Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Jeremiah Watkins: Doomsday Garbage

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

Kippy and Foley are back this week with comedian and podcaster Jeremiah Watkins! Jeremiah talks growing up in the midwest, prepping for YK2, and trashy food. You know Jeremiah from Comedy Central, Kill Tony, & Kimmel. Originally Aired on www.GasdigitalNetwork.com on September 8, 2020 LIVE SHOW: https://www.punchlinephilly.com/EventDetail?tmeventid=vv17FZp3GkIExeeF&offerid=129205 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang big announcement huge announcement. I'm talking bigger than my stomach or kippy's forehead Are you garbage is going live Thursday? September 24th at 7 p.m. At the punchline in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania We're doing our first live show in our hometown with special local Philly legendary goon mr. Mike Rainey, and it's gonna be a good time. So get your tickets now September 24 7 p.m. At the punchline. We'll see you there. Hey gang It's your old pals uncle Hank and kippy just want to thank you for tuning in to are you garbage? Yeah, guys

Make sure you subscribe that way you get the episode as they come out and you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com use promo code AYG to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming do it. Yeah Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Baby Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast This is are you garbage to show we sit down with your favorite comedians in front of the group classy or if they're complete trash

I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a glorious absolutely beautiful September day here in the east village of New York City at the gas digital network here in the big studio We are alive and well folks. Don't let the fucking fake news fool you We're hanging in there like tippy's roguing prescription My co-host as you know as you love coming at you right next to me's got his laptop in front of him He's sitting there looking pretty gang the next time reaching for a best pal. Do yourself a favor. You make it a kippy Give it up for Kevin James Ryan everybody. Hey gang everybody knows you don't need a prescription for Rogan You need one for Propecia, which should be arriving at my door today shout out to keeps calm

What's up everybody, thanks so much for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes Full video available on YouTube you can subscribe there as well Also, if you want to help out the pod you can subscribe to guest digital network use promo code AYG you get to save a couple of bucks every month. We get to wet our beaks at the end of the month It's a win-win for everybody. So fucking do it. We appreciate the support so far Yes, sir and gang we could not and I mean could not be more excited to have a special guest here with us today This kid is an absolute fucking get from out there and la la land He is a very successful stand-up comedian and actor. You have seen him in I'm dying up here crashing historical roasts

Corporate business doing pleasure lights out with David spade Funny dance show. What's your fucking deal kill Tony roast battle? And of course, let's not forget 2010s dance cam slam So he's got a little bit of cash on them He's been working for a while But the big question everybody's mind today. Is he garbage ladies and gentlemen give us a nice big round of applause for the one The only mr. Jeremiah Watkins everybody What's up guys? How you doing? What's up, man? Thanks for doing the show. I heard I heard that you guys were wetting beaks

And you know, I can't he's got quite a beak on him. He does yeah, it's dead man Buddy you look great. You sound great. Thanks so much for doing the show. We're happy to have you here Where are you now? You are not you're out in LA on the coast. Oh Man another day in LA. Yep out on the West Coast No longer the best coast no far from it Far from it now. How did New York in LA both shit to bed at the exact fucking time? That's not fair. Yeah, who Kansas or some way is the middle of the country's fucking killing it right now

Yeah, that is thank that's that's where I'm from and They're doing okay, they're doing okay, I went to visit I went to visit it nothing nothing nothing crazy But everything's more relaxed there than obviously out on the coast, but yeah, that's where I'm from is Kansas City So what so what so tell us the whole story about growing up where near Kansas? I I grew up in a city called Overland Park until I was Like in eighth grade I Moved a little bit farther south in Overland Park and then when my parents got divorced I moved to Olathe, Kansas and

growing up there Little bit about me if people don't know I I went to a private Christian school growing up shit and All the way there to divorce Until eighth grade so like the marital problems started happening when I went to public school So, you know, I blame it on the public. It's your fault. Yeah It's my fault But yeah grew up in like in a suburban

kind of area we I Lived on like a busy Intersection growing up and then later on lived on like a classic like Kansas cul-de-sac kind of thing Yeah Yeah, right two shabby brothers and sisters. What was the situation? Older brother younger sister, so I'm right in there My brother is three years older and my sister is two years younger than me two years younger So when the divorce hit who did it hit the hardest you were your sister? Oh

Oh I think probably my brother and my sister because that was when they started like partying from I went from Being told my entire life the drugs and alcohol were very bad and then I saw everybody around me start to do it The marriage started to fall Wheels on the bus Fucking fuck it. I

Walked back one one day and my in the backyard and my sister and my mom were doing mushrooms together and my My mom said that I looked like I was in a field playing a guitar and I was I had nothing in my hands Oh, what's your girl woodstock? Your parents are ultra Christian conservative, would you say that growing up growing up? Yes Very much so yeah, they were pretty conservative to yeah the conservative Christian Yeah, then you got a divorce your parents got a divorce in the eighth grade. You're in the eighth grade. I Went to public school in the eighth grade and they got a like they finalized the divorce when I was my junior year in high school So basically like over those three years things started like happening

Yeah, and that's when like my brother my sister started acting out like compared to like, you know We were all like beaver cleaver kids before that and then with things got like kind of tumultuous And then it just you know all over the place And that's a fucking are you garbage first room and when you walked in on the shroom fest in your backyard? I think I was 17 or 18 at this point and my sister was probably 15 or 16 would have been Yeah, I should have been 15 or 16 I think my mom got them from a friend So she took a hard left turn out of the church. I'd say

Yeah, yeah for sure. I didn't see my Yeah, we we stopped going to church like as a family like Like around that time because it used to be like we were like a three-day a week family We would go Sunday morning Sunday evening and Wednesday evening. So we were like real hardcore It's so it's a lot a lot of tithes That dude, I never really met anybody that did three days a week. That's crazy Yeah, I was intense and sometimes like they would even be like you go to Sunday school before the actual Sunday Message on Sunday. So it's like you're your boy was doing two days back

