Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Jim Gaffigan: Midwest Guy

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Watch the AYG special: https://youtu.be/jStGYCXXHXA Oh boy! Jim Gaffigan came by Tuddy's. Its a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys!  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE https://www.MVMT.com/Garbage https://www.Babbel.com Promo Code: Garbage https://www.Manscaped.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

gang just want to remind you that the r u garbage comedy special is on our youtube page right now it is it is our favorite moments from last year's tour and speaking of tours we're here to announce 2022 the middle class famous tour baby new cities new trash new money yeah gang we're coming to hardford albany syracuse atlanta tampa orlando pittsburgh buffalo detroit denver phoenix salt lake city chicago rosemont and this is just part one plenty of cities coming after that it's live stand-up live a yg it's a good time get your tickets now we'll see you there welcome to another exciting edition of r u garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley hey everybody out there

and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is r u garbage it's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy they're just a big old piece of trash i'm your host h foley coming at you on a rainy day down here at antutti's basement she's upstairs trying to resell the christmas tree okay trying to get a head start all right my co-host is coming at you from right next to me on amused he is the ceo of r u garbage he is an international businessman and he is not to be trifled with in the boardroom give it up per kippy kevin james ryan hey gang thanks for tuning in as always just make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube and as you know those numbers are true to roof cooking

baby and then patreon.com you sign up you get a bunch of uh bonus content live streams the whole nine yards check it out and have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good t-bone mcmuffin toby mcmullin what's up dudes hey t-bone it's gonna be a great episode i'm excited it's gonna be fun very excited because we could not be more excited to have our incredibly and i mean incredibly special guests here with us today for the first time this man is a legendary stand-up comedian actor and director he has appeared in over 116 films and television shows and has made over 146 stand-up and television appearances to name but a few would be late night with kona no brian dr catz three kings third watch super troopers svu sex in

the city the ellen show hacks igb goes down ed that 70 show 13 going on 30 pale force the love guru flight of the concords 17 again my boys away we go law and order the daily show we're not even out of the 90s game so sit back and relax i got bored to death i got portlandia killamajaro teachers land hot pursuit the jim gaffigan show chuck kimmy schmitt chap aquatic being frank super troopers two hotel transylvania three them that follow troop zero drunk parents above the shadows tesla most wanted bobs burger luke rick and morty star girl guys at work comedy central presents he's seen him on crank anchors cronin the tonight show letterman larry whitmore hot ones bill mar joe rogan larry king now lights out with david spade james cordon good morning america colbert seth mires cbs sunday

morning and he also has multiple stand-up specials and albums out beyond the pale king baby mystery universe obsessed sinko noble ape quality time and of course the brand new comedy monster ladies and gentlemen give it up for the one the only mr jim gaffigan thank you thank you i've never had someone read every credit that's not even old that's uh that's very it's amazing yeah that's well you know what i noticed when you guys were introducing this i know this is all about trash but you're all trash with irish names have you noticed that oh yeah it's bad the two go hand in hand it's like so but then it's like the question is are you uh lace curtain irish or or uh trash irish which is 99.9 percent of irish we're gonna find out about you today my friend

i'm so nervous what does lace curtain mean like like fancy right lace curtain uh i thought it meant like the little doilies that your grandmother would have on the corner i think that is lace curtain yeah but like those and we weren't they were all but cigarette burns in them oh yes cigarettes what an amazing important thing because i've been trying to write about this it's like i remember i don't know if this has anything to do with your show but i remember being nine years old and my mother sending me to the store yes yeah this has a lot to do with the show to buy a carton of cigarettes a carton of cigarettes and when i got there the guy wasn't like hey you're eight years old what's going on he was like do you need matches yeah you want a couple

beers to go with that it was it was pretty standard of course oh yeah it was pretty standard everyone you know the smoking thing it's so weird because i have all these kids and they're like did you smoke and i did smoke but i'm like i don't want to tell them i smoked uh so i lie that's like a good parent that's how i learned to parent is through the lion's there you go but yeah no smoking both my parents constantly smoking what was in it for you when you would go get the cartons because we always got a little treat if like my mom or like one of my aunts said run to the store and get me a couple packs of cigarettes get yourselves a couple of candies too well there was the change the change was big as a kid the

change was a big thing where often they'd be like you can keep the change only if it was like change yeah yeah no bill no real dollar bills yeah and i mean yeah i mean by the way it's like kids uh you know i think i remember losing a tooth and getting a quarter oh yeah now it's like 20 20 you got a bitcoin now my nieces and nephews have like more money than me just from like accumulating teeth and you know graduating second grade and all this stuff they're better with it now too i noticed my brother and his his wife they'll they'll start handling the funds like if they get like something for their birthday they have to put like 20 or half of it in their little savings account when we were kids it was like smart yeah i remember my communion money i was walking around like it

was vegas oh yeah oh yeah what is the origin story of mr jim gaffigan tell us the whole deal okay well you know i uh i'm from indiana but i'm originally from illinois i uh my father was from springfield illinois my mother was from uh fort dodge iowa and um well you know like they did i did one of those finding your roots things which was amazing any any dirt come up um well i had uh there was uh my dad's name was michael gaffigan i have a son named michael gaffigan and there was somebody who murdered someone who was named michael gaffigan you never it's never you never find anything good in these things i don't know why anybody doesn't but he was you know the thing was was he framed because of the molly maguire's because the nativist thing because like both sides

of my family were essentially uh they fled to the midwest to escape persecution of catholics i know that sounds so weird yeah but like it's like oh there's catholic let's get them but like all these that's why i find it so amazing when like catholics turn around and like personally it's like you know your grandpa used to tell you that like that you were picked on yeah i mean it's like so um but yeah molly maguire's yeah cheese yeah that's crazy that's like union coal yeah that was uh so like yeah there my father's side was big coal miner stuff my uh my grandfather made dentures and i remember thinking whoa that's brutal but then i did finding your roots and the guy was like he was the first one to get out of a coal mine wow yeah that's better than coal mining

