Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Jay Larson Returns!

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

Kippy and Foley are joined by old buddy Jay Larson! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Liquid IV: https://www.liquid-iv.com Promo Code: Garbage Go Factor: https://go.factor75.com/Garbage130 Promo Code: Garbage130 Express VPN: https://www.expressvpn.com/Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Shamalim a ding dong gang we got a hot new merch drop coming at you baby over there at rugarpage.com It's your one stop shop for toadies goodies. Yeah, baby We've got a hot set of fresh gear drop in Sunday April 30th at 7 p.m R you garbage calm the link is in the description roll out the website roll out the store get it while supplies last Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley

Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is our you garbage Oh, yeah, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy Just a big old piece of trash I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at toadies in a new edition Maybe she's upstairs taking a little siesta on her new king-size mattress. Ah chi machi She's saying that she wants to take a trip to space Okay, score some moon rocks in the neighborhood. All right, my co-host is coming at you right next to me He is the CEO of our you garbage. He is international businessman

Let me tell you kids something the next time you're reaching for a best pal do yourself a favor make it a Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. What's up gang? Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes full video available on YouTube as you know Those numbers are true cooking then obviously the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com slash are you garbage you sign up over there? You get a bajillion hours of content patent pending check it out. Good time check it out gang We love you and how about a nice quick shout out to our producer Extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good works to ones works to twos works to threes the fours crosses the T's and

Dots the eyes night and get a little peek at them ladies on that Toby cam give it up for T-Bone McScroffins It's Toby McBowlin everybody. What up, dude? Yo, I gotta say we've had the addition for a second now and it's nice to have a little bit of class Come around those what he's talking about first gotta use coasters in here He used to coaster and I was like, oh, yeah, we have coasters. I've been eating cereal off a plate in this place Gang along Harriet Lyon. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again Hey, he is family at this point He has an amazing special out right now on his YouTube page called sounds like Bruce and you can check it out of Jay Larson comedy

Do yourself a favor give it up for the one the only Jay Larson everybody I missed the last thank you boys. What's up, buddy? I mean, what a what a spread. Thank you. Just the luck Keep stepping in shit, baby. He walked in I give my hi. Hey, what's up large you good? So I go he's a guy this place is nice ago. Thanks. He goes. So give me the tour He goes show me around. What are we doing? Dude? That's that's the part of me like when I go to someone's house The first thing I do is I go I like show me around. What do we got? You want to tour? I might settle into the kitchen for a little bit because someone's like maybe putting out a cheese plate So they're doing the finishing touches and then I'll be like show me around a little bit. What do you got?

I'm like, what do you got a pool? Let me see that pull Got to you in your bathing suit now Will you take a little piece of cheese and maybe a little slice of capicola and walk around and do the tour? Of course, you'll take it for a stroll a napkin. Maybe on a napkin Parties with napkin. What's a gentleman like you do with your toothpicks on a soiree like that? Here's a right in the trash you go in your pocket Cuz I put them in my pocket at a wedding It's like I've been making martinis, dude if I pass out

I stab myself in the leg the best part of you asking that question is I could see your brain being like first thought was like What would he mind go immediately into my pocket if the trash is right next to me put it in the pocket He's like I might need it later to pick out some picking a little Yeah, no, I'll yeah, I'll throw it. I'll put it in the napkin and then but I'll tell you this like when people come by with Pastel adores, I don't take a napkin. I just go just give me the hit. Yeah, I don't Okay, how greasy is this thing, you know, why don't you take a napkin like now? I'm good. Are you a little plate guy? You're like a little plate. I mean all dog. Well, you pick around the the the hors d'oeuvres Or will you make yourself a little plate and then go sit sit?

Yeah, I'll take a little plate like that, but if it's past hors d'oeuvres, uh-huh. I'm going solo. Boom You gotta do it. I know they keep an eye for my faves, you know what I mean when you see him I'm like, I make a way over there. Have you ever posted by the door? They come to have you ever located? The line of egress out of the kitchen and post up. No. Yeah me either totally I think there's a limited supply when you're at those things. You're like, all right You gotta keep an eye in the time. There are for the good stuff. There is a limited supply You can have all the yeah, Southwest egg rolls you want, but the bacon wrapped scallops They got like six of them. Who was catering this cheesecake?

I wish I could be so lucky that's off the menu of our buddy's wedding this fall You would be right at home with a plate of olives talking about some chairs. Just like, oh, when'd you get these chairs? Oh, yeah, of course. I was just at someone's house. You're damn. Like you like the mid-century mod, huh? Whoa I go where you at this Dutch this looks Dutch Not a Fargman. That's nice. I like it. Yeah, you do have a Just a your classy guy, man. You really are not that classy. I just like a refined. I'll give you that Yeah, we've talked about this. My mom was like that's my mom

Like not like she went to finishing school or anything because she didn't have any money Like my neighbor used to say guys like your mom dude Champagne taste on the beer budget. Yeah, that's my mom to a tee and it's like so when I can when I see something nice You know what I mean? I'll get it, but the the trash in me will be like Something that's like worn down. It's a nice rug, but it's worn down. I'm like, well, that's where I'm at You know what I mean? And then I look at I can't wait to graduate to having the brand new new rock Mint oriental rug and then this one can go in the garage and the kids playroom You're good with that too, I wanted to before I was saying I wanted to ask you about that

You're not only a classy guy You're educating the next generation of Larson's to be classy. Oh, yeah, you do it right with the kids Even if it's something as simple as making s'mores, you got it all laid out on the picnic table the fires going perfect I mean, you got a code. Yeah, your Instagram stories of the childhood. I wanted man. Well, that's exactly what I give them I I you wanted I gave them what I wanted You know what I mean? So like they have this crazy playhouse in my garage and it's got a piano for my daughter drums have for my son I seen how you know what I mean every game you could want every craft you could want Lego table zipline like you name it I got it and I do talk to kids sometimes like they're little adults

You know what I mean? I want them to like take these things on and just like because we sometimes as your Roth IRA doing That's you got money retirement money in the market I have told them like listen We're gonna learn about money when you make a dollar you're gonna save 50 cents like that's what you're gonna do Is that how you do it get it in I gotta I mean do we got no financial planning as kids You know, I have no I have no you should be Me I'm not by your speedbook. I haven't paid taxes yet. Trust me. I'm not looking at like 50 cents every week

And I invested for you guys in my own account my kids are doing great you guys I don't know Do they have little little accounts and they have little savings? No, we have little like I have a jar of tea tin and a tea tin and they each have one and we put cash in there But like nice stuff like we go to the flower market in downtown LA I take 40 out of each we spend 80 on flowers come home make bouquets set up a flower stand We went through a cost like this is what we paid. This is what we profit each kid made their money back plus 32 bucks Instead of a lemonade stand you're doing flower shop I got a lot of walk-by traffic at the house

