Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Jessica Kirson Returns!

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Jessica Kirson! We're talking running from dogs, celebrity dinners and gambling! You know Jessica Kirson from stand up comedy, the Joe Rogan Experience, The Tim Dillon Show, 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Whiskey Ginger, Stavvy's World, TigerBelly, Bertcast, Somethings Burning and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/AYG and get on your way to being your best self. OpenPhone: Streamline and scale your customer communications with OpenPhone. Get 20% off your first 6 months at https://www.openphone.com/garbage Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter our show name Are You Garbage? in the survey so they know we sent you! Liquid I.V: Get ready for summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid I.V. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to https://LIQUIDIV.com and use code GARBAGE at checkout. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gang, we got a big announcement. The Back on the Block Tour is going on sale. Do yourself a favor, get some tickets. We're coming to a city near you. We're doing big shows, some of our favorite spots. We can't wait to see you out there. Yeah, starting in September, we're in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, then Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the Met, the biggest show we've ever done. Let's go!

Then we're doing Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. All tickets are on sale. Get them at RUgarbage.com. Welcome to another exciting edition of RUgarbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians

and we finally have to go to be classy. Yeah. After just a big old piece of trash. Garbage. I'm your host H. Foey coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here with tooties in the new edition. She's got a little pink guy Oh, no, yeah, the party tricks kind of snuck back up on her. She won't be doing that again My co's is coming at you from right next to me slightly amused this week. He is the CEO of are you garbage?

He is international businessman bit of a tough crowd give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody what up gang shout out to you Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube also full video available over There on Spotify gang check that out part of that creator program and also the best website in the world WWW.patreon.com slash are you garbage go over to get all that bonus content? Yes, sir and gang We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean, incredibly special guests back with us again today. It has been a while. The last time she was here was in the infancy of this program. She came through the ringer as classy. Yeah.

Now we're going to try to find some dirt under those fingernails. She is one of the funniest. Yes. One of the best, one of the most hardworking standup comedians out there today, and she has a brand new special out on Hulu right now called I'm the man give it up for the one the only Jessica Kersen Thank you look at you the killer Wow, I feel I feel unsafe yeah, that was such a weird pause Yay What the hell was that? I feel unsafe. Yeah, that was such a weird pause. We all thought we were all going there. Give her a hand, yay.

We'll put in some laughter. Oh yeah, can you juice that up? We're going to take both of us out of here, too. It's going to just be you. Thank you for coming back on the show. Yes. It's been a while. I'm so glad to be here.

I was like, I've been dying to do it again. One of the heavy requested guests, so we're happy to have you back You're also I haven't see we haven't crossed paths in a minute. You know what I mean? I don't know why they're running around. I think was the last time at Moon Tower You're one of those people that when you bump into we saw you at the airport Oh, we took an uber together. We took an uber and I was just like we're just in there like right away You just start trashing people. Oh my god. I fucking love it's familiar

Yeah, yeah, I don't feel like that with everybody, but I really feel like that with you guys like we were in rehab together They're all war buddies What are you doing to get back to the world? All right, I need we got some some vengeance here. We got to get the dirt under the fingernails here. I don't know how you came came out classy. I don't either. I mean, Jersey the hell are we asking? You were like the eighth episode. We were still getting

our feet under now we're seasoned pros. Yeah, it was horrible. You know what I mean? The hardest question was what's your favorite color? Yeah. Now we're gonna get you. Uh huh. Okay, I'm gonna kick it off right now. What do you got in The hardest question was what's your favorite color? Yeah now we're gonna get you uh-huh, okay? I'm gonna kick it off right now. What do you got in the hopper there big man any athletes foot currently? That's so weird Do you that's a great question I? Think I have a political. Thank you for that. Yeah. Yeah, thank you

Um I I don't think it's athletes foot cuz I can barely get get out of bed, but my toes are very dry and itchy. I think because they've been in so many vaginas. A couple of toe jobs. Yeah, yeah. No, I seriously noticed that yesterday. I'm like, oh my God, I have very dry, flaky toes. Are you moisturizing daily? No, I don't take care of myself. I really don't you wash your feet cuz that's something that's come up you do

yes in the shower you go past the knees yes huh like once a year yeah yeah no I I'm really like lazy when it comes to like creaming my son I'm trying routine you don't have a facial routine and No, and I have to. I really need to start doing that. Oh, yeah. But it's I'm being honest. It's such a pain. But I did just like literally for the first time in years, look down. And I was like, something's going on. Something's. Yes, something's happening.

Daffodils are growing on your toenails. Yeah. Any bad toenails? I have really nice feet. OK, I should. I should I should I mean with that information you've shared I know I would say that would tell otherwise of a being a separate the dander from the flakes on them I sure they're really dry. She and yeah except for the corn No, they I I have nice feet Okay, I'm serious like I could you're proud of what my feet online and make a lot of money Yeah, yeah now Jim Jim Norton's gonna

Side in a minute is Norton the feet guy. I think Norton's an everything guy. Yeah But I do have nice feet Shout out to Jim Norris. All time fave. Okay, this is a one that's come up that's been popular in the show of recent. Who was the most famous person you met growing up? Wow. It could have been like, you know, a radio guy or,

Local news. Local news or anything. So when I was a kid. Or yeah, at any point. Well, I've met a lot of people in my life. Of course. But before comedy. Right.

Ernie Ernesto, who's a very popular newsman. He's like a newsman. Oh, I just saw him. He's in every diner in New York City. I met him, I think, at a restaurant in Jersey. OK. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm trying to think of who I met as a kid. That's a perfect. That's a great one. That's any local newscasters. Fantastic. Yeah. Okay. But then it changed, of course. Sure. Time. Yeah. Who it now even in comedy, who's the most famous person you've met? I mean, I've met Bobby D. Right. Right. De Niro. Right. De Niro is the, I think is the biggest star. And I worked with him and became friends with him. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. That was going through the scene, like,

oh yeah, Jessica's hanging out with Robert De Niro. Well, I was in his ear during the whole movie. Yeah, the comedian. That's fucking crazy. And that was just from him seeing me do standup. It was a great story, yeah. But because of my stepbrother, who was a child actor, you know, I met a lot of people like years and years ago,

and that was fucking weird. Yeah, like big stars, you know, like Danny DeVito and Reese Witherspoon and this one and that one. But I think besides DeNiro, and there were so many people in that movie, like Harvey Keitel and Joe,ell, like all these people. But I met Madonna. Really?