and so like you don't realize and so like my mother's family ended up in iowa because they were in main and they were like lighting churches on fire and killing like literally tarant feathering a priest jeez so they escaped the eighties what are we talking about this was like uh 1880 all right so it's like your mom's yeah your mom's grandparents yeah all right yeah it wasn't like my parents and i now do stand-up comedy but it was so it's like uh so yeah but like my father was the first one to go to college wow but uh you know i mean i mean i definitely grew up upper middle class right but that you know like the the trash is not far away no i mean like it's it's very and my parents wanted to get away from it so like that like that i wanted to be a farmer

they were like uh they they my mother refused to get us where did that come from the farmer i don't know if that's it no more vegetables in the house no it was just a weird thing i think that it's a midwest where i had a garden and it was something you could control i don't know i mean i was i wasn't a bright kid well you grow peppers now i follow you on instagram and you grow those and so i i did it like in sixth or seventh grade and then i didn't do it for 30 years and now i have a garden at the house here in the city we have uh we rented a house in the suburbs and i hate that dad i'm growing peppers yeah so it was fun but like i'm trying to think of like yeah so that's some of the origin what'd your dad do my dad was a banker

your dad was a banker went first first one in his family to go to college yes where did he go to school he went to school he he was going to become a priest okay and then but like that was kind of a free way to get college oh yeah back then that back then and so he uh he went to georgetown afterwards nice but back then georgetown wasn't that fancy of a school you know what i mean and so uh yeah so yeah but like there was he's from springfield i don't know if you've been to springfield at Illinois it's you know it's i mean it's very familiar you know i mean i grew up in northwest indiana there's a lot you know i remember the first time i performed in chicago there were people at the show that everyone who said hey i grew up in northwest indiana they were wearing sweatpants

so it was kind of saturday night they drove into chicago yeah and it but like also like northwest indiana has a uh it's a very unique place it is like it's the calumet region but they identify themselves as region rats so northwest indiana is rejected by chicago because it's indiana but it's also rejected by indiana because it's it's it's rust belt so like there's you know a lot of these different nationalities ethnic christians whereas indiana the state is primarily like protestant whereas northwest indiana is like ukrainian eastern orthodox and greek orthodox and irish catholic and mexican catholic so it's northwest indiana is a very strange there's a strange identity there what you call them rust belt rats what region rats region rats

and because when there were steel mill strikes they um the owners of the steel mills would call them rats they would be you know like it was a derogatory term for strikers but it's like a sally field but the area get to the vault off cocktails you know i mean so it is a little bit like it's got some of that um that blue collar hero sure like pittsburgh yeah yeah that's what we're talking about yeah and that even if like you know you say you grew up upper upper middle class yeah it's that generation that really carries the um you know the ways of their parents with them i'm sure i'm sure you saw a lot of that from your dad and how he was raised with you know growing up in a much different situation yeah there was you know like there's certain things that

my dad had like that we didn't have like i can't find it anywhere like mush you don't know what mush is i mean you guys are more scrapple but like mush is like this you guys are more scrappling it's food i didn't know it was food and it's called mush i thought i had a something in the yard or something no it's mush it's like i don't you know i honestly don't know what polenta is but it's kind of like it's one of those things so it was cream of wheat it's fancy cream of wheat and so it's kind of like similar to grits right yeah and so but it was kind of like a fried thing that you would it was like a bark kind of thing you keep using bad word bark and mush to describe something to eat when you're running from the english it's kind of dirty you know that was like

you know fried baloney a lot of fried baloney my dad would make us fried baloney for breakfast and stuff like that how many of there were you i was the youngest of six youngest of six big family wow and so um but you know what's weird also is and having traveled throughout the united states like we think of tamales as it's always about food with me we think of tamales as a mexican dish but really what it tamales is a native american dish okay that understandably the the mexicans also have a lot of native americans sure and so like tamales are kind of a midwestern thing and you'll you'll find tamales in steak houses in little rock arkansas yeah there's a famous steak place called mose i think in little rock where with your steak as a side dish you can get tamales

and i love that we got a book a show on i like i like how he goes like back and forth with him like this deep history of the midwest hell i love that stuff i love it you gotta go to bubby's steakhouse if you want a really good i'm trying to think of like what i mean i definitely collected beer cans oh as a kid i have a yeah as a kid and i have a whole thing about how i would find these beer cans walking home from school which tells you how nice the town was you know i mean and i didn't bring up to a recycling center i put them on a shelf in my bedroom my parents were aware of this yeah right um there was also i mean this is uh you know in my like definitely see like you grew up you guys grew up on the east coast like in the

midwest italian food so obviously there's a lot of italians in chicago but like in northwest indiana there wasn't that many like there were enough where there were restaurants but it was pretty much considered ethnic food yeah yeah yeah italian especially back in the day would your mom make an attempt at spaghetti and meatballs and stuff like that she would do spaghetti with meat sauce but it was just ground beef you know what i mean right like like i was a little shocked when like by the way there's mexicans in northwest indiana but like i was kind of shocked when mexican like when you ordered a beef taco for a mexican taco and it was like kind of the string beef you're like i didn't ask for a sloppy joe i want ground beef right and so i don't even know how

i got on that topic but like just how like italian food was very foreign to you it was it was you know we definitely had spaghetti but we didn't call we didn't know what pasta was yeah like pasta that was yeah that was definitely fancy you didn't have penny alavaca right yeah pasta like not a big barata household i remember when i was in college i had a roommate sophomore year we were both uh and he was like what's the best thing your mom makes and i was like her spaghetti and he goes and i said what's your best thing your mom makes and he said baked ziti and i was like what's that i thought it was a dessert or something he was like you don't know what ziti is and i'm like i've never heard of that and i had never heard i mean short noodles

