Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Jay Larson: MasterClass

Episode Date: June 21, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with Jay Larson for a hot one. Jay puts on a clinic on how to host a party. Take notes you bozos! Thanks for the support. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.Stamps.com Promo Code: GARBAGE https://www.breathefum.com/garbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang real quick before we get this episode started summer is going into full swing and so is the RU garbage Keep it moving 2021 tour. Oh, yeah We're gonna be coming to a town near you for a little bit of stand-up and we're gonna be answering your garbage questions Kippy tell them what they need to know. Yeah guys on June 22 will be in Chicago still a few tickets left for that June 23rd will be an indie helium get tickets for that and then buddy We're all over the place July 14th Columbus funny bone July 15th Cleveland Hilarities August 11th Rhode Island comedy connection August 12th left Boston those tickets are cooking. That's gonna sell out get those tickets Then August 25th, we're at New Brunswick stress factory and then August 26

We're at Magooby's joke house in Timonium, Maryland right outside of Baltimore. I like it gang get some ticks come out and see It's gonna be a fantastic fun time come out and hang with Uncle Hank and your ain't kippy the way Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage? Mm-hmm. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians

And we found if they grew up to be classy or if there's the big old piece of trash I'm your hostates fully coming at you on a solemn day down here at Antwerp's basement very upset about the Sixers Yeah, she had a lot of cash on that fucking game. Yeah, she's spending a patreon money She's spending the patreon money too much and speaking of spending the patreon money This guy's got a brand new Hawaiian shirt every day. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He's the head bozo around here. So show him a little respect. Give it up for kippy Kevin James Ryan Hey gang, thanks for tuning in as always Please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are true to roof

True to roof then patreon.com as well. You sign up to get bonus episodes the whole nine yards You already know the spiel live shows coming up get tickets. We're tanking here And how about a quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man. He makes us all look good It's got the place balanced out real nice got some pro equipment. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin Toby McMuffin what's up dudes. What's up T-Bone the B&H on the phone trying to get this return off, dude Trying to get a customer service win over here. I like it. Yeah, we got to return some gear Yeah, but gang we couldn't have been more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today back with We got a little company in the house. We got a little star power in the house

He's gonna answer your questions. Do me a favor give it up for the one the only mr. Jay In the flesh to be here you got out the Get out the nice tan. Yeah, I mean it's a sewing kid actually in there, dude You know what the other sign was if it was a nice night is those The little Andy's candies the chocolate with the mint laid out like in rose Oh, yeah, that literally would come out after dinner on the table. All right. It's a game changer Yeah, we only broke those out on Thanksgiving. It's the only time you saw an Andy's candies and someone brought them It's not like you guys you didn't have them in stock at the Foley house

You split a pack of M&Ms if you want Came in very very under under under impressed. Yeah. Yeah, that thought this was a studio I mean the tables rock and roll He's a big guy. My chair is about to go. It went it went yesterday This was a set of six down to three I ate the leaf in the middle Buddy thanks so much for coming back and and hanging out. Oh, yeah, man. Great to be here Oh, when we did your episode if you haven't seen Jay's episode go back and check it out

It's fucking absolutely amazing and authority on class you turn already on you know you blew our hair back I was like yeah going into it. I'm like, I know he's classy, but your attention to detail on things second You know, that's just how I do it. You know what I mean? We like it. Yeah, we wanted to open up with this actually Yeah, we had a little debate last episode. We had a somebody reach out to us and Asked us. He's throwing his first party like his first adult get together. Yeah, not like fucking, you know, coke and whatever not a kegger Yeah, he's doing his first get together with friends and he was asking us advice On what are some do's and don'ts? What are some must-haves if you're if Jay Larson's throwing down people we talking about 12 people

Everybody's 25 to 35. All right, no solo cups. That's one. No, we said big I say no solo That was the first thing we bought I got the blue ones to to show him I had a little bit of cash. You're supposed to be an adult What are we doing you use glass and you tell people he's probably doesn't have a dishwasher, right? I got it later, you know what I mean, but how you gonna go through all those glasses you got 12 15 people You're not gonna have 30 glasses. What do you mean? You need new glasses every time you need a drink? I mean you got 12 people you 12 glasses also you can go glasses aren't expensive

We're just so you came in on a level of class and we sat here and debated this yesterday for 30 minutes Never once thought of actual glass and I'm also a glassware guy. You know what I mean? I have everything you need a cordial. I got it. You need a high ball. I got it You need a martini glass. I do them in an old-school coop I do them in a coop glass. You can also do champagne in a coop. So if you got some rocks glass No, a coop is like, you know, that's what they drink in the Gatsby They'd like they go out like they look like a bowl and they're on a stem. So it's only like that deep Yeah, that's what you do like that's called a coop. You know what I mean?

If you go someplace nice, they'll bring you Manhattan and I've got manhattan's in a coop. Yeah, someone brings it to you in this Get the fuck That's what you want. So depending on who it's gonna be, you know, would you tell them about beer? What's a beer set? You got to be you got to have a booze forever. This is what we were saying, right? Would you this was one of the times would you reach out and say hey, what's everybody drinking? What do you like? Okay, wow the first thing I was Why are you on that tip? I was so opposed to that. Yeah, you don't you you're entertaining. You know what I mean? You don't like oh, no, dude. Should I second-guess and wonder am I making the right decisions? Shut up, bitch

You know what you need you need some I'll just tell you this guy What do we know it? I got a buddy who's a restaurant tour, right? And I love his course. He's got a great aesthetic. He'd like the aesthetic here, too You're the first guy in here that's ever said the word aesthetic. That's where you're coming in I thought that was the guy that put you to sleep before surgery But I'm at this like I like to go to like vintage antique Marts, you know what I mean? And I look for old coops because they're hard to find this guy's classy But they had this like these European baby. They were like little tubs. They're like this long this wide

They round out and they're on a stand like that, right? And I looked at it. I'm like, oh, this is perfect for my boy. He's got Beer and wine bars. I got like three of them. You do this for events. You fill with ice You can whine it in the beers. It's 300 bucks. I grab a photo. I text my buddy I'm like you want this and he goes I don't need it, but yeah, I want it and I'm like done I'll have it at the house. So I think you got to have a container out You have maybe two whites, you know, we're in the summer, right? So you're gonna I would do a rosé You got to have a rosé out back it up in the fridge. Don't let him know you got it And you put the cheaper one in the fridge

I'm not saying go crazy. I'm thinking 1199 for your your rosé, you know, okay But if you look for the advantage, you see like you got to be classy, but have trash in your veins That's what I am. So I go to like a grocery store that if you buy Six bottles of wine you get 20% off, you know what I mean? So then you get the 1699 you get them down around 13 You know I'm saying pretty good So I get a couple rosés I get a couple whites and then I'd have two reds and I'd have them out and I'd have a little section set up for cocktail So I just have your basic I'd have a nice whiskey for the fellas if they want to go

What do you think and what's what are you getting people coming over? You don't want to flex too hard What where are you going whiskey? I mean my favorite sipping whiskey is basil Hayden. That's my favorite. It's simple. It's it's 80 proof It's not like 92 96, you know, I mean, I'm not doing Jack or beans I'm a J-mo guy myself. All right. Well, you're talking Irish. Yeah You know what I mean? So you could do that, you know, a James good or you want to do McCallan or something like that What about Southern comfort soco? I probably shelf That's for when everyone leaves and it's you and your boys and you like should we do a couple shears and what you know The way he said you should probably shelf that oh