A lot of foot traffic I do is out there on Valentine's Day. Don't be a bozo I was moving. I was moving watered down crystal light when I was a kid Step high on his own supply. Step down iced tea dude. So was I that should be a garbage question. Did you have powdered iced tea as a kid? Oh, yeah, all we have or see the yeah, yeah, of course I'd always put a little whack when I got it in the glass to get a little extra juice little bump You're a big lifebit guy we bumped into you down at Austin and I don't know did you Did you see us in line? Did you know we were in line? So I didn't because I left my phone at the counter. I'm all flustered. I'm traveling have a couple in me now get it

And I was that I left my phone on the rental car. Yeah counter and I step away. I go to get the keys I'm walking and then the guy goes sir your phone and I turn around. I'm a gosh shit I'm an idiot and then he goes. Yeah, he's probably not paying attention He's probably on his phone or something like that and I'm like this fucking jerk. Oh, he's coming out What guy in line is this anger but I turn around it's all fucking Jay lars. Yeah, no, I didn't see you You just until and once you know, I'm you know, come here. We're listening to everything We're watching everything and so I as soon as I hear that I'm like, oh, who's this guy? Like what is this jerk off up? There's something happening. He's the idiot and then I see it's you and I'm like, hey

What are we doing here guys? Oh my god to fight a guy at the fucking Austin Airport. I mean, I that's like my favorite thing to do I know people all the time all the time and it either goes well or doesn't go Do you're yelling at people in a fun way like that like make jokes like the other day? I'm sitting down, right? Where was I am sitting down a guy a pussy I'm sitting at this coffee shop and they're these like I like high school or college girls, right? And there's three of them and they're like, what should we get and two are back here and one's up front The one up front has glasses

She goes you guys know I'm legally blind and then she turns back and I lean over I go how many times we're gonna hear that, huh? Because you know, she said it so many times She didn't hear me the two friends did and they lost it and I was like gonna be a good day Yeah, we got one under my belt. That's you like life. You're doing you're having fun. That's all my comedy is dude I'm out there. I live life. I go to the nines. You never know what's gonna happen. That's what sounds like Bruce is I sounds like Bruce sounds one of my favorite all-time bits all time bits. Yeah fucking unbelievable Congratulations on the special. Thank you buddy. Thank you fucking awesome. You know, uh, we love you. You're one of our absolute favorites Glad you're here, man. I I wish I could say the same

No, you know, I feel of course You're also a refined man We were we were both in Austin at the same time and we were texting back trying to get dinner What's dinner? What's this? What's your schedule? They finally called me. What are we doing texting back and forth? I go, that's a gentleman. Yeah, I'm gonna make the phone call We're Jennifer and I was a nice meal for you But he goes I'm gonna have a cocktail on a roof find myself get my head on. Yeah, I go That's a confident refined man

And you know what I went up to the roof deck and it wasn't what I wanted and I they go Would you like I go can I sit the bar they go we can't just sit at the bar and I'm like, oh just tables and they go Yeah, and I go can I take a look they go sure I take a look I go I think I'll be all right downstairs went downstairs to the bar downstairs Sat there they went out by the pool and hung out by the pool Shattered up with a couple people. You know, I mean, there's a couple sitting there I chirp a little yeah, because people go there to watch the bats, you know, the bats come out from the bridge Right at our hotel and I go, what are we doing here? We're watching for the bats and they go, yeah

I go, what time's this do I don't have all night. What are we doing here? And they're all sudden in my plan? They're like, we know who is this guy? Yeah, it's my favorite thing you guys like it out of here and get dinner You guys swinging. What's happening? Well, you chat somebody up at the air. You're probably good at an airport bar I feel a little bit. I mean, I'll do it some places I just want to like settle down and get away from people, you know what I mean But I did at the airport bar. I saw this woman I end up sitting next to her and she I go What do you got over there? You going with the Chiquitos? Really? Yeah, and she's like, yeah She goes you want to try him? I go no we she ends up

She's an influence from Australia, would you like I don't take my clothes off I Would have yeah, I've tried people's food before really I didn't but we end up chatting for a while If I offered you something would you try it? No, I said people I didn't say First of all, what are you gonna offer up Hey, you want the toothpicks in my pocket No, you would be fun to go to a restaurant be like, let's just order a bunch of stuff because you know, he's like, yeah Yeah, I love a bunch of stuff. Yeah, he's a big bunch of stuff

Are you kidding me Yeah, yeah, I don't think that it should be one entree it shouldn't be specific no way really No, it should be a bunch of different things that everybody's like a family meal But at a restaurant does that make sense? No one else is there, but you everybody gets a plate You get the pasta you get the steak you get the chicken you get the and then you make a little make a little plate for yourself We know what you're talking about. Do you like tapas? Do you enjoy tapas? I love tapas. I love tapas small plates You kidding me small plates little shrimps and green sauce. Let's go That's what they have I know I like it

Do you cook I cook I do a little cooking all right Bird does a little cooking my girl. She cooks nice. Yeah sausage and peppers. I feel like that's something you have down Shut take that put that in your pipe and bite down. I have a trick though Oh, let me guess you pour a little water in the bowl before you put in the microwave. What what trick are you gonna That sounds pretty good. Who you been talking to? No, I say this all the time I my my great aunt Or my aunt used to do it all the time a Aunt Mary Catherine She would take it she would take the leftover spaghetti put it in a cast iron skillet

Slice it up So it's it's real small and then add a little water it gets real real creamy and you put a little parmesan cheese on it So it's it's like turns into like a risotto A spaghetti risotto. That's how they was selling it over at the foley house. Holy shit risotto tonight kids No, we didn't know what risotto was in my house. You kidding me? No, I know the same now rice aroni That was the closest to risotto we ever got what was the food growing up was your mama cook? No, no single mom Yeah, my nana was the cook so like you come home and there'd be staples some nights would be beef stew Some nights it'd be spaghetti meatballs. Some nights. It would be pork chops baked

You know what she would do too? She cut a tomato in half Fucking groundbreaking over there She cut a tomato in half and then No, yeah, yeah guys. I I saw it happen I wouldn't believe it. I didn't see it. I heard stories. Your nana was julia child And then breadcrumbs and then bake them bake tomatoes with breadcrumbs. It's just like a little bit of butter on there probably I don't know. So like she would do she was half Irish half Italian So you were getting something like that, you know what I mean?