i mean so what's this pizza i keep hearing about no but obviously there was pizza yeah and you know some of it is like when i was a kid and i see it was my teenagers you don't pay attention no that's why we're well i'm learning from the show he's we asked questions about dinner i'm like i don't i didn't know anything my mom made i just ate it or i didn't eat it yeah it was just you know you don't pay attention i'm sure i was in a restaurant that had ziti but i didn't see it on the menu did your mom by any chance do the uh spaghetti in a skillet uh no after oh you mean the second round of it yes no no but my wife uh mother did yeah very old school my aunt did that a lot she's the second irish as they come and we cut it up it was so good it was so weird when you

would go to like friend's house because like when we would have spaghetti it was you got too much of it and then you'd go to a friend's house and they're like they give you like a salad bowl version of spaghetti with just the sauce on just the corner of the noodles you're like what the hell what are we doing here yeah like this is not spaghetti where are we are we in japan you know i mean it's like you know anything bowl yeah it's gotta be big i'm trying to think of like what was what was the house that you guys lived in how many bedrooms and how many of yous were in there at the same time i always had uh a roommate until people started moving out okay a roommate you mean what do you call this my brother yeah it was like you were taking this strange man travelers some reds are

passing through uh but i'm trying to think of like there's like there was a lot of uh i remember being a little kid oh i gotta get to the fishing thing i brought this up yeah that's great so this is a true detail of my childhood which i don't know if it's white trash or if it's um just kind of an experience that i had the first time i went fishing i'm not making this up was in the community swimming pool and every september they would fill the public pool with fish and chlorine and then kids from the town would try and catch the fish before the chlorine killed the fish i'm not making this up was a race against a clock and there is a photo of when i was like so i'm the youngest of all these siblings and as my sister pam had gotten all these uh

everyone to gather all their fish together to give to me so that i would be in the newspaper for like catching the most fish it was also the same for the most poison fish yeah i mean like the easter egg hunt i had like you know crates of eggs but like i didn't pick them it was just my sister or it was all set up it was all just get pressed for the family yeah she should have been a publicist yeah right yeah but i'm trying to think of like would you eat the fish no no no i know i did not that's crazy to this day that's also i think a sign of uh garbage is fish is you don't eat fish like fish and i know you guys east coast people you eat fish but what about friday during lent did you guys have to have fish we i mean we had filet of fish you know what i mean

but like mcdonald's was a big shout out to gordon's i mean this is how old i am like i remember there were times where my parents would give us each a dollar and we would walk to mcdonald's and you could walk to mcdonald's you could get a burger and fries and then walk to dairy queen with 30 cents and get a cone for 25 cents this was in 1902 but it was i remember when candy bars were 10 cents you guys are like i don't remember that i got lost in a fantasy i gotta figure out how to make a time machine real quick get my get over to dairy queen keby how about that mint mobile mint mobile you know about them i've been using them for a while big mint mobile household over there at the ryan residence you just find out about them

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but i want to remember more i'm trying to think of like what else there was you know it was just grown up in indiana what was the because i've lived in chicago for a long time so all i know of indiana is fireworks yeah so what was like the firework bb gun slingshot situation a lot of outdoor what were you well there was um there was definitely a lot of firework stores because it was a little bit you know people would come and buy fireworks there so like here's what i always i had whenever i performed in chicago i always bring this up like being you know i grew up half an hour from chicago in northwest indiana and so but whenever i'm in chicago like people in chicago and i'm exaggerating obviously they don't know anything about indiana so you're you're like i'm from india

and they're like where's that you're like when's your flight get here what's going on it's about an hour away they asked for your passport they're like i thought that was the road to michigan and it is you know because people would drive through indiana to get to a vacation place in michigan would you guys go into the city as a family we would go shopping uh you know i'm thinking more as a teenager to uh we'd go to water tower place to go shopping okay it's a big shopping mall we'd go in for the st patrick's day parade they would die the river green um you know you know like also as a high school student you go and get wasted um i remember i was so this is where my dad would wanted us to be fancy like you have to understand also like in chicago

at the time the cubs played during the day and their white socks played at night were they were like a level of trash you can't even comprehend like it was the circus and there was like there was you know like you walk around the city and you smell weed like that's what it was like to be at a white socks game so my dad one time he brought us to a white socks game and i don't know why but he had us wear ties and so we're at a white socks game and people in front of us are smoking weed in the game there was like a fight like i don't know if you've ever have you ever been to the meadowlands well you guys are from philly so of course you know this it's like there is a certain describe thanksgiving in my house there's a tribalism that comes out

in certain of course athletic uh venues and so like camiskey park was very much like you're going into a certain level of chaos and at that time the ties kind of helped you yeah no it was insane it was insane but i think that was them wanting to be class to be higher than they are yes my dad definitely wanted that and so like and all my siblings rebelled you know like so my brother mike the first car you bought was a pickup truck my parents were like what did we do we're not pickup truck people you know and so yeah it's weird there's a little bit of a mix like did you read hillbilly elegy like there's uh so you guys are trash you don't read is it on tape yet it's it's probably one of the most famous books for the past 10 years you guys never heard of

is that my library the cable guy or something what's happening you're like oh wait a minute how many pictures in this book is that a coloring book does it come with crayons i'm more of a sports illustrated man yeah that's sports illusory that they got rid of that issue right the swimsuit issue not that i've noticed yeah but not that i've written angry letters your general that blood blew you guys away oh my here's the for you guys are the first one to get that oh it was just unbelievable yeah that in the 80s he just went back to the 80s that was a it was a different era it was a different era it was a strange time i mean i remember when um you know the victoria secret catalog came out that was that was big news that

was like holy shit see guys later yeah i mean pre-internet that's you know you're like you're like well there i guess you know like your mom you're like she didn't order this i guess there is a god it just showed up i want to go back real quick just because it stuck in my hand about the fish about you didn't you don't eat fish no you do now right not really i mean you've been all over the world i wish i have to have tried all look i like i like halibut i like tuna but it's a weird one to say by the way i've never heard anybody need halibut what's that i don't know i just never heard it's just like a white fish oh really yeah i get that's a nice post thing too maybe and uh no i just know halibut is a white fish and also it's like when we i remember i did a a cruise ship when i was