I Got my day two days back in my day. We did two days, you know now. This wasn't Catholic. This is this is Christian So what look yeah, what exact was a sect or whatever? Protestant Christian and it was a sect called Church of God holiness, which is a more strict version of Baptist. That sounds like into the world shit right there well at this church the women were Look down upon if they wore makeup or jewelry and they all wore Like dresses like if you wore pants, that was like hip and edgy. So my mom was like the the cool hip

Even before she was a fucking while before the shirt. It was a wild child. She's young. Yeah, exactly Paving the way So it was like that. Holy shit. Did you what did you guys do for the Eucharist as we call it? Was it just a wafer? Like just a regular. Oh Like communion we did It was not Alcohol it was it was like these kind of crackers and it was it was like Welch's grape juice

I believe because I went I went to Catholic school my whole life But for a year we went to like this Eastern European Catholic school and we had to go to church every morning before class I swore to God they wouldn't give you a little like a little host It was a little tiny piece of bread that was soaked in wine And I'm fucking six years old. I'm fucking crippled First period no get out of here. I'm telling you it was some kind of way to get the party started You're upset it wasn't garlic bread extra extra

Could you soak one of these red lobster biscuits? I don't need yours. I got my own father. Hey pops. You got a cheddar biscuit back there I forget about it. Hey, can I get a cheddar biscuit? Can I get an olive on breadstick? I just want to guess a little why not you for the Christ that I'm about to consume Let me tell you something you could say what you want about those casual dining facilities But they're free bread and fucking cheddar biscuits and whatever they got a to shabby You get them at the beginning of the shift when they're coming out of the oven. Good night Yeah, I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a six basket minimum kind of guy

Yeah, keep them coming that keep them coming. That's literally what my mom always says is like she'll grab the waitress He's like, yeah, baby. Keep them coming That's like a stockbroker order in a martini. Okay, keep these coming So so who did you live with? Who did you live with after the divorce? Did you stay with your mom? I? See with my mom. Yeah, what did your dad go? My brother went to live out with my dad Really and yeah, yeah, he went to live with him And farther south Kansas in a city called still well, which is like even more that's like

Where you start getting like a little bit more Kansas, you know what I mean? Like where it's like more a lot more fields and stuff like that and more of the stereotypical stuff that you see like In road trip movies when they go through Kansas. That's all Western Kansas That's like no man's land. That's it's not very populated When you start going farther south like that to places like still all you keep going It's much more populated now But like, you know 10 15 years ago when when I was in that area was there's hardly anything out there except like houses and stuff Like that not like the glitz and glamour of eastern Kansas. I would imagine

Eastern Kansas Yeah, really rolling the red carpet out for you. It's the power Did your dad stay in the church or did your dad Did your dad go rogue as well or did he stay religious He for a while went rogue and he was not religious he wasn't He like was in party mode for a while like he was he would he would he would go to bars and and he would So this was all picked up women at bars and stuff like that. Yeah, I think so man I think that you know, you put so much pressure on something and and I think that you you want to put out an image for so

Long, I think that if you don't get your yas yas out that eventually it kind of you know Implode it's a self-implode kind of thing where if you're not doing things like self-care along the way And getting stuff out of your system getting those daemons out of your body Hopping shrooms every once in a while. That's what's gonna happen. Yeah, all right. Come on. Where's the Xanax? Wow, that is a fucking tail That's that your brother went to live with your dad that would have fucked me up more than a divorce if my brother would have split That would have been like what you're leaving to what the fuck? Yeah, well, it's kind of hard because I think that my brother felt because my my little sister and I

Went with my mom and I think as a as a brother more of it like his son duty I think he felt like he owed it to my dad that like all the kids, you know, I mean sure like he's got it Play mediator a little bit pretty classy move. Yeah, I'll tell you that. I mean, yeah, you're taking one for the team Absolutely, I think he did that. Yeah for my dad to just be like so my dad wouldn't be like all my you know Yeah, my wife's gone and all my kids are gone. So yeah strong move by my brother for sure I remember when my parents I got I was super I was like three or four and I remember my parents told me and my dad's like Anybody any of the kids want to come with me today because like he was leaving like yeah He was leaving the house that we were like we're living in

Is there anybody want to come with me? And I remember like dude Do you think I'm gonna leave my fucking fucking house with all my toys and shit get out of it? Yeah Forget my name, dude, what are you talking about? You just came in my mom I don't even know you Holy shit now did your mom and dad stay? You know I can touch or were they friendly or they're they're friendly now for a while It was like messy where they couldn't even see each other and stuff like that and would you do like to two?

Christmases and back and forth like Thanksgiving here Thanksgiving there Yeah, man. Yeah, I and it happened lately like I moved out to LA when I Was 20 years old damn. That's wrong. Yeah. Yeah, man I so I've been out here in LA for I just hit my 11 years in July and So I kind of got out While some of that stuff was going on, you know, I mean like when things were like kind of weird or whatever But I I still do you know, we still do the the multiple holiday things when I go back You know, we have to schedule times for Christmas over at mom's Christmas over at dad's and they both have significant others now

And and you know one of them has like their set of kids and it's a big ol More kids your mom and your dad Husband he has a couple songs step siblings Brady Bunch. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I got yeah What's the rule on that? Can you hook up? Can you legally hook up with your stepsister? I know you can't on Pornhub, okay? There's those friggin free game The kid making moves at Thanksgiving, I like All right, so let's play a little game called are you Jeremiah we're gonna ask you a series of questions to determine whether your trash or not answer the questions openly

Honestly and to the best of your ability. You are not being judged in any way Except for the thousands of people listening to this but rest assured you're talking to two pieces of trash. Yeah, we're dirt from outside Philadelphia. Yeah, you're in good company So I gotta tell you I I Wated a long time to respond to your booker's email for the invite for this podcast Yeah, because I know I'm garbage, but I didn't know if I was comfortable yet having other people be like, oh, no He's for sure Deep down. Yeah, like I had to overcome the obstacle of coming on the show. I'm like, all right. Here we go

