Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ian Fidance Returns! Delaware Trash

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

Kippy and Foley are back and they got company! Their pal Ian Fidance comes by to answer some listener questions! The boys go over boozing, childhood parties, and whacky family members. It is a HOT one.  Bonus Episodes: www.Patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Get a Shirt: www.PodcastMerch.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage the show we sit down with your favorite comedians about the group classy there's the big old busy shit I'm your host a truly coming at you on a beautiful day here down in the basement and to these joint she's upstairs taking a nap so for God's sakes keep it down take your shoes off will you my co-host is coming at you from right

next to me is my old pal my good pal we got a funny episode planned we're gonna have a great time give it up for Kevin James Ryan everybody hey what's up everybody happy to be here thanks so much for tuning in as always little bit of business please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube subscribe there please also t-shirts and hoodies at podcast more get on it go there while supplies list also go to fucking patreon.com slash are you garbage to get bonus content you get videos you get live streams you get all that kind of stuff dude so fucking help us pay the

bills keep the lights on I got the landlord breathing down my back we got our first live stream coming up pretty soon right yeah still got a schedule it gonna be good gonna be good times like I said I'm going all but whole okay so I'm doing hey let's take a minute let's tip our caps to our old pal our producer extraordinaire the fucking magic man the Chicago kid running by the name of T-bone these days on the circuit T bone T bone give it up for Toby McMullen everybody I hate that that's why it's sticking baby I didn't like Kippy five years later like my nephews call me Uncle Kippy gang today is what we all really really

enjoy it's the holidays it's time for another family episode here on the podcast we have an old pal here with us today and he's got a weird energy I got not the guy you want coming over for that he's the uncle's friend that shows up for Thanksgiving his name's Jerry sits in the corner I can take a breath your face is red he needs a cup of decaf and a hot meal I'll tell you Nick correct gum he's episode number one El numero uno our old pal gonna sit in with us while we do a little bit of fan questions it's a family episode we got the cookies on the table because we got a little company give it up for Ian finance

everybody hello I'm just shombered at the bits to fucking talk pulling off his quarter-wide jacket that hour-long intro only getting really long-winded in the intro yeah I had two days upstairs making a bag of roti and cheese and she went to the store earlier there's no way to do it she ended up getting some jello and then she forgot to get the bears there really is an aunt hoodie it's Brian six's aunt hoodie I didn't and cookie I'm sure you did yeah what was her what was her what was her boys and what she like she was something she looked like she looked like Elizabeth Taylor and people would ask her for an autograph and she's on a

cookie cookie don't you forget rubes and Delaware wasn't what the fuck I forget every name was cookie or what I think it was cookie she's been dead for a long time I mean it wasn't legally no her name is Carmella and baby and Carmella yeah Carmella I think Carmella is a hard name yeah you got a rough paper out of your Carmella yeah I had another Aunt Carmella but I called her Aunt Pesty she was an exterminator she was always bothering me she was grabbing my face stroke of it every day that little boy why do you think I'm so I started putting duct tape around my underwear couldn't keep this brought out of the goods you know

what I mean oh my God suspenders of a young age I did wear suspenders I loved it man every picture day I was the best lucky kid on the block yeah you're probably always talked in rhymes and riddles and oh my god yeah totally I had a cousin who was a magician he was the Ronald McDonald Brian rebuying I didn't know I meant it's not a lot of showmanship behind oh dude we used to get we want to be okay Brian McBoy I think he's here we used to get we used to get a birthday clown for me that I was in love with named bingo and he was from Newport Delaware my birthday make this Jack Daniels disappeared we have my birthday

at the ground round oh my god did you notice he was strong he inflects your muscles wait the fact that you would have a birthday party at ground round is 100% sure yeah who you talk and then you would have a magician come to the restaurant yes I don't know this code imagine they're trying to enjoy your buffet and somebody someone's going to this your car here from Sleezo the clown someone's bull if I get rabbit out of that thumb in your ass magic trick in front of your parents he's a trick I'm gonna touch you little boy dick and your parents aren't gonna know all right thanks pick up I'm gonna make your innocence

disappear you guys know how to create a lawsuit let me show you this trick last years it's called latent memories you'll be watching a movie and one day you'll cry holy shit we gotta slow down this is too crazy bingo the clown yeah I grew up our shout out to Paul Conover growing up his mom was giggles of the clown and it's tough when your mom your mom's down Giggles and she would do like we had the Holland Hooptie do was like the prayer it was like the fucking the fair and elementary I've had my mom blow into the gas station it was she would show up and then like he hated it he was a used to paper shut up he was like a goat no

problem here give him a composition book and he would fucking finish it by gym class wow that's a muster that's fucking seated repression right you look over he's just eating a paper cup like it's nothing coffee that's where his mom kept the makeup the paper cup trying to eat it away yeah that was dude being if your dad was a client I saw anything that's a tough thing to come back from especially in a small town if he doesn't end another market it's one thing but if he's doing at home grown yeah if you don't have to Royersford living manning on show the church in the big shoes sorry I didn't have time I didn't have

time you're crying at church you pull out a handkerchief it doesn't stop existed speaking of miracles a little time here Ian buddy thank you so much for coming in thank you so much my head hurts already we've been laughing for seven minutes straight I gotta find some bingo videos what was the latest you got them at a party 17 no no I don't know two or three years and they disappeared then we heard some bingo stories years later kind of made sense bingo is doing a little yeah yeah yeah yeah for touching kids are the same age that's the way talked no wonder like that now now we got a hat you're reaching the hat yeah

yeah reach deeper I never fuck with clowns growing up and I didn't want anybody showing up to my party like that my mom never got magicians clowns under that knob were you more like a snake guy here's a Polish fifth birthday here's some snakes fucking daytime talk show you never had the snake friend their name was always like Jake or Colin I had a snake they had like a snake handler the only thing we ever maybe a fucking bouncy castle or something like that no dudes were showing up fucking wild bill or anything like that some presentation I think I said it in a bonus episode I had the fucking union rat

the protest rat because my family such blue collar fucking mooks that my first holy community shut out the Jimmy he was there Jimmy he's not my uncle stuck a pole in it sets it was a unicorn was it a Jewish relative no fucking Jimmy was like yeah I forgot damn I got I got this suit in a car and he went out and dressed up and put the rat suit on it came in all the kids oh I thought you meant the big blow up yeah they got that to like protest your communion he got the body of Christ before the first holy communion I paid my dad a 7 you fucking I didn't know that no he would be the guy like

they obviously had to blow up rap but he would be the guy who would dress up and the word was he would dress up in the rat and then like go smash windows of non-union projects or whatever what that's yeah what's what the fucking union guys though not a favorite go sit over there yeah they go talk to some union guys yeah they do yeah we're all lazy now I don't they know here that yeah doesn't take much fucking work to not go to work huh Ian Hafa over hey the guys that get the big blow up rats yeah also in their spare time smash windows no but like a lot of time if something doesn't go this was back in the day but