I was just telling someone another part of her go-to move was if like the sauce was boiling or the gravy She'd call it and you were hungry. She'd take a piece of bread and just dip it Put on a plate with a fork and it was just like if I ever have a restaurant that would be a nap Bread and sauce five. Your restaurant would be bananas. Yeah good fucking very thought out And a man a lot of those Italian dishes the like the old school peasant ones They have like chunks of bread in them Yeah, like in like a sauce because they didn't have cheese or whatever so they put the bread in there Well, yeah, that's a great hack if you don't have if you don't have parmesan at home

You just get some breadcrumbs you toast them in olive oil and use that and it tastes like a it's like a little subsy man Stanley tucci taught me that No, he did Hey came over last week person I would love Stanley tucci on this show Toch hit me up Someone make that happen class act that he would love it

Right, he's gotta be in new york. That guy if he doesn't live here. He's got a place here. Spend time here. Yeah Damn got a couple of bucks probably got a couple of spots around the world. That's what I mean place in Italy What if he was sitting he goes one of those runs? Are those the 88s? Oh man, you have no at the can ordering the candy for this Big man has a very particular about the candy I'll be honest. The fact that there's no chocolate over there is a big letdown Who has the chocolate in the nobody puts chocolate in those things? Volcano does

Damn, he's got one peanut m&m's and runs. All right side to side. You want sweet. Who's going with the baseball gumball? Who needs a prize? What are the prizes and they got like a little parachute guy you throw up in the air one time I wish we'd have the budget for the parachute We could get the guy no parachute. I try they're little ninjas. Okay. Yeah, little ninjas. All right, and the baseball comes iconic You didn't have that when you were a kid playing little league What do you mean? Yeah, I mean, I remember them. Nobody wants them. He said I passed over them for the peanut m&m When you leave it's gonna be full ago and you believe this piece of shit talking trash about the you just made an enemy from life

I'm gonna get one on the way out Hey, but I have a quarter on you buddy Yeah, go hit the coffee can all right There's no free rides here in thuddies. Who's carrying snow? I know who's carrying change anyway True. I got the key. Don't worry I haven't hidden though, so It's in a safe deposit box to my pocket with the it's in a tin in the kitchen that says key to the gumballs Not key to the gumballs

Definitely not the key to the gumball. Have you ever in a pinch? Light on cash ever dipped into one of the savings accounts for your kids. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah Going to get bread or something. I've been there with them first one. What is the 50s? I gotta go get bread. We gotta survive the winner. The bread man. Don't take credit Patiently my kids have seen me like I like if I like uh, I've had like someone come by and do like a yard cleanup Or just someone that's going to take cash. Yeah, and so I go in there like hey I go I'll put it back and they're like dad you better. I go first of all I put it here in the first place And banks loan money out. That's what we do. Yeah, and then they're like, all right. Do I get my 12%?

My beak on this Is there somebody I was curious about that. Is somebody cutting the lawn or are you doing that yourself? So I just cleaned off the whole all the roofs, you know what I mean? Okay, because it's crazy I get these giant like a blower or something. Well, it was just so much rain in LA I had to rake it all down because it's crazy pine trees in my neighborhood So when I say I have foot traffic people specifically walk my street because the trees are so beautiful It's non-stop by my house. Okay, so I cleaned all that off and then I went to my landlord I'm like, hey, man, I'm gonna get something to come do like just an overall cleanup. There's been so much water

And uh, he was like, yeah, okay, and now I just hired the guy full-time, you know, I mean not full time He's out there every day. There's the Lawson. You need a sandwich. He's weekly. You know what I mean? He comes weekly He'll be there on Friday. What's up? What's up, Luis if you're out there listening Yeah, I mean there's no one, you know, I I don't have grass to mow sure that was my favorite thing as a kid You know, I had to sit down mower. We had an acre in the back, bro That ain't bad. What kind of mower are you bumping back at? It was a surf Surf. Listen to me. It came with the house. I think I've told you guys on the block. It came with the house Wait, S-E-R-F? S-E-R-F. You're not gonna it's there. I don't think they made anymore

It was old when we got it. It's too. Google isn't even auto doing this It was it was a great. Oh shit. Yeah No, one of these maybe it was no simply surf That that's it. Yeah, that's old school, man. That's old school. That's like 50s. That runs on diesel Yeah, I mean, I remember like running out of gas and having to go to the gas That was my job. I like started mowing the lawn when I was like same here Yeah, I loved it and then my friends would come over and they're like, we're doing like a mowing the lawn Like what are you gonna be done? I'm like, I don't like three hours. Yeah

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So if you're vegan vegetarian keto or gallery count, you know something delicious delicious waiting for you head to factormeals.com Slash garbage 50 and use code garbage 50 to get 50% off your first box. Wait a minute. They're giving it away That's garbage. That's code garbage 50 at factormeals.com slash garbage 50 to get 50% off your first box Do it, baby. Try him gang. I hate it. There'd be like a party in the summer though. Yeah And I was like, we're all going to Steve's the pool's open and I'm like I gotta get back at least cut the front yard I would do half at a time. Yeah. Yeah, I would lie. It's too wet. I can't cut it My I can't cut it. I would go to my Nana's and my aunts and mow their lawns too in redding But my Aunt Ru was a little bougie and she'd only let me cut the back. She'd had someone come and do the throw come

She wouldn't let me touch the front. I'm like, would you ride the mower over there? No, it's like three and a half miles Go around Got an easy they had a little push over So I'd run over cut my Nana's then pop in the house talk with her for a little bit chasing And then I would go next door do the back seat auntie ru auntie girt You were probably you were probably a kid that other parents loved that Well, yeah, you're you're uh, you're uh, you're a parent whisper I was you're an older soul. I am an older soul and I didn't have a dad

So other dads were like fucking rad with me. They're like, like I'd show up at the house. I'm like, what are you cleaning the gutters out? I'm like, yeah, we just we just knocked them out You know Good kid like you Big jump I would cross like parents did love me. But there was I mean, I had buddy's parents like like my buddies My buddy phil god rest his mom's soul Barbara I call her babs and she she hated me. I like babs. She's like, I don't because you by the way my kids

They call every one of their friends parents by their first name. That's all It's wild. There is no mr. Larson. There's no mr. So they call you jay jay. Dude. I jay. Can I have some more milk? No kids eating milk stroke and I have this mr. Larson and no you can't I do mess with them and go it's mr. Larson. They're like, okay jay. They hey jay zacked it up again, dude I chaperoned my daughter's he slammed the door in your face like a month ago And so with him like we get back to school we walk into the classroom and I'm like, I'm gonna go peek in my son's classroom You know, I mean, there's something that would never happen when I was a kid But I'm just like I'm an active parent. You know what I mean?

So I go to his room and I like peek in the door and like three everyone sees me except my my son's in the clouds constantly Three kids are like jay Jay my son is just sitting there and then I see his teacher. I go. Hey, I was just gonna say hi to read and she goes Oh, yeah, and then he sees me. He's like dad and then runs gives me a hug and he's like And I was like no go back to class kids are go get her. I like You want to get out heads in the class and immediately looking for early dismissal He's trying to get out of there get out of here any his crew or any any any your daughter's crew that rubs you the wrong way Or anything like that. Yeah, there's a couple kids

It's a couple kids. I've given a little elbow when they're looking. I didn't know if you were gonna answer that No, there's just a couple kids that you're just like Jesus. Is this bad like what are your parents doing at home? Stop, you know, like a couple kids. I've had to just like and I just treat them like my kids I go. Hey, man, I don't talk to friends like that. So I'm just gonna take a time out and not talk to you for a little bit Are you saying that to the kids? Yeah Well, I'm kid called me fat, bro You think I'm gonna hang with that kid? No, you got to learn your lesson learn some respect I want to hang with that kid because you're hanging with these kids. They're like at your house. They're sleeping over