What about Prosecco or Kava's that's stuff old news. I throw a bottle of Prosecco in there. Yeah, white claws any that shit I'm not I'm that's you know what I mean. I think I'm out I out age that generation a little young That's what everybody's doing though. It's low should no sugar no carbs. I might throw in a hard kombucha You can go zero sugars, you know, I mean, that's what I roll with man So I got my wife's vegan friend. Yeah Well, like you could have a hard kombucha. You could have your truly or whatever White claw and then I'd have like two beers I'd like do something to show that you're you hang with the Brooklyn cats and either do like a

PBR or mill light or I like Pacifico in a can Yeah, and a can it's not And then I would do like an IPA or something like that Yeah, that was gonna be my question was a big debate We had where we were saying a couple craft beers and then you have the backup Bud light Miller light something in the fridge for when it people don't want to keep drinking that heavy shit when you go to a dope liquor store They'll let you go in and mix and match. You could go you can get like your white claw six pack or 12 pack Then you can get like a the you know the Pacifico and then you can boom boom boom couple of these couple of those call the night

If you do I'm not saying you ask ahead of time But if you got a friend who's dating like an Irish guy or something like that you get a four pack again is No, who's coming, you know, I mean of course of course are you going limes in the Pacifico? I would put a lime out on a cutting you cut or you let it never pre-cut. They're gonna dry out I would put out the lime with a knife for people to do their own thing because then people might make a gin and tonic You know what I want to do their own thing. Are you mixing any drinks and having like something like that? Sangria pitcher. I'm saying if you want to do a house cocktail always a nice touch You know what I mean? You want to do a house cocktail and then you pre-make it you put it out

And then you just put like a little card. Hey, this is what this is, you know, like The the Foley frenzy, you know Like soco coke zero But you could Oh But I have been to parties where they do do the house cocktail and it's not a hit It's not good and they're pushing it on you all night like hey try these and you're like come on These things think no one's touching too much too many apples in that shit. Yeah, stop with the fucking put it is a nice touch

If you do it right, it's fan. I did do it my wedding, you know what I mean? We did do a house cocktail at my wedding. What was it? It was like a it was a mint Arnold Arnold Palmer, I mean so it was lose or just yeah, okay? Yeah, and people liked it You know, I mean and it's just simple people like to be it gives you a thing to make people part of the experience Yeah, people first show up like can get some drink. Let me give you the house cocktail Don't you don't put in a giant glass. You don't you know, and just let him try it You don't push it on him and then let him go. Mint's really classy. Mint really adds a lot of fresh man. Oh What did you guys suggest to him for like apps or food?

I want I want to get to that, but I want to ask you this first. Yeah, because I was getting breadsticks Extra marinara These bozos we're saying and let me okay. Let me rephrase this under any circumstances Okay, you have a garage fridge at your place. No, okay if you did, okay Would you be having the people go into the refrigerator to get anything? No, that's why I said you should have like a tin You know what I mean like a big container, right? You put ice and water and wine beers stuff like that Okay, so no garage fridge the the refrigerator in your house Would you put beers in the crisper and let people grab them out of there?

Exactly Crisper for me is for like lettuce and shit I would go bottom shelf and I'd back it up. So it looks like a like a hotel straight bats. It's like boom This is that this is that this is that thank you But like for me the first party I think we had an LA is like a married couple before I was divorced is we I built a bar out of wood And I got an old sink that I bought like a steel You know those ones that are painted white and I dropped that in the bar

Then you packed that with ice and everything was in there And I had shelves with all the liquor and then just rows of glasses so that you just and I had a bowl of fruit So that you cut up whatever your fruit choice was, you know what I mean? Did you make this thing just for the party? Yeah I did our Thanksgiving out there. I built the tables for our Thanksgiving dinner. You know what I mean This guy's serious came to fucking play dude. He's pro We're out here tossing out minor league answers. This guy's on the Yankees run the Toluca wombats Appetizers yeah, what'd you guys throw out Adam? Kevin I

Said I said that I would have the grill going in some capacity, but we also said okay Let's say he lives in an apartment doesn't have a grill. That's what we also said So it's like you don't have to serve a dinner. I feel if it's like Well people you definitely don't need to serve a dinner exactly Yeah, so it's like hey, you haven't got to have enough apps to keep people going. Yeah, you know what I mean We said like a church charcuterie board The hummus the guac the chips and guac how much are you making the guac? Am I making the guac? No, I got getting it. We live in New York. I mean I make the guac

What did you live in New York? You can go get it like I can go get a guac anyway We have avocados here. What are you talking about? I'm saying I'm not buying like the pre-packaging that's been sitting there for three I'm getting the fret like there's like the grocery stores to have the fresh stuff. I'm grabbing the freshies Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm spending a couple of bucks. Okay. Yeah, Patreons doing all right I'm getting a fresh guac. Are you tossing in a bowl passing off as your own? Yeah, of course. I'm big on that played everything. No, but he's saying are you saying that you made it

I would never say I made it because you know who would do that my mother and my sister like oh, yeah You're like really what are you? Trash is stacked with boxes. I swear to God Delivery guy still in the driveway. Yeah, miss Larson. These chalupas are delicious. It's an old family recipe For real they do that. Yeah, my mom one time. I had sickler me and sickler went home to mass Yeah, of them shout out to sickle so shout out I don't know if I told the story of the first time but we go home to my mother's house on my mother's like I made this I made a completely fresh meal for you guys and she's like Ryan come look and she's like now

I've been cooking my meatballs. I've been cooking all day and that's in a homemade sauce and then I have I go That's a homemade Alright, and she goes and then there's an eggplant parm she was not my recipe and it's in a box And then garlic bread and then she goes now Ryan come on. I'll show the rest I go hold on She goes what I go before we go anywhere I go you made that sauce and she was yeah, I go no you didn't She was yes. I did Jason. I go no mom. I lived with you for 24 years. You never made a sauce She was well, I did make it Jason and I go mom. I'm not letting you leave this kitchen

Because what do we do we're just letting people lie to our face now It's your mother man So I go fucking sip of it so I made the sauce Jason I go ma I can't accept that and she goes You know what? I ran out of sauce So I had to use some jar sauce to you happy and then I looked in the trash later for things of jar sauce What are we talking about? Classica? No, it was mixed up a little prego classical And I think they might have been arreos in there for a Little rayos kicker. That's a good bottle you put out

Top of the recyclable so people see They got rayos money It's great. He's out there. That's a that's a big question. We had if you do you seem like a guy who would make your own sauce Am I being presumptuous here? I can I mean I have a really good recipe from her friend of mine Yeah, if you do if you are buying jar. Yeah, where do you go? I'm gonna do but if it's you know I have kids so I do both if I'm gonna make my eggplant parm I'm buying rayos And I'm gonna get shit for my friends that I didn't make my own sauce, but I don't care Mm-hmm if I'm going for the kids I go classical because being that I'm classy

Mm-hmm. I soak those bad boys and I use them for glasses later. Yeah, there you go You want to drink a lemonade out of a regular night? You want a mason John? Fresh mint in there. You know what I mean? What is with a metal straw before we go too far real class before we steer too far away What are you putting out at the party apps wise you're coming you're coming correct I think a charcuterie plate is nice. You know you do that combos I'm not gonna lie. You know who I am. You know who I am at my core, bro This is who I am I'm gonna put all this out But when I'm alone and I'm driving I stop at a gas station and I'm getting pizza flavored combos