This is that your face. Yeah, you're facing a lot in the mirror, right? You're worried about that I would have kept I would have kept the mom drop an acid on a Wednesday with your little sister closer to the Jet. Yeah, he dropped out of like minute four. That's what happens. Everybody comes on Hey, you don't want to tell us nothing, but you're showing us everything Listen, I know how these YouTube algorithms work. I'm looking out for you guys You gotta hook these people early on man. You don't want to be a snooze fest over here Gotta represent out here. You're bringing the goods, baby. We appreciate it All right, so when do you say I'm gonna give you the option because you have a you have a couple of stages here

You know as far as as life goes growing up When would you like us to kind of center the questions on would you like to go? Pre-divorce when the whole family's together or would you like to go? Post-divorce when you were living with your mom this post divorce. It sounds like the wheels fell off a little bit I mean We can do it around post-divorce, but I think it's gonna Yeah, it'll be it'll probably be more garbage II around around that time. So okay, okay Well, let's touch base before that as well. Let's do some of the base before that

Let's start out with a couple of basic questions that we like to ask Let's go pre-divorce when you guys are all living together as a happy family. Okay, sure What was the name of the street that you that you that you grew up on? What was the name of that that street? Lamar Avenue Oh That's trash, man. Anytime it's named after a guy it's bad Lamar Jackson Boulevard My friend lived on Londale Boulevard

It's not even a famous guy. It's just like ah, it's Steve down there. I'm on Steve Boulevard down the ship Alan Martin way Okay, the the ad is nice you live on an ad that's pretty classy Lamar ad and you said that was that was a pretty heavily heavily trafficked Through a heavily traffic area Yeah, I think Like we grew up like very middle-class and it was one of those things where we always lived above our means Do you know what I mean? We were we were peaking towards like like we're on the bottom of middle-class where we're like we're not

Poverty like every everybody's like working in the family to get by but we're living paycheck to paycheck kind of thing Yeah, yeah, gotcha Okay, and that house on Lamar Avenue. Was it a single-family home or townhouse? Duplex, what was it? It was I think it's it was called like a split Level house level but yeah, but it was just you guys in the in the building, right? There wasn't it wasn't like connected to another guys. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so single-family split level home. Gotcha I grew up in a California split level

Pretty cool. That's a Philly. That's Philly for dirtbag about ten grand off the asking price Okay, did you have a did you have a garage? We did But you could only park the car on one side. Okay. Why what was on the other side? Freakin just stuff. Yeah boxes and shit. Yeah Yeah space and stuff like that. Yeah a big question on the podcast we like to talk about the garage fridge a lot We just had the annual first annual garage fridge contest on our new garbage to see who had the shittiest or classiest garage fridge Did you guys have a second refrigerator in the home?

No, because I Always thought as a kid if you had The the second fridge that you were loaded. Yeah, of course. That's what kids think. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so we never had that we didn't have a mini fridge We didn't have any kind of extra fridge, but we had something that you guys will appreciate that we it was called the Y2K pantry and Do we have a We had a whole closet in the basement that had like ramen noodles and canned food and gallons of water and Guns and different stuff like that

Like end of days time, you know Yeah, they were waiting for the fucking rapture Mm-hmm, and then that didn't happen and your mom was like fuck it crack open the bill bottle Let's fucking do this Wow that I think you might be our first. That's our first prepper. Yeah, that's our first doomsday prepper Compartment So what did you do? What did you guys do with all that food when you moved out? Well

Robin lives there for a while No, we lived there for a while where my mom would just be like I go get So we just lived off it after like we realized like it wasn't the end of the world and it was happening like we lived off of that food for So many years Christ yeah, what kind of hardware are we talking about what what kind of steal your totem anything semi-automatic automatic or just like rifles No There was there was a lot of automatic and semi-automatic we have a semi-automatic

nine millimeter there was like a tech nine that we had and then we had we had an SKS there's like a Chinese assault rifle and Some other assault rifles that my dad had off and on We grew up with guns. So I like I was given a double barrel 20-gauge shotgun for my 13th birthday for my for my grandpa and I was just grew up like around a lot of different guns like I've shot Every like most of the cool guns that you've seen in movies. I've shot most of those guns

Uzi or at least like Street But well the the the nine millimeter was like that was the semi-automatic fucking That's like essentially what a news he is. Oh really damn That's pretty I like how you asked him what kind of what kind of fucking hardware he's working with like any You're like, oh, yeah, like a hunting rifle He rolled his eyes like the Watkins are gonna wait for fucking the zombie apocalypse with a red rider BB gun He's like dude. What are you talking about? He's throwing flashbangs and shit. Oh

Yeah, I got a huffy. Yeah, we this kid got fucking nickel. I like it Yeah, we we have like at one point the the ATF Because my dad uses I don't even know if I should yeah My dad used to sell guns at some point and I guess like some of the the paperwork wasn't super legit on some of them So the ATF I remember coming to our house as a kid and asking for records of the gun Of like of all those and he had he had gotten rid of the original paperwork because he knew that they were coming Man, hey, we're in a house fire. It's a break. Yeah, sorry Exactly. I don't know what happened to it. That's like wake up. I'm getting fucking awesome

The dichotomy of like the you know where we go to church three days a week yet We're also got the ATF barrel and down on us is one of my favorite things in the world Yeah, there was a lot of weird Inconsistencies Okay, well, this is okay, but that's not okay. That doesn't make sense. But alright, whatever Did your family ever have a standoff with local law enforcement? We're like you guys had like the mattresses up against the windows everybody was armed the local news was out there They were trying to talk you down

No, I mean my parents have like, you know, I gotta think about that for a second I thought you're gonna laugh at that. He's actually thinking. Well, there was that issue with the parking ticket I Mean my I feel like my parents at some point have gotten police involved with like domestic stuff So I had to kind of think about it But nothing nothing like that. No Dude the lock ins play a fast and loose. I like and fucking fucking Kansas is fucking wide open This kid fucking cowboy. Okay