if something didn't go non-union if something went non-union over union they would like you know just and they'd be like oh the front windows of this hotel are done and then you come into the job site in the morning there'd be fucking you're a non-union carpenter for a little while I was yeah and then my first fucking commie my first construction job I was a unskilled labor and now you're making comedian shut the fuck we were making we were making state rate which is like insane we're making like 2750 an hour is fucking crazy but I I didn't go to work one day and I lied to my mom and I was like oh there's an

issue with the union the electrical the electricians union didn't show up and we couldn't turn on any lights because you're not supposed to do any of their work at all like plumbers would like leave their shit out and we weren't allowed to clean up the plumbers union a union worker had to clean up the plumbers work yeah I mean so like that would delay work whatever shot the local so I so I told my mom I was like yeah there's an issue with the electricians union they they didn't show up so we couldn't turn the lights on we couldn't use any of the power sorry I didn't have work today and then a buddy called and my mom was like

oh it's a shame what are you doing with your off-day not being at work he's like what are you talking about my mom was like didn't the electricians not turn on the power no I was wondering where Ian was I was like you fucking rat bastard can't be good one of your guys a smashing window piece of shit wasn't as good as the bingo story but I'll give it to you now all right t-bone cut it put some lipstick on that pig yeah he's a fucking buzzsaw t-bone let's get into some fucking patreon a question yeah let's do it a patreon we love all you guys thank you for sending in questions these are my favorites I love

the family of a sodium I'm so glad you're here yes this is great being the first guest welcome back to the new thank you I love the new studio I guess you can call the patreon episode today the paltry on all right he just dropped the $100 like that's coming out of your bottom line small business owners here no guys so listen we get thousands of fuck at this point thousands of question suggestions to ask our guests and stuff that we use to play the game and part of what we do to you know give you an incentive to join the patreon once you join the patreon we will ask one of your garbage questions when you

join and we have you know so many to get through so we wanted to bring in come sit down answer some of the questions with us nice little family episode that's right just in time for the holiday this is this isn't even a question it's more of us you know this is from Jeff Sharman shot Jeff thanks Jeff and I don't know what I think Ian was all about this it just says liverwurst garbage or class what are you a liverwurst never had it really never wow never had I would have paid you for a big L dub no way elementary never had it remember remember there was an episode of Doug where he had to eat liverwurst and onions

now yeah oh gross me out that was a great show up shout out Doug yeah you were probably and still are a big liverwurst guys shout out the neighbor mr. Binks what was the name the blue guy I don't know but I'm funny I grew up with a guy that looked like Roger Klotz and we called him Roger Klotz he had like the fucking face shape like his oh poor fella shout out the Frank I didn't watch yeah you were fucking yeah you were like in grad school grad school for Perkis addiction he was following O. A. R. around the door there was a crazy game of poker I'm 35

no but you're a Percocet and that's the riff we're in right now okay come on okay all right deposition everything has to be real you're fucking shooting from the hip and you're like isn't it Oh, yeah. John Mayer Piltown. Oh,

I'm just so good. God damn. John Mayer Piltown. That is a good piece of fitness. And she's got his bonkers. This kid's coming in hot. Look out. Union, non-union.

I don't care. Hired his man. Oh, somebody get me bingo on the phone. Bingo. Holy shit. Liver worse. No. Really?

However, chicken livers. What? Mixed up. Whatever that's called. Chicken pattej. Chicken liver. It's not chicken pattej. What's it called?

Fucking disgusting. Yeah, chicken livers. When you mash them up and they're like mixed with like some shit, they're really good on crackers. And I love pattej. I love goose liver, pattej, and all that stuff. I like a green pattej. I do not like pattej.

I like tartar. I like a tuna tartar. You're kind of retartar. Shut up. Is that retartardly? This is my friend, Foley, who's retarded. Forgive us. Do I like to?

They serve a lot of the ground round, do they? It plays out the party. Oh, it plays out the party. The sexual harassment suit, please. God, the tartar. Can I speak to your manager? Can I get a raw bag of alvita? My stepdebby was a liverware.

He became a liverwareist guy. You're talking in the tube? What is liverware? We have to rip the. I don't know what. It's meat. It's smell. You can smell from the neighbor's house.

In a tube? You got to rip it out. That's the cookie. That's the little dough guy. The Pillsbury. Yeah. What? Who are you talking about?

It was your meat cookie. No. It comes in like a sausage. It's like a tube. Yeah, it's like a compressed and wrapped up. Yeah, that's stuff. That's the way you give dogs a little picture of medicine. Dude, that's my stepdad used to bring it home.

And it would ruin all the rest of the lunch meat, because it would bleed into the other side. Dude, I remember at one point I go, Mom, I'm sitting there trying to have a fucking turkey and cheese Sammy, and it tastes like I'm eating a shoe. We made him keep it in the garage. One point I carried it in the backyard. Dog was going crazy.

Wait, you kept your uncle's food in your house? What? He rented space in your fridge. He only gets a fucking storage unit. No, my uncle Jimmy, he was the rat. So he had to keep the cheese in the garage. Hey, then where's that liverwurst that left here? I don't want the kids to eat it.

Don't touch it. Hold it for a friend. Hey, I'm late on my rent for that corner in the fridge. Can you give me till Friday? Hey, listen, if you don't have money, I'm going to move you to the garage fridge, OK? This is real estate. Location, location, location.

Liverwurst in there pretending like it's not home. He's not here. I haven't seen him. It's just those belongings. Listen, I can't be alimony. You got to be real fucking tight with that shit, especially when you got kids in the house. You got to back him, so you can't have fucking adult foods

mixing in with fucking snacks and shit like that in the fridge. I've had pudding that tasted like onions before. What? Fuck that, yeah. You ever go to drink a Sprite and it's vodka? You ever do that? What? And your mom's hiding drinks?

All right, my mom was an emotional rat. You wake up parched, and you're like, oh, relapse, what? I thought you were going to say crystal light or something. I don't know if you ever been to the Ryan household, but we do not hide our alcohol. It is out there in the open. The only time there's a couple of people in the family will do what they call afternoon coffees.

And it's a drink in a while walk up. And who knows what they're doing, but it ain't legal. I know that much. I never really had meats bleeding into other snacks in my household. It's not good, man. It's a strong meat. The lunch meat cabinet?

Liverware, setting that stuff. Yeah, so we used to have to keep it. I won't buy them. Sounds like dog food. Yeah, you got friends coming over after a soccer game. They're looking for orange. Yeah. Fistful of ham.

A mouthful of meat. Fistful of ham. Good game today, baby. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Fucking corn has game in the breeze, son. What's this bullshit? I'm going to lose my mom up. Water bottle full of gravy.

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Pull the what? Gravy. Gravy. Yeah. Oh. Jesus Christ.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah, dude. Yeah, no one the liverwars to a buddy. No, thank you. No. Oh, shit. I like the olive loaf. I'll tell you that.

Olive loaf. Yeah, with the bologna with the olives in it. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, trash. I'm trying to church it up, and you're not doing it. Have you ever had Vietnamese deli cuts? Wolf, wolf. No, what are they?

Just a bit. No, no, no. I was really in the mood for Italian deli meats. I went to a Vietnamese sandwich shop, and they had like. Naturally. Vietnamese meats. I was like, oh, let me try these. And it was the grossest shit I've ever tasted.