I'm getting a soda. I'm getting a fucking honey bun I'm getting a honey bun and like a Twix and that's gonna be my ride to like the pizza flavor combo is You know, that's a deep cut not many people go the classic pretzel cheddar. No pizza one. Good one. It's not like yeah One of man's greatest achievements Honestly is And we're old enough to remember when combos hit me to they fucking chips and pretzels are like Burner those things hit you know, it's funny is we never had combos in my house And we never had Pringles in my house, but if you went to my aunt Rue's house

That's where they were at and I knew the fucking cabinet They were in and she'd have a she'd have a sleeve of Pringles and a sleeve of the cheese ones And I was like cheese move aside You come with me. Yeah, but charcuterie plates dope. I like chips and guac. You got no beef from to me there Mm-hmm. I mean I wouldn't mind something like some nice meatballs like with a stick sure mean we were talking about a crock pot Listen, I ain't even you could do a crock pot. I'm not gonna get mad at you I make a cranberry meatball. No big deal. What's that about? What's cranberry meatball dope, dude? It's just like you make meatballs, right? And then you take jelly cranberry sauce

Cocktail saw not cocktail sauce like chili sauce. It just looks like cocktail sauce the Heinz one But it's not brown sugar lemon juice a couple of things and you mix it all up You put the meatballs in you cover it with all this you bake it Like almost like Swedish meatballs a little bit a little bit. Yeah Um next next time you have a dinner party. I just want to come shadow you so I can take notes. Oh, yeah Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, why don't you just come and hang? Oh, I could do that too. I want to learn I want to I don't want to be in the experience. I want to pick up I'm so these tips for your for your top patreon people West Coast come out. We do a dinner party. Yeah, we're going

Yeah, we're going to Larson's But I think you're good with all that and I don't even care if you go to Trader Joe's You know, they have so many of those apps you can just pay by they do it. All right. It's it throw that in I'm gonna be happy if I show up at your party and that's what you're kicking shrimp cocktail. Sure I mean, it gets a little pricey and it's not for everybody and it gives a leftover stench Dude, I love how he immediately has an opinion a well-thought-out opinion on everything. I love shrimp cocktail Yeah, that used to be a go-to move with when we cook together me my wife I would get some just for making dinner my favorite thing nothing no better way to kick it with a girl

Then like have a little snack that you're eating That's the best part of making dinner. Yeah. Yeah, one of my favorite things is going out to dinner with my girlfriend and having a couple drinks In the apps in the beginning, but I mean, you know, what's even sure. Yeah, you know what I like doing that somewhere else You go to one spot for drinks and apps and then you especially New York you walk to somewhere Dude, whoa He's like I sit down I'm here for tonight. Okay. I'll leave a breakfast menu. Will you Tony? I'm also a hardcore bar guy, you know, yeah, I like to sit at the bar and eat my dinner there

I don't want to Talk with the bartender other people coming up. You're wrapping you a counter guy at the diner at the diner Come on all day at the counter. Yeah, I'm drinking my coffee some sassy waitress. Yeah, I got the paner I've got her down fucking cheer up a little bit. Do you have a favorite bar in New York? I mean, I have a favorite restaurant. What is it? I went I literally landed Excuse me last Thursday Friday. I Left my hotel walked right there a little Frankie's my favorite. Oh one second. Is that one second first step? Yeah And like second one. Yeah, I get the same dude. You want to see this is where I this is your favorite restaurant in all of New York

Yeah, this is a little bones is the greatest. Oh, I saw a picture of it Yeah, it's insane. Yeah, and I make it at home But you take one bite and it's just like crushes, but everything he does there crushes I put it this way. This is the where I this is where I teeter from classy to fucking trash Yeah, cuz that's not like the nicest play. No, but it's not nice at all. It's kind of a dive I mean last night I took myself out to this French restaurant And I had pate and then I had baked lobster in like a bechamel with mashed potatoes. I mean come on I was one solo took yourself to dinner. Yeah, I love French man. That's nice

Yeah, so it's nice did that right before the village. It was like right around the corner from Village Underground But like little Franky's one time I went in there. We always get me and my buddy used to get this like he does thin pizza with Ricotta Projuto see how we hit that everybody where then we get both of it Yeah, and then truffle and then it's another layer of dough over it He bakes it and we have that as an app then I go spaghetti lemon then I go the panna cotta, okay? They have meretti on tap. I'm going there when in Rome. I'm getting the meretti on tap Maybe I'll have a couple whiskies who's already ready. It's a beer

So the guy was ready something that killed Gandolfini One night I was in there, and I was leaving New York the next day And we we got there like 1130 and then it was like one and they go guys were closing the kitchen anything else I'm like, let me hit that spaghetti lemon again Two different dinners at the same place I like dinner Dude this guy's coming in like the coach of class. He's like boys take a knee. No, I got the half-time speech cook Yeah, well you put out a dessert for this this affair this party I might have sweets led this is where you have a chance to be fun

This is where you have a chance to include everybody, you know, I mean, okay This is a chance where you can go set up a Sunday bar. It's not tough You just get a pint of ice cream. You got the scoop the whipped cream the chocolate No one's gonna care if it's fancy chocolate. They're gonna want the syrup from you know what I mean, Hershey's You do something like that. Okay, one of the greatest pow you want to hear a fucking power move one time I'm at a party in the Hollywood Hills. I was only there cuz I had a friend of a friend of a friend, right? I'm like 27. I'm in there. I'm in the kitchen. They had a chef, right? They had a bartender outside I'm in there in the kitchen eating some food and this guy comes up to me

He's like, hey man, and I go, hey man And he goes, who do you know and I got my friend Tracy knows this girl who knows the guy and she and he goes all right I go, what about you? He goes, nobody You did he goes, yeah, welcome, bro Right he breaks off for me. I break off. It's about an hour and a half later They've broken down the kitchen. They've like cleaned up from dinner. Everyone's having a drink I'm in the kitchen and I see this guy come in he's got a shirt folded up like this and in the tree They was in the yard. There was an apricot tree, right? He comes in the kitchen

He drops a pile of apricots on the kitchen counter looks the chef and goes iron chef dude What's up? This is a guy who crashed this thing hearty Fifteen minutes later bowls of ice cream with caramelized apricots going around and I went up to that guy I'm like you the fucking coolest guy here that guy should be at every party So listen if you have access to a little burner You do s'mores with people if you got a fire going pretty good if you can do a make your own Sunday sure otherwise Yeah, have something sweet, you know, okay the Andes, you know what I mean? Drop a drop a pack of Andes, you know, I mean, I don't know, but what did you guys throw out there for dessert mini cupcakes?

Yeah, I think we said if there was a play if there's a Cupcake I do why I got a big problem because cupcakes splashed on the scene like 12 And then everybody had a cupcake shop and everyone brings them and guess what it's usually this much cake and this much frosting It's too much. It's fucking too much frosting. I love that. I don't hate it. I'd go just for us You know how you supposed to eat a cupcake? Rip the bottom off a sandwich Is that true? I was the guy at that party. Yeah, man, that's what you're supposed to do

So to pull it off and boom make a sandwich, but there's so much frosting. It's too much. It's the best Cut the bottom off. I don't get what half it and then yeah Really, is that like how they were designed or that's just what people figured out. I know that someone presented that to me That's just what you do if you fucking know what's up, dude. Yeah, clearly. I never knew would you go to finishing school? Gang real quick want to talk to you about our good friends over there at stamps.com the best Let's talk about this do it pandemic starting to get put in our rear-view mirror Summers and full full bloom down here getting back to normal, baby Things are getting back to normal things you like doing some things

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The link will be in the description of the episode Like we said Canadian made worldwide shipping 30 plus customers serve 30,000 plus customers serve Nearly a five-star rating of all the testimonials on the website everything so one more time loves it head to breathe fume comm That's breathe fume fum comm or click the link in the description use promo code garbage 10% off quit smoking or vaping today now back Tata show Tata show. Okay. What about this? I was thinking about this on the way out of here Yeah, as as a sweet snack just to have out maybe the whole time. How do you feel about a caramel? chocolate popcorn combo

You just went from the About you're gonna bust out a three-layer tin What is it a bowl? Hey, man, I am what I am. I'm not here to lie. You just killed you got the light You should have walked off stage the thunderous Here's my problem lie me to the moon I do like that like really good popcorn like that But if you're leaving it out all day doesn't get me there's no kicker at the end People want that sweet when they've been going savory all day. You know what I mean?

