Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ian Fidance Returns to Answer your Questions!

Episode Date: January 4, 2021

We got a hot one! Ian Fidance joins Kippy and Foley for fun episode of answering your garbage questions. We talk trashy restaurants, trashy cars, and make fun of each other a bunch. Its a hoot!  Bonus Episodes: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage T-Shirts: https://www.PodcastMerch.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? You're Trash.

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast will bring up this is our you Gabbage the show we sit down with your favorite comedies you find out they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash I'm your host age fully coming at you on a beautiful day here first episode back 2021 and Toody is not here she's out at Walmart returning presents some of them not hers we talked about it but she's

doing it anyway so I'm expecting a call from local law enforcement any minute if I have to jump up and leave my co-host you picked these storylines and no one else co-signs by the way you're not jumping up you're slowly rising my co-host is coming at you from right next to me which tells you that we have a little company in the studio today this gentleman right here he cooks the books he put the whole thing together he got the brand new mics ready to go for a shout-out to rude street rude that's right ladies and gentlemen give it up for Kevin James Ryan come on now hey gang what's up everybody thanks for

tuning in as always happy new year first of all yes guys please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and subscribe to subscribe there those numbers are true to fucking roof dude let's go let's get to more true to roof also patreon baby patreon.com slash are you garbage we just passed our second goal of 400 patrons we're cooking on there baby we just put up wait a minute hold on do you smell that smells like patreon cooking oh my right holy shit kippy look out the big guy got a little rusty on the beach I gotta tell you hey look at my finger

guys go to patreon.com we just posted we did a cribs a cribs edition of fully's childhood home which is fucking fantastic that's on patreon.com go check it out yep and with that said shout out to the old magic man the Chicago kid fucking mr. deep dish himself mm-hmm fucking the t-bone Toby McMullen everybody our producer extraordinaire hey it's got a hot mic too look at him with the handle and everything I do I got a handle on my mic you guys got mics designed for voices yeah it's getting wild yeah we're really cooking over here we got a trash can in the studio too it's 12 bucks I'm sitting right here you fucking prick

talking about me they both made the same joke I know I should be quiet and I want earlier than I fucking did the gun if this guy puts on a couple hundred pounds I can fucking be out the door in two minutes folks we got a little company today if you haven't seen this episode make sure you go back and check it out we had him on a couple weeks ago you'll love him you wanted him back he's part of the fucking argue garbage family you know him you'll love him give it up for Ian fight ants everybody hey happy new year fellas happy birthday to me I appreciate your messages thank you

wait it's your birthday it was the 31st why we're on the subject you're a new year's kid yeah baby dirt yeah Ian yeah I'm a little present for you shut up yeah fuck sucker shut up I didn't know anything about it yeah well it's from all of us and fully contributed clearly yeah shut up yes are you serious what you get him yeah happy birthday buddy I asked for a carton every year for Christmas yes every year your mom tries to steal you one and gets caught that kid piece quick my grandmother used to steal turkeys or Mac beats she had a brain tumor what you put it under her hat what do you mean say she has a brain

card they go miss I have a brain she didn't have a tumor I asked for a soft back and the guy looked at me like I stabbed his kids and I was like those happy birthday buddy what so who gets a pack of seats for a kid to know and dude he took the cellophane off and the tin foil and packed him he'll be selling those for two bucks right in front of Times Square by the old tickets oh my god who needs to I got to people used to bum them off me for money I was like I'll just sell my pack I mean give one like I don't smoke what's wrong with you we've mentioned this on the podcast I think last time you were a

real dirt ball and one of the most garbage things with cigarettes you'll have cigarettes you'll walk up to somebody you'll ask for a cigarette take that cigarette and then put it in your pack yeah well you're like a Russian soldier you never know when you're in a bad situation you might need one more Bernie to say goodbye I need one for the fuck yeah let's gift it up there you go foley's foley's on a very strict diet which is I mean you know I can tell I love you doing Hawaii what's that I love you and you're actually great man I loved you in that movie 12 sandwiches 12 years of sandwich also what's with this

vest you look like the world's fattest financial advisor Bernie pork off Bernie pork loin yeah you came back with a whole new personality dude I don't even know who you are yeah you got a good head of hair you shave the head you got a vest and you're wearing neon green you got graying your beard probably from walking to the beach also by the way he went for the listener fully went to Hawaii and he would FaceTime me or like send me videos or whatever and every time he was in a parking lot and I'm like who goes to Hawaii and ends up in a strip I like to keep my ear on the street I got FaceTime at 3 a.m. in a

parking lot yeah he's Hawaii dude he's stays in parking lots and it's so funny because Andrew Schultz Schultz he was out there too like swimming with dolphins and on the top of volcanoes I saw dolphins the Miami Dolphins and they didn't cover it was like anyway she talked the bounty hunter you gotta get off the ice brother boy he called me FaceTime the other day and I heard I did the dog tour what of it where he gets his coffee this is where he tackles right next I got my dog talk about garbage stung gun in my car I didn't even know they had parking lots in Hawaii me while Foley just lived in them

oh my god he finds the only Applebee's I want to see if it's different they put pineapple under my trellis listen where I did a lot of nature stuff man I was out in the fucking jungle I was in the woods I fucking saw whales breach would you look in the mirror there's a hotel pool but still a couple of four or some afternoon ladies can I interest you in a sugar-free my time did I work on my cannonball only looking for adult swim at the hotel you were trying to get my left and he's got to him kid you were making fun of me because I had goggles on he was

