged, the Nugget, to go to the buffet.

I got you. We had a layover at O'Hara Airport in Chicago. O'Hare. O'Hare. Catherine O'Hara Airport. Oh, that'd be so sweet. That'd be in Canada. I know, but it should be Chicago because that's where Home Alone won.

I love it. But then it would be the different... Was it at O'Hare? Right? They ran through? Yeah. I was thinking Midway. Isn't that their other one?

There's two airports there. In Chicago? Yeah. No, there's not. Okay. They got two airports? Yeah. We always fly no hair.

And we stand out there in Old Town. Midway is the other. Midway. No shit. Shit. I thought you meant midway like the famous naval battle. You were there, right? No.

But I appreciate it and thank them for their service. I can't believe we're not midway through this story yet. My mom always told people that she's been to Chicago. Because she landed there to layover. We were there for like an hour. And listen, I am saying that is boots on the ground, kind of. We didn't leave the airport. You would have to say, have you ever been to Chicago?

Yeah, but just a layover. I'm okay with that because you're qualifying. If you say, yeah, it's a lovely city. My mom said she was dying. My mom said she was dying. The river is green. Yeah, now that's a. Now, I say I was in, before I had gone to London, I say I was in London because I had,

let me know what you guys think of this. I landed in London. I disagree. I was, I just go. Here's my walking papers. I'm going to Google. I landed in London. Right.

I had a layover before Dublin. At out. And that? So what is then? I went through. I left. Smoked a heater outside. Boots on the ground.

London Airport. Heathrow. Is that where you were? Yeah, London landed an afro. It's all right, man. Landed an afro. Popped out, caught a heater. Went back in through customs.

I think I had to get my luggage like a dickhead. Yeah, I had to, right? No, maybe not. This wasn't that long ago. And I... No, no. It's 17 years ago this week. Oh, really?

17 years ago this week. Can I tell you this? Sure. You were in London, my friend. Right? You were in London. You did not visit London. I'll take that.

I didn't visit London. Do you see any British people? Yeah, you were there. You see one of them cabs and black cabs? I don't think so. They're right around, you don't talking about? What's oldies? Where you go?

Um, yeah. Take me down to the pub. Is that not a bad? Is that not good? What do you got? What's the best? Minus the L.O. Isn't it?

What's all this? Hit me with like, uh... All occasions to inform against me and spell my dull revenge. What does a man if the chief go to the market of his time be but feed and sleep, a beast no more? And surely he that could create this. What's its laws? Fuck, I lost it. I don't think you ever really...

You don't think I ever had it? That's high British. Luke, help me out. You're high English. You're a high American, right? That's no good. You're like to Duke. Wait, no, no, fuck that.

I'm not leaving on a sour note. Cut that. Leave me some direction, and let's do it again. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, see you all next week. Tata. Fuck! I got cashier people, look at this.

I got fucking high power. Where are you walking away? I got a high-powered agency. I can't be out there lunching it. This isn't in it. This is going. Hello? What's all this then?

Coddust. Say peace. Peace. I thought you were going to do in the voice. Peace.