dating my wife in alaska it was like through um from vancouver to alaska you were working yeah it was working and um you know it's like all right i'm gonna i'm gonna try sam and like she's i mean she's from milwaukee she ate fish you know and she used to kind of give me shit she's like what's wrong with you with fish and i'm like it smells like a butt i don't know it's not it's not then i can understand but now i know no i know but like and then i also i did a bunch of material i don't know if this happened to you guys where you do material on something and then that influences you like i used to eat i mean i think oysters are disgusting but like yeah you love it oh man that's because you like to eat cum hey the kids got me have a look at the right a little cocktail

no but um isn't he the cling comedian yeah i need that just for my pride need that clip just for my personal but uh that's yeah no like i i like shrimp uh you know my aunt lived in mariland i definitely ate crabs all right there you go but um like uh you know i've done too much material on seafood now i'm kind of like i can barely do lobster i can do it here and there but like like you know like i think that i'm good for it i'm like okay we're i'm gonna get fish tacos look at me go everyone and then i'm like it smells weird it's like i'm such a baby i'm like where's the where's that sauce they put on it in san diego where you can't tell it's fish um it it's uh if it's deep fried fish tacos with chicken if it's deep fried fish and chips is good

yeah fish and chips i'm fine with that so you won't do what you want the oysters in the half shell you want to know about sushi i'll do a spicy tuna all right um what's an irish thing you know i'll do everything that's all my family is like yeah it is weird it's either irish people especially back then were like simple simple people it's like you know so thank you for that compliment you're like simple dumb idiot no you remind me of like an absolute imbecile salmon what kind of dog is that no but salmon like your parents and parents it's just like you know it's in you to not be i think my parents like fish i think i think it's and again i i wish i liked salmon but like like caviar do you like caviar i would never

eat it i've only had a little bit of it i've been wanting to try when you were in paris back to my podcast of being salt of the earth i was in paris in paris it was only a five star hotel no gaffigan just put two in the back of your head that's the end of the show i thought this was gonna be a fun episode gaffigan comes in and ruins the first time i've traveled what do you want from me it was paris texas i was in paris i was in paris with alivia wild and we're dancing i was at timothy charlamagne's house enjoying some caviar you shared a peach with him did you see that movie i watched that movie on a plane and i was like i'm like you know like

there's still the remnants of like the eighth grade homophobia like yeah we would get to the gay part and i'd be like fast forward not into this because i'm on a plane not into this hey seven b this isn't my speed hard odds from somewhere else i got the victoria secret catalogue next to me of imagining women oh that's too good what's what was the summer job situation i worked in a grocery store nice uh it was uh i also was it the grocery store that your mom went to no it was it was uh farther away uh my dad got me the job there nice so i also worked uh i worked construction uh my dad got me that job i and one summer my dad couldn't get me a job so he made me volunteer at the hospital okay so i was like so he kind of a mover and shaker in the town

he in some ways i think bankers you know he was he would describe himself as a small town banker but like i think he yeah he definitely had some influence sure you know so but like i am grateful that i had those opportunities i remember when i was doing construction again i the only reason i got the job is because of my dad but like there was a time during the summer when they it became a uh first-hand knowledge that i was a college student and like people that were super nice to me were just like done really oh yeah man job sites are tough tough cookies out there yeah the midwest yeah thanks all right let's get a little uh little argue garbage questions here okay um obviously the family doesn't still live in the same hat nobody lives in the same

house you grew up in now so what was the name of the street that you grew up on um uh hill road sounds pretty classy all right yeah hold the sacks in the neighborhood uh no it was it was i'm not gonna act like it wasn't a nice area it was nice it was a nice area it was a nice how many bedrooms um six kids six kids four all right five nice five pool do you guys do a pool no no pool no pool garage um uh no it was like an under area where you could park like an overhang type yeah carport yeah i got you i got you okay that's the point where it's like oh this bastard this carport have an sob you know when i was in paris i would see these people i'm just down to earth in paris

what was the name of the grocery store that your mom went to as a kid i don't know is it piggly wiggly i mean when i was a when i was a bad look very little it was not in paris my friend i could tell you that when i was very little it was jewel i remember it all right there you go that's class but i think oh by the way also there all right in my town where i lived we did not get a mcdonald's until i was in high school we had a dairy queen yeah it was open just for the summer and now they have everything yeah they do not too shabby either their burgers ain't bad yeah so but like it was not a brazier it was not a dairy queen brazier it was just a dairy just the ice cream what does brazier you mean

i think brazier means that's frank isn't it pretty fancy making fun of you i mean you should know if it was brazier you should look it up when you were in france i'll have the frosty timothy shallomag it's so weird you have all you're like i got in here and he's like shows me photos of like these nude photos of timmy chef i know it was crazy he was like look at timothy and i'm like i think it's timothy and he goes not to me it's not a little pet name i called tim tim wait if you guys did that mcdonald would you have culvers no not yet no um where are you getting the burger from well we would you know it's weird we so we kind of moved in eighth grade but like the best burger in northwest indiana is this burger called shoops which is yeah it's so good and to

this day it's my favorite burger um but in that area we would drive to uh we would drive to another town to see a movie we would you know like i'm sure there was like there was a burger king in michigan city okay you know i mean um but yeah they didn't have like then they had a shoops in michigan city later on but um shoops sounds awesome yeah it sounds good it's so bad is it still around yeah it's still around when you're there yes and like uh yeah it's that good it's that good gotta add that to the show yeah i like what there was all right i can't remember it okay what about the vacation the family vacation situation family vacation i love how you're writing this down like it's like all right you're like a detective you're like did get to the bottom of