wearing who wears who goes to Hawaii and wears goggles dude that is what are you doing this ain't the fucking motel six under the water let me tell you something don't put goggles on when you go in the ocean because it's fucking terrifying what even in Hawaii thought it was all it's crystal yeah that's what I'm saying it's crystal could you can see what's going on down at the bottom oh what it's all his toes for the first time I want his teeth swimming around with goggles on all the servers are like that's a weird-looking blob fish yeah that piece of that big floating trash

island off we gotta get this plastic out of the ocean in the Pacific people are taking pictures on them and I saw whales breach we find I saw waterfalls I saw rainbows with the Pearl Harbor fucking that was sobering why what do me why cuz I wouldn't let you drink on the base sir put the schlitz away he's those sons of bitches only tries to go fishing it's like biggest vacation where can I get some damn bait give me a little bit of the yellow don't skimp on me God we go too quick we go too quick good times here a brand new year brand new

Mike's at the patreon.com yes sir at the patreon.com shout out to everybody for supporting us and showing love big year plans gonna be fun Ian's so happy to have you here in the studio so happy you asked me to be here we are gonna answer some of a patriotic questions as we said it's a family app we got treats we have presents we're seeing each other after the holidays absolutely fantastic time here at Antutti's this is really nice thank you yeah yeah we're happy we're happy you're here I'm surprised you're not a carton guy that you don't make an app make it a make a thing to go get cartons

I am a carton guy do you have cartons at the house three in my apartment do you put them in the freezer oh that's a real trash move I have bodies that keep them in the freezer keep someone else pillow that's what we do it used to do with the halfway house put in the freezer shout out about his mom's by the way shout out to the Emmett house Newport Delaware the Diamond of the North wow did halfway house in Delaware tell the difference every house in Delo it's the quickest one to the draw here at fucking Antutti's dude it was across the street from a bowling alley my mom threw me a surprise 18th birthday and I was 25 and like man

if I could have looked into the future then oh by the way someone just recently commented or tweeted that they know the clown you were talking about from the last episode go back and listen to me a month ago and we told what tells the story about a client and someone knew the clown they go I know that fucking clown didn't you post a pick pick no I said it privately it looks like a woman it's hot dude it looks it looks like it it looks like a fucking schnauzer with the pain behind my little four-year-old eyes it's just I'll say that you've really grown in yourself like if people say Ian looks weird first of all you

got a tight little body underneath there shredded your pictures going around on Twitter yesterday but you as a little kid you look I mean you're just you're just begging molest me I was a cute little kid and then I had an awkward face for about two decades if you were a half-frog if you were half-frog half human you'd be a cute little kid you're a weird-looking little kid what yeah I was the cutest little boy I just shattered Ian what what do you mean that's how a bingo said look at this cute little kid you're cute there you're cute there yeah I'll give you that yeah 80s like when it really settled in the

80s you were real you look Ian DM that to me so I can put it in that I will I will you looked malnourished yeah well you know and then sometimes you turn into this when was that you know dude you have multiple rows of teeth you're like I know I it was bad I'd have braces twice he's like a make-up yeah yeah it was a lot it was a lot hey but you got that kid from Sandy at the public pool dude look at that little Sam cute little kid huh I got my muscles from my dad you know I and look I had an awkward face in high school they said you're gonna be hot when you're older all right some girls at the lunch table go back back

there now show what's up you just rigor yeah as you can tell you totally over it you have people that actually the names that hurt you oh dude this one chick whoa wow she really did one on me we see we I got our a.m. name from a friend we're like a aming and we talk on the phone and like you know say these like things we she's like I want you to I'm gonna get you chocolate boxers and I want you to run over to my how old is your the boxers always got a pair on right now always like wait do you still have them all right seven seven grade we may plan to meet up at the Italian festival did you go to school with her

no she went to another school how did you ever see her live in person no but I heard she was hot you're so excited I swear to God I go to me I don't want to name drop her but don't say she's a seventh grade kid you she's older now it wasn't last week so much ago so so we go to the Italian festival and we go on the zipper and she won't talk to the zipper you don't know the zipper sounds racist if you beat up Japanese people Italian fest and go put them on a zip over there yeah yeah yeah well you know it comes with a free conical hat so what's the what is it though the zipper you know the zipper

I don't know it by the name describe it it's the carnival ride that has those little cars and it goes up and down it spins around that's the salt and pepper machine you fucking salt is it always you gotta turn it into a fucking that's the deep right yeah oh that's a cheeseburger Folly's favorite ride was the corn dog stand the extra sugar how tall do I need to be to ride this ride oh it's for everyone son that's the day that I knew I wanted to be a Kearney the zipper yes just giving them racist names you know they had the zipper at a bunch of different festivals at the fucking you know my favorite ride was

here goes the neighbor they take it's for the you're not dating my daughter yeah I do my favorite ride was you don't mix stay with your own kind was a fun one listen all right so you get on the zipper the salt and pepper machine what a yes the zipper god Delaware yeah it's the best holy shit you get on the zipper she won't talk to me and then she guys I got you the hot sausage and wouldn't you call my mom to pick me up and I'm like this is weird so then later wait hold on say I'm sorry she said she goes I have to go I don't feel well and she called her mom from a payphone to pick her up and I was like huh how'd you

guys get there so our mom's dropped us off individually or you picked her up it was it was like a blind date in seventh grade it was like yeah and like we went with friends and whatever whatever and then dude I swear to God you know how they were like forwarded chain emails when you were younger those like all about me whatever and there was one that was like when you hear this person's name what do you think and like I'd gotten it before from like our group of friends and then it was like Mark Henry Kevin you know T-bone and she sent it out and she added the name Ian and next to it was like short vampire teeth curly