It looks like that olive loaf or whatever. The pimento loaf or something, right? Yeah. It was just like ears of soldiers. Although Jesus Christ, that's terrible. Cut this. Fucking clasoring. This is a family program.

I'm eating somebody's uncle. I was going to say. My needs a haircut. What I was going to say is some of those Vietnamese sandwiches have awesome, have like ham. And they put pate on sandwiches. Sometimes it's truly good. I do not.

I could see Vietnamese. I cannot. Are you a picky eater, Ian? No, but there's just some stuff. I won't. I'll try anything. Like I've tried rabbit, rabbit heart, whatever. I do not like it.

Guy, I've tried pate. Not for me. Was this a big goes? It's a big goes drum. Rabbit hearts. What the fuck is that, man? It's a heart of rabbit. I'm aware of what it is, but where are you having that?

I had it in Malta. The country? Yeah. That's not bad. Are you travel? Oh, yeah. OK, I remember now. So that seems shady.

No, what was that? I thought I didn't think you were traveling. I thought you meant like traveling. It sounded like you were decompressing at a facility in Malta. I don't know why. What's going on? Oh, Henry's grad school.

All right, we got another one here. What do you got? This is. What is it about? This is from Robert McCray. Have you ever referred to the remote control as a clicker? Or mode control? No.

Also, I mean, what did you call it growing up? It was a clicker. Clicker. Get the clicker. That's trash. Oh, yeah. You're just naming it after the sound that it makes? That's so fucking good.

There's a proper name to it. A remote control. You call it the clicker, and you call your mom the Yeller. Call your dad the lever? It was a remote. Where's the room? We were a remote control. Ooh, look at you.

Still a duct tape on the back. Big shot. Scotch tape. Yeah, we did for a while. That's real trash. Yeah. I remember for a long time you had to get up and turn it. We didn't have the remote or the universal.

Oh, yeah. Just went with it for a little while. TV didn't exist from midnight to 6 AM. Yeah. And you'd be up at 5.55 to watch Saturday morning cartoons and do the rainbow color. Still be on. What was it?

That guy's name? Captain Kangaroo? Captain Kangaroo. Yes. That will come on in the morning. I felt like I was really old, though. What year was that? I don't know.

Like 80s, 70s, 70s. So we find out that Ian's went in. Ian's 52. 42. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm surprised. You remember Doug and Captain Kangaroo? Yeah, man.

Watching a lot of movies. I got a lot of them. I got a lot of memories. Oh, my god. You were probably. Some I wish I could click away. You were probably playing in front of that TV from morning to night.

I keep you at every end cookie's hair and all that. Aunt Tiny, Aunt Tiny. Little like Will and his milk, if I can keep him on. Keep him restrained. That sounds funny. All right, this is from, this is a hot up, baby. We are running and gunning. This is, let's see.

This is from the 1-0-2-8-9, real original. Is it trashy to gas up your car in a quarter tank, half tank at a time? You have a car? You have a car, right? I did. You did. I did.

What did you do with it? Did you guys ever charge your friends for gas? That's trash. You've charged me for gas, yeah. There you go. Just give me like 425. No. Well, at least I put 50.

It was at least a quarter tank in there when I picked you up. Yeah, you can eat $5. Yeah. You filled up only a quarter at a time? Well, I'm still weird with it. I don't like, I don't know. I'm always, even when it's really long, like just, I'd never say fill it up.

Like, give me 30. Really? 20 or 30. That's trash. Yeah, I'll give a 20-hour bill and just fill it up for that. Yeah, whatever this gets. This will get me to where I'm going and back.

Plus, I think it's because I was so poor, and I'm still poor, but poor for a long time, that I'm like, I can't have operating capital tied up in the gas. Operating capital? What the fuck is that? Well, I'm like, I'll put the 10 bucks in. I'm not going to fill it up with 30.

I might need that 20. I'm going to get a pack of burnies or something. You know what I mean? Yeah, but then you did. Five will get me to where I'm going and then. Halfway to your place, you run out of gas. When you're young, yes, obviously. Or 34.

Now, the car's in. Fuck, and I juice it all the way up every time. Let me tell you something. It's a really good feeling. To coming out of the fucking car wash and gassing up the car, putting the new fucking little tree air freshener, having a full tank. You get a ham flavor to it.

He puts it around his neck. Do you have anything in a cured meat? Do you have a Sapercata? Now, give me a cup of cold. I used to be a volunteer firefighter, and they would never let it get past a half tank. They'd always fill it up. Well, that makes sense.

I mean, dude, you're a bitch. What are you trying to do? Turn it and burn it? Run on fumes to fucking, you know. Hey, you've got to push it from here on. Spicer Lane. She uses money on beers. What do you guys say?

We just got to let the house burn down. We forgot to gas it up. Can you imagine that? That dress, you use that to fire a fire. Oh my god. Bring it out of the gas on their way to the house. They're going to get a little truck to bring them gasoline. I think I saw a Texaco about a mile back.

Can we stretch the hose? I try not to let it go under half the tank, and I fill it up all the time, because I know it's better for the car. But I understand. I let mine get a little longer. I like to see where the light goes. Oh, yeah, I'll get.

I mean, because I have the digital where it tells you, like, fucking, you know, you got 20 miles left or whatever. And the light comes in. Oh, that thing's dangerous. I know, because you're pushed. I got it. It comes on at 27 miles. And it switches on you real quick.

All of a sudden, it's 20. Once it's five, what are you doing? Once you get below 10, it gets dicey. They're really guessing. It's a maybe, yeah, it really is. Well, before that, you just had to see the light and be like, I think. I think I got 20 miles.

I was always like, oh, they say 20 miles. The anxiety just from that. That's how anxious I think we are as people. The anxiety just from that. You know what I mean? It's like when it's on E. I know it's going to just get. All right, thanks, Bigger Point. Well, really, as a human, we all need

to come together and fill our tanks with water. I'm trying to add to the conversation. Shut it. Give me the yucks. Yeah, look at the macro. Have you ever ran out of gas? Have you ever ran out of gas? No.

No, I don't think I have. Surprising. Yeah, no. I haven't. I have. But that's the pull for people that need money. They have a gas. Hey, I just need 10 bucks in my gas.

Can I please add blah, blah, blah? That's the hook at every gas station in Delaware now. You're always looking for a grift, aren't you? I like it. You're always smiling. It's not me. I haven't done it in weeks. How do you think I got it?

No, that's what they do in Delaware. People are coming. Hey, can I just get money for gas? Then you give it to them. You're like, wow, you really turned that gas into heroin. You really turned your car into a needle. That's pretty good. Well, he's taking notes.

I've done the thing where I ran out of gas. I had to walk to the gas station, buy the little red thing, fill it up, walk back at the car, and then drive back to the gas station to fucking fill up the car. Have you ever had to siphon gas before? No. I've had to help a friend with that. Yeah, if I stepped back in it.

What? Oh, that's a device. That was for mechanical things around your house. Where did you do it? You'd siphon out somebody's car. No, you would just siphon gas to put it into the thing to then put it into the car. And you sucked, right?