At the cellar. Yeah, she was doing comedy. I was freaked out, I don't get freaked out. I think that's why De Niro liked me. I'm not like, oh my God, I just want this like an older Italian man. You want to work with me? You know?

But when I saw Madonna at the cellar, for some reason, I was really starstruck. That's one, yeah, of course. Really starstruck. These kids today don't know. Those stars back then, Michael, her, they were like sons. They were stars. She was huge. Alright, pop-up, zip it. You ever hear Taylor Swift? Who's Taylor Swift? There's like the bigger than The economy of Brazil not these bozos on tic-tac or whatever

Whatever you kids are doing playing Minecraft Bobby do you ever take you out to dinner you guys yeah Why did he ever take you to his restaurant and try Becca? I just went we went to his restaurant right in the beginning and had Cappuccinos and he had a drink. Yeah, it's funny. I went to dinner a lot with him. I'm not bragging, it just happened. Oh yeah, of course. No, this is where you're in a safe place.

No, no, not at all. I mean, I'm filled with self-hatred. This is what we want. No, yeah, of course. I would go to dinner with him and Harvey Keitel. Get the fuck out of here. And Danny DeVito and the producer. Oh!

To Il Malina a lot. Really? Il Malina, that's their spot. Who picks up the check in that situation? They're not splitting it. Can you imagine? I'm like, Holly, it's the tip. You're trying to pay with a gift card? I mean, it was De Niro because it's, you know.

It probably, he's got like a day, I don't think. You're right, you know what? The producers picked up the check a lot too. Yeah, they should, rightfully so. That's what they do, these Hollywood producers. Oh, God, God, yeah, yeah. What's Bobby D like, a chicken parm? Amazing. What's he go for? You know what the producers picked up the check a lot too. Yeah, that's what they do these Hollywood product You know, what's Bobby D like a chicken party go for I? Mean they would order it was fucking in store. They would order like, you know the the fish, you know The rough fishing they bring

You got the Nero they just bring stuff. You don't even order. Think of the meals, those guys. It was unbelievable. DeVito, Schwarzenegger, cigars, espressos, Zambucas, chillin'. Tons of espressos and Zambucas, exactly what it was. A lot of meats. They come over with the cheese and keep grating it. It's amazing.

Now let's say you are out to dinner, not with somebody of that ilk, but you know that person's picking up the check, not at the Nero or producer. Now will you gauge what you're ordering if someone else is paying? Yes. You will, you'll scale it down. You're not going to go for the surf and turn. I don't scale it up.

I was brought up really like down to earth, believe it or not. It was- I don't know why I wouldn't believe that. Believe it or not. Because I was brought up in the Jersey suburbs where people had money compared to. A little bit of cash, sure. But my parents really, I had a job at 14.

I worked at Lord and Taylor and I worked in the coffee place and they gave me eventually a really shitty car that my sister had which had one wheel. I mean, I was thank God brought up that way. Yeah, modest. Because it's made me work as hard as I do. Of wheel. I mean, it was I was thank God brought up. Yeah, that way. Yes, because it's made me work as hard as I do. Of course. Appreciate that. If you go out to dinner with somebody that's paying, they get the chicken.

You don't get the two pound lobster. No, right. No, I would not. I don't even get an appetizer, which is, you know, sure. I would like it's like other people just order an appetizer and whatever. Like I feel Uncomfortable now if shoes on the other foot you're paying I want them to get everything you're okay You would say hey, it's for go for it. Yeah, yeah, and then when they do I get resentful Kind of crazy we're looking for over here on our you're on the Ernie and Astas tip What was the first concert you went to Genesis?

No, it's a big Genesis. Whoa. Yeah, I love I love them It was at Madison Square Garden. Damn. I went with my stepmother. I had beer and I smoked How old we and I smoked pot there? She was fine with it. I was 14. Wow. Yeah, but I was doing drugs. I started smoking pot at 13. And then I- Was this the Invisible Touch Tour?

What are we talking about? I don't know, but I love, it might've been Abbecab. Wow. Wild. But I was a burnout. I was into, I used to have a jean jacket that had Rush on the back, the decal for Rush.

I was like- Did you buy that or did you put that on there? the back, the decal for Rush. I was like- Did you buy that or did you put that on there? I put it on there. Yeah, I was like, I was into Led Zeppelin and Grateful Dead, like I was really into all that shit. Yeah, I know, isn't that interesting? That's crazy. It's not even like it was Led Zeppelin or ACDC, it was Rush.

I mean, that's a relatively deep cut. Yeah, it is. It's not like the top three, you know? It is, yeah. Grand grand funk railroad t-shirt What did you do it Lorde and Taylor? I folded clothes and I wanted to fucking kill myself. Okay Oh you did it's brutal fucking all those old women like do you have a size eight? You know, like I'm like just die. Can you die? Literally just die while I'm folding a sweater.

You could strike me. I could see you being really good at the at the perfume counter. Really? Yeah, that's not I. Yeah, I'm a good salesperson. Yeah, you know, very personable. Of course, my parents were insane. Like I just grew up.

I think that helps us in this business. I mean, you have to be a good salesperson in this business. But yeah, I think now I would have a very hard time working with the public because I picked up on that. I really have changed. Are you Harvey Keitel? No, then get out of my face. Do you have a trim cocktail on you?

Yeah, no, I'm more like people are rude. Of course. Most people are rude, so I would not want to be talking to them in a store. Yeah. Yeah, now I'm with you 100%. Uh-huh, that makes sense. Speaking of perfume, do you wear?

No. No fragrance? No. I used to wear shitty perfume, like when I was growing up, I would wear shitty. Did you wear Charlie? I think I did wear Charlie for, I don't think I did wear Charlie for I don't know Charlie's nice Charlie I wouldn't spend like tons of money on perfume. Okay, no, I

mean now I might but I don't I don't like a lot of I don't like strong smells deodorant wise. What do you do? Sorry about us. My apologies. At the 40 minute mark, we're going to get a little ripe. Yeah, yeah. It has smelled like onions since I sat down. I had some leftover Easter ham this morning.