I don't mind I don't mind pre-making a chocolate chip cookie dough and then like later whenever like no one's eating food You're popping it in the oven while people are hanging out. That's everyone smelling it They're like hot cookies coming out of the oven forget it. That's the thing you can't teach that I would have never fucking classy You know what I mean? It's just those little extra steps that make it fucking nice make it homemade. Yeah. Yeah, that's right They could be they could be Pillsbury cookies. It doesn't matter, right? It doesn't matter you're cranking out fucking fresh cookies. Look at the party smell it dude You got like six high balls in you next thing, you know, you smell some fucking cookies. Yeah, baby Throwing away a little Amaro no Nino

It's talking about I didn't understand the last six words He said an aperitif is something you have before dinner Just deep or an Amar. I mean I love Amaro's. You know another restaurant. I like it in New York is Freeman's I don't like being dressed up. Oh, Freeman's is good. I mean just dope foods Not as good as like Frank little Frankie. Yeah, but it was a pricey too when I was there. Yeah Yeah, like a $55 meatloaf or something Yeah, it was crazy. I was gonna get married. I was gonna have my wedding there Oh, really, but it was we're gonna get the room upstairs, but it was just too small. Yeah. Yeah, and what would you pull lanes down?

You a checksmix guy When That is a no. Hey, I'll be an anything guy, but it's all Circumstantial, you know what I mean if I'm like, you know, if I'm having a guess over the first time I don't know if I'm throwing a check But if I'm having the boys over to watch football on a Sunday, I don't mind a checksmix. I mean, I'm still gonna do something nice That's good. You're gonna large on it. Yeah, I like all right. All right. We got the story taking care of that was fantastic We're gonna get to some patreon questions

We have a couple of our own that we wanted to ask you because of your class that we maybe never got to yeah Kevin I have one now. This is a big one Obviously one of the big questions we asked is we do have a lot of fucking hobo comics coming right, you know That aren't that aren't as esteemed gentleman as yourself, mr. Marson But I'm not a little Frankie's material. Yeah What we typically ask them if they have it like say they had a they found out they were going to a wedding tomorrow Do they have a proper suit that fits shoes belt tie? Obviously you do. Uh-huh probably have more my question is how many suits do you have? I free you have three suit

Colors well one is I'll start with the seersucker I'd never get him I would never get a manicure in my life. Really? I pegged you as a man nails. Yeah, great. Thanks, man That's all teeth I went to a wedding in the Bahamas and Jamaica at Round Hill, which is like a super fancy place My buddies my buddies from Atlanta and his whole family's like SEC guys, you know what I mean? They're southern gentlemen. Sure. This was the wedding Southern I was like you can't go to a southern wedding in granted it was in the Bahamas or Jamaica and not so I got a seersucker suit Can't be wearing a black black suit there. Right. They're coming correct. He everyone was it was it was black tie

And I said no, I'm wearing seersucker Got the got the bowtie. Can you wear seersucker to black tie? Yeah, I mean I did I Can't I don't know about you But I go down so I got the bowtie and I didn't get a clip on I got a real bowtie. You know how to tie it I had to learn. Yeah, it's tough. I can get my I can never get it right. Yeah, I punched a wall Yeah, I'm trying to learn like I'm fucking doing it. You're watching the video Yeah, so I figured it out, right? I go down in the wedding and I I immediately I'm next to like three dudes that are friends of The father of the groom and they're all sec Georgia Clemson, whatever, right?

They're all there all in in bowties and cummerbunds, right? Their buddy comes down. He's got the cummerbund on holding his bowtie and he comes in he goes Hey, do you guys know how to tie a bowtie and all three guys go? No, these are just like clip arounds and then the guy looks at me and he goes what about you? I'm like, oh, yeah, this I tied it and he goes do you know how to tie it on how to tie one and I go sure So I'm tying it on him and I just stop and I go are you telling me that amongst four southern gentlemen? It takes a Yankee to tie a bowtie and these guys got pissed like I want to I want to Georgia Tech And I was like whatever you're fucking shit kick rocks dork. Yeah, all right you when you're clip-on making friends at the wedding, huh?

And I have a navy suit Classic knock around suit the Navy. Yeah, and then I have a I have an all-black suit when I was doing the Twin Peaks premiere I'm like I need a black suit. So I just went got a black suit. Yeah, nice, but none of it's really fitting right now What are you good friends getting married? Yeah, okay first time first time getting married. Mm-hmm. What are you? What are you? What are you sneaking? What was that by the way? What do you mean? You think you're talking to guys the voice? You got to drop first time Yeah, yeah, no, we're older. So it's not like it's not like a small wedding. Yeah, it's like a wedding wedding What are you dropping? Oh, you mean as a gift in the car? This is a

Go we ask I think 300 it's good 300. That's a gentleman's move. What are you gentlemen's move? See you he has the vibe you have the vibe that I feel like you'd be around 152 I'm a two-guy now that we're making a couple of bucks He's called you a loser, but I feel like he is he's the guy that shows up in like an 89 Corolla But puts five honey in you know what I mean? He's got no money He's like and he's telling everyone at the wedding. I slip five in the case telling the first time Oh, no, don't forget this five bills Says five, but it's really 250. That's his move

Let me tell you this we just got our first little bit of money Yeah, over like the last like last couple of months first thing I did is I went out and bought my mom a $2,000 necklace $2,000 1300 that's it right there. I saw the receipt 1345, okay? Going that was a thousand 25 My head I spent two G's you bought her a necklace. That's just He's like it's a $1,300 necklace that he got it like a fucking look not shitting on it But then he goes yeah, we're probably gonna have to get a safe deposit box or something to keep this I go for the $1,300 You're all right. Oh my god. My mother told me the other day. She's got a safe deposit box

I go, what do you have in there? What do you have in there? She goes, you know papers? I go, what are you creamer your papers in a safety deposit box? I go when was the last time she you use it? She was like, well, I got it in 1987 The problem is I don't know where the key is. I go this could you've never used it? Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing Yeah, of course. What do you put in a safety deposit box? Cash if you're a drug dealer or something like that Yeah, but the you can't even get to it. Do you have one? No, I I don't and I don't have a deed to my house a deed Maybe oh, yeah, they put the D. I think that's the thing you put a deed in there passports gun What do you mean? You can't go I can't get passport on you if you need cash

You're gonna need to get to it quick if you need a gun you're gonna need to get to it quick Yeah, you're not getting in the car and driving yeah finding some other guy to turn his key with I gotta run down the chase real quick up a red bank and when I get back here you're fucking dead And I love that these got the safety deposit box that chase Hold on. Let me go down this capital one cafe. I'm gonna grab a latte and then and then Why what's the what's the safety deposit bank? Is there special ones? I just don't know if chase has I mean I just can't imagine going into that room with two keys. You're standing in line at a TD waiting for the next teller Two guys and I