What context did he call you fat? Well, let's be honest the kids on the spectrum Okay, and he just we were just like I was like, yeah, we got to get going. He goes. Oh, yeah And I forget I honestly forget he just goes well, you're fat anyway And I go what and then and then I end up I end up then I had to have a talk with the dad and I go Hey, man, can I ask you a question? He goes. Yeah, I go Are you like saying fat around the house around the kids and like putting this in their head and he goes Why go? You know, he called me fat. He's like what and they do they're very like they're very

I think they're very very health conscious and I think sometimes that can like rub to the kids and they're gonna like All of a sudden, you know, they count calories. They're the ones who taught my kids calories in the back of a bag What does a six-year-old need to know what calories are like doesn't make any sense to me. That's just me You know, I'm I Everyone in my house over eats and I just see this stuff and I'm like get this away from my kids Yeah, counting calories as a kid is a little wacky. It's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy Just look at a kid going you're your boy's kind of a dick Yeah, I'm friend of yours

Hey, this guy a child yours this guy's deal. I will tell you this you want class at They just had a fitness challenge and I went over and like, you know, chaperone part of the school did Yeah, okay, and I'm leaving and my son uh after his each each class had a different time his is in the afternoon So after that I'm like we walk back and he's like all the everyone in those two grades the third grade They're all getting their snacks come out eat the table and I go, all right, buddy I'll see you and he goes hold on. Hold on. I go because I want to introduce you to a couple of my friends And he's like jimmy's my dad and I go, hey jimmy like couple kids I haven't met yet and I'm like, hey jimmy I heard a lot about you and then he goes dad

This is John Finn over here and then I go, all right. I gotta go because hold on hold on nico's in the other class Let me get him and I was just like who is this kid? Introducing me to his boys. You know, he's just my dad. He's a good shit. He's all right. He's a good guy He's one of us, you know, I'm gonna show you. He's totally cool. Yeah a couple of people you got a name He's a friend of ours. What do you want from and then the three of them come on like can you get us out of here? Goddamn your fact I Thought you were gonna you pull the data side. Hey, man, you called me fat

That jade larson's a fat ass That's what the dad's saying. What uh, also, I don't know if we ever talked to you. You speaking of babs Do you have anybody in your family or immediate circle that doesn't you don't use the first names? You're a big nick name guy. Yeah, right like you're calling you're a kid calling your you know, hey babs Anybody any floating around everybody. I do the same thing I remember my ex used to be like you can't give people a nickname the second you meet them Like if someone said they're like if someone goes as my wife, michelle, I'd be like mish. What's up? Like I would go right to it Um, but let me think like no everyone in my family

There are no nicknames really no one has a nickname And everyone is just goes by their first name. Okay, buddy. I always wanted a nickname. I never got one as a kid Yeah I don't have I got one late. I had a lot. I don't yeah as a kid a lot of shitty ones But nothing ever that nothing yeah, nothing ever talk, you know, I mean like, you know Except now I have kippy from keith robinson that stuck the second everybody heard that they're like that's yeah That's like 10 years but more aunts and uncles babs is a real good one I have a grandma mbabs really we're going over to grandma mbabs. Is she a barbara?

uh I don't think her Teresa is her first name I don't wear baths. It was michelle's train. I think her middle name was barbara. But barbara for babs is perfect Yeah, babs is a is a is a babs is a fun mom That's a brawl. I'm surprised you didn't like it. You don't you don't cross babs. No, you you you you're a waitress at a diner when you're Babs and if you don't have that energy somewhere, you know what I mean? Yeah, you have to have it to get up Yeah, it's like that secretary in that in that uh In that gary gullman joke about the abbreviation of the states

How is this honey? Oh my god, man, you would love you probably appreciate that bits. That's a bit you probably love It's got a lot of little j Tons of like specificity and creating the almond bar was real good The almond bar had just been invented and he gets so subtle into that. He goes you gotta understand It was sweeping the nation Shout out to the gull mm-hmm gang the new special Sounds like bruce on youtube right now. Got j larson in ish in in in toties here. Yep. Do a little patreon cues Yes, guys. So when you join a patreon, we'll answer your garbage question on the air

It's just the best way to do it patreon gets differs crank and it so sign up gang It's a party over there. Uh, this one's from michael Have you or anyone you know never submitted an application to survivor? No I will I will though you ready because yeah reality tv was big back in a day in hollywood I was never into reality tv Okay, but my friend got approached by producers of the amazing race And he came to me goes would you want to do this and I was like did I want to be on a reality show?

I'm trying to like this. I this was like 2001. Yeah, I don't like I want to be an actor I want to be a writer. I'm like that's why would I ever go do some stupid reality show? And then we just like sat around when I drank and we're like How great would it be as grandparents to be able to tell our grandkids Me and my buddy raced around the world for a million bucks and we're like, all right, let's do it So we go in for the interview We go home for the interview and there's like we did a submission tape of the two of us playing paddle tennis in this Back and forth is really fun

And uh, we they like all right. You got to the next stage. Yeah, we got to producers So they go to a hotel they check into a room then you go to this conference room There's 12 producers we go in and we're like, hey, what's up guys and they're like, hey And they're like so what do you think about the show and they're like well To be honest, none of us ever watched it and they go you've never seen the show and we're like, nope But we're we hear great things You guys are doing a great job out there and they go, what make why would you think you could win this show? If you've never seen it, we're like, well, that's what we think our cache is like

We're the two that have never even seen the show we go into it blind And then like the producer that like found us was like you guys are tanking right now Really, like we're gonna send a vcr to your room. Go watch some episodes come back in two hours We're like, I feel like it would have been like endearing like hey, we've never seen it. That's what that's why we'd be so good Yeah, and so we go back we watch a couple episodes come back two hours later as we walk and we're like guys huge fans of the show And uh, they didn't pick us and which i'm glad at the end. I mean it would have been cool, but that's a lot though Yeah, because there's a lot of comedians that have been on reality shows. You know what I mean?

Theo Vaughn was on a reality show Schumer was on a reality show. Yeah. Yeah. Pazitsky Yeah, I mean actually Pazitsky and Theo both were in reality shows before they were. Oh, she was on the real road rules I think yeah, I think they were both on it together. Maybe I think yeah, they might have crossed over at something So you can still like go for what you want and starting there, you know, yeah, of course You ever do a studio audience? What do you mean a member of a studio audience? No, never. I did crowd warm up though There you go. How'd you do? You were probably either good or really bad. I would either my great or your tank I hit both ends of the spectrum

I would crush and then I got fired Because I thought it'd be funny. We're doing it was like the newlywed game redone And after this horrible, there was this like a tank question and answer and I come out and I'm like ladies and gentlemen Congratulations, you just witnessed the worst question in the history of the new the wood game and the head of the studio was there and he goes Who the fuck is this asshole? Fired the next day. Yeah, you're too real. Yeah, that's not helping anyone here Hey guys, this show sucks. Uh, anyway, where are you from? You got Tulsa in the house. What's going on? Tootsie roll. What do you want? You would have been on the amazing race going guys