hair gross big nose like all this stuff about me and I was just right on the money yeah Jesus Christ your girls got a smart head on her shattered this is after this is after we met when she saw me for the first like the next day so yeah and let me tell you kid this chick had a honker guy she had a honker I mean she looked like two kids salmon at Jewish bottom her blow in the horn trying to get you out of the car smoke a second a rainstorm is brought she was you know and she'd get a nose job later and then you know I heard she like had a rough time in high school so she could have been splitting that pack of marble lights

with you right now I know she's trying to sell Lucy's on the street yeah Italian festival but I'm grateful for it because it made me into the man I am today yeah my body yeah I'm a handsome fellow and a fucking nutcase yeah well you know you always know Ian's being a pet he'll call you out of nowhere be like hey what's going on in my life and you're just like which I love I love but he opens up with a how you doing yeah how you doing you're not bad you want to say well my mammo dude is my reckon cleaners found out I keep blowing guys my buddy the other I enjoy but I'm just saying my buddy the other night I go hey man what's

going on how you doing and talk for a minute and goes now that we've got rid of your little five minute listen what's going on yeah he'll call me like I saw the Schultz thing oh that's great that's great that's great well here's what's going on with me he's like a Greek mobster doesn't like to start business right away would you rather be open with it with the no I I love it I always answered the phone calls until we talk last week and I'd like to listen no I know no it's true it's true it's just very it's just funny most of my phone calls with you and listen if you need anything give me a call anytime yeah

that yeah that's usually not a great man I do you don't like ten minutes later like when people are like we should get coffee the next day I'm like you want to get coffee like no I was being pleasant my mom's gonna pick me up I'm not feeling well yeah yeah yeah get off this zipper dude I needed he's like if you need help moving let me know and then like 20 minutes 20 minutes later he's texting me you find anybody you need help moving next morning you need help moving I'm good I just broke my ankle he was I'm like dude we got it it's all right it's okay I'm trying to get back I love it I'm trying to get the money

I borrowed that I don't have so I'll do manual labor in your apartment we're square after this you never showed up still ID intention buddy so happy to have you here let's get to some fucking let's Patriot that Patriot is on fire we love you guys we love everybody in the Facebook group too we're gonna yank a couple of those good time yeah guys so as a lot of you know when you join the patreon because we get so many people you know have so many ideas for garbage questions that they send us comment whatever whatever we just can't get to them all so when you join the patreon we will ask one of your garbage questions

and that's what we are doing now this is one that hits home to me after the first of the year this is from Robert Reed and the patreon what is the longest you've driven with bad inspection stickers on your car because as of the end of December Kippy is riding dirty wow the last time I was home I had to re-up my mom's really oh yeah she was riding dirty she don't care yeah it's just a posted on the front of the windshield yeah well I've never been pulled over but can't won't they give you like hey I'm on my way there tomorrow I got an appointment yeah but they don't give a shit yeah they still write you up trust

me now they need the money for the state local federal authorities fucking bad news you look like one of them like you would you look like Farva somebody got this guy a leader of cola I hose him off but I went home for Christmas and they were like I didn't I don't even look like that's the thing in New York like my car is like an Uber it's like I don't use it just there and then I don't use it for two weeks did you get pulled what you get pulled over no no no I did it but I went home and my mom or my mom texted me she's like dude when did you get your car inspected because it's still registered in PA gotta get it inspected in

PA sure so I'm like no I didn't she's like you got to do that son I'm home I said I was like well what are you doing tomorrow I can send you down to Nick's and he can take and I'm like I'm not but then I get in that corner like I still have till the end of fucking December that's January's problem so wait how how how long did you go to line currently laps laps right now so you gotta make it you got a high-speed burn from here to fucking PA to get it done you can't even get it done up here when you get the car inspected in New York becoming New Yorker yeah do you have a New York license no what still no you've been

here ten years easy so I haven't eight seven but seven yeah I don't know what so it's just a fucking headache no it's not you gave me so much shit about running a Florida ID in Illinois for like nine years it's not even a driver's license though you idiot you have an actual issued I fucking mind the driver's license let's get that established now all right I do agree that Kevin having a fucking PA license is good buddy you have a state ID is trash I don't care I don't care for some the Vatican yeah garbage would you just get out of county at least get a passport be a gentleman

holy walk around international bar hopper who doesn't know how to fucking draw doesn't have a fucking driver's what is it why would you get a state ID just get a fucking barcode on your wrist hey t-bone number 5497 reporting duty-sharing like a clone trooper truth be told I lost the passport I was running for about a year okay had to fucking figure it out go guy that's crazy to not have your license as an adult is crazy unless you live in maybe New York but still you get it yeah I would never walk into a bar confidently Chicago fucking asshole yeah Chicago is not New York we've gone

over this get a license for this major city you don't need well I mean you don't need a license for that right around your unicycle you and your hips they're just gotta be cool man the cops will be over like are you rad all right doing right now you do a kickflip I'll let you go my mom was always on top of me about that shit it seems like yours is to it's funny how they remember that stuff yeah like I went home was like a thing that like my whole family had spoken about that I'm like what I'll figure that out later I know you're a criminal you're a wanted man there's a warrant out for my arrest there will be