And you got a burning click. Did the person who you were siphoning the gas out of their car know you were siphoning gas out of their car? No, no, no, no, they knew it, they knew it. Yeah, if you have a lot in the tank, you got a little spare on. That's a brutal one. You take some out of the tank if you want it.

Did you crawl up in the 20s with the car? Well, the gas lines were so long. I had to date with a flapper. I had to get to it. My license plate ended in the need of a number. Wasn't my gas dirty. I was siphonin' alcohol because there was a legal at the time. Jesus Christ, that's horrible.

Delaware. Delaware who? Dude, Delaware is. Delaware is another level of trash. It's like country, hick, city. Part of Delaware is below the Mason-Dixon line. The cities are well-matched. One time there was a Dale Earnhardt flag

on someone's fucking lawn, and we drove by and to heckle them. They were on their front lawn, sitting in lawn chairs, and they were like, Jeff Gordon sucks, thinking that they'd be like, hey, fuck you. It's like, yeah, he's a sissy. Yeah, well, I grew up in a, I was in Earnhardt house, and you hated Jeff Gordon, because Dale Earnhardt

was like the old fucking cowboy, and this pretty boy Gordon came in, and you were like, what the fuck? So if you were an Earnhardt fan, you hated fucking Jeff Gordon. What was Earnhardt's favorite Pink Floyd album? The Wall. Ah, there you go.

Crashin' of the Wall died. Yeah. We're gonna cut that so my stepdad doesn't hear it. Shout out to the Intimidator. We had a huge dude. He had a shot, and he had like a 40-foot banner. The Intimidator. He went out hard, dude.

It's so trashy. That was a song. You always say that. What are you, conventional wall in an Asgard event? I know. Pretty hard. Yeah, but they typically feel like 100 times. You're gonna go on the shitter.

Yeah, right. Blow a gasket. All right, this is, we talked about this briefly at the beginning, and I couldn't find the question. Excellent. This is from G.N.O.L.M.2. Were you ever fired from a job for committing too many no calls, no shows, or did you ever just

like never show up? Wow, I never did a no-call-no-show. What? Never, ever, ever. No. Really? But I did quit a job after two days. Oh, yeah, I've done that.

It was a packaging job. Downstate. Downstate. That's real Delaware trash. Downstate. It was downstate. It's all downstate. It's all downstate from here.

We didn't get any breaks, but we noticed within the second day that if you broke a package, you had to go right up a slip. And you could go into the air conditioned office and do it, so we kept breaking packages. And then after like, I started on a Wednesday, and I quit like that Monday. You just, did you tell them, hey, I quit?

Yeah. I went this far once. This is back in my certain days, where I was partaking in certain things. We call them your skinny days. Certain days. Yeah. We know how well Foley's doing by how fat he is.

Somebody in the YouTube comments said, I think Foley puts on 20 pounds an episode. Oh my god. And I can't, I can't. And with your help on Patreon, it could be 30 an episode. Now get in there. Got this guy some juice boxes. Oh my god.

Also, I love how the camera's set up, where you could just see the before and after life. You got the pretty boy. Yeah, god, you had it, man. He's a good kid. He was mixed up, though. I'll tell you that. He was mixed up.

He was insecure. Yeah, you really got to figure that out. This guy's not mixed up. This guy's now solid and secure. You are at 311 zone. You're all mixed up. And then everything from here on out, it's damned. All mixed up.

You don't know what to eat. Then I turn around and I lose my piece. It's a musical podcast. Who knew I knew 311 like that, huh? Oh, man, they're real trash. Anyway, one time I didn't want to go into work, obviously, because I was not feeling well. Yes.

And it was like my third or fourth. Couldn't find your gas can. It was my third or fourth time that I had called out. So I was going to be fired. So I knew I had to do something really elaborate. I mean, I had to really put on a show. Back against the wall. I've done shows.

I've done shows. So I'm crashing real hard. I'm supposed to do a lunch shift, dude. Just thinking about that stuff. God, if I ever had to go back to waiting tables, I would just fucking jump out a window. That's patreon.com. It ain't too far away from it.

I'll tell you. That stimulus check, don't come. You're going to catch him at a Friday. The minutiae's screwing me. Trouble. Let's. The mnuch can go fuck himself. So I called him up.

Mnuch can eat my gooch. I called him up and I said I had strep throat. And he didn't really believe me. And yeah, I'm doing the I'm sorry, man. You can't oversell it either. Oh, God. Well, this is what I did. All right, here.

I hung up. I'm sorry, man. He's like, ah, fucking bullshit. And before you hurry up, I bought it, guys. Drinks on me. I just put the coke over there. Take your pants off. I have some champagne coming in an hour.

So I hung up and I immediately called back his cell phone. By accident? No. I immediately called back his cell phone and pretended like I was calling on my dad. Like I had gotten mixed up in my delirious state. And go, hey, dad, I'm calling. I was like, dad, what's I had to call out of work, man?

I think I had to go to the hospital. It's like really burning. That's fucking next level. Wow. And my boss is like, hello? He's like, he's like, he's like, Henry? I'm like, dad, man, it's like, I'm really, I feel like I'm dying.

I can't really like voices. It hurts my body. He's like, it's Sam. It's Sam. It's Sam. It's not your dad. He's like, listen, you just rest up. And we'll see you in a couple of days.

Take care of yourself. Fucking. Wow. And he bought it. Paul of Famer. Book, wine, and sinker. Paul of Famer. H. Foley School of being a scumbag.

Wow. I had to pick my stepdad up from the airport so many times. You a stepdad? Yeah. You don't want to be more though, right? No. I had to pick him up from the airport so many times, just being late to work.

I wouldn't miss work a lot, but I'd be late all the time. It was like always a new. Did he work at the airport? No. But I had to be like, he was out of town. I got to pick him up. Oh, that was your excuse. I thought you were late.

I was like, how's it relate to my story? Yeah, my mom had to go to work. I'm like, where's the air? Are you flying? Who's flying that much? Hey, Segway Sam. You want to stick to the script, will you? I remember one time I was like.

I was in the Poconos one time. Which my uncle. I remember one time I was like 14, 30, I don't know. Young, young. And we're all my buddy, Justin, it was like in the summer. And I wore, I always worked really young. And I wanted to, it was one of those things where like something cool materialized like last minute.

I was like, I'll go over to your house, hang out. I got to work at six. So I'm like, I'll hang out till five. And then I'll go to work or whatever. To bus tables at Giuseppe's. Sucks. And something really cool started materializing in the summer. One of those like, oh, let's do this.

And I'm like, oh, fuck, man. That's the worst to be in the guy that had to work when something cool was going on. And no, none of my friends had job. You know, like, I had like a, I was busing table. Like I was like, you had a responsibility. Other kids were like camp counselors or whatever. And I remember being like, I'll fucking, I'll call out.

So I just called up Giuseppe's like the pizza place. And I got the person who takes the orders. And I'm like, yeah, I, you know, it's just Kevin. Like, I can't make it. I don't have a ride. You know, I'll see you later. We'll pick you up. I'm thinking of a large pie and some wings.