this gym the easy way or the hard way you choose that should be that should be uh it should be you guys's law and order detectives um we went um get the phone books let's see vacations uh we definitely we would drive to my uncle joes for Thanksgiving every year but like i definitely went on i went on a big vacation to europe when i was in i don't know i was like 10 that's cool that's really cool my grandmother passed away and i think my parents were like let's do it so they uh we went where'd you go i went to ireland greece i saw the first time i saw uh a man in a thong uh on uh in greece um and then where else did we go i was like oh Copenhagen all right it's pretty cool that's a pretty classy vacation yeah that's very classy what about disney world of disney land as a kid

i went to disney world i think once okay and i remember i think i threw up when i got there all the excitement but just spring the whole way i think that we also went to um hilton head once and i think i almost drowned um got tough run a vacation but uh i got a concussion at bush garden yeah i'm trying to think you know as so i'm the youngest also so like as my parents as people moved out they they did more yeah you're right less kids to watch a couple more bucks laying around yeah well you ever in the house by yourself was that ever just you and everybody was already off at college and stuff like that yeah yeah that was rough that's very rough you know the youngest of six kids your kids your parents are mentally ill

100 yeah and by then they're just all over you they know every trick every or you know i think oh well they you know i used to have a joke about that like in my uh about how when you're the youngest of six kids your parents have seen everything and they don't it's like you're not going out tonight you'll end up pregnant like your sister you know i mean it's like just they've been lied to so i and so i would go into the garage and lift weights and i would come back and my dad would be like what were you really doing and i'd be like covered in sweat having lifted weights and i'm like i lifted weights and he's like likely yeah let me smell your breath gang let's talk about babble babble babble babble babble babble

they tell you something learn a new language it's fun it's exciting i knew a little bit of french when i got over there and i'm telling you it made the difference yeah feel smarter i know you gotta be able to stick and move a little bit don't you miss you oh body moving late nah where are the hot dogs don't be a stylo servicio's por favor yikes you gotta get on the babble gang yeah the whole babble process is addictively fun and easy babble teaches bite-sized language lessons for real world use i've actually used it in the past before they were even a sponsor really when i go when i when i you know as my my ladies german so i'm trying to war trying to war i had a you know german poetry it is it's nice it's fun um other language uh learning apps use ai for the lessons plan but

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let me ask you something yeah folks at man scape want to ask you something what are the balls like down there yeah are they stinky is it hairy you got a rainforest you got swamp going on what are you doing you gotta clean it up man you gotta keep it tight it's a game changer you know the game changer comes in is when you use that man scape 4.0 when you get the lawn mower on the grass then you hop in the shower and you start you know going down you just see it just you don't see what's going on yeah do you feel like a million bucks feels like a different person down there yeah which i don't mind guys the performance package 4.0 you'll find the signature lawn mower 4.0 the electric trimmer that probably that has proprietary advanced skin safe technology

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now back to the show back to the show but my older siblings were you know they were a troublesome bunch were you when you boozing in high school and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah I boozed I didn't smoke that much I uh that was still kind of taboo-ish right um but yeah no the drinking thing was definitely and there was no moderation it was just like just ridiculous amounts the governor's off like I think I got drunk and in trouble um in eighth grade yeah man that's young yeah yeah I feel like it's like very Midwest though I feel like you guys start a little early you're just like I mean I don't know it changes some it's similar to stand up you know like there's some something that happens and then people are like oh that's how it works and then six months later they're like

no no over here HBO max is doing this you're like it's just paramount plus now I get sold into they just asked me for it you know I mean where were you six months ago they're like well I went to all these open mics like nah that doesn't matter anymore that doesn't count anymore now when you go on vacation now like or like travel for work will you take your kids with you I try to show them the world and stuff like that definitely yeah I see that yo you're always taking everybody everywhere yeah and it's uh and during each of those trips and we've been amazing places there's always incredible memories there's always a moment where I look at my kids and I think I'm never doing this it's just too hard it's because I'll do shows so then I'll have to push people out of the room

so I wish I was one of those comedians that doesn't prepare you know I mean or just like you know what I just show up but I'm like I'm like somebody who has to study I have a bad short-term memory and so I'm always kind of and if you can think of one line yeah it's worth it yeah yeah so uh yeah it's not to do that with people hanging around yeah you know especially if you're have to be dad at the time as well yes and then also I like to nap because I'm a grandpa I'm a big believer in naps do you guys naps I do come on big I got a sleep apnea machine coming so I'm hoping that's gonna fix it because I got I got sleep apnea really bad and how did you find out you had that because I was dying every every every 30 seconds while I was sleeping I would just wait I would

wake up and feel like I was having an heart attack you're like huh huh and then finally my I was sleeping how did Timothy Shalamet yeah that's who told him originally we sleep in separate bedrooms oh that's very moderate yeah very French very Parisian but yeah but I take that but sometimes a nap is makes it worse doesn't it never my wife can't nap but uh I mean I could nap right here really yeah I'm gonna do it right now no I'm a big napper like oh I enter a room and I'm like I could nap on that count yeah he starts scoping it out what do you get I mean you are a you are a busy man yes you work your ass off what do you get a night on a regular basis and even is there a regular basis there you know but I mean it's the problem is I have material on this too

it's like my wife is a non-sleeper too so I am somebody uh if I wasn't doing stand up I could probably be in bed by 10 okay but I I probably go to sleep at one and get up I do the morning shift so I get up at six one to six so you need a nap and so easy and so then I you know it's five kids and they're monsters so and they're not they don't wake up I mean I would say my youngest kind of like hey how are you in the morning but the rest of them are like you touch me I'll kill you I hate you dad yeah so it is it's yeah it's that morning shift is hard I mean of course it's like a fraction of what my wife does but anyway I'm a great guy I'm pretty fantastic when you when you when you do sleep what's the uh what's the pillow situation fan directly on you anything