yeah I'm gonna get him up I'm you know it's not street legal they're gonna there's gonna be some work to go yeah but you know it's bad the inspection whatever but if you got a light out cuz that'll give them you can only get the inspection thing if you're like parked or they're like really behind you but the light thing and then they pull you out and they ding you for the other you're fucked then they find other things in the car I know how you're thinking yeah yeah all this dildos yeah yeah the chick in the trunk I did one time on my skateboard by a cop in Chicago I was a little over on a go-kart once I was

going to Wawa I had to get a pack of burnies I was opening for a tail and he likes to smoke oh I love the family ups baby I gotta get these away from me I want to smoke so bad we will have to whoa a couple of hot burnies yeah pulled over on a go-kart I got pulled over on a bike where are we going to walk in I just around my grandparents look suspicious yeah what do you mean yeah I can't walk by a police station without four or five heads popping up I know that's where I got my DUI pulled over in front of a police station middle of a four-lane highway right foot on the brake left foot out the window with car

and drive sir you match the description of someone who's about to rip off a motel they asked me they're like out what about to rip off a motel mr. Barry Gordon sir what are you publishing rights to these songs is it true you only paid the Temptations $100 paid him in back and that's too good boy right that was fantastic question this is from Red Palace this is the time of the year and and you have had to fucking maneuver this one let's hear ever tried to sell for cash a redeemable gift card you receive from a relative oh wow like you ever have like a macy's gift card and the finances don't strike me as a gift card

family now find it but with money on it now well my aunt Camille on it my aunt Camille a chilies meal my aunt Camille will give me a five dollar while I give card and go treat yourself to a coffee to a watch of a college couple now and hit the bricks take a Mary Jane and get the fuck out of you have multiple multiple trying to make a purchase with multiple gift card well I mean it yeah it's in the name aunt Camille uncle Clyde uncle Clyde's got him around the link yeah that dude serving a nickel downstate slip and fall money I remember one time my buddy we were like younger something I wanted to return something to like not a game stop

but use something along that lines like a EB games or you know whatever one of those things I was returning some sort of technology like a controller or something but like for like as PlayStation it was a controller must be alien 56k modem it's insane how little of room one of us has to make an error before the other two shit on it dude you got to be perfect without getting put to not get I was at planet blockbuster returning some alien technology when I realized my gift card did not work my Sega CD was broken hippies log 1221 gameboy not working my unregistered car registered by

the way I did that late to you know you you know it's trashy when your registration and your inspection are two different months oh yeah yeah that's a real garbage you know you got to come back three days later to get this registered right oh my god they give you the ticket in a brown paper bag hey officer why don't you go ahead and write the ticket for the registration to have a couple hours left happy new year remember when you were making fun of me because I was asking I mean I'm sorry you're gonna be a little more

specific I had so little money in my account one time and it was about to be overdrafted I had a call I had a call a credit card company and asked what time of the day a day where it takes you to understand me she's like oh we're gonna pull it out today I'm like yeah I get it today what are we talking three o'clock four o'clock you're fucking window here honey it's like something you do in the morning or at night you know you're in bad shape when you're bargaining for a couple of hours do you take a long lunch what do you use you like to do you bring something yourself or do you go out is that quarter of a

quarter of it I know it hits today but like what time typically it was like talking about Pacific time it was you an LA gal what's the deal I think that was parking tickets to I think that's what that was something something was coming out god damn I got a judgment on my car I had to give up my car I had too many I did judgment on it from so many parking tickets I just I'm I've I've been boot I've been booted the judge was too much parking tickets I mean the car was going judge the judge strikes the gavel this guy speaks the car was going I my hood flew off on the Queensborough I believe it on the quarter of 60 second

of first the tranny blue yeah yeah what I did last weekend and then the judgements and I was like I'm out good bye Camry Mr. Faraday you are guilty of being a dirt ball this court is adjourned before I go get that hood out of my courtroom before I go you got a light I'm not a big city lawyer no do I need to be this is cutting dry I like in full as reality Ian brought the hood to the court I was carrying it down the street like a sheet of drywall your honor look at it the hinges are broken your honor the hinges it was all the hood your honor I was just an accomplice

these FDM guys are walking by with the fucking shirts I go can you help me go fuck you gentlemen in a in a hood please yeah things flew right off on the Queensboro I would have made a left off the bridge I had to drive like Ace for juror with my head out the window I mean people are self okay your car that's none of your damn business I appreciate you your nose out of my personal affairs oh my god that's sound whoosh didn't crack the windshield this man does the spin out all right who is a her talking out of his ass when the cops come excuse me officer does anybody have a breath mint or a hood for a 94

I'm actively looking for an iron horn can you take your pants off and turn around please wait a minute wait a minute think it was iron I mean I'm in horn is finkle turn it is just finkles a man finkles a man dude you should do that bit that's great my god that's funny look guys you're not wrong with it you're not gonna believe this I'm a real responsible driver who want to put this mask on shit gets me my transmission is smoking somebody stop me my it's kind of hot in these corollas

my god yeah I've come a long way I turned my room into an office yeah big things are happening for Ian yeah he just sits in there and smokes I do I do I cracked the window light up curtains or towels just you try to find that chick from seventh grade it's got like red yarn yarn everywhere yeah yeah if I retrace my steps from the zipper machine parents own a furniture shop do they yes all right cut that dump it dump it oh yeah cut cut that cut that she they used to come to the restaurant I worked at I wouldn't serve them cut that cut that Mary and she lives on 324 do we come to the restaurant you worked at