It's not an adjustments house. Well, yeah, we're party. I'm thinking of two for Tuesdays real quick. Yeah, I'm sick as a dog. You still running that party special? Do I get the two-liter with that? So I hung up. So then I hung up and I go, like you're so innocent and stupid.

You go, that's it. I'm in the party. Let's go. And then my mom then calls Justin's house ring. And she goes, I just got a call from Christine at Giuseppe. She's fucking furious. You can't just, you know, you can't just call out 10 minutes. Christine, go fuck yourself.

Based on no ride. It says you're leaning on a 14-year-old kid. I was trying to get her service. And it was like a fucking, it was a jumping spot back in. I got a contract here. The salad bar is down a man. The salad bar is down a man. Is that who you were, salad bar?

No, it was bus boy. Sometimes salad, depending if you either prepped the soups and salads or you were on the bar. We got a sneezer. You got to clean the guard. Because let me tell you something. The salad station in the kitchen is clean living. Yeah, back there with the cooks when you're young, too.

Nice and cool. You make friends with the cook and they hook you up with the food. We used to pass off pulled meats just like fucking drug deals. Yeah, it was awesome. It was great. Pulled meats. Yeah, like, like, you know, short rib or something. You know, just a handful of short rib.

You are next level trash. Yes. You could have just said short rib. Give your own dirtbag language. Delawareese. I was hanging with my buddy one time. We were just drinking in the yard, you know, like 2 p.m. having the best day drinking time.

Sure, I love it. Then he's like, I got to go to work. He's like, I'm going to call off. And he calls and he's like, they're like, you have to show up. If you don't show up, you are 100% fired. And he goes, I'm so sorry, I got hit by a cab. That's real.

So he hangs up the phone and then dives into a pile of gravel on the sidewalk. And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? And he goes, six time late, I got to bleed. Oh my gosh. You got to sell it, baby. Got to give him the sizzle, baby. It's funny.

You stressed about that. It didn't fucking matter. It doesn't fucking matter. Well, that's what I'm saying. So what, it finished the story? I didn't realize in my story that I was just like, oh, cool, we'll party at fucking Justin's. Have a couple of pops, you know what I mean?

Couple of cocktails. Couple of ladies coming over, couple of bikinis. I'm not going to touch them, but looky, looky, looky. 15 years. Remember that time? I didn't think that there's like nine delivery drivers making deliveries. So they're like, we'll just have one of the nine people

in cars in your neighborhood that we're paying to come pick you up. Like, we'll get you a ride. If that's all that's stopping you is a ride. We'll fucking, we'll have someone there in 10 minutes to come pick you up. So my mom goes, I go, you got to call and tell them I'm sick, mom.

Like, I, and she's like, I'm not fucking. Wait, hold on. What was your initial line of Christine? I don't have a ride. I know, man. I was all hopped up on the whole party. 14-year-old underdeveloped brain. I know.

No foresight. I only got one sock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I stubbed a toe. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. You fucking tell them your mom just OD'd and he just

got drafted. You got a fucking thick on your feet. But it went from, so then I had a call back. I had it. My mom ended up taking me in, but it went from, I had to be like, oh, I found a ride. Dude, it went from, fuck, I'm missing the party to, I'm in the fucking party to, fuck, I'm missing the party again.

It was talking about a roller coaster. Talking about a ride. And I know that, I know the piece knew what was up to. She's like, I ain't fucking calling for you. You got to either go into work or call them and tell them you quit or something. You know, like you had this. Was it a family friend that ran the joint?

Nah, it wasn't. But fucking that girl, Christine, just one time I spilled a little bit and I went to get a rag and by the time I came back, she had slipped on the water and fucking, she was a big girl. And it wasn't like I wasn't cleaning up. I was like, oh shit.

That's what you get for being a snitch. Dude, and she fucking hated me. Dude, she was such a fucking bitch to me. I'm like, go back. I'm like, I was like 13 and she was like 32. I'm like, who's mean to a 13 year old fat kid trying to. He's higher in a 13 year old fat kid. Shout out to Giuseppe.

Playing it real fast and loose with a child labor law. And no ride. Get in here. Well, he's fat. So he's got the internal organs of a 30 year old. He smokes too. He's got. So they, I thought she fucking hated the shit out of me.

And then one time and then years later, I was like, you know, 18 or whatever. We stopped in a Burger King by the Axel Valley Mall. And she's behind the counter. Oh, Christine. I was like, yeah, you had it. Wait, how long ago was this? It was like fucking 10 years later or eight years later.

Something like that. I was like a significant chunk of time later. I was an adult and I walked in. She was fucking, you know, working the Burger King. I'm like, yeah, you ever you ever been so broad. You ever get me. Now get me my 10 piece and hit the bricks. You always got to have a coupon.

Yeah, and honey, try not to slip in the back. You fat bitch. She hated the shit out of me. There was a fucking whopper of a broad. Guess this is the home of the whopper. Listen, I don't know why, but yeah, when you were a little kid and you worked in places with adults, there was always one or two adults

that for no reason just hated you and your friends. I was not my manager was it. I worked at a record store when I was like 15, 16. And the main manager that hired me was such a pretentious dick. But all the other employees like took me under their wing and like, you know, were like really, really nice and fun and cool.

Have you ever been? You weren't a fighter pilot. How do you get taken under your wing at a record store? No, we're just trying to roll it. Listen, man, this is how the alphabet works. Let me show you the QR code. You ever see liner notes before? Have you ever been so bad at a job

that it's like endearing to your co-workers? No, I've never been real. I've always hated that guy. That guy didn't just suck but never got fired. I was I sucked at a job in the beginning and then I like picked it up and was fine. But there was very much a grace period. How do you suck at working at a record shop?

No, no, no, it was at a restaurant where I just like, you know, like when you join, it's a huge menu and like you're kind of like, slow it for, you know, and then you're like, and then once you get in that groove, you were just robotic like zips hopping around. Yeah. That's when it rules. When you have no time to think, you're just going in.

Woo. And then the parties after those nights are pretty fine. You just trade in pills. Yeah, everybody's getting fucked up in the restaurant industry. Being told you can't have a shift drink anymore. You drank already six months of shit. I pulled my dick out once at the bar. Giving people free champagne and thinking,

look, give you a big tip. Seeing someone's name acting like your cousins. Did you do that? Oh, yeah. Would you, you'd be in business for yourself a little bit? Oh my God. This one guy, I was like, hi. It was McNulty's and Ian's.

I was like, Blackman, I have a cousin. Where are you from? I have a cousin, Martino Blackman. He was like, South Africa. Wait, you would do that? You would lie to custody? Yeah, to try to like be like, hey, you know, to hope they would give me like a tip.

I didn't even know there was waiters at Taco Bell. I was like, nothing on that. No, he's still trying to process what a fucking dirtbag I was. Oh my God. You're James Mahoney. Oh my God. Of the Mahonis of fucking Newark. Wow, man.

You used to eat off people's plates. Shut the fuck up. That's at least just a little bit of honor among thieves. You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. You're pulling Ponzi schemes at a fucking prefix. Yeah, works smart. Not hard, dude.