Listen my ATM. God isn't working again. Where's the where's the slip for the safe deposit, but you got a pen I could borrow too Oh, fuck that is good stuff. All right 300 300 that's classy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's good Have you ever had to hire a private investigator for any reason? Because if you are you're probably doing something you shouldn't be I want to have But I never yeah, I wish I went I you know how badly I want to I want to be in a parked car and pull up next to him So our drivers windows are facing any hands me a file. He's like you're not gonna like what you see in it I want that so bad. I would love to I just don't have anything in my life that I would need And I want to see if they could do a better job than I would do

But no, I never have I want to though. Maybe someday, you know, okay. Oh god, that's too funny. Um All right, uh, when was the this is when was the last time you were in a beef with a neighbor? Or are you currently in a beef with a neighbor? Currently no, uh I will tell you this there's been beef with our neighbor growing up from movie kids my whole life Really? So like yeah, yeah, was your mom like shakespeare shit. Yeah, my god, and they're never moving out Three generations are living in that house next door now, you know, my mother has a big yard. Okay. It's like an acre Okay, this is a mass, right? Yeah, and in my town

That's like the biggest yard in town and they have a big yard too and it was always going to be like Well, could we build houses back there? I've talked to them. This was the story. It is still going on. Yeah, you know what I mean? Um, I had beef with the neighbor once because he wouldn't give me a jump I asked him for a jump and he wouldn't give me a jump and I was like, how can you not give me a jump? You know what I mean? And I was so yeah, he said no straight to my face I'm like do reasoning. I he says it's not good for his car What that's not good for my car. You don't understand though. I love confrontation So I love getting into with people because I don't feel uncomfortable when I'm telling someone exactly how I feel

You know what I mean? So I'm not currently in beef with him, but I have no problem No problem saying anything to anyone if they I did hear a neighbor in my new house uh Really? I mean this isn't really funny really belittling his child and screaming at him and I it was getting to me bad And it was getting bad like his kid was crying and he's just yelling at him to pick up a plate or something And I just go to my yard and I was like hey And he just kept going never heard me

So I'm like, I'm just wait. I've only met this guy before you I've only lived there a month and a half So I'm waiting and see if it comes up a second. This isn't the past month and a half. Yeah, if it comes up a second time I'm definitely going over to the house and I'm gonna say something and be like yo, man Uh, you know that kid can't really defend himself. So next time you have that kind of shit like call me And let's just sort it me Really? Yeah, I was gonna say it was bad. You look like you can handle yourself. I know people think that yeah, thanks What's your favorite beef you've ever been in do you have one that stands out my favorite beef? Fuck

Um, let me see. I mean it might take me a minute to like yeah, I want to know what happened with then The what then what kind of car was it that you mean? I had I had a uh, uh, I bought how long ago? You'll like this. I bought a night. I bought a 2010 Ford Explorer, okay my best friend at brunch one day because he was gonna leave brunch I'm like, where you going? He goes like I gotta go to car facts and get rid of the explorer I'm like get the fuck out of here go do it another day. He's like I gotta do it today Bubble blob I'm getting the other car and I was like, how much you getting from car facts or whatever the place is And he goes, uh, they give me two grand and I was like two grand

I got that on me. I go I at the time I look at my my fiance and I was like, what do you think? And I'm like, I need a car and he's like, I'll give it to your 1500 If I don't have to leave here right now 1500 I go done deal. I drove that car for eight years Eight years to the point where this window wouldn't go down and this door wouldn't open So I had to roll down the back window. I was doing a movie Shooting a movie and I'd show up on set and my friend who was the lead was like, dude I knew we were gonna be friends when I saw you open in your car door that way And then finally I was like consulting on crashing and like you'd go to appetiles production company

That was this was like you had this up until a couple of years ago then crash Yeah, three years ago. Jesus Maybe four that was your only call you had but I but you gotta understand something about me I've never given a fuck. I know yeah. It doesn't matter to me So I had that and I was in we're in a writer's meeting and the talking about HBO You couldn't get HBO in this basement That's a subscription based channel So the pa comes in he's like, Jay, can I get the keezy car? I need to move it

And I was like literally the anxiety was like, oh, you're poor. I don't have a car the next day We had off I went out and bought a beamer I love that yeah, and I got the forest and I got rid of it I'm like, I need a highlander. You know, I had a highlander I had uh, I had up until a couple like two months ago. I had uh 2004 2005 mercury montego beat up like fucking it was a new york city car for Five years. So it's just like hit by a bus. So it's all crunched up Windows don't work air doesn't work radio doesn't work and we went to I had to get a I went to like a really nice spa with

My wife for our anniversary and I was dreading for like the week I'm like, hopefully they don't make me valet this thing because it's a thought there's like try It's just a bad look and I pull up and they're like, uh, yeah pull right in here for the valet. I'm like not doing myself, man Yeah, there was an air conditioner in the trunk. There was an air window unit in the trunk. No, there wasn't but it wasn't installed Hey turn on the ac honey. She's got a crawl over two rows of seats Coming up to the front You'd be you'd be chilly in there though with a fucking window. Yeah, good making that thing Hold on. I'm fascinated by the jump thing. Yeah, he doesn't do it. That's it. Everybody just walks away

That was it. It got uncomfortable. Did you ever speak to that guy? Yeah, of course But like he would avoid. Oh, this is what ended up happening So he avoided me and I avoided him for like two months Then one saturday night a car goes flying down our street, right? It's about 9 30 saturday night Flying ripping down the street And I look at my wife and I go, holy shit that guy's moving and then we just heard a Crash I run out I pass his house

I see my other neighbor we get down and there's like this escalade had just slammed into a car They backed out and then they drove away. It's always an escalator. I feel yeah Yeah, they drove away and I guess what I found out later is they gave the finger to the owners that came out And we're just like this the whole way But the front right tire was Couldn't move because it was jammed. So when the guy driving off It was just like You could hear where it was going. Yeah. Yeah. So then when we got back to the house

I'm walking back to my house. I see the guy nick who I hadn't talked to in months getting into his car I go, what are you doing? He's like, nothing. I go looks like you're doing something And he's like, well, I'm gonna go follow those guys see if I can follow that sound and find out who it is And then like 45 minutes later, he came home His wife opened the fence to their backyard, right? Which doesn't have a driveway and he pulled his car in and my wife at times like, what are they doing? I'm like, he's hiding his car. He's hiding his car. So that if they come back looking for him He found those guys and she was like, oh my god. And uh, I do this as a bit, right?