you wouldn't serve them that sounds healthy Jesus Christ look at you yeah I'm over it now totally I'm over it now yeah you set a car fire you're gonna drop this you're gonna piss myself all right we got another one this is from Ray thank you Ray when was the last time you've been to a place that had a troth as a urinal because if you're hanging out in a place with if you're hanging out in a place with the big one urinal for all people with ice in it oh it's tough that's a lot a lot of times it's that in Europe and it's like me and some fucking dude and Hans we got our fucking little schnitzels out me and I'm uncut

longer next to you kippy does not look good next to an uncut piece how big is that nine dude I was on the road with Chloe we're in North Dakota and the restaurant had the door handles were guns they were rifles and then the bathrooms guys was a trucks girls was garages and they had troughs that's pretty clever though I gotta give them that they trust their women a bunch of girls popping squats I always thought it was trashy ever see when they have like like either newspapers or like like you know they have literature above the urinal so you can like take a piss and like read shit it's always like you

know you have some whatever cover bands coming in next weekend you ever see your face on the flyer about the urinal oh yeah that's a lot of times that the shut up just shut up the stress factor yeah be sitting there pissing and you're like heads in the corner yeah shout out to scoochies and Flower Town PA yeah yeah in New York there's no alleys have any of you guys ever gotten there's one in like Chinatown for piss I've never know you can that's a thing you can easily pee in public if you're getting busted for fucking peeing in public yeah deserve everything you get yeah how do you fucking get caught it's like getting

caught jerking off dude come on it takes a little bit in public what get caught jerking what do you know like you just get jerking off in general I've pissed in public my entire life same here I prefer it yeah it's never get caught get caught what are you an idiot especially if you got a lookout man you're set if you have someone on your back on your cop cop cop I start walking you up and keep it moving so there I was a lookout man it's a fun game though like looking around you know real quick oh yeah that was crazy to me I just went down I went down the shore this weekend and we were driving down and we got off to go to a

Starbucks whatever the Starbucks ended up being closed I was gonna get a coffee and take a piss Starbucks was closed as we were pulling out of the parking lot there was a porta potty and I'm like what are the chances that porta potty be an open and then you're like it's in the middle of New Jersey they just leave them open cuz it's like but it was clean as shit but like in New York you see a porta potty five dead bolts are locked yeah it's like country bumpkins like who the fuck's gonna pee in there when you have a house New York is so hard to go around if you got to go to the bathroom because you know everything is

possible it's the best some star hotels where you can well you got an issue with going in public you're fucked yeah you know you have that issue not at all fucking where I want when I want you know I'm waiting in line they won't know the difference what is that stop check out Ian's new hour everybody I'm sorry I was reading the timing is on Hawaii in three hours that's gonna be gold it's funnier if you're in a parking lot there's a whale preaching Ian shot me a look on that you're dying on that hill fatty try to come at me in

my material man this is for Mitch and this is a fucking homerun cuz my parents did it Mitch is a good name did your did your parents growing up did you or your parents on a foot spa do you remember those things you put in and it would bubble the water those things are fit super trash I had an uncle Dickie who had really yeah use it as a hot tub pasta with it too broads in it it does right some believe it's like an air fryer put an epsom salt on top it's a ramen my mom had one of those man and when she broke that thing at you were there real sick or you were fucking injured or something like that put a

couple towels down sit there with your piggies in there while the eight teams clean living really really cold real quick though and it was always obviously the threat of electrocution because it was fucking you're plugging in a fucking bucket of water well by the way for Foley's family has his weird thing with electricity that I don't it's super strong fuck his family plug it in a car battery and I'm an aunt farting for bubbles dude we learned we learn probably electricity is we can't afford it we learned when we did the cribs that's on the patreon edition his mom unplugged everything in the house when they're not

using it the washer the dry everything vampire somebody's message me about it we were talking about it vampire electronics or something like that sounds like you're in screen name his new band I'm opening for vampire electronics next week wait a minute wait a minute what the fuck is vampire electronics that suck out the power when they're not even on yeah I mean that might cost you like three bucks a month or so that's three bucks and savings that will pass on to the foley your parents or grandparents ever go my grandparents when you'd leave a light on they go you turn the light off what do you what do you think we run

Del Mar power and light yeah my big one you what do you know more power and like Del Mar the power and like that's just a guy on a fucking on a treadmill I like how trash you are do you think that that's the only energy we got one what do you work for Pico that's what what do you think I work for Pico that or if you kept the door open in the summer like if you ran out to the car or the garage and you left it like there the door open was what are you trying to you trying to heat the whole neighborhood trying to cool off the air-conditioned a whole name would your parents or grandparents not flush number ones I

know no no my grandparents wouldn't flush number one wow really thanks why save water man smell especially old man you put the seat down you know that's too much I'm sorry that's crazy yeah that's real trash the foot spot I don't do it anymore I like when you get sensitive I don't I don't do it well I don't do it cut to your toilet it's just filled it looks like it's like a two-liter mountain dude in there this ashen fist do you smoke when you're pooping you look no poop and smoke no no no that just smells like my dad my dad used to do it why smoking in the house oh yeah he's still my dad never smoked in the house have

you done it before though smoked in the house no smoke taking a shit I have the best it's a lot it's just like too much work aren't you afraid of Ashen on your dong no I got a lot of space down there I got a lot of clearance Ian what is just a JFK assassination that would have to be after your real special ass yeah go down in out come back up there's a second ass you're in that there's a second ass you're in the sink if you got it hanging and then it comes off it's falling well when I well when I Charlie rich you got it hanging with a golden girl you can't fucking put it in your hand when you're also reading the paper