Why are we rushing? I mean, we're on vacation. It's relax. What are we doing here guys legs a little bit? I got topists coming here Who gives you shit? Come on. We're in Seville I mean, how many times a year are you in Toledo? You know what I mean? You go into it knowing full well that you guys are gonna come in last you're gonna take your time and enjoy the vacay Just a five-month trip. Yeah On their dime I don't know how that works, but if they had to wait for everyone to cross the finish line

I'll wait and they're like god damn it. We're gonna just chase still in the south to france for suffering You're finishing up an espresso I'm gonna finish this up. I'll be right over Mr. Larsen you souffle is ready. They find me have changed my identity. I have a new job Yeah, you ingratiate yourself Ah, god, that's too fucking funny. Have you guys ever applied for any of those things? Uh, No, I don't think so Um, I think you'd know. Yeah, not that I know I was I was thinking studio audience

I did a studio audience once uh because a friend was on a show We just went to have like you know group of comics went to hang out But a big thing in new york has a lot of people a lot of comics would pay their bills By doing the jerry springer show because it was shot in connecticut. Oh my god You get on a bus in time square. They pick up just like it looked like a chain gang It was a bit They give you a ham sandwich talking about the lowest of the low Yeah, it's the ham sandwich. You're in a baggy. Yeah, it was a ham sandwich in a bag

Pack-a-lorn-a-doons cookies You tough luck and you'd have to do like four episodes. They go how much would they pay you like 38 bucks? It was like bad. Yeah. Yeah. Well, why in connecticut? That's where the studio is. Should I shoot it? Yeah, I know I get that but I feel like you cut down an expense. Just do it in time square Yeah, I don't know. I don't know man probably cheaper Studios up there Uh, but we had a body that didn't got bed bugs on the bus Oh my god, when you're getting a specific type of

Disease or bugs that's not even in that location. You're getting on a bus. Yeah, who's getting bed bugs on a bus Catching shiggles. Oh man I I did an open call a casting call for uh for a frozen mac and cheese one time Where I had to sit in front of the producers and I can't even I can't even they didn't pick me What it was for a commercial? Yeah, it was for a commercial. I think it was devour That sounds about right. You know those. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if anyone's gonna be this That's like edgy fat guy food devour They were they were like, listen, you're the demo we're going for but we can't let them know

We can't put you on front street, you know, what are we doing here? They gave me like a tray of they look at you. They're like, he's gonna buy him no matter what Yeah, we gotta we gotta get the guy that ain't gonna buy him Put up a fucking 10 up there with washboard abs I took a couple of boxes when I left they ain't gonna lie. We want this to be an aspirational product We want people to be aspiring to be this spokesperson Oh my god, that's fucking good. All right. Uh, all right. Let's see here. This is from bruce sounds like bruce Is it garbage to buy a grocery store?

To buy. Oh, sorry. Is it garbage to buy out a grocery store when you find a price error? I got 60 rolls of jimmy dean sausage for a dollar each Have you ever found an error where they're like, we got to give it to you at this price? Or will you stock up on anything that's at a very low price? I can't see that I did it recently. You did. Are you ready for what happened? I hope you're not freezing eggs. This is what happened. I found I was trying to eat more protein, right? So I found these sausage links, you know, like, did you write this question? No Like jerky, okay jerky and it's in a big bag. It was $15 and then I I got it, right?

And I'm going to check out and I see that they have these little bags for three dollars Okay, and in four bags, there was almost Almost twice as many in the big bag. So for 12 bucks, you get almost double what was in there Okay, and I just looked at the register the lady's version. I go, this is 15. These are I go. How is this working? She's like, I don't know and I was just like take the big bag. I'm going minis I give me all and I cracked the code and I was just like, you know, what's going on here I like you were discussing it with her Well, I was making sure that I wasn't an idiot and then all of a sudden I'm paying like 26, you know what I mean?

So I don't mind this move. Did you see that guy that that I don't mind it either That bought the wheel of cheese. You ever see that video went across like social media This guy came home and his wife is videoing him and she's laughing She's like, tell everybody what you did and he's got a giant wheel of cheese and he's like, I didn't do anything She's laughing. She's like, tell everyone what you did and he's like, all I did was take advantage of a mispricing Because he bought I mean those wheels of cheese are like, I don't know I'm gonna say between 1200 and 10 grand cheese. Yeah, and I think someone maybe marked it for like 120 and he took on this giant thing of parm

At the grocery store. He's he's losing his mind. He's like, wait They had those at the grocery store. I don't know wherever he was. It was marked down. Yeah some restaurant depot or something like that Can't buy that's not for consumer. What are you saying? This is not kosher to make this play? Uh, no, he's asking Um, uh, I think you frowned upon me a little bit when I told you the move. I think you should tell the assistant manager There's been an error. I do well. All right, so it's a little different. You were buying a product already This guy's got 60 rolls of jimmy dean sausage at the house. That's like that I mean you're eating sausage every day for for five months. He's got the freezer in the in the garage He's got the deep freeze out there. He's got the you know pandemic freezer in that some high school kid got careless with the

Yeah numbers gun. Yeah, I worked at a grocery store for a long time and I didn't give a shit people would be like Yeah, I'm so this this coupon. This is supposed to be 50 cents cheaper. I gotta take it I don't fucking care. I ain't calling a manager over. I ain't doing nothing. I ain't waiting for the key Take it lady. You keep bread in the freezer. No Never. No hot dog buns. No, okay Hey, they got him or I don't okay. That's all it is And if they shoot if you can't take a piece of bread around a hot dog That's your problem. Sure. Yeah, we eat the ends of the bread. Are you an end man?

You know, it's a good use of the ends is you toast them butter them cinnamon sugar on them for the kids boom boom And they'll just like it's just like the best way to go You haven't thought of This guy's got it all covered. You know what we do now is my son loves the pretzel wrapped hot dog So I just buy those Nathan's pretzel wrapped hot dog frozen and then right boom. He loved he think I That's why I want to I'm gonna take them in a microwave. You go microwave for a minute and then five minutes in the toaster oven You know what I mean? Okay you got a little touch. You know finishing it off. Oh, I mean, that's what they recommend on the box I can't take all the credit. Shout out to Nathan

I think they've done their research. I almost took credit for it. I'm like, nah, I gotta be straight YouTube comments are gonna fire me up Oh, that's you know what they had like everywhere you walk here. There's a hot dog staying with pretzels I'm like, I gotta take the kids here this summer because like that's like my son's dream like look at this every corner Right. Yeah, I got it. He puts a real you on the hot. Doesn't he? Yeah, that's a that's a massachusetts thing. Is it? Yeah, we say rum too rum hot dog You say why do you say roof roof or roof? Let's go up on the roof roof Okay, how do you say this is the one I used to take my kids up on my mom's roof

Second-story pitch and we'd sit up there and like stare at the stars at the stars at the stars Kids loved it. Damn. They are good shit there larson. It's fun You gotta you gotta put that little seed of adventure and be like we got it. You're all right Let's not be afraid. You know if you fall off the roof you fall off the roof You'll survive. I mean you might not you might not but hey You think that wasn't predetermined before you were born. Come on. This is fate, baby Kent let's talk about express