I apologize. Yeah. Deter wise. I wear men's. OK. Yeah. I like a roll on arms and hammer. No kid, yeah.

The aluminum free one or no? I don't even know. OK. Whatever. I use ladies. Hold on. You do? just for the minutes Just for the minute. She said arms and hammer

That's a real dirt bat putting s's on shit. Which was a popular cop show in the 1980s arms and hammer It was a duo. It was a doll. That's the name of a lesbian porn. It was a cop I can't believe I said arms and now hammer is all right tonight on arms and hammer that's great use arm and hammer deodorant anti-perse print or just deodorant anti-perse spray okay as a performing yeah so like you're wearing this today that a t-shirt I presume you got on under the whitey now now will you sharp kid in me just those glasses thanks for sitting down with us today you were but blazers ever your hair wavy no I don't want to show it could have been a tank top I don't know I don't wear tank tank. I don't know that. I said tank tank.

I got arms and hammers. Will you put the shirt on then deodorant or deodorant then shirt? Deodorant and then shirt because I have a hard time lifting the shirt it's so tight. I think that's class. I do the shirt and then that because I'm a I'm a bigger guy, so it crumbles up and then I get the deodorant stripes all over the side of my shirt. Oh yeah.

I've never had that happen to me once. Really? As a big guy, never. I don't know where he comes up with this. I don't know. Me or him? You. I don't know, my shirts are too tight

and then they bunch up here when you're going over. So you get yellow stains? Well it'll be white. That is so fucking disgusting. Wait, is the yellow on the white? What do you mean? No, I don't wear a white t-shirt. I use so fucking disgusting. Wait, is it is the yellow on white? What do you mean? No, I don't wear a white T-shirt. I'm too fat to wear a white T-shirt.

That's crazy. I'm everything I wear. I'm not skinny and I'm oh, because you don't want cover it. I don't I mean, I'll do this because you could wear this. That white T-shirt with that black jacket. Oh, I could do. Yeah. But here's not good. I got a big it's like I got a big hole between my boobs.

Yeah, me too. Are you a big. It's like I got a big hole between my boobs. Yeah Yours uneven like mine Kevin's weren't skims right now my rights a little droopy are your boobs taped down I wish I wish Have you ever been bitten by a dog? I was chased by a dog in my neighborhood. It was one of the fucking most traumatic things that ever happened to me. Yeah, it was really bad. Yeah, it's scary. It's a funny visual, but I left my house. I'm sorry to laugh at it.

Yeah, no, you think I care? I was walking to my friend Gail's house and I heard, and I'm like, oh my God, what is that? And I saw a dog chained to, you know, chained into a rope at someone's house. And I'm like, oh my god, what is that? And I saw a dog chained to a rope at someone's house. And I'm like, oh, they're chained. And then I heard, grrr, and it started getting closer. And I was like, this dog's coming towards me right now. That incites a level of fear.

That's like kill or be killed. That's caveman level anxiety. I ran like I was in the Olympics. I'm not even, and I felt felt the dog was behind my leg. I'll never forget this. It was like, right behind my leg. I was like, and I was screaming in the name. I was like, ah!

And my friend, there was no cell phone. I hate saying shit like this, cause it makes me sad, but there were no cell phones. I was a child. And I was screaming and my friend Gail's door was open and my friends came to the door and all they saw was me screaming like a fucking lunatic with a dog right behind me.

I cannot believe I wasn't bitten. I don't know what happened. Do you ever go through that? I was like, something happened where my legs moved so fast. It's really weird. Superhuman strength. God took over. I'm not kidding. That it didn't bite my leg, But I flew into the house and they slammed

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OpenPhone will port them over at no extra charge because they're good people. OpenPhone, no missed calls, no missed customers, do it. That was the thing, back in the day, there was more loose dogs. Yeah, there were. Yes. I walked to my buddy's house

and we had to cut through some yards and a little bit of like trees and stuff, like not a forest, but like woodsy type area. And I mean, we would get to this point where this dog, he'd be staring at you on the porch. It was about a 50 yard dash and we would get there, we'd get to the edge, we'd tie our shoes, we'd go all right on the count of three.

And you just had to not be the slowest guy. And I mean, that was just normal. Then you get over the face, ooh, that was close. Yeah, I think it wasn't great. It was my fault because I was carrying a raw steak sure I was selling steaks door to door. That's right. Right. Yeah, okay Speaking of steak, how do you get it cooked? Medium well medium well

I know but I I don't like the other stuff. I'll eat more rare like a hamburger and stuff but with steak I just I like it. Yeah, that's all right., but with steak I just, I like it, yeah. That's all right. What's the usual cut that you prefer? Is it a filet? Usually, yeah, a filet. Okay. Yeah. What do you guys like?

I'm a filet, man. Yeah, filet's great. Rib eye, New York strip. Yeah. Yeah. I like, I like shit steak though. I don't have to go to like a steak house. You know what I'm saying? I'm kinda right there with you. Like I'll go to Applebee's and get a steak Yeah, you can go to the yes

On everything that's pretty yeah, I do okay. All right well medium well steak with ketchup Yeah, I would eat I eat eggs with ketchup. I eat everything with ketchup I do you like your eggs. You know what I do. I mix ketchup and Mayo together have you ever had that? Of course, yeah. It's fucking amazing. My kids call it pink sauce. And it's so good. And I love everything with that. I'll dip a cracker into that.

I fucking love it. Any kind of eggs, really. If you're at home and you're making them, what are you gonna do? You're gonna scramble them? Scrambled or? You're not doing poached. Can you imagine?

I guess some people do that. Yeah, poached are great. I watched my wife do a poach one I didn't first I didn't know what a poached egg. No, they're great, but she's been I was like is crazy It's they're good, but I'm not gonna spend that much energy. I eat over the in the pan. I'm really okay. I am disgusting You know over in the pan. I eat standing up. Yeah, whoa I don't like put it on a plate and go like we're comics to You know, I'll put my food on the bed in the hotel

and just eat from the plate. All right, that's a good one. What kind of hotels you staying at on the road? You go for a nice one or you just go like, give me the Holiday Inn Express? No, I did those for a fucking 20 year. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not.

So what's like? That's the one thing. I get it. That and taking like an Uber like I'm like I deserve an Uber. You're doing well. You're moving tickets. Now do I stay in like a fucking Ritz?