no I pretty smart phone yeah I would I asked there was a sink right next to I ask that is trash yeah holy shit I do I mean my house my dad's house was a smoke like proper smoking household like on the coffee table I just got an ashray I'm so excited for the back for the outside 20 21 here I come yeah are you smoking in your apartment in in the office I open a window I cracked the door I put a candle and I got a fan you can't smell it it's great I love it price was like an army recruiting center just sign here boy do you have your desk facing the door to I bet you do not have against the wall

it's like people have to walk in it's in the middle of the room a little chair on the other side so you can pull your power moves at your cat so what makes you think you want to work here and how often do you nap you have a swivel chair around on the cat so you think you're gonna get fancy good evening mittens what's your cat's name Samson Samson Samson welcome to the wet food negotiations dude I'm gonna get I can I go take a piss real quick I'm gonna piss myself can we yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna piss myself sure okay I eat it cuz I'm hungry but yeah

eat it so we can put a listener Ian had to take a little potty break so he broke out the cookies that Toby's girlfriend made they're actually fantastic if you haven't seen them I'm not sure what they're gonna cut out but look at that little trash cans actually you know what the more I eat it the better it tastes that's right yeah yep right it's like a hooker's butt sugar-free gluten-free baby the more the bump it's better it is all right this next one is from John boy have you ever been kicked out or asked to leave somewhere that other than a bar because you were drunk yeah yeah where the halfway house

they didn't know I was drinking mouthwash mouthwash you were getting you were getting lister twisted fucking Judy Garland over here Jesus Christ mouthwash yeah what's your brand scope I like you know nothing to tell you something not obviously we don't want people out there to consume it for alcoholic purposes but scope scope is something scope is the Ludens cough drop of the mouthwash out of the Ludens oh yeah we've well discussed it Ludens rude dudes all right man scopes like breakfast feel great it's like a it's like a like a winter green life saver I love it I mean listen I used to drink it and I don't even love it

that much how'd you take it over ice when I was in high school I grabbed a Gatorade off my friends oh no so thirsty like okay I have some of this and he was like sure took a big sip full of fucking mouthwash to get in the lister twisted on the sly so Gatorade and fucking I don't know why not just get alcohol I brain you're tricking yourself you're going while I'm not drinking wait mouthwash Ralph Machio did you say the lister twisted is that what is that was that a term in your high school Chicago your fucking board we're gonna get listerine I know people that were huffing dust off in the back oh that's I know I know I know I know people

who were going around to air conditioning units cutting the free online and filling it with trash bags and selling it at parties no I may or may not have been called maintenance man rich guy I may or may not be related to some of them oh my god really that's free on and then they would put the bag over shut up I didn't do that there is a little something on there there's like a when I inhale yeah it's called Rustoleo yeah when I inhale I feel like something's coating my yeah it's called heart disease and the scope ain't gonna get that stuff out what's this ice with triglycerides folks am I right come on they're sugar-free

and gluten-free they're not good it's not true they're delicious I feel like I'm going blind he's got cataracts start playing the piano his foot just detaches always looking up and to the left what I think our very special guesty and finance are coming in today you're doing right that after yeah it's almost like toothpastey huh it does taste like you just been lister twisted lister twisted the new fun game for the whole family have an alcoholic it knock her off the wagon lister twisted you got down on one knee for a get nice now you're cross-eyed for a lister twisted I got water on the brain you got lister

twisted I couldn't pass my hearing test you got lister twisted lost my license comes with the free hospital gown I'm 85 years old and I've been getting listed twisted since I was a little girl a guitar solo place yeah man I don't know shit it's trying to poison us with this is like misery or something like that I told you not to eat a telegram back to the drawing board on those it's like my like roof and back you just shit on for three minutes well not the aftertaste yeah part of them give me give me a Dunkin Donuts ballet I need to crawl a step he's allergic to anything that's gluten or

sugar-free fully don't breathe into your mouth my stomach is shrinking get me a sweet low quick I need a new moose booze give me a little pinch of that you know you gotta get this no no it's healthy snack you're on a diet don't give it to me he's too far gone no no no no no my god really yeah it's like that it's like that's annoying like that yeah he's pretty yeah you're pre-digit 20 miles jogging in Hawaii I nothing but fucking jogging yep I was jogging you hurt yourself walking down the street today and you think you need surgery you did that job 25 all the money's gonna go to get you a cane

that's a heavy buddy that's gotta be best car I think I said I said coming out of totally got it I said crazy came we're gonna have to take them we're gonna have to take this wall out to get you out of here that's coming out of the security deposit all right I'll stick with the sugar cookies sugar-free cookies I just got a great idea for a patient episode we get Ian drunk on mouthwash and we get fully all the doughnuts you can eat yeah I like it and we'll give you 20 bucks to do it we'll give you a pack of burnings and a donut I had to this aren't on me look at you you're like Ben Affleck going at that dunking I mean

today oh really yeah and I got doughnuts for us and I left them on the train you're digging through that like you're like you're eating like you're digging through the track you were definitely a squirrel in another life real cool energy you got real city rat vibes and I hail my food I just mash it together and just inhale and I thank God I got metabolism or else I'd be you know I can fold the junior feeling that was coming to my direction also someone in a YouTube comments called it's so funny they called me the small one and I'm like I'm an oversized man to begin with but sitting next to him I look tiny I love that when they turn on you the way