like that I have uh gone to I sleep face down no you don't what's wrong that's kind of weird if you're a dead mobster nothing it's like a dirt nap in the air I sleep well we're talking about we got a king right we got a king we got a king all right I uh I hold on to a pillow that shape like a dick no I hold on to a pillow uh just because I'm so fat I think I need I do it too yeah this is your laying flat on your face not like his face that you're on your stomach it's like you're like lying down there's like okay all right all right he's not like you know yeah you don't lay what you lie on your back no never I'm on my side is that you're trying to see your style I pictured you like this yeah with your face in the pillow yeah I don't know you know it's like there is something

it's like it's it's like that means you were raped repeatedly as a child I don't know what that means it definitely does I know that that my issues are definitely come out when I sleep I have to have a pillow with two my legs I'm like clutching one hugging one yeah yeah what is that about we're crazy that's what it's about or we're just fat guys that yeah you need you need it to prop up in certain angles I think yeah that's what I think it is by the way I'm I now when I wake up it's like I can't go back to sleep sometimes yeah it's the worst it's the worst you guys keep the TV on yeah my wife um which is a horrible thing TV's on all night uh often well we'll deal a DVR thing so then it'll shut down cool like that any lights on in the room no I don't like lights

no fan I like a cult I like a very cult but my wife doesn't who wins that battle her typically yeah well I mean she'll just be like it's freezing and I'm like I know thank god yeah that's what I was going for yeah I love what it's cool but also she had this medical condition so she'll cough repeatedly during the night uh and she'll sound like she stops breathing so and so I'll have that panic yeah and also when you have kids you have like this super hearing where you're like you hear like a certain cry you're like what is that you know is someone murdering my children you know that kind of thing doesn't get good time yeah it's very relaxing all right uh growing up did you growing up end or now and I guess your kids do you do milk with dinner I think growing up I definitely

yeah sure growing up I did a lot of bologna sandwiches with ketchup um I also by the way so for my seventh birthday my sister Pam bought me um a package of hot dogs and a six pack of Dr. Pepper oh my god that is the trashiest gift I've ever heard in my life and I was ecstatic the next year you got the bull park freaks like when I was 10 she bought me a hot air popcorn maker I love I still love popcorn um but I'm trying to think of what else hot dogs is a gift with a six pack of Dr. Pepper and it was Oscar Meyer hot dogs it was like but it was so but yeah it was one of those things were like this because being the youngest of six kids the food was gone you know you would food would enter the house you know and things would be gone I would also eat a lot of uh

like after school I would eat pieces of bread I would take a piece of wonder bread I don't know if you guys had wonder bread yeah of course and you tear the sides off and then you take the bread and you fold it and you fold it until it's like a little dough cube oh yeah we were talking about this last week but we made them in the little balls yeah yeah yeah um will you like sugar cereal in your house when you guys were kids not really right not really um what was the go to box in the house I think it was I think it was uh corn flakes it's pretty much corn flakes respectable it was also one of those things where the cereal would be gone yeah it would be gone so like and also I had an older brother Mike who would beat you up if you ate the cereal so it was like you pig

and so you'd be like I only had one bowl there's none in here so it was very much what about the pet situation we had dogs uh we had I had a dog buttons um and uh buttons uh the I don't know why that makes me laugh which we think he sounds like he was Italian buttons no jimmy hey buttons how about a walk huh buttons who by the way nobody washed so he smelled it's like our buttons and buttons buttons was probably poisoned by a neighbor really he had a heart attack right in front of me it was the most traumatic thing I probably probably 13 at the time was there a beef with a neighbor or something no it was I think they were just dealing with raccoons and they put out something um and um and then so my dad went to Georgetown met my mom at Georgetown she was at a

day school it was all men then and so then my parents after buttons passed away and it was totally my dog so they surprised me and they got another dog and they called it Puyo which is the name of the Georgetown team I my brother Joe who's kind of my Irish friend to win went to went to Georgetown the next year I applied I didn't get in not only did I not get in I applied to like six colleges didn't get into one of them really so and then there was this dog as this reminder that yeah you stink yeah yeah so I poisoned them I'll have the last laugh this is for buttons but anyway you didn't have gone to Georgetown right I did I transferred in yeah what you started a Purdue playing ball well I walked on we didn't really talk about that I walked I walked on but

still it's division one it's Purdue yeah I mean I didn't do the whole season so it's like I don't want to be dishonest you know I mean it was just like I was alignment and I and they're like you're not gonna gain weight and I'm like uh it's only they knew see me in 20 years there's a picture of you floating around where you're like Jack yeah you're like did you play you played in high school obviously I played in high school and then I played at Georgetown first time walks on for this it's kids pretty good he's a natural um but yeah I was I wrestled in high school and I remember at the Wayans I don't know if anyone wrestled did anyone wrestle of course it was so weird the the Wayans everyone's naked naked naked and so what would I would have

this so I was completely cut and I was also the whitest thing on earth so at the way in the guy would be like what the where's Gaffigan so is this intimidating thing or I like to think that it was you know like this really intimidating guy who was just oddly white yeah can't get a read on him yeah huh I like it any magicians or inventors in your family no magicians okay when you order take out food now will you like plate it or were you it out of the container um I would just eat the container my wife will play if you guys get Chinese for dinner at the house yeah for the kids everyone's getting the plate we had Thai food last night but um yeah some of it is sharing yeah you know but the two younger kids they just eat rice by the way here's another white trash thing

um so far everything has been white trash everything's been white trash so but you had us at mush but by the way you know it's got a barky taste to it it's mush by the way growing up when we would get when we would have Chinese food by the way there were no Chinese people in our town um and so it was like it was made up Chinese shorts and but also we would get rice and then someone would go in the kitchen and we'd put butter on the rice and we'd eat that that's authentic crash yeah you guys didn't do butter on your sandwiches did you on your bread no I there were people that I remember I went to a friend's house and there was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and the mom put peanut butter butter on I've seen that it's a good woman