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Visit express vpn.com slash garbage to learn more do it. Tom kippy sent you. Um, how do you say? How do you pronounce the word? The product that crayola makes crayons crayons. What do you say crowns? Oh, Jesus Christ. It's worse. What do you say crayons? crayons I say crayons crayons. That's how it is. Yeah. Yeah, but what happened? What happened over there? What kind of abuse went down when you were a child he fell off the roof? I survived they melted in wax and he couldn't handle it just tumbled. Yeah crown I don't know. It's a Philly people say it that way crown crayola crowns. Wow. Yeah

I love that. I love that everyone there knows this is not how it's said anywhere and they're like fuck it. We're gonna do it Anyway, yeah, it's not even a dialect thing. It's just like a disregard for the language putting something in a water down there Ah, all right. Let's see here. Uh, this is from jack ten dollar bozo never had a question right? Is it garbage you use tongue when you kiss during your wedding ceremony? Uh at every vfw wedding I've ever been to the couples have made out dirtily Have you ever been to a vfw wedding? Come on. What do you think? No, no, really? No, I wish I heard a good time. I bet they are a good time Meatballs mashed potatoes coleslaw no windows. It's a fucking dude. Why don't vfw's have windows? I saw deer hunter. I know what's up

Um, I did a benefit in jersey that was in a vfw and it was like classy It was like, you know felt like a rotary club, you know, I mean little like a little lamp on each table That's nice. Yeah, I was like we did stand up there. Um, have I ever been to a wedding at a vf? No, I haven't what? What do you think the worst venue you've attended a wedding at or you've walked in and be like this is a little wonky um Or I mean you do run in nice circles I I I mean, you know like nicest, you know I went out to dinner with a high school friend last night and we were talking like, you know

We grew up in a middle-class town when nobody was rich Everybody worked hard but like everyone was like really good kids and like no one really went astray like we had a really good childhood And so, uh, I yeah, I don't know. I let me think but like most of my friends like they did it right, you know I mean they like, you know, but I do like the question about like, do you go tongue? Yeah, because I don't think you do the visible tongue. You know what I mean? We're like Outside the mouth you do a little slip. Yeah, you can't be choking her while you're doing it You know what I mean because I always because grown up with no Like no parents in the house just my mom you I never saw

I was never given the example of two people that love each other and that and that yeah kissing is okay And like you see in like the movies when the dad is like groping the mom and she's like What are you doing in the kids like you guys are I'm like, oh, that's awesome. That should be the way it is You know what I mean? So I don't mind that like, you know like I wish that that was the case So I don't mind a little tongue in a wedding. You know what I mean? You fucking do a little more whatever Give a little bit of a show to the week short up for a reason here. There's 200 people here. What are we doing? I got a half a drink at least

Place this up a little bit and people want to see love give them love. Have you guys been to vfw weddings? Uh, not weddings a lot of events though I think a lot of like a lot of our communion parties or confirmation parties or graduation parties were at Knights of columbus, you know, all those kind of clubs. We're still current members of the elk's lodge My dad would like ranked. I'm like, oh, that was a good one. That's a nice one. I want shitty. This one's nice This one's good. We go down the shore. We would always do them down the shore Okay, yeah, you know for whatever party was happening always happened to like a nights of foods always a home run Yeah, swear to god. I bet

Yeah, I did I used to do a fundraiser for my kids uh preschool every year I did three years in a row. I did a sam show at the elks around the corner. Shout out to it We did a great job Santa Monica elks. Yeah, it's like nickel beers all Oh, yeah, it's just guys look it feels like you're going back in time. Yeah, you might get beat up by an old dude Or whatever it's part of the marine ready to take a run at you Korean orbit. Take your ass. You never did time kind of thing And I did 11 days in iraq I did you go over for the nice. How was that? All right. Yeah, it was great. I did go on a helicopter Yeah, of course. That's the only way you get around you have to go to give you your own helicopter

I went no five. So we went out to like bases that like we built, you know what I mean? Like oh, yeah And like you would do a show at one in the afternoon on rocks and 98 degrees with a mic You know what it means in front of dudes. They're just like I had you know, and you're like, oh geez So i'm sensitive and take your top off Uh, let's I love a little pda just on the street. You know what I mean? I love when I see a couple just get down I'm like good for you guys smooching. Yeah a little smooch. I'll smooch. I'll get behind it Uh, you know, it's pretty when you see like late at night when you see the couple like pour out and they're like going to town It's like midnight and they're just like I'm like, this is an ambition to the wind

Yeah, they don't have an adder How do you feel about a little action in the backseat of a cab or an uber? I have no problem with it. Do you want to take an uber? Uber seems a little personal because there's no like There's no barrier. You know what I mean? Yeah, but uh, you know, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna Disregard it. Sure. Okay. Okay. All right I'll never kiss and tell Uh, let's see here. This is from devin

Are you garbage if you tell people the dollar amount to the cent when they ask how much they owe you for something you bought for them Oh, man So if I were to you know, if you were to buy something if you were to buy something that was let's call it 1850 And I go, hey, joe, how much hey jay, how much I owe you for that. What what number you throwing at me 40 I gotta pay the kids back I mean we do in percent You know what this is tough because I've always been the guy I just was thinking about this myself I would be picking up tabs the whole time. I've been in new york anytime

I'm like, I got this because I don't mind. I love being able to be that guy Even if I don't have the money 100% you know what I mean? That's me and there's a reason why everyone else has money than me. Uh-huh. So I respect people when they're not afraid to say, oh, let's split this and you oh I do not like when I go out to eat and someone's like, well, I had this and this so I I'm just like we're not playing that game on the mozzarella sticks. Let's go. Let's all just have fun here I would never eat with those people. I that's never I don't think ever happened to me and I don't think I would ever eat with those people again

No, if that was the case. Yeah. Well, and then now we have venmo. So if it's 1850 I'd be like just throw me 18. I would never round. I would never say the 50 I would say throw me the 18 now. Do you send the venmo request? Never I've never said the venmo request And that's big with the younger kids because that's just what they know. It's like, hey Are you 17 for that? How young are you talking like high school kids? No new guy luke the kid you met He hits me up immediately out here. I didn't mean it is for businesses. It's for stuff But it's like that's work. It's right away. I've gone out to eat with a buddy. That's an invoice

I have a tough time sending invoices. I was a 100 of a show and I had to send an invoice in and I'm like, can you guys just do this? Why am I like I don't make me ask for money? Yeah That's a dirt bag thing in a hundred percent because like money was always It was either there or wasn't there and it was like asking for it. Yep. Same thing. My dad would be like, I got it I got it. I'd be like, we do not have that. We don't got we don't got they just took the core last week We ain't got it. I don't get I don't understand what an invoice is. It doesn't make any sense You know how much you owe me Why why do you need a for tax purposes?