I would I don't think I'd ever do that even if I was making millions and millions of those, but I'll stay in like like a Marriott or something. A little nice to be now. It has to be. Will you use the pool at the hotel? No. Hot tub? No. Will you do room service. Yes Constantly and when you order room service, do you let the guy come in or do you stop him at the door and take it?

I a lot of times like we own that card and they get right up in your business Yeah, um, it depends if I have like, you know shitty underwear on just stuff like that. No, I I Sorry about that I I don't let them in normally now just because I've I privacy issues. Sure. This is from doing stand up for 26 years. Yeah. OK. Well, you walk around in the hotel in your bare feet in the hotel room. Yes. OK. All right. I've I. Yeah, I'm not like I don't care about that shit. That's probably why I have a foot. It's what or whatever the fucking

chlamydia syphilis toes, uh When you're traveling you fly up front first class course come on I I don't pay for a first-class ticket, but I Get bumped up a lot on Delta. What if you're a Delta gal? Yeah, we bring food on the plane Yes, you will always not not like a meal. I get like a burger. No, I always have snack I'm first of all, I'm a mom and I'm Jewish So I always we we always have food on us and let in case we get taken away again

It's okay. I got goldfish. Yes Some people I love you say goldfish. It's so perfect I could take this and we could spread it over eight nights. Yeah. These snacks were only supposed to last one night. I have a challah. No, I, some people are like, what do you mean taken away? What happened?

So yeah, no, I always do have, but I've always been like that even before I was a mom. I always had food on me. What are the preferred snacks? Very interesting. Che's combo goldfish. What are we talking? I fucking love okay crunchy Cheesy cheese it over a combo or no combo over cheese combo over cheese. I heard it here first gang I love cheese. It's too. I have them at home, but I love

Dirty they're like they're like a dirty little whore. They are dirty. They have the dust. I know. I eat fistfuls of combo. They hit different than a cheese. Cheez-Its like you're studying. Fucking combo is like I'm getting down and dirty. But they also have a prize inside.

Like you get the cheese, you get the fucking pepperoni. Do you do the pepperoni? I do all of them Yeah, what's right that? For me I'm a cheddar cheese man. Yeah, you wouldn't think but I do those are always dusty at the gas station Yeah, I know combos it all across the country are always on the bottom. She's dusty for a reason Why is the shoe polish? But I do love chips

I and I hit me with your favorite chip. Oh that'll cook really hard one. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I mean, oh my god That's hard. I love all of them Salt and vinegar. I love salt and vinegar. I love sour cream and onion. Okay, salt and vinegar is gross I fuck don't stop That's crazy. Don't listen to him. I like the plain potato chip, like the oily plain potato chip. Cape Cod, Kettle Cook, Sea Salt. I love Cape Cod.

Yeah, home run. But I do like just the Utz plain potato chip. Have you noticed a lot of those, Kettle Cook, the Cape Cod, they've really gone with the flat, the matte finish of the bag to make it seem classier yeah compared doing nuts which is just like the thin yeah right foil they're trying to they're trying to elevate yeah those are

good the thin foil those are always good those are yeah I love a Dorita I mean sure when Dorita are you kidding I love for you what flavor I like the plain But I like the the blue, you know, whatever the full ranch. I mean, I'm not an aristocrat I'm not really into spicy like like really spicy spicy not so I want to slam them into my mouth How do you feel about a bugle? I love you girls, but I don't eat them a lot, but I love them Got to part of the my toes, that might be the other reason.

I love bugles. Do you like Funyuns? Not a funny man. I love Funyuns. Love me, too. I like Funyuns over onion rings. I'll say it right now. I I don't care who I love onion rings. OK, guys, a wild card today. I'll give it to you. Yeah. OK. What's your go to drink? If you're like you're stopping your gas station on the road? Are you getting like a diet coke you did a seltzer when you're doing a selfie doing a diet coke or my favorite is diet Sprite Sprite zero, it's amazing. Yeah

Yeah, what are you with the X games? It's very it's very Bright zero. I like it that, you know what I like? That no one knows what it is. No one, no one. More for me. You know what? It's very carbonated and I like when it hurts. It's got a bite to it.

I like, I want it to hurt my throat. I get that. You eat the chips, you cut the hole inside your mouth cause I fuck my mouth with them and then I drink the diet Sprite, it's great. That's what my mom does Who's a big fan of yours by the way my mom does coke or was sprite zero with the she does with the hers nuggets And she'll just sit there watching the news

Just crush talk about ruining the inside of your mouth no enamel left. Yeah, I thought that Denise Wow Wow Do you do any fast food these days I love fast food, okay I take my kids a lot. Okay, and I will eat what they're eating, but I don't I mean I use I Used to all the time then this is embarrassing But I would go to on the Jersey turnpike all the time and go through drive-thrus Just service areas fucking dry and and get like 15 things I'm not even kidding really and I loved Wendy's and I love were you going somewhere you were just going to the rest I love Roy Rogers. That was my time. I know that Roy Rogers. It's amazing

And I would mean ham jeet and don't get upset because I would never do this now, but I would eat everything, like shove it in and then I would throw it out the window. Out the window. Well, you know, listen, that's the 80s baby. It was a different time. It was a coin flip whether that bag was getting launched out the window. Yeah, exactly. Like I would crazy.

I have a huge thing with littering now, but I had to get rid of the evidence. Sure. So I'll styrofoam to. Yeah. Man, just a plastic straw with a turtle attached. All right. So you would you would you say Wendy's is your favorite? No. What is I think it would be like McDonald's? I mean, it has to be class. Yeah. Yeah. If I were to say my favorite one. Beautiful. Great, great, great answer.