really you love that oh my aunt that's a very European thing my aunt well I can't wrap my Paris what do you expect yeah you're in the shower man no when I was a kid my aunt put it was it would be ham and cheese it would the bread would always be buttered always and so you wouldn't use mayonnaise sometimes it would be mayonnaise as well oh that's that's a lot that's a lot going on are you a mayonnaise guy I am a huge man are you are you a mayonnaise on your french fries guy I have done it I'm not opposed to it I'm not anti-manus I'm in the neighborhood sure but yeah like the uh and you know like even my resistance to the butter on I'm also a salted butter guy are you a salted butter are you a plain of course you gotta go salted well you know I

think high-end people unsalted trash what are we doing it doesn't taste like anything yeah it's like that's why we're here I think an extra salted by the way growing up um had no idea what hummus was like I mean I don't think anyone I just found out about that a couple of weeks no one knew what hummus we didn't know what balsamic vinegar was I swear to god until about 2004 well I think I think Italians definitely did right of course that's their go-to why are they so good at food I don't know they're good they just dominate because we were our answers were too busy like getting boozed up and fighting they're going at how did you guys do a traditional st. Patrick's Day corned beef cabbage we would do uh we you know corned beef and cabbage which by the

way is something that the Irish stole from the Germans of course um lower east side correct but yeah and uh thieves but they we did occasionally I mean corned beef is not my thing really not a fan of it um pastrami I love pastrami one of my favorite thing interesting um you cat guy that's right you are a cat's guy yeah I'm a huge cat's guy but like but I also like seven at second avenue but the uh what about sarges you do sarges I don't know if I've done that is that on the upper west side no 36 and second or 36 and third I don't know if I've been there good stuff yeah but um the uh but we did look for leprechauns after dinner like that was just to get us outside sure go out get out of the house go look for leprechaun I got one yeah mom's like what the

neighbor you're like just go look for a leprechaun all right definitely had a Guinness by the time I was I think I probably had a beer with my dad when I was 12 wow that's young 12 yeah how old are you when you had your first cigarette uh I snuck one when I was like 16 that's yeah that's about yeah this might be a deep cut and I hated it too I mean I hated the fact that my parents smoke not because I was like it's unhealthy it was just like I didn't like the smoke yeah it bothers them this might be a deep cut I chewed tobacco did you chew tobacco no what I I'm addicted to the nicotine gum are you chewing nicotine gum right now I think he has two pieces oh my god that's a big piece there's more than one piece in there man he pulled it out of his pocket I thought it was

daycliff I didn't realize it was I didn't realize it was nicotine gum no but yeah so uh nicotine gum uh but yeah no I dipped Copenhagen uh which is it's American boy over here and uh she is the key key dip is that our keystone that was that's really like that's the that's the real that's another level but uh yeah no I remember I was probably 13 when I had an older brother who had me try Copenhagen I must fall over yeah and I loved it because I got hot because I got a butt yeah I had a new port when I was like 13 that put me on the moon it was crazy right I felt like I was in Jefferson airplanes it's not and then you chase it for another 20 years yeah you never get it you never get it it's funny I mentioned this before but you'll connect with this

I went to Catholic school when I was a kid but for a for a minute for one year we went to like a um like a more Eastern European Orthodox Catholic Catholic school yeah and their host wasn't a piece of you know the wafer it was a little teaspoon of wine with a little piece of bread in it and they would give that to us at communion on like Thursday morning and dude I would be like I'd be all banged up for the next two periods and like I remember I put two and two together I was like oh this is wine I'm drunk and I like this wow and then I would just get real sleepy and then you would and then then suddenly you'd be called to the guidance counselor and the guidance counselor would be like why don't you lie down

what about um hold on why we were talking about butter growing up indoor now butter on the counter in the fridge great question this is a big one on the on the pod we always did butter in the fridge my wife is from Wisconsin where they leave butter out what do you prefer do you have a preference I like it I like I like I can't believe your parents didn't have it on the counter old school I wish you're gonna be kidding me now it's like it was it was too many flies I think or they didn't have a cover or I don't know but now that it's soft you can just start spreading spackle you're all over it it's the worst when you're like because I love toast yeah and then you have to pick up uh bar I mean there's probably worse things like I imagine

slavery might have been worse I'm ripping my bread I got anything I feel uh what is the peanut butter go in the cabinet or in the fridge uh growing up in the cabinet right now now I think my wife puts it in the fridge well really always a hunch that's gotta rip the bread always a hunch that's gonna rip the always a hunts family always a hunts oh no always a hunts yeah okay I was about to kick you out of here yeah you're a nice commie man nice guy by the way helmets but we I think there was some miracle whip in there that's crazy that's that's a miracle whip is just it's like by the way miracle whip and fluff they're not that different no they're not they're in the same they're cousins they're not they're definitely made in the same factory and I don't

like it yeah uh you've traveled all over the country known foo guy is there a regional cuisine that you haven't been before like skyline chili or deep dish pizza anything that stands out oh well I I mean deep dish pizza is one of my favorite things we had we were in Chicago for a family reunion uh for for Christmas and that's what we had for uh Christmas dinner deep dish pizza what oh my god my wife was not thrilled no amount of world tours can make you classy um I don't care how much you know it was no it was uh it wasn't open uh you know I like lume all notties I've had all what's that it wasn't Gino's east was it no no but Gino's east everything was closed so it was Pequots or Pequots fire that's a good choice yeah here's a question I just thought of that

that'll work for you are there any pizza places in New York City that has a picture of you hanging on the wall eating a piece of pizza with the owner there's gotta be you gotta be I don't think so you gotta you're not you're not in john's or anything or by the way um what's the one that's uh god I should know that we had our wedding reception uh not wedding reception our rehearsal dinner is that a domino's on 38th street which where's the Chuck E cheese in midter was at um Lombardies before before they switch Lombardies used to be just part of it and then they had this room and we rented out the room it was like we paid for the wedding and uh my wife's won a nine kid so it was like