So that's where the story ended. But in my bit I Later put a note on his door that says I know it was you Uh I fucking what is it? I know I know is you you fucked with the wrong guy. I'm gonna kill your wife That was like what I had decided. I told my wife. That's what I was gonna do and she's like, no fucking way. Yeah. Yeah And uh, shit. Yeah, you know It's like, I know what you did last summer God damn

He puts out a good charcuterie board, but this guy's fucking bonkers. He wants blood when it comes to vengeance. I will go I will go a distance Oh But I do like fucking with I mean that's part of my life is I love fucking with people when we got when we had our first kid Did the our ob gyn when we went into the first meeting you sit in his office Oh, I fucked with what are you about to tell us we sit down at his desk and he's got like a He's got this trophy, right? Like it looked like an oscar like an oscar award And we sit down and he goes look at this

And I'm like what and he goes the trophy and it says world's best grandfather and I was like, oh cool He goes, oh must be true. Yeah, I'm not even the best bit. Yeah So I fucking went out got an oscar made world's best grandfather runner up And one day when my wife is in with him. I snuck out switched him hid his Never said anything put a note on the bottom. I go runner up ain't bad. Love the larson's just left it on his desk Never said anything Then he switched it. It was up on his the other my trophy was up there and his was back Never said anything we going for the second kid. We sit down. He goes look at this

We go. Oh, yeah. No, we know the trophy goes. No, no, no the mug and he's got a mug his grandkids made My sister's google and my sister's in pottery. Yeah, I took pictures dimension center to her She made the same thing world's best grandfather runner up switched him He never said anything offered me water the last time he visited me like you want to water You want he's trying to play something with me Never did anything Then I got a shirt made world's best grandfather runner up And I know his son because his son's in comedy and I was like, yo

Would you do me a favor and stashes in your dad's drawer at home? What are you Loki? Why would I hire a pi when I get this shit? Jesus Basically the kid was like, dude, I don't feel comfortable doing that to my dad. He's like ray donovan of pranks. This is crazy He's an old man Want him to croak when he opens up an idea. We're gonna drug your dad and put him in drunk Drop him off in mexico

Holy shit, oh my god, you have champagne flutes. I would assume no I got the coops They were my aunt lils. They were like from 1910. They got the thing the gatsby's. Holy great. Yeah etched glass No, I got you and then a bulb stem usually you get a bulb stem But not etched glass or etched glass and not a bulb stem. I got a bolt. They're very expensive from 1910 I mean, maybe earlier my my aunt lil died at 102 and she died like 10 11 years ago something like that. What was her real name ant lil lilyan Okay, lilyan's a classy man. Yeah, you guys say ants are aunt and aunt. Yeah, classy

I don't know if it is Yeah, it's I the shitty the trashy way to say it is in like my aunt patty my aunt patty. Yeah, it's It's not classy. What about a vitamix? You got a vitamix a vitamix. Was that like a blender? Yeah, but I lost that in the divorce I just I didn't take it. I left it, you know, I mean, I was like, yeah, I'm not gonna take that Uh, most last time you ate with a chilled salad fork Ah, I have no idea. You got to go to a nice spot for a chilled cell caviar I mean, I would do it. I got invited since I've been in new york

I got this guy who's a a fan and uh, he works at a high-end restaurant And he's like, why don't you come up to the restaurant or you can go to my girls? She works at a caviar tasting spot. Oh, I got invited out but didn't pull the trigger. You know, I mean What kind of circles this guy run? I don't know people when they know a lot of people when I do But that's because I don't you do you like cool. Shit. So people go. Hey, I got cool. Shit come check out my cool. Shit Damn bought a car at brunch, you know one time I get I take the eggs Benny and I get crazy. Who does that? I

Dude, I one time was doing a show you seem like a guy who says eggs Benny. I yeah, I would but I don't even get eggs You know what I mean? Why not days is too much. What's too rich? Oh, I don't get enough of it. I was Yeah, trust me. I know you asked him to bring out like a little fucking. Oh, I got an extra side I got a side of side of a home date sauce to put on my home fries What am I jerk off? I'm gonna use ketchup Dude, I did a show in dc once on a girl came up to me and she's like you come out to this restaurant My dad owns it blah blah. So I go with my friend. She waits on us. I have this amazing meal. She's super cool and then like

Towards the end of the meal. She's gone And then someone else is waiting always and I go, hey always dicey this has actually a question from a patreon over Yeah, they're like, yeah, she went home sick and I'm like really I go can't talk to your manager Manager comes over and I'm like, hey man. I'm like, what happened to you? He's like, oh, she went home sick and I'm like, huh She doesn't say nothing to you and I look over my friend and I go he's lying to us She did not go home sick. This is insane And he goes we had to let her go and I go because of us and she's like he's like no

It just and I go because she said she was paying for this meal Yeah, he's like nah, man, and we had to pay for the meal. Do you think she got like hope because they're like I need a comp table 32 or whatever. He's like not fucking again. Yeah You know what I mean? We're not doing that Yeah, yeah, exactly. I never even thought of that. Oh her dad didn't own the joint Clearly if your dad's only you don't get fired mid shift when your dad owns the joint Yeah, you get a side answer and then gives you a fifth chance That's tough love right there. I'll tell you that

At least finishing the table out there. I should not boot the daughter mid table Wow. Um, all right. I got one new york city summertime. You walk outside. You're feeling pretty good, right? Uh ice cream truck pulls up. You're allowed one item off the ice cream truck. What are you now? We're getting into all right I'm a traditionalist. All right, so listen. Don't be coming at me with the fucking rocket You know what I mean the fucking red white and blue rock Those are great though, and I don't I don't want a chocolate chip cookie sandwich. I want straight up Ice cream sandwich. You know what I mean? Yeah, just classic ice cream sandwich. You know what I mean? Klondike yeah, Klondike guy. I'm not I said traditional

I don't need that new age bullshit. I'm never gonna get mad at a Klondike bar But like I do we do have those standards that we go to it like an ice cream if an I first of all If I pass a lemonade stand the kids selling I stop every single time really? Oh, yeah, and I always pay way more than a cost if an ice cream truck goes by I don't give a fuck what I'm doing. I go out and I stop them and I get ice cream And if anyone else is there I'm buying you know, what do you mean like the people waiting? Yeah, well, I mean if no if kids come on the street. You're like, I got it. You know, I mean, you know, that's what you do Really when you're an adult and there are kids there. Yeah, dude fucking first time I ever saw someone to a wedding in savannah

This guy's fucking top notch my buddy's friend who came from money, right? And he's like knows he did we go in after the rehearsal dinners ice cream shop in savannah, georgia And he sits down next to this father and son. He's like, what are you eating kid in a suit legs cross? He goes, what do you eat and he goes? Yeah, kid tells me is it good. He goes. Yeah, guy stands up and goes I'm buying everyone's ice cream and bought the entire place and I was just like I want to do that. Yeah, because it probably cost him what maybe 120 bucks Yeah, nothing. I mean, dude, your mom's necklace was three grand 35 with taxes 3500 with taxidermy, dude

You gotta save this episode or whatever episode you mention it because in five years from now that necklace is gonna be 12 grand First year I bought a 45 thousand dollar necklace and a choco taco Holy shit, you're go to it at ice cream uh truck I'm sorry, please. Please the choco taco would or the screw ball would be mine But if it's uh, if this guy is a fucking screwball, all right If it's a mr. Softy, I'm getting a twist with rainbow sprinkles like a fucking gentleman. I'm getting a crunch coat I mean, I got it twice when I was back home. What's a crunch coat? You know, it's like vanilla chocolate swirl

And then I go crunch coat. It's like, you know You think you know a guy. What's a crunch coat a lot of places don't have it In new york, they do not a big ice cream guy. Get off my case. What are you? Listen, we all know you you probably got a crunch coat on you right now. All right, relax I got my own spoon in it over with the This underwear crunch that used to blow me away when I was a kid when they laid flat Oh when they would just doing the sprinkles. This guy a fucking magician. How's he doing that? What about you? What's your go-to on the truck? I would go ice cream sandwiches classic just had one at home