And I was going to say, I'm also a child of the 80s. Roy Rogers back in the day, threw out a mean bacon double cheeseburger. Yeah, they were great. Great. Yeah. Yeah, it was in the foil. It was fantastic. And it all fell apart. What are you going to do? What? Shifting from food for a minute unless you have any

Please Pizza Hut or Domino's if you had to Domino's Okay, I respect okay I really like the right answer. I like Pizza Hut, but I really love Domino's like I it's some you either people either like it Or they don't yeah, I've always liked it. Hey, you're preaching to the choir over here. Yeah, I'm hungry Yeah, I've always liked it. Hey, you're preaching to the choir over here. Yeah, I'm hungry Can you whistle with your fingers? No, are you double jointed? Yes, you are what joints? Like I can move this side to side

Do like I can move my fingers. You can't put the arm back. Can you no I can't even lift a bag Huh What uh, what was the last vacation you went on or where's the next vacation? No, I can't even lift a bag. Ha. What was the last vacation you went on, or where's the next vacation? Anything not extra, but just what are you looking at? This is going to be sad to people. I work so much that I literally barely take a vacation. And if I take a vacation, it's I have a show.

It's not good. But I think the last one was to the Berkshires Yeah, I grew up going there every summer and stuff like that Berkshires Yeah, but I don't it's very hard for me to take a vacation and not work. I get it Do you like the beach? No, no, I go but I don't like it. You know, there's many things I don't like about it. Do you like it all inclusive? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. You do a buffet? Yes. Okay. You're kidding me, I'd rather a buffet than anything. Okay. Just take whatever I want. And not. No judgment for the order. Exactly. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and everyone else is eating a ton. It's, yeah.

But the beach, I don't know. I don't love the ocean. I go in it if I can see. I'll tell you why. I go in it if I can see what's under me, but I was bitten by a jellyfish once. And I also- You and animals don't get along.

I see, no, I love animals, but yeah. I don't, the ocean is so powerful to me. Like it's so much bigger than me and it frightens me. But I go in it. How bad was the jellyfish sting? It hurt. Yeah? A lot, yeah, it hurt a lot.

Where was this? In Florida, I was a kid in Florida. Also one time I went in St. Thomas, my father was out of his mind. Like very funny, but he would pull pranks and do shit that was like a lot when you were a kid. So he was in the boat and I was gonna water ski and I looked down and there were literally

a hundred porcupine fish. And I had a nervous breakdown. Like I was like, Nanny! Get me in! He's like, haha! Freak out. No wonder why I'm a comedian. Sure I would freak out but that fucking scared

Yeah, cuz it takes so long for the boat to come back and get ya Yeah, and I was on the road like if they didn't like I didn't know what to do cuz my legs were up Yeah, you ever see the video with the two girls are parasailing and it comes down and they're coming down into like a pod of sharks It's crazy. You ever seen that? Are you fucking kidding me? They're freaking out. What happened? They were all right.

They just kind of like dragged them and then finally pulled them in. I never saw that. They were huge sharks. They were like, you know, like maybe like three feet. Can you imagine if you were coming down to, I know. Yeah. Freak out. Okay.

How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken? My favorite. Good. Good. I grew up eating, literally eating that like almost every night. Shout out about the rotisserie chicken my favorite good good that's I grew up eating Literally eating that like almost every night shout out to the roto. Do you have any binoculars at the house currently? Yes. Hmm Why so because my kids yeah, my daughter likes it. Okay, huh? Yeah, not bad. I like binoculars I don't know what the fuck I just said that should have been the name of my special. I like I feel like everyone will watch it if I said you're

Hi, I'm Robert De Niro. Nice to meet you. I like binoculars. I like binoculars Have you been to a TJ Maxx or Marshall's in the last 30 days? Come on. Yep. Okay, just spilt seltzer on myself I've been to a TJ Maxx because I've been looking for clothes.'re looking for clothes. You'll you you'll shop for clothes at a TJ Yeah, why not? I'm just asking no. I'm saying like I feel like those places sometimes have better stuff than okay The nice are you going in looking for anything or you going in like I need Yeah, I was sure I need new t-shirt. You go in with the. Yeah, okay. Yeah, very good because there's so many things in there I wouldn't wear it's chaotic. Yeah, you gotta go you gotta you gotta have something wearing a summer dress, okay? Any home remedies that you're fond of?

Do you have anything that from the family that you do specifically? Toothpaste on this peanut butter on that onions in the socks onions in the socks Specifically toothpaste on this peanut butter on that onions in the socks onions in the socks Yeah, my wife my wife for a cold yeah, it's like it's supposed to suck old work that is hysterical No, I mean Eastern block shit, right? There's different things if you want like it's not a remedy But if you want something to happen when you're Jewish, my mother always says to turn a glass over It's not a remedy, but if you want something to happen when you're Jewish, my mother always says to turn a glass over That's a big thing if you want something to to work out you say like hey I want to have a special on hulu and then turn yes. Yes

Also, there's also the chicken broth thing is the healer for everything For any cold any fucking thing like if you have because I have syphilis now I should make I heard about I should make chicken broth okay uh switching back to travel a little bit what kind of luggage you got oh also tea bags for hemorrhoids or for if you have a sty in your eye you guys warm tea bag yeah I hemorrhoids I mean actually a man tea bagging me no could you imagine you have a hemorrhoids. I mean actually a man teabagging me. No Could you imagine you have a hemorrhoid and you have a guy sit on your face, that's an odd doctor you got What did you ask me Put the teabag on your butthole Yeah, you're supposed to like it works for anything that's swollen or irritated

You guys are gonna have teabags on your assholes tonight. Well it's funny they also say preparation H for bags on your eyes or wrinkles on your eyes. It like tightens it, you know, it tightens it all up there. What kind of luggage do you have? Do you do name brand luggage? No. Just whatever you got? I'm not a big spender. I have this huge bag that Brian Morton, who you know, yes. Good friend of the. He's great. He does all my stuff online and he brought me this bag one time for March because he had to get something to me. And it's this enormous red plastic bag, like enormous. And it has a skull on it.

And that's what your luggage drug like. But every time I have it in the in the airport, people like, that's fucking amazing. Look at you. You got it for like twenty dollars a target. Wait, you put your clothes in there. Yeah, I just use random. I'm not. That's insane.

Like as much as you travel like the wheels could be broken and I'm still dragging something sideways down. Yeah, I have to I'm trying to get better with this. I have a very hard time buying things for myself. I will buy anything for anyone. But yeah. Will you get the reusable bag at the grocery store? Yeah. You will? Yeah.

Will you throw it out? Yes. Do you ever go to the grocery store with bags? Like, oh, I'm taking these bags. I have, but I don't normally do that. And where are you food shopping now? What's the grocery store you go to? I go to like usually, well, I order it online a lot now, to be honest with you, Amazon Fresh and shit like that. But I'll go to like Stop and Shop.