Another staple. All right, we'll lighten it up a little bit. We'll move away from the semi-automatic weapons for a moment What was the name of the grocery store that you went to growing up? Oh, you're gonna love this price chopper Oh Christ chopper I've never heard a supermarket named after a motorcycle Wheel of your way to savings price chopper, you thought you were gonna get Corona's there. Just come get it a price Come on out of price chopper this weekend make your own prices chop your own meat

I thought I thought of another one too, I'll hit you with this too I think it's it's a real tell about the gas station in your town. What was the dominant? But what was the dominant chain? Because I drove by a golf the other day there They've they've been hurting for like 25 you live near a golf. You're fucking trash Sonoco and Exxon. What was the what was the gas station near your place? The main well the main one that we went to and they're they're considered the nicer gas stations out in the Midwest They're short trips. Okay, and those are like those are like the nice ones

But I grew up like next to 7-Elevens and like the one in LA We don't have gas stations attached to the 7-Elevens, which I like and same in New York you guys, you know, they're just convenience stores So I grew up next to 7-Elevens and Sinclair's and BPM BPM's BM's For you what it is BPS. Yeah, it's pretty petroleum. Yeah, BP's nice. It's like a hat. Yeah, let's see All right, that's pretty good because I know a couple of states like when we went to Hawaii They were getting gas at BJ's BJ's has fucking gas. Yeah, Walmart and chicks. Yeah, people do that now. They do that

Yeah, fuck that taking over daddy. Oh I don't know about all that Yeah, you can't be buying hamburgers and fucking Have you guys ever been to Bucky's in Texas? No, that's a dope fucking shirt though. Dang, that's really cool You got it's like it's like Disneyland for white trash people They have they have like every food that you can think of and it's actually good And well, I mean, I just like food in general, but like they have beef jerky They've got like ice cream smoothies like and like that's pretty good desserts fudge like all this stuff and

Yeah, it's pretty dope if I'm a fudgy buggies around Texas. I love fudge. You check out Bucky's fucking shout out I like it use promo code AYG. Yes, sir. We're at our beak. What do you got? All right, this is one I have did you guys have any bumper stickers on the family car growing up? No, but we had a personalized License plate on my mom's minivan that said party mom She was too though. So I gotta give it to her. She was a fucking party mom She what dude? She was the we had I don't know if you guys had something called a room mother But no in grade school. She would throw all the parties

At like at the end of the year and she was like our room mother So it's like rather than having a class president as an adult who coordinates the holiday party And people just knew her as the party mom did you like that her being involved in school? Cuz sometimes it's really good and sometimes it's like get her the fuck out of here Dude, my mom is hilarious. She's and she's just amazing too. She's like she's one of those people who? Truly has never met a stranger. She'll dude. She she'll strike up a conversation with anybody and she's best friends with them Within great mere moments. Yeah, that's awesome. She threw through a pretty good party I would imagine fucking nice cupcakes the whole nine yards little Hawaiian punch

Doing it right dude all the all the frosted cookies from price dropper. Come on. Come on I love a frosted cookie from the grocery. Yeah, we picked up on that Especially around the fourth of july a little red, white and blue. Maybe a christmas cookie. Uh, not too shabby Maybe uh valentine's day red pink. Ah, come on I tell you but the st. Patty's day ones are the best in my opinion. Yes. Why so with milk Dude, there's something about the green frosting with like a big glass of whole milk. That's the best I love that thick. So they're shaped in shamrocks. So they're they're easy. They're easy to bite. Yeah, four little four little nice bites right there I don't you get it. This is just this is just turning into his feeding patterns most most episodes my feeding

What are you morgan freeman? We're studying We're studying fully that's pretty good. All right. I got one for you We're gonna stay on food here for a minute wanted to go into the the Watkins kitchen Were you a helman's mayonnaise family or a best foods? Which is I believe the west coast version of that or Were you garbage and used miracle whip? Oh miracle whip all day every day

What yo I got a feeling all day by the end of this this kid's gonna have to write it. I'm telling you right now Yeah, you might be like some real midwest trash. So we're gonna miracle whip is bad That's tough Dude, you're the only person that's ever said they liked it in like 50 episodes. Do you still use it now? Um, I don't think my wife will let us get it See, you know, you're wrong Would you would you buy it though? Like if you could like would you buy it? Would you still bought you enjoyed enough to go party? Oh, dude?

I have certain things that I like when I started dating my now wife Uh, she literally had to be like you can't eat like this anymore It's not this literally not safe for you to eat. Yeah the way that you're eating anymore Like the amount of like what? And like frozen pizza and stuff and like all that like stuff in my diet Like when I was like truly the bachelor on my own in LA like Dude, I used to have bologna sandwiches like I can't eat bologna sandwiches anymore because I had too many of them whenever I first He's got a problem. Yeah

He had a lifetime of bologna sandwich in like three years. I love a good bologna sandwich What uh, what's your go-to frozen pizza? That's a big one. We're big frozen frozen pizza guys Red baron is my go-to This guy's a fucking gentleman the dude the french bread The oh, so I'm thinking stoffers the red baron's great red baron is a fucking home run I'm a big stoffers french bread guy Stoffers, but it's great. Dijourno is top shelf all always. Dijourno if I came into some money I'll get some of that. Yeah, but red baron's my go-to. It's always like the lowest price with the highest quality

Yep, this guy's a bargain shopper price shopper taught him a real well. You ever have the frozen, uh, California pizza kitchen ones. I heard they're really good. I heard California pizza kitchens are those are worse. They're like an extra buck They're all right, but they they cost a couple dollars extra. So I never get them That's not even in my like dude. I don't even look at that side of the freezer when I go Get out. Yeah, I'm like, that's out of my that's out of my social bracket right here. Sure Um, have you ever bought something worn it and then returned it to the store? Yes, absolutely. Oh, what was it? What was the event? Um, I have done that a lot over the years with, uh, costumes, uh

Uh, and different things like, um Uh, like a pair of binoculars I bought for a sketch I do a lot for I guess for like a sketch and stuff like that that make if you're doing costumes for like a video or something That makes sense Yeah, I've done that for sure target has a great target and walmart have probably the best return policies Yeah, you can do whatever to the the products and you can bring it back and they always just look at the receipt and then they look at You and they're like, all right, whatever. Yeah cut the deal. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Pretty good. I'll give you that How do you feel about uh, when's the last time or do you partake in?