Yeah. Damn, that's fine. I was a fantastic one. I thought you meant like, you would like get the cooks because I used to be able to, you know, defy the joint troughed off, you know what I mean? I'd be able to get a couple of appetizers on the arm. And hey, this is on the house, you know what I mean?

And then, you know, I would do that, but I would, I would not. I would just give them like champagne or whatever. Be like, hey, oh, you're in New York for the first time. Welcome. Here you go. Take a swig of my flask, William. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Trying to convince somebody of their long lost son. Maz, are you dead? Papa? $5 extra? I owe the other way. I guess it's only up for college. I really don't know. Oh, dude, one time I thought me and the head chef had like,

I would always get at the end of the night, I'd get him like a tequila or whatever. And I thought we had like, like we would joke and everything. Like, you know, the back of the house, you call each other like racist names, or it's like the only thing, you know, in Spanish, you know? The chef, I thought we were like buds. And he was like, double tequila rocks.

And I was like, yeah, I got your rocks right here. And he took me and shoved me up against the walk-in, was like, don't ever disrespect me. And I was like, a joke. I thought we were friends. Yeah. Those shorter cooks. Oh my god, they're lunatics.

They were lunatics. Pretty boncos, those guys. We had a teacher in high school that was like that. Had a real short fuse. But he was kind of a funny guy. And some kid walked in and was like, hey, are you Doc? Like, it was freshman year. Just met the guy.

I think it was in the wrong class. He was like, you Doc, Doc, Doc, and he grabbed me. He was like, you making fun of my fucking name. Jacked him up against the wall. Nobody set up pee for the rest of his life. Jesus Christ. School in the 30s was wild. He was good by health.

Stand by me. No. Definitely shit you could not get away with now. No way. For sure. Oh my god. Jacking some kid up in the hallway. Dude, one priest took a ruler and like, or no, no.

He took a stack of papers and threw him off a kid's desk. And he had to go on sabbatical. Really? Yeah, they made him go away for like two months. My cousin is a bit of a fucking lunatic. He was a teacher at a couple of schools. I think it was a private. I think he was teaching at St. Joe's at the time.

And he would tell the kids, like, if you think you can, you've got a problem with me, we can solve it after school. Jesus Christ, by the flagpole. No, and he's like, he's like, do get your aggression. Like, you think you can do it, let's go. Go into like the wrestling room or whatever. And they would just like fucking wrestle it out. Jesus Christ.

I don't think he's employed by them anymore. Oh my god. I saw the most badass thing. But I'm like, that's good. Dude, if I was in high school and the teacher was like, you got a fucking problem, let's go fucking get out your aggression. At this hood school, I was student teaching at in the hallway. This kid was like, mouthing off to a teacher.

And the teacher did not back down. And he was like, I'll fucking slap the shit out of you. And the teacher goes, you know why you're not going to do it? Because you wouldn't have the fucking heart. And the kid just stood there and was like, I'm sorry. And I was like, damn, that's damn, that's gross. Just right in his face, didn't flinch. Meanwhile, you're handing the kid your wallet.

Wallet inspector, OK. I hope I pass. The siphon's in the backseat. Bitching up real quick. All right, this one is from, that's great. This one is from, let's see, this is Brian Rizzi. Have you ever opened a new bank account, store credit card, anything, you know, just to get the free promotional gift or item?

Oh my god, no. Either of I. I don't know how many fucking toasters do you need. I told the story before, I think, is I had to do, I worked at Macy's in order to get my credit. In order to get my store discount, I had to open up a credit card and put it on their credit card. And I ran out.

I mean, I just paid that off a couple of months ago. That was from like 2002. God, it's looking kid on street. Yeah, street. Right, dude. Dockers all day. Yeah. Well, I wasn't doing college or anything.

I wasn't doing laundry. I would just put it on the fucking car. And I buy the socks and, you know, oh, I was making $8 an hour and I was spending more than I could be rich. Of course, there's nothing better than that going out and getting something to wear that night. That's real garbage, but it feels real good as a little chilly. You go out and get a hat.

Just buy something fucking feels nice. That's how trash you are. Do you ever buy something? Is that why luggage stores and stuff exist at the airport? Yeah. Yeah, you fucking impulse buy fucking get you come. Oh, dude, I'll buy anything at an airport. I don't. Oh, my God.

Dude, you're so delusional. I need a cup of coffee. I'm walking out with 10 waters, a newspaper and a book and a Hudson News. That's not a combo. This happened. A Dean Coot story. Yeah, everything. I remember I opened up at one day.

I went to the bank to do the penny arcade. Remember T.D. Bank had Sally. You remember that? Yeah, penny, penny, penny. Yeah, it was dying me. Quarterly, something. I just can't think of it. That's very exciting.

Penny. No, not penny. Anyway, they had some at a certain point, they put the kibosh on open to the public that you had to open and you had to have an account to do it. And I rolled in there with this fucking. There was no way I was either going to throw them out. Or fucking, I was getting my money. There was no way I was carrying these pennies. I think I was living at your place.

No way I was. Yeah, it was no. Oh, and Philly. Yeah, there's no way I was humping this fucking bag of change back to my fucking apartment. Cargo pants changing. Like cream or paint with a calzone. So I opened an account just so I could use the penny arcade. Next question.

Yeah, this guy is trash. What? I answered the answer. They're just ridiculous. I answered the direct question. I thought it was an amusing story. So I opened up the account and then closed it 12 months later. Yeah, yeah, APR, no money down.

Oh, that's a lot of business. I get free checks for life. It's basically, it makes sense to give you those stickers so you don't have to write your return address on a letter. I rolled that over into an IRA. Living comfortably now. Thank you. Thank you.

2031, I'll have 1710. This one is fucking fantastic. I saw this came in last night or two nights ago. This is from Chad Bell. He says this is from a 16 year old son. Have you ever clapped at the end of the movie or after your flight landed? Yes. And yes.

Trashed. Yes. If you're clapping at the end of your. I'm about to start clapping at 5 PM for the nurses again. At 7. Well, then, dead light saving time. Dude, if you're clapping at the end of your flight from like, you know, Virginia to Florida or something, you are trained.

From here to Pittsburgh. I love it. I love, landing's my favorite part. Fucking coming in. The adrenaline. A little tickle in your belly. You two fucking icing me out here. What do you mean?

Well, landing's my favorite part. Continue. Tell me what it is. I lost confidence in it immediately. You should have. Yeah, you should have lost confidence before too. My favorite part is when you give out your snag. I like the GSA because sometimes they touch you.

I definitely rolled around with the cookies. Hey, let's make it with the pretzels. Let's go. If it's a real good movie or a little bit of a dicey landing. Yeah, there's a sense of relief. No, not at all. Who are you? Fucking John.

What are you? Elon Musk? Fucking. I clap at the eulogy. Good job, Stevie. That's a tight five right there, folks. A tight five. I mean, no, not everybody.

First of all, not everybody's clapping. So it's not a thing you're supposed to. What are you? And who are you at the end of a long, a long game, Polly? It's a good play. Stiller! What was the long game, Polly? In like 2004.