Stop and Shop, okay. If I were in Jersey, I'd go to ShopRite. That was my shop. Shout out ShopRite, great. ShopRite was my Jersey institution. Yeah. Are you flossing every day? No. You brushing every day? No, huh?

You brushing every day every day morning and night three two when you're in a relationship You have to brush your teeth sure unless you're married. Okay, then you let go of all of that You don't care what you look like or smell like I'm familiar. Yes. Well aware. Are you uh, are you mouthwash? Yeah, sometimes. What are you using? Colgate hmm Okay, the wrong answer would be scope that would be the trashy answer. I write it I used to I used to use scope scope. That's yeah. Yeah, it is. I you drink

Unbelievable, I love that. You just said it's delicious. So my problem so much better than a Listerine. I hate Listerine I use it this morning, I need to burn. I don't like it at all. Psycho. I need it. My wife tries to ask me something, I'm like shut up, I'm busy burning over here. I can't talk or listen to you. Yeah, it's like getting that high. You just don't want anyone to talk to you.

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code garbage liquid IV comm back to the show, huh? Okay, a few things back to travel real quick. TSA pre-check? No. No! What? I know, I knew you guys were gonna say that. What? Because I need to get an assistant. You're taking your shoes off at the airport?

No, I have clear. Okay, alright. I am taking my. Oh, it's still, you know, clear shoes off. No, but I just got an email about clear, you know, with the, what if the fuck it's called? I can't remember what you just asked me TSA pre yeah TSA pre-check like pre-check clear I mean you can do

TSA pre-check at a fucking Dwayne Reid down really yes yeah oh I'll do it staples anywhere you go you gotta get it's a that's crazy yeah I feel very judged welcome to the show do you take your shoes off on an airplane? No, I mean, sorry for a long trip. I long flight. Yeah, cross country. Yeah, I will never take my socks off. I think that's absolutely disgusting. Crazy. Is it the clicker or the remote? Or that's funny. The change. I used to say the clicker. And now I say remote. But I used to for years. I set it up a little bit

Clicker, how do you how do you pronounce the the product that Crayola makes? crayon crayon That's actually what am I supposed to say crayon? I think I say crown. No, you don't I do. Yeah, you're are you a racist? No, you don't. I do. Yeah. Are you a racist? Crown. Crown sounds like you have a slate, like it's bad. He doesn't like purple. I have a very Jersey accent though.

I say, um, coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee's good. But you guys are from Philly, so you could be saying that too. Yeah, I say a lot of things, not great. Crown being one of them. Do you bite your nails? Yes. Okay. Where do the nails go? Either on inside of me. You eat it sometime like if it's a small thing. I'm being honest. Yeah. I've sometimes if I'm out really

like I'll I'll spit it. Flick it. Yeah. I flick it on the couch. No, that flick it on the couch No, that's where they go. Everybody knows that's where they go No, I throw them out you throw them out or in the toilet. Yeah, okay. I'll give you that Bed if I'm feeling fancy I get up and throw them out the window. That's the closest eating ones wild. Yes Well, no, not if you're like, but now it is small now. No, I don't think so. You did that in the pink sauce when you goes good on anything. OK. Uh huh.

If you get the mail for the wrong person, like your neighbor, what do you do? I throw it out. OK, because you're a goddamn American. Are you kidding me? It's usually junk. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, you rarely receive anything. Yeah, do you have extra batteries in the house right now? Yes, okay a lot I actually have an amazing thing that my sister got me on Amazon because she ordered when I moved to my apartment She ordered me a ton of shit. Is it the thing that has it's a briefcase. I'm sorry, but that's really great

Yeah, it's like a briefcase and it has like 50 of every kind of battery. It's great. We need one of those. Get one of the production company comes in a red case. I don't know what he does. They pay him pretty good salary. Every time I told you, can you pick me up batteries? We need batteries. We're stopping to get back. She's got you. Get the briefcase of battery. It's great. What's your main credit card these days?

What do you like in Amex,'re Visa, MasterCard, Discover. You have a Delta Amex. I use a Delta Amex and I use a Chase card, business card. Do you like collecting the points? Yes. Are you a big points gal? Yeah. Do you use them ever?

I use the points on Delta, but I don't use... You guys are reading my mind because I just thought recently I have to contact Amex and see what I can do, what I have. I listen, but the one that we were talking about, nice hotels, the only time we'll stay at a really nice hotels is we travel a lot of us so we can't do that. We travel like five guys, but when it's me and him flying somewhere to do pods or whatever, if it's just me and him, we'll use our Amex points for like a Ritz-Carlton or something. We've done it twice But I mean how many points is that if you wanted to use it? I don't think it's crazy How many points it's not nuts and if you get someone smart at it who probably Morton's smart at it you can like Convert them to Amex to Delta back to whatever and you can really get it

But they treat you like royalty we thought we were gonna get treated like schmucks because we booked on points. So we were a little embarrassed. We have complexes about that stuff. We feel like we don't belong in those nice places. I understand, yeah. And they were all dead. They treat you even better because they're like, oh, you've spent so much money to get here.

By the way, I am like you guys that way, where I feel like I don't deserve to stay at the Ritz-Carlton. Of course. And I feel weird and like I'm not fancy enough. Like I really have that. Well that being said, he is walking through the lobby barefoot. So like we really don't belong there. And we're not allowed back to the one in Austin. That came in writing. I didn't realize I was on trial here. No, we're not.

Oh, okay. I'm so gullible. I'm like, what did you do? Did you ever have you ever signed up for a credit card on the plane? Once oh my god Delta years ago 60,000 points why not I did it for 30 when I had no money. Yeah Yeah, you hear that and you go my name's not attached to anything with yeah I mean like you guys I was poor for years doing stand-up like I had no my yeah filling out a credit card form with a golf pencil Look What about a diners club you read diners club? No, okay. No discover your ever discovered

Rushed jean jacket It's good have you ever shopped on QVC? I probably did once or twice, but I don't. No, yeah. I just was never into that. But I get why people are addicted to it. My god. Do you ever play the lottery, the Daily Numbers,

the Scratchers, or anything?ers or anything get really into it? I'm not really into it, but I've done it. I love to gamble so really Really really where the tables at the casino? I haven't done the tables in a long time, but I'm telling you I can't a thousand times I've been to casinos and play blackjack all night Really you do well? I do. Yeah, I have to not sit with people who don't play right. I have a big thing about it.