If you make a purchase with your card at a store, do you get cash back? Yeah, before before the pandemic I I almost always got cash back How much? Oh the a lot of times the limit the 40 dollar limit Oh, man, that's a bad look you're getting cash back at like the 7 11 or the cvs or something Dude, I would sometimes I would sometimes go to the grocery store to avoid going to the bank where I buy a pack of gum And I'd be like I need 40 back. Oh my god. I get 300 Small bills turn your way to a wedding

Yeah, holy shit, dude. That's next level trash. I I do I literally the cash before before The thing with like, you know paper money and stuff like that like I always enjoyed getting cash back at at grocery stores And and the grocery store that I would go to also coincidentally had a bank attached to it So sometimes I would do my My grocery shopping and then I would go to the bank afterwards. It's like an all-in-one trip Sit down and get an auto loan real quick Yeah Oh man

We got we have them too and Philly man in the in the berms like some like random bank that like You know, it's not even a chemical bank or something. Yeah, not even a nationwide chain is attached to like what do the fuck Getting their IRA done and it's fucking I know it's so Sorry Those those banks are like, uh, the kentaco huts work, right? That works Let's put them in a freaking grocery store. Exactly. Yeah Someone's sitting there with like a watermelon and open up a checking account. Oh

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So you can buy directly at wholesale prices cut out the middle man straight to you. This is quality kratom We've heard feedback from other fans and they confirm it's solid and like I said It's the only place where you'll find a kilo for 60 dollars. That's 60 beans for a kilo. What are we talking about here? So last time if you're currently a fan of kratom go to yo kratom.com and get yourself a 60 dollar kilo Do it now back to the show. Yes, sir Um, all right, I got one. Have you ever had anything airbrushed? Non-ironically Because that is the most garbage way to paint anything you got a jean jacket that has a fucking the airbrush

Unicorn on the back like a Tasmanian devil or something I um, I went to um, there's an amusement park in Iowa Um, that's called, um That's a good start to a story. It's called trashies. All right, it's called fun It's fun something The one in the one in Kansas City is called worlds of fun and and I've gotten stuff Airbrushed either there or we went to uh, and Iowa as a kid. We got we would get like the t-shirts I had a I had a hat that was airbrushed that was like

I literally wore it once or twice because it was like the most disgusting looking Sure. Yeah, of course. You're so juiced up as a kid that you want that That you're like, oh, this is gonna be so sick and then you like wear it outside of the walls Yes parking you're like, oh, I look like a lose You do that that barely makes it to the car sometimes you're like, I gotta what the fuck was I thinking? I'll hopped up on funnel cake and cotton candy. No shit It's like in field of dreams. You get to the engine out of music Get turned into an old man. Fuck that. Yeah

Dude airbrushes airbrushes tough dude. Do you have any tattoos? I don't have any tattoos. No tattoos. Okay, my brother and sister do but I do not have tattoos All right, so any members of the family that have tattoos are any of them disney characters loony tune characters Anything like that Um No, they're all like Like my brother has like a tribal tattoo on his uh, it's understandable. It was of the time it was sure and it's tough Yeah, I'll give him that. Yeah

and then He's got like, uh, I think he's got like a cross somewhere on Near his collarbone now and then my my sister has like a peace heart sign tattoo. My mom has a butterfly uh Tattoos on her We gotta meet your mom. She fucking sounds cool. I gotta be honest. She's so cool Did she fucking take a hard left out of the church? I love it Holy shit

Uh growing up. Did you have any uh beaded curtains that separated rooms? Oh Any beaded curtain doorways? Can't say I did on that one Excellent, that's good. I gotta be honest. I just suggested beaded curtains to my wife like a month I don't know what I was thinking and she was like she literally looked at me like we were about to get fucking divorced Hey, you fucking start reading tarot cards in there Yeah Dude beaded curtains are a gateway drug

Next thing you know i'm doing mushrooms with my daughter. That's a gateway to weird right there You get those things next thing you know, you have the candles that just burn onto the table with no candle holder Holy shit. All right. Did uh, has your family ever owned a chia pet? Oh 100 percent 100 percent 100 percent the trashiest of the plan Oh, yeah, what'd you have? What got like it was just like it was the generic one

We didn't have the guy one that that one turned into like what the bob ross kind of looking guy Kind of with the fro and he had like a big nose. I feel we had the different animal ones Like I think it was like a pig or something or like a I don't even remember I know it was like It was some kind of animal. We had one or two of the different animal ones. Yeah, that's a tough look What was the uh, what was the actual pet situation growing up? Did you guys have pets when you were a kid? um We did uh, we had he smirked there's something up with this. What kind of gun did he had?

We had we had rabbits at one point we had rabbits named, uh, um buttercup and sumker and uh, my outdoor rabbits Outdoor rabbits and my aunt overfed them while we were gone and killed them Like while we were on a trip like if you overfeed them They don't have the thing in their mind where they stop eating so they literally eat until they they it's fixy and they're dead I got that too A couple more weeks. I got that Um, I think uh, so we had like a golden retriever, but it kept knocking down my sister

So we had to get rid of it and then we uh, we've had different We had we've had different wiener dogs and I've had a ton of turtles throughout my life I've had tons of turtles turtles are tough. I had them. They smell they can get smelly turtles can be real Dude the turtle pee. I can't even describe to people how bad that smell is turtle pee is one of the worst smells in the world I have one in a like in an aquarium with like rocks like colored rocks and those rocks still like I can still smell That disgusting it was in the garage the garage smelled for a decade It's pretty gnarly. Yeah, he's a turtle guy. Yeah Turtle guy with chia pets. That is a tough look at the waterkins. I I had five turtles at once. What?