But Jennifer Aniston. Ah, yeah. When she's dancing in that, Ike Marumba. When Debra Messing Banks hangs there. I figured my girl were there whole in her jeans. Clapping for that. It's like Venkman and Ghostbusters. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I put my hand all over the car catalog. Keep this a button for an Ike, bro.

This guy is off the wall, OK? Woo! Call me Vans. I'm off the wall. Ian Finance, unleashed. Woo! This is a great. I picked this one out just for fucking Ian.

Do you want to go back to my TD Bank story? Let me know how you land, will you? Yeah, let's close that account. Hey, Polly, that's the story about the plane let's land in, OK? Let's take a Leonard Skinner on that plane. Yeah, that's the idea. This is called comedy.

I talk about not giving you anything. You're the fucking black hole over here. I can't be. I like flying. It's OK. Polly, just tell everybody what to do. United Airlines is fine. I actually joined in your reward program one time

because I was bored on a plane. And my favorite part is landing, and we weren't landing. Did I figure I got to kill shrimp tank? This is from Mike. This is another history IEna's shout out. Mike, the fuzzy, non-muzzy Sandra DJ. Do you keep your cat food on the counter for your cat? I forgot you have a cat, too.

Yeah. No, I keep it on the automatic feeder. I keep it on the counter. The cans are stored in the fridge with a little top on it. And then when I got a feeder, I go get her dish. I clean out the dish. I put the cat food in the dish. I put the dish.

Where's the dish? I think that's what he's asking. It's set up on the floor next to her water dish, like on a little carpet. OK. This guy's got the cat eaten off the counter. I don't know. I mean, apparently.

I used to feed my cat. Oh, god. Well, I used to feed. I had a dog and a cat. And I used to eat the dog food. So I was like, I'm just going to feed them dog food. So they would like eat on the same bowl or whatever. And I had to go away to fucking detox.

And I had my neighbor watch my cat. And at the same time, I would make myself tuna and avocado sandwiches every day. So I'm gone. This guy. I feel like a car embracing me. I'm gone. And I come back.

And the cat is just screaming at the cabinet next to the dishes. Paulie at him like, what the fuck? She fed him the tuna every day. He's spoiled. And I'm like, you dumb bitch, it's dog food, not tuna. And she goes, how could a human eat that much tuna? It was just a cabinet full of tuna.

And the cat's got PTSD because she's been spoiled for a week. Because I can't fucking handle my alcohol. What kind of life are you living? Well, you're fucking, you got to go to detox. You're eating strictly tuna and avocado sandwiches. And your cat's eating dog food. What the fuck?

Dude, that is so. And I'm living next to a public pool. I cut the barbed wire out so I could hop in it and I can go for a swim. Dude, this guy's bonkers. Living off River Road in Delaware, baby, in an old farmhouse. High protein, no good for you, huh? Shout out to Warren.

He used to knock money off my rent because I was a groundskeeper. Oh my god. It was a wild time in Delaware, boys. Hot time in Delaware. Who eats that much tuna? Yeah, she was like, that's inhuman. You know you're in a bad situation when your cat's

eating dog food. That's like a telltale sign you got to go to rehab. Send that thing to therapy. So both of you should be at rehab. So I'm eating tuna fish and he's eating dog food. Can we share a room, please? We're writing a treatment together. That's literally insane.

This is now all like Freaky Friday. We both me out at the same time and I'm eating cat food and cheese and dog food. I don't know what's happening. Now she's drinking. It's crazy. I'm licking his ass. I don't know what's going on.

She's got to go to work for me. I'm like, oh my god. I got a corkscrew penis. Who knows what's happening? I'm in the living room. It's not as bad as it looks. He ain't keep jumping in empty boxes. I'm living in a cardboard box for all the wrong reasons.

How's that cat doing? He's good. He's all right. He's a steady diet now. He's actually in the fucking mayor of Newark. Weird as he lives with my mom. He's better off. Does he really?

Yeah. He's still alive? Yeah. Turns out he's an outdoor cat. Just wanted to get the fuck away from you. Oh god, that one. Hire my scissors. I've got to take a second.

I have one that I think I know the answer to. This is from John Torres. And the question is, have you ever had a dedicated spot for cigarette shorts, where you keep a little happy? Oh dude, that's dirty, man. That's dirty. And people who put them back in the pack, it's disgusting.

I've done that, but no, it's like fucking, you smoke under the butt. Also, for the list there. It's like me with a chick. You go all the way to the butt. And a guy. For the list. I don't like eating guys' asses.

Oh, OK, great. Moving on. Fully, tell me more about these check-in. Oh, so I go in there. TD, back it up. Made it, made it. I go in there. I got all my stuff with me.

And the place. There's no way of carrying this stuff back to the apartment. And I go to use it that says, enter your fucking checking account number. I don't have a check-in account number. So I go over. I wait for it. OK, here we are.

Thanks for tuning in to Are You Garbage, folks? Oh, my God. And they made me put the money in the account. They made me put the money in the account. And I had to wait like two weeks to get a card in the mail. Wait, no, that's gross. To save the butts is fucking. Come on, man.

It's super gross. Come on. But also, Ian's the king. He used to be. I don't know if he still is. Ian was the king of bum. He'd come up to you, hey, me, and let me get his cigarette. And you'd give it to him.

He would put it in his pocket. He'd open up a pack with like four sigs in it, put your sig in there, and then walk away. Did I do that? A lot. Did I do that? A lot. Replenishing your Marlboro Lake soft pack, by the way.

Ian's a soft pack fella. That's right. Yep, soft pack, pop it out. Holy shit. Yep. That was insane. Five different cigarettes in there. They're cigarette medley.

That's like tricolor tortellini in there. You don't know what you're going to get. Fun times. What time are we at there, T-Bone? OK, great. Let's do a couple more. Yeah. Just too much fun.

This is one of my favorite episodes, I think, ever. Yes. Oh, man. This fucking rules. I've been crying. So funny. OK, I've got to regain my fucking consciousness here. Have you or a family ever been thrown out of a little league

sporting event for arguing with the ref? Were another family member or anything? I believe you've already asked that question. OK, sorry. No, I haven't. Not that we can't do it. Sure. But I don't remember asking them.

I mean, maybe. Yeah, that was from Andrew Miller. For sure. I remember we got in a fight. We got in a hockey fight with the kids, with the team. Like the kids got in a fight. I got kicked out of playing roller hockey. Because that cross check the kid with a cigarette.

Was it like sixth grade? I was angry. Or you at like, was it a league? Or was it like a league? Yeah. And I cross checked the kid and knocked him on the ground. I was kicked out. Kicked out.

Kicked out. That was kicked out. Was it were you on roller skates or roller blades? I was sort of smoking. I was on foot. I didn't ever. No, no, no. That was the real trashy.

You're on a bike. I had skates. Do you guys ever play foot hockey in the street? Yeah, we were mainly always on roller blades. But there would be sometimes where you would. That was tough. Because then you had to get everybody together, and not everybody had roller blades.

Yeah, who could that be? We were a big hockey group. That was rich kid shit. We were a big hockey. I mean, they were like 40 bucks. Yeah, no, no. The cheap ones were the wheel wore down. You're going on a fucking little diamond skate

in the street. Yeah, to fucking rotate the wheels. I had roller skates for a little while. They were metal, brutal. Metal. What did you want? You strapped onto your shoes. Yeah.