people refer to you you know I mean they don't say kippy or Henry they say the fat one and then the bald one yeah thank now you just open the door for them to do it all we'll cut that out open the door you can't fit through just open a door I'm gonna get stuck in thanks a lot sugar cookies this is from Dougie B Dougie B is the guy who stove we went to see when I was a kid my buddy Doug shout out to Dougie B his family worked for Whirlpool and we've this was a little Whirlpool and the KitchenAid and they got in a stove when that when the what was it called the glass where it was like yeah it wasn't the flame or the coil it

was electric but it but it was like the surface just the ceramic glass he's just seen one of these yeah you might have seen it in a magazine or on a television still use sternum what are you talking about you got a bunch of chafing dishes going sternos are big at our family part that's smell like one and always stays home like what if there's a service or whatever a party or something she always stays back or gets that shot they encounter so it's ready when you get there she's handles it up she handles I thought you meant stays there so no one robs a house oh my god you are they got the meatballs no no no

whenever there was a funeral we always designated someone to stay in the house so nobody took a took anyone comes over and steals your body what did you grow up fucking Rio de Janeiro well listen somebody finds out someone in your family died and they know where you live they know you're not gonna be home and they're gonna ding up the joint hang out the web bandits next thing you know I'm buying back like I'm buying back a clock from a pawn shop that's an old why so what they said they would wait they would read the obituaries for Johnny and Steve Smith then go all the view the services are on this day no

one's gonna be at the house so they go rob the house yep that's what it is I mean that sounds pretty on the money to me yeah yeah I don't know I mean I don't do you know anybody that's happened to the truth old Delaware baby well what happened to Ian but they knew that cuz he was doing it to people they were sharpening was hanging out the house they were sharp to the move yeah hide in the bushes they wanted you know it was a little she used to also tell her kids if they didn't eat their vegetables a ragman would come and get them a ragman yeah there's a man that used to go around father like dirty rags in the

neighborhood was that a real person and she lied and said that guy is gonna come wait wait why would the guy collect dirty rags I don't know he's a ragman what else that's not a term I mean I was just saying my Joe shit the ragman that's what they would say I don't know shit like you don't know me from Joe shit the ragman I guess I don't know what that means because that guys used to go around and collect rags and clean them for you and give them back that was like they're doing back in the day a long time ago what in the 80s no in the fucking you know 20s 30s 40s 50s a ragman did you ever see the ragman in your

neighborhood no no he had gone out of business replaced by the Sponge Man yeah once paper towels dropped he was shit out of luck bounty came and put him out of business I don't just throw it out these I work this neighborhood see you're like said from Seinfeld who parks the cars I did it's coming up as a it's coming up as well it's a DC comic by which he might be a background guy that'll be bad when Marvel's getting done that was such a deep cut I said he's a DC comic he's just watching to DC he took it as watching DC black comic named the ragman and he said what does he

play the laugh out holy shit for the listener he just fucking thread a needle from a hundred york damn shout out to the laugh house holy shit I was like an M&M line from the mid-2000s what the fuck that's why they call a window pane huh laugh house is you're in a Wilmington club when's the open mic start lining up now as long as I got those wings cooking I'm in baby god holy shit the best part of the laugh house was Cassie finally got a future weekend that wasn't my man he is he is the oh sorry I'm in pain what the fuck Cassidy is the kiss of death on successful he is a fucking black cloud

there's also his laugh house name I heard he was working for Trump cumulus coming shout out to our good pal Tommy see Donald Trump out the DJ T and that's six hundred wet there's six no I'm getting two packs trying to get his two stacks I know alright this is from Dougie B and I think you this is a youth I've heard you talk about this did you ever eat at ground round as a kid yeah I use that birthday parties at the ground round that's right also bingo was he goes penny a pound special what's that penny a pound special he goes did you get the penny a pound special I guess it's for whatever you weighed if you were like 50 pound you

would pay 50 pennies and pay 50 bucks he said was it cheap for all these we still clear this stuff like that because was it cheaper Henry just to pay men you right they got a lean on his all he's down at the small business bureau I'll just go to breakfast menu thank you is it normal to have four mortgages we got run home real quick I forgot to unplug the washer I don't really we never fucked with it I remember there was one the ground round and you would hear commercials do we never fuck can you do the math on that right now I don't remember that you do the math on that right now how much foley would pay penny a pound

he's not John Nash what is this a beautiful mind where you put him on the spot you're clearly autistic I like how Ian comes in and actually I think Toby's is intern that's like the fourth request you're not running on that what's going on hey Toby do me a favor crunchy number also with before you before he leaves here Ian's gonna bum a thing off Toby I put foley's weight into the calculator my MacBook Pro that shut off it just said zero zero times 10 it turned into a PC no so it'd be 400 times 100 it'll be what 4,000 you weigh 400 I weigh 375 pounds not after that holiday but if it's a penny a pound and it's 400 it's

four bucks what are you talking about no 100 pennies in a dollar so you're telling me he could go to ground rounding as much meat as he wants for four bucks that's what that doesn't make any sense that's why they went out of business they were living on clown money foley's came in and knocked them out of business in a weekend which one he used a tough guy who's cutting the checks in this no no no it was a it was a penny for every pound of meat you ate no wait no it had to be a penny a pound for what for what you way you wait I know it was a penny a pound of the food no cuz I got

a penny a pound around you won't even a piece of steak ain't even a pound kids pay what they weigh kids pay what they weigh so if a kid weighed 35 pounds it would be a penny for it would be 35 350 what no a penny a pound so yeah you'd be 300 that'd be like you had a 200 pound kid they pay two bucks yeah there you go well he's been 80 no that doesn't make sense it's a kid's man it's like a kids eat free type thing yeah these are 80s advertising gimmicks you wouldn't get him it was a different time we didn't know what we were doing all right Jesus what do you want man fucking trial and error the goddamn Japanese were