Yeah, I had like uh, uh, like uh, I had One giant red-eared slider And then Talking about them like they're muscle cars. You know different turtles snapper. That's it. That's all your course. Yeah I got a red herring. Uh, it's got a nitro booster on them I got a blue little prairie turtle. Uh, holy red slider. That's fucking How much was that? Oh, dude, man, you if you're paying for a turtle, you're doing it wrong, brother

You got a free down the creek Yeah, dude, we had I at both houses that I grew up at creeks right behind them. Would you ever say crick? Like instead of my dad would but I know but I like there was enough like of the kansas like stereotype where i'm like I'm above this. I'm not saying yes. That's good. That's good. Yeah. Yeah But you got five turtles so you're not above much regardless if you found them in a creek or not That's five turtles at the house Uh, let's go a little exotic here. Uh back to food. Did you ever In your home have the cooking device known as the walk

Oh Your parents ever go through a walk phase Because mine didn't it was a real trashy I don't think so. We just had a lot of crockpots, but we didn't have like uh any any walks crockpots. Nice crockpot very classy Very classy, especially in the fall and winter Love the crock a nice hearty stew if you come home you smell that That's americana right there boys and girls. Okay. This is this is a this is a new one. Have you ever had a padded or wooden toilet seat? My nana did and my grandma did yep the padded ones. Yep

Yeah, they um The wooden ones were like this weird cushion saying where like dude like there'd be like when you got up from it There'd be like a a sweat ring around the uh the the little cushion that was like really weird You would sit on it would be like Like you know the air leaving the cushion. Yeah Yeah, it was like decompressing like an air mattress that you leave out too long in the in the living room Yeah, the thing is those were like porous. They weren't sterile like the plastic ones are like, you know, kind of sterile-ish like they're they're wipeable They're not porous

Dude, you're like sitting on like a recliner. Those things were dicey. Yeah, and the water ones I remember having somebody had a wooden one that but they had it forever and it like split So you would literally get like a splinter in your ass when you took a doo-doo It's fucking trash It made me think about yeah, that's pretty bad Christina Hutchinson had we were just at her place She has one that's what made me think of it But she lives by herself So that's a little client like if you live by your if you're uh a

Woman in your 30s living by yourself you can get what you can get away with a wooden toilet sure a guy's paying all over that Nice too. Yeah. Yeah, what about the uh, I don't know if I ever asked you this You know the the the little rug part that goes firmly up against the toilet You ever have that? Yeah, almost every toilet that I've ever yeah, yeah, those things are soaked with urine. Yeah. Yeah, that's a tough You gotta stay on top of them. Yeah, I know my mom would always be uh washing those Yeah, and then like dude, it was so gross like like she would like Wash it because she knew that like as little kids that we would be peeing on it

Sure, but like you turn it over and the white side would be Disgusting. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, it's tough You didn't realize as a kid the first time I realized that those things just held pee was when like I was in college And we bought one for our house and then like after three days I'm like this is covered in pee like my mom was cleaning it that much, you know Oh, you you don't realize how much your mom cleaned. Yes when you were a kid until you get your own place and then you're like Oh, my mom there's pee everywhere Wasn't it the best though when you came home and the house was fucking spotless for some reason she just did such a good job

Ever that went to the lines in the carpet from the vacuum cleaner Dude Maybe a fresh air wick candle or something like that. It's trash Spray that for breeze. Oh, yeah, fresh bottle of fucking Hawaiian for breeze. All right. I got another quick one Do you know how to tie a tie? I do know how to tie tie. Okay, respectable. Have you ever been on a closed? Have you ever been on a closed tube water slide? So many times yeah, that's a water slide The closed tube that's that's different. That's a water. I mean you go to a water park

Do you go you're going through the dark tunnel when's the last time you were at a water park and or amusement park? Uh, I was Technically either I went to a water park in texas either either towards the beginning of this year or last year Have you ever had your picture taken while you were at roller coaster? Have you ever bought the picture? I'm Dude, I haven't bought it, but I've snagged some free pics of it. Yeah, baby. That's the garbage way They yell at you. No pictures. It's like fucking get out of here. They get real mad. They get really pissed. Yeah Oh

That's pretty we went to a disney brunch Uh, when we were in hawaii and they you know, you get to take pictures with the with the characters And then when you're eating they come around and they say oh, you guys want to buy the pictures You're like, hey, it's a fucking talking about we were taking pictures with the fucking cell phone over your shoulder So you got me coming and going for the fucking prime rib station. You think I'm fucking throwing out 40 for another picture with goofy It ain't happening I don't know who you think you're talking to Um, all right. This was a big one. This was a big one online this week. Did you cut did your mom cut your sandwiches diagonal or horizontal?

Wow, great question diagonal for sure Right down the middle. That's a class move that doesn't cost any money. I don't know why moms don't get it I was a down the middle thing and it just I mean, you would you would go to somewhere My dad would do the have sometimes and it just feels like a hunk of meat when it's just cut down the middle See, I like that. I feel with the diagonal you're getting ripped off because those bites on the end. There's nothing No, dude, you're nuts. Where the rest of it go?