Metal. Sneaks in there. That's what we had when I was, yeah. I'd say when I picture a forest, gum would wear. Got bruises on your legs. Cruises on the street. Did you like skate in the, or you would wear them to like skating party?

I was terrible. I just kept rolling. Did you ever have a roller skating party? Oh, yeah. Like for your birthday or anything? Fucking proper. Young's Regency. Shout out to Young's Regency and Bluebell PA.

They did it right. They had a little fucking disco dance floor and fucking slushies. And let me tell you something. Some of the best goddamn pizza I ever had. The pizza at a roller skating palace was fucking OK. I don't know. That's dude.

I don't know what they put in that shit. It was crispy and cheese. I think they used cheddar cheese though. It was real trashy. We used to go, ours used to be, remember, we have a story there when we were at the, mine used to be, and it still is, I think, used to be right next to the comedy cabaret on the Boulevard.

The roller skating palace is where all my school parties were. Yes. And that lady showed us her titties out front, remember? Yes. Oh my God, I remember that. And then we went to Steve Sprint's The Stakes. Wait, you guys knew each other when you were little kids? No, we were doing comedy.

We had the comedy cabaret, which is right next to the roller skating palace, and the woman showed us her titties. Yeah, and that like Ramada in? Or maybe just one tittie. Whose birthday was it? This guy's out to lunch. I mean, what do you mean? We were doing a show at the comedy cabaret.

Yeah, we're not going to. And the woman showed us her titties. Outside the comedy cabaret, which is next to the roller skating place. Yeah. Which you've never been to. No. Nice, checks out.

All right, next question. Keep up, Faddy. Yeah, all right. Let's open this guy a raw thigh, all right. What was that? This is from Will Campbell. Have you ever bought weed off a relative or one of your friends' relatives?

Or weed or anything? I sold weed to a relative. To your proper relative? Yeah, second cousin. Was it a holiday? It was around Christmas. Did you know you were related at the time? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We went to a Christmas dinner, and we got along real well. And we're like, let's go fucking drink. And we went out and drank. Went to this place, Galuchio's, where I used to go and get hammered and fucking wear my work clothes, sleep in my car, and then just go to work the next morning. Yes. So we went there, and then we went back to his place.

And he started getting real fucking weird when he was high. And I just left without saying goodbye to him. Hey, see you at Christmas, man. He was like a cousin. I don't like see often, you know? And I was like, I'm going to get into here. Have you ever done drugs with somebody? And then either halfway through it, or at the end of it,

they were like, can you give me some money for this? Where it was under the impression that it was like. No, but when I first started smoking weed, I hit a friend up and was like, hey, man, you want to smoke? And he's like, hell, yeah, come on over. I was like, all right. So I showed up, and he's like, where's the weed? I was like, no, you have the weed.

And he was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Hey, were you over at smoking? That's on you, asshole. And I was like, yeah, let's smoke your weed. Let's do your drugs. Give me 10 bucks, please. Give me a sandwich.

I never I don't think I've ever bought or sold weed or, yeah, not that I can recall. You ever smoked that shit? Yeah, I got real high. I never one time. You ever done a little bit of? No, no, no. I remember you've never done Coke.

No. Potline? Your eyes tell differently. Yeah. They're fucking bugging out. His eyes have. His eyes have been a rehab four times. Your eyes are eating.

Gat food. I'm back, baby. Hey. Your eyes are eating, too, now, pal. Kip, he's got the feds are listening face. What's the hell about this? I got big eyes. What do you want?

All right, that's it, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. What about Molly? You ever do Molly? No. Ecstasy? No, all my Friday, I was alert. I found out I found out at a young age,

I was allergic to Vicodin and Percocet. And then from then, they got allergic, man. I always break out in handcuffs. They got really popular. All my friends were doing those. Like greatly. I mean, painkillers were like, I mean, I saw friends are popular.

That's a really good way to put a national epithetic. They were like Lisa Frank. Everyone had some. They were hot in fucking 2002 to 2005. Perk 10s, the school buses, but they were something else. Yeah, remember the oxy didn't have to suck the coating off to get high? Well, all my friends had sucked in oxy and stuff.

And I just never, I was like, yeah, I just didn't have that. I don't want to say like gateway into it, but it was like, weed made me paranoid. I love party. And I would have done, I found out my fucking throat swelled up on a fucking painkillers. So I'm like, all right, well, that's what everybody's doing. I don't like weed, so I just drank a lot.

All right. Well, this has been brought to you by TD bank. That's cool. Steal your laptop and whatever, man. Let's go hang out with bingo for a little while. This guy's all used up to ground around. Dude, the fact you would bring your own magician to the ground around magic going into like a fucking TGI

Fridays and bring your own entertainment. That's great. Hey, you're going to play the guitar for a couple of minutes. Hey, we promised bingo a meal. The clown shows up right there. Is it smoking or non-smoking section? He's eating in the kitchen. And so funny.

Thank you so much for sitting in with us. What a fucking great family episode. I've got my little company. Shout out to T bone over there. T bone. Ian, anything you want the folks out there to know? Obviously, I'll say this. If you haven't seen Ian's episode, it's episode number one.

Numero. Make sure you check it out. It stinks. You can see the progression of the podcast. From how bad it sucked to how awesome it is now. This is the guy. Talk about a tune-up game. He was it, ladies and gentlemen.

This guy came in cold and left soft. No way. He thought my TD bag story was a trap. Go check out episode number one. I tell that. I tell that drinking story twice. Thank you, everybody, for all the questions. Ian, anything you want anybody to gang to know out there?

Anything coming up? Go right down the barrel, baby. I got a lot of sketches coming out from my Instagram. I animal 69 Ian finance.com. And yeah, it's about it for now. Very nice. But we love you very much. Thank you so much.

And thank you for coming in. We've been friends since fucking Jump Street off the streets of Philly. Kippy, what do you got the folks out there to know? Just as always, make sure you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Guys, go to patreon.com. You can sign up.

When you sign up, there's a comment thread. You can leave your question. We'll get to it. Obviously, we have a lot still, a lot to get to. But we will get to all of the questions that you guys asked. The garbage army is growing. Yeah, we love it. We appreciate all the fucking support.

The numbers are through the fucking roof. And they allow us to do this, which we really fucking appreciate. So check out the Patreon, also podcastmarch.com. Get yourself a pee. Get involved. Grab a hoodie. Grab a tea. At Kevin Ryan comedy on all social media.

Thank you so much. I have a garbaggio shirt. I have a garbaggio shirt. I wore it on New York one. That's right. You also paid retail for it. And it's fully on ice at fully grams on Instagram. Thank you.

And that was that was so sweet. It's important to pop. I think that was him asking for the money back to be honest. We got a media check. What are you, a large? What are you? He's a medium. We got a clean living for you.

There you go. Two for one. Take a walk. Don't get your hands back. Follow your own advice, Patty. Good night, gang. Nice. Oh, dude.

I mean, I can't process that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.