So instead of getting hostile and be like, what are you doing? Why are you splitting tens? I get fucking crazy. I just get up and go to another table. I've done pretty well playing blackjack. I play by the book. Yeah. But now I play slots on my phone and it's a problem

That's pretty clear real money. I Buy the coins and then right that the brochures Addicted to it Really? Yeah, I'm an addict. Yeah, one way where you play multiple games No, I play like on a thing that has like 50 kind of slot games and then I go from one to the next thing that has like 50 kind of slot games and then I go from one to the next. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people will leave shows and do like cocaine and I'm like on fucking, you know, cherry cherry cherry. Yeah. OK. Wow. You know what it is? My brain is so crazy.

So it's like I see just images and numbers and I'm not thinking about anything because my brain is always, you know, you guys are probably like that, too. Sure. Man, you got a Swiffer at the house. Yeah, okay. What's the vacuum cleaner? Got Dyson. I have a Dyson If we came over to the the house right now And you offered us water. What would you be giving us? Would it be a bottle? Would it be a Brita? Would it be bottle bottle of? Poland's bones, right? Okay, sometimes Fiji. Okay. Okay Hmm. I had the one, you know the tank where you yeah, I never used I did that too. I just got rid

I had it for years. He just got rid of it. Yeah, it's like a waste if you're not good, whatever Yeah, if we were at the house and we opened up the refrigerator, would there be anything expired in there? No, and I'll tell you why. There might be that I didn't notice, but I grew up in a house where everything was expired. Every fucking thing like the cheese had confetti. So I am traumatized.

I know some people understand this. Yeah, I am trauma.. I know some people understand this. Yeah, I am trauma like I smell water like I am traumatized by food like that's gone bad or so even if the milk says, you know, June, whatever I'm smelling it. Okay, I it was bad. So I had there was rotten meat. There was it was so I can't do it. You smell the milk every time.

That's a good one. That's a real good. Even if it's smell the milk. Yeah, I can't do it. You smell the milk? Every time. That's a good one. That's a real good one. Even if it's... You smell the milk. Yeah, I do. Do you shake the milk? You shake the milk up?

Yeah. My dad did that. I never understood it. He would shake it up and then pour it into cereal. It's crazy. I always shake it up too. I do too. I don't know why.

I shake the milk. But yeah, I'm really... Even if it expires like a week later I have to throw it out what uh say you're at home and you're making bacon how do you make that bacon microwave pan or oven mmm I'd say pan or microwave microwaves I microwave a lot of shit I do that just hit me to the core like what? If you you know I mean I heat up everything okay, even if I I have coffee the entire day until nighttime It's cold and I will put it in the microwave and it's my mom. Yeah, I'll drink coffee Like if I'm on the road, I'll drink the same coffee that I had from the morning at night

Is there it's that cold kind it's got a nice little. Yeah, yeah. Nice little zest to it. Yeah, yeah. Is there anything that you will eat cold? Like say you have leftovers in the fridge from the night before. Will you have like some cold lasagna

or something like that? Yes, yes, I have no problem with cold food. Okay. I always eat cold food. All right, I respect it. Always. Good stuff. Okay.

Like I'll put food on the road in the fridge and then just take it out and eat it that I had the night before. Chicken or whatever. Now. Okay. What's you know, you're a very successful comedian. You're doing very big venues. What's the rider looking like anything on? I mean, I know you're not like you. I'm curious what your writer is because you really want to know. Yes. Yeah. it's a bottle of James on gummy bears bottle of Jameson gummy bears and Bud La and domestic light beer So no snacks

No, don't shock don't throw. Well that we had somebody I did somebody an agent or somebody put on like Sandwiches, but they would get like us gas station sandwiches, and I'm like no one We don't want you don't want a tuna fish sandwich that's been sitting there for a week. I eat them. So. I would too. We got rid of that, we'll normally do like an Uber Eats or something.

Yeah, I do that a lot. It's just the easiest thing. No, I have to change it because I ask for pretzels and they give me three huge bags. I'm not, every single weekend. You're like what do I do? Yeah. Three enormous bags of pretzels every night.

So I'm like doing a different place each night. And so I have six huge bags. Yeah, nine bags. And then I get sliced turkey, cheese. Wow, we should be doing that. It's great. Sliced lunch meat. Yeah, I get sliced turkey from, they get it at the market.

That's amazing. Cheese, I get cheese. And you're just doing roll ups or you're doing bread? I do bread or roll ups, but I, yeah. And then, and then I do, I'm getting rid of this, the vegetable platter, because no one eats it. No one touches it. I get some fruit, and sometimes it's just like

an apple and banana, and sometimes it's like a really nice fruit platter. Fruit tray? I do, I have to have espresso, I get four espressos, and it has to be, yeah, Starbucks. What if they come Starbucks, they'll have four star box coffee is my thing if you just give me coffee and like pretzels and a piece of cheese I'm fine for us press those because I'll take two and then I take two back to the hotel for the next morning Yeah, I mean I was ready espresso I take

Every no you can a lot very early in the morning Yeah, I mean I respect the espresso I take Marry I Every no you can a lot very early in the morning There's nowhere to and the depends where to and with the coffee in the room could usually taste like urine I add You're not making coffee in the room. I using that coffee. Are you always? That's fucking nuts what always people see in that That's fucking nuts what oh wait people pee in that You're using the coffee machine. Yeah in the hotel room not in like a shitty shitty hotel room But in a nicer hotel a lot of times they have espresso things now You know they got to George Clooney. What is it? Nescafe or whatever it is George Clooney Guys got coffee now

I thought you said George Clooney and made a mistake that it was George Foreman and I started laughing. George Foreman is personal maker? He died. Yeah. Wow. Shout out to the big guy. Yeah.

A lot of times we have to, we'll leave it there and give it to the staff because if we're flying it's like, you know. Oh, I always do that. It's like by the end of the, I'm like, we can't fly with a bottle of Jameson. I always do that, too. Yeah, I mean, you always, like, the housekeeping people take it. Sure.