there was a lot and we did it in New York City and so uh and I'm a cheap bastard so we did it like that well pepperoni what do you want to answer I'm not paying for your pepperoni I need two slices of plain over here we're in the weeds you're getting playing and you're keeping it put these calzones over here I'm not paying for that uh you have a garlic knife it can't totally get garlic knots the wedding cakes garlic knots how do you feel about brushing your teeth in the shower I don't do that you don't go do you pee in the shower uh no really no I mean I have an aristocrat if you had to have a go-to frozen pizza what would it be and do we do that at the house now with the kids I'm not really you're ordering out New York City um and by the way

it's not like what you'd think it's dominoes is pretty easy I hey buddy you're you know big dominoes also my wife likes the thin crust yeah thin crust is great and you can eat like three of those literally you know I mean rush them and they're like $60 so you're like why am I getting this again when there is world-class pizza block away sometimes you just hits the spot have you ever made nachos in the microwave yeah definitely yeah all right it's my kind of I definitely make it by the way I my wife is from Wisconsin and so like being exposed to like that cheese culture mm-hmm it it changed me forever so you were only a couple hundred miles away no but when you was jupiter I mean we had I had short we had bratwurst growing up like Chicago

land people you sure I was like did you guys have bratwurst yeah we had skill bossa kill bossa was your bossa that's not the same thing like a bratwurst is like heaven a kill boss is like all right I'm hungry I don't know I've had both I mean I'm a kill bossa man really with the Amish it's it's too it's like biting it it's like biting through skin I guess you know I snapped to it you know what I'm saying like there is a snap it's a little fleshy yeah but by the way I love pierogies of course I love pierogies this is teas frozen pierogi yeah yeah do you cook at the house I do yeah during the lockdown portion I cooked a lot really I'm not good at it but I would and then I grew all these peppers and they were all like they were all great so I put hot peppers

and everything you want some habanero pudding I love it all right I think I'm pretty much I yeah maybe a couple more I got for it but I mean I think we got them dead the rights here um have you ever skied in jeans oh yeah you answered that too calmly and confidently well there was there was I mean first of all I mean like there's certain things like skiing horseback riding I don't like have I done it will I do it again sure uh-huh but like I don't think we're supposed to do these I understand I get it I know I'm not and it's just I mean whenever I go skiing I'll be like because my wife's like you know be good to expose them to something they won't be able to afford to

do um so it was I'm always kind of like I I don't want to break my leg I'm taping a special and I know what I'm doing in a week you know so it's not like I can really relax I went ice skating now never I would never and I swear it was like standing on blades it was really uncomfortable and I was like I'm out yeah I would never I feel like that's the things you got to do young like if you didn't do that you don't have you can't learn as an adult it's like riding a motorcycle you gotta if you're gonna ride a motorcycle you have to start when you were like three years old yeah you start now you're you're in deep trouble yeah all right I got one more have you ever squeegee have ever used a squeegee at the gas station to clean anything else but the windshield yeah

like part of the car yeah like the doors and the hubcaps or something come on come on Jim you can afford a detail the dashboard the steering wheel the kids in the end the kids in the back yeah no like and by the way I didn't own a car for 30 years so right well you were in the city and we would you had a license though right you knew how to drive I had a license so like when I worked in LA I would drive but now I have a car because I have five kids it's a big one we have to pay not only parking but extra parking sure they see you charged yes yeah they see it coming it's and whatever they have posted it when you're like pulling it into the garage it's always like you know 80 dollars more than that or whatever yeah no it's kind of like I go to this I have to see

the skin doctor every three months and he's just like whenever he sees me he's like money like I'm definitely paying for a couple of summer houses for a couple of kids going to Harvard gang ladies and gentlemen 100 trash yeah thank you I you know by the way I feel like that's that's an honor hundred percent hundred percent and you know what the thing is is like I have a joke about how there's moments when you think you're not when you think you're high class when you're you hang around some fancy people like you know I got a couple things in common with these people and then you hang around and trash your people or you hear them behind you and you're like I got a long yeah these are my people yeah they're talking about jeans from the 80s I get it

well you still we talk about roller skating parties I know what they're talking about oh man nothing like roller skating rink pizza good night oh yeah oh the best well you you will you take things from the hotel the shampoos and stuff like that I used to definitely used to um I will also um like if I get pizza for the kids um or if I'll get pizza and it'll stay in the room for a couple days and my wife will be like should I I'm like that's perfectly fine yeah yeah well you leave it on the counter for multiple days yeah room temperature pizza yeah I love room madman I love it fine yeah it's fine yes I couldn't agree more where do you think you think cheese was in a refrigerator in the 1800s yeah it's already cooked in every dear five it's in a pizza hut back

time though yeah but it's just like it's also that's where I'm a cheap bastard I'm like this is perfectly fine you know an eight-year-old they don't know the difference between good or bad food poisoning or non-food poisoning eat coal I sound vanilla ladies and gentlemen Mr. Jim Gaffigan thank you sir you have anything coming up you want to know about obviously we have a comedy monster is that on Netflix it is on Netflix and um I'm touring unless the world ends I'm uh I'm gonna be back out there I'm in Chicago I'm in uh Rochester is a great trashy town there you go have you had a garbage plate not yet I hear oh my gosh um but yeah so going all around I'm trying to think of I can't you know like I did a podcast the other day and with comics and they

listed all these cities off the top of their head I'm like I don't know where I'm going but I mean you're doing crazy things Boston I'm doing a show in Mexico City yeah I just can't remember all that you know and you have like 15 movies coming out it's insane it's very fun hopefully I'll get more it's awesome love it love you buddy thank you so much yeah thank you what do you got for him just you know at camera and social media at camera and comedy check out our special on YouTube and our live dates should be posted by the time this comes out so check it out gang we love you we'll see you next week thank you