It's all over his face Yeah Who ate all of it and is like who ate my food? The fat guy with amnesia. Do you know how to drive a bobcat or any um earth moving equipment? No to that. Uh-huh. Excellent. Okay. Pretty good. Yeah. Have you ever had a rat tail? Uh No, but I had a mullet in college for a little bit Like ironically or you just didn't realize it's an ironic thing. Okay. Yeah, I I was working in morning radio

and uh, we did this promo to raise uh money for this uh dog shelter that um They uh auctioned off my forehead as rental space and uh, they put it what a morning zoo fucking campaign I know right they put a temporary tattoo on my forehead And they cut my hair. I had long hair at the time. They cut it into a mullet So they cut it into a mullet and then I had uh, it said like autumn oak apartments with the phone number on my forehead for like Five days it like it was like a temporary tattoo that freaking I was worried It got to the point where I was like, is this on my forehead like for good like He's in calculus class if I can read oak apartments or whatever dude. I so

That It probably did it probably did people hated me. They saw me from like across the room. They're like, who is this guy? We have a lot of jerk-off moves Oh, holy shit. Oh my god. That's fucking awesome. Uh, have you ever been involved in a dunk tank and or a ball pit? Yes, uh dunk tank. Yes, and then um Ball pit, I mean I just I used to get in ball pits at mcdonald's all the time Oh, that's the worst one and chucky cheese. Yeah. Yeah, chucky cheese. All right, because that's what you're going for So it makes sense, but the ball pit at mcdonald's they say I used to love those dude. I love the good play place

So dirty So like dude, you would scoop stuff up and it was like you'd find baby socks and stuff Oh, yeah, like an old nugget and stuff floating around in there. Yeah, it was pretty yeah pretty bad One baby Will creep you the fuck out Yeah, dude a dunk tank is the trashiest of all fucking amusement park attractions I was in oh, yeah, it is great though, man. That water's ice cold crisp and cool I remember thinking they have one at like for like a soccer fundraiser or something

We were kids for like the soccer teams or the group or something And I remember like they're going to be a dunk tank and I'd be like someone's dad was doing it I'm like that guy is so like mr. Robinson is so fucking cool. How lucky Yeah, he's gonna be in the I remember looking at my dad be like you fucking dork Why don't you get in the dunk tank? Remember you got nervous when you were throwing like it was the world series Meanwhile, dude, I I would go to one that like um, it was like a clown that would roast you Wild yeah, they were big and if you didn't yeah, and if you didn't you know

If you didn't hit it they would like they had free range to crush you And it was the 90s. So it was like fucking wall like pc was out the window. Yeah Yeah, there was one in the wildwood new jersey boardwalk Which is like the fucking scum of the scum and there was this guy We get all bombed up and smoked cigs and just sit there and he had his face painted and he called Dude, if you had if you were fat you got it white black asia, dude You got the fucking worst of it so bad He was so mean and so cutting that he had to leave with police escort to get out

He would leave under the boardwalk because dudes would wait around he would just say shit Yeah, and dudes would be like well, I'm gonna kick your ass when you get out of here Yeah, you're not gonna kick shit you fucking loser. Oh, yeah, and then you would he would finally get him You would finally get him and it was rigged Like you know how they had the bullseye the bullseye was like you really had to hit like a pinpoint on it to get it Yeah, and he would fucking fall he'd be smoking a cig he'd fall in the water to get up and go high and dry This is my favorite fucking thing in the world. They also have a button on the inside. Did you know that? No

To what a lot of them have a button So they like if you are close enough you can hit your own button to collapse the seat So basically if somebody if you're wanting somebody to feel like they actually got it And if even nicks like the end of it, they can press the button. Yeah, right, right? Wow Buddy the fact that you even know that that's a next level trash, dude. Holy shit. You know the ins and out of the dunk tank Yeah, he's like well if you're in an expensive one, there's actually a hair trigger What do you got a Clarkman? Is that what you're working with there? It's got the european dump trap, right? It's a semi-automatic. It's a pretty beautiful model

The paperwork's a little questionable on it, but all right. Here's another hot button issue That's been going around the argue garbage community. I'm going to ask you either as a kid or now How do you feel about brushing your teeth? in the shower I can't get behind it. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's something about uh, I've tried it I've tried it multiple times and there's something about it where it just feels it just feels too gross to me Yes, thank you. Thank you. There's something about like the water of just you going Like letting that water it's warm and stuff

It's just not the right temperature and and also you feel kind of like insane Brushing your teeth naked. I don't know why but like if you're naked and brushing your teeth, you're like, why am I why am I doing this? Taking troops or something that's pretty good. I never thought about you feel great. Well, you just you just like It's really like american psycho. Just like like you're naked. You're just looking at me now I Never thought of that. Holy shit. That seals the deal. You should not be naked brushing your teeth

That's gonna take stop especially looking at yourself in the mirror like Patrick Bateman. Yeah, am I going insane? That's fucking that's good. How do you feel about public? Venmo Transactions or are you a gentleman and do your Venmo business privately? Well, it's funny. You asked that because uh on I do this podcast with uh, Tony Hinchcliffe kill Tony every week. Yeah, uh and brian redban He gets upset with me because I publicly Plug my Venmo on there. Okay. Like I hold up a sign

That says Venmo at Jeremiah dash Watkins on it the whole thing And I never I never do my transactions publicly. They're all private But I publicly plug my Venmo. That's okay. You're trying to make a little money. You're a fucking performer Kid's trying to wet his beak. I get it. There you go. There he is What'd you say doing so speaking of that my Venmo is uh, Dylan it no one sent him money Yeah, if you're doing if you do it publicly if it's just like for beer for pizza Winky-winky. It's like, all right, we get it. You're fucking buying coke. We don't we don't need to know Right. Keep your business private

People try to request me as friends on Venmo and that that's always weird to me. That's weird Transaction Yeah, at drug deals, you don't say, hey, can we become friends? It's like, yeah, what are you doing later type thing? Yeah, we're done with the to give and go. You know what I mean? Strictly business. Keep it moving What do you got kip? I think I only got one or two more here Um, I got a question for you guys far away lay it on us Did you have spam or vienna sausages growing up? Here's the here's the ruling on that

Strash, uh, now, obviously you get out to the midwest. I understand vienna sausage can become a way of life But in fact, the only classy choice is spam because of its military heritage That's it. Oh It was that a necessity and not to bring up hawaii again But over in hawaii, they love spam and they do a lot of really good things with it. That's absolutely fantastic The end of sausage. It just tastes like shit. It's all trash. It's canned. What are we talking about? There's no bite There's no bite. It's trash. I'm that's it. Hold on vienna sausages and You're on

We're talking spam here, Kevin and you need a bite down for a second, right? Actually the uh, little smoky from hillshire. Did you grow up eating it? Is that why you ask? Oh, yeah, that's why I asked because I I was curious like what your guys consensus is on that if that's considered Like a trashy thing or not. It's for sure trash. Yeah, it's for sure. Come on. We're all friends here Listen, you should you should only buy your meat in like if it's frozen for whatever But if you should really be buying meat fresh sliced or cut and wrapped To consume not canned. It shouldn't be canned really if you think you buy other canned meat No, but I I have bought aldi meat recently. What's aldi meat? What?