I was down to shore shout out the y wood, new jersey and in that my mom had it for the kids She had the cookies and cream in the middle, which first time having it not too Shabby I got it for my kids in the freezer. Good stuff. Mickey mouse face with the cookies and cream inside. Yeah, that's I'm a big chipwitch, too. I don't mind a chipwitch. Love it. It's gotta be a good temp though Sometimes they're fucking it's like an iceberg in the mouth. Can't get your teeth through Let me just tell you this find out. You got cavities real quick You sure do I have the ice cream sandwiches in my freezer for the kids and sometimes when they go to sleep I go out I'll watch sports center. I bring out the ice cream sandwich

I leave it right there next to me for a solid two and a half minutes. How to get the right temp always That's the always pro move. You have to let it rest for a little while. Yeah, it's like a steak Just like it Just like Kobe beef just like wrap it in tin foil let it sit there. Do you sleep in pajamas? No Do you sleep with a fan directly on you? I'm not mad at it. I don't have one in my room currently, but I love a ceiling fan How many pillows do you use to sleep in? I have two and I alternate

Two behind the head. Well, I mean two like they'll be like this and then I'll be like here and I move over to that side Sometimes I can't be elevated too high with the head. Want not one between your legs or holding one No, sometimes but then I'll just bring it back up and usually end up with it under the head. Yeah, pretty good Ever been to ever been to a bacon brother's concert? I don't even know who they are. Kevin Bacon and his brother are like they do blues or something Yeah, I played some I played some of the same venues as them Uh, which is not good for either one of us. I don't think Um

All right, how long will use the same towel to dry yourself off after a shower you doing like a week every day What do you how long you switching that out? I'd say I'd say four days It's good. It's good four days all the towels match Yeah The kids have matching towels. I got matching. Really? Yeah, what color are we talking gray? I'm straight gray. Really? That's the it's the manly but it's the manly color. I got my kids like snoopy ones all white with a little snoopy and woodstock on They each got one. Yeah, that's pretty sweet. You know what I mean? Snoopy's all right. Gotta make them feel like it's their shit Sure, of course. It's good

Yeah, it doesn't bother me I don't need you taking your shoes off when you get it. I think that's actually trashier than keeping them on Yes, I agree when you keep mine. You're like, fuck it. What do I give a shit? I'll get a new rug if I want Yeah, I don't I just feel like I don't ever want to live my life So stuffy that it's not, you know, I want everything to be utilitarian. Yes, you know, I mean you want to like just live You know, have you ever gone to someone's house for a dinner party per se and they were like shoes off at the door? Yes, but yeah, and you Yeah, have you seen that Sebastian bit? No. Oh my god. You never oh, yeah

I don't think so. He's like I get in the guy goes. Hey, you mind taking your shoes off. He's like Take my shoes off? And then he goes now he goes he's like hopping on one foot taking it. He's like, so how long you guys live here? He goes, I'm talking to other grown men with their socks It's great. Yeah, we asked Chad's commentary that and I go if he goes Will you take it off because who was the classiest guy in the world? Of course Everything he did was a new level of class that we'd never even thought of we asked him like will you take your shoes off? He goes, I will it's the last time we're going there. No, I'll do it

That's he goes, I'll do it just because I'm never coming back. Let me tell you something. Mr. J. Larson. Yeah, you're right there You're right. You're fucking right there. That's high class. You're the second classiest person. That's ever been on the show I love it. Uh, I'll tell you this about Sebastian one time like years ago I sat in his car like we're in the driving driving Uh, drive away at the commie store and there was cigarettes in his thing and I go you smoke. He goes no just have him in case that girl Oh What? Keeping Bernie's in the car for the ladies

Holy shit next level that's like prep oration. Wow, dude. He seems like he's He's on point. Yeah, like his underwear or dry cleaned He did that in west. What was it the wild wild west comedy tour you would get his Underwear dry clean really? Yeah I'll do that. Fresh. Yeah. No, no. Would you have stuff you dry clean you dry clean often? I never dry clean until I met my wife and then I would uh dry clean And I haven't I just went to the dry cleaner for the first time in like two years because I had stuff that I'm like You know, he's like two wool sweaters and stuff like that. You got a cashmere sweater at the house. Yeah

I like cashmere a lot. Yeah, you know, it's funny fabric. I have that. Oh, yeah, I love fabric Well, we were in that What a roll. Oh, yeah, I love fabric. I used to go to fabric stores with my mother as a kid That's what she would take us. I mean you have to sit there and be in fabric stores But we're we're in that writing room for crashing greg fit Simmons, you know, greg. He's been on the show Yeah, so he was he was in the right room. He's next to him. He's nuts and uh, pete Holmes across the room goes Greg, I like that sweater. What is that cashmere? He goes, yeah, it's cashmere and I'm just looking at and I go that's cashmere

And he goes, yeah, I reach behind look at the label and I just sit back down. I go that's 70 cotton 30% cash Your mom with the sauce I can see it. Yeah, you know what I mean? Let's just be what we are cashmere coated Are you a cologne guy? I have one I barely wear it. I got it with my brother in p-town, you know p-town in massachusetts What's p-town providence? Yeah

Providence town province town. Yeah, and uh, I got it one time I was home with him, you know, my brother's in the cologne and I got this nice stuff But I you know, I would wear it if I was just going to do shows. I haven't worn it. I'm like two years Okay, you I'm a cologne guy. What do you got? I have I have a sample pack Yeah, you do Whatever was in the gq magazine Rubbing on his neck like a cab whatever my dentist carries whatever magazine sub he's got That is insane. Got the Johnny Depp one today cologne from a highlights magazine

You guys should make a are you garbage like a nice cologne, you know, you can get a maid and then you should just that should be a Yeah, it's pretty good. There you go. You can get colognes, man Something musky and just do a little stamp. Boom. It smells like fried chicken. Yeah, it's just yeah. It smells like hangovers Uh credit cards American express card Uh, do I? No, I don't no american express. Dude, I listen being classy doesn't mean you got cage. Of course, of course They haven't been uh, it's not like I'm flush, you know I've never I would never even qual- I didn't even have a credit card till I got married

Then I was just like, oh, I gotta build my credit. You know what I mean? Which we're we're we're doing where we just started. Yeah, my credit limits just under bucks. Okay. Yeah, that's not great You can't even buy a necklace You can't even buy my mother a necklace mine's 500. Okay, so so you paid gage I'm capital one baby my limits are a little higher than you guys You need a co-signer on something. What's my limit at? What's your limit? I think it's like 15 or something pretty good 15 grand Tell me you got 15 grand on you right now. Holy shit. I got 15k on you What does you think that's the rule? I don't know. My mother always said you have as much money as your credit limit will allow

So I might do a grand man. Um, well, I mean, you know when you have a family There's certain times you need to be able to buy things if you need it Yeah, you gotta be able to stick and move. You know what I mean? You can't be like, oh, I guess I can survive without a car right now You just need to be able to step up. You know how to have that line of credit Do you always have a little bit of cash on you? I oh dude. I love having like I love having five I think five's a nice number five hundred five. Yeah, five hundred three hundred to five hundred. I think is a nice number It's ready for a wedding at any given time just to have 500 cash on you. Yeah, I have since a pandemic

I don't carry cash anymore because I know no one was taking no one's right now. You can't even little frankie's gay Yeah Which is a finest that anytime it's only cash Oh, yeah, good food if they take cash and no reservations that place is a fucking gold mine Well, there was a minute when I was in town where they were taking credit cards So I was just like oh pandemic. They're definitely taking credit cards I go in I order my meal and the guy goes all right and I go I put a card down It's like, oh, we just were cash only and I go since when and he goes we've always been cash only