But don't that's that's there's no other reason. It's for tax purposes But if you send it if you sent me $200 and it said this is for services rendered or whatever I did What do you mean? If I let him go here, wouldn't that already be the enough evidence that you paid the person where's for services rendered? written On the check In the email who's sending first of all all I'm getting is I know who's the brains behind this operation They're unnecessary, I think

Okay, yeah, I mean, I'm not a guy you need to pay for trail. Yeah, you know what I mean? You got to have a well. It's like, okay I paid j ten thousand dollars and then the government goes. What was that ten thousand dollars for services rendered for He's also when you go to a restaurant, you can't just be like, what do we owe you they got to give you a bill That's what it is. It was 88. Let's call it 80 I love guys that say what do I owe you Are you a cash guy? I love having cash the pandemic took that away. You know what I mean like no, but I I have cash on me right now

You know my talking you know my I mean not a ton. You know my favorite bill is though 50 mine's 50 Really? It's the greatest bill of all time. I was thinking that this week. It's classier than the hundred The 50 just tells people I'm I got something but I don't need to I don't need to have too much. You know what I mean I mean, I got 55 bucks on me right now I stayed in a nice hotel though. It's a great hotel. It goes from a 50 to a five that quick Well, I don't have I don't carry cash ever anymore. You know, and I'm definitely not a guy who's carrying like My staple when I was carrying cash would be like 300 bucks. I think 300 get you out of a jam If you need a hero you can save the day

If some guy happens to be selling an armoire on the side of the road, that's nice But he's like I could do it for 300 right now If you take it, you know what I mean? So I always like to have a little cash Especially you go go to antiques like cash you can yeah cash is king. You can knock it down a little bit You know that's old school east coast stuff. Okay. Yeah a little bit of cash. What are we talking cash price though? That's a big thing Throw it up my dad would be like call to see how much those chairs are I'd be like, oh, they're 11 hundred He goes ask him for cash. So I'd be like eight be like, well, what's the cash price on that? Yeah

Um, by the way, someone told me recently you can haggle at Best Buy. No Yes, you can haggle at Best Buy like the tv you can be like nah get on that. There's no way you can haggle at Best Buy I had friends do it if it's the floor model. Oh floor model always. Have you ever bought a floor model? Of course I love there's a little scratch here the remote's missing a back whatever whatever i'll do 250 Will you buy a floor model pairs a floor model pair of sneakers if the if the one's up there I've never been come across that to me. Really? I have The last pair in the shop like, you know mustard prints on it or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's tough We were the sneakers out of the store

No, really put them in the box. Yeah, huh? I've never worn them on the store I've worn like a shirt out of the store. Sure. You're in a jam. Yeah jammed up Let me get out of here You know, I mean and you know what I do like to do when I go like when I went to Austin The first thing I did I went to a clothing store that I like and I went and bought clothes And I'm like I want some new clothes for this trip. You know, I mean I want to look nice down town Yeah, I'm gonna have to get the name at all south congress I'll go over to south congress got a new development over there. You go in I go in I shop a little I go

I sit I have a cocktail by myself then I get back to the hotel look over my notes Really? He's a gentleman man. Get up the garbage guys What are you doing? All right, if you're looking to talk down price at a best buy Be a dirtbag You can haggle, but only for the open box stuff or returns. Okay, uh But this says you can you can do some stuff you can go with a Bundling plan they like if I'm picking up one of these and one of these

I'll pick up the tv and a vcr Sir, we don't make those anymore. We got the cassettes right up here. There you go. A lot of those are from fans Uh, you can shop at the end of the month. Sometimes they'll they'll knock stuff down when they're trying to Quotas or whatever. Okay. Really? Yeah, and the price match Come in with a with a you know, something from somewhere else taking match this price circuit city's doing it for 11 hondo Yeah, I got h fully doing this for 250 Service is rendered Paper trail with that guy

Yeah, could you send us an invoice so that sorry he doesn't do invoice Hey, we need to prove it. Sorry h fully industries. I mean with no paper trail with the existence of photoshop That's five minutes save you five hundred. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah I didn't do shabby ever a coupon guy No, yeah, I can't foresee it I mean every now and then like you go to dominoes and you put an order in and then you look at the price And then you're like, oh, hold on a second Let me double back and because they have like the like the deals and you're like, all right. Do we want four toppings?

You never do You're cutting open another box get the coupon Hey, I wish I wish I had the patience to like go through when you go grocery shopping You're like, I gotta go look for the thing like it's too much. I do have like I shop at different grocery stores, but one I have like a membership So like if like when you go to buy it'll be like, oh, it's 4.99 But if you remember, it's you know, I'll pick those items sure because I love seeing it in the system already I'm sure we've asked you but where you going to out there

I go to Vaughn's um, that's my staple because I'm just like a straight up dude And I like to get the straight up junk Gotcha And then every now and then Whole Foods Okay, when I first separated I was over next to a Trader Joe's so we went to Trader Joe's all the time and we liked it But now it's just like, you know, the the Vaughn's is the way Trader Joe's is a man What about the real nice one? Was it a Raytheon? What's it called? Erwan Erwan I am just I I

I For me I can't understand what would actually be and most of the food I eat it and I'm like this just does not taste good Doesn't get I need a little bit of shit or I need some more salt or I need it just not for me It is not for me and I can't it's like 15 bucks for a pint of ice cream. It's insane. Yeah, it's just not for me Okay, huh. All right. Let's see this one's from straight trash homie Was it garbage for my dad to make us a basketball net out of an old milk crate a piece of plywood and hang it above our carport? Every word of that sentence got trashier and trashier as it went on. Hey, what that's how champions are made right now

I'll fucking tell you. You know what the most trash is. He said our carport and you know, that's gotta be a shared car This gotta be that's a duplex maybe That's the original basketball hoop, isn't it? It was a peach. Uh peach basket. Yeah, yeah Yeah, did you have a ball uh basketball net growing up? No running game now? No, where'd you go? Courts you have to go to the courts or something. Yeah, so here's the deal like I only organized sports I played as a kid with soccer and baseball played soccer through high school baseball through college Okay, go. Yeah, I don't know it but when we play hoops like I play with my friends Oh, dude

Come on, let's get in the dugout. You ready for this? This is my this is my mouth full of seeds My favorite one I'd be in right field and I I picture would throw a strike and I go build a house there And then I had a couple kids billy baril was one of the greatest trash talkers So like if they were up and they took a pitch we'd always do this one He'd be at one end of the dugout and he'd be like can I help you and I'm like nah, just looking For the guy taking a pitch for a strike where you gum or seeds What what did you like to munch on seeds seeds seeds all day seeds all just had it packed in over here And then I went through phases like I would take one

Eat it put the shell over here and stack the shells over here Jesus and then I was going through like just straight up eating the whole thing I'm a shell man myself and then spitting out. Yeah, some people go all the way with it people. Whoa. Yeah You were eating the shell Yeah, and then you know and then certain flavors came in later in the game like you're like dill barbecue And you're like, all right, let's fuck with that ranch, you know Shout out to david's And they're the only guy right they're the only guys in the game

There's other ones that come in like the little sleep planters is trying to get in the game Planners you got peanuts Stick with the peanuts man Big packet of peanuts Oh man, there's too much I was never that good with the with the back and forth I could only keep like a little pile right here And then I could move them down and then spit out the shell. Yeah, I couldn't have a wad in there