killed we had a fucking do something you really were affected by Pearl Harbor I love this fucking show Japanese in the European Japanese were killing us I was I was I was at a seizure someone said the n-word so he was up crying literally tears advertising the 80s made a lot of promises we couldn't keep all right yo you're not gonna top what you cover a time magazine had a martini glass full of cocaine and said I told everyone it wasn't addictive shout out the big cocaine look it up a monitor for us to look at that from from January 16th 2011 penny a pound is

today from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. that's what I pulled up it's pay kids pay what they weigh lots of choices and good atmosphere we are proud to be a family friendly establishment penny a pound made it into the new fucking millennium dad hope you kids like cigar smoke high on cocaine a drug with status and menace and menace but they're leading with the sexiness with my name that olive martini glass for full of coke man all right let's we got a couple more here to get through holy shit that's what you were asking me to look up I thought you're asking me to look up ground out listen he's no Jamie okay that was that was

three direct orders ago that was that was three unruly demands ago he is gonna expect you have all this transcribed over two by the way Ian gets final cut to a little stenographer it's so funny to for the listener Ian and Toby have an amazing relationship outside love to me so much I just came in and gave you a new band you got me into pop I had some a favorite band shirt you're wearing yo yeah I was I wore this shirt for you today yeah yeah in Ian and I are our friendship is based around flame emojis and Instagram DMs yes a real life reddit relax will you couple of real athletes here you guys must be fighting

off the ladies your black hoodies Gravel dead wah wah hoodie wah wah hoodie look at the back we do it just a little bit better at the carnival ever get on the zipper ride all right here this one is from Marcus have you ever broken a video game controller or electronic device in a fit of rage yes yeah asking if you've destroyed any technology technology was ruined lost in Madden and now mom is mad I owe her allowance money my jello pudding pops are now in jeopardy for after dinner because I destroyed the instrument that turns off married with children I'm as they say grounded and my only hope is

to build a time machine and beat my cousin NHL 95 only I can break into the Texas Instruments Factory I did not appreciate these jokes at my expense I just I cracked a fucking do you remember the game Jezz ball it was on I was on Windows night it was on Windows I've been making it was under games what you said I've been making them that's what I call the sock in the corner of my room that was my ex-wife and my buddy Jim growing up all your buddy Santa circle glades us a donut I think I have a hacky I feel I love it it was a different time it was the 80s man who knew what a hacky

sack was we were getting meat for a penny a pound welcome back to the 1988 Jezz ball championship brought to you by penny for pounded ground round bring everybody in that's full these lamp house name hacky give it up for a hacky sack he's got one of those Dr. Seuss hats on I wouldn't fuck that bitch in a house I wouldn't fuck that he's dressed like Reggie from Nutty Professor yo the fucking Dr. Seuss hat that became popular that was a question somebody wrote that in I had multiple I had different colors man Molly I was in the classic rock cover band in eighth grade and we all wore wacky hats and

the drummer to Dr. Seuss hat that's I see really matured since then you're called the bazooka Joe experience oh my god they never kissed a girl experience the left on the zipper I experience the multiple chess balls experience the hey a lot of guys do this to the experience that you want my cousin doesn't he says it's fine to hurry up my dad's almost home experience there's something about this feels wrong orchestra the bazooka's bazooka Joe experience man yeah can you play an instrument I can play guitar and this and the skin flu was front seat in the orchestra and the

african rhythm stick folks we're having a good time here at Antutti's this one's alright we'll do one or two more we're having such a good time that when something doesn't land it's almost deafening yeah I want to quit the podcast when I throw one out there and it's nothing I do well we're running so hot that it's like as you well I need of my brain needs a second to decompress and zone out I don't even hear anything it's like it's like d-day and fucking I'm lost that one I need to get inspected I don't know I was gonna come with an example oh get a new piece of technology I'm overheating man

I'm sweating I need some antifreeze get some antifreeze in this kid's ears real quickly just have one of those cookies I know I'm a cookie the tree trunk crust or the fucking or the cyanide icing I don't know hosting's got a little bit of ether on them I need a break wrap it up we love you are you garbage thank you for your patreon questions keep submitting a great review sign up Ian you got anything coming up all right we love you good night you can catch him blowing his roommate

guys go to Patriot made these cookies the Joker what the fuck I'm fucking shit right now Sam what are you doing to me it's having a playlist check out Ian's got a new podcast with somewhere check him out on Instagram check him out in his office and talking to his cat oh fuck was you sure stopped it in any freeze in this guy's you guys go to patreon.com such are you garbage rate reviews I thought we were I was standing up Mike's stomach would have been hanging out it doesn't cover it we gotta get the plugs out of you gotta get a bigger tarp goddamn Home Depot pay by the foot for that always gotta pay by the

pound for his clothes all right do your plugs come on you got to what do you got coming up I'm gonna have a seizure good luck get it out spit it out where you at tonight what'd you have for lunch today my everything hurts right now dude holy shit guys go to patreon.com hey pick up a t-shirt we he's clean living t-shirts available podcast purge.com is all guys real stingy with the Patriot money but I can pick a sweat

pants up or something we kids are taking a fall he's stomach's hanging out he needs surgery he tore his meniscus he's vests ain't cheap actually are shout out to Walmart yeah no one I don't know what that was a north face I can't even get jokes out yeah what's that terry cloth not fit looks like you cut two holes in a beach blanket so that's my new sponsor Eastfoot and everybody