I know. Yeah, it's a it's a grocery store. Yeah, it's like it's their it's their packaged meat. That's like their It's like off-brand meat like lunch meat or like a chicken breast Lunch meat. I pre-packaged lunch meat. I actually have it right here. It's the second question that I didn't get to Pre-packaged lunch meat is trash, dude Yeah, it's probably good, but it's fucking garbage, dude like They sell them they sell the fresh sliced thing 10 feet away from where you're getting it's in it's in the it's in the The cost 50 cents more, dude Yeah, because it's but it's a thousand dollars better

What's dude you take that sweaty lunch meat out of that fucking tube? I don't know You don't pat down your deli meat before you put it on the bread with with paper towel What the fuck That's what you have to do Yeah, because it's trash, dude If you get a half a pound of turkey sliced in like a gentleman at the counter how fucking god intended You don't need to pat it down. It's got the perfect amount of liquid on it. God He's patting down. You need to get off this podcast and call a lawyer. I'll tell you that right now

You're patting down your lunch meat Oh God, dude, that's great. Your wife let you pat down lunch meat. That's nuts. That's crazy. I was gonna ask if you did She wanted me to eat the Aldi meat. Yeah She won't eat the she won't eat the Aldi meat. She won't eat the Aldi meat. No, she sounds like a smart She's classy woman. Yeah, and that's good. It's always smart for garbage in the Bay Area. Yeah, okay Very nice a bit of gage. Maybe you like it Um, I had I think I got one. I think the prepackaged lunch lunch meat was it to be honest

I just want to hit him with two of the uh, yeah, have Adam two of the standards. Um, I don't know where this is gonna go but uh We have a rule here about keeping certain things in certain places in the home Um, where at the Watkins household now Do you keep your ketchup? Is it in the cabinet or in the refrigerator? It's in the refrigerator. Okay. There's animals out there keeping it like above the microwave And how about your really syrup? Do you keep your maple syrup in the refrigerator or in the cabinet? That's in the cabinet

This guy's making he's making a fourth quarter run right now. All right, here we go. Uh growing up. Did you have milk with dinner? So many times so many times Dude I I still drink milk with dinner I probably had it earlier this week. I love you man. I love milk with dinner. No, milk with dinner is trash Me fucking too, but I got bad news for you. You're fucking garbage. It's trash. Milk for dinner is trash Oh, I love it too, man. Don't you like it with spaghetti? Nice cold glass of milk with spaghetti With lasagna. Are you kidding me? That's so freaking good

So that's everybody Everybody that does it loves pasta and tomato sauce and milk like that's the combination everybody loves also milk with The deli meat sandwiches with a good chip like a frito or a potato chip. Absolutely I got another one. I got another one for you. Why why you why we're in the why we're in this universe Why we're in this trashy world? Welcome to the revolution my friend Do you put the chips on the sandwich? Sometimes I usually with with the diagonals. It's usually I sprinkle them in between

Wait, you're still cutting diagonal. Wow. That's pretty clear. This kid's boncos. I'll tell you that. He's LA guys I don't know what's going on down is up up this down. I don't know what's happening You're still cutting them sideways when you put it on the plate Do you set it like on top of one another like like like presentation you played it real nice No, no, but I do, you know, they they do perfectly make a triangle. So you put the chips in between That's very nice. Wow. That's pretty good Unfortunately, that's not gonna say Jeremiah Watkins, I gotta say 100 percent

Garbage forget about it. I wouldn't say a hundred. He's got some, you know, he He 70 70 percent garbage. What was what was where were you on the fence? This is like this is like a movie script Oh, I forgot. Yeah, I forgot about the guns and the ATF the guns the doomsday preppers Y2k I forgot about the Y2k. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh trash fucking absolutely. You're in good company You're a great company, brother. I'll tell you that fucking you won my heart You and I got to get together have some lasagna. No the next time you're in town Dude, I want to make that happen immediately We'll do it against digital put it behind a paywall buddy. Thank you so much for doing the show

Is there anything you want the folks out there to know before we let you get out of here? Um, I've just got a bunch of great stuff on my youtube youtube.com slash Jeremiah Watkins I've got like a breakfast show on there where I eat breakfast with friends and strangers and my podcast Jeremiah wonders is a lot of fun And uh, Jeremiah stand up on social media and then uh in the next I think in the next month I don't know when this comes out. Uh, I'll be announcing some special Uh related to my stand-up that I'm very excited about that. I can't uh talk about quite yet Very awesome. Awesome. Yeah, this will be uh, uh, monday. I think it'll be out monday for the general public. Yeah Okay, so I've got some fun stand-up related news coming in like within the next month. I'll be able to talk about it

Awesome. Yeah, and I just want to say I know I know Jeremiah is known for a lot of things Uh, but your stand-up is absolutely fantastic. The one time that we worked together I think was maybe last year you were at new york comedy club I was hosting it was a pretty packed show, but it was they were pretty tough This kid goes up there and fucking Absolutely demolishes. Nice. So fucking fantastic job, brother. You're doing great. I appreciate that brother. Thank you, man Kippy, what do you guys want to add me? Of course pal? Just uh Business as always, please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes

Full video available on youtube you can subscribe there as well And if you want to subscribe to gas digital network use promo code a yg we get to wet our beaks You save a couple of bucks everybody wins. Check me out on social media at kevin ryan comedy Yes, sir at h folian ice on twitter and foliograms on instagram. We love you guys and we'll see you next week. Jeremiah. Thank you again, my brother