Would you use that out now? You know I'm in there in the field too. Yeah, Jesus Well, that's what I mean, you know depending you spit when you're out in the field, you know It depends on like what the vibe was sometimes you're just doing it to pass the time You're like, oh, let me just see what I keep over here. You know, do you like to pitch clock by the way? Yeah, yeah, you see how much they trim the games down wild like a half hour There was a game the game game though. They was two hours and 10 minutes. That is insane Man, so I don't mind because there's nothing I'm going to do to change it Think about all the clock chirps you would have to going on if there was a clock cooking back then

Oh my god, you would just be like keep it moving pulling out a lot Yeah, he'd be fucking dude the best in college we played against assumption And these kids had a couch out in right field behind the fence and they're sitting on the couch drinking time And I'm out there and they'd be like 18 18 What inning is it man? And I look over I'm like we're in the seventh and they're like, all right And then they just keep asking me questions and it was like spring weekend and then one of them goes Hey, let's go back to that party. I can just hear the whole because let's go back to that party He's like nah, stay and watch the game and he goes let's buck up for it

He goes, you know, I've never lost a buck up. You want to buck up against me right now I've never lost a buck up and he's like I'll buck up It went to the whole inning debating the buck up to see who they if they were gonna go back to that party That's a buck up like twos and ones or rock paper scissor. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I got you. I got you You buck up. We call them twos. You know, you have twos and ones odds and evens. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Never heard that buck up. I thought that would land a little better I was more confused the buck out Um, all right, let's see here. We got time for a couple of more here gang

Uh, let's see. This is from kuchi main. Is it garbs? You have color floodlights on the house outside of your house My parents growing up decided a red floodlight was the best option That's you know, they talk about yet the community board. Yeah, that's rough. What's the red house red? What are we doing? That's weird. Halloween Christmas. I'll give you I'll throw something ready to lie, you know Lithuany is in trouble. You want to go with yellow and blue? Sure. Sure. Go for it Okay, if you guys think you're the top of the implies they building. All right, whatever Um, no, all things considered. You got to go stand there straight white. Yeah, straight white

When's that christmas tree come down at your house? It came down pretty soon after christmas this year goes up pretty early though Really? Like december 1st. That's up at a cookin. Really enjoyable. I want to enjoy it. It's down before the new year for sure Okay, I mean, it might be nice new year's day is a good day. I would think to take it down. Sure, you know That's pretty good I will be honest though If i'm gonna make a confession the lights outside the house are still up at my place just because i'm lazy right now I just don't want to get out there and get in there. It's april You know the people in the neighborhood. Well, I just got the lawn blown out. I'll take them down this weekend

I'll get them down this weekend boys. You flick them on every once in a while. Huh? No If you have them up, why not? You still got extension cords and shit in the front yard jay Yeah, I got the childy brown lights. You know what I mean? It's not like white if you go white You got the big bowl. You got big color bulbs. Yeah, hanging in april Listen, there's a little bit of trash in all of us and I admitted it. I could have not told you guys that I could have held on to that Jay i'm sitting here. I'm big up in you. I'm still big up. No, no Christmas lights dude in april. They're not on

Okay, they're just there. I'm not an asshole. It's a lot of work being a single parent You're too busy making bouquets on fucking weekends. That's what i'm saying. Yeah close this flower shop for an hour Get some work done. Close the shop. We're trying to make a profit here bro. Have lewis. I got invoices to get out Oh god damn jay. I'll get them down. Well, what's the point? Your where's the break off point where you just cycle in the northeast? Yeah, if you don't get them down by june, I would say there is one neighbor across street and I know he's a little annoyed by it I can tell Why what fuck him? He had his up for a while too and then like I was like, uh, well now you're making him look good

Yeah, now everyone else had him Now I got now I did the long clean out and the whole house is looking great. So I'm like, all right Let me I'll get him down You know, he's getting the mail bumping into people like larson still got the lights off larson still got him up I got mine down Anybody in a anybody in the neighborhood that don't really quite take care of their property They that you everyone's got that old person in the neighborhood whose house is still running a muck They got a ramp up to the front door. You know what I mean? They're they're looking high grass and shit. Yeah

That's going on At my ex's and at mine But we got a couple of those in the neighborhood. I don't care. I'm just like whatever it's not like a you know what I mean drags down a property body for everybody Not no way the property valve is doing just fine. Don't Just fine. He will survive Uh, all right, let's see this one's from Ian ever see one of your bones No

Have you? Yeah, I have yeah Yeah, which one my knee my leg Yeah, that's the trashiest question. I know ever see one of your bones. Well, that's not even I mean That's just like I mean I saw my boy jakes when we were playing lady slid in a second and popped it new right away Compound fracture. Yeah, just bone gone tibia Uh No femur tibia between the shin the shin that whole thing Think that's referred to in the medical practice as the shin bone. Yeah shin bone

Um, but no, I've never broken anything. I I ruptured the achilles last year. You know what I mean? So I was doing that for five months But uh, never dunk again That hurt real bad when it happened doesn't hurt at all No, when it No, it doesn't hurt at all. I didn't tear it. I just ruptured it Which it means if I like ripped half of it the whole thing didn't rip but half of it ripped it like popped like a Strings of a guitar did it go up did it go back up?

I don't know what happened, but it didn't hurt at all It's just as like you can't walk and you yeah, you know, and then you got to immediately go get it taken care of Yeah, what uh, what was the re had you have a boot on it? Yeah, boo. Oh boots cast then boot. No surgery No surgery. Okay, you know what you think I fucking held back I went out and bought a Vespa the next day so I could get the kids around We cruise around three of us on a vest on a Vespa with a little Vietnamese families I had sitting on the crutches of three of us backpacks to school boot out people like can you do this? I'm like, I'm doing it I'm doing it, baby. See us. We're killing it

Get my son to the skate park four miles away side streets. Oh, that's sick, dude Those kids must have thought you shred. They love dude. They love that scooter every time I'm like, we'll take it home from I pick them up from school in the scooter and they're like see my dad on the scooter They love it. I hit the horn beep beep beep Going through a toll booth I don't have it. Can you break a 50? We gotta wrap left to pass at home guys Gang mr. Jay Larson brand new special on right now on his youtube page jay larson comedy sounds like bruce

Unbelievable. I can do this all day with you guys. Thank you, buddy. Thanks for having me We said open invite anytime you're in new york. I love it. I love you guys We love it, brother. Anything else you want the folks out there to know? No, that's it. Just go watch it share it rate review Send to friends like anything you can do to get the word out there I love this fucking community and I hope you guys enjoy the special and I appreciate you guys having on One of the coolest things the fans are doing is they're jumping in the uh, the comments of the specials going Yg sent me shout out. So get in there. Let them know to fucking army of garbage is out there in full effect, baby We love you gang kippy. What do you got for them guys? We're all over the road

We're out of more dates get your tickets now shows are selling out fucking. Thank you so much. We love you We'll see you next week. Peace