I go there wasn't a time when you weren't he goes. Oh, there was and my bill was like with tip Like 110 bucks, you know and I was like, bro, how are we gonna sort this? I'm like my ATM card doesn't work And he's like I go you have Venmo and he's like, yeah I go, how about I Venmo you and you cover it and he's like, all right, so I like, you know I gave a very heavy tip because I'm Venmo in the guy. Yeah. Yeah. I was like boom. Boom 20% Standard. No

No, I'm saying that's that way you start. Oh, yeah, always. Yeah, you're not going lower than 20. Never. Yeah. No Lazy fucking guy You can't and I was in the service industry if you ever worked in the service industry You know, it doesn't matter what your service was. You got to just take care of people I was waiting tables up until two years ago. Yeah, I know Now I'm buying $4,000 necklace All right, it's nice She's like, I didn't even need a necklace

She was gushing. All right. What do you got from the patreon? I yeah, we'll just run through a couple and we gotta get on get on out of here This is from jessa Anyone in your family ever won something by calling into the radio station if you have fucking me son Well, my sister called in once and won tickets to go see the cars and I took my friend I got to meet robert smith backstage Really pretty tight But I once won a radio car. How'd you meet robert smith of the cure? Yeah, it was a radio station

Yeah, yeah, where where is he? You said you were going to the cars. That's uh, rick oakasic. No Oh, i'm sorry. You're right. What is it? Uh, who is robert smith the cure cure? Look at that right there. Get this bomb out of here So I met him backstage That's awesome. And I also won a radio contest once like they used to like they Saw me in my town walking down the street pulled over and they used to do this guerrilla in the morning What and I cheated on it Cheated they give out a number in the morning and then they find people and if you know the number

Otherwise you have to guess between a window. I made my guess a woman pulled up behind a caravan. She's waving me down I go, I'll be right back. I gotta go over there and they go. You can't go talk to that woman You're in the middle of the contest. I'm like, it's my aunt. She's getting married in two weeks. I'm in ninth grade Go over she goes you in the contest. I go, yeah, she goes, you know the number I go, no, she gives it to me. They get me on the air I had already told them my number get me on the air. I give the number. She gave me they go nuts Now they can't take it away from you now. They can't take it away She comes over to the car. They have to send it to her because I don't know my social security number

I'm like 14 years old and I won 11 hundi lodge Holy it was 36 after tax 22. I gotta go 50 50 with her And then class You want to know class I took that money to marshals To go to go clothes shopping and the first day of school yellow silk shirt Second day green silk. I wore silk shirts back to back silk shirts

long sleep first week Or somebody who the fuck wears long sleep silk shirt. Oh man, I was killing it son. What damn That's great. You never met this one before in your life No, and she knew you that you were doing the radio contest. She saw because they had the kiss 108 van You know what I mean? Oh, that's pretty trashy man the town knows I've since gone and done the 108 van the guy that I maddie in the morning He's been like the radio host forever. So I've done it when I'm doing laugh boss And I was like, dude, you know, I cheated a radio contest with you. He's like this guy

We're gonna need a 36 hundo back Um, all right, this is from kyle. Uh, how do you feel about chilled beer glasses? I frosted mug. Yes, I'm at a buddy's house and he busts out a frosted game changer all day Okay, I used to have them in my house, but I wasn't drinking beer on the reg You know what I mean? And there's certain beers you want in there like a you know, like a coronapacifico something like that You want in frosted? That's a nice pull. Do you still booze a little bit? Yeah, but I just don't like I'm not like I'm not the guy who comes home and has a steak and can't wait for that cold beer But when a cold beer comes around you're happy. Yeah, you're good. Well, I have a beer question real quick. Yeah

LA guy now. Yeah, how do you feel about a michelada? I love a michelada But I started liking micheladas when I worked at the rusty knot on west 11th and west side highway You know what I mean, but I but I like it in like I like taking a beer Salt lime and hot sauce in it and then drinking that I don't know if I need to go through the whole like Bring it out with a fucking pickle and a onion and an olive and shit like their bones. Yeah The fuck are you two talking about? What's a michelada with two classy guys having a conversation, right too gentle. Yeah michelada

It's like this tomato in there and uh, or just salt lime and hot sauce. It's it's like it's almost like a bloody Mary It's like tajin around the which is like a mexican seasoning around the rim And then they'll use like clomato or tomato juice a little bit of uh pickle juice. Sometimes it's Amazing. Yeah, it's nice to chew to the cupcake sandwiches micheladas Not bad. He's on the verge of classic I don't know. I think I really blew it with the bopkorn question. That was a bozo move there t-bones. I just ate up a little sweet Out for the time Um, all right, let's do that. Well, let's wrap it up with this. This is from omar

How do you feel about a handkerchief or a bandana to use blow your nose back in the pocket? I will tell you this there was a time I was opening for steve burn on the road and steve was like starting to like really pop And he would wear a suit on stage every night and I remember we go out shopping the next day He was always a suit and I go why you start wearing a suit, huh? He goes. Yeah, I go you got a handkerchief in there He goes no I go dude You gotta have a handkerchief and so I bought him like a pack of like cloth Nice handkerchiefs to have if you have a suit you need a handkerchief. I'm not an old man

You mean up here? No, I'm saying to have inside in case you're like sweating on stage You pull out a nice handkerchief if you're with a lady and she needs a handkerchief If you need to blow your nose sure, but I'm not going to be I'm not my grandfather You're not putting it in the pocket every day and you're yeah in like jean shorts or something So you're saying on a suit on a suit jacket pocket you open that pocket. I'm saying I always first of all I always inside it goes inside. He's not talking about it But on the outside I will always have a decorative handkerchief to match whatever the vibe is and if I'm not going tie I still want something to give up a little flair and then inside you have the handkerchief to offer to someone or for your own

You know because kippy and I were going back and forth. He was saying outside put outside I don't open it. They don't open. I don't open. I don't open this pocket. Yeah, I keep it sealed because it It tends to you know, it gets haggard looking. Yeah. Well, that's why you get new suits. I know I mean I'm doing tomorrow actually. I currently do not know this fit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, nice What are you getting the suit for the wedding when we talked about this? We have a wedding Oh in germany. No in july. I have one in germany as well. Yeah. Oh, that's right. I need a summer suit. I need a nice summer suit Yeah, what color you going navy? No, I got navy. I got like the knock around navy suit that I go. I want to go a little lighter

I think I'm going like like gray like gray is nice. I gotta get a new suit for the same wedding. What do you think I should do? I think navy. Okay. I said navy. He also doesn't have a suit. So you need a navy suit. That's your go-to suit Yeah, you can wear that to a funeral. You can wear that to an event. You can uh, you can go to an opening You can go to anything. What's an opening, you know, like an art exhibit or like You know any place has an open sign Ladies and gentlemen, mr. Jay larson buddy. Thank you so much for sitting with us, baby Is there anything you want the folks that didn't know what you got coming up at your camera right there? No, every nothing really Now I

Coep and direct all the sketches for the connor moore show. It's on golf pass if you're into golf Which are you dressed up? Well, you are on the course. Nice. Looks like you should be on the tour, dude You know what I mean? I like that. Sure. Everything's everything's touched. Yeah, and then I'm doing Schumer's new show that life in Beth which is coming out on hulu, but that's you know, just keeping an eye out for it. Awesome Fantastic. Kip, what do you got for him? As always, you know, rate, view, subscribe, itunes, youtube, patreon and the live shows All the information will be in the description. Check that out. Can't wait to see everybody on a road What an episode. This was so much fun for jay. Thank you so much for coming in. We love having you here. We think you're the best Thank you and gang. We love you guys and we'll see you next week