They always say that. You say you're somewhere for one night and somewhere for a weekend. One night, what do you tip in the cleaning people? What do you leave in on the dresser? Oh, I always tip I have to tip Yeah, it like I I hate that people don't tip five ten twenty I I will normally leave ten if I'm staying like two nights twenty. Yeah, if I'm in a suite twenty

It's like two rooms. Yeah, very you let them come in like are you like no? No, you're just I've become very private There's reasons why yeah, yeah, that's what I do same way. Yeah, I don't need to fold in the sheets No, I don't want them. Yeah You like the sheets untucked. Do you like them tucked untucked untucked excellent any turquoise jewelry I Only used to wear turquoise jewelry for a long time because that's like artsy fartsy dirt bat, you know That's crazy. I only wear silver. Okay, I don't like gold. You don't like gold. I'm all silver. All silver Yeah, but I I don't wear turquoise. I love turquoise jewelry, but I don't wear it anymore What's the name of the high school you went to? Columbia. Columbia High School? Yeah, what was the mascot?

What's the name of the high school you went to? Columbia. Columbia High School? Yeah. And what was the mascot? Um, I think it was, oh my god, can you believe I can't remember? A tiger? If it's like a fish, I'm gonna die laughing. Columbia High School in, we're gonna see what we do if we find out if our guest is on the

notable alumni from their high school. So they have an interesting setup over here. They have their notable alumni list and then they have a weird note of other notable alumni not currently in the Hall of Fame include Jessica Kirsten The Hall of Fame not all of them, which is so weird in the hall of my stepbrother Zach breath What's her name Lauren Hill? Yep, says Roy Scheider in Hill

This is one of the craziest notable alumni. It's so long. Hit the list. Give me the heavy hit. I mean, obviously, Lauren Hill, like Lauren Hill of Lauren Hill? Yeah, Lauren and Zach were good friends. Elizabeth Shoe.

Oh yeah, the Shoes. Whoa. Who's Elizabeth Shoe? John Shoe and, yeah. John Shoe, she's beautiful. I know the name. If that's just babysitting, I was in love with her. Yeah, yeah. John Shoe. Camel hair coat. Is a legion. Yeah, John shoe and she's beautiful. I know she's a babysitting. Yeah Yeah, yeah, John shoe camel hair coat is a huge actor. He was on the first show with like friends living in a

Issue no the second one you're talking. Oh, then there's a lot of like a Scientist and like a lot of smart people. Yeah, it's a very good high school Wow What's the mascot? Let me pull that up. In Maplewood? Yep it's amazing. That's not that far from Philly though. No it's well it's like an hour and a half. Hour and a half okay. Cougars. The Cougar. Right so I was close. Yeah. Give me that. You're on the you're on the notable alum baby. That's pretty good we're not. Bullshit. Still no one's out of us after we've been doing this doing this bit for six months. You got cereal at the house What we got cereal a lot are they is it on top of the refrigerator? Is it in the cabinet?

It's so funny. You said that if I could put it on top of the refrigerator would be Because I used to do that. I mean all the time now. There's no room, but it's a cabinet. Yeah Hmm. I had great nuts this morning get out of here. Yeah, love them. Love them. So come up Let them get a little soggy so good. They are you ever have it with banana, of course, so good Yeah, banana a little sugar. What's he an asshole? Of course, you know what? It's so good with their sugar banana They're so good. I'm very underrated. Do you have any half-used gift cards currently? Yeah. To where, do you think?

To Macy's, Starbucks. Pretty good ones, I'll give you that. Amazon. Sure. Yeah, that's it. That's pretty good. That's good. Can't throw shade at that.

Do you enjoy or are you grossed out by popping a pimple? OK, so I enjoy it on myself. Not on somebody else. No, unless it's my child. OK, yeah, that would never gross me out. OK, yeah, that makes sense. Classy answer. Do you have a at the house pepper shaker or pepper grinder shaker? Whoa? Yeah, step your game. No fresh crack crack pepper. I like fresh fresh crack pepper

Twister I like crack fresh prep But no, I'm lazy Okay, because it has to do with doing something nice for myself like if I thought my kids would enjoy it or get it My partner, you know, I would in a second, but I I'm not gonna like I just don't do it for myself What's the salt at the house you doing Himalayan sea salt you doing sea salt? I'm doing sea salt Okay, but not Himalayan. Okay, I don't like those people I'm doing

Say it's a bit of a scam. Yeah and not great for you I mean listen. I don't know on this one what? Are you nuts? Hey pepperoni Combo, you're right. I'm sorry. That's a slow talking about She's eating her fingernails shaking the milk. Come on. I'm talking I don't take like if I had a little hangnail. I'm talking I'm not like she's got dry toes. She's a lot going on. She's saving the espresso. She's using the coffee machine in the right I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah, she her luggage is from the warlock out of it. I'm proud of you know, rush denim jacket

I'm not rush denim jacket, man. I'm glad we put you back I made your major major pothead. I was a major pothead saw Genesis back in the day though Very I followed the very classy first. I followed the Grateful Dead Jesus Christ I did fucking mushrooms and and you know sucked out of balloons and fucking Sold ice pops. She's got the Swiffer. That's pretty good. That's very good day-to-day car Now it's a Lincoln Nautilus Respectable. Mm-hmm. That's what I got turned down for They denied me

But I listen ladies and gentlemen, yeah, you got a red official ruling Jessica Kersen 100% garbage But the absolute best yeah, we love you brand new special out right now on Hulu I'm the man truly one of the funniest people thank not even comedy yes an Absolute killer we know most of you guys are familiar with her If you're not go check out the special go check out a show. She will absolutely blow you away She's one of the absolute best. We love thank you. I love you guys so much. Thank you Yeah, anything else you want the folks out there to know when this comes out any dates coming up in the little bit Yeah, I have a lot of dates coming up So if they go to Jessica Kersen comm and that that's my whole schedule and also a big tick tock YouTube

Yeah, I mean you're looking at your she's if you're not from you just go You know we go look at her YouTube any Instagram. I mean, she's fucking behemoth. Yeah. Thank you One of the biggest one of the best Kippy what do you got for our tour dates are on sale right now as well tickets are going fast Get them before they're gone and the AYG card game available at REgarbage.com. Gang, we love you. Jessica, we love you. Yep. Love you too.

We'll see you next week.